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[KIDS, sung]
Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!
[VERONICA]
We were so tiny, happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
[KIDS]
Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!
[VERONICA]
Singing and clapping, laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
[KIDS]
Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!
[VERONICA]
Then we got bigger, that was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome
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Heathers the Musical Ensemble
(spoken)
Oh, sorry!
(sung)
Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon
[KIDS]
White trash!
[VERONICA]
College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!
[VERONICA, spoken]
Oh, okay
[KIDS, sung]
Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!
[VERONICA]
Things will get better soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafés
[RAM, spoken]
Watch it!
[VERONICA]
Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
[RAM upends VERONICA'S lunch tray.]
[RAM, spoken]
Ooooops
[VERONICA, spoken]
Ram Sweeney. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and
being a huge dick
[RAM, spoken]
What did you say to me, skank?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Aah, nothing!
[sung, (KIDS)]
But I know, I know...
(I know, I know...)
Life can be beautiful
(Beautiful)
I pray, I pray
(I pray, I pray)
For a better way
(For a better way)
We were kind before;
(Oooh...)
We can be kind once more
(Oooh...)
We can be beautiful..,
(Oooh... Beautiful...)
[MARTHA approaches.]
[VERONICA, spoken]
Agh!... Hey Martha
[MARTHA, spoken]
Hey
[VERONICA, spoken]
Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers
[MARTHA, spoken]
We on for movie night?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail
[MARTHA, spoken]
I rented "The Princess Bride."
[VERONICA, spoken]
Ho-ho-ho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?
[MARTHA, spoken]
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending
[KURT, spoken]
Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Honnnnnk!
[KURT, spoken]
Hahaaa!
[VERONICA, spoken]
Kurt Kelly. Quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team. Which is kind
of like being the tallest dwarf
[KURT, spoken]
Haha! Alriiight!
[KURT, spoken]
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a
high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant
[KURT, spoken]
...You have a zit right there...
[VERONICA, spoken]
Dear diary:
(sung)
Why....
[HIPSTER DORK]
Why do they hate me?
[REPUBLICAN GIRL]
Why don’t I fight back?
[KURT]
Why do I act like such a creep?
[VERONICA]
Why…
[MARTHA]
Why won’t he date me?
[RAM]
Why did I hit him?
[VERONICA]
Why…
[KIDS]
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
[KIDS]
Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!
[VERONICA, spoken]
And then there's the Heathers. They float above it all
[KIDS]
I love Heather, Heather, and Heather
Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay
for implants
(I want Heather, Heather, and Heather)
And Heather Chandler, the Almighty
She is a mythic bitch
(I need Heather, Heather—)
[VERONICA, spoken]
They're solid Teflon—never bothered, never harassed
I would give anything to be like that
[KIDS]
Mmmm...
[KIDS]
That would be beautiful...
Mmmm...
[KIDS]
So beautiful...
Ooooh...
[MARTHA, spoken]
I'd like them to be nicer
[KIDS]
That would be beautiful...
Ooooh...
[VERONICA enters the girls' bathroom. HEATHER CHANDLER and MCNAMARA are watching
HEATHER DUKE vomit into a toilet.]
...and Heather. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting. You're late
for class
[VERONICA, spoken]
Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook
committee
[VERONICA, spoken]
Uh... Veronica Sawyer. I crave a boon
[VERONICA, spoken]
Um. Let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people
think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone...
[HEATHERS laugh]
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes
[HEATHER CHANDLER]
Make her beautiful...
(spoken)
Okay?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Okay!
[KURT]
Out of my way, geek!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK]
I don't want trouble—
[RAM]
You're gonna die at 3pm!
[BELEAGUERED GEEK]
What did I ever do to them?
[KIDS]
Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!
[MS. FLEMING]
Who's that with Heather?
[KIDS, spoken]
Whoa
(sung)
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[KIDS]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[KIDS]
Heather, Heather, Heather...
[MARTHA, spoken]
Veronica?!
[KIDS]
Veronica? Veronica? Veronica!
[THE HEATHERS part, revealing a smoking hot VERONICA who has been given a make-
over.]
[VERONICA, (KIDS)]
And you know, you know, you know
(Ooohhhh!)
Life can be beautiful
(Aaahhh! Beautiful!)
You hope, you dream, you pray
(Ooohhhh!)
And you get your way!
(Aaahhh!)
Ask me how it feels
(Beautiful!)
Lookin' like hell on wheels...
(Ooohhhh!)
My God, it's beautiful!
(Aaahhh! Beautiful!)
I might be beautiful...
(Beautiful!)
And when you're beautiful...
(Aaahhh!)
[VERONICA]
It's a beautiful frickin' day!
[KIDS]
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Veronicaaaaa!