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SEXUAL HEALTH

Speaking BDSM: A Glossary of

Terms Used to Describe BDSM
Curious about BDSM? Here’s the lowdown on the vocabulary you’ll need to ask questions and learn
about it.

By Julie Lynn Marks

Reviewed: September 26, 2019

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Aftercare When a scene is over, aftercare is the

emotional and physical care that’s administered,
usually by a top. Proper aftercare may be used
to prevent a drop.

Age Play When one person takes on an older

role and one person takes on a younger role,
such as a father-daughter scenario.

BDSM An umbrella term used to describe a

sexual practice that involves the use of physical
control, psychological power, or pain. It typically
includes the components of bondage and
discipline, domination and submission, or
sadism or masochism.

Bondage and Discipline A type of BDSM

practice that incorporates bondage (tying,
binding, or restraining someone) and discipline
(punishing a submissive partner when they
break a rule).

Bottom The person in a scene who follows the

orders and receives the sensations.

Breath Play A form of play when one

participant controls their breath. This may
include choking or holding the breath.

Consent Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM

scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that
consent is what separates BDSM from assault.

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Contract An arrangement that outlines the 7 VR Fitness Games That Will Get
rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It You Hooked and Make You Sweat
may be written or oral.

Dom A dominant who is male.

Domina A dominant who is female and

embraces a feminine gender role.

Dominance and Submission (D/S) A term for

the behaviors or rituals that a submissive
person follows in a BDSM relationship. In D/S,
one person usually has power over another.

Dominant A person who has the authority in a

BDSM relationship or scene.

Drop The physical or emotional exhaustion that

takes place after a scene. Both tops and
bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling
sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop. 

Dungeon A location where BDSM play takes

place (usually in a person’s home or at a club).

Dungeon Monitor A person (or group of

people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club
or play party to make sure the acts are safe and
consensual.

Edge Play BDSM acts that are considered more

intense or dangerous, such as breath play.

Female Dominance When a woman takes the

dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene.

Female Submission BDSM activity in which a

woman submits to a sexual partner.

Fetish An obsession with a speciFc experience,

body part, or object.

Fetish Wear The clothing worn by those who

practice BDSM (usually leather attire or other
role-playing costumes).  

Gender Play A type of BDSM play when an

individual in a scene takes on the role of the
opposite gender.

Hard Limits An activity that a person in a BDSM

relationship absolutely won’t do. A hard limit
can’t be negotiated.

Impact Play A type of BDSM play that involves

striking the body. This can be done with a hand,
paddle, cane, whip, Nogger, or other instrument.

Kink Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is

often referred to as kink.

Master The person who has control over a slave

in a consensual master-slave relationship.

Male Dominance BDSM acts when the

dominant partner is a man, also called
maledom.

Male Submission BDSM activities when the

submissive participant is a man, also referred to
as malesub.

Masochist An individual who likes or becomes

sexually gratiFed by their own pain or
humiliation.

Munch An informal meeting or party, often at a

public place, where people interested in BDSM
can mingle.

Play A term used to describe the BDSM acts

themselves.

Play Party A social gathering where guests can

engage in BDSM activity.
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Role Play When one or more people take on a The New Sex Talk to Have
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Sadism and Masochism This subset of BDSM
involves inNicting pain or humiliation for the
purpose of pleasure or sexual gratiFcation.

Sadist A person who enjoys or becomes

sexually aroused by inNicting pain or humiliation
on someone else.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) This phrase

describes what the BDSM community considers
ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that
activities must always be safe, sane, and
consensual.

Safe Word An agreed upon word or phrase that

a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene
to stop the activity or session immediately.
Some common safe words are “red,” “red light,”
“pineapple,” and “banana.” 

Soft Limits A limit that’s more Nexible than a

hard limit. It might be an act that a person is
hesitant to perform but may be willing to try.  

Scene The actual BDSM activities or encounters

that take place are known as a scene.

Slave A person who gives up total control of one

or more parts of their life to a master.

Submissive Someone who submits to a

dominant person in a BDSM relationship or
scene. Submissive can be shortened to sub.

Switch A person who sometimes plays a top

and sometimes plays a bottom in a BDSM scene.

Top The person who performs the BDSM acts in

a scene.

Topping From the Bottom When a bottom

tries to control a scene even though it was
agreed that the top would be in charge.

24-7s When individuals in a relationship engage

in some form of BDSM at all times (24 hours a
day, 7 days a week).

Vanilla Sex Used by people in the BDSM

community to label sexual behavior that doesn’t
involve kink.

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