Unworthy

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/43504683.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationship: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Character: Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, Kingsley
Shacklebolt, Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Fenrir Greyback, Poppy
Pomfrey, Andromeda Black Tonks, Ted Tonks, Minerva McGonagall,
Mundungus Fletcher, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, George Weasley,
Fred Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger,
Antonin Dolohov, Voldemort (Harry Potter), Rubeus Hagrid, Teddy
Lupin, Albus Dumbledore, Aberforth Dumbledore, Grawp (Harry Potter)
Additional Tags: Werewolf Remus Lupin, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Aurors,
Death Eaters, Transformation, Werewolf Harry Potter, Weddings,
Parenthood, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Marauders, Werewolf
Turning, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book 7: Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Eloping
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2022-12-08 Updated: 2023-05-03 Words: 90,000 Chapters:
26/?

Unworthy
by girlwithapen109

Summary

This story is my take on writing the scenes between Tonks and Lupin that weren't in the
books, from the end of the HBP to the end of the DH (staying canon to the books, as sad as
the ending is).
I based a lot of this story on this official site:
https://www.wizardingworld.com/features/why-lupin-and-tonks-romance-is-one-of-harry-
potters-greatest-tragedies.
______________

I like to play thematic music when I read/write and I think this one fits this chapter:
"Farewell to Dobby" Alexandre Desplat

This chapter is based on the ending of the HBP and this line from the book:
"Tonks, her hair miraculously returned to vividest pink; Remus Lupin, with whom she
seemed to be holding hands..." -JK Rowling

Comments and thoughts always much appreciated <3

 Relent

The white tomb stood silent in front of the hushed gathering. Then, Hagrid appeared – the still,
wrapped body held reverently in his arms. As the half-giant passed through the assembled
mourners with his solemn load, quiet sobs and eye-dabbing began to stir those gathered to mourn
Albus Dumbledore.

Remus Lupin felt a painful lump of unexpressed grief clutch at his throat and he swallowed to
alleviate it. He closed his eyes and took in several uneasy breaths, his hands clenched on his knees.
A lifetime of stamping down his grief at the injustice of the world allowed him to stay dry-eyed,
though the sight of Dumbledore’s frail body had struck him raw. The man had given him hope and
opportunity – once as a solemn child given the chance to attend school, despite his monstrous lunar
form – and again as a wayward man, destitute and shunned by society, given the chance to teach at
the old, beloved school. Clenching his jaw, he resolved that he would not mourn his old
headmaster yet; that was a task for a solitary time.

Lost in his grieved thoughts, he jerked almost imperceptibly when he felt a soft touch on his
arm. Even staring down at his shoes, he could feel her kind eyes watching him as her palm
cautiously rested on top of his clenched right hand.

Her touch brought him back to himself and he relaxed, realizing how tensely he sat. For a long
moment he looked at her slender fingers rested over his tight knuckles and, as if giving in, upturned
his hand to allow her fingers to interlace with his own. He might not have reciprocated the touch
even a day before, had they not visited an injured Bill, whose face was forever marred by the same
fiend who had changed Lupin's own life for the worse almost thirty years prior. Lupin understood
Bill's woes well, though thankfully Bill would never have to face the same curse as Lupin.

The visit had been somber as Harry had told them all how Snape had killed Dumbledore. Still
on edge from the fight with the Death Eaters in the castle, Lupin and Tonks both had made way for
the Weasleys, who came to find Bill. In a moment of truth, Molly and Fleur had finally come to
find some common ground. This tearful exchange changed suddenly after Fleur’s declaration of
love for Bill despite his injuries, eliciting an outburst from Tonks that had caused Lupin to clench
his jaw as every eye in the room had rested on him. How could Tonks not understand? He was
keeping his distance for her sake; to his mind, he was keeping her away from the most unworthy of
suitors. He could see her outburst was merited, though – hadn’t he allowed himself to begin to care
for her and then vanished, leaving her confused and angry?

But her indignation had made him relent to talking with her outside. Leaving the hospital wing,
they had walked down to the lakeside. Tonks had stared solemnly out at the water, deathly quiet, as
if waiting for him to yet again reject her.

Standing beside the lake alone with her, he knew she wanted to hash everything out with him
right then. Before he could say anything, she spoke first.

"Can't believe he's really gone," she said, her voice far quieter than normal.

"I know," Lupin said, his voice quite ragged sounding.

"Seems like the world gets darker every day, doesn't it?"

He agreed wholeheartedly, a morose feeling making his chest feel heavy. "When the time
comes...perhaps we could go to the funeral with one another. I...don't know if I can go alone." It
would be as difficult as burying both his parents had been.

She considered him with a somber look; she wanted to, but it sounded like the trap they always
fell into with each other of leaning on one another for friendship and then arguing when their
feelings inevitably muddied the waters. Without answering him, she crossed her arms across her
chest and closed her eyes, as if regretful. "I feel bad for exploding back there, in front of everyone -
it wasn't right to drag everyone into our business like I did. I'm sorry for it."

Lupin frowned. He was exhausted. The fight along the corridors in Hogwarts and the news of
Dumbledore's death and Snape's betrayal had him feeling raw and angry, but he wasn't angry with
Tonks for what she had said. Really, Lupin only felt gratitude for her presence. As she stood
looking regretfully down he felt his frustration fade.

Despite running from his feelings, she had become one of his truest friends and he did not wish
to hurt her. What he could not have admitted to himself in that moment was that he also did not
want to risk being hurt himself. Beyond that, it was all confounding to him. What could she see in
him? He did not regard himself to be particularly handsome or charming, nor did he try to be. He
was also poor, unemployed and often ill whenever the moon reached it's zenith. All of these truths
left him with the thought that she, somehow, mistakenly cared for him...that with time, she would
realize the folly of loving someone like him. But to his surprise, her affection had not faded all the
previous year. It was her seemingly true feeling toward him that had begun to break him down a
few months ago. She often occupied his thoughts when he did not mean to think of her, and finding
her at Hogwarts that evening during the patrols along the corridor had rattled him.

Thinking on all of this, he cleared his throat. "There's nothing to forgive," he said, glad to see
her smile as he said it. "It's me who should be apologizing to you. I've been distant and
unclear...but I didn't know how to proceed anymore after we...said farewell as we did on the bus."

Their last meeting before Lupin had vanished once more to live amongst the werewolves had
been confusing and wonderful all at once as they had shared a brief moment together on the Knight
Bus's top deck, seated beside one another. As the bus had begun to slow at their stop, their hands
had brushed against one another's. Tonks had blushed without meaning to and had looked at him,
only to find his face much closer than she had realized. Her gaze falling to his mouth, she had then
looked back into his eyes to find a curious look there. Without thinking, she had leaned into him
and the sudden kiss, as brief as it had been, had set her heart racing. Breaking apart, he had looked
away hurriedly at the sticky floor under their feet and had wrung his hands together. Sure that she
hadn't been the only one to lean in, anxious thoughts about how they would ever be able to forget
about it and keep working together had immediately settled in her thoughts. But then they had both
stood up and were exiting the bus -- and after a conversation that got them nowhere, he had left to
return to his task with the werewolves.

Now, wanting answers once and for all, Tonks set her eyes determinedly on the far side of the
lake and spoke evenly. “Then I'll ask you to be kind to me, Remus. I just need honesty...I need to
know whether or not to move on." If I even can, she thought, miserable at the thought that she
might be forced to.

The lake water splashing against the toes of his worn brown shoes, Lupin felt cornered by being
forced to address all of this when he had not expected to have to. He had tried to be kind by
keeping his distance, an act that had proved to only provoke disagreements between them. "There's
a great divide between what I want and what I know I should do," he said. "You must
understand...it's not been easy staying away."

"I didn't hear anything from you for months. I even thought you had been killed once, but there
was no way of finding out."

"I know," he said heavily. "I just couldn't bring myself to speak with you when I was searching
for answers about what path I should take concerning you and I. I don't want to make a rash
decision."

She furrowed her brow. "So that moment on the bus was rash?"

"It was...impulsive," he said.

She gave him a hurt look. "It wasn't just me being impulsive, though, was it? I know it wasn't."

He wanted to tell her how he had thought about her often and wondered if she were alright, or
how he had begun to wonder what it would feel like to kiss her without the feeling that he was
ruining her life. But he didn't say any of these things; instead, he shook his head and looked at the
water with sad eyes.

His silence hurt more than she could express. She realized then that she could not even
remember the exact day she had begun to feel anything for him. Instead, her attraction had crept up
on her, growing slowly at first as she suddenly noticed the color of his eyes and his great kindness.
Then, as months passed, her clumsiness had only worsened as he made her maddeningly nervous
by simply being present. Their difference in age had dampened her confidence in hoping that he
might feel the same for a long time, though she knew that her own grandparents on her father's side
had happily navigated a greater age gap. Then, like a miracle, she had pulled his true feelings from
him by accident. On a stake-out one night, a passing comment she had made about Sirius had
prompted an odd response from him that bordered on jealousy. Tired of skating around her
feelings, the words had tumbled out of her before she could think: "You'd know who it was I had
fallen for if you weren't so busy feeling sorry for yourself."

Taken aback, he had looked at her wordlessly for a long minute. Then, to Tonks' surprise, he
had not denied her outright or tried to let her down gently. Instead, he had fumbled with his words,
completely thrown off. From that moment on, she had still held back quite a bit; he hadn't exactly
made any moves to encourage her, nor did he discourage her. Their missions together had
continued like before and he had become quite open with her, talking about his past like he never
had before and asking her questions about herself. One night, it had seemed like he had nearly told
her something important before visibly changing his mind and keeping his silence. Then he had
begun to vanish for months at a time after the battle in the Department of Mysteries, living amongst
the werewolves. Their single day together on Order business had resulted in the confusing kiss on
the bus and afterward Tonks had had to go to her new station with the aurors in Hogsmead. She had
known her miserable sorrow over Lupin's silence then had been foolish, but she couldn't shake it.
She often wondered what was wrong with her that she couldn't forget about the man who clearly
did not know what he wanted. Her metamorphmagi powers had suffered and she grew somber and
she had more spats than usual with her mother over her dangerous assignments. Tonks had begun
to confide in Molly, which led to Molly inviting both Tonks and Lupin to the Burrow for
Christmas; an invitation Tonks had declined, knowing that she could not have beared being near
Lupin without arguing with him. She had also known it was the one place he had to go for the
holidays, and despite her anger with him, she had wanted him to have a good holiday and not be so
alone. So the months continued to pass and she kept dutifully to her work in Hogsmead.

Then, that night, the dark mark had appeared over Hogwarts' astronomy tower. Tonks had
immediately acted and had joined a group from the order to search out the trouble. In this way, she
had run into Lupin once more, who had appeared put off by seeing her at first but had stuck by her
side throughout all of the dueling in the school corridors. If not for the uncertainty of Bill's
wounds, she was certain he would not have stayed long in the hospital wing...though he had,
confusingly again, stayed beside her even after her impulsive burst of frustration at him.

Now they stood awkwardly at the lake. Tonks did not know what to think anymore, other than
that she was deeply tired of being morose and unsure. Lupin's response of silence to her question
did not help her feel any more cheery.

Looking for anything to distract her, she looked back to the grounds, her eye on the small plume
of smoke on the horizon -- the aftermath of Hagrid's hut set to fire, still smoking even after the
flames had been extinguished. The sight helped stamp her emotions down as she steadied herself to
say: "If you don’t feel anything for me, then let's end this. Or if you're not ready, then tell me, and
I'll leave you alone. But I have to know.”

Lupin exhaled raggedly; the idea of her shunning him over his indecision, of never hearing her
voice in a warm tone toward him again, was devastating. He returned her gaze. “I can’t answer you
today,” he said heavily. “I…you know my fears. I don’t understand how you can harbor any
feelings for an outcast like me. But…” he seemed to let down his guard. “I care greatly for you,
Tonks. I do. Perhaps, if you have patience with me…then we can try.”

She had looked cautiously thunderstruck. "And do you truly want to?"

Fighting against the monster that lived within him, the one that told him she would soon tire of
him or that she would be unwilling to handle all of the trouble he dealt with daily, he gave her a
sure nod. "I do."

She had not expected this answer, even though it was vague yet. A smile quirked her mouth up
as if she dared not hope, though he had not proven himself yet with any action. This happiness was
swiftly kicked aside however by a year's worth of doubt. “Do you pity me, Remus? If all of this is
because you feel sorry for me—”

“No, no,” he cut her off, not unkindly. “I simply…” he shook his head. “I can’t jump into this,
Tonks. I have too much dread of all the harm I could do you. But I don’t pity you. Quite the
opposite, really…you’re an extraordinary woman, and I’m not sure how you ever came to care for
someone like me.”

His honesty lifted her doubt. "Maybe someday you'll see yourself as I see you."

"Perhaps," he returned, in an expressionless tone.

“I guess I have my work cut out for me," she said, undeterred.

Her words caused his spirits to sink. Thinking on all that she could not possibly realize about
his life, he gave a rueful, half smile. You have no idea how much, he thought remorsefully.

"Well then," she said slowly, "I'd be happy to go to the funeral together. I don't want to face it
alone either."

He smiled at her, feeling a small feeling of relief for the coming day of grief.

They had stood together then, looking out on the swiftly darkening countryside, with a tenuous
hope budding between them and a heavy fear descending over Lupin that he may have just cursed
her to a more difficult life than she could imagine.

Now, at the funeral, she was a comforting presence. She almost distracted him from the turmoil
he felt in his mind and heart. The turmoil was his constant companion; the struggle between his
desire to belong and his fear of injuring, or worse killing, those he cared most for. For the first
time, he allowed himself to fully revel in the feel of her skin against his.

After an unexpected display of fire and a barrage of arrows from the line of Centaurs present
that frightened the mourners, Lupin had to suppress the urge to laugh grimly. It was all as it should
be; Dumbledore going out with a final blaze.

The funeral over, the mourners milled around the tomb. Some cried softly beside the marble
slab while others gathered in small groups to converse quietly. At the edge of the crowd, Molly
Weasley looked thoughtfully on the proximity Tonks kept to Lupin and how Lupin seemed
comforted by it, allowing herself a small, knowing smile.

Finding Hagrid and his half brother at the edge of the crowd, they stopped and looked up at the
pair. Hagrid's face was puffy from openly weeping. Tonks laid her hand on his forearm, making
her look incredibly slight in his presence, and gave him a bracing pat. "Alright there, Hagrid? It
was right that it was you who carried him to the tomb. I know he cared for you."

Hagrid gave a strangled sort of sound, then cleared his throat and seemed to collect himself so
that he could speak. "Can't imagine Hogwarts without Dumbledore. Without him, I don't know
where I'd have ended up after gettin' kicked outta school."

"He changed so many lives for the better," Lupin said.

"Yeah," Hagrid said, dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve. "Always looked out for us misfits."

Lupin then spied Harry walking away from Ginny and excused himself to catch up with him.
Tonks exchanged solemn goodbyes with Hagrid and shared an awkward sort of handshake with
Grawp.

The cracks of dissaparating funeral goers filled the air as the members of the order held back to
exchange goodbyes.

Lupin had a solemn talk with Harry, who seemed emotionally distant. Returning from this
exchange, Lupin returned to Tonks, who had just hugged the two Weasley women goodbye.

“Is he okay?” Tonks asked, looking at Harry with a concerned frown.

“As well as any of us…though I think he’s keeping something from me, and the Order,” Lupin
said.

"I don't envy him all the burden he carries."

"Nor do I," Lupin said, contemplatively.

Tonks sighed. “Well…” now was the time for goodbye. She had walked away from Remus
countless times, wanting more from him and never receiving it. She almost had no hope for this
parting to be any different, despite his admission of caring for her at the lake. “…I think we both
need some rest. I’ve never felt so…numb.”

Lupin considered her with a hesitant look in his eye. Her hair had returned to a vivid color,
marking some sort of positive change in her. But she still carried a guarded attitude, whether
because of him alone or the funeral he did not know. Seeing her so deanimated was concerning and
he missed her old joy. “I’m numb as well. Perhaps it’s easier than feeling grief.”

“Maybe…but the grief has to be felt, Remus. Don’t deprive yourself of it, or you’ll never heal.”
She gave him an encouraging smile.

He shook his head. “I’m in no shape for grief tonight.”

“Well, consider it anyway.” She began to turn away, respecting his request of having patience
with him. To her surprise, he caught her hand gently to stop her.

“I’ve a bottle of spirits at my cottage good for numbing oneself, if you wish to push back your
grief for one more night as I do.”

She looked at him in surprise. He had always been very withholding with any time away from
the other Order members, as if he would never allow anyone into his private life. She was
surprised to be let in. “...If you’re sure.”

He smiled at her. “I’m sure.” He held out his hand to her. “I’m just…more cautious than most,"
he said, an edge of dour humor in his voice.

She took his offered hand, scoffing at his words. “No kidding, Remus.”

With that, they disapparated together, leaving the site of the tomb quiet and still behind them.
 An Unstoppable Force
Chapter Summary

Lupin opens his home to Tonks, where he lets down his guard.

Reading ambiance: "Harry's Sacrifice" by Alexandre Desplat

They were in a field. The first thing Tonks noticed was the warm June breeze against her face as
they appeared in a desolate area with rolling hills. Shaking off the queasy feeling of apparating, she
looked expectantly around as Lupin released her hand. There seemed to be nothing and no one
around – though the stars, unpolluted by light, shone brilliantly overhead.

“Quite a place you’ve got,” she remarked cheekily.

“A veritable paradise, if you like the quiet.” He began to walk through the field.

Tonks followed, a small thrill settling in her gut. She admired his profile as he strode along
beside her, all of her liking for him simmering within her. She thought him the kindest, most long
suffering man she had ever met. He was a pleasant and surprising combination of steady
confidence and sudden abandon in times of danger, both traits she appreciated. But when it came to
personal matters, he had little faith in his own importance to other people, a trait that Tonks knew
would likely never entirely fade. She only hoped she might make him believe in his importance to
her.

Still in mild shock that Lupin had invited her for a nightcap, she felt almost nervous for their
time together. Thinking of a way to break the silence, she gibed: “Got any neighbors out here?”

Lupin laughed half-heartedly. “Not for kilometres. Even had I any, they would never willingly
remain once they learned about me.”

Tonks felt a rush of embarrassment at his reply and chided herself silently, resolving herself to
try to not make any comments that seemed ignorant of his struggles.

As if realizing his own comment had sounded bitter, he glanced over to her as they walked and
attempted to amend it. “It’s better so, anyway – hard to find any peace in Grimmauld Place, isn’t
it?”

“You haven’t been there in a while, have you? Things are quieter now that so many people
are…gone. It’s so empty, it’s quite hard to be there sometimes.” This vague mention of Sirius
elicited a sad nod from Lupin in reply.

Finally, at the edge of a knoll, he stopped and gestured at a seemingly bare area before them.

“Fidelius Charm?” she asked.

He nodded. “And I’m it’s secret keeper. My cottage is there – just beyond the tree, where the
branches hang, erm-- lopsidedly down.” He spoke the truth, though Tonks could see it was no
breeze that had altered the tree’s branches – they appeared to be half torn off, though they had been
thick and strong.
 Before Tonks’ eyes, she watched as a small building began to take shape in the rapidly falling
night.

Lupin regarded her with an earnest look. “You’re one of three people who have ever known of
it.”

“Quite the honor,” she replied, meaning it more than she made it appear. “How did you first
come to own this place?”

“Through the good will of the man we laid to rest this evening. It was gifted to me well before I
had done anything to deserve his regard. I…truly owe him everything.”

As they neared the cottage, Tonks could make out the half-dilapidated appearance. It looked
sturdy yet old, well cared for yet in the beginnings of disrepair from lack of resources.

Perhaps now she’ll see how I barely scrape by, and she’ll think better of all this…and leave
before it's any harder to watch her walk away, Lupin thought somberly, though now he wasn’t as
sure he wanted her to come to such a conclusion. With unshakable politeness, he opened the door
for her and allowed her to enter first.

It was dark inside. In the half-light, Lupin raised his wand toward the fireplace and murmured
“Incendio”, lighting the logs within the hearth. The fire revealed a small, tidy home with bare
furniture. Lupin glanced at Tonks’ face as she took the room in for the first time, expecting to see
disappointment or disgust – but was surprised to see her appear pleased. She looked over the
kitchen and saw that, though it was bare, it was clean and tidy; confirming her assessment of him
that he was more organized than she.

“Far better than Grimmauld Place,” she decided. While both Grimmauld Place and the cottage
had an air of dereliction, the cottage was far more cheerful and home-like.

“It’s comfortable enough in the summer,” he said.

“And in the winter?”

“Drafty – though I’ve hardly been here enough lately to suffer through it.”

"Have you always lived here alone?" Tonks asked.

"For the past fourteen years, yes." He moved past the first closed door, which Tonks assumed to
be a bedroom, before opening a second right off the sitting room on what Tonks assumed was a
brief tour of the home. A small study housed his collection of books and records.

Seeing the books, Tonks went to them and began to look over the titles. This confirmed another
assessment she had made of him early on; he was terribly well read. Most of the books could have
acted as doorstops and had titles that bored Tonks at the sight of them. It looked a bit like her father
Ted's shelves. Besides several anthologies on defensive magic and some old looking books from
the Hogwarts reading list, Tonks had not read the majority, though she was more the kind of
person who tended to live first and learn a lesson afterward. "Just as I suspected..." she said,
looking at the titles and looking at him over her shoulder; for half a second, she caught the
expression he had been looking at her with as she had her back to him. It left her with some hope.
"...all terribly informative, but not terribly entertaining."

He appeared amused and cleared his throat, lightly feigning offense. "Should I take that to mean
that I'm boring?"
 "Only in your taste in books," she returned.

"And what books do you prefer?"

She smiled at him and began to list a few books she had enjoyed before beginning her career as
an auror, back when she had more time to read.

Hearing a few of the titles, Lupin nodded sagely and stepped beside her, reaching up to pull a
few volumes from above her line of sight. His nearness to her made her heart beat slightly faster.
"You mean these?" He asked.

She laughed, seeing two of the books she had just named in his hands. "Well look here, I was
wrong after all." She took one from him. "Read this one a lot right after I finished at Hogwarts.
Thought the main character was an awful lot like me back then...aimless. Now I suppose that I'm
the boring one... I just read reports and dodge curses." She handed it back.

He returned the books to their places. "I haven't had the time either." He paused for a moment,
making her think that he stopped himself from saying something, before motioning back to the
sitting room. She was familiar with this tendency of his to grow quiet after having shared what he
considered too much.

"You can sit, if you like," he said, as he went to the kitchen cupboard and rummaged through the
cans within to find the fire whiskey and two glasses.

She moved toward the sofa, pausing as she noticed four deep scratches that ran a long way down
the floorboards - how the windowsill behind her seemed to have been chewed roughly. Observing
all this, she said nothing, but moved to the sofa without comment.

Lupin, however, saw that she had taken note and motioned resignedly to them. “The latest
renovations. They were so slight compared to the others, that I haven't yet used a repairing
charm."

She began to speak but seemed to think better of it herself, remembering her resolution to make
no further comments that may put him off.

Seeing her caution, Lupin gauged her face as he poured the whiskey. “I greatly doubt,” he
began, bringing her over a glass and sitting beside her, "that whatever you were about to say would
hurt my feelings."

“I only wondered…what it’s like.” She half-regretted asking, but she had wondered for a long
time and he was being quite open with her. Afraid she had been too forward, she added, “But I
won’t make you talk about it, Remus.”

The flat joke came naturally to him: “What it’s like to chew the furniture?”

Tonks shook her head, not allowing his self-deprecation to stop her from truly talking with him.
“I’ve faced many werewolves – and I’ve seen a transformation before, in the London underground.
It looked… painful.” She spoke with compassion, her voice steady.

He slowly swirled the whiskey in the glass; had anyone else asked him, he knew he would have
declined answering, but her unjudging earnestness was endearing. He seemed to consider his words
carefully. “It’s like… living through a nightmarish haze. At first, your mind begins to fog. For a
few days before the full moon, I begin to lose the finer points of being human…like conversing,
putting my mind to any useful task. Then the fog becomes an undeniable call. Even as a human,
I’m…” he searched for the right word, “…compelled out into the night.” He stopped talking,
feeling like he’d said far too much already. But she only sat there listening, and so he continued
cautiously. “As the moon calls, I forget the pain that awaits. But it doesn't matter if I'm able to hide
from it's light or be exposed to it; when it reaches it's most full point in the sky, it seizes me
suddenly – my bones break in order to grow, and my body rips apart apart inwardly. My thoughts
devolve to snatches of compulsive instinct as my humanity is stripped away.”

“You’re…aware of it all? While it’s happening?” she asked, unable to comprehend the amount
of pain that must accompany it.

“Not in the way that a human would be -- there's no logic, only rage as I feel the agony of my
bones lengthening and my flesh aching...and hunger, like a gnawing pit within me.” His voice fell
softer. “As terrifying as it is, the worst part is feeling my reason slip away and be replaced with the
compulsion to eat, to run... without the Wolfsbane potion, I’m consumed by the desire to…” he
stopped again, this time for good. He shook his head and gazed at her heavily. “I’ve always feared
of what I might do while I’m a beast. It’s why it’s easier to be alone, why I stayed away from
you…and why I still think your feelings are misplaced. Your youth and expectation would be
wasted on me.”

She had heard this so many times now, it only rallied Tonks’ spirit as she coolly swallowed the
last sip of the fire whiskey in her glass. "What difference would it make if I were five years older?
Or even ten years older? I would feel the same about you. Even now, I'm no child, Remus...and I
know what I want when I find it."

"You don't know the toll it takes on me," he said. "I'll be lucky to turn sixty at the rate I'm
going."

"Well, I'm not trying to marry you. Just spend some time with you." She hoped he was truly
hearing her this time. "You're no waste. You're a good man - a rare quality anymore." She adjusted
herself on the couch to better face him.

He drank half a shot, allowing the familiar burn to send a pleasant wave of heat through his
head before replying. "You'd never know lasting peace. We couldn't live normally - you'd have to
stay away while I'm...incapacitated."

"Then you'll have to tell me when to clear out. I won't be around much anyway when I'm on
assignment."

He listened to her steady resolve, bolstered by her confidence. But he had to be honest with her
once more; there was too much to be lost if she didn't know what she was stepping into. "Perhaps it
would indeed take an Auror to handle someone like me. At least I can rest easy, knowing you can
defend yourself."

"We can be cautious when we must, and live happily when we're able. It's not impossible,
Remus."

"Things will never cease to be exciting for you, then," he said, finding himself very aware of her
suddenly - of her easy way of talking with him, and how she made the bare cottage seem more like
home than it ever had before.

“I’ve always been drawn to excitement, you know,” she said. “My parents always wanted me to
find some boring, steady job, but life in a shop or a bank would have killed me. It’s what drew me
to becoming an Auror – finding the light in the darkness, accepting that not all good things come in
the form we expect they should.” She looked into his eyes with great meaning. “Don’t you think
I’ve considered all of this before?”
 He shook his head at her. “I know you have. But I've considered it too. And while you've
brought me happiness, what good can being with me bring you? People will begin to look down on
you, as they do me. I’m a burden, Tonks. The sooner you accept it, the better it will be for you.”

Her heart elated with his admitting of how she made him feel for once, she looked at him with
compassion. Though they had spoken on all of this before, she could feel that his tone had shifted
greatly - he was now considering possibilities while before there was only denial. “You control
what has overtaken many others, Remus. It’s one of the things I like most about you.”

“But I won’t be able to – not anymore,” Lupin said, with mild exasperation. “Snape is gone
now. I haven’t yet considered what it means for the Order, or for Dumbledore’s plan – but with
him went any chance of ever getting the Wolfsbane again. I’m now at the mercy of the moon and
my baser nature.” He looked into the fire with a building measure of self-hatred becoming clear in
his voice. “I’m known around this countryside, you know. They talk about a beast in the closest
village – how their sheep have gone missing, how they won’t let their children out at night. I’m a
monster with the mask of a man, Tonks…and I’m afraid, without the Wolfsbane, that I’ll do
something far worse than kill sheep.”

“We can find someone else to brew it for you,” Tonks said, undeterred.

“It’s prohibited for a reason. They would find me if I contracted someone off the street to make
it – the ministry would have quite a victory, bringing me in. I’d never set foot in a respectable
place again."

With all the patience of her school House, Tonks remained steady. “You’re noble, Remus, but I
think your nobility, and fear, have made you blind." She furrowed her brow. "But I'm afraid too --
afraid that I've built you up in my head, and that I've charged on despite your warning me not to.”

He frowned, terrified she was right.

She began to speak with a measured passion. “I know life is quite dreary these days – even more
so, while carrying a burden such as yours. But if you meant what you said at the lake, and we try,
then it will mean allowing each other to shoulder a portion of our burdens. I come with enough of
it, myself. I don’t mean to ever stop my work, as dangerous as it may be, and that’s something
you’ll have to accept about me, as much as I’ve accepted you. Point is, there’s no need to shoulder
it all by yourself any longer.” She smiled sadly. “Besides, who knows how much more time any of
us have? The world is getting quite dangerous, so it’s all the more important to find some
happiness when we can…”

He considered her with the air of a man who, expecting the worst, was solemnly surprised to
find that his vulnerable words had not shaken her.

An attractive spark of mischief crossed her face and she smiled crookedly at him. “…that is, if
you aren’t afraid to take a chance.”

Lupin felt a rush in his chest as he looked at her, seated so close to him. The truth was, she was
making it increasingly difficult to keep her at arm's length. He felt the sudden desire to close the
distance and he turned his body toward her. “You’re a mystery to me,” he said, breaking out of his
dread, his deep fondness for her evident.

She gazed at him lovingly. “I quite like a mystery.”

Even thoroughly bemused by her dogged acceptance of him, he could not ignore how his heart
began to thud as her hand rested gently against his cheek. She seemed to take in every detail of his
face, giving the impression all the while that she approved of what she saw, scars and all. Having
denied himself contact with people for so long, he hesitated even as she leaned gently forward.

“You still sure you want to give us a try?” She asked, her flirtation made almost somber from
his hesitation.

“I don’t know anything anymore,” he returned, finally meeting her in the middle.

The suddenness of the light brush of his mouth against hers set Tonks’ more daring spirit ablaze
as she returned the kiss, her confidence in the action overshadowing him for a moment as he held
back. Seeming to gain confidence, he met her again and brought her closer with a gentle pull that
sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. Unlike their first kiss on the bus, this one was comforting
and slow. Lupin could not tell if it lasted for a few seconds or if time had simply ceased to move
forward altogether.

Breaking apart, Tonks was struck with how good and right it felt to be so near to him, like she
had found a home she never wished to leave. She gave him a desirous look and they met again,
Fire whiskey heavy on both of their breaths. Consumed with her great attraction to him, she held
him close and kissed his jaw and then his neck softly, her hand on his knee. He closed his eyes, the
feel of her mouth on his skin pushing any last hesitation he had been desperately trying to cling to
away.

As she paused, he brushed his thumb over her face, sweeping the hair from her eyes. He
realized that had she not been there, he would have spent the evening drinking too much alone.
Even so, it seemed that their idea of taking things slowly was quite different, and he knew then that
if she were the gas, he would have to be the brakes.

“You should stay...” he began.

She smiled coyly, leaning toward him again – until he caught her gently by the shoulder,
keeping her at a distance. To show he didn’t dislike her affection, he returned her look, feeling
entranced by her. “You should stay,” he said again, “but I don’t believe in doing anything at a
breakneck speed. We can take things slowly, as we should, and as you deserve.”

Tonks almost laughed, not out of disdain but out of amusement at his gentlemanly restraint. Had
she been there with either a younger man or man less afraid of letting go, she was certain she would
have been unbuttoning her clothing already… but oddly, his confident slowing of the situation only
made her want him more. “So long as we’re together, then I agree.”

He nodded, as if deciding he would finally allow the unstoppable force that he had been
fighting against for months to overtake him willingly. He squeezed her hand reassuringly.
“Together.”
 On Watch
Chapter Summary

Tonks returns to watching Death Eater movement and falls into trouble

The lamps had just been lit in Diagon Alley when a blond, hooded woman appeared beside
Gringotts’. She walked calmly, immediately falling in with a group of shoppers who went about
their business hurriedly. It could be dangerous to be out these days and many of the shops had
closed down. This did not seem to deter the woman, however – her head and hood down, she
followed the group ahead of her toward one of the few remaining markets.

As the group went inside, the woman slowed and suddenly turned sharply into the alley that ran
behind. She passed by a few shady-looking people without a second glance, finally coming to a
scroungy-looking back door. She rapped on the door with four distinct raps of her knuckles.

The door seemed to give way to her knock, slowly swinging inward of it’s own accord. Walking
in, the woman was unsurprised to find a rough-looking figure within with a spinning false eye.
“Alastor,” she said calmly.

Alastor Moody half turned at the sound of his name. “What did Nymphadora Tonks tell me
after her first mission with me?”

“That he could bloody well find another apprentice Auror to mentor if he couldn’t be civil,” the
woman returned. Not yet having tested him in return, she gripped her wand beneath her robes.
“Why did Alastor Moody find himself at the bottom of an enchanted trunk?”

“Because of that damned Barty Crouch Junior's involvement with the Dark Lord.” He motioned
forward roughly. “If you’re convinced you’re not in the company of an imposter, I have the
debriefing for you.”

Tonks removed her hood and morphed back into her own appearance. “Are they still here?”

“As of an hour ago. I lost sight of them down in Knockturn Alley."

"You didn't follow?"

Moody snorted. "I’m a fair bit easier to recognize than you.”

Tonks changed only her head – so that Moody’s own wide face, mutilated nose and spinning
eye stared back at him. With a smirk, she winked at him with his only good eye. “I could go as you,
if you like.”

Moody shook his head. “Looks as if your mood has improved. Well, mine hasn’t’,” he
grumbled. “Take this.” He passed her the parchment full of notes he had been scrawling on. “I
tailed Greyback and Dolohov for a long while. I assume the rest are here too, though I haven’t yet
seen them.”

“You think they’re assembling for some strike?”

 “After Hogwarts getting infiltrated and Dumbledore’s death, I do. Why not strike now that the
most powerful of their opposition is gone?”

Tonks morphed back into the woman she had arrived as – a face she had seen in a muggle
magazine at her parents’ house the night before. “Go get some rest, old man. I’ll have a report for
you in a few days’ time.”

Moody tiredly got to his feet. “Don’t do anything rash on your watch. We’re down so many, we
have to keep our numbers up." Halfway out the door, he turned back and threw down a few letters
onto the rickety table in the middle of the room. “Take these to McGonagall when you return to
Hogwarts, will you? There’s one for Dedalus too - and Lupin, though that one's not as pressing. I’m
heading to the ministry tonight and won’t be back for a few days.”

“Might be awhile before I see any of them. Best send them by owl.”

“So they can get intercepted by some death eater? Better to chance it with you.” With that, he
left.

Picking up Moody’s post, Tonks took up her watch at the dirty windowsill. She peered down
onto the street below. Putting the letters behind the loose board on the wall for safekeeping until
she returned to Hogwarts, she paused for a moment and ran her thumb over Moody’s messy scrawl
with Remus’ name. She smiled to herself, remembering the night she had spent at his cottage not a
few days prior. She had stayed as he had asked and they had simply rested together in his old
metal-framed bed. Laying in the dark with his arm tucked around her middle, she had slept better
than she had in months. Awakening the following morning, she had rolled over to him asleep
beside her. Happy to be with him, she had shifted to his side and laid her palm over his heart. The
steady beat she felt was comforting.

Stirring from sleep, he laid his hand over the top of hers.

“Sleep well?” she asked, her eyes still closed.

He murmured a yes.

“Anyone ever tell you that you bark and howl in your sleep?”

His brow furrowing at this statement, he opened one drowsy eye to look at her with doubt.
“Oh?”

Chuckling, she relented and dropped the joke. “Only kidding. You do snore, though.”

“So do you,” he replied, amused despite his drowsiness.

“It’s nearly eight. We have the meeting at Grimmauld Place soon.”

“Nothing ever slows down, does it?” he said.

“No – and we can’t expect it to.”

“Then we’d best get up.”

“Agreed,” she said.

Neither moved. The minutes ticked by. Tonks laid her head against his shoulder and allowed
herself to begin to drift back to sleep. Drifting between pleasant dreams, a sudden, familiar voice
sounded loudly in the room. Both Tonks and Lupin jolted up, reaching for their wands for defense
when a silvery, non-corporeal Patronus appeared at the foot of the bed. “Lupin,” Moody’s voice
intoned, “just received word that Fenrir Greyback has been seen around London. There may be
some newly turned werewolves to turn to our side. If you’re going, best go now and don’t bother
with the meeting this morning.” The Patronus vanished.

Lupin frowned, laying back.

“Are you going?”

“I should,” he said, heavily. “But my last night with the group outside of London ended...badly.
It may be hard to explain my sudden return. I doubt I would be welcomed back."

"What happened?"

Lupin smiled grimly. "There was too great a divide between me and them for their liking."

Tonks gave him a look of slight confusion.

"I'm too much a wizard to blend with them. They eventually learned parts of my background
and resented the opportunities I've been given -- opportunities they were always denied. It made
gaining their trust impossible in the beginning. It took months to win a few over to neutrality. But it
ended with their leader driving me off. So, returning would be complicated."

“Blame it on the Anti-werewolf legislation that's on the wizengamot docket. Say you've
nowhere else to turn to.”

“A good excuse,” Lupin said. “Though the problem with excuses is the lies start to pile up and
suddenly you’ve been found out. Well…I’ll just have to keep my story straight.”

Tonks could have easily stated how greatly she didn’t want him to go – he had as good as told
her that he had only initially taken the mission to avoid her—but realized she would go too if she
were in his place. They both had a job to do, and they couldn’t let anything keep them from it.
“How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “It depends on whether they drive me off or tolerate my presence."

“I’m due for my usual death eater watch after my next round of guarding the halls at Hogwarts.
I suppose it’ll be a few days before I see you.”

“Well then,” he mused, “if all goes well and you’ve returned Sunday night…then I will to. We
can meet back here.”

She smiled at him, pleased and fully aware that he had just revealed himself to know her
schedule by heart. “Sunday night, then.”

Remembering the memory happily, she lovingly stared down at Remus’ name on the parchment
in her hands before securing the messages in the loose wall panel. Only one more day until Sunday
now, she was pleased to note. Until then, she had her own work to focus on. Drawing her hood up
over her false face, she looked out into the street through the dirty window pane.

Hours passed. There was no sign of anyone from the list of known Voldemort supporters below.
From her vantage point, she could see the entrance of their usual meet-up place. It was enchanted
with a Muffliato Charm, making any listening spells useless. But Moody’s notes in his report had
been correct – they were growing almost arrogant, no longer exclusively using the floo network to
travel in secret, but showing their faces in public.

Around dusk, she had nearly stood up to scrounge around the hide-out for some food when she
saw a curly-haired woman with a distinctive face pass along the street. A sudden ire rising in her,
she got to her feet and watched as the woman waited in the street – only to be joined by Remus’
attacker, the unmistakable Fenrir Greyback. The two began to walk down the street.

Tonks hurriedly murmured “Expecto patronum’ under her breath and watched as her Patronus'
lupine form appeared before her in the half-lit room. She began to speak her message to Moody.
“Lestrange and Greyback on the move. Following now. Sending another message when I’m able.”
With that, the wolf began to lope away and vanished through the wall.

Pulling down her hood, Tonks stole out into the evening light. After their last meeting at the
Ministry, Tonks could not let Bellatrix go about her business so easily.

______

Exhausted from his days slinking around London, Lupin dropped his rucksack on the cottage floor
and, thirst occupying all his thoughts, moved for the water pitcher he had left out days before. He
had arrived back later than he had hoped and assumed that Tonks might be there already. When he
set down the water glass and realized she wasn’t, he frowned.

When she never arrived that evening, Lupin began to pace. He considered sending her a
message, but knowing she had been watching Death Eaters, did not want to risk her safety by
revealing her if she were in a compromised situation. With worry settling in his gut, he finally rose
and stepped outside. He imagined the front stoop of 12 Grimmauld Place very clearly in his mind
and then turned abruptly, vanishing on the spot.

Finding himself on the front step, Lupin entered the old house. Piles of things were stacked by
the front door -- the Order was beginning preparations to move to a new, undetermined
headquarters. Until then, greater security measures were in place. Sneakoscopes rested in every
room and all unnecessary visits to the house had been warned against. But Snape was still under
the restrictions of the Fidelius Charm - and while he could not reveal it's location, his betrayal had
caused enough doubt to warrant the need to find a new secret place.

Kreacher, shuffling through the stacks of items, suddenly appeared in the gloomy darkness. He
sneered at Lupin. “Why, it’s the half-breed, gracing my old mistress' house once again,” the elf
mumbled.

“Hello, Kreacher,” Lupin replied mildly. Walking away from the house elf, he heard distinctive
voices coming from the kitchen.

“…there’s been no reply for a day now and the watch-house in Diagon Alley was empty.”

“She may just be staying low until it’s safe to send word.”

“Perhaps, Kingsley, but it was Lestrange she was following. I know she’s not normally one for
revenge, but after that fight at the Ministry…I don’t know what she’s prone to do.”

“Then we should go after her.”

“Yes, but where to even start looking?”

Hearing all this clearly, Lupin opened the kitchen door.

 Kingsley Shacklebolt and Moody jumped, both pointing their wands at him. Seeing it was
Lupin, Moody narrowed his eye at him. “What position was Remus Lupin appointed to during his
time at Hogwarts?”

Lupin, his hands both raised at the sight of the wands, evenly replied, “As a student, a Prefect…
later on, as a teacher. Both positions I was ill-suited for.”

“Only the real Lupin would think so,” Kingsley said, accepting the answer.

Now was the time that Lupin should have confirmed that they were who they seemed to be - but
his fear pushed it from his mind. “I heard you in the hall,” Lupin said. “Tonks has gone missing,
hasn’t she?”

Moody nodded grimly. “She’s no damsel in distress, that one. If she hasn’t sent word by now, it
either means she’s onto something good or she’s been discovered. Looks like you’re just in time to
join us as we figure out which one it is.”

Trying to keep his expression and voice even, Lupin’s worry twisted at his gut like a knife.
“Then we must go now.”
 Half-breed and Half-blood
Chapter Summary

Held hostage by Death Eaters, Tonks fights for her life while her fellow Order of the
Phoenix members search for her. Lupin comes to realize how much losing Tonks
would affect him.

Reading ambiance song to start when Bellatrix casts Crucio on Tonks: "Hall of
Prophecies" by Nicholas Hooper
After apparating to Hogwarts: "At The Burrow" Alexandre Desplat

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Tonks’ eyes fluttered open. She felt hard, cold flagstones underneath her. As she awakened, her
ears still rang and her head throbbed with pain. She was still laying in the same crumpled position
she had landed in, her last memory of the event being a loud “Stupefy!” before everything went
black. Shifting, she realized her hands had been tied behind her back with thick cords that dug into
her wrists painfully.

She spent a long moment looking around the dark room she was in. Figuring she was alone, she
sat up. “Tonks, you idiot,” she murmured to herself. Frustrated and afraid, she took in a deep breath
and exhaled her fear. Now was the time to think. Her wand was gone, she realized. She sniffed the
air, smelling damp, musky smells and decided she may be in some sort of basement. A ground
level window that ran along the street outside let in some dim flashes of light – soft light, as if from
the streetlamps. Listening, she heard some soft thumping overhead; creaking, like steps made on
wooden floorboards. She allowed her eyes to adjust to the darkness for a few minutes and saw the
dim outline of a stone staircase and piled furniture covered in sheets.

A plan forming in her mind, she shakily stood up, her hands tied painfully behind her back at
her waist, and began to walk forward quietly. There were several shipping crates, all stamped with
the name Borgin and Burkes on the planks of wood. Taking note of this, she then found a long bit
of sturdy, thick twine that secured a sheet on an old dining table and took the time to loosen it. She
could see that the stacks of furniture were precariously piled up; this left narrow lanes to walk
through. She chose a tall stack of chairs and, standing with her back to the stack, tied the twine
around one of the chair legs in the midst of the pile. Then, positioning herself behind a stack of
wooden chairs, Tonks crouched beneath the staircase and steadied herself, the other end of the
twine within reach if she twisted her body enough. Being a known Order member, she had no
doubt that they had spared her only to torture information out of her. When they came for her, she
would have to act; she knew she may have only one chance.

____________

They walked quickly through the dark streets of Diagon Alley.

“Returned early, didn’t you?” Shacklebolt asked of Lupin, using care to not use any
incriminating words should anyone be listening on the street. “What had you come to report to us?”
 Lupin took a second longer than normal to answer. “Only that all was quiet. The small group
that had dwelled there was gone. After some days of searching, I retreated thinking that whoever
had rounded them up may also find me.”

“The legislature against them has only become stricter, as you know,” Shacklebolt replied. “It’s
no surprise that they left for quieter parts.”

"I think whatever chance of success I once had with them is gone," Lupin said. "Why trust an
outsider when all of our rights are being stripped away?"

In the cover of the safehouse, Moody was growing agitated as Shacklebolt and Lupin appeared
calm. Realizing his fear would not help Tonks, wherever she may be, Lupin swallowed his fear and
only allowed logic to dictate his words and actions – a decision that made him appear almost cold
in the face of Tonks’ possible danger.

“There’s three locations I know of that they’ve taken prisoners before…but checking these
locations risks all of our necks at once,” Moody said.

“Assuming she’s even in Diagon Alley still,” Lupin said. “It’s foolish of us to assume she could
only be here.”

“And what do you expect us to do, Lupin, scour every grassy knoll in Europe?” Moody
snapped.

I would search every dark nook if it brought her back, Lupin thought, but only looked at Moody
evenly. “It’s a start.”

“The last I heard from her, she had begun following them and would send word later when she
was able, but no such word ever arrived. If whoever she set out after is who nabbed her, we can
assume that if we find Lestrange and Greyback, then we’ve found Tonks.”

“We must act quickly. They are not known for their mercy,” Shacklebolt said. He looked at
Lupin. “It seems you and Greyback’s destinies are intertwined, Remus. I’m sorry you must keep
facing him.”

Lupin’s mouth twitched. “Perhaps he’ll meet some justice tonight for all the wrong he’s done.”

“I reckon we head to their safe house down the street first. Could be she ran into them there. But
there’s plenty of dark places here they could have taken her... If she’s not there, then we’ll
reconvene.”

“Any of these places could be filled with Death Eaters,” Shacklebolt said grimly. “We must be
ready to defend ourselves should it come to a fight.”

Moody’s magical eye began to spin with a fiendish frenzy. “We’ll show them what happens
when they take one of our own.”

_______

Tonks’ head swam. Whoever had cursed her must have thrown her right into the wall. As the hours
passed, her adrenaline began to fall to a steady level and she worked against the bindings on her
wrists. Held on magically, she could not loosen them; her skin began to chafe against the coarse
bindings, giving her a painful searing whenever she moved.

She began to wonder if she were alone in the building and if she should try the door at the top of
the stairs. But if anyone were guarding her above, she would lose her only chance; the element of
surprise, and she needed a wand if she was to succeed.

In the early morning hours, her head started to bob from exhaustion. She leaned back against the
cold flagstones and shivered, listening for danger even as she waited.

The door overhead creaked opened and a sudden flash of light flooded the basement. Tonks
froze, her pulse reacting in fear as she steadied herself mentally to do what needed to be done. The
steps seemed to be heavy. If it was Greyback, Tonks wasn’t sure she could take him with her hands
bound.

At the bottom of the stairs, the steps stopped. For a brief moment, whoever had come seemed to
realize she was no longer there. Pulling the twine, she disrupted the pile of wooden chairs that she
had attached the other end to, causing it to fall loudly. Rapid footsteps began toward the source of
the noise. Rolling out from beneath the stairs, Tonks took the parallel walkway through the musky
furniture and, spotting a tall man’s back ahead of her, sprinted toward him and rammed into him
with her shoulder.

He fell forward, painfully striking a table with his diaphragm. The force of the charge caused
him to lose his breath and he swung around with his wand. Tonks recklessly jumped onto him,
causing him to fall to the ground with her. Seeing the man’s wand, she rolled quickly and somehow
caught hold of with her two scrabbling hands at her waistline. Turning awkwardly, she cast a
stupefy charm at him which missed because of the way her hands were bound, causing the charm
to upend an old bookshelf.

The man shouted angrily, getting to his feet as she skirted away from him. Realizing she needed
to free her hands or all was lost, Tonks leaned forward and pointed the wand by feel at the
bindings, hoping she wasn’t about to cut herself open with her last ditch effort. “Diffindo,” she
said, and felt the bindings fall from her wrists even as a sudden searing of pain struck her forearm
as the Diffindo spell ran along her skin.

Aware that the man had gotten to his feet and was coming for her again, she turned on him and,
with a flick of the wand, threw a wave of loose chairs onto his head. As she did so, she recognized
him as Dolohov.

Dolohov shouted a curse as the chairs struck him. Tonks nimbly ran around him and, running for
the stairs, tried to apparate to safety but felt sure that an apparition block kept her from doing so;
she would need to get outside to escape.

Aware she needed backup, she tried to cast a Patronus charm. But the silvery light faded from
the tip of the wand. She didn’t know if it was her own turbulent emotions in the moment of her
escape or if it was the wand that fought against her, so she stopped and, hearing Dolohov still
struggling against the heavy chairs that blocked him, paused long enough to think of the happiest
memory she could find to send out her message of help. Searching her memory in a flurry of
thought, she remembered Remus’ quiet smile as he looked at her from across the room – and how
good it was to hear his voice in the early morning hours and lay against his shoulder. Allowing all
of this to fill her up, she cast the Patronus charm again. This time, the wolf sprang from the wand
with ease. “Being held hostage, possibly in the basement of Borgin and Burkes. Death eaters. Send
help.” The wolf set off, leaving her in darkness again. She then began to sprint up the stairs.

As she cleared the top stair, a sudden flash of light filled her vision as she heard a shrill voice
cast “Crucio!”

Tonks crashed to the floorboards, Dolohov’s wand rolling away. Pain like she had never
experienced shot through her, causing spasms to shake her limbs and burn like fire. Almost unable
to breathe, she writhed on the floor as her aunt sauntered over to her and picked up Dolohov’s
wand.

Bellatrix recognized the wand. "Got away from that fool, did you?"

Tonks, writhing on the floor, spat blood from biting her cheeks at Bellatrix's feet.

“All of your mother’s spunk, I see,” Bellatrix said with sickly joy at seeing Tonks’ pain, “and
all of the filth of your mudblood father's side. I fear this is the result of mixing with those of mixed
blood. Well, don't worry - I'll send your mother some sign of what happened to you tonight.
Perhaps a finger...or a hand?"

Tonks weakly attempted the stunning spell but without her wand and her mind in a haze of pain,
she only produced a faint pulse.

Bellatrix laughed. She cast the torture curse once more. Tonks felt her body seize painfully as
she struggled to inhale. Dimly, she watched as Bellatrix reacted to something outside and tossed
Dolohov his wand. The seconds crawled by as Tonks' body shook in pain, making her deaf to the
sound of shattering glass nearby. Then a lank figure's feet appeared in her line of sight, close
enough for Tonks to see the frayed hemlines on the man's trousers and to recognize the worn
shoes. She felt the Cruciatus curse lift, allowing breath to return to her body. Then someone
shouted the killing curse and the man she knew to be Lupin was pushed off his feet to the floor.

For one instant, Tonks looked at Lupin with blurry vision. She could only struggle to breathe as
her vision faded to black.

______

Slamming a door, Moody emerged from a storeroom in the old death eater meeting place he had
observed during his night vigils of Diagon Alley. “Nothing. She’s not here.”

“Is there no other way to find her besides this vain searching?” Lupin asked. “We’re running out
of time.”

“We don’t know that, Lupin,” Shacklebolt said. “She may turn up yet, full of stories of how
she’s uncovered their latest hideout.”

Lupin, his previous resolve to leave his emotion out of it running thin, nearly snapped at him
when suddenly a transparent, silver wolf glided through the wall and landed at Moody’s feet.

Tonks’ frenzied voice spoke. “Being held hostage, possibly in the basement of Borgin and
Burkes’. Death eaters. Send help.”

Without a word between them, the three men apparated with a loud crack for Borgin and
Burkes’.

As they materialized, a sudden hulking figure lurched out of the darkness in front of the dark
magic shop. Greyback cast a stunning spell at the first figure he saw; Moody deftly deflected it and
returned the favor, attempting to incapacitate the hulking man.

For half a moment, Lupin looked at the man who had changed his life forever when he was a
child. He still bore the scars of Greyback's gnarled jaws on his chest and back from the horrible
attack. Even so, Lupin had no desire to extract any vengeance on him; his mind was preoccupied
with one goal alone.
 “Go!” Moody shouted. “I’ve got this one!”

Lupin and Shacklebolt, dodging a curse, rammed the front door. Finding it locked, Shacklebolt
charmed it open and Lupin charged in, coming face to face with Dolohov’s stern face. With a
flourish, Lupin cast toward him but it was blocked. A short skirmish ensued, with Shacklebolt’s
stunning spell catching Dolohov and knocking him back into a wall of glass jars. They shattered
across the floor, leaving a host of squirming things to flop around Dolohov’s prone body.

A curse from outside caused the shop window to break loudly. Shacklebolt turned and dove
outside to help Moody.

Lupin, aware he was now alone, ran forward heedlessly and found what he had dreaded finding
– Tonks’ still, limp form laying on her side. A rage filled shout escaped him as he moved forward,
only to stop short as Bellatrix appeared from around the shop’s counter, her wand pointed at him
threateningly.

“Too late, wolf,” she jeered, her shrill voice revealing how unhinged she had become in
Azkaban.

Angered, Lupin’s hand twitched as devastation over Tonks’ still form crashed through him.

Bellatrix, her arrogance apparent, sauntered toward him. “There is no place for you...a Half-
blood and Half-Breed.”

He wordlessly cast a jinx at her, which she deflected.

"I wonder if Fenrir would like to end what he began?" She blocked two more jinxes. "Snuck
into your home while you were sleeping, didn't he?"

From somewhere behind Lupin, Moody appeared, his spell distracting Bellatrix as she was
forced to block it. In a moment of rage over Tonks’ death, Lupin raised his wand and, without
thinking, began to shout, “Avada kedav—” before a stunning charm from Dolohov hit him from
behind, stopping him. Falling forward, he felt his body go numb and he struggled to stand. He
fought against his own stunned body and looked at Tonks’ face with dread, fearing that he would
have to stare at her lifeless form. In that moment, he saw that her eyes were both open and full of
fear – but very much alive. For a moment that felt like an eternity, he laid there on the ground next
to her, both as still as stone.

Greyback was pushed into the store’s stacks of goods by Moody and Shacklebolt, who rushed
forward and found Tonks and Lupin lying side by side on the floor. They continued to fight off
Bellatrix, who had gotten to her feet once more. Reaching Tonks and Lupin, they continued to
deflect off curses, which caused Borgin and Burkes to fall into greater dissaray. Moody then knelt
and grabbed Lupin's coat with a death grip as Shacklebolt laid his hand over Tonks - in a blur of
motion, they disapparated together.

Space bent around them and wind rushed against them, jerking them with great force until they
appeared in open, green country.

Lupin opened his eyes and found that he was now face down in cool, damp grass. The air was
suddenly clean and bracing. He struggled to get up, ill from both the stunning spell that had struck
him and the sudden apparating.

"Where are we?" Shacklebolt asked.

"As close to Hogwarts grounds as I could take us," Moody said, turning to Tonks.
 “She’s alive,” Lupin said, watching as Shacklebolt was feeling for a pulse on Tonks' lolling
neck. "She looked around as I was stunned."

"She's lost far too much blood," Shacklebolt said, pulling her upright. "She may need to be
taken to St. Mungo's."

To Lupin's dread, he saw that Shacklebolt was right. Blood from her raw wrists and a deep cut
on her forearm had soaked her clothing. Her face was deathly pale. While Moody and Shacklebolt
debated, Lupin sliced the bottom part of his shirt tail off with a flick of his wand and tied it to
Tonks' openly bleeding arm.

“Pomfrey is as capable as any healer at St. Mungo's - now, to the castle, quick!” Moody said.

Shacklebolt, the most able to carry her, picked Tonks up and carried her over the thick terrain.

Going quickly, Moody irritably said to Shacklebolt, "Besides, you know as well as I do that it
wasn't official Auror business. If we go to Mungo's, a full report could be made - and it could be
brought back to the Order."

Shacklebolt knew all of this well. As Moody spoke, Shacklebolt saw anger flash in Lupin's eyes,
as if anything beyond the present moment of danger was unimportant.

Once they had gotten through the trees, Shacklebolt levitated Tonks so that she floated quickly
alongside them, as stiff as a board. It was a long race through the dark as they finally reached the
school grounds and the wooden bridge that led to the castle.

Hogwarts was empty as they rushed through the castle, the students still gone on summer break.
This was fortunate, as the sight of Tonks, bloody and still, would have caused quite a shock.

At the hospital wing, Shacklebolt laid Tonks down on one of the beds and turned for the door.
“We must find Pomfrey.”

“We’ll search the staff hall,” Moody said, not too rushed to notice that Lupin, instead of joining
in the search for Madam Pomfrey, had fallen on his knees beside Tonks and saw that his binding
had already soaked through with crimson.

As the door slammed behind the two others, Lupin held pressure over the bloodied binding with
his hands; he was no healer, and knew any attempts to staunch the wound himself could cause
more damage than help.

As the minutes dragged by, he desperately looked for signs of wakefulness. “Tonks,” he said.
“Tonks, wake up.” His heart dropping with fear, his tone fell softly as he took her face in his hands.
"Nymphadora, stay with me."

Her breath was shaky and her limbs shook; her eyelids fluttered weakly at the sound of his
voice.

With a loud entrance, Pomfrey appeared with the two aurors. “What’s happened?” she asked
firmly.

“She was tortured,” Moody said.

"By magic or non-magical means?"

"We weren't there to see."

 Pomfrey took in the sight of Tonks quite professionally. “All of you, get out. I’ll need to
examine her for wounds.” She looked at Shacklebolt then. "Will you send word to Minerva about
this?"

Shacklebolt replied yes in his usual collected tone.

The three men then departed the hospital wing, confident in Pomfrey’s ability. Out in the
hallway, Moody gave Shacklebolt and Lupin approving nods. “We’ve done all that could be done.”

"We can only hope that they didn't gain any information from her," Shacklebolt said. He then
looked at the time – it was not yet four in the morning, and he feared for the Death Eaters’
vengeance. “I must tell McGonagall and return to my family. Goodbye.” With that, he turned on
his heel.

Moody looked at Lupin with a stern look. “Well, get going, Lupin. Glad you appeared when
you did – it might have been a different ending had you not.”

Lupin shook his head. “You go. I’m staying here for now.”

Moody eyed him suspiciously. “Business here at Hogwarts?”

“No business – only worry,” he said.

"Here -- give this to her when she wakes up." Moody produced Tonks' wand from his pocket.
"Got it off of Lestrange right after you went down."

Lupin took it.

The stern auror paused. "I heard that killing curse you began."

"The time for stunning charms and disarming is over, Alastor...even if it is unforgivable."

"Glad someone else sees it my way, though as an auror, I'm held to Ministry guidelines,"
Moody said. "Too many fear the thin line between defense and revenge...though I couldn't say
which one it would've been tonight for you."

Unphased, Lupin felt his jaw twitch tensely and did not reply, his silence answering the
statement.

Moody, a stoic man, only gave Lupin a single nod of understanding before turning away,
leaving Lupin to stand in the hallway alone.

For awhile, he paced restlessly. He began to think about what he would do if Tonks were to die
- and discovered he could not face it, even in thought. He halted when Minerva McGonagall came
rushing down the hall, dressed in a nightgown and robe.

Seeing Lupin, she approached him immediately. "Remus, I heard briefly from Kingsley -- is she
with Poppy?"

"She is."

"Is it only you here waiting?"

Lupin nodded, his eyes shadowed with exhaustion.

Understanding his presence, McGonagall gave his arm a bracing squeeze before entering into
 the hospital wing.

For a long while after that, no one came or went. Knowing the sun would rise in a couple of
hours, Lupin felt like he was both actively pacing and out of his own body at the same time.
Allowing his exhaustion to overtake him, he sat against the wall.

Before sleep overtook him, his thoughts kept racing. He had nearly lost her. The pain of
believing her dead, even just for a short time, had affected him more than he would have ever
thought possible.

More than that, his own instinct regarding justice had been clear. Just as he had reacted in
regards to Pettigrew's betrayal, Lupin had sought vengeance against Bellatrix with his own hand,
revealing yet again a darkness within Lupin that he was beginning to know well. But importantly,
Lupin had now realized the pull of reciprocated love. It was something he had never expected to
experience, which made it all the more difficult for him to accept. Knowing this feeling for the first
time in his life, he realized that outliving Tonks would be worse than anything he had yet endured.

Chapter End Notes

Despite resisting Tonks for so long, Tonks and Lupin end up marrying extremely
quickly in the books (waiting only about a month). I figured I would write some sort of
extreme situation that might make that decision have some context about why Lupin
made such a 180 decision on commiting to her.
 Awake
Chapter Summary

Tonks awakens. Fluff chapter.

Reading ambiance song when Tonks awakens: "Harry and Ginny" Alexandre Desplat

Madam Pomfrey found Lupin asleep out in the corridor to the hospital wing on her way out, as
McGonagall had told her she would. Kneeling beside him, she looked at him with some pity. She
had cared for him as a boy during his time at Hogwarts, leading him to the Shrieking Shack every
lunar phase to transform in peace and healing his wounds when he returned a few days later.

She observed him with a medicinal eye now, seeing the bags under his eyes and the gaunt look
his face had taken on. His hair was streaked with grey, completely so at the temples, and he looked
older than he was. She knew that few who were cursed as Lupin was lived as long as they should;
the stress of the transformations shortened their lives by decades. But while he was showing signs
of age quite early, she was struck by how human he still appeared. She knew this was a result of
his self-control; a werewolf who gave into his bestial side often appeared rather creature-like even
as a human, but Lupin, ashamed of his monstrous side, starved the creature and abhorred it.

She reached out to him. “Remus.”

He stirred, at once alert. “Is she alright?”

“I’ve restored her. She had lost enough blood to knock her cold and endured a Cruciatus curse.”

A simmering anger settled in his tired expression. “It was her own aunt who used it against her
– I’m sure of it.”

Giving him a serious look, Pomfrey spoke confidingly. “She wouldn’t have made it much longer
had you three not brought her here when you did. I’m surprised she’s still with us.” She frowned
and, with the trust they had built years ago, gave him a scrutinizing look. “You don’t look well
yourself, Remus."

Lupin smiled thinly. "I've never quite been the picture of glowing health, have I?"

"I can’t imagine you’ve had any Wolfsbane since…” she let her words die, unable to talk on the
latest tragedy to strike the school.

He shook his head. He almost regretted having ever experienced the potion; not having it now
was far worse than never knowing the peace that no one would suffer at his hand while he was in
wolf form.

“Well… I’ll do some searching. If anything turns up, I’ll send you an owl.” She patted his arm
with a motherly air.

Lupin never anticipated kindness from anyone outside of the Order or Hogwarts. Feeling her
genuine care, he smiled at her. “What would I have done all those years in school without you,
Madam Pomfrey?”
 Pomfrey huffed. “It was those friends of yours who worried me the most. At least your
afflictions never came of false confidence.” She motioned to the hospital wing. Though she had no
intention of telling him, Tonks had awoken briefly and asked for him by name. “Well, don’t stay
out here. Beds and chairs are open to you.”

He thanked her.

She stood up as he did and patted his hand. “I’m off to send an owl to her family. She was quite
frightened. I think she’ll be glad of the company.”

They parted ways. Lupin entered the hospital wing silently.

She looked frighteningly ill yet. Her color had only half returned, and she slept. Lupin sat beside
her bed and saw that Pomfrey had healed her rope-burned wrists and the deep slash that had run up
her arm. Thrown on the floor were her blood-stained jacket and boots. He carefully laid her wand
on the nightstand and then picked up the blood stained clothes, laid his wand tip against each item
and said lowly, " removere sanguinem," which caused the blood to vanish. For a long while then,
Lupin sat staring at her face. He felt like he was intruding and that he did not belong there - that it
would be best for her if he left. Fighting off this feeling, he took her hand. “All will be well,” he
murmured, more for his own benefit than hers. Before the sun began to rise, he fell asleep in the
chair.

--------

Bright sunlight streamed in through the windows. She still slept deeply, the draught from
Pomfrey keeping her under so that she might heal. Lupin rested his head in his hands and watched
her for any signs of stirring. He wanted to speak with her and hear her voice -- to know that her
mind was still whole after the torture of one of the unforgivable curses.

The door opening caused him to jolt. It was early yet; just past sunrise. Molly and Arthur
Weasley appeared, concern etched deep into their kind faces.

Arthur seemed mildly surprised to find Lupin there; their last meeting had been in that very
room standing over Bill's bed, in which Lupin had seemed quite resistant to Tonks' clear affection.
Molly, having always believed he would eventually learn to let himself love, was merely pleased
that he had so clearly kept vigil at Tonks' side during the night.

“We heard everything from Moody,” Molly said, explaining before Lupin could ask how they
had heard so quickly. “He seemed stoic, but everyone knows he’s got a soft spot for her. Told
everyone to be on alert for any backlash.”

“It’s a lucky thing none of you were killed getting her out,” Arthur said.

Lupin rose from the chair and moved restlessly. “Things are about to become far worse than
they’ve ever been. They were merciless, torturing her as they did.”

Molly gave him an approving look. "She was better off for you being there, Remus...I hope you
can see that."

Lupin said nothing, doubt settling over him.

Finding himself in the middle of the prior conversation once more, Arthur cleared his throat and
began to unpack the bag of goods they had brought with them.

Molly sat down gently on the bed, feeling Tonks’ forehead for a fever. “The poor dear,
enduring all of that.” Summoning a homemade salve from their things, she began to rub it on
Tonks’ arms.

"Seen the Daily Phrophet this morning?" Arthur asked, holding a copy out.

Lupin took it. Across the front page was a picture of Borgin and Burks with the smashed front
window. TROUBLE PLAGUES DIAGON ALLEY, the headline read.

"Do they mention any of us?"

"No - they blame it on looters, down on their luck and jobless."

Lupin scoffed. He remained reading the paper, as Arthur and Molly left. It was not long after
their departure when the morning was still very young that Madam Pomfrey commented that
Andromeda and Ted Tonks would surely be there soon. Hearing their names, Lupin was beset with
a sense of dread. He slipped out of the hospital wing and took a long walk along the castle grounds.
He wasn’t ready to face them, or see their expressions change when they began to suspect him of
caring too greatly. No parent would wish to see their only child involved with a pariah like him.

He remained at the castle all day. He wandered the grounds, retracing the familiar path to the
Whomping Willow before walking down to the lake. He paused for a long moment along the
stretch of shore where he and Tonks had stood not a week prior. He then returned to the castle
halls, enjoying a respite from people when McGonagall found him.

"Enjoying the quiet?" she asked, far less severe than when she spoke with students.

Lupin gave her a welcoming smile. "It's odd to see it so empty."

"Give it a few weeks," McGonagall said. She motioned down the corridor. "I was about to take
my lunch in my office. Care to join me?"

Lupin nearly declined, but paused and accepted the invitation instead.

McGonagall seemed weary as they walked toward the eagle statue. "I've taken up his old
office," she said with some grief.

"Will you take the position, then?"

. "The ministry has not yet decided. If we were left to our own business, I would...but I doubt the
Ministry will allow it. For now, I'm simply preparing things." She lowered her voice. "All well
with the Order? I've not been able to attend the meetings."

"As well as can be," Lupin returned. "We've no leader now. I suppose Moody will act as defacto
leader on the next few operations."

McGonagall huffed. "He's as good as any, I suppose." She shook her head. "Death Eaters in the
castle - putting students at risk, robbing us of Albus. I've never feared the future, Remus...but now I
do."

"We all do," Lupin said heavily. "There will be great suffering before anything betters."

Dumbledore's office sat as he had left it. They both paused and looked up at Dumbledore's
empty portrait overhead.

"Gone to visit one of his other portraits, it seems," McGonagall said. "We've spoken at length.
Though it's not fully him...it's been a help."

Lupin nodded. "I'm sure. I had many such talks with him the year I taught here."

Another portrait seemed to awaken at this point. Phineas Nigellus Black, whose portrait at 12
Grimmauld Place meant he had seen Lupin in the old house on occasion, scoffed down at them
from the wall.

"As headmaster, I never would have allowed a half-breed into this office, Minerva, let alone the
grounds."

Lupin, who had heard such comments all his life, did not react adversely. However, his lack of
sleep and frayed emotions set his patience a bit more thin than normal. With an even voice, as if
discussing the weather, he replied dryly, "Forgive me if you find all of your portraits turned to face
the wall some day."

Black muttered under his breath. "Half-breeds walking about, allowed to teach at Hogwarts..."

"We were all sad to see you go, you know, Albus most of all," McGonagall said.

Lupin scoffed with self-deprecation. "I can think of several who must have been glad I
resigned."

"Barring those few, your presence was missed. I daresay you were the last quality Defense
Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts has seen in a long while."

Lupin shook his head. "I'm far too dangerous to be left among students. My lapse in judgment
by forgetting the wolfsbane the night Pettigrew reappeared showed that."

"Albus was always fond of you - one mistake did not change that."

To Lupin, this was an odd response to the hard truth of the danger he posed. It didn't matter how
anyone felt about his actions, deserved or undeserved, when he was a risk to everyone he cared for.
But hearing Dumbledore's name, Lupin felt the loss once more, deeply. "I'd be a vagabond now if
he hadn't taken pity on me. If I've learned anything in my life, it's that the line between having
everything and nothing is fragile."

"All good things can be lost, and all bad situations can turn to good just as quickly,"
McGonagall said, her voice suddenly weary.

Seeing McGonagall's suddenly hardened face, he frowned. "What troubles you, Minerva?"

"I was wondering if you might see if the Order can spare anyone to patrol the school. I keep
thinking about what I would do if I ever am forced to see Severus Snape again...and I'm afraid of
what's to come this school year, and how we'll keep the students who do decide to return safe." She
looked at him seriously. "Without the Order that terrible night, things would have been far worse.
If the Order can help to protect what students will be returning, though I know you all have other
duties to attend to, including your efforts with the lycans."

"My attempts to win over the lycans has fallen through for now," Lupin said with a dark look. "I
can lend myself to take a watch, as will some of the others, I'm sure. I can ask at the next meeting."

McGonagall seemed somewhat alleviated of her concern. "Well, let's eat before worry swallows
me alive."
 The meal over, Lupin spent a long while out on the wooden bridge alone staring into the
deepening dusk. He considered returning to his cottage to rest, but knew that if he did so, his mind
would not be at ease. So he returned to the hospital wing only later that evening when he knew that
Pomfrey customarily sent people off to let the recovering rest.

He arrived just as Pomfrey was extinguishing the excess lights, leaving a single one near Tonks'
still sleeping form.

"Everyone must leave," Pomfrey said sternly without looking at him.

Lupin paused in the door.

Turning to him, Pomfrey's face changed to an uncustomary look of fondness. "Remus, I thought
you were those Weasleys. The whole lot of them turned up. Fine people, but as soon as those twins
appeared, it was far too loud."

"Well," Lupin said with a kind smile, "I happen to know Tonks enjoys their noise." He gave her
a nod of acquiescence. "I can return in the morning."

Pomfrey was no fool. She glanced at Tonks. "If you agree to stay until morning, and find me
should she awaken and need aid, then you may remain... I should like to rest now myself."

Lupin was aware of her usual fervor to let the injured rest without visitors overnight and
accepted the gift she extended him by allowing him to remain. "Happily."

Giving him a look of greater understanding than Lupin knew, she let him be without further
question.

Lupin was pleased to see Tonks looking well now as she slept. Even with a somewhat
bedraggled appearance, her now brown hair swept messily across the pillow, he thought she was
far more beautiful than he had ever noticed before. Content to stay there, he sat in the
uncomfortable chair at her bedside, dozing.

Her voice roused him from his uneasy sleep. “Remus?”

He sat upright.

She looked around her, unsure of where she was for a moment. Lupin watched her anxiously,
aware that the Cruciatus curse could break someone's sanity if they endured it long enough.

Coughing, Tonks motioned for water.

Lupin hurried to pour it for her, urging her to drink slowly.

After she drained the tall glass, she moved to place it on the bedside table but seemed to release
before she should have - the glass fell to the floor and broke. Murmuring to herself frustratedly, she
shook her head. "I'm a right mess. Can't even blame it on anything."

Hearing her speak like herself relieved him. Lupin wordlessly flicked his wand to the mess,
making the glass shards neatly gather in a nearby dustpan. "I'd say narrowly escaping death is
reason enough."

Settling back, a pained look fell over Tonks' face as she recalled her last few memories of her
ordeal. “What happened with the Death Eaters?”
 “They got away,” he said, darkly thinking that he nearly had gotten one and spared some poor
soul death at Bellatrix’s hand in the future. “Your Patronus arrived while we were out searching for
you. Took us straight to you.”

“Us?”

“Moody and Shacklebolt - both as concerned for you as I was.”

She passed a hand over her eyes, her head still pounding. “I was too sure of myself. Not sure
how they recognized me, I was in another form as I followed.”

“They’re killing anyone who crosses them these days. I’m sure that discovering your true
identity was after the fact.” He shook his head. “You shouldn’t have gone by yourself. There’s a
reason we stay in pairs.”

“Not enough of us these days for that,” she said.

“What else happened?” he asked.

“I woke up in that basement. Saw the name of the shop stamped on crates, but they had tied me
up and had stolen my wand.” She remembered her wand. “Which I’m sure I’ve lost for good--”

Lupin motioned to the bedside. “Moody reclaimed it for you.”

Tonks smiled. “That old dog. Still quicker than he looks. Well, anyway – set up a distraction,
hid under the stairs. Dolohov came down for me and I managed to get his wand away from him.
Had to cut the bindings with magic though and ended up slicing my own damn arm doing it. Found
Bellatrix up top. She nearly had me for the second time. Never felt pain like that before.”

“I thought you were gone,” Lupin said heavily. “I saw you there on the floor and…” the memory
of the curse easily falling from his tongue returned to him.

She looked at him sadly, unaware that the stresses of the past year had matured her greatly. “I
know. I heard the killing curse. Is she gone, then?”

He looked mildly stricken. "No, I was struck from behind before I could finish."

She said nothing but studied him carefully. Her silence led to him continuing on.

"In the past, it was all about opposing them – stopping them without stooping to their level. But
when I thought she had killed you, I wished nothing more than to see her meet the same fate.”

“Perhaps she doesn’t deserve to live,” Tonks said thoughtfully. “But I’d hate to see you carry
that burden, Remus…you're nothing like them. You're far too noble."

"I'm not," he said bleakly. "But you're worth protecting."

She smiled at him. "Glad you came for me. All of you.” She reached for his hand. “You got me
through, you know.”

He took her offered hand and looked at her inquisitively.

“Couldn’t get that damn Patronus to cast in the thick of things until I remembered something
so...passing. I thought of that day we were helping Molly clean out those infested wardrobes at
Grimmauld Place."
 Despite himself, a ghost of a smile brightened Lupin's expression as he recalled the day clearly.
"I've never seen mites move so militantly against anyone before." He looked at her curiously. "The
memory of the mites helped you to cast the charm?"

Tonks laughed softly, the sound rather weak despite her true amusement. "No, no -- I
remembered laughing and looking at you across the room." She smiled as the memory played
again in her mind, a comforting recollection of happier times. "You laughed - one of the first times
I'd ever heard you do so - and when you smiled, you looked at me for a moment, as if we were
sharing some private joke. The memory of that saved my life. Just thinking about you was enough
to make it work, even while running from Dolohov.”

“I had heard that your jackrabbit had changed,” he said softly; in fact it had been Harry who had
first told him last Christmas, before Scrimgeor had appeared at the Weasley home. “Even so…it
was sobering to see it for myself.” Wanting to change the subject, he motioned to the stack of
mementos left by her visitors. "You slept through all your visitors today.”

Eagerly, Tonks reached for a card, recognizing her mother’s handwriting. “Glad I slept through
this one. Can’t imagine the fright they had. It’ll be easier talking to them both when I’m out of
here.” She looked out the big pane-glass windows. “It must be late, Remus. You look like you’ve
gotten no rest.”

He smiled mildly at her. “I’ll remain until you tire of me.”

She returned the look, glad for his presence. “You'll be waiting a long time, then."
 Meeting
Chapter Summary

The Order of the Phoenix plans Harry's removal from Surry (leading up to the Seven
Potters chapter in DH). Tonks ends up going to her parents' home with Moody and
Lupin.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The rain was beginning to peter out as Lupin held back in the shadowed street. He watched as a
muggle couple ran out of the rain and into the shelter of their porch, keys produced hastily from an
overcoat pocket. As they went inside, Lupin crossed the street and approached 12 Grimmauld
Place.

Just a few days past Dumbledore's death, the house had been cleared of any Order information
and looked rather bare. Anticipating the new defenses put in place, Lupin grimly watched as
Dumbledore's form suddenly loomed in the dark house and rushed him, leaving a cloud of dust in
its wake. "I did not kill you, Albus," he said heavily. As he spoke this, the dust form seemingly
evaporated.

The heads of prior house-elves stared listlessly down at him as he walked briskly toward the
kitchen. The Order’s meetings had become more rigid as of late as more people had been recruited
and died in the name of keeping Voldemort’s followers at bay. Everyone could feel the hard truth
that they had all dreaded for months now; time was running out. This was the last time the Order
would meet in the house; Moody and some others had resisted meeting there again because of the
threat of Snape having divulged the house's location, but it was deemed a neccessary risk to be sure
everyone in the order knew about the change of location.

It seemed that Lupin was too late to hear the vote for a new location, however. As he entered
the kitchen, he found the table entirely full. Hagrid took up the most room even standing in his own
corner. Seated beside Shacklebolt, Tonks immediately caught his eye and gave him a warm smile
even as Hestia Jones gave a grave report about numbers of disappearances rising. “…beyond these
tragedies, I fear that even Scrimgeour’s awareness of Voldemort’s return cannot help us. There is
still corruption at the heart of the ministry, especially in pure blood circles." She paused, seeing
Lupin lingering by the door as he listened. Trust was integral to the Order – without it, they would
have failed long ago. But with so many ways existing for trusted members to disappear and be
replaced with Death Eaters unknowingly, every eye at the table turned toward him with trepidation.
“Who can ask something of Remus to prove his identity?” Hestia asked.

“What did Remus Lupin banish for me in this very house?” Molly Weasley’s voice stated.

“Too easy, Mum,” George Weasley said.

“Hush, you,” Molly said disapprovingly.

“He’s right,” Moody said, his usual stern look stamped on his face. “If we start asking easily
guessed questions, then any dark wizard could waltz right in.”
 Molly’s brow furrowed; though no one expected her to supply a second question, she glanced at
Arthur before unflinchingly asking: “What did Remus Lupin see my boggart become before
sending it off?”

Lupin frowned as he met her eye, aware that she had once asked him to not tell Arthur, let alone
the entire Order. “The bodies of your children, of Arthur, and of Harry Potter.”

There was a low murmur along the table as Molly nodded solemnly. All of the Weasley
children present, most especially George and Fred, looked stricken with guilt. Hermione, seated
across from Molly, reached across the table and laid her hand over the older woman’s.

“Thank you, Molly,” Hestia said, taking her seat once more.

Moody then stood up. “Well, onto two pressing matters now. The first: we’ve lost Dumbledore.
No one here can match him for power or wit, but we have to trudge on without him now. We’ve
also lost some members due to betrayal. Everyone must be ready for danger at any moment; there’s
no tellin’ when some information could be turned against us.” There was a thick silence from the
group for several seconds before Moody went on. “Secondly – there are pressing matters at hand
for the operation to retrieve Potter. The plan remains as we discussed before: to fly him out on
broomsticks like before – if we keep to a high altitude and take unexpected routes, I’d dare any
Death Eater to follow.”

A sudden grumble came from Mundungus Fletcher. “Sounds like a fine way to get us all blown
to bits by killing curses.”

Moody’s magical eye spun menacingly at the blatant disapproval.

Mundungus, who customarily was more concerned with his stolen goods than giving sound
advice, stood up. “I say we make use of Polyjuice potion. Get enough volunteers to be decoys.
They can’t very well kill the real Potter if he’s got enough look-alikes flyin’ about.”

“…it’s not a bad plan,” Hestia said, surprised to find herself agreeing with Mundungus over any
pressing matter.

“And where would we get this store of Polyjuice potion in two weeks’ time, Fletcher? Takes
longer than that to brew it.”

“I heard Shacklebolt talkin’ on a whole cauldron of the stuff at the ministry,” Mundungus said.

Shacklebolt nodded. “It’s true – I was just telling Arthur about a ministry planned strike that
Scrimgeour has assigned me. The potion has been brewing for a week and a few days already.”

“Is there enough to slip some out without old Scrimgeour knowing?” Bill Weasley asked
cautiously.

“If given enough days and flasks – I believe I could get out enough,” Shacklebolt said.

Moody seemed to give in, as if his attempts to find any potential treachery in the plan were
undone. “This plan would need volunteers – and not just enough to have multiple Potters, but
guards to fly alongside. It will take nearly all of us to see it through.” He looked at all of them.
“Now, who’s willing to be the advance guard? There’ll be a fair bit of flying involved, and no one
can guarantee your life.”

There was a long moment of stillness before Ginny Weasley raised her hand first.
 Arthur and Molly reacted immediately, whispering she was too young. Looking somewhat
defiant, Ginny obeyed and lowered her hand.

Soon Hagrid, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Tonks, Lupin, Shacklebolt, Mundungus, Arthur
and Bill had joined as volunteers. Counting heads, Moody shook his head. “One short. We’ll need
to go in pairs – one as the decoy Potter, the other as the decoy’s guard.”

A slender, graceful arm raised.

“I voluunte’r,” Fleur said in her thick accent. At Bill’s look, she strongly stood her ground. “I
weill h’lp, Bill.”

“Very well,” Moody said. “Well, unless there’s any more business…” he looked on the lot of
them; no one said anything. “…then we’re adjourned. No leavin’ in large groups.”

As the crowd shuffled out of the kitchen, Molly passed by. Lupin took her by the elbow gently
to gain her attention, giving her an almost apologetic smile at revealing her fear, even though she
herself had prompted it. She gave him a warm look in reply and squeezed his arm as she passed.

“Lupin,” Moody said, motioning roughly, “a word.”

Lupin joined the older man near the hearth.

“Meet me in the drawing room,” Moody said. “A few of us have some extra legwork if this plan
of Mundungus’ is to work.”

_______

In the drawing room, Lupin and Moody found Hestia, Tonks, Shacklebolt, Arthur, Molly and
Mundungus already assembled.

On the couch, Tonks squeezed herself closer to Mundungus, who made a face at his space
being violated in order to make room for Lupin. Lupin smiled and sat in the narrow space. Tonks
interlocked her arm with his, an action that everyone in the room noticed immediately, though
nothing was said on the matter.

“Alright,” Moody growled, addressing the room. “Mundungus, where’d you get that plan?”

Mundungus rolled his eyes. “I can’t possibly come up with good plans now, is that it? Well, it
just came to me. Seems far less risky than what you were proposin’.”

Moody looked at him with suspicion. “It can work. But I believe we’ll need safe houses along
the way, as well as a final meet-up point. I didn’t want to bring it up in front of the lot of us, but
we’re going to have to find enough locations to act as Portkeys. Should keep those blasted Death-
Eaters off our trail.”

“You have the Burrow,” Arthur said immediately.

Molly looked at Arthur as if a sudden idea had struck her. “Do you think Muriel would…?
Surely, she would.”

Arthur nodded emphatically. “We can speak with her.”

“Anyone else?” Moody asked, his tone more impatient than usual.

“I have ideas for at least two locations,” Shacklebolt said. “I’ll need to go confirm their security
before I commit to them, however.”

“Same for me,” Tonks said, obviously somewhat torn. “I know some people who have kept their
noses clean through all of this. I bet they’d agree to having a Portkey, if I were to ask.”

No one else supplied any ideas.

“A good start – if we act quickly,” Moody grumbled.

Shacklebolt nodded. “I’ll go now.”

“Take backup,” Moody warned. He cast a look to Tonks. “Unless we haven’t learned our lesson
on solo missions?”

Tonks gave him an exasperated look.

Mundungus extricated himself from the couch, giving Tonks a dirty look as he did so. “I’ll go
with you, Kingsley. I’ve got business of my own to see to tonight – gives me a good reason to stay
out for it.”

“Suppose I can go do scouting tonight myself,” Tonks said, “and let you know in the morning.”
She looked around the room. “Anyone able to join?”

“I have business at the ministry early. I’m afraid I can’t,” Hestia said.

“Nor can we – not tonight, that is,” Molly said, rising with Arthur, who nodded in agreement.

Tonks looked to Lupin.

“I’ll go,” he said evenly.

Tonks beamed.

“As will I,” Moody said.

“Brilliant.”

Out in the hallway, Tonks half-tripped over the umbrella stand and muttered a curse under her
breath.

“Where is this place you’ve got in mind?” Moody asked.

“Tonks residence - far enough from any place of importance but not too far from Surry. I reckon
I have to go convince my mum and dad to let a bunch of murderous wizards get led to the house,”
she said. “Shouldn’t be too hard for either of them to agree, but I hate to sign ‘em up without
asking for this one.”

“To your parents’ home?” Lupin asked.

“No one would ever guess to look there for a Portkey, and they’ve got enough protective
charms to keep most danger outside the garden gate,” Tonks said. As Moody brushed past her to
the front door, she glanced back at Lupin with a look that asked him if he still wished to go.
Whether or not Lupin picked up on this she did not know; he said nothing and followed her out into
the street.

With a crack as they apparated, they found themselves at the Tonks’ home. Both Tonks and
 Moody hurried toward the door, while Lupin followed behind. No part of him wished to be there;
he did not know how much Tonks had shared with her parents already, or if he should say
something to be honorable when he himself was still struggling with his attempts to commit to their
daughter.

However, one fleeting smile from Tonks kept him walking forward through the front garden,
making him realize he was rather willing to follow her to any number of places he’d rather avoid,
no matter his trepidation.

Chapter End Notes

Just now realized from reading the books again that it was Snape who gave
Mundungus (who was under the Imperius curse and didn't remember) the idea to use
Polyjuice potion because he had to leak the plan to solidify his position with the Death
Eaters -- proving that, once again, the books are so much better than the movies.
 Acceptance
Chapter Summary

Tonks asks her parents to lend their home as a Portkey site. Andromeda perceives her
daughter's attachment to Lupin.

Chapter Notes

Merry Christmas everyone! I'm going to keep writing on this. I'm thinking at least five
more chapters.

At the front door, Tonks rapped loudly. Her knock was answered by a pleasant looking fellow,
who seemed to feign a lack of recognition.

“Who’s this, then?” he asked with a neutral voice.

Tonks crossed her arms and raised a brow. “Official auror business. Afraid you’ll have to let us
in.”

“Reckon I’d better,” the man replied, running a hand through his light hair before breaking into
a chuckle and beckoning them inside. “Come in, Dora.”

“Wotcher, Dad,” Tonks greeted, embracing him in the entryway. Despite his light-hearted
greeting, he seemed relieved to see her.

A woman’s voice came from the hall: “Nymphadora?”

“Hullo, mum,” Tonks said, letting the hated name slide in light of the fear that her brush with
danger had caused, and returned the loving embrace that Andromeda caught her up in. She allowed
the embrace to go on for a moment longer than normal, realizing that the fear of her brush with
death seemed to have healed her and Andromeda's on-going spats about her work at the Ministry.

With the social tact of a bull, Moody cleared his throat from the front step.

Ted Tonks motioned for them to enter. “Sorry, Alastor, come in. Who’s this behind you?”

“Another member of the Order,” Moody said, with no ceremony. “Remus Lupin.”

On hearing the name, Ted caught up Lupin in a sincere handshake. “Heard you were one of the
ones who saved Dora,” he said. “We’ll never be able to repay you for it.”

Lupin smiled but seemed unphased by the gratitude. “She would have done the same for any of
us.”

“All the same,” Ted said, laying his hand on Lupin’s shoulder, “can’t thank you enough.”
 Ted’s earnestness struck Lupin as being an extension of the man’s true self; he seemed like one
of the kindest fellows Lupin had ever run across. As he thought this, he felt a surge of unease; did
they know about his condition, and though it was not yet near the time when he would be
dangerous, should he warn them before coming into their home? He was also unsure of how much,
if any, Tonks had shared with either of them about his involvement with her for the past weeks.

Andromeda released her daughter and looked at the two men. Lupin noted her similarity to her
two sisters – but she looked far kinder and, though she was more reserved than her husband, there
was no air of haughtiness to her. She expressed her thanks as Ted had as she shook both their
hands, ending by saying, “You’re both welcome anytime.” Including Tonks now, she asked. “But
what brings you all here?”

“Got something to ask of you both,” Tonks said. “Concerns some plans the Order’s got coming
up.” She motioned to the living room. “I think we’d best sit while I explain.”

“I’ll put the kettle on and be right behind you,” Ted said.

Tonks moved into the sitting room with her mother while Ted hospitably went to the kitchen,
leaving Moody and Lupin to follow. As soon as he had lit a flame under the large kettle, he sat
beside Andromeda as Tonks launched into explaining their dilemma in getting Harry Potter back to
safety.

While Moody listened stoically, Lupin found his eyes drifting to the moving pictures on the
wall. The Tonks family at various ages smiled out into the room – of a young Ted and
Andromeda’s wedding day, of a baby with differently colored hair in each photo. A more official-
looking portrait of a young Tonks in yellow hooded Hogwarts robes caught his attention, the
inscription below reading ‘Seventh year -1991’.

Lupin frowned, recalling the year 1991. He had just turned 31 and was at one of the lowest
points of his life – quite friendless and without any prospects of finding steady work, he had taken
to spending long stretches of time by himself in the cottage Dumbledore had allowed him to live in
and trying in vain to find a way to reconcile his lonely existence. It would be two years yet before
the Headmaster would come in search of him, inviting him to teach.

With a sudden feeling of pensive worry, he looked to the inscription below the school picture
once more and felt a twinge in his gut that the woman he cared greatly for had still been in school
while he was out dealing with the cruelty of the world by himself, far older than she. Twelve years,
he thought, estimating the difference in their ages; it was enough of a difference to raise eyebrows
and yet not enough of one to seem wrong, as he was too young to 'have been her father', or some
other equally horrifying turn of phrase. He did fear people assuming that he was taking advantage
of her, a thing he would never do. He then glanced at Ted and Andromeda, who appeared to be in
their late forties. He wondered what they would think when they learned of him and their only
daughter. Tonks could not have picked a more complicated man to care for, and they would know
it immediately.

A sense of dread passed over Lupin and he felt conflicted once more. It didn’t help that he was
chronically ill – that he looked and felt older than he was. At 36, there were some days that he felt
aged before his time, but that was the result of the physical turmoil he had to endure every month.

Ruminating on all of this, he looked back at Tonks, who stood confidently at the hearth – who,
at nearly 25, was far more confident in what she wanted than he had ever been. She seemed so
comfortable with change, and there had been much change in the past couple of weeks. Lupin had
never met anyone who seemed to understand him so well or whose values aligned so perfectly with
his own. But, even so, allowing himself to feel anything more than the close friendship she had
built with him was causing a rift in his mind as he felt both happiness and dread all at once. In his
very soul, he believed that allowing her into his life as she wished would cause her great pain –
would cause her parents great pain, as well. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that he did indeed feel
content these days, a feeling that had eluded him for so long.

All of this flashed through his mind as he looked at the school portrait. It was only when he
heard his name spoken that he was brought out of his own thoughts, causing him to look across the
room.

“…Alastor, Remus and I will be accompanying these decoys, along with others. Reckon it gives
us a fair chance if we have enough Portkeys arranged ahead of time.” She looked at Ted and
Andromeda with perception in her eyes, even as her voice was quite business-like. “I know it’s a
dangerous thing to ask of you, which is why I’m here, asking. The thing is, it could be quite fine,
too. We’ve gotten him out from there in secret once before, shouldn’t be too hard to do it a second
time.”

“When would this be?” Andromeda asked.

“Soon,” Tonks said. “We can tell you with more detail as the day gets closer.”

“Can’t have too many details out before the day arrives,” Moody interjected coolly,
“considering the risks if anyone nefarious hears of it.”

The Tonks’ seemed to both consider the request with gravity; the room sat in silence.

Lupin, his hands in his pockets, sensed their hesitation. “We know the peril of what we’re
asking,” he said measuredly, his previous silence only making his sudden speech seem more
poignant, “but it should be quiet enough. No one will know you’ve agreed to this, and we’ll come
and go quickly. That being said, if you should say no, we’ll understand and the matter will be
dropped.”

Tonks gave him a look as he spoke, a look that she thought seemed neutral, while she felt
anything but neutral as she listened to him. She liked his way of thoughtful talking; his words
always sounded as if he had considered them profoundly before, even if he were speaking off the
cuff.

But mothers can often read their children and she saw through the façade, realizing immediately
that Tonks was, at the very least, more close with the man than she had let on. It was only when
Tonks gave a small smile and glanced down at the carpet that caused Andromeda to glance at
Lupin with a sudden understanding. The realization that Tonks’ previous downcast spirit of the past
year was now entirely gone seemed like further evidence. She resolved to ask her daughter about it
later, should she remain without the other two.

The silence following Lupin's words was suddenly broken by the kettle’s sudden faint whistle
from the kitchen. Andromeda looked to Ted. “I think we should do it…but only if we both agree.”

“There’s plenty of talk about laws against muggle-borns coming out now," Ted said. "Seems
like the wizarding world only cares for pure-bloods these days." It was a struggle he had faced all
his life, coming from a non-magic family and marrying into perhaps the most proud lot of pure-
bloods known.

Lupin nodded. "There will be no place for people who don't fit in with certain blood-lines. It
will be increasingly difficult for muggle-borns, half-bloods, or half-breeds, like myself," he said.
"Now is the time to act."
 "I hate to think we’d ever pass up the chance to do something about it," Ted replied, then gave
Tonks a sure look. “If you reckon we can help, then…yeah, of course.”

“Good,” Moody said before Tonks could thank them.

The kettle still sang, giving an air of tension to the decision beyond the general risk. Andromeda
moved to go tend to it. “Tea before you must all go?”

“So long as it’s quick,” Moody said, to which Andromeda seemed un-insulted, presumably well
acquainted with Moody’s temperament through Tonks’ long history with him as an auror.

Cups were filled and sugar was offered. Andromeda kept a subtle watch on Tonks, seeing her
open body language to the graying, wiry man who she seemed to always want to be beside. Her
suspicions were solidified when, while returning to the table with spoons for the sugar bowl, she
glimpsed Tonks' hand rest briefly on the man's knee below the level of the table - and saw him
clasp her hand in return for a second before sitting up straighter in his chair.

Moody drank the tea as if it were not scalding hot and did not sit down like the others. The tea
drunk, he set the cup down with a decided thunk and nodded to the Tonks’. “We must go. Be on
the lookout for a Patronus within the next weeks. Can’t trust owls anymore with such messages.”

“We’ll keep our eyes open,” Ted returned. He looked at Tonks. “Staying here for the night,
Dora?”

“There’s too much to do tonight. I’ll come back as soon as I can, though,” Tonks replied.

Andromeda gave her a heavy look, the worry in her eyes saying a hundred things that she
instead kept silent about. First Nymphadora's close brush with death at the hands of her sister,
Bellatrix - now this unexpected attachment to a man who Andromeda did not know.

The three Order members rose to go. Handshakes were given. Ted led the way to the door.

Setting his cup on the kitchen counter, Lupin made to turn to follow the rest out of the room
when Andromeda appeared at the sink beside him, seemingly to begin tidying up. With her eyes
settled outside the window and not on him, she began: “I don’t mean to interrogate you, but I must
know,” she said, her voice sure but quiet, “if there’s anything between you and Nymphadora.”

Lupin, so headstrong while pursuing justice, felt his courage flicker in the face of this topic
brought up so suddenly. After a moment’s hesitation, he found his voice. “…Yes,” he heard
himself say, as if the truth had presented itself without his accord.

She wanted to ask more, but decided to speak with her daughter first. His involvement in her
rescue not long before helped to soften Andromeda's reaction. Thinking on all of this, she nodded
once and then looked at him directly without judgment. “Then keep on protecting her, will you?”

Having revealed himself as a half-breed to them already, he had half expected her to ask him
about his blood status or even his age, but she surprised him by not pursuing it. Andromeda had
turned her back on her own pure-blood family when they had rejected her love for Ted, and to
think of doing the same to her own child was unthinkable, despite her hesitations about the
obviously not-well man who stood beside her.

This time, his reply was far more ready and strong. “I will.”

She then turned for the entryway of the house, leaving him to follow.
 Outside in the garden, Moody went off on his own to look into a ‘little shop whose owner might
let a Portkey sit in the storeroom’ and vanished with a crack.

Left alone with Tonks, Lupin saw the sudden look of sadness pass over her face as she looked
back to the house. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I only hope nothing happens,” she said. “If one of them…both of them…were to be killed
because of what I asked of them, I don’t know if I could forgive myself.” She looked at him
forlornly. “Can't help but feel like everything could come crashing down at any moment.”

He was familiar with the sentiment. Feeling very unlike himself due to his brief words with
Andromeda, he took her hand and looked at her with understanding. “It’s a time for risks…and this
is a calculated one. They’ll be alright, as will we.”

She smiled at him with some doubt, then seemed to shake off her apprehension and looked
decidedly ahead. “Where to now, Remus?”

"I got to thinking about a job I held for about a month last year with a group of herbalists. They
worked out at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Perfect place for a Portkey."

"Let's go check it out then," Tonks said.

As they vanished, the little curtain by the front door swung as it fell back to rest and Andromeda
stepped away from her vigil at the window, frowning.

Returning to the sitting room, Andromeda sat by Ted pensively. "Did you notice anything odd
about Nymphadora this evening?"

"Sure," Ted said. "You and her were speaking."

Andromeda gave him a flat look.

Ted chuckled good naturedly and patted her arm. "She seemed better than before - made me
glad to see some of her old spark back."

Andromeda looked into the hearth with a thoughtful expression, resolving to speak with her
daughter directly before spreading much supposition.
 Waxing Gibbous
Chapter Summary

Fluff chapter! Lupin misses Tonks. Nicknames are discussed.

Reading ambiance:
"Harry and Hermione" Nicholas Hooper

I imagined that the record Tonks played in this chapter is the same from Lupin's
resignation scene (provided by this awesome YouTuber, ManowWeik:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=nji2gpbWPso&feature=share).

Some info on moon phases: https://www.kopernik.org/visitor-info/science-

park/phases-of-the-moon/

As the days passed, Order business fell into a lull as everything was set into motion for getting
Harry Potter out of Little Whinging, an operation made neccessary now that the Floo network was
being watched.

This brief respite from duty allowed Tonks to give much of her time to her work at the Ministry.
She worked late into the evenings and nights, leaving her exhausted during the day. During this
job, she stayed away from the cottage and Lupin altogether as she prepared for the next night of
work.

Lupin fulfilled his word to McGonagall, taking one of the watches at Hogwarts and patrolling
the still empty corridors. At night, he would return to his cottage and eat in silence. This time alone
gave him time to grieve the loss of Dumbledore, which left him both angry and misty eyed. He was
sure the death could have been prevented if only Snape (a man who, for the first time in his life,
Lupin felt a stab of hate toward) had perhaps not been forced by the tenuous position he had held
between both sides. But ultimately, Lupin felt only resignation toward what would surely be only
one along a series of losses. Between losing Sirius, Dumbledore and nearly Tonks so close
together, he felt quite unlike himself.

As the days passed and he felt more put together, his thoughts returned to Tonks quite often and
he found his return to solitude not as enjoyable as it had once been. He found himself thinking on
how natural everything about her seemed to him; the sound of her voice, her touch, her sudden
bursts of indignation when she witnessed injustice or cruelty. None of her traits were new to him,
certainly; he had known her for a long time now. Through many trips due to the Order together,
they had long since learned nearly everything about one another.

Now at night, he would lay awake and wonder if Tonks were alright, waiting for her transparent
wolf to appear in the dark and report that she was well before he was able to sleep. Though she had
spent but few nights there with him, all just as chaste as the night of the funeral, he felt her absence
and realized that her presence was neither taxing nor disruptive to him. In fact, the cottage seemed
quite desolate without her and he was faced with a simple truth; he missed her.

These realizations, though illuminating, left him glad for the time to alone. It alarmed him how
quickly he had become accustomed to having her near, and he felt almost weak for having given
into what he was sure was a happiness that could not last forever. This attachment to her only
caused his fear to also grow. He began to have dreams in which Tonks died, sometimes ambushed
in a dark street by Fenrir Greyback, or once, horrifyingly, at his own hand while he was running
under the full moon. Such nightmares left him feeling ill and gutted. The responsibility for her
death, even dreamt, affected him greatly.

One night, he lay in the dark, waiting for her Patronus which arrived at nearly the same time
every evening. He listened to the breeze blow outside the window and the clock on the wall tick
loudly. When much time had passed and the Patronus had still not come, a pit of dread settled itself
in his gut and he rose from his shabby blankets and began to pace the room. He began to go over
where he knew she might be, deciding whether or not to go in search of her or wait, not wanting to
endanger her with the appearance of his own Patronus should she be in hiding.

Finally, her wolf came loping through the wall, speaking with her own voice, which sounded
quite tired. ‘Had quite a night. All well now, though. Just got back. Sorry if this wakes you.’

Relief flooded him and he immediately made to send a reply. “Still awake,” he said aloud to
the beast he had conjured. “It… would be good to see you, even for a moment.”

After his own wolf had vanished, he began to second guess himself. It was quite late; perhaps
his message had been foolish, considering how exhausted she must have been. He found himself
going in mental circles, doubting whether or not he should have spoken the way he did. She had
that effect on him often these days - leaving him somewhat discombobulated when he was
normally quite sure of himself.

Feeling pent up, he went outdoors and strolled slowly around the cottage’s perimeter. Looking
up at the night sky, he looked with his usual dread up at the moon. It was not quite full yet – but it
held a dreadful fascination for him as he stared upward. Gibbous waxing, he thought - the last
moon phase before his transformation. The lunar phases had dictated thirty-two of his entire thirty-
six years of life; as much as he hated it, it was as intrinsic to his existence as breathing.

There was a sudden crack. Tonks appeared just off the path up to the front door, wrapped in a
dark traveling cloak. There were dark circles under her eyes. Having seen him looking upward, she
asked: “Doing some star gazing?”

“Checking the hourglass that rules my life,” he said, glad to see her.

“How much time you got left?” she asked.

“Two days – roughly, at least. I had hoped to see you before the moon keeps me away,” he said,
leading her inside and lighting the hearth and candles. “What does the Ministry have you doing
now?”

“Usual routine – keeping an eye on the Ministry’s watch list. Glad to be away from it for a bit.”
She smiled then. “I was happy to hear your reply. I wasn’t sure if I had frightened you off by that
impromptu trip to my parents’ place.”

“No,” he said, “though – they certainly must be frightened now.” He had told her about
Andromeda’s questions.

She shook her head, a mild flare of frustration rising within her; she and Andromeda had spoken
more the previous day than they had in several weeks. “I went back there yesterday. Answered a
hundred questions.”
 “Oh?” Lupin asked, frowning.

“Made me feel like I was a kid being warned not to touch an open flame, the way they were
talking.” She looked at him with an edge of apology. “I ended up telling as much of your life story
as I could manage. I don’t know if it helped too much, but they both seemed glad to know you
weren’t like the werewolves they learned about in school – the ones who really give themselves to
it, you know. Not that they're bigots - they don't have any notions of blood status...they’re still
worried, though.”

Lupin crossed his arms. Having just lived with his fellow werewolves the year before under
Dumbledore's orders, he was well aware of the merited reputation most of his kind earned daily
through stealing, killing and living outside of society. “I’d consider them fools if they weren’t. I
carry enough worry for all of us.”

Tonks pulled off her cloak and slung it over the back of a chair. “Life is too short for worry,
Remus.” She gave him a reassuring look. “They’d be concerned if I were spending my time alone
with anyone – man, wolf, basilisk, wouldn’t matter. They just need time. Besides, they liked you
well enough despite their concerns, I could tell.”

Not entirely believing her, he frowned. “Well – if it would make them feel any better, I could
explain things myself.”

Her lips quirked into a half-smile. “I can’t say how they’d feel about it – but it would please
me,” she said.

Lupin seemed to resolve himself. "I'll speak with them then."

She embraced him then in a way that set Lupin's pulse to rise. She settled against him, seeming
to relax from her harrowing evening. “Alright if I rest here tonight?”

It was more than alright, despite his usual hesitations. “Of course,” he said, but then suddenly
grew quite serious and stepped back from her. “Tomorrow though, you must stay away - no contact
whatsoever, until I contact you. It may be two days, perhaps more if I’ve injured myself.”

Concern flashed in her eyes. She had always noticed his long absences when the full moon
appeared before, but now it felt far more serious. “And what if you need someone to heal you
when you transform back?”

Touched by her care, he gave her a gentle smile. "I've been tending to myself for a long while
now. I can manage."

"How bad does it get?"

"It's never been so bad that I haven't recovered." He took her gently by the shoulder. “I’m not
myself when I turn. I’d kill you without a moment’s thought and awaken later to discover what I’d
done,” he said, looking grieved. His last few years at Hogwarts, he had taken to allowing himself to
roam the grounds at night with his friends, trusting them to keep him in check should they come
across any innocent bystanders. The thought horrified him now as he realized all the harm he could
have done. He had long ago sworn to himself he would never be so reckless again. “You must
promise me that you’ll keep your distance until you hear from me.”

“I’ll stay away," she said, relenting.

Placated, he nodded. “Alright. Good."

 “I can see how it affects you – there was always something different about your face, your eyes,
right before you vanished. It must be so wearing."

"There are worse fates," he said, having thought of many in the past to alleviate his mind.

A soft laugh escaped her. "Even so... I wish I could help you.” She rested her palm against his
cheek.

He laid his palm over her hand, holding it there. “You already have,” he said.

“I tried to give you some time away from me these past few days," she said, as if deciding to
reveal an insecurity. "I thought you might need it, seeing as you asked me to go slowly and I …
well, I’ve done nothing but rush you for a long while now. Anyhow, I heard you, Remus…and
perhaps slow is good."

Lupin gave her an earnest look. “Perhaps I’ve been too slow.”

“Well, so long as you’re saying it and not me....” she began, only to trail off as she saw the
intent look he gave her. "What is it?"

Glad to be standing there with her, he gently tilted her face up and kissed her in such a way that
made her feel quite warm and forget herself for a moment.

She pressed herself into him, wrapping her arms around his torso as she returned the kiss.
Despite his warnings that he would soon be dangerous, she felt quite safe and at ease with him.

Smiling, she pointed her wand to the gramophone on the worn stand by the hearth and made
the tonearm and needle fall gently onto the record she knew would be unchanged since her last
visit. As the soft jazz recording started playing, she allowed him to lay his hands on the curve of
her hips and rest his forehead against hers. All the days of running from his feelings for her seemed
like a different life time to him - like a different man entirely had made such choices.

"Does anyone beside your father call you 'Dora'?" he asked.

She seemed bemused by the sudden question. "He's the only one. Everyone else calls me by that
dreadful full name - or my surname, if I have anything to say about it."

He looked at her in such a way that it left her with the impression that he adored her, albeit in
his cautious way. "I quite like Dora. It suits you."

"Going to start calling me that?"

"Perhaps, unless it's strange for you," he said.

She considered it for a moment before fixing him in a pleased look. "If anyone from the
Ministry were to use it, I would hex them...but I quite like it, coming from you. And what other
names might we call one another?"

"I've only ever had one nickname - and it's far too telling of my secret to use in public," Lupin
said, half smiling at her.

"How about 'darling'?" she mused. "Or...if I were to call out, 'my dear', would you turn your
head?"

Lupin laughed softly. "I believe I would turn my head for you, even in silence."
 A sudden thought cemented itself in his mind. He did not know if it was because he was on the
brink of transforming – leaving his instincts more bare and pressing – or if he had simply learned
to be honest with himself, but his fear of committing to her and causing her pain was momentarily
forgotten.

He pulled her nearer to him, a moment of hesitation restraining him before he spoke a truth that
had been growing for a long time. "I love you, Dora," he said with quiet sincerity.

Tonks froze. She had not expected to hear such a sentiment from the man who had been so
resigned to remaining alone for his entire life.

At her silence, he shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "I...I don't mean for you to feel
any need to return the sentiment. I just...wanted you to know."

A sudden mistiness clouded her vision as she smiled at him. She dabbed at her eyes, collecting
herself. "I didn't expect that," she said. She took his hand. "I love you, Remus. I've...loved you for a
long time."

A feeling of contentment settled over him, tempered by a dull stab of anxiety as he wondered if
he were capable of experiencing happiness without doubt. Perhaps he would learn to.
 Zenith
Chapter Summary

Lupin transforms.

Tonks reports to the Ministry and gets a tip about something intriguing from
Shacklebolt.

Reading ambiance song:

Beginning of chapter: "Gringotts" Alexandre Desplat
When Tonks uses the Floo network: "Ministry of Magic" Nicholas Hooper

Chapter Notes

I think, from reading PoA and HBP again, that one of Lupin's huge flaws as a person is
his propensity to withdraw from people. While he is kind, he keeps people at arm's
length often.
He also cowardly runs from situations he finds overwhelming (resigning from
Hogwarts, though maybe noble and wise as he would have had to quit, was a form of
running; not telling Dumbledore about Sirius' anamagi ability was cowardice;
eventually leaving Tonks to try to join Harry was cowardly too). There had to be some
depression there too - with how lonely he was in general before PoA.

I also think that Tonks' flaw (and maybe strength) is trusting her emotions. She
doggedly pursues what she wants, regardless of red flags. Her boldness and sureness is
in such opposition to Lupin's instincts to stay emotionally distant that it creates a lot of
conflict.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

With an expression of dread, Remus Lupin stared at the floor. He had prepared as best he could;
Tonks had been warned to stay away, his furniture had been pushed into the storeroom and locked
there with magic. He had put the usual array of charms over the cottage - charms that would keep
him inside, and others out. This made his transformations far worse for him; locked indoors, his
mind lost, he was left to thrash himself and his home in his attempts to escape. Hunger ruled his
mind. Kept indoors by his own preventive hand, the hunger raged inside of him for the entirety of
the moon cycle. This made him weak when he changed back. He had once considered if leaving
out meat for his lycanthrope form might alleviate his recovery later; but he had no money to
provide himself with such large quantities of what he would need, nor would he resort to stealing
livestock, since the idea of becoming a thief who leaves carcasses in his home was unpleasant.

Worse than the hunger were the injuries. He had once returned to being a human with his leg
broken from a steel trap, which laid nearby, torn to shreds in shards of metal. Another time, he had
awoken in a field with a sheep, the poor creature half devoured. Seeing the aftermath of one of his
feedings had been sobering and disgusting. It was a grim reminder that he was capable of killing
anything and anyone, should they get in his way; a fact he hated ardently.

Now, his eyes fixed on a knot in the pine floorboards, he found his mind quite hazy. He sat
cross legged on his empty floor, clothed very little in order to not lose another set of what clothes
he did possess, the room beginning to spin. He tried to concentrate on something to ground him to
himself; friendships in the Order; old memories of his parents; Tonks' smiling face, seeing good in
him when he had great difficulty seeing it in himself.

His mind ill-at-ease, Lupin felt a stab of regret thinking about Tonks at all. He had been far too
vulnerable with her last night. She would now expect far more of him; things that he was not sure
he was able to give. The thought of her gave him both joy and dread, and he loathed the idea of her
indifference or pain as much as he had no faith in his ability to be all that she believed him to be.
Thinking of his love for her caused dull fear to settle over him and he felt selfish for entertaining
such feelings at all.

His thoughts of Tonks halted as his neck jerked unexpectedly. He looked to the window. It was
already dark outside. He could not anticipate the exact hour when the moon would reach it's fullest
point every month, but he could sense now that it was nearly time. Until that moment, he would
remain a man; but at the very second of the moon's zenith, no matter if he were under the moon's
direct light or hidden indoors, he would transform.

His gaze fixed, he felt a sudden twinge in his gut. A wave of nausea washed over him. Sitting in
the dark, he held his head in his hands as his body became suddenly stiff; the next moment, he
began to shake uncontrollably.

Pain shot through his limbs, as if all of his bones were snapping at the same time. His muscles
burned as they were rent apart and bound back together stronger in rapid succession. Shouting in
agony, he fell to the floor as his body began to elongate and shift. Such cries had once fooled all of
Hogsmeade village into believing his transformation place despicably haunted.

His head felt like it would burst as his skull shifted outwards violently. His spine thickened and
grew and he thrashed against the torment.

His reason began to melt away in the horrible pain, leaving only his sudden needs to race
through his mind; hunger, escape, hunger, escape – except they were not words, but intense
feelings that replaced all of his thoughts and memories.

His vision becoming dim, he watched as his outstretched arm and hand gnarled and sprouted
hair. Claws broke painfully out from his finger joints and scraped against the floorboards as he
shook.

Then the pain began to subside. A guttural whine escaped him as his aching body became still.
Opening his eyes, the room that had been dark to him just a short while ago now seemed quite
bright; he could see everything quite sharply. Smells bombarded him, driving his long snout into a
twitch. Dragging himself upright, he settled for a moment, listening: he could hear wind outside,
and beyond that, the bleating of sheep from far off.

Hunger gnawed at his gut as if it were a living being within him, dictating his every thought. He
threw himself at the window snarling, only to be thrown back by his own protection charm back
into the center of the room.

He ran at it again, expecting to break through the glass to the field outside when the charm cast
him backward again.
 Enraged, he threw back his head and let loose a howl that might have terrified anyone within
earshot, had Lupin not also cast a sound muffling charm.

Now fully a beast, it was as if the man who normally inhabited the home had never existed.
Above the little cottage, the moon shone down onto the countryside quite idyllically.

—-

At that same moment, above a small flat in the city and from the porch of the small place that
Tonks rented, she stood with her arms crossed, looking up at the full moon overhead.

She was wracked with worry. Knowing that she could not help with the torment that Lupin was
surely enduring at that very moment pained her.

She returned inside and began to tidy up the small flat, giving her worry an outlet. As she set the
plates and cutlery to scrubbing themselves in the sink, she began to hand pick up the dirty clothes
she had piled in the corner of the bedroom. It was a quite plain place; she had never felt the urge to
move in fully or decorate, feeling like she had to stay mobile for her work and be able to move at a
moment's notice.

She then set the usual protective charms over the entry points to the flat and checked the
sneakoscopes before heading tiredly to bed. Once laying down, she thought again of Lupin with a
frown. The transformation she had once witnessed in the London underground had been grotesque.
She had watched the woman's very limbs seem to snap out of joint as her body contorted and
expanded outward, growing wolflike and monstrous. She had then had to fight the woman in her
werewolf form off, a task that had not been easy and had nearly led to Tonks' death. Having all of
this experience, she could imagine better than many the hell that Lupin endured every month.

One shining gleam of hope still set with her though; his admission of love for her. She was still
in some disbelief over it; but he was not one to say anything idly. If he had said it, he meant it.
However, Tonks was well aware that it was not so simple as loving and being loved in return. He
had believed many false things about himself and his life since he was a child…how could she
expect him to break free of such beliefs? Besides that, he had already rejected her once before,
months ago before leaving on secretive Order business. She wondered if he would do so again,
despite his feelings. If so, she did not wish to wait around for him; it would be over for good. She
couldn't bear to live on the brink of hope and in the shadow of rejection any longer.

Facing her own expectation honestly (a thing Tonks rarely did, as she was often charging ahead
with plans before fully considering them), she was forced to admit to herself that she was not sure
where her love for him would take her. Regardless, she was willing to take on the risk. Her loyalty,
once won, was nearly unbreakable.

—---------

Lupin awoke in a heap on the floor, daylight streaming into his eyes from the window. His body
ached, every joint stiff and every muscle sore - but nothing was broken this time, and he seemed
whole enough. For a few minutes, he gathered the strength to roll to his feet so he could find
clothing to cover himself.

Once he had stood up, he looked at all of the damage to the floors and walls. With no energy to
spare in fixing things now, he instead unlocked his bedroom door and entered into it, assessing the
claw marks and bruises he had given himself during his transformation back. Cleaning the wounds,
he dressed painfully before the mirror.
 Now clothed, he looked at his reflection and swept his disheveled hair out of his face. His eyes
had dark circles beneath them and his face seemed somewhat gaunt and more pale than normal.
Four thin marks ran across his face diagonally, starting at his brow and ending at his jaw.

He remembered the beginning of the transformation, and then his memory was blank. The only
time that he had ever retained any memory of it was during his time teaching at Hogwarts. With
Snape brewing the potion that kept him controlled, Lupin had been very aware during his time as
the creature he despised. Now, however, things were different. He frowned at himself. He
imagined that he had much in common with wizards who were overly fond of alcohol - both found
themselves blacked out on the floor, perhaps in a compromising situation, clothing askew or
missing, with gaps in their memory from the night before.

Feeling ill, he then laid down heavily onto his bed and fell into a deep sleep.

----------------

The following morning, she nearly plucked up the thought to go check on him. He couldn't be
dangerous with the morning sun shining. She nearly acted on this impulse when she paused,
remembering that she had given her word to not go until he first reached out.

She had business enough herself to keep her distracted. She gathered her coat and things, then
stepped into her hearth with a handful of floo powder. "Ministry of Magic," she said clearly.

With a blaze of green fire, she appeared in the long hall at the Ministry. Witches and Wizards
appeared in the dozens by the Floo Network, reporting for their jobs or arriving to handle legal
matters.

Tonks could recall the first day she had seen the Ministry. She had been part of a programme at
Hogwarts which allowed students to shadow Aurors. It had seemed so grandiose and intimidating
at the time.

Scrimgeor was well aware of Voldemort's return, unlike the vain Fudge before him who had
refused to believe it. However, Scrimgeor was not privy to the Order of the Phoenix and he had
begun to ask questions, wondering where some of the Aurors had gotten to as of late. So days like
today were important; report to work as normal, ignore the other Order members or at least treat
them as acquaintances, and fulfill her duties well to leave her time to lend to the Order.

Reaching the office she shared with two other Aurors, she nodded in greeting to the man behind
the first desk. He returned the nod.

The morning passed as usual; she filed reports from her last task, detailing how she had
witnessed two wizards dealing muggle narcotics to underage students in the city.

At noon, there was a knock at the door. Kingsley Shacklebolt entered.

In his low, measured voice, he asked, "Nymphadora Tonks?" as if he were confirming it was
she.

"That's me," Tonks said, rising and shaking his hand. She was surprised to see him there; he was
normally assigned to the muggle Prime Minister's office.

"Got new assignments from the Minister today. Here are yours. The last one in particular might
be promising, if you're willing to put in negotiation." He then gave her a wink that only she could
see before continuing on in a business-like way. "I was going to take it on myself, but Scrimgeor
has assigned me to Dark Arts monitoring."
 She nodded coolly. "I'll look into it."

Shacklebolt then departed.

Pretending to give equal thought into each separate file, she shuffled the pile to read the one that
Shacklebolt had indicated.

Potion Maker with suspected ties to werewolf clan is thought to be manufacturing the
prohibited Wolfsbane potion and distributing it against the direct mandate of it's creation and sale.
Also suspected of other nefarious activity. Questioning is needed to ascertain Potion Maker's true
actions and intents. Must be brought into the Ministry for questioning if any evidence of Wolfsbane
potion is found.

Tonks' heart skipped a beat. She studied the face of the Potion maker intently. Mr. Rowan
Wright. Spouse: Elise Wright…

She looked back to the report... distributing Wolfsbane…

Tonks selected both that file and another at random, put the rest into a locked cabinet and then
rose and made for the door.

She had a real chance to help the man she cared for most. She did not want to waste it.

Chapter End Notes

I thought it was odd in the films that they show Lupin only transforming when the
clouds part and he's covered in moonlight, when he would transform in the Shrieking
Shack as a child (presumably not in the moonlight, since he was indoors). So I
presume this means that he changes when the moon reaches it's fullest point, which
varies quite often month to month.
 The Potion Maker
Chapter Summary

Tonks follows the Potion Maker.

Reading ambiance: “Another Story” by Nicholas Hooper

The shopfront was quiet. Above a green door near the end of the alley, a weather-beaten sign
that read POTIONS – For all needs in ornate lettering blew in the wind. Few people came and
went down the alley; fewer still visited the potion shop. Outside in the alley, a decrepit looking
woman sat huddled in a doorway with a cup of coins at her feet; her face was lined with age and
she looked quite miserable as the daylight began to fade into sunset.

A man appeared around the corner, covered by a cloak. He walked at his leisure and stopped in
front of the old woman with an appraising look. “All well?” he asked. It was an odd question to
pose to a stranger.

The woman lifted dim eyes to the tall man’s shadowed face. She gave a feeble nod of
recognition. “Wotcher,” came the strained, weak voice.

Digging in his pocket for a few sickles, the man tossed it into her cup and lowered his voice.
“How goes the watch?”

“Nothing’s stirred yet,” came the weak reply. “Figured this was worth a little patience.”

“Agreed,” the man replied. “I’ll be at the Three Broomsticks for awhile. Send word if you need
backup.”

The old woman nodded and her gaze returned to the cobblestones as the man strode slowly
away.

At ten after five, the door to the Potion shop opened and a middle aged man with a comb over
appeared, locking the door behind him. A bag was slung over his shoulder; it appeared quite full.
The old woman in the doorway across the street appeared to not notice him as she sat with her
knees against her chest for warmth. The shop owner made to start walking home when he paused
and looked over to her. Frowning, he approached her cautiously.

“Madam?” he asked.

The old woman looked at him as if she were void of strength and hope. She recognized him
from the report – Rowan Wright.

Wright reached into his pocket and pulled a few small coins out before pausing and replacing
the low value coins with a Galleon. He placed it into her cup and then knelt down before her.
“Madam, do you have any place to sleep tonight?”

The woman shook her head wordlessly.

Wright pointed up the street. “I know a woman who takes in people needing a bed – only for a
short while, mind, but it’s better than nothing. Plenty of people struggling these days.”

The woman met his eye then. “Where can I find her?” she croaked.

“She runs the bakery just up the way – should still be there for awhile, if you go now. Can you
walk?”

The woman nodded.

Wright then extended a hand. “I’ll help you to your feet, if you like,” he said, and then
proceeded to do so.

“Thank you,” the woman said quietly.

Wright gave her a sympathetic nod before watching the old woman totter off, only departing
himself when she was well around the corner and out of sight.

Turning for a side alley, the old woman tucked her coin cup into her pocket and walked
laboriously into a space of deep shadow. When she emerged back into the evening light on the
other side of the street, she was suddenly a foot taller and twenty years younger with long, flowing
hair tied up into a neat bun. The woman cast off the shabby robe to reveal a new, green cloak
beneath and began to walk briskly down the street, emerging a few feet behind Wright, who
walked quickly down the way.

At a residential street, he turned. The woman followed at a fair distance, as if wearily walking
home herself. At a narrow staircase, Wright ascended up to a middle-class domicile’s front door.
As the door closed behind him, the woman ducked into a small stone archway out of sight and cast
a listening charm in the direction of the home.

For a long while, the woman listened to the Wright household, hearing nothing of particular
interest, until suddenly:

“….feeling alright, darling?”

“Quite tired, even though I’ve slept the day away.”

“It’s good that you rested,” came Wright’s voice. “Was the last batch helpful to you last night? I
couldn’t hear anything from the basement this time.”

“I remained myself the entire time…well, at least in mind,” said the woman. “I hope that the
neighbors won’t ask any more questions now. I don’t think they believed me when I told them we
tried to take in a stray dog last month.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Wright replied. “If it comes down to it, we’ll move again. Perhaps
somewhere in the country this time.”

“That would be lovely…”

The talk went on, even as the listening woman broke the charm and her ability to hear their talk
vanished. Turning on her heel, she pulled up her hood right before she vanished with a soft crack
and appeared suddenly in front of the Three Broomsticks. Finding Shacklebolt at a quiet table near
the back, the woman approached him and laid down a few sickles on the tabletop in front of him.
“Returning these to you,” she said.

Shrewdly, Shacklebolt looked at the woman. “Any luck?”

 Still concealed by the hood, the woman lowered her face as she transformed back into her true
self, the change unnoticed by onlookers because of the cloak she wore. Looking up at Shacklebolt,
Tonks smiled with self-satisfaction. “He’s making it for sure.”

“Did you see him prepare it?”

“No, followed him to his home and had a listen. I think he’s making it for his wife.”

Shacklebolt took a long sip from the glass he held. "Report didn't say anything about her being
registered. Another reason for him to need this all to stay quiet."

Tonks nodded, quite sympathetic to the man who had taken such pity on her as an elderly
beggar earlier that evening. “He’s a kind sort -- seems truly decent, actually. I don’t think it would
be hard to shake him up a little – nothing too harsh, of course. I’m thinking we let him know the
Ministry is onto him and then offer him protection, ensure that his secret will be kept. Should be
enough to secure some of what he’s brewing, and then keep him in business. We'll all be better off
for it - including him. It'll keep his wife off the record too."

Shacklebolt seemed to agree. "Lucky for them that we share a common sympathy. The other
aurors wouldn't have been so lenient. Let us hope it plays out well, both for the sake of the couple
and our mutual friend." He finished his drink. “As I said earlier, I’ve been put on night watch
again. But I’d be happy to provide a second voice in the…shaking up.”

“I’ll let you know.”

"Moody talk with you today?"

"No," Tonks said. "What's the old man want?"

"He's got an assignment for you. I'm sure you'll hear about it tomorrow night at the new place,"
he said vaguely, in case of any listeners. "It may take you away from here for a while."

Tonks blew a strand of hair away from her face with a resigned air. "Bad timing. I want to see
this business with the Potion maker through, first. It'll have to be done tomorrow." With a parting
nod, she then returned to the street and apparated once more. At her destination, she threw off her
hood.

The cottage sat peacefully. Tonks looked up at the sky overhead – the stars were just beginning
to appear. She gauged the moon and then looked decidedly at the door. Lupin had not contacted her
– but she was worried for him all the same. She first peered in through the window – it was dark
within, but she could see that it was bare of furniture. As her eyes adjusted, the destruction that she
could make out was quite shocking; floorboards had been yanked out of place and there was a hole
in the wall near the hearth, as if something quite large had torn it up. Frowning, she strode to the
back of the cottage and peered in. Through the old glass panes, she saw Remus’ lanky figure on the
bed, asleep. His arm hung down, touching the floor and his face was rather peaky, even in sleep.

She touched the window, a quiet longing building within her to check on him as Rowan Wright
had done with his wife. Deciding to leave him be as he had wished, she then left, satisfied that he
was well enough for the night.
 Burrow
Chapter Summary

Tonks and Lupin attend an Order meeting at the Burrow

Reading song when the meeting is over and Tonks goes outdoors: “Slughorn’s
Confession” Nicholas Hooper

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The field outside of the Burrow seemed to ripple in the breeze as the wind swept the wheat over in
waves. Orienting himself after apparating, Lupin found the Weasley’s home over his shoulder and
turned for it. The Burrow was the new headquarters for the Order, offered up quite willingly by
both Molly and Arthur not a week earlier. There to attend the meeting, Lupin walked slowly, his
hands in his pockets, taking a moment to appreciate the way the late afternoon sun shone down and
taking in the stillness. After two days of being confined indoors, it was freeing to stroll outdoors in
the late summer air.

A sound behind him caused him to pause, his hand resting on the pocket with his wand as he
turned his head. Within a moment, he recognized the dark jacket and the determined walk of the
woman who appeared in the field and found himself smiling. “Dora,” he greeted.

“Look who’s come ‘round,” Tonks said, returning the smile from a distance. Reaching him, she
studied him carefully; his dark shadowed eyes, exhausted expression and cut face causing her to
frown. “Did a number on you, didn’t it?”

“No worse than usual,” Lupin said, his pleasant tone dismissing any further talk on his
appearance.

Tonks affectionately reached up to straighten his collar, which was somewhat askew. “I thought
on you plenty for the past couple of days,” she said, glancing at his mouth and giving him a sincere
look.

For half a moment, he fought against the feeling that he was being quite selfish by allowing any
affection between them…but he had missed her, and seeing her there, he did not allow his doubts to
rule his actions. He glanced once around the field. Finding themselves quite alone, he bent and met
her halfway for a loving kiss. She smiled coyly at him and kissed him a second time.

A sudden crack nearby caused them to break apart and reach for their wands. Before they could
pull them out, Moody stepped out into the path through the wheat, growling, “None of that in the
meeting now,” and stomped past them without slowing, his wooden leg causing his walk to be
quite stiff.

“Not going to check our identities, then?” Tonks called after him.

“You’ve already done it for me,” Moody returned dryly without looking back, assuming no pair
of Death Eaters would pause for private affections before attacking.
 At the Burrow, Arthur answered the door at Moody’s impatient knock. “Been checking
everyone, Arthur?”

“Of course,” Arthur said. “Speaking of – how did Alastor Moody lose his leg and eye?”

Moody set him in a dead-pan stare. “Got hit by a curse in the first Wizarding War – it took three
Death Eaters to do it. Cowards.”

Appearing satisfied, he allowed Moody through before spotting Lupin and Tonks just behind
him on the walkway. Answering Arthur’s questions quickly, Arthur let down his guard and
welcomed them in with warm handshakes. Arthur then stepped outside and began to recite various
protective charms over the house.

The Burrow was already quite full with nearly the entire Order present. Molly was brewing tea
in the kitchen, pausing to give Tonks a warm hug as she passed. Elphias Doge and Hestia Jones
stepped aside from the staircase as the Weasley twins emerged from upstairs, joining the group.
Bill and Fleur occupied an armchair only suitable for one person, both thoroughly wrapped up in
one another as their wedding day was fast approaching.

As Lupin was pulled aside by Dedalus Diggle, Tonks found Kingsley Shacklebolt on the other
side of the room.

Shacklebolt looked to her expectantly, curious about her progress with the Potion Maker. "Any
news?"

“Had a chat with him in his shop this morning. Didn’t use my real face, in case it gets back to
me,” Tonks said.

“And?”

“He was terrified at first. I was quite official – let him know I have some authority. He then
asked if he could lock the door and talk the matter over. I could tell he was coming up with some
lie as he said it, because he's not just brewing it for his wife, but for at least two others. So we
spoke – and when I let him know I’m a sympathizer and there to prevent him from being found out,
he didn’t believe me. Took some real convincing, but I could tell he let his guard down at the end."

Shacklebolt seemed impressed. "What convinced him?"

"Just some quick talk," Tonks said, unwilling to reveal that it had taken a confession of her own
-- that she also loved a werewolf -- to convince the man. "He agreed to making an extra potion each
month, if it’s only me who comes ‘round for it, and if we keep his wife off the registry of known
lycans. He’s scared of losing his business and his wife.”

“A reasonable fear, in his situation. As for our interest, we must see if he’ll keep his word,”
Shacklebolt mused.

“And I have to turn in a false report,” Tonks said, her mouth quirking down. “I’ll say the shop
was searched thoroughly – no evidence found of any Ministry prohibited behavior.”

Shacklebolt motioned with his head to Lupin, who was deep in talk with Dedalus. “Have you
told him yet?”

“No. I want to have the Potion in hand first.” She looked over at Lupin with softening eyes. “It
would only cause more trouble if he were to know and then be denied it, if something happens to
Wright beyond our control.” She then squeezed Shacklebolt’s hand in thanks. “Awfully good of
you to think of him when you saw that report.”

Shacklebolt smiled and bowed his head.

Moody then cleared his throat and began to speak. The meeting was quite grim. Moody spoke
on a number of signs that Voldemort’s followers were growing in number, repeating many times
that they all had to stay vigilant at all times. No one could be trusted without being tested first; a
single infiltrator could be the death of all of them. Assignments were then discussed and given.
Shacklebolt had been right at the Three Broomsticks; Moody had already decided on an assignment
for his former protégée.

“More Death Eaters have been appearing in Scotland over the past month. We need someone to
go do reconnaissance – someone who can blend in if need be, or fight their way out.”

“Sounds like enough time away from the Ministry to raise suspicion,” Tonks said. “Scrimgeour
will ask questions.”

“Already taken care of,” Moody said. “I’ve assigned you officially as being there on my orders
to get the names of wizards suspected of not complying with Ministry law on the safe handling of
magic. I already have some names for him – not that he knows that. You can turn them in when
you return. It’s no solo assignment though – you’ll need someone to accompany you, in case of
another run in like last time.”

Tonks looked immediately to Lupin, the question in her eyes communicated clearly to him.
Without hesitation, he gave her a firm nod, agreeing to the trip.

Seeing this, Moody appeared unsurprised.

The meeting wound on. A reminder was given that the date of Harry Potter's safe removal from
Surry was fast approaching - a few days before his birthday, when his protection against
Voldemort would end as he turned seventeen.

When the meeting finally came to an end, Tonks met Lupin’s eye from across the room yet
again, and motioned gently to the door. Lupin, refusing scones from Molly who seemed kindly
hell-bent on mending how thin he appeared that evening, watched Tonks walk out the door.

Tonks meandered across the yard and stood looking out at the fields with her back to the house.
A few minutes later, she heard the familiar, measured footsteps she had hoped to hear walking
toward her.

"Pried yourself away from Molly?" she asked over her shoulder.

"I've never been offered scones four times in a row," Lupin said drily.

"She wouldn't do it if she didn't care," Tonks said. She had experienced similar offerings of food
and drink the previous summer, when Molly had proved herself as a sympathetic ear to Tonks'
woes over Lupin's aloof attitude toward her.

Now quite over these woes, Tonks nearly began to tell Lupin about how Molly had been
obviously trying to set her, Tonks, up with Bill just last year before he proposed to Fleur...but
thought better of it, imagining well Lupin's telling her she should have pursued Bill instead of him.
She had never cared for Bill in the same way anyhow.

"Well, Scotland, then?" Lupin said, changing the subject, as he stopped beside her.
 “It’ll be like old times,” she said. “I can’t remember how many of these trips we’ve been on
together for the past few years."

"Many -- all memorable."

"Remember that night in Bibury? Must have been... a year and a half ago?"

Lupin gave a soft chuckle. "Who could forget it? I never thought I'd be dry again."

"Neither did I." She cast him a sly smile. "Between the rain and how coolly you were behaving,
it was rather harrowing. I didn’t reckon you fancied me too much at first. Had to really prove
myself to you there in the beginning.”

He shifted, as if deciding whether to reveal just how glad he had been every time he had been
paired with her. "The problem was, I did fancy you."

She looked suddenly inquisitive. "And how long did this bit of acting indifferently go on?"

"I don't know exactly..." He smiled faintly. "But it certainly became harder to feign indifference
after you jinxed that bawdy fellow in the pub."

She gave a soft snort of amusement. "The bald one? He had it coming."

Lupin, who despite his genial nature had always been quite fond of mischief, gave her an
amused smile. "You can certainly hold your own. I believe even a mountain troll would have fallen
off that roof."

"Well, at least the Ministry taught me something," she chuckled.

Seeing her standing there, thinking self-satisfiedly about her natural talent for jinxes, Lupin
could not help but reflect that Tonks would have gotten along quite well with James and Sirius,
especially during their school years. She was far more humble and kind though; Lupin could not
imagine she would have allowed her friends to cause such grief to others without a word, as Lupin
had once done.

She grew more serious then as she recalled their arrival at the Burrow. "Sorry about earlier - I
was sure you didn't appreciate Alastor seeing us in the field."

"It's no secret now anyway," Lupin said measuredly; he had been quite unphased by Moody's
presence. "Nor should we have to hide it from them. The rest of the world, however..." he trailed
off, becoming silent.

She looked at him.

“It’s not too late, you know,” he said, gravely. “Nothing has changed. Outside of this Order, I’m
an outcast – and I’d make you one too. I know it; I’m certain your parents know it. All that time
avoiding you, I was trying to save you from it…to save you from me.”

She remained quiet for a long moment until she felt his eyes on her once more. “Then what’s
kept you from walking away already?” When he did not answer immediately, she added, “…Or
will you still?”

“I’m just saying – I wouldn’t fault you, if you decided to end it. I would understand,” he said,
his shadowed eyes looking quite morose as he spoke.
 Tonks’ eyes turned to him sharply, tired of his self-pity. “Remus, I’m not one to stick with
someone out of pity or fear, or whatever it is you seem to think I do.” Hearing this, he began to
speak, wanting to tell her he did not assume such things from her, but she went on: “I’m with you,
Remus. I don’t want to end anything.” A sadness passed over her face then. “I am afraid that you
might, though.”

He wordlessly took her hand. Looking at her, he knew that she was more important than he was
– more important than anything else in his life. “No, no…” he said, quietly but earnestly, his eyes
pained. “I do love you, Dora – but I fear you’ll suffer for it. The Minstry would be displeased if
they ever hear of your involvement with me; you could lose your entire profession, all for a few
weeks in my company."

She shook her head, not wanting their time together to be so short as a few weeks. She wanted
him to know everything she felt toward him and felt at a loss to say it all in such a way that he
would understand. “I know how harsh the Ministry is toward werewolves. It's unfair. But what I
feel for you...it's no passing thing. I would happily risk that ruddy job, where I have to pretend to be
almost indifferent to the problems I know are going on, to be with you." She turned suddenly to
face him. "You make me a better person -- and you encourage me, more than you know. I'm happy
with you, Remus.”

He half-smiled at her, feeling undeserving of the praise, even as he realized he had never quite
loved anyone as he did her. “As am I, with you.”

A somewhat exasperated laugh escaped her at his less than enthusiastic reply; a fact she took as
a lack of confidence in himself rather than any deceit toward her. “I can tell.” She then kissed him
reassuringly in the dark.

What she began did not stop, as neither of them pulled away. She felt his hand rest quite low on
her back as they kept on, quite lost in the moment. The closeness lighting something within her,
she reached behind her and gently pulled his hand still lower as she gripped his collar with her
other hand.

Back at the Burrow, they could hear people leaving the house. Even though they stood in
shadow around the side, the sound of talk broke the moment and they glanced back.

Tonks smiled warmly at him. “Come home with me tonight?”

In her voice was the same tone she had used the night of the funeral when he had shut both of
their passions down, having felt rushed. Now, he wanted nothing more than to remain with her and
be as free as she seemed to be.

He gave her an ardent look, holding her body against his. “Lead on, Dora.”

Chapter End Notes

The amount of melodrama in this is making even myself laugh haha I feel like they'd
have a lot of issues to sort through, though. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with it
thus far! I'm thinking I'm gonna take this story all the way to the sad end of the
Deathly Hallows, filling in the parts that were not in the book.
 Pact
Chapter Summary

Tonks and Lupin prepare to search for the Death Eaters

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

When the two travelers arrived at the door, the muggle Inn owner thought them somewhat
strange. While he had grown quite good at immediately assessing the majority of the patrons who
had walked through his front door over the years, these two newcomers caused him some
confusion.

First of all, he could not tell how they were associated with one another; the man appeared a bit
older than the woman, mostly due to the gray in his brown hair and the world-weary look he had.
He also had somewhat alarming cuts on his care-worn face, as if he had been attacked by
something with claws and had not yet healed.

The woman wore an odd assortment of clothes - as if she had been unsure of whether to dress
casually or for business, her light hair swept back in a bun. She seemed to vigilantly gaze around
the room with great alertness, though the owner could not tell if it was with eagerness to have
arrived on holiday or wariness of who might be waiting at the bar.

It was only when the woman gave the man’s arm a lingering, familiar touch as they spoke that
the owner thought them to be a couple, even though they appeared to be near opposites of each
other. Neither carried any luggage, which was odd for two travelers, even though they only rented
the room above for one night. There was also some hesitation when the owner told them the price
of the single room as if they were somewhat unfamiliar with Pounds, since it took the man an extra
moment to produce the correct amount…or perhaps he was just poor, based on the appearance of
his patched clothes.

Despite these peculiarities, they were indeed paying customers and the town had been oddly
bereft of visitors over the past few months, so any money was welcome. Sliding over the room key,
the owner nodded to them warily as the woman took it with a friendly nod. The confused owner
then watched them climb the stairs at the back of the hall, the woman tripping somewhat on the
bottom-most step.

-----------

As the door closed behind them, Tonks made double sure it was locked before inspecting the
room thoroughly. She then produced her wand from her blazer and murmured several charms that
checked for nefarious or listening devices. Finally content they were not being listened to or
watched, she pulled off the blazer and chucked it onto the bed. “I knew I hadn’t dressed right – he
was the third muggle to look at me like I had stepped straight out of the loony bin.” She produced
her normal coat from her enchanted bag, which appeared far too small to have carried it. With the
blazer off, she at once appeared far more cohesive. “Better already.”

Lupin was peering out the curtained window, gazing out at the small town. A mist lay over the
green covered hills and swept through the church and graveyard visible from their window. Had
they not been there on such pressing business, he would have thought it beautiful. “We’ll have to
be cautious – if we cause any of the Obliviators to have to alter any muggle’s memories, it won’t
be any help to the Order.”

Tonks went to stand at his shoulder and also looked out the small window. When she held up
the room key, he looked back at her. “You hold onto this,” she said, pressing it into his hand and
closing his fingers over the cool metal. At the lingering touch, they shared a brief, warm look.
Their night together after the meeting at the Burrow had awakened a great difficulty in both of
them to remain platonic in the other’s company, as if they had both realized just how lonely they
had been and were making up for lost time. Even standing so near to him now, she felt a faint touch
of heat in her face that was not from embarrassment but rather caused by the sudden remembrance
of the previous evening, which had become unexpectedly more passionate than either had
intended. It had certainly not been perfect, but he had proven himself quietly determined to learn
what she liked, which Tonks found both attractive and endearing. Despite the ardent nature of their
time together now, Tonks had been pleased to discover that their trust had only grown for taking
solace in one another.

Lupin weighed the key in his hand before securing it in his breast pocket, buttoning it closed.
He found muggle’s reliance on keys quite interesting since wizards used mostly charms to protect
their homes, though he didn’t wish to resort to having to open anything with magic within earshot
of any muggles.

“Only thing to do now is to wait for evening,” Tonks said, turning and sitting on the edge of the
bed.

Lupin closed the curtain, obscuring their room from view from outside, and sat beside her. “Did
you bring the paper?”

Tonks dug through her small, cross-body bag and pulled out that morning’s Daily Prophet. She
handed it to him as he thanked her. Across the front was the headline Families Mourn as
Disappearances Rise. Below that were two shorter articles titled Ministry Approved Safety
Measures: How to Conceal Yourself from Danger and Scrimgeour Makes Strike.

Tonk’s brow furrowed as she looked at the paper beside him. “Turn to the death reports.”

Lupin did so; both sat in tense silence as he found the section near the back of the paper. As
they scanned through the page of names, Tonks was relieved at first to see that neither Ted nor
Andromeda’s names appeared there…but then sat upright as she found two names she did know.
“Look here – that couple who covered for Arthur when he was discovered snooping in May.” They
both read the brief words beneath the names …killing curses suspected to be the cause of death.

Lupin frowned, indicating the other page of names. “And Pavrel Yorn - the fellow who Moody
got to agree to have a portkey in his storeroom. It doesn’t say what happened to him.”

Tonks shook her head incredulously. “They’re going to have to start printing an entire edition
for the dead or vanished soon."

"I'm surprised they're reporting them still," Lupin said. "It's easier to control panic when the
general population is being placated with lies -- at least, that's how the Prophet has directed things
in the past."

"It’s getting out of hand – even the Ministry knows it now, though they're acting like all of this
 has no precedence, that they didn't ignore the signs for years.”

“It’s exactly like last time,” Lupin said darkly, remembering the first war.

A line appeared between Tonks’ brows. “Makes me wonder if any of us in the Order will make
it through. We lost four members this summer, three to death and one to betrayal. Seems like
there’s not a lot of hope sometimes,” she said, though her voice was quite steady; she had long
become accustomed to soldiering on, despite grief.

“There’s always reason to hope,” Lupin said resolutely, even as he smiled at her with
understanding. "Especially now."

Tonks looked at him seriously. “Look…I don’t know what we’ll find tonight, and I know I’m
usually the one to run head-long into things, but…I need us both to make it back," she said, though
she only said so because she indeed knew that Lupin was as reckless as she was in nearly
everything but social matters. She thought that he might have been a fine Auror, had Greyback not
altered his life forever as a child.

Lupin’s patiently serious expression had not changed. “Some things are worth dying for - we
both know what we signed up for by joining the Order.”

“All the same, no unnecessary risks tonight,” she said, with the sure tone of an Auror, and
extended her hand out to him as if forming a pact.

Lupin found this exchange between them reminiscent of how things had been before she had
ever revealed her feelings to him, when he had simply been privately happy to be out on long
missions with her. He was glad to realize that even though they shared far more now, that their
friendship had remained. With a serious nod, he grasped and shook her hand in agreement. “No
unnecessary risks.”

This business-like exchange produced a chuckle from them both, though they had agreed in
earnest. Tonks then leaned on his shoulder, his hand resting on her knee, as they kept on somberly
reading the paper.

Two hours later, the Inn owner stood shining glasses behind the bar when the couple emerged
from their quiet afternoon upstairs and passed by him with a nod of acknowledgment. As if
heading out for a pleasant evening, they began to stroll down the road. He did not see them round a
corner, step out of view of the street, and vanish suddenly into thin air.

Chapter End Notes

Longer chapters coming. Thought I'd go ahead and post this, though!
 A Thread Ring
Chapter Summary

Tonks and Lupin go looking for Death Eaters and end up finding the initiation of those
who will become the Snatchers, the group of mercenary wizards who will cause a
great tragedy in Tonks' family later on. Facing danger together once more, Tonks and
Lupin have a heated discussion about their future.

Reading songs:
From the beginning of the chapter to when Tonks and Lupin are caught: “Snape and
the Unbreakable Vow” by Nicholas Hooper
During the fight: “Werewolf Scene” by John Williams
After apparating: “Harry’s Sacrifice” by Alexandre Desplat

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Crouched in a dirty alley behind a tall, obscuring bin of rubbish, Tonks and Lupin waited. Above
them, a cat pawed it’s way across the top of a fence and began to yowl loudly.

Though the sounds, smell and dampness of the alley were unpleasant, it provided an excellent
view of the warehouse that Moody had indicated to them during the meeting. Multiple reports of
odd goings-on had been reported to the Ministry there. When two Aurors had investigated earlier
that month and found nothing, they had closed the case quite quickly. But Moody, recognizing the
names of those reported as Voldemort’s followers to have been seen there, had thought it an
excellent opportunity for the Order to get more Death Eater names. It was with this intent that
Tonks and Lupin waited in the foul alley. There to help her determine when to spring into
movement was a sneakoscope that had been hexed to not whistle when it detected untrustworthy
motive nearby, but rather only spin.

“Real glamorous work, isn’t it?” Tonks murmured, casting a dark look at the cat, whose
crowing cries were maddening. She looked over at Lupin, who was crouched not a meter away
from her with one knee on the damp ground. Seeing that the knees of his trousers were wet, she
asked, “Trust me to do something?”

“To do what?” he asked, in a low voice.

She neither answered nor waited for an answer as she pulled out her wand, pointed them at his
knees and cast a silent drying spell first, then murmured 'Impervius vestimenta’ aloud so that he
would know what he had been charmed with.

He experimentally leaned into the puddle beneath him to find he remained dry, his clothes
repellant to water while the charm lasted. He smiled at her in the dark.

The cat let out a horrendous yowl above and jumped noisily onto the top of the bin that
concealed them. Tonks, with little patience for a cat that might jeopardize the mission, rolled her
eyes and then waved her wand with a quick motion toward the animal. The cat, as if jumping in
slow motion, was lifted from the bin and over the fence, where it drifted slowly to it’s feet on the
pavement and then ran away..

Hours passed. It became chilly as midnight slowly approached. Neither Tonks nor Lupin spoke
or moved, keeping their presence behind the bin unknown.

Finally, there was a sudden movement in Tonks’ coat pocket. As she touched the silent
sneakoscope to still it, she looked to Lupin with a determined eye and they both shifted to better see
around the bins. Sure enough, the Dark Detector had been right; a group of dark-cloaked figures
appeared down at the warehouse’s loading ramp. They were clearly not muggles, and it was not
their first visit to the warehouse; the leading figure cut away the lock on the door with a sharp
wrist movement and they all filed inside.

Having planned for this, Tonks leaned over to Lupin and whispered, “West side door. We can
stay above everything on the hanging walkways inside.”

He nodded, pulling his wand from an inner pocket of his coat. As the last figure vanished
inside, Tonks and Lupin emerged from the alley arm-in-arm onto the street, the act they had
employed on many such occasions as the quietly strolling couple now much more natural to them
both. They walked as if at their leisure down the dark sidewalk and rounded the corner, out of
eyeline from the door the hooded figures had used.

The west side door was below the level of the street, blocked off by a hand rail from the
sidewalk. Tonks crouched below the rail, hung onto the lowest rung and dropped onto the
warehouse lot below. Taller than her, Lupin swung up over the top of rail and did the same, the
drop not quite as long for him.

At the door, in the dark, Tonks stepped into the shadows as she waited for Lupin. As he stopped
beside her, she nearly plunged onward to the door before looking at him. As glad as she was to
have him at her side, her partner on so many missions now they often did not have to converse, she
felt a sudden hesitation. Looking up to catch his eye, she briefly clasped his hand and whispered,
“No unnecessary risks. We get the names and we’re out,” before spell-casting the lock to turn.

Inside, they were unsurprised to see the layout of the warehouse just the same as Moody had
described to them from the auror’s report. Keeping to the corners of the dark, open room, they
heard footsteps approaching and both immediately retreated behind a stack of crates and a large
machine that appeared to be able to lift the crates. Ducking behind its bulk, Tonks thought briefly
about how overjoyed Arthur Weasley would have been to see such a machine, being so fond of
muggle machinery.

They heard three voices. To Tonks, none of the voices sounded familiar. To Lupin, the sound of
the third voice caused him to grip his wand.

“...the Dark Lord won’t be pleased,” the simpering voice said. “It was to be done already –”
cutting off unexpectedly as one of the others snapped at the whining tone.

“Shut up, Wormtail. Some of us are still in the Dark Lord’s good graces and needn’t worry.
You, however, have good reason to be fearful.”

Knowing the name, Tonks cast Lupin a cautionary look, though he did not see it - he was staring
intently out into the dark room, an old anger seething within him. Never having struggled with
anger in his life, Lupin had only truly been tempted to kill twice; once in the Shrieking Shack when
he had discovered Sirius had cornered Pettigrew at last, and again not three weeks prior when
Tonks had appeared dead at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange. Both instances were rooted in the
deaths of those he cared most for…and time, he discovered now, had not lessened his utter disgust
for Peter Pettigrew, whose betrayal caused a thick anger to cloud his mind.

Wormtail made a cowardly sound as the three voices got nearer. “I’ve given him everything. No
one else was so eager to sacrifice their own flesh for his potion needed to return – no one else
would lay down their life for —”

There was a sudden choking sound and a scuffle of feet as one of the others seemingly laid
hands on Wormtail. “How dare you say we would turn our backs on the Dark Lord. Was it not you
who led to his downfall seventeen years ago? Your information led him to Godric’s Hollow, it was
the reason he died that night. So shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you.”

Lupin’s clenched hand shook. Tonks laid hers over it, meeting his eyes fully.

Wormtail made a gagging noise as he was dropped from the tight hold and got to his feet,
throwing a look of hate at the taller Death Eater’s back and making a fist with his silver hand
before seeming to decide to get his revenge later. He hurried after the other two, caressing his
silver appendage almost subconsciously.

Lupin let a long, silent breath out as their footsteps faded. Tonks removed her hand from his,
more sure now that he wasn’t tempted to do something foolish. She motioned with her head and
moved cautiously, more aware now than ever that one clumsy misstep from her could cause both
of their deaths.

Reaching a staircase, they climbed it in the shadows to reach the network of hanging walkways
above, suspended by industrial-sized cords. An office with windows was right next to the staircase
that looked down onto the entire warehouse floor. Before stepping out onto the suspended
walkways, however, Tonks looked through the walkway grate and could see the throng of Death
Eaters assembled below. There were five cloaked Death Eaters, one she knew now to be Peter
Pettigrew, but only one removed his hood and mask; Antonin Dolohov, one of Voldemort’s oldest
supporters. Standing in the middle of the cloaked Death Eaters were a rag-tag group of wizards –
all with the same nonchalant or gritted look on their faces.

“...and how’re we supposed to be paid then for ‘rooting out the impurity’?”

“A location will be revealed to you after the round-ups have begun. After you have produced
satisfactory results, you will be paid.”

The same wizard scoffed. “Supposed to simply take your word on all that, are we?”

“The Dark Lord always fulfills his promises,” Dolohov said.

“And when is all this supposed to all start then?” another one of the wizards asked, his arms
crossed in a closed-off stance.

Dolohov smiled thinly. “Sooner than anyone in the Wizarding World expects…but your job is
not to know, it’s to be obedient. If you are successful, then you’ll be rewarded well…”

Just then, a sound at the bottom of the stairs caused Lupin and Tonks to freeze and look down; a
sixth hooded Death Eater was beginning to make his way toward them. Looking around
desperately, Lupin stood up and chanced a glance into the office, the window of which just barely
met his eye-line. Seeing it was empty, he motioned to Tonks, who led the way onto the suspended
walkway before them with quiet steps. The walkway shifted a bit beneath her and she froze, only
risking a few more steps when the approaching Death Eater seemed to be rounding the corner and
would see them.
 Now Lupin was out on the walkway. Below their feet, the meeting between the two obviously
distrusting groups below went on as the patrolling Death Eater was climbing the last twenty steps.

They had just reached the door to the office when the Death Eater appeared on the walkway and
turned his silver mask toward them. In the second it took for the hulking man to reach for his
wand, Tonks was already inside the office and Lupin had already raised his wand and had
unsuccessfully tried to disarm the man before making a slashing motion, the spell Diffindo cast
silently in his mind as the thick cords holding the walkway up were severed. The side of the
walkway supporting his weight now plummeting down, the Death Eater fell with it, attracting the
attention of everyone below as Lupin leapt for the next section of the walkway. Immediately
blocking a wall of curses and hexes, Lupin staggered backward. The green light of killing curses lit
up the dim warehouse, which Lupin dodged, knowing they were unblockable. Tonks, seeking to
cause a distraction, threw open the office door and shouted “Incendio Maxima!” as a jet of flames
rained down onto the heads of everyone casting curses below, breaking their attention from Lupin.
She then dodged a blast of green light and shielded herself.. She looked to Lupin and shouted “Get
out!” before watching in horror as the walkway had eroded and cracked under Lupin’s feet, caused
by some jinx – and as he stood his ground, only able to deflect the onslaught of the magic cast at
him.

Desperately, Tonks plunged her hand into her pocket and threw a handful of small objects down
onto the group below, which she activated with her wand as they fell. Striking the ground, they
erupted into a series of loud explosions and shot thick black smoke into the air that blinded the
enemies below, forcing them to stop their attacks upon Lupin. Tonks then stepped back and made a
running jump onto the now dangerously gone walkway. Hanging onto one of the cords, she looked
to Lupin at the other end and shouted “To the safe place!” before apparating with a crack!

Spinning rapidly, she materialized not quite in the place they had agreed on previously.
Looking quickly around, she found herself in a dark room, the only light coming in through stained
glass windows and religious symbols looking down at her from the walls and pews blocking most
of the way.

She was alone.

“Remus,” she murmured, her stomach dropping. She heedlessly burst out of the church, running
outdoors to find herself in the cemetery that their room at the Inn had overlooked, and could not
see him anywhere. Apparating recklessly into the alley that they had departed the town in earlier
that evening, she was sickened to see that he was not there either. If she had left him to die in the
warehouse she would never forgive herself – but she had thrown the Decoy Detonators and was
sure that she had given him time to escape.

Uncaring of whether any muggles were out past midnight to witness it, she cast her Patronus and
willed it to go find him. To her relief, she saw its matching wolf appear in the street and collide
with hers as it loped to her. Hearing its message, she ran back for the cemetery and found him there
amongst the headstones. She rushed to him and met him in a tight embrace, which he returned
fully, as if desperate to confirm she were whole.

“When you weren’t in the alley, I was sure you were trapped or dead,” he said, breathing hard
from running, his voice rather ragged.

“No, my mind was divided – I thought of this chapel and appeared here instead of that damned
alley. It’s a wonder I didn’t splice myself.” She pulled away from him and looked at him, her relief
causing tears to gather in her eyes. “If I’d have left you back there, it would’ve broken me. Why
didn’t you disapparate sooner?”
 “Because I wasn’t going to leave you,” he said, sounding almost harsh because of the fear that
had just caused him to run throughout the village searching for her.

Taking a breath, she became aware that they were out in the open still. She stepped back into
the shadow of an old mausoleum, pulling him by the hands. “I think we shook them.”

“We cut it too close – I didn’t expect to be separated from you like that. I shouldn’t have cut
those cords like I did – I should’ve just ended him,” Lupin said. He felt the same about Wormtail.

She shook her head, racking her memory for all she had heard before the patrolling Death Eater
had forced their hand. “It sounded like – they were hiring those men. I never heard for what
though – for ‘rooting out impurity’.”

"And round ups," Lupin said darkly.

Her mind raced. “There could be a backlash against the Order for being caught like that – we
have to send word to Moody.”

“We will,” Lupin said, sounding forcibly composed now. “But just – breathe for a moment.” He
embraced her once more as if seeking to block her from the danger they had just narrowly escaped.

She rested her face against his chest and realized he still shook from adrenaline, as did she.

“Were those…Weasley Decoy Detonators?” Lupin asked, trying to make sense of what had
been utter chaos.

Tonks almost laughed, his bemusement funny after such upheaval. “They were. I’ll have to tell
Fred and George their goods are effective against Death Eaters.” She then realized she must be
getting his coat front quite wet with tears, and so she moved to wipe them away from his chest.

“You waterproofed me, remember?” he said, smiling faintly.

“Right,” she said, shaking her head.

He looked suddenly distant. “There’s no denying it now…it’s a war. If they’re hiring

mercenaries to join their ranks then it's a bad sign of things to come.” He looked to her then,
thinking of all the killing curses she had miraculously avoided. “I don’t know if we will survive
this war…” he said, his voice bereft of emotion, “...not if we don’t kill him.”

She knew he was speaking about Voldemort and nodded. “We have to protect Harry now.”

Lupin frowned, her words echoed in the last words Dumbledore had spoken to him and
Shacklebolt: Harry is the best hope we have.

Tonks distractedly forced her mind back onto her job; she had to send a report to Moody...but
she was burdened with another thought, which she almost held back. "There's too much I want to
do in life, Remus...too many things I'd like to be..." and I could get killed before ever having the
chance.

Tonks looked over to the cold, stone chapel that cast it’s shadow in the moonlight over the
graveyard; Lupin followed her eye to the chapel, frowning. “Remus…what if we…” With a heavy
voice, she continued, “I wish I had met you when things were simpler, and we didn’t have this
bloody war killing everyone we care for…but nothing is simple now.” She looked at him with
some intensity. “Have you ever considered after this is all over? What you want?"
 He looked at her, suddenly wary as he perceived the sudden turn in conversation. "It doesn't
matter what I want."

"Why wouldn't it matter? Perhaps...if we wanted the same thing, then we could make plans
someday."

He cut to the chase by asking: "You're asking about marriage?"

She certainly was; she looked at him with great surety. "I'm asking if you've ever considered
marriage - with anyone..." she then gave him a small smile, summoning her courage to be
vulnerable, "...with me."

He felt a flare of defensive anger rise from within, her question cracking at his resolve that was
breaking further by the day. “We can't,” he said sharply but quietly, as if deflecting a curse from
striking her.

She looked like he had struck her.

Regretting his tone immediately, he let out a sudden breath and composed himself. "I'd be lying
to you if I said I haven't thought about it all myself...how it would be to someday ask you if you
would ever consider a marriage with me... but… to do so would be cruel to you.” He paused,
sounding greatly affected. “I’d be useless to you, Dora - a burden on your life."

"You're no burden to me now. My life is better for having you in it."

He frowned. "It wouldn't stay that way if you were bound to me. I have no money, I’m not
allowed to have my name on any deeds or property. No one will hire me, not even people
sympathetic to my plight, all out of fear of the Ministry labeling them unfavorably. After the last
piece of legislation, I don’t even blame them. They’d be punished as severely for employing me as
I would be for seeking out work. And…” he rested his hands on her arms, trying to soften the blow.
“...you would be brought down to my status. I’m not considered a wizard or man by anyone in
society…I’m a dangerous, Dark Creature. By marrying me, you’d be no better to them. I know you
said you would happily risk your profession, but think, Dora; we would both become penniless
outcasts. And…” he was speaking quickly now, letting out every fear and doubt he harbored, his
voice reflecting how horrified his thoughts left him. “...what if we were to ever have children? The
very thought of passing on my curse to a child…it’s beyond cruel. Knowingly subjecting anyone to
the hell I have to endure every month is unthinkable.”

She cast a sound-muffling charm around them, aware she was about to match his level of
irritability. “But you have a good life, Remus,” she said. When he scoffed, she hurried forcefully
on: “Not because of the lot in life you were given, but because of the friendships you made and the
chances you’ve taken…because of your heart and your choices. Any child could have the same
chance, even if they were to somehow inherit the lycanthropy.”

“The one man who gave me all those choices, who made it so that I was allowed to educate
myself and meet those friends is dead,” Lupin said, his voice uncharacteristically sharp and cold.
“No place will be permitted to take in my kind in the future, and any children of mine would be as
bad off as the giants or house elves in this new world that we’re entering into.”

"Why are we arguing about this, anyway?" Tonks asked, exasperated. "I never said I wanted
children --"

Aware he was revealing his great attention toward her even from years past, his tone became
somewhat restricted. "Not to me, no. But I heard you and that woman talking in the alley at the
border."

She didn't immediately reply, not remembering this supposed conversation. After a second, she
recalled what he had so clearly remembered. "You mean when we got caught following that dolt?"

. "Yes," Lupin said. "That bystander got cursed and you stayed back to calm her while I kept
watch. You asked her name, and when she told you, you commented on how it was a small world -
how you had always thought that you'd name a daughter that same name." He remembered the
name, too, though he refrained from saying it now.

Tonks was bewildered that he remembered this brief exchange from two years prior, let alone
that he had heard it at all. "I'd clean forgotten about that. Well sure - but I've always been on the
fence about children. They're lovely...but I'm an auror. Always thought it would be the worst thing
to be killed in action and just leave the poor thing behind."

"Well, it's never been an option for me," Lupin said bitterly. "Imagine being born into a world
where you're immediately labeled a monster."

Tonks shook her head, indignant. “But aren’t we fighting against all that would restrict them?
And aren’t there other people who might believe as you and I do, and give the child a chance? I
know all that you’ve been through is terrible and that it’s shaped you – but I don’t believe I could
ever love anyone as I love you. Even knowing the trials that would await me, even if I never have
children…I would stay by you, happily. I’ve never been more sure about anyone in my life.”

Lupin’s shoulders heaved as he let out a long breath. “You’re too naive about this... you don’t
know the struggles you would go through." Then, his true fear: "You would resent me, and I
couldn’t bear that.”

Anger flashed in Tonks’ eyes; though she had always been more fiery than her fellow House-
mates at Hogwarts, she had understood well why she had been sorted into the House. Her loyalty
was her strongest trait; the fact that Lupin seemed to be questioning it incited her. “Don’t call me
naive,” she said quietly, her anger clear. “I know that love is a sacrifice – that it sometimes costs
far more than you’ll ever receive in return. But I can’t live my life without it, Remus – nor do I
wish to live my life without you. If you had never gotten lycanthropy, would you still turn your
back on the chance to love and be loved in return?”

“Of course not,” he said, deeply jaded by all the trials he had suffered in life. “But I can’t
pretend my condition away, or the repercussions of causing you to suffer as I do.” He shook his
head in sorrowful resignation, his voice suddenly softer and more heavy. “I love you far too much
to knowingly subject you to my life.”

Her voice became quiet and heavy; she was on the brink of tears, which she fought against
letting spill as she spoke a stream of thoughts. “When we got separated tonight, I felt the greatest
dread I’ve ever felt that I would have to watch you die. You’re the only man I’ve ever truly
loved…and I hate it when you call yourself less than human, even though the Ministry has put
such foul restrictions on you."

He began to speak but she gave him a hard look and kept on: "Even with all the burdens you
carry, you’re the finest man I’ve ever met – finer than all of those ruddy Pure-Bloods who seem to
think they own everyone else. You’re good, kind, and honest...and I don’t resent you all that you
can’t control…” Tonks shook her head helplessly, feeling the strength of his resolve that fought
against them. "And love isn't protecting someone from the pain of life -- life is painful whether
you're alone or with someone. Love is deciding to face the pain of life together."
 Lupin’s anger was steadily draining away as she spoke. He ran his hand through his hair,
leaving it disheveled as he leaned tiredly against the mausoleum wall. He looked past her as if his
thoughts were agonizing.

After a long minute, Tonks frustratedly shook her head. "Say something, Remus. Anything at
all."

“I was always supposed to be alone,” he said, as if mostly to himself. “It was easier to think I
wasn’t meant for anything beyond surviving…it made the solitude easier to accept.” He crossed
his arms, a distant look in his eyes, as he began to pace. “I’ve never met anyone who made me
question all those past choices before you. How can any of it come to good, though? If I do as I
wish, I’m selfish and cruel…if I keep you from all that would hurt you because of me, then I’m
still selfish and cruel.” He stopped short, looking at her with great conflict. “Well, I don’t want to
live without you either. Knowing you were out in the world, meeting someone who can care for
you far better than I ever could – it would be painful. But that’s what you should do, Dora. You
should find someone who you can lead a normal life with – someone who you could have a family
with. You’d be better off for it.”

He had been resistant to allowing her in for so long that such musings and thoughts were not off
putting to her...but hadn't he just told her he had considered a marriage with her before? Whatever
hesitation he was showing her now was fear, but she was not put off by this fact.

She took him by the front of his coat and looked him in the eyes. She spoke calmly and
earnestly. “I don’t want anyone else, and you're not cruel or selfish.” Sensing his conflict, she
lovingly touched his face. “I just…want to be part of your life, whether we live for a day more or
fifty years more.”

He was greatly touched by her sincerity. With all of the ardor of an adoring pair meeting for
what they thought would be the last time, he kissed her. Her love, so unconditional, was sobering
and comforting yet made him feel guilty for accepting and returning it.

Thinking that perhaps they indeed didn’t have much time to live after all, he knew he would be
lucky to have such a love by his side in the dark days to come… a love he had never had before,
and may never find again. Beyond that, knowing he had once had her and lost her soured him to
the thought of loving another after her. Feeling quite selfish for taking hold of the happiness he
wanted but knew would be complicated and difficult, he stood there with her in the shadow of the
mausoleum and held her.

"Nothing would be easy," he said, pensively.

Tonks snorted with light derision. "Nothing's easy now. At least this way, we'd have each
other."

He frowned. "But you already have me, Dora. What would it change?"

This show of loyalty warmed her heart. "I just wanted you to know that if I were to marry
anyone someday, it's you. Hard to find a person like that in this world, let alone one like you."

Lupin was silent for another long moment. He was torn in two ways, but somehow, for a
shining moment, the pull of love and companionship felt stronger than the shadow of dread and
fear.

“We would have to keep it quiet from the Ministry,” he said. “I couldn’t bear it if you were to
lose everything for my sake.”
 She stepped back from him to guage him better. "Nor would I have to," she said, fully aware he
was speaking in the present tense.

"And we'd have no options to live anywhere but where I currently reside," he went on.

"And..." she said thoughtfully, letting her sentence hang in the air for a second as she looked at
him sincerely. "...you would have to accept that I truly want to bind my life to yours. I couldn’t
bear it if you were to doubt me, Remus."

He looked at her, compelled to cling to all the reasons why he knew they shouldn't take such a
drastic step. But she had been right; had he been a normal man, he would have been content to have
found love. And there was no denying that he loved her enough to die for her, should it come
down to it. He suddenly understood many of the cliché phrases he had heard all his life about love
and sacrifice. For him, it was a big enough step to be with her as he was...but he could see that she
would need more, if not now then later. And if he could do that for her, then he was glad to make
her happy. "It's foolish," he said heavily. "But...we wouldn't have to wait...not if you didn't want
to."

This genuinely surprised her. She affectionately touched his arm. "So long as I'm with you,
Remus."

In an act of great humility, he was forced to display his poverty. He began to pull at the frayed
hemlines of his coat at the edge, loosening the already prominent threads there. The first thread he
pulled out snapped too short. The second was long enough; he spun it into a loop.

"I have nothing better with me to offer, nor do I have the means to replace it any time soon," he
said, taking her hand and sizing the thread ring. He then tied it. "This ring proves how little I can
provide for you, how unsure our lives would be...but I'm happy to offer it to you, the only woman
who I would risk everything for."

Though he knew her well enough by now that he knew she would accept the thread ring, he did
not expect her to seem so genuinely honored to be receiving it. She gave him a misty-eyed smile.
"I'd marry you in a muddy ditch, Remus. I don't care about pomp."

Her happiness was infectious to him, often casting him out of the melancholy moods he
naturally fell into. He returned the smile and laid the thread ring on his open palm, then touched it
with his wand. The threads thickened and interlaced, creating something that looked woven
together. The result was a fairly good, though it looked to him like the sort of offering a child
might gift another. Nevertheless, he slid it onto her hand.

She admired it, as happy with it as she might have been with a diamond.

Seeing her contentment made him glad. "We could return and tell a chosen few...but while it's
not illegal, few officiants would agree to it, once they know what I am."

"Yes...and it could take weeks to find a time and place, especially with the fear people have to
gather these days," Tonks said, remembering the now dangerous and desolate Diagon Alley.

"I suppose so," Lupin said, whose experience with weddings was quite limited.

"Or...we could find someone who doesn't know us and keep it a private matter. We could do it
tomorrow, before we go back to all of the responsibilities waiting for us."

He did not respond immediately, which made her think he disagreed about such a hasty, quiet
wedding. But he then said, "There's a Wizarding tavern not too far from here. It's very late, but
 perhaps they could point us in the right direction." He looked at her seriously. "I have no family to
speak of, so there's no one who will be upset with me for keeping them from this. But you have
two parents who seemed like they would be, should their only daughter elope with a registered
dark creature."

"You're right," she said, "and they may not be happy to hear it all when we get back, but I think
they'll learn to accept both my choice and the man I married."

Knowing he was being reckless by following his heart over his mind, he stepped away from the
cover of the mausoleum with her and set his mind on the tavern. He nearly transported them both
away from the moonlit cemetery when he seemed to remember something. He unbuttoned his
breast pocket and took out the key to the Inn room. "I nearly forgot."

__________________

The next day, the Inn owner had one last surprise from the odd couple. He was rather grumpy
from having been awoken in the middle of the night by shouting in the street the previous night.
He was still in this bad mood when he found the key to the rented room upstairs mysteriously
sitting on the bar. Having already received payment in full, he was left to only be confounded as to
how he could have missed their coming and going the previous night or that morning.

It was with resignation that he put the key back in its drawer with a shake of his head, deciding
there was no understanding some things.

Chapter End Notes

Considering how much Lupin has to face during the Deathly Hallows (DH)
concerning his relationship with Tonks, I couldn't see their agreement to marriage
being an easy decision. I took their marriage like something Molly talks about in the
beginning of the HBP book, when she tells Harry and her children that she and Arthur
married quickly because of the first war and how other couples were doing the same.
But I also don't think Lupin would have married Tonks without truly loving her,
despite the risks he knew were there.
 A Quiet Wedding
Chapter Summary

Tonks and Lupin visit a wizarding tavern in Scotland and elope.

Inspiration taken from this official site: https://www.wizardingworld.com/writing-by-
jk-rowling/remus-lupin

Reading ambiance songs:

- At the pub: “Irish Fiddle Reel Set” and “Irish Fiddle Jig Set” by Richard Heacock
- At Lupin’s cottage: “Harry and Hermione” by Nicholas Hooper

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

The sign to the pub and inn creaked on old hinges in the breeze. If one was to squint at the sign
just right, the worn paint showed the words The Overflowing Goblet.

Apparating in the narrow alley beside the pub, Tonks and Lupin were both surprised to hear a
raucous ballad going on within despite the late hour. Curious, Tonks stepped up onto a discarded
crate that was out with the rubbish and peered into the small window that looked into the pub.

“Looks like they’re all on the lash,” she said, beaming at the drunken dancing going on within.
“One fellow’s already wearing his socks on his hands.” She hopped back down to the concrete.
“I’ve got to go send word to Moody – I’ll just nip back into the alley for a moment.”

“I’ll keep watch,” Lupin said, leaning on the wall.

Tonks pulled the silenced sneakoscope from her pocket and placed it in his palm before
retreating to the shadowed alley; the old auror would be incensed, no doubt, to hear about their
unnerving discovery in the warehouse.

Lupin watched her go, smiling faintly as he saw her trip over some old, rusted metal in the dark
and heard her curse quietly under her breath. He then gave a cursory glance up and down the street;
all was quiet, save the fiddle music and loud singing from within the pub. The sneakoscope lay
dark and quiet in his hand.

Left to himself for a moment, he breathed out several long breaths and settled his mind. He and
Tonks had just come to a rather hurried decision in the graveyard. He expected himself to feel
harried and anxious over this spontaneous, life altering choice. But despite the dread that he was
behaving selfishly (as werewolves did not often marry, especially with humans), he felt quite calm.
In fact, he felt good. For once in his life, he wanted to live in the moment and not be beleaguered
with questions about the future. Knowing tomorrow would bring problems and worries once more,
he was content to live in the present and feel the joy that loving and being loved in return had
brought him.

She returned, avoiding the rusty metal this time, and smiled at him. "Well, everyone in there is
completely smashed. Shall we join them?”
 He returned the smile and offered her his arm. She took it and rocked forward on her toes to
place a kiss on his cheek. With that, they stepped into the pub.

A wide fellow in the corner played a reel on an old fiddle and a pair of drunk old men were
haphazardly dancing to the tune. A few other scattered patrons watched the spectacle, the man
who Tonks had spied through the window pounding his socked hands on his tabletop and his bare
feet tapping in time to the music, the pint at his elbow undoubtedly having been emptied many
times. A woman passed between the few tables and laughed at the two dancers as she cleaned off
empty pints with a wave of her wand. As she passed by Tonks and Lupin at the bar, she smiled and
planted her palms over the counter. “What’ll it be?” she asked over the fiddle.

“We’re actually trying to find someone,” Tonks said.

“Who’s that?” the woman asked.

Tonks, enjoying herself greatly, looked to Lupin to see if he wished to jump in.

“Someone to marry us,” he said.

The woman’s face took on an amused look and she suspected they might be drunk. “Rather late
for nuptials, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, well,” Tonks said, “we reckoned somebody here might know who we could find in the
morning.”

The woman leaned forward on the bar. “Well, lucky for you, the town officiant is right over
there,” she said, motioning toward an old man at a table by the hearth who seemed to sway to the
reel. “We stayed open late just for him. It’s his 70th birthday in an hour and seeing as he’s drunk
more mead here in the past year than anybody, we figured we owed him something.”

“What’s his name?”

The woman seemed to appraise them for any suspicious airs, but having had quite a bit of mead
herself, she relented. “Barnabas Tuttle.”

Tonks thanked her for the friendly supply of information and they made their way past the two
dancing drunks to the old man’s table.

Tuttle was drinking liberally from a metal mug as they approached him. As they blocked his
view of the two dancing fellows, who bumped into chairs as they moved, he tried to look around
them without meeting their eyes.

“Mr. Tuttle,” Tonks said.

He looked up in surprise at a stranger knowing his name. In such uncertain times as they were
living, he might have been suspicious – but the great amount of mead and his birthday had made
him quite punchy. “Who’re you?” he asked. Before receiving an answer, he saw the odd scratch
marks across Lupin's face and motioned to them tactlessly. "What got you?"

"A feral creature," Lupin said, without hesitation.

The man gave a low whistle. "Must have been quite a fight."

Lupin gave a thin smile. "You have no idea."

 “We have something to ask of you. Can we sit?” Tonks asked.

Still surprised, Tuttle motioned to the two chairs across from him at the table.

Sitting down, Lupin leaned toward the old man so that he wouldn’t have to speak loudly to be
heard. “We hear that you do weddings,” he said.

Tuttle began to laugh. “I’ve done every wedding in this town for thirty years.” He looked at
them with a shrewd look as he tapped his temple with a thick finger. “I can tell just by looking at a
couple if they’ll make it or not.”

“Oh, yeah?” Tonks asked, grinning in amusement. “And what do you think of us, then?”

Tuttle squinted at them as if the mead had long gone to his head. “Oh, you’re looking to marry
him? Thought he was your brother…” he regarded Lupin’s prematurely graying hair with some
confusion… “older brother, that is. Well, if he’s not, then I’d say…” he gazed at them both with
such a hard expression that it was almost unnerving before he sprang back in his chair with a dazed
look, “…you’ve got a right fair chance at making it. When’s the day, then?”

“As soon as possible,” she said. “Perhaps tomorrow morning?”

Tuttle laughed again, a thick, drunken laugh. A less drunk man might have wondered why there
was such a rush, but as many pints in as he was, there were no such thoughts in his mind. “Lass, I’ll
be doing naught but sleep off this mead.”

Tonks met Lupin’s eye for a moment.

Lupin then looked at Tuttle with gravity. “What about tonight?”

Tuttle did not laugh this time. He scratched his chin with a look of great thought. “Tonight’s my
70th. Can’t say I planned on reading some long ceremony out –” he paused as a hiccup broke his
words – “and not sure if I could read it now. That went out the window two pints ago,” he said,
slurring his words slightly together.

“No long ceremony needed,” Lupin said, as Tonks nodded in firm agreement with him. “A few
minutes of talk and you’re back to your drinks and your celebration.”

“And a birthday gift besides,” Tonks said, flashing the man a glimpse of two Galleons she had
produced from her pocket. “Enough to pay for more drinks before you go home.”

The sight of the gold seemed to change Tuttle’s mind. “Well, now you’re talking some sense.
But you’re two Galleons short of my normal fee. A man has to make something to bring home, you
understand.”

Lupin shifted uncomfortably, completely unable to contribute to this fee. But Tonks was
undeterred and produced the asked-for Galleons onto the table. The fiddle player then began to
play a softer, slower song; the two dancing men took to the change in tempo badly and began to do
a clumsy waltz with one another, if only to stay upright.

Tuttle sat back and gave them a look that gave the impression that he might have been seeing
double, as he had trouble figuring out exactly where to look while speaking with them. “I’ll be
askin’ some questions first – questions I ask every couple, you understand.”

“Go on,” Tonks said.

 The old man grew very serious, even as he hiccupped once more. “Tell me why you’re lookin’
to marry. Only after I hear your answers will I agree or disagree.”

Bemused, Tonks nearly diffused this new seriousness before the man pounded his open palm on
the table and pointed at her. “I’ve never married anyone who gave me poor answers…so –” he
blinked heavily “—think on it well.”

Tonks gave Lupin a loving look. “Because I never expected to meet anyone like him. If I can
face life’s troubles with him for the rest of my life, I’ll be lucky.”

Tuttle listened with crossed arms, as if processing her words were quite difficult for him. Giving
a firm nod, he then looked to Lupin expectantly. “And you, man?”

Lupin, looking only at Tonks, clasped her hand on the table. “Because she changed everything.”

Tonks looked as if she’d like to openly kiss him there in the pub.

Tuttle leaned back and regarded them with some acceptance now. “Alright then – if you’ve my
fee already, then all we’ll be needin’ is the certificate from m’ desk drawer and the words.” He
stood up and lost his balance immediately. “Oh, and some witnesses. Got anyone coming down?”

“Just us,” Tonks said.

“Ah, well then –” Tuttle then raised his voice to the pub. “All of you! Listen now! All of you,
quiet down! These two here have just harangued themselves into making this party a wedding.
They’ll be needing two witnesses to make it legal and such. Any volunteers?”

Several hands went up, including that of the man with the socks covering his hands.

Tonks leaned over to Lupin and murmured into his ear, “Anyone but the sock bloke.”

“Alright. Daugherty, go on to m’ house and bring back a wedding certificate, will ya? And
Susan, m’ darlin’,” he said, looking to the woman who had spoken to them at the bar, “another
round! All the more cause to celebrate now, don’t you think?”

Susan seemed to agree. With a wave of her wand, she filled and sent a full mug floating to every
patron in the pub. She then came out to the center of the room and magically moved some of the
empty tables aside, making a space there for a wedding ceremony. The man called Daugherty
disapparated immediately, off on his errand for Tuttle.

As Tuttle scuffled off to seemingly prepare himself for the wedding, Tonks turned in her chair
to face Lupin and laid a hand on his arm. “Not exactly what I imagined, but I’m alright with it. You
alright with a pub wedding?”

He chuckled. He had never held onto any expectations of having a wedding at all, let alone
harboring expectations for one. He laid his hand over hers. “It’s like everything I’ve experienced
with you – unexpected.” Seeing that his answer was unsatisfactory to her, he said, “I wouldn’t
change anything.”

She smiled. She felt a twinge of guilt for the elopement, knowing that Ted and Andromeda
would be crushed to have not been involved. But times were strange and uncertain, and she felt
completely at ease in this impromptu pub ceremony at Lupin’s side; she felt like any place might
be like home, should she be beside him.

A sudden thought made her eyes shine with dry amusement. "Everyone here must think that I'm
having your kid -- that this is all to be proper."

Lupin looked decidedly unamused at the statement, though he nodded. "I thought the same -
especially the woman at the bar. Well, I suppose it was helpful as a bargaining chip."

Daugherty returned. Tuttle, standing at the bar for support against all the drink sloshing about
inside him, beckoned them forward. They then joined him at the bar, standing in front of him in the
space that Susan that cleared.

“Andrew, play a nice tune, won’t you?” Susan said. “Something sentimental.”

The fiddle player began playing a calmer reel.

Tuttle, in an obvious attempt to bypass the usual speech he must have given for weddings,
began at once to talk on how love is a good and rare thing. He said, in a clearly hammered voice,
that love is like a flame held between the hands of two people; that it takes both people involved to
guard it and keep it from going out, that holding the flame is not always easy, but without the
flame, that life is quite cold - or so they gathered, as it was hard to decipher his drunken slurs once
he got speaking quickly. True to his word about keeping it brief, he then asked for both of their
names, which they gave. He then called for Tonks and Lupin to sign the fetched certificate on the
bar. Lupin signed his name and handed the quill to Tonks, who paused for half a moment, as if
considering options. With a coy smile, she then signed her full name, adding Lupin to the end.

Then it was the two witnesses’ turn. The witnesses were a wizened old witch with a velvet hat
and a wizard with dusty traveling robes; the sock-handed fellow nearly got up before Tonks used a
wandless spell with a wave of her hand to pull him back down in his seat.

Everything signed, Tuttle then asked them to exchange rings. At this, Tonks merely raised her
hand with the woven ring of thread there and smiled. Unphased, Tuttle then inquired whether they
gave their word to honor the commitment made to one another. Upon both Tonks and Lupin
agreeing, their hands intertwined in the usual fashion for wizard marriage ceremonies, Tuttle then
proclaimed that they were bound forever to one another. As if wishing to add some flare to this
rather drab ceremony, he then waved his wand and produced a pair of doves that flew a bit
chaotically overhead and caused Susan to curse aloud as feathers drifted down onto her bar.

With a passing feeling of anxiety in his heart for all the trouble he knew would meet them,
Lupin met Tonks halfway for a loving exchange to seal the marriage. Watching the kiss, every
drunk friend of Tuttle’s rose to their feet and began to clap and cheer. Even though everyone there
was a stranger to them, they received many pats on the shoulder and handshakes. Susan poured
them two shots of Fire whiskey, free of charge. Tuttle joined them in multiple shots of the fiery
alcohol, suddenly speaking with them like they were two old friends. As they said their thanks and
Tonks slipped Tuttle and Susan the pub owner their gold, they began to make for the door to depart
but were invited to stay for ‘a dance or two, to celebrate as they should.' Of course, these dances
included pints, which both Lupin and Tonks indulged in.

Andrew the fiddle player played lively songs. Though their dance with one another was
comparatively more subdued than the wild spinning of the more inebriated pub-goers, they laughed
with one another and held each other near. They remained long enough to ring in Tuttle’s 70th
birthday, which elicited a sudden surge of energy from everyone present.

Then finally, with another round of goodbyes, another round of shots and a shouted warning
from Tuttle to avoid any more scuffles with creatures that might mar Lupin's face, they stepped out
of the pub and into the dark street. It was nearly two in the morning and both were rather bleary-
eyed from exhaustion and drink. They disapparated together then, appearing suddenly in the
peaceful countryside around Lupin’s cottage.

Fumbling with the door handle, they entered into the dark home and lit the candles and
fireplace, as was their custom.

Tonks lifted herself up onto the kitchen cabinet to sit, her legs crossed, as she leaned back on her
hands and surveyed her husband with great satisfaction. When she saw he was looking rather
pensively into the fireplace he had just lit, she frowned. “What’s the matter, Remus?”

“I didn’t think of your name beforehand,” he said. “Had you remained a Tonks, you could have
kept all of this far quieter at the Ministry."

Tonks shook her head at him. “I did keep the ‘Tonks’ – just as a middle name. And I understand
all that we have to do, and that it might be dreadfully complicated…but I don’t care.” She smiled
gently at him and held out her hand to him, inviting him near. “I’m proud to be your wife.”

"Wife," he said as thoughtfully as one might after so many drinks, taking her offered hand. It felt
like a loaded word; full of the heavy expectation that he supposed being a husband must bring.
With her seated on the cabinet, they were nearly eye to eye. But though he would soon return to
fearing his own worth as a husband, as looked into her kind expression, he felt very much at home.

"It's almost strange to say aloud, isn't it?" She asked, smiling, the drinks making her thoughts
flow freely and hurriedly. "Think of all the introductions we'll have to adjust to. We'll meet
someone on the street, and I'll say, 'Hello. This is my husband, Remus.' And it'll be new and
exciting until the day that it's normal, as if you've always held the title."

His smile became more amused, the rueful look in his eyes vanished away by her talk. "I don't
think I should ever tire of it." He saw a white, downy feather caught in her hair from Tuttle's
conjured doves and carefully pulled it from her colorful locks. As she laughed at the memory of
the birds chaotically flying overhead at the pub, he lost himself for a moment as he looked at her.
He loved her to such a degree that it was almost unnerving. As naturally as taking in a breath, he
felt the desire to kiss her, and did so.

She caressed his face with exaggerated movements. “It’s been a long day, and I’m knackered,
but…” she kissed him again, “…I’ve certainly energy enough for other pursuits... if you do.”

He was beyond tired, and he wasn’t sure if it were his trouble concentrating or if she were
slurring her words together, but the Fire whiskey had sent a pleasant buzz through his head and her
body against his was pushing the need to sleep far from his mind. "As long as you're honest with
me," he said, smiling wryly, "unlike last time."

She almost blushed, having thought he hadn't noticed her slight deceptions for the sake of
sparing his feelings. "Didn't want to discourage you," she said.

He rested his hands on her waist. "Tell me what you want," he said in a tone that was neither
demanding nor timid. He felt euphoric - the alcohol having long drowned his worry over what he
had just done by binding their lives together.

She played with the edge of his collar and gave him a loving look. "You're a rarity, love." She
then unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse, catching his eye with purpose. Not thinking of
how rough the coming morning would be for the lack of sleep, she merely said: "Well, first
off...kiss me."

She was nearly unreachable with how she sat on the cabinet. With a gentle hand, he uncrossed
her legs and stood against her waist as she wrapped her legs around his body. Everything about her
caused his mind to go pleasantly blank; kissing her was like pausing the hands on the clock on the
wall, as if time ceased to march forward. Her scent also enlivened him; she smelt vaguely of soap
and of damp, outside air…but her skin smelt good in a way that he could not have explained had
anyone asked.

Tonks felt a great wanting begin to build in her. More than simple desire, she felt entirely safe
with him, knowing that he would respect her even in the most vulnerable of times, and would even
stop altogether if she asked. This great trust she felt toward him allowed her desire for him to touch
her to grow even greater. Feeling that he was too clothed for her liking, her hands slipped into his
coat and she eased the material off his shoulders so that the coat fell to the floor. She then flung her
own coat down on top of his.

He ran his hands down her ribs, his palms resting on her thighs as she pulled her blouse off
entirely. She then hooked her fingers in his belt loops and held him close as their kissing became
more passionate.

Wanting her to feel as good as she had made him feel last time, he made no move to undress
himself but instead gently sucked on her neck. She made low sounds, her fingers running through
his hair as she felt an ache begin to pound within her.

Holding her near, his hand drifted further down her body until it rested between her legs, adding
a pleasing pressure that caused her breath to catch in her throat. She smiled against him, pleased
that he was acting on what she had shown him that she liked during their last time together. She
then undid her own pants, scooting them down her hips so that his hand could rest against her
directly. He helped to pull them off, adding them to the pile of clothes on the floor. He then looked
at her, as if asking 'and now?'

For a moment, she felt a bit awkward; it was still all very new, despite her wanting for him.
However, she sensed his willingness to please her. "Touch me," she said, then proceeded to show
him what she wanted. She replicated the motions by taking his hand and rubbing and tapping her
fingers gently against his palm, giving him a coy look all the while. Beyond that, she gave no
instruction, trusting that he would learn her body with time. She supposed he couldn't have been
with many women in his lifetime, though he wasn't timid now with her. Though he moved
somewhat chaotically and seemed to have to refocus every few minutes from the drink, his fingers
rolled over her and tapped, making her pelvic muscles tighten. She allowed herself small sounds of
pleasure when he did anything that felt particularly good. Once, she began to apologize for taking
so long to finish, to which he replied by kissing her deeply and resuming touching her.

Taking their time, Tonks closed her eyes and allowed herself to fully relax. As the minutes
passed, her body responded fully to his touch. She relished in the feel of his mouth on her neck and
collar bone. She took long breaths inward and purposefully held the building tension in her body,
letting the stressful events in the warehouse escape her mind entirely, until she began to give
involuntary sounds. Twice, she asked him to change up his patient movement, which began to set
her over the edge. His fingers then slid gently inside of her, making her back arch as she asked him
to keep going in a soft, breathy voice.

Hearing her breathing change, he pushed her gently back against the wall as his fingers
continued to move rhythmically over her and into her; as she leaned back, some tea tins fell over as
she began to grind against him. Her legs, still wrapped around his waist, began to tremble and she
began to gasp.

Feeling like she was right at the edge, she took hold of his shoulders and pulled herself flush
 against him, kissing him passionately and unbuttoning his clothing. With anyone else, even sober,
she might have felt self-conscious to be grinding her hips while loose-leaf Earl Gray clattered to the
floor, but with him, any possible doubt was replaced by wanting to feel his body against hers. In
that moment, there was no other desire or wanting for anything but to relieve the tension he had
built inside her.

"I want you," she said finally, unbuttoning his shirt and fumbling with his belt.

He needed no further invitation. With no grace, they made their way slowly to the bedroom,
both pulling off articles of clothes until they reached the dark bed.

In a haze of Fire whiskey and elation to be with one another so freely, the passing time was
unheeded as the clock ticked on. For a time, both forgot their troubles.

In the dim morning light the following day, Lupin awoke with a pounding headache. For a long
moment he stared at the bedroom wall with no memory of the night before...until he felt Tonks'
elbow jab him in the jaw, which had awoken him in the first place. Extricating himself from her
spread out limbs, he groaned at the hangover and shifted so that he laid at her side. She slept with
her hair in a tangled mess, the blankets covering her so that only her shock of colorful hair, the
curve of her neck and her bare shoulders showed above the sheet. Lupin looked at her fondly,
appreciating the way the sheets hugged her body.

He looked at the floor and saw their clothes thrown about the room. He had never met nor been
with anyone else who could have elicited such spontaneous behavior from him.

In the clarity of the morning after, he felt a sudden sweep of guilt for having bound his life to
Tonks', no matter how much he loved her. But all the same, the memories of their night sat
pleasantly on the forefront of his memory, both from the perfectly haphazard ceremony to the
passion she had caused in him. He was certain she had not faked anything this time around and was
glad for it. After all was done, they had not managed to move much before falling into an
exhausted sleep afterward. The remembrance of her beneath him and pressed tightly against him,
her fingers raking into his back as his name came breathlessly from her mouth lingered in his mind,
a perfect but hazy memory.

Laying his arm over her bare stomach under the covers, he closed his eyes once more, vaguely
wondering how he would ever find the motivation to do anything beyond remaining in bed with her
ever again.

Chapter End Notes

New chapter coming soon. Tonks and Lupin deal with the aftermath of their elopement
with friends and family.
 An Exchange of Rings
Chapter Summary

Tonks and Lupin share the news of their marriage.

Reading song:
When Lupin begins his story at the Tonks' home: "The Finale" by Jeff Russo

Chapter Notes

A true family drama chapter. I tried my hardest to not make it feel like a bad recount of
a hometown episode from the Bachelor haha

Not twelve hours after their elopement, Tonks and Lupin found themselves walking through
the fields surrounding the Burrow. After awakening quite late in the morning, they had taken the
leisurely time to bathe with one another and scrape together a breakfast out of Lupin’s rather
meager supply of food. It was after all of this that Moody’s non-corporeal Patronus had appeared to
Tonks, saying she had to report to Arthur Weasley as quickly as possible about what she and Lupin
had found in the warehouse. Arthur would then serve as the spreader of information to the other
Order members that afternoon.

Having turned to Lupin, she had smiled lovingly at him. “Care to come with me as I work on a
weekend?”

"Alright," he said, only to then notice the preoccupied manner in which she finished the toast on
her plate. "What's wrong?"

"I'm conflicted," she said, pensively. "On one hand, we could keep things quiet for awhile
longer about us...and then this time is all ours, which I love."

Lupin waited for the rest of her thought.

"Or...I can be a good daughter, as hard as it may be, and tell my parents that their presence was
unneeded at our wedding." She dropped the last edge of toast to the plate and frowned with dread.

"How bad do you think it will be?" Lupin asked.

"Dunno...never eloped before," she said. "Not that I regret it...but I know they'll be hurt."

He had sat on the arm of the couch, looking at her seriously. “I think we should tell them soon.
We could go today."

She walked restlessly to the sink and looked out the kitchen window, thinking.

“They’ll have reason enough to dislike us together as it is – adding much more time to keeping
them in the dark won’t help it," he had reasoned.
 “I agree,” Tonks had said, frowning out the window as she considered the coming conversation.
“I’ll send word to them—tell them we’ll both be coming by this afternoon. They should be the first
people we tell.”

Lupin rose then and embraced her from behind, looking out with her onto the sunlit greenery
outside the window as he held her close.

She had rested against him, running her thumb in circles over his forearm.

Now, walking through the fields, she caught his hand as they went. Lupin smiled at her. He was
wearing his least frayed set of clothing, hoping to smooth things over as best as he was able with
Tonks’ parents, who barely knew he was involved with their daughter, let alone that they had
married.

They found Arthur in the shed, immersed in the study of a set of cogs.

Seeing them both there, he turned, his hand on his wand. “When did I first meet Nymphadora
Tonks?”

“Twenty-five years ago at St. Mungo’s hospital,” Tonks said.

“What spell did Remus Lupin confide to me got him a week of detention at Hogwarts, one of
his few infractions?” Arthur then asked.

“The shoe sole melting hex,” Lupin said. Having melted an entire group of students’ shoes into
a slick goo that created a pandemonium in his third year, Lupin’s great triumph had been dashed
when the astronomy professor had slipped in the puddle from her own boots.

Seeing Arthur surrounded by Muggle goods, Tonks looked at him seriously. “And what’s
Arthur Weasley’s fondest muggle possession?”

Arthur reached for the shelf overhead. He pulled down a yellow rubber duck with no shame. He
then smiled kindly. “Remus, Tonks. Fine to see you both!”

“Working on something new, Arthur?” Tonks asked.

“I just got a fine new specimen last night – a muggle clock. Tells the time through all of these
intricate metal pieces. I plan on taking it apart and reassembling it.” He then wiped his somewhat
grease-stained hands on his trousers and motioned to the Burrow. “Let’s go inside, shall we? I’ve
volunteered to spread the word about all you found – reckoned you’ve done your fair share of the
legwork already.”

“I appreciate it, Arthur,” Tonks said as they followed him toward the house.

Arthur walked a bit ahead of them. "I'd best go warn Molly you've arrived - there was an issue
with one of Fred and George's new products going off earlier. Wait for half a moment before
coming in, won't you?"

Tonks turned to Lupin with a glint in her eye as they paused on the lawn. “Never knew about
this shoe melting hex. I'd like to see it for myself."

"I'll keep my eye out for a chance to show you," he said, with a decidedly flirtatious tone. He
then noticed a red mark on her neck - and realized it had been him who had put the love bite there
last night. He raised his brows and pointed to his own neck, murmuring softly she had a mark. This
might have simply been humorous to them both if they weren't trying to keep news of their
togetherness quiet until Tonks' parents heard from them first.

"Conceal it for me," Tonks whispered.

Turning away from the house, Lupin performed a concealing charm on her skin that was
popular amongst blemish-laden teenagers. The red mark vanished. She nudged him with her elbow
and gave him a wink, her voice low, saying, "You can give me another one later" before they
turned back to the house.

Inside was the usual pleasant chaos of the Weasley household. Ron and Ginny passed by on
their way out to the shed for two broomsticks, both seeking to free themselves from the house as
Molly could be heard finishing a frustrated talk with them about leaving any more of Fred and
George’s trial products out for her to stumble into, causing foul smells or stains to appear in her
house.

Sharing friendly hellos, Ginny made an obvious effort to greet Tonks, who she was very fond
of.

Molly, still off put with her experience ridding the house of the terrible smell of the dung-bomb
prototype, seemed to forget her irritation entirely as she saw her two guests. Smiling for finding
Lupin and Tonks appearing there at her home together once more, she immediately put on the
kettle for tea.

Friendly chatting finished, Tonks stood with her hands and ring strategically out of sight as she
spoke about she and Lupin’s close call in the warehouse, the odd talk about the roundups and the
clearing of impurity, while Lupin, Molly and Arthur sat at the table.

The report over, there was a moment of silence.

Arthur looked pensive. “It’s just like before.”

“But it’s happening far faster this time,” Lupin said.

Molly looked out the open front door, watching Ron and Ginny fly by on the old Cleansweeps,
a dread in her heart.

Business concluded, Arthur decided aloud he would leave soon to begin letting the others
know, before remembering a topic he had been meaning to share with Lupin. "Remus, I've a favor
to ask of you," he said. "Mind if we talk over there?"

"Not at all," Lupin said, standing. He followed Arthur to the sitting room, still in full view of
the kitchen.

Lowering his voice, Arthur frowned. "I think you're the right man to ask, Remus," he began. "I
need help from someone removed enough so that it might just jar an answer out of Ron."

Lupin said nothing, knowing there had to be more to the story.

Arthur went on, "It all has to do with whatever mission Dumbledore gave Harry the night he
was killed in the astronomy tower."

Lupin frowned. "They're keeping their silence on it, then?"

Arthur looked pensively frustrated. "I've already asked Ron, but all he'll tell me is that Harry
was told to only share it with him and Hermione. Knowing those three, it can't be anything
tame...Merlin knows they've had their fair share of adventures."

Lupin nodded, aware that he had been an antagonist in one such adventure.

"Anyway, I've tried to get it out of Ron. I plan on asking Hermione and Harry as soon as I'm
able, but in case I can't get it from them, I want you to try, as well. They respect you - they'd be
more likely to tell you than some of the others."

"Arthur," Lupin said wearily, "I very much doubt any of them will go against what Dumbledore
wished because you or I go about asking them."

Arthur shook his head. "All three of them are planning on leaving Hogwarts, but it's more than
that. I know my son, Remus...he's planning to do something dangerous. More dangerous than
bringing Harry back from Surry next week. Anyway, if you get a chance, ask them. Maybe you'll
have better luck."

Lupin, with great doubt, nodded. "I'll try - but you're right, I'm far removed from them. I can't
promise my inquiries will get us any information."

"You have one shining quality that I don't have, Remus," Arthur said, smiling ruefully. "You're
not his father. Therefore, he might just tell you."

The two men shook hands.

Meanwhile, Molly had been making small talk with Tonks at the table.

“All well with you, dear?” Molly asked. “Besides that awful business, I mean.”

Tonks’ head still ached from yesterday and she was exhausted…but she was incandescently
happy and found it hard to hide. “Everything is brilliant,” she said.

“Should I be surprised to keep seeing you two turn up together?” Molly asked.

Tonks gave a small smile. “No, in fact…you should expect it.”

Molly gave Tonks an almost motherly look of pride. “Glad it all turned out for you, dear.” She
motioned for Tonks’ cup to refill it with tea.

Without thinking, Tonks passed it to her, forgetting her intentions to keep her ring hand in her
pocket.

With sudden attentiveness to Tonks’ hand, Molly set the kettle down, a look of curious interest
on her face. “And what’s this on your finger?”

Tonks nearly made to cover her hand even as the words left Molly’s mouth and shared a brief
glance with Lupin just as he had shared a handshake with Arthur, who met her eye from across the
room as he vaguely heard their conversation. “Oh, just a—” she began, not quite knowing where
the sentence was going to end as she began it. “—a new ring.”

Lupin fully allowed his attention to break away from Arthur and gave a ‘well, go on, cat’s out of
the bag’ sort of shrug.

Molly, looking at the ring, looked cautiously jubilant. “Is that what I think it is?”

Tonks’ façade dropped as she held her hand out proudly to Molly. “What would you say it is,
Molly?”
 Arthur, glad to have just recruited Lupin to getting information about his son's plans, turned a
questioning eye to Lupin as he saw the ring on Tonks' finger.

Lupin gave a nod and smile in response.

Arthur burst into a bark of pleased laughter as he shook Lupin’s hand yet again, this time with
great excitement. “Well, well, I might have guessed it!"

Molly enwrapped Tonks into a tight embrace, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “I knew
you would be so good for one another, if only you could both discover it for yourselves. When did
this happen, then?”

“Last night,” Tonks said, her dimly pounding head still present from the wedding celebrations.

Arthur and Lupin joined them in the kitchen once more, where Molly gave Lupin a jubilant hug,
which he returned somewhat stiffly, and Arthur took Tonks’ hand in both of his own, sharing some
sincere words of congratulations.

“Well, when will it be? You can have it here if you like – perhaps use the tent we just got for
Bill and Fleur,” Molly said.

Both taking in the misunderstanding at the same time, Lupin and Tonks both gave a quiet sort of
laugh.

“It’s a very kind offer,” Tonks said, “but we won’t need it.”

At Molly’s inquisitive look, Lupin clarified: “We seem to have skipped quite a few of the
normal steps one takes. We made our vows out in Northern Scotland last night.”

“Well, really, this morning. It was quite late,” Tonks said.

Arthur and Molly’s friendly joy over the news of what they assumed to be an engagement
quickly turned into inquisitive curiosity, though they didn’t ask aloud what both assumed to be the
reason for such a sudden, quiet wedding.

“Well, you can’t have celebrated properly then, if you’re here with us reporting for the Order,”
Arthur noted.

“And where for the love of Merlin did you find a place to marry so late?” Molly asked.

Fully understanding the ridiculousness of the story, Lupin smiled faintly as he said, “A pub.”

“No, no, not a pub,” Molly said, affronted by the fact that the couple she had worked quite hard
to help get together had taken their vows in such an unromantic place. “There’s no romance in a
pub wedding.”

“Well, the sloshed fellows dancing at the bar certainly thought otherwise,” Tonks said
seriously, but then broke into a laugh as she heard Lupin give a soft chuckle beside her. “And there
was perhaps too much celebrating afterward. Haven’t drunk like that since I was nipping behind
the Three Broomsticks in my seventh school year.”

This statement banished the suspicion both Weasleys had concerning a knobstick wedding;
besides, both Tonks and Lupin seemed too content to have acted out of duty. Seeming to get over
the disappointment of both not having been present for the ceremony and the ordinary location,
Molly took both Tonks’ and Lupin’s hands in hers and smiled brightly. “Let us throw you a
gathering, at the least. We can have it here, tonight. What do you think, both of you?”

Arthur beamed at the idea. “Yes! We can let a few others know – all trusted Order members, of
course.”

Lupin didn’t like the sound of this in the least. It was bad enough that he had married at all,
cursing the woman he loved to unknown trouble in the future due to his half-breed status, and
creating any fanfare over it seemed like a knowing celebration of his selfishness. But as he looked
at Tonks’ face and saw that she plainly fancied the idea, he immediately relented inwardly and
allowed a somewhat false smile to rest on his face. Keeping Tonks from her friends and family
because of their marriage was not something he would ever allow himself to stoop to, having
already experienced his parents’ unhappiness as they isolated themselves because of him. Besides,
she needn’t suffer for her commitment to him, though he was sure he would eventually disappoint
her in some way.

“It sounds lovely,” Tonks said.

“If it were a small, quiet affair,” Lupin said.

“Brilliant,” Arthur said.

Tonks looked suddenly serious. “There’s one matter I have to see to first, though. You’re the
first people we’ve told – and there’s two more who have to know before we go having
celebrations.”

Molly’s face fell as she intuited Tonks’ meaning. “Not even Ted and Andromeda know?” She
and Arthur had been old school friends with them, which had given Molly a great fondness for
Tonks through the years…though they had fallen out of touch for a long while now. Even so, the
thought of one of her own children marrying without her knowledge set Molly on edge.

Tonks looked slightly stricken.

Lupin put his arm around Tonks’ shoulders. “They’re our next stop. It was all very sudden last
night. I can only hope they’ll someday forgive me for all of this,” he said, as if he had coerced
Tonks into it all.

Arthur and Molly looked sympathetic.

Tonks shook her head. “Maybe it was cruel of us, but I’m happy for everything we’ve done…
they’ll have to forgive me, if anything, for knowingly keeping them out of it.”

“Me and Molly married quickly ourselves,” Arthur said. “Seemed like everyone was in those
days, what with how uncertain the times were. We had invited both sets of parents, but it did take
some time for the friends and family we had excluded to not shoot us any cold looks over it.”

Molly rolled her eyes. “Muriel has never let it drop, not even all these years and seven children.”

Tonks frowned.

“I’m sure it will all turn out,” Arthur assured them.

“Actually, mind if we use your fireplace? They’re expecting us already. Can’t put it off any
longer,” Tonks said.

“Of course,” Arthur said.

 Molly rested her hand on Tonks’ arm and gave her and Lupin both a serious look. “A word of
advice from a mother,” she said. “If you show them you’re truly committed to one another, that the
speed of it all wasn’t due to any misgivings you have toward them, then it’ll help soften the blow.”

“It’s the blow itself that’s got my stomach in a knot,” Tonks said. She then hugged Molly
sincerely in farewell.

After goodbyes and more words of congratulation, Tonks put on her gloves to allow her to ease
her parents into the news without their spying the ring. She then took a handful of floo powder
from the mantle and stepped into the fireplace first. Enunciating the destination clearly, she
vanished in a blaze of green fire.

Lupin took a handful of the powder but paused, frowning, and looked to Arthur and Molly. He
had known them a long time, and they had over a decade on him of life experience. “And what
shall I say to soften the blow?” He asked, not entirely expecting any helpful answers, the question
more an expression of his sudden dread.

Arthur gave Lupin an honest look of unease. “There’s not much to do but keep your chin up,
I’m afraid. If they blame anyone, it may be you. That said, you’re a fine fellow, Remus – have
some patience with them until they can see it.”

Molly gave a sad nod. “They’re a good lot, Ted and Andromeda…they’ll come around,
eventually.” She seemed to have a more direct thought then. “Maybe if you smile more. No need to
appear quite so somber about it all.”

Doing the opposite of smiling, Lupin gave a grim nod, then spoke and cast the powder at his
feet.

Materialising inside the Tonks’ fireplace, Lupin stooped low in order to step out of the
decidedly smaller space than the Weasley fireplace. He then began to brush off a few stray embers
from his shoulders. A few feet away, Tonks and Andromeda were still embracing, Ted beside
them.

Seeing Lupin’s somewhat awkward extrication from the fireplace, a more wary look settled
over Ted’s face even as he approached him with a hand extended. “Remus,” he said in greeting.

Remembering his liking for Ted from their first, if not brief meeting, Lupin shook the other
man’s hand. “Ted. Good to see you.”

Ted gave a half smile but did not return the sentiment. His gaze briefly flickered over the deep
scratches on Lupin’s face, now several days old and healing but still prominent.

Andromeda then shook his hand as well, less sincere upon this meeting than she had been
during the last.

To Lupin, whose entire life could be summarized by the line, A man who was generally liked
until people learned what he truly was, was unshaken and unsurprised, attributing this colder
reception to what Tonks had shared of his condition. How could anyone be pleased to discover that
a man on the outskirts of society cared for their daughter? Despite wanting this time with them to
not be steely, Lupin knew he was ultimately indifferent to whether they liked him or not; so long as
Tonks liked him, it was enough for him.

Tonks, very aware of the less-than-warm feel to the room suddenly, stepped by Lupin to stand
at his side. “Well,” she said, with a quick clearing of her throat, “I know this is overdue. But here
we are.”

“I guess we have our questions,” Ted said, his genial nature overriding his hesitations. “It’d be
nice to talk.”

Lupin nodded seriously. “Whatever you want to know,” he said, this half-sentence enough to
placate Ted.

Andromeda motioned to the kitchen. “Tea first,” she said, in a somewhat neutral tone of voice.

Left alone for a moment as Ted and Andromeda led the way, Tonks looked at Lupin with a
bracing expression and rocked up on her toes for an instant to whisper that she would break the
news as soon as the moment seemed right. He nodded in agreement.

For a few awkward minutes, Lupin milled by himself as Tonks helped Andromeda prepare the
kettle and cups. Ted went off to the pantry, returning with biscuits. Lupin was somewhat surprised
by the level of hospitality despite the obvious doubt they showed him.

Taking tea cups to the table, Tonks somehow fumbled one of them and the cup began to fall
from her hand. Without thinking, Lupin extended his hand toward the cup as the transfiguration
spell for rubberizing objects came clearly to his mind.

With an odd little bounce, the once glass cup jolted unharmed across the kitchen floor.

Seeing all this unfold in mere seconds, Tonks gave an amused laugh and shook her head.
"Learnt that one just for me, didn't you? Smart of you. Mum and Dad here have repaired every dish
in this house on my account."

"It was an excellent opportunity to teach Dora the value of a repair spell," Ted said.

"There are worse things than broken glassware," Lupin said, retrieving the rubber cup from the
floor and tossing it back to her.

Catching the cup, Tonks smiled at him and set about turning it back to glass.

Ted set the plate of biscuits on the table. "Wandless transfiguration is no small feat," he
commented.

"I can only do it from very close by," Lupin said with no pride in his own ability.

Andromeda cast Ted a disapproving look, as if warning him against praising the man they
meant to question objectively. She had never understood how the Sorting Hat at Hogwarts had ever
decided on Ravenclaw for him; he was as much a sap as Nymphadora at times, a trait she usually
appreciated in him, as he was the opposite of her family.

Andromeda brought the tea over, motioning for them all to sit. She then gave Lupin a serious
look. “I know I may seem a bit more cold than Ted, but you must understand that we know very
little about you, and I know Nymphadora well enough to see that she’s quite serious about all of
this. I’ll tell you now that we have our doubts.”

“I understand,” Lupin said.

Ted leaned forward across the table. “Dora told us some a while back, of course – but we
wanted to hear about it all from you directly.”
 They were being purposefully vague. Hoping to make the conversation more direct, Lupin
motioned to the scratches on his own face with a faint smile. “What do you wish to hear about
first? The relationship or the fact that I’m a half-breed?” He did not say it bitterly.

Tonks made a subtle face, this anticipated conversation going perhaps better than she might
have thought, but she felt disconcerted by it all the same.

Ted might have flinched, though he contained himself. “You’ll have to forgive us our wariness.
The only thing I ever knew about…erm…”

“Werewolves,” Lupin supplied, with sincere resolve.

“Yeah, werewolves, was a few lessons worth of facts back at Hogwarts."

"And what the Daily Phrophet has been reporting about werewolf attacks," Andromeda added
gravely.

"Never met one personally, until you," Ted said.

"Well, those reports are all true, unfortunately," Lupin said, his choice of words somehow
conversational and yet bluntly honest all at once. "Most werewolves live amongst their own kind
by necessity. Some steal and fight to survive, seeing as no law abiding citizen could hire them, and
others give in fully to their monstrous side and forsake their humanity. It's a choice that many
make, since it's easier to give into instincts and the transformation. But...it's possible to live civilly.
It's just more rare."

"How rare?" Andromeda asked.

A small, resigned laugh escaped Lupin. "I've never met another who choses to live as I do. I
think it's harder to live alone than it is to suffer together. But I'll admit too that I've been given
more chances and opportunities than most ever are." It was a fact that estranged him permanently
from the werewolves; they saw him as far too wizard-like to ever have a place among them.

“Nymphadora has told us you got it quite young,” Andromeda said, though her tone made it
clear that she wasn’t quite sure how long ago he had been young.

Lupin hardly ever shared details about his childhood with anyone; it had been a difficult time.
“Would you like to hear the long version or the short version of it all?"

Andromeda, glad that he seemed open to speaking with them, sat back in her chair in order to
settle in. “Long,” she said simply.

Lupin seemed to consider where to begin. “Have you ever heard of a pamphlet by Lyall Lupin?
It’s called Non-Human Spiritous Apparitions.”

Ted, who prided himself on reading almost everything in his spare time, seemed to have a spark
of recognition. “Seems like I read it once.”

“That pamphlet was my father’s proudest bit of writing. He was an investigator for the Ministry.
Traveled around quite a bit doing research on dark creatures, mostly poltergeists and Boggarts. It
was on one of these excursions that he ran into a muggle woman named Hope Howell, my mother.
The day they met in Wales, she was being terrorized by the Boggart he was tracking down. This
intervention must have made an impression because time went on and they married. Well, the
world was facing an influx of dark magic then, as it is now. My father was then working for the
Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and I must have been…” he
shrugged, “…around four at the time. One of his tasks was to question suspected dark creatures
and register them for regulation.”

Tonks frowned at this; she hadn’t known about this part of the story.

Seeing that his audience was listening attentively, Lupin went on. “On such a questioning, my
father met a man who seemed surprised to find himself among wizards and magic. The committee
my father was part of believed him to be a muggle in need of the Obliviator’s hand, but my father
was shrewd and kept the investigation going. The man was accused of killing two muggle children
near London, and my father, always so justice-oriented, wasn’t about to let him go without further
tests, wanting them to hold the man overnight until the full moon. But no one else agreed, and my
father was incensed. He never told me what was said, but the result,” he again motioned to himself,
“is clear. The accused man, who had indeed been a werewolf feigning ignorance to be released,
wanted revenge against the wizard who had spoken insults against lycans. So he positioned himself
near our home the very next day, so that when he transformed, he would be drawn to us. During
the night, he broke into my bedroom window and attacked me in my sleep.”

Andromeda looked quite affected by this portion. She shifted in her chair, her tea quite
forgotten. “Do you remember it?”

Tonks had traced the scars with her fingers that very morning, horrified at the old injuries that
covered his back and chest -- some new, most from that one horrific night.

Lupin shook his head. “Only in pieces, I suppose – I remember hearing the glass window
shatter, a great weight upon me and a horrible pain. My father was able to drive him off before I
could be killed." For years afterward, he had had terrible nightmares about slinking creatures
slipping into his window and leaping onto him. It was one of the last things he had ever spoken
about with his mother before her death in 1981, right before his father had also passed. Neither
Hope nor Lyall had ever ceased feeling guilty for that terrible night.

Ted gave an indignant sound, sickened at the thought of a child enduring such a thing.
Andromeda considered him with gravity.

Tonks’ hand was gripped into a fist beneath the table, lost in thoughts about how she might
somehow pay Greyback back for all the trouble and pain he had inflicted upon her husband.

“Well,” Lupin said, as if shaking himself from the remembrance of the attack, “years passed.
My parents did their best to control me during my transformations, but I saw how it pained and
ostracized them from others as much as it did me while we figured out how life would then have to
be for all of us. My only escape from it all was my admittance into Hogwarts – a thing I had never
hoped for, knowing how the world looks down on my kind.”

“Nymphadora has told us that Dumbledore saw to it personally,” Andromeda said.

Lupin nodded. “Without him, I'd be far worse off.”

“He even invited Remus back later to teach,” Tonks said, smiling with somber pride.

“What subject?” Andromeda asked.

“Defense Against the Dark Arts,” Lupin said.

“I would have guessed Transfiguration," Ted said, motioning to the cup that Tonks had changed
back into glass. "It takes an intelligent man to be invited to teach."
 Lupin shook his head yet again. “Well, in my case, just an experienced one – my entire life has
been an exercise in defense, after all, especially in the Order.” He smiled ruefully. “However, as
my true self came to light and as a registered dark creature, my employment there lasted only one
year.” He straightened in his chair, aware that now was the time to be transparent. He could have
easily framed his life in a way that reflected all of the bitter, lonely years he had endured after
completing his education at Hogwarts, shunned by everyone and distant from old friends...but he
chose to present facts over jaded confessions, never wishing to present himself as a victim. “It’s a
constant struggle, finding work. I do alright for myself doing small jobs – but once anyone
discovers my true nature, I’m dismissed or driven off.”

Ted and Andromeda were frowning. After a moment, it was Andromeda who asked, “And how
do you keep yourself from harming people, as you were harmed?”

“I lock myself away,” Lupin said. “I’ve learned how to keep myself contained and quiet with
enough charms.”

"You've never harmed anyone, then, as a werewolf?" Andromeda asked.

Tonks held her tongue, knowing that this conversation was necessary and hating that it was.
Though, she was proud of him as he took each of their questions in stride, his honesty very
apparent.

"No people," Lupin said. Understanding the question Andromeda truly wanted answered, he
added, "I was reckless a few times in my life with it, especially at Hogwarts...but never again. I'd
never put your daughter, or anyone, at such risk."

"So those cuts," Ted ventured, indicating the wounds on Lupin's face, "are from yourself?"

Lupin nodded grimly. "However I manage to injure myself stays with me when I change back.
After dealing with this so long, I've come to believe wounds such as these," he raised his chin
subconsciously as he spoke about the four claw marks, "must occur as I'm changing back."

"Isn't there a Potion now that keeps one more..." Ted searched for but could not find a better
word than, "...tame?"

"There is. I simply don't have access to it. The Ministry has banned it, and it's expensive
besides."

Tonks thought immediately to Wright, deciding she would pay him another visit soon to be sure
he knew she was still expecting him to keep his part of the bargain she had struck with him.

"I'm not surprised," Andromeda said. "I think they mean to make it so difficult for anyone who
they don't approve of that they'll never have to deal with them out on the street. It's bigotry."

Lupin nodded, realizing fully then that the Tonks' point of view was the same as his own. "It
makes leading a normal life between full moons rather difficult."

Silence fell over them. It was not the horrified silence of disgust, but rather one born of two
listeners who could not imagine such a thing happening to themselves.

Lupin saw that their expressions did not harden to him as he spoke, giving him the impetus to
keep speaking. “I wish I could sit here and tell you that I’m a normal enough fellow with stability
and prospects – but I’m not. Far from it. However, I’ve learned to make my way in a world that has
never wanted me, and I keep myself from doing anyone harm. That being said, I never intended on
caring for anyone, nor bringing them into my life because of all the complications I come with…”
he looked at Tonks with a sincere look. “But I fell into it quite without trying.”

Tonks returned his gaze with a loving expression. She looked to her parents again then, saying,
"I know that people might see us together and assume that I had been deceived about the
lycanthropy -- but I knew from the start, long before I ever began to feel anything for him. Even
then, he was always very upfront."

Lupin looked to Ted and Andromeda with humility. “It’s never my intention to cause Dora any
struggle, but my life is not easy, and I can’t pretend that it will ever be so.”

Hearing the use of the nickname, Andromeda inwardly struggled, though Ted seemed to be
encouraged by it’s use.

“Well, Remus,” Ted said slowly, “you’re honest, at least. I suppose I was afraid I was going to
hear false promises and hopeful dithering, but…” he tapped his fingers against the tabletop. “…it
sounds as if you’re doing your best. It’s the most any of us can do.”

Lupin cleared his throat somewhat then. “There’s more honesty to hear, I’m afraid. Looking at
you both now, I regret not having spoken with you earlier.”

Tonks, a pit in her stomach, had removed her gloves beneath the table and laid them on her lap.
She slipped her arm through Lupin’s in a show of solidarity. “Dad, Mum, I hope you’ll see it
wasn’t done out of any bad feeling toward you – but I’m happy with my decision, and I hope you’ll
learn to be, too.” She gave them a true smile, though her eyes showed her dread for their reaction.
“Last night, Remus and I nearly caught a few killing curses. It might sound foolish, but it made me
realize how much I love him. Anyhow, we spoke and decided we both wanted – well...” she then
laid her hand with the ring on the table in full view. “We’re married – almost for a full day now.”

Stunned silence, both for the marriage and the casual talk of killing curses. The sound of the
light breeze outside suddenly seemed loud and pressing compared to the quiet indoors.

Ted felt suddenly numbed, whereas Andromeda got a sudden painful feeling in her throat as she
forced herself to remain calm.

“I’m sorry to not have invited you,” Tonks said, her inflection showing her true regret.

“Did you think we would have tried to stop you?” Andromeda asked, the subdued hurt in her
voice clear.

“I wasn’t thinking of that,” Tonks said evenly. “I was just glad to be alive and glad to have
found someone who I love, who I would die for. I wanted to marry him before anything happens to
me – before my name shows up at the back of the Daily Prophet. I…I hope you can forgive me.
Forgive us.”

Lupin nodded somberly.

Ted’s gaze had fallen to the table where he wrung his hands quietly. He looked at Lupin and
Tonks heavily. Then, in a way that made Lupin feel as if he were checking for his own peace of
mind, he asked them both, “Do you truly love one another?”

Tonks reached out for her father’s hand. “Yes, Dad.”

Lupin’s voice was kind and sincere. “Yes.”

Tonks looked to her mother, whose natural reserve from emotion seemed strained. “Mum?”
 “It’s not how I imagined it,” she said quietly, bluntly. Even fully being against the bigotry that
Lupin faced, she hated the thought that such stigma should affect her daughter, as well.

Lupin looked at them with an apology in his eyes. “I know I’m poor, older than you would like,
and a risk…but I do love Dora. When I met her three years ago, I thought her the most fierce,
determined woman I had ever met. And then I discovered her kindness and loyalty. I began to
realize my own feeling toward her and avoided her for a long while – to both of our detriment. I
wished to keep her from my struggles; she doesn't deserve them. But I realized that my life is
infinitely better with her at my side; a thing I hope to provide for her, as well, despite my
condition.”

Andromeda looked at Tonks with pain. “You haven’t picked an easy path, Nymphadora.”

Tonks nodded. “No, I haven’t. But it’s the right path, Mum.” She gave Lupin a look of great
trust. “He’s the best man I’ve ever run into out in the world – right up there with you, Dad.”

Lupin, unaccustomed to hearing anyone speaking up for him with such fierce pride since the
death of his few close friends, was humbled yet again by her commitment to him.

"You said...it's nearly been a day now? Where did you marry?" Andromeda asked. Without
malice, she gravely added to Lupin, "I can't imagine the Ministry would have allowed it there, if
you're registered, as you say."

"They wouldn't have, no," Lupin said.

"We found an old man in Scotland last night; someone who didn't know us," Tonks said.

More silence. Then, the question that weighed heavily on Andromeda's mind: "I have to
know...is there no other reason for such a hasty wedding? There's no child, is there?"

It was a fair question, one that Tonks had anticipated. She smiled gently. "No such reason,
Mum."

There were a hundred other fears that sprang to Andromeda's mind; what if there was to be a
child in the future? Would Nymphadora get stuck raising a child who turned into a mindless
creature every month, as Lupin had just described his own childhood? But to ask would be to turn
the conversation into an interrogation, something she could not bear in that moment.

Instead, Andromeda held out her hand to Tonks, asking silently to see the ring. Without
commenting on its shabby, homemade appearance, she looked to Lupin. “I see you’re not wearing
its match.”

“Didn’t think about it in the moment,” Tonks said, still quite fond of her ring and
unappreciative of Andromeda’s unspoken dislike of it.

Lupin made no effort to defend the thread ring. He wasn’t proud of it, either – he knew Tonks
deserved far more.

“Any plans for another?” Andromeda asked.

Tonks looked at her with near exasperation. “Look, it’s not important to…”

Andromeda then seemed to break and gave them both a more kind look as she raised her hand,
causing Tonks to trail off. “Wait here.” She rose and vanished into the hall.
 Ted sat back in his chair as if tired from all of this unexpected news. He gave Tonks a fond
look. “You’re no fool, Dora…your mum and I both know that. If you’ve committed yourself to
someone, then I know it was for good reason.”

Tonks let out a relieved breath, her eyes collecting mist out of gratitude. She stood up and pulled
her father to his feet, embracing him.

Still holding her near, Ted frowned. “Can’t say I’m not sad to not have been there, though.”

“I know,” Tonks said, stepping back. “I’m sorry for it.”

Ted then held his hand out to Lupin again, this time with more warmth. “It was good of you to
come here, though, and tell us yourself.”

Lupin returned the handshake, glad to see that Ted, at least, seemed to be warming up to the
situation.

A sudden question seemed to spring to Ted’s mind, and feeling like this was a time for unpolite
questions, went ahead and asked it. “How old are you exactly, Remus?”

“Thirty-six,” Lupin replied gravely. He motioned to his head of brown but graying hair. “The
gray makes it hard to tell, I know.”

Ted nodded, finding the twelve year difference unconcerning. “My own parents were about
sixteen years apart, you know. Muggles, both of them. People gave them a hell of a time about it,
but they never had any regrets…not until I came around, anyway. Scared them stiff when their son
started making the cat float and its hair turn green.”

Lupin chuckled. Tonks beamed at her father, grateful for the effort he was making.

Andromeda returned to the kitchen, something held in her hand. She extended her palm out to
both Tonks and Lupin – two rings rested there, one of plain gold and the other more petite with a
small diamond on it. “My grandparents’ rings,” she said. “My sister, Narcissa, wanted them – but
then, she inherited everything else.”

“Mum, we couldn’t,” Tonks said.

“And why not?” Andromeda asked. “They’re family rings, sitting dusty in a box. They should
be used.” She smiled gently and laid the rings into Tonks’ hand, happy to provide something for
her daughter's benefit and fully aware that her grandparents would have had a fit over knowing that
a werewolf was not only part of the family, but would also be wearing a family ring.

Tonks, smiling, held out the diamond set ring to Lupin, who took it. She then took the plain
gold one and took his ring hand, placing the ring on the first knuckle of his ring finger, where it
remained, Lupin’s hand bigger than Tonks’ great grandfather’s.

“Not to worry,” Ted said, taking out his wand. He tapped the ring with the wand tip, the
transfiguration charm causing the gold to thin somewhat and expand, resized immediately.

Tonks gave him a smile and then finished placing the ring on Lupin’s finger.

Lupin looked at the diamond ring for a moment and then thanked Andromeda with a quiet
voice, who merely nodded. He then took Tonks’ hand in his own and slid the diamond ring onto
the same finger as the woven thread ring, where it fit perfectly. “Now you can get rid of the first
one,” he said, a feeling of shame settled heavily in his chest for being too poor to have provided
such a ring himself.

Tonks shook her head. “No – I love it just as much.” She gave him a quick kiss then, which was
both affirming and somewhat jarring to her parents, before turning to kiss both her parent’s cheeks.
“Thank you both,” she said, with emotion in her voice.

This led to more embraces. Lupin, who had both lost his parents at twenty-one and been raised
in a far more reserved household, was unused to such affection. But he felt the undeniable
beginnings of acceptance.

“Listen,” Tonks said, her old cheer returning to her. “I meant to tell both of you first about the
marriage, but we ended up having to tell the Weasleys this morning when Molly saw the ring.
They’re inviting a few people over to celebrate us tonight, not sure when yet. I’d love it if you
were both there…in fact, I couldn’t bear it if you weren’t. Will you come?”

This invitation left Andromeda with a slight pang of bitterness after having knowingly been left
out of the actual wedding. But she smiled, nonetheless, as both she and Ted agreed.

“Well,” Ted said, “I suppose you’re off again now?”

Tonks glanced at Lupin before replying. “Actually, I was hoping to spend the afternoon here.
Perhaps we can all go to the Burrow together this evening?”

In what would be the first of many sacrifices of his time, Lupin looked to Ted and Andromeda.
“If you don’t mind the both of us staying.”

“We’re all family now, aren’t we?” Andromeda said, her voice rather subdued. She still had
many reservations about this unexpected son-in-law; knowing Ted, he did as well, though his
friendliness masked it far better. Seeing she finally had a real opportunity to speak with Tonks and
clear the air between them, she looked seriously at her daughter. "Nymphadora, a word?"
 The Gathering at the Burrow
Chapter Summary

Lupin and Ted talk while Tonks clears the air with Andromeda.
At the Burrow, the wedding celebration gathering allows Mundungus Fletcher to drink
too freely before he's hexed in the dark.

Lupin and Ted, giving their wives the space they had asked for to talk, stood awkwardly together
for half a moment before Ted invited Lupin into his study. This was a welcome reprieve for Lupin,
who had no desire to be there for the reconciliation between a mother and daughter who had not
been on the friendliest terms for the past year. Their voices, strained but not loud, could be faintly
heard through the wall, with only the faintest of “In a pub?” clearly audible from the study.

The topics that Ted brought up were far less taxing. Lupin found Ted to be well read and
inquisitive. He was terribly interested in such a wide variety of topics that Lupin had never thought
of in much depth, leaving him only able to nod and smile. One such topic was Ted’s small
collection of astronomical books, which concluded in the man telling Lupin about his telescope in
the back yard. But ever the skilled conversationalist, Ted did not monopolize the talk for long. He
asked more about Lupin’s father’s work, only to suddenly begin to wonder when he had read
Lyall’s famous pamphlet, which caused him to go to his bookshelf. He produced a looseleaf folder
and took it down, allowing a disorganized mass of informational booklets to spill out from the
folder’s confines and spread out across the desk.

“When you first mentioned it, I knew I had once read it. Got to be here somewhere.”

Lupin, amused by Ted’s lack of organization for the entire study, sat back in his chair and
watched as Ted produced an old, worn pamphlet with a faded cover. Though half the title had
worn away, the author’s name was legible across the middle: LYALL LUPIN. Ted, pleased to have
found it, passed it to Lupin. “Funny to think I picked this up years ago, not thinking I’d ever know
the author’s son.”

Lupin looked at the worn booklet, surprised to see such an old copy. It was still in print by the
Ministry presently, but this one looked original; an odd fact, seeing as Ted would have been
teenaged when it first was published. “It’s been a long while since I’ve held one,” he said, glad to
have it in his hands. He flipped through it absently.

“Well, it’s just sitting on that shelf. Take it home with you, if you like,” Ted said, amassing the
other spilt booklets and putting them back into the folder.

Lupin gave the man a true look of thanks. “I will. Thank you.”

Ted sat down across from Lupin. “Your dad still around?” he asked, so kindly that such a blunt
question was made quite gentle.

Hearing Ted speak, Lupin could not help but see where Tonks had learned her way of talking
and prying information from people in a kindly way; they were very similar, though Tonks favored
her mother in looks.
 “No,” Lupin said. “He passed not long after my mother did.”

“Any other family?”

Lupin, unperturbed, shook his head. “None.”

“Well, I know the feeling,” Ted said. “My own parents are gone, and ‘Dromeda’s family…well,
I’m sure you know of them. They haven’t spoken to her since we married. They were ashamed of
her once she threw her lot in with me. Not that I’m complaining much about it; they’re not exactly
the type of people I rub elbows with.”

Ted’s assessment of his and Andromeda’s past was exactly what Lupin had expected to happen
with him and Tonks, but now he sat in Ted’s study, having a chat with the man he and Tonks had
blindsided with news of their elopement not an hour prior.

“Can’t believe all that goes on with the Malfoy side,” Ted continued. “Saw in The Quibbler a
couple of years back how old Lucius was named as a Death Eater. Couldn’t say I was surprised
any.”

“He’s a cold man,” Lupin said, remembering the horrible day when Sirius, the last of his old
friends, had fallen through the veil; Harry’s cries as he tried to rip away from Lupin’s grip were
still seared into Lupin’s memory. “I wonder how long they’ll keep him in Azkaban.”

“Not long enough.” Realizing he was speaking perhaps too freely, he shifted. “Wouldn’t be
surprised if he gets released long before he should. It’s money, you know. If you’ve got enough of
it, you can get away with nearly anything.”

Through the wall then came the still muffled sound of Tonks raising her voice in indignation.

Ted smiled almost apologetically. “I’m sure you already know, but they haven’t been getting on
for awhile now.”

“What started it?” Lupin asked.

“Well, I’d say it was Dora getting accepted by the aurors. ‘Dromeda was convinced it would be
the death of her sooner than later. Then, she joined the Order on account of Moody recruiting her
in. We didn’t know too much about it at first, and I’m proud of her for all she does now, but…well,
a man can worry, all the same.” He threw Lupin an un-accusing look. “The surprise news today
certainly didn’t help things. We might have guessed a number of things, but a marriage wasn’t one
of them.”

Lupin was unphased by this honesty. “I can see how it seems rushed, foolish even…but it took
us years to get to know one another. The rest, like Dora said, came of realizing how little time any
of us might have right now.”

Ted looked suddenly weary as he looked at the floor. “That business with ‘Dromeda’s sister at
the beginning of the month…” he shook his head, swallowing the hard lump of anger that sat
painfully in his throat. “Seein’ Dora there in that old school infirmary bed, all pale, I felt the life fly
right out of me. She’s got more courage than anyone, and the confidence to boot…but she never
has known when to hold back, in her job or her life. I’d never tell her to stop the auror work, or
even these undercover things she runs for that Order of yours, but…” he shook his head. “A
father’s first job is worryin’, Remus. As much as I’d like to think you’re a good man who’ll stand
by her side, I don’t know that about you yet. So, do me a favor, and take care of her. She needs it
more than she’d ever admit.” He met Lupin’s eye seriously, as if asking if Lupin were prepared to
do so.

“I will,” Lupin said gravely, knowing well that words were useless until backed by time and
action.

Straightening his back, Ted let a short breath escape him as if purposefully dragging himself out
of his worry.

“She’s been worried about our meeting,” Lupin heard himself saying, compelled to give the
man a bit more than monosyllable words. “I already know that today gave her some ease of
mind…as it did me. Most people would have been horrified to know what I am, so I’m glad to be
given a chance to prove myself.”

“Well, if I were to point any fingers, I’d be a hypocrite,” Ted said. “I married young, and there
were plenty of nay-sayers at the time telling her to forget about me because of my blood status.
They even went to her the night before the wedding, begging her to cut any ties with the ‘mud-
blood’. Then they disowned her. It hurt her more than she ever let on… but even with all the
problems, we wouldn’t change any of it. So, as for you and Dora, so long as she's happy with you,
then I’m content…though perhaps you can convince her to come ‘round more. We’d be happy to
have you both, seeing as you’re part of us now.”

Part of us. It was a true enough statement, but the part of Lupin that had long been resigned
to isolation and otherness nearly recoiled at the phrasing. He didn’t know how to be part of
anything beyond the Order…and even then, at the end of the day, it was still him alone. He
realized he would have to learn how to be part of a family again, a process that sounded daunting.
But he realized his fortune at stumbling into a family so tolerant of his condition; it was a true
rarity, though time would tell if their tolerance was more than words.

Humbled by Ted’s words, Lupin carefully placed his father’s old pamphlet on boggarts and
poltergeists carefully into the inner pocket of his coat and smiled at Ted, knowing full well that
convincing Tonks of a such a thing would be impossible if the talk between her and Andromeda did
not go well. “I’ll certainly do my best…though it seems that Dora inherited Andromeda’s spirit.”

Ted snorted with amusement. “Her stubbornness, more like. Now, to pass the time, perhaps
you’d show me how you practiced that silent rubberizing spell without wand in hand. Maybe it’ll
drown out all that talk in the other room.”

Not an hour later, a soft knock sounded at the door. Tonks appeared in the doorway with
Andromeda at her elbow, smiling at the sight of her husband and father testing the bounce of an
empty inkwell. “You two gents getting along alright?”

“Just receiving a lesson from the Professor here,” Ted said, pleased with the progression of his
semi-rubber inkwell. “All well with you two?”

“What’cha think, mum? Alright?” Tonks asked, to which Andromeda only gave a weary smile
in return. Having reached some true understanding for a year’s worth of misunderstandings and
impatient words, Andromeda had finally come to the conclusion that Tonks would never cease her
work as an auror, just as Tonks had finally come to accept that her mother need not be happy with
the risks she took. But at least they had spoken.

“Just glad to have you here,” Andromeda said quietly.

Tonks flashed her a smile before looking back at the two men. “Well, Arthur’s patronus just
skipped on through here. Six o’clock at the Burrow – food will be light, but it sounded like there’ll
be some drink.”

“How many people?” Lupin asked warily.

“Hard to say with them,” Tonks said with a shrug. “We’ll have to see.”

________________________________

There were more people than Arthur had indicated that morning. As the Tonks and Lupin
stepped out of the fireplace into the Weasley home, they were surprised to find a fair number of
people already there both on the first floor and up the stairs conversing. Hagrid was the first to give
his hearty congratulations, his large hands knocking Lupin to the side as he patted him on the back.
Fred and George, dressed in their finest dragon skin suits, were pleased to hear Tonks’ brief story
about how their Decoy Detonators had saved her and Remus’ lives. Moody was there, who was the
only one to test both of their identities before getting on with a brisk congratulations; he also
informed them that Shacklebolt sent his best but was off in liaison with the muggle Prime Minister.
Bill had come up to greet them both, his scars looking better despite the fact that they would never
fade, saying how Tonks and Lupin had done things right and that they had avoided a mountain of
worry and gold by eloping, to which Fleur gave him a pouty look, their wedding not far off. Even
Mundungus Fletcher was present, though he did not rush over to the newlyweds but rather poured
Fire whiskey into his pint of ale. Besides Mundungus, who had merely shown up having heard of
the event second hand, other trusted people from the Order appeared to shake their hands, leaving
Ted and Andromeda to step back and look at the turnout of oddballs and misfits who were present.

Molly approached the Tonks with great joy at seeing old friends, so long separated now. “Heard
the whole story, did you?” she asked of them both, curious to gauge their faces.

“For the better part of the day,” Ted said.

Molly grasped Andromeda’s forearm in apology. “I hope we haven’t overstepped by throwing

all of this together. But we felt like we had to do something; it’s the happiest I’ve seen either of
them for a long time now,” she said, motioning to Lupin and Tonks who stood surrounded by well-
wishers asking for the story.

Andromeda smiled faintly at the sound of Tonks’ ringing laughter across the sitting room. “Not
at all. I’m glad you put it together.”

Suddenly Arthur appeared, exclaiming happily to see Ted and Andromeda after so much time. It
took only a few minutes for Arthur and Ted to go for a drink at the back table. Before Arthur could
move away, however, Molly grabbed him by the sleeve and murmured in his ear, “Arthur, dear, do
keep an eye on that Mundungus Fletcher. He’ll be sloshed in twenty minutes if he keeps on like
this.”

Andromeda watched Tonks and Lupin standing there together, both as different from the other
as could be. She frowned, looking at Lupin and wishing she could see into his mind with
legillimency to know his intentions.

Left alone with Andromeda, Molly looked into the other woman’s face and saw the faint
sadness in her eyes. “Care for a walk outdoors with me? For old times’ sake?”

Looking grateful to leave the crowded room, Andromeda nodded and followed Molly out of the
Burrow and into the cool evening air.

“Was that your Ginny I saw on the stairs?” Andromeda asked.

 “It was. She’s a fine girl – flies on her house quidditch team, you know.”

“Just like her brothers,” Andromeda said, smiling.

They stopped beside Arthur’s shed. “You looked a bit peaky in there – I thought the air might
do you some good,” Molly said, in the confiding tones of friendship.

“It’s been a long day,” Andromeda said.

“Tell me,” Molly said.

Inside the Burrow, Tonks had just arrived at the part of the story in which she was describing
the odd set of wedding attendees that had been present at the pub when Mundungus, backing out of
the sitting room and into the kitchen, nipped a familiar jar into his coat pocket. Ginny, from her
perch on the stairs, saw it and looked down with narrow eyes at the man she had grown to distrust
greatly; she had heard from Ron and Hermione last year about how he had stolen half of Harry’s
inherited possessions from 12 Grimmauld Place. Without waiting, she made her way down into the
main party and approached Mundungus. “Hey, you – give that back,” she said firmly.

Mundungus, too deep into his drink to heed her at first, looked up and blinked at her heavily.
“Wht’d you sae, girl?” he grunted.

“I saw you take it. Give it back.”

Lupin, who was near enough to hear this quiet exchange, turned to them and stepped suddenly
to Ginny’s side. “What’s going on here, then?”

“He’s taken my Dad’s jar of muggle coins – I want him to give it back,” Ginny said, not
backing down and not breaking her firm eye contact with Mundungus.

Lupin looked at Mundungus calmly. He trusted Ginny's judgment, but was also aware that
Mundungus hadn’t kept his fingers from straying onto whatever was loose and at hand for months
now. Despite Lupin's high threshold for forgiveness for nearly everyone but himself, he deeply
disliked Mundungus. However, Mundungus also knew too much about the Order and its now few
members; Lupin saw no need to directly anger him. “How about you turn out your pockets,
Mundungus, and then you can go back to your drink. We'll forget this happened."

Mundungus gave Lupin a look of disdain. “How about I just nip off and leave you lot to it?”

All of this had gone unnoticed by the group at large, except for Tonks, who had been looking
around the room to rejoin Lupin.

“Fine by me,” Lupin said, his voice still steady despite his waning patience. Mundungus then
turned and stumbled a bit.

As he turned away, Ginny raised her wand discreetly and called the jar to her silently with the
summoning charm; it flew to her hand, where she caught it and then held it behind her back. She
smirked, pleased.

Mundungus, drunk off his feet even though he had only been at the party for thirty minutes, did
not feel the jar leave his heavy overcoat pocket and merely turned unsteadily for the door.

“Something exciting going on?” Tonks asked, appearing behind Lupin and Ginny.

“It’s about to,” Lupin said, tired of Mundungus and feeling in the mood to give him a small dose
of the trouble the man caused everyone around him. “Come on.” He made for the Burrow’s other
door, Tonks and Ginny following a step behind.

Out in the shadows, Molly listened sympathetically to Andromeda’s rather stiff recounting of
how she felt like Tonks was one unplanned step away from great danger. “And now she brings
home this man today, who speaks on his difficult life as Nymphadora sits there looking at him like
he hung the moon and stars. I don’t understand it… how could she have chosen him?”

Molly gave her a look of sympathy, keeping her own stance of fully supporting the marriage
quiet in order to give an old friend the space to grieve. “I don’t think it’s for us to know. Only she
does.”

“He's her complete opposite - somber, jaded. I feel like they're not matched in so many
ways...that they'll surely fight about money. I just wish I could understand what she saw in him in
the first place….and I hope he doesn't change her for the worse,” Andromeda said.

“I remember when you and Ted married,” Molly said gently. “I seem to recall no one in your
family saw the worth in Ted either.”

“It was different,” Andromeda said. “Ted was perfectly able to share a good, normal life with
me, even though no one else could see past his blood-status. But this Remus Lupin? How can he
make her happy if she’s hiding their marriage from the Ministry to keep her job? And how can I
trust that he’ll never harm her during a full moon?”

“He’s better than you know,” Molly said in a kind voice. “I saw the hell he put himself through
just deciding whether or not he would allow Nymphadora’s affections for all of the reasons you
just said, and more, I’m sure. But, you hardly know him – maybe you’ll see it for yourself with
enough time.”

Just then, the backdoor opened with a loud sound and a figure stomped heavily across the dark
yard, not bothering to close the door behind him. Molly and Andromeda fell silent as they peered
through the darkness to see who it was, only for Molly to recognize Mundungus Fletcher as he
walked drunkenly across the grass. Before Molly could call out irritably to him to shut the door
behind him, he took a step and his feet shot out from underneath him, causing him to fall flat on his
back. Cursing loudly, he rolled to his feet and carefully put his weight on his toes, only to lose grip
and slip again, as if he stood on ice. At this point, rolling across the lawn and bemoaning the slick
puddle of goo that had seemed to drip off his own shoe soles, he got carefully to his feet and, mid-
slip, disapparated with a loud crack.

Before Molly could piece together the odd sight, she and Andromeda saw two figures appear
from their hiding place around the corner of the Burrow. Though they could not see well, Ginny’s
and Tonks’ laughter immediately identified their two daughters, even in the dark. “Best thing I’ve
ever seen,” Tonks said, tears in her eyes from suppressed laughter.

A third figure appeared from the corner then, tall and lanky in the shadows. His voice was calm
even as he said, “As useful now as it was in that astronomy class third year.”

“I’ll have to remember that one,” Ginny said.

“Best to use it sparingly,” Lupin said, not bothering to dissuade her. “It’ll melt every shoe in the
vicinity if you’re not careful.”

Ginny then went indoors, laughing still, leaving Tonks to pull Lupin aside for a brief moment
for a lingering kiss in the dark. They then followed after Ginny, closing the back door behind them.
 Andromeda frowned, realizing that Lupin had more in common with Tonks than she had first
guessed. “Who was that slipping across the lawn?” she asked.

“Someone who deserved it,” Molly said, grimly pleased.

 A Night at Home
Chapter Summary

Tonks speaks with the potion maker, then returns home and discusses Lupin's
troubles.

Chapter Notes

The Wolfsbane potion ingredient list:

https://absitomen.com/lexicon/Wolfsbane_Potion

Also, I ended up rewriting chapter 1 quite a bit today. I think it's more concise now
and adds some context to all of Tonks' moping in the HBP book.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The next few days passed with a speed that seemed quite accelerated. The wedding celebration
party cheeriness long over, the Order of the Phoenix worked tirelessly to finish the last of the plans
and lay the groundwork that would allow them to get Harry Potter out of Surry. A false lead was
planted at the Ministry by Shacklebolt, entailing plans to get the boy back to the wizarding world
on the day of his seventeenth birthday. This would allow the Order some safety if news were to get
back to Voldemort, who they believed had many sets of eyes and ears at the Ministry. Beyond this,
transportation had to be planned; broomsticks were gathered for the majority, allowing quiet travel,
with the exception of the thestrals for those unconfident on the brooms and Hagrid, who still rode
Sirius Black’s old motorbike. The Portkey sites were confirmed and would be set on the morning
of July 27th, the date that the Order would actually extract Harry from his Uncle and Aunt’s home
in Little Whinging.

While all of this went on, Tonks managed to extract herself from both her work at the Ministry
and her work for the Order to make a secret trip to Diagon Alley. Finding Wright’s Potion shop,
she changed her face to match how she had appeared to him previously and found him behind the
counter. At the soft ring of the bell above the door, Wright looked up, his face falling as he
recognized the woman.

“Mr. Wright,” Tonks said formally.

“It’s you,” he said, with poorly disguised worry. He stood up straighter and looked at her
warily. “Look, if we’re going to talk, then I’m going to close up shop.”

“Let me help you with that.” Tonks pointed her wand to the door, flipping the OPEN sign so
that it read CLOSED to the street and locking the door with a flick of the wand.

“I trust that my name hasn’t…come up at the Ministry since you closed my case?” Wright said.

“It’s all squared away,” she said. “You’re officially reported to have been investigated
thoroughly. I reported having found a few black market potion ingredients on your shelves, but—”
seeing his brow furrow and hearing him start to protest, she raised a silencing hand authoritatively
“—nothing out of the ordinary. Every shop has a few. To write that nothing had been found at all
would have flagged you as needing a follow-up investigation. For the time being, you’re safe.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Wright said tersely.

“Then you understand my motivation for doing this, as well. We both have people we want to
help. I’ll never breathe a word of what you do to the authorities, and you get me droughts of
Wolfsbane every month, the week before the full moon.”

“I understand,” Wright said empathically. “But you have to know…it’s not cheap to brew. The
ingredients are rare and expensive.” He then went on hurriedly, “I’m not trying to extort you; you
know far too much for that – and I can’t risk my wife. But it’s true that I already struggle to get the
ingredients for the few batches I make. I’m afraid…I’m afraid I have to ask you to pay, so that I
can brew enough.”

“How much?” Tonks asked.

“It’s market price,” Wright said. “The Myrrh pickled in Carrow Spider Ichor is common but
takes a long while to prepare properly. The Acronite and the Black Quicksilver are expensive
enough on their own, but it’s the Giant Moonwort that’s particularly difficult to acquire. I tried to
cultivate it myself but couldn’t get the plants to grow indoors; they thrive in a very specific
environment and a very rare soil type. After my poor attempts at agriculture, I was forced to start
buying it from foragers and herbalists, who ask far too much for it. Suffice it to say that much of
my spare time and money goes toward acquiring enough for my own purposes, let alone another’s.
Then there’s the matter of getting all the ingredients in enough time so that it can ferment
sufficiently. Then, if all has gone well up until this point, the afflicted person has to drink a full
goblet full each day for seven days. It’s a lot of potion to brew in secret, and there’s the problem of
how I can’t be seen giving it to you, or I risk my wife and her secret yet again—”

“I understand,” Tonks said, cutting him off. “Never expected a handout from you, even for the
price of keeping your secret. No, our deal was that I keep my silence and cover your tracks for you
at the Ministry, while you get me enough potion to take back with me each month. If that means
paying my portion, I'll do it."

Wright nodded warily. “Good. Then…maybe this will work better than I anticipated. Look, if
you can come here three weeks before each full moon, I can get you that month’s prices. I’m no
gouger and I’m no cheat – but what I’m doing here is illegal, and if I get caught, then my entire life
will be in shambles. So, you come here, get the price and pay me your cut. The week before the
full moon, you come here once a day for your goblet’s volume of potion. Bring a clean, glass flask
– not metal, it’ll react wrong with the Acrnoite – and I’ll fill up the flask for you. It’ll have to be at
night. I can’t afford being caught, especially during business hours.”

“Can’t you make any ahead of time? Store it for the next month?”

Wright shook his head. “No, no. It’s a very precise, tricky potion. It begins to lose potency after
a day of being pulled off the heat on the cauldron; after a month sitting out, it may as well be foul
tasting water.”

Tonks frowned; she remembered hearing Lupin speak about taking ‘the last of the saved
potion’, undoubtedly knowing it was most likely no good, but better than nothing. “Alright,” she
said. “It’s a deal.”

Wright nodded warily. “I’d like to believe this is a long-lasting deal. We both have a lot to lose
if either one of us goes back on our word.”

“No need to strong arm me,” Tonks said coolly. “I already shared why I’m doing this. It’s hard
to watch someone you love suffer so much for something they can’t help.”

Wright sighed a little. “And to know that everyone would turn their backs if they knew the
truth.”

Tonks looked at Wright then, seeing in him a kindred spirit for a situation that very few people
would ever find themselves in, let alone choose as she had. “Well, I’m no cheat either. Keep quiet
about it, keep your prices honest, and we’ll get along fine.”

“You have my word,” Wright said. “Do I have yours?”

It was a subjectively meaningless exchange; what good was the promise of a stranger? But it
was needed and it was sincere. “You have my word,” she said.

The conversation over, she had unlocked the door, flipped the sign and was back out in the
street. As she strode hurriedly down Diagon Alley, she realized how oddly tired she felt - as if she
hadn't slept at all the previous night, which she certainly had.

That night, she returned to the place she now considered her home; the cottage. She loved how
quiet it was out in the green field that surrounded the house, how the stars were more visible there
than in town. Most of all, she loved that she always knew she would find Lupin inside. With
comfortable predictability, she found him laying on the sofa, a book in his hands. As she walked in,
she flung her traveling cloak down over a chair.

Seeing he made to sit up, she had shaken her head and smiled at him. “Scoot over.”

Lupin, who had been doing far more frustrated ruminating over the disappointing day and less
reading than it appeared, set his book aside. Knowing well that there wasn’t space for her
alongside with him on his back, he turned to his side to make more room. She laid down next to
him, her arm over him, and rested there against him. “Long day,” she said, her voice tired even as
she smiled at the feel of his arm resting over her ribs. There was something infinitely comforting in
laying in his arms, no spare space between them. “Did Hagrid get enough Thestrals?”

“I believe so,” Lupin said, his eyes closed as he held her close. “The broomsticks have been
gathered, and Arthur is tinkering with Hagrid's motorbike."

"Good luck to him traveling quietly in that hulking thing."

"We should be high up enough to cover the sound...though, we’ll need to cast disillusionment
spells to be sure no one sees us traveling.”

“Yeah. I’m afraid it’ll tax us too much, though – that if anything goes wrong that we'll be
vulnerable,” she said.

“We can only hope that all goes as planned,” Lupin said evenly.

Both comforted and vaguely annoyed by his steadiness, Tonks gave a soft laugh against him. “I
think you could lose an arm and smile grimly through it, Remus.”

“I have to,” Lupin replied, no hint of playful banter whatsoever in his grave tone. He paused, a
truth teetering on the edge of his tongue that he almost did not say. “If I didn’t... I think I would
have given up long ago.”
 She frowned against him; this sudden, dark confession was unexpected. "On life, you mean?"

He paused for half a moment, grimly recalling a night long ago. "Yes."

"And...did you ever consider acting on those thoughts?"

He had no desire to lie to her, though he did pause before replying, feeling no pride in the fact
that he indeed had. "Only once."

“Things must have been bad to bring you so low.”

“They were,” he said, a distant look in his eyes as he gazed over the top of her head into the
fireplace. He thought about the years following his last year at Hogwarts, during which he had
buried his two parents within six months of each other and he had lost touch with the few friends
he had. Being so distant from them, he had heard of James and Lily’s deaths, Sirius’ imprisonment
in Azkaban and Peter’s supposed death through other Order members. This led to another dark
time after Voldemort’s fall in which Lupin had truly been friendless and without any family. As he
had struggled for months to work enough to eat, a shadow had fallen over him that had left him
feeling quite hopeless. “Life can be quite harsh without food or friendship…but, I survived, and
things bettered for me. I never could have predicted all that’s happened since.”

“Neither could I,” Tonks said. She moved her head to better look into his face. "Ever think
about such things now?"

"No," he said, honestly. "Even with all the trouble there is to shift through, there was always
something to fight for - a handful of people who made living worthwhile. Even moreso now."

She did not pass any judgment on him for confiding this to her; knowing how deeply private he
was, such a confession was perhaps the truest form of trust he could show her. “Well, sad or
content, I’d take you over anyone.” She kissed him softly.

Moments like this felt foreign to Lupin. Their marriage was new and he had adjusted to many
changes, like the great inclusion of Tonks' parents into his life, planning his one meal a day around
Tonks' work and accepting the many alarms Tonks set for herself in the morning to combat her
tendency to sleep deeply in the mornings. Other changes were easier to embrace, like the
pleasantness of knowing he would see her smiling face in the evenings, the joy he felt at having her
to talk to and the easy physicality they enjoyed often. Some moments, he was glad to be a husband
- but he carried a deep anxiety over his vows that had grown every day since the wedding. So far,
their lives were the same as before; she had not yet had to suffer for being associated with him. But
he dreaded the day when she may be treated as he normally was; which could be summed up by
the word 'poorly.'

However, laying beside her on the sofa with her against him, he felt peaceful. He had once
believed himself to be capable of greater self-control than the average man, but Tonks had awoken
a steady passion within him. When she touched him, he immediately wanted her, which proved
distracting from both Order business and his other responsibilities.

Returning her gentle affection, he felt the now familiar tug of desiring her. He did not have to
wonder if she felt the same; she slipped her hand slowly into the waistband of his trousers where
she ran her palm over his hip. This brought the conversation to a complete halt. A few minutes
later, with his hand up the back of her shirt and her legs wrapped through his on the sofa, she
pulled her face away, saying, “If this goes any further, I need to clean up first. Had to investigate a
drainage canal system today and sweated half the afternoon away.”
 "So that's the smell," he said, with a small, wry smile.

This elicited a gentle slap from her against his arm in mock anger.

He seemed to make an intensive effort to defer the wanting he felt as he simply said, “Hurry,"
as he released her.

Smiling, she laid one last kiss on his cheek and got to her feet. She picked up the book he had
set down and tossed it gently beside him. “To keep you busy while I’m away.”

Lupin, aware he was in no mind for reading now, didn’t bother to open the book back to where
he had last left off. He laid on his back staring into the fire for long minutes, his mind settling on
the long day he had just endured. Then she had returned, wearing only a Weird Sisters shirt that sat
slightly large on her but left nothing to the imagination from her mid-hip down.

The sight of her knowingly pausing in the doorway half-dressed with a coquettish smile on her
face made his mind scupper, rendering him incapable of words for a moment.

Sauntering across the room, she wordlessly got on top of him and smiled, laying her head to rest
just under his chin. “This alright?”

It was decidedly more difficult to draw in a full breath with her weight against him, but he didn’t
want her to move. She now smelt of soap and her hair was slightly damp, even though it had been
pulled up and kept from the water. She was warm and just unclothed enough to make any further
waiting quite difficult. His hands ran slowly up the backs of her bare thighs and up her naked body
beneath the shirt, the feel of her skin smooth and firm. She smiled against him, pleased with his
touch. Within a half-hour, they laid in their bed feeling pleasantly spent and watched the last few
rays of sunlight vanish from the window.

Reaching over the side of the mattress, she pulled the old t-shirt off the floor and sat up, pulling
it on before settling back against him.

He brushed her hair out of his face, glad to hold her. She felt like his home, which seemed both
like an odd sentiment and like it made all the sense in the world. Though he wanted to simply be
with her without worry and care, the day's stresses returned to him and he felt it's weight. Without
realizing it, he began to faintly scowl.

Stretching her arms, Tonks turned to look at him, feeling tired and relaxed. Noticing the grim
look on his face, she frowned. “It was that bad?” she asked, only half joking.

Suddenly aware of the face he had been making, he shook his head. “Of course not.”

“What’s on your mind, then?” She then remembered their conversation from that morning,
feeling foolish for not having asked about it sooner. “How was the job search today?”

“I got the job,” he said, sounding neutral.

“Oh?” she asked, unsure of how to proceed.

“I’d say I have a solid two weeks before I’m found out…perhaps longer, seeing as the other two
fellows hired with me looked as if they snort ephedra powders.”

Tonks frowned. “I’m sorry.”

He rolled out of bed, pulling on his clothes. “Nothing to be sorry for.”

 “Well, what’s the job?” Tonks asked, sitting up.

“A fellow wants his fields maintained and he figured he didn’t have the time to stand there in
the sun, waving his wand to clear the dirt, so he hired some squibs, and me, to move it for him.”

While she saw nothing wrong with either squibs nor moving dirt, and she knew he wasn’t one to
think less of non-magical folk, she could clearly hear the perturbance in his voice. “Well, there’s
nothing wrong with a bit of sun,” she said, at a loss for anything helpful to say. When he sat on the
edge of the bed, she leaned against his back and laid her chin on his shoulder. “I know it’s not the
type of work you’d prefer.”

Lupin shook his head; his talk with Ted had driven him harder than usual to find another job
that would undoubtedly not want him soon, all to keep his word that he was doing his utmost to
take care of Tonks. “It’s not that. I’ve been thinking about money." He paused for half a beat, as if
deciding how to preface his thoughts. Instead, he bluntly said, "I think we should keep our finances
separate.”

Tonks frowned. “Why?”

“Because I barely make enough to eat – it’s hardly an equitable trade-off for you.”

“You make it sound like we’re business partners,” she said. “Listen, I hear you…but I don’t
want to keep it separate. I’m not saying we should start banking together right away, but there’s no
need for you to be scraping together meals while I’ve got the auror job. I eat a solid three meals a
day, you know…I think it’d be good for you to do the same.”

He made a discontent sound.

She moved so that she could see his face. “I was thinking I could give up that little flat of mine.
I can live here with you and clear off to mum and dad’s whenever the full moon comes around.
That way, I’ll be making enough to save money on the side. Since you don’t pay anything for this
place, we’d have more than enough. I think that's perfectly ‘equitable’…but it doesn't need to be.
We support each other always, not just when it's perfectly balanced between the two of us; what's
mine is yours. We're both just doing the best we can right now, and it's enough. Believe me.” She
knew she would need the money to pay for the Wolfsbane now - a fact that Lupin would surely
hate as soon as he learned about it.

He did not meet her eye. Even with her good spirits, he could not help but feel that he was a
burden on her and he felt useless not contributing anything to the household. “Maybe someday, I’ll
find something steady…where no one turns me away.”

“I know you will,” she said, with full faith. “There must be some decent people out in the world
still. We just haven’t found them yet. The Ministry can’t have their fingers in everything, either.
Maybe there’s a task that isn’t regulated…one where no one would check up on you…” she trailed
off, thinking hard.

He smiled faintly at her, her trust and encouragement both making him feel better and guilty all
at once. He rested his hand over hers. “Let me know if you think of anything,” he said, fully
believing no such thing existed. He then turned very serious. “Promise me you won’t report our
marriage to the Ministry. It doesn’t lessen our vows any for them to be left in the dark about your
involvement with me.”

Though she hated it, she saw the value in what he said. As if resigning herself to it, she nodded.
“I won’t report it.”
 One good thing achieved from their talk, Lupin felt temporarily satisfied. He rose then and left
the room. Tonks heard the water turn on and laid back in their tangle of blankets, frowning up at
the ceiling.

Chapter End Notes

Here's why I think Lupin lost touch with the other Marauders. He wasn't mentioned as
being in any of James' and Lily's wedding photos; Sirius hadn't told Lupin he had
changed his status as the Potter's Secret Keeper for Pettigrew; both Sirius and Lupin
assumed the other was the spy in the PoA book, with Lupin only knowing this wasn't
true after he saw Pettigrew on the Marauders' Map. I think all of this is evidence that
Lupin did some major drifting in life after school.
 By Broomstick to Surry
Chapter Summary

Protective charms and Portkeys are set at the safe houses before the Order readies
themselves to fly to Surry. Lupin asks Ron about Dumbledore's last mission to Harry.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Standing beside flowerbeds and a small garden statue, Tonks had her feet firmly planted and her
wand pointed up at the sky. “Protego horribilis,” she intoned. “Protego maxima.” The protective
seals shot upward, as if congealing together in the air before vanishing to the naked eye. They
would protect against anyone who intended harm upon the house or its occupants and allow anyone
else to pass freely. As she ceased speaking, she heard her father’s voice reciting the same charms
on the other side of the dark garden.

Meeting her father by the concrete bench under the kitchen window, Tonks produced a silver
hairbrush from her coat pocket and handed it to him. “The Portkey,” she said, and then told him the
exact time it was set to transport to the Burrow.

Ted took the brush and tapped it uneasily against his palm. “Plenty riding on tonight, isn’t
there?” he asked.

Tonks nodded seriously. “More than any of us can know. I think Harry is our last real shot at
winning any of this…if that prophecy is to be believed.”

“Sure, sure,” Ted said gravely, “but… I meant with you. I can’t exactly tell you to be careful,
but…well, be careful, won’t you, Dora?” He looked pained as he said it.

“As careful as I can be. You too, alright? I don’t know who you’ll be expecting tonight yet –
Remus should be here soon to tell us. Speaking of, I saw that new chart of yours on your desk –
interested in moon phases now, are you?”

Ted frowned. “We’re just concerned, Dora. Surely you see why.”

Tonks reached for his hand, giving him a sincere look.

Ted kept hold of her hand, as if afraid he would never again have the chance to speak with his
daughter like this again. “He’s treating you alright, isn’t he?”

Tonks smiled wryly. “Treats me very well. Hardly even phases me anymore when he shouts
and kicks dogs in the street.”

Ted gave her a tired look.

Tonks laughed softly and then shifted into sincerity. “I know he has his faults…like not seeing
his own worth and being distant sometimes…but he’s so good, Dad. He’s kind and reliable.
Anyway, I thought you liked him; I haven’t seen you so thrilled as when he was showing you that
rubberizing spell for a long time.”
 Ted seemed to relent. “I like him well enough…but you can always come to us if anything ever
changes for you.”

Tonks pocketed her wand. “Waiting for it to all go bad, are you?”

“I just don’t know him well, is all. I’m sure I will, with enough time.”

“Well, you can expect us both to come around…and I’ll come to stay overnight at least once a
month. I’m letting that little flat of mine go at the end of the lease and will have to clear out of the
house when…well, you know,” she said, not wanting to go into a topic her parents did not fully
understand. Wanting to change the subject, she motioned to the new assembly of garden statues
that adorned the flowerbeds. “I notice you finally put out mum’s garden statues. Finally got over
that little spat, did you?”

Ted chuckled good naturedly, allowing the change of topic with some hesitance. “Well, as ugly
as they are, they make her happy. Can’t hate them for lending her a little joy, can I?”

The back door suddenly opened; Andromeda stepped out of the house and joined them. “All of
the windows have been sealed off.”

“And charmed?” Tonks asked.

Andromeda nodded. “We’re as well protected as can be.”

“We’ve placed four new sneakoscopes around the house as well,” Ted said.

“Don’t let your guard down,” Tonks said, allowing her worry for them to alter her tone. “I
suspect everything will be quiet, but all the same, best to be safe.”

“Tell us when you’ve returned safely,” Andromeda said, her own mask of bravery faltering. “I
can’t bear the thought of not knowing if you’re alright or not.”

Tonks gave her mother a stoic hug, not wishing to lose the business-like mindset of facing
danger that kept her clear headed. “Brought something along for that very purpose.” She then
reached into her charmed bag and pulled out a mirror wide enough to accommodate almost two
people to be reflected if they were to stand shoulder to shoulder. “It’s a two-way mirror. Good for
checking up with each other in an emergency. I’ve got the other one back at my place.”

Andromeda took the mirror and held it with clear gratitude. “We should have thought to do this
years ago.”

Tonks smiled. “It was Remus’ idea,” she said proudly, though she refrained from saying that he
had remembered it because two friends of his had used them during exams. “Tonight, as soon as all
is well and I’ve made it back home, I’ll check in…but it may not be until late, so don’t take it as
any bad sign if it’s all silent for a long while.”

“Impossible,” Andromeda said, her dry tone overshadowed by the truth of her worry.

There was a soft crack and a figure appeared in the darkness beyond the short garden gate,
which notoriously had some defect in the opening charm that had been placed on it years prior,
causing it to slam loudly when anyone passed through it. Knowing the gate’s propensity for
attracting too much attention, Lupin avoided it. With more sprightliness than one might have
expected from a man who appeared aged beyond his actual years, Lupin braced his hand on the top
rung between the slats and leapt over the fence. He then approached the three and gave a brief
greeting before saying, “All ready here?”
 “All ready,” Tonks replied. “Do you know who’s been assigned to come here?”

“Hagrid and Harry,” Lupin said, the significance of this not lost on him. He looked to Ted and
Andromeda seriously. “We just finished choosing at random. They’ll be on a motorbike with a side
car. You have the Portkey?”

Ted nodded. “We have it.”

“You’re helping more than you know. If all goes as it should, they’ll arrive and be gone within
minutes, with no ties leading back here to either of you or your home.”

“And if the plan fails somehow, then you’ve got the charms,” Tonks said, more for her peace of
mind than anything. She then checked her time piece. “We have to go. It’s nearly time.”

Lupin looked somberly at Ted and Andromeda, a sudden feeling of concern for the outcome of
the night ahead weighing on him. “If anything goes wrong with their arrival, most of us will still be
flying – so send word to the Burrow, and we’ll come as soon as we’re able.”

Ted shook Lupin’s hand with a serious look. “Good luck tonight.” He looked to Tonks then.
“And to you, Dora. Give them hell.”

Andromeda nodded, her silent farewell speaking volumes.

Tonks smiled and embraced Ted and Andromeda in turn, each hug a bit longer and tighter than
a normal parting. With that, Tonks and Lupin walked hurriedly away, jumped the garden fence and
vanished.

______________

Outside of the Burrow, they found ten of the thirteen volunteers already gathered. The weight
of the evening ahead of them showed plainly on every face, especially the few who would not be
joining the actual mission but would be left behind to worry.

Approaching the group, Lupin and Tonks split ways. Tonks walked up to Moody and
Shacklebolt. “Everything set?” she asked.

“If you count safehouses, transportation and Polyjuice potion, yes,” Moody grumbled.

“And the rest?” Tonks asked.

“Thicknese’s protective measures on 4 Privet Drive have tightened,” Shacklebolt said. “There
are many eyes on the Potter boy these days – and our involvement, if discovered, could have dire
consequences.”

“Which means an end to the inside information that makes this Order run,” Moody growled.

“No new risks there, then. They’d already have sacked us for what we’ve done under their
noses,” Tonks said. It seemed her entire life was distasteful to the ministry these days. She looked
over her shoulder at a faint sound to spy Mundungus, who had just appeared out in the field and
was making his way toward the house. She smirked at the sight of him, remembering his ridiculous
sliding across the lawn as his shoes melted into slick goo.

Moody turned and briskly raised his voice to the crowd. “Twenty minutes – ready yourselves!”

Moving to walk with him, Tonks gave him a nudge with her elbow. “I think you’re losing your
volume, old man. I remember that roar of yours used to raise the hair on my arms.”

“A bark’s nothing without a solid bite to back it up,” Moody said.

“You’ve got plenty of that.” She would have left it at that had the magnitude of the coming
evening not caused her to feel a bit rueful of the risk they were all about to undertake. Aware it
could be any of their last night, she smiled at him. “I used to be afraid of you, you know, back
when I started out. Glad it was you who trained me now, though. Best in the business.”

With a distasteful look on his face, Moody said in a less irritated tone of voice: “Just keep your
focus on the task at hand; no repeats of that bad business at Borgin and Burkes.”

“Worried about me, are you?” she chided, then gave him a pointed look. “The worry goes both
ways, just so you know.” Knowing his tolerance for such sentiment was low, she then smiled and
walked on without him, leaving him to survey the last-minute preparations. She passed by Hagrid,
who stood by two skeletal Threstrals, feeding them strips of meat and praising them dotingly.
Tonks didn’t like the look of the creatures, remembering a time when she could not have seen them
- a thing that her work as an auror had made swift work of rectifying. Beside Hagrid was
Hermione, who clearly could not see the Thestrals and stood staring at where she could tell the
creatures must have stood, based on how the meat was vanishing from Hagrid’s open palms. Tonks
walked up beside them, greeting them cheerfully. Not wasting a clear opportunity to share her
happy news, Tonks then gave them both a confiding look. “Well, Hagrid here already knows, but I
can’t imagine you’d have heard, Hermione –” she raised her hand to show Hermione her hand, the
thread ring hardly visible beside the traditional one. “--that we made it official.”

Hermione looked surprised before her expression settled into a look of happy disbelief. “That’s
wonderful. When did this happen?”

“Last week. Took our vows in the most sacred place you could imagine...”

Meanwhile, Lupin selected one of the Cleansweeps from the stack at the garden shed. Noticing
Ron coming to do the same, he remembered Arthur’s request that he try to get information about
the mission Dumbledore had entrusted to Harry, and so waited for Ron to grab one of the least
windblown brooms before saying, “Ron, a word?” He stepped back from the pile and motioned for
Ron to approach.

Ron followed him. "I know I'll be with Tonks," he said, incorrectly guessing the reason Lupin
wished to speak with him. "I'll do my best tonight."

"I'm sure you will," Lupin replied, before making his true intent clear. With a hand on Ron’s
shoulder, he spoke quietly, “Look, Ron, I know that Dumbledore entrusted something important to
Harry right before that terrible night on the astronomy tower. I’ve been told that you and Hermione
might know more than anyone.”

Ron looked sheepish; he had already had this same talk with his father twice now in the past
month. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you, Remus. Harry swore me to secrecy.” As if thinking it would
help excuse his refusal to answer, he then added: “We can’t let Dumbledore down, can we?
Especially now.”

“Surely Dumbledore would have eventually divulged whatever it is to the rest of us with time –
time he was robbed of, unfortunately. I’m sure letting a few of us know could only help Harry,
especially now that so many of us are risking ourselves all at once.”

Ron’s apologetic tone became more distant: Lupin could tell he was preparing to stand his
ground. “Dumbledore didn’t want anyone else to know. I’m sorry but – you’ll have to ask Harry
about it… though, you know him – I doubt he’d tell you either.”

“I only ask because I know I can help,” Lupin said emphatically.

Ron’s resolve did not waver. “I just can’t tell you. Wish I could.”

Relenting, Lupin gave Ron a brief clap on the shoulder as he let the matter drop, determined
that he would try again later. Seeing Ron’s nervousness, he gave him a thoughtful look as if
assessing him. “Nervous about tonight?”

Ron nodded, as if afraid to admit just how nervous he was. “Been in a few tight spots, but…it’s
all more real now. I reckon I haven’t been in too many real duels, you know, if it comes down to it.
There’s a lot on the line.” As he spoke, his eyes subconsciously drifted to Hermione, who stood
across the yard.

Following Ron’s gaze, Lupin gave the younger man a nod. He hated that the Order was so few
in number these days that they had to rely on such young members…but it had been the same
during Voldemort’s last rise, and he and the others had been hardly older when they had first
joined. “You’re a good man to risk so much,” Lupin said with understanding. Then, sounding more
paternal than he realized, he added, “We all have great faith in you, Ron. More than you realize.”

Knowing that he was paired with Tonks, these words seemed all the more encouraging coming
from Lupin. He nearly said something in reply when Fred and George walked by. "Mum's looking
for you. Best go find her before she loses it on us again," Fred said.

George looked to Lupin. "Sounds like I'll be your decoy, Remus." He patted his pocket.
"Brought some of our products in case we get into trouble."

"Yeah," Fred said, as Ron left to find Molly. "The Ministry has been keeping us in business. Just
bought another shipment of our hex shields for their employees. Who knew that a joke shop would
be helping to protect and serve?"

Without waiting for Lupin's reply, they kept on their circuit, behaving as lightly as if they were
on their way back to their joke shop that minute. Lupin stood alone then and ruminated in how he
had failed in prying any information at all from Ron. He then noticed that Arthur, bent over
Hagrid's old motor bike engine, was looking at him from across the yard. Meeting Arthur's eye, he
shook his head. Arthur frowned in reply.

It was just after this that Tonks found Lupin, her broom under her arm. As she approached, she
could not help but notice how distinguished she thought him with his graying hair. She thought
vaguely how glad she was that they had married as they had, thinking that, should anything happen
to her tonight, she would have had at least a brief time with him. Even so, the thought of their time
together being so brief was disheartening. With a touch to his elbow and a look of concern, she
gave him a feeble attempt at a smile. “Stay alive for me, alright? I think Shacklebolt and Moody’ll
be the real targets, if someone reckoned we’d put Harry with the best aurors…but all the same…”

He shifted his broom to his other hand so that his free hand could grasp hers. Looking to her,
Lupin was struck with a sickening feeling in his gut that this may be his last few moments with her.
Not wanting to dwell on such thoughts, he said, “I’ve been thinking about the cottage. It’s your
home now as much as mine, so, if you wanted to bring more of your things in, make it more home-
like for yourself, I would help you move it all in.”

She smiled at him and rested her head on his shoulder. It was something she would have done
 with or without the offer of his help, but she found the sentiment sweet all the same. "I'd like that."

They then waited in silence, hand in hand, until Moody’s thunderous voice signaled that it was
time to go.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Had the disillusionment charms not shielded them from those below and each other, the sight of
their mass travel by broom, flying motorbike and Thestral would have been quite a sight to see,
even by wizard standards, as all thirteen volunteers flew to Surry in silence. They left early in order
to accommodate the slow travel that the spell required to maintain their invisibility - a feat that
would have been impossible with any speed.

Finally arriving, Lupin looked down on a sight he had seen several times before on their almost
yearly efforts to get Harry back to Hogwarts safely. The sight of the houses, all exactly alike and
standing in rows, was a welcome sight after the long broomstick ride – his hands were stiff from
the cold and his back hurt from leaning forward for so long. Landing en masse in the dark garden
of 4 Privet Drive, Lupin stepped gratefully off the broom. He rubbed his cold, numb hands together
as the back door to the house was pushed open. There, in the doorway, Harry stood looking out at
them, grinning. For half a moment, Lupin saw the shadow of James across the boy’s face and
wondered if his old friend might have been disappointed to know how little Lupin had done for his
son over the years. In that moment, Lupin resolved himself to help Harry…though, beyond getting
him back safely to the Burrow, he did not yet know how.

Chapter End Notes

So sorry for the long waits between chapters. I've had exams and a trip, and I don't
want to put up sub-par chapters just because I have less time right now.

Thanks to anyone still reading! It's nice to have a fun thing to write at the end of the
day.
 Close Calls
Chapter Summary

Lupin and George find trouble when George loses an ear. Tonks and Ron fight off the
Lestranges on their way to Shell Cottage. An important member of the Order is killed.

Reading ambiance:
-Following Lupin and George when the Death Eaters appear: “Fireplaces Escape"
Alexandre Desplat
-Following Tonks and Ron: “Bellatrix” Alexandre Desplat
-When Tonks and Ron make it back to the Burrow to the end of chapter: "At The
Burrow" Alexandre Desplat

Chapter Notes

Note: Since this fic is me writing the scenes that aren't in the book, I wrote this chapter
around DH chapters 4 and 5, so apologies if it’s a bit disjointed.

Bracing himself for another foray into the cold air above Surry, Lupin mounted the broom once
more and checked that his wand was within easy reach inside his inner coat pocket. He threw a
brief glance over at Hagrid and Harry. Harry appeared uncomfortable in the side car, his
belongings shoved down at his feet. He had been resistant to the plan, unwilling to allow them all
to risk themselves for him so greatly; what Harry did not understand was that everyone there was
doing so gladly. Satisfied that everything was prepared, Lupin then said, “Ready, George?”

Beside him, George mounted the broom behind Lupin. In the guise of Harry, he pushed his
glasses up his nose. “How does he manage to keep these on? I’ll be blinder than Muriel if they fall
off,” he said, scrunching his nose. Shifting closer to Lupin to get better balance, he grimaced. “I
don’t mean to get frisky,” he gibed.

“Hang on,” Lupin said measuredly. “Once we get high enough, we’ll have to fly swiftly to
reach the Portkey in time.”

George locked his left arm around Lupin’s waist, keeping his right free. “Don’t worry about
me, Remus.”

Lupin looked over the crowd to Tonks then, missing the guilty look Ron cast him as he hung
onto Tonks’ waist. For one fleeting moment, he and Tonks caught each other’s eyes and gave each
other a nod. Pushing aside his worry for her, Lupin looked then to Moody, who gave the word to
go.

They rose up together at first before shooting off in opposite directions. For a moment, Lupin
fell into a complacent sort of mindset as they gained altitude, readying himself for a long, cold,
uncomfortable flight to his and George’s Portkey. His ears began to collect pressure as the ground
shrank below them and he swallowed hard to break the pressure. But then he glimpsed something
unsettling; dark figures hung in the air all around them, their dark robes billowing in the gusting
wind and hoods obscuring their faces.

Lupin and George saw them at the same time.

“Go!” George roared.

Lupin leaned forward and gained speed rapidly as George deflected the first barrage of curses.
Lupin continued to fly upward, gaining height before cutting unexpectedly to the side to dodge a
flash of dazzling green light. His own stomach churned at the maneuvers he was pulling to avoid
their pursuers. While he was not the smoothest flier, he managed to avoid the curses and stay
ahead. Keeping the broom steady, he joined George in casting hexes and jinxes back at the Death
Eaters. Twice, he nearly collided straight into a killing curse before jerking the broom aside,
changing their direction at the last second. They careened north, the hooded figures shouting
faintly just behind.

Lupin purposefully flew into the cold fog, hoping to lose their pursuers before making a break
for the direction of the Portkey. Appearing once more into the clearer air, he saw the green flash
fly toward him and George and he dove suddenly to avoid it. By this time, they had cleared so
much ground Lupin was beginning to tire, though George’s quick deflecting and casting had kept
them alive thus far.

Seeing the strip of countryside below that they were supposed to reach, Lupin began to head
there indirectly, knowing that to cease making unexpected moves would be the death of them. As
they descended rapidly, the air became warmer and gusted against them, making the broom buffer.
As this turbulence affected their speed, two of the figures suddenly came within sight – close
enough to see clearly as one of the two Death Eater’s hoods was swept off his head. There, in the
clear moonlight, Lupin saw Snape’s sallow face beneath his windswept hair. For a millisecond,
Lupin remembered Dumbledore and wondered if he and George would suffer a similar fate at
Snape's hand - plummeting hundreds of kilometers down to die. As Snape raised his arm, Lupin
again shot aside unexpectedly, determined that Snape would at least not succeed in harming
George.

Snape’s sonorous voice rang clearly through the night air: “Sectumsempra!”

As Lupin dodged, the curse flew horribly close to his face; the light nearly blinded him and he
came out of the dodge with another dive. Plummeting down to the earth, Lupin heard George give
a cry of pain and felt his grip around Lupin’s middle suddenly slacken. Lupin cursed before he
stuck his wand between his teeth, keeping one hand on the broom and the other on George’s coat
front. Aware that something must have happened to make George’s grip falter, Lupin was no
longer thinking consciously but was acting purely on instinct. With no means of blocking now,
Lupin flew purposefully straight down in a haphazard nosedive. He nearly lost his hold on George,
who would surely have died had he fallen off the broom so high above the ground. Evening out, he
felt George seem to rally behind him as both of George’s arms gripped Lupin shakily. Pulling his
wand out from between his teeth, Lupin shot toward the dark ground, his eyes desperately scanning
for the tree where they had set the Portkey that afternoon. The Death Eater’s ambush had made
him lose time; if they had missed the Portkey, Lupin was not sure how they would manage to
escape. Flying very low now over the dark countryside, an electrifying shot of relief surged
through Lupin as he saw the landmark he searched for; the giant tree that stood on the hill alone.
Flying directly for it, camouflaged by the darkness around them, Lupin pointed his wand forward
and shouted, “Accio Portkey!”

The old aluminium can flew through the air. Lupin caught it with the same hand that held his
wand as he made a poor landing into the grassy hillside. The collision knocking the wind from
him, he staggered over to George, who sat dazed in the dark grass. As the can begin to shine
brightly, he hurriedly shoved it into George’s hand, keeping a grip on it still as he did so. Then a
sickening feeling pulled them away as they were transported away from the two Death Eaters who
circled overhead searching for them.

Transported roughly, Lupin staggered but kept his feet. He looked to George, who laid on his
side on the ground, a groan escaping him as he pushed himself to his feet. Lupin grabbed his arm
and nearly asked if George were alright when he saw the cascade of wet blood that stained
George’s neck and shoulder. Raising his wand, he cast Lumos and saw that George’s ear was
entirely gone – cursed off of George’s head by the Sectumsempra spell that had nearly struck
Lupin in the face. Seeing the younger man so terribly marred, Lupin wished it had been him
instead; to be a one earred werewolf was no worse than things were now, but George was young
and had a full life ahead of him.

Stooping, Lupin got George’s arm around his shoulders and pulled his weight onto himself.
Finding the burrow within sight, he began to lead George toward home. “Alright George, we’re
nearly there. Keep your head up.”

“How bad is it?” George asked, wincing.

“Best to decide that once we get into the light…but it looks like you’ll live,” Lupin said
measuredly.

“That was some fancy flying, Remus,” George said weakly. “I nearly vomited on you, so you’re
welcome for keeping it in.”

“You did well, George – really well. Now keep walking.”

Finally, they reached the Burrow. A cry went up at the sight of them and to Lupin’s relief, he
saw that Hagrid and Harry had made it back. Even as he held George upright, he began to look for
Tonks, who should have returned first with Ron.

Harry ran up to them and made to grab George. Together, he and Harry hauled George’s lanky
frame into the house, Molly and Ginny close behind. With a sinking feeling, Lupin saw that Tonks
was not there. Pushing aside his worry for her, a sudden anger flared within him; they had been
betrayed. Someone had told the Death Eaters about the plans to move Harry. Immediately on alert,
he looked rapidly to those in the room with him; the three Weasleys could not be an infiltrator, nor
could Hagird…with a grim look on his face, Lupin rounded on Harry. Holding him against the
wall, Lupin heard himself shouting as he questioned Harry. Then, his suspicion turned to
incredulity as he learned of Harry’s merciful tactics; how could he be so short sighted? There was
too much at risk for kindnesses that would assuredly not be returned by the other side.

Hearing the approach of another pair outside, Lupin dove for the door, hoping to see Tonks
appear.

__________

With smooth movements, Tonks flew in smooth zig-zags, her dives and rolls performed with a
steadiness that kept Ron on the broom even as he deflected spells. At first, four Death Eaters had
been chasing them. Tonks had flown for their lives, racing through the skies as the smog filled air
became clear and the stars were visible overhead like blurred points of light. She threw stunning
spells and hexes at their pursuers as Ron deftly protected them, his arm moving quickly as he
tracked those who followed relentlessly behind.
 One of the chasing, hooded figures somehow got ahead of them and moved to cut off their flight
path even as a hand went up to knowingly throw aside the hood. Bellatrix grinned at her niece and
shot a killing curse directly at Tonks and Ron. Dodging it, Tonks heard the faint cackle of her
deranged aunt as Bellatrix resumed the chase. This made twice in the same month that Bellatrix
had nearly killed her; Tonks wondered if it weren’t her aunt’s sole purpose in life to end her. Tonks
then suddenly saw what looked like Rudolfus, Bellatrix’s husband, whip back into sight ahead of
them. Ron deflected the curses Rodolfus cast at them as Tonks barrel-rolled out of the way. Below,
they passed over Devon, which signaled Tonks to begin flying toward the sea.

The precipitation now soaked through their clothes as Tonks flew recklessly through the clouds;
the air was heavier here than it had been above Surry and had a smell of salt. She was not aware of
having shouted, but her throat was raw even as she called back to Ron to keep blocking while she
took them closer to the ground.

With a ferocity that surprised Tonks, the two Lestrange’s attacks only grew more desperate.
Even had a Harry Potter look-alike not been with her, Tonks knew that this violence was personal
and that they wanted to see her dead. Knowing it would end in blood, be it hers and Ron’s or the
Lestranges’, Tonks looked back to Ron. “Hang on – we have to lose them before we reach the
shore!”

Ron’s reply was lost in the wind.

Tonks then made a swift, sweeping u-turn in the air and began to shoot directly back toward her
aunt and uncle. Shooting stunning spells and deflecting, Tonks saw one of her stuns hit Rudolfus
squarely in the chest. As he began to fall off his broom, Bellatrix gave a strangled cry and sent one
last curse at Tonks and Ron before diving to save her husband from falling to his death. Seeing this
as their chance to escape alive, Tonks turned sharply and flew low as they approached Shell
Cottage.

“You see them?” Tonks shouted.

“No! Think we lost them!” Ron shouted back. They passed through the protection charms
around the seaside cottage.

Tonks landed them on the front walk and then hopped off. “Quick, inside. Take the broom, will
ya?” She gave one last look behind; she wondered if she had ended Rudolfus’ life, and if she had,
knew that Bellatrix would hate her all the more for it. She ran after Ron then, closing the front door
behind them.

Inside, Muriel had Ron in a scolding sort of embrace. For her many years, she was shockingly
nimble. “Thank Merlin you don’t look like this normally, Ronald,” Muriel was saying. “Look at
your skinny arms and legs – a stiff wind could knock you right over.”

Tonks hurried to them. “Hello there, Muriel. Portkey hasn’t left, has it?”

“No, no – it’s still here. Plenty of time for a quick bite before you go – I’ve made scones.”

“No time for that, Muriel,” Tonks said. “Where’s the Portkey kept—” her words cut off as she
saw a sudden flash of light inside of the dark back room. She closed her eyes and breathed out with
poorly hidden frustration. “Damn.”

Ron looked at Tonks with a concerned look as Muriel tottered into the kitchen, unaware that the
Portkey had just transported without them. “Auntie Muriel, you don’t have your fireplace
connected to the Floo Network, do you?”
 “Why would I do that, Ronald? Imagine those Ministry buffoons having any connection to this
place.”

Tonks looked to Ron, knowing he was likely just recently cleared to apparate. “You can
apparate, can’t you, Ron? We’re a lot closer to the Burrow now – it wouldn’t be as far as a jump as
before. Still a fair bit, though, if you’re uncertain.”

Ron grimaced. “Apparated during my test and passed – but I don’t know…never tried it as far
as here to the Burrow.”

Tonks’ mind swiftly sifted through their options; try apparition with a young wizard who could
very well splice himself even if she transported both of them together, or try again on the brooms
while Bellatrix was kept busy with her husband. “Alright, not worth the risk then.” She raised her
voice. “Muriel, goodbye – we’re heading back out.” Without waiting for a reply from the crotchety
old woman, Tonks grabbed Ron’s arm and ran outdoors with him. Seeing the skies still looked
clear, they mounted and took off once more. Tonks kept very low, staying hidden by the darkness
as Ron craned his neck, checking for any surprises that could come at them in the dark.

Finally, after what felt like far too long, the land around them began to look familiar. The dimly
lit windows of the tall Burrow welcomed them forward. Tonks, tired from the long flight, did not
lose any speed as she neared the safe house. Seeing many figures out in the dark yard, she made a
sudden stop that threw rocks haphazardly as she skidded to a halt.

Not caring in that moment about if the mission had been a success or not, Tonks looked only for
Lupin – who she saw coming toward them with Hermione. As Hermione reached Ron, Tonks saw
Lupin’s worried face only for an instant as she threw her arms around him. He sounded angry, a
result of his worry, Tonks knew, though he embraced her back. Going back inside, she suddenly
saw the blood on Lupin’s shoulder and nearly asked him if he had been hurt – when she stopped
herself, understanding that it was George’s blood that stained Lupin’s clothes.

The strain began to lift as more and more sets of decoys and guards returned safely. Then, Bill
appeared with horrible news. Mad Eye Moody, her mentor, was dead. Tonks’ gut clenched and she
felt a sudden sweep of grief and anger. They debated who the traitor was who had revealed the
plan without divulging the use of polyjuice potion, an important aspect to leave out.

Tonks found that her grief came in small spurts. She cried quietly for Moody even as Lupin and
Bill went out in search of his body. For a long while, Tonks remained at the Burrow, grieving with
the group over the death. When she had collected herself, Tonks said goodbye to Molly, telling her
to “tell Remus I’ve returned home if he comes back here.” There were two people she had to check
on now – two people she desperately hoped had not come to harm, like Moody had, over the
night’s unexpected foul turn and betrayal.

Rushing inside the cottage, Tonks hurried through the dark sitting room and opened the door to
the small study that housed Lupin’s collection of books and records. Lighting all the candles inside
the room with a flourish of her wand, Tonks stepped to the mirror and put her hand on its surface,
as if seeking to reach out and touch the two people she was trying to speak with. “Mum, Dad,” she
said, looking fervently into the mirror.

Silence, then: “Nymphadora?”

Tonks sighed in relief as Ted and Andromeda’s faces bobbed into view. “Just made it back. All
well over there?”

“Well enough – no one has made it through the barrier. But Hagrid and Harry were chased.
Crash landed out in the yard.” Ted said. “Did they make it alright?”

Tonks nodded. “They made it. Everyone did, except –” her eyes felt heavy and burned once
more as she remembered Moody’s death “—everyone except Mad Eye. One of us cowardly
apparated away and left him alone to fight off Death Eaters. He died on the way to his Portkey.”

Ted and Andromeda looked stunned.

“Were you attacked, too?” Andromeda asked.

“We all were. They knew we were moving him tonight – someone leaked the plan,” she said
bitterly, her eyes still red for having wept for Moody.

“Are you alright? Were you hurt?” Andromeda asked.

"I'm alright."

“And Remus?” Ted asked.

Tonks felt numb. “He’s still out there with Bill Weasley. They’re looking for Mad Eye’s body.”

Andromeda heard the sorrow in her voice. “We can come to you and weather this horrible night
out together.”

Tonks vehemently shook her head. “No, stay there – stay safe. We all need to lay low now.
Don’t let the protection charms—” a sudden stirring in the sitting room made her cut her own
words off and she gripped her wand, wordlessly turning for the door. Before she could act
defensively, Lupin appeared in the door looking withdrawn. Wary of imposters, Tonks kept her
wand on him and asked: "What did I call you when I first saw this book collection of yours?"

"Boring," he replied gravely. "What breakfast do you consider the worst of all breakfasts?"

"Porridge," she returned, her tone just as serious. As he lowered his wand, she gave him a
beseeching, questioning look, to which he only shook his head grimly.

“He could have fallen anywhere,” he said. “We were forced to abandon the search before we
met any more death eaters in the sky.”

She covered her face with one hand. Lupin frowned and moved to comfort her with his arm
around her shoulders as he looked into the mirror and saw Ted and Andromeda’s looks of great
worry.

Seeing the scarlet blood on Lupin’s clothes, they appeared visibly taken aback.

“It’s not mine,” he said, though his lack of explanation did not make it any less worrisome.

Tonks thought of Moody's corpse laying somewhere between Surry and wherever Mundungus
had abandoned him and felt an overwhelming sense of grief fall over her. She found herself unable
to stand making more conversation. Her voice beginning to break, she said: "Send word if anything
happens. I’ll be over in a flash if you need me.”

“Same goes for you, Dora,” Ted said.

With that, Tonks walked away from the mirror, leaving Lupin standing there alone in sight of
the mirror. Ted and Andromeda had nothing to say to him, nor did he wish to speak with them. He
gave a nod in place of a farewell and followed Tonks out into the dark sitting room. Without
bothering to light the fireplace or candles, her grief over Moody crashed over her once more. She
covered her face with her hands and began to cry silently, her shoulders shaking with grief. Lupin
wordlessly embraced her, allowing her to settle her face against his neck, tears wetting his collar
and mixing with George’s dried blood.
 Unexpected News
Chapter Summary

Tonks shares unexpected news with Lupin. Lupin remembers his past, which fuels his
self-doubt.

Reading songs:
Beginning part of chapter until Tonks begins to talk to the curly-headed witch :
“Gringotts” Alexandre Desplat
When Tonks makes it home all the way through to the end of the chapter: “Harry and
Ginny” Alexandre Desplat

Chapter Notes

Notes: When I first read DH as a teenager, I thought Lupin’s behavior toward Tonks
was loathsome. Having re-read the book recently, it's still terrible - but I saw it in a
new light, which prompted me to start this now lengthy fanfiction. This chapter is my
attempt at giving Lupin’s admittedly horrible reaction in chapter 11 of the DH some
context we don’t get to see in the book.

Also, I feel like some wizard healing practices would cross over with medical science?
Anyway, it does now in this story.

The world was shifting. Tonks could feel it in every corner of the Ministry. Always choked by
bureaucracy and politics, it had never been a place Tonks placed much trust in…but now she saw
signs of the Ministry bleakening by the day. Frightened by the rise of crime and dark magic,
regulations were put into place on nearly every aspect of life that would simultaneously restrict the
ease of criminals getting a foothold and the ability of average citizens to live with many freedoms.
Prices for defensive equipment went up to astronomically expensive costs as the wizarding world
faced a shortage of hex shields, potion ingredients and security devices.

Moody’s death sent the auror department into a rush to appoint a new head auror. His untimely
end was officially reported as "unknown - missing" with everyone assuming he'd finally been
cornered by an ex-convict he'd put into prison. A memorial was held for him by the aurors, even
without his body.Tonks found she could not think about him for very long without a great sadness
affecting her ability to work, and so tried to keep her mind off of him while she was out and about
with little success.

A mass breakout from Azkaban that had occurred nearly two weeks prior finally leaked to the
public – and had mostly concerned prisoners who had been imprisoned under acts that stemmed
from their great devotion to Voldemort. This was no coincidence and Scrimgeour knew it. In the
attempt to keep the public at bay and less panicked, he had ordered greater restriction on the press,
meaning that the Daily Prophet no longer reported dissapearances or deaths at the back of the
paper, unless the cause of death were for reasons that seemed almost banal under the new darkness
that ruled their lives, such as heart attacks or death by magical creature. The silencing of the truth
only incited people into more fear as news was squelched.

The most affecting of these new laws and regulations concerned werewolf suppression; the
stories regarding the laws had began to be reported on a few days prior, but the new laws had been
officially passed that morning -- all headed by none other than Delores Umbridge.

While it was true that the cases of werewolf violence against citizens had increased ten-fold
over the past few years, both as a result of their desperation to eat despite the Ministry’s attempts to
ban them from society and of most of their allegiance to Voldemort, who had taken great care in
promising them a world in which they might be free to live as they wish without the restricting heel
of wizards on their necks. The new laws restricted anyone from hiring a werewolf, marrying a
werewolf, or otherwise fraternizing with one. Stories were printed depicting all of the danger a
werewolf posed to everyone around them and how their packs moved from city to city, ensuring
that no one was safe from running into one.

As all of this had come more to light, Tonks had felt another shift that bothered her far more
than that of the government. Lupin had begun to withdraw from her in ways that seemed to grow
by the day. At first, he had simply grown more quiet and removed around her, spending longer
hours in his study while she was home. He often refused to partake in meals with her in the
evening, as if he felt guilty enjoying an improvement in lifestyle while viewing himself as a
financial burden; he did not initiate nor much return her attempts at any intimacy. These small
changes hurt her, even though she understood their origin. She wondered if he would have married
her under these new laws…and the truth of suspecting that he would not have burdened her. All of
these difficulties aside, she was thoroughly unregretful for her choice to join her life with his; all of
what she loved best about him were what contributed to his aloof, guilt-driven behavior, and she
hoped that with time they could mend the divide that had begun to grow between them.

That morning, she sat in her office at the Ministry, looking over that morning’s edition of the
paper. The front page featured a drawing of men and women in tattered clothes with fangs and
claws under the heading Keep the Beasts at Bay! Disgusted, Tonks skimmed the article beneath:
“... a group of werewolves was spotted near Hogsmead village this week, prompting residents to
charm their homes with protective spells every evening...leaving many wondering how Hogwarts
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will respond to the doubts that have arisen among concerned
parents about how the school plans to defend their children against threats…if you believe a
werewolf is guising themselves as a human, report it to the department of Magical Creature
Control and Regulation…our world will not be safe until all werewolves are registered…”

She scowled at the page, divided on her feelings. It was true that many werewolves were
behaving erratically these days, and that some like Fenrir Greyback had painted the entire lot of
them in a negative light. But she hated that the same laws that kept monsters like Greyback from
living amongst people were the same that kept her husband from finding work or comradery. The
laws felt equally restricting to her, and she felt a small amont of guilt at the relief she felt that they
had not reported their marriage to the department of Civilly Binding Contracts as Lupin had
advised.

Moving aside the paper, she then pulled over the report she had just been given and began to re-
read it’s contents. A family near the outskirts of London had gone missing two days ago. It was
something that was happening more often these days, but this particular report had caught her eye.
The mother had been tortured and killed with the unforgivable curses, while the daughter was still
missing and the father, a newly appointed member of the wizengamot, had gone missing a day after
the tradgedies concerning his wife and child. Now that an important figure in the ministry was
involved, the auror department had immediately been referred. One witness on the street had
reported seeing a rag-tag, suspicious looking group of men outside the family’s house just before
the girl had been taken and the wife killed. Remembering the group she and Lupin had seen in the
warehouse not long before, she wondered if they weren’t the same. If so, then the Ministry would
have a lot more to cover up than kidnappings and murder.

Standing up, Tonks threw the report into the open drawer in her desk and closed and locked it
with a wave of her wand. She moved for the door, determined to go find the auror she was
normally paired with to plan an investigation when a petite, curly headed witch knocked at her
open door. She passed Tonks a letter. “Mandatory health checks today at St. Mungo’s,” she said in
a tone of voice that suggested boredom..

Tonks frowned; she had forgotten. The yearly checks were mundane and never had illuminated
anything in the past, though they did offer Tonks a chance to see her old school friend, Amine.
“Alright,” she said, fully intending to not go and claim that auror business had forced her hand to
reschedule later.

The witch caught her in a steely look and pulled out a clipboard. “All aurors must have
completed this health check during a three day period, which as it so happens, ends today.” Seeing
Tonks opening her mouth to reply, she went on briskly: “I have found your office empty the last
two days. Go today or risk hearing further about this.”

“Concerned about our blood pressure, are they?” Tonks asked.

In a wooden voice, as if parroting a loathed speech she had given many times that week, the
witch said: “Due to increasing instances of the Imperius curse, all aurors must be checked to see
that they are in their right minds and wholly able to continue work in the department.”

Tonks sighed, aware this was one task she could not get out of this year. “I’ll go,” she said. She
remained where she was until the witch had rounded the corner, out of sight. She then continued on
down the hall, determined to find Koorthy, her usual partner for general auror assignments.

She found Koorthy’s office dark and empty. She frowned, deciding to return later before
walking swiftly to the main hall. She would have to get the visit to St. Mungo’s out of the way
before getting any worthwhile tasks done. The Floo Network took her directly to St. Mungo’s,
where she waited in a queue to check-in. Days like this, along with the bureaucratic side of the job,
were some of the few aspects of auror work that Tonks disliked. There were always countless
meetings to attend that seemed to act like a dementor to Tonks, who felt as if her very soul was
being sucked from her as she sat filling out countless parchments with reports. All of this was
forgotten the moment she was sent out on assignment, however - she liked nothing better and it
made the rest of the job tolerable.

After a long wait in the hospital’s waiting room, she was finally sent back into a corridor with
examination rooms. The large one she entered into that day had several beds, all curtained off from
each other to create the illusion of privacy. Three healers were present, one already speaking with
an auror Tonks recognized from her department. Looking for her old school friend, who was the
usual administrator of Ministry health checks, Tonks was disapointed to be called over by a tall,
surly looking healer instead. However, an instant later, the familiar face she’d been hoping to see
appeared at her elbow and the ebony skinned healer began to escort Tonks to her end of the
examination hall, waving the other healer off. Tonks kept a straight face until they were behind the
curtain before breaking into quiet, pleased laughter and embracing the other woman.

“Amine, I do believe you’ve mastered that authoritative air you were working on a few months
ago,” Tonks said fondly.
 Amine’s professional airs evaporated entirely and she looked pleased with herself. “Well, I’m a
full healer now. No more rotations for me.”

Tonks beamed at her. Amine, a fellow Hufflepuff, was one of Tonk’s few school friends she
had kept in contact with. They had met in Tonk’s second year and Amine’s first year at Hogwarts,
and though they were not in the same classes, had managed to remain close all throughout their
time in school. “Never doubted you would do it,” she said. “Everything alright with you? Been
awhile since I’ve seen you.”

“I know it – when you avoid injury, we don’t see one another.”

Tonks smirked. “I’ll work on that,” she said, though she certainly hadn’t avoided injury
recently, but had simply been treated elsewhere – all things she could not tell even to her closest
friend, as they involved the Order.

“Well,” Amine said, lowering her voice. “All isn’t quite well here. You should see the people
who come through here now – horrible injuries, Imperius curses, all on top of the normal things,
like Dragon Pox. Anyhow…how have you been? Anything new in your life?”

Tonk’s smile fell slightly; she wanted to tell all of the happy things she had recently done, but
felt like the truth was not quite ready to be known by everyone, not with the new tightening
restrictions. “Nothing I could tell you here. We should meet up some evening soon to catch up.”

Amine nodded, pleased. She then motioned to the table. “Shall we begin this cursory check,
then?”

“Please,” Tonks said, then murmured, “I should be out looking into disappearances, not getting
my blood checked.”

“You know how these checks are,” Amine said quietly, motioning for Tonks to remove her
coat. “All so that no one at the Ministry is responsible if anything that may happen inside their
walls. At least it’s free for you, right?”

“Small mercies,” Tonks said, allowing Amine to take a vial of her blood. After being checked
for any signs of being Imperiused and answering the banal questions that accompanied such a visit,
Tonks laid back on the bed and rested her eyes for a moment while Amine left to get the blood
tested. Such results were usually quite fast; when Amine did not return for a long while, Tonks
began to become concerned that Amine had been held up elsewhere.

Hearing steps on the hard floor, Tonks sat up and nearly made a joke about needing a healer’s
note to give to the Ministry excusing her long absence before she noticed the odd expression on
Amine’s face.

“Everything alright?” Tonks asked, a worry line appearing between her brows. “I'm not riddled
with infections, am I?”

Amine cast a sound muffling charm around them, which really made Tonks begin to worry.
Was she dying?

Sitting beside Tonks on the bed, Amine looked very grave and spoke very professionally.
“Been feeling tired lately? Cramps when you didn’t expect them? Anything odd?”

Tonks thought of the many late nights she had been working and the horrible food she had been
eating on the go. “...Yeah, I guess so. My schedule’s been all over the place, though.”
 “Menstrual cycle normal?”

Tonks shrugged. “That’s all over the place normally, but – I guess so, yeah.”

Amine became more direct. “And have you been seeing someone?”

Tonks frowned. “Actually, yeah – but it’s one of those things I couldn’t talk about here. Why?”

“Ever heard of chorionic gonadotrophin?”

“He wasn’t one of the leaders in the goblin rebellion, was he?” Tonks said, fully aware she had
no real idea of what that was, though Amine’s questions had unearthed a suspicion.

Amine looked at her, trying to gauge whether or not her friend was already aware of what she
was about to say but was simply keeping it from her. “It’s a hormone – and you’ve got low levels
of it your blood. That only happens when a woman’s expecting.”

Tonk’s stomach dropped. She may as well have been dying for how this news affected her. She
began to wrack her mind, recalling every encounter she’d had for the past few weeks that might
have led to this and finding them so numerous that they blurred together. It seemed impossible; not
only had they both taken precautions against such an outcome, but Tonks was sure that Lupin was
even more careful than she was due to his heavy paranoia and fear over such a thing. The only time
they had been even a little reckless was…she frowned, dimly recalling time spent on the kitchen
counter, the Fire Whiskey making her feel bold and punchy . All of a sudden, she felt a little bit ill,
as if she had eaten spoiled food. “Are…you sure?”

Amine nodded seriously. “You can’t be too far on with these levels. I’d say you’re not even a
month in.”

Tonks swallowed, her mouth dry all of a sudden. “No…couldn’t be a month. Probably a week
or so.”

Amine dropped every last remnant of professionalism and laid her hand over Tonk’s arm.
“Sorry to break the news like this. I can see you didn’t suspect it. Are you…with the man? Or do
you need to find him? If you do, I’ll search with you,” she said, feeling sure that Tonks would have
already divulged a relationship with her had she been in one.

Tonks shook her head. “ I can’t discuss it here…but…meet with me after work? Do you have
something else pressing?”

Amine gave her a bracing smile. “Come to the flat at thirty past five. I’ll be home by then.”

This show of friendship convicted Tonks; she had not seen Amine in months between her new
station in Hogsmead and the complications of her life. “I’ll be there. But…Amine, could you do a
second test? I have to know for sure.”

Amine gave her a sympathetic smile. “Of course. The results would be more clear if we were to
wait a few weeks, but we’ll test again.”

"And...' she hesitated, the next favor much more of an ask."...if you could just wait to turn in my
health report for awhile...until I figure out what to do..."

Amine ripped the results up with a brief motion, stuffing the shreds into her pocket. "It's
common enough to not detect anything with how early along you are. No need to send anything in
yet."
_________

Tonks sat silently against the railing of the flat’s small porch with a distant expression in her
eyes. She was thinking about how, if it was true that she was going to become a mother, that she
could have easily been killed before ever learning about it by Bellatrix...and how there was still the
risk that she could be killed any time.

As Amine opened the door to the flat, Tonks looked to her questioningly.

“It was positive,” Amine said gently.

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment, taking in the finality of a second positive test.

"C'mon," Amine said, extending a hand down.

Tonks took it and got quickly to her feet.

Ushering Tonks inside, Amine led her to the sofa.

Tonks sat down heavily, saying nothing at first. “Can’t believe it,” she said finally.

Able to speak freely now, Amine leaned forward. “Who is he, Tonks?”

Tonks gave her a thin smile. “My husband.”

Amine frowned, looking at Tonk’s ringless hand. “Since when?”

Tonks laughed mirthlessly. “Since about the time this happened…didn’t know about it at the
time though…” she said, her hand brushing against her midsection subconsciously. “I take the
rings off every morning.” She remembered her mother’s question around the kitchen table, asking
if there had been any reason to rush into a wedding and Tonks telling her honestly that there wasn’t
one besides the simple wanting to be married. Though it hadn’t been a lie, it felt like one now. “I
meant to tell you eventually. We eloped but…not because of any of this.”

“Congratulations, then," Amine said cautiously. "This wouldn’t be the same fellow you and I
spoke about a few months ago, is it?”

“The very same,” Tonks said.

Knowing that no part of this relationship had been easy thus far at least as of a few months ago,
Amine became more concerned. “Well…have you told him yet?”

“No. I don’t know how I will. He may not understand at first...I think he'll be very against it.”

“If he’s with you like he is, then surely you can trust that he’ll accept it.”

Tonks turned on the sofa to fully face Amine. “I’m making it sound like he’s some tyrant – but
he’s not. He’s wonderful. But we agreed we wouldn’t pursue having children together at any
point…he’s very afraid of it.”

Amine remained objective even through this story. “Well, it sounds like he’ll have to get over it
now. Unless…well, the laws are still strict, but there are ways to termin–”

Tonks reflexively laid her hand across her midsection. “No, not even with all the trouble this
will cause. Besides…he’d have to know first, anyway. He deserves to.”
 “Of course,” Amine said quickly. “I only meant to lay out all your options. There's also some
other things to keep in mind. A lot of women lose children early on - and you're very early on."

"This isn't the encouraging chat I imagined," Tonks said grimly. "Though, I doubt the one I
have to have tonight will be much more cheery."

"Well, if he’s so great, then you have to trust he’ll get over this fear. Though it seems like you
have enough fear of your own.”

Tonks looked at Amine carefully, deciding whether to divulge all her secrets. “There’s a reason
we agreed on no children, Amine. But if I tell you, you can’t let anyone know.”

Amine looked at her warily but ultimately nodded. “Tell me.”

It felt wrong to tell Lupin’s secret, but Tonks needed someone to know…and this someone
might be able to lend more help than anyone else. “My husband’s got lycantropy. Had it since he
was a kid.”

This news was far more shocking than the discovery Amine had made that afternoon. "Are you
safe? Is...is he violent?"

"If anything, I think it's him who lives in some fear of me. He snores like a buzz saw and keeps
me awake...and you know how I get when I'm tired," Tonks said, forgiving her friend the
perception that most held against werewolves.

Brushing aside the joke, Amine pressed: “...You knew before you eloped?”

"About the snoring? Of course." Seeing Amine's flicker of frustration, she dropped the jokes
and nodded. “I knew…and honestly, I don’t care. He's not like the Daily Prophet stories about
feral humans prowling the streets...he's calm and kind. Lived amongst wizards his whole life. If he
didn't appear the day after a full moon looking as if he'd lost a fight, you'd never guess he has it."

Amine's understanding of the world seemed to be in question as she listened to this. "Well,
werewolf or not, I have to say that I'm surprised to hear you married anyone so quickly. Though..."
she smiled ruefully at Tonks. "...leave it to you to leap into something with both feet."

"Well, I never felt about anyone the way I do him. He was so resistant to the very idea of me
and him together because of what he is – kept telling me he didn’t want me involved in his
troubles. Now the new legislation’s come out banning marriages to werewolves…” she looked
weary and overwhelmed.

“He was right to hesitate,” Amine said carefully. “Even before these laws, it was taboo for a
reason. I can’t say I’m an expert in this, but it is possible to be born a lycan. There’s not enough
cases to say for sure, at least none that I’ve read, but…you have as much chance for a full human
child as you have for one with lycantropy. It’s kind of like your own metamorphmagi ability – it’s
recessive. You said your husband wasn’t born a werewolf?”

“No,” Tonks said. “He was turned as a child.”

“Then his lycantropy is likely to be recessive as well. So, based on that alone, it’s either a
quarter chance or half chance that your child will have it, depending on your own genes. There’s
really no way to tell until the child is born.”

Tonks leaned against the sofa cushion, at a loss for words.

 Amine looked at her earnestly. “As complicated as all of this is, everything could turn out just
fine. At least, as far as the child is concerned. Can't imagine all you're going through with the new
laws, though."

“This wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place, but…” all of Tonk’s fears fell over her like a
weight. “...especially not now.”

Amine smiled faintly. “There’s never a perfect time for anything. But I know you…you’ll be a
wonderful mum. Best person for the job, actually.”

Tonks finally smiled, a small glimmer of happiness beginning to shine through the worry she
felt. “Well, here we are and I’ve monopolized the whole conversation. I want to hear about you,
too,” she said.

"Nothing as exciting as what you're going through," Amine said.

"Good," Tonks said, and gave her best effort to listen, though her mind ruminated on the coming
evening.

____________________

Outside of her home, Tonks paused before approaching the door. Standing outside in the dark, she
took a few steadying breaths before entering. Inside, she found evidence that Lupin had been at
home that afternoon; the day’s paper lay open on the table with the anti-werewolf legislations. An
empty can of beans and a plate with toast crumbs sat inside the sink; the extent of Lupin’s usual
efforts at cooking.

Tonks frowned at the paper before moving to the bedroom. She gratefully dressed into
comfortable clothes, nearly walking away from the pile of work clothes she left on the floor before
chiding herself and putting them away properly, a trait she was desperately trying to work on for
Lupin’s sake. Hanging up her coat, she lovingly ran her fingers over the thread-bare edges of
Lupin’s coats in the closet. She then splashed water over her face in the bathroom, the cold water
alleviating some of her anxieties. Staring at herself in the mirror, she uneasily looked down at her
flat stomach before tentatively laying her palm across it. Feeling strange, she felt a sense of
protectiveness settle over her. She found it odd that, though the life within was undoubtedly nearly
undetectable and new, that it somehow had the power to change her already. Even so, she felt
rather choked by the speed of it all - after years of tentative getting to know one another, the last
few weeks had been so fast it left her feeling quite adrift. Knowing she was far more adept at
change than Lupin, she knew the next month or so would be far more difficult for him than it even
was for her.

She then heard the front door open and close faintly. Frowning, she looked at herself hard in her
own reflection to bolster her nerves before emerging out in the sitting room.

She found Lupin with his back to her, the sound of jingling coins catching her ear. She walked
over to him quietly and found him stacking Galleons and Knuts from his pockets onto the kitchen
counter. Had it been anyone else, she would have jokingly asked if they had gone diving in a public
fountain to get such a haul – but knowing Lupin’s insecurities, she merely greeted him and stood
beside him, her hand on his back as she looked over the money. Though he looked weary and
slightly sun-burned from his labor in the fields, he gave her a fond greeting and seemed glad to
accept the kiss she laid on his cheek.

“A week’s wages,” Lupin said, becoming dour as he looked over it all.

 Tonks merely smiled at him, unwilling to step into the mire that any talk about money usually
became between the two of them.

He looked at her with bitter resignation. “Have you read today’s Prophet?”

“I did,” she said, frowning. “Nearly crumpled it after I saw that headline.”

Lupin pushed the small stacks of money to the wall. “I was sacked today over it.”

“I thought the farmer didn’t know about you,” Tonks said gently.

“He submitted our names to the public records and discovered it. I think he might have kept me
on had these new laws not surfaced today. ” He sighed in frustration. “Well…it would have
happened eventually regardless. At least he was civil about it all; he paid me for the work, which
he wasn’t legally bound to do, and agreed to let me slip away quietly.”

“At least he behaved decently,” she said. “It’s truly his loss.”

Lupin shook his head. “It would have been worse for him for someone else to discover me and
punish him for employing me. I suppose it worked out as well as it could of.”

She decided he was in far too poor a mood to tell him the news now; she wanted to help ease his
mind before burdening it once more. “Look, you know I’m no cook and I don’t pretend to be one,
but go get cleaned up and I’ll have something waiting for you.” He did not respond immediately,
leaving her to kindly rub his back. “A shitty day calls for some good food to set things right…and
while I can’t promise that it’ll be good food, I can promise that it’ll be warm.”

He gave her a faint smile before growing grave, remembering all the things he had meant to
speak with her about. “You saw the new law against marriages?”

“I did…” she said, her voice terse. “And I’d like to tell them where they can shove their laws.
Look, it doesn’t change anything for me – even if we are shacked up here together in the eyes of
the law.” She laid her hand over the top of his. “I don’t care what they regulate. I’m yours, Remus,
whether the government says it’s true or not.”

Lupin gave her a look of fond guilt. Despite all of the worry he carried, he was glad that she
was. "And I'm yours, Dora." He then remembered the message he was supposed to relay to her. "I
stopped by the Burrow this morning for news."

"Yeah? Anything about Moody?" she asked, refraining from asking directly about his lost body.

"No, nothing yet," he said heavily. "But Hestia succeeded in getting out some documents on
some Death Eater movements. And you and I have been invited to a dinner for Harry's birthday in
two days' time."

Tonks nodded slowly, feeling quite unwilling to appear at a party while she was burdened with
her task of sharing her news. "At least that bloody trace will finally be gone. Should make his life
easier. Anything else?"

"Apart from your father sending Arthur what was left of the motorbike, no."

"Glad he got it out of the garden finally," Tonks said. She then patted his arm. “Now, go on.
When you get back, I have some things to tell you, too.”

He frowned. “Did something happen today?”

 She smiled, her eyes betraying her. “Nothing that can’t wait for us both to settle first.”

He appeared unconvinced but did as she said. She heard the water run while she set herself to
frying potatoes and eggs. When he returned, she was attempting to scrape some of the blackened
parts off the bottom layer of the potatoes in the pan.

“We’ll eat around it,” he said generously.

She stirred the pot, privately wondering how she could ever raise a child if she couldn't manage
to fry four small potatoes. “Told you it wouldn’t be good.”

“It would have been no better had I made them,” he returned.

Tonks then moved to the table and gathered up the newspaper, shaking her head at the
obviously dramatisized image on the front page. She light-heartedly held it up and pretended to
compare his face to that of the fanged, clawed man in tattered clothing – a thing so ridiculous they
had printed an ink drawing instead of an actual picture. She nodded in mock seriousness. “Oh, yes
– the resemblance is uncanny.” She then tossed the stack of paper onto the floor unceremoniously.

He did not smile at her attempts to lighten things, though he appreciated them.

For the next twenty minutes, she managed to get him to light-heartedly speak with her. The
food, as burnt as some of it might have been, cheered them both. Convinced she had gotten him
into a better mood, she pushed aside her plate and looked at him assessingly. “Something did
happen today…something we need to talk about,” she said.

He seemed to be aware; she was as unfond of cooking in the evenings as he was, and her offer
of something so grand as potatoes and eggs had made him suspicious.

“A lot of people’ve been Imperiused lately,” she said. “It’s made the Ministry make the lot of us
go get checked for any signs of having been hexed or cursed.”

Lupin waited with a growing sense of unease, wondering where this story was going that had
made her face look so drawn.

“So, I went today and got checked. Didn’t expect for anything to come up, but…it did.” She
heaved a breath as the truth sat on the tip of her tongue. She knew he was a reasonable man…but
she didn’t know how her revelation would go.

“Are you ill?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “I might be soon though – on and off.” She braced herself and looked hard at
the table before saying measuredly: “Remus…we’re going to be parents.” She then looked up at
him, expecting to hear some immediate response.

He only sat there looking at her, as if he had not understood.

“I…I couldn’t believe it,” she went on. “But the healer I saw today confirmed it.”

Lupin’s brow creased and he looked away from her to the fire in the hearth. He looked suddenly
peaky and his hands clenched and unclenched without his realizing it. Moments that felt like years
passed. Finally, he found his voice, though it sounded terse. “How? We…were careful. Beyond
careful.”

“I know,” she said heavily. “At least…we usually were.”

 He looked at her with a questioning look; she could tell he was trying to recall every day of the
past few weeks.

She leaned toward him. “The night we married, we were half delirious with exhaustion and
Fire Whiskey – I thought for certain I had taken the usual precautions…and I think you did…but I
can’t remember. It would have taken both of us forgetting, but it's the one time I can’t recall fully.”

He had been sitting so straight that when he leaned on the table the action seemed pronounced.
His eyes flickered rapidly as he considered that night, not so long ago at all, as he realized he could
not fully recall either. “How do you know for certain that you’re…?” he couldn’t say it.

“Blood test. I can’t repeat all I was told for you – my mind had started skittering by that point.
But there’s no doubt about it.” She looked at her hands in her lap.

“Maybe the test was wrong,” he said.

Tonks frowned. As disheartening as his lack of joy was, she had reacted similarly and had a few
hours on him to have accepted the news. She was trying her best to give him the same chance. “I
had it tested twice, to be sure.”

He seemed to be looking through her, at a loss for words.

She let out a nervous breath. “I know what you and I had agreed on that night in the
graveyard…and I still feel that way. It’s a horrible time to bring anyone into the world, let alone to
parents like us.”

“Not ‘us’… me,” he said, a muscle twitching in his jaw. His shock was morphing into frustration
that Tonks knew was not entirely directed at her, though it certainly felt that way. He stood up and
began to walk agitatedly. From the floor, the fanged depiction of the werewolves leered up at him.

Tonks passed a hand over her face. “It was my old friend who gave me the news today. She’s
trustworthy, and I had to know, so I told her about us…about you. She said she’ll keep our secret…
and that the child has as much as half a chance to be born with no consequences.”

“Half a chance…” Lupin murmured. “How kind of us to give the child half a chance.”

Tonks put great effort into keeping her tone calm. "I don’t know what all we’ll have to do this
coming year now, or how everything will change, but…”

Lupin was fully pacing now. “I do. At some point, you won’t be able to hide it from the Ministry.
You’ll have to stop working and we’ll starve because I can’t manage to bring home more than
twenty galleons at a time. We’ll rely on handouts to feed our child, who may not even survive his
first few transformations because werewolf children sometimes don’t.”

“We don’t know that,” Tonks said, beginning to become angry now herself.

“How could I have done this to you?” Lupin asked. “I was a fool to think I could have any kind
of life with you in which you’re not horribly punished. I knew I had made a mistake…how could I
have risked so much…”

She understood his anger and fear, but she could not withstand hearing all of this. She stood up
with a resolute expression blazing in her eyes. “I’m as worried as you are, but the fact remains that
any child of ours would be just that; ours. As terrified as I am of being a mother to any kind of
child, that’s the path we’re on now. So process all you must, Remus, but don’t make me listen to
how you regret our marriage. I happily chose this life with you, and you did too.”
 He looked at her with a tightly clenched jaw, too angry to relent to the fact that he knew she
was right. “I have to take a walk,” he said, his shoulders visibly moving with his breathing. He
strode for the door then, not bothering to pull on his coat. At the door, he glanced back, aware that
he should have had something better to say, something that told her that he was furious at himself
and not with her, but his fear canceled out any eloquence. After a tense silence, he went out the
door, the sound of it’s closing leaving Tonks feeling very alone and weary. She sank into her chair
and stared angrily out the window, watching as Lupin’s rapid pace took him over the low hills and
out of sight. She then laid both her palms across her lower midsection and spoke with cool
determination in her voice: “He’ll come around. He just needs time.”

Out in the night air, Lupin walked quickly through the fields. He walked heedlessly through
mud and damp grass, his rapid pace calming his mind down some. Finally at the top of a hill, he
looked down and saw a herd of sheep grazing peacefully within a fence. For half a moment, a
sudden desire to harm the animals flashed through his mind – it was such an unexpected, primal
thought that it revulsed him as soon as it faded. As this fleeting impulse vanished, he staggered
backward a few steps and sat in the grass, his face covered by his hands as he felt horror that such a
thought might cross his human mind long before the full moon. What kind of a father could he be
if his anger and fear caused such horrible, animal-like instincts to rule his thoughts, even for the
most brief of moments? Would he be a danger to his own child? If by some miracle the child were
unaffected by his terrible condition, then it would still have to grow up knowing it’s father was a
monster.

Staring up at the stars overhead, Lupin recalled all of the suffering he had underwent because
of his condition. Healers had told his parents he would likely not grow to full height due to the
physical strain of the transformations and that he could never attend school, two statements that
had been blatantly false, due to the usual misunderstandings of werewolves and thanks to
Dumbledore. However, the other warnings had come to full fruition. Lupin recalled clearly hearing
the healers advise Lyall and Hope that they would have to prepare their child to not expect to have
a normal life – that he would likely never hold down a job, nor should he marry or have children.
They were given booklets on how werewolves often ran in packs outside of cities and could be
found hunting wild game and eating it raw, even in their human forms. At night, Lupin often stole
these booklets, aware his parents did not want him reading them, and sat up late pouring over them.
He was horrified at the pictures of his kind doing terrible acts against peaceful people; stealing
food and taking children, killing entire herds of cattle and lapping up the blood. He had been
disgusted by it all.

But it was the transformations that isolated him the most.The pain affected his young mind with
a forceful hand; he was often so ill afterward that he wondered if he were dying, a fear that caused
his mother to cry when he shared it with her. He never shared such thoughts again, hoping to keep
her from more suffering than she already endured for his sake.

As the years passed, Lyall and Hope moved to a remote area and schooled Lupin at home. He
was taught manners and to be wary around strangers who did not know his secret. His father taught
him counter jinxes and hexes from a young age, aware that Lupin may need to know to defend
himself from the cruelties of the world. His mother immersed him in numbers, stories and writing.
Though she could not perform magic, she passed her love for Transfiguration to Lupin by asking
Lyall to do magic that changed stones to flowers. He knew no other children and often wondered if
he ever would. To the young Lupin, it was both a wonderful time and a lonely time… but as he
grew older, he saw how miserable it made his parents to be so far removed from the lives they had
hoped to lead. He saw how it was him who made their lives hard and unfulfilling, though they told
him otherwise.

Last year, during his time among the werewolves, he had witnessed all the events that made
them the victims of society and their curse, but also of their unwillingness to adhere to civil wizard
culture. He had found no place among them at the end; they had rejected him for his wizard like
behavior. But he had not left them before witnessing the death of a werewolf boy, just three months
old, whose transformation killed him.

Now, Lupin had done the unpardonable. He had knowingly risked passing on his condition to a
child that he felt in his bones would be just like him. He feared the child living just long enough to
die terribly during a full moon - or for Tonks to be crushed under the sorrow of losing him. If he
did live, Lupin feared that the child would soon learn that despite the assurances of his parents, that
his very existence was burdensome and dangerous. He loathed himself for it.

Engrossed by shame and guilt, Lupin remained out in the night for hours, unable to return to
Tonks immediately for fear of saying something he could not take back. He knew he had already
hurt her with his outburst, an act he regretted.

He did not know how long he spent outdoors, but when he returned home, the fire was nothing
but coals in the hearth and Tonks was asleep on the sofa, her arm pillowing her head in what
looked like an uncomfortable position.

He paused for a long moment to look at her, finding it hard to imagine all the changes that were
barreling toward them. Feeling the chill in the air, he then quietly took the one thread-bare blanket
from it's place in the corner and laid it over her. She awoke as he did so and looked at him
concernedly.

"You didn't need to wait for me," he said, not unkindly.

"I didn't want to end the night like that," she said, bleary eyed from her restless sleep.

He felt wretched - there she sat, waiting up for him as he stomped around the fields, her
kindness knowing no limit. "I...think I left you with the wrong impression," he said. "I don't regret
being with you...I regret all the suffering I'll cause you; all that I already have. I'm sorry, Dora."

This explanation was hardly comforting. Her face was obscured in the near darkness, but he
could see the sadness in her eyes. "You don't have to regret anything. This could be a good thing,
Remus, if we just allow it to be."

"I...can't talk about it tonight," he said in a hollow voice.

She was too tired to push the issue further, and so overwhelmed that she understood the need to
put off the matter for the morning. She touched the place beside her on the sofa as she met his eye.
"Alright. Just...sit with me for awhile?"

Lupin sat. She felt his cold hand and draped half the blanket over him, as well. He leaned back
and settled beside her, reaching out to clasp her hand beneath the blanket. She returned the touch;
glad he had come back at last. Without meaning to, both fell asleep, their shoulders and heads
touching with the surety that they still found comfort in one another, despite the harsh words that
had passed between them.
 Hogsmeade
Chapter Summary

Lupin sets out to find the only beings who may truly know about his child’s chances
of being born with his affliction.

Reading song:
When Lupin starts reading the book about Nocturnal Beasts: "The Dumbledores"
Alexandre Desplat

Chapter Notes

It was recently pointed out to me that werewolves and lycans are different (in terms of
one does not have control over transformations, the other does) in some forms of
media. In this story, they’re used interchangeably for werewolves in general. Just
wanted to clear it up ~ but I’m glad to have learned something new!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Tonks awoke from a nightmare in which she had been trying to keep hold of a faceless baby that
kept slipping from her arms, as if slicked in oil. The baby would then plummet to the floor and
Tonks would lunge to catch the bundle at the last second, her frustration rising. When she finally
broke down and realized she needed help, she had called out for Lupin in the dream, only to realize
he was not there.

She awoke irritated, her legs tucked under her and her head on the arm of the sofa. She reached
out beside her to find that her dream reflected reality that morning; Lupin had risen earlier than her
and was nowhere in sight.

She took the blanket that lay down around her ankles and wrapped it around her shoulders as
she sat up. She frowned as she realized it was a Thursday – she would have to go into the Ministry
and work. She then thought about all that had happened the day before and felt like it had all
happened far longer ago than a mere day. She fell purposefully to her side on the sofa and closed
her eyes. But even as she laid there in the still morning silence, she found her fingers running gently
over her abdomen with a sense of quiet wonder, unsure of how she felt about it all still. She got to
her feet then and moved to go dress when she heard the quiet creak of wood. Following the sound,
she found Lupin at the worn desk in the study bent over a thick book. The blanket still on her
shoulders, she leaned her head on the doorframe and watched him for a moment before he noticed
her there. She stepped across the room and looked down at the book he was studying so intently,
frowning as she saw that it was one of his volumes on nocturnal beasts. On the page before him
was a drawing of a werewolf slinking through a forest, a stolen child in its jaws.

Looking up at her, he nearly said something before realizing the two-way mirror was on the
wall behind him. He glanced at it warily, as if worried to reveal anything by talking too freely
should the Tonks overhear something on the other side. She followed his gaze and motioned him
over to the sitting room, not wanting to share the news with anyone else just yet. He rose and
followed her, closing the study door behind him.

“Doing some light reading?” she asked.

“Researching,” he said, not wishing to expound further. He then looked suddenly remorseful. “I
regret speaking like I did last night. It’s just difficult to accept, even now.”

“It’s alright…I’m frightened, too,” she said. “I was thinking that we should keep this between
us for now…until we both get better used to it.”

He had a wary look in his eyes and he shifted uncomfortably.

She frowned. “It’d be nice to be able to talk freely with you about all of this, though. As it is
now, I’m afraid anything I say could send you either on a tirade or have you running outdoors to
avoid me.”

“Sorry,” he murmured, sounding stiff. He cleared his throat, as if realizing his fear had kept him
from making an effort. “I realize I never asked you if you’re feeling well.”

“A little tired, but fine. Too early on to be sick, I reckon, though what do I know?” She
squeezed his hand then and gave him a smile. “I’d better go dress. Have to go investigate that
missing member of the wizengamot and his kid today. Koorthy’s already on the case, but I should
have joined up with him yesterday.”

“You won’t be doing any investigation alone, though?” Lupin asked.

“Most likely not,” Tonks said, then smiled faintly at the look of concern on his face. “Don’t
worry. I can still deflect a hex and dodge a curse just as well as before.”

“Just be careful, Dora,” he said gravely.

“Worried about someone harming our growing pack, are you?” she asked as she brushed her
hand over her abdomen, fully aware the joke was slightly off-color.

Lupin almost flinched. “Don’t say it like that,” he said lowly, sounding tired.

Tonks smiled kindly. “I’ll be as careful as I’m able to be.”

He embraced her then, as if seeking to make up for all of the harsh things he had said the night
before. Whether she sensed this or not, she lingered in his arms for a long moment before giving
him a smile that assured him that all was well between them. He then returned to the study alone.
Listening to her steps fade into the bedroom, he closed the study door and sat back down at the
desk. He skimmed over the page, reading silently over words he had seen many times before,
hoping to discover some kernel of truth that would alleviate his guilt and worry. If only he could
find some assurance beyond one healer’s opinion that the baby could be free of his curse, then he
could find some peace. He ran his hand over the section on Becoming a werewolf.

….werewolves have been documented throughout history in folklore, though their appearance
and behavior varies greatly depending on the story and the era. Their presence in many areas of
the world is preserved through ancient art… He skipped ahead. …there are, of course, cases of
clinical lycanthropy in which a human is merely delusional and believes he is a wolf, and of
zoanthropy in which the sufferer believes he is able to turn into an animal, which of course differs
from animagi (see index). True lycanthropy, in contrast, is not restricted only to the mind, but
physically and mentally changes a being of one species into an exaggerated lupine form under the
influence of the full moon… He skipped further ahead, scanning the page for what he searched for:
…while it is possible to be born a werewolf, it is far more common to become one through the bite
of a werewolf. The contamination of the werewolf’s saliva permeates the bloodstream and
transforms a living being’s very essence, turning Homo sapiens into a half-breed between human
and wolf. It is unknown how much of the wolf lives within the man while the moon does not yet
hold it’s power over him, though it is a well known fact that nothing of the man remains while the
werewolf is in wolf form. However, the appearance of the werewolf while in human form can vary
greatly. Some werewolves have been known to take on the look of a wolf long before the
appearance of a full moon, with increased hair and bestial dentition giving the werewolf’s true
condition away to passersby. Other werewolves do not take on any lupine characteristics while
they are human, making it far easier to blend into human populations until the moon’s influence
seizes them. This is believed to be due to the individual werewolf’s choice of behavior. Thus, it is
safe to assume that a recently turned werewolf may appear entirely human and may cause great
and possibly unintentional damage to those unfortunate enough to be nearby him when he
transforms; a werewolf that has been afflicted for many years, used to his need to kill, will
inevitably appear more and more beast like as he gives into his instincts and kills in a more
calculated fashion...

Frustrated, he could see nothing useful on the page. There seemed to be nothing more known to
his current predicament beyond ‘it is possible to be born a werewolf’, a fact he already knew and
dreaded. He drummed his fingers on the desk, lost in dark thoughts before murmuring disgustedly,
“Half a chance,” as he remembered Tonks’ words from the healer. The book had proven to be
useless for what he needed to know; it had been written years ago by a cohort of witches and
wizards who had nothing personally to do with werewolves. He then began to search his other
books, pouring over them relentlessly until Tonks stuck her head back into the study and said
farewell to him. He spent the better part of an hour then searching for any reference at all to the
birth of werewolves but found nothing. This only fueled his desire to assuage his guilt. Then, a
sudden idea struck him; if he could not find any reference to his problem, then perhaps he could
seek out someone who would know. Recalling yesterday’s headlines, he suddenly returned to the
sitting room and found the newspaper still on the floor where Tonks had disgustedly dropped it. He
quietly read over the front page’s story again: …a group of werewolves was spotted near
Hogsmeade village this week…

Hogsmeade was a long trip to make through apparition; it was such a distance that even an
experienced wizard could find themselves spliced, and if he tried to do so, he would have to do
traverse the distance in one day. However, he had certainly apparated such a distance before
without any injury, and if he waited much longer, the possibility that the werewolves that had been
seen there would move increased greatly. There was also the consideration that he had not left on
good terms with the majority of them…however, there were a few who might still speak with him,
if he were cautious with how he approached them. In fact, one woman in particular may indeed
help him if he were to ask; the very woman whose eldest child had survived her first
transformations, but whose youngest had not.

He looked at the old timepiece on the mantel – it was nearly eight thirty in the morning. If he
were to hurry, he could be back long before Tonks returned home. While he had no desire to keep
his efforts to find answers from her, he also could imagine her worry at such a sudden plan, and so
decided that, in this case, it was far better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

_____________________

Hogsmead’s idyllic streets were green with tufts of grass poking up through the cobblestones and
flowers that were still in bloom. The shops and cottages that made up the village had identical
thatched roofs and were built using the same type of stone, giving a uniform look to the sleepy
place.

Apparating just outside of the village in the exact alley that Lupin had put into his mind, he
made his way out into the street. Though the season made the village appear bright, Lupin noticed
a lack of residents out in the streets. As he walked, shutters closed and candles were blown out in
windows, lending an air to the place that whispered a warning that he should not be there. He did
not wish to go to the Three Broomsticks, since Madam Rosmerta may well remember him and
know of his affliction from the year that news of his condition was leaked by Snape out of spite.
He thought he’d have better luck at the Hogshead, whose owner had been part of the first Order of
the Phoenix during the first Wizarding War. Upon approaching it, Lupin thought it abandoned at
first with its dark windows shuttered. He half expected the door to be locked when he tried it, but it
opened for him with a squeak of its rusty hinges.

The bar was unchanged from his time in Hogwarts. A few patrons sat inside with their backs to
the walls, all looking at him warily as he entered. At the bar, the man he had hoped to see stood
staring moodily at him, his eyes flickering with recognition as Lupin approached him.

“Aberforth,” Lupin said.

“Remus,” Aberforth greeted reservedly. “A bit early to be drinking, isn’t it?”

Lupin glanced at the men at the corners of the room, all who were mulling over pints. “ They
don’t seem to think so.”

Aberforth gave a low laugh. “When times are dark, people drink – when times are good, people
drink. Either way, my bar stays in business. Can’t complain either way. Well, what brings you?"

“I saw that article in the Daily Prophet yesterday,” Lupin said, unwilling to share too much of
his intentions even with Aberforth Dumbledore. “Things have turned rather complicated for
Hogsmeade.”

“It’s hogs' wallop if you ask me,” Aberforth said dismissively.

“How so?”

Aberforth fixed him in a sharp look and considered him for a moment; while he disliked most
people, he felt rather neutrally toward Lupin, who he knew from the old days in the Order. Because
of this nearly positive feeling, Aberforth voice’s fell still lower as he began the story. “Two men
were spotted at a distance just outside the village two days ago. Few hours later, a couple of old
Timothy Bernthal’s hogs went missing. He goes out searching for them and sees those same two
men with the hogs, both the animals dead. He gets closer and starts tellin’ the men off, saying to
drop the hogs and to be off – but the men don’t run. That’s when Bernthal sees their faces. The
way he tells it, they had a bit more hair than the average man and they looked ragged. After he
shouted at them, they rounded on him. Well, he comes back to the village and starts telling
everyone how two wolf men had killed his livestock and threatened him. Before you know it,
everyone in the village, young and old, is telling a story about how a whole group of werewolves
are lurking outside of everyone’s garden gate. Ridiculous, if you ask me. It’s been two days now.
Damned if anyone knows how many were actually ever here, or if they’re still around, but
everyone’s acting like there’s an army of ‘em waiting to take over the town.”

“Do you know where those two men were last seen?” Lupin asked, unphased and unsurprised
by the fact that the Daily Prophet’s version had been blown well out of proportion.

“Looking to hunt them down, are you, Remus?” Aberforth asked.

 “Perhaps," Lupin said, noting the vague resemblance of Aberforth to his deceased brother,
especially about the eyes.

Aberforth grunted. “Well, you could ask Bernthal, but he’s locked himself inside that farmhouse
of his since the paper was delivered yesterday. I do know that the terrain around here is open – too
open to hide in, and if they really were what Bernthal and the Prophet are claiming them to be,
they wouldn’t be feasting on those hogs out on the rolling hills. Only one place they’d venture, I
reckon they’d be in—”

“The Forbidden Forest,” Lupin said resignedly.

Aberforth nodded. “Good luck traipsin’ into there…if they’re even still around.” He then eyed
Lupin with sudden disdain. “Still following my fool brother’s orders?”

Lupin’s mouth twitched. “That fell through months ago.”

Aberforth became rather stony. “Good. It’s time everyone let the past die with him.”

Lupin had neither the time nor the patience to begin a debate that would fall on deaf ears.
Instead, he straightened and thanked Aberforth for the information before returning outside. He
looked in the direction he knew the Forbidden Forest to be and frowned, thinking rapidly about
how to proceed. He did not have the time to go searching for the werewolves in the dark woods,
nor was it wise to encroach there with tensions between centaurs and those they considered even
partly human as thin as they were. Frustrated, Lupin then considered one being he knew who
regularly ventured into those woods, uncaring of the danger. He closed his eyes, pictured the
border to the Hogwarts grounds clearly in his mind, and vanished in a rapid motion. Appearing at
the edge of the school property, he set off at a determined pace.

Before long, Lupin saw the distant outline of Rubeus Hagrid’s hut. As he approached, he could
clearly see the parts of the hut that had been rebuilt from the fire that the Death Eaters had set in it
not long ago. It looked whole again, however, if not a bit more disjointed for how the new
materials so clearly contrasted with the old stone and wood.

As he neared, a deep baying sounded inside the hut. Before Lupin could near the door, Hagrid
burst from the back door with his crossbow loaded and already on his shoulder. Lupin immediately
halted and raised his hands in a show of surrender. “Hagrid, it’s me, Remus.”

Hagrid looked at him suspiciously as Fang continued to bay and bark inside. “Prove it’s you,
then.”

His hands still in the air, Lupin spoke with no hurry in his voice. “I am Remus John Lupin,
fellow member of the Order of the Phoenix, husband to Nymphadora Tonks – and I know that you
personally bore Albus Dumbledore’s body from the base of the Astronomy tower at the end of last
month, as well as to his tomb.”

Hagrid looked affected by this somber memory. He shouldered his crossbow and motioned
Lupin forward. Knowing that only someone with Tonks’ abilities, which were indeed rare, could
impersonate Hagrid whatsoever, Lupin did not doubt that the gamekeeper was who he appeared to
be and approached the hut.

"Sorry to burst out of the hut like that on yeh, there's been a lot of creatures stirring in the forest
these past few days, an' the new unicorn foals have needed plenty of tendin' to." Hagrid opened the
door behind him and called out to Fang to stop barking. The large dog appeared in the doorway and
sniffed the air as he considered Lupin with his doleful eyes and drooling lip. “I’m surprised to see
 you here. Something happen that I should know about?”

“Nothing concerning the Order,” Lupin said, not bothering to mask his weariness. “I’ve come to
ask you if you know anything concerning the werewolves who were supposedly seen at
Hogsmeade two days ago.”

“Ah,” Hagrid said, scratching his beard, assuming that Lupin’s intentions were the same as
Hagrid’s own had been in searching out the giants the year prior. “Well, not exactly now, but Fang
and I did run into a clearing yesterday mornin’ with footprints all over it. I could smell campfire
smoke in the wind. No one in their right mind would ever camp in those woods were they not
hiding from the world or confident that they somehow belong there. I reckon it could have been
them, but I didn’t see the need to go lumberin’ on to find out.”

“Do you remember the area well enough to find it again?” Lupin asked.

Seeing the hard, poorly hidden desperation in Lupin’s face, Hagrid frowned and did not answer
his question. “Everythin’ alright, Remus?”

Nothing was alright. In Lupin’s heavy mind, his guilt and shame drove him forward relentlessly
and he knew he had to go into the forest now, no matter the danger that may await him there. “It’s
important that I find them, Hagrid. I’m afraid I can’t tell you exactly why.”

“Well…I reckon I could find that clearing again. Wasn’t but a few kilometres out. I’ll take ye, if
you need to go.”

“I do. As soon as possible.”

Ever ready for a stroll into the dark woods, Hagrid looked back at Fang and whistled. The
boarhound came to his side loyally. “I’ll grab a few more bolts for the crossbow and we’ll be off,
then.”

Chapter End Notes

Next chapter coming soon

 A Bitter Truth
Chapter Summary

Hagrid guides Lupin into the Forbidden Forest in search of werewolves. A

conversation with a woman then leaves Lupin at even greater odds with himself.

Reading songs:
When Lupin and Hagrid reach the clearing: “The Killing of Dumbledore” Nicholas
Hooper
When Lupin speaks with Mara: “The Deer” Jeff Russo

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

“Seems to me like Dumbledore had lost some hope in bringin’ the werewolves ‘round to our
side,” Hagrid mused as they set off. Fang trailed along beside them. “At least, he seemed to have
felt so with the giants. Me and Olympe nearly got into a right bit of trouble with them last year…
though you’ve bound to have already heard that story.”

Lupin murmured a reply. The forest had reminded him of a day long past in which he had
accompanied his father on a walk. Lyall had been agitated after returning from a court hearing
against a werewolf that morning, a fact the young Lupin had not well understood. Normally content
to be with his father, Lyall's morose mood had struck a sense of unease in Lupin. He had asked if
his father were alright. Lyall had then stared remorsefully down at his son. "Life isn't just or driven
by merit...it's all chance. I know now that I've ruined your life, Remus. You might have done so
many things had I not driven that beast to act out against me...you might have had a real life." He
had kept walking then, leaving a disturbing sense of distrust over Lupin as he trailed behind.

This odd memory coming to his mind, Lupin felt a sickening feeling that he had done the same
to an innocent life. He was disgusted with himself.

Hagrid kept a close watch on the world around them as they walked. They had been following a
vague trail for but a short while but had already come across a group of Bowtruckles camouflaged
as leaves in a low-hanging branch, which Hagrid had pointed out with delight. His ease was
unaffected by Lupin’s obvious terse sense of hurry being tested by Hagrid’s willingness to stop
along the way.

Now, as they walked at a quick pace, Hagrid looked down at his companion; though he had
known Lupin since before the first Wizarding War, he did not truly know Lupin – few people did.
Lupin had always been kind but aloof, somehow both trustworthy and secretive all at once. In some
ways, Hagrid related to him greatly – who else knew the cold feeling of the eyes of ‘normal’ folk
looking at you in fear or suspicion as well as a fellow half-breed?—but even so, Hagrid could not
have rattled off many facts about Lupin’s life. They were as close as Lupin allowed most to be with
him, which was often at arms’ length. But none of this bothered Hagrid. Lupin was a friend in
need, and therefore Hagrid was compelled to give him help, despite not understanding the intent of
the mission. This did not keep him from prodding Lupin for more details, however.

“I do wonder…” Hagrid saw Lupin’s grim demeanor but was undeterred. “…if you finding
those werewolves has nothing to do with the Order, then why’re you so hell bent on finding ‘em?
Seems like I remember hearin’ about yeh losing them a while back.”

“I did,” Lupin said. “Just before the Death Eaters got into the school, some of them expressed
frustration that I was there. They claimed I was too much a wizard to have any place among them. I
tried to go back a few weeks ago but they had left London and I had no way of knowing where they
had gone.”

Hagrid gave a thoughtful sort of grunt. “No place with them, no place outside of them, eh? I
know the feeling…sort of like you’re trapped between the two, no place to belong—well, ‘cept for
when I’m here at Hogwarts. I suppose this is the only home I’ve ever really known.”

He had expressed exactly what beleaguered Lupin. Sharing in this mutual feeling of otherness
and solitude, Lupin let the truth of Hagrid’s words hang without reply. The woods were still sunlit
and the trees were not yet close together. For a moment, they walked silently, Hagrid feeling the
comradery of being torn between two worlds that did not accept them and Lupin in a state of
thinking only about his goal.

Hagrid went on: “Can’t say I believe you that nothing’s happened, though, not with you lookin’
like findin’ these werewolves is life or death.”

“Well, no lives hang in the balance of it,” Lupin said. In fact, he had not truly stopped to
consider what knowing any more than he already did would help or change. It was the very fact
that nothing he did at this point could change the fate of his and Tonks’ child that bothered him the
most; he felt adrift and powerless over something he should have never allowed to happen. “But
they may know something that could help…or, at least, set me on the path to understanding.”

“Understanding what?” Hagrid asked.

“Nothing I can divulge now,” Lupin said, his tone neither cold nor warm.

“Well, I’ll get yeh to the clearing with those footprints. I’ve nowhere to be today and will hold
back while you go on. That way, if yeh need me, I’ll hear.”

“Hagrid, I appreciate the sentiment, but if you’re anywhere near, they’ll know. It’s best for both
of us if you go back once we’ve found them. They’re secretive and wouldn’t take kindly to you
being nearby.”

“Sounds like somebody I know,” Hagrid said, casting a purposeful look at Lupin.

They went on in silence then. The sun was now entirely blocked out by the thick canopy of tree
cover overhead and the temperature turned chill. There was a dank, mildewed smell in the air and
thick, gnarled roots began to curl into the path. Hagrid and Fang walked on entirely sure of the
path with Lupin trusting their sense of direction. Finally, Fang stopped abruptly; following the
dog’s cues, Hagrid motioned for Lupin to be still. Lowering his head, Fang lowered his head
suspiciously and growled faintly into the darkness, before a sudden dim sound ahead caused the
dog to startle and lope to back to Hagrid’s side. Hagrid shook his head at the dog’s cowardice but
only listened.

There was the rumble of hooves ahead – and of cries and faint shouts. Lupin looked into the
gloom ahead with narrowed eyes, his wand resting in his tense grip.

Hagrid frowned and looked down at Lupin. “Centaurs,” he murmured. “They’ve been on bad
terms with everything in these woods for a long while now. Their sendin' Dumbledore off at the
funeral was the first I'd seen of them for a long while. If we run into them, it won’t end well for us.
We should turn back.”

“I can’t do that,” Lupin said resolutely. He began to step forward but stopped as Hagrid’s arm
and open hand came down in front of him like a crossing gate.

“I couldn’t bear to be the one to tell Nymphadora that I’d been the last living soul to see yeh
alive, or that I’d left yeh behind.”

“You won’t have to,” Lupin said.

“Yer right – because I’m going on with yeh, whether you like it or not.”

The sounds of the fight continued on faintly. Lupin felt that he was rapidly running out of time.
He had to have answers – had to know what sorrows to prepare Tonks for in the coming year; if he
could do that, then perhaps he wouldn’t be the poor excuse for a husband he saw himself as and he
could redeem himself. Impatient with Hagrid’s intensive loyalty, Lupin relented and gave a terse
nod. “Fine. Let’s go then, shall we?”

They kept on carefully then. Fang now followed behind, as if wary of going forward. The trees
began to thin ahead as the earth made an obvious incline upward, forming a sort of circle. They
fought their way up and crouched at the top, blocked by tree cover, as they looked down into the
gloomy clearing below. For a moment, Lupin could see nothing; most of the shouting and the
rumbling of hooves over rock and hard-packed earth still sounded somewhere ahead.

But as he looked cautiously down, Lupin could see the remains of a camp. A firepit had been
fashioned in the center and the half-eaten carcass of one of Bernthal’s hogs rested over the coals on
a rough-hewn spit. Around this center point of focus, blankets and make-shift shelters still dotted
the clearing, with scattered bones from the other hog on the ground among a few dark masses.
After a moment, a feeling of dreadful understanding settled over Lupin and he got to his feet. With
some brashness, he stood up and left the safety of the tree cover. He picked his way carefully
across the clearing, toward one of the first dark shades that lay on the ground. It was the body of a
man in old, patched clothes laying face-first on the black earth; Centaur arrows riddled his back.
He moved to the second body and found a woman lying still, killed by a blow to the head. Four
more corpses lay in the abandoned camp, all recognized by Lupin and all still warm to the touch.

Hagrid joined him and gave a quiet sound of sorrow. “Looks like we’re too late, Remus.
Someone needs to know about their deaths…can’t let them lie here like this.”

Lupin felt his eye begin to twitch as he looked at the death that surrounded them. “I must find
the others first.”

“They could’ve been chased anywhere—”

There was a sudden, faint cry from the darkness – as if from someone in great pain.

Lupin raised his wand and threw a look over his shoulder to Hagrid before running up the slope
and back into the thick trees. He could hear Hagrid behind him, slower for his size but keeping up.
Selfishly, he needed answers – but hearing the cry humanized the group who had rejected him so
vehemently a few months prior. Thinking nothing of himself or those he needed to remain alive
for, Lupin kept on toward the sounds of shouting that echoed hauntingly through the hazy gloom.
Finally, breathing hard, Lupin stumbled into a scene that stopped him abruptly. What remained of
the werewolves stood with sticks and rocks in their hands, their backs to one another for safety.
Around them, two Centaurs trotted, bow strings drawn to their chins, arrows trained on their
targets.

Hagrid, catching up to Lupin, raised his voice to the Centaurs as he raised his crossbow to his
shoulder. “Oi! Leave them be!”

The two Centaur’s attention shifted sharply to Hagrid and Lupin as they slowed. The bay
colored Centaur kept his drawn bow pointed at what remained of the werewolves, their human
faces fearful and angry, while the darker Centaur turned on the two new comers with great
hostility.

“Hagrid,” the Centaur shouted. “You’ve been warned to stay out of this part of the forest before.
And now you bring more wizards here, despite the warnings,” he said, motioning to Lupin.

“Bane, I’ve only come here to talk,” Hagrid said, his crossbow at the ready despite his words of
peace. “Let’s all put down our weapons, eh?”

While this was going on, Lupin searched the faces of all who were left alive still – catching the
eye of one woman in particular, who clutched a young girl close to her side.

“Leave here, Hagrid,” Bane said. “You have no part in this.”

“Perhaps he doesn’t – but I do,” Lupin said, his wand raised. “Allow them to leave the forest
unharmed.”

“They were already warned, as well,” Bane said. “After ignoring our threats, they have sealed
their own fates. Now go, or you shall join them in death.”

Bane motioned to the other Centaur, as if giving word to let his arrows fly. Releasing the arrow
at random into the group, Lupin watched as the girl caught the shaft in her thigh with a gargled
sound. Without thinking, Lupin cast Expelliarmus silently, knocking the drawn bows from the
Centaur’s hands. Angered, Bane and the now weaponless Centaur both reared; the werewolves
leapt backward, beginning to run into the trees once more as they made good use of the momentary
distraction; the woman picked up the girl and began to run with her, the arrow still lodged in her
leg. Looking upward, Lupin saw a heavy branch overhead – with a slashing motion of his wand, he
caused it to break with a deep, resounding crack and crash downward. The Centaurs moved aside,
kept from pursuing the werewolves, but turned angrily on him and Hagrid instead.

“Why have you interfered with our justice?” Bane bellowed.

“Remus, put yer wand down,” Hagrid said, lowering his crossbow and raising his hands in a
sign of peace. He then addressed the two Centaurs. “Got yer point across, I think, by killing the
ones back in that clearing. I guarantee the rest of ‘em will leave the forest now.”

“Why have you come?” the other Centaur demanded, kept at bay only by the threat of Lupin’s
wand, even though it was now at his side.

Lupin took a step forward slowly. “I asked Hagrid to guide me here. I…” He began to think
quickly, hoping to avoid violence with the right words, even if they were deceptions. “…I was
directed here by the stars. I believe I was meant to speak with those who you have driven off.”

Bane tossed his dark head defiantly and flared his nostrils in anger. “And what business does a
wizard have with werewolves?”

“I may be a wizard, but I am not fully human myself,” Lupin said evenly.
 Bane took a deep breath of air through his nose, as if confirming what Lupin claimed through
scent alone. “And what did the stars tell you that you might discover from them?” he asked,
scornfully.

“I don’t pretend to be able to read the skies as well as the Centaurs,” Lupin said judiciously.
“But I have come to seek help for my…my family,” he said, the word feeling strange and new as
he said it.

“There is no help for your kind, nor ours,” Bane said. “This is why we must drive off anyone
who encroaches on our land. If we do not defend it now, it will surely be taken from us – if not by
wizards, then by other half-breeds who have no place elsewhere.”

Hagrid, his crossbow shouldered, cleared his throat. Fang whined beside him. “We’re leaving,
then, right now.”

Lupin felt his jaw tighten; he had no intention to leave just yet, but knew open defiance could
earn him a death blow from the Centaur’s hooves. He began to slowly step back with Hagrid.

“Go to the boundary at once, or risk death,” Bane said coldly. He knelt down and picked up his
fallen bow. He and the other Centaur then began to charge in the direction that the werewolves had
run.

They would all still be killed, then – it didn’t matter that he and Hagrid had found them. Lupin
looked to Hagrid. “Hagrid, go back. I have to go on.”

Hagrid began to protest firmly. Before he could reply, however, a sudden rustling in the
branches caused them both to stand at the ready, crossbow and wand held in defense, when a few
ragged looking people stumbled out from the darkness. Two younger men, a woman and the
injured child had circled back, seeking to avoid the pursuing Centaurs, and seeing Hagrid and
Lupin, they stopped abruptly. The child, her face hidden in the woman’s shoulder as she held on to
her mother, made no sound, even though the arrow clearly rested through her thigh.

“Quick, all of yeh – this way. Quiet now!” Hagrid said. He turned on his heel and began to walk
west. The werewolves stared at him warily, unsure of what to think of the appearance of a half-
giant and the werewolf they had driven away months earlier. Desperate to escape, however, the
woman holding the girl looked at Lupin before hurrying after Hagrid; the two young men followed
her. Lupin kept pace behind, keeping watch for any danger as Hagrid made a path forward. The
Centaurs, perhaps on the trail of the others who had split off from this group of survivors, did not
circle back in time to witness Hagrid bringing the werewolves to the edge of the forest where the
trees were not so thick and the mid-afternoon light began to light their path. Lupin’s anxieties
began to subside, relieved to finally be with who he had been seeking out.

Exhausted from their escape and carrying her child, the woman began to stumble.

“Let me carry ‘er for yeh,” Hagrid said, noticing the woman’s struggle.

The woman only looked at him with somber pride and continued on, her daughter now making
low sounds of pain as her mother’s steps agitated the arrow.

Finally, they reached what Hagrid must have deemed to be far enough away from whatever
boundaries the Centaurs had laid claim to.

The younger men began to obviously try to scatter, but the woman threw them a harsh look that
settled them, at least for the moment. She laid her daughter against a tree and looked stoically at
the wound. She was middle-aged, though she looked far older than she actually was due to her
prematurely lined face. Gray streaks could be seen amid her raven-colored curls of dirty hair. In
addition to this, she had the look of someone who had lived outdoors and fought to survive; her
body was strong and wiry beneath the worn, patched clothing she wore. She looked sharply at
Lupin, who was clearly no stranger to her, though she seemed to regard him with nothing but tense
tolerance. “Heal her.”

“I’m no healer, Mara,” Lupin said. He knelt by the girl, which made Mara seem to bristle. “I
could do her more harm than good.”

“What use is your damned magic if you can’t right her leg?” Mara asked, in no mood for
debate.

“ ‘S worth a shot, Remus,” Hagrid said, looming large over the girl as he bent to better see the
wound.

"You're no better than us, you know," Mara went on bitterly. "The only difference between you
and us is you were raised like one of them, and we were forgotten."

Lupin fixed her in a steady look, unperturbed by her obvious disregard for him. "I'm no better
than anyone. It's out of concern for her that I tell you I've never healed such a wound before... but
I'll do what I can." He then focused on the task at hand; the arrow. He examined the girl’s leg
gravely. The arrow seemed to have missed the bone, and perhaps more luckily still, the artery,
which Lupin presumed to be true because the child had not bled out due to the injury. The arrow
itself was half broken, the fletching gone but the bloodied stone tip sticking out. The girl, a mute,
looked at him with wide, distrustful eyes as he handed her a rather thick, short stick. “Bite on this,”
he instructed.

The girl made no move to do as he asked until her mother echoed the instruction. Taking the
stick in her teeth, she shuddered, her shock and fear muting the pain she felt.

Bracing himself to act quickly, Lupin looked to Mara. “Keep her still.”

Mara, a fierce look in her eyes, moved to sit behind her daughter then, allowing the girl to lean
back against her. She crossed her arms across the girl’s body and held her close in a secure,
comforting hold. Lupin braced the child’s shin against the ground with the palm of one hand and
gripped the arrow beneath the tip with the other. He looked at the girl somberly. “On the count of
five.”

The girl stared at him fearfully and held onto her mother’s arms.

Lupin began to calmly count. However, he did not wait until the count was done to pull the
shaft free, meaning to keep the girl from tensing. On three, he firmly pulled the bloodied arrow out
from the girl’s thigh with a swift motion. The girl jerked as he did so and fought against her
mother’s arms as a pained groan escaped her. Before she could bleed too profusely, Lupin laid his
wand tip against her leg and began to murmur a spell that had healed his own minor injuries in the
past – a spell he hoped would not cause the girl’s leg any greater damage due to his lack of skill in
healing charms. Closing his eyes, he channeled all of his effort into healing the wound as he
murmured, “Sana corpus,” over and over.

As this was going on, one of the young men crouched down beside Mara. “We should go now –
before we’re found again.”

“Not until she’s well,” Mara returned, her authority clear in the way her words affected the two
others. They stepped back but remained, looking nervously out into the trees.

“I think it’s workin’,” Hagrid said kindly, knelt down a short distance away.

Lupin kept at it until the wound closed, a horrible scar appearing where the arrow had entered
and exited her flesh. Seeing the wound vanish, Mara’s eyes softened and she ran her fingers
through the girl’s long, tangled hair as the girl’s breathing eased up, her pain gone.

“We won’t know if it’s mended properly until she stands on it,” Lupin said. “I’ve done all I
can.”

Mara looked at Lupin with suspicion. “Why have you come back? Why try to save us after
Kieran cast you out?”

Lupin, for all of his gratitude to Hagrid for having guided him and diffusing the hostility with
the Centaurs, wished Hagrid were nowhere in earshot then. “I needed to speak with you.”

“With me?” Mara asked.

Lupin looked to Hagrid and the two men. “Give us a moment, won’t you?”

Hagrid got to his feet with a low groan and shifted his crossbow to his other arm. “I’ll, erm—
keep a look out over there, then.”

Mara considered Lupin with narrowed eyes as she motioned for the two men to move away, as
well. They did so, albeit warily.

“What have you risked your neck to ask of me?” she said, with no warmth in her voice.

“Your children…” Lupin began, unsure of how to say all he needed to ask without revealing
more than he needed to. “Did you know they would be born werewolves?”

An incredulous, short laugh escaped Mara. She leaned back against the tree trunk, the child still
clinging to her. “There was no doubt. Of course they would be.”

Lupin shifted uncomfortably; such questions would have never normally left him, but he had
fought to find her and would not let the moment pass. “And Kieran was the father?”

“What sort of questions are these?” Mara murmured.

“I just need to know.”

With a sudden stroke of intuition, Mara considered him with an assessing, shrewd sweep of her
eyes as if she had seen right through him. “You’re going to have a child and you wonder if there’s
any chance it might be spared your curse.”

Hearing the truth so easily guessed, Lupin felt a blow of shame. “My wife isn’t one of us. She
thinks there’s a chance the child may be born without lycanthropy. I have to know if she’s right.”

Mara shook her head slowly. “You don’t want knowledge. You seek redemption for the burden
you’ve cast onto a child.”

Her gaze was so intense and her words so convicting that Lupin dropped his gaze onto the forest
floor and stared onto the mat of moss and black earth underfoot without seeing any of it. He finally
looked back up into her unflinching eyes, only to find that the dark eyes of the girl now bored into
him as well. “I knew it was wrong from the beginning. I almost believed…” he trailed off, all of
 his guilt about hurting Tonks, the only woman who could love someone like him, crashing over
him. “…that we might find some peace together, even though I’m afflicted as I am.”

Mara had not ceased looking at him with a hard expression through all of this. She then laid her
hands over her daughter’s shoulders and scoffed at him. “Then you’re a fool. Your child will be
like us. If he is strong, he will live. If he is weak, like my own boy was…then he will die,” she
said, her voice faltering only in volume but not resolve. “Nothing you do will change the outcome
of how he is born. You must accept it.”

“Surely…surely you’ve heard of some other pairing of a human and werewolf in which the
children were unafflicted?”

Mara shook her head slightly, the movement almost imperceptible. Her mouth was a hard, thin
line, though her suddenly voice carried well in the silent forest gloom. “What humans would ever
want children with creatures like us? They drive us from the cities, refuse us basic needs. So, no, I
have never heard of anyone in this odd situation of yours. Anyone associated with you will be
made like dirt, just as you are. Things will worsen and this woman will realize the mistake she has
made all too late. Then one day you will return to us with your child, seeking refuge from a world
that wants to be rid of you.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “If you do, know that you cannot keep
one foot in their world and one in ours. You must choose – though the choice may already be made
for you, as it has been for all of us.” She got to her feet, pulling her child up with her. The girl’s
healed wound seemed to be quite stiff; she walked as if her leg was a club attached to her hip. Mara
then motioned for the two others and knelt, allowing the girl to climb onto her back. Standing,
Mara then started on, the two young men following behind as the girl looked back with wide eyes.

Hagrid returned to Lupin and watched them go.

“No need to pretend like you didn’t hear,” Lupin said.

Hagrid frowned down at Lupin. “Yeh could’ve told me, y’know.”

"We don't mean to tell anyone for awhile," Lupin said distantly, his eyes still on the last glimpse
he had caught of the werewolves.

"Doesn't seem like you got the answer you were hopin' for."

Lupin felt a sense of heaviness settle over him. In his memory, his own father's voice played
vaguely in his mind like an echo: "I ruined your life, Remus. You might have done so many things
had I not driven that beast to act out against me...you might have had a real life."

He looked up at Hagrid dolefully. “You were right before about being trapped between two
worlds. It seems it wasn't enough for me to be trapped alone... now I’ve trapped Dora and the child
with me.”

Chapter End Notes

I think the voices we're taught to think of ourselves in as children carry our thoughts
and attitudes as adults. If Lupin was taught to see himself as somehow lacking by his
father's sense of having failed him, then it would only fuel his worry over subjecting
another person to life like that.
 Ministry's Fall
Chapter Summary

Bill and Fleur's wedding is interrupted by a violent group. The wedding guests are
interrogated.

Reading ambiance songs:

- When Tonks invites Lupin to dance until the Burrow begins to be ransacked: “Death
Eaters” Alexandre Desplat
- Until the end of the chapter: “The Exodus” Alexandre Desplat

Chapter Notes

Welcome back to the melodrama! This chapter is written around chapters 7, 8 and 9 of
the DH book, with general details of what happened after Harry, Ron and Hermione
disapparate taken from chapter 11.

Had to write through a few parts that are definitely in the book during this chapter.
Any repeated dialogue from the book are obviously all JKR’s and not mine, and
certainly not put on here for any profit or gain to myself.

It was a balmy evening. While the world was growing more restless and uncertain by the hour,
the Burrow seemed a small refuge. The garden had been decorated with lanterns and streamers;
even the leaves on the trees had been charmed. It was a small gathering of only those who were
particularly close with Harry, along with the Delacours, who were there for the wedding the
following day. Surrounded by people who had never shown him anything but respect and
friendship, Lupin might have been at his ease even a month prior. But even with those he liked
best, Lupin found himself unable to join in the festivities. He and Tonks stood beside the crabapple
tree with the twins, with whom Tonks spoke animatedly.

“...healing alright, though?” Tonks asked, succeeding in not openly staring at George’s obvious
wound.

“What?” George asked, inclining his earless side toward her and cupping his hand over where
the ear used to sit with mock deafness. “Couldn’t hear you.”

Fred elbowed him and sniggered.

Tonks laughed. “I’ll keep my eye out for an ear-horn for you.”

“Brilliant idea,” George returned. “Fred’s already threatened to stick on an Extendable Ear.”

Unheeding of this light-hearted talk, Lupin watched a few garden gnomes scurrying about the
garden in the fading daylight before looking over to Hagrid, who stood speaking in earnest with the
Delacours, who appeared to be nodding politely along with Hagrid’s story about his attempts to
care for three young unicorns. Watching Hagrid converse, Lupin considered the possibility that
Hagrid might let some detail of their adventure in the Forbidden Forest the previous day slip during
the party. Hagrid had told McGonagall about the slain werewolves, however. Their finding had
been reported to the ministry in the hopes that the bodies might be retrieved, but both McGonagall
and Hagrid knew that between the Ministry's disdain and the danger of the Centaurs, that it was
unlikely that they would ever be retrieved.

Lupin had not yet shared any of the story with Tonks. He did not intend to keep his silence
forever, but the sense of guilt that had grown since speaking with Mara had kept him from
revealing his trek into the woods from Tonks until he felt better settled. He had managed, however,
to tell Hagrid to not mention it at the party - a request he supposed would be honored until Hagrid
mistakenly let spill a detail or two without meaning to, as Lupin knew he was wont to do in most
matters of secrecy.

Scanning over the small gathering, Lupin then observed Harry, Ron and Hermione speaking
together in low voices, as if conspiring briefly before Charlie broke up their whispered
conversation. Though Lupin had unsuccessfully asked Ron about Dumbledore’s last mission for
Harry, he still intended to pull Harry aside and ask him directly. This intention was fueled both by
his word to Arthur and through his concern for Harry, whose demeanor was decidedly more
burdened these days. In a way, Lupin felt as if he were watching a nephew begin to bend under the
weight of the world. But Lupin was powerless to lend any aid if he were kept in the dark, as Harry
meant to keep them all.

Besides this, Lupin felt bent under his own responsibilities, though the more he considered the
coming year, the more shut off and numb he began to feel. The Daily Prophet had reported the
imprisonment of several captured werewolves that morning, some of whom had already been
registered. He wondered how long it would be until a similar misfortune fell on him. He already
felt like dead weight to Tonks, whose life was far more complicated with him bound to her; how
much more of a burden could he become once the Ministry stepped in and deemed him a danger to
society that had to be removed, not simply ignored like before? As he ruminated on all of this, he
was not aware that the conversation had turned to him. Tonks laid her hand on his arm, her brows
raised pleasantly as she caught his attention.

His attention returned, Lupin gave them a thin smile. “Sorry, what?”

George chuckled. “Maybe it’s you who’s deaf, Remus.”

“Only selectively,” Lupin returned wryly.

“He tunes me out just fine,” Tonks gibed.

Just then, Molly raised her voice and announced that they would have to begin the party without
Arthur, who was still at the Ministry. As she spoke, however, a silvery weasel appeared and spoke
in Arthur’s voice, saying, “Minister of Magic coming with me”, before vanishing.

Lupin stiffened and looked at Tonks with concern in his expression. “We shouldn’t be here.”

She returned the look, her brow furrowed, and set down her glass immediately.

Knowing they might have mere moments to slip away, Lupin took Tonks by the wrist and
looked to Harry. “Harry, I’m sorry, I’ll explain another time.” With that, he pulled Tonks away
with him. They broke into a jog and hopped the fence, disapparating swiftly.

Appearing in the dark pasture right by the cottage, Lupin breathed out a frustrated breath.
 “That was close,” Tonks said. “I wonder why Scrimgeour was escorting Arthur back home.
Awfully late in the day for official business.”

“I don’t know,” Lupin said, “but all the better for them to not be seen with me. I suppose you
might have stayed…no one knows about us outside of the Order.”

“Well, all the same, it’s best that Scrimgeour not see me with Arthur at all. We’re already all
being watched.”

“I only wonder how closely.”

They turned and began to walk toward the cottage. They walked in silence for a moment before
Tonks slipped her arm through Lupin’s and considered him with concern. “You seemed rather
distracted back there. I’m sure I know why – it’s been on my mind all day, too.”

“You seem rather airy about it,” Lupin said. “I haven’t reached the same peace with it, I’m
afraid.”

A brief scoff escaped Tonks softly. “I’ve decided to be at peace with it. If I were to allow all of
my worry to sit with me, along with all of the other things we have to deal with, it would all be too
much for me. So…I’m choosing to worry about it later." She changed the subject knowingly then.
"But I have been thinking about my work. Should I get too big and round, I can petition to transfer
to some other department. I’m sure there are stacks of reports that someone has neglected to fill out
over all of the crimes and violence the Ministry is sweeping under the rug now…or for the ones
they’re openly committing. Can't say I'm too proud to be working there now." She looked at him
intently. "What do you think is worse? Working with people who believe in what I oppose? Or
moving on from a task that might ask me to do something terrible someday, even though it's
supporting us right now."

He gave her a thoughtful look before replying. "Well...money worries aside, do you believe
you're still making a difference there?"

"In a small way, sure. But not if I start being expected to evict half-breeds or enforce hateful
laws."

"Until that day comes then, all the better for someone like you to be there. Perhaps you'll lend
some reason to all the madness."

She squeezed his arm fondly, though she was only half encouraged. "If they ever do ask me to
raise my hand against some innocent, then I'll have to make my stand against it."

"We all will," Lupin said darkly. "I half expect to be imprisoned any day now for existing, if the
papers are to be believed."

“Those werewolves who were taken in today assaulted that family. You’d never do such a thing
to merit being hauled in like that.”

Lupin shook his head. “But I have, Dora, at least in their eyes. I married you, and I’ve been
accepting payment for jobs I only was hired on for through knowingly deceiving my employers.
It’s enough to merit full imprisonment – you could be taken in for it, as well.” He stopped then in
front of the door to their cottage and looked at her intently. “If you’re ever taken in for questioning
regarding me, keep yourself safe. If it comes down to choosing my safety over yours, then you
must forget about me.”

“Impossible,” she said emphatically. “We’ll do everything we can to keep us – all three of us –
safe. I know the world’s gone mental, but if we keep our eyes open, I think we can see ourselves
through this coming year.”

The coming year. Instead of the worry that had plagued him the past two days, he felt oddly
numb about it all. He awoke the next morning with the same feeling of being removed, as if he
were observing his own life through the eyes of an indifferent stranger. If he allowed himself to
think over things for too long, a sense of dread would settle over him and his pulse would rise –
and so, the comfortable feeling of indifference was preferable. Though he admired Tonks’ ability to
push her worry for the future to the back of her mind, he had no such power of
compartmentalization in this matter.

He was grateful that Tonks did not attempt to pry any further words from him that day and was
glad to be left with his thoughts even as he busied himself by taking over Arthur’s usual task of
spreading news about the Order personally. No owls could be trusted anymore with the high rate of
post disappearing or being tampered with. But work did not take up the entire day. That evening,
they again returned to the Burrow, this time to celebrate Bill and Fleur’s wedding.

Walking toward the wedding tent, Tonks gave a low whistle. “And to think we gave up Molly's
offer to be married in that.”

“A bit grander than ours, certainly,” Lupin replied, in no humor to attend yet another party.

“I suppose so.” Tonks gave him a content smile. “I wouldn’t change a thing about ours,
though.”

Lupin returned the smile, though his dampened mood was obvious.

Tonks, having already decided that she would not allow Lupin’s worry to affect her happiness at
attending the wedding, looked happily at the familiar faces she began to see.

At the house, they found Arthur, who was hurrying toward the tent. “Remus, Tonks,” he
greeted. In a slightly lower voice, he asked, "What did my daughter tell me you both helped her to
win back from Mundungus here at the Burrow?"

"A jar of muggle coins," Lupin replied.

Arthur nodded, satisfied. "Thanks for that, by the way."

“Happy to have finally reached the day, Arthur?” Tonks asked.

“Very,” Arthur admitted. “Molly’s been at the end of her rope all week with preparations. And
then…” he looked around and stepped out further into the yard, motioning for them to follow. He
dropped his voice. “…there was the sudden visit from Scrimgeour last night. Took me by surprise.
I heard you both disapparated before he found you here.”

“We thought it best,” Lupin said.

Arthur nodded. “Wise, indeed.”

“Why did he come, anyway?” Tonks asked.

Arthur’s voice fell still lower and he stepped a bit closer to them. “Dumbledore’s will.”

Tonks and Lupin frowned.

 “He left Ron, Hermione and Harry some items,” Arthur went on. “I suppose Scrimgeour hoped
to gleam some understanding of why one of the most famous wizards of our age left three
teenagers items from his own belongings. It ended badly though – I heard Harry shouting at him
near the end and the Minister left.”

“Shouting about what?”

Arthur shook his head. “I think Harry found his blunt attempts to pry information rather off-
putting. Still…I do worry. Harry's been on edge ever since…all three of them have been.”

Lupin suddenly wished he had been more proactive the previous night about speaking with
Harry before their unexpected departure.

“What did Dumbledore will them?” Tonks asked, intrigued.

“A little device of Dumbledore’s own invention, a book and a snitch.” Arthur shrugged.
“Everyday things, I suppose. Not sure why.”

“Is Harry still here?” Lupin asked.

“Disguised as Barny Weasley,” Arthur replied, tapping the side of his nose to indicate the
secrecy of it. He motioned toward the tent. “He’s the ginger with the curly hair greeting guests
inside. Keep an eye on him, both of you. He’s rather short-tempered these days. Can’t say I fault
him…it’s been a tough year.” With that, Arthur turned and returned to the last minute tasks that
remained.

They joined a queue of wedding guests waiting to be admitted inside. Weasleys in dress robes
escorted guests to their seats. They recognized all of them, except for one young man whose dress
robes seemed a bit tight on him with curly red hair. It was this Weasley who approached them
when it was their turn to be brought inside. Tonks smiled at him. “Wotcher,” she said brightly.
‘Arthur told us you were the one with the curly hair.”

The boy looked at them in recognition and nodded. He began to escort them inside. As they
walked, Tonks lowered her voice to a whisper. “Sorry about last night,” she said. “The Ministry’s
being very anti-werewolf at the moment and we thought our presence might not do you any
favors.”

The boy looked at them both, though he looked more directly to Lupin as they continued on
down the aisle. “It’s fine. I understand.”

Lupin gave a half-hearted smile as they parted ways. Throughout the wedding, Lupin’s eye
drifted through the crowd, looking for danger. He felt uneasy being in such a large gathering.
Catching Tonks’ eye, he realized she was keeping the same vigil. The wedding ceremony was
rather flowery and poetic. The happy couple, before taking their vows, each transfigured a flower
into a pair of doves, which was a rather standard tradition. The doves flew gracefully overhead and
exited the tent after two circuits over the crowd. Tonks, watching them, allowed a laugh to escape
as she recalled her own wedding’s rather more haphazard use of doves and smiled at Lupin, who
looked at her with quiet affection. The ceremony nearly ended, she reached for his hand. He
clasped hers in return, the look of tired somberness never quite leaving his expression.

Afterward, when the chairs had been cleared to make room for a dance floor, Tonks stood on
her toes and whispered into Lupin’s ear that they should each take a side of the tent and do a
security check. Nodding once, he turned and began to casually walk through the crowd. He passed
Ron and Hermione dancing a bit awkwardly and spied Harry, still in the guise of a Weasley cousin,
speaking with Viktor Krum. Molly passed by with the two Delacour parents, in a rush to usher
family members out to take pictures with Bill and Fleur outside. Hestia Jones and other Order
members were present. They avoided Lupin and Lupin did not make eye-contact with any of them,
careful to appear like a stranger in case anyone unsavory were watching them. Seeing nothing
concerning, he made a slow circuit back to where he had begun and found Tonks returning to him
through the crowd. Seeing that he had her attention, he shook his head in response to her lifted
brows. He then smiled faintly at her as she approached; despite all of the misery and worry that
beleaguered him, he was still taken with her.

Noticing his expression as she returned, she returned the look a bit bemusedly. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he said. “I just fancy you in that dress.”

“Feeling a bit more cheerful, are we?” Tonks asked, looking rather pleased. She stepped next to
him so that the toes of her shoes touched his. “I have to say, I was beginning to wonder if this dark
mood of yours would ever lift.”

“I know I’ve not been easy to live with,” he said gravely.

She looked at him fondly. “You’ve had your moments, love.” She took his hand then and
motioned toward the dance floor. “Humor me a few dances? I hear it’s good for one’s spirits, if
you let it.”

“Lead on, Dora,” he said.

Neither good nor bad at dancing, Tonks was simply pleased to live a happy evening. It gave her
some hope that she would find a way to ease Lupin’s mind in the weeks to come and that things
might settle. But these pleasant thoughts turned to sudden cold vigilance when a sudden murmur
broke out over the weddinggoers. Their attempts at a box step halted suddenly, Tonks and Lupin
looked upward to see a familiar Patronus descend from above and settle not far from them on the
dance floor. Shacklebolt’s lynx spoke the unexpected words: “The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour
is dead. They are coming.”

A cold stillness fell over the crowd as the music stopped. As if in ripples of slow understanding,
guests began to react to the words; some began to run and others murmured in confusion and fear.
Sharing a brief, alarmed glance, Lupin and Tonks seized their wands and raised them to the
wedding tent’s roof overhead, shouting, “Protego!” as one. Other Order members added their
voices and cast protective charms while other guests left in a hurried panic. Loud cracks resounded
as guests disapparated quickly. As the crowd began to thin, Lupin looked quickly around the room
and saw the Weasleys all rushing together near the entrance to the tent – Hestia Jones standing
with her wand at the ready – Hagrid with his umbrella brandished like a sword – among the rush of
terrified guests fleeing and vanishing, but he could not find Harry’s red-haired guise amongst those
left.

Then others began to appear. All clothed in dark robes, their faces unmasked and grim, their
sudden apparitions caused sudden duels to break out. Hexes and jinxes began to bombard them on
all sides. Putting their backs together, Lupin and Tonks stood their ground and began to deflect
spells that flew toward them.

“Remus, move to the side of the tent!” Tonks yelled above the noise.

Walking sideways, they fought their way to the canvas wall but a stunning spell caught Lupin
unaware; he felt himself stiffen and fall sideways, his wand dropped to the ground as he lay unable
to move. Tonks crouched beside him, grabbed his lost wand and continued to deflect, unwilling to
leave him even as more dark robed figures apparated inside the tent. Lupin was forced to watch as
two figures overpowered Tonks at once, kneeing her hard in the stomach to bring her to her knees.
Around them, many of the Weasleys had been overpowered as well and duels still went on as spells
flew through the tent. Then they were being moved roughly – some levitated out and others
dragged from the tent and onto the coarse grass outside. Tonks fought against the man who
handled her roughly before she was thrown to the ground. Enraged at this, as some feeling came
back into his limbs, Lupin managed to get to his knee and lunged toward the man who had struck
Tonks before a heavy fist landed a blow to his face. Lupin heard the sickening crunch of his nose
breaking before his vision darkened and swam; he felt blood drip onto his face and tasted the
metallic tang in his mouth as he staggered again to his feet, trying to find Tonks.

Tonks, left alone for a moment, fought against her bound feet to find her wand or Lupin’s but
realized she had lost them somewhere after being struck. Then one of the assailants appeared and
magically bound her hands, leaving her only able to sink to her knees on the ground. Hagrid, as
large and strong as he was, had been stupefied and bound beside her; he lay on his back on the
ground, unable to move. She looked around her, desperate to find some advantage over their
attackers, but froze when she saw Lupin, his face and chest crimson with blood that was this time
his own, bound beside Fleur, who cried out for Bill in her now dirty wedding dress. She then
looked to the faces of the dark robed wizards and studied their faces intently; she did not know
them at first, but then began to recognize a few from the Ministry. Angered by this, she fought
against the bindings despite knowing she was powerless for now. Tonks counted them swiftly,
weighing their odds against the eight figures she saw standing guard over them. There were others,
too – all charging into the Burrow and smashing their way through the house, throwing aside
possessions and dumping out drawers to the floor.

Not everyone was bound. The few guests who had been too slow to disapparate and the Order
members who had been disarmed quickly were all on their knees in a group together. Arthur and
Molly each had an arm securely around Ginny as the Burrow was upturned. Three people were
notably missing; Ron, Hermione, and the unknown Weasley cousin. Time dragged by tensely. The
evening began to grow cold. Tonks murmured softly to Hagrid as he stirred, telling him to remain
still and wait for the proper moment. Through the pain of his broken nose, Lupin finally turned his
head enough to see Tonks and stared until she met his eye. She gave him a single, firm nod in
response to his look, giving him some relief.

Finally, the house ransacked, a woman Tonks did not recognize approached the group of bound
and guarded people with her wand held threateningly out. “We are here for Harry Potter. If you
give him up now, you’ll be shown mercy.”

No one seemed to breathe or blink. The silence was met with an indignant sound from the
woman, who blasted one of Molly’s new Flutterby bushes into cinders. Still there was no response
from the crowd. The woman motioned to one of the others and then pointed to a wedding guest at
random. “Grab her,” she commanded.

The guest, a friend of Bill’s from his school days, cried out as she was dragged to her feet and
separated from the group.

“Was Harry Potter here tonight?” the woman asked her coldly.

The guest shook her head. “No, no – we didn’t see him.”

The woman pointed her wand into the crowd of wedding guests. “If you’re lying, I’ll cast a
killing curse. Who knows who it will hit.”

The guest looked at her with wide eyes. “I don’t know where he is, I swear.”
 This went on for far too long. Other people were dragged forward and shouted at, including
Ginny and Molly, who were questioned about the whereabouts of their entire family. Molly,
knowing Ron had escaped with Hermione and Harry, turned thankfully to the story that Ron and
Arthur had prepared well in advance for Ron’s planned absence from Hogwarts, spinning her story
about how her son was upstairs, horribly ill with Spattergroit. Having gleamed nothing from her,
they then brought up Fleur’s father and finally, Tonks. Standing before some of her colleagues at
the Ministry, Tonks looked at them with a stern, stoic expression as they shouted the same
questions at her.

“No one saw him here tonight,” she said, giving the same answer as everyone before her had,
whether they had been lying or truly ignorant of Harry’s presence. “He wasn’t here.”

One of the dark robed men moved forward and gave her a stern look. “Odd to see you here,
Nymphadora.”

Tonks did not flinch under his stony gaze. “Odd that you’re here, as well, Dawlish.”

“Sure you haven’t seen Potter?”

“Why would Harry Potter be here, of all places?” Tonks asked, giving Dawlish a scathing look.
“The lot of you should be ashamed, ruining a wedding like you’ve done.”

The woman, whose name Tonks did not know, struck Tonks hard across the face. Lupin, seeing
all of this unfold, fought to his feet in an unthinking burst. Several of the dark robed wizards
grabbed him as he did so and he was brought forward.

“Who’s this one?” the woman asked Dawlish.

“I don’t know,” Dawlish returned. “Looks like he was one of the ones to fight back, by the look
of him.”

A crash from inside the Burrow interrupted this. Two of the searching wizards returned looking
aghast. “Found a lad upstairs – covered in Spattergroit,” one said. “Didn’t want to get too close. He
sounded bad.”

The woman shot a harsh look toward Molly. “Looks like your claims of innocence check out…
for now.” She motioned to the others, who lowered their wands and stepped back from the
weddinggoers. Turning abruptly on the spot, the woman disapparated, with the others following
suit.

Those who were unbound stumbled to their feet immediately. The wands that had been
confiscated were left in a pile on the ground. Tonks, her hands still tied, turned to allow Ginny to
cut the ropes from her wrists before going to Lupin and gently turning his face as she inspected his
crooked nose. “Hang on, I know just the thing.” She stood and ran back into the tent, searching the
now destroyed tent for her lost wand. Finding both hers and Lupin’s wands under a few sideways
chairs, she returned to Lupin and pointed her wand at his face, saying “Episkey” and then
“Diffindo” at his bindings.

His nose righted and his bindings cut, Lupin got to his feet and blinked through the tears that
filled his eyes with the pain of his cartilage snapping back into place. As soon as he could see, he
laid a hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Tonks, allowing herself a moment of vulnerability, worriedly clutched at her stomach with a
pained look. “One of those bastards kneed me to bring me down. I swear, Remus, if they hurt
our…” she looked at him fiercely, some emotion choking her voice.

He frowned, his adrenaline over watching her be struck and injured as he sat helpless only now
beginning to fade. “Where were you struck?”

She laid her hand over her lower half and shook her head with grief in reply.

Lupin held onto her arm wordlessly, unsure of what to say when there was no way to know
whether all was well or not.

They were interrupted then by Arthur, who ran over to them. “You both alright?”

Tonks looked away, her worry over the blow bringing angry tears to her eyes. She then
distractedly put Lupin's wand into his hands as she walked away to hide her sorrow from Arthur.

"Well enough," Lupin answered for her, giving her the private moment she sought. "Did, erm,
Barny get away with Ron and Hermione?”

Arthur nodded somberly. “I’m about to send word to them to not contact us. Wherever they are,
they need to lay low.”

Hestia came forward then. “I just received word – they’ve hit every house of anyone suspected
to be associated with the Order. Dedalus’ house has been burned to the ground. Shacklebolt’s
family was questioned as we were.”

Tonks turned on her heel then, this news of Hestia's giving her a pit in her stomach. “Remus, my
parents.”

Lupin frowned. “We’ll go now.”

Arthur grabbed Tonks' arm. “If you rush in, you may run into the middle of another
questioning.”

“I have to check,” Tonks said firmly. With that, she stepped backward and disapparated without
warning.

Lupin followed, the rush of apparating disorienting and dizzying before he appeared in front of
Ted and Andromeda’s house. Tonks was nowhere in sight but the front door was open. Lupin
pulled his wand out and ran inside, clearing rooms as he went. The house had been torn apart like
the Burrow had as the searchers sought out any information on Harry's whereabouts. Broken glass
covered the kitchen floor - Ted's books had been torn from the shelves of the study - the furniture
was knocked over throughout the house. Finally, Lupin ran outdoors into the back garden. It was
dark; glass stuck in the soles of his shoes from inside crunched as he ran out into the night. "Dora!"
he called.

He heard her voice reply - low and sorrow filled. Following it, he found her beside the
flowerbeds on her knees, leaning over two dark figures on the ground.

Reaching Tonks at last, he looked down onto the pale and still faces of Ted and Andromeda.
 Shame
Chapter Summary

Kingsley Shacklebolt tells Tonks what happened at the Ministry.

Lupin finally cracks under the stress of his guilt after Andromeda reveals that Bellatrix
means to kill Tonks because of her marriage to him. Without telling Tonks where he is
going, he vanishes to go seek out Harry.

Chapter Notes

Some anti-hero behavior definitely going on in this chapter

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Kneeling beside Ted and Andromeda amongst the trampled flowerbeds, Tonks looked hurriedly all
around the dark garden, half expecting to be caught unaware by whoever had tortured her parents.
She wondered who had done it and felt the desire to have whoever did step out of the shadows so
that she might know who was responsible. But deeper than the desire for justice, another emotion
suddenly consumed her as she recalled how it had been her who had brought her parents into Order
business in the first place. Mentally shoving aside this sudden sweep of guilt, she got to her feet
and spoke in a flat, business-like tone that masked her grief. “We’re too exposed out here - we
should take them inside.”

Lupin quietly checked their pulses, feeling the still steady heartbeats despite their pallor. “If
they’ve been injured, we could worsen things by moving them.”

“It’s either that or be taken unaware by whoever did this,” Tonks returned, silently magicking
her mother to a low height off the ground and moving her carefully toward the backdoor, which
hung ajar. Lupin followed with Ted, maneuvering him carefully through the doorway and the back
hall into the master bedroom. Both of them laid carefully onto the bed, Tonks carefully turned
them both in such a way that would not asphyxiate in their unconsciousness and then laid a blanket
over them up to the waist to ward off shock.

In the sitting room, she found Lupin sealing off the doors and windows with protective charms.
“Looks like they smashed through here with no problem, despite the protection that guarded the
house,” she said.

This statement did not deter Lupin from finishing the casting of the same charms that had so
clearly failed to protect his in-laws. “If the Ministry has fallen like Kingsley said, then there’s
nothing keeping them from storming whatever place they wish.” He set a fallen sneakoscope back
onto the mantle; it lay still and quiet, giving him some peace that they had time to seal off the
house once more.

“Yeah,” Tonks agreed broodingly. “I’d take mum and dad to St. Mungo’s right now if I trusted
it isn’t being watched. When they wake up, we’ll know if we need to get them help.” She turned
and began to pace. “None of this would’ve happened had I not asked them to keep that damn
Portkey. They’d have been safe from all of this.”

“We don’t know yet if it’s just Order houses being searched,” Lupin said, sealing off the
windows to the sitting room. “They could be searching the houses of muggle-borns, or anyone they
deem unsuitable.”

Tonks shook her head. “They were there at the Burrow for Harry – who they followed here a
few days ago. No…I’m afraid I’m responsible for this. I’m just relieved they weren’t killed.”

Lupin began to reply when the very lynx that had warned them of danger at the wedding that
evening bounded through the wall and landed gracefully at Tonks’ feet and spoke in Shacklebolt’s
steady voice: “All Aurors being summoned to the Ministry for an urgent report now. I don’t trust
it. Meet me in the secret place in Diagon Alley. Keep your guard up – we are all being watched.”

Tonks shook her head vehemently as the Patronus vanished. A stubborn flare of anger caused
her to clench her fists. “Like hell I’m leaving them here while they’re layin’ there, unable to defend
themselves.”

Lupin leaned on the back of the sofa, looking at her intently. “You were seen at the Burrow
with several Order members not an hour ago. If you’re suspected to be part of the Order, then it
won’t be long until you’re made a fugitive. You should go – perhaps Kingsley has some plan to
counteract it.”

“And if anyone comes back here, looking to finish what they started?” Tonks asked.

Motivated by wishing to make up for his apathetic behavior over the past few days, Lupin saw
the opportunity to do her a kindness. “I’ll remain here and keep guard.”

She crossed the room to be nearer to him as they spoke. “It’d be one against a small army if
they return. Not even you could fend off a group as large as was at the Burrow.”

“I’ll set traps with hexes in the yards. Just apparate onto the front step when you return to avoid
them.”

Tonks gazed at him with deep gratitude and affection, seeing the faint stain of blood that had
dried after he had wiped his face and noting how his nose was still swollen, her spell to straighten
it having been useless in actually healing the cartilage. “I’ll be back as soon as I’m able.”

Lupin nodded gravely. “Be careful, Dora.”

“You as well,” she said, kissing him lightly to avoid hitting his obviously still painful broken
nose. She then backed away and disapparated.

Left alone, Lupin began to move for the back garden to begin setting traps when he paused and
looked back to the mantel. Pocketing the sneakoscope, he then held aside a curtain at a window
and peered broodingly out, wary of eyes that might be watching in the dark.

______

At her flat, Tonks hurriedly changed out of the dress and put on her usual clothing. As she cinched
up her belt, she paused and then purposefully loosened it by two holes, laying her palm briefly on
over her lower stomach. The knee to the stomach she had taken earlier, as well as the risk she
realized she would now be facing every day, set a deep worry off within her. She wondered if she
weren’t being too lackadaisical with the lives around her; between involving her parents in a fight
they should never have been made part of and realizing she could not avoid all bodily harm in the
coming months, she was stricken with a sense of guilt and unsurety about how to best face
whatever trials surely waited for her.

She then changed her appearance to that of a long-faced brunette and pulled up her hood before
she apparated, appearing in the street in front of the Leaky Cauldron behind some bins. The Knight
Bus, nearly full, sat outside as a long line of people hurried onto both decks. Entering into the pub,
Tonks found a steady stream of families with children who were too young to apparate hauling
suitcases and bags, all fleeing from their homes amongst the shops in Diagon Alley. They all
shoved past her, fighting to cram onto the Knight Bus outside. Feeling much like a fish that fought
upstream, Tonks at last made it into the open entry to the alley and hurried forward. Seeing all of
the frightened faces, a sudden fear settled over her that Wright and his wife might be amongst those
who had fled or were now fleeing as people sought to return to safer places as Death Eaters caused
trouble all over the city. To think that her efforts to get Wolfsbane may be dashed was
disheartening, though it hardly seemed the most important consideration now.

Past the last stragglers, the streets were nearly deserted. Shop doors hung open and some
appeared as if they had been looted. Not having known what she would be throwing herself into by
apparating directly to the safehouse before, she was now confident that she would not be apparating
straight into a mob of Death Eaters and so apparated directly to the safehouse’s street. Beginning to
feel the tiring effect of apparition, she appeared before the familiar house and entered in.

The house was empty. Tonks wondered if she had beaten Shacklebolt there and began to peer
out onto the street through the shuttered window when a sudden stirring caught her eye as
Shacklebolt suddenly appeared from a disillusionment spell.

Tonks had never seen Shacklebolt shaken. As he raised his wand to her with a grim look, his
deep voice sounded agitated and irate. “Who was Nymphadora Tonks assigned to protect three
months ago from the Ministry?”

“Delores Umbridge’s assistant, Nancy Harwood. Might have saved plenty of people some
trouble by allowing the irate masses to act out against her,” Tonks said. Her own wand on
Shacklebolt, she returned, “What did Kingsley Shacklebolt offer to help me get from a potion
maker a few weeks ago?”

Lowering his wand, Shacklebolt replied evenly, “Wolfsbane Potion – though you did not need
my help.”

“It was appreciated, all the same,” Tonks said. She hurried forward and changed into her own
appearance. “Your patronus came just before they broke up the wedding this evening. How did you
know they were coming?”

“I was with the Muggle Prime Minister when I received word that Scrimgeour had gone missing.
By the time I had returned to our Ministry, it was too late – aurors had already been sent out to find
Harry Potter. They’re saying that he’s responsible for Albus Dumbledore’s death.”

Tonks scoffed. “They’re pinning murder on him?”

“By doing so, they shift the focus away from the mysterious infiltration of Hogwarts and they
rid themselves of the threat Harry poses to them. A masterful move on their part – one that will be
difficult to counteract,” Shacklebolt said. “If Scrimgeour was tortured before they killed him, we
can only hope they didn’t learn anything incriminating from him.”

“What do we do now?”
 Shacklebolt shook his head. “You, Arthur and I cannot return to the Ministry. I’ve seen the lists
with my own eyes tonight – all of the Order listed as dangerous allies to Harry, who they’ve
marked as a killer and a threat to the ministry. They’ve been following us for weeks now – there’s
enough information to imprison us all. Even your unregistered marriage to Remus is in their
records.”

“Then they’re coming for all of us,” Tonks said.

“I believe they will be waiting – following us to catch us in some act of defiance so that they
might bring us all before the wizengamut for questioning. I believe we’d all already be taken in if
they did not believe we might lead them straight to Harry.”

“Then Harry needs to be warned somehow,” Tonks said emphatically. “He needs help now
more than ever – before he’s made an example of.”

“You know where he is?”

“No, he vanished before the Death Eaters arrived tonight, thanks to you.”

“Perhaps if he reveals himself to one of us, then we might lend him help once more. Until then,
we are all being watched." His tone then shifted slightly as his own words reminded him of
another piece of news. "I suspect that Mad Eye's body was found by the Ministry."

A release of tension Tonks had not been aware she had been carrying eased as she heard this.
"What makes you say that?"

Shacklebolt frowned. "His eye is mounted on Delores Umbridge's office door like a trophy."

Tonks' eyes narrowed. "I'd like to go remove it. Was it in her office you found all of this
information about us, then?"

"It was."

"Any word on the blood status laws?"

"Not directly - though I also suspect anyone less than half blooded will have great trouble. Was
there anything incriminating left in your office at the ministry?”

“Nothing.”

He looked at her with grim determination. “We are aurors no longer. All that is left to do is to
keep our heads down and stand against the troubles ahead… we all may yet become fugitives
before the end."

__________________________

The traps had been set. Lupin stood in the dark house and made a silent patrol to each window,
keeping half an eye on the sneakoscope in his hand and the other trained on the darkness outside.
Every few minutes, the sneakoscope would whizz faintly and alert him to some danger that was
still far off and seemed to come and go. Having extinguished the lights, he searched vainly for
some glimpse of the threat but could not find any. In the kitchen, he peered out the window over
the sink onto the garden. Along the counter, rows of china cups and saucers sat restored and whole
– those that had been broken using curses had been swept into the corner where the shards would
not crunch under his feet as he walked.
 He had acted similarly in Ted's study, magicking the strewn books into piles on the floor for
Ted to sort later. It had been there that Lupin had found clippings of the Daily Prophet about the
werewolf imprisonments and warnings to the public, all taken from recent papers. He had also
found a chart of moon phases with question marks scrawled onto the day preceding each month's
full moon with the name Dora?? written in Ted's hand. Seeing this, Lupin felt no ill-will to Ted,
but rather felt the old familiar sense of dislike toward himself. No one could ever truly be at their
ease around him - not with the threat of danger he carried. It was a truth he knew would shadow his
life until the day he died and he would be finally released from his curse.

He had defended and righted the house as best as he was able and now, with the sneakoscope
still showing even the faintest sign of danger, all he could do was wait.

Seeing nothing outside, he began his rounds once more, feeling like a restless dog that guards
the halls while others sleep. In the sitting room, he heard a faint stirring in the darkness and
immediately tensed. He wordlessly slashed his wand toward the hearth and lit a flame so that he
might see the threat and, seeing Andromeda standing there, lowered the wand as quickly as he had
raised it. “Andromeda,” he said. “It’s alright. They’ve gone.”

Andromeda seemed to relax somewhat as she heard his voice. She lowered her wand and
dropped the heavy doorstop she had picked up for defense as she appraoched him with some
wariness. “Ted’s unconscious – where is Nymphadora?”

“She’s gone to meet with Kingsley. Dora and I found you outside a couple of hours ago. It
seemed as if you’d been under the Cruciatus Curse.” Just then, the sneakoscope sounded faintly in
his hand. He held it up. “There’s danger nearby. I’ve laid traps with jinxes and hexes outside
should anyone nefarious return, but I’ve been keeping an eye on the windows.” He pocketed it and
looked at her with concern. “What happened?”

Andromeda sat on the edge of the sofa and wrung her hands together. “They all appeared at the
door after the sun had gone down. There were so many of them – they demanded to be let in. They
began to upturn the house, looking for evidence of Harry Potter having been here. They called us
traitors to the government and said we were under suspicion of aiding criminals. Then…” she
looked distraught. “...my sister appeared. She truly did lose her mind in Azkaban. She began to use
the Cruciatus curse on Ted, telling me it was time I paid the consequence for allowing filth into the
family. And –” she looked at Lupin directly then, angry tears in her eyes though her voice was
steady “--they know about you and Nymphadora. Bellatrix informed me she would see to it that
our impure family line would end with her because of the crimes she had committed by sullying
herself with you.”

Lupin said nothing. He sat in the chair across from her and leaned forward to rest his head in his
hands. He had known Tonks would someday suffer for her association with him, thinking that she
would face the same prejudices he did about rights, work and family that he did. But to be marked
for death by one’s own blood because of a marriage was too much for Lupin to allow Tonks to
shoulder. All of the attacks on Tonks by Bellatrix’s hand over the past month came back to him
sharply and accusingly. He felt a sweeping feeling of shame. Straightening, he looked at
Andromeda with a stricken expression. “Someone must have given them the news of our marriage
for her to know – either by force or to gain their favor. We kept it from the Ministry for a reason. I
never wanted Dora to suffer for me…let alone face this because of me.”

“I share the burden of it,” Andromeda said. “I chose Ted over them and they’ve never forgiven
me for it. But to think that Bellatrix would go after my only child instead of me or Ted is beyond
cruel.”
 Lupin remembered seeing Tonks lying limply on the floor at Borgin and Burkes’ and the
sickening moment he had thought her dead returned to him in a visceral memory; the devastating
hollow feeling of thinking that he was too late. How much worse would it be to know he had been
the cause? He looked at the wall of Tonks’ childhood pictures – her young, smiling face bore guilt
into him sharply. His fear began to turn into a niggling feeling that he would soon see the day that
the only woman he had ever allowed into his life would meet her untimely end all because of her
misplaced love for him; a fear that he would be unable to protect her. It gave him a feeling of deep
unease and self-loathing.

“We must keep Nymphadora away from these assignments that always lead her to Bellatrix,”
Andromeda said, in a tone that suggested to Lupin that she thought him capable of some sway in
this matter with her daughter, which Lupin knew to be false.

He shook his head. “It wouldn’t help. The Ministry fell tonight – they’re saying that Scrimgeour
is dead. If who I suspect has taken over is indeed making his move now, then none of us are safe.”

This news caused Andromeda to look at him with wide-eyed fear.

The back door’s hinges suddenly creaked. Lupin was on his feet in a second and he stepped to
block Andromeda from whatever danger might have gotten past his defenses – when Tonks
appeared looking weary. “Remus, Mum,” she said, relieved to find them both unharmed. She
embraced them both, too glad to have arrived back to notice the wooden manner in which Lupin
returned her touch and the withdrawn expression on his face. "How's Dad? Still out?" she asked her
mother.

"He still hasn't stirred," Andromeda said.

"What happened?" Lupin asked.

“Well, things are worse than we thought,” Tonks said. “The ministry is crawling with traitors.
I’ve been warned to not return there. We’re all being watched. Kingsley believes they’re hoping
one of us will lead them to Harry. They’re also blaming him for Dumbledore’s death – it’s how
they’re justifying their militant searches for him.”

Lupin’s brow furrowed deeply. “What?”

“They mean to find him and take him in for questioning. I’d like to warn him, but who knows
where he’s gone.” She gave him a bracing look. “And the Ministry knows about our marriage.”

“I know – and it seems the Death Eaters do, as well,” he returned darkly. “It fueled your aunt’s
hand against Ted and Andromeda tonight.”

Tonks turned her head sharply to look to Andromeda then, aghast. “She was here? She did this
to you?”

“She tortured your father for far longer than me while the others went through the house,”
Andromeda said. “They could find no evidence of Harry here and so they left.”

Lupin’s sense of responsibility was clear as he said, “She admitted her desire to kill you, Dora. I
knew you may suffer because of me someday, but I never thought it would ever go so far as this.
I’m sorry.”

Tonks’ indignant anger seemed to boil over. “Who bloody well cares? All that matters is how
we go about handling right now. We need to stick together, all of us,” she said, looking to
Andromeda. “Had I been here, I could have protected you and Dad against those damned–” she cut
herself off and seemed to forcefully reign in her anger. She let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t
know what to do anymore. I think…I think I need more help than I wanted to accept.” She looked
to Lupin with a look of something close to an apology as she went to sit beside her mother. She
took Andromeda by the hand. There was little joy in her voice as she said: “Mum, in April you and
dad’ll be a nan and a granddad. We were going to wait to tell you but who knows if we’ll all be
together come then or even Sunday.”

Lupin turned away without thinking and began to pace deliberately to avoid Andromeda’s face.
He felt hollow and the feeling that he did not want to be there in the room listening grew by the
moment.

A beat of stunned silence passed before Andromeda managed to say softly: "A baby?"

“We just found out,” Tonks went on, sounding more like the worried daughter confiding to a
parent that she was instead of the stern auror she had forced herself to remain to get through the
night. “But I took bit of a beating tonight -- we all did -- and a knee to the gut and – I don’t know if
it was enough to hur–”

There was a soft sort of sound then and Lupin looked back to see that Andromeda had
enveloped Tonks into a tight embrace. Then, to Lupin’s dread, he watched Andromeda’s initial
reaction of shock and joy turn into doubt. He saw her gaze settle over him briefly and the look of
concern that was in her eyes. "We just saw in the Prophet that werewolves are being taken in –
there are laws now–well, for anyone with the unfortunate condition– ”

“We know,” Lupin said, uncaring that he sounded rather cold. His own fears seemed both
magnified and muted as Andromeda brought the realities of their new world to light. “I could be
taken in any day. And, what’s more, there’s half a chance I won’t have passed on my unfortunate
condition to the child.”

“You’ve spoken to a healer about this?” Andromeda asked Tonks, clearly alleviated that her
daughter might not be stuck raising a creature, though she did not wish to say so directly.

“Not officially. Amine figured it out from a blood sample.”

“And you were injured tonight? You think the baby was affected?”

“I don’t know. I can’t exactly go ask a healer about it.”

“Why not?” Andromeda asked.

“Because of me,” Lupin said quietly but harshly. “No hospital will care to look after a woman
carrying a werewolf...let alone a woman married to one."

"We'll find a way around that," Tonks asserted.

Lupin felt his usual restraint vanish. "And if we don't?"

“Remus,” Tonks said, affronted by his tone of voice. “Please, calm down. It’s alright.”

Lupin shook his head slowly, stricken. "It's not. I see all the harm I've done you plainly -- as
does Andromeda," he said with grim perceptiveness.

Tonks looked to her mother to seek her support that all would be well, but instead saw that
Andromeda looked rather pained and kept silent. "Oh, come now, both of you. This is ridiculous.
After all that's happened -- how is this the worst of it?"
 Lupin heard himself begin to speak the root of all of his fear over the past few weeks. "Because
as much as I want to, I can't be what you need me to be. I'll only make things worse for you." He
suddenly began to feel extremely trapped under Andromeda’s and Tonks’ gazes. He had done the
unpardonable and here it was, clearly reflected in the look of distrust that Andromeda threw him.

Tonks stood up and looked at him as if he were mad. "That's rubbish. How many times have
you and I rescued one another? Neither of us would be standing here without the other. I'm better
off for having you--"

"In a fight, yes. But in life?"

Remembering they were there with Andromeda, Tonks bit back her retort. "Look, it's been a
long day. We all need to rest and cool off."

The anxiety that had begun to grow ever since he had married her caused his heart begin to
hammer. He felt his lungs constrict and the small room felt stifling. "I must go. I -- I can't think
here." With no thought for the obvious bad front he was making before both of them, he turned for
the kitchen and strode quickly for the back door. At the top step, he disapparated.

Tonks ran after him and stood staring in disbelief into the dark garden.

At the cottage, Lupin was possessed by an anger that normally never affected him. Throwing
open the front door, he angrily tossed aside a kitchen chair that stood in his path before pulling on
his black traveling cloak, determined to get some space from the rapidly rising stress of his life.
His usual mild, controlled outlook on life had at last shattered under the shame of ruining not one,
but two lives. Still reeling from the knowledge that Tonks would likely die because of him, he
remembered her news about the Ministry’s intentions to be rid of Harry and closed the cottage door
behind him.

The thought that he might find Harry – that he might be of some use to someone without casting
a terrible shadow over them – brought him a small semblance of control and purpose that calmed
him. With sudden grim resolve, he strode out into the night. “I’ll find him, James,” he murmured
before vanishing with a crack.

Chapter End Notes

The part in DH (chapter 11) where Lupin finds Harry, Ron and Hermione can be read
right after this chapter. The next few chapters of this fiction will pick up right before
that encounter and right after it.
 The Search
Chapter Summary

Tonks searches for Lupin, convinced that he must be imprisoned or dead.

Chapter Notes

This chapter is really short. A normal length one is coming soon.

Three days after the Ministry had fallen, Tonks stared into the steamy depths of her cup of tea.
As the minutes passed, the warm china began to cool in her hands but she did not move to drink it.
Finally, she set the cup down and rested her head on her hands, closing her eyes. Lost in dark
thoughts, she only sat up straight when she heard the steps behind her on the kitchen tile.

“Alright, Dora?” Ted asked. Seeing her face, he then ventured: “No word yet?” With an
obvious response in her downcast expression, he took the cup from her and thoughtfully warmed it
for her with a gentle tap from his wand. “It was kind of you to set the house back like you did – I
know it helped your mother rest after that mess with the Ministry showing up at our door.”

“Wasn’t me,” Tonks said, smiling wistfully. She looked at all of the fixed china. “It was all
Remus.”

Ted's face grew stony.

Not long after Lupin had first left, Tonks had refrained from following. It was clear that he had
been overwhelmed; he had spoken with such uncharacteristic harshness that it had been jarring.
Tonks had assumed he had just needed to clear his head. She had also expected him to return to her
as he had just two nights prior when she had shared the news of the baby with him – yet the hours
passed and still he stayed away.

The following morning, she had risen early to find Ted awake. He was bruised and weary but
his mind was still whole and he was cheerful. This changed when she told him about the baby. His
pleasant demeanor grew concerned as he asked her questions she did not know the answers to.
Worried about Lupin’s continued absence and upset that no one seemed to share her growing
contentedness about the pregnancy, Tonks had stubbornly but calmly defended her choices yet
again to her parents. This was difficult ground to stand on, as the husband she readily stood beside
was not there beside her. Beyond this, both Ted and Andromeda seemed convinced that something
would go horribly wrong with the baby. Frustrated, Tonks had carefully left then through
apparition in order to search for Lupin at the cottage. She found a chair lying on it’s side and
Lupin’s traveling cloak missing, easing her fears that he had been taken but causing her dread to
grow that he had indeed left without telling her.

Standing there in the empty cottage, she felt despair and worry begin to settle over her. In sad
realization, she looked at the bare mantel and realized she had no pictures with Lupin. It was an
odd realization that there was so little evidence of their life together in the home. Sitting down in
the darkness, she then went over everything that had been said right before he had stormed out
from her parents’ home but found no regret for her own words. She had spoken as calmly and
rationally as she knew how, and if he was going to let his fear dictate his actions, then she wanted
him to finally face them before returning to her.

By the second day, however, Tonks’ indignant anger cooled and she began to wonder if he had
not gotten himself into trouble. She expected to hear some word from him – even a fleeting
message through a Patronus would have alleviated her fears. It was only when the Daily Phrophet
printed a front page story titled Wanted For Questioning About the Death of Albus Dumbledore
with a picture of Harry’s face that Tonks began to suspect what Lupin had justified his
dissapearance over. That afternoon, she sent him two Patronuses. When she never got a reply, a pit
of dread began to settle in her gut. She was afraid that he had been caught by the Ministry or that he
had gotten himself thrown into the cells in the Department for the Regulation of Dark Creatures. If
he had indeed been caught, then her messages would never reach him and he could be imprisoned
without anyone ever informing her. This roused Tonks into action. She had gone out in search of
him, searching places that were known to the Order. But when she realized she was being followed
closely by a man in a dark hood, she remembered Kingsley’s warning and began to make more
subtle attempts to search. She checked the cottage every night but always found it dark and empty.

Her worry caused her to start taking risks. She spent the entire evening of the second day of his
disappearance losing the witch who was trailing her before finally making it to Hogwarts. The
students would not return until the new term began in September, leaving plenty of opportunity for
Tonks to enter the castle in secret. Finding McGonagall, Tonks was dismayed but unsurprised that
there was no news of Lupin – only that McGonagall was afraid that their efforts to retrieve the
bodies of the werewolves from the Forbidden Forest had been unsuccessful.

“What?” Tonks had asked, surprised by this odd piece of information.

“You didn’t know?” McGonagall asked. “Hagrid and Lupin reported several werewolf deaths
just last week. There was nothing to be done to honor the dead, I’m afraid…not after the centaurs
have claimed their borders.”

This took Tonks down to Hagrid’s hut, traveling by foot because of the magical protection
against apparition on school grounds. She found the hut occupied. Fang barked as she knocked at
the door.

“Wotcher, Hagrid,” Tonks said. Seeing the crossbow Hagrid had aimed for defense, she quickly
proved her identity.

Satisfied, Hagrid allowed her inside. “Nymphadora, what’re you doing here? I don’t suppose
you need to be taken into the forest like Remus–” as he said it he remembered Lupin’s request for
his silence about the matter and he paused with a pained expression. “Errm–I shouldn’t’ve said
that.”

“Minerva already told me,” Tonks said, sitting down. “Though I would have liked to hear it
straight from Remus.”

“Ah, well – sorry. He asked me not to say anything, but here I am, sayin’ it anyway. Well, what
brings you?”

“I’m searching for Remus,” she said. “He vanished two nights ago.”

Hagrid looked rather upset by this news. “Taken by somebody, was he?”
 Tonks’ worry was plain as she lowered her voice, afraid that Hagrid’s hut was being watched
and that she would cause him trouble by being inside. “I don’t know. We…we argued and he left. I
thought he’d come back after he cleared his head but he never returned. He won’t reply to any of
my Patronuses. I’m worried he’s been picked up by the anti-werewolf efforts at the Ministry or that
the Death Eaters have gotten hold of him.”

“I haven’t heard anything. In fact, yer the first person I’ve seen since the wedding. Kingsley
told me to not reach out for awhile until we know how bad things are.”

Tonks frowned. “I heard the same. I don’t want to endanger you but I thought you might know
something, since Remus had kept his going into the forest from me. Why did he do it, Hagrid? You
must tell me – it might help me find him.”

Hagrid grimaced as he made an uncomfortable sound. “Well, I s’pose it won’t hurt, seein’ as
McGonagall told you first. He wanted my help to find the werewolves that had been seen around
Hogsmeade. I led him to them. He was actin’ dodgy about it all but I stayed with ‘im. Couldn’t
bear the thought of leavin’ him in there alone.”

Tonks smiled gratefully at Hagrid.

“We found some poor, dead folk inside a clearing – Centaurs had shot ‘em down. We kept at it
and found the last of the group surrounded by some Centaurs I know. They weren’t happy to see us
there. We managed to lead a few of the werewolves out of the forest, though.”

“Why did Remus want to find them?”

Hagrid shifted a bit and looked somewhat discomfitted. “He wanted to talk to a woman who
was with ‘em. I heard him ask about her kids. Then the woman got real defensive and he…well, he
asked if she thought his own kid would be like him or not.” His face turned faintly pink as he said
it, fully aware that he was revealing to Tonks that he knew about something that Tonks might not
want him knowing.

Tonks was unphased by his apparent knowledge about her baby. “And what did she say?”

“That the kid would either be a werewolf or would die, if I heard right. Remus seemed real
upset about it all. Swore me not to tell anyone," he said in a gentle tone.

Tonks sighed frustratedly. “Can’t believe he didn’t tell me about any of this.”

Hagrid gave her an earnest look. “Sorry to know about it. Haven’t let that one slip.”

Tonks patted his forearm. “No reason to be so gutted…though, Remus certainly is. He’s
carrying enough worry for all of us.”

“ I was pleased to hear about it,” Hagrid said. “Just what the world needs right now – might
bring a little happiness.”

Tonks openly laid her hands over her flat stomach then as she smiled sadly. “You’re the first to
say so. So far everyone’s only been horrified or saddened by it. But I think it's wonderful. If Remus
wasn’t missing and everything wasn’t so grim, I’d be chuffed. As it is…well, I just need to find
him.” She looked suddenly grieved. “If something’s happened to him, I don’t know what I’ll do. I
have a feeling he’s gotten himself into some tight spot.”

“M’sure he’s alright,” Hagrid replied. “I’ll keep my ears open for any news and let you know if
I hear something.”
 With Hagrid’s earnestness and her worry finally coming to a head, Tonks felt tears begin to burn
at her eyes. She wiped her face and let out a slow breath.

“Come now,” Hagrid said kindly. “S’alright.”

“I’m so angry at that dolt,” she confided. “What’s the matter with him, running off when the
world’s suddenly gone to hell?”

“He sounded right scared to me,” Hagrid said, seeming like he didn’t quite know what to do
with her sudden burst of emotion. “Per’aps he doesn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Well, he bloody well has now. I don’t know if I’d hex him or kiss him if he were to appear this
moment.” She thought on what Hagrid had heard the woman tell Lupin with a sinking feeling.
“He’s convinced he’s ruined me. I think it all got to be too much for him. You think he’ll ever
believe that it's alright to be happy?”

Hagrid shrugged. “Can’t say either way…but I reckon that a man who that’s scared must feel
like he’s got real stock in it all. And anyone with stock in somethin’ is bound to come back if he
can.”

Tonks smiled tearily at him.

That had been the night before. Now, seated in her parents’ kitchen, she sat there with her father
feeling downcast. Her brown, dull hair hung messily down one shoulder. To her great relief, Ted
did not immediately express the obvious dislike he felt toward Lupin, the man who Ted suspected
had run away from his pregnant daughter.

Feeling quite grateful for him, Tonks reached out and took Ted’s hand on the tabletop. He
squeezed her hand encouragingly and pretended not to see the tears that appeared in her eyes as he
did so. "You're not alone, love," he said.

She gave a soft, saddened sound as she forced a smile. "I think the worst of it is that I can't do
anything right now. There's no telling where he's been detained -- or if he's been killed. And there's
no authority that would care if he has been."

Ted said nothing.

"He wouldn't stay away like this if he could help it," she asserted.

"You know what I think," Ted said simply. "If he's run...then he doesn't deserve you."

Tonks shook her head. With grim resolve, she decided she would make every effort to find him.
 The Boggart
Chapter Summary

Lupin searches for and finds Harry, Ron and Hermione, only to depart in anger. While
coming to terms with the truth of his actions, Lupin visits his childhood home and
soon realizes that he is not alone in the old, abandoned house.

Chapter reading ambiance (for entire chapter): “A New Headmaster” by Alexandre

Desplat

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

In the musty air of the old, abandoned house, Lupin blearily checked every room before sinking
into an old chair in the kitchen.

Seeing the old house now – dust filled, dark and empty – contrasted with his happy memory of
the place. The place seemed full of memory, now bittersweet. It was as if his parents’ presences
had never left the home. After their deaths, the original Order of the Phoenix had briefly used the
home as a meeting place. He remembered the last meeting they had held there sixteen years prior,
when the group had still been whole and tragedy had not yet struck so many of them. Their faces
seemed to flash hauntingly in his memory as he sat in the dark alone. Beyond these old
recollections, the memory of his last few hours sat with him poorly and caused him to lean forward
onto the table tiredly.

Four days ago, after leaving the cottage after his disagreement with Tonks, Lupin had
endeavored to check the few places Lupin figured Harry, Ron and Hermione might seek refuge.
There were few places he thought they might go. He had first checked the more obvious, least
suspicious seeming locations, such as Hogsmeade. He had avoided the castle and the school
grounds, knowing that McGonagall would have informed the Order had she seen Harry, Ron or
Hermione alive. It was while he was in the village that Lupin realized he was being followed by a
wiry, hooded wizard. He still had the sneakoscope from Ted and Andromeda’s home and it spun
violently whenever the wizard was near. Lupin then began a three day journey in which he found
himself followed closely no matter where he went. Somehow, despite apparition and never staying
put for long, he had failed to lose the people who hounded him closely. This wore his nerves quite
thin – he hardly slept nor ate. The first night, he was nearly apprehended by a group of aurors who
were questioning everyone they came across – had a group of muggle borns fleeing not caused the
aurors to divert their path, Lupin was sure he would have been taken into the ministry.

On the second day, Tonks’ silver wolf appeared before him on two separate occasions as he was
in hiding from those who trailed him so closely. Hearing her voice had caused guilt to cut through
his steely resolve that she was better off without him. He considered sending a reply but realized
that doing so would reveal his position to those who were trying to tail him, and so he kept his
silence. He reasoned that it was better so, anyway; with some time, Tonks would surely see that he
made her life far more difficult than it had to be. His emotions concerning the wife he had left
behind were confusingly conflicted and bleak as he went longer and longer without sleep or much
food. He picked up a discarded copy of that morning’s Daily Phrophet, declaring Harry wanted for
questioning about Dumbledore’s death and that all muggle-borns and non-humans were wanted for
registry.

On the second night of his journey, he had slept for a few hours in the shed of an estate. He
dreamt disturbing dreams about Tonks being hunted by Bellatrix, a horrible reality that he could
not escape even in sleep.. These nightmares offput him so much that he awoke feeling less rested
than before he had slept.

But on the fourth day, Lupin had finally reached 12 Grimmauld Place. By careful planning,
Lupin had timed it so that the Death Eaters who patrolled the street were not present when he
apparated onto the house’s top step and hurriedly entered the house. Having faced the dust form of
Albus Dumbledore, Lupin had been relieved to find Harry, Ron and Hermione inside. At first, he
had simply informed them about the happenings of the past few days. They had been horrified to
hear about the rough questionings and the new laws being enacted. Harry had taken the news that
he was being lied about in the papers rather well, being quite used to it after the past six years. It
was then that Lupin had made yet another attempt to get information from the trio about their
mission from Dumbledore…but this time, fueled by ulterior motives. Numb to the shame he felt
about Tonks and the baby, he had masked his attempts at finding some new purpose that might
give him some temporary distance from the burden he felt with chivalry. It seemed the perfect
proposal; he would be helping the Order and Harry, circumventing the uselessness he would have
to continue enduring at home. As for Tonks, she would surely remain with Ted and Andromeda in
order to protect them, which would lend her protection in return. It was the best situation they
could expect and would perhaps lend Tonks the time she needed to realize that he was the source
of all her woes. Without him, Tonks never would have been marked by her pure-blood relatives or
unexpectedly thrown into looming motherhood for a child that society would deem dangerous and
unfit. Her situation could be no worse for his absence while he tried to reconcile himself to all of
the harm he had done. He felt like a criminal running from himself.

But then, amidst all of his well-intentioned talk, Lupin had played too obvious a hand.
Hermione had questioned him about Tonks. Feeling the familiar sense of shame come over him
whenever Lupin thought of Tonks, Lupin had shared the news of the baby and had remained stony
while they congratulated him. Their praise, so genuine, seemed like a celebration of his selfishness
and short-sightedness concerning Tonks. He had felt a terrible anger blind him as words began to
tumble from him. All of his guilt and worry were laid honestly out as he revealed all of the horrors
Tonks and the baby would have to endure for his sake. Then Lupin saw a hard look come over
Harry’s face. With harsh resolve, Harry had refused Lupin’s help. Finally, the last straw: Harry had
looked him straight in the eye and called him a coward.

In that moment, after four days of little sleep, hearing this accusation that Lupin could not deny
caused Lupin’s self control to snap. Unthinkingly, Lupin had drawn his wand and sent Harry flying
against the wall with a flourish of his wrist as if the boy were nothing more than an annoyance.
Lupin saw Harry strike the wall before turning on his heel and making for the door. Outside on the
top step, he pulled the door shut and apparated swiftly to avoid revealing the house to any watching
eyes.

Appearing in the first place that Lupin had thought of, he found himself in an overgrown garden
that sat behind a dismal looking, forgotten house. This house held history and memory of days long
past, in which he had wandered alone through the garden, a lonely child. Had Lupin been thinking
clearly, he never would have attempted such a long journey through apparition, but he had indeed
arrived whole despite his distracted mind. Enraged, Harry’s words rang in his ears: “The man who
taught me to fight dementors – a coward.”

The word wounded him. It was more than the fact that it was an insult that Lupin had fought
against his entire life – and more than the fact that Lupin’s greatest hubris was in acting against the
fear that ruled all of his decisions – it was the fact that a boy that Lupin would have gladly died for
had seen through his mask of steadiness and resolve and called out his greatest fault. Covered by
the tall garden fence and the darkness of the night, Lupin’s anger caused him to pace doggedly
through the overgrown grass and weeds underfoot. He shamefully thought of how easily he had
thrown the unsuspecting Harry into the wall and regretted it greatly. But Harry’s words had acted
like a knife in an already bleeding wound…and Lupin did not know how to go about closing it.

As dread and anxiety replaced his rage, Lupin felt drained and exhausted. As he regained
himself, he stopped pacing and looked at the dark house with a frown. He had not been here since
that last Order meeting in which Dumbledore had cautioned a young James and Lily to go into
hiding and choose their secret keeper well. But the memories ran deeper than this. The very yard in
which he stood had been his boyhood refuge; the tree that loomed unkempt and overgrown had
been his hiding place.

Warily, Lupin approached the house. He had sold it a year after his parents’ passing; the
thought of living in a place filled with so much memory had seemed worse than having nowhere to
go. Now, it was clear that no one had lived there in years. The backdoor swung open at his push.
Lupin had lit his wand and entered into the kitchen, checking the sneakoscope for any signs of
untrustworthy behavior. Dust covered every surface and irritated his lungs. The furniture, uncared
for and rotten, was covered with now dirty coverings. Shadows hung around every corner like
spectres.

Lupin could clearly picture his mother and father in the home – could remember his mother
asking his father to transfigure the stones in her open palm into flowers. In old habit, he walked to
his old room and found it bare but for the bedframe and empty bookshelves. Staring into that dark
room, the window let in dim light from the night sky outside. Lupin crossed the room to the
window and ran his hand over the window frame. He looked then to the bed and saw it was only a
few steps away. In his memory, he recalled the shattering of glass and felt the weight of Greyback
on top of him as he screamed and thrashed. Now, it was Lupin who was the beast. Lupin had
committed the same crime as Greyback had the night he had turned Lupin – that of passing on his
curse to a child.

Filled with self-loathing, Lupin hurriedly left the room and sat in the kitchen. With his elbows
on the table, Lupin rested his head in his hands and took great effort in taking in long, slow breaths
as he felt his heart begin to hammer. His stomach twisted as he thought of how out of control
everything in his life was, even his own actions. Perhaps he was a coward to have allowed things to
become so complicated. Just over a month prior, his life may have been lonelier, but things had
been far more simple. Now, he was unsure of how to handle anything.

Sitting in the blackness of the house, consumed by dark thoughts, Lupin first heard the soft
shuffling sound overhead faintly. At first, his mind dismissed it. But then the obvious shifting of
weight sounded once again and Lupin’s already hammering heart thudded in his chest as he looked
slowly up to the ceiling. Hearing a soft banging, he realized that he was not alone in the house. He
briefly wondered if some Death Eater may have followed him yet again somehow, but then
realized that no Death Eater would be skulking about in the attic. He again checked the
sneakoscope but it lay quiet in his palm. He stood up quietly. His gaze followed the slow shuffling
sound overhead and he followed it into the sitting room. Whatever it was, it was no direct threat.

There was no reason to investigate the odd sounds. A sane man might have left the house and let
the mystery go on without resolution. But Lupin, fueled by the anger of being called a coward, felt
the urge to prove his own mettle to himself. Quietly, he made for the hall. Magicking down the
ladder that led to the attic, he spent half a moment peering up into the gloom above before placing
his lit wand between his teeth and climbing up.

The attic ran the length of the main rooms below. Storage crates from whoever had last lived in
the house littered the room and starlight shone in through the unshuttered window. Lupin then sent
a blast of light into the center of the room. For the brief moment that it remained, he scanned over
the length of the space but saw nothing. He then cast this spell again, lighting his way as he
searched defensively amongst the shadows. Finally, coming to the end of the attic, he saw a sudden
shifting of a odd, black shape beneath an old armoir. As this shape emerged, Lupin briefly watched
as the squat form wriggled out and shot across the pathway between crates and furniture, it’s true
form impossible to make out.

As sudden understanding fell over Lupin, he felt the urge to grimly laugh at the thought of a
boggart having taken up residence in his father’s old home. It was strangely fitting. Determined to
at least contain the creature, Lupin prepared himself to banish the sight of his greatest fear since his
boyhood; the full moon. But as he quickly strode forward, he was met with a sudden strangled cry
that filled the air. He magicked the crate that blocked the creature out of the way but was struck
with a sickening feeling as he saw a woman kneeling with her back to him illuminated in the light
of his wand, her hair pink. She rocked back and forth worriedly on her heels and desperately
shushed a squalling bundle of blankets in her arms. As she rocked, she sobbed.

Lupin felt ill as his stomach dropped. Even knowing this was an illusion, the sound of Tonks’
quiet sobs unnerved him as he shakily raised his wand to dispel the boggart. But the sight of her
upset had taken him aback – the old fear of transforming suddenly seemed like a small,
manageable inconvenience compared to this.

In the brief moment that he hesitated before the sight of Tonks, the boggart turned it’s face to
him. Tonks’ chest was seeped in blood that wet the baby’s blankets; she seemed to have been
attacked by a beast. “Remus,” Tonks implored, holding out the still wailing baby, it’s small arms
outstretched. “Take the baby, before I turn.”

Lupin stepped backward.

“ Remus, please,” Tonks said weakly, standing shakily. She began to approach him unsteadily.
She held the blood-stained bundle out to him before falling suddenly and dropping the child.

Lupin swallowed, his mouth dry. Raising his wand, he intoned, “Riddikulus!” But the positive
thought needed to make the charm work was absent as he looked, horrified, as the blood from
Tonks’ wound continued to spread.

“You did this, you know,” Tonks said, breathing raggedly. “None of this would have happened
had you just let me be.”

Lupin sought some sort of happy thought, some amusement, but the sight of Tonks desperately
pushing the baby along the floor toward him was horrible and he could not concentrate with the
screams of the baby. He forced his eyes closed and searched his mind for some way to twist the
disturbing image before him into something funny. He remembered the last few times he had truly
laughed and realized they all involved Tonks somehow, only cementing the nightmarish sight
before him. Finally, he recalled Tonks morphing into Moody behind his back during a meeting the
year before and said again, “Riddikulus!”

The baby vanished and Tonks remained, suddenly uninjured. She wore Moody’s spinning
magical eye and his old leather coat before suddenly seeming to vanish as Lupin hurled the
creature into the armoire from under which it had crawled. Wasting no time, Lupin was back down
the ladder and out the back door once more, where he stood in the cool night air regaining himself.
 The boggart seemed a poor victory in light of the evening’s failures; he had raised a hand
against Harry, who he had sought to protect and help but had only succeeded in enlightening to
how dreary the situation with the Ministry had become. Ashamed, he realized how self-serving his
offers of help must have sounded...and how his cruelty to Tonks could not be undone. Standing
there alone in the old, once beloved garden, Lupin felt every bit the coward that he had been
accused of being.

Chapter End Notes

Tonks and Lupin reunite soon, though their reconciliation won't be easy.

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