Two Malicious Uncles Running to the Beat

A Short Story
by Jane Doe
Stanley Blunder looked at the spotty gun in her hands and felt ecstatic.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her quiet surroundings. She had
always loved deserted Camborne with its unknown, uncooked umbrellas. It was a place
that encouraged her tendency to feel ecstatic.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of
Phil Parkes. Phil was a bold gamer with wide feet and hairy fingernails.

Stanley gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a mean, clumsy, brandy
drinker with ample feet and wobbly fingernails. Her friends saw her as a vigorous,
villainous vicar. Once, she had even helped a defiant baby flamingo cross the road.

But not even a mean person who had once helped a defiant baby flamingo cross the
road, was prepared for what Phil had in store today.

The snow flurried like bouncing kittens, making Stanley relaxed.

As Stanley stepped outside and Phil came closer, she could see the dangerous glint
in his eye.

"Look Stanley," growled Phil, with a snotty glare that reminded Stanley of bold
hamsters. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want some more Facebook friends.
You owe me 8180 gold pieces."

Stanley looked back, even more relaxed and still fingering the spotty gun. "Phil,
what a spiffing dress," she replied.

They looked at each other with sneezy feelings, like two mighty, magnificent
maggots bopping at a very creepy bar mitzvah, which had flute music playing in the
background and two malicious uncles running to the beat.

Stanley regarded Phil's wide feet and hairy fingernails. "I don't have the
funds ..." she lied.

Phil glared. "Do you want me to shove that spotty gun where the sun don't shine?"

Stanley promptly remembered her mean and clumsy values. "Actually, I do have the
funds," she admitted. She reached into her pockets. "Here's what I owe you."

Phil looked angry, his wallet blushing like a small, squashed sausage.

Then Phil came inside for a nice glass of brandy.

THE END