The Only Exception of This Change of Mine Was Gatsby

You might also like

You are on page 1of 17

*The only exception of this change of mine was

Gatsby, the man who this book is named after-Gatsby,


who represented everything for which I have an
unaffected scorn. If personality represents
unbreakable series of successful gestures, then from
his radiated something shiny, some kind of
distinguished ability of feeling life`s promises, as if he
was related to some of those intricate machines that
note earthquakes from ten thousands miles away. This
quality had nothing in common with feeble
impressionability which life celebrates under the name
of “creative temperament”- It was an extraordinary gift
for hope, a kind of romantic readiness for everything,
such as I have never seen in any other person, and
which I probably shall never see again. No-Gatsby
turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on
Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his
dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the
abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.
*Daisy was my second cousin, and I had known Tom
in college. I spent two days with them in Chicago
right after the war. Her husband, among different
sports achievements, had been one of the best
wings that ever played football in New Haven- a
national figure in some way, he had been one of
those people who achieve such extraordinary
success at the age of twenty-one, in one narrow field
and everything after that seems to be a downfall. His
family was extremely wealthy -even in college they
had complained about him being wasteful- but now
he has left Chicago and moved to the east in a way
that takes a man`s breath away; for example: he had
brought with him a whole string of Polo ponies from
Lake Forest. It is hard to even imagine that a man of
my age can be wealthy enough to do something like
that.
*That evening Mr. Utterson returned to his solitary
home in a gloomy mood and lifelessly sat down to dinner. On
Sundays his custom was, after he was dine with his meal, he
would sit near a fire with some dry notebook on his reading
table, until the clock of the church in the neighborhood would
struck twelve, when he would soberly and gratefully go to
sleep. That night, however, as soon as the tablecloth was
removed, he took a candle and went to his study room. There
he opened the safe cash register, and from its most hidden
part took out a document which was marked on the envelope
as “The will of dr. Jekyll”. He sat down with a frown to study
its contents. This will was a handwritten document, because
Mr. Utterson, though he had taken charge of it now that it
was written, had refused to give the slightest assistance in its
composition. It determined not only that in the event of death
of Henry Jekyll, (M.D., D.C.L., L.L.D., F.R.S., etc) Dr. of
Medicine, Dr. of civil law, Ph. D. rights, member of the Royal
Society, etc, all his property will pass into the hands of his “
friend and benefactor Edward Hyde”, but also that in case of
“disappearance or unexplained absence of dr. Jekyll for a
period of time exceeding three calendar months” the said
Edward Hyde will take place of Henry Jekyll without any delay
and free from any expense or obligation, except the payment
of a few small sums to the members of the doctors household
*When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm
badly broken at the elbow. When his fracture healed and
his fears that he won`t play football ever again eased, he
rarely got self-conscious abouthis injury. His left arm was
a little but shorter than the right one; when he stood or
walked, the back of his hand was at a right angle in the
relation to his body, and his thumb was parallel to his
thigh. He didn`t care at all, as long as he could pass and
kick the ball. When enough time had passed so that we
could look back at it, we would sometimes discuss the
events leading to his injury. I claim that everything started
with Juels, but Jem, who was four years older than me,
said that it began much earlier. He said that everything
started that summer when Dill came, when Dill inspired us
to lure Bao Radley out of the house. I said, if he wanted to
see the bigger picture, everything actually began with
Andrew Jackson. If general Jackson hadn`t sneaked on
tribe Krik, Simon Finch would have never sailed upstream
the river Alabama, and if he hadn`t, where would we be
now? When we largely outgrew the time when we solved
arguments with our fists, we would consult with Atticus.
Our father would say that we were both right.

*I lived at West Egg - well, the less fashionable of the


two Eggs, though this is the most superficial tag to
express the weird and almost sinister contrast
between them. My house was at the very tip of the
egg, around fifty meters from the narrow, and
squeezed between two huge properties that rented for
twelve to fifteen thousands of dollars per season. At
my right was a magnificent structure by every standard
— it was a factual imitation of some Hotel de Ville in
Normandy, with a tower on one side, youthfully white
under a spars beard of wild ivy, and a marble
swimming pool, and more than forty acres of lawn and
garden. It was Gatsby’s castle. Or, actually, as I didn’t
know Mr. Gatsby, it was a castle where lived a
gentleman with that name. My house was an eyesore,
but it was a small eyesore, so they didn`t even notice
it, well I had a view of the sea, a partial view of my
neighbor’s lawn, and for the consolness and proximity
of millionaires — all for eighty dollars a month.

It was customary for the male members of the family to stay on


Simon`s property, Finch`s Landing, and make their living from the
cotton. The estate was independent: modest in comparison to the
empires around it, the Landing still produced everything necessary to
sustain life except ice, wheat flour, and clothing, which were delivered
by river boats from Mobile. Simon would have looked on the
disturbance between North and South, which deprived his heirs of
everything but the land, with impotent rage, yet the tradition of living
on the land remained unbroken until well into the twentieth century,
when my father Atticus Finch went to Montgomery to study law, and
his young brother went to Boston to study medicine. Only their sister
Alexandra was one of the Finches that remained on the Landing: she
married a taciturn man who mostly spent his time on the river lying in a
hammock and wondering if there were any fish on his trot-lines. My
father returned to Maycomb and began practicing law after graduating
from law school. Maycomb, about twenty miles east of Finch's Landing,
was the seat of Maycomb County. Atticus' office in the courthouse
contained little to nothing except a hat rack, a spittoon, a checkers
board and an unblemished Code of Alabama. His first two clients were
the last two men hung in the Macomb County jail. Atticus
wholeheartedly advised them to accept the generosity of the
prosecution, which allowed them to plead guilty to manslaughter and
save their lives, but it was about the Haverfords, whose last name in
Maycomb County means „jackass“.

When Mr. Hyde had left him, the lawyer stood for some
time as picture of disquietude. Then he started slowly
climbing up the street, stopping after every two steps and
putting his hand on his forehead, like a man in mental
perplexity. The problem he was debating so much while
walking, was hardly solvable. Mr. Hyde was pale and
stunted, he gave off an impression of deformity, but the
resentment could not be named, he had an uncomfortable
smile and he showed himself to the lawyer with some kind
of fatal mixture of timidity and courage, and he spoke with
raspy, whispery and somewhat broken voice. Those were all
things that went against him, but all of them together
couldn`t explain already familiar disgust, loathing and fear
with which Mr. Utterson saw him. “There must be
something else”, said the confused man. “There is
something else, that I don`t know the name of. Oh God, that
man almost doesn`t look like a human being! We could say,
something troglodytic? Or it is an old story about Dr.
Unlikable? Or it is just simple radiation of the heavigive soul,
which evaporates through it`s human body and
metamorphoses it? Finally, I think my poor old Henry Jekyll,
if I ever read Satan`s sign on his face, then I have read it on
your friend`s face”.
Being southerners, it was a source of shame for some
members of our family that we had no recorded ancestors
on either side of the Battle of Hastings.We only had Simon
Finch, a pharmacist from Cornwall whose piety surpassed
only his stubborness. In England, Simon was bothered by
persecution of those who called themselves Methodists,
which was done by their more open-minded brothers, and
since Simon called himself a Methodist, he crossed the
Atlantic, reached Philadelphia, from there to Jamaica, then
to Mobile and up the St. Stephens river. Obeying John
Wasley`s rules about limited use of words during buying and
selling, Simon made a fortune practicing medicine, but he
was unhappy in his wealth out of fear of temptantion to do
something that was not in God`s glory, as is putting on gold
jewelry and expensive clothes. So Simon, forgetting his
teacher`s dictum of not owning human property, bought
three slaves and with their help established a household on
the banks of Alabama River about sixty kilometers north of
Saint Stephens. He returned to Saint Stephens only once, to
find a wife, and with her he established a line in which
dominated daughters. Simon lived to an enviable old age
and died rich.

Kada je imaju nepunih trinaest godina, moj brat Diem je


edno slomio lakas, kad mu je prelom zarastao a njegovi
strahovi da nikada neće igrati fudbal minull, retko se optere
wao svojom povredom. Leva ruka mu je bila malo kraca od
desne: kada je stajao ili hodao, nadlanica mu je olla pod
pravim uglom u odnosu na telo, a palac uporedan s bedrom.
On to nije nimalo zarezivao, dok god je mogao da odaje i
ispucava loptu. kada je prošlo dovoljno godina da možemo
da se osvrnemo na njan, katkada smo pretresali događaje
koji su prethodili njegovoj nezgodi, Ja tvrdim da je sve
počelo od Juelovih, ali Dzem, koji je bio četiri godine stariji
od mene, govor in da je pocela mengo e Covorio je da je
počelo nog leta kad nam je došao Dil, kad nas je Dil
nadahnuo da izmamimo Bus Radija iz kuce Ja sam govorila
da je, ako već želi da tire sagleda stvar, zapravo počelo od
Endrua Džeksona. Da se general Džekson nije prikrao
plemenu Krik, Sajmon Finč nikada ne bi odvesto uzvodno
rekom Alabamom, a da nije, gde bismo mi bili? Kako smo već
uveliko bill prerasli doba kada smo prepirke odavali
pesničenjem, posavetovali bismo se s Atikusom
Naš otac je govorio da smo oboje u pravu

Običaj je bio da muški članovace ostaju na Sajmonovom imanju,


Finčovom iskrcavalištu, žive od pamuka. Imanje je bilo nezavisno:
skromno u poređenju sa carstvima oko sebe, Iskrcavalište je ipak
proizvodilo sve što je neophodno za održavanje života osim leda,
pšeničnog brašna odevnih predmeta, što su dopremali rečni
brodovi iz Mobila.Na previranja izmedu Severa i Juga, koja su
njegove naslednike lišila svega osim zemlje, Sajmon bi gledao s
nemoćnim besom, ali tradicija življenja na toj zemlji ostala je
neprekinuta dok se nije dobrano zašlo u dvadeseti vek, kada je
moj otac Atikus Finc otišao u Montgomeri da uči pravo, a njegov
mladi brat u Boston, da studira medicinu. Od Fincovih, na
iskrcavalištu je ostala jedino njihova sestra Aleksandrar udala se
za jednog povučenog čoveka koji je vreme uglavnom provodio na
reci tako što je ležao u visećoj ležaljci i pitao se ima li mu na
parangalima ribe. Kada je završio pravo, moj otac se vratio u
Mejkom počeo da se bavi advokaturom. Mejkom, tridesetak
kilometara istočno od Finčovog iskrcavališta, bio je sedište Okruga
Mejkom. U Atikusovoj kancelariji u zgradi suda bilo je malo čega
osim vešalice za šešire, pljuvaonice, table za igru dame i
neukaljanog zakonika Alabame. Prva dva njegova klijenta bila su
poslednja dva čoveka obešena u zatvoru Okruga Mejkom. Atikus
ih je svesrdno savetovao da prihvate širokogrudost tužilaštva, koje
im je dozvolilo da priznaju krivicu za ubistvo bez predumišljaja i
spasu živu glavu, ali radilo se o Hejverfordovima, čije prezime u
Okrugu Mejkom znači isto što i magarac".
2. Budući da smo južnjaci, to što ni na jednoj strani u bici kod
Hejstingsa nemamo zabeleženih predaka predstavljalo je
izvor stida za neke članove naše porodice. Imali smo samo
Sajmona Finča, tapotekara iz Kornvola, čiju je pobožnost
prevazilazio samo njegov tvrdičluk u Engleskoj Sajmonu je
smetao progon onih koji su se zvali metodistima od strane
njihove slobodoumnije braće, a posje Sajmon sebe zvao
metodistom, prešao je Atlantik, stigao u Filadelfiju, odande
na Jamajku, pa odatle u Mobil uzvodno rekom Sent Stivens.
Pridržavajući se pravila Džona Vesilja o ograničenoj upotrebi
reći pri kupovini i prodaji, Sajmon je zgrnuo gomilu para
baveći se medicinom, ali je u tom bogaćenju bio nesrecan iz
straha da ne dode skušenje da učini nešto za šta zna da nije
u slavu Boga, kao što je stavljanje na sebe zlatnog nakita
iskupe odeće, ako je Sajmon, zaboravivši na načelo svog
učitelja o posedovanju ljudske svojine, kupio tri roba i uz
njihovu panioc osnovao domaćinstvo na obalama reke
Alabame šezdesetak kilometara severno od Sent Stivensa 9
USent Stivens vratio se samo jednom, da nade ženu, s njom
je ustanovio lozu u kojoj su preovladivale kceri, Sajmon je
doživeo zavidnu starost umro bogat.

Kad ga je gospodin Hyde napustio, odvjetnik je neko vrijeme


stajao kao sušta slika strepnje. Zatim se stao polako penjati
ulicom, zastajući svaka dva koraka i stavljajući ruku na čelo,
poput čovjeka u duševnoj zbrci. Problem kojeg je toliko
razglabao hodajući, bio je teško rješiv. Gospodin Hyde je bio
blijed i zakržljao, odavao je utisak nakaznosti, a da se
nagrdenost nije mogla imenovati, imao je neugodan osmijeh
i pokazao se odvjetniku s nekom vrstom ubitačne mješavine
plahosti i smjelosti, a govorio je promuklim, šaputavim i
ponešto slomljenim glasom. To su sve bile stvari što su išle
protiv njega, ali sve one zajedno nisu mogle objasniti dosad
poznato gadenje, gnušanje i strah s kojim ga je gospodin
Utterson vidio. >>Sigurno postoji još nešto<«<, reče zbunjeni
gospodin. »Postoji još nešto, čemu ne znam imena. O, Bože,
taj čovjek gotovo ne izgleda kao ljudsko biće! Mogli bismo
reći, nešto trogloditsko? Ili je to stara priča o dr.
Nesimpatičnom? Ili to samo puko zračenje nečasne duše.
koja se tako isparava kroz svoje čovječje tijelo
preobražavajući ga? Konačno, mislim, jadni moj stari Henryju
Jekyllu, ako sam ikad pročitao Sotonin znak na licu, onda
sam ga pročitao na licu tvoga novog
Prijatelja
Te večeri gospodin Utterson se u sumornu raspoloženju vratio
svom samačkom domu, te bezvoljno sjeo za večeru. Običavao
bi nedjeljom, kad bi završio s tim obrokom, sjesti blizu vatre s
kakvim suhoparnim sveskom na svom stolu za čitanje, sve dok
sat na crkvi u susjedstvu ne bi odzvonio dvanaest sati, kad bi on
trezveno i zahvalno pošao na spavanje. Te noći, međutim, čim
je skinut stolnjak, on je uzeo svijeću i otišao u svoju radnu
sobu. Tu je otvorio sigurnu blagajnu, i iz njezina najskrovitijeg
dijela izvadio dokument na čijoj je omotnici označeno:
»Oporuka dr. Jekylla«, te smrknuta čela sjeo, kako bi proučio
njen sadržaj. Ova je oporuka bila vlastoručno napisana isprava,
jer je gospodin Utterson, iako je o njoj preuzeo brigu sad kad je
već bila napisana, bio odbio pružiti i najmanju pomoć u njezinu
sastavljanju. Ona je određivala, ne samo da će u slučaju smrti
Henryja Jekylla, (M.D., D.C.L., L.L.D., F.R.S., etc) dr. medicine,
dr. građanskog prava, dr. prava, člana Kraljevskog društva, itd.,
sva njegova imovina prijeći u ruke njegova »prijatelja i
dobročinitelja Edwarda Hydea«<, već i da će u slučaju
»nestanka ili neobjašnjive odsutnosti dr. Jekylla za vremensko
razdoblje duže od tri kalendarska mjeseca<< rečeni Edward
Hyde preuzeti mjesto Henryja Jekylla bez ikakva odlaganja i
slobodno od ikakvog izdatka ili obveze, osim isplaćivanja malih
iznosa članovima doktorova domaćinstva.

Ja sam stanovao u West Eggu - dakle, u manje


otmjenom od ta dva jajeta, premda je to najpovršnija
oznaka da se izrazi čudna i gotovo zlokobna suprotnost
među njima. Moja se kuća nalazila na samom vršku
jajeta, udaljena svega pedesetak metara od tjesnaca i
stisnuta između dva golema posjeda, koja su se
iznajmljivala za dvanaest do petnaest tisuća dolara po
sezoni. S moje desne strane nalazila se usvakom
pogledu veličanstvena građevina - bila je to vjerna
imitacija nekog normandijskog hôtel de villea,s tornjem
na jednoj strani, štose mladenački bjelasao ispod rijetke
brade divljega bršljana, s mramornim bazenom i s više
od četrdeset jutara livade i vrta. Bio je to Gatsbyev
dvorac. Ili, zapravo, kako ja nisam poznavao gospodina
Gatsbya, bio je to dvorac u kojem je stanovao neki
gospodin s tim imenom. Moja je kuća bila pravo ruglo,
ali maleno ruglo, tako da je nisu ni primjećivali, pa sam
iznje imao pogled na more i djelomični travnjak moga
susjeda, a za utjehu i blizinu milijunaša - sve to za
osamdeset dolara mjesečno.

Daisy je bila moja sestrična u drugom koljenu, dok


sam Toma poznavao iz koledža. A odmah poslije
rata, proveo sam dva dana kod njih u
Chicagu.Njezin je muž, u nizu raznih sportskih
dostignuća, bio jedno od najboljih krila što je ikada
igralo nogomet u New Havenu - u neku ruku
nacionalna figura, jedan od onih ljudi koji u
dvadeset i prvoj godini postižu takav izvanredan
uspjeh na jednom uskom područj uda sve ono što
zatim slijedi podsjeća na opadanje. Porodica mu je
bila strahovito bogata - još su mu u koledžu
prigovarali zbog rasipništva - ali sada je ostavio
Chicago i doselio se na Istok u takvom stilu koji
čovjeka ostavlja bez daha; na primjer: doveo je sa
sobom iz Lake Foresta čitavu ergelu ponija za polo.
Teško je i pomisliti da čovjek mojih godina može biti
toliko bogat da tako što učini.

Jedini izuzetak u ovome mom preokretu bio je Gatsby,


čovjek čije ime nosi ova knjiga - Gatsby, koji je
predstavljao sve ono što prezirem iz dna duše. Ako
ličnost obilježava neprekidan niz uspješnih gestova,
onda je iz njegove zračilo nešto blistavo, neka istančana
sposobnost osjećanja životnih obećanja, kao da je bio u
srodstvu s kojim od onih zamršenih aparata što bilježe
potrese nadeset tisuća milja daljine. To svojstvo nije
imalo ničega zajedničkog slabom upečatljivošću za
primanje dojmova koju slavi život pod imenom
>>stvaralačkog temperamenta<< - bila je to izvanredna
darovitost za gajenje nade, neka romantična spremnost
na sve, kakve nikada nisam vidio ni kod jednogdrugoga
čovjeka, i kakve vjerojatno više nikada neću ni vidjeti.
Ne - Gatsby je na kraju konca ispao kako treba; samo
ono što se bilo nakupilo oko Gatsbya, onognusno smeće
što je plutalo na tragu njegovih snova, ono je bilo
privremeno osujetilo moje zanimanje za jalove tuge i
sipljive zanose ljudi.

You might also like