Families in the Holy Spirit Renewing the Face of the Earth

16 Dec 2014

Subject: Guidelines - ONE-on-ONE Meetings

What is a ONE-on-ONE?
A ONE-on-ONE (or 1-on-l) refers to a meeting between a leader and a member of the CFCA.
The meeting may be as short as 15 minutes or as long as an hour, depending on the subject for
discussion. A leader can also mean a household, unit, chapter, sector, ministry, or area leader,
and the member can either belong to his immediate household group or to another group within
the CFCA community. Under normal circumstances, the husband-leader meets with the
husband member, and the leader-wife deals with the member-wife. Depending on the subject
matter for discussion, the leader-couple has the option to meet the member-couple as a couple,
and not individually.

Why is a ONE-on-ONE important?

Because of the spiritual and personal relationship aspects of belonging to a Christian community,
it is necessary that ONE-on-ONE meetings take place regularly during the year (at least once-a-
year). The following are some of the reasons why a ONE-on-ONE is needed:
1- To relate and know one another. Man was created to be in a relationship with others -
God and neighbour. The leader-member relationship is a fundamental foundation of any
organization. It has to be solid and firm.
2- To offer an opportunity for members to talk to their leaders in an informal way.
3- To listen and give feedback on matters affecting the community in general, and personal
issues in particular. This gives the member an opportunity to be involved, and letting him
have that sense of belonging, satisfaction and achievement as a member of a bigger
group.
4- To learn how to work together to achieve the desired goals of the community. This is a
very good opportunity for the leader to share other management information which may
have not been passed down to the members due to communication problems.
5- To foster sincere and genuine friendship among members in order to build a
strong community.
6- To make available the use of gifts and talents the members ca-n share with the community.
Each member has at least one God-given talent, so if everyone can share his gift/s, that
would be an enormous pool of resources which the CFCA community can use to fulfil its
tasks. This _is part of building the Kingdom of God on earth.
7- To clear issues which may hamper the spiritual growth of the member or the community
by way of pastoral correction.

How often should ONE-on-ONE meetings be held?

At least once a year meeting would be the minimum. Twice-a-year would be a better option.
Quarterly meetings may be needed for those with serious concerns affecting one another or the
whole organization itself.

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Who should initiate the meetings? ,
The leader has to initiate the one-on-one meeting as members are sometimes reluctant to initiate
the meeting. However members should be encouraged to take the initiative and see the value of
having a regular one-on-one meeting with their leader.

How long should the meeting take place?

Minimum of 15 minutes to a maximum of 1 hour.

Where and when should the meeting take place?

In an agreed place- it could be the member' s home, or a quiet park, or somewhere where the
environment is conducive for a discussion. Avoid public places if possible. A weekend meeting is
suggested, but if this is not possible, other times during the week can be agreed upon between the
leader and member. A reminder follow-up 1 or 2 weeks before the meeting, either by email, phone
or person-to-person approach would help prepare both parties for the meeting.

What topics are to be included in the meeting?

Depending on the seriousness of the matters on hand, the following topics may be included in the
agenda:
1- Member' s assessment/feedback on how his life is within the CFCA community,
e.g. personal spiritual growth.
2- Family's involvement in household meetings, and participation in CFCA activities.
3- Problems or concerns of husband-wife after joining the community, if any. Note that
there may be some topics which either spouse is not willing to discuss between them, so
a husband-to-husband, or wife-to-wife talk may be necessary.
4- Solutions or suggestions to improve relationship issues, either within the family or
within the community.
5- What the member can contribute to the community, by way of his resources - time,
talents, treasure, skills, etc.
6- Attendance in various formation courses offered by the community.
7- Pastoral correction (see additional details below). Review "Pastoral Care" of the Unit
Head Manual.
8- Review other topics mentioned in the Household Head Manual.

CHECKLIST FOR THE LEADER:

ITEM DETAILS ACTION TAKEN
1- Who to meet
2- Date agreed
3- Where/ time
4- Bring Bible
5- Bring pen/notebook
6- Reminder call or email
7- Review discussion topic/s
8- Read reference manual one See Household Head Manual
9- Read reference manual two See Unit Head Manual

Part 1: ADDITIONAL NOTES ON PASTORAL CORRECTION:

Pastoral Correction is one sensitive issue which needs a careful approach to handle the situation.
Remember that the leader is dealing with various types of character. Each member is different
from another, so it is expected that the leader is open-minded in his behaviour and conduct. The
following are some character qualities expected of the leader:
1- Love. Manifest Christ's love within you in your attitude to the member. Be compassionate.

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 2- Availability. You come to the member, and not him/her to you. Give the member your time,
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3- attention and effort.
4- Personal contact. Let him/her know via personal approach , email, or phone call.
Understanding. Accept the member for what he/she is. Get to know him/her personally -
5- glimpses of his/her spiritual, personal and social life.
Conversation. Don't turn the dialogue into a monologue. This is a two-way process. Be a
6- good listener.
7- Language. Use simple, understandable language. Avoid cliches. Be a good communicator.
Involvement. Be sincere and show genuine interest. Be a part of him/her.

Three things to remember:

1- Pray with one another before and after your ONE-on-ONE meeting.
2- Thank the member for the time he/she has given to you to make the meeting
possible. 3- Keep matters discussed with confidentiality and respect for privacy.

"So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience .... You
must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities, add love, which
binds all things together in perfect unity. The peace that Christ gives you is to guide you in the decisions
you make,for it is to this peace that God has called you together in the one body." ( Col 3:12-15)

PART 2: ADDITIONAL CHECKLIST2 ( REFER: HOUSEHOLD HEADS MANUAL):

NO. DETAILS OF TOPIC/S COMMENT/S

1 Personal daily prayer time
2 Daily reading of the Bible
3 Living fully the Christian life ( avoidance of wrongdoing, good order in
private life, participation in church life )
4 Regular weekly dialogue with spouse and children
5 Living as a good Christian parent, family life and children
6 Headship and submission in the family
7 Disciplining and raising of children
8 Christian service
9 Christian fellowship
10 Priority setting/weekly schedule
11 TV, media, and the internet
12 Spiritual gifts
13 Christian finance
14 CFCA covenant
15 CFCA mission and vision

QUESTIONS RELATED TO THE HOUSEHOLD:

16 Are the men relating to one another well? The women?
16a Are they free to share with one another?
16b Do they worship freely together?
16c Do they do anything together outside of the household meeting?
16d How is their general attitude towards CFCA?

QUESTIONS RELATED TO INDIVIDUAL MEMBERS:

17 How are they growing in Christ?
17a How is their prayer life?
17b Relationship with spouse? With children?
17c Relationship with authority? To the upper household leader? To the area
head?
17d Problems if any?

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18 QUESTIONS RELATED TO TIME AND SERVICE: ,-
18a Do they have enough time for themselves, family, job, and service?
186 How are they experiencing their service?
18c Are they growing in confidence? Do they need more help?

PART 3: SOME POINTS FOR REFLECTION ON PASTORAL CORRECTION:

( Refer: Talk 11, Correction - a Pastoral Tool)

1- Scripture is a tool that is useful for reproof, correction and training in holiness (2 Tim 3:16).
2- Brotherly/sisterly correction is important in pastoral care.
3- In most cultures, there is a resistance of people to correction. Some reasons could be:
fear, experience of being laughed at due to our mistakes, society's expectation, or
rejection.
4- Sometimes we hide or cover up our
faults. 5- People tend to argue when
corrected.
6- Correction in CFCA is in the context of Christian personal relationship, ie, of being
a brother or a sister in Christ.
7- In CFCA, everyone has a committed relationship with one another in
Christ. 8- Correction is not a sign of lifelessness and legalism in a Christian
group.
9- Scripture says we are foolish to reject correction (Prov 13:1, 15).
10- In the heart of correction is hatred for sin. We love the sinner, but hate the sin.
11- Sometimes we don't see all the things in our lives which need to change (Psalm 19:12-
13). 12- With God's help we must overcome our dislike for correction.
13- Don' t expect to be always corrected nicely.
14- Response to correction includes repentance, forgiveness and change for the
better. 15- Correction should be simple and straightforward.
16- When giving correction, expect your brother/sister to repent/resolve to do
better. 17- Give correction in a way that will help a person to change for the better.
18- When a member fails to accept correction, the two parties concerned should ask a
mature Christian to mediate.
19- If it involves something seriously wrong, the rule in Matt 18:15-17 should be applied.
20- If the person is not a member of the leader's household, we all still have a responsibility
of love and care for our brethren in CFCA.
21- If the person we are correcting is in authority over us, we should give our
correction respectfully, leaving the final judgment about any change up to the
other person.
22- Some strategies to learn about correction: look to our own behaviour and attitudes,
overcome fears about giving correction, learn to handle anger, focus on the goals of
pastoral care.
23- Correction is a very important tool for the spiritual life and direction of every
Christian. 24-Correction is very relevant to the CFCA community, its mission and vision.
25- Correction is something done out of love for the other person. This is an important aspect of
the second commandment - loving our neighbour as ourselves.

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