18 .

the fine art of small talk

pear the same. People generally do not give others the

benefit of the doubt in this regard. Don’t risk being
taken as haughty or pretentious by keeping silent; it can
cost you dearly. Start small talking and let others see
your personality. You know how much you appreciate the
efforts others put forth in conversation. Make the same
effort. Contrary to what your elders taught you, silence is
not golden.

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE

WHO GO GET THEM!

Waiting will net you a bunch of lost time. You have

to take the initiative. Don’t spend another minute think-
ing that if you just keep waiting, interesting people will
introduce themselves. It’s never going to happen. Out of
habit, and to make things easy on ourselves, we seek out
someone we know—a colleague, a client, even a competi-
tor. We are comfortable with these people because they
attend the same functions, know the same jargon, and are
trying to reach the same decision-makers. We end up
paying forty dollars to attend an event and then seek out
people we already know because it’s less threatening. Yet
the purpose of the event was to make new contacts.
 get over your mom’s good intentions . 19

If ever there was a place you’d expect people to min-

gle, it’s a singles event. Yet they are notorious for attract-
ing wallflowers. Most people at singles events—including
myself in a former life—spend most of their time un-
comfortably waiting around and scanning the crowd for a
friend. When a friend appears, they immediately spend
the evening hanging out together. If they wanted to be
with each other, why didn’t they just go out on a date? If
they don’t want to date each other, what are they doing
spending the evening together? They’re talking! Yes,
talking—it’s easy, comfortable, and safe. It is, however,
no way to meet someone new and spark a romance!
Good things come to those who take action and start
creating good things. American movie star, commentator,
and folk legend Will Rogers nailed it when he said, “Go
out on a limb. That’s where all the fruit is.” Although it
might be scary to climb out from the safety of the trunk,
you’ll rarely pluck the sweet fruit by waiting there.

IT’S UP TO YOU TO
S TA RT A C O N V E R S AT I O N

Do you know the biggest social fear in America? It’s

public speaking. And do you know the second? It’s fear