Dark sarcasm quotes:

1. Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.

2. Surely you must be on stupid pills?
3. If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
4. I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
5. Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
6. Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black.
7. Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
8. Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
9. I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
10. If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
11.Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
12. I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
13.If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
14. You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
15.I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.
16. Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
17.I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
18. If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
19. My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m
kidding or not.
20. I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown
around in a courtroom.
21.Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the
rest of us a break.
22. I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
23.My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
24. No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
25.When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
26. No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
27.You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent
sarcasm.
28. It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve
contributed least. Why is that?
29.You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
30. Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.