Are You Ready For Marriage?

1 Corinthians 7:25-40

A few years ago, I as a pastor and we as a Church, adopted a policy that no one
could be married by me or a staff member, or could get married in our buildings
without going through pre-marital classes. The reason was that after years of
watching young couples get married, I found that many of them were simply not
prepared for marriage. More time was spent on the wedding rather than the
marriage.
In a 1986 study in USA Today explored some of the factors that contribute to
marital breakup. Such factors they found were:
 Lack of emotional support. 
 Lack of honesty.
 Lack of common interests.
 Not feeling liked or appreciated.
 Financial problems.
 Use of free time.
 Sexual incompatibility.
Although not listed, I would add that not being ready for marriage as one major
factor. It is possible, that not being ready could be the root cause for the causes that
were listed. In the passage before us, Paul is actually giving us reasons for remaining
single.
In verse 25 Paul says, "yet I give my judgment." The word “judgment” speaks of
“knowledge and counsel based upon experience and observation. Paul was giving his
advice concerning marriage and he gives two reasons why he is qualified to give
such advice. First, he had obtained mercy, and secondly, he had been faithful
In verses 25-40, he gives his opinion and judgment why one should remain
single. But, as you look at what he said, we also find truth’s for those that are
thinking about getting married. Paul makes us look at marriage and what to expect
when a person gets married.
Let’s look at the passage from the viewpoint of someone who is thinking about
marriage and ask, “Are you ready for marriage.” First, in Paul's words we see that
those getting ready for marriage should ask if they are:

1. READY FOR THE DIFFICULTIES OF MARRIAGE?

I heard about a man who sat down in the first-class section of an airplane next to
a well-dressed, matronly woman who was wearing a stunning diamond pendant. He
said to her, "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that beautiful necklace. It's the
most exquisite stone I've ever seen." She responded, "Well, thank you. It's the
Klopman diamond, you know." He looked puzzled, and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't
think I have ever heard of it." Her response was: "Well, it's a lot like the Hope
diamond. It's not as large, of course, but the clarity and beauty of the Klopman are
the absolute equal. And, just like the Hope diamond, it comes with a curse for the
person wearing it." "That's positively amazing! What kind of curse?" "Mr.
Klopman!"
I am mindful that there are no marriages without its problems. In fact, one of the
reasons Paul encouraged people to remain single was due to the problems in
marriage. First, notice that he describes:

A. The Pressures That Marriage Encounters  

 We read in verse 26, "I suppose therefore that this is good for the present
distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be." The word “distress” speaks of
something that causes “great stress or calamity.” As Paul advises the single life he
points to the “distresses” of marriage as a reason for remaining single.
He says in verses 27-28, "Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art
thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not
sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have
trouble in the flesh: but I spare you." He wants them to know that he is not saying
marriage is wrong. If a person is “bound” (married) they should not try to get out of
the marriage. But if a person is single, the distress that marriage can bring should be
one factor to consider before marrying. But he wants to be clear that it is not a sin to
marry.
The point that I want you to see is that Paul understands that marriage is not
without its pressures. As any married couple knows, there are always things
happening that causes stress in a marriage.
Secondly, he speaks of:

B. The Problems That Marriage Experiences  

In verse 28 he speaks of having "trouble in the flesh." The word “trouble” means
to be, "pressed together, or under pressure" Marriage presses two people together in
the closet possible way. They become one, but they are still two personalities, two
distinct people with their own likes, emotions, characteristics, temperaments, and
wills.
I think of the wedding candle in a wedding ceremony. There is two outside
candles that represent the two individual lives that have been lived. The center
candle is lit while the two outside candles are extinguished, representing that two
people are now becoming one. Someone has said that the wedding makes two
people one and the honeymoon shows which one.
Even though two people become one in a marriage, Paul says, “Nevertheless such
shall have trouble in the flesh" (Vs. 28). Paul declares that marriages will have
“trouble” when two people are pressed together as one.
A man and his wife were out eating and he reached for a pickle. His wife slapped
his hand and said, “You don’t like pickles.” He said, “Well, for a moment I thought I
did.”
I think about something I once read entitled, "Man verses Woman." A man will
pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries
about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be
happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing
to die. A woman marries a man expecting he will change but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. A woman has the
last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before
marriage and after marriage.
Charlie Shedd described two rivers flowing smoothly and quietly along until they
came together and joined. When this happened they clashed and hurled themselves
at one another. As the newly formed river flowed downstream it gradually quieted
down and flowed smoothly again. He writes: “Marriage is often like that. When two
independent streams of existence come together, there will probably be some
dashing of life against life at the juncture. Personalities rush against each other.
Preferences clash. Ideals contend for power and habits vie for position. Sometimes
like the waves, they throw up a spray that leaves you breathless and makes you
wonder where has the loveliness gone.”
Each couple planning on marriage should ask the question, “Am I or are we ready
for the difficulties of marriage?” 
Secondly, in Paul's words we see that a couple getting ready for marriage should
ask if they are:

2. READY FOR THE DEMANDS OF MARRIAGE?

As every married couple knows, marriage has a lot of demands. One of the
reasons Paul advises remaining single is that marriage places certain demands on a
person. It places enormous demands on your time, energy and resources.
The heart of verses 29-35 is a life dedicated to Christ and a service given to Him
unhindered and without distraction. We read in verse 32, "But I would have you
without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the
Lord, how he may please the Lord," and in verse 35, "And this I speak for your own
profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that
ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." Another reason Paul advises the
single life is that the single person is not concerned with the demands marriage laces
upon them, but are free to concentrate their time, energies, and resources to the
Lord. His words remind us that marriage is not without its demands. What are some
of these demands.
First, we see:

A. There Are Material Demands  

Paul says, "I would have you without carefulness" (Vs. 32a). The word
“carefulness” speaks of being anxious. Paul encourages the single life so that life is
free from certain things that are often the point of worry and care about in our life.
In verses 30-31, he says, "And they that weep, as though they wept not; and
they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they
possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this
world passeth away." Paul speaks of such things that are a part of marriage. Things
such as finances, happiness, possessions, etc. The phrase “use this world,” speaks of
“availing oneself” of what the world includes in order to obtain what one needs in
life. Our jobs would be one such example.
Marriage is a huge material step. There is rent or house payments, utilities,
insurance, etc. Someone has said that the cooing stops when the honeymoon is
over, but the billing goes on forever. There are material demands in a marriage.
Secondly, we see:

B. There Are Marital Demands

We read in verses 33-34, "But he that is married careth for the things that are of
the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a
virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy
both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world,
how she may please her husband." As we saw in verse 3, there is a debt that one
owes to their spouse. Meeting the needs of one’s spouse are not considered optional.
If a person had entered into a marriage covenant that had also made a covenant to
“please” their spouse. There is the affection one is to give to their spouse.
 I think of one husband that said to his wife, "I love you terribly." His wife
answered, "You certainly do." Marriage calls for attention and affection to be given to
one another.
A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse late one night. It lifted the roof off, picked up
the bed, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down in the next
county. The wife began to cry. The husband said, “Don’t be sacred Mary, were not
hurt.” She said, “I’m not scared, I’m happy. Do you realize that this is the first time
in fourteen years we’ve been out together.”
Every couple planning on marriage should ask if they are ready for both the
difficulties and demands of marriage.
The third question that should be asked by those considering marriage is whether
or not they are:

3. READY FOR THE DURATION OF MARRIAGE?

In verses 36-40 Paul speaks of the custom in his day of the parents determining
the marriage of the daughter. He says that if the daughter wants to get married and
the father decides to let her marry he has done nothing wrong. But again, Paul is
encouraging the single life and says that if both the daughter and father decide
marriage is not best, they do well.
If there is a decision to marry, Paul gives us certain guidelines about marriage
that one should keep in mind. First, marriage should always be in:

A. The Will of God  

Paul says in verse 36, "But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely
toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do
what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry." The words “need so” speak of wanting
to be married. One of the reasons why the girl would want to be married is that she
has reached the age when she can marry. The words, “Flower of her age" is a
statement that simply means she is fully mature. One thing that should be
considered in planning for marriage is the age of a person or the maturity of a
person.
But there is something else even more important when planning on marriage. IN
verse 39 we find that marriage should be, “Only in the Lord.” Marriage is only to be
in the will of God. Stephen Olford said in reference to Adam and Eve, "Adam slept in
the will of God while God prepared a mate for him."
Every person contemplating marriage should ask if the person they are
considering marrying is God's choice. The will of God is the most important factor in
a marriage.
A second guideline that Paul gives is that a marriage must be by:

B. The Word of God  

Paul says in verse 39, "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband
liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will;
only in the Lord." Marriage is a binding relationship. It is a relationship “till death do
us part.” When one considers marriage they need to ask themselves if this is the
person they want to spend the rest of their life with. That is God’s plan for marriage
and “Marriage by the Book.”