Worksheet 7:

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.

Three Things I wish my parents/guardians understood about me are:

1. I wish my parents understood how I think.
2. I wish my parents understood why I am the way I am.
3. I wish my parents understood that I also have stress.

Three Things I wish my teachers understood about me are:

1. I wish teachers understood that stress is a real thing
2. I wish teachers understood that we have more classes to do work for than just theirs.
3. I wish teachers understood that going to the bathroom isn’t a privilege, it’s a human
right.

Three Things I wish my friends understood about me are:

1. I wish my friends understood that sometimes I just don’t want to talk
2. I wish my friends understood that there are things I just can’t help with
3. I wish my friends understood that I also have things to do

5 Poor listening Styles

You can’t understand someone who is talking to you if you don’t listen carefully? Surprise!
Like most of us you probably don’t know how to listen very well. We are usually too busy
preparing our response, judging or making words fit our own paradigms. Usually we use one of
these five poor listening styles:

1. Spacing out
What is “Spacing out” listening?
This is when someone is talking to us but our minds are wandering off.

A time when someone spaced out on me was:

A time this happened to me was when I was talking to my sister about school but she was
just spaced out.

It made me feel:
This didn’t make me feel that good but I understood because I space out a lot too.

I find myself doing this to someone else often. True or False? Why?
This is true because I cant really control it, it just happens and I dot realize.

If true, who do you do it the most?

I do this to literally everyone

2. Pretending to listen
What is “Pretend listening”?
This is when we aren’t really listening but we still make small comments in between.

A time when someone pretended to listen to me was:

A time this happened to me was when I was talking to my brother about a situation that
has happened but he didn’t seem like he was actually in the conversation.

It made me feel:
This didn’t make me feel that bad honestly because sometimes people are busy or their
head is just somewhere else.

I find myself doing this to someone else often. True or false? Why?
I find myself doing this kind of often because I get distracted or I’m just not that
interested in what they are saying.

If true, who do you do it to the most?

I do this mostly to some friends and my sister.

3. Selective listening
What is “Selective” listening?
this is when you only pay attention to the part of the conversation that you are
actually interested in.

A time when someone use selective listening to listen to me was:

I can’t think of one. But an example would be if you were talking to
someone and they weren’t really listening but as soon as you mention
something they like they give you their full attention ad start listening
because it is something they actually like.

It made me feel:
If this were to happen to me it would probably make me feel like they are being a bit
insensitive but I wouldn’t really care.

I find myself doing this to someone else often. True or false? Why?
This is true because I have done this before but it was because the other things thy were
saying were just boring and it was just basically rambling without reason.

If true, who do you do it to the most?

I do this to a specific friend mostly.

4. Word Listening
What is “Word” listening?
This is when you only listen to the words rather than look at it with the body language
to further understand.

A time when someone used word listening to listen to me was:

A time this happened to me was when I was telling my friends about this person but she
 just didn’t get what I was really trying to say.

It made me feel:
This made me feel like she didn’t care but I didn’t really mind because I do it too.

I find myself doing this to someone else often. True or false? Why?
This is true because sometimes I just don’t look into their body language because I’m not
interested.

If true, who do you do it to the most?

I mostly do this to my siblings.

5. Self-centered listening
What is “self-centered” listening?
This is when we make everything be from your perspective which can be hurtful to others
because it looks like you are trying to make everything about yourself.

A time when someone used self-centered listening to listen to me was:

A time this happened to me was when I was talking to one of my friends and telling
them about a problem I had with someone and they just made it about themselves by
saying things like “oh yeah, well I know how you feel because one time…” and
proceeded to make it about herself and her problems rather than hearing me out.
It made me feel:
This mostly made me feel bad because I’m always there for her but when I need her she
just made it about herself but at the end of the day t was fine because I just told someone
else about it who actually wanted to listen so it didn’t make me feel that bad.
I find myself doing this to someone else often. True or false? Why?
This is false because I always try my best to be there for the person that I’m talking too
especially if they need it, I might do this without realizing, I’m sure everybody has but I
cat think of. Specific time right now.
If true, who do you do it to the most?
If I have ever done this I feel like I have probably done it to my siblings without
realizing.

3 ways we reply from our point of view

1. What is “judging”?
This is when you are too busy nit picking what the person is saying and you don’t
actually pay attention to what the person wants you to know.

2. What is “advising”?
This is when the person tries to give you advise but they just end up making it about how
they already went through what you did and they know better and are more experienced
rath than listening to what you have to say.

3. What is “probing”?
This is when the other person tries to get you to say things that maybe you aren’t ready to
talk about and it starts to feel like an interview instead of a conversation that both people
want to have and be a part of.