TALES CALCULATED TO DRIVE YOU ® S&S Ha kurte te , THIS COVER...MAD'S ANSWER TO COMIC BOOK TITLES... THE COVER WITH THE SMALLEST TITLE IN THE WORLD! a) Z= Z—= VOEC=EHH EENEWSDEALERSSORSAIMERIGCA SCREAMING c00 i ONE DAY'S DISPLAY. PONY THERS €OES SO IF YOU'RE SELF CONSCIOUS IN A i S 8.0. (BUYING OUT) CROWD...IF PANIC 225 LAFAYETTE STREET .f TOO QUICKLY WHERE YOU N.Y.C, 12, N.Y. BROWSE... IF YOU'D RATHER NOT PERSPIRE TILL THE NEXT ISSUE COMES 1 RUSH ME THE NEXT CIonT BEOOOR EO IN... THEN SUBSCRIBE / FILL OUT THE IBSUES FE MOIC: T WANT TO SAY ‘POOF. COUPON, ENCLOSE OWE DOLLAR FOR : EIGHT (8) ISSUES, AND MAIL! JUST AN nn PROBLEMS / THE ONLY THING YOU'LL HAVE LEFT TO WORRY ABOUT THEN 1S AN OFFENSIVE MAILMAN!ROMANCE (NOT THE SEXY KIND) DEPT, : GREETINGS, DEAR READER!... ALL SETTLED FOR A COMFORTABLE EVENING OF READING?... THAT'S IT/. SETTLE DOWN... SNUGGLE INTO YOUR FAVORITE CURBSTONE!... ALL COMFY NOW®... WELL ENJOY /T WHILE YOU CAN, KID, CAUSE AFTER READING THIS BOOK, YOU'LL BE A NERVOUS WRECK! AND OUR BOOK STARTS WITH. WAS YOUNG PRINCE VIOLENT OF DRULE WHO ASPIRETH TO BECOMETH A KNIGHTETH AT-ETH KINGETH ARTHURETH ROUTH... RATH ... THOOTH ...PTOOEY!AT KING ARTHUR'S ROUND TABLE, WHILES AWAY THE TIME IN GREAT FUN AT THE SPORT OF MOCK COMBAT!... WITH DULL- EDGED WOODEN SWORDS AND PADDED DOUBLETS, PRINCE VIOLENT, IN GREAT FUN AND SPORT... SCORES A BLOW IN FUN UPON HIS GOOD _; FRIEND AND HAS SO MUCH FUN!.. FUN! WOW!... FUN / WPT ED is ‘s+: BUT IF ONE LOOKS CLOSELY ...ONE SEES BY THE WAYS HE wee paNce ano iStiaons- || LANDS ON His Toes MeTEAD ING SPORTINGLY ON HIS FALLEN: OF HIS HEELS THE HEELS WITH FRIEND, ONE SEES THAT HE IS THE ‘TAPS! THAT HIS HEART IS. NOT HAPPY/ sFOR THE YOUNG MAN'S HEART IS FILLED WITH OTHER LONGING® YES...THE LONGINGS THAT USUALLY FILL’A YOUNG MAN'S HEART WHEN NOT WITH THIS GREAT SPORT! WINTER TURNS TO SPRING...onl ss ww A VISION OF A BEAUTIFUL GIRL NAMED ALOTA/ BNO OF LONG GOLDEN HAIR SHE HAS ALOTA!.. THIS 1S THE WOMAN OF PRINCE VIOLENTS DREAMS AND IN A MOMENT, HE TRYETH TO PURSUETH, UT | HE GETS STUCKETH / OF COURSE, TO HIS BUTTERFLY COLLECTION WHICH) || HE HOPETH TO COMPLETE THIS SPRING! THEN...) ALAS...HIS LANCE DOES NOT FIT SIDEWAYS THROUGH THE PORTCULIS! AND WHEN HE FINALLY FIGURES IT OUT AND TRAMPS ACROSS THE DRAW. BRIDGE, THE MAIDEN IS GONETH! -:AND PRINCE VIOLENT HAS BARELY LEFT THE CASTLE OF HIS FATHER WHEN HIS TROUBLES BEGIN... HE IS CAUGHT WITH HIS STEED IN THE GRIP OF SOME FORCE... 1. THAT PULLS HORSE AND RIDER BAcKwaRDS | ‘INDEED, THIS IS WITCHCRAFT; VIOL THINKS TO HIMSELF! CWELL CALL HIM ‘VIOL! OR ‘VILE? FOR SHORT!) BUT A MOMENT LATER...QUIETLY PONDERING: AMIDST THE STENCH OF THE MOAT... VIOL SEES IT IS NEITHER SPIRITS NOR WITCHCRAFT BUT MERELY THE SLANTED DRAWBRIDGE WHICH HATH RISETH BY ACCIDENTETH WHILE HE WAS ON-ETH/ «HOWEVER, THE VALIANT MOUNT CLAWS _HiS Way TO THE END OF THE BRIDGE... BUT SOME SORCERY HAS TAKEN AWAY THE LAND AND, AS VIOL FALLS, HE THINKS ‘THIS 15 THE WORK OF SPIRITS, INTOXICATING SPIRITS I DRANK BEFORE I LEFT'/fe hil AND SO, AFTER HE GOETH BACK .. SEEKING DIRECTIONS AS TO WHICH HOME AND CHANGETH HIS RUSTY WAY ALOTA HATH GONE, PRINCE CHAIN MAIL FOR A FRESH-PRESSED. VIOLENT STOPPETH A MAN WHOM, CRISP OILED CHAIN: MAIL, HE DOTH By HIS POINTY- SHAPED HELMET, SET OUT UPON THE HIGH-ROAD! VIOL TAKETH TO BE A SOLDIER! ~~ sPRINCE. VIOLENT SETS OUT IN THE DIRECTION THAT HAS BEEN POINTETH BY THE MAN WHOSE HEAD HAS ALSO SURPRISE WHEN HE DISCOVERETH THE VARLET HATH NO HELMET ON AT ALL! THE MAN POINTETH OUT WHERE THE MAIDEN HATH PASSED... BEEN POINTETH!... AFTER MANY WEARY DAYS OF THEN THAT THE BURRS, THE UNWASHED SMELL, JOURNEYING, VIOL'S HEART LEAPS AS HE CATCHES THE LITTLE MOVING THINGS TELL HIM THAT THIS |S A GLIMPSE OF LONG GOLDEN HAIR!... ALOTA/ NOT A MAIDEN'S HAIR BUT A WARRIOR'S BEARD/ F} FROM THE NORTH... WARRIORS Y| SHOCKED AND THEY STAND WITH WINGED HELMETS!. VIOL LIKE STATUES! NOTHING MOVES GRASPS HIS SINGING SWORD E} GUT THE WINGS ON THE VIKING BY THE HAFT..TO STOP ITS SINGING! CHIEF'S HELMET/ VIKINGS... FIERCE SEA ROVERS ssALL CONCERNED ARE EQUALLY -IT 1S CLEAR THIS IS A NEW. HELMET... THE WINGS NOT WILL LOSE A VERY FINE HELMET!ui) ...THE VIKING CHIEF OVER JOYEDE: | ein oes seine FoNTEM cur Tome A S MAIDEN WITH GOLDEN HAIR WHO SITTETH BY THE |p DOCK IN A VIKING ROW-BOAT! VIOL JOYOUSLY POUNDS DOWN TO THE SHORE TO JOINETH / Sy THE. VIKINGS HATH AGREED TO AT THE. RETURN-| | IS!... VIOUS NEAT SHOT DROPS THE HELMET! HE PICKS UP THE HEL- MET AND DROPS THE QUIVER... PICKS UP QUIVER... DROPS HELMET AND BOW... PICKS UP BOW..DROPS, QUIVER, HELMET, BOW, ARROW, CHAIN MAIL, PANTS... ss AND AS VIOL HASTENS TO JOINETH THE ROW- ~ BOAT, THE ROW-BOAT HASTENS TOJOINETH THE —-| HATH TAKEN A FLYING- FLOP INTO THE WATER! FOR SOME REASON, THE MAIO; ALOTA, |S AVOIDING HIM / eas lar Nak lly CARRY VIOL ACROSS THE LAKE, BUT FIRST HE GOETH BACK HOME TO CHANGETH HIS RUSTY CHAIN MAIL F, OILED CHAIN MAIL / RILY, THE ORY- CLEANERS DOTH D0 A GOOD BUSINESS! ANY- HOW, THE VIKINGS DOTH TAKE VIOL ACROSS THE LAKE WHERE Hi yy |S SMITTEN BY A TERRIBLE PAIN / FOR YOU SEE, VIOL HATH COME TOO CLOSE TO THE TERRIBLE FIGUREHEAD IN THE PROW OF THE VIKING SHIP AS HE DONE STEPPETH ASHORE /a PL PURSUING HIS QUEST, VIOL STANDETH ON A SUM- INIT IN A HEROIC POSTURE!...NOT THAT THIS SUMMIT OVERLOOKS ANYTHING, SINCE IT FACETH A ROCK WALL BUT HOBOY.. WHAT A HEROIC ROSTURE! SUDDENLY VIOUS SINGING SWORD STARTS SHRIEKING! MAKES THE SWORD SHRIEKETH INSTEAD OF SINGETH! wx DOWN BELOW, FILING THROUGH A DEFILE IN THE VALLEY IS A PARTY OF THOSE FIERCE WARRIORS THAT SWARM OVER EUROPE... HUNS / THE HUNS ATTACK, BUT VIOL MEETETH THEM WITH HIS RAZOR-SHARP SINGING SWORD, HOLLOW- GROUND! CEDITOR'S NOTE: IN THE INTERESTETH OF CLEANER COMICS, WE HAVE AVOIDED SHOWING BLOOD AND GUTS, BUT WE SUGGEST THAT YOU DROOLING READERS MERELY FOLLOW THE SLASHES WHERE SHIELDS, HELMETS ETC, ARE CUT!... THEN USE YOUR IMAGINATION TO FiGURE OUT HOW GRISLEY THE UNSEEN FLESH-CUTS ARE, AND YOU WILL GET AS GOOD AN EFFECT AS IF YOU SAW REGULAR BLOOD AND GUTS.') WHEN VIOL SHOWETH THEM HOW HE HACK HUNS... HALF TAKE REFUGE BEHIND THE STURDIEST SHIELD AMONGST THEM(...VIOL, HE HACK THROUGH SHIELD! WHEN HUNS SEE HUNS HE WHEN VIL SEES IN BACK en HACK, MANY TAKE REFUGE BOULDER, THE LAST HUN... HOW BEHIND A HUGE STURDY OAK! HUN HIDES HACK, HE HACK HIM BUT VIOL, HE HACK THEM HUNS SAME. AS HOW HE HACK HALF!These iz nosing ike 1 Dante. 7) CRUSTED SCABBARD, AND WHILE STRIKING A HEROIC POSTURE PON A CONVENIENT WINDBLOWN SUMMIT, HE SEES KING ARTHUR'S CASTLE AND THE FAIR MAID ALOTA HURRYING TOWARDS IT! UNFORTUNATELY, IT LANDETH ON PRINCE VIOLENT'S TOE AND IT IS SOME TIME BEFORE HE GAINS HIS COMPOSURE ENOUGH TO PREPARE FOR COMBAT! FORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THE CUSTOM IS NOT YET IN VOSUE. FOR A CHALLENGER TO SLAP THE FACE WITH THE GLOVE! THEN THE THICK, PROTECTIVE IRON CUIRASS AND THE WEIGHTY IRON LEG PROTECTORS ARE TIE! HEAVY COAT OF HAM- MERED- LINK CHAIN- MAIL Ris FITTED OVER THE CONTESTANTS" TUNICS. ‘SHE GOETH INSIDE AND VOL, ATTEMPTING TO FOLLOW, 15 BARRED BY A WELL-MEANING KNIGHT, WHO CHAL- LENGES VIOL BY THE TIME-HONORED CUSTOM OF. TAKING OFF HIS HEAVY, STEEL GAUNTLETED, RIVETED, IRON BOUND GLOVE AND THROWING IT TO THE GROUND! ALBEIT... THE CONTESTANTS PREPARE TO TILT... TILT, BEING THE WORD THAT DESCRIBETH THE JOUST OR = MOUNTED CONTEST..NOT TO BE CONFUSETH WITH THE PIN- BALL MACHINE CONTEST/...THE PONDEROUS ARMOR $f |S BROUGHT ON A GROANING WHEEL- BARROW / s-NEXT THE HEAVY... THICKEST-OF-ALL PIECE OF IRON... THE. HEUME: (OR HELMET, DROPPED OVER, THE GORGET WITH A KLANK THE ARMORED WARRIORS, TOO WEIGHTED DOWN TO MOVE ARE PAIN- FULLY HOISTED OVER, ba THEIR MOUNTS...= y \2 «AND EASED ONTO THE HEAVILY ARMORED HORSES WHERE THEY RECEIVE THE MIGHTY LANCE, THE HUGE. TWO-HANDED SWORD, THE BATTLE AXE, THE MACE AND A COUPLE DOZEN DAGGERS! AND NOW?... NOW?. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NOW .,. ‘5% .+-QUICKER THAN IT TAKES TO TELL, HIS RIGHT INDEX FINGER, THOUGH VIOL IS PINNED FAST BY HIS PRODIGIOUS ARMOR, ~ HE IS MADE OF | # STURDIER STUFF... WHICH IS FREE, UZ WRIGGLES FORWARD... ALL THROUGH THE AFTERNOON THEY BATTLE, BUT "" FINALLY, DUE TO VIOL'S CLEAN LIVING, 100% AMERICANISM, AND HE DOESN'T BITE HIS NAILS... HE DOTH GET A GRIP THAT HIS ENEMY CANNOT BREAKETH AND VIOL WINS THE THUMB-WRESTLE / = THE ENEMYS INDEX FINGER / higher sire? $1 see ) SC thee. 2%4\ this mess FABULOUS ROUND TABLE WHERE KING ARTHUR SITTETH WITH HIS KNIGHTS TO DISCUSS BATTLES & To DISCUSS GLORIOUS DEEDS, TO DISCUSS VICTORIES, BUT MAINLY TO PLAYETH CARDS /FOR VIOL'S GLORIOUS DEEDS AND VICTORIES, KING ARTHUR DECIDES TO KNIGHTETH AND HE V@ RAISES HIS SWORD AND BRINGS IT DOWN TO DUB _VIOL KNIGHT!... UNFORTUNATELY, HE USETH EOGE OF SWORD INSTEAD OF FLAT... “BUT KING ARTHUR DISCOVERETH THAT THE TABLE ‘Is NOT TRULY ROUND BUT SLIGHTLY OVAL, 5 30 HE ABANDONETH/...BESIDES, HE WANTETH TO QuiT GAME WHILE STILL AHEAG/... THEN HE TURNETH “TO VIOL WHO IS IN TYPICAL HEROIC POSTURE / .=-SPLITTING THE KNEELING FIGURE BEFORE HIM IN TWAIN! HOWEVER, THE KNEELING FIGURE IS THE BOOT-BLACK WHO KNEELETH TO POLISH THE "| KINGS BOOTS!... HAPPILY, VIOL HATH CAUGHT SIGHT OF THE SHY MAIDEN, ALOTA, AND PURSUETH / SHE HATH RUNNETH AWAY ALL THE TIME, AND AS ||[ IF HIS HAIRY CHEST, BRISTLING THROUGH HIS | | B] BATTLE TORN GARMENTS HATH GIVEN HER THE ANSWER, SHE WHIPPETH OUT A SCISSOR... WY) ‘cL ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE WOMAN WITH THAT PAGE-BOY 1G oe \\ .-VIOL, WHO SEES THE WILD LOOK SHE GIVES HIS CHEST, SHRINKS TO DEFEND THE SINGLE HAIR THAT GROWETH THEREON... BUT HE IS NOT QUICK ENOUGH / sw AND NOW, ALOTA STANDS BACK, SMILING, AND SAYS, "YOU SEE, PRINCE VIOLENT... THE REASON T ALWAYS RAN- ETH WHEN YOU PURSUETH WAS... BOB YOU WORE!..NOW I SEE YOU_ARE A man ”.. THEY. KISSETH!..OUR STORY ENOETH!LITERATURE DEPT,: WE HANE ALWAYS WANTED TO COMPARE A BOOK AND THE MOVIE THEY MADE FROM IT! THE FIRST PART OF THIS FEATURE WILL BE ATYPICAL... CINEMA DEPT.: WHEN A BOOK BECOMES A BEST SELLER, HOLLYWOOD EVENTUALLY MAKES A CELLULOID VERSION / ‘THE SECOND PART OF THIS FEATURE THEN, WILL GE THE... EVERY TIME T TRY TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, MY WIFE PULLS THE COVERS OFFA mE! NIGHT'S SLEER_MY WIFE PULLS THE. COVERS OFFA ME! BEFORE WE LAUNCH INTO OUR STORY, WE'D LIKE. TO NOTE THAT IN UNDERTAKING THIS FEATURE, MAD FACED THE PROBLEM THAT JF WE DUPLICATED A TYPICAL MODERN NOVEL IN THIS COMIC BOOK... WE'D BE RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL !...SO, IN THE INTERESTS OF GOOD TASTE, US EDITORS HAVE EMPLOYED THE CENSORSHIP’ STAMP THAT WE PICTURE HERE / WHEREVER YOU SEE THIS STAMP, YOU WILL KNO' THAT WE OF MAD HAVE CANCELLED PORTIONS OF PICTURES WE HAYE DEEMED IMMORAL, IN- DECENT AND MAINLY BAD FOR BUSINESS / —the aditers 4 ‘Mad’FIRST, THE BOOK VERSION... +=.WELL...I GUESS V...LOOK AT HER SNORING THERE! | |... THE DEEP, ..IT STARTS WITH THE SYSTEM OF TL GET UP AND ..|WHY 00.1 HATE HER? WHAT INTELLECTUAL, )/ THINGS...NOT THE SOCIAL OR GET MY 'S THE DEEP_ INTELLECTUAL, HIGHLY. POLITICAL SYSTEM, BUT THE SOLAR Ota K HTL HIGHLY COMPLEX AND SUBTLE ef | COMPLEX ‘SYSTEM... THE REASON BEING BREAKFAST! REASON THAT I HATE HER AND SUBTLE PHILOSOPHICAL IN NATURE !... REASON |S WHEN A MAN'S ENVIRONMENT OBVIOUSLY COMES UP AGAINST HEREDITY. YOU JUST DON'T HAVE A CHANC! THE AGGRESSION, FED BY FRUSTRATIONS, BUILDS YP AND UP AND UP... FIRST THING YOU KNOW... YOU'VE GOT A PERSECUTION COMPLEX! AND JHEN COMES THE HATE... AND pp THEN COMES THE NOW AND Mj, THE NEVER NOW AND THE EVER NEVER NOW... AND Han! you W ..wHat oo ... WHAT DO You WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT ) IT'S PERFECTLY. Sukade! YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT OO BOI MEAN WHAT 00 __/ LOGICAL! I CAME YOu FINALY ELLEN, BY’ \ I MEAN BY , YOU MEAN... WHAT WW STARK NAKED COMING INTO \ THIS OUTFIT “I || KIND OF OUTFIT 15 'CAUSE I DIDN'T AKITCHEN IN | JUST FINISHED || THAT WHERE YOU |) HAVE MY DRESS THAT KIND TAKING MY COME IN STARK WHICH I LEFT HERE OF OUTFITS SHOWER! jG IN THE MIXMASTER, av OL MDH mEXX ROSIE 15 7 + AND HERE SHE STANDS...1N ZORMO—~ Tl co see YOUNG...FRESH! LITHE, GRACEFUL HER BEAUTY... THE SUBTLE Haba rn MY GIRL- sWHEN TAM BODY... SLEEK A STRONG BEAUTY OF A DELICATE WHY DID LEVER — FRIEND ROSIE_| | Away FROM AND TANNED ELBOW... OF A SHELL-LIKE AT HER SimPLE | | HER... HER ENDER EAR... AND MAINLY... LITTLE N HAUNTS DELICATE WRISTS , Penner! | pe WATTA BUTE rsMY DARLING... NOW THAT OUR LIPS HAVE MET IN WILD EMBRACE HAT YOUR HAIR 1S DELIGHTFULLY Tous OUR LI SHMEARED... MY € INTO A WORD... ‘SPOONS... (PUFF). A KNIFE!WO! DON'T 20 17!... NOT THE KNIFE yr ,, 2 f waa I'M A KILLER L'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! .. BUT WHERE TO? e You've L RAN OUT ON YOU To ME EVERYTHING FO THE TABLE si I was RA PRETTY FACE. - WHAT'S THAT? Y YOU HAVE STAYED FAITHFUL |ADY TO THROW AWAY TRUE COMPANION AND STAYED Fi GOOD 006, ELLEN! GOOD DOG HANDS OFF THAT TABLE! WHEN DID YOu GET Bac FOR ME! WHILE +. BLOOD (PANT) CPANT)... MY PANT (SUIT)... THE CEILING CPANT)... THE WALLS. THE FLOOR CPANT)... MY SUIT CPANT) / WHAT HAVE AND NOW, THE SITUATION IS. MORE MISERABLY... OPELESSLY MISERABLE E/... WHAT, ;— THEN, 15 THE SOLUTION TO (J THIS MISERABLE STORY? THE SOLUTION IS QUITE SIMPLE/.. END LY FOR MY TWIN HERE WH TO LIVE WITH US FOREVER! ATION IS JUS’ FORA BOOK ~~...NOW, THE MOVIE VERSION... +.,LOOK AT HER SNORING THERE! «WHY DO I HATE HER? WHAT 1S THE DEEP, INTELLECTUAL, HIGHLY COMPLEX AND SUBTLE REASON THAT I_HATE HER. yy FORE 7 «, WELL... I GUESS TLL GET UP AND GET My DARNED BREAKFAST! Hav! you DARNED THING! YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO COMING INTO GET UP! D A KITCHEN IN ay THAT KIND OF OUTFIT! WHAT 00 YOU MEAN, ELEN, BY WHAT D0 You MEAN WHAT 00 I MEAN BY THIS OUTFIT! I JUST FINISHED TAKING MY SHOWER! | ROSIE IS YOUNG... FRESH! WHEN I AM AY FROM HER... HER VISION HAUNTS 7 ...L KNOW! TLL GO SEE MY GIRL FRIEND, ROSIE (AT HER SIMPLE LITLE APARTMENT! DASH BLAST THE GOSH DARNED BLANKETY HECK! WHY DID I EVER MARRY HER! | © THE DEEP, INTELLECTUAL, HIGHLY, COMPLEX AND SUBTLE REASON |S OBVIOUSLY THIS.. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT ) IT'S PERFECTLY, 202 MEAN WHAT OO “LOGICAL! I CAN'T YOU MEAN!... WHAT GET UNDRESSED KIND OF OUTFIT 15 THAT IN A MOVIE So I WHERE YOU COME ININ / HAD TO Take MY A DRIPPING WET SHOWER IN MY SATHROBE! A STRONG, LITHE, GRACEFUL BODY... SLEEK, AND TANNED! =. SLENDER, DELICATE WRISTS AND ANKLES. TALKING ABOUT. YOU UNDERSTAND!IE! GOSH DA‘ IN I SEE YOUR RUBY LIPS zi S ME, I GET A EARNING. ING HUNGRIL N O.K., ROSIE... LET THE SUCKER GO. S I'VE GOT THE 3 EMOTIONS ARE CONDENSE7 PICTURE ! GINER FILM, YOU BLACK- GUARD! . WHICH IS... | Gara 7 dk NATURAL- BORN RuBy-Lies AND A DACRON, WRINKLE PROOF HAIR... WHATELSE = (Pure)... (PUFF)... TIRED. ITCHEN FORKS AND ‘SPOONS... PUFF), A REVOLVERS /Wo!,.OON'T | OT WOMEN IN, 20 IT!... ) MOVIES! ...GOTTA DO SOME- THING LESS OBJECTIONABLE WITH YOU... THROW YOU AIM WHERE THE BULLET HOLES SHOOTING /ME? WHY WHEELCHAIR OR SOMP'N Wwon'T bees F IM A KILLER!... L'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE... BUT WHERE TOF = DOWN A STAIRWAY IN A s:BLOOO (PANT) ... THE CEILING (PANT)... THE WALLS, (PANT)... THE. FLOOR CPANT).... MY SUIT CPAN My coat CIE)... BLOODS NO BLOODY... AH... MY CONSCIENCE ..- CRIME DOESN'T PAY THE VOICE OF MY CONSCIENCE... WHAT DOES IT MEAN!... I KNOW...GO || QOESN’T PAY... THAT HASTE BACK HOME... GO BAC 7O MY WIFE ELLEN! , TELLING ME... THAT CRIME. *K || MAKES WASTE ANDA STITCH nd pl UME SAVES MINE... AZ ELLEN / YOU'VE GOT THE TABLE SET FOR ME! WHILE I RAN OUT ON YOU... YOU HAVE STAYED FAITHFUL TO _ME!... WHILE I WAS READY TO THROW AWAY EVERYTHING FOR A PRETTY FACE... YOU WERE. THE TRUE COMPANION AND STAYED FAITHFUL TO MB... CAN YOU FORGIVE ME, ELLEN _/ TM THE x “ONE TO BE FoR- . GIVEN /.T'VE CHANGED! AW) THAT WET BATHROBE | WAS GETTING COLD SO \ IVE CHANGED! TLL BE A GOOD WIFE FROM, bor ON! TILL GIVE MYSELF UP aRUNG!... ILL WATT FOR TO THE POLICE, ELLEN! << YOu! 70 YEARS ISNIT SO OW ELLEN... TAM SO. \ LONG!... LISTEN TO THAT CHOKED UP WITH EMOTION... ) BACKGROUND MUSIC! SO CHOKED UP t WANT, ‘OH DARLING, I'M TO...1...10... DANCE ! SO Happy! ¢ we're { HAPPY!And now, MAD takes a very serious turn to- ward politics. Events have been moving and shaping in Europe with increasing rapidity. One of the key pieces in the international chess game is the oft forgotten nation of Greece. We are, then, devoting this column in MAD to a very sober discussion on the significance of Greece in this present struggle of ideologies. Our writer is considered one of the leading analysts on Greece, and one whose opinion here might well reveal the future that we and the world face in the next hundred years. Here then is our article: QEATPIKO EPFO ZHTOYNTAI AIEYOYNEEIE EY UPOLAEKTOE ANOPAS Mic co$apé pd huepOv: <’Eyvdodn tvtad9a, tt, H nV Mpoébpou Tpobpav Mapyxaper, tyxata dwdpopiav ms, GF KadALtEXVIB0G TOO do elg THY nodTIKHV. Ocwpettat GEBaiov Str B umpice 6ourevtiver cig tH EAAOVUIKES EKA fh dvjovxoc Beonowic, povei, St dperc & Kai EmGONET Topo ve eKTESH Kai cic THY xoviotpay. “‘Yrapyet tAnic, navtw>, va Kap Kv ddtyotepa gaATGG, dnd Soa EXEL Bia yooRi THC..... Ol 28 AYI@HMIETAI Auoti Eguyav o tis EMViKAS Opaxns, ol Smoict tHpa tp yyncers ele 6&pog ToY EAANVIKaY StoiKNTIK AcuUKHy TOV EXBPSv thc EAnNVoTOUPKIKITS > ot Bivavtat ve Bosouy Emyeipypate Eig T tO EhAnviKd oToXEiov THs KavoTavTwoUT, det EmBGAAETOL pia EMionuos KLSEpYATLK tod BE uectos avtod. OETIKAL EMITEYZEIE Mipéner va yo yeriae &Eoupetixiig B1a thy YOpav onuadias, sind tov ‘Yroupyav tod Luvtovyod zvapét 100 ‘ANGKHOVOG, TOO “AELoD Kai tod ‘Ayer oxeuiy tev ev AOy@ Epyuv. Be thy dtoicv al axertxai dnopagers Tig yPnHOTOboThGE © LyKaaapoc mpoSdénetoar, ToUAGYLaTOV duo Tpata gpayycta, Shady too “Adtax E.0d. ve mpaypatonomsy evt0g tov nego NoguSpiou, mpoxeitat va Exogariady f & Bwv YARwv oTpeypetoy, KaBds Kai HG ANAKATANOMH . T2N AYNAMEQN Potrzebie Mé thy népob dpyavacers Hac, UIKpai Kai peyarat, oop Kai Tig “EkxAngiag pac, énexteivovtat, Katapyoov nara suathpote Kai £yKadt piav A€Ew dvanpocappdtauy thy Bpaoiv + uiciav Koi otadepav eEEEW tov ‘ED Tpoyustav. Aigvyc té TomKE owpoteié 20 Napabetyua Tig “AYERa Koi EnELTA TH oBnoav el¢ dpoonovBiac Be ve EXOUV Ko ouvébpis tov. Al Kowwomntes dnetedeoav Fpothata Katé& EmoKomxcs nepipepelac Kpotodv td KAnpiKohaiixdv ovvébpiov. Oi oug tis ‘Axéna nov &dAote emeEEtEivovto TedeuTaiog, EVO enexteiverat to KivmYC T B086E0v Neokaiac ‘Apepixiic ond THY al ckonhc. “Oka abté Kai GAXa, t& dnoic Wage poner, OnoBndodv piav ovvexh Coo nd¢ THg dnoiag Elven H EMBiaorg ExcOTS EmBlasic pag og SpnoKeuTKOPUAETIKOS "AN H Space aim éav bEv npoKaAj oupyei €v touroIg piav abyxvaLy ond Thy omotahavtat ol HIIKai Kai OAtKai Suvay. UA GrobotKd. AUTH GeGaiwg elvar pic AA BuvapiKdmtos tod ‘EXAnvoapEpiKavt Snoiav 9& Fro EbyAG Epyov tev huNopotca. patonojo@per otto Gote ve yropity ROU 0& naien lg TAY YerIKhY RpoondbeLe Mos > éviaiov GuyKpoT|patoc. Evtuyac apxeroi Gore 6 Kadévag va humoph va eC Kai ve nai&y td pépoc tou pe Thy HEYGA zlg xphua. Kénoug Kai npoond9etav Kai motékeapa ei THY pnocioav npoondOea Ste OGtrov h Gpablov Ok KataotH emer Vou TOV BuVeLEwY Koi TOV HEowY ALY YEViKAis KatEVBUVEWS. Kai noAw SpiopGedoate Bie Hv xe Tos GBEAPOUS LAG GELGPoMArKTOUG Tov 200 Géténawoc 1d Stu naoyitete Bie ToLG T pas cig thy yevéretpay. Mavtore pe xpodup GyGmMny Bondate E50 Kai Exel, Kai Bia tou Ba Unepipavor oi “EXAnvEs THS ‘ApepLKTiC bag WEdviKoy Kijpuxas & dnoiog aKopnig Tod 'EdAnvapod. Eee ouyyaipw bu Gra tov "EAnviguov kai yoipopat “Eawxheio émtayiy tv 25 BOAR. WS OSV pas Kai ETOLWEtw Bépata povyxispou Xu mag Siaropedver 6 “Edv. Kipuk» t Kadebpixod Naod Néoc “Yépxnc. Elvat KadiKov pac GAwv tv ‘EAA PEV Tob GBEAGOUG Has Tig HoUPNG ooTh eman€e te Evboga “EAAuKa vate uss. O Berpoi wos xpELchovtar thy Pondedv Hac vov tv Apepint, PepHaKa, tpogina, tuow *Epmpdg Aowndv cyarntoi ébedol Gror pati, ve npoogepwuEV TOV dGOAOV p XPHNGTO napa Kade EMAAFIAY povyLoHoYARE YOU THE YOU, 700, CAN MEET WEW | FRIENDS. 7 JOIN THE CHAPTER PRESIDENT? E.C. FAN-ADDICT CLUB! SEND FOR YOUR MEMBERSHIP KIT TODAY, RECEIVE A FULL-COLOR 7¥2 X lO¥2 LUMINATEO CERTIFICATE, A STURDY WALLET /OENTIFICATION CARD, A SNAZZY ree SHOULDER, PATCH, AND A STUNNING ANTIQUE BRONZE-FINISI * re et For AN (NDIVIDUAL MEMBERSHIP, FILL OUT THE COUPON AND SEND IT IN, TOGETHER WITH 25¢. IF FIVE OR MORE OF YOU WISH TO JOIN AS AN AUTHORIZED CHAPTER, ENCLOSE EACH MEMBERS NAME AND ADDRESS ALONG WITH 25¢ FOR EACH NAME, AND INDICATE THE NAME OF THE ELECTED CHAPTER PRESIDENT, WE WILL NOTIFY EACH PRESIDENT OF HIS CHAPTER NUMBER, EACH MEMBER, CHAPTER OR INDIVIDUAL, WILL RECEIVE HIS KIT O/RECTLY... BY RETURN MAIL? . FAN- pict CLUB ROOM 706 225 LAFAYETTE STREET or ent 12, N.Y. my two bits! I want the things ra seated like the kid's Meee wane to meet newfriends i ke the, id's ! H's Rn addist! tm wedi nen i es ‘ ADDRESS. aocty ZONE NO. __ STATEDear Editors, ...We (the duly elected, unheretofore mentioned parties of the first parc) think that you (the unhere- tofore mentioned parties of the second part) pub- lish, for the purpose of making filthy capitalistic money, a magazine (term applied loosely) fit only for idiots, practical jokers, hysterical politicians and college professors—Reg. B. Wag 67x (we drew the name out of a hat)—Texas A&M College, Tex. I thought that “Raven” story in MAD #9 was very cruel. You should nor have had that old man feeding that dog that brand of dog-food. He should feed his dog “Snappo.” It don't crackle or pop. It just lies there in the bowl in one big, wet, soggy mess—Buck Knight—Waterford, Conn. . L—I've bought your mags at stores. e got a subscription to all EC's. 'm MAD member #457. e bought your annual stories. 5.—I've sent you at least 40 letters in the past 2 years. NOW .... will you please print one of my letters. ~Chick Casady—Fairborn, Ohio. .-. Bop Joke... Two Kats out on the street in the daytime for the first time in years. First Kat says: “Man, that moon's the most!” Second Kat says: "Man, that’s no moon! That's the sun!” Another Kat walking toward them has the question put to him. Third Kat says: "Man, I don't know what that is! This isn't my neighborhood!"—Colin Rowe, Jr.— (no address given ) ... Bop Dictionary . penny—BROWN ABE nickel—SILVER JEFF dime-THIN ONE quarter—BIG GEORGE half dollar—SILVER WING dollar~CHLOROPHYL GEORGE 2 dollar bill-DUCE 5 dollar bill—ABE'S CABE (Abe's cabbage patch) —Two Kool Kats from the Mint—Philadeiphia, Pa. «+_ Just what does “furshlugginer” mean?—Marcia Barritt—Langlois, Oregon ... What does “potrzebie” mean?—Paul Wolfo- witz—(no address given) What does “blintzes” mean?—Strange Brice, Jr.—(no address given ) Perhaps it might be all explained by illustrating the usage of the words in question, such as, "Who stuffed the fursblugginer blintzes with halavah? They taste like potraebie!” And now, a note on the fact that we've gone monthly!—ed. ...Monthly! C'est si bon!—Martin Jukovsky-- Woodside, N.Y. ...Hey, fellows! Please lay off the French lan- guage. There seems to be some sort of contest going on to see who can borch it up the most. It all started when one of your artists made a couple of grammatical errors in The Shiek of Araby. This was pounced on by David Plate in his mistake- laden letter, which, in turn, was torn to shreds by Dick Clarkson. Admittedly, Mr. Clarkson's letter was the better of the two, since I only counted ten mistakes without trying too hard.—Charles Samp- son, University of Kentucky—Lexington, Kentucky ..When I saw Basil Wolverton’s art in MAD #10, 1 almost swallowed my E.C. Fan button. He's my favorite artist from way back.—J. D. Carlson— Ridgewood, N. J. ... This copying of MAD can get a guy very mad. Lread in one of your E.C’s that a kid put all the EC's, including MAD in front of the comic-book stand. So a friend of mine and I put all the MAD's and other E.C’s in front of the stands. In the places we couldn't fill with E.C’s, we put those goofy “love-sick” books in front.—John Varbel II]—Okla- homa City, Okla. ».-Due to the lack of good service from some furshlugginer idiots, I do not have all of your MAD issues. Where may I obtain back issues?—Floyd Seimes—Crescent Park, N. J. Since we receive quite a number of requests for back-issues, we have obtained a limited amount of recalled copies which can be had by writing us and sending 15c for each back-issue desired. —ed. Commercial: Subscriptions to MAD... one dollar ..-eight issues... manila envelopes! Please keep vt Address for sub orders or fan-mail is: Mad Editors Room 706, Dept. 13 225 Lafayette St. NYC.12,.NY.PHOTOGRAPHY DEPT,: YOU HAVE ALL, NO DOUBT, SEEN THEM THERE BABY PHOTOGRAPHS WITH A CAPTION UNDERNEATH SO'S IT HAS THE BABY TALKING LIKE MILTON BERLE! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANY, YOU'RE IN LUCK/... YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO CATCH THE MAD VERSION OF... ABYAQUIE Heads down, men! The enemy troops are beginning to advance / Stay hidden till L give the signal to fire! Then everyone toss your gasoline-filled milk bottles!3 Now take it easy, George! My opinion on the current fiscal expendi- ture situation is only one man's opinion, George! Don't get mad, George! ..Fold that diaper pin and put it back in your pocket, George! @ 8Awright... which wunna you guys made dat crack! Which wunna you guys said I'm gettin’ bald?...I catch someone making a crack, I let dem have it, insteada da spitoon!Oogle gbibble gbibble skibble! Skbibble google oogle goog! Goo oogle skblobble skobble! Gibble Spore phrzzzt bzzt dribble! Iggle @ burb dribble zibble dzxk bzx!Ooch mommee! Ooogle-ooch! New wattle? New wattle faw me? Oooh mommee! Heavy wattle! Ooogle-oooh... nice an’ heavy... kin bust on popee's head....00coh!—— -— = —r—s—e a @#&#§F=—r—ti‘ SKRATCH not having a whig nor help Id chop my tree and shape it with an axe! it was more work making a mere toothpick than you could ever imagine/... But ‘now, Ihad to give some thought to my living quarters. [carefully my tree .. them back to the site where 1 was when Id gotten it adzed which 1 might shape down toa single board, I down to the final piece uid then saw out a block... of work! Im telling you. trimmed. shaped. ilitate carrying ding my quart I the: ped. a quantity of trees and adzed. them on the Spot tofAfter driving a while on my hand-built highway, Igot out Needless to say, Iwas perplexed at finding a solitary towalk on the shore! It was there that came across footprint in the sand f But upon closer examination, 1 what appeared. to be 4 footprint. observed it was no footprint... It was a foot in the sand ! from. 'Dragnet'or something! man being was the nplete! sture he regretted changed my $03 A foot belonging to a native, who had wed t : id his name was Friday... Joe Friday! item Ineeded. to make livi been buried itt the sand He pla my foot on his head in gratitude needed Friday because 1 wanted. Because I needed. companion. d Friday's brain hacked the beggar open ten seconds after I saved hit! Vou see... [needed his brain to build. the one more thing I needed. to make my living a Y fin CASE OF FIRE BREAK ASS THE LATE,LATE,