My first year of high school was the absolute worse.

Had I had a nightmare I

could not have imagined the drama, mean-spiritedness and harshness of my freshman
year of high school. Anything I dared dream would have paled to what actually
happened. Before my freshman year even began, I became the target of real bullying.
I was not prepared at all for the lies, rumors, innuendoes and accusations that were to
come. I had heard about bullying and the effects it had on so many students but I
never thought I would be the object of such an assault. I knew I was not going to be
the most popular, the prettiest, or the one selected first pick for anything, but I never
dreamed other students would decide to ruin my reputation even before I understood
what a reputation was.
I was going to one of the top academic schools in all of Houston, Texas. My
high school was known for excellence and we, my family, parents and other
significant people in my life had really gone through a lot of hoops to get my twin
brother and I in the school. After months of waiting to hear if we made the final cut,
we got the news we were in. It was one of the best days of our lives when we found
out we were in. We were under no illusions, we knew it was going to be tough to
academically compete with others coming from more exclusive private and better
funded middle schools, but we wanted this more than anything else. We wanted to be
at Bellaire High school and we were accepted.
The first day of high school was so exciting. Strange, but still exciting. I don’t
know how it all got started or when I got on the radar screen of another of the
incoming freshman, but I became her nemesis. She was brutal. I’m not sure if I
crossed her at the summer camp for new arriving freshmen or some other way but I
became the object of her scorn. The first day of school I knew there was an something
toxic in the air. I was so excited to be in high school and at Bellaire, but eventually I
noticed many of the girls I attended freshman orientation with was not very supportive
or open to me, When I tried to join some of my so-called friends at lunch or after
school, there seemed to be a coldness or even a nice-nastiness toward me. I noticed
over time I was always the butt of the jokes. I remember thinking, “Are they laughing
with me or at me?” I decided to not take things too seriously, I wanted to belong. But I
didn’t belong, at least not with this group.
Then, I found out about the nasty jokes and rumors that this group of girls were
spreading about me. None of it was true. Why, I often wondered. I’m a good person.
Why me? It didn’t matter why. The damage was done. My self-esteem, self-
confidence and will had taken a battering and I felt defeated. I tried ignoring all the
mean things I was hearing but I just could not focus. We decided it would be best if I
took a short break, a restart. During my time away I learned hurt people hurt people.
It wasn’t me. It was them that had the problem. I was taught to use my hurt to help
other hurting people. I decided I could do that. I returned to school and not much had
changed. But I had changed. I decided to not let others take my power. I admit the
experience left me shaken and unsettled, but I am determined to never be them.