Preparation for parenthood

Preparation for parenthood is not merely a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. It
is for expectant parents to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or
father. Raising children is one of the most fulfilling jobs in the world. Yet, it is also one of the
toughest jobs - one for which you may feel the least prepared. The family has been described as
'the cornerstone of society'; indeed, the 'hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world. In order to be
ideal parents, a lot of preparation is necessary. Parenthood is a very serious undertaking with
many responsibilities. It has serious implications for the child and society. Therefore, individuals
should not become parents until they have given very careful thought to these responsibilities
and implications.

Factors which may assist in the preparation for responsible parenthood are:
- A family plan
- Guidance on parenting
- Adequate financial resources
- Physical maturity
- Emotional and psychological readiness
- Family life education
- Developing characteristics of a good parent.

Some of the main aims, therefore, of preparing for parenthood are:

1. To promote confidence in the ability to parent and care for the child the best way possible
2. To promote realistic expectations of childbirth and parenting
3. To promote physical and mental health
4. To enable effective communication and fostering the ability to make informed choices
5. To create an environment where friendships can be made and support networks put in
place
Roles and expectations as parents
With new experiences come new expectations. Being open about things can lead to a better
understanding between you and your spouse.
- Discuss and agree on the kind of parents you would like to be.
- What are your expectations about raising your child?
- In what ways would you like your spouse to be involved with the baby?
- How do you plan to share the parenting and work responsibilities as a couple?

Psychological, emotional
As first-time parents, you may find it hard to imagine how dramatically and permanently your
baby will turn your life around. You will experience a range of emotions - excitement,
apprehension, fear, doubts and even anxiety. Take steps to prepare yourself psychologically and
emotionally.
- Attend prenatal classes together as a couple.
- Talk to your parents, close relatives, a good friend or even a counsellor if you have
conflicting or negative emotions.

Financial Preparation
Children bring added expenses to the family budget and make the access of resources so much
more challenging.
- Budget a certain amount of your income for the day-to-day caring of your child,
especially if you are employed/working.
- Start setting aside a portion of your income for your baby's future.
- Save ahead - to make up for lost income - especially if a working mother plans to stay
home on no-pay leave beyond the paid two-month maternity leave period or for
unforeseen emergencies such as illness.
- It is very important to live within your means.
- Avoid buying branded and expensive things for your baby. The baby will outgrow them
before you realise it.
Physical/Social preparation
This aspect of your pregnancy may be the most exciting for you. Once pregnancy is confirmed,
get regular check-ups by a doctor to ensure that the pregnancy is carefully monitored.
- Keep in touch
Extend an open invitation to your relatives and close friends to keep in touch so that you won't
feel cut off from your normal social contacts.
- Effects on marriage
Other than your spouse, there is now another individual needing your attention. Both you and
your spouse will need to adjust to this fact. Don't be preoccupied with the baby to the point of
excluding each other.
- Prepare older children
Involve your older children in the preparation for the baby's arrival. Be sure to frequently assure
them that both of you don't love them less because of the new baby.

Some basic characteristics of a 'good parent’ are:

- A good parent takes care of themselves, as well as their children
- A good parent accepts that they make mistakes and learn from them.
- A good parent must apologise when they are wrong.
- A good parent is not a child's only or main friend.
- A good parent loves their child for who they are, not who they will be or who they want
them to be.
- A good parent allows their children to be responsible for their behaviour.
- A good parent prays for his/her children.
- A good parent is gracious. They witness graciousness in the way mom or dad relates to
their friends. These children see graciousness in the way their parents relate to each other.
Good parents understand that kids first learn about the grace of God not in theological
explanations, but in the lives of their mom and dad.
- A good parent builds an atmosphere of encouragement. A good parent communicates that
she believes in her children. Regardless of their age, children need parents who are
encouragers.
 - A good parent creates an atmosphere of joy and laughter at home. 'Home' should be a
place where we look forward to being at the end of the day.
- A good parent works to create a home that is a place of warmth, acceptance and laughter.
- A good parent realises that one of the best gifts he/she can offer his children is
him/herself. Too many parents try to buy their way to their children's hearts. Children
need parents who are fully engaged in their lives.

Activity
1. "Development faces us with difficulties and sets new conditions on parenthood".
(a). Name at least THREE various tasks that "parenthood" demands.
(b). Describe THREE problems which confront a woman who is wife, mother and who works.
(c). Suggest THREE possible solutions to the difficulties in parenthood brought on by
development in society.
(d). Why is parenting a requirement of both male and females in our society today.

2. As a counsellor, give reasons why you believe parents must prepare for parenthood, how they
may prepare for parenthood, and outline FIVE characteristics of a good parent.