Shadow work

What am I most avoiding?

Letting go of deep betrayal and pain from my past, ultimately leading to me being “stuck,” not
allowing change to occur. I can’t play the “victim” forever.

I’m also scared of opening up to the wrong people about sex, because I’ve already opened up to
people about it that hurt me deeply, and am terrified it’ll happen again and again and again. I want
to attack anybody that finds out about my darkest desires or spies on me as I discover things about
myself, because they don’t deserve to know anything about my sexuality if I know nothing about
theirs. They are a threat to my privacy. I can’t let anybody know my darker side too quickly or
openly anymore because they can ruin any potential future career or reputation.

What am I most ashamed of?

Failure. I’ve made many mistakes and I need to understand it’s okay to fail in life at times.

I am ashamed I’m unable to truly trust a single soul when it comes to my darkest desires.

I am also ashamed of my innocence and fragility.

What does my shadow need?

My shadow needs to grieve the immense disappointment and pain I’ve bared for a long time. It
needs to cry and feel all of the pain, allowing it to be expressed through literature and songs.

My shadow also needs to embrace how soft and pure I am. I always felt like the outcast because of
how much of a lack of experience I had when it came to sex or discovering myself later, compared
to most people my age.

I’ve repeatedly paid the consequences by rushing self discovery and sex too quickly. I just wanted
to feel like less of a prude. I may have used sex as a weapon, when it should’ve been used as an
intimate way of opening up to someone who also intimately opened up to me too.

My shadow needs to find true love. I can’t keep having sex with people I don’t feel emotionally
intimate with. It only heals things temporarily.
Why am I so impulsive

I want to “grow up” faster than those around me through various experiences. I look at growth as a
race, but it shouldn’t be.

Why do I like to hide

I’ve been told to hide away in my room a lot as a teen. My mom was very possessive of me, leading
to me being isolated from many peers growing up. It’s now become a basic instinct for “survival.”

Why am I so emotional

It was frowned upon to let my emotions out because I was told I was “out of control,” ultimately
leading to cops being called on me repeatedly. I learned to bottle them up because my emotions
were never validated by anybody.

Why am I so paranoid
I was spied on a lot by mom growing up. I never really had a true sense of privacy.

Why do I doubt myself

Doubting myself is a form of safety from the unknown. If I am my worst critic then nobody has the
potential to hurt me worse than I already am capable of hurting myself.

Why is it so hard for me to forgive people

It’s hard to forgive those that wronged me because I am angry they move on with their lives without
ever thinking about how much they treated me like I was worthless. I don’t know how to forgive
people that walk away completely unscathed, with no consequences for the harm they cause
others. Their lives always seem so “put together” despite the pain they unknowingly caused me.

Why do you think about them despite how badly they’ve hurt you

I think about them because I want revenge.

Why do you want revenge

I always felt the only way someone can realize their wrongdoings was through their own pain &
suffering. I don’t believe people ever change.

Why don’t you believe people change

I believe people don’t change because of their ego.