Ashwin’s

Books of Poems

1
You know they are only responsible for the hurt they cause.
They are not responsible for your healing.
They cant say sorry for that
You are responsible for your own healing.
So,
Shout all you want,
Scream all you want,
Sleep all you want,
Eat all you want,
Cope however you know
Learn a new side of yourself
But, you have to move on
You cant stay stuck there forever
Because then YOU are the one bringing yourself down.
Take all the time you need.
And when you are done,
I will be at the park waiting for you.

-hurt changes us

If you ever wake up in the morning,

Tears dripping down your face,
Questioning yourself for the reason of staying,

2
 I hope you remember,
When you have absolutely no reason to stay
It’s a really good reason to leave.
Your self-worth has showed up
So pack your stuff up,
Let the tears fall and leave.
It has been hell for you so come to me.
Hush, let me hide you in my room and
attend to your broken and damaged heart.
You will get out of here stronger and happier than ever.
Because love shouldn’t be that way
Its supposed to bring the best out of you,
Make you feel all giddy,
Make you want to be a better person.
Not this way.
Never this way.

-no reason to stay is a good reason to leave.

Right now
I don’t know who are my friends and who are not.
And it frustrates the hell out of me.

3
 Why is my friends treating me this they are,
Like they just don’t want to be friends with me.
Like the sight of me disgust the hell out of them.
And
When I finally, finally find a friend who I just click with,
They go and interact with people they know I hate.
Why do people like to leave me in a state of confusion?
Right now,
As I try to figure out
The people I want to be with and the people I want to be with and
the people I want to forget;
I will start making small mind notes about the friends I never want to
be to the outside world.
But,
I must admit
Day-by-day my heart keeps getting numb and numb.
What sucks more is that my friends are supposed to be my escape
from the real world.
But, right now, they are are the real world.
And when I ever need strength I will look at the sky with tears
starting to swell in my eyes and picturing my grandma and I will
whisper,
“nanima give me strength”

-label your relationships

I know I deserve to be loved

But
not in the way they talk about in books,
they show in movies
Or

4
 the way way they describe in poems.

-only worthy of the bare minimum

My alarm rang
At 6;20 in the morning.
I did my usual
Went to school right after I got ready
Saw my friends
Told them what you did to me
“Don’t cry, its his lost” they said
But
Deep down this innocent, naive and well-beating heart,
I know it was mine too.

-i told my friends about you, daddy.

As we sat in a circle,
For a little truth and dare,
“What is your biggest mistake?”,
The question directed to me,
“Being born” I wouldn’t even hesitate to answer,
But I pause,
“It’s to deep” I mumble
And I would give a simple answer.
Not deep,
Not sad,
Not serious,
But funny.

-my biggest mistake.

5
When I look at my father,
I don’t see a gentleman,
Or even a decent man,
When I look at my father,
I see a man who lost me,
In the midst of all the
mental
physical
and verbal abuse.
When I look at my father
I wonder how I survived.
I have to keep reminding myself
that, surviving without him was the toughest battle I would ever
have to fight.

-when I look at you I don’t feel anything anymore and I’m glad.

I want someone that will smile at

Me when he spots me in the midst
of a crowd,
Someone who will kiss me and only me,
Someone who caress me,
Someone who will whisper the sweetest
words in my ears,
I want someone who will make me
shy and blush,
I want someone who is wiling to share
their darkest secrets with me.
I want someone who is wiling to share
their highs and lows with me.
I want somebody wiling who is wiling to be there
for me in my highs and lows.

6
-butterflies kind of love.

The thing about being

proud of my country is
that you have to love your country.
But how do I do that?
When it’s full of corruption?12/14/2022
When I genuinely don’t have a future here.

-how is it tanah airku when I

don’t get equal chances?

Therapy is expensive
BTS isn't.

-they have saved me in many ways possible.

If I ever decide to take my own life,

I know my “friends” would post
Long paragraph about me.
My family would be crying.
How do I tell them
The reason I might have took my

7
 Own life are the people that are hurting the most.
But why didn’t they show me
They cared when I was alive?
Why do they cry when I die?

-taking your own life requires bravery, I will call you brave. (70)