A practical guide to transgender life & how you

can help.

Lorelei Aurora

2023-02-09

Contents
Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
Basic Terminology . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
What does it mean to “come out”? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
What is Outing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
What is gender dysphoria? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
What is gender euphoria? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Is transgender a sexual orientation? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
What does passing mean? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Misconseptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Misconception #1: All Transgender People Are Alike . . . . . . . 5
Misconception #2: They Hate Their Bodies . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Misconception #3: Unless They Disclose Immediately, They’re
Liars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Misconception #4: Trans Is a Secret Extra Gender . . . . . . . . 6
Misconception #5: It’s a Sex Thing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Misconception #6: Trans People Are Just Extra Gay . . . . . . . 6
Misconception #7: All Trans People Have Sob Stories . . . . . . 6
Misconception #8: Being Trans Is a Mental Illness . . . . . . . . 7
Misconception #9: Hormone Therapy and Surgery Is Just Cosmetic 7
Misconception #10: Transitioning Isn’t a Big Deal . . . . . . . . 7
Transitioning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
What does it mean to transition? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
How long does transitioning take? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Internal transition. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Social transition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Legal Transition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Physical Transition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Medical physical transition . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Do people transition in different ways, orders, and paces? . . . . 10
Do all transgender people transition? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

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 Sexual Health . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Gender Dysphoria and sex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11

Transphobia & Transmissia 12

What’s the difference between transphobia and transmisia? . . . . . . 12
What does transmisia look like? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Are people hurt by transmisia in different ways? . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
What’s binarism? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
What can I do to help stop transmisia? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
What should I do if I see someone being transmisic? . . . . . . . . . . 15

How can I support someone who’s trans or nonbinary? 16

Support is important. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
What do I call people who are transgender or nonbinary? . . . . . . . 16
How do I support the transgender and nonbinary people in my life? . 17
What if I’m a partner of a trans or nonbinary person? . . . . . . . . . 17

Preface
Many people believe there are only two genders: man and woman; this is known
as the gender binary. But that’s not how every person experiences their gender.
You’re transgender if your gender identity differs from the sex the doctor assigned
you at birth. For example, you may be transgender if you were assigned male
at birth and know you’re a woman. You also could be transgender if you were
assigned male or female at birth and know that your gender identity isn’t man
or woman.
Many people know their gender identity as young as age 2, but others may not
fully understand their gender until later in life. It’s OK not to know — or to
be questioning at any age. However, it can be hard to challenge gender norms.
Go at your own pace, notice how each change feels, and know that you deserve
to be safe. If you want to learn more about why it’s hard to challenge gender
norms, research cisnormativity and cissexism.

Basic Terminology
The first thing to settle when talking about trans issues is that it’s trans,
transgender, trans man, and trans woman.
It is NOT any of the following: trans, tranny, transsexual, transman/trans!man,
transwoman/trans!woman, ftm, or mtf. Trans, tranny, transvestite, and trans-
sexual are offensive in general, and while some people personally identify as ftm
or mtf, they should not be used without permission. For some people, being
seen as a “female to male” or “male to female” causes dysphoria and discomfort.
Other terms to stay away from include: b!p (boy!pussy) and g!p (girl!penis),
as it is never OK to address a person that way; you’d never call all cis girls

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“girl!pussies.” Also, transgender is an adjective, not a noun. That is why someone
is a trans man, not a transman. That is also why someone “is a transgender
person,” not “is a transgender” or transgendered.

What does it mean to “come out”?

Coming out as transgender is about all of the ways that you might share your
gender identity or gender modality with other people. It might mean you tell
people about the pronouns that affirm your gender — like he, she, they, or ze.
It might mean that you ask people to call you by a new name or to think of you
as the gender identity you see yourself as.
Most transgender and nonbinary people feel healthier and happier when others
see and support them in their gender identity.
While there are some similarities, coming out as transgender or nonbinary is
different from coming out with your sexual orientation. A lot of people know
what it means for a person to be gay, bisexual, or have other sexual orientations.
But there’s still a lot of confusion and misinformation about what it means to
be transgender.
After you come out to others, be prepared to wait as they digest and respond to
the new information.
It can take time for people to accept your gender identity. They may need
to practice your new name or pronouns. They may have questions or need to
know precisely which language to use. They might make mistakes and hurt
your feelings, even if they’re trying to be supportive. Many people become more
understanding and supportive over time.

What is Outing
Outing is when someone shares another person’s identity without their consent.
Someone can be outed as transgender, for instance, when they’re not ready to
share their gender identity.
Outing can be intentional or accidental. Either way, sharing information about
someone’s gender identity, gender modality, or sexual orientation without their
permission can make them feel embarrassed, upset, and vulnerable. Outing
someone may put them at risk for discrimination and violence.
If you’re transgender, you deserve to decide who gets to know your identities.
It’s not OK for people to out you.
If someone shares their trans identity with you, remember that this might be
private information. They trust you with this information, and it’s not yours
to share without their permission. Ask them what you’re allowed to share with
others, and respect their wishes.

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What is gender dysphoria?
Many trans and nonbinary people experience gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria
is distress, unhappiness, and anxiety related to the mismatch between your gender
identity and important aspects of your body — such as your genitals, voice, or
chest. You also can have gender dysphoria if you’re treated socially as the wrong
gender, like when people use the wrong pronouns for you or stare at you.
While psychologists used to call gender dysphoria “gender identity disorder,”
being transgender and/or nonbinary isn’t a mental illness. Challenges and
distress can be common for trans and nonbinary folks because of transphobia
(AKA transmisia) — the ways society treats transgender and nonbinary people
as less than human.
Not everyone experiences gender dysphoria. When someone does, it can be
different for each person. The same is true for gender euphoria.

What is gender euphoria?

Gender euphoria is the joy, relief, or well-being many transgender and nonbinary
people feel in their gender identity. Gender euphoria might happen when someone
feels harmony between their gender identity and body and/or gender expression.
Gender euphoria also occurs when someone is treated socially in alignment with
their gender identity, like when people use affirming gendered language. An
example would be a trans woman feeling good when she’s called “ma’am.”
Gender euphoria can be a benefit of transitioning — making changes to live in
harmony with your gender identity. Trans people use different kinds of transition
to feel more like their gender identity.

Is transgender a sexual orientation?

Nope! People often confuse gender identity, which is about who you are inside,
with sexual orientation, which is about who you’re attracted to. Sexual orien-
tation — like lesbian, gay, bisexual, and more — describes sexual or romantic
attraction to different genders. Gender modality and gender identity are about
what gender you are, not what gender you’re attracted to.
Just like transgender people can have any gender identity or gender expression,
they can also have any sexual or romantic orientation.

What does passing mean?

Passing means others see you as the gender that you identify as. For example, a
transgender woman seen as a cisgender woman is “passing.”
Some transgender people feel that passing is essential emotionally because it
affirms their gender identity. They may experience passing as a positive thing
that sparks gender euphoria.

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Other transgender people don’t care about passing or don’t want to “be read”
as cisgender. For them, passing suggests transgender and nonbinary people must
look and sound like cisgender people for their gender identity to be “real.” They
may also see passing as accepting transphobia/transmisia — that the only trans
people who get to be safe are the ones who don’t “look trans.”
Because of transphobia/transmisia, passing can provide safety from harassment
and violence. Someone who passes is likely to have an easier time moving through
the world than someone who’s seen as transgender. This person has “passing
privilege.”
No matter what a person “looks like,” their gender identity is always valid and
real.

Misconseptions
Misconception #1: All Transgender People Are Alike
The second important thing to remember is that not all transgender people
are alike, just like not all cis people are alike. That’s because life has a lot
of twists and turns, and people, in general, are just different. They want and
react differently. There are stereotypes and a lot of misinformation, so do your
research. Not all trans men are traditionally masculine. Not all trans women
are traditionally feminine. Not all non-binary people look androgynous. Don’t
let their gender take over everything they are, but don’t ignore it.

Misconception #2: They Hate Their Bodies

It is perfectly normal for a transgender person to love their body, even without
the modification of hormone therapy and/or surgery. Not all transgender people
take hormones, and not all transgender people want surgery. They’re still just
as transgender as any other transgender person. The worth of a transgender
person and their right to call themselves such is not found in whether or not
“they look” like the gender they identify as. A transgender man in a dress and
panties is still as much a man as a cis man in a dress and panties.

Misconception #3: Unless They Disclose Immediately, They’re Liars

Some believe that if someone doesn’t immediately disclose the fact that they’re
transgender that they’re lying or trying to trick people, but that is not the case.
You are never entitled to the personal details of another person’s gender or what
they look like naked. You should not expect anyone to feel obligated to disclose
the fact that they are transgender to every person they meet. It’s personal
and intimate. It’s something that a lot of people like to keep to themselves or
only talk about with close friends. Some people are happy to yell about being
transgender, and others prefer to keep it quieter. Respect that, which also means
remembering that it isn’t your place to out them to others, either.

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Misconception #4: Trans Is a Secret Extra Gender
Transgender people are not a secret extra gender. They are no different than cis
people. Some transgender people identify as non-binary, but those that identify
as men or women are just men or women. No conditionals are necessary. There
is also a common misconception that transgender people are all easy to spot,
as if they look inherently different from cis people. That’s not true. Some
transgender people look just like cis people, even without taking hormones or
having surgeries.

Misconception #5: It’s a Sex Thing

It is not a sex thing. Transgender people are not transgender because they want
to be mindless sex machines. It doesn’t affect their sexual orientation in any way
other than telling their compass which gender to start with to base terminology
on. Being transgender is about your gender. It’s about who you are as a person
and who you want to go to bed as, and it has nothing at all to do with sex or
who you want to go to bed with. Period. It has nothing to do with wanting to
catch a peek at other people in the bathroom, either. Anything that makes it
seem otherwise is fetishization, and unsolicited fetishization makes people unsafe
and uncomfortable.

Misconception #6: Trans People Are Just Extra Gay

Transgender people are not “extra gay, so they just decided to spill over into
another gender so they can claim to be hetero.” Like I just said, it’s not about
sexual attraction. It’s about personal expression. They are also not “so in denial
of the fact that they’re gay that they decide to transition to stay hetero.” While
internalized homophobia and self-hatred is no joke, it is not the reason a person
identifies as transgender. People also ask why gay and lesbian transgender people
don’t just “stay cis” so that they can be straight and have an easier life, and
while I can’t say the easier part isn’t true in some ways, it is never easier to deny
yourself your true identity.

Misconception #7: All Trans People Have Sob Stories

Not all transgender narratives are sob stories. Most transgender people come
across negativity in their life in one form or another because of their gender,
but it does not have to rule them. Instead of beating them, it can make them
stronger. Many transgender people are perfectly happy, don’t have sad stories
about their past, and like their body or the journey to improving their body.
There’s a shy, beaten, uncomfortable and unhappy transgender stereotype that
is particularly popular with writing trans men, and that is not the only narrative
out there to be shared.

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Misconception #8: Being Trans Is a Mental Illness
Being transgender is not a mental illness. For a while, it was classified as one,
much like homosexuality and most forms of “difference,” but that is not the
case. As people became more aware and educated on transgender struggles, this
became clear.

Misconception #9: Hormone Therapy and Surgery Is Just Cosmetic

Many people believe that hormone therapy and surgery are strictly cosmetic,
which is usually used in arguments against the money and resources put into
acquiring said things. The thing is, for some people, the need for transitioning is
serious. For some people, it saves them from suicide, self-hatred, and dysphoria.
I’ve never heard of a transgender person getting on hormones or having surgeries
which weren’t infinitely happier with their life afterwards. Being happier makes
it so much easier to do more things. It’s important to those that need it.

Misconception #10: Transitioning Isn’t a Big Deal

Hormone treatment and the other stuff associated with transitioning are brutal.
It’s not an easy button where you decide you want to do the thing, and boom;
you’re a pretty, pretty butterfly. There are side effects to hormone therapy
that make a person lose control of their own body. Mood swings and lack of
coordination are not uncommon in those that are getting used to their hormone
treatments. (Neither is increased arousal.) Surgeries scar and take time to heal.
Binders and packers are a daily thing for those that choose to wear them as well,
both with and without medical transitioning paired in. Binders can be difficult
to get on and off, especially for those with larger chests, and any packing comes
with potential complications.

Transitioning
Gender transition is different for each person. There aren’t any specific steps
required for someone to transition — it’s all about what feels right for you. It’s
sort of like a buffet, where you can try everything, a few things, or nothing at
all. Also, you may not want or have access to some kinds of transition.

What does it mean to transition?

Transitioning is about making changes so that you can live in with your gender
identity. These changes can include changing your name or getting gender-
affirming medical care. People often transition to reduce gender dysphoria
and/or increase gender euphoria.

How long does transitioning take?

Transitioning isn’t necessarily a straight line or direct route. Transitioning can
be a long and ongoing process and can take many years, or it can happen over

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a short period. You might try out different things as you learn what’s best for
you.
The transition process is about becoming more fully yourself — in body, mind,
and relationships. So, people sometimes call transitioning “congruence.”

Internal transition.
Internal transition changes the way you see yourself.
You might try dressing differently when you’re by yourself, calling yourself by a
different name only in your head, or practising using your voice differently. You
might start to notice times that you feel gender dysphoria or gender euphoria.
Other people might not know about or be able to see this kind of transition.

Social transition
A social transition may include things like:
• coming out to your friends and family as transgender or nonbinary.
• asking people to use pronouns that feel right for you
• going by a different name.
• dressing/grooming in ways that feel right for you when other people can
see you.
• using your voice differently when talking to other people.

Legal Transition
Legal transition changes information about your gender in official records and
government documents.
While the laws vary in different countries and territories, you might legally
change your name and/or gender marker on formal records, like:
• your driver’s license, ID, or passport.
• your birth certificate.
• your social security number.
• your immigration documents, permanent resident card, or naturalization
certificate.
• with your school or employer.
• with your doctor or health insurance.
Some kinds of legal transitions require paperwork and can be expensive. Some
can be free and easy. It depends on where you live and what you want to change.

Physical Transition
Physical transition is about changing your body, either temporarily or perma-
nently, to line up with your gender identity.

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Non-medical physical transition includes ways that you can temporarily change
your body without a doctor’s help. They’re often low-cost or free. They include:
• chest binding: using clothing like binders or sports bras to flatten your
chest.
• stuffing: using materials like a padded bra, padded underwear, or tissue
paper to make your chest, hips, or butt look fuller
• tucking: hiding your penis and/or scrotum to make your groin flatter
• packing: using items like a packer, cup, or balled-up socks to give your
groin a bulge.
All of these strategies are temporary. So, someone can do them regularly, for
special occasions, just one time, or while they wait to access medical transition.

Medical physical transition

Longer-lasting ways to transition include working with a nurse or doctor. For
trans men and some nonbinary people, a medical transition may include any of
the following:
For transgender men
• gender-affirming hormone therapy: taking hormones to develop secondary
sex characteristics such as a deeper voice, facial hair growth, muscle growth,
redistribution of body fat away from hips and breasts, and not getting a
period.
• mastectomy, also called “top surgery:” the removal of breasts and breast
tissue.
• voice training: working with a professional to learn to use your voice
differently;
• laryngoplasty: surgery that changes your vocal cords.
• hysterectomy: the removal of internal reproductive organs such as the
ovaries and uterus.
• phalloplasty: construction of a penis using skin from other parts of your
body.
• metoidioplasty: surgery that makes your clitoris longer and more flexible,
like a penis.
• scrotoplasty: surgery that creates a scrotum and testes.
• vaginectomy or vulvectomy: surgery that removes your vagina and/or
vulva — commonly combined with other genital surgeries.
• nullification: surgery that hides or removes all external genitals, like the
clitoris or vulva, to create a smooth groin.

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 • fertility preservation: saving eggs that can be used to have biological
children in the future.
• For transgender women
• gender-affirming hormone therapy: taking hormones to develop secondary
sex characteristics such as breasts, redistribution of body fat toward hips
and breasts, and less body hair.
• breast augmentation: also called “top surgery” (aka implants).
• voice training: working with a professional to learn to use your voice
differently.
• laryngoplasty: surgery that changes your vocal cords.
• laser hair removal: removing hair from your face, neck, or other parts of
your body.
• tracheal shave: making your Adam’s apple smaller.
• facial feminization surgery: surgeries that change the shape and/or size of
parts of your face, like your nose, lips, cheeks, or jaw.
• orchiectomy: removal of testes.
• vaginoplasty: the creation of a vagina, often by inverting the skin of the
penis.
• nullification: surgery that hides or removes all external genitals, creating a
smooth groin.
• fertility preservation: saving sperm that can be used to have biological
children in the future.
Gender-affirming medical procedures vary in cost and availability. Some pro-
cedures might be covered by your insurance, and others might not be. This
depends a lot on where you live and what kind of medical care you can access.

Do people transition in different ways, orders, and paces?

Yes. For example, you could transition socially without wanting any medical
procedures. You could transition medically by doing one or only a few of the
procedures listed above. You could change your name and gender marker on
formal records. You might transition internally and not feel ready to or not want
to transition in other ways.

Do all transgender people transition?

No. Transitioning is not a requirement for being trans, nonbinary, or any gender
identity. Not all trans people want the available medical procedures or other
ways of transitioning.

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Access to resources and support also shapes whether you transition. Medical
procedures can be expensive, and not everyone has the money or health insurance
coverage to afford them.
Transgender people who don’t transition at all, or don’t transition in certain
ways, are just as real as those who do. Someone’s gender identity should always
be respected.

Sexual Health
Gender Dysphoria and sex
Gender dysphoria can make sex — both solo and partnered — feel complicated
for trans and nonbinary people. And for some trans and nonbinary people, sex
can be an exciting way to explore or create gender euphoria.
If you experience dysphoria around sex, here are some tips:
• Be kind to yourself. Gender dysphoria around sex is common. Wherever
you are in your transition or gender journey, you deserve a sex life that
feels good.
• Find ways and words to talk about your body parts that work for you.
If some body part names don’t match you, use words that feel better —
whether or not you’ve had or want gender-affirming surgeries.
• If certain pronouns and other gendered language feel good, try them
with your partners. Some trans and nonbinary people incorporate gender-
affirming language into sexy talk or foreplay.
• Wear what makes you feel like you. Clothing and sex toys or prosthetics,
like a strap-on or pack-and-play, can be gender-affirming and used for sex.
• Have the sex that feels most affirming for you. Trans or nonbinary people
may feel dysphoric about some body parts or sexual activities. Remember,
sex doesn’t have to be certain activities or involve specific body parts, like
genitals. By yourself or with others, explore what feels best and safest for
you.
• Connect with or read work by other trans and nonbinary people who are
talking about sexual health, pleasure, and gender euphoria.
• Have a plan for what to do if gender dysphoria comes up during sex. Is
there a safe word you’d like to use to pause or stop? Is there something
that your partner can do to help? A plan can make it easier to respond
and feel better sooner — whether or not you want to keep having sex.
Remember that people of all genders like all kinds of sexual activities. People
also have different levels of sexual desire or interest in sex. ### What about
safer sex?
Safer sex is about taking steps to protect yourself and your partners from sexually
transmitted infections. Almost all sexual activities carry some risk of pregnancy
and/or sexually transmitted infections.

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Here are some things to know about STDs, pregnancy, and safer sex as a trans
or nonbinary person:
• Gender-affirming hormones aren’t birth control. Gender-affirming hormone
treatment (GAHT) can reduce your period or how much sperm your body
makes. But it’s still possible to get pregnant even if you’re on hormones.
• Gender-affirming hormones don’t reduce your risk of getting an STD.
Different infections spread differently, like through skin-to-skin contact or
body fluids.
• Barrier methods for birth control and safer sex — like external condoms,
dental dams, and internal condoms — are good tools for trans and nonbi-
nary people.
• Trans, nonbinary, and intersex people have developed barrier methods,
especially for their bodies. For example, a con dam is a barrier
made out of a latex or nitrile glove that’s been cut to function as
a dental dam with a small external condom attached. Con-dams
can help prevent STDs during oral sex for someone who has a vulva
and smaller erect anatomy that wouldn’t fit in a standard external condom.

• Lube can help reduce your risk of getting an STD. It does this by reducing
friction, which can cause tears where STDs can get into your body. Lube
is especially important for some kinds of penetrative sex when a person’s
body part can’t lubricate itself. People who have a vulva and had a
vaginoplasty or have been taking testosterone commonly have little or no
lubrication in their vagina or front hole.

• Gender-affirming surgeries can reduce the possibility of pregnancy, de-

pending on the surgery. For example, a hysterectomy, vaginectomy, or
orchiectomy would prevent pregnancy permanently.

Transphobia & Transmissia

Transphobia and transmisia are when people have deeply rooted negative beliefs
about what it means to be transgender, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming.
Their beliefs affect the way they, the government, organizations, the media, and
society generally treat people whose identities don’t fit into typical gender roles.
Transphobia results in policies that take away the rights and safety of trans and
nonbinary children, teens, and adults. This results in discrimination, harassment,
and sometimes violence against people who are not cisgender.

What’s the difference between transphobia and transmisia?

Transphobia and transmisia are the same. However, transphobia means “to
be fearful of transgender people,” which isn’t an accurate way to talk about
oppression. Here’s why:

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 • In medical language, phobias are anxiety disorders. So, saying “transpho-
bia” is unfair to people who have actual phobias.
• Even if someone has fear about trans and nonbinary people — like fear of
the unknown or a changing world — it isn’t a phobia.
• Because “transphobia” sounds like an individual condition, the word down-
plays systems and institutions that harm trans and nonbinary people.
Transphobia is now referred to as transmisia. The “misia” in transmisia means
“hatred.” This is a helpful word because it highlights the prejudice at the root of
beliefs, attitudes, behaviours, and systems that hurt or deny the existence of
trans and nonbinary people.

What does transmisia look like?

Transmisia takes many forms. In general, transmisia is any attitude, belief,
behaviour, or policy that:
• stigmatizes or harms trans, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming people.
• denies the validity of their identities;
• sees them as less human.
• treats them as less worthy of care and respect.
Examples of transmisia include:
• laws that prevent transgender or nonbinary people from using the restroom
that aligns with their gender identity.
• laws that prevent transgender or nonbinary people from accessing health
care, including gender-affirming treatments or playing sports.
• media that stereotypes transgender people as faking, confused, evil, men-
tally ill, hypersexual, or bad.
• repeatedly or intentionally using someone’s wrong name (aka deadnaming)
or wrong pronouns or other words (aka misgendering).
• trying to compliment a transgender or nonbinary person by insulting
transgender people, such as by telling them that they “don’t look trans”.
• hurting someone emotionally or physically because of their transgender or
nonbinary identity through bullying, abuse, or violence — IRL or online.
• outing a trans or nonbinary person.
• refusing to sit with, talk to, or work with someone because they’re trans-
gender or nonbinary
• use of derogatory language, including slurs.
Sometimes transmisia is obvious. For example, people who are seen as transgender
are denied jobs, housing, or health care because of transmisic policies and
attitudes — even where it’s illegal. But transmisia is such a part of everyday
life that you may not even notice it.
Many people don’t know they have transmisic beliefs and do transmisic things.
They may have learned stereotypes or myths about trans and nonbinary people
at home, school, religious institutions, or in the media. Social media, movies,

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TV, and music often include negative images of trans and nonbinary people or
pretend they don’t exist. So, people may not be aware of trans issues or may
think they don’t know anyone who is trans. ## What are the consequences of
transmisia?
The effects of transmisia on trans people are harmful. They can include:
• discrimination and exclusion in employment, housing, and other areas.
• depression, fear, feelings of hopelessness, and suicide.
• chronic illnesses and poor health care;
• isolation.
• violence, including sexual assault and murder.
While transmisia is most harmful to trans and nonbinary people, the gender
roles and stereotypes that transmisia is built on don’t let anyone live as their
whole, truest selves. Transmisia harms all of us.

Are people hurt by transmisia in different ways?

Yes.
People more likely to be harmed by transmisia:
• Trans people who are harmed or have been harmed by other kinds of
oppression — like racism and ableism.
• Trans women and other transfeminine people who often experience more
violent kinds of transmisia because of sexism.
• People who live in areas with anti-trans laws & legislation.
People who generally experience less transmisia:
• People who live in places with more legal protections for trans and nonbi-
nary people.
• People who “pass” (as opposed to people who are seen as transgender).

What’s binarism?
Binarism is the belief that there are only two genders. Binarist attitudes, beliefs,
behaviours, and policies exclude or harm nonbinary and gender-nonconforming
people.
Binarism: - aims to erase the identity of nonbinary people. - labels transgender
and nonbinary people as confused. - contributes to the erasure and harm of
intersex people.
Binarism often overlaps with transmisia, but it’s also harmful on its own. For
example, trans people may be protected by law to use the restroom they’re most
comfortable using. But it’s binarist to force everyone to choose between either a
men’s room or a women’s room — and not have a gender-inclusive restroom.

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Because of binarism in society, nonbinary people may have to make hard, unfair
choices around restrooms, which sports team to play on, what kinds of gender-
affirming care they need, where to get their hair cut, and much more. Binarism
in your community can make coming out more challenging.

What can I do to help stop transmisia?

Oppression, discrimination, bullying, and abuse are not OK. No one has the
right to harm another person emotionally or physically.
To help stop transmisia: - Don’t ever use slurs against transgender people. -
Don’t ask personal questions about a transgender or nonbinary person’s genitals,
sex life, or surgeries. - Avoid giving trans people backhanded compliments.
Examples include, “You look like a real girl” or “I wouldn’t have guessed you
were transgender.” - Challenge stereotypes about trans and nonbinary people.
If you see a stereotype of a trans person on social media, point it out in a
comment. - Question your assumptions about trans and nonbinary people. If
you find yourself thinking trans and nonbinary people are all the same in some
way, take a moment to reflect more deeply. - Vocally support the transgender
community, especially if you’re cisgender (not transgender). - Offer support
to the transgender people in your life and respect their identities. - Educate
yourself on transgender issues by listening to transgender and nonbinary people.
- Respect someone’s decisions about when and where to come out. - If you
don’t know a person’s pronouns or name, ask them. This goes for everyone —
not just people you think “look trans.” - Use gender-inclusive language, such as
“they/them,” “folks,” and “people” instead of “he/she,” “girls and boys,” “guys,”
or “ladies and gentlemen.” - Use trans people’s pronouns and chosen names
correctly and consistently. - Remember that being transgender or nonbinary is
just one part of a person’s life. - Pay attention to ways that transmisia shows
up in policies or practices. Advocate for positive changes that will benefit trans
and nonbinary people.

What should I do if I see someone being transmisic?

In addition to fighting transmisic policies and practices, it’s important to address
transmisic comments or behaviours from individual people — especially if you’re
cisgender. If you feel safe, speak up when people make transmisic jokes or slurs,
and step in if you see people bullying or harassing a trans or nonbinary person.
Here are some tips to address transmisia from other people:
• Decide if it’s safe to address the issue. Some things to consider: Will you
be confronting a stranger in public or a friend or family member in private?
Is it safest for you to stay quiet and walk away? Could your action help
keep someone else safe?
• Decide when it’s safe to address. Do you want to speak up now or wait until
you’re alone with the person? Although responding in the moment can be

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 especially helpful, there doesn’t have to be a time limit on addressing a
transmisic comment, behaviour, or policy.
• Ask clarifying questions to see if the person being transmisic doesn’t know
they’re being insensitive or harmful. Using curiosity to learn what someone
means can help you strategize how to respond.
• Provide information and resources on supportive language or behaviour.
There are better ways to get them to change than insulting people.

• Speak from your own experience, even if you’re cisgender. For example,
you might say, “It doesn’t feel good to me when you use that word because
it’s a word that’s used to hurt trans people.”
• Learn about bystander intervention and how to disrupt harassment in ways
that feel possible for you.
• Practice intervening and responding to transmisia. Like any other skill,
you’ll get better and more comfortable the more you do it.
Stopping transmisia is a key way that we can make our communities safer and
more welcoming for everyone.

How can I support someone who’s trans or non-

binary?
To end transmisic harassment and discrimination, cisgender people must work to
support transgender and nonbinary people — and the systemic issues affecting
them.

Support is important.
Every community has trans and nonbinary people. However, transgender and
nonbinary communities continue to face discrimination, erasure, disapproval,
violence, rejection, and even murder because of transmisia. It can also result in
depression, substance use problems, self-harm, and suicide.
Transmisia affects trans and nonbinary people in all areas of life. Cisgender
individuals and communities must all fight alongside their trans and nonbinary
friends.
We have to create safer, more inclusive communities that are welcoming to trans,
nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people. We can’t stop until everyone is
treated with the respect and dignity they deserve — and can live free of violence
and discrimination.

What do I call people who are transgender or nonbinary?

Ask if they use pronouns and what their pronouns are — just like you’d ask
them their name. Remember to use the name and pronouns that the person

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shares with you every time.
Generally — and especially if you don’t know the right words to use for someone
yet — use inclusive language. Inclusive language is saying “person” instead of
“man”, “woman”, or “they” instead of “he” or “she.” Never call someone “it”
unless they’ve asked you to.
If someone is struggling to identify which identity label fits them best, give them
time to figure it out for themselves. The language a person uses may change
over time, and that’s totally normal.

How do I support the transgender and nonbinary people in

my life?
Whatever your relationship — parent, friend, partner, teacher — your support
is important.
The people closest to us are usually the best at helping us feel safe and connected.
So, it can be dangerous for trans and nonbinary people when their loved ones
are unsupportive. Many who experience violence are hurt by family members or
partners, and many trans and nonbinary young people experience being unhoused
(aka homeless) because their families kicked them out.
Trans and nonbinary people are more likely to feel healthy, happy, and safe if
they have support from family members and others who are close to them.
Here are some tips for supporting a trans or nonbinary person in your life:
• Listen to them and believe them about their identities and needs.
• Use the person’s chosen name and pronouns.
• Support them in accessing trans and nonbinary community resources if
they want.
• Remember that being trans or nonbinary is normal and natural — at any
age and in every community.
• Educate yourself about sex, gender identity, and gender modality.
• Seek out resources for loved ones of trans and nonbinary people.
• Find support for yourself outside of your relationship with them — espe-
cially if you’re a parent. You deserve space to process your feelings about
your loved one’s transgender or nonbinary identity.

What if I’m a partner of a trans or nonbinary person?

Partners of trans and nonbinary people may have particular challenges or ques-
tions about how to be supportive — especially if your partner is now coming
out or starting to transition. Partners of openly trans and nonbinary people
— or who appear to be in a non-heterosexual relationship — may also face
discrimination, harassment, and violence.

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Your partner’s gender identity doesn’t define your relationship or your sexual
orientation. However, your partner’s identity or transition may encourage you
to reflect on your sexual or romantic orientation differently than you have before
— especially if they have a gender that isn’t what you’re used to being attracted
to. For example, a heterosexual woman whose partner comes out as a trans
woman might come to feel pansexual, bisexual, or another sexual or romantic
orientation.
Loving or being attracted to trans and nonbinary people is totally natural, just
like being trans or nonbinary is. But transmisic ideas and stereotypes have made
some people judge the idea of being attracted to trans or nonbinary people. It’s
never OK to respond to a trans or nonbinary person’s identity or body with
hostility, rudeness, or violence.
Here are some tips for being supportive of your trans or nonbinary partner: - Ask
your partner what they need and want day-to-day. For example, avoid making
assumptions about the words they want you to use or what kind of support
they’d like if someone misgenders them. - Ask your partner what they need and
want in your sex life, including what kinds of touch they do or don’t want. - Get
support. Some LGBTQ+ organizations have groups or services for the partners
of trans and nonbinary people. There are also online groups and discussion
spaces. Supportive friends, family, or a trans-knowledgeable therapist can also
be helpful. - Remember that your partner’s transgender or nonbinary identity
is an important part of who they are, but not their only identity, challenge,
or beauty that they have. - Ask your partner about their desires, goals, and
resources related to transition. Avoid assumptions about the ways your partner
will or won’t transition. And remember that these choices are always up to your
partner. - Read articles and books or watch videos and performances made
by trans and nonbinary people. - Use resources made specifically for partners,
like the “Let’s Get Real” guide from the Rainbow Resource Centre, which has
information about dating and sex with trans and nonbinary partners.
It’s normal to have questions, concerns, and feelings as a partner of a trans or
nonbinary person. It’s also normal to feel curious, happy for your partner, or
excited to learn more about this person you care about.

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