Chasing stars (2)

Chapter 1

As I stood outside the hospital now I urged myself to just wait five more minutes. Surely
Alessio was getting ready to call me. I had been gone almost an hour. I should just give him
five more minutes. Of course, I had been saying that for the last 25 minutes. The
truth was obvious. Alessio didn't care. He'd told me he loved me, fucked me, and
that shot my dad. I rested my head against the pay phone and slipped a quarter into
the machine. Maybe he didn't shoot him. Maybe I wasn't giving him enough credit.
Maybe he had a good reason for not giving enough shits about me to a simple call to see if I
was okay and where I was. I hesitated with myself in the second quarter.
Mother fucker. He already knew where I was. I looked at my cell phone, the reason I was
using the payphone rather than the cell was because I didn't know if it was bugged or
something. I shouldn't have to worry about something like that. I threw my phone as hard as I
could to the ground and shoved the quarter into the machine. A few rings later and
his voice filled the line. "Yeah?" "You've never heard of hello?" The
line was silent for a few moments. "Mia?" I didn't respond. After another few seconds he
sighed. "Hello." I turned my body in towards the phone to shield the world from
our conversation. "Nash. I'm in." "In? In where? In trouble? Where are you?"
The anger that had been fueling me mixed together violently with frustration and fear. "I'm at
the fucking hospital. They won't tell me shit." I said and my voice betrayed me and cracked.
"Calm down." His voice was gentle now. "Your dad?" "I don't know! That's the
problem!" I yelled through tears. "Calm down Mia." "No!" I yelled
again and then looked around. "No." I repeated in" a softer tone. "You want information from
me and I want information from you." "Slow down Mia. What are you even
talking about? I don't-" "You tell me if my dad's been shot, if he's alive, I need to
know now. And I'll help you." "What?" "I'll help you take down the
Genovese...I'll help you take down Alessio." The line was quiet for a long time.
"Nash?" I breathed. "I heard you. Where are you? I didn't recognize your number."
"Pay phone. Do we have a deal?" "Of course not." Before I could yell at him he
continued. "Listen, I'm upstairs right now. I'll be down in two minutes and we'll talk then
okay." "Nash-" "Two minutes." He repeated and cut the line.
I slammed the phone back down and tapped my foot impatiently. Just shy of three minutes
later Nash came through the automatic doors to the hospital. He frowned the moment he saw
me and took in my wardrobe. "Jesus Mia." He shrugged his NYPD jacket off and
forced it over my shoulders. "You were there weren't you?" "Let's just make a deal,
okay? I'm in. I'll tell you whatever you need to know about Alessio if you just take me to my
dad, tell me he's okay, tell me something." He shook his head. "Why the
fuck not!" I yelled. "You're the one who wanted my help, I'm here to give it to you!" I
stomped my foot. He covered my mouth with his hand. "Because," he said sharply.
"I'm going to tell you about your dad but I'm not going to use it as some sort of leverage over
you. You're not thinking rationally. Once you calm down, clear your mind, then you can
make the decision. I'm not going to force it out of you in a moment of weakness, hold your
loved one over your head. I'm going to take you to see your dad, we can talk about the other
business later. Now, are you done yelling at me yet?" I nodded. He moved his hand
away from my mouth and wiped my eyes. I threw myself into him without a moment of
consideration. He wrapped his arms around me and shushed me gently. "Thank you. Now tell
me." "Your uncle is fine. He's still on sight. Your dads though...he's shot."
I pulled away quickly and his jacket fell to the ground. "He's-" "He's upstairs, I
was just in his room. He's shot but he's fine. It was just his arm. Through and through. The
bullet went in one side and out the other." He bent down calmly and picked the jacket up off
the ground. When he was level with me again I slapped him. "You couldn't have
led with the 'he's perfectly fine' part?" I yelled. He put his hand to his cheek with
wide eyes but after a moment he grinned. "I'll have you thrown in jail for assaulting an
officer." He threatened and put the jacket on my shoulders again. This time I slipped my arms
through the holes and he zipped it up. It came to my hips and my short dress was
only mid thigh. There were only a few inches of actual fabric sticking out before the fringe
took over. "You're not a cop, you're a detective." "Come on. Do you want me to
take you to your dad?" "Please." I glared at the nurse at the nurse's
station as we passed her and the moment we stepped into the elevator I let out a relieved sigh.
"He's going to be okay." I said to myself really but Nash must have taken it as a question.
"Yes Mia. He's going to be perfectly fine." We rode the rest of the elevator ride in
silence. The elevator dinged to announce our arrival and Nash led me through familiar
hospital smelling halls. I heard him before I saw him. "So I told that
short little mother fu-" "Dad!" I yelled and ran around the corner. "Mia-
pie!" His face lit up and I flew into him. I squeezed him tightly, letting the Mia-pie slip go
given the circumstances. I pulled away and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Are you
okay?" He pulled his arm away from the doctor. "I could see you right through
here if I wanted to." "Dad." I forced him to lower his arm. "Please let the doctor
work." I sat on the edge of his bed. "You've been missing Sunday dinners."
I groaned. I should have seen this coming. "It's just you me and uncle Sammy! What's the
point anymore?" "The point is family. Nothing is more important than family."
I squeezed his hand. He was exactly right. Nothing is more important and that's exactly why I
was here and not with Alessio. Nothing was more important. Alessio's "family" was more
important than me to him, and my family, though hundreds smaller than his, was more
important to me than him now. "You're damn near all I've got Mia-pie."
"Mia-pie?" I turned to scowl at Nash who had taken his good sweet time in
walking down here, probably to allow us a bit of privacy. Seeing as I was already emotional
downstairs he was probably expecting more waterworks. "Dad please, not in public."
"Stacey told me you had a handsome new boyfriend. Please tell me it's not this tart? Honestly
Mia-pie." "Tart?" Nash frowned. "Dad." I muttered and turned to face
him again. "First off this tweet is not my boyfriend. And secondly, why has Stacey been
telling you about my love life anyway?" "Well you sure won't tell me."
"Okay, let's focus on something other than my love life. Like the hole in your arm. Doesn't
that hurt?" He glanced to his outstretched arm where the doctors were squirting a
clear liquid through. Literally, through it. "They got me a little doped up. Nothing I can't
handle. Let's talk about something other than your love life. Like what the heck you're
wearing!" "Yes Mia-pie. What is with the outfit?" Nash asked in a mocking tone.
"I just came from a dancing lesson." I said without missing a beat. "Dancing?"
They both said in unison. My father sounded quizzical and Nash could hardly keep a straight
face. "Yep." I said popping the P. "So when do we get to see these
awesome dance moves of yours?" Nash said grinning. I shot him a warning glare.
"You don't. I suck at it, I quit." "Mia-pie!" My dad groaned. Nash made a sort of
snorting sound. "You gotta stick with these things! You're not going to start out good. It's a
lot of work. You have to keep at it. Honestly where you got this quitting attitude of yours I'll
never know. Where do you think I'd be right now had I quit the police academy?"
"I don't know dad, maybe not being able to see me through your arm?" He didn't
look amused. "All the money you waste on lessons for all these things you never see through.
I'll bet you've spent thousands!" I hadn't spent as much on lessons as Alession did
on this dress. I frowned at the thought about Alessio. The damn bastard. "It's fine dad." I
muttered and took his hand. "Let's seriously, please just focus on you right now."
"Whatever you say Mia-pie." "Dad." I hissed. "Call me Mia, please."
"But why Mia-pie?" "Why do you call her Mia-pie?" Nash asked with an ear to ear
grin. "Don't!" I warned and pointed a threatening finger to him. "Well when she
was just a little girl," my dad started completely ignoring me. "Mia here was a super picky
eater. She was also wildly smart and obsessed with starting her college fund. Every time we'd
try to get her to eat she would insist she'd had pie. Pie, pie, pie, all the time she had pie.
Where was this pie coming from? We sure weren't feeding her pie. We were baffled!" He
threw his hands up in the air. The doctor gave him a dirty glare and pulled it back to place.
"Then when she said she was selling her pies to all the neighbor kids, we just had to figure it
out." "Dad please." I groaned. "Oh shush, you already know way worse
embarrassing stories about me." Nash said, waving me off. "Go on." He directed it to my
father. "My, being a cop and all decided to investigate. A stake out if you will."
"Of a four year old." I interjected. "Turns out our little Mia-pie was making mud
pies. And I don't mean the delicious chocolaty treat." He said gravely and Nash burst into
laughter while I groaned in humiliation. "Eating them too!" He practically yelled and Nash
bent over clutching his sides now. "I was four!" I yelled and then covered my face.
"And selling them. Quite persuasive this one. Charging a whole two quarters per pie." Dad
continued on ignoring my clear humiliation. "You should've seen her when we tried to take
her to the doctors to get her stomach pumped." Nash could barely manage to get
out a strangled "oh...do tell" through his laughter. "I gave three black eyes, a
bloody nose, and broke two fingers." I said trying to sound very threatening as I glared at the
two of them. "And that was just the doctors and nurses!" My dad howled. "You
should've seen what she did to the family once we got her home!" Finally, I started
laughing too. "Okay fine, it's true. I have inhuman strength when it comes to doctors and
needles. And yes, maybe once upon a time I ate a little bit of mud-" "A little bit?"
Dad gasped and he and Nash howled. "But I've kicked the stuff, I swear!" I
laughed and took my father's hand again. Nash finally calmed down and glanced to
our intertwined hands. "Hey, I've got to make a few phone calls. I'll be out in the hallway if
you need me, Mia-pie." He said with a wink. I smiled, knowing this was his way of
politely and discreetly giving my dad and I a bit of alone time. I watched and waited until
Nash was out of view and then turned to my dad. "Please be more careful Daddy." I said
pushing the hair away from his forehead and kissing it. "Bah." He waved me off
specifically with his shot arm. "Dad. Please, for me?" He sighed
heavily. "Well, if it's for you Mia-pie." "Thank you. Now please let the doctor fix
you up before he decided to put another hole in there for all the trouble you've been causing
him!" I scolded and he rolled his eyes. "Dad." He glanced up with a more serious
look than when Nash was in the room. "I'm okay. Hurts a bit, but I was serious about then
doping me up." "I love you. Have you given any thought to maybe desk duty?"
"Just the thought that it'll never happen. We're getting so damn close to bringing down the
Gambino Mia." I didn't mask my surprise well. "The Gambino?" "Yes
Mia." I looked away. Nash was working in the Bonanno and he'd said they had
someone working in the Lucchese. He'd never even mentioned Gambino. This wasn't the time
to question it though, it was obvious my father was running his own investigation. One I
probably started with my career starting report. "When are you getting out?" I asked about
changing the subject "Not tonight." He huffed. "They're trying to keep this all hush
hush. Don't want to release names yet. Trying to keep the press away from this, and yes, that
means you." I smiled despite myself and nodded. "You need to get some rest
anyway. I'm glad you're okay."

Chapter 2

I kissed my father goodbye and met Nash out in the hallway. "Thank you." "Have
you eaten anything?" "Uhm." I tapped my chin thoughtfully. "Does jello count?"
"Jello shots?" "Perhaps." "That does not count as food." I
laughed and followed him to the hospital cafeteria. "Sit." He ordered. I opened my
mouth to argue. "Woman, I will breathalyze you and throw you in jail for driving under the
influence." "I'm fine now." I rolled my eyes. "Be that as it may, I'm sure
I could find some other reason to arrest you. There was the assault thing earlier. Go sit."
I rolled my eyes and sat down. He'd better not get me ketchup with whatever he brought
back. I rested my chin on the table. It was late and I was exhausted. I really shouldn't be
eating this late. I should be sleeping. Nash came back down and sat a rather
delicious smelling chicken sandwich down in front of me. "And if you're really good, eat all
your veggies, you can even have dessert." He teased. "Veggies?"
"Well...there is lettuce on there." He shrugged. I chuckled and we ate in silence for
a few minutes. Nash seemed to be in good spirits. "Thank you. For bringing me
here I mean." "You can always call me for help Mia." "Of course there
is a price." I raised an eyebrow and set my sandwich down. "And I'm going to hold my end of
the bargain up." "No you aren't." He said casually, pulling a tomato from his
sandwich. "I'm not?" "I mean, if you really want to know. But I'm not
making any deals with you. Not tonight." "Alright, I'm confused." I admitted.
"Mia, what kind of guy do you think I am?" "Do you really want me to answer
that?" He laughed. "Think that poorly of me huh?" I really didn't. "Well I'm not the
kind of guy who is looking to take advantage of someone when they're in a weak or tough
spot." "I'm fine now. I know he's okay. I'm so angry with Alessio! It's like he
doesn't even give a damn. I want this to stop." "Exactly. You're angry at him. You
feel like he doesn't care and is hurting about that. I don't want you to agree to take Alessio
down just because of the way you're feeling. Tomorrow when you're in love again and have a
wire attached to your chest are you going to feel the same way?" I didn't answer. "Exactly."
"But it's his fault my father was shot, and Nicolo-" "Mia. Stop. This is not the kind
of decision you make based just on your feelings." "Isn't that why you are?" I shot
back. "This is probably a long and dangerous job. I've been doing it for nearly two
years and we are just now about ready to take action. Now I'm certainly not going to ask that
big of a commitment from you. I might ask you to wear a wire, and when the time comes to
testify in court, to keep me informed the best you can. I will not sign you up for this sort of
thing when you're not in a perfect stable mindset." "Nash, I appreciate the concern
but I'm fine. Really." "You called me crying Mia." I flushed. "And the
situation is resolved." He didn't answer. "I'm fine!" "You've been drinking tonight,
you've been crying tonight, it's like three in the morning, and you've been through an
emotional trauma." "I'm hardly traumatized." "The point of the matter."
He said ignoring me completely. "Is that you aren't thinking rationally tonight. You're
thinking with your heart rather than your head." "So what? Now you don't want my
help?' "So now I'm saying we can meet up in say...a week. One week. You
can maul it over, think about it. Decide what you want to do. If you don't show up, I'll know
you're out and I promise this time I won't drag you out of a dressing room in handcuffs." He
smiled lightly. "If you show up, then we'll discuss this thing." "You're something
else Nash." I said smiling. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He asked and
returned to eating. "A very, very good thing. You're sweet." "Your dad
said I was tart." I laughed. "No, he said you are a tart. There's a difference."
"Whatever you say, Mia-pie." "Hey now! I've been mud free for years."
"Oh yeah? Let me see, I bet you've got mud tracks all up your arm." He teased. I
bared my teeth. "Look, no mud stains." He leaned across the table to inspect me
and nodded his approval. "Yep, you're clean." He smiled and I closed my mouth.
"Told you so. Now, no more calling me that." "Why not Mia-pie? I think it's
adorable." He laughed. "Because you've already told me too much. I know where
you tried to put a tampon and how old you were when you did it so if you don't keep your
mouth shut I won't keep mine shut either." A deep crease former along his
forehead as he frowned. "That's a harsh woman." I shrugged with a victorious
smile. "Fine, but can I just have one last Mia-pie hurrah? Dessert?" He asked and
held up two moon pies. I threw my head back and laughed. "You're such an ass!" I
reached across the table and snatched one from his hand. "Now lets see those mud
tracks." Nash said after taking a bite. He was talking with his mouth full and it was a little
gross and very rude. Rather than tell him that I giggled and barred my teeth again.
He did as well and we both laughed. I was feeling much better now. But now I had
to decide where to go. I had given up my apartment with lightning fast speed. Alessio had
taken care of everything. I couldn't go back to Alessio's, not after I'd just tried to sell him out
to Nash. We walked into the parking garage. I hadn't parked here but Nash apparently did.
"What's wrong?" "What? Nothing." "All of the sudden you look like
you're going to be sick." He continued. I shook my head. "Mia. I've told you some of the
strangest and most ridiculous things that have happened to me. The only things about you and
your life are things you dad has told me or I've dug up myself." "Stalker much?" I
replied sarcastically. "Mia-pie." He teased back. "I just don't want to go
back to Alessio's and..." "And?" Nash said dragging the word out. "And
I just..." I didn't want to admit how stupid I had actually been. "Oh nothing."
"You're scared he'll find you at your apartment?" "Sure." That was a logical
argument. "Well, I look at it this way. You can stay at a hotel, go back to your dad
and uncle's, or you can crash on my couch." "I don't like any of those options."
He laughed. "Well, it's getting pretty late, you'd better make up your mind. Ellie's sitter is
probably having a cow right now." He sighed. "She won't find it strange to see
some strange girl sleeping on her couch when she wakes up in the morning?" I raised a brow.
"Oh I'm sure she will." He grinned. "She's very observant about such things. But she's also
very smart and understanding. When I simply explain that you were in trouble and needed to
hide from the bad guys she'll probably make it her mission in life to protect you."
"She sounds like a sweetheart." I smiled and he nodded. "But if I'm going to do this whole
double agent spy thing I'd better get back on his good graces, or allow him onto mine."
Nash scowled. "Please be careful Mia." "I will be...so we will meet in one week?"
He nodded. "Same place as before?" "The dressing room?" I laughed.
His frown lightened slightly. "The sushi place. Out of town. Three o'clock." I
nodded. "Sounds good." We both stood at the same time and Nash hesitated for a moment.
"Mia...please...be safe."

Chapter 3

My car ride home was filled with confusion. Nash had told me to be safe. But I didn't feel as
though Alessio would hurt me. Of course, I didn't really feel like he would shoot
my father either and look how far that had got me. Come to think of it, there were a ton of
things that happened that I didn't see coming. I never would have predicted spending a night
on top of a bridge, if you told me I was going to be kidnapped and the GPS my boyfriend put
in my earrings would be the only thing to- I slammed on my breaks and received
an angry horn blare behind me. Flushed, I began driving again. I'd called him my
boyfriend. Is that what he was? I mean, I lived with him, we had officially had sex brief as we
had been interrupted, but sex nonetheless, exchanged our first I love yous. What else could he
be? Oh yeah, that's right, the asshole who had my father shot. I scowled.
Alessio was only one thing. The mafia. That is who he is. What he did. His entire life. He
would kill anyone, anyone, he had to. That is what he had told me. For the first time I fully
allowed myself to think of what Alessio did. How many had he killed? How many others had
died with his drugs in their veins? He sat back and gained as others lost. I'd never seen a
flicker of sympathy on that strong sculpted face of his, not towards anyone other than myself.
As I pulled up to Alessio's house, though the house was hardly a worthy description, my
chest tightened. I was unusually nervous. Scared to be around Alessio, something I had
thought we'd long since passed. When I came into the house I did so as quietly as
possible. It was late. There was a light in the TV room that flashed. I followed the light of the
television and found Alessio. He was lying across the couch. Suit and dress shirt thrown to
the floor, suspenders hanging around his waist. He was sleeping. Had he been
waiting up for me? My heart fluttered at the thought and suddenly his phone rang and he sat
up immediately pulling it to his ear. "Go." He said not sounding at all as though
he'd just woken up. He stood up and walked to his right. "What the fụck do you mean you
lost her?" He turned, to pace to his left and saw me. He stared at me in disbelief for a moment
before growling into the phone. "She's here you shit." He hung up before waiting for a reply.
"You were following me?" I shouted, not giving him the chance to speak first. "Of
course I was." His tone was flat and cold. I gasped. He hadn't even tried to deny it.
"You bloody bastard." I turned on my heel to storm out. "Armillia." He said in a
sharp tone and I stopped. I turned back around to face him, he was walking
towards me. "You're an asshole. A dirty crook. My father shot you-" He kissed me.
And fụck if nothing else in the world could have possibly pissed me off more. I shoved him
away and then smacked his chest with the palms of both of my hands. He grabbed my wrists
before I could hit him again. "Where were you? What the fụck are you wearing?" He said,
glancing at the NYPD jacket I had completely forgotten, Nash had given me.
"What's the matter? Tracking device on my phone not working?" I hissed and tried to pull
away. "I was worried." I stopped struggling and simply glared at him. "You
weren't in the best state of mind when you left. I let you go, I knew exactly where you'd be
going." "You knew?" I said full of doubt. "Of course, you'd go to see
how your father was. I didn't have the answers so you would find them yourself. I thought I'd
better let you calm down. I didn't think you'd answer if I called and after so long I knew you'd
be with your dad and I should give you your space. But it got later, and later, when I called
you-``''I broke my phone." I said flatly. "I see. You do that quite often. But I had
no way of knowing that. What I did know is you'd been drinking tonight, you were upset,
probably even crying. You've plenty of enemies and you're left alone. I didn't know if you
wrecked, were run off the road, taken..." He let his words trail off and I actually felt a little
sorry for him. "You were..." He was worried. "Terrified." He said and
then chuckled. "Me, of all people. Terrified. I've had my people out all night looking for
you." I found sudden fascination with the floor. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare
you." I muttered and when he released my wrists and cupped my face I didn't fight him.
"You are the only one who can terrify me Armillia." I didn't mean to terrify him. In fact, it
seemed crazy to me. He was the one with all the power, money, and resources. But yet I was
the one who scared him? He ran his thumbs across my cheek bones and exhaled loudly
through his nose with a clenched jaw. "The idea of you hurt..." I thought back to
the night we'd been taken by the Bonanno. How he'd been tied to that chair in complete
calmness knowing his death was probably coming. The moment his eyes found me the
demeanor had changed. The way he had said per favore in regards to that bastard touching
me. What was I doing tonight? With Nash? Going behind Alessio's back like that?
Betraying him. "I love you Armillia Santoro" He said it slowly, putting emphasis
on each and every single word and my heart beat doubled in speed. I pulled back
just as he leaned forward. "Okay, but you can't go around shooting people's dads. It makes for
bad feels." He smirked. "Oh? Bad feels eh?" I nodded and allowed him
to kiss me this time. It was a gentle but long kiss. His tongue never searched for entrance, his
fingers didn't grip my hair, there was only a small touch of desperation between the two of us.
We pulled apart and Alessio looked into my eyes. He looked like he was searching for all of
the answers, and I was quite terrified that he would find them. "I love you." He said again and
my heart did another round of somersaults. "Can we please go to sleep?" I asked
hopefully to keep from finding all of my secrets. "God yes." He said and dropped
his hands from my cheeks. "Take off and burn that fụcking jacket though. Your father's?"
"No actually. Just one of the guys down there. They're all pretty familiar with me." I
reminded him. It wasn't exactly a complete lie. "In any case." He said and
unzipped it. "I can't stand the sight of you in it." "Close your eyes." I teased and he
smirked. "My, you're sassy tonight." I stuck my tongue out at him. He pushed the
jacket off of my shoulders and scanned me over. "I'd already forgot how this dress looked on
you." He muttered. I opened my mouth to say something snarky and just bursting with wit.
"But the image of the dress off of you will never leave me." "Alessio!" I gasped and swatted
his arm. Wit be damned. "Sleep you little pervert." He grinned and kissed me. "Only for you
my sweet." He took my hand and began leading me back up the stairs to the room we shared.
"Alessio?" "Mm?" He replied without turning to look at me. "I do." "You do?"
"Back at the casino...you, er, you asked me..." He stopped walking, we were only halfway up
the stairs and he was just staring at me. "Well I mean, I said something...and you asked..."
He started walking again at a slightly faster pace now. "I asked if you loved me." He said
simply, practically dragging me now. "Hey would you slow down? I'm trying to have a
conversation here!" I said frustrated. He was completely killing the moment. Didn't this man
realize I was trying to admit that I loved him? He dragged me all the way to our room. He
spun around and forced my back against the door before opening it. "Say it." He breathed.
"What the bloody hell are you going around now?" I muttered, putting my hands on his
shoulders. "What you were just saying." I pouted. "You mean what I was trying to say. But
you wouldn't stop dragging me around your obnoxiously big house like a damn rag doll-"
"Armillia." He groaned impatiently. He put a hand on my waist and one on the crook of my
neck. "Oh yeah, well you asked a question and the answer is yes." I flushed. "I asked if you
loved me." He reminded me. I nodded mutely. "Say it." He couldn't possibly expect that.
"Say. It." But he did. "Armillia." He said softly running the hand up from my neck and up to
my cheek. "I love you. Those are not words I use in excess. You realize that don't you? I love
my lasagna with extra sauce, I love my dogs large, I love the view from on top of the bridge
early in the morning, the feeling you get in moments of complete silence after a show down. I
love my suits ironed, tailored, one of a kind. I love many things, but people? That, my
darling, is a rarity." "But you love me." I whispered. "You are my rarity..." He glanced
down to my lips and them back to my eyes. "My single rose in a field of daisies." "I love you
Alessio." I whispered and he opened the door behind me and we fell back into the room
immediately tangled up in one another, tripping over our feet and stumbling through the dark
trying to make our way to the bed.

Chapter 4

Day one. Nash had given me seven days to decide what I wanted to do. A single week to
alter my life forever. Did I want to help bring the Genovese down, to bring Alessio down.
Professing my love to him and spending the night wrapped up in each other certainly was not
the best way to start the seven days. The one week. Less than a quarter of a month. It was all I
had. I watched Alessio from my position on the bed. Lying on my stomach, my arms crossed
below my head, cheek resting on the crossed arms. With closed eyes Alessio brought his
fingers slowly up and down my exposed spine as if second nature, the action occasionally
made me shudder. "That was possibly the best night of sleep I've ever gotten." He muttered.
"What sleep?" "That's precisely the point." He said a shit eating grin taking over his face. If
I wasn't so ridiculously comfortable where I was I would have swatted him for being so
crude. But it's not like I could disagree. We had spent the entire night recreating what Silvano
had interrupted. And I do mean all night. Just the thought sent tingles to an already pleasantly
sore area down below. "Your skin is hot. Are you coming down with a fever my sweet?" He
teased. "Alessio." I warned. There was a gentle knock on the door. "Entare." He said and his
eyes finally opened and fixed onto me. Pietro poked his head through the door. "Were you
planning on spending all day in bed? We do of course have business matters to attend to." I
rolled over with the blanket pressed against me and reddened cheeks. Alessio sat up careless
to his exposed body. "Do we have reports?" "For hours now." Alessio stood and careless to
his completely exposed body wandered into the bathroom. With a raised and slighted voice
he called out. "Hours? Why the hell are you just now coming to me then?" "You
were...busy." Pietro replied and glanced at me with a knowing grin. Alessio came back into
the room half dressed in boxers and pants but still shirtless. The suspenders attached to his
pants hung carelessly down his legs. "Witnesses?" Pietro nodded almost gravely and Alessio
narrowed his eyes. "Suspects?" He said in a low tone. Pietro nodded again and Alessio
cursed. I looked cluelessly between the two. Alessio pulled on a white sleeveless shirt and I
frowned as it covered the most breathtaking parts of his body. He pulled a button up on next
as usual and began buttoning it. "What's going on?" He looked up with his shirt half
buttoned and looked almost apologetic. "I'm not used to having others in my life to explain
things to." I waited for the explanation but it didn't come. "The explanation?" I finally asked
after he had buttoned his shirt and tucked it into his pants carefully. "Don't worry." He said
and pressed a light kiss to my forehead. "Alessio!" Had I been even partially dressed or had
Pietro not been in the room I would have followed after him but I really didn't need Pietro
checking out the oddly shaped mole on my ass. He pulled his suspenders up to his shoulders,
grabbed a suit jacket as he breezed by his closet and left the room. Pietro shot me an
apologetic look and followed after him. I huffed loudly. Whatever unfinished business
Alessio and I had left at the casino we had certainly finished last night. Both of us had
finished. Several times. But I was still being left out in the dark when it came to all these
matters. And I was not happy about it. I flopped onto my back. A little sleep really would do
me a world of good. When I woke up I had a lot to think about. Unfortunately for me sleep
wasn't coming easily to me. Despite the fact that I was feeling beyond spent. The last day had
been pure bliss, absolute hell, and something even better than pure bliss. I was sufficiently
confused. Alessio was a bad guy, perhaps to the rest of the world. But certainly not to me.
He loved me, he was wonderful to me, took me to places I had never even dreamt of, as much
in the mental and emotional level as the physical one. He wasn't my enemy. Well, not until
he was shooting my father. Locking me up underground, though that had been much more
my own fault, allowing my youngest and only cousin to be killed, and constantly telling me
to get out in rather explicit terms. He was a good guy. I scowled at the ceiling and rolled
over. I folded the pillow half over my face. I needed to quit thinking and just sleep. I had six
and a half days to think about this. Over 156 hours, well over nine-thousand minutes. I had
9,360 minutes to think about this whole situation. Right now I should sleep. Sleep and not
think about how just hours after cursing Alessio to hell and promising to bring him down I
was professing my love. No. I shouldn't think of the way he unzipped Nash's jacket from me.
The way I had even considered going back to Nash's house. I shouldn't be thinking of such
hoopla. Focus on sleep. Sleep. I could have very well gotten lots of sleep at Nash's house,
but instead I had gotten no sleep as I'd been far too tangled up with Alessio. I groaned
loudly. "Okay. I'll just count sheep." I declared to myself with a firm tone. One. This was
only day one. Two. Two men who had hoped for my loyalty. Three. Three cops I deeply
cared about and should protect. Four. Alessio, Pietro, Stacey and myself made a group of four
sharing dinner. Five. Five relatives I would have lost to this bullshit had my uncle and father
both been killed. "Oh for heaven's sake!" I groaned and rolled onto my stomach. I mushed
my face into the bed. Oh God, it smelled like him too. This was going to be one hellish
week. I wished desperately I could go to Stacey or my father, but I couldn't. There was only
one person who knew exactly what I was going through and, if I decided so, I would not be
seeing him for a week. There was only one solution to this and it was an obvious one at that.
One way to handle this array of emotions. I had one resource I hadn't expenses yet. A
resource Alessio had a lot of. And lucky me, I knew exactly where he kept it. Booze. I
needed booze. And lots of it. *** When Alessio returned home I was sufficiently wasted
and had my head in the trash can. "Porca vacca!" He exclaimed when he came in the door.
He surely heard me before he saw me but he saved his curses until I was within view. He was
such a gentleman. "What the fuck is this?" He motioned towards me. (More Italian profanity
but actually translates to pig cow) I belched loudly before lifting my head from the trash can.
"Ho preso una scimmia." I groaned. (I'm wasted, though literally means "I have a monkey")
His angry eyes flickered and he seemed slightly amused at the use of my Italian. "Yes I can
see that." He scanned me up and down with disdain. "I didn't think you remembered any
Italian." I let go of the trash can, the only thing that had been holding me on my feet, and
stumbled a few steps. He moved quickly to catch me before I could crash into the ground.
"The question is, why are you wasted?" "Why?" I repeated. "Yes Armillia. I know you well
enough to know this is some sort of piss poor excuse you use to try to deal with your
problems." "Problems?" He frowned. "How much have you had?" "Enough." I giggled.
"Yes, that much I can see." "Mia?" I looked past Alessio to where Pietro was standing, my
beautiful best friend beside him. I pushed away from Alessio and threw my hands into the air.
"Stacey!" I yelled. Alessio's hands suddenly around my waist kept me from collapsing onto
the ground. I heard him mutter something Italian under his breath. Probably cursing me.
"She's drunk." Pietro said. "Oh thanks." Stacey said with an eye roll. "We hadn't noticed."
Alessio lifted me easily and set me onto the counter. "Get her a bucket will you." He
instructed and Pietro, always eager to please disappeared. I thought I wasn't allowed to sit on
the counter and giggled feeling as though I was getting away with something. "What was she
drinking?" Stacey asked and began picking up various bottles in his liquor cabinet. She
sniffed one and grimaced, then took a swig from the bottle. "A cup for fu-" Alessio started
but stopped. Around others he was so composed. "A cup please." He corrected himself
though did not sound anymore pleased with his tone. "Seriously though, what was she
drinking?" "How should I know? I wasn't here!" He said through gritted teeth just as I threw
my arms around his neck and pulled him against me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and
buried his face into the crook of his neck. I inhaled his scent heavily and probably out of
instinct he put a hand to the back of my neck. "Well what have you got." She said sharply.
Pietro came back into the room to save the day just before Alessio could have Stacey's head
for talking out of tone to him. He set a bucket beside me on the counter. "He's got just about
everything. Wines, most of the wines are in the wine cellar naturally." "You've a wine
cellar?" Stacey turned to give Pietro an accusing glare. How dare he not share that with her! I
lifted my head and giggled. "You name it." Pietro chuckled. "He drinks mostly scotch, rum,
whiskey, vodka, ale, cider, gin-" "Oh no." Stacey interrupted gravel. "What?" Alessio
demanded making no attempt to detangle me. "Let's just hope she didn't get into the gin.
That's all I'm going to say." All eyes directed on me and I giggled. Day one was fun. I hoped
day two could be this successful. "What did you have to drink today Mia?" "Alessio." I said
and forced my mouth on his. Gently but firmly he pushed me away. He was just about the
only thing I hadn't had today and right now he was looking like a tall glass of water in the
Sahara desert. Alessio looked terribly annoyed as he brushed a few damp strands of hair
away from my face. "What happens when she drinks gin?" Stacey didn't reply, only shook
her head grimly. Alessio looked, dare I even say it, nervous. I laughed again. "Take her up
and throw her in a cold shower." He said to Pietro. "Excuse me?" Stacey said and linked her
arm through Pietro's. "He doesn't need to see all of what she's got going on under there." She
waved her hand up and down my body and I had to laugh. "Relax!" I said through giggles.
"It's not like he hasn't seen before. He watches all the time!" I shook my head through
giggles. "Erm." Alessio started as Stacey's mouth hung open. "You're right. I should take
her." "Oh no you will not." Stacey said and slapped Alessio's hand away from me which
made me howl in laughter. If only she knew. "What exactly do you mean he watches all the
time? Do the three of you-" She motioned between us and then settled her glare to Alessio.
"Sicko. I liked you better when you were gay." Alessio raised a questioning eyebrow. "I was
never-" He began. "And you!" She turned to face Pietro and smacked his arm with her purse.
"Stacey please. Shut up." Alessio sighed. She seemed stunned and her mouth fell open again.
He turned to Pietro. "Show her. I'd like a few moments alone with Mia anyway." I pouted at
the sound of my name. A very relieved looking Pietro grabbed Stacey and dragged her, still
cursing loudly, away. "You called me Mia." "You're being a Mia." He shot back. "Where
are they going?" "He's going to show her the cameras, and you-" He picked me up bridal
style. "Are going to get a cold shower. What were you drinking tonight?" "A few things." I
teased. "Gin?" I sighed dramatically. "No sir." He looked relieved. "I don't need a shower." I
slurred. "There's puke in your hair. Not to mention you just told you best friend we like to
include her boyfriend in our sex life. You need to sober up so I can scold you properly." "I'm
not a child." "Hard to believe at times." He muttered. "Do you still love me?" He glanced at
me in his arms, drunk, stupid, helpless, needy, and his expression took on an even more
annoyed one. "Unfortunately for me, yes. Yes of course." "No matter what?" He gave me a
strange look. "What did you do Mia?" "Nothing." Yet. "Just tell me." He sighed heavily and
struggled with opening our bedroom door with me still in his arms. "I don't believe people
fall out of love. If you love someone I believe you will always love that someone." "So
you're stuck with me?" I asked hopefully as he set me back on my feet in the shower.
"Always." He replied just before kicking the cold water and drenching my still fully clothed
drunk ass.

Chapter 5

Day three It was day three already, meaning I had only four more days to decide
whose side I was on. I had slept through day two entirely. Well, almost entirely. I'd had to get
out of bed a few times to hurl. Alessio had forced me into a cold shower on day
one, stripped me after, dressed me, made passionate and insane love to me, twice, and then
tucked me into bed. In the morning he'd left aspirin, a glass of water and a single rose with a
note under it on the nightstand beside the bed. The note had been brief. Five simple words.
"My rarity, feel better." And his name had been written on the bottom making five.
Fụck. This was a hard decision. I decided I would spend day three going over all
the reasons I should help Nash, why I didn't want to be with Alessio and then on day four I
would try to think of all of the reasons I did. I tried to force myself to think of my father and
the way he'd insisted on looking at me through the hole in his arm. The words Nash had told
me. How many people had Alessio killed? What kind of people did he kill? Were
they always bad guys? Did he kill people that annoyed him or got in his way even if they
weren't a threat? Had he killed anyone young? Just budding into their life? Someone like my
Nicolo? I tried to be angry at Alessio because I felt like I truly should be. But I
couldn't. I had known who Alessio was for a very long time, and this is still what I had
chosen. Granted, I was pretty hopeful he wouldn't shoot my father, but if I want to look at
things from a technical point of view he didn't, his men did. Not that that made it alright. But
still. It was hard to be mad at someone for being exactly who you had always known them to
be. "Good morning Armillia." I sat up slowly in bed, my hair hardly
remained in the bun he had put it in the night before as I was puking, most of it fell now all
over my face and was in rough knots. It kind of smelled too. Alessio on the other hand looked
perfect. I could tell he'd just gotten out of the shower because his hair was still wet and his
bare chest was shining from the moisture. What was I thinking about again? "Get a
shower, I was thinking we could go for a jog." On closer inspection the shorts he was wearing
were grey and had a bright yellow stripe down either side. Not his usual apparel and sneakers.
Had I ever seen Alessio in sneakers before? Oh yes, the last time I saw him work out.
"Do I look like someone who jogs?" He smiled and leaned over the bed. He wiped
the stray hair, stiff from dried puke, away from my face and kissed my forehead lightly.
"Shower, it will make you feel better. We'll jog down to the coffee house you like so much."
We'd never gone to a coffee house before. Stacey and I had a favorite coffee place. Had I
mentioned that to him before? "That's like two miles away." "If you get
tired I'll just carry you." I frowned. He knew I'd be too proud to admit I was tired
and let him carry me. He watched my skeptical look for a moment before climbing
onto the bed with me. He wrapped his strong arms around me and I folded into his body.
"Shower now, I'll jog down. Simone can drive you down, by the time you've driven down I
should already be there and ordered for you. I'll order you..." He paused thoughtfully.
"Donuts?" I shook my head. "Muffins?" I paused and then shook it again. "Ah, strawberry
cheesecake." I groaned appreciatively. "I'll demand they make it fresh
just for you. That way you have a bit more time to get yourself ready." I rolled
away from him. "You're too good to me." When you aren't single handedly getting everyone I
cared about killed that is. "If you're up to it we can walk home." I
scrunch my nose up and he chuckled. "Go, shower, and brush your teeth. I'd like to
be able to kiss you again." "Okay." I agreed and crawled out of bed. "This cheese
cake better be fresh!" ****** Walking home with Alessio was actually nice. It
was earlier than I realized. He must have woken me around seven because by the time I
arrived at the coffee place it was barely eight. Walking home around nine the air seemed to
be oddly fresh and the sun was at a near perfect location in the sky. "I can't believe
you convinced me to walk with you." I muttered. "I hardly convinced you to do
anything. You were quite willing." "You bribed me with chocolate! That was a
dirty trick." He chuckled and took my hand with his own. Perhaps on
day three I should focus on the reasons I should be with Alessio rather than why I shouldn't.
That would be better for a day when he wasn't around. I could focus on very few things other
than the way his hands fitting between mine made my heart swell. "You don't have
work today?" I asked, trying to sound casual. "I'm always working."
"Oh. Yeah I guess you are." I looked down. "What's wrong?" "Nothing."
"Armillia. I know I may not be much of a conversationalist sometimes, you may think I'm
quite lost in my work, perhaps I am. But I'm not completely blind. Obviously something is
bothering you. You don't drink unless you're upset about something." Here we go,
he was asking me. I certainly couldn't tell him I was thinking of working against him, but if
we were together I should at least know more about his life. I should ask him everything I
wanted to know. "It's nothing. Let's just enjoy this beautiful walk together." I squeezed his
hand and he returned the gesture. At moments like this, I felt like we were almost normal.
But we weren't, we couldn't be. "Let's just do something fun today." I said turning to face him
as we walked. "Like what?" "I don't know. Something just us. We're
always with the family, always doing something illegal. Let's just try doing something low
key today." "Low key?" He said softly. I nodded and turned forward again. We
started walking again. "I was actually thinking, since you mentioned, there was something I'd
like to do with you." "Something PG?" He chuckled. "Yes Armillia.
Something PG." ****** "Keep your arms fully extended..." Alessio muttered
into my ear and brought his hand slowly down the length of my arm with a light touch. "But
don't lock your elbows up." "That doesn't make sense." I grumbled through
frustration. I was out of my element, I didn't like being out of my element. He
stepped around behind me and kissed one of my shoulders. "Relax your shoulders." He
breathed against my skin before kissing the other. "You're distracting me." I
muttered and glanced at him. "Shoulders should always be-" He put his hands on
my shoulders and slowly brought them down my back, around to my waist and down the
curve and to my hips. He squeezed my hips and pulled them back against him making me
groan. "-forward the hips." I could hear the smirk in his voice as he whispered into my ear.
"If you aren't careful-" I breathed. "You'll what?" He mocked. "You'll
get shot in the foot." I muttered. When I had suggested something fun and legal I really hadn't
expected Alessio to take me to a shooting range. Apparently teaching me the ins and outs of
gun usage was just one of the things on his to do list. I hadn't been thrilled with the idea at
first, guns and violence had pretty much been what I was looking to get away from today. But
Alessio had made a pretty strong argument. "Shooting?" I'd whined sounding far
too close to a toddler nearing a temper tantrum that his very grown up girlfriend.
"Well not just shooting of course. I'd teach you how to take it apart, put it together, properly
clean it and load it. The works." "Oh joy. That sounds like a blast." I muttered
sarcastically with an eye roll. "Armillia." He sighed. "Can't we just go
one day pretending to be normal? You know, doing normal people things. Like, I don't know,
go to the movies, or for a walk in the park." "We've done those things." He
reminded me of sounding a bit confused even. We'd gone for a walk twice? And
we had certainly NOT gone to the movies before. Fancy showings yes, movies no. "Well
yeah but our whole lives are about guns, and high speed chases, and illegal places. I just, ugh.
I hate guns." "I know. That's why I thought this would be a good idea."
"A good idea to make me do something I hate?" "A good idea to teach you how to
use a gun so it doesn't freak you out so much. You know I really do my best to keep you
away from the family business Armillia. I know, it frustrates you. You think I'm keeping
secrets. I'm not, I'm simply trying to keep your life as normal as I can. I want to keep you
safe, keeping you distant is the best way to do that. But, as we have obviously learned, I can't
always keep you distant enough. It would I think make us both feel better if when the
distance is shortened as it sometimes is, if you could better protect yourself." I
pursed my lips. He was right. In this world I had involved myself in it was idiotic for me not
to know how to work a gun better. "I protect myself plenty." I lied and he chuckled.
"Armillia, please. For me?" I sighed heavily. I would have, even if he hadn't pulled
the "for me" card. "Alright, I'll go shooting with you." "Great. Tomorrow I was
thinking we could both play hookie from work and enroll you in self-defense classes. Three
times a week sounds sufficient to me." "Mm." Alessio groaned into my ear. "You'd
have to know how to shoot if you wanted to shoot me in the foot. Which I do believe is the
point of all of this to begin with." "It would be going a lot better if you'd stop-" He
brought his teeth across the nape of my neck and I groaned. "-doing that." I felt his
lips curve up. He kissed my neck again and then stood up straight still holding me by my
hips. "Adjust the sights to line them up, that's directing where you want the bullet to go."
"That much I assumed." He stretched his arms out over mine and put his hands
over mine. "You'll want to hold it tightly, tighter than you would assume. Now pulling the
trigger, you probably think that's the easy part." He said softly into my ear.
"Nothing is easy with you." He ignored my snarky comment as usual and
continued. "A lot of first time shooters jerk or flinch right before pulling the trigger,
obviously that's going to send your bullet in a totally different direction."
"Obviously." I agreed softly. "Now shoot."

Chapter 6
Day Six "I thought-" I panted from my position laying on my back on the floor. "-you said-"
I fought to fill my lungs with air. "-self defense." Alessio was standing casually above me
readjusting the straps on his gloves. "I did." "No." I groaned and rolled onto my stomach.
Slowly I crawled back up to my knees. "You're trying to kill me." "Now you're just being
over dramatic." He looked across the room. "Look, Stacey and Pietro are perfectly fine."
"Because Pietro hasn't grabbed Stacey and flipped her onto her back three times in the last
twenty minutes!" "Because Stacey has followed instructions when Pietro has tried." Alessio
said and offered me his hand. I glared at it. "Also, my dear cousin is a pussy and is too scared
of hurting her to actually train her properly." He gave me a condescending smile. "But of
course he doesn't want to let the instructor step in either." I took his hand and he pulled me
up. "I wish you'd let the instructor teach me." I muttered. "I'm sure you would. But see
there's two problems with that." He moved behind me and put his arms around me. "The
instructor would probably not be as rough with you as I am." He said and kissed my cheek
lightly and then took a step backwards. "And secondly, if I saw him put his hands on you at
all I would likely have to take time out of my precious free time to come back and break
every one of his fingers and I'm sure you could probably imagine he'd be far less effective a
teacher with such an injury." I waited patiently for Alessio to initiate an "attack." The
waiting game was part of the fun he said. If I knew when I was going to be attacked I would
have avoided getting into an attack to begin with. Unless I was a moron of course, which,
according to Alessio, I probably was. He finally put both of his hands on my shoulders, I
whirled around to do what the instructor had demonstrated. The first time we had tried this I
couldn't honestly see forcing the base of my palm into Alessio's nose, but after he'd been
working me up and down this place for almost an hour I was getting so pissed off I did want
to break his nose. No such luck though. He caught me by the wrist easily, turned around so
his back was to me, pulled me over his back and dropped me back onto mine. Flipping me for
the fourth time in the past half hour. He put his hands on his hips and watched me glare at
him furiously from my flat position on the floor. He waved me forward. "Again."
********************************************************* "I've changed my
mind." I grumbled with my face still pressed into the cushion of the couch. "Once a week,
tops." Alessio rubbed my back lightly but made no comment. I'd been here in this position
for almost an hour, and I was pretty sure I couldn't move. We'd come home, Alessio had sat
down on the couch and I had flopped dramatically down on top of him and the couch. My
face pressed into the cushion, my knees touched one of his legs and I had my rear end up in
the air leaving a few inches of space between his lap and me. Alessio hadn't even followed
the instructor's directions. He insisted that "real life criminals aren't going to follow these
patterns." He had a point but I wasn't going to admit that to him. Our instructor was trying to
teach us the most basic of self-defense techniques. The men who would attack me wouldn't
be your common day criminal, they wouldn't be after my purse or a quick fuck. They'd be out
to kill. Basic skills were just the start, and naturally they weren't going to follow a certain
routine in their attack. If someone grabbed my hair they wouldn't grab my hair and try to pull
me into an alley, they'd pull my hair to hold my head still so they could blow my brains out or
perhaps pull it back so they would have an easier time slitting my throat. What a wonderful
world I had stepped into. "You could have gone easier on me. It was my first time after all.
And don't even tell me "the Bonanno aren't going to go easy on you because it's your first
time getting kidnapped" blah blah blah." "It technically wouldn't be your first time getting
kidnapped, and they really wouldn't." "I'm serious. Everything hurts." I groaned. "I'll just
have to rub everything later." I grumbled something incoherently into the couch. "Just
alternate between a warm compress and ice." Alessio said and suddenly something cold and
wet was pressed against my back. I arched up immediately getting to my hands and knees.
"Alessio!" I breathed. "That's cold!" I looked over my shoulder to see him wielding a thawing
water bottle. I always kept one of two in the freezer and had pulled one out before falling
onto the couch and becoming a vegetable. "Shh." He said and with his free hand pushed me
back down. "Alessio." I groaned and then shuddered as he brought the bottle down my spine.
A moment later he moved it away and I sighed. He was going to be the death of me. He
shifted and put a hand on my raised rump. He rubbed my bottom slowly and I wiggled
involuntarily. Without warning he cupped me below with his other hand and hiked me
forward to force my ass further in the air and my face further into the couch. I turned my head
so my cheek was against the couch. "Excuse me sir, but what exactly do you think you're
doing down there?" "Shhh." I tucked my lips together. He gripped both of my hips and held
me into place as he climbed out from beneath me and took place behind me. With his hands
still on my hips he pulled me back against him, I could feel his hardness through his gym
shorts against me. He laid the water bottle on it's side and put pressure on it, slowly he rolled
the bottle down my back, I involuntarily arched up and further into his crotch as he moved it.
"I told you. Alternate between cold and warm to help your soreness." He said and pressed his
mouth against my back, he followed the trail of moisture the water bottle had left bringing
soft lips and a hungry tongue across my back. I let out a meek "oh" as I moved torturously
slowly across my back and not stopping until his mouth came to the hot pink sports bra I had
on. "I said shhh." He muttered and then began trailing kisses all the way down my back until
he met the waistband of my spandex shorts, and then he stopped. Completely. For at least
half a minute. The longest half a minute ever. If it wasn't for his hard on pressed between my
legs I would have suspected he'd left. Impatiently I pushed back again, pressing myself
harder against him with a groan. He put the icy bottle on the small of my back and I raised
my head letting his name slip from my mouth. "A lot of nerve you have wearing these
skimpy shorts today for everyone to see." He muttered slowly bringing it up my spine. "Y-
you bought these." I managed through gritted teeth as my body shook. Why did this feel so
good? He wasn't even touching me! He moved the water bottle away but rather than pressing
his lips to my chilled back he put his forehead against it and let his warm breath fan my skin.
His whole body was over mine now, his erection pressing as well as it could through my gym
shorts against my spread cheeks. "How do you feel?" I groaned. "That's not what I meant."
He chuckled and then pressed his lips to my skin making me buck backwards against him. "I
know your body screams for mine." He muttered and brought his hands and put his hands to
my hips. From holding the water bottle his hands were cold and damp and God did I just
want them all over me. "I meant your muscles. Is this helping?" "Yes, Yes. So much." I said
hastily. "Good." And just like that he pulled back completely. His hands from me, his head
from my back, his crotch from my sex. "Alessio-" I whined and suddenly he flipped me onto
my back. Funny, I didn't mind it nearly as much this time as I had earlier in the day. He
easily maneuvered himself between my legs pressed against me the way he had before.
"What about your front?" He asked, putting the frozen bottle on my stomach. I wrapped my
legs around him and locked my ankles together with the heel of my foot pressing into his
back. "Sore. Very, very sore." I nodded frantically. He forced a pout. "Aw. My poor baby."
He rolled the bottle up my stomach slowly. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and tried
to keep from squirming. "And now?" He asked me to stop just below the sports bra. "Sore." I
managed to breathe out. He dropped the water bottle on the couch and began kissing my bare
stomach, the bottle rolled down the sinking couch and against my back, that and his delicious
touch both forced me to arch forward. His hands ran up my sides and he forced my back
down against the couch again after brushing the bottle to the side. I groaned as his tongue ran
up my navel and further up. This time he didn't stop at the sports bra, he moved right past it
to kiss what parts of my chest were exposed and trailed kisses all the way up to my neck
which he bit down on. I groaned and tangled my fingers in his hair desperate to keep him so
close to me. He pressed the frozen bottle against me again, this time not making tedious work
of it the way he had been before in seconds he had my sports bra pushed up and the bottle on
my breast. I sucked in a breath and he dove his head down to take my other nipple in my
mouth. I cursed his name, cursed it again. His tongue flicked across my nipple and I cursed
him again. He rolled the bottle across my chest putting enough pressure on it to cause my
chest to sink with it. When the icy bottle found the tender breast he'd just had his mouth on I
nearly came undone. "Fuck." I hissed. He leaned up and his attention returned to the water
bottle. Something about the way he watched it now as he brought just the bottom corner
down my center made my own attention drawn. I stretched my neck to be able to watch him
move it down my chest, bucked when it came across sensitive flesh on my stomach and
groaned when he reached the waistband of my shorts. Sometimes about watching this was
almost driving me more insane than actually feeling it. "Please." I whimpered when he
hesitated teasingly at my pants. "But you're sore." He teased laying the water bottle down on
my stomach idly, I sucked in a breath and held it until he slid both hands down the back of
my shorts, partly pulling them and my panties down he cupped my bottom. "Maybe you
should rest?" "You're going to be sore if you keep teasing me." I threatened and raised my
hips grinding into his erection. With my hips raised he easily pulled my shorts and
underwear down until my knees. I happily unlocked my ankles from behind him and assisted
him with the removal process. "You poor girl." He muttered and forced me onto my stomach
again. "Such a rough day." He continued and calmly traced my spine with the water bottle. I
swear, it would melt before he ever decided to satisfy me. "Alessio." I begged. Time to pull
on the big stops. "Per favore."I whispered to the couch. He stilled for a moment clearly
caught off guard by my use of his native tongue and then I felt him at my slick entrance. He
gripped my hips and pulled me back into him, closing the gap between us and making us one.
He groaned when he entered me and I felt myself gush around his member. I wanted him, I
wanted to pull on his hair, to kiss him, to pull my nails down his back but could do none of
that from my hands and knees. I leaned backwards into him and the grip on my hips
tightened, he held me hard in what I suspected would leave bruises. Bruises I would look
onto fondly, counting each finger and remembering the way he slammed into me with
unforgiving passion. He leaned over me pressing his lips to my damp back and forcing
himself deeper into me. He muttered Italian curses and attached my names to them against
my skin between kisses. He snaked his hand to my front and when his thumb brushed against
my clit I lost all will power to hold myself up and slumped back down, my face against the
couch cushion and thawing water bottle rolled over and brushed against my chest. I tried to
curse Alessio's name the same way he had cursed mine in his tongue but with his thumb
rubbing in circular motions over my clit I couldn't connect my syllables together well enough
to form a coherent word let alone string of curses. I pushed back into him following his
rhythm, my sore limbs screaming for relief but something else, something much lower,
screamed for more. Alessio pinched my clit between his thumb and index finger and finally
one foul word finally managed to slip out. "Fuck!" I cried out, lifting myself to my hands and
knees again as I came undone. My body convulsed as I rode out waves of pleasure and for a
few moments I didn't so much as take a breath before flopping back down. Alessio had
slowed considerably when I came and had moved both hands back to my hips to keep me on
my knees and my ass in the air. He made several slow but deep thrusts, each one making me
groan out again as I tried to collect myself to no avail. If he didn't stop...I stuck the tip of my
thumb in my mouth and bit it to try to quiet myself as the noises I was making could be
described as animalistic at best. "Scream for me." He grunted with a particularly hard thrust
and his hand came down on my ass hard and I did just that. I screamed for him. And only
him, thumb still against my bottom lip I came undone. He picked up speed and intensity with
his thrusts granting me no mercy as I came. He slammed into me hard and fast, his thighs
hitting the back of mine making a slapping noise each time, pulling me back and pushing me
forward with each thrust when finally he pulled me into him and held me in place with a
satisfied groan and my name slipped from his mouth again. After a few moments he sighed
and leaned down to kiss my back again before pulling out of me. "Shit." I muttered and slid
down to my stomach. "Holy shit." He patted my back a few times reassuringly and then stood
up to pull his shorts back on. Sober sex was nice, we should do this again sometime. I rolled
onto my back and pulled my sports bra back down to place flustered. "Here, I believe you
might be needing this." He said, tossing me the thawing water bottle. I stuck my tongue out
at him and his phone rang. He returned my childish gesture before answering. "Ciao." He was
silent for a few moments listening to the speaker on the other side. "Smettila di dire
parolacce, pe l'amor di Dio!" He muttered into the phone and stood up. He paced back and
forth on the phone for a few moments. "Perche sei tanto stupido?" He lowered the phone
from his ear and covered the speaker with his hand. (Quit swearing for God's sake)(Why are
you so stupid?) Alessio kissed my forehead lightly. "I've got to go." "I know." I said smiling
and kissing him. "If you bribe me with some more chocolate and cake, maybe I'll walk with
you for breakfast again tomorrow...if I can move come morning that is." "No chance of a jog,
is there?" I let out a thoughtful hum. "Perhaps, maybe a speed walk." He cupped my face
and kissed me again before pulling away and putting the phone back to his ear. His sudden
sweetness vanished. His expression hardened and as he walked away speaking quickly in
Italian he sounded tired and annoyed. I sat on the bed silently for a few moments before
taking my own phone out. I knew this moment would have to come sooner or later. The
moment when I sent a two word text to Nash. It could go either way. "I'm in." or "I'm sorry."
So as I pressed slowly the words on my screen I felt almost sick. I was making the right
decision, wasn't it?

Chapter 7

I came out of the room and slammed my drill onto the desk. Pietro who had his
feet propped up on the desk and had been casually thumbing through a magazine glanced up.
"He talks?" "You're supposed to be keeping cover." I said harshly and motioned
towards the row of security monitors we had managed to set up in secrecy in the old
abandoned warehouse over the past few weeks. "Ah, I'll take that as a no." He
muttered and raised the magazine back up over his eyes. It wasn't very often that we failed to
persuade someone into giving us the information we wanted. Even with the omerta in place,
most sang like a canary when the power tools came out. Hell, most started barking way
before then. I held up my drill. "He broke my fuᴄking drill." "He what?"
"He broke my drill." I seethed and slammed it back down. "He broke your drill."
Pietro repeated slowly. I pulled the chair out beside him and dropped down into it.
"fuᴄking bastard. Put it through both knee caps fine, stuck it to the back of his head, started
pulling out clumps of hair, you know, the usual shit, hit his skull and the fuᴄking thing broke.
Barely managed to see any bone." "Prick." Pietro said, shaking his head. It was
like no one had any manner these days. "So what'd you do to him?" "So pissed off
I took the sledgehammer to his shoulder and left him in there to sulk." I muttered and put a
cigar to my lips. "Damn. I'm surprised he didn't start talking." Pietro said and
pulled his feet from the desk. I lit my cigar and took a long drag from it before
blowing out several smoke o's. "He did. Right after he pissed all over himself and begged
mercilessly. Might've saved himself a knee cap had he skipped all the sobbing and screaming
and just got to it." "Why'd you keep going if he was talking?" Typically
we started with a threat, threat was usually not very successful and then we would move onto
torture. Sometimes it was a nuisance, other times it made for a great stress reliever. When our
victims started talking, as they usually did we would let them talk uninterrupted and
unharmed until they were finished. And then we would finish the job. "Didn't like
what he had to say." I muttered. "You're in a bad mood tonight." I didn't
respond. I watched Tony from the security camera. He had his head raised up towards the
ceiling and I could tell he was yelling for help. Pleading, probably hoarse from screaming.
Idiot should know it was useless. Here I was just one room over and even I couldn't' hear
him. I took a long drag from my cigar cursing myself. This is what happens when I take a
few days off from work. Things get sloppy. On top of knowing one of my own men was
responsible for the casino raid I also had two drops staked out and half a dozen men away.
Someone was leaking information. At least one of my boys was working against me, maybe
more. Tony was supposed to be present at one of the drops, he had conveniently
been ill this morning and somehow managed to avoid working today, the same day the cops
raided the docks. What were the odds Tony would manage to escape such a fate?
Slim to none. He didn't so much as have the fucking sniffles when I came into his
house and pulled him out by his hair leaving his wife at the door begging for forgiveness. He
was up to something, and I wasn't having it. I had perhaps gone a little hard on
Tony. He started blubbering about money troubles and how he had skimmed just a little off
the top and blah blah blah senseless droning that did not help me or the loyal members behind
bars. So I kept going. One of my own fuᴄking men. He insisted that he'd had
nothing to do with the cops being at the docks. That he thought I was angry about him taking
a little off the top. Insisted he'd been warned not to go to the drop, warned by one of my guys
and another was sent in his place. Horseshit. I forced the tip of my cigar into the
ashtray. Pietro was watching me cautiously. "What?" I snapped. "Nothing. Just
haven't seen you pull the power drill out on one of our guys in a good while." It
has been a good while since I'd felt it necessary. "Bring up the house." I motioned towards
the screen. Pietro did so without questioning me. Typing on the computer to
change the cameras from watching Tony and the warehouse to watching our own house. He
clicked through the screens carelessly until he found Armillia in our room. He nearly missed
her as she was hidden under about a dozen blankets of varying size and color, where they had
all come from I had no clue. At two in the morning she should be asleep but instead was
laying the opposite way on the bed than she should be, her feet were on the pillows and her
head at the foot of the bed. She was laying on her stomach, the light of her computer screen
illuminating her face. If the cameras didn't have night visions, which they of course did, I
wouldn't have been able to see her otherwise. I sighed heavily and ran my hand through my
hair. I was never going to get used to this. Knowing she was there. Knowing if someone came
in with enough manpower to take out the men I kept at the house, usually between two to
three along with Pietro and myself, that Armillia would be caught in the crossfire. I checked
up on her often, something I'm sure she would be furious about, but it never seemed to leave
the back of my mind. She was an open target, all the time. "I need a drink." I
mumbled more to myself than anything. What a mess. Tony had given me two other names to
look into and it appeared that he really hadn't gone to the cops himself but had just fallen to
the two who had been working with them. They paid him handsomely to be absent today I'm
sure. And while he did not commit the treason in going to the cops himself, he had still
betrayed me. "You're a mean son of a bitch when you drink." Pietro reminded me
but pulled a flask from inside his coat nonetheless. "Bottoms up." He said. I took a
swig of scotch and handed it back to Pietro and continued to watch Armillia on the screen.
She checked her phone and then returned to her computer for only a few moments before
checking her phone again. She was trying to stay awake for me. "What are you
going to do with Tony?" Pietro asked and with a single press of the button Armillia was gone.
"At this rate we should have him cleaned up by five." I muttered and stood up. Just in time
for me to get a shower and go for a jog to the coffee shop. "You should go." Pietro
said and pushed his seat back. "Go home to Mia. I'll call the guys to help with cleaning up.
This is the stuff we should be doing." I stood up and pulled my gun from the
holster. "No. I'll take care of him." It was too personal to let anyone else deal with. This was
my business, my family, and Tony and some other fuᴄkers were challenging that.
"Alessio." Pietro said sharply as I turned back towards the door I stopped at the door but
didn't turn back to face him. "What should we tell Lucinda?" Ah. The grieving
widow. There was always a grieving widow to put a damper on most great kills. I sighed.
Lucinda was a nice enough girl, not too bright but had a great rack. How Tony had ever won
her over I would never know. It certainly wasn't his good looks or wealth, maybe Tony was
just hung like a horse, he'd had no issues in sexually connecting with any of my ladies down
under either. Id' had dinner with Tony and his family enough times to know Lucinda well
enough to know she wasn't going to roll over and just take me killing her husband. Like I
said, nice enough, pretty enough. But dense. Oh so very dense. "We'll offer our
sincerest sympathies of course. I am deeply sorry she married an idiotic compulsive gambling
husband who was desperate enough for a few bucks to support his addiction that he was
willing to sell out his own fuᴄking family. Very sorry indeed. We'll burn Tony up ourselves,
give her the ashes and an extra urn as a warning. Unless she wants her children to be
orphaned she had best keep the knowledge of Tony's untimely death to herself. Tell her our
officers will be investigating and if she gets chatty we will know." I cocked the gun. "Take
the money for a new drill out of her grievance." When one of our men died in
action we gave the spouse a grievance money. It was petty cash, only around twenty-
thousand, but would get them through the roughest patch of adjusting to the sudden decline in
income their spouse brought home. "My, you're feeling generous tonight." Pietro
said standing up and patting himself off knowing that I would at least need a bit of help
loading Tony back into the back of our van and taking him to our cremation guy.
"Haven't had enough booze yet." I replied dryly. The moment I opened the door
again Tony's cries rang through amplifying a headache I already had. I knew he was ready to
beg and plead and insist he would do anything. But he had done enough already. He knew he
was betraying me when taking money off the top and accepting a bribe in missing the drop
today. He knew and he did so anyway. Omerta was very clear. Before having to
put myself through that incessant blubbering again I pointed the gun to his head.
"No, no, please-" Boom.

Chapter 8

Day Seven Arriving at the restaurant I hesitated once again. I knew driving the
Lexus Alessio could very well know exactly where I was. Even though I had given Nash my
answer, he still insisted we meet to go over things one last time. I got out of the car
and walked into the Chinese place once again. Last time I had been here Nash had showed
up, cuffed me, and dragged me away. And today? Today I was walking in. I was hanging my
own noose today. Should I get caught, it was all over. Nash was in the same seat as
he had been the last time we were here. I was grateful to see the table was looking rather
squid free today. He smiled when he saw me and waved slightly. "I'm glad you
came." "I told you I would." I sat down and we fell into silence as a waitress set
two cups of soda in front of us. "I hope you don't mind, I ordered our drinks
already." "As long as you didn't order me a squid again." He chuckled.
"So, you're sure about this?" My, the mood at the table shifted quickly. "I'm sure."
I nodded slowly. Nash nodded knowingly. "You know Mia, I won't ask you again."
"I know." He leaned back in his seat. He looked disappointed and I felt a little bad.
But only a little. "I'm sorry Nash. I knew who he was when I met him, I chose to
accept him. It would be cruel of me to decide later that he wasn't what I wanted. After all this
time? Three years and all of the sudden I don't love him because he is who he has always
been? I can't do it Nash, I love him. I tried, I tried so hard to look at him as some sort of
villain but I couldn't." Nash was quiet for a few moments as he watched me.
Finally he looked away and down. He pulled several manila folders out of a leather bag
beside him. I frowned. "You know, every time Alessio hands me a folder like that
it's filled with bad news or incriminating pictures." He smiled apologetically.
"Oh great, you too?" I groaned and slumped back in my seat. He spread the folders
out on the table. "This one here, this is full of files of mobsters who have been killed. Some
who worked for Alessio, some who worked against." He slid the first folder over to me. "This
one here, these are files upon files of men and women who have overdosed and lived to tell
the tale on who their supplier is, I'll give you a guess." He slid the next folder to me. "These,
these are the records of those who overdosed and didn't live to tell the tale." "So
you can't link them to Alessio." I said sharply as the folder was pushed towards me.
"No, I cannot. But it's a good indicator of drug use and the relations to all the mafia families."
He hesitated at the next folder and then pushed it over slowly. "These are missing person's
reports with Alessio's men as the leading suspect." He hesitated even longer at the next
folder. "These here are assault victims. Both physical, and sexual." He pushed the folder over
to me, and then tapped a few times on the last remaining folder. "And this? This is a folder of
men and women, all ages, who have been murdered by Alessio's men. These men and women
have no known ties to the mafia, meaning of course that they were simply innocents." He
pushed the last folder to me. I didn't dare look down at them. "Go ahead
Mia, look through. There's files and pictures. You need to see Alessio as a villain? Here he is,
here he really is." I finally glanced down and then back up. There were too many
folders, why were there so many folders? Nash was watching me expectantly.
When I still didn't move he reached forward and pulled one of the folders back. "Here. I'll
help you." "Nash-" "Sarah Mitchell." He slapped her photo down. She
was clearly alive, that was good, but her face was badly bruised and there were obvious
choke marks around her neck. "Twenty-three. Sexually assaulted and badly beaten by a group
of four. Men who worked for the Genovese. She positively identified all of the men and every
single one of them were acquitted. Three of them still work for Alessio. The fourth can be
found in that first folder, dead via a rivalry. There's more pictures of her and the extent of her
injuries if you'd like to see them?" "No." He dropped that folder and
grabbed another one. "And look here, this girl just turned eighteen when she went missing.
She was last seen in Utah of all places with one of Alessio's known comrades." He threw her
picture down at me and I knew exactly where she had disappeared to but didn't say a word.
He reached forward to grab the last folder and I put my hand on it to stop him.
"Enough." My hand was on top of his and he looked up to me sharply. We glared
at one another, battling for power. I didn't dare move my hand away first because I knew if I
caved he would show me something even worse. "He is a villain Mia."
"And I suppose you're perfect then!" His eyebrow hitched up. "I never said I was."
"You're working with the mafia. How many people have you hurt or killed?" He
frowned. "I'm not like the rest of them." "Sure seemed an awful lot like you were
when you hit me." "And then I saved you. I haven't taken any innocent lives."
His words didn't get past me. He hadn't taken any innocent lives. But he had taken lives.
By the look on his face he must not have realized his own words until he saw my face. "I told
you I wanted all of the mafia's to be put out Mia. Whatever way I can accomplish that, I
will." "You saved me but you can't possibly have saved everyone. Where are all
the files on the people your mafia has killed, huh? How many times did you stand beside then
when an innocent was killed? How many drugs have you delivered? How many times did
you play watch out while someone was being raped?" He pulled his hand away and
I did too with a gasp. What on Earth had come over me? Was I so hell bent on defending
Alessio, even when I knew he was wrong that I was willing to throw Nash under the bus? I
knew nothing about what sort of work he did in the mafia. Nothing. Yet here I was dragging
his name through the mud, accusing him of all sorts of horrible things. And why? Because he
was right? Alessio, my Alessio, was a villain. "Nash I'm so sorry."
"Don't be." He said in a cold tone. "I didn't mean any of that I just-" "Of
course you did! And you know what else, you're right. I've witnessed a lot. I started out
delivering drugs and have worked my way up. So yes, I can see how you may think poorly of
me. I've done wrong too, I've stood by, but never participated in more than my fair share of
utterly fụcked up shit. But you bet your ass that I have records of all of this and the sons of
bitches who are doing these things are getting put away. I'm making sure justice gets done
one way or the other I can promise you that. Even when I have to take matters into my own
hands. I'm not proud of the things I've seen or stood by for but at least I'm not just letting it
go!" He motioned towards the table. "I'm not willing to let all of this go." He
glanced up quickly and swiped the folders to the side. "Our food is here." He explained in a
mutter. I nodded but didn't have a single word to contribute nor was I feeling too
hungry. I looked down at the food in front of me. It looked actually normal. Rice balls and
egg rolls with some sort of shrimp. I doubted anything would be able to make it past the lump
in my throat. Nash ruffled his hair with a sigh. "I don't mean to be so blunt. I mean,
I do, but I don't, you know? I just think you should know Mia. You need to know. That is
who Alessio is, who he really is. You should know things will just get worse the longer
you're with him, the bolder he'll get around you, the less he will shield you from this life. You
need to know." I blinked through tears and swallowed hard, clearing my throat
before I attempted to speak. "W-what would I have to...do?" I looked up at Nash through my
lashes with my head still down. "Not much Mia. Really, not much at all. We just
need someone close to him to gather evidence and speak against him. You'd just tell me what
you know, wear a wire a few more times, no more than three, alright? I want to keep your
risk down as much as possible. We'd meet a few times over the next few months to discuss
the things you know about Alessio, wear the wire, and then you would just go about your life.
When the time comes and the police are ready to make their move we'd need you to testify in
court." "Testify?" I gaped and raised my head. "I'd have to testify?!"
"Well...yes Mia. You'd be one of our leading witnesses." "You want me to get up
on the stands in front of everyone and tell them what a terrible person Alessio is? In front of
Alessio even? Oh God, I can't, that would kill him." I shook my head vigorously.
"Kill him? What about the people he actually did kill Mia? Don't they mean anything?"
"Of course they do!" I said just a smidge too loudly. "Mothers, and fathers,
brothers and sisters, cousins, daughters, sons. Your Alessio and his men are ruining lives
Mia. You of all people should know this." "I do!" I yelled. "Of course of fucking
do. I know." I threw my hands over my face and slammed my elbows down on the table.
"Mia." Nash said in a more gentle tone. "Look at me Mia." I shook my head again. "If you
say no today Mia, I swear on everything in this world I will never bring this up again. Not
even in really crass jokes that we both know aren't really jokes but are personal jabs. I
promise. Never again. If you tell me no now. But even if you hate me, and you never talk to
me again after today I don't regret for a second throwing all of this in your lap. You need to
know who Alessio is. How the hell are you supposed to protect yourself in your family with
this guy in your life? When you start to actually see who he is, what he does, will you still be
able to look him in the eye? You have to know what you're getting into, who he is, for your
own safety." I lowered my hands, making sure to wipe away the tears as I did so.
"You're a real prick Nash, you know that? A real prick." "I do know that. And I'm
sorry. I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't safe and I wouldn't tell you all of this if I didn't
think you needed to know." "Okay." I said softly towards my food. "Okay?"
"Okay."

Chapter 9

"Smile sunshine." Nash insisted. "I don't smile when I'm fifty feet in the air." I
forced out through pants. "Hardly even thirty feet up." Nash said casually. "Green
peg, Mia-pie, put your foot on the green peg." "I am!" "That's purple,
you're about to do a split." Without having hands to move the hair from my face I
blew it hard. "Don't be jealous just because you can't do a split." I muttered despite the fact
that I couldn't actually do a split either. "Sassy." Nash said and began climbing
higher. I watched him for a few moments before looking down to my feet. He was
right, my foot was on a purple peg. I followed his instructions and put my right foot on the
green peg, grabbed a yellow one in my hand and pulled myself up further too. I
sometimes thought Nash's investigation was a joke. I mean here we were a whole month later
and rather than doing anything productive we were rock climbing. He only brought me here
because he knew I was a shitty climber and he was still sore at me for beating him in go-karts
last week. To Nash's defense it was difficult to build a case with my help when I
was really not offering any help. I agreed to wear a wire for Nash so he could gain his own
evidence but I couldn't tell him anything I knew of Alessio myself. Not that I had much to tell
anyway. Alessio still kept my life as separate as he could from the mafia. I knew he was
trying to protect me, and rather than do the same for him I was here... I suppose I
was playing both sides of the field in a way. I was helping Nash but at the same time I
wouldn't tell him anything about Alessio. In some odd way I felt as though I was still
maintaining some sort of loyalty to Alessio even as I was tying the noose around his neck. I
had told Nash nothing, not how Alessio and I had met, not of his apparent joint with
Gambino, not the names of any of the other men I had met during our relationship. I couldn't.
I couldn't say anything about Alessio and I certainly wouldn't be able to testify against him.
But I had agreed to wearing the wire. Alessio's own words would be what did him in, his own
actions. I couldn't say he didn't deserve jail time. I had spent my entire life listening to Uncle
Sammy and Dad preach right and wrong, even when their own kids got involved in organized
crime and lost their life. Alessio was wrong. What he did was wrong. The people
he hurt and killed. It was wrong. And for that I would do the right thing. Was it any worse
than spanking a toddler? When you break into the cookie jar before dinner you get your rear
end swatted, and when you take hundreds, perhaps even thousands of innocent lives you do
jail time. Right? So yes. I would help Nash. Because it was the right thing to do.
But I wouldn't leave Alessio's side either. If he would have me, I would stand by him.
Through the courts, through the jail time. Monster that he may be, I did love him. I would
hold his hand as I kicked the chair out from under him, kiss his forehead as I pulled the lever
on the guillotine, whisper sweet nothings into his ear as I twisted the knife. I was a
diabetic eating an entire double chocolate fudge cake myself. I knew that. I knew this was
suicide. I knew he would probably have me killed for this. I knew when I tried to hold his
hand in support he could very well cut mine off. But I had to do it. For all of those people. I
kept the folders in my car and looked through them when I was feeling especially shitty about
my betrayal. I mean, I was doing the right thing. Right? "I get that way
when the air gets so thin and all." I called up to Nash who was scaling the wall with ease. He
stopped, giving me time to catch up. "Seriously, we're not even that high up." Nash
said looking down at me. "I wouldn't put my foot there...or there...there either." I
huffed loudly. "Well where would you put it?" "Anywhere would be fine really."
"Really?" He laughed and hung back a bit. "You know if I was doing this on my
own I'd have been up and down three times by now." "Arrogant."
"Confident?" "Obnoxious." "Adorable!" I rolled my eyes and
managed to pull myself up to his level again. "You're something else Cooper."
"Ellie can climb this wall faster than you." "Okay I draw the line there! There is no
way your four year old is a better rock climber than I am!" Just to prove my point I climbed
up several more pegs to be higher than Nash. We were actually close to the top now.
"I wouldn't grab that-" I slipped completely and went down too fast for a good
fifteen feet before the harness slowed me and I slowed until I was only a few feet from the
ground swinging back and forth. Nash glanced down to me, took several long pulls
upward to hit the buzzer at the top of the wall to signal a successful climb and then began
scaling downwards. Were there degrees of wedgies? On a superficial to severe to
near fatal level, I believe I was leaning towards the latter. Nash met me back on the
ground. He grabbed the front of my harness and pulled me the last few feet down to the
ground. "How'd that feel?" He casually undoed my harness for me. "This is a
stupid place to stage an investigation anyway." I grumbled, stumbling forward a bit when he
pulled the harness open hard. "Not really much to investigate when your lips are
sealed up tighter than a nun's see you next tuesday." "Nash!" "Just
saying." He started undoing his harness and I pulled mine off the rest of the way.
"Inappropriate little shit." I muttered. "Please Mia, you flatter me." I
rolled my eyes and picked my water bottle up off the ground. "If the next time I see you
you're still pulling this obnoxious over the top meetings-" "Next time you see me
we'll be setting up the wire." He reminded me and took my bottle from me to take a swig.
"Oh." I muttered and glanced to the ground. This is where this stopped being silly, got
togethers with Nash and his daughter Ellie and became a real betrayal. "You
okay?" "Yep." "Did you forget?" I looked up. I hadn't
forgotten, we had planned this specific day. Nash had told me three times max. He refused to
put the wire on me more than three times with a max of two hours per run. I hadn't forgotten,
how could I forget? I was sharpening the scythe I would use to cut Alessio's heart out as we
spoke. "Unfortunately I'm not so lucky." Nash handed me my bottle and motioned
for me to follow him. "It's not like you signed a contract, not like there are any other officers
on this, nothing court ordered. You can still back out." I stopped walking and a few
seconds later he did the same and turned back around to face me with a curious expression.
"Are you insane?" I gaped. "Not legally." "No, I'm serious. Are you
insane? Because you go from trying to convince me to help you, to telling me you don't want
my help if I'm upset, to not accepting my no and bombarding me with all these reasons I have
to help you, and now you're telling me I don't have to again?" "You missed the part
of the story where I practically kidnapped you." "This isn't funny Nash. One of us
has to be sure, that's supposed to be you because I'm sure as hell not. You're supposed to
strong arm me into this, remind me it's for the greater good, convince me what an asshole
Alessio is! You can't let me second guess myself!" "It is for the greater good, and
trust me, you need no convincing to know Alessio is an asshole. But I really can't strong arm
you. If I strong arm you you're going to go sweating, knees knocking together and breaking
like porcelain. I strong arm you, and you get hurt. Your safety comes first Mia, you know
that, right?" "I don't know anything!" He took me by the elbow and
pulled me out of the extreme sports gym he'd brought me to today and lugged me all the way
back to the locker rooms. "Are you okay Mia? I mean really? You have to be okay to do
this." "What do you think of Nash? Of course I'm not okay! Do you have any idea how
difficult this is for me? It's going to break his heart, and mine." "Can you or can
you not do this? Because this is the sort of question you need to know before I strap a wire to
your chest. If you have that on and you lose your nerve there's no telling what's going to
happen but I think he'll break far more than just your heart Mia." "Is this the right
thing to do?" I demanded. "Honestly?" "Please." "Yes.
Without a doubt. You know that, and I know that. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. You
know what Alessio does is wrong. You're not in it as deep as I am, but trust me when I say
I've seen some brutal shit and I am more determined than ever to shut it down. There is no
question, stopping this is right." "Promise me!" "What?"
"Promise me that this is the right thing to do!" "It is!" "You have to
swear it, swear it on everything." He clapped both of his hands onto my shoulder
and leaned down a bit to be eye level with me. "Mia I swear to you, shutting down these
mafia's is the right thing to do." "I'm not asking if shutting the mafia's down is
right Nash, I know that much is! What I'm asking is Alessio. Is it the right thing to do to hurt
him? To betray him like this? To lie, and sneak around behind his back like this? I haven't
slept in weeks. Do you know how dangerous it is to get shooting lessons without any sleep?
Really freaking dangerous Nash! The guilt of just thinking of doing this to Alessio is already
killing me, how am I supposed to actually go through with it?" "I know, it sucks
Mia. I do. But stopping the crime, and the drugs, and the acts of violence, saving hundreds of
lives and getting justice for those that have already fallen to it, that trumps Alessio and his
hurt feelings. He knows the risk, he knows right from wrong, he knows he could go to jail for
a very, very long time. He doesn't care." "It's more than just hurt feelings Nash.
We're talking about sending my boyfriend away for what, life?" He nodded slowly.
"I know that. But it's the right thing to do. You know he deserves that. If someone breaks the
law-" "Well what if I broke the law?" "Mia we aren't talking petty stuff
here. We're talking murder, rape, assault, arson, fucking you name it." "So what if
I do all that too? I date someone in the mafia, maybe I participate too." "No you
don't." "But what if I did? Would you lock me up and throw away the key?"
He took his hands off my shoulders and leaned back inspecting me. "I'd probably try to
bargain with you. A lesser charge if you helped us bring down the guys in charge."
"What about Ellie? What if she broke the law?" "Mia. I'm telling you, this is the
right thing to do." "Swear." "I swear it." "On everything."
"I swear on everything. This is right." I sighed heavily. I knew it was right. I did. I
went through the folders every time I questioned that in my head. It was right. But it was oh
so very wrong too. "Okay." "Do you need some ice cream?" "Do you
think ice cream solves like all of life's problems?" "When women are involved it's
a pretty safe bet. I would offer you wine but seeing as we're picking Ellie up I'm thinking
she'd prefer the frozen treat personally." We started walking again in stride out of
the gym and towards Nash's car. "You never gave me your answer though Mia.
Are you okay? Can you do this? You know that your safety comes first right? Above all this
other shit that is my top priority. If you can't you need to decide now. Alessio will be home
tomorrow, you can't decide tomorrow that this is something you can't handle. It'll be too late
then." "I'm okay." I lied. "Do you swear it?" "Yes Nash. This
is the right thing to do. So I'm okay..." "Swear it on everything." I
looked at him sharply and nodded. "I swear on everything. I'm okay."
Chapter 10
"So this is how this is going to work." Nash was explaining casually as he was working on
several computers. He turned around on his swivel chair and stood up. He pressed the wire
against my shirt. "We'd put the wire right about here, tape would go here, come down to
about...here, and then we'd wrap-" "My dress is too tight for that." I interrupted him abruptly.
He frowned. "You can't wear a different dress?" "I only brought one dress! Don't you have
something small? I mean if he tried to, erm..." "Mia!" "What! I'm just saying." He huffed,
clearly annoyed. "Well I wasn't aware you were planning on taking your clothes off." I
blushed. "I didn't say I was planning on it. I was just saying-" "If I had a smaller one I'd put it
on you in a heartbeat but I don't. So let's just get this over with. Take your shirt off, and for
the love of God, please keep it on tonight." "What?!" I pushed his hands away quickly. "We
clearly didn't think this plan through at all." "Yes, we have. We've talked about this a
hundred different times. We've gone over everything Mia. All you have to do is talk about the
mafia, ask if he's got the new location set up, when you guys are going yada yada. Be casual,
but get as much out of him as you can. Remember the agreement? I'm not putting this thing
on you more than three times." "And if he doesn't feel like discussing his illegal activities in
the middle of a public restaurant and I have to go home with him where he has cameras set up
in every room and closet and I'm still wearing this thing? What then?" "Don't be wearing this
thing or don't go home with him." I frowned. Nash still didn't know his home was my home.
We'd spent a lot of time together over the past month and I had always insisted it be at his
home rather than mine. He thought it made sense in case my apartment (or in this case former
apartment) was bugged or if Alessio should happen to just walk in. "It's not always that
simple." "Okay, okay. Calm down." He sighed and pinched his nose. "We don't have time to
go out and get you a new dress." "Obviously." "What about that friend of yours? Would she
have something a little looser?" "That doesn't solve another part of the equation. You know,
the part where you want to see me half naked." "I didn't say I wanted to see you half naked."
He argued. "Oh so now I'm too hideous to look at?" I teased. "No, no! Of course I want to
see you naked I just meant-" I put my hand over his mouth saving him from digging a bigger
grave. "I said half naked Nash. You're getting a bit ahead of yourself, wouldn't you say?" He
rolled his eyes and I lowered my hand. "Isn't there some other solution?" I asked in a sweeter
voice. "We could postpone. I'd have to get something put together. Earrings or a hair clip
or...oh wait!" He said, sounding suddenly excited. He disappeared for a few moments and
came back with a wrist watch. "A bit manly." I pointed out. He frowned and looked down at
the watch. "Yes, I suppose it is." He rubbed the back of his head. "I've got a pair of
sunglasses, a ring, a necklace, and a pager." "Why so many? Big on accessorizing?" I teased.
"Well if I wore the same thing all the time it'd be easier to pinpoint." He sat down. "Did you
say you had a necklace?" "It's kind of bulky. Big cross." "My dress has a high neckline, if we
just slip it down my dress he won't see it. get the necklace all hooked up and everything, I'll
get changed. I don't want to be late." He nodded. I took the bag that protected my dress and
headed into the bathroom to get changed while Nash worked. I was doing the right thing,
wasn't I? I walked out of the bathroom while fumbling with the button at the top back of the
dress. "Nash, can I get a little bit of help?" He glanced up from his computer and back down,
then up again quickly and was on his feet. "Wow, uh, that...dress..." I looked down with a
frown. "I know. It's a bit much. But I told Alessio if he spent a grand on a dress for me ever
again I'd have a cow so it's at least not more expensive than my old car this time..." The dress
was short, it was nude dress with navy lace overlays all over it and a scalloped hemline.
Though the dress had a high neckline the back was daringly open. There were two buttons
that were to come together at the back of the neck to hold the dress up and together but as it
turns out I was having a hell of a time getting them together. "You should have seen some of
the things he used to put on me. Ridiculously expensive things for the simplest occasions.
Quite obnoxious really." He opened his mouth and then closed it and did this several times
before clearing his throat and turning his attention back to the computer briefly. "Can you
help button it?" I asked and turned around so my back was towards him. "Jesus." He
muttered. I glanced over my shoulder as he began walking towards me. "I can try." He
muttered under his breath. "What?" "Nothing. Here, put the necklace on first." He took the
large cross necklace and from behind reached over my head with it. He put it on slowly and
when it was secured I slipped it down my dress. "It won't be muffled under there, will it?"
"No, your wire would've been under too, remember?" "Right." I leaned my head forward to
get my short hair away from the buttons while he did them. "Are you sure about this?" He
asked and let his hands linger on my shoulders for a moment. "Isn't that what I'm supposed
to be asking you?" He patted my shoulder reassuringly and I turned back around to face him.
He glanced down to the dress again and then back to me. "I would still rather get you away
from him and somewhere safe." "You need my help to pin him. So...here we go." I took a
deep breath. "Does it work?" He looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite place.
Sympathetic and something else. He took a few steps backwards but didn't pull his gaze from
me until he bumped into the coffee table. Finally he turned around swiftly and sat back down
working on the computers. "Alright Mia." He said. "Turning this bad boy on." I nodded and
we were both quiet for a few seconds. "How do I know if it's working?" I asked and my voice
echoed back over the computer. "Oh." I laughed. He pressed a few buttons on the computer
to turn it back off and leaned back on his couch. He ran his hands up his face. "You don't
think this is a good idea?" "Bloody brilliant idea until you came out in that dress." I looked
down again. "You can't tell I have the necklace on. It's fine." He gave me an exasperated
look. "Alright Mia. I'll be close by. You won't be able to hear me but I'll be able to hear you
so I can't really talk into your ear, tell you what to say, you know? So just be careful. Tread
lightly. If things get too deep I'll be there, okay? If he starts getting angry or something I'll be
there." "Well just because he's angry doesn't mean he suspects or that he'd hurt me. I don't
think you give him enough credit." I said and slipped on my sandals. They were strappy and
navy blue, cute, matched the dress well but absolutely no heel. "Perhaps you give him too
much credit?" I wanted to argue this, but somehow forced my protectiveness over Alessio
under the surface. He was the villain. I was going against him. I couldn't protect him and
bring him down. I had chosen my side. I chose the sides of the hundreds of people in those
folders. Folders I had kept. Folders that sat in a leather bag in my Lexus so I could revisit
them when I got cold feet about this which was nearly every single day. Like right now, I
would definitely have to check out the pictures before I went into the restaurant, there is no
way I could make it in if I didn't. Nash followed me out, laptop in hand and headed towards
a van with decals proclaiming it to be a cleaning company's van. "I'll be close okay." "Wait!"
He set the laptop in the van, I knew there was much more technology in the back and I shifted
uncomfortably. "It's okay Mia." "It is okay." I nodded. "We need a safe word." "What?" "A
safe word. You have to swear not to come storming in unless you hear the safe word."
"Mia-" "Swear it on everything. Alessio wouldn't hurt me, he might get mad. He gets mad
sometimes, everyone does. But I know him and I can tell when he's dangerous." "And what
if by the time you say the word it's too late? Huh? What then? Your blood would be on my
hands, you expect me to live with that?" "This is his restaurant Nash. Do you honestly think
he's not going to have a ton of his men in there at all times? You come storming in there odds
are we are both already dead. You're going to be out numbered. I can handle Alessio, and he
wouldn't hurt me. But he would hurt you. You want your blood to be on my hands?" He
frowned deeply. "You have to swear to me you'll use the safe word if you think you're in
danger. Don't not use it because you're worried about me getting hurt. I'm the cop, it's my job
to keep you safe." I nodded. "Swear it." "You still didn't swear yours." I shot back and he
actually grinned. "I swear it." "On everything." "On everything." "Okay." "Now you." "I
swear it." "On?" "Everything." I breathed. He nodded. "So this safe word?" "Has to be
something pretty casual, something I could bring up or say casually without him getting
suspicious." "But not something so casual that you'd say it anyway. I don't really want to
storm the place on a false alarm." We both fell into a thoughtful silence. "How about
something really simple like forget?" I suggested. "Forget?" "Sure. If he's getting upset I
could say just forget I even brought it up and it would sound normal." "What if you really
want to say forget about it?" "Then I can say let's just drop it." "And if you want to say you
forgot something?" "I can say I don't remember." He nodded. "Alright. Or you can say I
can't handle this and I'll be in. Forget, or can't handle. I'll be across the street, so give me a
few minutes." I nodded slowly. "Alright." We separated into our designated vehicles. I drove
away first and after a few minutes Nash did the same.

Chapter 11

My heart was practically beating out of my chest when I arrived at the restaurant. Alessio's
car was already there. We'd agreed to meet here. We had both had work to attend to. I
suspected only one of our jobs had been within the limits of the law. I stayed holed up in my
car, just me and the folders full of people Alessio had ruined. I checked myself out in the
vanity mirror of the car a few more times until I saw Nash pull in across the street. I brushed
a few strands of hair away, forced a smile and got out of the car. I didn't have to tell the
woman at the desk who I was here for. They all knew me. She smiled when I entered and it
seemed genuine making me feel even worse. Despite the fact that I had been spending time
with Nash as he plotted, I loved Alessio. I really loved Alessio. And up until this very
moment I had made no move against him, not one. Unless you count the act of agreeing to
work against him a move, I sure felt guilty enough. I hadn't told Nash anything about Alessio.
Not that I really had a ton to tell him to begin with. Alessio kept that side of his life away
from me for the most part. I could have told Nash how I met Alessio, I could have told him
about the times he had come home with knuckles raw and cut open, I could have told him
about the men I met in the casino before it was raided. But I didn't. But I had to stand up for
all those people. I had to write to everyone. Dad and Uncle Sam would be so disappointed if I
did anything less. So I would do this. Not for Nash, and not against Alessio, but for the men
and women and children in those folders and the family they left behind. So I would not tell
Nash anything, but I would help him collect his information through the wire. It was wrong
on both counts, and right on both counts. Basically...I was torn, and I had no fucking clue
what I was doing. The files I had gone through time and time again were burned into my
mind. When I closed my eyes I saw haunting images, the images of the badly beaten, bruised,
traumatized, and killed. I knew I was doing the right thing, but that didn't help me sleep any
better at night. "Ah, Miss Santoro, Alessio has been waiting for you." "Not long I hope." I
said with a smile and followed her. Alessio was on his cell phone until he saw me walking
towards him. I couldn't remember ever feeling more nervous than this. He hung up the phone
quickly and stood. "Armillia." He said and it sounded almost dreamy. He'd been out of town,
we hadn't seen each other for the last four days, which was perfect for Nash and I to plot, but
not so perfect for my heart. He was genuinely happy to see me, he kissed my cheek and
pulled my seat out for me. "Hi." I smiled. "That dress." He said and let his eyes leisurely run
over my body. I had to fight to keep from putting my hand over my chest as if he could see
straight through it and to the necklace. "It fits you well." "It does." I agreed. "And how much
did you pay for it?" He chuckled. "It was within our agreed budget." "Barely I'm sure." I
half teased and he smiled. I shifted awkwardly after a few moments of silence. "Stacey was
hoping to set up another double date. I wasn't sure what exactly to tell her." Oh yeah, we'd
gone on not one, not two, but three double dates since I'd agreed to bring Alessio down.
Normal things like movies as I had complained we didn't go to and dinner. It was as though
he knew I was plotting against him and was determined to make it that much harder for me.
"Tell her I would be flattered to have her company." "Of course..." "What's wrong now?"
"Nothing!" He raised an eyebrow and waited for more. "Do you remember the first time you
took me out? To the orchestra? You said you played the cello. Why don't you have one
anymore, I mean, you have just about everything. There's a ton of empty rooms in the house
you could set it up in." He frowned. "The cello? That is what you really want to talk about?"
I looked down to the table. "Yes." He shrugged. "I stopped playing when I hit fourteen and
my father started having me work to clean up." "Clean up?" "You know. Disposing of
bodies, paying off feds, destroying evidence. Simple things like that." I nearly spit my drink
out. Simple things. "You were only fourteen?" "Well I was doing petty drops and passes long
before then. I was to be the new leader someday. He wanted to ensure I knew what I was
doing. And trust me when I say, I do know what I'm doing." "Of course you do." I agreed
and signed. "So you just stopped playing?" "Why the sudden interest in my musical
expeditions?" Telling him I was terrified to bring up anything else didn't really sound like the
best idea. "No reason. Just feeling curious about your life. You know everything about mine
and I know nothing about yours." "You know all of the important parts." "Like what? I
know you're in the mafia. What else?" I practically groaned. This wasn't the conversation I
had planned. This was supposed to be about Alessio and the Mafia, and I was trying to steer
the conversation in any direction but. I mean, at this point it looked more like we were going
to have a conversation about our relationship. "You know I am the Mafia. So you know what
I do. You know my values, I protect my people and my family is of the utmost importance.
You know I love you. What else is there to know?" "I know what you do, but I have no clue
who you are." He raised an eyebrow. Clearly, he didn't understand. "Well if someone asked
you who I was, what would you say?" "People know better than to ask me questions." I
groaned again. "Alessio, pretend they didn't." "I would say you were my girlfriend." He
shrugged. I sighed and let my elbow hit the table, I dropped my chin into my palm and
watched him. "Fine. I'll play along." He said in a tone that sounded nothing short of bored. "I
would say you were Armillia Santoro. I would say you were a writer, that's what you do. I
would say you're obnoxiously impatient, though you're often, no, always late yourself. I'd say
you're annoyingly stubborn and spiteful. You get attached to people at the drop of a pin. If I
had to say I would say you're easily manipulated because you're just about the most damn
empathetic person I've ever met and you'd throw yourself into the fire if it meant helping
someone else. You're terrified of clowns but have had a gun pointed to your head almost as
many times as I have and kept decently composed. You ramble too much, and when you get
confused you stutter, you get confused a lot. I would say you didn't have a cruel bone in your
body and are obscenely dramatic. I would say you drink when you get frustrated and never
just for fun. I still have no clue what you turn into when gin is involved but I've seen plenty
without. You're too independent, you hate to have anyone help you but you expect everyone
else to let you help them. You blush too much, you didn't live a sheltered life but it never
made you hard. If you had a thicker shell you wouldn't hide in bathtubs and blow up when
things get to be too much. But all the annoying things about you, the way you stutter, the way
you continue to fight with me about how expensive your clothes are, the way when you look
really surprised like you do right now your brows come together but the one is just a hitch
higher than the other, if you didn't worry about shooting the bad guys who have kidnapped
you, if you didn't argue with me and laugh when I tell you not to do something or do it twice
because I said not to then you wouldn't be Armillia. And I wouldn't love you. I would say
that's who you are. The person who stutters, and fights, and cries, and clings to me even when
she hates me, the person who needs to stop chewing the inside of her cheek when she's
especially nervous and the person who curses more than I do. I would tell whoever asked that
you are mine, this is who you are, my rarity, the only one who can terrify me. I would tell
everyone that you are different than the rest, you are the single rose in a field of daisies, and
should they ever hurt you I would...well, I would tell you but I know you hate such talk so I
will leave my actions up to your imagination which I know is always running wild." I sat in
complete silence across from him. I had no clue what to say. I didn't trust myself to say
anything. I didn't know one of my eyebrows went higher than the other, I was half tempted to
reach up and feel for myself but I didn't. I just stared at him. "Now, who would you say I
am?" He finally asked. "That's the problem." I finally croaked. Oh no, I was failing. I was
about to fall right into his lap. The way I did every single night. "I don't know who you are. I
thought I did but..." Falling, falling, falling so fast, had to catch myself somehow. "I'm sure
Sarah Mitchell knows exactly who you are."

Chapter 12

He raised an eyebrow. "Sarah Mitchell?" My stomach dropped, the churning nervousness

quickly plummeting into a nearly fatal pit. I was going to throw up, literally, I was going to
hurl. I nodded. My phone vibrated. Alessio glanced to it with distaste, he hated to be
interrupted, and then back to me. I reached for it and was surprised to see my hands shaking
as I picked it up. That's enough for tonight. Pull back. Too late Nash, I'd started a war and
with every war, there are casualties. It would be me, or Alessio, this relationship or...well I
couldn't say for certain. "I don't believe I remember Sarah Mitchell." Nothing he could have
possibly said would have pissed me off more. "You don't remember her?" I demanded.
"Should I?" He leaned back in his chair and pursed his lips thoughtfully. I scoffed loudly.
"Was she one of the girls I'd slept with before you and I?" "Oh God." I groaned and leaned
forward with my hand to my head. "You don't even remember the names of the girls you've
slept with?" This was one of the things we had not discussed at all. Previous sex lives. I knew
Alessio didn't date, I knew he was clean, and I knew he was very, very skillful. But neither of
us had ever placed an actual number to our previous sexual experiences. He shrugged. "It has
been quite a few, most not worthy of remembering." "As much as I'd love to go into detail
about how many random floozies you've hooked up with, that's not what this is about." He
raised a brow as if to ask me what it was about without actually having to admit he needed to
know just as badly as I needed him to know. "Perhaps I can give you a little reminder of
Sarah. She was, uh, about my age, a year younger actually. Four of your men violently beat
her and ràped her. Went to trial and all were acquitted." He was thoughtful for a few
moments. He sat silently tapping his index finger on his chin in silence. "Ah yes, I remember
hearing something or other about that." My mouth dropped open. "You heard something
about it? That's it?" He shrugged. "You're...you're...you're..." "What? Why are you acting
like this?" "This? This is exactly what I mean! I don't know you!" I threw my hands out my
voice raised in a way I knew better than to use in public like this with Alessio but was doing
so anyway. "I never would have picked you as the kind of man that let women, innocent
women get rapėd!" "Armillia." "Oh my God. I can't even believe this." My phone vibrated
again but I didn't make any move towards it. I couldn't pull my gaze from Alessio. Our
relationship was under fire. I could hardly stand to sit across from him, I was disgusted.
"Armillia." It came out as a sigh. "I can't even eat. I'm too disgusted." "Of course you can
eat." "No! What the hell is wrong with you?" "How old is Sarah?" He finally said sharply,
obviously annoyed at having been interrupted more than once. "Twenty-three." "No, that's
how old she was, how old is she now?" His words didn't register. Or maybe they did and I
just didn't want to accept them. "W-what?" He smirked. "There's that stutter I was talking
about. Sarah's rápe was before I took over. I've been in charge for only six years." "Wait,
what?" "When Sarah was rapèd it was my father who was running the show. He moved to
Italy, dispersed several locations to my cousins, and I. Sarah was before my time." I pulled
back. My phone buzzed again. Had Nash set me up? Did he know this? Was he tricking me to
bring Alessio down? "Armillia, were you researching the Genovese?" The question came out
sharp and accusing. I shook my head slowly. That wasn't a question simply asking if I was
researching him. He was wondering if I was betraying him, exposing him, had I stopped
trusting him? Yes, yes, and yes. I swallowed hard. "It sort of fell on my lap." "Things have a
habit of doing that to you, yes?" "Yes." I said weakly and cast my eyes downward. "My
father gave me information about a bunch of different mafia related things...I couldn't help
but...notice..." "So that's what all this is about?" I needed to gather myself. I needed to
reread everything. How could I have been so stupid? I had just assumed Alessio took over at
18, hell maybe even younger. I thought I was coming in and bombarding Alessio, telling him
I knew everything when really, I knew nothing. "There are others?" Alessio asked. My throat
was too dry to answer, I nodded slowly. My phone buzzed again, and once more. Finally I
pulled why attention away from Alessio and picked it up. Stop! Say the word Mia Say the
Goddamned word I stared at my phone for a minute and then lowered it slowly. "Armillia?"
"There's a satchel with more reports in it in the car." I admitted suddenly feeling as though
the room was small. Awfully small. He lifted his hand and a waiter was at our side
immediately. "Sir?" Alessio kept his eyes on me as he spoke. "It appears my company has
left her bag in the car. The white Lexus. If anything is missing from it, or if you so much as
look through it-" "Certainly sir." He half bowed and disappeared. My phone buzzed again.
This is too dangerous. I'm coming in. "Are you sure this is the place to have this discussion?"
I said and texted Nash back two simple words. On everything. He opened his hands up,
palms pointed towards the ceiling. "I've nothing to hide, no one to hide from. This is as good
a place as any." He glanced at my phone and then back to me. "Someone is awfully needy of
your attention tonight." "Are you trying to tell me none of the crimes that have happened in
the mafia were under your rule?" "Of course not. Our entire organization is a crime Armillia,
you know this." "That's not what I meant and you know it. The victims Alessio, I care about
the victims. I care about the innocent people who had nothing to do with your mafia or any
other. What about them? Can you tell me that no innocent lives have been taken because of
you?" "No." He said without a flicker of hesitation or emotion. "But we can discuss each
case by case. Why you've waited so long to even ask me I have no idea, but I'll tell you
everything Armillia." The sheer fact that simply asking had never occurred to me sent a blush
to my cheeks. Stupid.Stupid.Stupid. Idiot.Idiot.Idiot. Fúck.Fűck.Fùck "You are...I have no
secrets, not from you. I will always be honest and open with you, you've just had to ask. I
want you to know more than what I do Armillia. You should know who I am. You should." I
looked down to the table. So this is it? Alessio was going to tell me every single thing I
wanted to know. Nash would have more than enough to arrest Alessio if I went through with
this conversation. I wanted to have this conversation with Alessio. I needed to have this
conversation. Because I didn't know him. He was the man I loved, and I didn't know him. But
I would. "Excuse me. Bathroom." I stood up and speed walked to the bathroom with my
phone in hand. I rushed into one of the stalls and pressed my back against it. I let out a long
shaky breath and then looked down to my phone as it buzzed again. Are you okay? "Nash?"
I whispered. "How expensive is this equipment?" I asked as I pulled it out from inside my
dress. The chain was so long I easily pulled it over my head without even having to unlatch it.
Pretty damn expensive. His reply came through text. A few beats later a second one arrived.
Why? "I'm sorry. Please believe me, I'm really sorry. So, so, so sorry." I said and dropped
the necklace into the toilet. I flushed it, watching it go down the drain just to be sure and
sighed heavily. This was a conversation I needed to have. But a conversation that was meant
to be private.

Chapter 13
When I got back to the table the leather bag was on my chair and our dinner was on the table.
"Chicken cacciatore." He calmly explained as I made it back to my seat. I knew if I hadn't
turned my phone off it probably would have been blowing up right now. I simply
smiled. "It looks good." "I'd serve you nothing less." We ate in silence for a few
minutes before I dug in the leather bag. I searched for Sarah Mitchell's report first as it had
been something I had been holding onto deeper than a lot of the other cases I had been
looking into. I closed my eyes after reading the date. How could I have been so
stupid? I may have glanced to the date a time or two but never really taken it into
consideration and had nearly sold Alessio out over it. Eight years ago.
He wasn't in charge when it happened. I set the folder back down and opened my
eyes, he was watching me with intense eyes. "What else?" He said calmly. I
glanced at the folder. Did I really need to go through every case with Alessio? Or could I put
some sort of trust and faith into him? I moved Sarah's file down just a bit until I could see the
date on the next file which was only three years ago. I narrowed my eyes. Sarah Mitchell may
have been before his time but it appeared Lindsey Irving of the next case had not been so
lucky. Don't jump to conclusions. I reminded myself and moved Sarah's file to cover up
Lindsey's face and date again. "So you're telling me that under your watch, nothing like this
has happened?" I built myself up, preparing for an honest answer. "Of course not.
But I can tell you that I don't simply let it go nor do I protect my men as my father did."
I let out a breath. I had hoped he would simply say no, but I couldn't help but feel
undoubtedly that he was being honest right now. I was tempted to throw myself across the
table and beg for his forgiveness at jumping to such conclusions but there was something
more important than groveling right now. I couldn't make the same mistake twice, I needed
all of the facts. "What do you mean?" "I always mean exactly what I say. Those
men were acquitted? My men would not be." "And the ones who are still working
for you?" "They realize that I am not my father. I cannot cross the decision my
father had already made when they were his men. Should my men do such a crime I certainly
wouldn't coddle them the way my father did. You saw me shoot Macro point blank for even
trying to hurt you. This was before I even liked you, you actually quite annoyed me but I still
protected you." "I annoyed you?" He suppressed a smile and continued.
"If one of my men committed such a crime they would serve jail time, or be punished. I
would make sure of such things. There is no tolerance. My father cared about nothing more
than profit and family. Meaning as long as the family was making him money they could do
no wrong. I am not my father Armillia. Of this, Madre has made certain of." There
was a certain touch of venom to his words that didn't get past me. Something I would have to
come back to another day I'm sure, but right now I had to handle this satchel. I glanced down
to the folder. "So no one has been raped by your men since you took over?" "No, I
didn't say that either." He said with a frown. "I can't control what they do. I can only control
my reaction to such actions. When I first took over I let things go slightly more so, as my
father was still standing behind me at all times. I certainly didn't protect my men, but they
still had a home in our family. It's no longer like that. There is punishment for actions. For
everyone. Every action has a reaction." I took careful note of everyone. Myself included.
"When I first took over at such a crime I would make sure they guilty ones would go to trial,
and I would help in whatever way I could to pin them. Remember, I have many resources.
But when they got out of jail they came back to work. Nowadays I'll kill them myself if I see
fit. Perhaps I'll beat them twice as badly as they beat their victim, perhaps..." He stopped and
he looked away suddenly. "Well I won't go into details as I know how uncomfortable they
may make you. But I don't simply let things go. Especially not when women are the victims."
He spoke again with a certain level of seething bitterness that I was half tempted to ask him
why but in this moment, and this moment only I pushed away the thought of digging into his
personal life and reminded myself that I had a mission here. I nodded. "So what about all
these files of people getting beaten or something by your guys? The people who have nothing
to do with the Mafia." "Just because there's no ties on paper doesn't mean there are
no ties. They could be a simple user who owes money, someone who came into my house
and started trouble, maybe they were an average criminal who tried to break into the wrong
car. We don't work on senseless violence. Before I started setting up clubs for my men to
safely do business we had a lot of bar fights break out. Yes, men were killed or hospitalized
with such instances. The number of fights though has been cut drastically since I took my
men to a safer place for our work." I was feeling both relieved and like utter shit.
I'd jumped to awful conclusions with only half the facts. Facts that I was usually all over.
Alessio was a criminal, but not a villain. Was there such a line? Could he be one without the
other? "You're not a bad guy." I breathed. "Well I'm certainly no saint. But no. We
don't run on senseless violence. We don't get enjoyment out of picking up and beating
random men on the street. But we won't hesitate to kill those who cross us, and for those who
cross us whom we do not kill. Well let's just say they'd preferred we did." "But not
innocents?" "As long as they don't try to stop us or get in our way. No, we won't
hurt them. They show up at the wrong place at the wrong time or perhaps date one of our men
and later rat him out to a friend or new boyfriend. Those people are not so lucky." I
let out a relieved sigh. "I'm so sorry Alessio." He basically just admitted to me if someone on
the streets just happened to see them, or perhaps they had forgotten their wallet and come
back into the restaurant just a few minutes after closing and into a crime that their lives would
be ended. He told me that bystanders were hurt, that if they dated the wrong guy or knew too
much they were screwed. But fuck it if I cared. He wasn't a bad guy. Certainly not to the
degree I had feared anyway. "I'm so sorry." I blurted out. "You don't have to be
sorry Armillia. It's okay, you can wonder about my life...this is actually as much your own
life as well, no?" "I guess it is." "You've never seen it that way, have
you?" I shook my head. "That is precisely why I didn't want to be with you Armillia. I didn't
want this to be your life. It was the life that was given to me...forced to me by my father. I
never wanted to be the one to force it upon you." I reached my hand across the
table and he took it. I laced my fingers between his and we let our hands rest on the center of
the table still connected. "You didn't force anything on me Alessio. I choose to be here with
you. Tonight, every night. This is the life I choose. You're the life I'm choosing."
He smiled but it seemed almost apologetic. "I know, and that too scares me even more."
"Why are you scared? I'm the one who is going to get my head blown off!" I laughed.
"That's exactly why." I stopped laughing abruptly and he squeezed my hand. "Do
you remember the night Marco tried to...well you know." I asked softly. "Like it
was yesterday." "I remember thinking you were going to shoot me because he was
one of your guys and I was just one of the girls flaunting her stuff and serving drinks."
"You were more than that." He said even though if we were being honest we both knew I was
nothing more than a peak of curiosity to him back then. "I know, I know. But I
thought you were going to shoot me. And you didn't. You saved me, carried me away, put
some frozen peas on my cheek and were practically ready to dress me yourself. Then you
tucked me into your bed and when I woke up you gave me a choice. To stay or go, you were
giving me my life no matter what, but you gave me a choice." "I remember you
looking at me as if I were daft when I tried to help you." I smiled. "I thought you
were some sort of monster." "And even just minutes ago you still felt the same
way?" If there were strings to my heart he had pulled on every single one of them.
"No." Yes. "I'd never-" I did. "I love you Alessio." "I know." He smiled. "But you
don't know me. And I'd like for that to change. You should be able to trust me." "I
do trust you. With my life." "Just not anyone else's." He clarified. I
shrugged sheepishly. "Well, your men did sort of shoot my father." "Only because
he raided my casino. Had we crossed paths on the street that never would have happened. I
told you, only those who cross our paths, owe us money, deceive us-" "I'd prefer it
if you didn't shoot at him period." "So." He said and pulled his hand away to
resume eating, the topic of my father dropped rather abruptly as a loose end we would never
see eye to eye on. "What other documents have you got in those folders of yours?"
"It doesn't matter anymore." He stopped stabbing at his meal with his fork and
glanced up at me. "Armillia, I told you, you can ask me anything." "I don't need to.
I trust you." Maybe it was a bit late but I would trust him. I would try to trust him at least.
This was a harsh dose of reality as to who Alessio really was and what he really did. He was
still wrong, he was still a criminal, maybe even a mislead villain, but I would trust him to
have morals at the very least. I glanced behind him and my heart paused for a dangerous
second. "I'm sorry. I've got to use the restroom." I blurted out without thought.
"Again?" "Again." I said standing up so quickly that I nearly knocked my drink
over. "I'll be right back." I scampered across the restaurant quickly to where Nash
was standing. He was looking around for Alessio and I, I was sure of this but luckily for the
both of us, I had spotted him first. "Bathroom. Now." I hissed as I passed him not foolish
enough to hesitate for a moment to garner attention.

Chapter 14

I put my hands on my head and paced back and forth in the bathroom until Nash followed me
in. I stopped in my tracks and threw my hands out. "What the fȕck are you doing here?" I
demanded and stormed past him to the door and locked it before turning back to him with
hands on my hips and a smoldering glare. "You told me to go to the bathroom!" "Not here
here, here." I pointed to the ground firmly. "I don't follow." I rolled my eyes. "In the
restaurant Nash. You swore you wouldn't come in." "I was worried about you." "You swore
on everything!" "What the hell was I supposed to do? Wait outside and twiddle my thumbs
until I hear a bang? Go home and wait to see your death on the news? You've known from the
beginning that your safety trumps the investigation. I wasn't going to just wait for you to get
hurt! "I'm fine, now you need to leave." I took several steps to meet him in the middle of the
bathroom. "Mia-" "Nash right now I just can't. Okay. We can talk about this later but right
now you need to get out." He frowned. "I'm serious! Alessio owns this restaurant. Need I
remind you who you are and who you work for? No one I'm sure he would willingly serve.
You need to leave." "Just say the word." "I am saying it now! Leave!" "Forget." "I'm not in
danger. There's no reason to say it." I said and slowly lowered my eyes to his side. His coat
covered his gun but I knew it was there. He looked exasperated for a moment. "Mia-"
"Nash, please. I can't, not right now. I can't do this." "I wasn't trying to trick you." I frowned
deeply. "Fine. Stay, but you're going to get yourself killed hanging around here." I started
towards the door but then stopped. Damn it all to hell, I didn't want Nash to get killed, I
couldn't leave him here and pretend I did. I spun around to face him again. "Damn it Nash!
Please, just go." "Just promise me you know that. I wouldn't Mia. I wouldn't try to trick you."
"You mean like you're tricking the hundreds of men you're working with in the mafia?" He
frowned. "That's different and you know it. That's for the greater good." "How do I know
that you don't think tricking me is for the greater good too then? Huh? How do I know you
aren't thinking oh if she does get killed as long as I can pin it to Alessio and get him thrown
in jail it was for the greater good. How am I supposed to trust anything you say? How do I
know you weren't trying to trick me just to catch Alessio and rationalizing that it would be
okay because it's for the greater good. I look like a fucking idiot now! All that shit that I
accused him of!" I threw my hands into the air exasperated and let them drop dramatically
back to my side. "Look at me! Look at me and tell me that you honestly believe I would do
that to you? For fȕcks sake I introduced you to my daughter!" "And how am I supposed to
know this isn't some clever ploy to win me over? For all I know she might not even be your
daughter. I'm certain it wouldn't be your first lie!" His face straightened, clearly annoyed.
"Really Mia?" I threw my hands up again with nothing else to say. "I am not lying to you."
He said slowly, putting emphasis on each and every word. Fȕck me, I believed him. I'd be
damned if I admitted that now though. "Wolf in sheep's clothes." I reminded him and he
groaned. "I wish you would quit saying that!" "I wish you would leave." Suddenly someone
was pounding on the door. On instinct, and despite the fact that he had made no noise
whatsoever, I smacked my hand over Nash's mouth. "Occupied. Sorry." I said loudly. "It's
me." Alessio said through the door. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself.
I opened my eyes, Nash was watching me intently. He didn't look concerned, didn't appear to
be scared of Alessio's presence in the least bit, he was still just invested in our conversation.
"Just a minute." I finally said in a raised voice to ensure he heard me. "Open the fȕcking
door!" He demanded. I shoved Nash back into a stall and raised my index finger to my lips.
He nodded. "I'm coming, just a second." Alessio pounded on the door again and I heard him
ranting in Italian from the other side of the door. I unlocked the bathroom door and opened it
just a crack and peered out at him. "Can I help you?" I asked in my best confused and totally
innocent voice. Alessio had a stern face and pushed past me and into the bathroom fully.
"Where is he?" He pushed the first stall open with one hand and held his pistol in the other. I
cut in front of him before he could reach the second. "What?" "That Bonanno bastard, where
the fȕck is he?" He pushed past me again and kicked the second stall open. "Alessio stop!" I
gasped and cut in front of him again. He reached his arm straight past me and aimed his gun
at the third stall. "Cameras Armillia. We have cameras every-fȕcking-where. Where the hell
is he." "Calm down." I pushed his arm away. "Move." He demanded. "Put the gun down." I
said equally as stern as him. "Armillia-" He started in a dangerous tone. "Alessio." I said
matching his tone perfectly. We were in a stare down for over a full minute before he said in
a raspy tone. "Move. Or I will move you myself." "You are acting like an irrational fool!"
True to his word Alessio forced me away. It took only seconds and minuscule effort for him
to push me aside with his arm as if I were nothing more than stray hairs hanging in front of
his eyes my back was against the stall. It was not painful or startling, not a shove or attack,
he'd simply brushed me to the side and the guy in the stall next to us apparently did not
appreciate the action. Nash was out of the stall before Alessio had even reached it with his
own gun pointed. "Woah, woah, woah." I planted myself quickly between the two of them
and by the grace of God, neither shot. "Let's all just calm down here a second." "Move Mia."
Alessio said and I frowned. "If I move you're going to shoot him!" "That's precisely the
point!" "I'm with him." Nash said through gritted teeth. "Get out of the way." I sent Nash a
sharp look over my shoulder and then back to Alessio. "Baby." I said and his gaze flickered
from Nash and to me for a brief second before back to Nash. "Put the gun down." "What the
fȕck are you doing in my restaurant?" Alessio hissed to Nash. "Oh? This is your place? I'm
just here because I hear it's got the best cannoli in town." Alessio narrowed his eyes. "True as
that may be, you know exactly who fȕcking owns this place and that your people aren't
welcomed." "Fine. Sorry." Nash said with little sincerity. "Okay, enough!" I yelled but both
ignored me. "You followed her in here, why?" Alessio demanded. Nash didn't say a word.
"Thought you could take her again? Snatch her from under my own God damned nose?"
"No." "Alessio he's not a bad guy." I tried and Alessio's cold glare lifted from Nash and
immediately fell on me with all fury and intensity still present. "The hell he isn't. Do you
even know what they were going to do to you? Why the hell else would he have followed you
in here? Get out of the way." He snarled and for the second time swept his arm against me to
force me out from between them. Nash took an immediate step forward, his grip on his gun
tightening even more if possible and I blurted out the only thing I could before either could
shoot. "He saved me!" Nash came back a step, back tracking. Alessio didn't move. He hadn't
shot him, but he didn't pull his glare away from him either. I wasn't sure who looked more
furious, Alessio or Nash. "From the Bonanno the last time. He's the only reason I'm here
now." I yelled again and even though they were only inches away from me I didn't pull
myself away from the stall again "What the bloody hell are you talking about now?" Alessio
growled but didn't look at me. "They captured me, hit me in the head and everything. He
gave me an ice pack and some pain pills. When we stormed the place he's the one who pulled
me up off the ground, cut my wrists free, gave me a gas mask and led me out of there. You
know I would have been killed if someone wouldn't have helped me!" I yelled purposely and
neglected the part of the story where he'd been the one to hit me. Everyone was quiet. Too
quiet. "Matteo?" Alessio finally asked to verify this new set of information I had dropped
onto his lap. Slowly Nash nodded, and even slower both guns lowered only slightly.
"Why?" Alessio demanded. Nash was quiet for a few moments before glancing at me.
"Because like you, I knew exactly what they were going to do with her." I sighed heavily.
Alessio opened up one arm and I came to him. He put his arm protectively around my
shoulder and pulled me against him, his other hand still holding the gun. I wrapped my arms
around his waist and hugged him, quietly thanking him for not being rash and trusting my
word and instincts. Even if I hadn't trusted him before. "Why are you here now?" I couldn't
see Nash with my face in Alessio's chest so I had no clue what his expression may have been
but he spoke firmly. "To warn her." "Warn her." Alessio parroted and I half turned to face
Nash to study him. He nodded again. "Listen, I don't condone it but Giovanni is still alive
and he's pissed as all hell." "Of course he is. And he wants to take that rage out on Armillia?"
Alessio demanded in a seething voice. "No." Nash said sharply. "He wants to take it out on
you and the only way to do that is through her." Nash and I had already talked about this
before. Giovanni was alive and while he was all for hurting Alessio he didn't have his eyes
set on me. Not unless I would get in his way again. He would certainly take and kill me if he
had an easy chance but under no circumstances was he interested enough to hunt me down.
Should we pass one another on the streets he would surely sweep me up and shove me into
the trunk of his car, but he was not on some sort of manhunt. He had a plan, and as it was
currently that plan did not involve a direct attack to Alessio or myself. Clearly, this was a
speech made just for Alessio's benefit...and Nash's life. "Does he have any plans on how to
do this yet?" "No." Alessio was quiet for a moment and I suspected he was probably still
contemplating shooting him. Finally he muttered in a dismissive tone. "Alright. You've
warned us, now get the hell out." Nash put his gun back in his holster and held his hands up
submissively. He walked backwards to the door keeping his eyes on us the entire time to
ensure Alessio didn't shoot him, and then he left. I turned to Alessio who was frowning
deeply. "Come on. We're going home." He said and released me. "Alessio-" "Why the fȕck
were you even in here with him?" He yelled. "What?" I pulled back surprised. Moments ago
he was holding me protectively and now he was screaming at me. I wasn't going to stand here
and pretend I didn't deserve to be screamed at but his feelings spun so quickly I swear I was
suffering from whiplash. "You! All those damn pictures of the two of you I had before, and
now you're running off and hiding in bathrooms with him. What the fȕck is this shit?" "This
is that jealousy thing we've talked about before." "No!" He boomed and I stepped back. "It
isn't. Tell me why Armillia. We didn't discuss it before, you blew me off, laughed at me and
then like a God damned fȕcking puppy I begged you to come live with me and completely
ignored fȕcking Matteo. Why are you hanging around with him? Why did you run off and
hide with him in the bathroom? What the fȕck is going on here?" "You trust me, don't you?"
I demanded because really, what could I tell him? "Do you trust me?" He shot back. "Ten
minutes ago it sure as hell didn't seem like it." "Alright! I had my doubts! But I mean, come
on. It looked bad." "And this looks fabulous, wonderful, amazing." "I wouldn't cheat on you
if that's what you're implying here." I snapped defensively. "Then why did he look at you
like that?" "Look at me?" I practically scoffed. Were we such children that we couldn't even
stand to have someone look at each other? "Yes." He rolled his eyes. "He looked at you
like...like...well he looked at you in a way that made me want to take an aluminum baseball
bat to his face until his eyes rolled in two different directions and he couldn't look at anything
that way ever again." "You're ridiculous, you know that right?" "Yeah. I'm the ridiculous
one here." "You are! You're making a huge stink over nothing! I'm allowed to have friends
with Alessio. Na-" I stopped abruptly and clamped my mouth shut, he raised an eyebrow.
"Naturally," I tried to recover from my slip of the tongue. "I didn't think it would cause a
problem." "You can have friends. Friends are great. I want you to have tons of friends, have
friends by the boatloads, friends coming out the wazoo. I don't give a damn. But friends
who've threatened your life, my life, my family's lives, friends who are determined to ruin our
lives, those are the kinds of "friends'' you can't have." "You threatened my life minutes into
meeting me! You've done more than threaten my family's lives, and you've ruined plenty. So
it's okay when you do all of that, but no one else? Don't try to play mister innocent to me, I
know you better than that. And for the record Matteo has never threatened me or my life and
you don't get to dictate every single aspect of my life to the point that you get to tell me I
can't be friends with someone!" Alessio fell into complete silence, he glared at me for a full
minute, sixty seconds of fuming rage. Just long enough for me to regret every word I had
said, just long enough for me to shift my weight from one foot to the other and back, just long
enough for the anger I had faded into feeling awkward and exposed under his glare and then
like complete shit all together. He glared at me for 1/60th of an hour and then turned
wordlessly and walked out of the bathroom. I silently followed Alessio back out into the
restaurant. He gathered his coat from the back of his chair and slipped it on. I stood
awkwardly at the table as he made a bit of a show in getting ready to leave. "Should I leave
the Lexus?" I asked, finally breaking the silence. "What?" He asked not bothering to look up
at me but rather pat his pockets to ensure he had everything he needed. "The Lexus. Should I
just leave the Lexus here?" "No. Take it. Take it and go wherever the hell you want."
"What?" He finally looked at me for a second and then returned to a much more important
task. Lighting a cigar. "Go. I wouldn't want to ruin anything else for you." "Alessio!" I
groaned. "I didn't-" He sighed too heavily and I stopped. "I'll take the Lexus. Simone will
drive you back to the house or wherever the hell you want to go. He'll stay with you. I don't
want you alone." "You're not coming to the house with me?" "No." He took a long drag on
the cigar and I rocked awkwardly from my heels to my toes. "I didn't mean what I said. You
don't ruin anything. You act without speaking, I speak without thinking. It's what we do."
"It's fine." His choice of words stung and the sharp tone he used cut to the core. "When will
you come back? An hour? A few hours?" He didn't answer and my frown deepened. "At all
tonight?" "I don't know Armillia." He finally sighed. "I don't know, alright? I have to think."
"Think about what?" I demanded. He didn't answer. Again, he took a drag from his cigar
instead and dug a pair of keys out of his pocket. He tossed it to me. "Don't lose it." Along
with the key was the fob. The precious key fob that controlled every single aspect of the car.
There were far more buttons than just the panic, lock, and unlock button. He was angry at me,
Simone was one of his best men, and yet he still didn't trust him enough to leave me stuck.
"The panic button set off an alarm but not the loud kind you might expect. It'll send a
message to a few of the guys and activate their GPS tracker on the car. Worse case scenario
they'll be there in ten minutes. The red button in the middle stops the car completely, if you
press that button he's obviously going to know you know something is up, so I wouldn't use
that unless he's going to drive into a wall or off a cliff. Your best bet is either the panic button
or to unlock the car and tuck and roll out the door." "You're so paranoid." "I'm careful." He
corrected and took another key out of his pocket. "Still. It's Simone. I'll be fine." "It would
be useless to give you the fob if you had no clue what to do with it." His tone was
uninterested and dismissive and it hurt. "Alessio." "Go. I already have a key to the Lexus."
"If we could just talk-" "Go." I would have at that point, with that tone, with that glare. But
my feet wouldn't move. He looked annoyed as he watched me, waiting for me to obey him,
for my feet to take me away. But I couldn't. God did he hate it when people disobeyed him
and here I was, in his restaurant in front of countless family members and friends and I wasn't
leaving like he'd demanded of me. "Don't look at me like that. Like I'm the asshole here." He
snapped. "I'm not-" I tried. "You are! You're the one whoring yourself around to the sick
bastards who want to serve me your head on a silver platter-" "Whoring myself around?" I
repeated in utter disbelief. "And here you are looking at me like I'm the asshole." "I'm not!"
"You are!" He yelled and finally my feet moved. I took two steps forward and he met me in
the middle immediately. We were making a scene, in the middle of his restaurant, and not a
single person dared to turn to face us. "I'm looking at you like you're going to leave me
again!" I yelled back. The anger evaporated from his face and he looked to be almost
understanding, almost. "You left before and I mean like, you had no reason not to. What was
it you always said? I wasn't special? We weren't anything back then. But you left and it hurt
me to my very core. Now I live with you, now we're a couple, and we've had all these perfect
moments and we are like meshing our lives together and you're teaching me all these things
and we do all these things couples do and I think we're in love. Like, actually in love and if
you left now-" "Armillia." "I just, I couldn't. It's a blow I couldn't handle. If you left now I-"
He cupped my face and I stopped immediately and bit my quivering lip. "I'm not. I'm not
leaving you. But I am angry. And I am mean as hell when I'm angry and if I stand around
looking at you and remembering why I'm so angry it's not going to be pretty. I don't want to
be around you right now. But I'm not leaving you. Not ever." I nodded slowly and he kissed
my cheek lightly. "I'll see you in a bit." "Okay."

Chapter 15

I threw the scotch down the back of my throat in one easy toss and then turned my attention
back to the half naked blonde in front of me. She chewed on her lip, hands clasped behind her
back forcing her breasts forward, waiting for some sort of recognition or praise. "Another." I
instructed and slammed the empty glass onto the table. "Of course." She said it sounded to
be simply over the moon at my request. She made a show of walking away, hips swayed
too hard, ass wiggling as if she was a puppy wagging its tail. I rolled my eyes. And these
were the women I was entrusted to entertain my men? "Not bad eh?" Oscar said from my
right and gave me a nudge. "I don't remember her. The ass looks familiar, think I might
have put three years on it, but I'm drawing a blank on the face and name." "Bah, a couple
more drinks and the faces all look the same anyway." He waved off my concern. But it
was a concern. I knew everything, everyone, I remembered these sorts of things, I always
remembered these things. At least, I used to. Armillia Santoro....what were you doing to me?
"I tell ya, I don't even miss the casino. I like it down here so much, fact, I'm insulted you
didn't let me run this place to begin with." Oscar carried on excitedly. Oscar and his riff
raff was just one of the annoying side effects of the raid on the casino. Until we had another
location in place, it was a safer investment to let the casino regulars down under rather than
let them roam the streets and get into trouble, or worse, find a different supplier. So pleasure
had mixed with business and the end result was disgusted. "I never authorized the pole." I
muttered and the blonde came back with our drinks making sure to bend over further than
necessary to set them on the short table in front of our couch. Oscar nudged me again,
several times to ensure her breasts had my attention. They didn't. I was still focused on the
pole. There was a pole run from ceiling to floor. We'd crossed the line from bar to strip club
in less than two weeks and somehow I had missed the transition. "Is there anything else I
can get you boys?" She asked, batting her eyes at Oscar first and then turning them to me and
holding my gaze. Oscar looked at me waiting for my answer. A small hand held saw so
that I could take a part of Oscar's skull off and ensure his brain was still within, a drill so I
could take down the stripper pole in my club and shove it up his ass, a dart so I could throw it
at her tits to see if they were real or silicone would start oozing out of them when punctured.
"Another." I muttered and picked up my drink. "There you are." A familiar voice said in a
sigh behind me. I didn't look over my shoulder to greet him, nor did I feel the need to
acknowledge his entrance at all. Here I was. Whoopty-fȕcking-doo. I took a swig from my
glass. Pietro took a seat on my other side and followed my scowl to the broad getting my
drink. "Is she new?" He asked. "Fȕck if I know." I grumbled. "Couldn't even tell you her
name. The ass looks familiar." "Name is Cynthia." Oscar piped in. "And she gives a hell
of a lap dance." The glass in my hand shattered. "Lap dances?" I repeated nearly
obliviously to someone pulling my hand out and putting a towel around it and another trying
to wipe the alcohol away from my lap. "My women are giving lap dances now?" "What's
the big deal? They already fȕck." "In a completely different section designated for such
action!" "Oh gosh you've cut your hand." Someone said from before me and on instinct I
pulled it away. "It's not a big deal." Pietro said easily and lounged back in the chair
draping his arm along the back. "The new place will be up in a few weeks and everything will
go back to normal. Business will resume." "It doesn't appear that any business has been
done." I scowled and finally turned my attention to the brunette kneeling on the floor between
my legs who had taken my hand again. "Loosen up." Oscar said not seeming the least bit
phased by my actions. "Loosen him up." He instructed her to pull my hand away and put it up
in a stopping motion. "Please, don't." I said flatly. "What? Oh damn, that's right, you're
into blondes now. I tell ya, I've never really been one to judge a book by it's cover but they do
say blondes have more fun..." "Oscar." Pietro said in a warning tone. I leaned back on
the chair with a sigh. "As if the casino getting cut wasn't bad enough, now this is slipping
too?" "It's not slipping." Pietro said faking casualness, clearly thinking I was such a loose
cannon that I must be soothed. I wasn't a loose cannon. This fȕcking club was the loose
cannon. I didn't fight the brunette off as she took my hand again. "Isn't it? This was
supposed to be a place to keep our business safe. Somewhere we could do our work without
wondering ears or the risk of a bug slipping in. Does it look like any business is getting done
here?" "Looks like too much." Pietro said without missing a beat and grinning broadly at
me. I sent him a glare and he chuckled. "Relax, it's just for a few weeks. Your guys seem to
be enjoying themselves, and besides, after the bust and the Bonanno shit maybe everyone
could use a little fun anyway?" I scoffed. "Ten minutes of fun leads to ten centuries in the
ground. You know this." The blonde reappeared with a tray full of drinks. "One for the
new friend too." She said with a wink. "No thanks." Pietro smiled as she placed them
down. "Going to Stacey's tonight, she hates when I show up tipsy." He explained to Oscar
and me. Like I gave a fȕck. I took my drink in my free hand, downed it and handed the
glass back to her before I had a chance to break it over Oscar's head to create another mess
for me to clean up. "The integrity of my club-" "Will be fine in a few weeks." Pietro said
and then shot Oscar a glare. "Right O?" Oscar gave a half shrug and I took Pietro's glass.
"How many have you had?" Pietro inquired. "Enough to not have stripped Oscar and super
glued him to the fȕcking stripper pole he installed in my club." I replied back casually
making a show of taking another drink. "Take it easy." Pietro warned. "Si Padre."
"I'm serious, you know how you get." "Enlighten me." "Alessio." He said in some sort
of tone. A tone. On me. I ignored him and took another drink instead. A pair of soft lips
pressed to my hand and I glanced down to the brunette. Fȕck it, I'd practically forgotten about
her already but she clearly hadn't forgotten about me. Big brown doe eyes watched me
through her lashes, she blinked slowly, twice and then raised her mouth from my hand only to
kiss another spot that had been cut this time with closed eyes. Pietro inhaled and let it out
loudly through his nose. "I have to go. Can I trust you with him?" He directed the Oscar. I
scowled at Pietro. "I'm not a child." "That much is still to be decided." Pietro said with a
grin. "Behave." I rolled my eyes as he stood up. "He's cut off." "I agree completely!"
Oscar said sternly and sent me a dirty look. "Don't worry Pietro, I've got him." He stood up
and as Pietro was walking away yelled after him, "I won't let you down. This is a dry area.
You can count on me! No alcohol!" He put his hands on his hips and watched Pietro walk
away, the moment he was gone he turned back to me. "Whiskey sour or Tennessee Fire?"
I raised a brow. He palmed his forehead. "Bourbon of course! Stay right here." He paused
and then leaned close to whisper into my ear. "Her name is Lux by the way." The moment
I heard the name that memory of mine I feared I had been losing clicked and I knew her story
like the back of my hand. Lux Caroline. Runaway at fifteen, pimped by sixteen, beaten
senseless at least a dozen times by seventeen and picked up by Paulo just shy of eighteen
where she was stuck for almost two years before I chose her. She'd been bity, literally. Paulo
couldn't wait to get her off of his hands, and warned me that she wouldn't fit my taste for any
of my clubs, I was intrigued. I couldn't say as I really blamed the girl for lashing out at
Paulo, she'd been sold to him after all, she'd taken the transaction less than pleasantly and
proved to be as much of a flight risk as any. When I'd met her the flickers of gold in her
otherwise brown eyes, the way she glowered at me, seeing me as the same way the men she
met saw her, just another piece of meat, how could I say no? She kept a cold composure
when I explained the business, my plans with her, what was expected, what was to be given
in return, her out, the money, the freedom. She'd cried. They always cried, it was not an
unusual situation for me. Not of interest, not peculiar, not registered into my mind as
anything other than another one of my girls who would remain loyal. The most interesting
thing about Lux? Her father was a senator, fabulously wealthy. She would run, and he would
find her, up the security, board her up in her room. Some way or another she always found
her way out again. He was, after all, the one she was running from. Her final disappearing act
had been stellar. One for the books. When she came to me. Her presumed death had actually
done wonders for Mr. Caroline. It practically sealed his position. He won an overload of
votes out of sympathy and Lux won her freedom. Well, sort of. She was here and so far
that was the closest to freedom she'd got. I watched her wrap gauze around my hand
quickly and quietly, I glanced back at Oscar at a serving station talking vibrantly, throwing
his arms out and waving his hands vividly through the air as he spoke. "Does it hurt?" I
glanced down to Lux, briefly considered telling her to fȕck off but when her eyes found mine
again. Eyes that had seen far too much, they watched me with a sense of expectancy, a
knowing look. She gave me a look, with those eyes and that color that I was instantly
reminded of Aria and I bit back remembering instantly why I had bought her in the first
place. "No." I finally said flatly. "It looks like it should." She replied back and looked
down to my hand bringing her fingertips gently along the gauze, her eyes following every
move of her fingers carefully. "I cut myself a few weeks ago on a broken glass, just a nick,
nothing like this and it definitely hurt." Her fingers reached the end of the gauze, the base of
my hand and she glanced up again. "Are you lying to me Mr. Genovese?" She asked in a coy,
almost demanding tone. My mouth came open just a hair and Oscar was suddenly sitting
beside us again and it closed. He handed me my drink and I pulled my hand from Lux's to
accept it. The moisture around the glass instantly dampened the gauze. I watched Lux
remain on the floor. She hadn't moved at all, still between my legs, her knees on the ground
just millimeters from the couch. She was watching me, expectantly. I took a drink, perhaps
longer than I needed and lowered the glass. "You remind me of someone." Oscar glanced
at me from behind his own glass but for once in his life had nothing to add to the
conversation. "That girlfriend of yours I would hope." She said and smiled easily. For
someone so young, barely twenty, she seemed older. Was it the confidence? The coy smile?
Or perhaps the fact that I knew despite being several years Armillia's junior she had endured
much more. "No." I said and took another drink to empty the glass. "Please, don't break
this one." She said and leaned forward to take it from me purposely letting her fingers linger
against mine for a few moments too long before pulling the cup from my hand and half
turning to put it on the table. "How about a dance?" Oscar offered. She rose on cue to
Oscar and he held his hand up. "Not for me." I sent Oscar a glare that told him he was
insanely lucky my drill was broken and turned my attention back to Lux. She hadn't moved a
muscle. She wasn't like the other girls down here. She had some sort of easiness about her,
she didn't ask for attention, but nor did she run from it when granted it the way my Armillia
did. It appeared to roll right off of her. Her head was tilted slightly to the side watching me,
curiously if I had to describe it. "I don't think so." I finally muttered. "My hand is fine, get
back to work." "I'm trying to give her work." Oscar said, nudging me hard. "I said no."
"Dude." He leaned forward a bit as though we could have a private conversation in front of
her. "Your girl was in the bathroom with not only someone else, but a rival gang? Trust me
when I say I love Mia, I'm her biggest fan. She makes a mean mixed drink but come on.
That's fȕcked up. The least you deserve is a little dance." I narrowed my eyes to slits. Not
only was no one to know about Armillia's antics today, but he'd also claimed to be her biggest
fan. A title that obviously belonged to me. "Do you have cameras in the bathroom?" He
continued and watched his drink rather than me as he rolled his wrist and the liquor danced
around in his glass. "Didn't think so." He muttered after several moments of silence. "Who
knows what could've happened in there." "Oscar?" He turned back to me. "How fond are
you of that skull you've been lugging around?" "Quite sir." "Then shut the fȕck up." I
snarled. My head snapped forward as Lux slid onto my lap, my hands instinctively on her
hips. Her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth. Not in the middle like Armillia did when
she was nervous but more on the side. I glanced to my right and Oscar was gone. I would
have his fȕcking balls for this. Lux rested her hands on my shoulders and was still for a
minute, possibly waiting for me to push her off, perhaps for me to crack her skull open on the
table before us, maybe hoping I would encourage her. All were possibilities. She
pushed her hips forward and I released my hold on her. What this was signaling I hadn't a
clue. I needed another drink. She leaned down against me letting his hands venture down my
chest and stopped when her mouth was beside my ear. "Should I stop?" She whispered into
my ear and lingered for a moment to let me soak this feeling in, the feel of her body against
my own, her lips so close to my ear that I could feel her breath against it. Should she stop?
Probably. She leaned back to inspect my face again, trying to read me the way I read
everyone I saw. The way only one person had been able to. She tilted her head to the side just
a hitch, I picked up on the fact that she did this when she was truly perplexed. The way some
might cross their arms and cup their chin and let out a long hm. This was how she thought,
with the tilt of a head. Who the fȕck knows what Mia did with the scum in my bathroom.
Of course I didn't have cameras in the women's bathroom. Why would I have needed to? It
was my men and their families or simple civilians who attended the restaurant. There were
cameras outside the bathroom, outside the bathroom window, hell even in the vents around
the bathroom but I felt no reason for them to be in. They could have been doing anything. She
had protected him, stood between him and my gun without hesitation. Was he so worth
risking her own life for? Why? And then there was the way he fȕcking looked at her. My
hands turned into furious fists and I was grateful to have let go of Lux lest I actually hurt the
poor girl. I'd been careless, let a rat slip through my grips costing me the casino, absent
enough to let Oscar turn my club into a whore fest, and oblivious enough to miss something
very, very unsettling going on with Armillia. I was blinded by this woman and her vision was
apparently quite clear and in it she saw Matteo. I scanned Lux over, taking in her body,
taking in all of her except the eyes. She wore a vibrant green set with gold embellishments,
despite being underground for months her skin still radiated as though the sun itself had
kissed every inch of flesh. The smell of citrus and vanilla filled my senses. I was never
careless. I was never absent. I was never oblivious. What were you turning me into
Mia? I finally looked up to Lux's eyes and repeated a word I knew my darling Mia hated
oh so very, very much. "No."

Chapter 16

It was just a lap dance. Just a lap dance. That's what I would continue to tell myself. It was
just a lap dance. A lap dance where her hips grinded to the music, where she slowly and
seductively pulled on my tie and then loosened it in a way that didn't make me want to
strangle her with it. Just a dance where at one point she'd raised herself off of me completely,
keeping her knees on the couch on either side of me and her hands on the back of the couch
beside my head, her eyes never leaving my own, her plump little lip between her teeth and
her body still moving thought not against my own. It meant nothing that after several
impatient seconds I'd put my hands to her hips and pulled her back against me with a
frustrated grunt. It was just a dance. And her body still sitting on me now? Over two hours
later with my suit jacket wrapped around her, the material cloaking her skin and her soft
citrusy scent wrapped in my own musky one. The way my arm wrapped comfortably around
her body and my hand resting on her thigh? Meaningless. The fact that she had left a time or
two to use the restroom and returned to me each time by flopping down on me, arms around
my shoulders and an attitude as though we'd known each other our whole lives. Her coy
"Why Mister Genovese what a shock to find you here." It all meant nothing. Absolutely
nothing. Just like the trust I put into Mia, the efforts I put in protecting her, the time we had
spent together. Our relationship. It meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. I hadn't been
oblivious to certain signs. Not being oblivious made it even worse. I had realized something
was amiss when I noted the GPS on her phone was marking her stationary for hours. I could
have simply assumed she stayed at home all day, but to not pick the phone up? Not even
once? She knew I was tracking her and didn't want to be found. I noticed her attitude change,
her hiding out in the bathroom more often, frequently after sex having some sort of
obnoxious womanly break down, something was off but I ignored it. I was the worst kind of
idiot. The one who knew that something was off but chose to let it go because I trusted her. I
didn't trust anyone. Not enough to turn a blind eye when I knew something was amiss at least.
But I had trusted her. And look where it had gotten me? It meant absolutely nothing. Any of
it. At the thought of Armillia my hand slid from Lux's thigh to her inner thigh. She shifted
her weight on me slightly but made no complaint or attempted to stop me. She continued on
with a conversation I couldn't give two shits about. Everyone was having a nice night. Oscar
had apparently installed some sort of rotation system of women to be on his lap throughout
the night. As I had had Oscar in charge of the Casino before the raid, I had had Enzo in
charge of the club for years. He maintained the same sort of rules as I usually did. Don't get
attached. Don't get physical, and certainly don't fall in love with any of them women. So
while they would occasionally stop by and swoon over him or insist on refilling his drink
before it had even been emptied, he didn't get physical with any of the women. It was a good
thing too. Because the next thing he knew he would be in love, nearly getting her killed,
begging like a fȕcking dog for her to be with him. He falls in love and what next? He's
checking cameras and GPS's every ten minutes to ensure she's still living and the little bitch
will sneak off into his own bathroom and suck some fȕcking asshole's dick right under his
nose. Enzo shouldn't fall in love. Certainly. The longer we sat here, everyone truly enjoying
the night, the more pissed off I got. Maybe I had spoken out of tone to Mia, it wouldn't have
been the first time. Then again, maybe I hadn't. Maybe she was being a whore. Who the fȕck
knows what she did in there with Matteo. Hell, for all I knew she was being passed around
the whole damn Bonanno behind my back and he'd come into my restaurant looking for some
way to spice up their sex life. I almost didn't notice that my free hand had dipped under the
suit jacket and run up Lux's back but her warm skin and the way her back arched to my touch
was hard to miss. Matteo and Mia. Matteo and Mia. Matteo and Mia. The whole night kept
replaying in my mind. The sudden paleness of her face as she looked right through me,
insisting she had to use the bathroom. The nervous waiter coming over knees practically
clapping together, sweat stains under his arms stuttering and mumbling about my needing to
see some concerning footage immediately. The way she'd tried to play me off when I opened
the door. Protecting him. With her life. The way Matteo had come out of the bathroom stall
like a bat out of hell with his gun pointed to me and she was between us. Stopping me?
Stopping him? I couldn't truly be sure. Where did her loyalties lie? Who was she trying to
protect? And the way his eyes followed her every move, the way he came forward when I'd
pushed her out of the way and that look. Why did he give her that look? Why did he look at
her like that? I should have shot him. If anyone else had asked me not to, I would have done
it regardless and then shot them someplace they'd be unlikely to die from just to teach them
not to make such ridiculous requests. But no. When Mia asked me not to do something I
didn't. And what happened when I asked her not to do something? Not to write about this
industry, not to bother me when I was in a foul mood, not to be around Matteo. She did it
regardless. The more I thought about it I wondered if she ever listened. She hadn't listened
well enough when the Bonanno had us in their hands, she hadn't listened when I begged her
to leave so many times for her own safety, when I told her to get out of my sight it was as
though her feet molded into the ground and she went nowhere. I made up my mind quickly,
after several hours of stewing, that I would shoot Matteo. Shoot him some place non-fatal,
lock him in the chambers for a week and then shoot him somewhere else. It would be fun, the
men and I, we could take bets on what would kill him first, would he bleed to death, starve to
death, or would an infection from the weekly wounds kill him. Like I said, fun. And then
what of Armillia? I slipped my fingers and then my whole hand under the back of Lux's bra,
she made no movement, merely continued to casually talk to the group before us as if it were
nothing. Considering her career path my hand flattened against her back probably was
nothing. "Please Enzo, for the love of God, no business tonight!" Oscar begged and I slowly
pulled my mind away from Mia and Matteo and back into the conversation. "I wasn't talking
to you anyway." Enzo replied back and turned to me again. "You're talking about me." "No,
I'm talking about your...your...fȕck it I don't know what to even call them. The children
you've brought down here." I sighed heavily. "Now what did he do." "Drugs. His little
hoodlums have brought drugs into my club!" Technically, it was my club. But I found no
reason worth involving myself in this conversation. I drummed my fingers on Lux's thigh
feigning interest in the conversation as I thought of Mia. She would no doubt be furious
when I murdered Matteo, perhaps even more so when I described the vulgarity of the murder.
Maybe I should make a video blog to track the event step by step and send it to her. She
would get over it. Perhaps. Perhaps she would simply get under someone else. You never
could tell with these women anymore. How the fȕck had I missed this? Right under my own
nose. She was the cop's daughter, the reporter set out to out me, a normal girl not fit to
weather the mafia life. How could I have been naïve enough to think this would ever work
out? She would either ruin me, or my career would be the death of her. It didn't work safely
for Madre and Padre, it hadn't worked out with Aria who had been cut from the same cloth as
I and bred for this role, why the fȕck would it work with someone like Mia? The only thing I
could be sure of now was that I needed to hurt someone. I needed to kill someone. Out of all
these underground locations I had all over the God-damned country and I didn't have a single
arena to spend the night breaking bones and bloodying bodies. I could hear her in my head.
She was in my fȕcking head. All I fȕcking heard. All. Fȕcking. Night. "I wouldn't cheat on
you if that's what you're implying here." Had she? Had she blinded me with big brown doe
eyes and golden hair, was I so desperate to pull her body against mine every night that what
she did during the day was lost on me? "I'm telling you if you just watched one of them on
the pole you'd love it." Oscar gushed to Enzo who was clearly as annoyed about the addition
as I was. "I'm here every day! You think I haven't seen someone on the pole already?" Oscar
forced the redhead from his lap upright and stood as well. "Well you haven't seen Heather."
"Her name is Hannah." Enzo said without hesitation or any bit of amusement. "Their names
all sound the same after a few drinks." He scoffed and grabbed Enzo's hand and pulled him to
his feet as well. "Oscar I'm serious I don't-" "You'll love it! Haley is amazing!" Oscar yelled
over his shoulder as he dragged him away. "You didn't force anything on me
Alessio. I choose to be here with you. This is the life I'm choosing. You're the life I'm
choosing." Lying whore. How fȕcking stupid could I have been? This isn't the life anyone
would choose. Lux shifted on my lap to sit sideways rather than forward, I let my
hand slide down her back and finally off completely, the hand formerly on her thigh now on
her back instead. "Mister Genovese." She said in a tone that indicated she had much more to
say following. I glanced up to her and was reminded why I hadn't shoved her to the
floor yet. Flecks of gold watched me, looked through me maybe. "I love you but
come on!" She'd played me like putty in her hands the whole time. Was I such a fool that I
thought this would ever work? That normal would ever work. Not for me. "I, uh..."
She trailed off for a moment. Lux had struck me as an insanely confident person. Not
arrogant, just the kind of person who couldn't be bothered with what the rest of the world
thought of her. "Well I'm glad you're here now. You're a hard man to track down Mister
Genovese." There was something about the way she said that. Mister Genovese. In
a tone sounding slightly in awe, slightly mysterious, and somehow still playful. "I suppose it
would be difficult for you to track someone from down here." "This is that JEALOUSY
thing we've talked about." She spoke to me like I was an idiot, looked at me like I was the
asshole, and even still I had obeyed her like a stupid mutt. "I just really needed
to..." She hesitated for a moment as if this was a truly difficult thing to say. "Mister
Genovese" this time it wasn't playful, it was a formality. She was using a formality as she sat
on my lap in a lingerie suit and my jacket hours after giving me a lap dance and letting my
hands touch her bare skin. "I wanted to thank you." She shifted again to face me
completely and to be straddling me, she put her hands on my shoulders and watched them
rather than my face. "If not for you, well...you know where I would be right now..."
"He's the only reason I'm here now!" As if I hadn't had to save her life how many fȕcking
times? She owed it to him? She was grateful to him? Why did he look at her that way, why
the fȕck did he look at her like that! "Miss Caroline." I said in that same
wonderstruck playful tone she'd used on me. Her eyes shot back to mine. "I don't
make it a habit of spending my night on someone's lap...anyone's lap. I don't, down here, with
anyone." Color rose to her cheeks. "I don't know why I told you that like you would really
care." She breathed out and shook her head. "I just, I really wanted you to know that. For
some reason. I don't know. Oh my God, I sound like such an idiot right now." She pulled her
hand away from my shoulder and ran it through her hair. I would be lying if I said
I cared that she sounded like an idiot. I would be lying if I said I cared about anything other
than the satisfying crack my fist would make when it connected with Matteo's jaw. "It comes
from not thinking." I muttered. My mind drifted back to standing in my kitchen
with my forehead against Mia's softly encouraging her to think the day I had come back for
her. "I've just been thinking. About seeing you again, what I would say. For a long time." I'd
practically crawl on my hands and knees. I had been hers from the start. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
"What?" "Sounding like an idiot. It comes from not thinking." I repeated and
slowly she grinned. "Or in my case thinking too much. I've been running it through
my head for months. The awkward apology for being so cold before. I'm sure you can
imagine how many guys have promised me my freedom just to enjoy the fight I put up when
finding the lie. I didn't believe you until we were actually here and by then you were
practically gone." "No one is going to get to you through me. Stupid." Lying
fȕcking whore, lying fȕcking whore. She pressed her lips lightly to my cheek. "Thank you,
Mister Genovese." She breathed into my ear and on impulse my hand was on the back of her
neck. Her citrusy vanilla smell was now tainted by tobacco and my own musk, her hands
rested gently on my chest. I envisioned the way Mia held her body against Matteo's behind
my back and savored this moment. Revenge was a treat best served hard. If you get what I
mean. So I soaked it in, her body against mine, her breath against my ear, the way with her
head angled down the long dark hair fell forward. What did it feel like for Mia? When
Matteo's breath fanned her, did his scent fill her the way Lux did me, did she want him the
way she wanted me? Did she want him even more? I tangled my fingers through her hair and
tugged her backwards just far enough away that I could look at her face again. Her thighs
tightened on my legs, a clear signal that she didn't mind my action, that she was aroused
even. Lux had spent the night drinking with us, and had disclosed the fact that she did not
sleep with any of the men down here. She wasn't "pink." She wasn't Armillia. I was breaking
all of my own rules and I still couldn't give two shits. Her lips parted slightly and then closed
again. She was nervous, and tense, but she wanted me. Had probably been thinking of me for
months as some sort of knight in shining armor, like I'd saved her from the piece of shit life
she'd created for herself, like she thought I was some sort of saint. She thought of me the
exact opposite way Mia had not only tonight but apparently for weeks. Neither were right
about me. I was no saint, I was no villain. I was just plain fȕcked in the head. "Alessio?" She
breathed uncertainly, it was the first time she had actually used my name, the first time she'd
thrown this stupid little game out the window and looked at this as something real. I didn't
reply. I thought one last time of the way Matteo had looked at Armillia, the step forward he'd
taken, the pictures I had of them together. Fȕcking a- I half pushed Lux down, half pulled
her by her hair to be flat on her back and underneath me on the couch. My jacket fell from
her shoulders and she was exposed again in just the lingerie set. I had her wrists pinned to the
couch and she was still watching me with unwavering, almost trained eyes. She blinked,
slowly and even over the music and bustle of the club around us I swear I heard her swallow.
I had several options here. I needed a release. One was looking up at me, ready to please me
in any way I demanded of her without whining about rug burn on her knees or soreness the
next day. She thought the world of me, was loyal to me, hadn't slept with any of the other
guys and was still wanting to be with me. I had a couple hundred other releases mulling
around, drinking, talking, smoking. I could start throwing punches, take my gun out and start
shooting at random and hope that tomorrow when I assessed the damage I wouldn't have hit
more than a few of my more valued men. I could go on some sort of witch hunt for Matteo.
Barge into a Bonanno fortress and hope my trigger pulled faster than theirs or that I could at
least get some satisfying punches landed. Or I could go home and take this out on Armillia.
Armillia. "I love you Alessio Genovese." I was off of Lux with a push and back onto my
feet. I promptly grabbed the table before us and flipped it, not giving a fȕck who was sprayed
with liquor or how many glasses had been broken. Lux's hands found my back reassuringly.
"Alessio, calm down! It's okay we didn't-" I turned around and shoved her, she was only
lucky the couch was right behind her to fall on. Oscar cut between us immediately, for once
in his miserable life being serious, trying to be the voice of reason. "Woah buddy-" He started
to say but I didn't care. I had found my first release. The feel of my knuckles against his jaw
was not nearly as satisfying as I suspected Matteo's would be but I wasn't going to lie and say
I didn't enjoy it. He staggered backwards, Lux's hand was over her mouth and her knees to
her chest just another step behind him on the couch. Oscar held his jaw for a few moments
before looking up to me. "Is this about the pole? Because I can have it-" I hit him again and
this time he went down. Glancing around the club I saw hundreds of other releases. No one
took a step towards me. After several glowering moments, I left as if nothing had happened. I
stopped at the bar to toss back a glass of scotch and then another that had been left
unattended. I floored it back to the house, fearing that any hesitation would
diminish my anger. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to fight. I wasn't to destroy everything that
ever could matter. My feet carried me to the house, I would have kicked the door open but I
had taken such precautions to avoid the possibility. I settled for throwing it open and
slamming it shut behind me. Simone and SIlvano appeared in the foyer just as I put
my fist through the wall for the first time. Both lowered their guns immediately seeing it was
only me. "Alessio-" Silvano started. "Via da questa casa!" I said through gritted
teeth. (Get out of this house) Both remained mute and unmoving for a few seconds. I turned
and grabbed the first thing my fingers touched, a vase worth only a few hundred dollars and
hurled it at the wall. "ANDATE!" I roared and they scattered. (LEAVE!)
Chapter 17

A loud crash and the sound of glass shattering jerked me from my sleep and into an upright
position. In seconds the gun from the nightstand had been completely assembled and in my
hand. I took an irrational moment to marvel at how quickly I had assembled and loaded the
piece. I examined the gun in awe at my own skill and determined that to make such a quick
show of working the gun I was clearly far too involved in the mafia. Another crash echoed
through the walls and I pulled myself out of bed with my pistol at the ready. If I survived
through this I would definitely brag about my gun assembly skills later, but right now it
looked like I was going to have to put more than just the assembly part to test. I swallowed
hard and paused at the door. It was quiet. Eerily quiet. Simone and Silvano were often up
late into the night playing cards or discussing matters. On several occasions I had thundered
down the stairs in a panic when I heard the two yelling only to find them engulfed in a killer
game of GTA. Even if Silvano wasn't here and Simone was asleep he always had the TV
running, even in his sleep. After a long moment of silence I turned the door knob slowly and
opened the door a crack, thanking the heavens that Alessio was too anal retentive to let any of
his doors open with a squeak, it would have been just my luck to have a noisy door be my
cause of death. Silence. I was imagining things. Dreaming. Dreaming vividly apparently.
Hell, perhaps I was hallucinating all together. I popped my head out the door and looked
down the darkened hallway. I stayed completely stationary wondering my best course of
action here. I was probably going to die. I shouldn't be so surprised really, people die in the
mafia business every day. A loud thump sound from downstairs followed by a series of
destructive sounding whacks and crashes. Okay, so I clearly wasn't imagining things. I
turned the corner with my gun first, after securing the location I continued. The crashes got
louder as I crept down the stairs. This didn't make sense. Where was Pietro? And Simone?
Alessio had instructed I not be left alone. In fact, the house was never to be unguarded. This
didn't seem right. Just as I was rounding the corner to the kitchen a bottle flew past my head
and crashed into the wall behind me, I'd just barely ducked in time. "Jesus-" I stopped just
before I pulled the trigger. Alessio was throwing some sort of fit, destroying everything he
touched. Out of instinct, I'd almost shot my boyfriend. My shoulders sagged immediately
when I saw it was only him, until he threw another expensive liquor bottle over his shoulder.
This one was lower and I had to practically dive to the side to avoid getting clocked with it.
"Alessio!" He whirled around to face me. His eyes were wide and bloodshot and his clothes
unkempt. "Have you gone mad?" I asked in part because of the havoc he was reeking in our
house and partly because, well, he really did look like a mad man. "Armillia." He dragged
my name out just a few beats too long in a whine. He stumbled across the room and over
broken pieces of dishes, bowls, and other various objects he'd picked up around the house and
thrown to their demise. There were so many decorative pieces in the place, vases that held
nothing, abstract pictures, knickknacks on a pedestal, if someone wanted to come in and
destroy six figures in minutes they would only have to go through one room. The battered
pieces on the floor were probably worth more than my car, even now as they were in pieces.
"What on earth are you doing? Are you...are you drunk?" In the three years I had known
Alessio I had never once seen him drunk, not even tipsy. He stopped staggering towards me
and as if I had flicked a switch his anger returned. He looked around, there wasn't anything to
throw easily in sight so he did the only thing any logical man would do. He started kicking
the sink faucet. I was so astounded that he could even get his foot that high that I didn't even
think to try to stop him until he succeeded in kicking the faucet off and water began spewing
out angrily. My instincts came back and I shoved him out of the way of the sink and dove
under it, turning the knobs to turn that water off. When I crawled back out of the cabinets
under the sink to give Alessio a piece of my mind he was gone. I followed the sound of
hammering to find him in one of several sitting rooms punching the wall as if it had done
something to him. "What the fȕck is your problem!" I yelled, grabbing his arm and trying to
yank him backward. He shrugged away from me and hit the wall again, when I grabbed him
again he wrapped his other arm around my waist and forced me up against the wall.
"Alessio." I groaned. He'd released my waist immediately and had both hands on the wall
beside me, trapping me. He reeked of alcohol and I turned my head away to escape the smell
when he opened his mouth to speak. "Why?" "Why what?" I forced myself to look at him
again. "You're the one tearing your house apart, what are you whining about me?" After a
moment of hesitation I scrunched up my nose. "Fȕck, you reek." He glared at me for a few
seconds and as much as I wanted to be as firm as he was I just couldn't. I squirmed under his
gaze and looked away. "Where is Simone? And Pietro? I thought you didn't want me alone."
"You aren't alone." He put a hand on my hip. "You're with me." "Well how about a little
space?" I muttered and tried to gently push him away to no avail, when my gentle push failed
I gave him a firmer shove but he hardly budged. "Alessio." "Armillia." He teased and leaned
forward. I turned my head away. "Why are you breaking everything? What's wrong with
you? You scare me when you're like this." "Good." He leaned away. "You should be scared
of me. You should be terrified." He let both hands fall to his sides, away from the wall and
away from me. He took a swaying step backwards and I tried to force my nervousness away.
This was Alessio. He loved me. I had done something terrible, beyond terrible he was
allowed to be angry. Gosh, I'd hate to see how he'd feel if he knew the full extent of just how
terrible a thing I had done. "I shouldn't be scared of you. You're my boyfriend. I should feel
safe with you. But why did you send everyone away, you did just send them away right? I'm
not going to find anyone dead or unconscious under the floorboards am I?" "It wouldn't be
the first time." He shrugged and took another unsteady step away. "I hope that's a joke." He
shrugged and nearly lost his balance, I reached out to try to steady him but he smacked my
hand away. I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest. "If you want to continue to
destroy the house fine. I'm going to call Stacey and I'll stay somewhere else tonight. Don't
expect me to help you clean this mess up either." "No." "No?" I repeated annoyance
growing. The demanding sharpness of his tone, the way his no left no room for reason or
discussion. It was as though he were commanding a puppy. "No Stacey, no leaving. If you
leave you don't come back." I couldn't tell if this was a threat, if you leave I don't want you
back, a question, what if you leave and decide not to come back, or a statement, you're
leaving me and not coming back. "I will be back in the morning. When you are sober." "It's
your fault!" He yelled suddenly and pointed an accusing finger at me. I watched his finger
bob up and down for a few seconds before he dropped it. His knuckles were bloody. I'd seen
them this way too many times and I never asked questions. I had always just assumed he'd
been in a fight, now I wondered if all those 'fights' were simply with a brick wall. "How is
this my fault?" I said with surprising calmness. "You make me a madman!" "Well it's great
to see you're taking responsibility for your own actions, truly, bravo." "Do you even realize
who the hell I was before you came along?" "Alessio Genovese?" "That smart ass mouth of
yours is going to get you into trouble." He growled. "Are you threatening me?" "Trust me
baby, if I was threatening you, you would know it." He slurred out and leaned forward until
we were eye level, though he couldn't quite focus his eyes to my own. "You should be
thanking me." I rolled my eyes. "You know where you were before me, if I left you now-"
"What? What Alessio? What would happen if you left me now? I'd maybe go a few weeks
without someone trying to kill me? I could make a few of my own decisions?" "Someone
would kill you, fȕcking moron." "Excuse me?" Did drunk Alessio really just call me a
moron? "I said you're a fȕcking moron." Apparently he did. "I'm the only one making sure
you're still alive. You're far too stupid to do it yourself." "You're way out of line here
buddy." "Buddy huh? I bet you have a lot of buddies." "And now I'm a whore again." I
rolled my eyes and having had enough decided to go back up to our room and sleep, or
maybe even call Stacey to come get me. "When you've come to your senses, when you're
sober, or when you're just done being such an asshole call me." I said and stepped away from
the wall and turned my back to him. Alessio pushed me back against the wall, and hard,
before I had a chance to make me escape and following the move smacked the wall beside
me. I was suddenly frozen, all the self defense classes were out the window and I just pressed
myself further against the wall. I tried my best to melt away and into the wall but it didn't
seem to work as I had planned. He glared at me with a hatred more intense than I had ever
seen before. I tried to remind myself that drunk Alessio had shoved me, not my Alessio but I
couldn't untie the knot in my stomach. His chest was heaving, there was a fire in his eyes I
could only compare to our run in with Giovanni. "Do you know what I did tonight?" He
asked in a slow and deep voice. I took my bottom lip between my teeth to try to keep it still
and shook my head slowly. "I spent the whole fȕcking night with a gorgeous woman on top
of me." He pulled his hand from the wall and put it to the crook of my neck, his fingertips
just barely reaching my hairline. My lip slipped out from between my teeth and my mouth
stayed parted for a moment in disbelief trying to win out what logic had obviously heard loud
and clear. A sharp breath came out but no words. "Sun kissed skin, long dark hair, big
fȕcking copper eyes and a body to die for. Smelled so God-damned good I could've eaten her
for hours." "You-" I breathed. "Mhm." He brought his fingers softly up my neck, tracing my
jaw line and finally brushing along my lips. "Sexy little voice muttering Mister Genovese into
my ear all night." I could suddenly sympathize with the wall behind me. Cold broken wall,
cold broken heart. "You bastard." I said and pressed myself even further against the wall
when a sob slipped out. No, don't let him win. Don't. I was shaking like crazy trying to hold it
in. Don't let him win. He shrugged, raising both hands into the air palms facing the ceiling.
"You see Mia, can I call you Mia? That's where the whole problem lies. I shouldn't have a
problem. I had this sexy woman on top of me, my hands all over her smooth little body and
she wanted me. Unlike you." Even in his drunken state his reflexes were better than mine.
He caught my wrist when I tried to slap him and forced it against the wall above my head, I
shoved him with my free hand and he did the same with it, pinning it above me. I couldn't
stop myself from openly sobbing now. "You bastard, you fȕcking bastard." "So you're
probably thinking, damn, sounds like he had a great night! What the hell could his problem
be? You want to know what the hell my problem is? I have this gorgeous girl underneath me,
sexy as all hell, wanting me, pretty little lip between her teeth waiting for me and I walked
the fȕck away. That's what my fȕcking problem is. I walked the fȕck away because of you." I
wriggled like mad trying to get free from his hold on me, crying hysterically and calling him
all sorts of names I didn't have a clue where they'd even come from. "Mingy prick. Revolting
ass piss licker. Glue sniffing pecker." "Do you not realize how insane you make me?" "Let
me go!" I wailed and he did it abruptly. I was on the floor in seconds a messy sobbing heap
still sprouting off insults like I was being paid to do so. I didn't want him to look at me so I
covered my face. Cold broken wall. Cold broken heart. He remained standing, looking down
on me on the ground in a mess. Neither of us said anything. I had my knees to my chest and
my hands over my face sobbing loudly. There was no use in trying to hold it in, to try to hide
it. Even if I had tried he always saw straight through me. So I wept. "Armillia-" He finally
said some minutes later. I threw my hands away from my face. "I hate you!" I said loudly
and his brows furrowed together. "You hate me? You hate me?" In case he hadn't heard me I
screamed it this time. "I hate you!" "Well I love you! So what the fȕck are we going to do
about this? Huh? I love you God damn it." He grabbed my arm and I pulled it away too hard,
bumping my elbow off the already destroyed wall. He grabbed it again and then the other and
tried to pull me up. "Don't touch me!" I screamed and flailed my arms around in a desperate
attempt to keep him from getting a good hold of me. I didn't want him touching me. It didn't
feel like Alessio was touching me anymore. I didn't like it. I kicked him, I kicked Alessio
and yelled at him and told him to put odd and inappropriate things in odd and inappropriate
places but his strength was far superior than my foul mouth and I was back on my feet. "I
love you damn it." He groaned through gritted teeth as I flopped around wildly in his grip like
a fish out of water. We fell backwards against the wall again though this time it was of my
own fault. I'm sure my shoulder would hurt in the morning but right now I could feel nothing
but the pain in my chest. "Leave me alone." I tried again and finally, being completely
defeated I begged. "Please. Alessio please just let me go. I-I-I can't-" "Why did you have to
betray me? I trusted you! I loved you!" He demanded. "You're the one who cheated on me!"
"I didn't." He insisted and pulled away this time I got a good slap on him. The sound of my
palm connecting with his cheek somehow wrung out louder than my own sobs. I regretted it
instantly, my crying stopped on a dime. Not my greatest idea. His hands shot out and I
flinched backwards snapping my eyes closed, moments later he was on his knees on the
floors, his arms wrapped around my thighs and his head against them practically in my
crotch. I held my hands up for a few moments and held my breath completely unsure of what
to do or what I was expecting Alessio to do. "I love you so much" He said into my thighs. I
let out a long, shaky, sigh. "You're an asshole." "Marry me." He slurred.

Chapter 18
Marry me. Marry. Me. Marry him? Had I heard Alessio right? I grabbed a fistful of hair and
pulled his head back hard forcing him to look up at me. "Are you kidding me right now?" He
blinked his blood shot eyes twice, slowly. "You are an asshole and an idiot." "You are
avoiding the question." He replied back in a teasing voice. "Are you fȕcking kidding me
right now?" I yelled. I let go of his head and it fell back into my thighs. "No! Abso-fȕcking-
lutely no! Have you lost your mind? You're, you're, I can't even. You are so unbelievable
right now I don't even have words." His muffled voice muttered something about that being a
first and I chose to ignore him. "Let me go Alessio." I demanded and in response he held me
only tighter. "Alessio Genovese, you let me go right this instance!" I said in my toughest
most authoritative mom voice. "Never." I smacked my palm to my forehead. "Please." I
begged. "Alessio you just, you, that was so stupid I cannot even grace it with a response." He
turned his head to the side so his cheek was against my legs rather than buried in. "If you
loved me as much as I loved you then you'd marry me too." "Don't you dare, don't you
fȕcking dare Alessio. This is not what I want my love to look like. You cheating on me and
coming home a belligerent and violent drunk only to propose? No, and fȕck you for putting
me in this position at all. You just, you just don't get to pull shit like this Alessio." I put my
hands onto his shoulders and pushed him with all of my mite. "Let. Me. Go." "Baby." He
groaned. "No! I know everyone just falls at your feet, obeys your every command, everyone
is just a pawn for you to move on your whim but I'm not. You don't get to treat me this way
Alessio. Ever." He tilted his head back to look at me and in his drunken stupor must have
believed he was falling for he bobbed forward and then back again and tightened his grip on
me. A tiny coating of gloss covered his red eyes and he looked at me with such desperation.
"Armillia." I was instantly in tears again. "I love you Alessio but this whole, everything right
now is so...I just can't right now. Please just let me go. We can go to sleep and talk when you
wake up and you're sober. I promise but please just-" "Please, don't leave me." He said
softly, in such a raw and vulnerable voice, a voice I had never heard before. Ever. He was
literally on his knees begging for me and I was sobbing again. "I-I can't, please right now-"
"It fȕcking hurts Armillia." His tone changed instantly. It was firm, and hard, and raspy. "You
fȕcking hurt me." "You cheated on me!" I said back through sobs. "I didn't!" He yelled back
"Oh!" I threw my hands into the air. "So I just imagined you going on about the sexy brunette
on top of you all night? Luscious lips, a body to die for smelled so good you could eat her all
night? Crazy me imagining such shit!" "Oscar made me get a lap dance." He blurted out and
I stopped crying for a moment before looking down on him. "A lap dance." I was repeatedly
torn between confusion, hope, and rage. "Si." "Oscar made you?" "Si." "Did he tie you to
the chair? Hold a gun to your head? Threaten you in any way shape or form that forced you
into anything?" I demanded. "Ehh." He drew this out for too long before questioningly
replying "Si?" "Oh, and I'll bet you Oscar was the one on your lap now too?" "Si?" "You're
unbelievable Alessio. You need to learn to take accountability for your action. You are not a
child, no one forced you to do anything. Hell, you're the most powerful man that I know, no
one could force you to do anything! Whatever you did tonight you did because you wanted
it." "I wanted to hurt you." "Well congratulations, you succeeded. Let me go." "I punched
him. If it makes you feel any better. I punched Oscar." "No Alessio. That does not make me
feel better." "I punched him twice." He added on his tired eyes looking beyond confused as
to why this didn't solve all of our problems. "I'm not mad at Oscar Alessio, I'm mad at you."
"But I love you." His voice was soft, not so raw as before but it came out as though it was his
best kept secret. The one thing he was trusting only me with. He couldn't understand why that
couldn't be enough. I shook my head slowly. "And I love you, more than anyone and more
than anything but this is not okay." "And you blowing the Bonanno bastard in my bathroom
is?" It wasn't hard or nasty this time. It came out so flawlessly and neutral I know he
absolutely believed it. "Get up." I demanded. He buried his face in my legs in response. "I
didn't cheat on you Alessio. Stop accusing me of actions out of rage and spite." "I didn't
cheat on you either." He muttered against me. "Fine." At this point I'm just desperate to go
upstairs and go back to sleep. "You win Alessio." He always won. "Can we please just go to
sleep?" Alessio suddenly slumped down to be sitting with his legs under him, being that he
kept his arms around my thighs it pulled me forward, unable to hold my balance I ended up
over his shoulder my fingertips just barely able to touch the ground. "Alessio." I groaned and
tried fretfully to get up. "I never wanted any of this." He said in some sort of tone that made
me stop my struggling. He sounded so defeated it hurt my heart to hear him like this. "It's
okay. We'll get through this. I promise." I tried gently. "None of it." His tone came out sharp
and furious. I was not up for dealing with angry Alessio again. Angry Alessio had scared me
more than I could say. "The family means everything and I would never betray them but-" He
stopped abruptly catching himself but not before I caught on too. Still over his shoulder I
leaned up just slightly. "What? What were you about to say?" He stiffened. "Alessio? You
didn't want it?" "Don't." He said sharply. "You didn't want the family." "I'm warning you
Armillia-" "You didn't want it, the family, why did you-" "Shut up." He growled. "Why did
you take over then? If you didn't want it? Everything you do, all the horrible things you never
wanted it? Alessio this is insane if you don't-" "Basta!" (Enough) "You gave up your entire
life for this, this is unfair, no one can just force this on you!" He stood up suddenly and I
squealed with surprise. He wobbled, a lot, too drunk and the floor too messy to make carrying
me over his shoulder a realistic goal. "The family is my entire life and don't you ever fȕcking
forget it." "Alessio! We're going to fall!" I insisted. "I'll catch you." He muttered casually
and his body leaned too far to one side and then the next. "You'll be the one making us fall."
I said gritting my teeth and twisting the fabric of his shirt between my fists. I felt like I had to
hold onto something. "So you'll catch me." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the
world and like it made any bit of sense at all. "Alessio what are you doing?" I said and
squealed again as he nearly did fall but managed to save himself against the wall in the nick
of time. "I'm going to fȕck you Armillia." He said simply. I leaned up as far as I could to
watch the room behind us. A destructive toddler could not have made a bigger mess. "Y-
you're what?" I stammered with panic rising. "I'm going to fȕck you. I'm going to find
something that isn't broken around here, I'm going to bend you over it, and I'm going to fȕck
you until it breaks. And then I'm going to find something else to fȕck you over." "Uh-"
Again he caught himself against the wall with one hand, the other still firmly holding me over
his shoulder. I brought my fingertips to the wall as well. I wouldn't go as far as to say I didn't
want to have sex with Alessio, I would never go as far as to say that, but right now? After the
night we'd had? After what I had almost done with Nash and what he had almost done
with...whomever, his coming home and shoving me around insulting me? Calling me a whore
again? Holding me hostage? Maybe I would go as far as to say I didn't want to have sex with
him. I caught the doorway as he tried to exit the room abruptly. "Alessio I don't think-" I
tried in a pitiful voice. "Let go." "If I do that-" "Am I going to have to ask you again?" His
tone was mischievous, playful...sinister. I read him like an old worn library book plain as day.
He was hoping he'd have to ask me again, if he asked me again he'd, well I don't know what
he was planning on doing. He would punish me. I shuddered and let go immediately. He
carried me staggering and slipping all over the place and back into the kitchen. He pulled me
skillfully off his shoulder and before I had even touched the ground had turned me so my
back was against his chest. As it turns out, Alessio was not prepared for the wreckage of the
kitchen, he slipped in the water from when he'd kicked the faucet off. He slipped forward
across the floor, pushing me along ahead of him and we crashed into his target a little earlier
than intended. My abdomen came hard against the island counter just below my ribs, it hurt
like a mother and forced all the air out of me, Alessio sliding into me only pushed me further
into it. "Why the fȕck is it wet in here?" He marveled. I pushed away from the counter and
put my hand over my stomach. This was definitely going to leave a mark. Alessio pushed my
back over the counter abruptly. "Alessio." I groaned. "I'm serious right now we can't." "We
can." He said casually slipping a hand down the front of my pajama pants. I was startled at
first. So much for foreplay. I pressed my cheek against the cool marble counter, it was still
wet from earlier as was my torso and cheek. I closed my eyes for only a moment before
attempting to lean up but Alessio's hand on the back of my neck prevented me from doing so.
"You can't break the island." I muttered and he leaned against me, his body bending with
mine, skin touching every inch of skin, he stroked me through my panties and I couldn't help
but shudder. "Stop talking." He whispered softly into my ear before taking a lobe between
his teeth. "It's literally impossible." I argued and struggled with the decision of pressing
myself back against him and away from his hand or forward and away from his body and into
his hand. It appeared to be a lose lose. "Shh." "Alessio you need to-" "Be quiet, I'm going to
fȕck my wife now." I put my hands on the edge of the island and tried to force myself up.
"I'm not your wife." I bit out. He pushed my back down, more out of spite than anything
else...I think. He pushed my underwear to the side and ran a single finger up my slit while
kissing the back of my neck and muttering to me in Italian words that never registered. What
did register was how wrong this was. I wanted Alessio, I always wanted Alessio. But this
wasn't healthy. Wasn't what should be happening right now. My tears hadn't even dried from
what Alessio had already put me through tonight and now he wanted to have sex. I wasn't
crazy about drunk Alessio. I wasn't going to blame all of our problems on Alessio and what
he'd done since he came home, in fact, I would accept nearly all of the blame myself. Nash
and I...how I had almost sold him out. The trust I had lacked for him, it was just another
reason why we simply should not be doing this right now. I had almost betrayed him and
Alessio had tried to hurt me tonight. He hurt me tonight. He was cruel, and violent, a
belligerent drunk and I shouldn't want him right now. I didn't want him right now. "Please." I
breathed out. He pulled away from me letting one hand run down my spine as he did so. He
pulled my pajama pants down and I winced at the roughness of the action. He didn't touch me
for some second, just admired me bent over the kitchen island in only my panties and his
shirt. "So fȕcking sexy." He said in a husky voice. He wasn't touching me, and I was still
just bent over the counter soaking up the moisture from his earlier melt down. I should stand
upright, what the hell was I still doing? What was I waiting for? I could feel him watching
me, just watching and I felt raw and exposed, nervous in a way I didn't like. I swallowed
hard. This wasn't fun. I didn't like drunk Alessio much at all. After several long seconds he
came forward and took my hips into a powerful grip, he pulled my hips backwards and
against him, grinding me against his erection. "Alessio-" I started in a shaking voice.
"Armillia." He purred back. I finally found it. The word that I needed to end such madness,
the word I doubted Alessio had ever heard this word in such context before. "Stop." Either I
had said it too softly or he simply didn't care. He pushed my shirt up, or I suppose I should
say his shirt up as I had worn one of his to bed, to expose my back and began trailing kisses
up my spine as his hand worked around my bare thigh. "We shouldn't-'' I protested weakly.
What this was, drunken sex, angry sex, make up sex, I couldn't be sure but it wasn't what I
wanted, I didn't think. His thumb traced circles around my clit and I sucked in a breath. "Not
right." I muttered into the counter. "Alessio this isn't-" He let his trail of kisses fall off and
raised his lips to my ear again. "Ti amero finche ho vita." He murmured softly and let a finger
slide into me. (I will love you while I still have life) "Please, stop Alessio." I planted nearly
turning to mush when he began speaking Italian to me again. "Voglio farti gemere." He
crooned, added a second finger to the mix and pushed into me until he reached the knuckle.
He kissed the spot right behind my ear lobe that he knew drove me nuts pumping his fingers
slowly in and out and then he hesitated. "I am going to fȕck my wife now." He said softly in a
completely neutral tone and then pushed into me hard. (I want to make you scream) "I'm not
your wife." I grunted. "And I don't want to. I'm saying no Alessio." "Your body's saying yes,
my wife." I knew that. My body was always saying yes to Alessio, my heart was always
saying yes to Alessio, and while my mind wasn't exactly saying no to Alessio in general it
was definitely vetoing the offer of sexual favors. "I am saying no." I said again only as firmly
as I possibly could in a quivering voice. He took my earlobe between his teeth for a moment
before leaning up until the only parts of our body touching were his fingers working inside of
me. He pushed my shirt up my back again and I could feel him watching his own fingers
vigorously fȕcking me. "Stop." I said again, gripping the counter until my knuckles turned
white but still didn't make a move upright or away from him. I chewed my cheek and
swallowed back a moan squeezing my eyes shut. My body knew Alessio, and Alessio knew
my body like the back of his hand. This wasn't right, we couldn't fix our relationship with
sex, I didn't want sex with him while he was like this. But that didn't stop him from pressing
his thumb to my clit and it didn't stop my body from shuddering and bending into his touch.
My walls were clenching around his finger, a pressure I tried to fight off was building in me,
responding to his touching. "Please." I panted shaking my head vigorously as I pushed my
hips back to meet his touch. My body and my mind were in a vicious battle. My body was
responding, skin turning pink, toes curling, riding some sort of thrilling ride Alessio always
put me through. But my mind? My mind wanted nothing to do with any of this. With sex, or
Alessio at all. I was angry, and confused, and I didn't feel safe or comfortable around Alessio
at all. In the end chewing my cheek, shaking my head no, and occasionally muttering a
"Don't" or "Stop" did nothing for me. My body won, the pressure finally spilled over, I was
unable to hold it in anymore. I came around Alessio's fingers while shaking my head insanely
repeating "No, no, no, no." I was so furious with myself, with my body, with Alessio,
ashamed at having no control, and so deeply hurt that I couldn't even stop myself from crying
again. Alessio slipped his fingers from me and rubbed me through my panties again watching
as I shuddered on each stroke again. Then he pulled my hips back against his erection again.
"Non so cosa farei senza di te nella mia vita." He muttered bringing one hand up my spine
and back down. "Ti voglio scopare tutta la notte." (I don't know what I would do without you
in my life) (I want to fȕck you all night) "Get off of me." I panted through tears. "Armillia?"
"Don't - don't touch me." I felt a cool breeze as Alessio's body came away from mine. I sank
back to the flats of my feet, not even realizing I rose to my toes at any point. Alessio was
sprouting off a long string of curses in Italian in a venomous voice that startled me. I looked
over my shoulder guiltily and infuriated him only to see him taking a swing at Pietro. I spun
around and pulled my pants up from around my ankles, having been on the ground with the
water they were now wet in various spots determined by how they had been bunched on the
ground. Pietro had managed two large steps back to avoid the assault. He was wearing a pair
of Simpsons pajama pants, a jacket with no shirt under it and shoes with no socks. He held
his hands up submissively and took a few more steps backwards as Alessio kept coming after
him. "Calmati." Pietro said in a harsh tone, I'd never heard Pietro with a harsh tone before.
(Calm down) "Miserabili pezzo di merda!" Alessio yelled at him and Pietro managed to side
swipe Alessio and force him into a headlock. (Miserable piece of shit) Pietro looked up to
me as though Alessio wasn't punching him repeatedly wherever his fist would successfully
connect. "Are you alright?" Truth? I was too stunned to reply. "Mia. Are you alright?" I
shook my head. "Yes, I'm fine." He looked doubtful but thankfully didn't question me. "Go
outside. Oscar is waiting. You're going to stay with him tonight, I will come for you in the
morning. "Don't move." Alessio instructed sharply, turning cold eyes at me. "Go outside."
Pietro repeated. I took a step backwards and bumped into the counter, I couldn't help but
jump as it had startled me. Alessio pulled down hard making Pietro lose his grip on him and
nearly fall, both skidding in the water for a moment before catching their balance and going
at it again. I couldn't just leave Pietro to deal with Alessio. I mean even drunk Alessio was a
force to be reckoned with. "It's fine." Pietro assured me just before Alessio decked him.
"Alessio!" I yelled. Alessio looked up to me sharply, distracted Pietro, pulled him into some
sort of arm lock and forced him onto the ground amidst the wreckage and sopping floor.
"Seriously Mia. I've got this. I've dealt with this before. He will calm down more once you're
gone. I swear it." "Riccati una barca in culo con I remi aperti." Alessio growled in a low
voice. (Stick a boat up your ass with the oars out) Pietro looked down at him with moderate
interest and a raised brow. "Stai zitto." He said frankly. This was a side of Pietro I hadn't ever
seen before. A powerful side, a side that could potentially rival Alessio if he wanted to
seriously hurt him. He looked back up to me. "Go Mia. I will come get you tomorrow. Scouts
honor." (Shut up) I had some serious doubt that Pietro. Reluctantly I side stepped through
the kitchen until they were out of my view. Should I have left my gun on the counter? What if
Alessio shot him? Or Pietro shot Alessio? I couldn't see Pietro doing that...but it was a risk.
From outside the kitchen I could hear Pietro talking in a low voice in Italian. It sounded
calming and Alessio wasn't cursing at him, no loud crashes commenced. Maybe Pietro did
know what he was doing. Finally I trudged out of the house. I didn't know if I had started
crying again, or maybe I had never stopped in the first place. I looked at Oscar standing
behind the car fidgeting nervously. He looked insanely relieved to see it was me who came
out of the house. "Mia! Boy am I glad you're alright! Whew that boyfriend of yours when he
drinks-" He started rambling as I approached him. Once I was close enough I punched him, a
direct hit to the nose. I took a step backwards shaking my hand out, I hadn't punched
someone in the nose since the last time I was forced to go to the doctors and the adrenaline
must have distracted me. I did not remember it hurting that much. Oscar had his hand over
his nose for several seconds before lowering it, a trail of blood came down from his nose to
his mouth.. "So he told you about the dance huh? Yeah, okay, I might have deserved that."
Without warning my quiet crying turned into hysterical sobs as I stormed to the car.

Chapter 19

Oscar had a beautiful home. He had a lovely condo with heated hardwood floors running
throughout the entire house, comfortable yet attractive furniture, a beautiful wife, a son of
almost eight and two daughters, one age two and the other maybe six months old and a
shitzu. The yappy little shih tzu had followed me around the house any time I moved barking
and snapping at my ankle. Annoying little shit. To say I was surprised would be an
understatement. I didn't envision Oscar or any of the guys to have such normal lives and who
the hell would want to marry him anyway? Granted when Oscar had run the casino and took
to teaching me how to mix drinks I had thoroughly enjoyed his company. Now he was just
some mafia man who encouraged Alessio to have some other woman grinding up on him.
Truth be told, I wouldn't care if Alessio had just gotten a lap dance. Honestly, I wouldn't
unless it was something he did all the time. I know in some relationships it is a big deal, just
like watching porn can be a deal breaker for some couples. It wouldn't bother me. If that was
all that happened I would have been fine. The problem first off being that I didn't even know
if that was all that happened. And the even bigger problem? The way he rubbed it in my face.
The way he said he had her all night. If he had gotten a lap dance fine, cool, whatever, but to
get a lap dance and tell me how amazingly gorgeous this girl was? With long dark hair and a
body to die for? Me with my short blonde hair and the fact that I was a speed walker at best?
Basically, I was comparing myself to this woman who I had no idea what she really looked
like, what she did, or what had happened between her and Alessio. Was she involved in the
mafia? Was she Italian? A better shooter than I was? Did they have more in common? If he
told her to do something would she roll over and do it? Was she everything I was not? I
would be lying, lying through my teeth if I said I thought Alessio and I were a good fit.
Honestly, I loved him, and I wanted him to love me. But if anyone were to pick Alessio's
perfect match I'm sure she wouldn't be some blonde journalist. She'd be Italian, she'd be
involved, she'd be sexy as all hell. How was I to know that this woman who muttered Mister
Genovese into his ear all night wasn't that exact woman? I had never been more jealous or
felt more insecure than I did just now. Even worse than that? He wanted to hurt me. That
was the worst part. He, someone who was supposed to love me, went out with the sole
intention of hurting me. You shouldn't ever want to hurt the person you love. I certainly did
want to hurt him when Nash was scouting for my help. I was torn up, heartbroken over the
idea and in the end I couldn't even do it because I loved him too much. Because I couldn't
hurt him like that. But Alessio was different. He wanted to hurt me. He came home and he
rubbed my nose in it, and he enjoyed it. I knew he did. The way he brushed his thumb across
my lip when talking about her speaking, the way he touched my short blonde hair when
describing her long dark hair. Alessio came home specifically to tell me what he had done
just to hurt me, to watch me squirm. That in itself was worse. Don't even get me started on
what went down once he was actually home. The whole night. Don't get me started, not
unless you wanted even more tears. If I had any left that is. It was nearing dinnertime and I
was starting to get concerned. On one part Pietro had promised he would get me in the
morning, if no one came for me did that mean he was dead? On the other hand what if
Alessio woke up, remembered Nash and I in the bathroom and was so furious he decided he
didn't want me to come back at all? Oscar had been pretty frantic most of the day. Ushering
his wife and kids out, calling in arrangements for a dog kennel "just in case" kissing up to me
in every way he possibly could. He was pretty well convinced Alessio was going to shoot
him, or that I was going to tell Alessio to shoot him in which case Alessio would shoot him. I
had to hand it to him, at least he got his family out of here so they wouldn't have to see it if he
did. When a knock on the door finally sounded he paled and turned to face me. The bruises
along his jaw and around his eyes looked even worse when he paled. His wife hadn't even
asked him what happened or why I was crying on their couch all night with a bag of frozen
peas to my hand. I gave Oscar a lack luster stare from the couch, knees to my chest, still in
my pajamas as I had been all day. It's not like I had had time to grab anything before we left
anyway, what would I possibly change into. After too long there was a second knock and he
cursed. "Tell my kids I love them...and tell my wife I hated that damn little shit dog of hers."
I blinked unaffected and watched him stalk slowly over to the door. After muttering a quick
prayer he opened the door. It wasn't Alessio. Pietro stood in the doorway looking pleasant as
always wearing faded grey jeans and a plain black v-neck, on his face he wore a huge bruise
on his jaw line going nearly to his cheek bone and a half smirk. "Ciao pasticcino." He said
casually. (hello cupcake) I would be lying if I said I was surprised. I was fully expecting
Alessio. "Pietro, your face-" I started and for the first time, minus a few short bathroom
breaks, I stood up. I was stiff, moping didn't suit my body all that well. "Come on a drive
with me." He interrupted me without hesitation. I stared at him in disbelief and he held up a
pink shopping bag. "I come bearing gifts?" My mouth parted and I stared blankly at him.
"It's just clothes." He said after a moment. When I was still silent he grinned. "I have a big
greasy burger in the car, fully loaded, guaranteed to make you gain two pounds or your
money back." I glanced at the bag and then Pietro before nodding slowly. He tossed me the
bag and I caught it with both arms and pressed it against my chest. As I stalked off to the
bathroom I overheard Oscar and Pietro's brief encounter. "Nice shiner." Pietro said in a harsh
tone. "Look who's talking...damn, he got you good." "You know this is all your fault, right?"
"I didn't know, okay?" I closed the bathroom door and pressed myself against it for a few
seconds before opening the bag. Simple blue jeans, a loose fitting sleeveless top and a pull
over hoodie. Grey. I dressed and slipped on the pair of flip flops from in the bag as well and
came out just as Pietro was assuring Oscar that Alessio wasn't going to glue him to the
stripper pole, after a moment he hesitated and added a probably. Both turned their full
attention to me as I entered. "Mia, again, I'm really, really sore-" "I know." I interrupted him
flatly. "Have you eaten?" Pietro asked as he opened the door to let me out. "Not hungry."
"Not buying it." He chuckled. I followed him silently down the sidewalk and into an orange
car I hadn't seen before. "You have a jag?" He shrugged. "Why don't you ever drive it?"
"We typically stick with the heavy cars." "Oh." He glanced at me as I put my seat belt on.
"You know, bullet proof, guns loaded, fully tracked. The works." "Of course. Where are we
going?" "Just a drive. No destination. They've always served to relax me." We drove in
silence for a few minutes and I appreciated it. I didn't want to talk about last night. I hadn't
decided how I felt about last night yet. Shitty, sure, but otherwise I was still lost. I was guilty
of conspiring with Nash, angry with Alessio for spending time with another woman like that,
depressed that he actually wanted to hurt me, ashamed at my body's betrayal, and so very
very confused about what went down in the kitchen all together. I was surprised Pietro had
no qualms with me eating in the car. It was such a nice car, what if I got ketchup on the seats?
Oscar had tried to get me to eat, offered me something for his wives to wear, was in full on
kiss up mode but I had refused. Once I got into the car and Pietro handed me a burger with
French fries, bacon, and mozzarella sticks on it, how could I refuse? I hadn't eaten since
dinner the day before and admittedly...I was hungry. We were silent for a very long time.
Long enough that it grew to be almost natural. The atmosphere relaxed. Pietro sighed heavily
after some time and I knew words would follow soon after. "Are you alright?" "I'm fine."
"Mia. I mean really, are you?" I hesitated this time to consider this before shrugging. "The
burger was good." I watched Pietro, he kept his focus on the road, a nearly neutral
expression, I wonder if Alessio taught him that one. "Did he hurt you?" His hands on the
steering wheel tightened as if bracing himself for the answer. "Alessio wouldn't hurt me." I
didn't think, at least I hoped not. Pietro's grip relaxed and he sighed. "I'd like to think not too
Mia but, well let's just say you're lucky Siv called." "Silvano called you?" He nodded but
still didn't look away from the road. "Yeah. He's never actually dealt with Alessio like that
before. He wasn't stupid enough to stick around, but he was worried about you being upstairs.
How'd you think I knew to get there?" "I, well I hadn't really thought about it to be honest.
You're just always there. I really didn't know..." "I was at Stacey's. Siv called me, I called
Oscar on my way over and he met me at the house." "I'm sorry Pietro you shouldn't have had
to interrupt your night like that." He laughed. "You really think I'm more concerned about
sneaking out of Stacey's in the middle of the night than Alessio potentially killing you or
setting the house on fire?" "Well." I flushed. "I don't know, you never get a night off. I just
feel bad and I know how Stacey can get." "I sent her a text after everything calmed down.
Explained it was an emergency business thing." "Does she believe you?" He grinned.
"Highly doubtful." "I'll talk to her." "It's fine." "No, I'll talk to her. I owe you that. I'll tell
her, or you can. You don't have to protect our reputation or anything like that. I tell Stacey
everything." Well that was a bold faced lie. I kept a lot from Stacey. Everything about the
mafia actually. Everything. "I do. Protecting Alessio, his reputation, his investments, his life,
it's what I do, and realistically, you are his investment and his life. If something happened to
you, if Alessio hurt you, well I have no idea what he would do." "He wouldn't hurt me."
"Mia." His tone was knowing, I pursed my lips. "I've known Alessio for a long time. I know
how he is when he's drunk. He's put my head through a wall before. And I would dare to say
before you came along, I was the most important person to him aside from his own mother."
If I hadn't seen Alessio take a swing at Pietro myself I wouldn't believe it. I understood he
reacted harshly from time to time but to Pietro? I looked down to my lap and fiddled with
my hands. This conversation wasn't making me feel better. At all. "I did something wrong
Pietro, so wrong." I muttered. He was respectfully silent, allowing me the opportunity to
work myself up to telling him more. I looked up through my lashes to see his attention still on
the road. "I'm sure you've heard he caught one of the Bonanno men in his restaurant. With
me. In the bathroom." "If you've done something with him Mia, don't tell me. If you tell me I
have to tell Alessio and if I tell Alessio you will get hurt." "I didn't. I swear. But he was so
mad. I don't blame him. Really, for acting the way he did. Matteo is just a friend but Alessio
had every right to be angry but..." I chewed the inside of my cheek silently for a few seconds
not wanting to admit this. "He scared me last night." I finally confessed. "Me too." I lifted
my head fully to look at Pietro in shock. "Mia Alessio loves you. You know that, don't you?"
I nodded. "He loves you and I think the idea of you hurt would probably send him into a
blind rage but there are things you don't understand about Alessio. He loves you, but Alessio
isn't the kind of person you want to have drinks with. He keeps a lot of you know. All the
time that is. He's seen a lot, been through a lot. He doesn't even laugh most of the time when
he finds something funny, it's like he thinks showing any of that stuff is showing weakness,
and showing weakness is opening him up to certain death. I know you may think you've been
through a lot since you've met Alessio, and compared to a normal person maybe you have;
but you haven't a clue the things Alessio has done or witnessed. I don't even know the
extent... I think when he drinks everything he always keeps in sort of just snaps. He has a lot
on his plate, all the time. And when he drinks he doesn't handle it. Not well, not at all." "I
see." "He hurts people Mia. He's been raised to hurt people his whole life, it's what he
knows. He's loyal to a fault but he doesn't understand the simple concept like having a deep
conversation. We live in a world where if we want answers we beat it out of people. We don't
ask, ever, we demand. Even with our own guys. People get hurt when Alessio is involved. It's
all he knows." "You think if you hadn't come-" "I don't know. And that's what scares me.
Alessio is pretty sporadic when he's drinking." "I don't think he would have hurt me.
Honestly Pietro." "Do you think he would have stopped?" I felt color rising immediately to
my cheeks. "You think I would have ripped him away from you like that if I wasn't
concerned? I mean you know what I walked into, right?" I looked out the window, my vision
growing blurry. "He had you bent over half naked, you're crying and yelling at him not to
touch you? You don't think that was a fȕcking concerning ass scene to walk into? Would he
have stopped Mia?" I blinked through tears and turned to face him again. I had no clue.
"What did Alessio say?" "Nothing. He's still asleep. He should be up in a few hours, he's
usually out for about fifteen hours after a binge. Last night he wasn't much of a
conversationalist." Pietro and Alessio. They must have been through a lot together for Pietro
to know him so well. I didn't answer. Well fell into silence again, though this time it was not
relaxed or comfortable. We were both stewing on less than pleasant thoughts. Alessio would
have stopped. I know it. I'd sent him mixed signals, had I actually been clear on the matter, if
he really knew he would have stopped. No matter how drunk he was. He didn't hit me,
despite being so furious, he insisted he hadn't cheated, despite wanting to. He would have
stopped. Just like I had pulled out at the last moment with Nash, just as he insisted he had
walked away from the other woman, we would both always stop for each other. No matter
how bad it would get, we would always stop. "He loves you Mia. He's not great at this.
Dating, he hasn't actually tried for any one in a long, very long, time. He tries with you. I
know it might not always seem that way, but he tries." "I love him too. Maybe I just haven't
been trying hard enough." I sighed. "I could have given him the benefit of the doubt before.
With all those police reports. I could have talked to him." "You're right. You could have. In
fact, you should have. Regardless of what you could have done better in the past, mixing
Alessio with alcohol is not a risk I would suggest you take in the future. He's mean as hell
when he's drunk and he doesn't normally care who he takes down when he blows. I think you
are the one person he would not hurt, you are the person he feels most passionately about.
But that also makes you to him, and he to you, that much more dangerous." "How come
when we were down under you said maybe two words to me and now you're spewing some
Ghandi-like shit?" Pietro's serious face broke suddenly and he grinned. "It's not that I didn't
like you, it's just that my job was, and has always been, to protect Alessio. Down there you
were just another girl." "And now?" "Like I said. My job has always been and will always
be to protect Alessio. I don't believe anything could hurt Alessio more than you Mia. If you
were hurt, it would kill him. So my job now is to protect Alessio and you." "You know my
job is to protect Stacey. So if you hurt her-" "Alessio Is more than a job." Pietro continued
blatantly ignoring me. "You are more than a job. And Stacey is much more than just a girl. I
can promise you all of that." "We should talk like this more often." "We should." "Does he
remember everything from when he was drunk?" Pietro considered this for a few moments.
"You know, I'm not actually sure. The first time he was drunk he purposely drove the car into
a brick wall." "Oh my God. Is that why you always drive?" "No." He laughed. "I drove back
then too but he was pretty insistent on driving himself. I think he only did it because his
father was in the front seat beside him. Anyway, when he got up the next day he got up, got
dressed and went, in the busted car, to get some breakfast. He acted like he hadn't even
noticed. The morning after he put my head through a wall." He ran a finger up his nose. "My
nose was broken and I had two of the blackest eyes you'd ever seen and my head was still
matted with blood. He sat down across from me, asked me if I'd like a cup of coffee too and
began reading the paper." "Wow." He laughed again and I realized I'd very rarely heard
Pietro laugh before. "Wow indeed. You could ask him, but don't expect any answers. Social
communications and admitting his faults are generally not his strengths." I hadn't been
paying attention to where we were as we had been driving so when Pietro pulled in in front of
the house I was surprised. I was feeling emotionally spent and my stomach tightened with
nervousness. I wasn't sure if Alessio should forgive me for Nash, nor if I should forgive him
or even the extent of what I had to forgive. We had so many problems to work through. But
like Pietro said. We should talk. "Does your cheek hurt?" I asked while watching the house.
"I've had worse." I nodded and after a few more seconds of starting the house down opened
the car door and began the journey up the walkway to the house, my chest thumping insanely
on every step.

Chapter 20

We came into the house and it seemed different somehow, as if that one night away had
changed it completely. Or maybe it was the bare walls and patches along them not yet sanded
or painted. I was surprised to see the wreckage had been cleaned and had zero doubt in my
mind that Alessio had had no part of the cleaning process. I stalked through the
house and was surprised when I entered the living room. Alessio was awake. He was sitting
on the couch in just his slacks, a bottle of bourbon in front of him, glass in hand head hung
low. Pietro cleared his throat from behind me and Alessio jumped to his feet.
"Armillia!" I glanced at the glass in his hand and he set it down immediately. "I, well I wasn't
sure you'd be back." I took a heavy breath in and let it out. "Well I do live here....I
do still live here, don't I?" I asked uncertainly of exactly how angry Alessio was at me still.
"I sure hope so." He muttered and glanced down to my attire and then backed up to me.
"Armillia-" He took a step forward. I raised a hand and he stopped. "I'm going to
get a shower." Alessio nodded and slowly sat back down. I watched him for a
moment reach for the glass in front of him and then turned back. Pietro caught me before I
passed him. "Go easy on him." He muttered and kissed my forehead.
This confused me more than words could describe. I mean, certainly I was upset with Alessio
but he still had a bone to pick with me as well and he was the one with the gun, the power
and the money. Alessio should be the one going easy on me. I sat in the bathtub for
several minutes before actually turning the water on. I've spent too much time here lately. I
had been so torn about the Nash thing I'd found my porcelain refuge quite often in the past
weeks. When I made my decision, once and for all, I supposed I thought things would have
gotten better. Not worse. Alessio was pissed. Alessio had every right to be pissed.
Of course, Alessio had no idea what to be pissed about. He was jealous, he was jealous and
he didn't even realize that screwing around with Nash would have been so much better than
what I had actually done. Maybe. So he was mad. Talk to me, yell at me, break up
with me. Don't call me a whore, shove me into a wall, and bend me over the kitchen counter
when I say no. Then again, talking to Alessio had been the last thing I'd decided to
do once Nash handed me all those files. Maybe Alessio and I were a good fit. We
surely had similar jumping to conclusion skills, similar failure to communicate skills. I'd like
to say we both knew to stop at the last second but I still didn't know if Alessio had stopped or
not. I showered. A long shower. Longer than necessary. Alessio must have had an
industrial sized hot water tank though because the hot water never ran out though so when I
exited the shower with pink skin and saw Alessio sitting on the bed fully dressed this time I
wasn't honestly that surprised. We stared at each other for a few long seconds
before Alessio finally broke the silence. "Have you eaten?" It was incredibly lame,
cold, a distant question, and so very Alessio. "Pietro fed me." He nodded and still
wrapped in only my towel. I sat down on the bed beside him. He shifted on the bed
to turn to face me and I admired the bruise on his jaw, just to the right of his chin. I hadn't
seen a bruise on his beautiful face since Giovanni had taken to it. I would have loved to have
said something, but I had no clue where to start. Alessio finally cracked a weak
smile. "Hi." I guess that was as good a place to start as any. "Hi." I parroted in a
similarly nervous and guarded tone. On cue, a lump was already lodged in my throat. I had
thought about this all night. Though hard and my conversation with Pietro hadn't assured me
of my relationship much more than Alessio had. He skimmed me over
momentarily with a frown so deeply carved into his face I was unsure that I would ever be
able to etch it away. "Did I hurt you?" I thought about that too. Thought hard. He'd
pushed me, that didn't really hurt, it scared me stiff but it didn't hurt. We'd fallen into the wall
together and that hadn't felt great, but it wasn't as though he'd done that on purpose. Sliding
into the island had definitely hurt, and I was right, it did bruise, mean and dark tender spot
just under my ribs, but he'd slipped. In the kitchen - well...that didn't hurt. Before I could
answer I was crying again. Physically, Alessio hadn't hurt me. Not really. But
when his expression softened and he reached forward to try to wipe the tears away I pulled
backwards. Hurt flashed across his perfect and bruised face but he pulled his hand away
quickly. "Armillia, I...I can offer you little more than an apology." I stood,
covering my face. "I have to get dressed." With my hands over my face I nearly stumbled
over his feet. I would have loved to head back into the bathtub but I forced myself into the
walk in closet. "Get yourself together Mia. Your relationship depends on it you
little shit." I muttered to myself and paced back and forth up and down the closet. I ran my
fingers along a row of clothes as I walked and stopped at a particularly soft sweater. I pressed
the dark grey fabric between my index finger and thumb. Very soft. I pulled it off the hanger
and found myself a pair of yoga shorts. I slipped them on under my towel and then pulled it
off and ran it through my hair. Underpants be damned. Uncle Sammy used to
always say not to get caught with dirty underwear, no underwear had to be better than dirty
underwear, right? "Armillia." I jumped at the sound of Alessio's voice and dropped the towel
and the shirt. "Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that." I muttered and bent over to pick up the
things I'd dropped. I pulled the shirt to my chest and turned around to face him, he was right
behind me and I took a step back. "Go back in the room, I'll be out in a-" Suddenly Alessio
was on his knees in front of me just the way he had been the night before when he'd
drunkenly proposed, he was eye level with my naughty places but his focus was elsewhere.
He reached out and I flinched backwards, sucking in a breath when his fingertips touched my
bare skin. "You're bruised." He muttered. I pulled the sweater over my head and took a
step backwards. He remained on his knees and still raised as if I was still there. "We slipped."
He looked up to me looking at me as if I was in an incredulous one. "Slipped." He repeated
flatly. My brows came together. "Why do you say it like that?" "That's
almost a worse lie than running into a door." "Well great, it's not a lie." I huffed.
He leaned forward and pushed the sweater up to expose my stomach again, goosebumps
prickled across my skin but I didn't pull away this time. "You're making me uncomfortable." I
said softly as if there was someone else in the room I was hiding our conversation from.
He glanced up to my face and lowered his hand letting the sweater fall back down over my
stomach again. Then as if nothing had happened he stood up and walked out of the closet. I
sighed heavily and put my hand over my chest. "Get it together Mia. Get it the hell together."
The sweater was baggy and the sleeves came past my fingers. It was a man's sweater? Alessio
didn't wear sweaters. Deciding the case of the mystery sweater was really not all
that mysterious or interesting at all I followed him out. I came out of the closet to
see Alessio on the bed exactly where I had left him, as if he had not moved a muscle and was
still seated on the bed facing forward. I took a deep breath and walked into the room again.
He finally looked up when I was close enough. He glanced at my breasts briefly and then let
his attention fall onto my face. "Are you alright?" "I hope to be." This
answer didn't seem to please him much. "Do you remember everything?" I asked,
airing on the side of caution. He shifted uncomfortably, this vulnerability not
suiting him at all. "Not as much as I would like." He admitted. I was a little surprised he
didn't just lie or ignore my question all together. "The bruises?" "We slipped
Alessio. In the kitchen." Before you practically assu- I took a deep breath and shook the
thought out. I had already decided how I wanted this conversation to go, if I took myself back
to the kitchen now I would be all kinds of screwed up. "I know you slept like a baby last
night and I don't blame you for that, truly. But I've got to think about this all night."
"I won't sleep for three days if it makes you feel any better." I shook my head.
"You being miserable and grouchy won't make me any less miserable and grouchy. I just
want to talk to Alessio." He eyed me suspiciously. "You want to talk?" I nodded.
"You don't want to throw my clothes on the lawn? Set my mattress on fire? Cut holes in all of
my socks? Run over my phone?" "I - well - Jesus Alessio what kind of girls have
you been dating?" He forced a slight smile but it didn't reach his eyes. "You just
want to talk?" I nodded. "I love you Alessio." His face seemed to relax almost
immediately. "I love you Armillia, last night I was-" I held my hand up
and he stopped. "I love you but I know that that is not always enough of a reason to stay with
someone." He looked confused for a few seconds and then his expression clouded
over to something completely blank. His poker face. "I understand." "Which is
why I want to talk. To see if we have reason to do this. I...I need to know where you are.
Some of the things you did and I mean...things you said." "The proposal. I know, I
know I'm a fȕcking moron-" "Not the proposal Alessio...let's start from the
beginning of the night rather than talk around in circles." He nodded and I hesitated. "Alessio.
Did you, did you cheat on me?" He watched me, his face unreadable but I knew he
was studying me. "No. But fȕck if I didn't want to." Well shit. That was...honest. "And not
because of her, it wasn't like I wanted to because I met someone I wanted to with. I just
wanted to hurt you. I was questioning everything. About you and I, about myself. I saw all
these changes in myself, it's a piss poor excuse but I was lost. Not in the moment, but from
myself. I don't even know who I am with you Armillia. These changes, I'm not sure I like
them or trust them. It's risky, I take risks for you I normally wouldn't. I was pissed, thinking
of you cheating on me. My anger and my jealousy out weighted my trust for you and it was
wrong. I just couldn't get your fȕcking voice out of my head. I couldn't make you shut up, and
fȕck I just wanted to hurt you." "I almost wish you would have wanted to just
because of her." I muttered weakly and forced a smile. "I didn't cheat on you, for what it's
worth." "I know." He groaned and leaned back. "I fȕcking know. I don't know
what the hell I was thinking. When I drink- damn it I won't even try to make excuses. It was
in poor taste." "We have our moments." "It was a lap dance. Oscar-" He
stopped and closed his mouth abruptly. "Oscar suggested it, Lux even asked me if she should
stop, I said no." He was taking responsibility for his actions, I had to give him that. But
somehow hearing her name made me instantly feel sick. Alessio didn't miss this either. "She
was no one Armillia." "I kinda liked it more when she was just a she and a her." I
said forcing another weak smile and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed letting at least a
foot between us. "I'm sorry." "I'm surprised you would even go to a strip
club. I mean, it doesn't seem like your scene." "It isn't, and I didn't. We went down
under. Since the casino was raided Oscar has got his grimy little hands on my club." He
sighed. He sought my eyes and I turned them over to him. "I never moved it."
"What?" "I told you I would relocate...I never did. Still the same club, same
location, some of the same girls." "Y-you never-" "I didn't think it
necessary. I trusted you." My brow knit together. How could Alessio have trusted me so
much after only months of knowing me then, how could I have felt confident enough in his
character then to not pursue his mafia, in any of my stories, and yet when we find each other
years later and have a full blow relationship we both jump to conclusions and offer the other
zero trust? "Mia cara, don't cry." Alessio muttered but did not try to close the distance
between us this time. "I'm sorry." I muttered and brought the tips of my fingers
along the rims of my eyes. "I'm fine. So the club." I urged him to continue as I tried to wipe
my tears. "There is little else to tell. I accepted her lap dance and she spent the rest
of the night on my lap. When we had a moment alone and your voice in my head was too
much I flipped her onto the couch and I wanted to do something but I couldn't. So I punched
Oscar instead." "Did you kiss her?" "No." "Do you promise
absolutely everything?" "Yes Armillia I didn't. I couldn't. I came home and threw a
fȕcking fit. I didn't do shit with her. I let her sit on my lap all night and I held her and if you
did the same I would cut the fȕcker's head off, both of them if you know what I mean. I
crossed a line. Maybe that is cheating, I'd think it was if you did it." I let out a long
breath. "What do you remember about coming home?" "Drinking." He said flatly.
"Yelling at Simone and Siv, thinking I broke my hand off the wall and getting so pissed about
my hand that I threw a chair through the television." I wondered if that was the glass
shattering I had heard. I honestly hadn't got the chance to fully inspect the house last night
and I'm sure it would have been fixed by now. "And then you came down. I remember what I
hope is most of our argument, and pushing you..." He trailed off and took a moment to search
my face looking for me to fill in the blanks of what he couldn't remember. I apparently
offered him little and he repeated his earlier question. "Did I hurt you?" "Would
you have stopped?" I blurted out. "Stopped?" "In the kitchen. Would
you have stopped if Pietro wouldn't have come in?" He looked beyond confused
now. "Why would I have stopped?"

Chapter 21

A heavy silence fell on our shoulders. So quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I don't
believe I even let out a breath. He continued to watch me looking thoroughly baffled by my
question and I was suddenly wondering if this talk was going to turn to the talk. The break up
talk. I knew there was a possibility it might have taken this turn, the break up turn talk, and I
had thought I was prepared but I was wrong. I was not prepared for this. Why would he.
"Armillia?" I blinked, had I even blinked in the last minute? "You wouldn't have?" I finally
said in a faint voice. He watched me cautiously. Several long and silent moments elapsed.
This was unreal. Finally I mustered up a weak voice. "I said no." He stared at me, seeming to
be incomprehensive. His blank face revealed nothing for long enough that I was beginning to
wonder if I had said it so softly that he hadn't heard. Suddenly he sprung up to his feet and
took several steps backwards. Why was he the one who looked stunned? He took another few
steps away as if he couldn't bear to be so close to me. "Y-you but I, and then, you..." I had
never, ever, ever heard Alessio stammer or stumble over his words. Both hands went to his
head and he began pacing. I watched him go back and forth across the room for several
seconds. "Alessio. You're scaring me." "Fȕck." "Please tell me I'm not going to have to get
up and comfort you right now." He stopped pacing and turned to face me. "You said don't
stop!" "I said don't and stop." I said slowly and he burst into a pace again muttering too
lowly for me to hear. "I - uh, I've had a long night to think about this and you obviously need
a minute so I'm just gonna go-'' He stopped and turned to face me again. "B-but you...you
came." I tensed and the color rose to my cheeks immediately. He watched me for several
seconds, even after I turned my attention to the floor he still watched me. Eventually he
cursed loudly and began pacing again. I glanced up again, wondering suddenly if Pietro was
watching us through the security system, if Alessio was about to lose it would he come back
to save me again? He turned to face me, opened his mouth, closed it, and began pacing
again. He did this several times before my panic began subsiding and impatience rose. "You
have nothing to say?" I finally questioned. "Honestly Alessio? I don't deserve any answers?" I
demanded my voice cracking. "After what I've done?" He yelled and stopped though he
didn't turn to face me. "Christ Armillia, why did you just...if you didn't want to, why did you
just stand there?" "So what? This is my fault now?" "No." He turned to face me. "No fȕck
no. Fȕck. I wasn't trying to imply that I just...why would you just stay there, do you have any
idea what I was going to do to you? Christ." He turned and walked back into the closet. The
room was oddly silent as I sat alone on the bed, hands on lap. I didn't know what to do or say,
I didn't want to follow him right now so I just sat on the bed in silence. Even when I heard a
crash, loud cursing, and several more crashes from the closet. He was throwing another
temper tantrum. I listened to his cursing and destruction and drummed my fingers on my
knee. He needed a minute. I had had all night to think about this, he needed a minute. I would
give him a minute. I counted to sixty, and he hadn't calmed down. Maybe he needed two
minutes. I counted to 120, when this didn't seem to calm him I went to 180 and then decided I
might as well make it to 200. After counting to 200, rather slowly at that too, over three
minutes, I decided to call it quits. I stood up and brushed the invisible crumbs off of my lap.
It went silent suddenly. This was almost more frightening than the noise. I took my lip
between my teeth and grinded for a second before moving over to the walk in closet and
opening the door. He was flat on his back with a shirt over his face laying in the middle of the
closet, nothing remained in its proper place anymore. Even the jewelry boxes had apparently
been thrown and judging by how low the holes in the wall were I suspected he had elected to
kick the wall rather than punch it. He'd never admit it but his hands must be hurting. "Are
you dead?" I asked not to bother to hide my annoyance. He sighed heavily in response. "You
destroyed the closet." As if the rest of the house wasn't enough now he'd torn apart our closet
which was really more my closet as he kept most of his clothes in the dressers and the
standing wardrobe in the bedroom. "Have you had enough yet?" He asked, face still under a
shirt. "Enough?" "Of me, this life, what I have put you through. Have you had enough? Are
you ready to leave me yet?" "If it was that simple I wouldn't have come back. I want to talk
to Alessio, to see if we are worth working out. If I was ready to leave you I wouldn't have
come back at all today." He sat up, keeping his palms on the ground behind him to prop him
up, the shirt fell from his face. "I want to tell you I would never hurt you Armillia." "I know
that-" "But I can't." Another awkward silence swelled around us. "Oh." "I can't promise
your safety, from my world or from me. I wish that I could but I can't and I'm not going to lie
to you. I'm a mean son of a bitch when I'm angry and the life I live is not one of safety and
pleasure. You have to know this." I nodded slowly. "Then why are you still here?" This time
it came out harsh and furious. "Do you want me to leave?" "No, yes, no, fȕck Armillia." He
drug himself up to his feet. "I want you safe and that is the one thing I can never promise you.
Why are you still here now after I practically ra-" "Don't say it." I snapped. His chest was
heaving and it was hard to tell who he was angry with at this point but I knew he was on the
edge. His cheeks were faintly pinked. He closed his eyes, I could practically hear the
countdown in his head before he opened his eyes and spoke again. "You know I would never,
intentionally hurt you, and never do that." I didn't know. I really didn't know and that's where
the entire problem stemmed. "I didn't know you didn't. I thought you were just being
stubborn. I thought you were playing coy because you were angry. You never pulled away,
you moaned my name, kept saying don't stop, you came for fȕcks sake. I didn't know." "I
was confused too." I admitted. "But what my body does and what I tell you to do are two
separate issues Alessio." "If you would have physically tried to stop me-" "I shouldn't have
had too." "I agree." He started pacing again. "You shouldn't have, I'm a príck. I don't know
why you even came back here today. You shouldn't have, I wouldn't have." "I came back
because I was confused. In the kitchen too. And because I know that I'm not perfect, I'm not
always honest, my trust in you was gone too. I needed to hear you tell me you would have
stopped I guess...which you kinda said the opposite of-'' He stopped pacing and turned to face
me again grabbing me by the shoulders and looking me dead in the eye. "If I knew you didn't
want me I would cut my own díck off before putting it in you, do you understand that?" "I
mean, you couldn't simply just not put it in. Cutting it off seems a little much." "I'm serious
Armillia. This is serious. I would never, fȕck, I have, I didn't think I would ever, I didn't
mean to ever, I just thought..." His words fell away. "If you had known?" "I wouldn't do
that. You saw me shoot Macro point blank, you know what I do to my men, I don't tolerate
that kind of violence, violence on women. Even if I was pissed I wouldn't have under any
circumstances, not since Madre-" He stopped dead in his sentence and pulled his hands away
from my shoulders. He looked surprised for a moment and then his expression fell
completely into nothingness. That expression he wore so often in the worst situations. The
one he'd had with Giovanni, the one he had when he scolded someone, so rarely did he
actually lose him composure in a dire situation and now? He was showing me his poker face,
me. "Madre?" I repeated. I was quiet for a few moments, waiting for more but he said
nothing else. His expression was completely blank. "What happened?" "The precise reason I
never wanted to be with you." I blinked once, twice, three times before shaking my head. "I
don't-" "The mafia Armillia. It's not safe. Not for me, not for the family, not for our loved
ones." The dots were connecting even though his words were absent. His mother had been
hurt because of their ties to the mafia. "Do you honestly believe Armillia, that I didn't want
you? All that time? That when I pulled your clothes off that I wasn't tempted into throwing
you on your back and taking you then? You think I was oblivious to your nearly naked body
against mine? That I didn't need to kiss you even worse than you wanted me to? That the
sight of you in my clothes, my fȕcking boxers, you think that wasn't torture? I'm not a fool,
I'm not oblivious, I know you wanted me, I know I wanted you. And I tried like hell not to.
Because it's unsafe. It's foolish, it's risky, you sitting across from me right now is a risk to
your life. Believe me when I tell you I feel like fȕcking shit because of it. You think I like
knowing that I'm the reason you're in danger? You think I don't tell myself if I really loved
you I would let you go? You don't think I've fȕcking tried like hell to do so already?" "Stop,
slow down." "Women I have been with have been killed before Armillia. Killed. Dead. Ten
feet under. I was careless, they were little more than a filler in my life. Miniscule matters to
tie up after. But it's happened. You think if my enemies are not above killing women who
mean little to me just to get under my skin that they wouldn't go after the one thing that truly
matters? Do you believe that you would somehow be immune? Protected? The reason I didn't
come back to you all that time is to protect you. But I am weak. Weak for you and because of
my weakness you are in constant danger." "Alessio I am fine. Please." "There is a reason I
do not tolerate the senseless violence, a reason men attacking women is not tolerated in my
line the way Padre did. A reason I want to blow my own fȕcking brains out as I look at you
right now." "You aren't your father Alessio. You're better-" "All this time I thought I had to
protect you from them, the rest of the world, all my enemies, only to find out that I'm the son
of a bítch who does it?" His tone had been gradually growing as he ranted and by now he was
full on yelling. "It was never supposed to happen to you too." "Me too?" He turned his back
to me abruptly and lowered his voice so much so that I had to strain to hear him. "I've seen
the affect it has." "Alessio?" "Madre." He muttered. "I know what it did to Madre." It made
sense. Rather abruptly. I heard Alessio when he said he worried about the safety risk of my
being with him. I heard him when he said it was risky and I thought he was over dramatic, or
perhaps that he would simply protect me. I always heard it, but now I got it. Suddenly, I got
it. He didn't tell me and worried because of the women he had been sleeping with before who
had been killed, he told me because of the one other woman he loved who had been hurt. He
was never telling me that it could happen, he was telling me it already had. To his mother. I
tried to swallow but my throat was dry. "Padre was careless. Not about money, and not about
work. He couldn't have cared less as long as he was making a profit. And then Madre was
taken. It was ridiculous really. Taking an innocent woman because of an unpaid debt? Padre
had many of those. He was always worried about his money, fȕck if he hadn't had plenty
enough and yet he still chose not to pay. What will they do? Kill me? He'd laughed." His
back was still facing me but I could hear the disgust evident in his voice. "I still remember his
face when he'd gotten it. A call telling him to check his email, see email was still big back
then. And in it was a picture...of Madre." He trailed off. "Alessio-" "He was more surprised
that he had been challenged, that someone had gotten past his security, at the complete show
of disrespect than that his own wife had been taken." "That's terrible." I said in a weak voice.
"He always thought he'd done right by her. By Madre I mean. He'd saved her naturally, had
tortured the bàstards for weeks before letting her pull the trigger herself. But the damage had
been done already...Madre had been damaged already." I didn't know what to say. I didn't
dare want to ask what had been done to Alessio's mother, nor did I believe I would ever be
able to look at her the same way again if he told me now. Everything about Alessio was
suddenly clear. The reason he let women have their choice down below of being sexually
active, the reason he targeted women with bad lives and gave them something better when
they left, the reason he had been so furious with Marco for even trying something to me that
he had shot him point blank despite him being one of his best men. The reason he was losing
his mind right now with rage towards himself. He didn't come back for so long because he
thought he was protecting me by staying away, the reason I had to wait so long for him to
finally let me in once he was back was because he was still trying to get the strength to leave
for my safety. I understood his rage at my disappearing the night my father was shot and why
he had been so terrified, the reason he forbade his criminal employees from being criminals
against women, and the seething rage he had had when discussing the matter at the restaurant.
Why he had driven his car into a wall when his father was with him as Pietro had claimed. I
got it. For the first time in three years I actually knew Alessio and what I knew was
heartbreaking. His Mommy had been hurt when he was young, I doubted whether she had
ever addressed the situation with Alessio, that she would ever admit her pain or want to
burden her son with her scars. But he knew, he carried it with him. He was maybe as
damaged as she was. "Alessio-" I managed through a tight voice. He turned around and his
face was blank again, completely void of any kind of emotion, the way he always got in
stressful situations. A defense mechanism. "I hope you'll understand the severity of this
relationship and the risks it may bring Armillia and I hope you will comprehend my remorse
for any pain I have put you through." "Don't Alessio. Don't you dare drop this bomb on me
and then shut me out. Please." He remained completely mute and I shook my head slowly.
"You are not your father Alessio." "If you believe this is too much, or that my acts have been
unforgivable I will understand and I will not press the matter further." "Press the matter?" I
repeated. "Press what? Our relationship Alessio? This isn't some situation you can just wish
away. I understand now-" "I have work to attend to." "If you walk out right now-" "Please."
He said letting the cool rouse falter. "This is too much for me right now. You are not too
much." He said cupping my face. "This is just...too much. I just need time and space. Please
understand that. If you are still here I will make this up to you, finish this conversation if
there is more to be said, I promise you that Armillia. I will answer your questions if I must
but right now..." He sighed heavily. "I just need a minute. I need space." "Let me help you!
Let me be there for you-" I pleaded. "I'll have Simone here to keep watch." He muttered as
he walked out.

Chapter 22

I couldn't stay. I mean, how could I have? He asked for space and time. Maybe it was the
right thing to do after all the inexcusable things we had both done. Maybe it was cruel of me
to leave after Alessio had opened up to me and told me about his mother. Maybe it was cruel
of him to drop this bomb on me and then leave me alone to continue to stew over his actions
the night before and also the new information he had dropped on me. He thought I wanted it,
and physically, I did, but I had said no. But he thought I was just being difficult because I was
annoyed, playing hard to get maybe? And then he hurt don't stop, don't stop, as I came when I
had meant don't, stop, don't, stop as I tried not to. I understood. Really, I did. Maybe it was
because there were still the ugly rainclouds over my head pouring thoughts of Nash and my
almost betrayal onto me all day and night. I was guilty too, and unlike Alessio I couldn't be
open and honest about it. Maybe it was because I felt bad for Alessio, as Pietro had said this
was all he'd ever known, and now to hear what his mother had gone through? Maybe that was
why I wanted to forgive him, maybe it was just because I loved him. Maybe even though he
said he wouldn't have stopped I still didn't believe him. I went to Stacey's and had been
staying there for a few days since. I had had a lot of time to think about it. Could I leave
Alessio? Because of what he had done, the things he had said? Did I believe his story? That
he hadn't cheated? That he didn't know I didn't want to? Yes. Did that excuse everything?
His tantrum, his wanting to hurt me, his violating me in a way that I was not prepared for?
No. I heard him. He wasn't safe. He couldn't protect me from the people or himself even. I
heard him. I saw him for who he was, the messed up, cruel, cold individual he was. He was
angry, and mean, and sinister and I know for a fact that he enjoyed hurting the people who
crossed him, he did so without a second thought. Could I be with him? This person? The
cruel person? The harsh person who had pushed me? Had done something unthinkable. Did I
want to be with him? Yes. Absolutely. I knew I loved the sarcastic, OCD, sometimes
socially inept idiot who told me to shit in my hand and slap myself with it, the man who took
my to my highest point, literally, on the bridge, the man that trusted me enough to risk his
entire business by not moving it when I had come down. I loved Alessio because as cold,
cruel, and sadistic as he was, he was still the man who had chosen not to shoot me from the
very start, the man who put me as a scapegoat onto his phone, the man who held me every
night and who loved me so much that it nearly kept us apart permanently. He was my rarity.
I wouldn't go as far as to say he was a rose in a field of daisies because frankly, that's far too
feminine for Alessio, even if it was just a metaphor. But just as he claimed I was his
something special, he was mine. Together we drove each other to the brink of insanity, but
somehow, we managed to hold onto each other, just barely, enough to keep from falling.
Would it work out? Hell, I didn't know. I didn't know if I'd make it to the end of the week if I
stayed with him. But I knew I loved him, I knew he loved me, and I knew I wanted to be with
him. Despite everything. I knew love wasn't always enough to make a relationship work. I
meant that when I said it. Just because we loved one another did not ensure we had a future
together but I knew that I was willing to try. I loved him. And yet...here I was on Stacey's
couch for the third night in a row. Alessio hadn't texted. He hadn't called. I had even checked
my email. Nothing. I was a wreck. Wouldn't it be funny? If after everything he had done to
me if I was the one who wanted to stay and he wanted to leave? Talk about irony. Stacey
was being a good best friend. Not pressing the matter, not asking how long I would stay for,
keeping a freezer fully stocked with ice cream and a fridge with wine. I knew she was a little
miffed Pietro had left her house in the middle of the night and maybe a little annoyed that he
lied to her about why he left, but she never mentioned it. It was just after two in the morning
when my phone rang. I answered quickly to make sure the ringing wouldn't disrupt Stacey as
she slept down the hall. "Hello?" I whispered into the phone still staring at the ceiling. "Ciao
pasticcino." I sat up. "Pietro?" "Come outside." "It's...it's like two in the morning. I don't
have any pants on." He sighed heavily. "So put pants on and come down here." "Why?"
"Because I'm asking politely." I waited patiently for the politely part to come and he
chuckled. "Please." "Fine." I said and hung up. Truth be told, he could have been as rude as
he wanted and I still would have come down just in hopes that Alessio would be down there
too. I pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms and snuck out of Stacey's apartment. Pietro was
leaning against the jag, under a street light, fully clothed and looking dapper as ever for
someone who was out running around at two in the morning. Pietro opened the passenger's
side door. "Are we going for a drive?" "We're going home." "What? It's two in the morning,
my tooth brush-" "You have no idea how many toothbrushes we have at the house Mia.
Seriously, we have guys in and out of there constantly. Besides, it's been a few months since
you've changed yours anyway." I gave him an annoyed look and then got into the car. "I just
want you to know I'm coming with you because I want to not because-" He shut the door on
me before I could finish. Pietro was respectfully quiet as we drove this time, letting me dwell
on my thoughts. I was nervous to see Alessio. Had Alessio sent Pietro to retrieve me? Why
wouldn't he come to get me himself? He hadn't called, the last few times we had seen each
other hadn't gone too well. I had made up my mind, as if there had ever been any question
that I wanted to be with him. But I couldn't get past this "what now?" feeling. "He's in the
bedroom." Pietro said once we'd gotten back to the house. In the lighting I could see that the
bruises had begun to fade. There was no longer an angry dark grey but rather an ugly light
brown color. Stacey had not been happy about Pietro's bruises, but again, she said nothing to
me as I was going through such a rough time. I nodded and then stopped at the stairs. "Hey
Pietro?" "Yeah?" "The other day, were you watching us through the security cameras? When
I came back?" "No. I wasn't worried. I knew he wouldn't hurt you when he was sober and I
knew it was a conversation made for just the two of you." "Thanks." I looked up the stairs,
had they added more since I left? The staircase seemed to stretch on forever. Maybe it was
just my nerves. I finally began scaling the stairs, leaving Pietro behind below. I opened the
door to the room we shared and was greeted with only darkness and the noise of the fan
running. He was...asleep? Pietro brought me in when he was asleep? What an odd thing to
do! How were we supposed to talk now while he was sleeping? Admittedly, I was a bit
scorned that he even was asleep. I certainly hadn't managed to get much sleep without him.
With a sigh I kicked my shoes off and padded across the floor and into the bathroom. I
splashed a bit of water on my face and patted it off, pulled off my pajama pants and threw
them into the hamper. I stopped in the doorway before turning the light off, he was facing the
bathroom, the light cast and orange glow to his face. From this distance it was evident he
needed to shave but the dark stubble provided some coverage over his bruise making it far
less noticeable. He looked angry. Even in his sleep his brows were drawn together, forehead
creased with tension and his jaw clenched. I stood in the doorway of the bathroom just
staring at him for several minutes. Just watching. The blankets rose and fell, he was breathing
heavily in those long and full breaths he got when he was asleep, his shoulders weren't
completely covered and I could see his tattoos wrapping around his bare shoulders. I missed
him. I sighed lightly as to not wake him and slowly and carefully crawled into bed. I made
sure to stay on my side of the bed completely, careful not to touch him, careful to keep my
movements slow so as to not disrupt him. If he woke up we would face the world again, face
our problems, but as long as he was asleep we could just be together. I laid on my side facing
him, eyes wide open, as he laid on his to face me eyes closed. I watched him for what felt like
a very long time, just breathing, scowling so badly I was half tempted to reach up and smooth
the wrinkles away from his forehead myself. I moved the blanket slightly until I was under
it, he had one arm pressed against his chest and the other rested on the bed. I stared at his
hand, palm up, relaxed yet not fully open. I slid my hand into his and his hand closed over
mine. He sighed heavily and I closed my eyes, soaking this in for a moment. I opened my
eyes again and his expression had softened considerably though he was still frowning, eyes
still closed. With my free hand I reached forward and brushed his hair back the way I was
used to seeing it rather than the messy locks it was in now. Upon closer inspection even in his
sleep he looked exhausted, the area around his eyes appearing darker than the rest of his face.
Maybe he hadn't been sleeping either. I brought my hand gently down from his hair, tracing
the shape of his face with my fingers until I got to his scruffy jaw. He inhaled heavily and
half rolled onto his back before coming back to his side. I pulled my hand away and glanced
to his chest, the blankets had shifted when he rolled and exposed more of his torso and I
could not see that in the arm he had pulled to his chest he was holding something in place. A
shirt. The mystery sweater to be exact. "Never leave again." He muttered so softly his lips
just barely moved. I glanced back to his face, his eyes were still closed and I was half
curious if he was even awake. "You hurt me Alessio." I whispered. His eyes came open
slowly, slightly, completely relaxed. We laid on our sides facing each other from our
respective sides of the bed, our hands still connected in the middle. "I know." It was oddly
calming, just laying like this. For some reason there was no pressure, no anxiety, no fear.
Neither of us shifted, not to move closer or further apart. "Are you okay?" He asked softly,
his voice husky from sleep. I wanted to throw myself into him but I didn't. "I think so."
"You will never as long as we both shall live begin to fathom the incredulous extent in which
I love you. Do you understand me?" I nodded. "Everything in my life, the dangers, the drama,
the adventure, I can't even count my near death experiences on one hand, I never would have
thought when I met you that you would be my biggest thrill, the wildest rush of adrenaline in
my life, the thing that terrifies me." He tightened his hand on mine. "If you give me this
chance again, I will prove just how much I love you." I sighed heavily. "Did you fall asleep
in the middle of getting dressed?" I asked, nodding to the shirt. "It smelled like you." He
muttered, sounding slightly embarrassed. Be still my beating heart. "You didn't call. You
didn't text, you didn't do anything." "I thought you'd come to your senses and left me for
good this time." "You said you needed space and time I thought-" I stopped and slowly
decided that I didn't want to talk about why I had left anymore. I wanted to talk about why I
was here. "You have no idea how fast my heart races when I see you, how tight my chest gets
when we kiss, I get so lost in you and I." I unlaced our fingers and just barely brought my
fingertips down his fingers and then his palm as I spoke. "If I didn't have your hand to hold I
don't think I would ever find my way home, and I don't think I would even mind being lost in
you Alessio. I love you." When I reached the base of his palm I took his hand again. "I came
back because I love you, even before your little speech. I love you and I want to be with you.
Can't be without you really is more like it." He pulled my forward and against him and
inhaled deeply. "Do you feel how you fit against me? How perfectly we fit together? Don't
you ever leave this again." I could have explained to him that I hadn't really left him. I just
left him so he could have a bit of time to himself specifically as he had asked. I hadn't meant
it as though I was leaving him, not really, not ever, but I didn't want to argue about that right
now. "I'm sorry, about your mother Alessio." I said softly into his chest and wrapped my
arms around his waist, closing my eyes and lingering in this feeling of having him against me
the way I had needed for days now. "It...it was a very long time ago." He said and sighed. "In
the past. It doesn't matter. This. This matters." He was lying. It was obvious, it mattered, it
would always matter, but it was obvious it was not something he could talk about, not now,
maybe not ever. And I wouldn't press it right now. "You need to shave." I muttered softly
snuggling into his chest feeling myself teetering on the edge of a deep sleep I had missed for
days. "And I love you."

Chapter 23
A soft and moist tongue found my cheek, not once, not twice, but three times. I groaned still
half asleep and pushed Alessio away. When he came back for more I pushed him again with a
groan. "Alessio! Knock it off. God your breath reeks'' One more time and I opened my eyes
and sat up quickly ready to yell but stopped in my tracks. The pooch in front of me
stepped on my lap and jumped to try to continue showering me with kisses, he bumps his
cold and wet nose against my chin and then my cheek as he tries to kiss me more. I
absentmindedly ran my hands through soft fur and looked past the still bouncing puppy to
Alessio. "What is this?" He chuckles at me from the doorway he's
leaning in. "A dog Armillia, you can't tell me you've never seen one before." I look
back to the puppy who is now successfully climbing up my chest and giving me endless
showers of love. "I figured that much out." I huffed. "Then why did you ask?" He
teased and took a few steps forward. He whistled and the puppy stopped abruptly, his head
jolted upright and he turned quickly to face Alessio. "I meant what is it doing here
in my bed!" He whistled again and it lunged off of me, it made a big, clumsy,
puppy jump across the bed and in its attempt to jump off the bed practically fell. I looked
over the side of the bed, watched it roll back to its feet, try to run several times but it's feet
slipped along the hardwood floor and then finally bolted over to Alessio who picked it up and
held it with one arm. It stretched as far as possible to lick his cheek twice and then both
looked back to me as if in some kind of conspiracy. "Didn't you read it?"
"Read what?" I demanded. He sighed heavily and came across the room. He sat
down on the bed and sat the black and light brown pooch back on the bed. It took three
cheeky jumps back to me and I caught it. I watched Alessio cautiously for a few
moments and then back to the dog. I examined him a little more carefully as he sat before me
watching me with his tongue hanging out and panting warm puppy breath on me. He was
black, but his paws, the back of his legs, his belly, part way up his chest, his cheeks, and right
above his eyes as if they were his eyebrows were a light brown. He was easily a German
Shepherd, knowing Alessio probably purebred. I pet him a few times before noticing the tag
on his collar. I gave Alessio another weary look before pulling the tag off, as if on
command the puppy bounded back across the bed happily to Alessio. I watched the
two clearly conspiring against me and then read the tag. Armillia, Non voglio perderti. Sei la
mia vita. Perdonami amore mio. "Alessio I can't read Italian." I reminded him. He
set the puppy down and leaned across the bed to kiss me softly on the cheek and I didn't pull
back. He pointed to the tag and brought his finger along each word as he read it to me. "I
don't want to lose you. You are my life. Forgive me my love." I dropped the tag.
"You bought me a puppy to try to win my love?" I said in disbelief. "You didn't
want any of my other gifts." He said simply. He had been showering me senseless
with expensive gifts lately. First it was flowers, then it was jewelry, then expensive clothes, I
insisted I needed nothing, that I wanted nothing, that I chose to come back and be with him
no matter what, that I simply wanted to move on from that hellish night, and he insisted he
just hadn't found the perfect gift to win my love I promised he had not lost. After a few days
of nothing I thought he had finally given up and accepted the fact that I was fine. And then he
gave me a dirty books and a cȯck ring. I wish I was joking. "Because
there's no reason for them! I told you I'm fine. And besides, you don't buy people's love
Alessio." I scolded and leaned forward wagging my finger at him. I didn't want his gifts,
truly, I just wanted him to open up to me. The puppy jumped up and tried to kiss
me as soon as I had leaned forward. He snatched a kiss from me quickly before I had time to
pull back. I turned away and scooped up the puppy. I accepted his kisses with pursed lips and
began cooing praises. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy! You're a good boy! Yes you
are, yes you are!" I said in a baby voice shaking my head back and forth with kissy lips.
He yipped and jumped and spun around in a circle excitedly before jumping up to lick my
face more. "Am I a good boy?" I glared at Alessio and then turned back
to the puppy. "What if I was allergic?" "You aren't. You had allergy testing done
when you were seventeen and had some sort of outbreak. The only thing you're allergic to is
shellfish and bees." "And you know that exactly?" "I checked your
medical records obviously." I groaned loudly and the puppy whined in response.
"You can't just do things like that Alessio! It's fȕcking weird and disrespectful and a total
invasion of my privacy!" "I was just trying to make sure you weren't allergic
before I brought him into the house. It's not like I looked far enough in to see when you got
your first menstrual cycle or if you had your wisdom teeth pulled." "Well what if I
just didn't like dogs." "Oh please. You're a woman. You love anything small and
fuzzy." "Is that why I'm so attracted to you." I shot back and he frowned.
"I am not fuzzy and you know I am certainly not small." "You could stand to grow
a few inches taller." I said and turned my attention back to the puppy to hide my smirk. I
scratched behind his ear and slowly little by little he lowered onto my lap. "What's his
name?" I finally asked gently. "He doesn't have one. I thought you might like to
name him." I looked up at Alessio through my lashes. "That was nice of
you...perhaps we could name him together?" Alessio reached forward to give him
a few manly strokes. "He'll be a wonderful pet to you, but also a good guard dog. He's a very
loyal breed, but has fantastic instincts and a heck of a jaw." The nameless pup
lifted his head and stared at Alessio as if he knew he was discussing him. His one ear flopped
slightly at the tip in the most adorable way. "What should we call him?" Alessio
shrugged. "Looks like a Culo to me." "Culo?" I asked and leaned forward to be in
the dog's face. "Hi Culo! Hi little Culo! Who is my pretty boy, huh? Culo is!" He licked my
nose and then laid his head back down. I giggled and looked back to Alessio. "What does
Culo mean?" He grinned. "Ass." "Alessio!" I swatted him and the pup
who would certainly not be known as ass stood up again. "I told you he has great
instincts. He knows you're beating on his master." "He's my dog." I reminded him.
"And we will not be calling him that. Honestly, that's almost as bad as- '' I stopped mid
sentence, I was going to say that was almost as bad as el verme as they had called Nicolo, but
to talk of him in passing like that, casually, to joke about it, it seemed too wrong to finish.
Even all this time later. He chuckled lightly and began petting him again as I did
the same. He took his phone out with his free hand and began scrolling through it.
"Raimondo? It means a mighty protector." I looked over his shoulder to see him scrolling
through names and their meanings online. "Hm...too long." I shook my head. "How do you
say guardian?" "Tutore." "Eh." We were both silent for a few
moments. Alessio's hand passed over mine and he stopped there, leaving his hand on top of
mine and mine on top of the puppy. "Elmo means to be loved." "That's sweet..."
"But?" "Haven't you ever watched Sesame Street?" He laughed and
moved his hands off of mine and began stroking the puppy again. "Salvatorio, we could call
him Sal. It means savior." Alessio suggested. "Sally boy?" I raised an eyebrow.
He sighed heavily. "I don't see you throwing out any suggestions!" "How about something
dog-like, like lucky!" "Cappi is lucky in Italian." He said flatly. If we were struggling this
much to name our dog, I didn't want to know how difficult it might be to name actual
children. "He's gonna be a big brave dog, maybe he needs a big brave man's name." I said in a
baby voice and put my face down by the dog's again. He stood up and yipped happily.
"Let's call him Howard." I suggested. Alessio laughed at this and I rolled my eyes.
"Donato. It's the last suggestion I have if you don't like it I'm sticking with my original
suggestion of calling him Culo!" "We are not calling him culo! What does Donato
mean?" "Given." He shrugged. "Given." I repeated. "Could we call him
Donny?" "He's your mutt." He said, sounding uninterested. "I like
Donato." Alessio looked moderately surprised. "Donato it is." After a few
moments he flopped down on the bed with his hands behind his head. Donato
immediately jumped hard on his chest. "Oomph!" "Good boy Donny!
Good boy!" I laughed and scratched his head. Alessio rolled over and Donato fell
off. Alessio pinned me down to the bed. Donny started hopping around the bed barking
loudly and nipping at Alessio's wrists which were holding my own to the bed. He ignored the
dog completely and kissed me several quick times and one long, gentle kiss. His tongue
brushed along my lips and I turned my head away. "Not in front of Donato!" I giggled.
Alessio grunted in disapproval and kissed me again, after a moment he rolled so I was on top
of him, Donato who was hopping backwards to avoid getting rolled over on and still barking
ran out of mattress and slipped off the bed and onto the floor. We both laughed and
I climbed off of Alessio to pick Donato back up who was whining at the foot of the bed yet
yet big enough to jump back up himself. I sat back on the edge of the bed with Donato on my
lap petting him softly. Alessio sat beside me, his chin resting on my shoulder. "He's the most
perfect and wonderful gift." I whispered. "I'm glad you like him. You didn't seem
fond of any of my other gifts." "Dirty magazines and chocolate?" I raised an
eyebrow. "I tried shoes, flowers and fancy clothes. I was running low on ideas."
He said and kissed my shoulder, slowly trailing kisses along it until he reached my neck.
Already I could feel the fire burning in my stomach. Alessio had always had this sort of effect
on me. It was the reason why I refused to look at him when I was angry and the reason I kept
such a physical distance when furious. A look from Alessio wilted my anger, a soft word
doubled my heart rate, and when he touched me...you don't even want to know what it did to
me when he touched me. I felt many things as he touched me, but never anger. "It
has been far too long since I have tasted you my rose..." Alessio murmured against my skin.
I wished I had some sort of witty come back. I racked my mind, I wished I could say
something about him being small and fuzzy, maybe make fun of his culo, but I couldn't say
anything. Not when his tongue brushed lightly along my neck and certainly not when he
pulled my tender skin between his lips and gave it a light bite. "N-not in front of
the d-dog." I stammered as his hands wrapped around me from behind and dipped under my
shirt. He let his hands roam up my torso from underneath one of his shirts I was
wearing and stopped when he realized I was wearing no bra beneath it. He kissed right
behind my ear and then whispered hoarsely into it, "So put him in the hallway." I
bit my lip and finally stood up. I walked across the long room and set the confused pup in the
hallway. No sooner had I shut the door was I spun around and pressed against it. Alessio
devoured me in kisses, holding my face in a monstrous passion. I knotted my fingers through
his hair and he pulled away abruptly. "Alessio-" I whined. He dropped onto his
knees and pushed my shirt up to expose my core. The bruise had long since faded away as
that night was over two weeks past. I put my head back against the door as he began kissing
me all over. Again, I put my hand through his hair. "Every inch of you." Alessio
said and slipped his fingers up the side of my panties. "Is mine." He slowly began pulling
them down. I bit my lip and watched him undress me until I could step out of
them. I stepped one leg out and when I did the other he placed it over his shoulder rather than
back on the floor from this angle he easily slipped two fingers into me. "Tell me."
He said in a hoarse voice. I croaked in response. "Tell me." He said,
forcing his thumb against my clít and making me moan loudly. "Every inch of you is mine."
"Is. Yours." I panted and put my palms hard against the door to try to keep myself upright.
The one leg I was still using to stand upright nearly gave out in a moment of heat when he
kept hitting all the right places. I heard Donato whining from the other side of the
door and I started coming back to reality. Alessio was clearly having no part of this. He
pulled me to the floor completely. He replaced his fingers with his mouth but it was even
harder to concentrate this time as Donato was not only whining at the door but also scratching
it now too. "Alessio." I groaned. He made some sort of inaudible moan
from between my lower lips but kept on going. "Alessio!" I said firmly. I took his
hair in my hands and pulled his head up. We listened to Donato whine and scratch
at the door for a few moments. Alessio smacked the door and it was quiet... ...for
about three seconds and then her howled a long, and pitiful puppy howl of desperation.
"Oh how can you resist!" "I'm wondering the same thing." Alessio muttered and
glanced at my sėx again. "We've got our whole lives to screw, he's only a puppy
once!" I scolded and sat up. Alessio sighed and watched me rummage through my
dresser until I pulled a pair of his boxers on. He laid on the floor following my every move
with his eyes. I opened the door and Donato thundered back into the room and jumped on
Alessio immediately and began giving him massive amounts of puppy kisses. He
pushed him off and sat up. "I still think we should call him Culo..." He said, giving the happy
little puppy a sėx deprived glare before looking back at me curiously. "The rest of our lives
you say?" He looked back to Donato, Donato tilted his head to the side and Alessio made a
silly face at him. "You know I don't think you've been this happy to see me once in the entire
time I've known you." He said to me. I grinned broadly and tackled him back to the
ground where I began kissing him all over one of his cheeks while Donato licked him
excitedly on the other.
Chapter 24

We were happy. I can't believe I could say that. After everything we had been through.
Everything from our past, from what I had almost done, what he had done, and somehow, we
were happy. We sort of fell into this routine, a life. Together. One where Alessio got up
every morning at the crack of dawn and took a growing pup for a jog down to the coffee shop
where I would eventually meet him having rode down with Simone. We'd sit at a table
outside and Donato, despite being my dog would lay at Alessio's feet until we walked home.
We would separate soon after, after a shower for example, and I would head to work and
Alessio would do, uh, whatever it is Alessio would do. Most of the time we managed to get
together for dinner, and Alessio seemed to be in such a pleasant mood about the grand
reopening of the casino, in a different location of course, and the grand removal of the
stripper pole that he hadn't even mentioned Matteo again. "Same time tomorrow?" Spence
said lamely as he did almost every day after our news segment. "You know it." I gathered
up my notes and papers. I was actually relieved Alessio had headed out of town again. I was
just barely keeping up with my contract and if I didn't get some serious writing done I was
risking not keeping my end of the bargain up. Some distraction-free writing time sounded
heavenly. "Hey Mia." Stacey said jogging to catch me before I reached the door. "Are we
still going to boxing tonight without the guys?" I sighed. "Unfortunately I promised Alessio
I'd get six times a month and the month is almost over so I'd better." "You look...different." I
stopped and looked down at myself, trying to see what she was seeing. "Do I?" "Yeah. You
look..." "It's the color isn't it? I told Alessio anything with black and yellow and I was going
to look like a fȕcking bumble bee but he didn't listen-" I started and looked down at my dress.
The abstract design was yellow black and white and I wore a red belt with it. "You look
happy." I looked up quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?" "No offense, but I'm sort of used to
brooding work obsessed cynical Mia. Lately you've been so..." "Distracted?" "Bubbly, and
active. I mean, you agreed to cover the guy who was stuffing all the squirrels. You've always
been the big story or no story kind of reporter. You were coming in five minutes before the
morning show, still in your pajamas and working out the makeup team to the brink of
insanity and now you're all...put together. I know you aren't a morning person." "I'm still not.
But Donato gets really whiny if he doesn't get out for a jog first thing in the morning. Usually
Alessio takes him but with him out of town..." I shrugged. "You jog now?" She said in
disbelief. I laughed. "Stace these are all good things you're worried about. We've been saying
for the last year that we should start working out more. And now we are." "Okay yeah. But
usually when you start things..." "I quit, I know. But things are different now." "I'll say."
She muttered and glanced down. "Everything alright?" She sighed and we fell into stride,
walking out of the building together. "I don't know. I'm...I'm a little weirded out." She
admitted. "About me being happy?" I laughed. "No. It's Pietro." "Oh." "I'm really falling
for him, I like him more than I've liked anyone for a long time." "But?" "But there's just
things about him. Things I don't understand. It's like I feel like I'm constantly left in the dark
about everything." I could relate to that one. At least I knew what they did. Stacey knew only
that they owned a private company who dealt with exclusive clients and due to the high
profile clients offered the utmost of confidentiality. Stacey was pretty convinced they were
dealing with A list stars, quite a far cry from the truth. Naturally I had elected not to correct
her. "I mean, they make all this money, but Pietro lives with Alessio? What sense does that
make?" "They're family." I shrugged. "Okay so get houses like side by side or something,
but together? I mean, Petro is almost thirty he should be living on his own." "My dad and
Sam live together." I pointed out. "But they're both single and broke." Point made. "So,
maybe they've got some sort of agreement like they'll live together until they get married or
something. I don't know." "You spend more time with Pietro than I do." "Is that what this is
about?" "No! I just. I don't know Mia. I feel like he's keeping so much from me. It was great,
so great when we started out but the longer we're together the more questions I have.
Everything with you and Alessio is just falling together perfectly and I can't even get Pietro
to spend the occasional night with me!" She could not have been more wrong about Alessio
and I. We were a half gallon bucket with a gallon full of troubles. But we were doing better in
the past few weeks. A lot better really. Alessio was making efforts, the sex was on point, and
he seemed to finally believe me when I said I hadn't cheated on him. Donato fell into our
daily routine like he'd been there all along. Stacey had no idea all the struggles we had gone
to, for nearly three years now only to have things going well for a few weeks. We were
sharing a life together. We were trying at least. We reached Stacey's car first and I sighed.
Pietro might have been keeping Stacey at arms length due to the dangerous and bust nature of
what he participated in but Stacey could never understand that. He didn't stay the night with
her because Alessio was so damn insistent about having at least one other person in the house
at all times, preferably more, and especially at night, in case of attack. "I'm starting to think
my boyfriend is, I don't know, unhealthily obsessed with yours." She sighed and opened the
passengers side door, throwing her purse onto the chair and shutting the door again. "Does
Alessio have some sort of hold on him or something?" Or something. "I mean, is there
something I'm missing here?" I decided in that moment that I would have to tell Alessio to
start letting Pietro out more. I was actually quite fond of Silvano and Simone and Simone
seemed to have been promoted into Benji's position. It only made sense to have him around
more often. "I can assure you Alessio doesn't have any sort of special hold on Pietro. They
just...I mean they work a lot. Need to be available for clients at all times and all that jazz. I
mean, we are talking A listers right, they can get so entitled sometimes." Stacey sighed. "I
just feel like something is off about him and honestly, I can't help but be jealous about how
you and Alessio are moving forward in your relationship and Pietro and I...well we aren't. I
just don't know what to do." "I'll talk to him." "Oh my gosh no! That'd be so embarrassing.
He can't know I'm like spazzing out." I laughed. "He knows you're a spaz already. I'll just
drop some not so subtle hints about you wanting to spend more time together." "I told him
my lease was expiring next month. Told him I wasn't sure if I should renew it. You want to
know what he said? He said if I liked the please I'd be silly not to. Silly not to!" I chuckled.
"He's crazy about you. He just doesn't pick up on hints like that, no guy does. I've got this."
She sighed. "I really like him Mia but...I don't know. He's keeping something from me." "We
all have our secrets." I muttered more to myself than her. My own secret almost betrayal still
burns a hole in my chest, Alessio and Pietro's illegal activity adding salt to the wound as I
looked my best friend in the eye and pretended to be clueless. "I'll see you tonight, alright?"
We said our goodbyes and I made my way down to my Lexus. I climbed into the driver's
seat, threw all my folders and notes onto the passenger's seat and fired her up. "Mia." I
jumped in my seat causing me to hit my knees on the steering wheel and cursed loudly before
turning around to face Nash in the back. "You gave me a frigging heart attack!" I yelled. "I'm
sorry." He smiled apologetically. "I just wanted to talk." "Heard of a telephone? Geez." I put
my hand over my heart and exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry. I just, I, well I wasn't sure you'd take
my call to be honest." I turned forward again and put the car into drive. "Mia, I swear, on
everything that I wasn't-" "How does Mexican sound?" "What?" "Mexican? Food? For
lunch? I didn't have time after taking the dog for a jog to grab breakfast. I am famished." "I,
er, it sounds great." "Great."

Chapter 25

My fancy Mexican restaurant came full equipped with a self-serve fountain drink station and
plastic silverware. It was a good life. "So what'd you want to talk about?" I asked
to bring the blue rectangular shaped serving tray back to a booth. "And if it's about getting
my help to hurt Alessio I swear I will squirt hot sauce into your eyes." "I just
needed to make sure you were okay, I mean I knew you were okay mostly, I watch you on
the news every day but I needed to make sure you were really, okay, okay. And had to make
sure you knew I wasn't, that I'd never try to trick you." "I know." "I just
assumed he'd taken over when he was 18 I guess. That was around the age he was when his
grandfather passed. I just figured he wouldn't step up when his grandfather was out since his
father is still running things in Italy-``''I know." "I wouldn't try to trick you like
that, or hurt you. I'd never betray your trust." "I know!" "I care way too
much about you to try something shady like that. I'm so stupid, I never-" "Nash!" I
put my hand on top of his with a small smile. "I know!" "You do?" I rolled my
eyes but my smile didn't falter. "Yes Nash. I know. I'm not mad at you." He breathed a sigh
of relief. "Good. I'm such a shit sometimes. I was so obsessed with Alessio I was looking at
the Genovese as a whole and not at who they were with Alessio. I fȕcked up royally. So
fȕcking much. I've spent the last three weeks going over every detail again. I can't believe I'm
so fȕcking stupid." I pulled my hand away from his. "Well it was just as much my fault.
Okay, maybe a little bit yours since you're the one who shoved everything in my face...but I
sat on those files for weeks and didn't do more fact checking either. I read every single file
Nash, did you know that? Every single one. Burned into my mind. You have no idea how
hard it was...thinking of Alessio as...that kind of person... I don't know. You were blinded by
your hatred and I was blinded by my love. We were both careless and stupid with a matter
that needed 100% focus. You fȕcked up Nash, but I went along with it too. If I would have
just talked to Alessio I could have saved all of us a lot of trouble." "It wasn't your place to
have to talk to him though. I should have known from the beginning. He was here at 18, I
know that. I just thought- Oh it doesn't matter what I thought. It was my fault." "But he's my
boyfriend. I should have trusted him. I mean, maybe not. I know what his position entails. I'm
not naïve. I know that what Alessio does would probably hurt my heart if I accepted it. And I
think that's why it was so easy for me to just jump on board. Because I know he's a bad guy
Nash. I really, really do. And seeing all of that just made my worst fears come to life. I think
this entire relationship I've sort of just tried to turn a blind eye to everything, push it out of
my mind. When it finally took to my family, I sort of just snapped. I was just thinking of
losing Nicolo, of everyone I'd already lost and I just snapped." "I'm sorry about your cousins,
siblings too." I smiled lightly. "Thank you Nash. I jumped the gun. Because people in my
family dying to this sort of business are just too familiar. I should have talked to Alessio, and
I should have been more patient. He's a bad guy, in a sense, but he's not a bad person. I don't
know if you believe that or not. But I appreciate you helping me, and taking me to my dad
that night. Nash I really do, you have no idea how much I needed him in that moment, but I
never should have called you, offered to put Alessio's head on the chopping block. I just. I
thought I was losing someone else and it took me back to a place I wouldn't like to visit
again. When you showed me all those folders everything was just too real. Everyone my
family has lost to organized crime, Nicolo to Alessio's family." I sighed heavily. "I wish I
would have just talked to him first." "I just fȕcked up so badly I don't even know what to say.
Honestly. I took advantage of the situation. Knowing your dad was a cop, knowing your
history, I pushed you and I shouldn't have. I thought I was doing the right thing, I think,
making you aware, trying to stop everything. But I'm just a prick." I shrugged. "I'm not going
to say you're my favorite person right now, but I don't know. Maybe it could have been a
good thing." "A good thing?" "Yeah. The whole mafia king was a huge
elephant in the room." I carefully rewrapped my messily built soft taco. "Alessio and I have
been really good. I mean like actually really, really, good. Sure, I accused him of being the
worst kind of person and he accused me of being a cheating whore, and there was this huge
fall out after and everything, but it was kind of good to get everything out. He's opened up
more which is really, really good, and I addressed the dirty nasty parts of who he is and I
know he's still what I want. Undoubtedly. We've been doing all these classes together and he
got me a dog. It's like, really good." This time Nash rolled his eyes. "Could've
done without three or four of those reallys. But that's great Mia, really, really, actually really
great." He said sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Could you maybe try to be
happy for me?" He looked surprised for a moment and then smiled. "I'm sorry. Of
course Mia. If you're happy, I'm happy." "Truth?" He shrugged. "Half-truth. I'd prefer you
happy and safe, but I'll just have to work on the second part myself." "Nash, are you still
trying to get my boyfriend arrested?" He shrugged. "I won't be happy then." I pointed out.
He considered this for a moment and then shrugged. "We can find another way to make you
happy, can't really fix it if you get hurt or killed." "I won't. Alessio won't let that happen."
"And what if Alessio is the one who hurts you?" For a second I had to remind myself that I
had flushed the cross necklace with the wire embedded down the toilet. Nash had no way of
knowing Alessio had said practically the same thing. No way of knowing Alessio came a
little too close for comfort in doing just that. But he hadn't. He wouldn't. "He won't be." Nash
sighed, obviously unconvinced. "Well for your sake I hope he's not." "Nash please, don't ruin
this for me." "Don't be blinded by bright and shiny things Mia." "Like
happiness?" "Especially happiness. Always watch out for those wolves, sometimes
they come in the brightest of wool." "Yes...I suppose you would know that better
than most." He grinned. "So you forgive me?" "If you didn't do it
intentionally then there is nothing to forgive really." "Then you don't hate me?"
"Of course not. But you have to lay off Alessio. I can't be friends with you if you're trying to
take him down. I made my choice once and I really will squirt hot sauce in your eyes if you
try to sway me again. " "It's nothing personal Mia-pie, it really isn't. It's not an
Alessio thing, it's a mafia thing. I've been so focused on shutting all of them down at once I
think I overfilled my plate. It's made me sloppy." "Nash, if you're sloppy while
undercover you will get yourself killed." He raised a hand. "I know, I know. Trust
me, I think that's why I fȕcked the timeline up so badly. Too much on my plate at one time,
too sloppy. So you should be pleased to know I'm not trying to get your boyfriend arrested."
I narrowed my eyes. "Are you lying to me right now?" "Cross my heart and hope
to die." "Stick a needle in your eye?" He chuckled. "Yes. I'm pulling
back a bit, trying not to put so much on my plate at once. Instead of working hard on all five
I'm working five times harder on just the Bonanno." I wiped my hands off on
several napkins. "I don't think that's a good idea either. I mean, they did try to kill us so I'm
not going to pretend I like them or anything like that. Just saying, it's risky. For you. If you
get caught-" "I know." "Ellie will be-" "Mia. I know."
"Just be careful." "I'm flattered you're so concerned for me." He smirked.
"Far more concerned for Ellie." I teased and he laughed. "Seriously though Nash, you're not
out to put my boyfriend behind bars?" "If I tried for him and the Bonanno I'd get
myself killed. My little screw up was a real eye opener for how sloppy I can get when I have
too much on my plate. Believe it or not I don't have a death wish." I leaned back
against the hard plastic booth. "I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that. I mean, I don't
see how we could be friends if you were still out to get my boyfriend." "We're
friends?" I stopped with the soft taco inches from my mouth. "I've called you for
help and you've dropped everything you were doing to help me several times now. I've met
your daughter, you've bought me ice cream, of course we're friends." His face brightened
instantly at the mention of Ellie the way it always did. "The ice cream is what sealed the deal
isn't it?" Rather than answer with my mouth full I shrugged. He considered this for a moment
and then shook his head. "Nah it was probably Ellie. She's something else. Unfortunately I
agreed to letting her grandma take her one weekend every other month in a moment of
insanity and now I'm suffering the consequences." He sighed. "You're Ellie-less?"
"Unfortunately so. Her grandma is a sneaky one, she pulled the whole she reminds me so
much of her mother, I just miss her so much card. Break out the water works and I'm putty in
her hands." He sighed. "Well I think it's nice that you don't cut them out of
anything. You know since her mom..." "Yeah." Nash shrugged. "They're good
grandparents. They come up from time to time, her birthday, special occasions, and we
usually make the trip down there around the holidays and mother's day. It works out well I
guess." He seemed uninterested in the topic of sharing his daughter and I had to laugh a little.
"A whole weekend without Ellie? What will you do?" "Drink myself into a stupor
and sob quietly on her bedroom floor." He said back so matter of factly that I couldn't tell if
he was joking or not. "Well, I mean thanks for taking time out of your busy
schedule to make time for lunch I guess." "I really feel like after my mistake I should be
treating you thought." "You'd probably take me to that stupid squid place and not
only would I have to stab you with chopsticks, but we totally couldn't be friends if you put
me through that trauma one more time." "I hate that place!" Nash said and burst
into laughter. I practically gagged on my bite and threw my taco down. "Then
why do we always go there?" I demanded and after a moment laughed with him.

Chapter 26

"It's just like, I try to talk about all these plans and things for the future and he's totally
uninvested. He's all. That sounds nice baby or yeah we can do that. What's all that about?"
Stacey huffed as she punched my padded hands. "Maybe he thinks it sounds nice
and you guys can do it?" I suggested hopefully. She paused to give me an
exasperated look and then continued. "Honestly Mia, sometimes you can be so clueless."
I laughed. "Sorry. I don't think Pietro is that complicated. If he says he wants to do something
he probably does." Stacey sighed in response. "It's not that simple."
"Well, I mean some things can be." "Easy for you to say. You and Alessio work
out so well." I tried to bite back a laugh but couldn't stop a chuckle from slipping
out. "Did you forget the part in the story where after we met he disappeared for two years?"
"Well no but-" "Or the part where after months of sleeping together and even a
shower together we hadn't even kissed? We thought he was gay Stacey!" "Okay
but then you guys-" "And I know you didn't forget the part where I had to call your
boyfriend to save me from his drunken tirade?" "Of course not I just-"
"There is no just falling together. In any relationship. It's ups and down, trial and error, and a
lot of work." "I know!" Stacey said and stood upright, no longer wailing on my
hands. I took the pads off and put them back where they rightfully belonged as we were just
getting ready to wrap up. "I know, I know, I just don't feel like we're moving forward at all.
You and Alessio live together and everything and you dropped the "L" bomb and all that
jazz." "So we moved in first. You and Pietro had sex before Alessio and I did and
we had two years over you guys." I laughed. "It'll all work out. He's crazy about you. Trust
me." "You're right. I guess I'm just a little jealous." She admitted. I was
a little jealous of Stacey at times too. I wouldn't trade Alessio for the world, but I would be
lying if I said this kind of danger, making it by the seam of my drawers, off the wall crazy
relationship was ever a part of my plan. In fact, if someone had told me that I would fall head
over head madly in love with a powerful criminal and it would on occasion put my own life
in danger I would have laughed. And yet here I was. "It's natural from time to time." I finally
decided as we headed to the locker room to get out things and call it a day. ***
I paused when I noticed the two men leaning against my car. Dark skin, tailored suits,
casually smoking cigars. When they noticed me they flicked the cigars to the ground and
stood upright. "Miss Santoro." One said, tipping his fedora to me. I didn't
recognize either. "Evening gents." I said casually, keeping several feet between us.
"We're going to have to ask you to come with us." I raised a brow. "On whose
orders?" "It's not a business call Miss Santoro." "Well if it's all the same
to you, fine fellows, I'm going to pass." I looked between the two, really considering my
position. It wasn't even dark, we were in the parking lot outside the gym, this was awfully
bold of them. "We've no intentions of hurting you today." "Just using
me as leverage to kill my boyfriend?" I asked, taking a small step backwards. "Not
today ma'am. Please, come with us, we're going to go for a little drive." I
readjusted my gym bag wondering how I could manage to slip my hand in without drawing
attention to it. "No thanks." "It's not a question." Stacey's car pulled up
beside us and her window rolled down. "Hey." She gave the two men a curious glance.
"Everything okay?" I glanced back at the men and read their minds quickly. If I
didn't want guns to be pulled on my best friends I knew the answer. "Of course." I forced a
smile. "This is just Jim and Todd, they work with Alessio and Pietro. Alessio asked them to
accompany us to class and they were just really late." I threw in a fake laugh. "We're trying to
come up with a believable story to tell Alessio to convince him they came." "You
guys work with Pietro too?" "Sure." Todd said with little sincerity. "Oh
great! I've always wanted to know more about what he does! I'm Stacey, his girlfriend but I'm
sure you knew that." She laughed lightly to herself. Todd gave me a warning look.
"We'll have to all get together soon but they uh, they really have to be getting back to work."
She looked slightly disappointed but kept up a good facade. "Of course, I have to get going
too. It was great to meet you guys!" They nodded to her and I waved as she drove
off. "Good girl. Now, in the car." He motioned to the black sedan parked a few
spots away from my own car. "Alright, I'm going to level with you guys. You and I
both know if I get into that car I'm pretty much screwed. So I'm going to go ahead and not do
that if it's all the same to you." "We aren't here to hurt you, scouts honor. This isn't
a business call." "Scouts honor eh?" He nodded and I sighed. "Well alright." I took
a few steps forward. "Just let me toss my bag here in my car." I moved past him to open my
car door. "Can I make a quick call? Just want to tell Alessio that I'll be a little late getting
home." I continued talking casually over my shoulder. When I turned back around
I had my gun from my gym back. "Todd" forced my arm straight up into the air and I fired
off into the sky. Fȕck. He had me pushed back against the car, still forcing my arm to point
the gun to the sky with his hand tightly around my wrist. "Fȕcker." I cursed.
"Wish you hadn't done that Miss Santoro." I glanced at the other I had deemed Jim.
He was only a few feet away and hadn't pulled his gun out either. "If we were
gonna kill you we wouldn't have come to you in public like this." "But you'll take
me out of public and have no qualms with it then!" I shot back still struggling for power over
my own arm. "Not in my honor. One of our guys needs you, personal matters.
Your safety is assured, for today." I relaxed my arm. "On your honor?"
"Yes ma'am." "I'll be safe?" I asked letting all the tension in my body melt away.
"Si." I felt his body relax against my own, his hold on my arm included. "You
swear nothing will happen to me or Alessio?" "Si." "Alright." I turned
my arm hard, connecting my elbow with his nose. His hand flew off of mine knocking my
gun to the ground in the process. I brought my knee to his groin and he went down to his
knees and I kicked him over. I spun around to face the car and ducked knowing the
second guy would make a grab at me then shot upwards and threw my head back successfully
connecting the back of my skull with the front of his. Let me just say, this looks
awesome. In movies, when you read it in a book, if Alessio saw me successfully pull that off
he would have been thrilled. But damn. That hurt. No time to dwell I dove into my
car but the bastard on the ground grabbed my ankle and pulled hard until the second could get
a good grip on my hips. He tried to pull me out of the car but I held onto the steering wheel
sprouting off insults a mile a minute. "If you don't let go of that steering wheel I
will break every one of your fingers and enjoy doing so. Let go." He growled.
"You promised you wouldn't hurt me! Short little lying shit." "You head butted
me!" "You're trying to kidnap me!" He let go of me for a second to wrap
his entire arm around my waist and his hand over my mouth. After several more tugs my grip
slipped from the steering wheel. I punched his arm and kicked my feet like crazy. He threw
me into the back seat and climbed back after me forcing my arms behind my back holding
them together easily with one hand and forcing my face into the seat. "Rich, get
the fȕck up and drive." "My fȕcking balls." He groaned as he pulled himself into
my car. "Rich?" I repeated panting into the seat. "Your name is Richard?"
"Si." He muttered and began digging in my gym back for my keys. "I knew you
were a Dick." He let out a low growl but put no actual words together. He finally
managed to find my key from my bag and shove it into the ignition. I started
hyperventilating, so hard that it made me light headed. "Inhaler." I pleaded abruptly.
"What?" The one who was holding me down grumbled. "Asthma. Inhaler. M-my
bag." I tried to sit up and he forced me back down hard. Dick chucked the gym back into the
back seat and my unnamed capture began rooting through it. "P-please. Give me –
bag." I wheezed heavily between each word. "There's no inhaler in here." He said
sounding only moderately concerned. "Let. Me." I tried to sit up again and he
forced me down again. "You don't have asthma." "Totally. Do. Please.
Can't. Breathe." "You're lying." I continued to hyperventilate frantically
trying to prove my point, when neither said anything or bought into it I stopped abruptly. "I
could have been dying you assholes!" "You woulda pass out first. Then we'd know
you weren't lying." "Bastards." I grunted into the seat. Kidnapping me in my own
car was a huge slap to the face, but also came with its advantages. Like the key fob in my
gym bag that I told Alessio was absolutely insane for giving me. He'd insisted I
take it, I had insisted I'm not like him, I don't have anyone drive me around. What, was I
going to need the key fob to save me from myself? I'd called him paranoid, as I always did,
and he argued that he was simply careful, as he always did. Truth be told that key
fob would have come in handy right now. Whether I chose to stop the car all together or
activate the alarm to let Alessio know I was in trouble. Either way. I had to try to get it. It
wasn't a bad plan. Just rooting through my bag frantically looking for the inhaler, that of
course didn't exist, press the alarm key as I was "rooting" and manage to calm myself down
eventually when I couldn't find it. But no. They didn't give me the damn bag.
"Piece of shit assholes, kidnapping me in my own car? Talk about squeezing lemons on a
sore!" "Why Matteo wants her...fȕck if I know." Dick muttered from up front.
I lifted my head as far as I could. "Matteo?" Nash. They were getting me for Nash? Why
were they getting me for Nash? This was either a very good thing, or a very, very bad one.
A whirlwind of ideas hit me. Most of which were centered around the idea that Nash had
been playing me the entire time. Tricking me, and now he was going to give me to Giovanni
himself. On the other hand, I'd met his daughter, he had saved me from Giovanni
before? Why go through all the trouble? Unless maybe he had some sort of beef with Alessio.
What if this was never about the mafia and always about Alessio? "Yes. Matteo."
"What does Matteo want with me?" I demanded. "He hurt Miss Santoro. He's hurt
real bad and he doesn't want to see anyone but you."

Chapter 27

Nash was hurt. Did I believe this? They said he was hurt and my first instinct was
of course oh God no. Second instinct came in and reminded me who these men
were. They could be lying. Doing anything to get me to stop fighting. And it worked. They
could be lying. On the other hand, they could be telling the truth. Nash could be
injured, and the terrifying thought? What if they were the ones who injured him? What if they
knew? I swallowed hard. I would be lying if I said I wasn't freaking out. This
situation could be going in a lot of different ways, none of which were looking favorable.
I didn't fight the rest of the car ride but they knew better than to relax around me either so my
arms remained pulled awkwardly behind my back and my face into the seat. When the car
came to a stop he pulled me upright still holding my wrists. They dragged me out
of the car and into a warehouse and I didn't fight them as we did so. The room was
dark, one single light rocked back and forth from the ceiling shining a small spot light as it
swayed. When the light hit Nash I caught a glimpse of the situation. He was laying on a table
in the middle of the room, blood soaked his shirt and the table below him, even on the floor.
His lips were moving but I could hear no noise, before him stood an older looking man who
wore blue rubber gloves and looked deep in thought as he poured alcohol all over a rag.
"You're shot." I accused her loudly. My arms were released. "He won't talk to
anyone." The man who had led me in muttered. "He was asking for you, but he won't talk to
anyone." I ran to his side without hesitation. "Matteo." His eyes were
squeezed shut and his lips were still going. I leaned forward and angled my ear closer to him
to hear what he was saying. "The great mercy. Glory be to the Father and to the Son, and to
the Holy Ghost." "Matteo." "Our help is in the Name of the Lord who
made heaven and Earth. O Lord, hear my prayer." "Stop it. Stop it now."
The man before him pressed the alcohol soaked rag hard to Nash's chest. Nash's body arched
up and away from the table. Through gritted teeth he groaned and began speaking louder and
quicker. "Let my cry come to thee, the Lord be with you and with the spirit. Pray. Hear us
Holy Lord, almighty Father, eternal God." I pushed the hair away from his sweaty
forward. "Stop it Matteo. Look at me, just look at me." "Be pleased to send thy
hold angel from heaven to guard, cherish, protect, visit and defend all that dwell in this house.
Through Christ our Lord." He continued on with closed eyes. "Amen." I closed my
eyes and the room seemed quiet for a moment. I opened my eyes and waited for Nash to look
at me now that he was finished. "I confess to Almighty God." He started again.
"To all the Saints and to you Father that I have sinned exceedingly. In thought word and
deed. Through my fault through my most grievous fault. I beseech." I pressed my
lips to his ear. "Nash." I whispered with my hand still on his forehead. His body
stilled and his breath hitched. I lifted my head to see him staring at me, he looked deranged
for a few moments and I was terrified but his eyes finally focused on me. "Mia."
"I'm here." I said and looked back to the 'doctor' who looked utterly shocked at the amount of
blood he'd gathered on his rag. He threw it to the side and forced another one down.
"I'm dying Mia." He said and dropped his head back down on the table. As if he'd just now
remembered his predicament again he started reciting the last rite again. "You're
not, you're not dying." I insisted. "Matteo." I stood up straight and pulled my fingerless
boxing gloves off hastily. I grabbed his red stained hand and laced my fingers between his.
"See, see? Do you feel that? You're still here." He stopped reciting and laid panting
heavily. He let out a sudden gut wrenching and pain filled groan. I squeezed his hand.
"It's okay. I'm right here. Don't focus on anything, nothing but me, okay?" He
forced short breaths through gritted teeth. "Here." The doctor said, handing me a rag. "let him
bite down on this." "Okay, that's it. We're getting you to a hospital. You hear me?"
No one moved. "Come on!" Again, no one moved. I looked
around the room frantically. "What's wrong with you people? Dai! Let's go! Move!"
"Uhm, I don't know how well you know Matteo but we uh, we can't really." Someone finally
muttered softly. "Does he have a criminal record?" I snapped. "Well no
but-" "Then get him in the fȕcking car. I'll say he's my boyfriend, we got mugged,
he got shot. Put him in the fȕcking car and I'll take him there myself." I yelled.
Nash's hand was suddenly on my cheek. I closed my eyes and put my hand on top of it.
"Remember not." He panted. "Lord, the offences of thy servant." I pulled away and
slapped him. Everyone in the room was too stunned to say anything. "You are not dying! You
recite one more verse and I'm going to go out, buy a Bible, come back and shove it so far up
your ass it comes back out your mouth and hits you over the head with it. Got it!" I yelled.
He stared with wide eyes and nodded mutely. I whirled back around to all the
shocked men. "Get him in the fȕcking car or so help me God-" They all rushed into action.
Nash screamed, God did he scream, when they moved him. It was too much for me to stay in
the room and listen to. I stumbled back out and ran to the car. I drove it up to the door and
stayed in the driver's seat so I could take him the moment he was in. I chewed my
lip impatiently. They were thankfully very fast. Alessio was going to kill me for getting blood
all through the car. They placed the still groaning and whimpering Nash into the back seat.
The wheels squealed as I took off. "Hold on Nash." I kept repeating. I could hear
him muttering behind me and I frowned. "If you're reciting the last rite again Nash..."
"It's not." He managed a little louder. "Psalms 23:4. Are you familiar with it?"
"No." I admitted. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will
fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me..." I
chewed the inside of my cheek and fought through blurred vision to finally get to the
hospital. When I pulled in front of the hospital like a complete maniac I blared the horn for a
full 30 seconds before bodies came out of the hospital to meet us. I jumped out of my own
seat and ran around to the car as they were taking Nash out of the car. I seemed to
be in everyone's way now but that didn't deter me. I wasn't going to leave Nash now. I
followed at a jog as they took him to a room where I now seemed invisible against the wall.
"Mia." He groaned. "I'm here." "I need you, I need you to-"
"We need to get him to surgery right now." Someone was talking over him. "Make
sure Ellie-" "Call the lab and tell them we need A negative blood, we've got a
bleeder." Someone else continued. "Don't you dare start talking like that! You
aren't dying! You hear me!" "Please Mia." He pleaded and held his hand out to me.
I wanted nothing more than to fight through the circle of people around his bed and take his
hand. But I couldn't. "Don't please Mia me. You aren't dying." He
looked exasperated. Papers were passed around the bed. "I don't consent to shit until she
hears me out. You hear me? Hands off!" He yelled. It was like some sort of secret
code in the room. Everyone lifted their hands off of him completely. "Nash!"
"T-talk to me." "You're shaking." I said and took the short steps necessary to reach
him. "Probably going into s-shock." He said with his hand still out. I linked my
fingers with his. "Ellie goes to Natalie. Got that? Natalie." "Nash-"
"Shut up. This is important. There's money under the floorboards under Ellie's bed. I know, I
know, get a bank account. That money is for Ellie. No one else. You need to make sure it gets
put back until she hits twenty-three or some other mature age." "Give it to her
yourself." "Tell her if she doesn't floss I will know." I pulled my hand
away. "You aren't dying, stop talking like you're dying." He put his hand up to my
cheek. "Promise me you'll get away from him before you end up in the ground next to me."
I closed my eyes and put my hand on his. "Nash..." "You're too good Mia. Too
good for him, too good for me. I couldn't even get you to lie to a liar. You're good. Too good.
Stay good." "Stay alive." I whispered and kissed his forehead. "Please, stay alive."
"Only if you're here when I wake up." He muttered and his eyes closed slowly and his hand
slipped off of my cheeks. "Nash? Nash!" I let go of him, half stepped backwards and was
half forced backwards by the doctors closing in on him. All too quickly they were in motion,
wheeling the bed out of the room at a fast pace. I stood in the room alone staring at the way
they had disappeared for several moments before my shaking legs could hold me no more.

Chapter 28

I was startled when I looked at myself in the mirror. Blood. Nash's blood. It was on my
jacket, it was on my hands, my wrists, the crook of my neck, and worst of all, my face. His
hand on my cheek was obviously the culprit. I frantically pulled way more paper
towels from the dispenser than what was needed. I forced the towels and my hands under hot
water. Pulled my jacket off with dramatic force and threw it to the ground and started
scrubbing my hands frantically. I looked back up to the mirror where the blood was still on
my face. I splashed hot water onto my face and scrubbed until I was raw. I was
almost ready to leave the bathroom when I looked down to my shoe and saw a spot of blood
on it. Finally, I lost it and burst into tears. The hospital was at least a pretty
common place for people to have a break down. So I didn't feel too stupid for sitting on the
ground with my face in my hands. I doubted the sanitary level of the bathroom floor but I
couldn't stop now. An annoying vibrating interrupted my break down. My phone
was in my coat. My coat was doused with Nash's blood. I wanted neither.
Regardless, I pulled the jacket over by the sleeve and because mostly just the top half of the
coat was ruined I managed to get into my pocket without getting blood on me again. That's
not to say I didn't feel dirty again. "Hello?" I said in a voice I hardly recognized as
my own. "Where are you?" Alessio. I looked around the
room. "Bathroom." I croaked. "Could you possibly be more descriptive? What
floor? I'm coming to get you." It hit me suddenly. He was tracking me. He knew
exactly where I was. Why was he calling me to begin with? Alessio never called me. He
didn't waste time like that he would just come get me. Actually, Pietro would come get me.
Alessio never came and got me himself. He knew I was at the hospital. He was
coming to get me himself. Maybe he was coming to finish the job. I shot up from
the floor. If the bathroom door had pushed open I would have simply palmed it in my fury,
alas, it required a pull. I flung it open with enough force to cause it to crack loudly off the
wall and stepped out of the bathroom. I looked down the hall both ways and finally saw him.
We locked eyes, both still having a phone to their ear. "It was you, wasn't it?" I
whispered into the phone and more tears spilled over. "You shot him?"
Alessio's expression didn't change, not a fraction of an inch. "He was a threat to us."
"He never did anything. He helped me!" I said in disbelief into the phone. We
stood just about twenty feet away from each other in the hallway as we spoke. It's as though
everyone had cleared the room for us, not one person walked between us. "Come
on." "You shot him!" I hissed into the phone. "We can have this
conversation when we get home." He sighed. I took a step backwards. "Home?" I
gasped. "You shot an innocent man! Why would I want to come home with you?" "He's
hardly innocent. Let's go. Now." "He has a daughter Alessio! She's four years old! Already
motherless! Who is going to raise her if he dies?" He took a few easy steps
forward. "My, my, my. You seem to know a lot about this Matteo." "He's not a bad
guy. I've already told you he helped me when they captured us. Without him I'd be-"
"Without his people you never would have been in any trouble." "His people?
What about your people? How much trouble have your people put me through? Matteo isn't
defined by the people he hangs out with!" I yelled into the phone. "But he is." He
said easily as he took careless strides towards me. "You're a monster!" I said
fighting to bite back tears. "Don't take things so personal Armillia. Can't you see
that I'm just trying to protect you?" I shook my head in disbelief and the tears
spilled over. "No. No you're not. You're lying!" He smirked. "Okay. So maybe I
wasn't." He stopped and was directly in front of me. I couldn't breathe. "But didn't I tell you,
darling Armillia?" He ended the call on his phone but I was too stunned to move. I kept the
phone at my ear, frozen, and waiting to hear more. "I would shoot anyone who got in my
way." I was wrong about so much in my life. The phone slipped from my hand
and landed on the floor with a loud crack. "We're going home." Alessio informed
me. "You can take my hand and follow me through this hallway, walk with me to the car, let
me open the door for you. Or, Pietro can throw you over his shoulder and carry you out of
here." I wanted to be here when Nash woke up. Fȕck, I wanted to know if Nash
was going to wake up. I shook my head. "You can't do that. Too many witnesses."
"No. But he is standing directly beside you with a sedative. He could stick you, sit you in the
wheelchair beside him, and no one would think anything of us wheeling an unconscious girl
out of the hospital." I looked over my shoulder to scowl at him. "Sorry Mia."
Pietro said with an apologetic shrug. Orders are orders. I turned back to Alessio, he
cupped my face suddenly and I flinched away. "Armillia." He said in a honey-
coated voice. He brushed his thumbs across my cheeks to wipe away a trail of tears but the
path was immediately recoated. "Let's go home, yes?" "B-but-" "It's not
a question at this time, rose." "You're going to force me to come with you now?
Huh? You're above paying women to sleep with you but not too proud to imprison your
girlfriends, huh?" He frowned at this. His hands on my cheeks felt like stone
around my ankles pulling me under. "You're not imprisoned and you know that. If I had my
way you certainly wouldn't have been here in the first place." "Well you can't
always get your way! I'm staying. I need to know he's alive!" I started to pull away
but he pulled me into him harshly. This was so out of character for Alessio. "You can stay
baby girl." He said and forced me to look up at him. "Stay. Get comfortable. It'll give me
ample opportunity to finish what I've started." I pushed Alessio and he released me
immediately. "Bastard!" I was full on sobbing now. "You're a bastard!" My words stumbled
out barely coherent. "Is that what you want of me Armillia? You want me to finish
this once and for all?" He snapped. He took a step backwards and his hand moved towards
his hip. "No!" I yelled and threw myself into him. I wrapped my arms around him
and forced my face into his chest. "No please." I sobbed. "I just want t-to go-home."
He was quiet for a few moments before he pulled his hand away from the spot I knew housed
his gun. He wrapped his arms around me. "I know." I looked up, resting my chin
on his chest. "Promise me Alessio." "No." "Promise!" I said and bit my
lip hard to stop it from trembling. "The only promise I can make is that next time it
will be a kill shot...if he gives me a reason." I shook my head. "He won't give you a
reason. He won't." "Good. I mean it Armillia." I nodded quickly and relief spread
through me. "I don't want him showing up at our door, calling you, texting you. He so much
as whispers your name and he's a dead man, that is, if he's not dead already. You understand
that." I nodded vigorously. Alessio planted his lips gently against mine and before
I could control myself I pulled away in disgust. I was instantly remorseful, fearful that I
would have enraged him again and that he would resort back to his earlier plan of finishing
the job, but he didn't. He didn't seem phased at all. Rather than yell or attack, leave
me to attack Nash, he simply stated calmly. "Let's go home."

Chapter 29

"Your orders sir?" The Mafioso over the line queried in a dutiful tone. I pulled my
cigar to my lips as I watched the footage. She was lounging by the pool, hair I knew to be
dark and long perched into a sloppy bun on top of her head, her eyes shielded by oversized
sunglasses. Even without being able to see her eyes I could tell she was sleeping just by her
body language. She wasn't tapping her foot off the invisible wall the way she often did, all ice
in the glass beside her melted, and her head rested lazily on her shoulder. That boyfriend of
hers, the belligerent drunk, came staggering into the frame, hands flailing. He threw
something over his shoulder in the action, likely a beer can and she jerked awake. Before she
so much as had the time to push her glasses up to her forehead he had a handful of her hair
and pulled her off of the beach chair. "Where is he now?" I asked and blew out a
long string of smoke as I watched him kick her in the stomach while she was down.
"He's left sir." I kept my eyes on the screen as he pushed her with his foot and
backhanded the glass to send it sailing. She nearly fell into the pool and though I was nearly
certain a blood vessel was about to burst I kept a neutral tone with my next question. "And
her?" "In the house sir." I took another lazy drag on my cigar and picked
up the phone as it had been on speaker. "You will call me back in fifteen minutes to inform
me of his unfortunate accident. If you fail to do so I will arrange a flight and be there
tomorrow and you will be the one with the accident." "Yes sir." "She
doesn't get wind of this, you understand me?" "Yes sir." I ended the call
and eyed the screen for a few moments as it was on a never ending loop. More forcefully than
necessary I ground the cigar into the ashtray and turned away from the computer screen to
make another call, one of my least favorites. "Ciao Genovese." He answered on the
first ring. "Dante." I said curtly. "To what do I owe the honor? It's been
ages since we've had the pleasure of speaking to one another." Not nearly long enough.
"Do you pay no attention to that sister of yours?" I bit out in no mood to dance around the
matter. "Butt out Genovese. You know that's none of your concern anymore."
Dante said letting the fake pleasantries vanish and ice swell over his tone. I
scoffed. "Clearly, it's none of yours either." "Don't test me." Dante warned slowly.
"You have no pull with this family anymore, remember your place." At this I
laughed. "Family? You want to talk about family? Remember the meaning of that word and
perhaps next time you'll be the one to protect her. Pretty sad I can still do so better than you
despite being thousands of miles away." "She is not yours to protect Genovese.
Don't forget that." "She is yours to protect, you remember that." I drummed my
fingers on the desk the only miniscule sign I would show towards my fury. "How
dare you call me up just to accuse me of failing to protect my sister! Have you lost your
fȕcking mind? I could have your head served to me by dinner time for such shit."
"And I could mount your balls to my fȕcking wall by lunch but that's not the point of this
conversation. I'll forward you my footage, and you can go ahead and tell me if you've been
taking care of her." "What are you talking about?" "I've taken care of the
matter already, check your email." I said and ended the call without waiting for a response. I
stood up and paced the room, silently fuming for a reasonable few seconds before Pietro
entered. He gave me a curious look to which I returned with a look that simply told him to
suck my díck, he shrugged and sat down at the table. "He's in a foul mood
already?" He asked one of the four men I had posted in the room, tommy's at the ready. None
responded, rightfully so. I sat at the head of the table and drummed my fingers
along the table. Pietro thumbed carelessly through the files on the table mapping out our
processing exchange. When the phone rang fifteen minutes and thirty-six seconds later he
didn't so much as glance up to me. "You're late." I answered rather than saying hello.
"I'm calling to inform you of an unfortunate car accident a dear friend of yours has endured."
"Life ending?" "Of course sir." "When?" "Fourteen minutes
on the dot." "Good." I glanced to Pietro who had looked up from the files and was
watching me with more interest than a casual phone conversation such as this deserved. "See
to it that I get her medical records by tomorrow." "Yes sir." I ended the
call and turned to Pietro with a frown. "What?" "What did you do?" "I
handled what Dante should have months ago." I snapped. "You know she told you
it wasn't your place to-" "Have you forgotten your place?" I bit out in the most
threatening and hate filled voice I could muster. Pietro didn't flinch, didn't frown, didn't look
even remotely interested in my outburst. "You know whatever it is you've done,
she's going to be pissed. And you know when she's pissed she's going to call me because she
doesn't want to talk to you and I'm the one who is going to get yelled at." "She
won't find out. It was an accident. They happen from time to time. He was piss ass drunk,
probably strung out on all sorts of drugs. Accident waiting to happen. Fȕcking bástard could
have killed her." Pietro's brows furrowed. "Is she alright?" It was at this
moment that there was a knock at the door. Paulo Colombo was never late. I stood and Pietro
did the same. "We'll talk later." I muttered with little interest in continuing this conversation
anyway. What was done was done. I put a cigar to my mouth and walked slowly to the door
as I lit it. When I got to the door I glanced at Paulo, seven men stood behind him with guns.
"Ciao Alessio." He said and took a step forward. I raised my hand and stopped
him. "Four." "What?" "No more than four. I have a thing with even
numbers." He knew this of course. This was not our first business deal, first in this location
perhaps, but nowhere near first altogether. He knew I hated odd numbers and I'd bet my right
nut that was precisely why he had brought this many men. "Then why not six?" He
said back with a smirk. "Shows distrust. You want to do business with me but feel
as though you need six men to protect you? I have four in the room, your men are more than
welcome to scope the area beforehand." I took a step back, Pietro side stepped me and
stepped out without a word to any of us. Paulo pursed his lips and nodded. The seven all
entered the room at once, after a moment three filed back out and settled beside the door
awaiting their next orders. With another slight nod they lowered their guns and
Paulo and I went into the room. Paulo arranged his files accordingly as I did as
well. "Lucky number thirteen." He casually took a seat at one head of the table. "You have
room for 13?" "I have room for more." I muttered while taking the other.
He passed me each file one at a time, making casual comments as he did so. "Oh, you'll like
her. She's a biter." Or "This one is hard to give up, she's a personal favorite of mine. It'll cost
you." After only a few he paused before handing me the next and looked up from the file with
a different expression. Something obviously had perked his interest and I sighed. When
Paulo's interest peaked it always cost me something fierce. "Santoro is yours isn't she?"
I rose to my feet instantly, hands flattened against the table. "What? If one of your men
picked her up-" He raised his hand and I gritted my teeth. "Boy have I got
a story for you." ***** Paulo showed himself out after business and our talk.
I steepled my fingers and sat at the head of the table stewing silently, furiously, more than
furiously. I had been so furious after Paulo's story that I had hardly cared to even meet the
women before purchasing and now that he'd finally left I could process our conversation
more thoughtfully so. Moments after Paulo exited the room a young boy poked his head in.
His name I had yet to even force into my memory but I had heard the guys calling him Penne
piccolo. I sent my glare his way immediately (little díck) "Erm, sir...I
uh, Simone called about Miss Mia." "What?" I rose to my feet. "When?"
"I, uh, a while ago." I came around the table at lightning speed, gripping him by
the collar I forced him against the wall. "A while ago?" I repeated. "Why the fȕck did you
wait to tell me?" "Y-you told me to never interrupt you during business sir-"
Fȕck. I had. But still! He should know better. Why the hell was it so hard to find good help
these days? "Never wait if it involves Armillia. Do you understand me? If he's been waiting
on my call and she's hurt it is your ass I'll be stuffing and serving for Thanksgiving."
He gulped. Loudly. I let him go. "Do. Not. Move." I instructed as I walked
backwards to the office phone in the room and called Simone's number from memory.
"Ciao." "What?" I snapped not in the mood for bullshit and pleasantries.
"Don?" "Who the hell were you expecting? The Pope? Napoleon? Walt fȕcking
Disney? What's happening?" "I've been following her like you asked-"
"She's hurt?" "No sir." "Taken?" "No she's-" "Then what?!"
I roared and smacked my chair over despite the fact that he couldn't see the action through the
phone. I caught penne piccolo jumping through my peripherals and it made me feel slightly
better. "She was with him again." I pulled back and glanced back to
penne piccolo. His knees were practically cracking together nervously. I narrowed my eyes
into a glare and then motioned for him to leave. He bolted with his tail between his legs.
"How long ago?" "About an hour." "Hm." I offered my
acknowledgement but had no words to describe my rage. Simone, being one of the few semi-
adept men in the family continued on without prompt. "I'll forward the photos.
They arrived together, ate, back booth, and left separately. Him on foot." "Hm."
"She's at the house now. Getting ready to go to the gym with Stacey as per your request."
I stroked my chin thoughtfully working through a timeline in my head. How long the flight
home would take, how long it would take Mia to get ready, to get to the gym, time spent at
the gym. More than likely they would slack off, spend less time at the gym than we agreed,
but Stacey's presence would add at least thirteen minutes in the locker room alone, plus the
time waiting in the parking lot to meet one another. What needed to be done would take mere
seconds, but getting home would take longer. "Simone?" "Yes sir?"
"Move Mia's keys. Put them someplace simple that she'd never look but smack herself for not
finding sooner. Siphon some of the gas from her tank, make sure she has to stop for gas
before the gym and meet me at the landing. I'm taking the jet, I'll be home in two hours." I
hung up and made another call, this time to Silvano who was sitting likely right beside
Simone on the couch as Armillia was upstairs getting ready. "Yes boss."
"Follow her." "What?" "Follow. Mia." "Uh, yes sir." He
sounded surprisingly uncertain about this. "Eyes on her. You understand me?" I hung up
again and looked up to see Pietro in the doorway. He had his arms crossed over his chest and
shook his head slowly. "We're going home." I said not really in the mood to listen to
whatever comments he had to offer. ****** We all kept our attention on the
group across the street. The Bonanno bástards. From here, between the three of us, we could
probably kill all of them easily. There were five of them eating outside a café as if it was
there God given right. Bloody bástards. I could kill all of them myself from the car, but I
wouldn't not today. This? This was personal. And I was going to make damn sure
they knew that. "Do you want me to take care of things?" Simone asked, his gun at
the ready. I didn't bother answering him, instead I took my phone out and called
Siv, keeping my attention on Matteo the entire time. I followed his every move. His posture
was atrocious, leaned over the table, elbows resting on it, I did a silent count of how many
times he tapped his foot between conversations, always stopping when he spoke and
resuming when others did. "Yes Don?" Siv finally answered on the third ring.
"Where is she?" "She's in the gym..." He said with that same annoying tone of
uncertainty. Silvano and Simone had both obviously grown fond of Armillia and
Silvano right now sounded as though he was questioning what he was doing for her sake
rather than on my order. "You're sure? You actually see her in there?" "I'm sitting
in the parking lot, her car is here and the tracker on her phone-" "If I wanted to
track her phone I would do that myself. Do. You. See her?" The line was quiet for
a few seconds, I heard the car door open and close and rolled my eyes. I told Siv to do one
thing today. One fȕcking thing. Follow my God damned girlfriend. Keep eyes on her. Did I
ask him to tell me what he tracker said? No! I told him to follow her. Was that so hard?
I waited for several minutes in silence, my patience wearing. "Yeah, she's in there. Stacey
too." "Good. Now go home." "What?" "Go. Home." I replied
and hung up. I didn't even have to look up to Pietro to know he was giving me the look. "If
you have a problem with this, some kind of moral compass suddenly getting in the way of
your duty, you can go home too. Wouldn't want much more sand getting in your vágina." I
muttered. "Fȕcking pȕssy." He didn't reply. "I have a clean shot boss."
Simone started again, trying to stay on topic. I hit the button on my window and it
quickly rolled down. "Just drive. Certain matters I'd like to see through myself."
Simone kicked the car into drive and I aimed my gun. As protocol calls for, Pietro muttered.
"Buon anima."
Chapter 30

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since Nash had been shot. I had not talked to him once,
but my father did confirm that he was still alive. I felt like the worst person alive. I had not
visited him, not called him, not so much as sent him a get well card. I was scum. I was scum
and I was rotting away. My news reports had grown stale and hollow, my articles had faltered
and I could not even find the strength to write them. If I wasn't at work representing a
zombie on screen I was in bed staring at the ceiling. Alessio was out of town. He'd left
Simone in charge of me. Simone was great company. He hardly ever spoke to me which is
exactly what I needed at this point in time. He and Silvano sat in the kitchen at almost all
hours playing some sort of card game between the two of them. I'd made a collective
decision to take a bit of vacation time from work and stayed holed up in my room for an
entire week rotting away. My cell phone rang. I grumbled and looked at it. The time said it
was mid-afternoon and the caller ID told me it was Alessio. I hadn't seen Alessio in two
weeks. He'd basically left me alone while I sulked for the first week, after that he and Pietro
had had important business to take care of, creating a new location I suppose, probably a new
casino. The thought made me sick to my stomach. I ignored the phone call and finally pulled
myself out of bed. Alessio was out of town. Nash was sitting at home. I couldn't see either,
didn't want any company, but the idea of staying in this bed and thinking of the way Nash had
cried out when they'd moved him, the way his voice shook when he tried to speak to me, how
had he come to know the last rite word for word anyway? I had no clue Nash was even
religious. I had to get out. I stopped in the kitchen to where Silvano and Simone were
playing and smoking cigars. "I think I'm going to go out." I said in a small voice that
somehow grabbed both of their attention Simone stood. "I'll drive you." "I'd like to be
alone." They exchanged nervous glances. "Alessio doesn't want me alone, does he?"
"Well..." Silvano started. "Do you remember the night in the casino? How he said I didn't
want to know what he'd do if I...well, you know?" I nodded. "He told me what he'd do." He
said with a shaky voice. I rolled my eyes. "Silvano, he's not going to do anything. I'm just
going to Stacey's for a little bit. I'll have my phone with me, be in my car. I know both have a
GPS in it." "Well..." Simone said doubtfully. "I need to get out. I need to see a friendly face.
I'm sure you guys are awfully bored here too." "Oh no Mia, we're fine." Simone said quickly.
"One, I don't believe that. And two, I'm not fine. I'm going out." I drove to Stacey's house
first. She wasn't home, which I knew. I took the key from under the flower pot and slipped
into her house where I set my phone on her kitchen counter and left. From here I just walked.
I had no idea where I was walking, not until I saw the bridge. Tears flooded my eyes. What
had I done with my life? What would my father say if he knew who I was with? He knew
who Alessio was. Even if I wanted to, I would never be able to bring Alessio to dinner on
Sundays, never be able to have my father walk me down the aisle if Alessio was the one
standing at the end of it. I found my way onto the bridge and looked down at the water. It
was getting dark and the water looked black in this lighting. I hesitated for a moment before
pulling myself onto the ledge. I swayed a bit and grabbed the pillar beside me. It was difficult
to see through tear blurred eyes. I tried to blink them away. Nash nearly died. Because of
Alessio. And I'd still spent the last three weeks in his bed. I stared down at the water and
finally reached around the side of the pillar, reaching for the ladder to keep me up. I needed
this. That moment I had had with Alessio. When I looked at the city and suddenly everything
seemed so miniscule. All of our problems, everything made sense. It was the moment I
stopped being angry, the moment that I realized everything wasn't a made up masterpiece in
my mind. In that moment I knew there was something very real with Alessio and I. And look
where it got me. Where it got Nash. I reached for the ladder desperately. I needed that
moment of clarity, needed it now more than ever. I was suddenly pulled in a different
direction, I tried to grip the pillar, to catch balance before I fell from the bridge and to my
death but my left foot stayed in the air as I tried to catch my balance and moments later my
right foot slipped as well. Suddenly, I was falling.

Chapter 31

Falling backwards. I was thankfully falling backwards. Not that it was any less scary in those
brief moments I was through the air but I was not falling off the bridge, I was falling back
onto it. And when I landed the boy did it hurt. The force that had pulled me backwards was
sitting on top of me and holding my hands to the ground. I blinked several times and looked
up to the man sitting on top of me. He looked to be twice my age and half my weight, his
hair appeared to have greyed prematurely and his large glasses took up the majority of his
face. Beads of sweat were gathered around his forehead. I would relish in only a moment of
joy in noting that he certainly didn't belong to any Mafia before the headache in my head
caught up with my realization of safety and won over my attention. "Don't do it. I know
you've fallen on hard times but there's always a way. The sun will come out tomorrow, for
every dark night there's a brighter day, happiness is a journey not a destination, say yes to
happiness! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!" I was rendered
speechless as I ran through everything in my head. I suspected he had posters hanging on his
wall that said all of those things. "W-wha?" I finally managed. "I know it may seem hopeless
sometimes but you are here for a reason. You have a purpose. You have people who love you
even if you don't realize it. Focus on those people, find your purpose. Don't kill yourself no
matter how dark things may seem." I opened my mouth to speak again but he yelled out
"Stars!" As if he'd had a sudden epiphany. "The darkness never stops the stars from shining.
Be your own star!" "I wasn't going to kill myself!" I finally said quickly for fear he would
interrupt me. "You have people who want to help you but they can't do that unless you ask
and accept it." I wondered how I could explain that no, I wasn't going to kill myself, I was
just going to climb hundreds of feet into the air on top of the bridge. With my face damp with
tears and a desperate insanity in my eyes I knew I looked the part of someone who was ready
to give up. But I wasn't going to give up, I was going up to find the strength to keep going.
And suddenly. I started laughing. I laughed so hard that he sat up, releasing his feather light
grip on my wrists to give me a confused stare. I wiped the back of my hands across my eyes
as I laughed until I cried. "I wasn't going to kill myself." I managed through giggles. He gave
me a doubtful look. "There's a ladder. On that pillar. I was trying to reach the ladder. I wasn't
trying to jump." I assured him. He glanced to the pillar and back to me. "Y-you weren't
going to kill yourself?" He sounded doubtful and I could offer little more than more laughter.
"No. But this concussion you gave me could." He blanched and was suddenly on his feet and
dragged me to mine. "I'm sorry." He frantically patted me off, wiping dirt I didn't see nor care
about away. "No, no." I laughed. "I'm fine, it's fine. Honestly, I needed a good laugh. And I
mean, how sweet are you! Not many people would go to that extreme for a stranger." "I,
well, I work at a suicide hotline. Not work at, I run one. Started from the ground and brought
it up. You have no idea how many times I've wished I could reach through the phone and pull
someone back from the ledge. I saw you and I just thought-" "And I thank you." I said with
an ear to ear grin. "I'm Mia." He wiped his hands frantically off on his pants and then took
my hand and gave it a feverish shake. "Norman." He said quickly. "Well thank you Norman.
That was a very noble thing to do." "I, uh, if you don't mind my asking...if you weren't going
to kill yourself why were you crying?" My smile quickly dropped. "I don't know Norman..."
I looked down to my feet and then back up to him. "Life just isn't what I thought it would be
lately." "Life is a result of the choices you make, if you don't like your life it's time to start
making better choices." I smiled. "Do you have a poster in your office that says Norman?"
His cheeks flushed and I knew he must have. I laughed. "Alright Norman, what else do you
have?" ** I talked to Norman for over an hour just standing on the bridge. The sun was
down and the air was growing crisp. Norman was full of inspirational quotes and random
statistics. I laughed, I cried, I looked at my life in a different light at times. I opened open to
Norman the way sometimes you only can to a complete stranger. "Okay so the man I'm in
love with, well he hurt one of my friends pretty badly. Physically, not emotionally. Now I'm
not even allowed to see my friend. Where the heck do I go from here?" "So you haven't seen
this friend?" "No." "And this friend and your boyfriend, they aren't friends?" I shook my
head and he frowned. "The only people who are really capable of hurting us are the people
we let in. The people we care about. You abandoning him is probably more painful than
whatever you boyfriend might have done to him." "You don't know my boyfriend." I
grumbled. "You really think that? That what I'm doing is worse?" He shrugged. "Well, has
your boyfriend ever liked your friend?" I shook my head. "Has he ever pretended to like
him?" Another shake. "Then why would your friend expect anything more from him? He's
expecting more from you as his friend than he was your boyfriend who hates him." I
frowned. "And what am I to do about my boyfriend, huh?" "Well, it seems to me like you're
letting yourself suffer an awful lot over the things that he's done. My honest opinion? Just let
it go. Not saying that he deserves forgiveness but you deserve peace." "That on a poster
too?" "It's a quote from John Lockwood Huie." He smiled. "This is just great. He shoots him
and I'm the bad guy." I grumbled and then looked up sharply to Norman. "He SHOT him?"
He yelled. He dug through his coat pockets until he found an old receipt and a pen and
scribbled down a number and address. "Here, a woman's shelter-'' I laughed. "He'd never hurt
me. I'm fine its...it's complicated." I finally decided. "You're right though. What I've done is
so much worse...Norman I hate to ask, but can you please give me a ride?" That's how I
wound up pounding frantically on Nash's door. Rather than a polite knock with my knuckles I
smacked hard and fast with the base of my hand. When the door swung open Nash had one
arm in a sling and the other holding a gun to my head. His stern face relaxed immediately
when he saw it was me and I threw myself into him. Startled, he stumbled backwards and
wrapped his one good arm, still wielding his gun, around me. He inhaled deeply. "Mia?" He
breathed. "Mia-pie, calm down, just breathe." He said gently now. "Sit down, just breathe."
He peeled me away from him and he shut the door slowly, he lowered the gun onto the end
table beside the door with keys scattered across the top. "Mia what-" I threw myself at him
again. We stumbled again and he pushed me away, taking my cheek in his one hand. "What's
wrong? What happened?" He looked so concerned, worried about me. After I abandoned
him. I didn't deserve this. Oh no. I was sobbing. That was not part of my original plan for
coming here. "I-I-I-" His concerned face turned into a scowl. "What did he do? I swear to
God-" He pulled away and reached for his gun. I grabbed his wrist quickly. "N-nothing." I
blubbered out. He looked at me with a hard expression and then it softened. He put his hand
to the back of my neck and pulled me into him. I threw my arms over his neck and sobbed.
"Mia. Talk to me." He pleaded. He sounded so desperate. Desperate to help me, after I left
him alone and injured. I tried to choke out a string of pathetic apologies but they all came out
choppy and incoherent. Nash, who had been begging me to talk to him only moments ago,
tried to shush me as he rested his cheek on my head and listened to me go on. "Sh, it's okay
Mia. I'm here, it's okay." He said occasionally into my head. "It's okay." Finally I ran out of
tears and we collapsed onto his couch where I immediately curled into him with a severe fit
of sniffles. "It's okay Mia-pie." He continued. After a good long twenty minutes of sitting
like this I pulled away to be able to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry, so sorry." I whispered
and put my hand on one of his shoulders. "And I'm sorry again for coming in here like this.
Like a hot mess oh my God." He brushed the hair away from my face. "I'm glad you came,
but never glad to see you upset. What happened?" "Nothing." I shook my head and rested it
against his chest. I was exhausted, how late was it? Alessio would be having a cow if he
found out I still wasn't back. "I just-" "Daddy?" We both looked up quickly to the owner of
the voice. We knew of course who she was. Ellie stood in the doorway of the room in her
ninja turtle footie pajamas, her hair stuck up in fifty different directions and the purple stuffed
bear she held against her chest looked like it had definitely seen brighter days. I sat up,
putting distance between Nash and I. "Ellie!" Nash stood up and speed walked across the
room to her. He crouched on the floor in front of her. "What are you doing up sweetie. Come
on, let's go back to your room." He ushered her. She rubbed her eyes a few times and then
turned her eyes to me. "Mia came to visit?" Nash picked her up flawlessly for having only
one hand and she instinctively wrapped her arms and legs around him like a spider monkey.
She kept her large blue eyes on me as he carried her back down the hallway she'd come. "Is
Mia sad?" She asked her father as they moved from my sight. It was perfect, granting me a
few moments to compose myself. Ten very long minutes later Nash came back out rubbing
the back of his head. "Sorry about that." "It's fine. I always love seeing Ellie." "She's got me
wrapped even tighter around her finger than you do." He sighed and sat down beside me. I
flushed. "Nash-" "Mia." He said sharply and turned sideways to face me on the couch, I
bounced and did the same. "I nearly died. I mean, really, actually, died." I took his hand. "I
mean, I thought that was something I was ready for. I've known for years now that it was a
risk when I joined the force. Hell, even before I joined the force I knew I could die at any
moment." "But you didn't." I said quickly and shook my head. I didn't want to hear this. I
refused to face it, to face losing anyone else. "I thought I was ready to die. And then I got
shot. I've been shot at before, and it's shaken me up, but also filled me with adrenaline. But I
actually got shot this time and I realized for the first time how short life is. I got shot and I
realized there were so many things I needed to take care of! So much I had left unfinished.
No one is more important than Ellie to me, no one." I smiled. "Of course. That's the way it
should be-" "But when I opened my eyes and I was on the ground with blood coming out of
my chest and gun fire filling the air as everyone tried to shoot the men who shot me, there
wasn't a single moment I wished Ellie was there. I'd never wish that on her in a million years,
to see me like that. I called out for you." I wanted to take my hand away from his but I
couldn't. "I wanted you to hold my hand, I needed to know that you would make sure Ellie
was okay. I needed you. But I wanted to take care of you too. I know, that sounds stupid. I
was laying there reciting the last rite bleeding out and I had someone who dropped out his
second year in medical school trying to save my life and I was worried about you. I needed to
tell you, you needed to know that you are too good. You're just too damn good Mia. For all of
this. Do you know that?" "I'm not." I croaked. He smiled slightly but it looked haunted.
"Yeah, if you knew you were too good you wouldn't be the person I think you are. You are
humble, and kind, gentle, and beautiful. You're too good." Oh Nash, if only you knew. You
will. "I wanted to take care of you. In what I thought were my last moments, I just wanted to
make sure you knew." He hesitated, closed his mouth and swallowed hard. "And then I
realized I didn't just want to make sure everything was taken care of. I didn't want to know
Ellie was going to be okay, I wanted to see it. I didn't want you to know how good you were.
I wanted to show you." "Nash I-" I can't. "Life is too short Mia. I know you're with Alessio.
And I respect that. I really do. I'm not going to try to pull you apart, I'm not going to try to
kill him or get him arrested, I won't try to break your relationship. But life is too damn short
for me to lie, to hold back from saying what I want to. Should I be on my deathbed I don't
want to lay there thinking she needs to know. Not again. You need to know how I feel about
you whether it changes anything or not you need to know I-" I felt tears running down my
face as I put my other hand on his. "Alessio is the one who shot you." I said barely above a
whisper.

Chapter 32
Nash's face was blank. It was blank for far too long before he did the worst thing he could
have done in this moment. He pulled his hand away from mine. I didn't know what
to say. I had no clue. How do you politely inform someone that your boyfriend is the one who
tried to kill them? And then even worse, my boyfriend shot you and forbade me from seeing
you and I'm such a shitty person I obeyed. He stood up. "Nash-" I started
desperately. He ran his good hand through his hair and began pacing.
"Nash please." He spun around to face me and opened his mouth but then shut it
abruptly and began pacing again. I stood up and stepped in front of him putting my
hands on his chest to stop him. "I'm sorry. Please Nash. I didn't know he was planning
anything like that, I had no clue until he showed up at the hospital and-" "And you
left with him." He said in a harsh tone. I pulled my hands from his chest and
intertwined them beneath my chin. "Please try to understand. He said-" "My God
Mia." He put his hand back to his head and turned so his back was to me. "He said
he was going to kill you! That he was going to finish the job and if you got in our way again,
oh God I can't, I shouldn't have even come tonight I-" He spun around. "That's why
you're sorry?" He demanded. "I'm sorry for everything." I whispered honestly and
kept my feet glued to the ground. "I'm sorry for getting you involved with Alessio and I, I'm
sorry he's the one who, I'm just sorry. And more than anything I'm sorry for not being here
for you but-" "But?" He scoffed. "There's still a but to this?" "Nash please just-"
"You're still with him, aren't you?" He said in a harsh voice and I shrank away. Nash was
never like this with me, this even surpassed his bad cop voice. He was angry and hurt and I
could see in his eyes he was questioning every single thing he knew about me. "I'm sorry but
try to understand-" "Understand?" He threw his arm up and let it drop back down. "She
wants me to fucking understand." He yelled to the otherwise empty room. "Stop." He said
and held his hand out to me. "Just stop talking. Please Mia." I bit my lip and
lowered my head. Nash was quiet for a long time, holding his head with his one
hand in silence. Finally he flopped back down onto the couch. The room was quiet, so quiet
that I could faintly hear the sound of a fan running in Ellie's room down the hall. "Well." He
finally muttered. "Mia." He said when I kept my head bowed. He stood up again and caressed
my cheek. I tucked my lips together and inhaled sharply through my nose. "Please Mia, look
at me." I looked up through my lashes and he cursed. "How the hell am I supposed to be
angry at you when you look at me with those Goddamned doe eyes." I raised my
head. "I'm so sorry Nash, please. You have to believe me-" "I know." He said
gently. "And I'm sorry for snapping, I just don't really take to getting shot very well. Bit of an
insult, wouldn't you say?" I nodded slowly. "At least I know who it was
now. I mean, that's why I opened the door with a gun in hand. I didn't know who had shot at
me before it could have been any of-" He stopped and then slowed down. "Any of his men. I
was even a little worried the Bonnano figured me out." "No. Just my boyfriend." I
whispered and he gave me a pained smile. "Still your boyfriend?" He asked and his
expression changed slightly but not to one of anger. I turned my head away from
his hand. "I don't know Nash. I really don't. Logically, no, he certainly shouldn't be." He
dropped his hand and I turned to face him again. "I don't know where else to go and I do.
Love him. I love him Nash." He smiled again but it didn't reach his eyes. He gently
tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and his hands lingered, fingertips gently ran down my
cheek. "You can't help who you love. No matter how much you try." I thought for
a moment that he was going to kiss me, and I seriously considered letting him. But he
lowered his hand slowly. "Okay. This is okay." He finally proclaimed. I was a bit
shaken. "What are you going to do now?" "Is killing him an option?"
"No." "Is he going to come back to finish the job?" I bit my lip and
shrugged. "He threatened to...that's why I haven't come back. I was afraid-" "Mia if
you're afraid you know I can protect you. Even if I can't, the station can. We can relocate you,
hide you, anything. I'll take care of you, I swear to you." Nash had said this to me probably a
thousand times, but this was the first time there was not even a hint of his police voice in his
promise. "I was afraid for you. Not for me. Alessio loves me. I know you find that
hard to believe but he does and he wouldn't hurt me." "Mia I was there in that
bathroom when he pushed you aside like a rag doll." "To get to you." "So that makes it
alright?" He demanded. "If I told you some punk ass boy did that to Ellie when she was old
enough to be dating and making piss poor choices you'd want to wring the guys neck!"
"That's different-" "No! It's not! He physically moved you aside, he threatened you about
seeing me again, this man has no qualms with isolating you and shooting everyone you care
about and you're still making excuses for him Mia! This relationship? You and Alessio? It's
toxic. Alessio is toxic. His line of work? His mannerisms? His idea of right and wrong?
Nothing about this is okay and you know that or you wouldn't be here right now." "Then I'll
leave!" He caught my wrist as I took a step backwards. "One of these days he's going to
snap. You may think he's got it all put together, like he's sealed tight but he's not. That man is
a loose cannon, that man works through violence and threats, one of these days you're going
to piss him off and it's not going to be the people you care about he hurts. Do you understand
me Mia? He's dangerous." I knew that. I knew that Alessio was dangerous. I did. More than
Nash could realize. The things Alessio had said, the side of him I had seen, I knew his dark
side, had felt it pressed against me. He was a loose cannon, he was dangerous, in fact Nash
was right about nearly everything he said. But he didn't know the other side of Alessio.
"Please, let go of me." He did so without hesitation. "How many times have you almost
gotten hurt because of him?" "That's not fair." "None of this is fair Mia.
Why are you defending him after what he's done?" I didn't have an answer for that.
Why did Nash always ask the hardest questions? It must be detective training. "I'm
sorry." Nash said, shaking his head. "This isn't your fault, I don't mean to take it out on you.
It's his fault, and boy would I love to take it out on him." He locked eyes with me. "But I
wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you." Not like Alessio. I frowned at my own
thought. I had to talk to Alessio about all of this. I had been giving him the silent treatment,
been angry, been distant, but I needed answers. I could either stay with him and talk to him,
or leave him and keep my vow of silence. I couldn't just stay with him and ignore him
forever. "It's fine." I forced out and looked away. Nash sighed. "I guess now I'll
just have to get better and get back on the job." He read my expression easily. "Both jobs."
He answered before I could ask. I glanced to his sling and then back to his face.
"Does it hurt?" "Only when I move." He chuckled. "Actually it's much better now.
The first week was pretty rough. That first day after, man I'd wished that bullet would have
killed me. It's not quite as bad now. I mean, if you touch it or I move a whole lot it's not going
to feel nice but I'm getting by." "Oh." I managed. "They don't think I'm
going to lose any function in my arm or hand. Bit of rehab and I should be alright."
"Good." I muttered not really knowing what to contribute to such an awkward conversation.
He watched me for a few moments before smiling slightly. "Do you want to see it?"
"What!" He laughed. "Alright, alright." He held his hand up. "Mia, all argued and
bullshit aside, I'm glad you came." My brows knit together. "No really. I'm
serious. This is okay. Everything is going to be okay." "How could you possibly
figure?" How could everything be okay? How could anything be okay again? The man I was
in love with was...well...a monster. He was determined to destroy anyone and everything that
came in contact with my life and much as I fussed, I let him. How could anything ever be
okay if I stayed with him? But how could I ever live without him? And just now, if he found
out Nash's life... Nash smiled. A real honest to God award winning smile. "We're
both still alive, and that's a heck of a start." "Yeah, and me being here has probably
just got us both on his radar." I muttered and put a hand to my head. "I don't know what I was
thinking." Yes I did. I knew exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking I was the world's
shittiest friend and I needed to be there for Nash. Norman was so right, Nash expected
nothing but hate and violence from Alessio, he expected more from me. I knew why I had
come. To be there for Nash. Was it a mistake? What if Simone and
Silvano had followed me? What if I had led them right to Nash's home? "Mia. Mia.
Please stop crying." Nash said gently. "I-I should go!" I stammered. No.
They hadn't been following me. There is no way in hell they would have let me climb onto
the ledge and when Norman was on top of me they would have shot him dead and dragged
me home by my hair. They didn't know where I was. I wouldn't have got this far if they were
following me. Get it together Mia, you're losing the few marbles you have left.
"Okay, hey, sh, calm down." Nash insisted as I worked it out in my head that it was unlikely
that I was getting Nash killed today. Unlikely, but never impossible when it came to Alessio.
"Deep breath." Nash instructed in a stern, obviously fatherly, tone. I calmed myself
down eventually, and sprouted off another long string of apologies to which Nash laughed at.
"Stop apologizing already. Christ. Here. Sit down, let me get you a glass of water."
"No I'm fine really-" I tried to Nash as he walked out of the room. I sighed heavily.
Nash returned with a glass of water and despite my fuss prior, I drank it, and felt better
afterwards. "Thanks I...I really should. Get going." "Alright. Just, can I ask you a
really big favor?" "I did get you shot, there's not much you can't ask me."
He smiled and looked slightly embarrassed. "Can you help me take my shirt off?"

Chapter 33

"What?" "My shirt." He repeated. "I, erm, I can't get my sling off or really get
dressed myself. My sister has been staying and helping me but there was an emergency at
work and Ellie was already asleep so I told her to go ahead and go. Getting my pants on isn't
exactly a huge struggle but the sling..." I glanced down and seemed to be reading
my thoughts. He added very important details. "It's bandaged up. You can't see it."
I looked up quickly. "I wasn't, I mean, yeah. Of course I can. Of course." I owed him that
much at least. He smiled thankfully and started walking away. I bit my lip and then
followed him. I followed Nash into his room and shifted uncomfortably as he went through a
drawer of clothes. "I don't usually sleep in a shirt at all." He admitted. "But I've
been told in very strict terms to keep the sling on and this thing against my skin is so
uncomfortable I've have to settle for wearing a wife-beater." "Right." I nodded
slowly. He pulled a blue tank top out of the drawer and set it down on his bed. For
the first time I looked around the room. Three of the walls were white and the fourth was a
deep blue. There was a blue area rug under his bed which was surprisingly made so that I
could see the blue and white bedspread. His dark oak long dresser had more deodorants and
colognes and different rubs and lotions on it than my own did. I gave him an amused grin and
ran my hand along his neatly made bed. "I know. Natalie made it." He sighed. "I
swear, I'm not this neat." I picked up a bottle of icy-hot rub from his dresser. "You
have more lotions and creams than I do." He seemed slightly embarrassed but
smiled nonetheless. "I like to smell good." He said, giving a small half shrug.
"Well thank God for that." I smiled and then shifted uncomfortably. "So." "If you
can just pull this Velcro off here." He said taking the lead. I did so, pulling the
Velcro apart just above the sack that held his arm. He pursed his lips and held his arm in
place as I pulled the sling gently off. "You okay?" "Peachy." He replied in a
slightly tense voice while keeping his attention on me. I glanced up and then back
down. "How do we take your shirt off without hurting you?" "Pull it up in the back
and over my head." I pushed the back of his shirt up, but it only went so far before
I had to push the front up too. I bit my lip and he pulled his mobile arm through the arm hole
and ducked his head so I could pull the shirt over it. "Don't yank it so much, just
push it." He said with his face masked by the half removed shirt. "Sorry. Did I hurt
you?" "I wouldn't have mentioned if you didn't." He laughed and his head sprang
free from the shirt. It hung now only on his injured arm. I carefully brought it down his arm,
across the bend, and off completely. "Thanks." He said and picked up the blue wife
beater. "Now with this just-" I stared at the bandage. It was high up on his left
peck, level with his armpit. I reached out and gently touched the bandage and on instinct he
flinched away. "I'm sorry." I gasped and pulled my hand away. "It didn't hurt. It's
fine. I'm sorry." I looked up to him and gently put my hand on the far corner of the
bandage. "Why are you apologizing?" "Didn't mean to scare you." I
looked to his chest again and very slowly moved my hand up to the center of the bandage. It
grew thicker along the center and I suspected there was another layer beneath it to protect his
injury. "It's..." "It's fine Mia." He said softly. "So close to your heart..."
"Noticed that too did you?" I knew Nash was watching me intently but I couldn't
look at him. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the bandage on his chest. The thought of what
was under it terrified me. "I don't think I would have lived. Not if you hadn't told
me I had to." He said and very gently as to not put pressure on the wound put his hand over
top of mine. I whimpered at the contact and took a small step backwards, though my hand
remained under his. "Nash-" "Please Mia." He said so softly, a plea. I
looked up to him finally and I couldn't look away. "Don't run away from me now."
If my feet could carry me, I would. I cleared my throat. "Your uhm, your shirt." I glanced
down again, this time looking past the bullet wound and to the rest of his body. I'd never seen
Nash shirtless before. His tattoos ran to the middle of his collar bone. His body was less
broad than Alessio, though just as perfectly sculpted. I brought my hand
subconsciously from his wound and down his chest. His breath hitched as I brought my
fingers through the dent between his pecs. I hesitated and when he began breathing again,
though his body was rigid, I brought my hands further down his naked torso. My fingers
raised and fell along with his abs, when I got to the end and reached the waistband of his
jeans I brought my hand back up again only this time I added my other hand to explore both
sides of his body evenly. I let one hand taper off just below the bandage and
brought the other the full way up his healthy chest, when my fingers brushed past his
collarbone and up to his shoulder he groaned. A groan that slapped me so far back
into reality I flew backwards. The back of my knees hit his mattress and I fell onto it. "I'm so-
sorry." I gasped and covered my mouth. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard.
I lowered my hand slowly. "I don't know what came over me, what I was thinking, I-"
"Mia." He said almost sternly. "Can you put my sling back on." "Yes, of course,
sorry, but your shirt-" "Just, the sling Mia, please." I nodded and quickly
put the sling back on him. As soon as it was on I stepped backwards until I felt the bed
against the back of my legs again but I remained standing this time. He took a few
steps forward and I kept my head down. "Thank you." I nodded but said nothing.
We stood in silence in front of each other long enough for it to grow very awkward.
And then he put one of his hands on my hip. I sucked in a sharp breath but didn't move.
Didn't look up to him, didn't stop him. Slowly, cautiously, he moved his hand further up
beneath my shirt. It was as if he was waiting for me to tell him no. But I couldn't. When I
didn't he got a bit more brave, letting his hand run over my body, tracing my curves, bringing
just his fingertips down the center of my stomach and not stopping until they reached my
jeans. Not once did he stray far enough up to reach my breasts nor low enough to
reach anything else. He stopped at my side, with his thumb just over my hip bone
and his fingers on my side he squeezed and I moaned. In seconds he was pushing my shirt up
over my breasts, I pulled it off completely and with nothing to cover my top except my bra he
kissed me. The kiss was slow and deliberate. It reminded me of my first kiss ever
where my lip locking partner had been so nervous his knees kept smacking together from
shaking so much. Nash kissed me slowly and just when I thought I could muster the strength
to stop this insanity and pull apart he opened his mouth into the kiss. In a moment
of madness my body outshined my mind. I gave into the kiss, gave all of me into it. I let him
in, opening my own mouth to him and letting my hands roam dangerously over his body. His
kiss though passionate and needy remained soft and gentle. He brought his hand
from my cheek and up the back of my neck, finally, his fingers worked their way into my
hair. He pulled my hair to bring my head backwards and broke our kiss with a pop and he
began kissing my neck. I moaned and arched my body into his. His
kisses were both needy but sweet. They reminded me nothing of the harsh and sexually
possessive kisses Alessio- I gasped and pushed him away. I fell onto the bed again
and threw both hands to the side of my head. "Oh." I managed. "Oh no." I added as a second
thought. Still not having come up with enough I threw in an, "Oh God!" "Mia-" He
started. He was panting. This wasn't good. "Don't. Please. Just don't say anything."
I whispered and held my hand up to signal he would not take another step towards me. "I'm
so sorry Nash but I-I can't." "Because you don't feel the same about me or because
of him?" "Please Nash." I whispered. "You're turning me down for the
man who shot me. You do realize that Mia? You realize how fȕcked up that is?"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I can't." My eyes were stinging with the threat of yet another set of
fresh tears. What the hell had I done? He groaned loudly and sat on the bed next to
me. After a beat of hesitation he patted my leg I instinctively jerked it away from him. "It's
okay...you wouldn't be too good if you could. You wouldn't be Mia." I leaned
against him and he put his arm around me. The worst part of all of this? I did want to. I
wanted to kiss Nash. I might have wanted to do more. These past two weeks I had been
depressed, angry, lonely, and confused. Kissing Nash I had felt none of those feelings. I felt
good. "I just- I love him Nash. I'm just so confused and I just, I don't, I don't know
what to do." He sighed. "I know Mia. I do." "I just. How can I stay with
him? After everything he's done, but how can I leave him when I love him so damn much?"
"It's just a decision you have to make. It's not easy you just have to." "I wish you
understood Nash. When Alessio and I are good, we're so good. He's, I don't know, there's just
this side of him that you don't understand. A good side. A really good side. I know he does a
lot of messed up things but he's a good person at heart he just, I don't know. It's hard to
explain if you knew him, I mean really knew him you'd know he's not some evil man who
just wants to watch everyone in the world suffer he's just...." "Let me ask you a
question Mia. A real question. Are you and Alessio happy, I'm not talking right this exact
moment I just mean in general. Are you happy? Do you guys have more good times than
bad? Or are you just holding onto these happy moments rather than facing the ugly ones?"
"So what? I'm supposed to throw away all the good because of some bad?" "No,
no, that's not what I said. I asked which you have more of. That's all." I put my
hands up over my face and groaned. "I don't know. I can't, I can't just leave after everything
we've been through. I can't just forget the good I, I just can't. I love him Nash."
"Have I ever told you about Ellie's mom?" Nash said in a completely different tone. He
sounded suddenly calm and casual, almost chipper even. "Uh, I, a bit. The drugs
and the overdose and everything..." I started a little thrown off by the sudden change of
subject and unsure of how Nash felt about the matter. He had mentioned her over dose before
but had never touched on the subject again. I wasn't sure if it was a touchy matter for him or
what. "She was...whew. She was something. Really, a lot of things. She was a
wreck really. Could hardly stand each other." "Sounds rough." I said
sympathetically still treading lightly on a matter I was still uncertain Nash's feelings of.
"It was. Really rough. She was a loose cannon. Always getting caught up into something I
couldn't even tell you how many times I had to go get her in the middle of the night from
some bar or random house, how many times I had to come rescue her from this dealer or that
deal. Piss poor excuse for a mother. Damn Mia she was...she was just a wreck. We were
always fighting about this or that." "I'm sorry." I said as I had little clue what to
say to this conversation. Nash looked towards the wall and he appeared to be a
hundred miles away all of the sudden. I remain respectfully quiet as he traveled down
memory lane before speaking again. "She was hell on wheels, a complete terror, but when
she was sober." He whistled. "Man, she was really something." He was quiet again but this
time for even longer. "She was kind, and thoughtful, and the most determined person I have
ever met, and I got so wrapped up in her every time she smiled. I swear, she would have
melted the polar caps with that smile. This one time she had decided to make me a cake, she
couldn't bake, not at all, but once Liz set her mind to something she did it, there was no
talking her out of it. So I come home, the cake is burning away in the oven. She's trying to
make the icing for this crispy, dried out, shriveled up cake that was still baking into
nothingness. I come in the door just as she turns on the mixer and powdered sugar goes
everywhere. I'm telling you, she must've put the whole bag in there because when I turned the
ceiling fan on weeks later it spewed more onto us. But anyway, so she's standing there, oven
smoking, covered in powdered sugar, she lifts the mixer away from the bowl, the beaters both
fall out and the bowl tips and rather than be embarrassed or angry, she smiles and tells me
happy birthday. I'm not ever going to forget that smile, when I think of it, when I think of
her? When I think of it...of her, I can still taste the powdered sugar off her lips from when I
kissed her." "Nash I-" He turned to face me again. "I loved her Mia. And
I wanted to stay with her, lord knows I tried. I held onto the good times, the times when we
were happy and we were great. I'd finally track her down after a week long binge and bring
her home and I'd tell myself I couldn't throw away all the good times, couldn't give up on her
now that she was on rock bottom. A week would go by and she'd be trying, really trying to
get better, doing the little nice things she used to do for me, talking to me like a decent human
being would talk to her boyfriend, she'd start getting back into her old hobbies and she'd start
talking to her parents against and then all of the sudden she's going through my wallet trying
to come up with the cash for her next fix, one day she's staging a scavenger hunt across the
whole damn city for me and the next I find her on the bathroom floor choking on her own
vomit. "When I tell you I understand, I do. When I tell you we can't help who we
love it's true. When I tell you that you have to make a choice I mean it. How can you leave
someone you love? How can you walk away from all of the good times you've had with
someone? When the bad outweighs the good so heavily, when you're grasping for string to
try to pull all of the good together when the tape, and the glue, and the rubber bands have
already failed, some day you're going to have to decide enough is enough. I'm not telling you
to leave Alessio Mia. I'm not. I'm telling you that you need to decide, and you need to stay
with it. People don't change Mia. Alessio is who he was when you met him, and that is the
person he is always going to be." I shook my head. "But you don't understand the
person he is when we're alone-" "I do understand. I do. I'm a cop Mia, do you
know how many women have told me those exact words as I was arresting their boyfriends
for beating the shit out of him? I didn't ask you about who he was when you guys were alone,
I didn't ask you to leave him, I simply said, do you have more bad times than good, and
which outweighs the other? Simple." I watched him for a few moments. "So you
walked away? From Ellie's mother?" "I didn't want to. But yes." "I, well,
I thought she'd..." "Overdosed? She did." He laced his fingers together. "I uh, I'd
taken some time off work. To be with Liz and Elli. Liz wasn't exactly tuned into Elli's needs.
Doctors said she had postpartum depression, she'd come out of it, they'd bond, just a touch of
the baby blues. But she was clean. For almost a whole month. I'd just put Elli down for a nap,
we were out of formula, I was gone for maybe ten minutes, Liz couldn't drive for legal
reasons and I guess she'd just had enough. Downed damn near every pill we had in the house
and then just climbed into bed and went to sleep. Elli's bassinet was in our room. Tried to kill
herself just ten feet from her daughter? Who does that?" We were both silent for a long time.
I had no clue what to say. "She didn't die. And I didn't stay. That wasn't the life Elli deserved.
I had to make a choice. See even though Liz was the only woman I'd ever loved, and even
though she'd given me the most important thing in my entire life, even though when she was
sober I had never in my life seen someone more spectacular, and even though I felt surely
that if I wasn't there to help her I was practically signing her death certificate myself, I left."
"Where is she now?" I asked quietly. "Fȕck if I know. Fȕck if her parents know.
Maybe out there working the streets, maybe at the bottom of the river. I don't know Mia. I
honestly don't fȕcking know. She didn't try to find us, and I didn't know that I could walk
away a second time if I found her." "I have to figure things out." I muttered more
to myself than Nash. "Yes, you do." "I think I should go." I finally
decided. He slapped his good hand on his leg and stood up. "I'll walk you to your
car." "About that...could I maybe just borrow your phone? My car is, uh, it's at my
friends house. Across town." He frowned. "How did you get here?" "I
got a ride." I shrugged. He didn't look particularly thrilled but didn't press the
matter. With much difficulty and agony he fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to
me. "Thanks." Now how to explain to Stacey why I hid my phone at her house and
why I need a ride in the middle of the night from Nash's house...

Chapter 34

It is a very good thing to have a best friend. Especially when you're sitting shirtless on an
equally shirtless sexy police officer's bed and need to leave immediately in the middle of the
night or you'll cheat on your homicidal boyfriend even more so than you already have.
I gave Stacey the address and though frustrated she said she would be here soon. I,
of course, put my shirt back on. Nash, of course, did not. He walked me to his door and
before opening it took my cheek in his hand leaned forwards. "Nash!" I gasped and
backed away. "You're leaving me for the man who shot me." He reminded me and
frowned. "And I'm probably never going to get this chance again. You here, in my house, in
my one singular hand. Seeing you shirtless, on my bed." He grumbled and pressed his
forehead against mine. "You're killing me Mia-pie." I had a boyfriend. Not only
did I have a boyfriend but I was living with said boyfriend. I loved Alessio, I had wanted him
for years. Nash saying sweet things, wanting me the way he did, well that simply should not
have made me as happy as it did. "This is the last time." I warned him, and perhaps myself a
little bit. He kissed me gently. It wasn't at all like the kiss we'd shared before. It
was more than a peck but didn't linger long enough to qualify as much else. When we parted I
tucked my lips together. My heart was practically beating out of my chest. I had honestly
expected him to kiss me like before. Long and needy. This, while nice, was almost just like a
farewell. That's what it was though really. Just a farewell. He opened the door and
we stepped out. I watched the road for a few moments before sighing heavily. "I
don't know what I'm doing. Alessio is going to be so pissed when I get home." "If
you don't want to be around him go back to your apartment, or stay here." He teased lightly.
"What apartment?" His face twisted in confusion and a moment later turned to
furiousness. "You gave up your apartment!" It was not a question. "Like, a few
months ago." "God damn it Mia!" He groaned and thumped his head against the
door. After a moment he pulled away from the door and turned to me again. "Months ago?"
I shrugged. "How many months ago?" "I don't know...maybe six or
seven." "Mia. Jesus. You were living with him when I strapped a wire to your
chest?" "I don't know, maybe." I said innocently and turned away from Nash and
to the road. "Were you trying to get yourself killed!" "Wouldn't be the
first in my family." I shrugged. "Mia." I turned back to face him with a
frown. "No Nash, I wasn't trying to get myself killed. I was careful. Believe it or not I'm not a
complete idiot." "Yes. You are." "Hey!" "How could you
have neglected to tell me that? I thought you never wanted to meet at your apartment because
you were worried your place was bugged or being watched or something, but you were living
with him? How you managed to not get, I don't know, beheaded or something I have no clue
but if you ever pull something like that again- ``''You'll what?" "Damn it I don't
know what I'll do! But you can't do shit like that." "I'm a big girl. I can do
whatever I please." "No." If I didn't know any better I would swear I
was standing next to Alessio. The way he said no, it mirrored Alessio's exactly. A demand,
no room for questioning, no explanation. "What do you mean no?"
"No!" He said firmly I scoffed and turned my back to him to watch the road. He groaned and
I turned back to face him. He crouched down slightly to be at my level and my frown turned
to a scowl. "I would never forgive myself if you got hurt because of me." "And
how the hell am I to make it up to you for the exact same thing!" I demanded and suddenly
Stacey's headlights were glaring at us. I shot Nash another frustrated look and then sighed.
"It's fine. We'll talk about this more later." "There's nothing else to talk about."
"Like I said, we'll talk about this later." Stacey beeped the horn twice and I
grimaced but kept my attention on Nash. "What are you going to do now?" "I wish
I knew..." I muttered and looked down to the ground. "See if there is anything worth saving I
guess." I looked back up with a determined stare and caught his eye. "Be safe Nash."
"Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you." I frowned and took a step back, he caught
me by the wrist. "Be safe." "I will-" "I'm not coming after him Mia,
Lord knows I want to, but I'm not. I'm not trying to do that to you. But if something happens
to you-" "He won't hurt me Nash." He let go of my wrist and I took a
few steps backwards before turning around completely and jogging to Stacey's car. I waved
to Nash as we drove away and he stood leaned against the door, shirtless with a clenched jaw
as he watched us. I sighed and turned to Stacey. "Thanks for getting me. I'm sorry
it's so late, you're a great friend. I mean that." "Mia." She said in a sharp tone.
"What is going on?" "What do you mean?" I tried innocently. "What is
going on?! I come home and your car is at my house but you aren't. That's bad enough but I
figured hey, maybe she's driving the Camry and going about my night, find out you're a
missing person and I find you with a shirtless kinky cop guy. What is going on?"
"Nothing. I'm sorry if I worried you. I'll just get my car and go home. It's too late for this kind
of thing." "Your car is already home." The tone of her voice told me far more than
her words did. When I said nothing else she glanced briefly at me and then back to the road.
"Alessio and Pietro showed up." I muttered a string of curses. They weren't
supposed to be home for another half week. "I've never seen Alessio so worried
before. He said you'd been depressed for a few weeks, which explains the missing work and
blowing me off, he said he when he tried to call you and you didn't answer they caught the
next flight home." Did he also tell you the next flight would have been on their
own private jet and that along with calling my phone he had two men assigned to monitor my
every move while he was gone? I said nothing. "Mia. I'm going to ask
you something as your best friend and I want you to answer as my best friend...are you
cheating on Alessio?" "What? No." Well, there was that kiss. "Because
you can see how that might look there." "He's a friend, he was hurt badly a few
weeks okay, I was checking on him." "Checking on his shirtless body in the
middle of the night? Are you sure you weren't about to run away together and had a sudden
change of heart? I can't see why else you'd leave your car and your phone and tell no one
where you were." "Stace. Do you really think I'd do that? Just run away?"
She was quiet for a long time. "They say you did before." She finally said barely above a
whisper. I snapped my head in her direction. "What." "You were
missing for months before and then a few weeks after your cousin died, poof, you were found
crashed on your dad's couch." I looked forward to it again. "It's..."
"Complicated." Stacey finished for me. "It always is with you! You have all these secrets
from everyone. It's seriously exhausting trying to keep up with you and your double life."
I had to bite back a laugh. I wasn't the one with the double life. Her boyfriend (and mine)
were. At least I knew all about Alessio. "I'm not keeping secrets and I don't have a double
life. I tell you things." "Fine, whatever. All I'm saying is Alessio is a really nice
guy and he doesn't deserve the drama or the lies. He certainly doesn't deserve to be cheated
on." This time I did laugh. Alessio, a nice guy? It was too much. "This
isn't funny Mia! This is people's lives you're talking about. I really think he loves you and it's
not right he's a gr-" "A great guy. Gotcha." I said and waved my hands around for
her to stop. "Honestly Stacey, I love you. I really do, but you don't know what you're talking
about. So just don't." "What?" She gasped. "You have no idea the kind
of person Alessio is. You've seen him what, a dozen times? I live with the guy, okay? I know
exactly what kind of person Alessio is and exactly what he deserves. And I'm not sleeping
with the kinky cop and I'm seriously sick of being lectured by everyone all the time. I'm an
adult, you aren't my mother, Alessio and Nash aren't my father, I can make my own
decisions. So just seriously butt out." We stayed in complete silence the rest of the
car ride. The silence was even worse than the arguing. The silence gave me ample time to fret
over the fact that Alessio was waiting for me. I had no time to collect myself or come up with
a story. I felt like we were playing cat and mouse again. I was the
mouse. And my alley cat was about to catch me.

Chapter 35

True to word my Lexus was already parked in the driveway along with five other cars not
including Stacey's. I recognized Simone and Silvano's car, along with Alessio's, but not the
other three. I felt like a little kid getting caught out of curfew as I came into the house. I
followed the voices into the kitchen. A very pale looking Simone sat at the island with his
head down, Silvano was nowhere to be seen. There was a man I didn't recognize pacing back
and forth on the phone and I could hear voices of others talking heatedly in Italian from
another room. Pietro was cooking of all the actions frying with perfect expertise. Most
importantly of all though was Alessio. He sat on the island beside Simone. A half empty
bottle of whiskey was in front of him. He sat with his hands together, fingers laced together
and with his elbows resting on the island he kept his clasped hands in front of his mouth. His
eyes found me the moment I entered the room but he didn't move. Simone jumped to his feet
and looked to the heavens as he began ranting in Italian. Pietro glanced over his shoulder to
me and then to Stacey who had followed after me. The man on the phone hung up quickly.
All eyes were on me. "Ciao pasticcino" Pietro finally spoke after the longest two minutes of
silence in my life. (Hello cupcake) I gave him a weak smile. "Hey." I returned his greeting
and then turned to Alessio. "So, uh, she's fine." Stacey said obviously surprised by the scene
and even more so when four other suited men entered the room. With no other idea what to
do I gave them a polite nod. It was not returned. Pietro calmly pulled the frying pan full of
diced steak and began adding the steak along with cheese and lettuce to buns. "Ci lascia"
Alessio said and flicked his fingers out. (leave us) The men left quickly, no one faster than
Simone. Pietro set a steak sandwich in front of Alessio and one on the other end of the island
for me. He kissed my forehead lightly. "It's good to have you back, be easy on him." He
whispered and then pulled a very confused Stacey from the room as well. Again with this?
Be easy on him? Shouldn't he have been telling Alessio to be easy on me? The thought
frustrated me. I was an adult. This was absolute bullshit. All of this was bullshit. I didn't
realize I was completely starving until this moment but I felt like eating the sandwich would
be showing weakness so I ignored the concoction and kept my attention on Alessio. I
decided I was through with Alessio's games. I was through with all of this. "I was with
Matteo." I said bravely. Alessio's ice cold composure flickered away for a brief moment. His
brows knit together. Finally he separated his hands, slapped his palms loudly to the counter
and stood up. "What?" This time it was my composure that flickered. "I-I was w-with-" "I
fucking heard that." He snapped in a low voice. I wanted to yell at him, taunt him, why
would he ask a question he already knew the answer to? I forced my immature tendencies
aside and took a deep breath. "Yes Alessio. I went to see Matteo." He narrowed his eyes and
I glanced down to his waist that always cradled his pistol. When I looked back to him his
expression was completely different. He didn't look furious or threatening. He looked
almost, offended? Hurt, stricken even. "Honestly Armillia?" He said in a voice full of
disbelief. He pulled his gun from the hoister and slammed it down on the counter. "Honestly?
You're still afraid of me? After everything? You fucking disappear all night, go to his house,
you've no idea what you've put me through tonight. And after all of that, after you betray me,
betray this whole family, you look at me like I'm the villain?" "Exactly. After everything I've
done tonight I would expect nothing less than..." I glanced at his gun again. His grip on the
gun tightened. "After everything we've been through, and you're still scared of me?" I looked
up to him quickly. It wasn't a taunt, or a question. It was a painful realization. "Well it's damn
hard not to be." I finally said harshly and then looked down. I collected myself. I had had a
gun pointed at me one too many times since I came into this world, the last thing I needed
was to piss Alessio off even more so that he decided to point his at me too. "It is hard." I said
again in a softer, shaking voice. "It is hard not to be scared of you Alessio. You control
everything in my life. Every single thing I have, I do, you call all the shots." He slid the gun
across the table so quickly I almost didn't have time to grab it. "There. You are calling the
shots now." He said in an even tone. I wrapped my hands around the gun, my pointer going
instinctively to the trigger. "This isn't funny Alessio." "Do I look like I'm laughing? Go
ahead, check the cylinder, it's loaded." I watched him cautiously for a few moments before
pushing the cylinder open. Of course it was loaded, not a single bullet was missing. I pushed
it back to place and looked up to him. I was more than just a little confused. "You're calling
the shots now Armillia. You have the gun, you have the power. You don't have to be worried
about me getting angry and, what's the expression, 'popping a load in your ass' or something
like that. So now you see Armillia you have all the power, you are making all the decisions,
you are always making the decisions though for some odd reason you seem to have not
realized that. But now there you have it. You've a gun in your hand and tons of decisions.
You can shoot me now, I've no way to stop you, you could simply walk away, the Lexus is
yours to take, or you could sit down and talk to me. Tell me everything, how you feel, where
you went, why you did it?" I didn't know what to say. I couldn't shoot Alessio. Even if I
wanted to, I was no murderer. I stared at him blankly. "Armillia. You see I have no qualms
in handing my gun over to you. For multiple reasons. First being it did nothing for me. I have
never, never had any intentions of shooting you. Even years ago when you came into my club
uninvited and without an honest bone in your body, did I ever raise my gun to you?" "W-
well no...but you did drug me..." He ignored my answer, it was apparently a rhetorical
question. "The second reason I gave you my gun without hesitation or a second thought is
because I know you. I know you better than you know yourself maybe and I know you need
it to feel safe far more than I do." That wasn't far off. "And lastly, and more importantly
than any other reason. I trust you. Whether I planned on using the gun or not, if I didn't trust
you I wouldn't have given it to you. I trust you Armillia, and I trust that if you would shoot
me now I would at least have deserved it. But I don't see you doing that." I kept my gaze
strong as I raised the gun, holding it with both hands and pointing it at him, after a moment I
raised it to be aimed directly at his head. I swallowed hard and he didn't flinch, didn't frown,
his ice cold composure had returned. "Do you trust me now?" I whispered my voice coming
out raspy and unfamiliar to me. "With my life." He said calmly. "Now tell me Armillia,
please explain this to me. How can you be afraid of me?" "How could I not be?" I breathed.
"Everything Alessio, you control everything in my life. All the clothes here, my phone, my
car, you've provided everything. Damn it Alessio you even switched my brand of tampons!" I
whispered the last part and he had the audacity to smirk. "You're afraid of me because, what?
I spoil you?" "I've never asked for any of this." "You didn't have to. You were staying here
often and had nothing to wear and you really didn't fancy wearing my boxers it seemed. I was
trying to do something nice for you." "A few articles would have been fine but all of this? I
mean, you spend thousands on a single outfit. I feel uncomfortable with things that are so
expensive." "So you're afraid of me because I buy you clothes?" I flushed. "No Alessio. It's
much more than that. You track me! I've never given you permission to do that." He
shrugged. "I track everyone who is important to me." "And you don't think there's anything
wrong with that?" I demanded. "Armillia. You remember I told you before, I don't date. It's
not safe for the people I care about. It's not safe for anyone to get this close to me. I have
many enemies, and I have many after my riches." "You stalk me Alessio." "Rarely." He said
it as though it weren't a big deal at all. "I don't track you because I don't trust you Armillia. I
track you because I refuse to lose you. The other women I'd lost, they were...I cared for them.
But I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. I track you only when I can't
get in contact with you and only because I love you." I frowned. "Stop that." "Stop what?"
"Stop making me feel bad for being angry at you. It's still not right." "Perhaps, but it is how
it is. I have access to the whereabouts of everyone in the family and of course you. If I'm
expected to protect these people I need to know where they are, you included." "I don't like
it! If I want to go visit a friend I shouldn't have to hide from body guards, ditch my phone and
car, I shouldn't feel like I'm on the run when I leave the house." "Don't go places you know I
would be disgruntled to find you at." He suggested flatly. "Have I no freedom?" "Not if you
value your life. If you haven't gathered how dangerous my career is-" "This is not about the
family Alessio and you know it. This is about our relationship and your obsession with
controlling everything, me included." He raised a brow but said nothing. "You shoot
everyone. That's not okay. My dad? My friend? It's not right Alessio. I shouldn't have to
worry about my boyfriend shooting everyone I care about." "Never without reason." He
reminded me. "There was no reason for you to shoot Matteo! And you know what, I don't
forgive you. You can try to sweet talk me all you want, talk around in circles until I lose track
of time, but I still don't forgive you. It was uncalled for and wrong. And the way you
approached me in the hospital was despicable." "Armillia." "No, don't you Armillia me.
Matteo helped me. He saved my life and-" "Armillia." This time it was a plea and I stopped
immediately. "Did you...did you sleep with him?" It hit me suddenly. Alessio was the mouse.

Chapter 36

I was frozen for a moment. "Armillia." He said again and it sounded so weak and
vulnerable. "If you kill him Alessio-" His expression changed from
desperate to dangerous in a fraction of a second. "You fȕcked him?" He demanded.
"No." I said and his entire body visibly relaxed. "But we kissed." He flopped back
into his chair and reluctantly I sat down as well. The steak sandwich was calling my name
something fierce. He linked his fingers together again, propped his elbows together and
rested the hands against his lips again. He glared at me for a long and painful time before
sighing. "Okay. Go on." "There isn't much more to go onto. We kissed."
"Did he kiss you, or did you kiss him?" "I-I don't know." I admitted. I stopped and
ran the night back through my mind. "I just went over to apologize to him. Norman
made me realize-" "Norman?" The annoyance in his voice only grew. "There is a
Norman now too?" "Oh yes. Norman. I hadn't planned on going to see Matteo. I
was just walking around trying to clear my mind when I saw our bridge." "Our
bridge?" He mocked. I didn't have it in me to glare at him. I nodded slowly. "I
needed to feel the way I did when we were up there. Everything made sense, all of my
problems seemed so small, everything just...came together up there. Everything. Anyway, I
was standing on the ledge getting ready to climb up there-" "You shouldn't have
done that. You could have killed yourself." "Funny you should say. Norman owns
this suicide hotline, he saw me on the ledge and thought I was trying to kill myself and
yanked me off. Anyway, we talked for a long time and Norman pretty much said that a friend
emotionally hurting someone is way more painful than an enemy physically hurting them and
I realized I was a shit friend. So I had to go apologize to him." "How sweet of
you." Alessio muttered with an eye roll. "Anyway. I just came to apologize and we
talked a bit." "And kissed a bit?" He raised an eyebrow. "Please don't be
rude Alessio. I'm trying to be honest and mature about all of this." "All I'm saying
is that it had better of been the kind of kiss you give your grandmother." "And
that's what I'm talking about! It's hard not to be afraid of you when you say things like that.
Like it had better be a certain way? And what happens if it wasn't? You leave me? Kill me?
What?" "And how would you respond should I tell you that I kissed another
woman?" He said sharply and I frowned. "Exactly." He said bitterly followed by a
little bit of grumbling that I couldn't make out. He swiped the bottle of scotch up into his
hand and took a drink. "How quickly we forget? Don't remember not so very long
ago you came home bragging about the gorgeous woman you had grinding on your lap all
night?" "That's different." "How? Because you were mad at me?
Because you didn't trust me at the time? News flash Alessio that's precisely how I feel now!
At least I wasn't set out to intentionally hurt anyone. You wanted to hurt me, I just-``''Got
emotionally invested?" "Well, yeah but-" He scoffed. "And let
me guess, because you had "good intentions" that makes me the bad guy again?" "I
wasn't trying to say that, I know I was wrong but-" "You care about him." He bit
out full of venom, it was no question it was cold hard facts. I let out a heavy
exhale. "You know I do Alessio, and we both know that's why you shot him. Yes, I care
about him. He has saved my life, he has been my friend, you know that. Yes, I care about
him, but not like I care about you, not like that at all. He's just a friend. I was just so angry at
you and confused and he was so hurt..." I looked down and let my sentence trail off.
"It gets worse, doesn't it?" Alessio asked but somehow I suspected he already knew. His tone
was terrifying. It was perhaps more dangerous that I had ever heard him because he spoke
with zero emotion. Complete calmness took him over, he was detached, and for that I knew
he was ready to snap. I nodded to the steak sandwich and he sighed again. "I went
and apologized. And you know me, had a colossal break down and all that jazz. But uhm...he
asked me to help him get his shirt off." "What?" Alessio said sharply. "Look at me
when you talk." He snapped and I obeyed. He was glaring at me, his glare so intense I
thought he could possibly have looked right into my brain and read the night himself. I
shrank beneath his gaze. Somehow telling Alessio all of this was even worse than actually
doing it. "His arm is in a sling." "What a pity." "He's banged up a bit. His sister
has been helping him but she was at work-" "Oh how convenient." I
gave him an exasperated look. This was already hard enough as it was. "So you
took his shirt off?" He said in a tone that resembled a growl. I nodded slowly. "I
took his shirt off. I was supposed to help him put a different one on-" "But you
didn't get that far, did you?" I shook my head slowly. His stare was too intense for
me, I had to look away. He continued to glare at me for a few more moments while I looked
at my steak sandwich, my appetite suddenly gone. "Is there anything else
Armillia?" I nodded very slowly and the air in the room grew even tenser as he
waited for me to continue. "He-" "Look at me when you talk." Alessio roared
suddenly. I jumped out of my skin and my head snapped upwards. "He took my
shirt off." I blurted out. "No, you let him take your shirt off." He said almost
calmly. I nodded. What else could I do? "And then what? He took your
panties off too and you let him play with your kitty?" It came out sounding almost bored. My
Alessio had left the conversation. "No!" I gasped. "Don't be so crude. I told him I
couldn't! I came to my senses and I stopped." "Puttana." He sighed. "I
know what that means Alessio and I don't appreciate the term." "Don't act like a
whore and I won't refer to you as one, my darling." He pushed up from his seat and walked
around the table, when he reached for his gun I grabbed it and took several steps back.
"Stop!" "Give me the gun Armillia. I have business to attend to." "You
mean you have business to finish?" I demanded. He frowned and reached out. I
took another two steps backwards. "No. Don't think I've forgotten who the bad guy
is here Alessio." He actually laughed. "You can't honestly be turning this around
on me." "I wouldn't have had to go there at all if you hadn't shot him! And honestly
Alessio, you terrified me at the hospital. I thought you were a monster. I'm not trying to turn
anything around. I was wrong, and I know that. I lied, and I cheated, and if you left me right
now I would understand completely I admit that I was wrong and I am sorry. That's why I
left, why I called Stacey because I knew I was making a mistake but that does not justify you
killing my friends! Nothing justifies that! You're isolating me from everyone and taking out
the people I care about! In what sense does that make for a healthy relationship?"
He laughed harder this time, his laugh was cold and cruel and I took another step away even
though he'd made no movement towards me. "And you running around fȕcking around with
my enemies makes for a good one?" "That's not fair Alessio. These are two totally
unrelated issues." "Not fair? Not fair! What's not fair is me having half an army of
men out there looking for you, sitting at home thinking you're already at the bottom of the
river, waiting for a video feed of your massacre to pop up on my computer or your hand to
make it to me in the mail! What's not fair is I try to protect you and instead of listening you
just run off and make matters worse! I didn't try to kill Matteo because I was jealous you
damn fool!" "What?" He was silent for a few moments, there was a hint
of color to his cheeks and I knew he was furious. "Matteo...he is not who you believe him to
be."

Chapter 37
If Alessio was the mouse, Nash was the cheese. He knew who Nash was. He hadn't shot him
because of me, he shot him because he knew. "What do you mean?" I said trying to sound as
innocent and clueless as I could but my voice was quivering. He watched me for a
few moments and then his stern look fell completely. "I wasn't going to tell you Armillia."
"Tell me what?" He began walking out of the room and I followed obediently. The
men from the kitchen had scattered to what was once a sitting room but was now wired with
computers and an ash tray overflowing with cigarettes and cigars. When they saw us they left
the room wordlessly. Alessio stopped at the coffee table and moved aside a few
folders and papers until he found the one he wanted. He looked up at me with serious, but
gentle eyes. "I wasn't going to tell you because I know of your...fondness towards Matteo. I
was accepting being the bad guy and this big scary monster who shot your "friend" because I
didn't want to ruin your image of him. I didn't want you to be hurt. I love you, I was trying to
protect you from this all Armillia. All of it. From the very start I didn't want to get involved
with you for these exact reasons, for you to get hurt, to be deceived, to be in danger. Maybe
my shielding you has put you at even bigger risk, allowed you to be naïve, blind to dangers
right in front of your face." "Just tell me." "Please just understand that
Armillia. I didn't shoot him out of jealousy, I shot him because he is a very dangerous enemy.
And a double crosser at that." He definitely knew. "And I only didn't tell you because I'm still
trying to protect you from this world. I just thought you could go on thinking this Matteo was
a good guy and over time you would grow to forgive me." "Alessio, I get it. Just
tell me." He handed me the folder, I was really getting to hate these things. My
heart was beating out of my chest as I opened the folder ready to see Nash in uniform or with
the force. I was immediately confused. There were tons of pictures of Nash but they appeared
to all be him working with the Mafia. "I don't understand." Alessio was at my side
and I didn't pull away. "I'm sure you recognize this man." He pointed to a picture of Nash and
the head of the Bonanno. "Looks a bit different without the gun pointed at my
head." I muttered. "Giovanni Bonanno." "So?" He moved
through a few pictures. "These men he's working with here?" He stopped at a picture of Nash
at the docks. He was smoking a cigarette while men were unloading boxes from a boat and
stacking them beside him. He looked so cold and dangerous as he watched the men work,
cigarette hanging from his mouth and a semi in his arms. "They are in the Gambino."
"Okay?" "So are these." He handed me a stack of pictures I glanced through
briefly. It was more typical mafia activity. Some pictures are worse than others. "And over
here." He handed me another picture where Nash was passing something small to another
man. "This is Paolo Colombo. Don of Colombo." Nash, or rather Matteo and Paulo were
probably exchanging drugs. No, they didn't take drug shipments that small and Paulo would
never sell the drugs himself. He had people to do that for him. The next photo was one of the
men shaking hands, and the next them smoking casually. I didn't understand. Not
at all. "Your friend is pictured here with three different families Armillia."
I lowered the photos and turned to him with a frown. "I don't understand." "You
could probably pass it off, my own family joined with the Gambino on certain matters, as
well as Colombo. But the Gambino wouldn't let anyone from the Bonanno anywhere near
them. Not after everything you started. Too many bad feelings still, to accept the attack the
Gambino aided us with? No, it would show only weakness. Gambino doesn't know he's with
Bonanno. He's double crossing them." "And Paulo?" "I had a meeting
with Paulo, just before Matteo's unfortunate accident, Paulo told me everything I needed to
know." "Why would he do that?" Alessio shrugged and let me continue
to go through the pictures. "Paulo and I go back. He hates my guts but not nearly as much as I
hate him. We look out for each other. Paulo has never been interested in the drug scene so
we've never had an issue of stepping on one another's toes." "What sort of scene is
Paulo into?" "Trafficking. Human trafficking precisely. All of my female workers
have come through Paulo first, well, all that don't just walk through the doors themselves."
He added and if I didn't know any better I would think he was trying to make light of the
severity of the situation. I looked up and glared at him. Disgusted he should accept such a
thing so casually. "Don't give me that look, he knows my criteria and pulls the women from
the worst situations. All of the women have far better lives after they leave me. You know
I've always made sure of that." "Fine, whatever. So what did Paulo tell you?"
"He told me Matteo was straight. He came to make a business agreement with Colombo but
wouldn't disclose the details of that. What he did disclose was Matteo's interest in me, and
even more so in you. Matteo wasn't trying to save you that day as you like to believe. He's
never been trying to help you. Bonanno wants you to get to me. What he's doing with the
Gambino I've no idea but they have more than enough ideas of what they want with you."
I scanned the photos over again. "I don't-" "If you lived they'd pass you onto Paulo
and Paulo would pass you onto me. He watches out for my girls too. We have an
understanding. But Armillia, they weren't planning on keeping you around long enough to
pass you along." "So why is Paulo doing business with them?" I shut the folder. "If
he wants me and they aren't planning on passing me along?" "He doesn't want you.
He was just telling me of the joke he and your Matteo shared. 'Maybe if she's still two legs to
stand on and a pȕssy to pound into when we're done with her we'll send her your way. You're
always looking for pretty faces, course, hers might not look quite the same once we're done.'
And as I've already told you, Paulo hasn't disclosed to me what the real business he and
Giovanni are planning." "Matteo wouldn't-" "I shot him because he
would. And he's tried already." I sat down very slowly and Alessio followed my
lead. "So you-" "I shot him to protect you. He's taken a personal interest in you and
he's rubbing me in all the wrong ways." "You weren't just jealous." I muttered to
myself. He shook his head. "No. If he didn't want to chop you into pieces I might
not have shot him. Of course, had I predicted your little...extracurricular activity tonight, I
probably would have shot him a long time ago." I stared at the folders for a few
more moments before shutting it slowly. "Can I keep this?" I whispered. He
nodded. It didn't make any sense. Nash had saved me before, he'd been alone with me plenty
of times. If Nash wanted to take me, he'd had plenty of opportunity. If he wanted to, why
wouldn't he have already? And if he didn't want to, why would Paulo claim he did? I couldn't
wrap my mind around all of this. Could it be that Alessio was lying to me? Or Paulo to him?
It just didn't make any sense. I snapped back to reality as Alessio stood and then picked the
gun up off the coffee table. When had I set it down? I leapt to my feet. "What are
you doing?" I demanded. He looked at me like I was mad. "I'm finishing what I've
already started." "No!" He ignored me and began stalking away.
"This is exactly what I mean, what I say has no bearing on you! A relationship involves two
Alessio, it's not always what you want!" I said loudly following him. He ignored me and I
continued. "I won't forgive you! Not if you kill him, especially not before I've even verified
any of this or processed it or-" "Enough Armillia." He muttered over his shoulder
as he went. "He has a daughter Alessio! A four year old daughter who is already
motherless. How can you live with that?" I demanded as I chased him. We walked past the
group of men who stood to exit the room again but stopped when they saw we were on the
move. "Stop!" I practically pleaded as he shrugged his jacket on. "I call genie!" I
yelled just as his hand touched the door knob. He stopped completely. "What?" He
finally asked and turned to face me with a truly baffled look. "I, I call genie. You
said you were my genie. When you found out who I was you told me you'd be like my genie,
that I could come to you three times." "Armillia, you're talking about something
that was, Christ, three years ago!" "Your word is shit then?" He frowned. "You
said I could come to you three times. Three wishes. You're my genie." "I'm sure
you've used your wishes already. You are quite needy you know." I shook my head
and held up two fingers. "I used one when Nicolo joined up. I wanted to know what you were
saying to me in Italian. The second was when I wanted to go above and you took me to the
orchestra." His frown only grew firmer. "I didn't even call genie then but
you said I believe the words you are looking for is thank you genie so I'm assuming you
called genie for me. So that's two and I get one more wish. I call genie." His
eyebrows had raised causing his forehead to wrinkle and he looked surprised. "My, what a
memory you have." "I remember every moment I've ever had with you. Please
Alessio." He frowned. "Armillia." He started in a warning tone. "I
know. If your father was here Matteo would already be fish food. But you aren't your father.
You're Alessio. And I'm begging you please. I know, it doesn't make sense to you but in case
you haven't noticed I kind of jump to conclusions when people tell me something about
someone I usually take at face value and end up with egg on my face. I can't just take this and
accept it as truth just because you said it. If you're wrong-" "You accept what you
hear about me but not what I tell you." "I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. If
you're wrong you're orphaning a little girl for nothing." "What more proof do you
need?" He demanded in a harsh tone. "I showed you photographic evidence? What the hell
else do you need?" "And I had files on you! I had your own confirmation that
you'd shot him! Clearly I didn't have all of the facts then! I'm not saying you're wrong just
that you were misinformed, maybe, I don't know, but I need to figure it out before I can just
stand by and let you kill a man!" He groaned and walked across the room until he
was practically on top of me. "The things you do to me woman." He growled and rested his
hand gently on my neck. "If anyone else were to-" He stopped and then smirked. He held his
gun up to me. "I am trusting you Armillia. I am giving you this decision, I am trusting you
are making the right one. Are you certain about this, fully, one-hundred and ten percent?"
I took the gun from his hand and he put the now free hand to my hip. "No. Not at all."
His grin only grew and he kissed me lightly. "I thought as much. But for you, and only you, I
won't go after him tonight. But if I'm right, and Matteo is who I believe him to be, will you be
the one to pull the trigger? You understand that?" I swallowed hard and nodded.
"I mean it. Even if I have to chain him up and starve him for days before you shoot him out
of pure sympathy, when you get your "confirmation" you are responsible for this mess. And
if I catch so much as a sniff before you figure it out, hear his name whispered in the wind, see
him too close to my businesses, I will not give you the privilege of your silly little
confirmation." His thumb gently began rubbing up and down on my neck. "If
you're right, you're not going to have to worry. I'm going to want to take care of it myself."
"Should he ever cross my path...well let's just say not even your last wish could save him
then." "My last wish?" He nodded. "You've called genie only twice
now. I am a fair man, and a man of my word. If I didn't love you so damn much I'd slit your
throat and my word would be mute from then." "And you wonder why I'm scared
of you." His icy brutalism faded and he frowned. "I wish you'd stop saying that. I
would never hurt you and you should know that." "Kindly refrain from using
phrases that involve slitting my throat?" I suggested hopefully and he nodded. Slowly the
silence weighed down on us and I realized something new to draw our concerns. I
still had so many issues with Alessio. I was afraid of him sometimes. I was not okay with him
shooting Nash, even if Nash was planning something I didn't know about. And almost as bad
as his actual shooting of Nash was the person I saw him as in the hospital. Cruel and
demanding, someone I suspected he was often but had never had it directed towards myself,
not even when I was down under had he been quite so hateful. It'd ruined so much of who I
thought he was, and now again it was just to protect me? He'd scared the shit out of me. I
wasn't okay with him keeping so many secrets from me, but now he was telling me it was to
keep me safe from his world. While at the same time he was forcing his lifestyle on me with
expensive cars and lavish clothes. I felt like a prostitute when he handed me such expensive
work and no matter how many times I told him that he didn't let up. Alessio did have too
much control over my life, his following me everywhere I went, his choosing everything I
would use or do. I did love Alessio, but could I handle this? And now Alessio had
equal qualms with me. I had cheated on him. Perhaps not as badly as it could have been but I
had done it. By running off tonight I had betrayed him, both romantically and platonically.
He'd instilled a great deal of trust in me, perhaps more trust than he'd given anyone before
and I had let him down. I'd lied to his men and I had run for the hills. Almost immediately
after telling him I cheated on him I begged for him to leave this man be, something he had to
think meant much more than it did. I was as much a liar and a cheat as he was. We
were both alley cats. "Are we okay?" I whispered. His eyes never left
mine. His expression remained neutral as he said in an equally soft tone. "I don't know."

Chapter 38

I brought my fork slowly back and forth, moving the mashed potatoes from one side of the
plate to the other and back again. "You're awful quiet tonight Mia-pie." I
stabbed, getting a forkful of ham and rather than eat it myself passed it over to Donato.
Alessio would have my head if he knew I was feeding him table food. "Penny for
your thoughts." I looked up again, both my father and Uncle Sam were watching
me somewhat expectantly. I sighed heavily. "Officer Cooper...." "The tart?"
"Yeah Dad, the tart. What exactly do you know about him?" "Well, not much."
Dad admitted. "He doesn't exactly spend time at the station. Would be too risky of
course. Think I've seen him all of three times." Sammy shrugged and watched me as I handed
Donato another piece of ham. "Eat, you need to eat." "Why?" Dad continued.
Naturally, he would be ready to attack the moment I would mention a boy. "He's
legit though? Like he is on the force?" "Of course. Why the sudden interest in
Cooper?" "Would you have any reason to believe he's, erm, well, could he possibly
be corrupt?" Their forks hit their plates in a noisy platter. "Why?" Dad demanded.
"That's a pretty large accusation Mia." Sammy continued. "No, no, no. I'm not
accusing, I'm simply asking if you know-``''You should know better. Why you would even
ask such a thing Mia. Honestly." A lie. I blurted out a lie, something that was far
better than admitting to the two officers that my mafia running boyfriend had suggested he
was some sort of scum. "My boss suggested a story on corrupt cops." "Hope you
told your boss he was an idiot." Dad grumbled to himself and violently speared his meal.
"Of course Dad." I mumbled. "Mia, you know you can't be right about Cooper.
He's undercover." "I know, I know I just thought – oh never mind." We fell into a
few minutes of silence before I decided to press the matter again. "He's an informant, has he
you know, worn a wire, turned anybody in, actually gave any information?" "Are
you trying to worm a story out of us?" Sammy asked, raising an eyebrow. "Of
course not, I just wanted to know if he was on the right team." "Eat your green
beans." Dad grumbled and motioned to my plate. "And don't feed them to the dog."
"Yes Daddy." I sighed "Sometimes you reporters." He grumbled under his breath
eating with significant annoyance as he stabbed noisily at his meal. "Easy." Uncle
Sam urged him and then turned back to me. "So how is that boyfriend of yours?"
Not talking to me, staying out later than usual, coming home with raw knuckles and blood
along the collar of his shirt. "Good." Was there anyone I hadn't lied to lately?
Between Stacey not knowing Pietro was in the mafia, Alessio not knowing Nash was a cop,
and Nash having not known I was living with Alessio for months, and my family not
knowing who was dating the list was becoming quite extensive. Sometimes it felt like I
couldn't do anything right. This long list of lies was pulling me down deeper and
faster than a shiny new pair of cement slippers would, but how could I get out? If I told Dad
and Sammy who my boyfriend was well, it just wouldn't end well. Cops daughter with the
crime leaders? Sheesh, when did my life become a cliché YA novel? "And are we
ever going to meet this guy? I'm starting to think he's imaginary." Dad grumbled.
"He's not imagery, we are both just...busy. It's hard for him to get off work for this stuff."
"This stuff? It's just dinner Mia. What, he can' make time for you and your family?"
"Family is very important to him. Trust me." The most important thing. "Then
where the hell is he?" "Dad." I groaned. "Are you embarrassed by us?"
"Dad! No!" Seeing that the conversation was clearly not going in any kind of a
positive direction Uncle Sammy sighed and stood up, taking my neglected plate with him and
beginning to clean up. "It's not like we live far away from each other, not like we
don't see each other often. There isn't any reason for us to not be meeting this guy."
There were actually three very good reasons for them not meeting. Dad's gun.
Sammy's gun. Alessio's gun. "I know Dad, I know. He just works weird
hours." "Damn it Mia, how am I supposed to threaten your boyfriends and protect
your honor if I don't get to meet them? What am I gonna have to do, get one of the PI's on
you?" I rolled my eyes. "That's a total invasion of privacy. I'm not a little girl
anymore, you don't have to resort to scare tactics on my boyfriends anymore."
"Now, now." Sammy called over his shoulder. "Why don't you just cut his heart out and step
on it yourself? You're always going to be his little girl." I sighed. "I know that, I
just mean-" Dad leaned forward. "Do you remember when you were six years old
and you told me all boys were yucky?" "I was six. And I had watched Smelly
Shawn eat his own ear wax that day dad. Come on." "That's not the point. You
used to tell us stuff, keep us in the loop, introduce us to your boyfriends at least!"
"I tell you stuff! I will introduce you guys. And you know, you never answered my question
about Officer Cooper." "Because we aren't trying to help you write some crazy
story Mia. Cooper is undercover if you outted him-" "I know Dad, I'm not stupid."
Well, depending on who you asked that might have up for debate. "I just want to know if he's
you know, legit." "Why would you think he wasn't?" I shrugged. "I just
didn't know if he had actually put anything forward yet, helped anything, gotten anyone
behind bars...you know?" "It's an ongoing investigation Mia." Sam cut in. "We
haven't stepped forward to make any arrests yet. Too risky, we could blow his cover."
I nodded slowly. "So no. He hasn't given anything." "I didn't say that. Why the
sudden interest in this anyway?" "Told you. Boss." How many lies was that
tonight? Dad and Sam exchanged looks and I stood up, Donato followed my lead.
"Are you dating the tart?" Dad finally asked. "Is that what this is all about? You seem to
know an awful lot about this investigation, won't let us meet the boyfriend I'm starting to
think maybe you don't want us to know who you're dating because we already know them."
Well. "I have to go Dad." "She didn't deny it." He grumbled to Sam.
I rolled my eyes and gave both a hug and a kiss. This dinner had proved to be less helpful
than I had hoped for. I mean, I could at least confirm that Nash was a cop. It still didn't quite
add up. I'd decided to take Donato for a walk down to the station and checked out Nash's
office. It was cleared out. But Dad and Sammy both confirmed that he was a cop. Now to
figure out if he was dirty or not. "You'll meet him soon, I promise." I assured them
both as I latched Donato's leash onto his collar. "I'll talk to him, you guys will meet him
soon."

Chapter 39

"I feel." Pietro muttered under his breath as he helped to carry the body. "That this." He
shifted slightly to readjust the body. "Was a bit." In sync we lifted the body all at once onto
the metal table. "Unnecessary." He finally sighed and patted his hands off on his pants.
"Give me the torch." I instructed blatantly ignoring his input. Maybe killing the
guy was a bit much, maybe. But that is what happens when you try to dip out on paying your
debts. If Oscar was a real man he would have handled this himself, this was after all a debt
owed to the Casino and not myself directly. But what can I say, I was in a poor
mood and the guy got lippy with me. To accept such disrespect in front of all of my men?
What choice did I have? So I'd killed the bástard, he should just be grateful it
ended there. I could have easily tracked down his family and passed his debt onto him, but
no, out of the kindness of my heart I'd offered him a respectful burial at sea and snapped his
neck. Siv handed me the blow torch and rolled the corpse onto his side with a
grunt. He moved the arms out away from the body, hands up. Flames shot out of
the torch as I set forth burning the hands to eliminate the finger prints. It had been quite some
time since Pietro and I had worked to clean up together. Typically, when we took care of
someone with an outstanding debt it was a planned affair, and even more typically we had
lower level men to clean up the mess. I had acted out of rage tonight, I wouldn't
admit it out loud, nor did I regret my overzealous assault. But yes, I did overreact. It was a bit
unnecessary, but fȕck Pietro for suggesting that it was anyway. I turned the torch
off. There was nearly nothing left of his hands and the cuffs of his sleeve though we had
pushed them up were danced with flames. I lit a cigar off of the flames and motioned for Siv
to take over. "I take it you haven't talked to Mia." Pietro said watching me with a
certain level of amusement. "I take it you still haven't gotten that sand out of that
pȕssy of yours." I muttered back uninterestedly. "You know what I think?" Siv
said, sounding almost chipper as he patted the flames down. Pietro tossed him a
bucket working in perfect sync Siv pulled the first tooth out and dropped it into the small
bucket. "No." I said flatly. "You don't think. If you think that would imply you have a brain
and if you had a brain you wouldn't have let Mia leave in the first place and if she hadn't left
we wouldn't even have this problem." "Hey now." Pietro cut in. "Let's not forget if
someone had been a little more honest with Mia to begin with, she wouldn't have felt it
necessary to run off." I scoffed, loudly and Pietro chuckled. "Of course, Siv and
Simone being fȕcking morons and letting her run off is still my fault. Hell, maybe it is for
trusting them enough to begin with!" It was growing harder and harder to find good work
these days. "Now you know that's not what I meant. You should have been honest
with her. You never had a problem being upfront with Ari." I kicked a barrel onto
its side and gave it another hard kick to send it rolling over to them. "That was different."
"Why?" Pietro lifted the barrel upright and scooted it closer to the table. "Why are
you always on my balls?" "Promised Madre I would be. Do you want to be with
Mia or not?" I carried a bag of cement over and dropped it at Shiva's feet,
wordlessly I stalked back to the other side of the room to grab another and Pietro followed.
"You know I will just keep asking you until you answer or shoot me." "I'm likely
to shoot you first." I muttered under my breath. "Do you want to be with her or
not?" He repeated. With a sigh I threw the last bag of cement at Shiva's feet. "Yes
Padre." "Then you need to be honest with her. All the time, not just when it suits
you." "You think that I can be honest about this?" I motioned to the table before us
and Pietro followed with his eyes taking in the now toothless victim. "That she'll be
accepting? She'll run for the hills screaming her head off." "She hasn't yet" Siv
piped in. "You shut the hell up, you're lucky to even be alive right now."
"But he's right." Pietro added. "You think Mia has no clue what we do? She knows Alessio.
And I'm not telling you to go home and give her a play by play of your days' work. But when
you go about shooting one of her friends I don't think a little heads up about why you're really
doing it would be a bad idea." "Well it's a damn good thing I've never taken your
ideas into consideration before since they're so fȕcking stupid." After several long
moments of silence I finally glanced to Pietro again who was giving me his patented
disapproving look. "For her protection as well Alessio. That's something you take
into consideration, is it not?" Siv disappeared with his bucket of teeth and came
back a few moments later empty handed. "All I'm saying is if you and Mia want to
work out, then you both need to step up to the plate. You need to either learn to trust her or
call things off. You never had Ari followed around all the time, never lied to her."
"I tracked her, I tracked you, I don't see what the big deal is and I didn't have to worry about
Ari trying to get herself killed every time I turned the hell around." "Don't get mad
at me because you're mad at your relationship." Pietro kept his tone neutral, sounding almost
uninterested, never nearing a tone of a lecture nor one of being annoyed. "Mia isn't like the
rest of us. She's not used to all of this, I know, she's taken it in stride. Accepting your role,
moving in, but it's still a lot. All I'm suggesting is you give her a little bit more space and
freedom. Putting secret GPS devices into her earrings or leaving her with babysitters is a bit
much for someone living a relatively normal life." "So everything is my fault." I
huffed. "She runs off with-" "I know. You don't have to tell me again, I was there,
I know. And she is wrong too. You both need to be honest with each other and you need to
find some sort of common ground. Either you want to be together or you don't." I
pursed my lips and the three of us pulled the corpse into the barrel. "Okay, if this
conversation ever leaves this room I will personally neuter the both of you!" I warned each of
them. After a moment of letting the threat sink in I sighed. "What the fȕck do I do?"
"Well you could start with not ignoring each other." Pietro suggested. "Maybe actually going
home and spending time with her perhaps? An apology from the both of you would be nice."
I drummed my fingers thoughtfully on the barrel. "She kissed the guy." I finally admitted. No
one looked shocked, though I knew they didn't know before this moment. Theoretically
Pietro could have listened to our conversation on the cameras, but surely he knew better.
Pietro was too respectful to do something like that, it was for this very reason that I trusted
him with the power he had, knowing he would never use it. "She kissed the fȕcking bástard
and somehow convinced me to not go and kill him." "Damn." Silvano said and
began mixing the cement. "Right? If this got out I would look like a fȕcking pȕssy.
I feel like a fȕcking puss." "Are you mad because she kissed him, or mad because
your honor as a man has been called into question?" Pietro pressed on calmly as my rage and
frustration was finally igniting. "Both." I snapped. "But which more?"
I understood the question completely. What mattered more to me? My honor, or Armillia. I
didn't answer. "And again, I can't help but feel like had you been honest with Mia
about Matteo and his double life, rather than being the biggest díckhead you could have
possibly have been, this might not have happened. You pushed her Alessio, and hard,
apparently right into his arms. Just because you know Matteo is dishonest and dangerous
doesn't mean Armillia knows Matteo is dishonest and dangerous. She still thought he was a
stand up guy and you were the asshole who shot her friend and then abandoned her for weeks
because you're too socially retarded to deal with someone when they're having human
emotions like a normal person." "I am not!" "You are." He continued.
"And that brings us to where we are now. Rather than dealing with your troublesome
relationship you're just avoiding her until it gets better, which by the way won't happen
without a little bit of effort." "Well what do I do now? I told her I wouldn't kill him
but that when she confirmed that he was this little shít, she would have to kill him herself.
Now I've changed my mind. I want to kill him. Right fȕcking now." Pietro sighed
heavily. "If you told her you wouldn't, then don't. You need to work on building trust again
and starting out by doing the exact opposite of what you tell her isn't building trust. On top of
that, you and I both know as stubborn as she is if she didn't get to find out for herself she
wouldn't forgive you or believe it." The three of us poured the cement into the
barrel, on top of the victim while I mauled this over in my head. "Well what about
her?" I finally asked when the barrel was full. "She has a lot of making up to do
too. But we aren't talking about what she needs to do right now, we're talking about you.
Right now she probably doesn't even know you want to be with her." "Well she
should." I bit out. "Dude, you need to do something like a grand gesture." Silvano
cut in. "Not tying her to the bed and setting the house on fire was my grand
gesture." I growled. "I agreed not to kill the fȕcking bástard, what more does this woman
need from me?" "You." I thought about this for a long time, even after
we had called in another crew to stay with the body while the cement set. When the cement
was set this crew would be responsible for taking him and the barrel and getting him deep
into the river. "You need to reconnect." Siv was continuing as we sat on top
of the same table we had burned the body and removed the teeth smoking cigars waiting for
the crew to come and take over. "Reconnect." I repeated doubtfully. "Of
course. Trust me, I have the perfect plan."

Chapter 40

"Armillia." A honey-coated voice drew me gently from sleep. "Armillaire." He repeated in

almost a sing-song voice. I opened my eyes to darkness. There wasn't a bag over my head, I
wasn't stuffed in some sort of crate, it must have just still been night time. I blinked several
times to the room. Alessio had his arm over my waist and was holding me against his bare
chest, our bodies matching at every bend leaving no room between us. He was holding me in
a way I hadn't allowed him in the weeks following Nash's shooting and a way he hadn't
attempted in the days since I'd admitted I'd kissed him. Things had been strained at best. For
a reason I couldn't understand I didn't say anything. Would he just assume I was still asleep?
Why would I want him to assume I was still asleep? Why would he wait until the middle of
the night to finally break weeks of no physical contact and near silence? He moved the collar
of his shirt I was wearing to the side and kissed the back of my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut
to keep from shuddering. "Armillia." He muttered his words and fanned the back of my neck
and I knew I had goosebumps. He brought his hand down along the buttons of the shirt I was
wearing. "Why do you always wear this?" I didn't answer and he kissed the back of my neck
several times, trailing kisses all the way up to my ear. "I know you're awake." He breathed
into my ear. "I know you baby. And I know the way your body reacts to my touch." He
continued dragging his hand down until he found the hem up my shirt. "You've tensed up,
you're holding your breath, your skin is so hot beneath my touch. I know you're awake." He
continued and moved his hand up under my shirt. I let out a breath and he chuckled. Weeks
without Alessio's touch. How had I not realized how much I missed this? How much I needed
him. How could I go weeks, let alone days or hours without his hand grazing my bare skin?
He left a trail of flaming skin as he moved his hand further up my stomach. How had I not
jumped him before? I mean, I understand I might have been a little angry after the whole
shooting Nash who had easily become my best friend thing, and he was obviously more than
a little angry after I had made a run for it and broke the fidelity of our relationship, but don't
people say angry sex is like amazing? I should have accepted his calls while he was away and
touched myself to his voice, I should have demanded his touch the moment he got home
rather than arguing the way we had, I should have stayed up late waiting for him in nothing
but lingerie when he had started coming home later and later to avoid me. How had we let it
be for this long? "Why?" He whispered into my ear pulling me back to reality. "W-why
what?" I stammered trying to focus on the way his fingertips muddled along my curves, so
purposefully grazing the areas he knew both tickled and sent shivers up my spine. "Why do
you always wear my shirt to sleep?" "I-I don't...I don't know." He removed his hand so
suddenly from under the shirt I swear I felt a gush of cool air, or maybe it was just my body
freezing over the way it did when he wasn't with me. "I didn't know it bothered you." I said
almost feeling like I was back to earth, back in our house, in our room, in our bed, not off in
some wonderful world high above in the sky. "Did I say it bothered me?" "Well no but-" He
undid a button before I could even finish my thought. "I love it, trust me, you look
absolutely...ravishing in nothing but my shirt but..." He pulled me hard against him again and
I gasped. "There's just too much between us." He muttered into my ear as he began undoing
my buttons. "Alessio." I breathed. "Relax baby." He muttered and kissed the back and the
side of my neck, I arched my back, pushing my rear end into him more and his lips curved
upwards against my skin. "I just want to feel you." He muttered and pulled the shirt open. I
sat up to pull the shirt off more easily and he pulled me back down to him immediately. He
didn't kiss me, didn't attack me with feverish love, he just pulled my nearly naked body
against his nearly naked body. "Alessio." I groaned into his chest. He rested his chin on the
top of my head and sighed heavily. All of the tension in his body, the fight that Alessio
always waged on vanished. He was just content with my breasts against his chest, my arms
under his and wrapped around his body. I closed my eyes and soaked this in. His body
against my body, connecting in a way sex can never truly connect you. "I love you." I pulled
back just enough to be able to make out his outline in the darkness. When was the last time I
had said that? Just that I loved him. Not "I love it when you do this or that" or "I love you
but" but just plain I love you. Too long if I had to think about it. "I love you." I repeated to
make up for lost time and because it tasted so damn sweet on my lips but not nearly as good
as it did when Alessio kissed me again. A peck, not nearly as long as I would have preferred
but when we broke apart he was pulling my panties down and I, in return, his boxers. "I love
you." I repeated and frantically kissed him in a naked frenzy. He laughed and pulled away.
"Calm down. I love you too." We were naked now, and he simply pulled me into him again.
One arm around me and holding me firmly as if I might slip away at any moment and the
other under me played lazily with my hair. He wanted me, I knew he wanted me. I could feel
he wanted me, literally. He was hard. But he was making no attempts at anything. I wished he
would. I wanted him just as much if not more than he wanted me but he simply held me.
"Babe?" I finally broke a comfortable silence after a few minutes. "What are we doing here?"
"Existing." "Alessio." I groaned. He leaned back and kissed me lightly. "I told you. I just
want to feel you. We've never done this you know." "Uh, I think we've done this quite a few
times." He chuckled. "No. We've fȕcked quite a few times. We've never just felt one another,
never just slept naked holding each other." "Probably because when we're naked and feeling
each other it leads to the whole fȕcking thing again." I know I was sure hoping it would right
now anyway. "That could be." He muttered in agreement. I put my cheek to his chest again
and closed my eyes. His heart wasn't at all like I had expected. I was expecting it to be
hammering through his chest the way I was sure mine was. I thought being so turned on I
would hear something almost animalistic in his chest, but I didn't. His heart drummed steady
and calm, the way it always did when I listened. Granted, that was usually just before I fell
asleep at night. The steady thumping of his heart was my lullaby at night. I would lay my
head on his chest and he would play lazily with my hair and I would let his heart lull me to
sleep. In some instances after sex when I would roll over and put my head on his sweaty
chest his heart would be thundering as would my own and it wouldn't be until we had both
stopped panting and the beating returned to normal that I would be able to fall asleep. "I've
never asked you about your tattoos." I muttered into his chest. After all these years and I
waited until the middle of the night when I couldn't even see his tattoos and of all the times,
weeks into what was our biggest relationship hurdle to date. "There isn't much to them." He
said in a groggy tone. I don't think I'd ever heard Alessio groggy. I had never woken him
before and usually when I woke up even if he was still in bed he was already awake. He took
my hand and brought it low on his abdomen, all the way down to the V pointing to places I
really wanted to touch. He traced a pattern from memory up almost until his belly button. I
knew this tattoo, I knew all of his tattoos. This one was simply a tribal tattoo that worked its
way sexily around one of my favorite places on his body. "This is the first place I was
stabbed." I nearly pulled my hand away but he moved it quickly before I had the chance. He
brought my hand up his side and I closed my eyes. Roman numerals, though if I was being
honest with myself I didn't remember what the actual roman numerals were. "VIXI." He
explained gently. "In Italy we do not believe in Friday the Thirteenth, we believe in Friday
the Seventeenth. Seventeen, XVII, rearranged spells VIXI. Which means I have lived, and
thus, I am now dead." "Morbid." I muttered as he moved my hand up to his collarbone. He
guided my hand up over his collarbone and up his back. Truthfully, as many times as I had
seen this tattoo I couldn't tell you what it was. It was a compilation of several tattoos starting
as a wide tattoo on his shoulder blade and wrapping up to his collarbone. They all worked
together so perfectly, such as many have sleeves done on their arms each tattoo worked into
the next. "Cornicello and the Corno, they are both symbols to ward off Malocchio." "Ah I
see you are quite skilled in the art of gibberish." He chuckled. "Malocchio is the Evil Eye.
It's brought on by that jealousy thing you keep accusing me of having. Cornicello is the chilli
pepper looking thing, and Corno, also known as the Devil's horn, is what your people would
call a rock on a sign pointed down. They are both to ward away the evil eye." "I didn't know
that." I smiled slightly. "So those two are sort of like...protection?" "I suppose you could call
it that...but it's quite redundant as there's a raven somewhere back there and birds inside the
house is a symbol of bad luck...even a feather could curse a house." "I had no idea you
Italians were so superstitious." I muttered and moved my hand over, I kissed the place where
it was. "Don't even get me started." He sighed. "Don't put a coat hanger on the bed, you
won't have sex. If someone accidentally touches your feet as they're sweeping and you're
single you'll never be married. Don't cut your toenails and fingernails on Thursdays. Never sit
at a table of thirteen." He rolled over to face me suddenly. "You've never had a perm while
menstruating have you." I laughed and he pulled me into him again. "I've never had a perm
period." "I'm serious Armillia. It's exhausting to keep up with." "You'll have to write
everything down for me. Now don't think I've forgotten about those tattoos of yours." "Ah,
not so easily distracted I see." "What's the one on your chest?" I asked, moving my hand to
his chest. The large cross with the two guns behind it and endless scribbles inside the cross.
"A cross." I rolled my eyes in the darkness knowing he couldn't see. "I know that much.
There's more to all of the other ones. This one is like...half your chest I just thought." He put
his hand on mine and brought it further down his chest. "NAS." Of course I couldn't see
whatever he was directing my hand to so I simply waited for him to explain further. "Nicolo
Augustus Santoro." This time I did pull my hand back so fast you would have sworn it had
just been in flames. "Initials. Hundreds of them. I did of course eventually run out of room. I
haven't decided what to do next to honor my fallen family." I made some sort of incoherent
gibberish. True, there were hundreds of initials in there. Far too many to even imagine he'd
actually known all these people, but somehow the fact that Nicolo was there. My Nicolo. I
was speechless. And feeling awfully nostalgic all of the sudden. "Armillia?" He said almost
cautiously. I swallowed hard. "I, I didn't...why didn't you ever tell me." "You've never asked
obviously." I cleared my throat and sat up, pulling my knees to my bare chest. "It's not that
big of a deal." Alessio muttered. "It is! I didn't think-" "What? You didn't think what?" "I
didn't think you cared. I mean, you shot Macro without hesitation, you lost some of your guys
in that raid and were completely emotionless, even when Benji, someone who was closer than
most to you was killed you didn't miss a beat. I just thought-``''It's my job. If I miss a beat
people die, you and I would both die. I can't afford to miss a beat. I told you Armillia.
Nothing is more important than family. These men, plentiful as they may be, brief as their
lives sometimes turn when they join, they are my family." I put my chin onto my knees and
we fell into silence. After a few moments I laid my cheek on my knees instead to face him
despite the fact that in the darkness I couldn't see him. "I'm glad you did his initials and not el
verme." I teased. "I'm glad you're glad." He muttered and I could tell he was ready to sleep
by his tone, but now I was wide awake. "Do they hurt to get done?" I asked and laid down
again. He rolled into me, pulling my back against his chest. He didn't drape his arm lazily
around me the way he often did, but rather held me forcefully against him. I loved it. "Not
really." "Don't they stab you with like fifty-million needles all at once?" He shrugged and I
scrunch my nose up. "Sounds pretty painful to me." "It doesn't really hurt. I would actually
say it burns more than anything. By the time they're done with the outline you'd be pretty
much numb anyway." "Who does your tattoos?" "I have a guy. You can meet him next time
I get ink added. I'm planning something as soon as I get a bit of free time." I laughed, not
because of his answer but because I was stupid enough to ask. Certainly someone in the
mafia did tattoos and they would have known better than to screw up one of Alessio's tattoos.
"Maybe I should get one." This time he laughed. I frowned and took several small shifts in
his arms to roll to face him with a scowl he couldn't see. "What? Why is that so funny?"
"You?" "Yes Alessio, me." I huffed. "You hate needles." He reminded me. "I hate doctors
and drugs. Needles don't bother me unless it's loaded with drugs or a doctor is holding it." I
lied. I totally hated needles. "You want a tattoo?" "Yes." "Alright. Think about what you
want and sometimes we'll look into one for you." "Why not when you get yours?" He didn't
answer. "I already know what I want. Call you guys and I'll get one whenever you do." He
chuckled and called my bluff. "Fine. I'll clear my schedule, we can do this thing tomorrow."
"Great." I challenged back and rolled again so my back was to him again. He kissed my neck
gently and despite my bitter mood I giggled. "Great." He muttered against my skin and rested
his cheek on my shoulder.

Chapter 41

I struggled to hide my surprise when we went to an actual tattoo shop. I had been fully
prepared to have someone just show up at our house and pull his equipment out of a suitcase
from the trunk of his car. "Great. We're here." I said trying to sound excited. Alessio had
definitely called my bluff on the whole tattoo thing. I had thought about tattoos before, there
were a few I had decided I wouldn't mind getting but of course I knew I'd never actually get
one. Because truly, I did hate needles and the idea of permanently inking myself sounded
insane. "Here." Alessio handed me two little blue pills. I scrunch my nose up in an immature
response. "For your anxiety." "I don't have anxiety." "Trust me Armillia. You're going to
psych yourself out. Your anxiety is going to be so much worse than the actual tattoo." "I-"
"Where did you even get those?" Stacey interrupted from the passenger's seat upfront.
Alessio shot her a look. He hated being interrupted. "Does it matter?" She shrugged. "You
know this really isn't what I had in mind when I agreed to another double date." I huffed and
snatched the pills from Alessio. "Come on Mia!" Stacey beamed as she threw open her door.
"This is going to be so much fun!" "Easy for you to say, you're not the one getting stabbed
ninety-billion-trillion times." I grumbled and followed her lead in getting out of the car. "I
said I might." "No one is forcing you Armillia." Alessio said at my side already. "Just admit
you aren't a tattoo person." He taunted, knowing well enough that that wasn't going to
happen. "No, I'm fine. Can't wait." "Fabulous." He said and kissed my cheek. He slipped his
arm around my waist and led me into the shop. Even more surprising than the fact that we
came to an actual tattoo shop was the reaction the man behind the counter had when he saw
Alessio. "Alessio!" He yelled and threw his arms open. He came across the counter and
hugged Alessio. When they pulled apart he kept his hand on his shoulder and beamed. "You
old son of a bitch, what the hell are you doing here?" I gave Alessio a concerned look. Was
this guy alright? I hadn't seen anyone give Alessio this greeting before. No one. The general
greeting was "Mister Genovese sir, what a pleasant surprise how may we service you today?"
Others may give him a curt nod, some became instantly terrified when they saw him and
began stuttering. "A-Alessio, w-what a pleasant surprise." And then there were those of
course who kept their eyes trained to the ground as he passed them. This guy? Not only was
he informal as all hell but he appeared to be genuinely pleased to see Alessio. Odd. "I called
you." Alessio reminded him. "I asked you to work with us today." "I know, I just love busting
your chaps." He patted Alessio hard on the shoulder several times and then stepped away.
"So what is it gonna be? Naked mermaid?" He turned to me and hitched his thumb towards
Alessio. "I've been trying to convince this guy to let me tattoo a naked mermaid to his arm for
like forty years!" He insisted despite Alessio not even being forty years old. Alessio rolled
his eyes. "Armillia, Stacey, this is my very annoying friend Lewis." He wasn't even Italian. I
would be lying if I said that didn't surprise me just a little bit. Lewis wore nearly black jeans
and a simply grey v-neck which allowed most of his tattooed arms and neck to be visible. He
wore thick black rimmed glasses, white plugs in his ears and his hair was gelled into a way
that reminded me of the 60's. He was scrawny but extremely vibrant personality wise. Lewis
narrowed his eyes at us inspecting us thoroughly and then glanced back to Alessio. "Yours?"
I waved slightly. "Jesus Mary and Joseph." He gasped and put a hand to his chest, putting the
other on my shoulder. "You have no idea how relieved I am to meet you. Alessio has never
brought a girl here before, never even mentioned a girl. I really started to suspect he was
taking it through a strict exit only hole, if you know what I mean." A hint of color hit
Alessio's cheeks but he actually laughed. "Fȕcking asshole." He muttered with a shake of his
head. Lewis smiled at Alessio and stepped backwards. "What're we doing today?" Alessio
glanced at me. "Do you want me to go first?" I shook my head. "Nope." I said popping the P.
If I heard the sound of the tattoo gun buzzing and watched Alessio get his done I would
surely chicken out, and that was something I just couldn't risk happening. "Virgin?" Lewis
pointed to me. Just as I opened my mouth to ask why that was any of his business Alessio
answered for me. "They both are." Oh, a tattoo virgin. "I'm not sure if I'm getting one."
Stacey said looking around the walls at all of the images hanging. "Naked mermaid?" Lewis
pointed to Pietro. "Demonic dragon." Pietro replied back. "Damn it." Lewis muttered. "Do
you have a book?" Stacey asked. "I'll just look while Pietro gets his done." "Sure, Donny is
back there. He'll hook you up." Lewis motioned towards a small hallway. Pietro started down
the hallway but Stacey didn't. "I'm sorry Mia but I've got to see this." I rolled my eyes and
Lewis laughed and led the three of us to a room. The black and white tiled floors reminded
me of an old school diner but the deep red chair pulled me back into reality. I sat on the chair,
being that it was the kind of chair where one could sit or lay down there was plenty of room
for Alessio to sit beside me. "Have you decided what you want to get?" I shrugged
sheepishly. "Have you decided where?" "I think you'd look so hot with something on your
shoulder." Stacey piped up. "I don't want something there yet." They both watched me
waiting and I shrugged. "This is going to sound lame but when I get married I want a
strapless dress and I don't want to have any tattoos showing." Alessio leaned into me to
whisper into my ear. "I could think of a few more discreet places..." I gasped and pushed him
away with a blush. The nerve of him, even suggesting that. "Places I'm sure you would shoot
Lewis for looking at." Alessio considered this for a moment and then nodded. "True, but I
would respectfully allow him to finish the tattoo before doing so." "So?" Stacey asked,
dragging the word out. "You'll think it's stupid." I muttered. "I'm sure I'll see it eventually."
Alessio reminded me. "And it's small." "Which is good for your first." "Quotations."
"Come again?" "Well...I'm a writer. I was thinking of quotations. Behind each of my ears."
"You want that thing on your head?" Stacey said in obvious disbelief. "I don't want it there.
But I mean, yeah. That's what I want done." "You don't have to get anything." Alessio
reminded me. "I know. It's fine." "Are you nervous?" "I'm fine." "I think your drugs have
kicked in." He chuckled and put his hand on my thigh. Lewis came back into the room and
slapped on some rubber gloves. "You're first?" He asked, pointing to me. "So I am." I
gulped. *** I hadn't picked a bad tattoo. In fact, I think it was actually pretty good. It
didn't take more than fifteen minutes and I had to hand it to Alessio, the anxiety I'd had since
last night was much worse than the actual tattoo. Stacey admitted she was thoroughly
disappointed in my lackluster response, but if I could handle it she obviously could so now
she was with Pietro browsing the books. There was one small problem though after my
tattoo. Those anxiety pills made me ridiculously tired. My whole body felt heavy. I wanted to
curl up on the floor and sleep but instead I sat across from the room as Alessio got his newest
tattoo done. He was getting something else added to the slur on his shoulder. "You know one
of these days I'm going to slap some tits on you just to see how long it takes you to notice."
Lewis muttered to Alessio. "You know one of these days I'm going to start cutting fingers
off, just to see how long it takes you to run this business into the ground." "Harsh man."
"How are you guys holding up?" Stacey asked, wandering back into the room. Pietro's tattoo
was taking forever and she was getting antsy. "Almost done and then I can bend you over
and do you too." Lewis said casually and then added on. "Tramp stamp, right?" "No!" Stacey
gasped and Alessio laughed. A deep throaty chuckle that surprised all of us except Lewis
apparently. "You're lucky Pietro didn't hear that." Alessio said. "Pietro would've found it
just as funny." Lewis replied with an air of friendly smugness. "Perhaps, but I..." Alessio
leaned back and Lewis stopped tattooing him for a moment. I knew Alessio was muttering
threats quietly to Lewis. He did so quietly partly for Stacey's sake I'm sure, and partly
because a whispered threat into your ear was much more terrifying than a yelled one to your
face. Surprising me yet again Lewis responded with laughter and began tattooing Alessio
again. "How did you guys meet?" I finally broached in a groggy voice. Alessio glanced up at
me. He knew what I was asking. Lewis wasn't a part of the family, was he? "I worked briefly
with his brother." Briefly, as in he was already dead. "Pietro had let a relative tattoo him and
it was in poor need of a cover up." He chuckled. So Pietro had let one of the Mafia members
tattoo him and Lewis's brother brought Pietro to Lewis to get it fixed before he died.
Watching Lewis smile and tattoo merrily I was even more confused. Had I lost a brother at
their hands I wouldn't have been so chipper. Granted, I was screwing the man and had lost a
cousin who was as close to me as any brother could have ever been. "Lewis is family."
Alessio clarified for me. And nothing was more important than family. Apparently even a
biological family. "Lewis, if you want to throw a pair of tits or a dick on my boyfriend I
wouldn't be opposed." I said loudly across the room. Lewis chuckled and turned the gun off.
"Alright my friend, you're done." "Already?" "Don't be such a puss and get such little
things." Lewis said and slapped Alessio on the shoulder. Alessio actually winced and
muttered something under his breath. "Ah! My next victim!" He exclaimed and rubbed his
hands together. Stacey took the seat and she began explaining to Lewis the different ideas
she had as he began throwing away ink containers and cleaning his gun. Alessio took the seat
next to me still shirtless and put his hand on top of mine. I laced my fingers between his and
put my head on his shoulder. "You drugged me." I mumbled. "It's just an anxiety pill
Armillia." "What did you get?" I asked, lifting my head. He turned so his back was to me. I
glanced to Lewis and then back to Alessio, if I pulled the bandage off would Lewis yell at
me? Then again, did I really care if he did? I carefully pulled a corner of the bandage up and
then pulled it up further. A beautiful and realistic bright red rose tattoo stared back at me. The
thorny stem followed the wispy curves of the tattoo as it meshed with the other tattoos around
it. "It's a rose." I said simply and lowered the bandage, after a second I lifted it again. "It's a
rose?" "I trust you can guess the meaning of that one without my explanation." I was half
tempted to slap it the way Lewis had. "You, I mean, we-" He turned around to face me again
despite the fact that I hadn't even repositioned the bandage. My hands remained in the exact
same position as they had before he turned, my hands were still raised in the air as if I were
still lifting the bandage. "My one single rose in a field of daisies." He teased. I shoved him
and began yelling immediately. "You can't just go and get some meaningful tattoo about your
girlfriend without even discussing it first! I mean, what if we break up? What if I sleep with
your best friend? There's so many things that could go wrong with this, oh my God, this is
permanent you know! I could screw you over, or you could screw me over and you're always
going to have this big ass rose tattoo staring at you! Then someday your new girlfriend will
ask about all of your tattoos and you'll be like "Oh yeah this is for all my dead friends, this is
where I was stabbed and this is for Armillia." How do you think that is going to pan out? Do
you even think before you act?" I yelled at him and then pulled him into me and kissed him
hard before he had a chance to say a single word in response. When we pulled back I
couldn't help but be misty eyed as I shoved him again. "God you psycho!" I yelled and kissed
him again. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me from my chair and onto his lap
deepening the kiss. I muttered one word insults against his lips on occasion as we kissed.
"Excuse me." Lewis said loudly. We pulled apart and I kept my forehead against his. "I
don't know if you guys are fighting, or about to have sex or what exactly is going on over
there but you're interrupted my genius artistic flow." "Lewwy?" Alessio replaced her in a
silky voice. "Go fȕck yourself." And he began kissing me again as the sound of the tattoo gun
and Lewis's laugh mixed behind us.

Chapter 42
"I really can't believe you." I muttered to Alessio as I rubbed A&D ointment on his shoulder.
"Who does this?" "A lot of people Armillia." He sighed. We'd gone to dinner, had gotten ice
cream, taken the dog for a walk, and now as we were getting ready for sleep I was still going
on about the tattoo. "A lot of crazy stupid and insane people." He didn't humor me with a
response. "I'm serious Alessio. What if this doesn't work out?" "What was it you said
before? What if you sleep with my best friend?" He chuckled. "I was just saying! We've
been...rocky. And things happen, things that tear apart relationships! You never know how
things are going to turn out. You don't make these permanent kinds of decisions about your
body based on your feelings. I mean, damn. What if I leave you? What if I get killed?" "I
won't let you." I hesitated for a moment and then sat flat on the bed again. "Won't let me
what? Sleep with your best friend? Leave you? Get killed?" "All of the above naturally."
"You wouldn't let me leave you?" "Of course not." He said and stood up from the bed. I
rolled my eyes. "This is what I'm talking about with the whole you tend to strike fear into
people's heart thing. Who says things like that?" "I do, obviously." "Whatever. I still think
it's a horrible idea. I mean, so many things could go wrong or happen. What if five years from
now you're with someone else and they ask you about all of your tattoos? How are you going
to explain that, huh?" "It's a rose Armillia. I didn't get your name across my forehead, I didn't
get a portrait of your face on my chest. It's a rose. I highly doubt anyone will be asking me
for a vivid description on it." "Well still...you'll know." "I'll always know." He agreed. He
undid his pants and threw them into a hamper. I watched him get ready to go to sleep in a
routine he always followed. Stripping. Brushing his teeth, washing his face. Surprisingly
typical things for a not so typical person to do. After a few minutes I joined him in the
bathroom and brushed my teeth beside him. I kept my eyes on him in the mirror and he
seemed completely oblivious to my existence. For some reason I couldn't get over him. I
couldn't stop watching him. All day I had stared at him in disbelief and shook my head
slowly. Was it shock at his idiocy or the shock at how much he truly loved me? I wasn't sure.
I thought back to the first time I had ever met Alessio. Where he had shot my phone, he'd
been so cold, tauntingly powerful and in some sick way he loved to watch me squirm. In
some ways that hadn't changed. Alessio spit into the sink and I mimicked his action. He
glanced at me briefly and then began brushing again, I did the same. Alessio sure did love to
make me squirm. But not in the uncomfortable power struggle kind of way. It was raw,
physical, over the edge in lust, eyes rolling into the back of my head kind of way. He spit
again and I did as well. We both pulled a small disposable paper cup from a dispenser and
rinsed before spitting again. When he cupped his hands under the water and splashed a
handful of cold water over his face. I did the same. "What exactly are you doing?" He finally
questioned and turned to me. "Whatever are you talking about?" I tried innocently and
watched as the water dripped from his jaw. God, I wanted him. "You're copying my every
move Armillia." "Am I?" "You are." I shrugged. We had a brief stare down, after a very
long minute he turned away and grabbed a towel and patted his face off. I wondered if he
stood there and actually counted the seconds in his head when he glared people down. He
was so good at it, he knew the precise amount of time to glare at someone to break them.
When he put the towel down I picked it up and patted my face off. He grabbed me around
the waist and threw me over his shoulder. I screamed, earnestly surprised at the action and
braced myself against his back. "Alessio Genovese you put me down right this second!" I
yelled and he did. He threw me down onto my back on the bed and was on top of me in
seconds pinning me down. "You were mocking me!" He said pretending to be shocked and
appalled. "Maybe." I teased. "I oughta take you right now for such disrespect!" "Please do."
I giggled. He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Or..." "Oh there's an or now?" I bit my lip
seductively. He glanced up and down my body as I was in only a bra and panties as I had
been mimicking him and part of that required the clothing copy as well. "Or I could rip off
those skimpy little things you call underwear and bend you over my knee like you deserve."
I scrunch my nose up. The one and only time such had happened was the (thankfully) one and
only time his mom had seen my entire bare ass. He laughed, a deep throaty laugh that moved
his whole body, the kind of laugh that was practically foreign and roped me in every time. He
rolled off of me and onto the bed beside me. I rolled into him and rested my heart on his chest
as it vibrated with laughter. "Armillia." He said after several moments of silence. "Mm." I
mumbled in response. He pulled me closer to him again. "I want to feel you again tonight."
"You mean you want to sleep naked?" He groaned. "It doesn't sound nearly as good when
you say it that way." Despite his whining he undid the clasp of my bra easily with one hand.
"I like sleeping in your shirt though." "It's been so long." He grumbled and brought his hands
down my bare stomach. "All this bickering and fighting. I never get to feel you anymore."
That was hard to argue with. I rolled onto my side and he pulled me against him again, my
back to his chest. He brought his hands slowly up and down my waist, tracing the curves and
making me shudder. He kissed the back of my neck gently, his tongue flicking against it.
Eventually he let his hands roam low enough that they finally found the fabric of my cotton
panties and he slowly started working them down. I swayed my hips as he pulled them down
and he bit down on my neck. "Don't tease me." He whispered against my skin and I moaned
which excited him only more. "I'm trying hard for Armillia." "Why?" I breathed. I knew
what he was trying at. He was trying not to sleep with me. Which made little sense to me. It
had been weeks, we were finally not fighting. He should be jumping for joy and swinging his
poor neglected dick around in circles at the chance to be able to screw again. If I was the one
with the dick I'd certainly be swinging it around willy nilly. Coolness swirled around my
body as Alessio's presence left me suddenly. I rolled over to face him. He was on his back
now with his arms crossed under his chest. "What's wrong?" "You kissed someone else,
Armillia, stripped for someone else. Don't think that it's something I've simply forgotten
about." "But then why-" "I obviously love you. I've told you before I don't believe you ever
stop loving someone. I obviously want to be with you, I've left your pencil dicked friend
alive, but I'm not an idiot. We have problems. Serious problems in our relationship. Problems
that I haven't a clue how to solve. Do you know what I do with problems? I eliminate them.
I've never been in such a situation where my gun or my family couldn't solve my problems. I
haven't a fȕcking clue what the proper protocol in such a situation is but I can't imagine it's
pulling your hair and slamming into you until you can't even make out the syllables it takes to
scream my name." I swallowed hard. "I- well-" I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, I'm having
too hard of a time making it past that last comment to actually contribute anything useful to
this discussion." He turned his head to look at me for a few moments and then looked to the
ceiling again. "Don't think I wouldn't do it too." He muttered in a halfhearted threat that made
me laugh. I sat up and brought one of my knees to my chest. "Alessio we're allowed to have
sex. When two people are in a relationship, and hell even if they aren't, if both parties want to
have sex they're allowed. Even when they're having some problems. Sometimes the sex is
even better then." "I don't want to risk our relationship for the sake of better sex. I'm trying to
fix things." "Well sometimes that just takes time...I mean, I know I love you. But I know I
have a lot of issues with you right now as well." I could sort of, sort of, not hold the Nash
thing against him because he had honestly thought Nash was a threat. But I still wasn't okay
with the way he reacted in the hospital. His cold manor towards me, his threats, and the
following weeks when he left me wallow away in self-pity rather than try to explain or help
me. I was not okay with how I sometimes felt in this relationship, like I was lacking control
and power. More often than not things were on Alessio's terms. And I was not okay with his
constant making decisions for the both of us and certainly not the complete invasion of all
boundaries and privacy. "And I you." He sighed. Not only had I betrayed his trust by running
to Nash and so thoughtfully had made it so he had no way whatsoever to track or find me, but
I had also cheated on him. He knew Nash and I, or, Matteo in his eyes, were spending time
together and I had sworn to never see him again. Under a threat or not I had given him my
word and went to Nash at the earliest convenience. "Maybe you know nothing about
relationships but lucky for you I do." "Experienced are you?" He said in a cold tone I chose
to ignore. "A little, but mostly I'm a girl and I've watched enough sappy love movies and
read so many books and quotes and listened to so many other girls gush about their
relationships I'm pretty well schooled on the subject." Not even a ghost of a smile. "Couples
fight Alessio. No relationship is perfect. It's just a matter of whether or not they choose to
fight through them. And yes, you're right. You can't solve this or all of our problems with a
revolver." "What about a hand grenade?" My brows knit together. "It would probably
actually be worse." "Good to know." I really hoped he was joking but his face was just as
solemn and serious as before. "This isn't the sort of thing you can just buy me a puppy or
flowers about, not having sex won't solve this, getting tattoos together or for each other won't
erase our problems. It's just something we're going to have to work through and it will take
time. I love you so much, and I love that you are trying so hard. You have no idea how much
that means to me. Are you trying? At all let alone this hard, that means more to me than a
tattoo or when you say you love me. It really shows me, and you have absolutely made my
night. But I really, really just wish you would fȕck me." "I was trying to reconnect." He tried
explaining in an even tone. "The sleeping together thing, holding you and the skin to skin
contact. It wasn't even my own fȕcking idea. I told Siv it was fȕcking moronic, why I'd take
love advice from any of those imbeciles-" I laughed, and I mean really laughed. The mental
idea of Alessio drinking a beer and moping about his love life as Silvano gave him some sort
of love-guru advice "sleep naked with her, chicks love it when you sleep naked with them."
Alessio looked to me with annoyance. "It's ridiculous." I clutched my sides and bent over to
rest my head on his chest as I laughed. "You don't even want to know what phase two of this
little scheme he worked up was." I laughed harder. Alessio watched me laughing for a few
moments, I laughed until I cried and he didn't even crack a smile. He did however pull me
upright and into him, he spooned me as I shook with mere giggles. "I guess it wasn't
completely moronic. I mean, is anything that gets your hot naked body pressed against me
really a complete waste?" I stopped laughing abruptly. "Alessio?" He began kissing my neck
in response. "We fȕck, don't we?" He paused and spoke softly, blowing warm air onto my
neck as he did so, "I thought that much was obvious." "Well." I began and I knew with the
lights still on he could see my entire body turning red with embarrassment. I did read, watch,
and hear too much sappy love shit. I felt like a teenager as I drew my question painfully out.
"Is that what it is? Do we just fȕck or do we-" "Don't even say it." He interrupted me sharply.
"Sex is fȕcking sex Armillia. It's two people, hȯrny and willing, pėnis in vágina, ball slapping
sėx. That's what it always is, no matter who is doing it, what the circumstances are. It's
fȕcking sėx." I watched the wall across from me. He nestled his face into the crook of my
neck but didn't kiss this time. He merely rested his head and I knew he was probably just
getting ready to sleep again. No one said anything for a long time. I felt his body relaxing
around mine, he wouldn't be asleep yet. I had never woken up before Alessio or stayed up
later than him. I think the entire time I had known him I had actually seen him asleep only
three or four times. So few in fact that I could count them on one hand. So when I whispered
softly into the room I knew he heard me. "Make love to me Alessio." His response tickled
across my skin and raised every hair on my body before he rolled on top of me he whispered
against me, "I do every time."

Chapter 43

I rolled over and smacked the empty spot of the bed Alessio should have been it. Lazily, I sat
up and yawned. He was across the room watching himself in the mirror as he smoothed his
tie out. "Good morning my rose." "It is a good morning." I smiled and pulled the
duvet up to cover my chest. "After a very good night." "I was thinking, it's been
awhile since we've gone out." I scratched my head with another long yawn and
flopped backwards on the bed again. "We go out all the time." "Jogging to the
coffee shop hardly counts as going out, which by the way I already took Donato for a run."
I sat up again and picked my phone up, looking at the time it was after ten. "Why didn't you
wake me up?" "I thought you could use some rest, lord knows you didn't get any
last night." He glanced at me in the mirror, took in my body turning a sweet shade of pink
and then looked back to his reflection with a smirk. "I brought you breakfast back, it's in the
kitchen." "You're a God." Finally satisfied with how he looked Alessio
turned away from the mirror to face me completely. "As I was trying to say. I thought it
would be nice if we went out. Just the two of us." "And your driver of course." He
smirked. "Do you remember the first time we went out?" "Of course I
do. The orchestra." He'd held my hand and I couldn't even hear straight after, then we'd gone
to dinner and he'd run his hand up my leg sprouting off Italian insults, I'd gotten so drunk I'd
tried to jump him and had instead ended up setting the rug on fire and sobbing until he held
me and we slept. It was the first night he'd held me, the first night I'd slept in his shirt, the
first night I really thought there was maybe just a little something there with us. I
looked up to Alessio and realized he'd been talking while I had been dozing off into space
thinking about our first date, if it was a date. I was still unsure about the logistics of this
relationship and what was and what wasn't. "It will be only the highest class of people in
attendance, the tickets were difficult to get even for me." "Another orchestra?"
One brow lowered and the other raised slightly, he almost looked annoyed but it didn't quite
reach his eyes. "Yes Armillia, have you heard nothing I said?" "Honestly? No not
really." I admitted and he pursed his lips, annoyance clear now. "Tickets to an
orchestra not next weekend but the following. Eight o'clock, dinner at six." He said slowly
and slightly louder to ensure he had my attention. No sooner did I open my mouth than there
were three heavy knocks on the door and it opened suddenly. I pulled the duvet around me
protectively. Alessio turned to look at the opened door with little interest. Silvano
slapped his hands over his eyes abruptly. This was dejavu. "At no point did I instruct you to
enter." Alessio said calmly. "I-I knocked." Silvano stammered. "And
what, prey-tell is the common procedure when one knocks? Is it not to wait for permission to
enter? At no point did I believe you were to knock and then barge dramatically through the
door without a care in the world." "Yes sir, of course not sure. I have every care in
the world sir." I couldn't help but giggle and Silvano lowered his hand a fraction of an inch
and shot me a side glance. "Keep your eyes in your fȕcking head." Alessio
snapped. "Thank God for that cornicello tattoo you have back there." I reminded
Alessio who shot me a dirty look. (Reminder, cornicello is supposed to ward off the evil eye
which is a curse often brought on by jealousy) "What the hell do you want Siv?"
"They think they've found the rat." Alessio's expression changed dramatically. The
scowl wiped off of his face and an eerie calmness took over. "They think they've found him
or they know? Our family has never reacted to mere thoughts." "I-I-" "Is
it a thought or is it a fact Silvano?" "I don't know sir. I was just told-"
"Useless mole." He scoffed and turned back to me. "I'll see you later." "Alessio." I
said in a stern motherly tone. "You play nice with your friends today." He rolled
his eyes and kissed me lightly. Silvano was quick to wipe his smile away before Alessio had
a chance to catch him smirk at my scolding. "Please at least try to be nice." I
whispered to him between light kisses. "That was my trying." He replied back and
followed Silvano out. I sighed and laid back in bed for a few minutes before
remembering he had brought me something home from our coffee shop and I had to turn in a
few stories to the station lest I lose my job. I got dressed, electing to skip the
shower for now. When I opened the door Donato was sitting patiently outside of it with his
head cocked, he stood up upon seeing me and followed me down the hallway.
Alessio had put the poor pooch through so many puppy training classes. He was fit to be a
heck of a guard dog but was still serving to be a great companion for me. If Alessio saw me
usher him onto the couch and break my cinnamon bun in half and share it with the pup he
would have a cow. That sure as heck didn't stop me. I stretched out
across the couch with a glass of coffee on the coffee table and my laptop on my lap. Donato
stretched across my legs and watched me with large sad puppy eyes as I wrote.
"Sorry boy, but mommy has a job she really likes and would really like to keep."
He whined in response. "Didn't they teach you about whining and begging in that
fancy school Alessio sent you to?" I asked and glanced over the top of my laptop.
We made eye contact and he raised his head off my lap and tilted it to the side.
"Not now boy." I replied and he lowered his head again with a grunt. After a few minutes he
passed out and I spent a few hours writing. Afterwards I took Donato outside and we played a
one sided game of Frisbee, one sided because he refused to return the flying disk after I had
thrown it. The day dragged on as I wrote and played with Donato. I knew I had
something important to broach with Alessio when he came back and my nerves were shot.
He'd taken a big step forward, and was really obviously making an effort. He needed to know
that I was just as serious as he was. I was ready to take the next step in this relationship and I
had a feeling it would go less than smoothly.

Chapter 44

I poked around the house for only a few minutes before giving up hope entirely of finding
Alessio. There were too damn many rooms for this shit. I knocked on the surveillance room
door and moments later Pietro opened it with heavy duty head headphones around his neck.
"Ciao pasticcino." "Hey." "What's up?" "Any clue where my
boyfriend might have slipped off to?" "His office of course." "Of
course." "Hey Mia." He said quickly before I turned. "Knock before you go in. He
tends to get a bit testy when he's working." "As opposed to how he is the rest of the
time?" I said and Pietro smiled. "Thanks." I went the three doors down and
hesitated at the door before opening. I knocked twice before popping my head in.
"Most people wait until they get a response before entering." Alessio muttered with his head
low towards his desk. He was writing what I'm sure were very important things and didn't
bother to glance up from his work. "Ciao pasticcino." I repeated the greeting Pietro
often granted me. His pen stopped moving for a moment to soak in my words and
then resumed writing. "Hello Armillia." I waited for more for a few seconds before
coming into the room and shutting the door slowly behind me, as silently as possible.
I should just do it. Pull the trigger. Things with us had been strained, we were finally on the
right track. This was no doubt going to make things worse, but he had to know how serious I
was about this. If we were going to be together we needed to make strides towards that. We
both had to try for this and if we were as serious as I thought we were then this was
important. I sucked in a large breath. Fast like a band aid, I just needed to spit it
out and get it over with. Here went everything. "My father and uncle have Sunday dinners." I
blurted out in a quick slur. "Mhm." I waited for him to look up but he
still didn't, pen didn't stop moving, he paused only for a moment only to turn the page in the
large binder he was working out of and then continued. "I have called my father and informed
him that I would be attending this week and I would be bringing my boyfriend."
"Have you another boyfriend I'm not aware of?" "No...no...just you."
"How unfortunate." He muttered. "Unfortunate?" "Yes. Unfortunately
that's not going to happen." "So what, I have to tell him I lied?" "Tell
him whatever you want. I would use the word mistaken, as lie is such an ugly word but no, I
will not be attending." "Alessio!" I groaned. He made some sort of
inaudible noise in response. He probably hadn't even made an attempt at making real words
there. The asshole. "So I'm to tell him my boyfriend is not a man of his word?"
Alessio stopped writing abruptly. "I gave no word. I've never agreed to go. I can't help you
make promises for me that are simply not possible for me to keep." "But do you
not say all the time how important family is? How nothing is more important? Well this is my
family. And if family is as important to you as you always claim then you would have to go."
He was silent. "Alessio I love you." He glanced up finally. "I love you and I want
us to have a real relationship." "We do-" "I've turned my entire life
upside down to try to be around you and your family. Mafia family. I've taken all these
classes you wanted me to so I could be more involved, I went with you to the casino all the
time, I ate dinner with you and your cousin every night! I'm not asking you to be his best
friend or go hunting with him. I just want you guys to meet." "I love you too." He
sighed and leaned back in his chair. "But I'm afraid this just isn't going to work. He's seen too
much of me already." "Need I remind you that your mother saw a lot of me the
moment she walked through your door?" He tried to suppress his smile but failed.
"No Armillia. The feel of my hand coming down on your rear end, regardless of the poor
timing, is not something I will need reminding of." I flushed. "You're missing the
point." "No. I know the point entirely. I was just reminiscing." I cleared
my throat. "Y-you're getting off topic." He sighed. "The point is your father is a
pig." "Excuse me." "I'm sorry. Your father is a cop. Your uncle too.
They both already know who I am and I can assure you they are not fans." "And
your mother loved me? She called me a prostitute Alessio." "She's actually quite
fond of you." "Because she actually met me, something you have still yet to do
with my father." "Armillia." He said in a sharp tone. "It is not going to work. I am
sorry. But this discussion is over." "So what then? You're just never going to meet
him?" I demanded. He picked his pen back up and began writing again. "What if we got
married?" "That's a hell of a proposal." He muttered to his work. "I'm
not proposing." I huffed. "But you won't ask him permission to marry me? Is my own father
not going to be invited to the wedding? Who is supposed to walk me down the aisle? What if
I have a big award ceremony or something for work are you just not going to come if you
know he'll be there? And my God, if we had kids. What then?" "I'd appreciate
being included in this whirlwind fantasy life you're creating for us." "So what?
None of that is going to happen? This is as far as this thing goes?" He
dropped his pen abruptly. "Please Alessio. You said family is the most important
thing there is. You said it." He looked up and we locked eyes. He was looking for
that flicker of weakness. Hesitation, anything to signal that I would back down. He would
find no hint of weakness with this. "Fine." "Fine you said it? Or fine you'll come?"
"I'll bloody come. But I'm telling you, I already know how this is going to play out."
"But you'll come?" "If it makes you happy of course I'll come." I broke
into a broad smile. "Great!" I said and clapped my hands together. "Hardly. I'm
telling you...this isn't going to end well." "Oh it'll be fine." I waved the reality of
the situation away. I knew it wouldn't end well but it had to be done sooner or later. "He'll be
a little sore at first but he'll get over it." "If you say so. Now, please Armillia if
that's all..." He motioned back towards his desk. "Well, uh, actually it's not."
He raised an expectant eyebrow. "Have you other family members to parade me around to?"
"I don't want you to wear a suit and certainly not that fedora hat. It makes you look too much
like some Mafia leader thug." "You mean, it makes me look too much like who I
actually am?" I nodded. "Well what the hell am I supposed to wear? Will you make me make
my first impression on your father in sweats? Oh, I know, throw me in a pair of saggy
parachute pants and I'll let them hand halfway down my ass. Why even bother wearing a
clean shirt while I'm at it I'm sure I've got one shoved around here with holes all through it!"
"I was thinking perhaps....a polo shirt." "You're shitting me. A fȕcking polo shirt?
Slap a gold club in my hand and a bloody visor and I'll be set." I shrugged. "My
dad likes golf." "Armillia, I swear to Christ our Lord, if you say you want me to
wear Khakis..." "I didn't pick you as the religious type." He sprouted off
a long string of Italian curses and I waited patiently for his tantrum to simmer down.
"I draw the line at khakis." "But the polo shirt?" "No line needs drawn at
such idiocy." "Don't make me use my last genie wish." "Don't make me
gag you for the rest of the week to ensure you can't use your last wish." He said without a hint
of emotion. "I hope that's a joke." He gave me an uninterested half
shrug. "Alessio!" "I see your polo shirt and I raise you a dress shirt. No
fedora, no suit jacket." "No tie and no suspenders." He frowned. "No
tie? You really think a tie is going to make me look like a hardened criminal?" "No
but it does run the risk of him trying to choke you with it." He cocked a brow and I grinned.
"It's a joke Alessio. I'm just not crazy about the look of a dress shirt and tie without the
jacket." He pushed his chair back and stood up. He brushed his suit jacket aside to
be able to put his hands in his pocket and walked around the room to meet me on the other
side of the desk. "Just a dress shirt?" "Well...I might have taken the liberty of
buying you a new shirt..." "Oh? You aren't crazy about my white ones?"
I smiled. "I'm crazy about everything about you. But I took a lot of time picking this outfit
out for you to make the best impression on my father as possible." "You're
dressing me now too?" "You dressed me for your mother's arrival."
"And we see how well that worked out. She thought you were a prostitute." He teased and
leaned down to be eye level with me. "Don't trust my fashion sense?" I pouted.
He gave me a quick peck. "Of course I do." He said in a low voice and kissed me again
before leaning forward. "I have one final offer." "I'm listening." "I won't
wear a polo shirt or khakis. You put khakis on the table and the deal is off completely." I
rolled my eyes. "You can pick out my outfit in its entirety-" "But no polo or
khakis." I interrupted. He nodded. "No polo or khakis. You can dress me in
whatever you choose, under the circumstance that when we get home you get to undress the
both of us."

Chapter 45
"I can't believe you." Alessio grumbled. "I honestly cannot believe you." "We had
a deal." I reminded him curtly as I smoothed out his shirt. "You're a cruel woman."
"You look fine." I groaned. "A tyrant of sorts." "I stayed in the
parameters of our agreement. No khakis, no polo." "Devious brute."
"You're being a baby." I sighed and stepped back to admire my work. I'd put Alessio in dark,
nearly black jeans, a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to just below his elbow, and
over it I forced him into a V-neck black sweater vest with grey, black, and white diamond
shaped checkered pattern across the front. The lips of his suit jacket came through the V-neck
of the shirt and folded over the neckline of the sweater. He looked both casual and
sophisticated with the top button undone. I had definitely been right, a tie would have been
just a bit too much. "I look like Mr. Rogers." He said back flatly. "Mr.
Rogers did not look like this." I tried seductively and pulled him forward again. He
pursed his lips in a pout and I giggled. "You are the worst kind of villain you know." He said
before kissing me politely. I love the way he looked right now. He looked normal.
But also, with his dark hair and stubble he looked sexy and devious, the smoldering glare he
kept trained on me as I walked across the room to gather our coats added just a hint of danger
to his look. He was a ladies dream, and a father's nightmare. That much I was sure of.
"It's itchy." He mumbled. "What'd you pay for this? A whole thirty bucks?"
"Twenty-five." I said proudly and he looked horrified. "Don't be such a baby. We look
adorable." "We match." "Exactly!" I was wearing a dress, long sleeved
and appropriate length for my father of course. The neckline was high and the top half was
black up until my belly button where it came down into a V and the bottom half was grey. I'd
even broken out a pair of shiny black heels for the occasion. "You don't think that
makes it look like we're trying too hard?" "If we are trying too hard that means I'm
really invested in this. If I'm really invested in this he'll try a little harder to be
understanding." I said and handed him a simple black jacket. No trench coat for you today
Mr. Don. "I find with enough threats and violence people tend to become pretty
agreeable with me." He said calmly. I glared at him as he held my coat out and helped me
into it. "You glare at me but I'm completely serious. In all my years, I've only had maybe...a
dozen people all together refuse me after pulling out the ice pick." "If you take an
icepick to my father's head-" "Through the ear baby. The ear. The head itself
doesn't accomplish nearly as much." I swatted his arm. He shrugged and opened
the door for me. My heels, that's right, heels, clicked loudly across the marble steps as he led
me to the car. He'd whined a good bit about driving himself too. But these were terms not up
for discussion. I wanted us to look as normal as we possibly could coming in here. A personal
driver in a huge SUV did not accomplish this at all. So I made Alessio drive us in his own
sleek black audi. I had no clue he'd even owned an Audi, apparently he had several.
"Give me your gun." I instructed as soon as the car pulled to a stop. "What?"
"Your gun. Give it to me." "I don't part with my gun Armillia." He said and turned
the ignition off. "I know. Now gimme." "You're serious?" His
expression remained neutral but I knew he was probably annoyed. "As a heart
attack. Hand it over." "And if I go in there and he tries to shoot me?"
"I'm going to get everyone's guns before I go in. That's why I brought my big purse."
"But it's my gun." I held my hand out to him patiently, not making a move towards
exiting the car until I got my way. He rolled his eyes and begrudgingly handed his gun over
to me. "Pocket knife too." I instructed as I calmly checked the safety before putting
it into my purse. He muttered another Italian curse at me and handed me his knife as well.
"Grenades?" "I'm clean." Alessio opened the door for me and then the
two of us trudged up the two stories it took to reach my father's apartment. Alessio hung back
in the stairwell while I went to the door and knocked. After a few moments the
door popped open with my father beaming. He looked down the hallway both ways. "Where
is he?" "Guns. Now." I demanded. "What?" "Daddy. I know
you. And you always greet my boyfriends with a shotgun pointed to them. I want all the guns
in the house now." My Uncle Sam appeared beside my dad with the most innocent
face he could have possibly mustered. "Yeah. Give the girl your gun." "You are
even worse than him. I want your gun too!" I demanded. He pouted briefly but
handed me his gun. I checked the safety and then put it in my bag and held my hand out for
my father's. "Mia-pie." I raised a brow expectantly and finally he pulled
his from the hoister on his belt. The little brat, I knew he had it on him. Just for good measure
I checked the cylinder. Fully loaded too. "Shot guns?" They both
groaned in unison but didn't argue. Both handed me a gun conveniently placed behind the
door. I unloaded them, gave both men a dirty glare, and then came into the house and locked
both back up in the gun cabinet. "Keys." I held my hand out. Both bitched and
moaned for a full minute before handing me over their keys to the gun cabinet. "Thank you."
I smiled. "Now. Sit down, and I'll go get him." They sat at the table and muttered
under their breath about how unfair I was being, as usual. I was "ruining all their fun."
I stepped into the hallway again, took a deep breath and called Alessio up. "Alright babe."
Alessio came up the last few steps, an obscenely expensive bottle of wine in hand. He gave
me an annoyed glare but I figured he was secretly just nervous about this. He
slipped his arm around my waist and I kissed him. "Are you ready?" "Did you hide
the knives?" He grumbled and I elbowed him in the side. "It's not that tart from the
station is it?" Dad yelled from inside the apartment. We stopped in the doorway
and I put my hand to his chest. "Daddy, Sammy, this is Alessio...my boyfriend."

Chapter 46

Both were on their feet immediately and reached to their gun holsters which were empty and
out of instinct in a situation of danger Alessio moved me behind him. I gently pushed my way
beside him again and took the bottle of wine and held it out. "We, uh, we brought wine." I
forced the biggest fake smile I possibly could. "Mia...can I talk to you, alone." My dad said
in a growl keeping his eyes on Alessio the entire time. "Nope." I said, still forcing a smile
until my cheeks hurt. "Armillia." My father said sharply and Alessio pulled me into him
protectively which served to only infuriate my father more. My uncle on the other hand was
far less no nonsense than my dad. He'd already lost one daughter to the dangerous drug
selling boyfriend and he apparently was not willing to lose me as well. He stormed across the
small apartment. "You son of a bitch-" Alessio clearly preparing for an encounter pulled
away from me and stepped forward and up to my uncle. I came between the two
immediately. "Wine glasses? Can you get the one pair of glasses out?" I asked Sammy and
forced myself against him to block his way. He put both hands on my arms and held me for a
moment. "Mia. Do you know-" He started in a low voice. "We really need wine." I cut him
off quickly. Maybe a lot of wine. "My son-" Sam started again and I felt my heart clench. I
was such a moron. I had been looking at this from the angle that they were cops and he was a
criminal. Somehow, Nicolo had slipped my mind. Nicolo was something I had to accept,
something I had known from the very start, something I had witnessed from the inside. For
Sammy, who had seen only from the outside, Alessio might as well have pulled the trigger
himself. I forced the wine bottle into his hand and took several steps backwards until I was
against Alessio again. "Wine Sammy. Please." "It's, erm, from 1961." Alessio said his hand
on the small of my back and I eased slightly at his touch. Seeming too stunned for words,
Uncle Sam staggered backwards and then turned around walking in a zombie like state into
the cramped kitchen while examining the bottle. "How much was that bottle of wine?" I
hissed to Alessio. He ignored me, which told me more than I needed to know. "So." I
clapped my hands together. "What's for dinner? We are starved." I tried as casually as I
possibly could. Alessio shoved his hands into his pockets and followed me further into the
house. "Mia." My dad said when I was close enough to him he grabbed my arm and pulled
me a few feet away. "Don't you know who he is?" I had prepared for this question. No other
question would have made any sense. Did I know? What was I thinking? These were the
exact things any father would say. "His name is Alessio Dad." "Yes I know!" He groaned.
"Alessio Genovese." I swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes. Alessio Genovese." "He's the
leader of the Genovese Mafia!" I was half tempted to tell him that they didn't call him the
leader. I mean, he was, but there were other more Mafia like names to call him by. Like the
Don, Godfather, old man, chairman of the board, capo di tutti capi...somehow I felt like
listing these names would serve only to make him more upset. "He's my boyfriend." I said
surprisingly firmly for a girl who was likely giving her father a fatal heart attack. I glanced
back to Alessio. He was looking calmly around the apartment. There wasn't much to look at.
The old wallpaper was peeling in most places and the place itself wasn't much for size. It
might not have looked like much to him but I could tell they had flipped the couch cushions
to show their "good" side in honor of company and had thrown a table cloth over the old table
which had been worn away in the spot where gram had sat rolling her cigarettes by hand until
her last puff. I looked back to my father who was suddenly incredibly pale. "No." "Yes Dad.
He's my boyfriend." "You know who he is?" Sam hissed suddenly at me on the other side.
"His name is Alessio Genovese, and he is my boyfriend." I repeated what I had been
practicing in the mirror for hours now. "No." Sam repeated with more strength than my
father had managed and then again louder. "No. I will not have it." Alessio glanced in our
direction at the sudden noise complaint. "Not again. Not under my watch. Get this bloody
bastard out of my house!" He started yelling. His face was suddenly red and the vein in the
side of his neck was visible. He stomped across the room to Alessio and Dad grabbed my arm
before I could follow after him. "Now you listen here!" Sam started wagging his finger to
Alessio who had suddenly become amazingly calm. Calm as a cucumber actually. The kind
of calm he always got in the midst of trouble. Terrifyingly calm. Alessio glanced at me with a
raised eyebrow, asking permission it seemed. I shook my head no quickly. "I'm sick of your
people coming in and fȕcking up my family. This is my home, and my city, and Mia is my
niece and I'll be damned if I lose another one to you and your madness. You just go ahead
and take your frilly little, hiding behind a desk, putting everyone else's neck out on the line
ass right outta my house and-" He poked Alessio in the chest. Hard. Alessio had his wrist in
seconds, twisted it and Sam so my uncle was facing away from Alessio, Sam went down to
his knees and Alessio then pulled it backwards hard and forced Sam face first into the ground
with his arm extended far behind him. "Alessio!" I scolded. Dad charged across the room
and Alessio let go of Sam, gave him a kick in the back to force him onto the ground. Kicked
my dad in the gut when he was close enough. He stepped over Sam's body and then, just like
he had done so many times in practice to me the moment Sam started onto his feet he
crouched down low before Sam's punch could reach him, grabbed his wrist again, stood again
and flipped Sam across the room and into my dad. "Hey!" I ran into Alessio before he could
pick up where he left off and put my hands to his chest. "That's enough." I said sharply.
Alessio glanced down to me and the moment he did so a certain level of reality came back
over him. "You promised you'd try." "That was my trying." He growled. I turned around
quickly as Dad and Sam were getting back up to their feet. Alessio calmly put his hand to my
shoulder and moved me from his path. "Enough!" I yelled but no one listened to me. My
own father took a swing at my boyfriend who ducked quickly and then swiped his leg across
the ground to trip Dad. "You son of-" Sam started and jumped over Dad to Alessio. They
both went down on the ground. I fired the gun twice into the air and everyone stopped
abruptly. "I said enough!" I yelled. They all exchanged confused and slightly concerned
glances. "Sam, kindly remove your hands from my boyfriend's throat, Alessio, kindly get off
of my uncle, and Dad, put the vase down." I yelled. Alessio was on top of Sam who was
trying to choke him and Dad was two seconds away from breaking a vase over Alessio's
head. They exchanged glances again. "Now!" I yelled and they all began grumbling and
moping as they crawled back up to their feet. "I knew giving her the guns was a bad idea."
Dad muttered. "Now. I came here to introduce my boyfriend to my family and have a damn
good meal. So that's what we're fȕcking going to do. Got it?" "You can't expect us to sit
down and eat with this-" Dad started and I pointed the gun sharply to him. "Got it?" I
repeated. He looked stunned. "You're pointing a gun at your own father!" Dad gasped. Sam's
jaw hung open. Alessio snickered and Dad turned to him quickly. "This is all your doing!"
Alessio raised his hands submissively with a smirk. "I'm not the one holding the gun. It's
hardly my fault." I glared at Alessio and then back to dad. "Alright dad, you can hit him
once. But that's it." "Wait, what?" Alessio said turning to me just before my dad clocked him
in the jaw. I grabbed Alessio's hand before he had a chance to do the same and pulled him to
my side. "Sam. Pour us some wine. Dad, check on dinner. Alessio, set the table. Move
people!" They all started at me as if I had four heads. "Move, move, move!" I yelled and they
all moved into the kitchen at once. Suddenly, the three all had a common love and enemy.
Me. They grumbled together and moved around the small kitchen in an annoyed harmony. I
watched them with the gun pointed as they worked together to set up dinner. In less than ten
minutes Dad was slapping pork loins and mashed potatoes onto plates and Alessio was
putting the plates back on the table. Every now and then someone would glare in my
direction but it didn't faze me. Alessio pulled my chair out for me, I thanked him politely and
sat down. Everyone took their seats, Alessio across from me, Dad at one head of the table and
Sam at the other. Once everyone was seated I set the gun down beside me on the table. "If
you're done being so ridiculous-" Alessio started and I had the gun in hand and pointed to him
again in seconds. He watched me with a genuinely shocked expression for a few very long
moments before looking down guiltily. I set the gun down and everyone began eating in
awkward silence. "Good pork." Alessio muttered to Dad. "Very moist." Sam agreed, keeping
his head hung low. After a few more awkward minutes Dad took a sip of wine. "Shit. What
is this?" "Palmer." Alessio said. "Ah." Dad nodded in agreement as if he actually knew this.
Sam took a drink as well. "What year did you say again?" "Sixty-one." "Very good." Sam
agreed and set his glass back down. We continued to sit awkwardly around the table and eat
in near silence for several long minutes. "So, how is work?" I finally decided to get some
kind of conversation going. "Would be great if all the criminals would stop killing, stealing,
and selling." Sam grumbled. I cleared my throat. Okay. Bad topic. "The weather hasn't been
bad." Alessio raised a brow at me from across the table. Really Armillia? The weather? I
shrugged weakly. Sam grunted in response. We fell into silence again, I pushed the pork
around the plate with my fork a few times before giving it another go. I'd just have to find
something they could all relate to. "Well work is going well for me." "Working on any great
crime stories?" Sam continued with his glare fixed on Alessio who let his fork fall noisily
onto his plate. "Samantha was it?" He asked, raising a brow and I groaned loudly, dropping
my fork as well. "If there is something you'd like to say, by all means." He opened his hands
up patiently. "Why I oughta-" Sam smacked his hands down on the table and stood up.
"Careful, don't break a nail honey." I kicked Alessio from under the table. "Hey, remember
me? Girl with guns? Sit down." I instructed Sammy waving the gun around. "There are more
of us than you." Sam reminded me all the while keeping his gaze on Alessio. "And there are
more guns at my disposal than there are of you." I said and motioned for him to sit. With a
grumble, he did. "Daddy, can you please pass me the salt?" Alessio and Dad both reached for
it at the same time. "Oh God." I groaned and smacked my forehead. Alessio cleared his
throat. "After you." He said to Dad whose face had turned a deep shade of red. Even Uncle
Sam appeared to be at a loss for words at this. "Wine. Let's have some more wine." I insisted
standing up to pour for everyone, instead I bumped the table and everyone's cups toppled
over. Alessio managed to catch the bottle before it tipped but did not manage to make a grab
for his glass before it tipped and his crotch was soaked. "Grazioso come sempre." Alessio
muttered, setting the bottle upright and swiping what he could of the wine away from his lap.
(Graceful as always) "Sorry!" I came to his side with a napkin. "It's fine I'll just-" "Brand
new jeans too." I muttered feverishly as I knelt down trying to wipe away the moisture.
"Armillia-" He protested. "Such a freaking spaz." I muttered to myself as I tried to dry him.
"You shouldn't-" He added as I wouldn't stop. "This will be so stainy." I continued crouching
down. Alessio cleared his throat loudly and I looked up. He raised a brow and I looked
down, and then backed up again. I was trying to help dry his pants, panicking of course, and
had given little thought to the fact that I was kneeling down at an inappropriate level in front
of my family. I laughed nervously and stood upright. "Dessert. We should have dessert."
Worst. Dinner. Ever.

Chapter 47

"Mia-pie." Dad said coming up behind me and putting his hands on my shoulders. I was
washing dishes and they were supposed to be having good conversation in the other room
without killing each other. "Yes Daddy." I replied while keeping my attention fully
on the dishes. "Can we please talk?" "About what?" "You
know what." He hissed. I dropped a dish into the rinsing water and turned around
to face him. "I don't want to talk about it." "He's a criminal Mia." "Show
me one count." "W-what?" "One count Dad. Show me one count where
Alessio has done something illegal. Anything illegal. Show me a parking ticket even and I'll
go out there and shoot him in the foot myself. Anything. Go ahead." I crossed my arms over
my chest and tapped my finger impatiently on my elbow. "You know these guys
keep their hands clean." "So you can't prove anything?" "He has
everyone else do all his dirty work! Puts everyone else's neck on the chopping block and sits
back and collects the bank. He's scum. Ruins lives, but always comes out smelling like
roses." "You have avoided my question. Can you, or can you not prove he's done
anything illegal? Ever?" He frowned. "So you know?" I turned back
around to the sink and continued washing the dishes. "I know Alessio. That's all I need to
know." "He's a murderer! A liar! A thief! A criminal!" "He's my
boyfriend." I tried to keep my voice even but my chest was tightening. "Don't say
that. Don't you say that." "He's my boyfriend Dad, my boyfriend and I love him." I
had to talk loudly now to be heard over him repeating "Don't say it, don't you fȕcking say
that." Dad took a few steps backwards and in a low voice, shattered what was left
of my heart. "Nicolo would be ashamed of you." I forced my head up high as I
pulled the rubber gloves off and set them on the edge of the sink. I walked out of the kitchen
and into the room where Alessio and Sam were glaring at each other from behind a handful
of playing cards. "Got any fours?" Sam said sharply. "Go fish." Alessio
replied back equally angry. "Got and Kings?" "Go fish. Got any threes?"
"Go fish." Alessio's stone cold face flickered to one of pure amusement suddenly. "Got any
fours?" He taunted. "You lying cheating son of a-" "What?" Alessio
feigned innocence. "I just picked it up." "Alessio." I said, still trying to sound firm
through the pieces of my heart. Alessio glanced up to me and stood abruptly.
"What's wrong?" "I think it's time we go." Dad came up behind me and
Alessio glared at him. "What did you say to her?" He demanded. "Alessio, please."
I tried weakly but he was already coming around the room to meet us again. He took my hand
and dad took my other. "Get off of her. You're the reason she's upset." Alessio
sneered. "Me? I'm the reason? She's dating a bloody criminal! That's what's
upsetting her." "She's known exactly who I am and has been very happy until
tonight when she saw you." Every time they went back and forth their voices raised just a bit
more. "You killed her cousin!" "I did my best for Nicolo! She knows
that!" "How could she possibly know that when he's dead? You didn't give a
damn! Not about Nicolo, or Mia, or anyone but yourself!" "Don't pretend to know
me or my relationship with your daughter." "You can't protect her anymore than
you could protect Nicolo, not that you tried. She has everything going for her right now and
you'll drag her down and through the mud until she winds up dead." I pulled my
hand quickly from both of them. "She would appreciate it if you would both quit talking
about her like she wasn't right here!" I yelled and stepped backwards until I was just out of
their reach. "Mia-pie-" Dad started and I kept taking steps backwards until I
bumped into Sammy who put both hands on my shoulders to stop me. I whirled
around to face him. "I'm so sorry. About Nicolo. If you hate me for the rest of eternity I
understand. But it's better than lying to you." He pulled me into a tight hug and I
returned it full force. "Never. I'd never hate you...hate him. Never you." I pulled
away and wiped tears from my eyes and turned back to Dad and Alessio. Uncle Sam put his
hands back on my shoulders supportively and stood behind me. "This is how things are going
to work. Alessio is my boyfriend, Sammy is my uncle, and Dad is my father. This is the way
it is, and this is the way I want it. If you can't handle that I'm sorry but that's just the way it is.
Biologically I can't change Dad or Sammy even if I wanted to, and I don't. And I choose not
to change Alessio. This is just how it is." "Mia-" Dad started and I held my hand
up to stop him. "Whatever you want to say can wait until next week."
"Next week?" He and Alessio said in unison. "Yes. Next week. We'll be back for
Sunday dinner, if you'll have us." "Well I'll have you." Dad said sharply and sent
Alessio a dirty look. "As much as I hate to agree with
your father over here..." "We are a package deal, okay? And please, don't make me
choose." Alessio rubbed the back of his head and my father cursed. "Damn it Mia-
pie! You know I can't say no when you make that puppy dog face." My father groaned.
"Got you wrapped around her finger too has she?" Alessio grumbled. My dad
turned to Alessio with a shocked expression and then it turned grave immediately as if he
finally understood the severity of the situation. I saw it in his eyes, he looked at Alessio who
was watching me and then back to him and I knew without the shadow of a doubt.
He knew Alessio was in love with me. No longer was this the case of a girl with a
crush on the bad boy. This wasn't the cops daughter rebelling, it wasn't some premature
midlife crisis. We were in love. Color rose to his cheeks again in a mixture of fear and anger,
but he did not say another word. "If you're ready-" I turned to Alessio who nodded
and walked past Sam and me to grab my coat. He put his own on first and I started my
goodbyes. I gave Sam a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then did the same to my shell
shocked and speechless father. Alessio helped me into my coat. "Go
down to the car, I want you out of range when I give them back their guns."
"Gladly." He muttered and kissed my cheek. "Gentlemen." He nodded towards my father and
Sam before leaving. I waited a few moments before taking the guns out of my
purse and returning them to the gun cabinet. Sam sat back down on the couch and
ran his hands up his face. Oddly, I was more worried about him than Dad. Dad had lost a son
to a Mafia, but Sam had lost three children already. It was worse because he had lost a
daughter already, not in death but she might as well have been, and Nicolo had been in
Alessio's family of all the Mafia's, amplifying the hurt. "I'll be down to talk about
this...tomorrow maybe?" Dad said cautiously, not seeming to know what to do or say in this
situation. "Sure Daddy. Let me write down the address." His brows knit
together. "Baby I already have your ad-" He started out slowly but the realization took over
and a look of complete horror took over his face. Uncle Sam cursed. I kissed them
both on the cheek again, set their keys to the gun cabinet on the counter and left.
Chapter 48

The ride home was silent. My mind was riddled with thoughts and decisions and I had no
clue where to go from here. I loved Alessio. Really truly loved him. And I had chosen him
and this life, had I not? I just couldn't get the night out of my head. The way Sam
had started after him when he realized who he was. How many times had he thought "if I saw
the bastard responsible for killing my Nicolo..." only to have the moment come and it be
under those circumstances? And my dad's face when he realized Alessio loved me. When
everything came together. In seconds, I had seen his expression change to accommodate each
stage of grief before he finally reached the final heartbreaking stage. Acceptance.
"Are you okay?" Alessio finally asked when we came back into our home. "Yeah."
I breathed with a light shake of the head. "Just thinking." "Now, now, what have
we said about you doing that." I forced a smile and he put an arm over my
shoulders, after a few moments he pulled me into him and wrapped the other arm around me
too. "Oh Alessio." I sighed and burst into tears. "Sh, sh, sh. It's alright."
I pushed on his chest creating space between us. "How can you possibly say that? It's not
alright! Oh my God, I'm dating a criminal." "You're living with him too." He
reminded me and kissed my forehead. He pulled me into him again. "Your father is wrong,
you know that. I can, and I will always protect you." "I'm not worried about that." I
said into his chest. "I'm worried about Sam, and my Dad. I mean...can you even imagine how
hard this must be for them!" "Oh. Well in that case it's fine." "It isn't
fine. It's terrible and cruel. I mean you are-" I stopped abruptly and bit my lip. He
pulled back. "I am what Armillia? The reason Nicolo is dead?" "Sam is his father."
I whispered. "How would you feel if I was dating the man who inadvertently killed your
son?" "I have no son." "Glad to know, but pretend." "I
wouldn't have left the man alive long enough for my niece to find the opportunity to date
him." "Exactly." "But I didn't kill Nicolo. And then men who did-" He
stopped abruptly. "What? Go ahead, just say it. You killed them didn't you?"
"No." "NO?" I gasped. "Okay, yes." "Well which is it?" I
pulled away and threw my hands into the air. "It can't be both!" "Of course I killed
them. I just thought that would piss you off. You're quite impossible to read sometimes."
"Quite." I said with an eye roll. "You know," He said, taking his coat off and
hanging it. He started up the stairs. "I didn't want to go in the first place." "So this
is my fault now?" I went up two steps before pausing and taking my heels off before
continuing. "I never said that. I simply said-" "I heard what you said."
We came into the bedroom. "I was simply stating that we could have stayed home, instead of
coming home crying we could have had a lovely evening over a bottle of wine." He said
calmly. I shoved him and he plopped down on the bed emotionless.
"How much was that bottle of wine you bought?" I demanded and crouched down in front of
him. I pulled his shoes off. "What are you doing?" His tone remained unaffected.
"You didn't answer my question. Was it above our agreed limit?" "We agreed on a
limit for clothing articles I purchase for you, never before have we discussed a specific limit
on wine nor dinner contributions." "Hardly seemed necessary I thought." I huffed.
"How much was it?" "Under six." "Hundred?" I asked yanking his socks
off as well. "Grand." I rolled my eyes. "Stand up." "Why?"
He demanded. "Stand up!" "Honestly Armillia, if this is leading into
another one of your fits or emotional breakdowns..." He grumbled and stood up. I
stayed on my knees on the floor and started undoing his belt. He grabbed my wrist quickly.
"What are you doing?" I looked up to him through my lashes and he narrowed his
eyes suspiciously. "We had a deal didn't we?" He blinked twice and after a few moments
realization set in. He pulled me up to my feet and kissed my cheek gently. "I wasn't
serious about that deal, I was only..." "Teasing?" I asked and bit my lip
"Yes." He breathed. "That." "Well..." I trailed off keeping my head down so I
could look at him through my lashes. I continued undoing his belt. "You are always a man of
your word...yes?" "Yes..." "Then naturally you would expect the same
from me...yes..?" I pulled the button open on his pants and pulled the zipper down slowly I
took my lip between my teeth again. He didn't answer, not immediately. He just
watched me with as much restraint as he could muster until I dropped back down to my knees
in front of him and took him in my mouth he groaned. "Yes." He fisted my hair for
a moment, holding my mouth in place over his cȯck and then pulled me back. "If
I'm not mistaken." He said slowly as I looked up at him from my knees. "The agreement was
that you were to undress us both." "So it was." I said smugly. He let go of my hair
and I resumed where I had left off. Taking him in my mouth again. I massaged his
balls with a hand as I worked my tongue and mouth around his shaft, taking him until I felt
him on the back of my throat, back and forth, back and forth. "La tua bocca mi fa
impazzire" He hissed through his teeth. (Your mouth drives me crazy.)
When his hand touched the back of my head I pulled back and pushed him. He flopped back
on the bed and I took the boxers and pants off of his ankles. "Don't test me Armillia." He
warned in a growl. Don't tease him. Alessio was a man of control. Always. He
didn't want me to tease him? I climbed up onto his lap and pulled the sweater over his head
without hesitation before shoving him again. He let himself go onto his back, accepting the
situation with obvious interest. We'd had an agreement after all. I was to undress
us both, as I was doing now. "Really Alessio?" I muttered straddling his waist as I began
undoing his buttons. "Pass the salt Daddy?" I huffed tugging on his shirt and ripping the
buttons open with perhaps a bit more force than necessary. "What? It was an
honest mistake." My fingers paused and I glared at him, breaking my streak of
undressing him to look him dead in the eye. "Not. Funny." I finally said and resumed furious
button undoing. "You did let your father punch me." He reminded me, his eyes
following my hands for a moment as they pulled his shirt open. "You may have
deserved it." He chuckled and sat up, wrapping his arms around me as I pushed the
undone shirt off his shoulders. "I showed up, I wore your silly sweater. What more have you
asked from me?" "Silence." I offered and pushed off of his lap.
"Silence?" "Shhh." I urged and forced him out of his undershirt. He
gripped the edge of the bed. "I hardly said anything at-" "SH!" With a
look of disapproval he neatly folded his dirty dress shirt and sat it on the edge of the bed
before glancing up to me again with a look that told me. It's your turn. "What?" I
asked coyly. He trailed his eyes down my still fully clothed body as he sat naked
on the bed, rock hard and yearning for a blissful release. "Your dress." He said
slowly. "It looks beautiful on you...take it off. Now." "I believe I told you. To be
quiet." I said sinking to my knees on the floor several feet away from the bed. I laid on my
back, making quite a show of removing my panty hose, legs high in the air, pulling the tights
off. I spread them for only a moment, granting him the briefest of peeps to place between my
legs before bringing my knees back together and sitting upright again. "Vieni qua
piccolo." He instructed me to move forward. (Come here baby) I
unzipped my dress and he hesitated. "Come here." He insisted again, in English. I slipped the
dress over my head and threw it at him. He scanned my body over with his eyes briefly,
impatiently. I may have purchased a new lingerie set for the occasion, as a little reward for
agreeing to go with me. I'd thought it would be hot. Wearing something sexy under my dress
all night, to absorb the look on his face when I took my dress off and he saw that I'd been
sitting across from him wearing that all night. Of course, this was before I'd had to
ask him to take his hands off of Sam's throat, before he'd called my uncle Samantha, before
he and my father had had a tug of war using me as the rope. Before the freaking salt.
He let out an impatient huff but finally seemed to have grasped the silence thing I had
instructed of him. "Now then." I said slowly crawling to the bed on my hands and knees. "I
had planned on doing...well...certain things to you tonight." I muttered, stopping between his
legs and running my hands up his thighs. "But then you went ahead and reached for that salt
shaker..." He didn't move a fraction of an inch. Not except for clenching his jaw.
"Now I'm not quite so-" He grabbed me by the upper arms, yanking me forward,
onto his lap, against his erection and forced his lips against mine. For only a moment before
turning quickly, throwing me onto my back and mounting me. "I told you." He
growled yanking my panties down with enough force to jerk my whole body. "Don't test me."
He rolled me onto my stomach and pulled me open to my knees by my hips. "Inginocchiata"
He snapped. (get on your knees) "I didn't even undress completely." I
protested. "Apri le gambe. Fatti penetrare." He instructed in short demands, pulling
my thighs apart, when I moved towards sitting up he pushed me back down and forced his
way into me with a single thrust. I groaned appreciatively and he let out a strained breath.
(Spread your legs. Let me inside of you.) "I. Told. You. Quiet." I managed a single
word through each senseless thrust. "Sei bagnata." (you're so wet) I
moaned and rocked back into him. "Supposed to...undress...tease..." I muttered incoherently
into the bedspread followed by some sort of blissful gibberish and a meek. "Oh." I
brought myself back up to my hands and knees. "The agreement was - – shit that feels good –
I'd undress you – God yes - and myself – oh yes – the salt-" "Silence." He grunted.
I gave up on holding myself up, letting my elbows give way. I pressed my cheek against the
mattress. Compared to the heat between our bodies, between my legs, the fire in my chest, the
mattress felt cool and lonely. With me down, my surrender, Alessio picked up
speed and force. His hands gripped my hips roughly holding me where he wanted me, pulling
me back into him and then pushing me away while he fȕcked me hard. I fisted the bedspread,
bringing it and my knuckle into my mouth trying to contain myself as he buried himself into
me with no mercy over and over again. With a growl he grabbed a fistful of hair
and pulled me back up to my hands. "Voglio farti gemere." (I want to make you scream)
"Yes." I panted. Fȕck if I cared what he'd said, fȕck if he'd have to tell me again, there are
few things Alessio could say to me now, especially as his free hand snaked around my round
to press against my clít as he fȕcked me from behind, my elbows nearly gave out but with
another pull of my hair I raised again calling his name out. "You could make an
honest woman out of me." He panted never stopping or slowing down. I gritted my teeth as I
was close and I wanted nothing more than him inside of me until my last freaking breath.
"Give you a reason to call me daddy." I came undone, not even capable of
screaming his name, just a rush of air escaping as my whole body shuddered around his cȯck.
He stilled with one more exceptionally deep push into me and it was as though the heavens
themselves opened up for us for a brief moment before I collapsed onto the bed panting
heavily. "What the fȕck did you just say?" I asked for the bedspread.
Alessio laid over me, pressing his lips lightly to my back. He was damp with sweat, we both
were, and panting. "Alessio." I groaned. "What did you-" He pulled out of me and
I let out another unintended moan, before letting me be he ran his finger along my sėx
delicately. "-sss-AY-" I yelped. "I don't repeat myself Armillia." I
groaned into the mattress and slowly found it in me to roll onto my back so I could look at
him. "Are you crazy?" "So no pazza di te" (I am crazy about you)
It seemed slightly unfair, I was practically gasping for air still and he seemed to be
completely composed again, and he'd done all of the work too! He stepped into a fresh pair of
boxers and was silent for several minutes. I sat up and just watched him still winded from his
taking me. "You do want children, don't you Armillia?" "N-now?" I
sputtered and he smirked. "Sure, why not. You can go off the pill, my family, we
have quite the swimmers. I could be Daddy for real in no time." After a moment of watching
me he chuckled. "Madre would neuter me should I ever have a child before marriage."
"Oh." I let out a sigh. "We should talk about it though." He said, his smile
faltering. "It is an important discussion, one that tears apart some relationships. Do you want
children?" How funny. After all this time we had never discussed this. I guess I
had always just assumed it was a given that he wanted children and I wanted children and
should we stay together that someday we would want children together. The idea that Alessio
could possibly not want children had never even crossed my mind. It should have, Stacey
didn't want kids. Not everyone did, and he was right. It could tear apart relationships should
one partner want a child and the other disagree. "I have to have a baby Alessio. I have to." I
finally admitted. "Not right now, probably not any time really soon, but I want kids."
"Good. Then we will have kids." He finally said and made his way back to the bed. "Lots of
kids." He added pressing his palms onto the sides of the mattress to lean forward and kiss me.
"I wouldn't say lots of kids. I mean, maybe two?" "Or three, or four, or five." He
said and I laughed. It took me a moment to realize he wasn't joking and I blushed.
"Oh Alessio, I couldn't possibly have five children! That would be years of my life spent
pregnant!" "What can I say, I'm Italian. We appreciate a big family." He shrugged.
"Says the only child." I snorted. His expression seemed surprised for a moment but then
darkened. "Oh, I-'' I started backtracking. What if his mother couldn't have more children?
What if the men who had beat and raped her had somehow damaged her internally? What if
he had siblings and they were killed because of this lifestyle. "I'm sorry." I blurted out not
even knowing if there was anything to apologize for. "Don't be." He said kissing
me again before standing upright and picking up his shirt off the floor as it'd been knocked
down. I took my bra off, the poor neglected brand new bra hadn't even been ripped
off and thrown hastily across the room, and put his shirt on. "Do you have siblings?"
"No." I hesitated for a moment before pressing on. "Did you have siblings?"
"No Armillia." "Well...could your mother, I mean..." "You don't have to
hesitate baby." He said, finally sitting down on the edge of the bed beside me. "I know
everything about you, you can ask me about my life and my family. You should know. Madre
is perfectly capable of having more children, she's had no miscarriages, no stillborns, no
deceased little ones. They just had no more than me." I sighed relieved. You never
could tell with Alessio. It seemed like behind every door was some kind of dark and sorted
story or past. It was to be expected given his career and family, but it was still nerve wracking
thinking I was going to bring up something painful like a deceased brother or sister. You
know, like the ones I had. "Are you ready for sleep? Or would like a little more
baby making practice." With a grin I rolled my eyes. "Goodnight Alessio."

Chapter 49

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thoroughly excited to be going to the orchestra with
Alessio. Yes, we were a half gallon bucket filled with a gallons worth of problems, and yes
our relationship was always an uphill climb, but we had been making improvements. A lot of
improvements even. At about a quarter after six Alessio called me. "Hi baby." I said as I
admired myself in the mirror. "Armillia." "You're late. Now I
understand you're a workaholic and all but if you don't hurry up I'm not going to have time
for desert and then I'm going to be grumpy and no one will have a good time after that."
He sighed. "I bought this dress, you would absolutely hate how much money I
spent on it. It was on clearance. I know, you're probably already disgusted but it actually
looks nice. I thought I'd aim for black tie event, sexy, elegant, yet mysteriously dangerous,
you know, pretty much how you look. So I went with a black dress-" "Armillia."
He tried again. "And you know what else? I'm even wearing heels."
"Armillia!" "What, God, you don't have to yell." "I'm sorry Armillia."
"It's fine. Now what's up, where are you?" "I said I'm sorry." I stopped
checking myself out in the mirror abruptly. "You aren't coming?" "No, I'm not. I'm
sorry." "Are you alright?" "I'm fine." I slumped down into the
seat in front of the vanity. "You're fine. You just aren't coming?" "It's a business
baby. I can't." I propped my elbow up on the vanity and frowned. "You aren't hurt
though? You don't have a gun pointed to your head? None of your guys are bleeding out are
they?" "No, everyone and everything is fine." "But you aren't coming."
"No." I sighed heavily. "We know who the rat is and if we've any hope
in catching him we need to act quickly. I'm sure you understand." "Of course." I
muttered and began pulling bobby pins from my hair. I guess I should just be happy he at
least explained what the business was. That was a rarity. "I've already called
Stacey. She'll be over around seven-thirty. Simone will drive the two of you-" "No,
we can drive ourselves Alessio. It's fine." "Don't be silly, I'll have him-"
"Alessio." I said sharper than intended. "It's fine. I'll head over to Stacey's right now." I said
and hung up before he had a chance to argue. I couldn't even enjoy the show. I
wasn't mad at Alessio persay, but I was hurt. Not even hurt, disappointed. I tried to remind
myself that I really deserved all of this. I had knowingly gotten involved with the leader of a
Mafia, of course it wouldn't be all roses and butterflies, of course he would be busy at times.
I was being overdramatic, I should just be thrilled he got these wonderful tickets and that I
could spend such an awesome evening with Stacey. But instead I was a complete grump. It
was silly and immature, but being the first place I had ever gone with Alessio was a show like
this, I sort of felt like it was our thing. I wanted to be here with Alessio, not that I didn't love
Stacey or enjoy her company, I had just had my heart set on closing my eyes, putting my
head back, and listening to the show with Alessio's hand in mine. The way we had so long
ago. Unbeknownst to me, Stacey had texted Pietro at some point during the
concert. Probably telling him I was being a total kill joy and for the love of God save her! At
least, that's how I envisioned the conversation in my head. She'd probably just asked if he
would be finished with work in time to meet us here after the concert and to come back to her
place. Alessio was of course never done with work but Pietro apparently made
such attempts for his girlfriend. When the concert was over Pietro met us outside. I didn't
know Stacey had even texted him so I was earnestly surprised, out of instinct I looked for
Alessio. "Ciao pasticcino." Pietro said greeting me in a way I had grown
accustomed to. "You ladies both look lovely." (hello cupcake) "You're here?"
"He's still at the office." Pietro smiled apologetically when I looked around him.
"Oh." "Let me drive you home." Pietro said and Stacey gave him an odd look. To
her, it seemed insane. I had my car, there was no reason I couldn't drive it myself. But this
was how they worked. They believed that to be alone was to be in danger. "I'm
fine." I assured him. Besides, I didn't really want to go home. I wanted to get a drink. When
was the last time I had even gone to a bar? A real, legal bar that is. Not some underground
community of hoodlums and crooks. "Alessio isn't home, I'd like to see that you
get in." "Lucky for me I have the key and all the codes." I trusted telling him I
wasn't going home would have been the wrong answer right now. He sighed,
obviously knowing I had already made my decision as to his ride and not willing to throw me
over his shoulder or knock me out cold in front of his clueless girlfriend. "We're at least
going to walk you to your car." He was firm on this matter but I really didn't mind. My car
was less than a two minute walk away. Stacey hugged me. "Thanks for bringing
me! It was amazing. Love you!" Pietro's suite hugged me as well and muttered into
my ear. "You text me the minute you're home." "Yes Padre." I rolled my eyes.
They stood by my car and waved as I drove off. I started out in the direction of home and
when the two disappeared from my rearview I turned a different direction and headed to a bar
I figured I was least likely to run into one of Alessio's men at.

Chapter 50

Of course on a Saturday night the parking lot was full. I parked a few blocks away, hating the
fact that I had chosen to wear heels I had no choice but to walk. I second guess my decision
when I finally stepped into the bar and everyone looked at me like I was nuts. I tucked a
strand of hair behind my ear, tried to discreetly remove the pearls from around my neck and
took a seat at the smoky bar. The bartender gave me a once over. I might have been over
dressed, at least my dress was short and not some ball gown Cinderella kind of dress. "What
can I get you?" He asked finally. "Something strong and, oh I don't know, red." "Red and
strong?" He repeated. "You got it pal." In a few moments a drink was set before me.
Strawberry and coconut. Not bad honestly. I took a drink and put my head back with a sigh.
Now that I thought about it, I couldn't remember coming to a bar, a real bar since Alessio
came back. I wasn't sure if I missed the scene or not. I spun on the backless stool to watch
the room as I slurped on my drink. Loud music, idiots dancing, someone was playing darts
while his friend kept waving his hand in front of the dart board they all laughed every time
the dart missed his hand. I scanned the room over, a group of guys was giving me a weird
look so I turned back towards the bar. A few seconds later someone sat down beside me and I
had to force myself not to grimace. I had to remind myself that I was in a very public place
and nothing could go wrong here. "Hey." Someone said to my left as someone else took the
seat to my right. I chewed my cheek the way Alessio teased me for doing and turned my
head to the left. "Aren't you that girl?" I felt myself relax only slightly. This could be the
start of a really lame pick up line, which would still be slightly unsettling since there were
three of them and only one of me. "From the TV?" "Oh, oh! Yeah! Yeah I am."
"Awesome!" Upon closer inspection these kids were barely in their twenties, in fact, they
could have even been in here with a fake ID and been under twenty-one. I had no clue but
looking at them now I saw that they were certainly not a threat to me. "Duuude" They said in
unison and exchanged excited glances. I laughed. "My dad watches you every morning."
One said and I laughed again. "You've like, got to let us buy you a shot. This is so killer."
"Killer" I agreed and raised my drink. They ordered a round of shots, we clinked glasses, all
tapped ours to the table for the bartender and then did our shots. "Thanks boys!" I smiled and
waved to them as they went back to their pool table. I looked back to the bartender who
raised an eyebrow. "What, don't give me that look." I muttered and continued on with my
drink. I took my phone out and texted Pietro. Sorry I forgot to text you three whole minutes
ago, don't call in the cavalry. I'm home. A little voice in the back of my head called me a
dirty liar. "Cheers to that." I muttered and took another drink. A different little voice told me
if it was Alessio I had texted he would have activated my GPS and showed up minutes later
to collect me. Pietro on the other hand was probably just happy as a clam to have even got a
text. I finished my drink, had another, and then decided I was bored and I joined the boys in
a game of pool which they thought was soooo killer. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure
they let my team win on purpose just because it was me. Not that I minded. I took my phone
out and noted the time, it was pushing midnight and still no call from Alessio. He must still
not be home. If he had arrived home and found me not there he would have showed up
already to drag me home by my hair. With a shrug I slipped it back into my purse. One more
game of pool, and I'd go home So we played and we drank until the last call. It wasn't until
then that I realized how dead the bar had gotten. I absolutely insisted that the boys let me pay
for their drinks. Well, Alessio technically since he put way more into our bank account than I
did but I was much too drunk to care about any of that. I leaned over the bar next to a pair of
men to catch the bartender's attention. He seemed surprised when I asked for all of the tabs
and made sure to leave a generous tip. As I started to scribble my name drunkenly I couldn't
help but overhear a single word that caught my attention from the man beside me who was on
the phone. "Si." I slowed my writing down and tried to slur through the thoughts running
through my head. There were several very real possibilities here. One, this man could be
Italian, is that such an odd thing to believe? Hell he could have even been Spanish. Two, he
could be one of Alessio's guys, it honestly wouldn't be the first time he'd had someone
following me when he wasn't around. Three, I could have walked into a bar completely alone
and ran right smack into men from another family, men who were none too fond of me. Or
four, he could have said "I see" to his friend or something else totally innocent or I could be
so drunk I misheard the guy completely and was freaking out over nothing now. I wrote
slowly and focused all of my attention to the two men. Maybe it was my imagination but I
swear I could feel them watching me. I could barely hear the one on the phone as he'd
dropped his voice as low as possible. So low in fact that the first time he spoke he had to
repeat himself a little bit louder because even the person on the other end couldn't make out
his words with the bustle of the bar behind him. "Non rompere I miei coglioni." (Don't break
my balls.) He turned away from me and I tilted my head to smile flirtatiously at the bartender
as I slid the receipt back to him though was really just trying to hear better. "Si sono sicuro. È
lei." (Yes I'm sure. It's her) Talking in Italian in a hushed tone while monitoring my every
move, probably not a good sign. I politely and discreetly made my way back to the pool table.
I said my goodbyes too quickly and hurried out of the bar, over my shoulder I heard the
bartender yell and curse at someone who was trying to leave without paying. Definitely not a
good sign. About a block away from the bar I thought perhaps I should have asked the guys
to walk me to my car. Too late for that now. Then again, asking them to walk me could have
cost them their lives and that wasn't something I needed on my conscience either. I stopped in
my tracks when my car finally came into view, I was still a good two blocks away but even
still I could see the empty parking lot and the two men leaning against the hood of my car.
Okay, not a problem. I should probably turn around and call someone. I dug in my purse and
took a few steps forward, acting nonchalant like I had no clue these people were going to rape
me and cut me limb for limb, which by the way was the absolute worst thing I could have
thought about just now. I pulled my phone out, pretended I had suddenly forgotten
something at the bar and turned around again. Well shit, the two from the bar were coming in
my direction. I should definitely call someone now. Alessio was my first thought but I
pushed it aside quickly, he would be furious! So would Pietro and surely Pietro would tell
me, something I also wasn't looking forward to. Nash, I still wasn't sure whose side he was
on. Dad. Good ole policeman dad. I looked up at the men again, they had stopped and were
watching me just as I was watching them. Sobriety had already slapped me in the face and I
was making plans. I looked to the first group of men, and then back to the ones who were
waiting at my car. The moment one smirked I burst into a sprint down the nearest alley and
all four did the same after me. I know what you're thinking, really, you're going to run down
a dark and dreary alley? But I had a plan. I would run two blocks down, and then make a left
then, three blocks up and another left and boom I'd be headed towards my car again. They
would have been chasing me, thereby abandoning my car. If I hit the car I'd be home free.
See, a plan. A potentially idiotic plan as the moment I came to the end of the alley someone
grabbed me by the elbow. I dropped my phone, and let out a yelp of surprise before turning
around and swinging full force with my purse. I hit him in the head with it, he released me
and I bolted again. Somehow I don't recall a session in all those self-defense classes
involving purse slinging. This wasn't good. Now I was cellphone less, purseless, and running
into a less civil part of town. This was the part of town where if someone heard your screams
they didn't care, the part where if someone stumbled over my dead corpse they'd take my
wallet before calling the police, if they called them at all. This wasn't the part of town I
should be in. But I had a plan. I needed to follow the plan. My feet were throbbing as I ran.
Why, oh why, had I gone back on this whole heels thing? I had such a nice run going without
heels. A run that exceeded two years. And of course as soon as I would try to wear heels
again I would get a mob chasing me. It's like they were cursed. I can't believe I was even
running, I had tried to kick extra hard in my run to get the shoes to dislodge but they were so
tight and strappy there was no hope. I made it the whole two blocks down, turned left and
even made it up a block and a half before I was stopped. Someone grabbed me suddenly and
I screamed. "I've got you now you little bitch!" He yelled and I recognized him immediately
as the one I'd hit in the head with my purse. Great, of course the one who was extra pissed off
would be the one to catch me. The grip he had around my arm could have shattered glass. He
pressed his pistol to my head without a moment of hesitation and yelled at me. "Walk bitch!"
I sucked in a deep breath and stepped forward and my heel snapped making me stumble. Of
course! It survived a whole freaking marathon but not a calm stroll. When I stumbled he
seemed to have got different ideas because he let go of my arm and pushed me down
completely. "Bastard!" I gasped and landed hard on my hands and knees. I started to sit up
but he pushed me down the rest of the way and rolled me onto my back where he then
climbed on top of me. "You need to watch your mouth in front of a man!" He yelled and
grabbed both of my arms. I glanced to the side where he'd dropped his gun on the ground.
New plan, I needed a gun. Mine had been in my purse I had so carelessly struck him with.
"I'll keep that in mind next time I see one." I spat and brought my knee to his groin. He sat up
quickly and threw his head back; he howled to the sky in pain. I threw my hand to the
ground and stretched out as far as I could trying to reach the gun but I wasn't even close and
now he was even more furious. I reached once more for the gun but still, no luck. "You little
bitch!" He spat and no sooner had I turned my attention to him again and his hands were
around my throat, he squeezed. I grabbed his wrists and tried to pry him off, I couldn't
breathe, oh my God, I couldn't breathe! I brought my nails to his face, digging them into the
skin. I did so out of thoughtless impulse, the same way I had grabbed his wrists. These were
attempts at release, these were impulsive attacks. He growled as I brought my nails down his
cheeks, hard, drawing blood and in response he only tightened his grip. I opened my mouth
but no sound came out, no whimper, no cry, no gasp. I couldn't suck in air, I couldn't force it
out. Black spots were clouding my vision. I was going to die, after everything I had gone
through choking was going to be my death in a part of town where my body would be simply
stepped over and ignored? I had honestly expected something more dramatic. My hands slid
almost uselessly down his arms until I met his wrists again. I didn't even manage to try and
pull them away. I could see his lips moving frantically, cursing me to hell, calling me names,
but I couldn't hear anything. Everything was getting darker, and darker still and suddenly his
grip lightened. I was wet, why was I wet? Warm liquid pulled around my stomach and his
grip vanished all together.

Chapter 51

I sucked in a large gasp of air and he fell on top of me, I would have yelped, but again the
wind was knocked out of me. He was heavy, I coughed and wheezed and tried to push him
off of me but he wasn't moving and if I was being honest, I was too weak to put up a big
fight. I was in a near frantic state when Nash kicked the corpse hard enough to roll him off of
me. I rolled onto my side away from the body and wrapped my own hands around my throat
coughing. Nash pulled me to my feet and into him still coughing and gasping. "I've got you,
you're okay, I've got you." He said and I felt him. Against me, his hand tight on the back of
my neck holding me against him as if his life depended on it. The reality of the situation hit
me as my adrenaline slowed and just as I was ready to start to cry hysterically he pulled away
and turned his wrist so that he could inspect his watch. "I-I was fine. I mean, I d-didn't need
your help. I-" I started stammering my rage and distrust in Nash not willing to accept him as
some sort of hero just like that. "Here take this." He said handing me his gun. "What?" I said
even though I took it, my whole body was shaking. I almost died, and this gun had just killed
someone. His blood was on me, all over me. "My dress-" I started to protest suddenly. He
bent down and picked up the other man's gun and tucked it into the back of his pants. "We've
got less than two minutes, okay? You're going to use me as a hostage, I'm going to put my
back to your chest, you're going to put one hand on my shoulder and the gun to my head." He
talked quickly and in a hushed tone. "I'm what? Nash have you lost your ever fȕcking
mind?" I hissed. "If they know I shot him then we're both dead. You need to use me as a
hostage to get out of here." "What if they shoot right through you?" "They won't. And if
they do I've got a vest on under this." "Well it's nice that one of us does." I said with an eye
roll. "Can't you trust me on this one?" He groaned not knowing that no I certainly couldn't.
At least, I wasn't sure. Yet. "Listen, they won't shoot. The last thing you want to do when
getting messed up with this sort of shit is underestimating the loyalty they have for the
family. They won't shoot through me, and they won't try to aggravate you into shooting me
either." "You're sure?" "About seventy percent." "Nash!" I gasped. "Listen." He said
hastily. "Point the gun to my head, they're going to run in and stop when they see you. Tell
them if they don't put their guns down you'll shoot me. If they put their guns down we're in
the clear. If they don't then just stay behind me as best as you can." "O-okay." I stammered,
still rubbing my neck gently with one hand. "If they lay their guns down tell them to kick
them over to you. Tell them to empty their pockets and untuck their shirts too. You'd be
surprised how many guns these people hide on their bodies sometimes and, shit, they're
coming. Grab me." Nash turned around so his back was against my chest and I put the gun to
his temple. "Do you know how to shoot a gun Mia?" Nash said and raised his hands
submissively. "Yes." I said in an uneven voice. "Good, don't do it when you've got it against
my head." He said in perfect calmness. I nodded mutely and four men came around the
corner. They all stopped immediately when they saw us and pointed their guns to us. I turned
my head in towards Nash so they couldn't see my lips moving. "Nash!" I hissed and tightened
my grip on his shoulder. "It's okay." He directed it to the men but I knew it was to me. "I'm
walking out of here alive." I yelled across the alley to the men. "I will shoot him!" "Easy girl.
Don't do anything crazy." One of them said with narrowed eyes. "Drop your weapons." I said
sternly. When no one moved I yelled it this time. "Drop your fȕcking weapons." And
shockingly, they did. It took me a moment to catch up as I was so surprised. "Good. Good." I
nodded. I glanced to the back of Nash's head and then the men. "Kick them over here." They
seemed to be even less thrilled about this but now they were unarmed and really had no
choice. "Empty your pockets." I instructed and watched as shells, knives, and even a grenade
were dropped onto the ground. "Lift you shirts, spin around, I need to know you've got
nothing." I watched and waited as they did as told and then nudged Nash forward. "Pick
everything up. Take the ammo out of the guns and then pocket the guns." Nash did so
slowly, as if to make sure I knew he wasn't going to jump up and attack me suddenly. He was
a fantastic actor which only further brought forward even more questions. Had he been acting
in front of my face this entire time? "I'm leaving here alive." I informed all of the men again.
"I'm taking a pretty boy here with me to ensure my safety. I'm going to drive five miles and
then let him out of the car, and no one is going to follow me. Got it?" No one spoke. I started
taking steps backwards and Nash followed my lead. It was almost awkward as we moved
backwards through the alley until they were out of sight and even then until we reached my
car. Nash whistled. "That was some good stuff back there." "Shut up." I hissed. "Mia, if you
wouldn't mind, the gun?" "I would mind actually." "I'm starting to feel like I really am being
held hostage here." He chuckled but I could tell it was forced. "You've done this before
haven't you?" "No. But I'm a fast learner and I've got questions. Get in the passenger's seat."
I instructed him. He leaned against the car casually and I kept the gun pointed to his head.
"Put the gun away Mia. We can have a conversation like two normal people would." "We
both know we aren't two normal people. Get in the car Nash before I shoot you in the leg and
have to hoist you in myself." He pursed his lips. "We're on the same side Mia. Put the gun
down." "Not until I have everything figured out. Get in the car. Now." He looked
disappointed as he climbed into the passenger's seat. I sighed heavily and put my hand to my
head. I needed to calm down. I was going to get all my answers from Nash. I didn't know
whether I trusted him or not. Not after everything Alessio had shown me. I looked to see
how many bullets were still in my gun. There were two left, I added a few more, spun the
barrel and then locked it back into place. I put a hand to my head. What was I even thinking?
I walked around the back of the car slowly trying to sort through all of my questions in my
mind. I opened the driver's side door and climbed into the car. "Alright Nash-" I turned to
face him and stopped mid-sentence. Nash had not one but two guns aimed at me.
Immediately I had my own points to him. We sat in pointed gun silence. "Bit much don't you
think?" I croaked with a weak smile. He didn't look amused. "I tried Mia. I asked you to put
your gun down. I want to be on the same team here I do. But I have a very serious job to do
here that is going to help so many people. This world is going to be so much better when we
put the Mafia's out. I'm sorry Mia, but you can't stop me." "So what, you're going to shoot
me?" He clenched his jaw tightly. "You're going to drive to the police station. You're going
to be held to obstruct this investigation." "And what if I refuse? You'll shoot me then?" I
challenged myself. "Besides, I haven't done anything illegal." "Oh really? You don't know
anything at all about the things Alessio has done? You're an accomplice now Mia." "What!"
"Or we could just go ahead and let the cops run wild with all the footage you put out. Let
them come up with their own story of your involvement. In either case, I can't let you stop
this." "Quite a lot of work you put into this. Why bother getting me alone in the first place,
why not just let your little gang do the work and kill me huh? Why go to all the trouble of
this?" "I had no intention of any of this. I tried to get you to put away the gun, to show me
that we were on the same team here." "But you've known we aren't! I am with Alessio and
you are with, well I don't even know who you're with." I shot back. "Put the gun down Mia."
He said in a flat and annoyed tone. "Put your guns down." I shot back without hesitation.
"Drive. They're going to be out any second now." He was right about that much. "I can't
drive with a gun pointed to my head." I said sharply. "We put them down together." When I
didn't answer he almost smiled again. "Look, you're not going to shoot me Mia. We both
know that. You're right. You aren't a criminal. And I'm not going to shoot you and we both
know that too. I like you far too much to do that, far too much. This is all just a huge ruse. So
let's just both put them down, okay?" "If you're so sure I'm not going to shoot you then put
yours down." He sighed heavily. "Fine. How about we put all of them in the glove box."
"No way!" "What? Why not?" "Because I'd have to hand you my gun to put away then you'd
have all of them." "Fine, you can put it in yourself." He rolled his eyes which were coal
colored today. "Oh yeah great." I scoffed. "Then I have to lean across the car and in front of
you and you can attack me. That sounds fair." He groaned loudly and dropped one of his
guns. He pulled the center console open roughly and pulled the various objects out and threw
them onto the floor. "There!" He yelled. "We put all the guns in the console!" "You first."
He looked up and there was a flicker of hesitation. "Fine." He said and without another word
flipped the safety on both guns and settled them slowly into the console. We locked eyes.
With his colored contacts in I felt like I wasn't even looking Nash in the eye. My Nash had
blue eyes that sparkled when he talked to me and darkened when I talked about Alessio. He
was Matteo right now, dark eyes boring into my own, he was a criminal, he had just shot
someone point blank and hadn't even glanced at the body other than when he took the gun off
of him. This wasn't my Nash, had he ever been? I lowered my gun into the console as well.

Chapter 52

"What the fȕck was that all about?" Nash demanded as we drove off. "You haven't been
entirely honest with me." I shot back. "What?" I didn't answer. We were both quiet for a few
long minutes before he leaned forward in his seat. "You aren't going to the police station are
you?" He said sharply. "No." "Damn it Mia!" He smacked his hands off the dash. I glanced
down to the center console we had closed to ensure both of our safety. "How many guns do
you have?" "How many men were there?" He shot back and I frowned. After a few moments
he sighed. "They aren't loaded. Remember you had me unload them? I only reloaded the
one." I believed him. "But you had two." "The one I took from Rob was already loaded. I
didn't have time to load the rest before you got back in the car." I believed him again. "What
is this about Mia? I thought-" "I don't care what you thought. I thought you were the good
guy. I thought we were friends. But it turns out my first assumption was right." I turned to
glare at him. "Wolf in sheep's clothing." "Oh not this again. Mia. I'm not a wolf. I'm not the
bad guy!" I slammed on the brakes and he jerked forward. I wasn't even surprised that he
wasn't wearing his seat belt. Some cop he was. "I have something for you." I said while
glaring at him. He glanced out the window and noted we were in a more desert area. "Is it a
hand grenade? If so I've one of those for you as well." He reminded me. "In the back seat.
The manila folder." I tried to keep perfectly calm as I sat in my chair but my heart was
thudding. How would Nash explain this one? I started driving again, tapping my finger on the
steering wheel impatiently. He glanced back, to me again, and then to the back. Assessing
the situation. Finally he leaned over the center console and into the back to grab the folder.
He resituated himself in the seat and glanced back to me one last time before opening the
folder. He was silent as he glanced through the photos. He hardly seemed concerned. He
closed the folder after a few seconds and looked relieved. "That's what this is about?" "Who
do you really work for? Is Nash even your real name?" "Of course it is. I work for the
NYPD, I've already told you that." "Then what the fȕck is this!" I yelled and motioned
towards the folder. "Are you with the Bonanno or the bloody Gambino?" "Get out of the
car." He sighed. "What?!" On instinct I pulled a hand away from the wheel and reached for
the center console. He put his hand on top of mine to prevent me from opening it. "I'd be
damn surprised if your car wasn't bugged. Get out of the car." I bit my lip. He was probably
right. Alessio had bought me the Lexus. I knew it had a GPS in it, that much I didn't mind
because it came equipped with it for the navigation system, but I had no clue if it was actually
bugged or not. God I hoped not. "If it is we're both dead already." I said trying to remain
firm. He was the one who had another two guns and a hand grenade stashed on him after all.
I turned into an alley. When Nash got out of the car and stalked down the alley I reluctantly
did follow. Leaving the three guns in the center console untouched. Why I was still putting
any bit of trust in Nash I had no clue. He strolled over to a building and leaned against it. It
was starting to drizzle. "Bonanno asked me to work the Gambino." I stared at him blankly.
"You think they're only after Alessio and his Genovese? No. The Genovese and the Gambino
combined forces in a very heavy attack against the Bonanno. Do you really think they'd just
let that sort of thing go? It took months for them to make up for all the men and funds lost.
They're still down in sales because the turf the Gambino and Bonanno were fighting over is
now in Gambino's possession. Not only do they want that area back, but they want some of
Gambino's land as well. Even more importantly than that they want revenge. They considered
the attack a great insult, naturally, and they believe being defeated made them look weak." I
put my hand to my head. "I work for the NYPD Mia. They know I'm doing this too.
Bonanno has me working the Gambino as well." "This is unbelievable." "It is..." He agreed
and glanced down. "Mia, you can't tell this to Alessio." I dropped my hand to give him my
best bewildered stare. "Are you crazy?" "He would probably tell Gambino and then I would
be dead. I'd be beyond dead." "You think you won't be when all of this is over? You come
out with all this incriminating information you think they won't find out who you are? Come
back and make sure you're beyond dead? My God Nash!" "It won't get to that." "And where
the hell do you think it's going to get to? Are you an idiot?" "Maybe." He shrugged with a
weak smile. I paced back and forth the alley with my hands holding my head. I was so
confused. "So let me just try to make sense of this." "Of course." "You work for the
NYPD?" "Correct." "The NYPD put you into the Bonanno to gather evidence to take down
their leader and as many men as possible?" "Right." "And the Bonanno put you into the
Gambino?" "Yep." "Then what the hell is going on with Colombo?" His expression
changed, lips pursed and brows creased. "I don't know how involved you really need to be
getting in all of this." "Seems to me I'm pretty well involved." I said crossing my arms over
my chest. He gave me a questioning look and in my worst possible Nash impression repeated
his "joke" that Alessio had shared with me. "Maybe if she has two legs to stand on and a
pụssy to pound into we'll send her your way when we're done with her." "Where did you
hear that?" He demanded suddenly in a harsh tone. "Your move Mr. Cooper." He sighed and
crossed his arms over his chest. "The Bonnano will use you to hurt Alessio." "I don't give a
damn about the Bonanno and what they want to do, but I do give a damn what you do!" He
looked too stunned for words. "Why? Why would you want to hand me off to Paulo? Or not
hand me off, God! I don't even know!" I put my hands to my head again and pressed on it to
keep it from bursting. "Mia, Mia-pie, I can assure you that I'm not handing you off to
anyone. I have a hard enough time letting you go back home to Alessio every damn day, you
honestly think I'd let you get mixed up with all that other shit?" "I don't know what to think!
That's the problem!" I threw my hands up in the air. Nash stepped forward with his hands
open to me and when he was too close I shoved him. "You're the one who said that!"
"What?!" "Alessio said that Paulo-" "Oh there's a real fȕcking surprise!" Nash scoffed
loudly and turned around shaking his head. "Don't even go blaming this on Alessio! Don't
you dare blame it on him!" He whirled back around to face me furiously. "Gee Mia, I
wonder who would want to lie about me to make you hate me, it couldn't possibly be the
same guy who shot me and tried to kill me because he was jealous! That would make no
sense at all!" "He shot you because you want to...to...I don't even know what you plan on
doing to me! It's apparently too vulgar and horrifying for Alessio to even tell me. He shot you
to protect me!" "From me? He shot you to protect you from me? What the hell have I been
doing every time these guys catch up with you? I've saved your life before, I've gone out of
my way to help you, and you think you need protection from me?" "He told me what you
said!" "I didn't say that, I would never say that. Fȕcking Rob said it you moron!" "Who the
hell is Rob?" I groaned and threw my head back. "The lug head I just shot back there! You
know, the one who was about ready to get a head start on pounding that pụssy?" He motioned
down on me and I gasped. "You inappropriate little shit!" I screamed. "They weren't my
words damn it. He said it! He is, well, was, sort of like my partner if you will. He was the one
who said that, and yes I was there when he said it but you should know I would never-" "I
don't know anything." I said sharply and backed away from him. "Absolutely nothing about
you." "Mia." "I can't, I can't be here." "You don't believe me?" "I don't know what to
believe. Everything is a lie." I started back to the car holding my head again. "This is, I don't
even." Nash ran to beat me to the car and put his hand on the door before I could open it.
"Move!" I demanded. "Listen to me!" He yelled. I pressed my back against the slick car door
and glared at him. It was cold and wet against the part of my back the dress didn't cover.
"Then tell me. Now. What are you doing with Colombo?" He sighed. "Giovanni asked Rob
and I to approach Colombo with an offer. We ask for their support in an up and coming war."
"Okay." I breathed. "We asked that he and his men fight with us against the Genovese and
the Gambino. He refused the Genovese, I guess he and Alessio looked out for each other. I
don't know, we knew better than to ask. But after some haggling he agreed to help in a
surprise attack against the Gambino. An attack that I, along with several other undercovers,
will lead the Gambino into which is why I'm undercover for the Bonanno in the Gambino."
He sighed. "The Gambino will believe Paulo and his men are coming for an exchange, Paulo
doesn't deal with drugs or gambling, he traffics women. So Gambino will believe he is
bringing women for them to choose and really they will be opening the doors to Colombo and
Bonanno. I'm going to lead all three into this fight and we'll bust them all at once, or at least
we'll try anyway. I'll wear a GPS and a wire and let the good ole NYPD do the job from
there." I slapped Nash. "You idiot!" He seemed too stunned for words as he put his hand to
his cheek. As if reading our very emotions the rain picked up and thunder boomed across the
sky. "You're going to get yourself killed and then who the hell is going to raise Ellie? Huh?
How you could possibly think this is a good fȕcking idea I have no clue. You're going to get
shot along with everyone else when the police raid and if God willing you don't die then
you'll what? Go to jail? Testify in court against three mafia's? You're going to get killed, in
fact no, they're going to do way worse things than just kill you. Oh my God!" I shoved him
away from my car and he caught my wrists and pulled me into him. "Let me go you
díckhead!" "I have to do this Mia. Trust me, I've thought about everything already but we've
got it all figured out. I'm going to be fine." "How can you even say that? If you testify they
will destroy you." I screamed at him furiously and tried to pull away "When I'm through with
them they won't have the power to." "Then you're an even bigger idiot than I thought. Of
course they have the power!" "Mia, Matteo is going to die. We'll fake my death and I can
ditch the disguise and move wherever Ellie wants us to go and leave all of this behind, trust
me. It's likely I won't even have to so many of those guys will be facing life they'll talk just to
get a lower sentence. I've thought of everything." I pulled away from him and nearly
stumbled, he reached out to me and I smacked his hand away. It was raining hard now, pink
water ran out of my dress, I was glaring at Nash and he was watching me with cautious
intensity. "Bonnano have you undercover?" He nodded slowly. "And Mia...they've got
someone under in the Genovese as well."

Chapter 53

I came home holding my shoes in hand, one broken, in a blood stained dress, soaking wet,
and the rain and the struggle had done a number to both my hair and my makeup, worst of
all? Alessio wasn't even home and I wanted him something fierce. I wasn't used to
this. Feeling like I needed someone to hold me and fix everything but I was drained and
confused and I wanted my boyfriend. I sat on the couch for a few minutes silently
stewing before picking up the house phone. I called Alessio first and it went to voicemail. I
glanced at the time, after three in the morning. I sighed heavily and called Pietro.
He answered on the first ring with a groggy voice. "Ciao pasticcino." (hello cupcake)
I didn't know what to say. So I said the lamest thing that came to mind. "I'm home."
He was quiet for a few moments before sighing. "I can't protect you if you aren't honest with
me Mia. Where the hell were you and what happened?" I looked down and let the
night wash over me. Rob choking me, Rob dead on top of me, Nash. "I need Alessio." I
croaked. "He's not home and I need him." "Alright, calm down. I'll be there in-"
"N-no, Stacey, I mean-" "Mia. I will be there in a few minutes. Don't move, and I
mean that this time." For whatever reason, I didn't. Not even to take off the dress,
to dry off, I didn't move to put on a pair of shoes. I just sat on the couch with no sound other
than the ticking of several nearby clocks until Pietro pulled in. He came through
the door in sweatpants and just a jacket, no shirt. When he saw me he cursed and ushered me
over to him. "Come on." "Where are we going?" I asked even though I followed
him regardless of destination. "To Alessio." "What about Stacey-"
He shrugged and put his jacket around me. "She'll be fine. She's asleep. If we're lucky Alessio
will be able to leave work to take you home and I can head back to her place. She'll never
even know I left." "What if we aren't lucky?" He smiled slightly but
didn't answer as he opened the car door for me. I climbed in the car and pulled his jacket
closer around me. "Is he going to yell at me?" "Oh my God yes." Pietro
replied without missing a beat. Well that sure made me feel better.
"You're alright though, right?" "I...I think so." My head was spinning in so many
directions, I think I might have been a little traumatized, in shock perhaps even.
"That's the most important thing. That's what he cares about most. You know that, don't you
Mia?" I did know that actually. I nodded rather weakly. "He's going to give you hell, but take
it easy on him." I sighed heavily and looked out the window. We drove silently for
a few minutes before arriving at a floral shop. I looked back to Pietro with an odd expression.
"Simone's." He explained calmly. "Simone owns a flower shop?" Pietro
nodded and we got out of the car. He unlocked the shop's door and let me in, locking it
behind him. I looked around, the shop was quiet, and dark. There was absolutely no one here.
Pietro calmly opened up one of the coolers and motioned for me to follow. Disappointed that
this wasn't even the strangest thing I had seen from them yet, I followed him through the
cooler. He opened the wall behind the cooler, moved aside ivy on the floor and opened up a
trap door. "You guys-" "I know." He said and motioned for me to climb
down first, probably so he couldn't see up my dress and so that he could shut the trap door
behind him. I did so and waited for Pietro. He came down and led me through a
dimly lit hallway to a big metal door. As soon as the door opened we could hear
sound, the room obviously must have been sound proofed but now we could hear hitting,
grunting, crying. "Alessio." Pietro said loudly before entering the room and all of
the sound except the crying stopped. Pietro motioned for me to go through the door first.
I looked nervously at him and then came through. There were several men in the room. The
scene struck a tender cord as it looked oddly familiar to my own first encounter with the
Bonnano. A badly bruised and bloodied man was tied to a chair in the center of the room.
Alessio stood before him smoking a cigar, his suit jacket and tie had been tossed aside and
the sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up as well as the top few buttons being undone.
When he pulled the cigar from his mouth I noted his rough knuckles and cast my eyes to the
ground. "The fȕck is going on?" Alessio demanded Pietro and then turned to me.
"What happened?" "I don't know." Pietro answered. "She hasn't told me anything
she just called me and told me she needed you." "And where the hell were you?"
He snapped and before waiting for an answer turned over his shoulder. "Last chance Sully."
"I-I-I don't know any-" "Last. Fȕcking. Chance." He repeated slowly putting
emphasis on each and every word. The man attached to the chair only sobbed in
response. "Shut him the fȕck up." Alessio growled and turned to me. "What
happened?" He demanded but I couldn't focus on him as one of the men behind him brought a
knife easily across "Sully's" throat. I spun away from the scene and faced the door again with
my hands over my face, despite this I could still hear the sound, gurgling, gasping, and then
silence. "Armillia." Alessio said impatiently. Oh my God. He'd just killed a man.
Right in front of my face! I still had the blood of the first dead person I'd witness die on my
dress and now I was present for another. I was going to be sick. I put my hand on the door to
steady myself. "What. Happened." Alessio continued in a coarse tone, I heard his
footsteps coming towards me. Reluctantly I turned around and forced my back
against the door. I looked past him to Sully whose head hung unnaturally low, his shirt deep
red, nearly brown all the way to his lap and even dripping onto the floor. "Y-you killed-"
Alessio glanced over his shoulder as if he'd already forgotten about the others in the room
and then turned back to me. Somehow it seemed to take him a few moments to process that
this would be something that horrified me. "We've been at this for hours, there was no way
we were getting a thing from him." "T-that's-that's not what I was-"
"Tell me what happened. My patience is wearing equally thin with you." My eyes
widened and then turned back to Sully. The alcohol in my stomach churned along with the
events from the night and this time I did get sick, Alessio narrowly had the chance to jump
backwards lest his shoes be ruined. Alessio showed me out of the room and to a
bathroom where I was to "freshen up" after having puked in front of everyone. I splashed
cold water on my face, rewetting the roots of my hair closest to my forehead and ears that had
finally nearly dried after standing in the rain yelling at Nash. I patted my face off and leaned
against the sink. This was Alessio, I had known this for a long time, I had seen him shoot
before. He hadn't even killed the guy, someone else had done it for him. Though it was clear
he'd done plenty to get his answers too. This was Alessio, Alessio who would never hurt me.
I came back out of the bathroom and Alessio cupped my face with an expression full of
concern. "What happened?" A far cry from the tone he'd had with me just minutes ago.
"I-I went to the b-bar." I started and he scowled suddenly. "When did you do that?"
"I had nothing else to-" "Alone?" I nodded and he muttered a curse. "Why would
you do that? Have I not enough alcohol at home for you?" I shrugged feeling
almost silly for the entire night now. It was really my own fault. "You should
know better." He lowered his hands from my cheeks and titled my head up to see my neck. A
purple imprint had worked its way around it entirely, right in the center you could even make
out where his thumbs had been. I was being scolded like a toddler.
"Why wasn't anyone at the house with you?" He muttered as he continued tilting my head
around to catch sight of my neck in different lighting. My cheeks flushed. I wasn't
about to sell Pietro out. And I mean, where was Simone and Silvano? Surely they would have
noticed when I didn't come home if they were there. "My patience Armillia..."
Alessio reminded me. "I didn't go home." I admitted and then suddenly burst into a
nervous rambling recount of the night. I spoke way too fast and waved my hands vividly
through the air so intensely I nearly smacked his nose. "I went to the bar because I was super
bummed about not getting to go out with you and everything and it's been ages since I went
to the bar. And I thought, what could go wrong? Right?! I had taken all these self defense
classes and I had my gun and I met these group of guys who I swear were like nineteen even
though they were at the bar. And they were super cool. They thought I was awesome for
being on TV and they kept saying that's sooo killer, which I really didn't get but I was like
whatever so I started saying it too. It was like, infection. And we played pool and I thought
everything was fine even though they let me win which was so killer but then when I went to
pay for our tabs and that was so killer too, I heard this guy talking in Italian. And I thought
oh, maybe I'm crazy, because obviously I'm crazy, right? But just in case I'd better leave so I
left and they were waiting at my car so I ran and my shoe broke and I hit the guy with my
purse and then he was on top of me and I kneed him in the balls and he was choking me, he
was really choking me. Like the world around me was black and sounded far away choking
me and Matteo showed up and shot him to save me and he was on top of me, and he was
dead, and oh my God I could feel the blood coming through my dress and it was so terrible.
But I was still being chased so I took Matteo hostage to get out and he was so mad that we
got into this huge screaming match and then I came home after finding out someone in the
Bonanno is in the family and I needed you and you weren't there so I called Pietro and then
we got here and you killed a guy and that was so awful and-" He covered my
mouth abruptly with his hand. I had been talking so fast he took a few minutes to try to sort
through everything I had said. He looked frustrated. "You shouldn't have gone out alone." He
scolded me firmly but then his expression softened. "I'm grateful you weren't hurt." He
moved his hand and replaced it with his lips over mine briefly, when he pulled back he was
scowling. "But I told you if Matteo-" "He saved me again." I said defensively.
"From his people." He was quiet for a few seconds and then frowned. "The Bonanno?"
"The rat, the one who alerted the police of the casino? He's from the Bonanno."
"It's been taken care of." I looked past him and to the big metal door again. "That
guy?" "Yes Armillia. He was the rat." He looked down my body with a scowl.
"Come on. Let's go home and get you cleaned up."

Chapter 54

I curled into the fetal position in the bed. My body was washed and my clothes clean and yet
I still felt so...dirty. Alessio was asleep, actually asleep beside me. He hadn't so much as
washed the blood off of his hands. We had come home and I had gotten a long, hot shower
sobbing through most of it. When I came out he was on the bed asleep. He hadn't even taken
his clothes off. He must have really been tired, he didn't even yell at me on the car ride
home. Actually, quite the contrary. He'd let me lean against him for the entire car ride and
traced invisible patterns over my hand with his index finger. He said almost nothing to me.
The only thing he said to me was that it was alright, and right before I left the room to get in
the shower he'd stopped me. "You know if something ever happened to you I would go mad,
don't you?" Sometimes I felt like I already was mad. I rolled over and wrapped my arms
around his sleeping torso. I put my head on his chest and closed my eyes. I counted the beats
of his heart, focused on matching my breathing to his own and snuggled tighter against him.
What a shitty day. "I love you." He muttered barely audible and I raised my head. "I love
you." I replied back but only got a sleepy sign in response. I laid my head on him again and
drew myself as close to him as I possibly could. "I love you so much." He shifted beneath
me, and rolled onto his side and pulled me against him. "I don't want you hanging out with
Matteo." He muttered with his eyes still closed as if he were still asleep. "I wasn't hanging
out with him. I told you, he just sort of showed up and saved the day." "Or he was a planned
part of the attack from the start." I didn't want to fight with Alessio about this. Not at all. As
much as he would hate it, and in no way shape or form was I ever going to admit it to him,
but I trusted Nash. To an extent. I felt he had no reason to lie to me, no reason to win my trust
over and certainly no reason to give me all the information he did. If Nash was really a
member of the mafia and was really using me to try to get in and destroy the Genovese why
wouldn't he have turned me over already? Why would he have saved me several times now?
Why would he have ever introduced me to his daughter? Why would he have called out my
name as he thought he was dying? These were real, raw things that exceeded far beyond just
a simple betrayal. I trusted Nash. But I wouldn't admit that to Alessio. "Maybe." I said
simply choosing not to discuss the matter at all. He nuzzled his face into my cheek.
"Armillia..." He cooed against my ear. "If you ever put yourself into a position so dangerous
again I swear you won't have to worry about anyone else ever laying a hand on you again
because I will kill you myself." "Can I use my last genie wish to make you stop threatening
me?" His body shook with a withheld chuckle. "No." "I didn't know genies had
stipulations." "Of course they do. You can't wish for extra wishes, you can't affect someone
else's free will and you can't wish for your boyfriend to stop making death threats." I rolled
my eyes. "I lost my phone." I realized after a few moments. He sighed. "You do tend to
break and lose those often, don't you?" "My gun too." He hesitated for a moment, took a
deep breath and sighed. "Alright, we'll get you a new gun too. You should really be more
careful with those things." "It was in my purse when I hit him with it." "Had it ever occurred
to you that shooting him with the gun probably would have severed much, much more
effectiveness than hitting him with a purse that just happened to have your gun in it?" "Not
until after the fact." "Of course not. Did you at least defend yourself?" "I told you I hit him
with my purse." "Seriously Armillia." "Kneed him in the groin too." "Good girl...are you
alright? Really?" It hit me suddenly that this was the first time he had actually asked me if I
was okay. I sat up and he shifted to be able to see me better. "I thought. I mean. I couldn't
breathe. At all. It wasn't like it was the first time someone tried to kill me but everything
started to go dark-" He put his hand on top of mine and brought his thumb gently back and
forth along the back of it as I was getting choked up. It's one thing to know it could happen
and expect it but it is another thing entirely when you feel the life leaving your body. "There
was a dead guy on top of me. Actually, he probably wasn't even dead yet. There was a guy
dying on top of me." "So you've mentioned." "It's a little fȕcked up." I shook my head. "I'm
sorry, I know you see dead people all the time but I don't. I mean, someone was dying on top
of me. Blood gushing out, soaking my clothes and-" "What would he have done if he was on
top of you and not dying?" "Why would you even say something like that! I swear you and
Matteo are exactly alike!" I scowled and turned my head away. Alessio sat up quickly, all
traces of sleepiness gone immediately. "Don't you ever compare me to that dirty lying piece
of horseshit again. And I say shit like that because you're still so damn naïve I have to in
hopes that I'll someday get through that thick skull of yours. This is a dangerous life in
Armillia. I don't tell you not to go out alone because I'm worried you'll meet someone else, I
don't track you because I want to know where you're going. I'm trying to keep you safe and
every fȕcking time I turn around you're practically tying a noose around your own throat."
"Hey. It was a crowded bar, I didn't think-" "You never think, that's precisely the problem."
"Can you maybe stop being such an asshole for ten minutes and try being a little
sympathetic? I've had sort of a rough night." "Which you brought upon yourself." "Oh
yeah." I swung my legs off the bed. "And watching you murder some kid without a flicker of
hesitation or remorse? Yeah, that was awesome too by the way. I'll bet the worst part of your
night was getting blood on your shirt, it's a shame you don't have thirty more exactly the
same!" I yelled and stood. "He was a rat Armillia. You know I had no choice." I swung back
around to face him. "Was he? Are you sure he was? Absolutely one-hundred percent sure?" I
demanded and he narrowed his eyes to slits. "You think I would have killed him if I wasn't
sure?" "I think you'd do anything to prove how all mighty and powerful the great Alessio is."
"That's not what this is about. Where the hell are you going?" "To sleep in the guest room!" I
yelled over my shoulder as I stormed out. He did not follow me.

Chapter 55

"Don't get that piece of shit." Alessio said rudely. I glanced up to the poor
customer service representative and then back to Alessio. "Hon, it's fine." I said despite the
fact that I was thoroughly humiliated. He'd had a piss poor attitude from the very
beginning of the day when I purposely woke up before him and took Donato on a jog alone
and his scowl had become growing deeper the more time passed. "What the hell
are you going to do with 16 gigabytes?" "I, uh, store photos?" "You'd
run out of memory in a month. Get a bigger one." I rolled my eyes. "It's fine
Alessio. I'll probably break it in a month anyway." He snatched the phone from my
hand abruptly. "Well of course you will, it's a flimsy piece of shit." He snapped and threw it
as hard as he could onto the ground shattering it. "Alessio!" I gasped.
"Relax, I'll pay for it." He rolled his eyes. Again, the customer service rep seemed
baffled on what to do. Alessio turned his attention back to her and looked at her like she was
insane. "What are you still doing here? Clean this up? Get your manager? Or get out of our
hair." He snapped and she scurried away to retrieve a manager. "Honestly
Alessio." I scolded in a hushed voice. "Must you give the poor woman such a hard time?" I
crouched on to the ground and began picking up pieces of the broken phone. "She
started it." He muttered in response. "She tried to sell you the cheapest piece of shit in the
building." "It's a cell phone not a Ferrari, it's fine." "It's disrespectful."
"I don't need a big fancy indestructible phone. Just because you do doesn't mean the rest of us
do too." "When I'm the one buying the phone you do." "Excuse me but I
can pay for my own phone." I huffed. He raised an eyebrow and I deflated a little.
"Well I could make payments." I muttered and turned away. The manager
approached us slowly. "I'm sorry folks, do we have a problem here?" "Yes."
Alessio snapped. "I came in here to get my girlfriend a good phone and your people keep
handing me pieces of shit." He reached into his pocket and I was expecting him to pull out his
gun but he brought his wallet out instead. "Sir I'm sure you understand we
appreciate your business but you simply cannot break the merchandise. I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you to pay for the phone you've broken." "Or?" Alessio stopped just
as his fingers brushed against his bank card. He'd had every intention of paying for the phone
because he could but it had suddenly become a demand and he did not respond well to those.
The manager blanched slightly. "Alessio please." I groaned. I was so ridiculously
embarrassed. "I'm just asking what would happen should I refuse."
"Well..." The manager said and took a step back. "We would have to involve the authorities
sir." "That's what I thought." Alessio drummed his fingers along the cards, clearly
torn. If he paid for it now it would be a sign of submission. He didn't do submission.
"Please Alessio. I'll get whatever one you want, get the most expensive one, just don't make a
scene." "I'm not. We're having a friendly conversation." He glanced towards the
manager and with narrowed eyes sneered sharply, "Aren't we?" "I-I don't want any
trouble sir." The manager stuttered. That did it. Alessio's scowl suddenly turned to
one of false friendliness as he pulled the card from his wallet and handed it to the manager.
He'd won. "You heard the lady, the most expensive thing you've got." "Uh, and the
broken one sir?" "Of course." The manager looked instantly relieved as he moved
around to the register. "I expect a call when the new model comes out." Alessio added.
"Of course sir." He leaned against the counter and turned to me with a pleased
look. "See darling? This was no trouble at all. I don't know why you insist on making such a
big deal out of everything." I rolled my eyes. "She'll take all of the accessories."
"All?" "Did I stutter?" "No sir." Alessio turned back to me
with a pleasant smile. I shook my head and turned away. He slid his arm around my waist and
pulled me into him. He gave me a light kiss on the cheek. "You know I love you."
"You're such an ass." I muttered and he released me. "Women." He shrugged to the
manager. We left the store and Alessio took the phone from me immediately and
made a phone call. "Ciao Roberto." "Sure, help yourself." I muttered as we walked.
"Ho bisogno di un aggiornamento." He continued on while ignoring me completely.
"Domani? Perfetto!" He hung up the phone and turned to me with a smile. "Great news,
you'll have your phone tomorrow." (I need an upgrade.) (Tomorrow?) (Perfect!)
"Silly me, I thought I had it today." "Roberto needs to put the software on it."
"You mean the tracker." I said flatly. "Among other things." "I'm just
tired, can we please go home and take a nap or something?" He was doing it on purpose I was
sure. He took me to a dealership and made me come with him as he test drove four cars, then
he took me to a surprise kick boxing class, followed by the cell phone store. He knew I was
exhausted and he was pushing me to my limits today. I knew why too. Matteo.
"It's not my fault you stayed up late and decided walking the dog was more important than
your sleep." I grumbled in response. "We have
to make another stop." I groaned loudly and he had the nerve to chuckle at me.
"We need to get you a new gun, and no, it cannot wait until tomorrow. Don't worry, I have a
guy." "Can't your guy just pick one and bring it to me? Why does everything with
you have to be such a big process?" He shrugged with little interest and I sighed. I
had really hoped to get a nap in before having to head back to the station for the evening
news. "Can you please just drop me off at work?" "What?"
"Work. You know, that place that gives me money in exchange for-" "Don't you
think you should take a few days off." This should have been a question, but it sounded much
more like a statement. "I really can't afford to take off anymore work Alessio. I'm
going to get fired." "Let me take care of you." "I like working."
"Armillia." He said with some sort of stern, almost fatherly tone. "You have finger prints
along your neck." "So I'll wear a turtleneck." He looked frustrated, probably from
not getting his way. "It's not like I'm going I'm grab a shield and a sword and go into some
medieval war, I'm going to work to sit behind a desk and look at a camera. I'll be fine."
Chapter 56

Have you ever watched a movie, usually a comedy, where everything under the sun goes
wrong and the protagonist trying to stay optimistic says "well it's not like it could get any
worse" and it instantly begins storming? Or perhaps they utter the idiotic words "what could
go wrong" fate of course laughs in their face and responds with "let me show you."
Let me just say. Fate 1. Mia 0. When I said "I'll be fine."
Scoffing as Alessio expressed concern for me and going to work, well I really hadn't
anticipated what was going to happen after. I raised my head slowly from the
steering wheel to look at the front of my car, it was smoking, but still upright. That was a
good start. But boy was Alessio going to be furious if he found out the airbags didn't deploy,
such an expensive car and the airbags didn't even work right. I had half a mind to write a
strongly written letter to the company. After I found my sunglasses. I'd
had a pair of sunglasses in the cup holder and I couldn't find them anywhere.
Someone yelled my name out. When I looked to my left Simone was at the side of the door.
Really, it was unnecessary to be yelling. I could hear him perfectly fine and the window was
down, no, wait, maybe it had just been broken? "I can't find my sunglasses." I informed him
gravely so he would know how serious the situation was. He gripped the door with
one hand as though the jagged edges of shattered glass couldn't harm him. Did he think
himself to be invincible? In the other he held his gun. "You need to get out of the car." He
said and looked around cautiously. "You need to get out now." "But my glasses-" I
protested. "It's dark out." He said impatiently and reached through the broken
window to unlock the door. He tugged on the door hard but it didn't budge. Such a sweet car,
and so damaged. "Your car is smoking, the bastards who ran you off the road could be just
around the corner, if your car catches fire or they catch up to us-'' He paused for a second to
pull especially forcefully and then smacked the car. "We are both dead." He finished with a
grunt. "I can't find them anywhere." "Would you forget the glasses for a
minute Mia and just-" I ignored him as I rooted around. He reached
through the car window to take the key out of the ignition. "Where's your fob."
"Probably with my sunglasses..." I muttered. "Okay." He said suddenly gently.
"We'll get you out of the car, I will find your glasses, let doc take a look at you-"
"N-no. I c-can't. Doctors – Alessio – The car – Nash - I, oh my God where are they?" I
screamed. "You don't need your bloody sunglasses!" He yelled back. "It's night!
It's dark! You need to get out." He was at the passenger's side of the door suddenly. It came
open and he leaned in. "No!" I yelled and tried frantically to smack his hands
away. "I. Need. Alessio!" "If I find your key fob Alessio will be here in no time
along with plenty of back up because who knows how many guys they have lurking around."
He started rooting around the car floor and I thought maybe he might have finally grasped
how much I needed my sunglasses, but the moment he found the key fob he gave up the
search. A press of the panic button did nothing. Poor broken car. Alessio
was going to be so mad. I realized suddenly how loud it was! Sirens, and people yelling to
one another. I looked to my left and there was a firefighter trying to talk to me, something
about getting my door open. I looked back to Simone for answers but he was on the phone
now talking in Italian, his gun discreetly tucked away. Firefighters were
literally cutting the door of my car off. "It's my boyfriend's car." I tried explaining to them.
"He'll be so mad, it was expensive. I think. Probably. God I don't even know how much it
was. I can't find my glasses anywhere." "Don't you worry about such things. I'm
sure he has insurance." One firefighter tried helpfully. He hadn't been working on the car, this
entire time he had done nothing but try to talk to me. To calm me down with little success.
I tried to unbuckle myself at this point but my hands didn't work the way I wanted them to.
With muttered words of encouragement Simone unbuckled me. I turned to the left as they
pried my door off and suddenly the two diligent firefighters were shoved to the side.
"I'm sorry." Were the first words I breathed when I saw Alessio and then I began the cry.
He looked mad. Definitely mad. Simone had probably been following me all night, which
means that Simone had seen me with Nash, which means that Alessio knew I was with
"Matteo" and he was going to kill us both. I had called him with honest intentions.
Intentions that had absolutely nothing to do with my friendship with Nash and everything to
do with the spy the Bonnano had in the Genovese. Talking over the phone was never an
option, because you could never know if the phone was bugged. So we had met up, argued
for almost an hour as Nash insisted he didn't know who was in the Genovese, only that he
was definitely not killed last night. We'd left, and minutes later my car was T-boned. I kept
repeating how sorry I was over and over again until he cupped my face in his palms.
"Armillia, you remember that silly little brain of yours I always tease you about? Well if you
don't calm down and breathe it's going to run out of oxygen and you're going to pass out." He
said gently, I almost couldn't hear him over the sound of the sirens. "I lost my
glasses." I finally admitted. "Baby you don't wear glasses." "Oh."
He took my hand in his own and kissed it. "I'm sorry." I began repeating again as
he stepped aside and let the firefighters work to pull me from the car. Simone came
around the back of the car and Pietro wisely stopped him before he made it all the way
around to Alessio who probably had less than pleasant things to say at the moment. God, he
must be so mad that I was with Matteo tonight and on top of that I ruined his car. The
paramedics were trying to strap me down and I was panicking. "She said she doesn't want
fȕcking strapped down are you deaf, or just stupid?" He began yelling at the paramedics who
tried to explain to him calmly that if I wasn't strapped down I could receive more injuries or
worsen ones I already had. "She won't. She better not." He'd warned and then he'd wheeled
the stretcher I was on, still sitting up, into the back of the ambulance.

Chapter 57

When I opened my eyes to the darkened room there was something I could tell immediately. I
was home again. The hospital trip had been, well, not so great. It was essentially
like every other hospital trip I made. You know how it is, trying to take the doctor's out,
trying to climb my way up Alessio for protection. "Sedate her." Alessio had said in
shocking calmness as I had tried to scour him like a rock climbing wall. "We can't
just sedate a patient for no reason, I'm afraid-" He'd sighed, loudly, over
dramatically in a way that stopped the doctor in his tracks. He pulled his gun out and waved it
carelessly through the air. "Are you going to sedate her, or do I have to find someone who
will?" The doctor stared for a moment with wide eyes and then had proclaimed
he'd be right back. "So fȕcking hard to find good help these days." Alessio had
muttered. After a few minutes we heard security being paged over the intercom. "Great. Now
I have two problems, I have to kill this doctor and find someone else to sedate you." He
scoffed and detangled my grip from him. Moments later the intercom announced a cancel call
to security and Alessio returned with the same doctor. "Honestly, I expected more from you.
Aren't you doctors supposed to be smart? I swear, they'll give anyone one of these white
jackets!" Alessio scolded and then came back to me. He wrapped his arms around me and
when he had kissed my forehead I had melted into him. "Goodnight Armillia." He'd said
calmly just before I was sedated. Waking up at home was a relief. A large relief if I
was being honest. I rolled over in bed and sat up. My whole body ached, I felt stiff, my throat
was even so rough that my groan was silent, but nothing hurt worse than my head.
I was in Alessio's shirt and nothing else. Across the room Alessio was slouched halfway
down in a chair, it was clear he had once had his chin propped up on his fist and his elbow on
the arm of the chair but now the hand was nearly at his hairline, at his feet Donato was
laying. When he saw me sit up Donato raised his head. He watched me expectantly
for a few moments before raising to all for feet and barking loudly. Alessio jerked awake and
gave Donato a nudge with his foot. "Lousy mutt!" He scolded and then looked up to me.
"You're awake. Did he?" I shook my head. Donato paced beside the bed,
I could tell her was itching to jump up but his instincts told him not to as I was injured. He
was a good dog. In a scratchy and weak voice I muttered my first of what I had
intended to be many, many apologies. "I'm sorry." He frowned and stood up. With
painful slowness he crossed the room until he could sit on the bed beside me. "Shut up."
"I saw Matteo, but only to-" "I said shut up." I snapped my mouth shut. Anxiety
swelled around me. I had no idea what Alessio was going to do or say. He had been very firm
on his distaste for Matteo, very. My seeing Nash last night had been purely business. I was
trying to help clean up the mess that I had started so long ago with the Bonanno and
Genovese, Alessio would never believe Nash was on my side, a secret little informant. He
was and would always be the man working for the man who wanted me dead, and the man I
had cheated on him with. "Don't you ever fȕcking apologize for this again. You understand
me?" I nodded and he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. He breathed heavily into
the kiss from his nose and I could feel the tenseness in his hands lingering a little too close to
my neck for comfort. He pulled away but left his hands on my cheeks. I was
tempted again to blurt out another apology but I bit it back. "Can I just explain?"
"No." He said sharply and kissed me again. "I don't want you to be mad."
"I'm furious." He said and kissed me again. "I wasn't trying to go behind your
back-" "You think I give a damn about that?" He pulled away completely this time.
"Honestly Armillia? That is what you're so worried about?" "Y-you told me not
to-" "Non posso vivere senza di te." His sharp Italian tongue stopped me in my
tracks. He paused after and waited to see if I had more to say, when I remained quiet he
continued in a more calm tone. "You are so stupid, so blinded sometimes. You are my life,
how can you not see that? I don't give a flying fȕck about that twit, I care about you. I'm
upset that you were hurt. That you had no way of getting to me, no clue where I was. I think
I'm protecting you by keeping you in the dark about these things but I'm not. I'm upset that I
took your phone and that you had no way of calling for help when you were being followed.
I'm pissed off Armillia, furious. At myself, at this situation, at the Bonanno. But not you. I
love you and to see you hurt-" (I can't live without you) I leaned into
him and pressed my lips lightly to his to silence him. It was quick. "I'm okay." He began
unbuttoning my shirt and I had to admit, I was surprised. "Alessio-" "I'm not." He
muttered. "Just look." So I did, I moved my stiff neck to look down at my chest. Very lightly
he traced that mark across it. The seatbelt had left a mark that appeared to be a cross between
a cut and a major rug-burn type injury and was bruised already. "It's just from
where the seatbelt was." "How the hell do you think I felt trying to dress you and
seeing marks all over your blood?" He demanded. "Probably similar to how I feel
when you come home drenched in blood or with your knuckles raw." He frowned and I put a
hand lightly to his chest and his body relaxed beneath my touch. "Alessio, I am fine. I swear."
"It put me in a damn near rage." His tone had softened considerably. "What else is
new?" He didn't seem to find my humor funny at all. "Lay down, you should rest."
I did, I laid down and he laid beside me and put his arms gently around me almost as if he
was afraid he would break me if he held me any tighter. Donato jumped up onto the bed and
settled down on the lowest edge. "I'm sorry. About the Lexus." "Armillia." He
growled. "I'm sorry about apologizing." "Honestly, just stop."
"Sorry." I said on instinct and the winced. "My bad." "My bad is just an illiterate
way of saying sorry. Knock it the hell off. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry."
"Say again?" Had I misheard? "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Between each
apology he planted quick pecks on my lips. "I love you. I love you. I love you." He repeated
the same motion as before and then laid his head down on the pillow and watched me
intently. He brought one hand slowly from my waist up until he could play with a strand of
hair. Rather than watch me he watched his finger twirl around the piece of hair. "Do you have
any clue what would happen if I lost you?" "No." I breathed. His finger
stopped moving suddenly and his brows furrowed. "Me either." He admitted as if he'd just
now realized that even he didn't know. His question had been rhetorical, he didn't know what
happened either and he seemed suddenly frustrated, flustered, probably thinking what would
happen. "You won't. Lose me. Ever." He didn't answer and I think he
was wondering if there was any truth to that statement. Honestly, I didn't even know, but it
didn't matter right now. The only thing that mattered was being here now. "Do you
think we'll ever have a fight and solve it ourselves? Or will there always be something
traumatic happening to us to make us need each other?" At this he chuckled. "You
can win every argument until the day I day if you never put me through this again."
"Deal." I was quiet and thoughtful for a few moments. "Alessio?" "Mm."
"How sure were you about that guy last night, Sully?" He was quiet for a few
moments before pulling back, he watched me with intense eyes. "Why?" "Well,
that's sort of why I called Matteo in the first place. He said that whoever they had in the
Genovese...well, that they still have in the Genovese." "He's mistaken." Alessio
said sharply but sat up. "He's not." Alessio was on his feet. He put his
suit jacket back on and took his cell phone out. "Alessio." I said sitting up in bed
again and wincing. "Alessio, please. There's nothing you can do about it tonight! Please, can
you please just stay with me tonight?" He was frozen with his back to me for a few
painful seconds before lowering the phone. "Every night." He corrected and climbed back
into bed. I pulled him as close to me as I could and even then it wasn't enough. I
put my cheek to his chest and closed my eyes to soak in the sound of his heartbeat.
After several minutes of silence I was nearly asleep again. A combination of exhaustion and
drugs I was sure. When he spoke again it startled me back into consciousness.
"Armillia...who is Nash?"

Chapter 58

Nash answered on the second ring in typical Nash fashion. "Yeah?" "It's me."
"Hey! How are you? Are you alright?" "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just...sore."
"You're lucky." "Your guys?" He sighed heavily. "Yeah...listen, I've
talked to Giovanni about you-" "It doesn't matter, it's not your responsibility to
keep Alessio and I safe." I interrupted him and busied myself with rubbing Donato's head. He
was sleeping, his head on my lap, he hadn't left my side all day. From following me slowly
down the stairs and to the kitchen and sitting at my feet when I ate, to laying outside the
bathroom door when I went to tinkle. Maybe he missed me, maybe he was afraid I was going
to break, maybe he was just hoping I'd feed him some more food. Whatever the case, he was
soft and fuzzy and loved me and that was good enough for me right now. "I know
that Mia but you don't understand the importance of family to these people-" "I
think I do." I should, Alessio had made sure to drill it into my head after all, but Nash was
getting off topic. I wasn't trying to talk about how his people had tried to kill me again.
"You remember when I was shot?" I answered with silence. "How many of our guys were
there? Not a single one made a move towards you. Because of me. You were there for me and
in that moment that made you family. If Giovanni knew we were connected-" "I'm
not worried about all that right now! I'm worried about the guy you guys have in here. Are
you sure he's still?" "Positive." "Please Nash, if ever you've had a reason
to be honest with me, let it be now." "The plans haven't changed at all, if he'd been
killed we'd be pushing this attack back, putting someone else in and started all over. More
than likely, they have two to three in and even if one was killed it wouldn't throw us for too
much but I can't say for certain. If I saw pictures of everyone in the Genovese I could pick
out who I recognized from the Bonanno but even if I gave you the names of every single guy
we have they're probably under an alias." I muttered a curse. "Alright...thanks
Nash. There's sort of something else I needed to talk to you about..." "This sounds
promising." He joked over the line. I thought back to my conversation with Alessio last
night. He insisted that I had asked about Nash last night, that I'd asked him not to kill Nash
and apologized profusely for no reason. I insisted Nash was one of the cops who had first
been at my car trying to talk me down, that he'd taken my statement, and had offered to call
Dad for me since he knew him personally. When Alessio wanted to know why I was so
worried about this cop I simply asked him why I was so worried about my sunglasses at 10
o'clock at night. I was in shock. Nothing really made sense to me and nothing I said and did
really made any sense to anyone else. He'd accepted this answer, but I had this nagging
feeling that this wasn't the end of things. Realistically speaking, I had maybe bought Nash 24
hours based solely on the fact that Alessio was distracted with the rat business. That's if we
were lucky, if we weren't lucky...well Alessio could be on his way to Nash's right this
moment and I had just wasted crucial minutes discussing the rat rather than saving his life.
"It's time to stop playing dress up. You and Ellie have to go." "What?" "Alessio is going to
know who you are, today maybe, I think you have until tomorrow but nothing more, hell he
could know right now. It's my fault, I was a mess last night...just go and don't look back,
okay? Take care of Ellie." "I can't go." "We're talking about your life Nash. I said
your name. Your real name last night. Alessio asked who Nash was and I told him you were
just one of the cops on the scene of the crash but...like I said. You have a day at absolute
most. Time to pull out." He was silent for a few minutes before he finally thanked me for the
heads up and we ended the call. Maybe I should be running too...when Alessio realized I had
lied about who Nash was...there was a good chance I could convince him I didn't know, that I
saw him in police uniform and being in shock it set me off even more and I didn't retain the
information. I could probably lie my way into another week of life...but I was getting pretty
sick of lying to Alessio. Was there any other way with this situation? To save my life I could
either lie or I could throw Nash under the bus. Something I also wasn't about to do. I toyed
with my phone thoughtfully for a few moments before deciding to call Alessio with what
Nash had been able to tell me. "Ciao." "You didn't get him." I said quickly.
"Sully-" "I know." He interrupted me and I frowned. "Where are you?"
"You don't need to-" He stopped mid sentence and was quiet for a few moments. "Under."
"Under where Alessio? I'm coming to meet you." "Down under." Where
we had met. Even though Alessio had never shown interest in the women below I couldn't
help but be slightly bothered by his being surrounded by half naked girls while I laid around
in bed or reported the news. I knew that it was where he had nearly cheated on me, and I had
to ask myself now how often Alessio actually went below. I didn't know where he did his
business or where he went when we were apart. When I was under he was there often, though
never daily. Was this... Lux still down there? Would it have been worse if she wasn't?
Meaning he had her removed? It was a question I didn't seek the answer to.
"Baby?" He asked when I was silent for too long. "I'm here." "Don't
worry." Nothing else needed to be said. What creeping doubts I may have ever had about
Alessio were quickly diluted with a simple word or two. He didn't have to tell me about her
or what he was doing, or even what I was to not worry about. I was instantly soothed.
Suddenly, I was wondering if I should come clean with Alessio about Nash, if two simple
words from him smothered my worries perhaps a long slew of honesty would save both
Nash's life and mine. I brought my lip between my teeth. I could probably talk my
life out of the gutter but when Alessio heard the words admitting Nash was an undercover
nothing else would matter. He would kill him. "I'm coming over now...I...well I
don't know how to get in anymore." I sat up with a wince and a sharp intake of breath. "What
happened?" "I'm fine, just sore...and shit, my car..." How was I supposed to get anywhere
with a busted up car? "Don't be ridiculous, you don't even know where you are
going Simone will drive you. He's already in the house." "What?" I hadn't seen
anyone today, and I'd made my way around the house a time or two. "He's in the
house Armillia. He's been there all day." Must have been in the security room
watching the cameras. Not creepy at all. "I feel like I'm being watched every
second of every day." "I wasn't sure how you would feel in the morning. If you
needed help out of bed or making breakfast I wanted someone to be there." "It
sounds almost sweet when you say it like that. Now I know you aren't a sweetheart so let's
not go there." I teased. "I'll call Simone." He said and hung up. I rolled
my eyes and dragged myself upright. I had been slouching on the couch, Donato was laying
across my lap. He'd gotten so big already! When I rose he jumped off the couch. "Remember,
this is our little secret. No sitting on the couch when Daddy is home." I reminded him and set
off to find a pair of shoes that I could slip on without the worry of having to bend over.
Wasn't feeling that just yet. Simone met me at the door and opened it for me. He
looked shaken today, like he was nervous. I swear, he was sweating. I tried to smile
reassuringly at him because I'm sure Alessio had threatened him extra harshly today to have
him so shaken up. "Hello Simone." I said sweetly. "G'mornin." He was
sweating. "Whatever he said to you, just ignore him. I know you all think he's all
spikes and spears but he's not. There's plenty of fluff in that man too." He opened
the back door for me and I got in, perfectly used to the idea of being driven around by now.
Simone started driving and without anything else to really do I started playing a game on my
phone. I hummed along a tune that was planted in my head from some television ad and
minded my business for a long time before I looked up. "Hey Simmy, do you know where
you're going? We've been driving an awful long time." He didn't answer.
My phone vibrated and I glanced down to it. It was an alert. They went out from time to time
to a bulk of guys. Usually I wasn't on the list to receive being; it was often names of people to
be disposed of or a place to meet immediately. Odd that I would be receiving one now. I read
the message. It said only one word. Siv. I read the text several times. It made no sense. Until.
Siv. That's what they often called SIlvano. I shifted quickly in my seat with a wince. Silvano
was the rat who was working in the Bonanno? Unbelievable! But what else could it mean?
I called Alessio quickly remembering how he had said once Pietro never texted him
important information. He always called. Maybe Alessio didn't have his phone. Perhaps he
wasn't the one who sent out these messages? Maybe it was something he had someone else
handle...but Silvano? Was Alessio sure? He had said to me one time "I'm never
unsure." Well, there was the whole Sully thing only a few nights ago. There was a
time when he'd assumed I was cheating on him with Nash pre-kiss. Also, in the beginning of
our relationship he was pretty uncertain about the possibility of us working out.
Yes. Yes he was often unsure but proceeded as if otherwise. I dialed again but this
time my call didn't even go through. I had no signal. I looked up just as the road was
unbearably bumpy. I wrapped my arms around myself to try to stifle the pain. We weren't in
the city anymore. I looked out the window we were way out there. Off on a dirt road path
surrounded by tall grass and trees. I looked to the front seat, the visor was up. A
flashback, the day in the warehouse, when we'd been caught by the warehouse. The visor had
been up to block our view from the front. The visor was never up. It hit me suddenly. Silvano
wasn't the rat. Simone was.

Chapter 59
Alessio was so right. I was an idiot. I didn't bring my purse. Alessio had yet to give me my
new gun, I didn't have the key fob. I was just sitting here in the car waiting for Simone to
bring me to the Bonanno and kill me. Fȕck. Fȕck! Fȕck! This was not good. I had to think
of something. Needed a plan. I couldn't just stay in the car and let him deliver me like they
did crates of drugs. I wasn't something inanimate they could just pass around. I was a human
being, and I was going to fight. On second thought, maybe I wasn't in the best condition to
fight, I could hardly stand up without a shock of pain rippling through me let alone take on a
group of men trained and armed to kill me. I readied myself to jump. This would
be my first plan. Tuck and roll, if I was lucky, which I'm sure I wasn't, he wouldn't even
notice. If he did notice, which I'm sure he would, I'd just have to be faster than him. Unlikely
in my current state but the trees were definitely going to play to my advantage. I could hide
or even climb. If the door was unlocked. It was all locked up when the Bonanno took us
before, but maybe Simone wasn't as smart as the men who had taken us that day. If
the door was locked, like it probably would be, I'd try to dig my bare hands into the seat and
hopefully Alessio would have had some sort of gun stashed inside. If this didn't work either, I
would have to face them head on and unarmed. Not something that would play to my benefit.
This was going to hurt. That much I was sure of. I was already stiff and sore and bruised all
over. I ached in places I didn't know could ache. The wreck had banged me up, but I had no
choice. God, please let the adrenaline fuel me now. After everything, all of this, I wasn't
ready to go. Not like this. I pulled on the handle, the door opened and I couldn't
deny being just a little bit surprised. I tucked my head down and rolled out of the car, off the
road and into the high grass. It took me a second to pull myself up but when I did I
saw the car pull to a screeching halt. Fȕck. He'd noticed. Not surprising, but still
disappointing. I turned and sprinted, heading in the direction of the woods. They
would be much easier to hide in than the grass. My only thought as I ran, sure that
I was going to die, was how mad Alessio was going to be. I ducked behind a tree
when I heard running and twigs snapping a bit too close for comfort. I covered my mouth to
keep in any exhausted pants I may have had. "Mia! Mia! Where are you?" Simone
was yelling through the woods. I pressed my back further against the tree and closed my eyes
for only a moment. He sounded frantic. If he came to the Bonanno empty handed they would
be pissed, but if I made it home to Alessio and told him about this he would be beyond
pissed. Either way, Simone was screwed if he didn't find me. I couldn't let him find me.
I had only lost reception a few minutes ago. If I could make it back down the way we'd come
I could hit a spot with a signal and call for backup. If he caught me, maybe Nash knew of this
plan and would be around to save me the way he always did. Every single plan or
solution that came to mind relied solely on luck. When his voice seemed distant
again I started running again back the way I'd come. I looked over my shoulder to see if he
was following me, he wasn't and at that moment I tripped as I passed between the woods and
to the grass again. The change in the ground had caught me off guard. I should
have taken the initiative to put on sneakers. How silly, I had worried about how difficult
bending over would be, and now I was actually running. Your body is amazing the way it
pulls strength and numbness from the unknown when in danger. Even in slippers. I
scrambled up to my feet, searched frantically on the ground for my phone in the tall grass.
"Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch." I muttered to myself as I looked. I
found the phone and was on my feet again, running like hell through the grass where I would
unfortunately be easily spotted. What choice did I have? Crawl through the grass so he
wouldn't spot me? What a great idea. I dropped onto the ground and started
crawling as fast as a person could possibly crawl. Every few scurries I would examine my
phone to check for signals. I didn't scream when arms wrapped around my waist
because I knew the more sound I made the more attention I would be drawing to us in the
event that there were others waiting nearby but I did suck in a large gust of air. I was brought
back up to my feet. Big mistake. I stomped hard on his foot and with all my strength brought
my elbow into his stomach. He let me go immediately but I wasn't done there. I
whirled around, and was briefly surprised to see Silvano instead of Simone but that didn't
stop me from ramming the base of my palm into his nose. Silvano fell backwards onto his ass
holding his nose in a bloody mess. "Jesus Mia, is this for the walking in on you thing?" He
said and put his head back while pinching his nose. I stopped for a moment, unsure
of what to do next. I had to mentally remind myself of how close SIlvano and Simone were,
had to remind myself that there would be no reason for Silvano and Simone to both be here at
the same time if they were here together and of course I knew why Simone was here.
So I kicked him in the face, dropped to the ground to grab my phone and ran again.
I was sick of being surprised all the time. I couldn't believe I had just kicked Silvano in the
face. I liked Silvano. A lot actually. Simone too. This came as a surprise. But then, wasn't that
kind of the point when you put someone undercover? Why hadn't he done this
before? There were a ton of times I had been alone with one or the other, times I had been
with both of them even. If they wanted to do this, why now? Why in one of Alessio's cars?
Why when Alessio had told Simone to take me somewhere. It was too obvious that it was
him. It wasn't making sense to me. I stopped after several minutes when I felt like I
couldn't run anymore and my phone still had no service. I could throw the piece of shit I was
so frustrated! Simone grabbed me suddenly from behind and threw me over his
shoulder. "Please Mia. I need you to come this way with me." "Fȕck you you short
little fȕck!" I screamed and punched his back furiously. "Please, stop that."
I added in feverish kicking to my screaming list of profanities. "I think she broke
my nose." I heard Silvano to my left. "If you kill me you know Alessio will find
you. He'll know it was you. He'll find you wherever you go and he will ruin you!"
"Kill you?" They said in unison. "You better hope you have back up because
there's no way I'm letting the two of you take me down, not without taking one of you with
me!" I threatened even though right now they had me pretty much like putty in their hands.
"I can see why Alessio is so drawn to her." Simone muttered. It got darker as we
went through the woods. This was not panning out well for me. Not at all. I was scanning
through my mind for plans a mile a minute but the reality of the situation was pretty grim.
I was out of cell phone reception, meaning I was likely out of GPS signal as well, by the time
Alessio even realized I had not shown up it could be too late. I was outnumbered now, and it
was only going to get worse as they took me in. I was weaker than them to begin with, add
these injuries to the mix and I was surely a goner. There wasn't even a gun attached to
Simone's hip for me to grasp but when I looked up to Siv who was stumbling just behind us
plugging his nose I noted his. Too far for me to reach, if I got out of Simone's grip it was
likely that Silvano would just shoot me. "If you would just come with us, or you
know, not jump out of the car...Mia we aren't trying to kill you. I mean if we were we
would've done it already. You aren't exactly sneaky." "I hope you burn." I snapped.
Simone put me down abruptly. Big mistake. I kicked him where the sun didn't shine, whirled
around to hit Silvano who caught me by the wrist and forced it hard behind my back he
turned me around to face forward and I stopped struggling immediately. Alessio
was laying on his back on a red and white checkered blanket wearing, of all the God damned
things, a blue flannel shirt and jeans, he had a ball cap pulled down over his eyes and beside
him were two picnic baskets and a cello. Silvano released me and I took two steps
forward. "What the fȕck is going on here?"

Chapter 60

Alessio jerked upright. He was...was...asleep? Silvano and Simone were trying to murder me
and Alessio was just chilling here in a random ass clearing with a fȕcking cello and he was
sleeping. "Armillia, you're here." He stood up quickly and wiped his hands off on
his jeans. He looked past me to Silvano who was still coated in his own blood, and then to
Simone who was on the ground holding his damaged manhood. "What happened?"
"They're trying to kill me!" I screamed. "And you're taking a fȕcking nap?"
"They're what?" Alessio said sharply. "Huge misunderstanding." Silvano said
quickly, taking two very large steps further away from me with his hands in the air
submissively. "I, well honestly I don't even know sir. You told us to bring her to you so we
uh, we did. It just might not have gone very smoothly." Alessio glared from one to
the other. "Leave us." "What?" I screamed so loud I swear the trees shook. I wasn't
typically all about Alessio being violent and murdering but I mean, they were trying to kill
me! He didn't even care?! "You aren't going to cut their fingers off and shove them down
their throat or twist their balls off and feed them to the pigs or stab a tree stick into their brain
through their ears?" I demanded. "Quite the imagination she has." Silvano
muttered to Simone as he helped him up to his feet again. "Armillia." Alessio
started approaching me and I swatted his hands away. "What the hell is going on?"
I demanded again. "Go." He said again to Silvano and Simone who didn't waste
another second. He cupped my face. "What happened?" "They tried to kill me!"
He didn't look pissed, he looked confused. He should be furious. Should be chasing them!
"What?" "Simone was taking me to, well I don't even know. But the visor was up
and then I got the stupid alert about Silvano being the rat and then I realized the visor was up
and my phone lost signal and Simone had been acting really weird-" "Siv isn't the
rat." He interrupted me and I was suddenly just as confused as he was. "But the
alert!" "What alert?" "I got an alert that said Siv! Siv is Silvano so I
thought-" "Baby I don't even have my phone on me. The alert was probably just a
quick message to tell the gang how to get ahold of me in the case of a mishap. I don't even
send them out, you shouldn't' have got it." "But the visor, and Simone was all
jittery..." "You would've been jittery if I'd threatened you the way I did him today."
My mouth came open and then closed. "He chased me and then...then..." "If you
would have run off into the woods and he lost you I would have fulfilled my threats."
"B-but...but..." He glanced back towards the woods and then back to me.
I pulled away and looked around again. "What is this?" I turned my attention back to Alessio
and reeled back at seeing his cheeks tinged pink. He was blushing. "Erm, a date."
"A what?" I screamed and Alessio flinched backwards. "You had better be talking about the
fruit." "I told Simone to bring you here, Siv helped me to plan this thing."
"They brought me here for a...a date?" He rubbed the back of his head. "Alessio do you see
what I did to Simone and Silvano? I thought they were going to kill me!" "What
did you do to them?" He said, sounding slightly amused now. "I think I broke
Silvano's nose!" "Oh?" He wiped out the distance between us and cupped my face
again. "And how did you do that?" "I smashed my hand into it!" "Good
girl." He muttered and kissed me lightly. "And Simone?" "Kicked him right where
the sun doesn't shine." "Impressive." He whispered and kissed me again.
"This isn't funny." I huffed. "Of course it is." He kissed me again. "I'm proud of
you for defending yourself this time." "Oh my God, I kicked Silvano in the head
too!" "Oh you bad girl." "I'm serious Alessio, this is not funny."
"It is a bit funny." "No! It is not! I jumped out of a frigging car today! I attacked
two of your closest guys, oh my God you should have heard the things I said to them!"
"Mmm. Tell me baby." He let his hands drop from my face and took one of mine in his own.
I pulled my hand back. "And why the hell do you have a cello!" I really wanted to ask what
he was wearing but I knew how sensitive Alessio was about his looks. He held his
hand out to me again and despite my frustration I took it. He led me back to the picnic
blanket and motioned for me to sit down. I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously. None of
this made sense. "Please Armillia, I'm trying." He said giving the strings of my
heart a nearly lethal pull. I sank to the ground slowly but kept my eyes on him. "I
hate when you keep me in the dark. I seriously hurt those two." "This wasn't
keeping you in the dark, this was planning a surprise for you." "Surprises with you
never seem to end well." "Oh darling, this one will have a very happy ending." He
said and my heart fluttered. How he still had this effect on me I had no clue. A
sexual innuendo made my heart flutter, a sexy look made my knees weak, and when he
touched me even in the most innocent of ways he had me writhing and bliss. "Alessio, I'm
sore." I muttered halfheartedly. A happy ending with Alessio would probably kill me right
now. He chuckled and took the spot on the blanket next to me. "I'm surprised you
were able to put up such a fight...are you wearing slippers?" Only one at this point.
We both laid back on the picnic blanket and watched the sky. There was not a cloud up there.
For some reason it was almost disappointing. When I was younger I used to lay out with my
brothers and cousins for hours and watch the clouds pass by picking shapes out of them as
they moved slowly through the sky. I would have loved to recreate such a calm and pure
memory with Alessio. I turned my head to the side to look at him. "Why did you
do all of this?" "Because you deserved it." He replied without turning to face me.
In fact, he had his arms crossed under his head and had his eyes closed. "Because you got
hurt. Because I thought you needed something...simple." "Simple. Casual.
Ordinary. It's nice." I admitted. Would have been a little bit nicer if it had happened in an
ordinary, simple, casual way. You know, a way that didn't involve me thinking I was going to
die or attacking two (in this case) innocent guys. He opened his eyes and sat up, I
followed his lead and watched him pull a bottle of wine from the picnic basket and two
plastic cups. Alessio Genovese handed me my drink in a red solo cup. I never would have
thought such was a possibility. "How much did you spend on this?" I asked for the
bottle but he pulled it away. "It's a picnic Armillia, no one spends a fortune on a
picnic." "You would. How much was that wine, did you stay within our agreed
budget?" "We never agreed on a budget for dates." "I thought it would
be assumed." "To my defense it's not like I owned a fȕcking flannel shirt to begin
with." I laughed and we clicked our plastic cups together which made me only
laugh more. Never in my life had I ever entertained the fantasy of clinking red solo cups with
Alessio. "Did you at least go to the convenience store to get these cups and buy them in the
big bulk pack?" "Why would I buy in bulk? I literally needed only two."
"You save like three dollars when you buy the industrial sized pack!" I scolded and he rolled
his eyes. "You know you've gone out of your way to teach me so many things I think it's only
fair I get to teach you some things too." A mischievous smirk flickered across his
face. "Oh? And what would you have to teach me?" He taunted. "Bargain
shopping, couponing, how to spot the old soda machines that you can still use the old string
around the quarter trick on." His smirk faltered. Rather than answer me he laid
down and pulled me into him. We laid together for a very long time in silence. I closed my
eyes. This was the perfect location. I wished I had my laptop, imagining that I could get a
world of writing done in such an exquisite and peaceful place. "Do you ever wish for that?"
He asked softly after some time. "For what?" "Simple. Casual. Ordinary.
Do you ever wish that was your life?" "Well. I mean sure, sometimes. I can get
overwhelmed. It can get pretty exhausting, you know, having someone try to murder or
kidnap you or thinking someone is always trying to at least. It's hard to adjust to, to just roll
over and accept everything. The violence, not just that, is aimed at us. Every time I think I'm
coming to terms with who you are and what you do the reality of it slaps me in the face. How
carelessly you can kill someone, like it's as simple as plucking a flower from the ground." I
thought back to the night Alessio had instructed one of his men to slit that guys throat, Sully
they called him. The threats Alessio said so casually to his own men, the time he'd admitted
he'd put a blade through one of his own men's hands. It was a hard pill to swallow, the idea of
my boyfriend stabbing someone in the hand because they had a disagreement, the idea that he
was a cold blooded killer. He waved his gun around like a child and their teddy bear. "I'm the
cop's daughter, I was kind of programmed to think a certain way of you. And you know I
don't really like being followed and tracked. I feel like a toddler on a leash."
"Sometimes you act as such." He said without a flicker of emotion or hesitation. "So do you
then? Think of me the way you were programmed to?" At this I kind of smiled.
"No. I think of you in a lot of ways, but not in any that my father would agree to. I love you.
It's hard sometimes to accept what you do and who you are, but I could never not love you. I
could never think poorly of you. I love you." "Is that what you really want for your
life?" "And by is that what I want you really mean is this?" I asked and was
greeted with hard silence, Telling silence. "Yes. This is what I want. You and I, even if it's
not simple, or easy, or ordinary. You know that." "Can you say that with absolute
certainty?" "Of course...what's all this about? You're kind of scaring me, I feel like
you're about to tell me we can't be together because it's dangerous again..." He sat
up and pulled the picnic baskets over and began getting food out of it. They were all simple,
much more simple than I would have thought Alessio possible. I wondered if he had anything
at all to do with planning this or if he let Silvano take the ropes completely.
"Alessio?" "No, I'm not going to do that to you again Armillia." He had
brought hoagies which were clearly homemade, a pie which I suspected was not, rolls and
cheese, fruits, and small sandwiches cut into tiny squares. It was a rough mental image, the
idea of Alessio putting food into a picnic basket late in the middle of the night so that I
wouldn't catch him. "Did you arrange to have a live performance to play for us as
we ate?" I teased and took a bite out of a roll. It was surprisingly light and moist, as far as
bread went it was almost sweet. "Not exactly. I was leaning more towards playing
for you myself." I choked on my roll. "What?" "You've mentioned
before about my playing." He said calmly. "I thought you wanted to hear?" "I-I do.
I just...I wasn't expecting-" "You were hurt." He interrupted me in a low tone. "I
saw you hurt and I thought, my fȕcking God, what I would do if I lost you. You were hurt
because of me. You get hurt when you are angry with me, when I make you feel lonely or
lost. I left you with no phone, no gun, and minimal protection. I don't keep you informed. I
left you in the dark again. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm sorry I've done it for this long.
Keeping you out as much as I can, I want you against me at every moment and yet I always
keep you at arms length. It was a mistake. A mistake I will work hard to fix. It's not going to
be easy, don't expect me to be able to open up as easily as you might have hoped, but I am
trying. I don't want to have secrets from you, I want you to know all of me the way I know all
of you. And this is a part of me, a long forgotten part really, but a piece of me nonetheless.
And you deserve to have every piece. So if you'd allow me, I'd like to play for you."
I nodded. It was lame, a simple nod when he had done as much opening up as Alessio
probably could, but I couldn't find a single word to answer. So I didn't. "Please.
Eat." He motioned towards the meal. "The coolers will only keep the food for so long. We
will eat, and then I will play." "Okay." I nodded and picked up one of the hoagies.
I kept my eyes on him, rather than pick up his own and eat he simply watched me. "You're
making me self-conscious." I said covering my mouth with a hand so he couldn't see the food
in it as I was talking with my mouth full. "Do I make you nervous?" I
chewed and swallowed my food a hitch too soon in attempts to be able to answer him sooner.
"No, of course not. I just don't want to be watched as I eat. It's weird. You're just watching.
Eat your own." I motioned towards his untouched hoagie on top of a wooden plate.
"You're beautiful." I flushed. Right now I wasn't beautiful, I was a disaster. I wore
my bruises around my neck as a choker necklace and was banged up from head to toe from
the car accident, I had left the house in a pair of white capris and a blue and white polka
dotted tank top. My white pants had horrible grass stains on them now, I was dirty and upon
close inspection there was even some of Silvano's blood on my shirt and I had lost a slipper. I
looked like a mess today and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. I would try to be beautiful again
come tomorrow, but today I was simply a mess. "I wish I took more time to just
watch you." He added on. "Well...do it when I'm not eating." I muttered back and
shifted on the blanket. "You look nice by the way. I like it when you're not in the whole suit
thing." "You don't like the suit?" "I like it all. But you seem so...human
when you're in something else. When you jog to the coffee shop or take Donato outside still
in your boxers. I don't know, it's very becoming to see you look so normal."
"Almost a pity I'm not." I didn't agree. I had fallen in love with this Alessio, not
some other Alessio. He may not have been normal but I would never be able to agree that it
was a pity he was the way he was so I said nothing instead. Alessio stood and carefully pulled
the cello from its protective case. He ran his fingers along the strings as if he was feeling it
for the first time or just reacquainting with an old friend he hadn't seen in ages. His attention
was completely on the instrument for a few very long seconds, it seemed almost personal and
I felt like I was invading something private but remained rooted to the spot. He finally picked
up the stick and sighed. I had never seen anyone play the cello standing up before,
it was odd to see Alessio now. Though the instrument was leaning against him at no point did
it appear like he was holding it up, it seemed as though it was an extension to his build
already. With closed eyes he brought the stick very slowly along the strings and it hummed a
low melody that instantly relaxed my entire body. He did nothing for a few
moments after that first note and then suddenly burst with music. His brows knit together in
concentration and his fingers move fluidly up and down the neck of the instrument, the stick
in his arm appeared to be a mere extension of what already was his own body. He played
quickly, intensely, the way he did everything and then suddenly, he smiled. It was a lopsided
smile, only reaching the right side of his lips and so faint anyone else might have believed it
wasn't there at all, but it did something to me that I couldn't explain. I closed my
eyes and let the music fill me. The same way I had the first time I had ever felt the outside
world with Alessio by my side. And in that moment, laying down on the picnic blanket as
Alessio stood playing the cello a few feet away, I swore I could feel the heat from his hand in
mine just as strongly as I could that night when he had actually held my hand and it shot
sensations all the way to my very core. The song ended and for a second I thought
he would return me back to earth, end this musical bliss and sit down and eat his hoagie but a
few seconds later began playing again. In a few moments my eyes snapped open as I
recognized the tune and sat up quickly. The wedding march. His eyes
were open and though he was still playing just as wonderfully and pristine as before, all of his
attention was on to me now. "Stop that." I finally said after a few seconds. This
was not what I had expected. It began drizzling, the annoyingly blue sky was now littered
with angry dark clouds and I was shaking. "Stop that." I insisted again but he didn't.
He closed his eyes again and his brows knit together with concentration again. The song was
short, perhaps even under a minute but it seemed to drag on. When he finally stopped the rain
had picked up slightly. He put the cello back in the box calmly and without a single word.
My cheeks were bright red. I was shaking all over as the rain pelted us. "Why would you play
that?" I demanded. "Why would it make you so mad?" He asked a very, very
logical question. "Because you, you just can't-" He began packing the
now soggy bread and damp cheese back into the basket. He hadn't eaten at all.
"You can't just do things like that!" "Play a song?" "It's not just a song."
I snapped and stood up so he could move things. Thunder roared across the sky
and Alessio pulled the blanket over us to protect us from the rain that suddenly began pouring
angrily on us as if trying to drown out the memory of such a song ever existing. He pulled
both baskets into one hand, looped his arm around my waist and forced me into a sprint out
of the clearing and into the woods. We took cover just outside the clearing under
an array of trees and held the blanket over our heads. "I should have brought an
umbrella." He cursed, and then on second thought added, "Fȕcking Silvano." He
watched the clearing for a few moments thoroughly engrossed in the rain as it fell. He
seemed to be in as deep a thought as I was. Thunder clapped again and he pulled me a bit
closer as if it would scare me away. "Alessio-" I started having to practically yell
to be heard over the sudden storm. He turned to me with such smoldering eyes I
stopped in my tracks. "I'm sorry." "It's just a song." I felt suddenly silly for my
reaction in the first place. He let go of me and shoved his free hand into his pocket instead of
holding me. He half turned away. "No, it really isn't. I had this whole fȕcking
speech planned. I'm not good at this shit. I'm good at spending money, I'm good at killing, at
fȕcking. But all of this? You're the writer, words and speeches are your thing. I don't know
what the hell I'm doing, what the hell you do to me. I've never even been on a picnic before,
if I had been I would have known to check the bloody weather before planning one."
Alessio's cheeks were pink, really pink. Alessio Genovese was blushing, intensely. He was
flustered and uncomfortable. "I'm a mean son of a bitch and I don't think I've done anything
right with you. From the very beginning I haven't done everything I should or could have for
you the way you deserved to be cared for. I told you from the start I didn't date, don't date.
And, well, I don't want to date you anymore." In slow motion he turned to look at
me and pulled his hand out of his pocket, in his shaking hand he held a ring. "Marry me. I
don't know what the hell I'm doing but I know I love you. And as much as that terrifies me, I
want to be terrified and confused and vulnerable for the rest of my life with you."
My mouth was hanging open. To say that this was unexpected would be a great
understatement. I looked from his flustered face to the ring and the first thing I could say was.
"That thing probably weighs more than my head. I'm not wearing something that big."
Alessio exhaled loudly with a small smile and let the blanket go to reach into his other pocket
where he pulled out a beautiful, but smaller ring. The little rat. My mouth came
open again and I stammered. "I-I-" "I believe the word you are looking for is do."
"I-I-" I tried to remember how to say yes but my words seemed to be failing me. "I
do. I do." He teased. "I-I have to think about it." I blurted out. His
expression changed from amused to one that I couldn't even read. What had I just done?
What had I just said? What was there to think about? I knew without a doubt in my mind that
I loved Alessio and I wanted to spend my life with him. We had been through a lot together,
and it was perhaps rocky at best. But he was my heart, my whole heart literally ripped from
my chest and walking around outside of my body. There was likely not a woman in the world
who would turn down Alessio Genovese and yet I had to think about it? "I
understand." Was his short reply. I had to admit, I was a glad one of us did.

Chapter 61

For some reason that night when Stacey called me to ask how I was feeling I didn't tell her
about Alessio's proposal. Nor did I call my father or Sammy to share the news. No.
Alessio had explained some kind of work to me that he had to attend to on the car ride home
but I had been far too out of it to pay attention. All I knew was that he wasn't here now and I
was grateful for that. As it stood, I was laying in the bathtub, fully clothed, not a
drop of water near the porcelain coffin. The reality of the world was too much to deal with. It
would have to wait for another day. Why hadn't I said yes? Alessio hadn't brought
it up in the car ride home. A car ride he had actually driven during. We were both soaking
wet and mentally exhausted and had taken the car in mostly silence. I had thanked him for the
wonderful date and complimented his flannel. He had proclaimed he was burning the thing
the moment we got home and after that we'd both been pretty quiet. It didn't make
sense. I have to think about it. What did I possibly have to think about? I would
walk through lava, and fire, and gun shots to be with Alessio. I would trade my left tit to the
devil himself if it would somehow make Alessio happy. I loved him, and I hadn't a doubt in
my mind I wanted to spend my life with him. Not even a shadow of a doubt.
Alessio was my one and only. The idea of walking down the aisle to meet him, of being Mrs.
Genovese, promising each other forever, starting a family...I wanted all of that. It was like a
little girl dreaming of being a princess, it was their wildest fantasy, a dream come true. I
could have it. But I had to think about it? If Alessio and I married,
would I not be an even bigger target to rivals? Maybe that was what I was so concerned
about. The dangers to my life... I tapped my fingers off the side of the tub.
No. That wasn't it. I wasn't concerned with the dangers. I may have thought two of my
favorite men were going to kill me today, but overall I did believe that Alessio could and
would keep me safe. I wasn't scared of this life anymore. I wouldn't even kid
myself into thinking I was concerned with the dangers to his life. In my eyes Alessio was
invincible. The idea that he could possibly be killed some day was almost laughable. I wasn't
scared of losing him, I knew he would be alright. Maybe it was our children. If we
had kids they would not only be in danger constantly, but would Alessio want them to take
over the family business? I had been so furious with Nicolo for joining the mafia, so
heartbroken when his life had succumbed to it. I couldn't imagine putting that on a child.
Alessio had told me he'd started clean up duty at fourteen years old. A fourteen year old boy
responsible for disposing of a dead body? The thought alone made me want to cry. That was
not the sort of life I would want for my child.... ...and yet...I
knew that wasn't what held me back either. My phone lit up from the floor beside
the bathtub and I leaned over the edge to examine it. Oh. I felt like I was
going to be sick. Maybe I had to think about it because I knew I had been unfair to Alessio.
Maybe I had to think about it not because we had had problems, not because of the way it
would complicate our life as we moved forward, or even the way it would affect our future
children. It started with N and rhymed with rash. I had been lying to
Alessio for months. If he knew, would he stay with me? Would he even let me walk away
with my life? He'd finally put both feet in the water and as much as I wanted to dive in, more
than anything in the world, keeping so much from Alessio was like a ball and chain around
my ankle trapping me on shore. Even if I made it into the water I would be pulled down
instantly, my life lost. I had to think about it because I knew it wasn't fair to Alessio.
I couldn't promise him till death do us part knowing I couldn't be 100% honest with him, I
couldn't take his name and just pretend that these lies, this almost betrayal never happened.
It's not you. It's me. Could I marry Alessio at all? Knowing how I had nearly thrown
everything away? Knowing how, despite his flaws, he was so good to me and I had almost
not only tied his noose but also kicked the chair myself. I couldn't say yes and pretend like I
deserved him. "Hello." I said as casually as I could. "Did you leave?"
"Mia. Hi." He breathed. He sounded exhausted. Out of breath. Nearly frantic.
"What's wrong?" I sat up a bit. "Where's Alessio?" "What?"
"Where. Is. Alessio." "I, well I don't know. Something about work." He'd told me
but I had been so out of it, lost in my own thoughts of wondering what the hell was wrong
with me I hadn't fully been paying attention. "Tonight is the night."
"What?" "I'm like forty minutes into the Gambino opening its doors to Colombo
under the impression that they will be accepting a shipment of women." I had to
pause at shipment of women but only for a moment as Nash kept going. "Colombo
and Bonnano will swarm in for an attack and so will the police and then this whole thing will
be over and done." "Oh God, it's going to be a bloodbath." I started climbing out of
the tub and thought about the irony of my location for saying such. "I know." He
said in a low tone. "I know. Trust me, I know." "I told you to leave, you shouldn't
even be in the state at this point! Nash you can't be there for that. Whatever team you're
pretending to be on at that time, well you just can't be there. You can't. You can't be here
period, I told you Alessio will know-" "I have to Mia. The NYPD, they're counting
on my GPS and signal to lead the way. I'll be fine. I've tied up my loose ends."
"Don't say such things!" "Of course I have to say such things. Why the hell do you
think I'm calling you? To make small talk? No. I just want you to know how much-"
"Don't you dare say your goodbyes to me! Not like this, over the phone. I'll meet you. Ten
minutes." I hung up and took a heavy breath in, and then let it out. I had to see this
to the end. I had to. And when this was over, when the Bonnano were not a threat to us
anymore, when I saw that my family was not killed in this raid, when Nash fled and the risk
of Alessio killing him were lowered at least slightly. I would tell Alessio everything.
If he didn't kill me, if he still wanted me at all, I would marry him in a heartbeat. ***
Nash was a fidgety nervous but excited mess. The moment he saw me he hugged me. "God
I'm going to miss you when I'm dead." I pushed him away and smacked his arm.
"Don't say such stupid shit!" "I have to! This is my final goodbye! Final chance to
tell you how much you mean to me." "I know. You've told me before." I reminded
him and took a considerate step backwards. "Let's go." "What?" "I said
let's go. You didn't honestly think I came to say goodbye did you? I need to see this thing
through just as badly as you do. You're going to be there, my dad and my uncle are going to
be there, I can't just go home and sit around waiting for the phone calls to start rolling in."
"No, absolutely not. It's too dangerous." "I'll stay in the car." "Mia-" He
started in a warning tone. "What? You're just going to meet them right? The police
have a gps on you and they'll follow. Literally all you have to do is show up, am I right?"
"Well, yes but-" "Great." "It's too dangerous. Besides, they see you then
they're going to know something is up." "Too dangerous? Too dangerous was
staying in the state, let alone city, after I'd told Alessio your name. They already know about
our connection. I'll stay back, stay in the car. Whatever you need me to do. But I'm not letting
you do this alone Nash. This is not an option. I'm in this with you." "If you get
hurt-" "You'll be dead too so you won't be around to yell at me." "Mia."
He warned. I looked at my watch. "Oh lookie here, you only have fifteen minutes,
would be a shame if you wasted any more time arguing with me that you didn't get in to send
everyone out." He didn't look amused. "Fine. Let's go." He finally caved and held
his hand out to me. "I didn't bring my car." He finally said as we started walking. "Can you
drive?" "Of course, I can be your get away driver." Nash smiled
gratefully and we climbed into the car. He leaned across the car and surprised me by
wrapping his arms around me. "Mia-pie..." He muttered into my hair. "Please don't hate me
for too long, try to understand." He said gently. "Understand-" I started but stopped
when I felt the cool metal of handcuffs wrap around my wrist. "Nash!" "I'm sorry
Mia." He said with a hesitant smile, he stroked my cheek. "But I can't take you to the grave
with me." "Nash! Uncuff me!" I demanded he'd connect the other end of the cuffs
to the steering wheel. "Little shít!" I groaned and pulled uselessly on the cuffs. "I'm
sorry Mia." He muttered before pulling back and leaving the car. "Stop, no, no,
no." I groaned. He was going to get himself killed, without a doubt. I couldn't just let him do
this. I watched Nash get into an old beat up car, probably whatever Gambino believed he
drove. "Mother fȕcker, mother fȕcker-" I watched his car pull out, pulled even
more frantically on the handcuffs with a groan. "Damn it Nash!" I took my gun out, pulled
my hand as far from the steering wheel as I could and shot the handcuffs, also shooting
through the passengers side window. Yep, Alessio was going to be pissed about
that, I'd taken one of his cars, had had it out for all of ten minutes and was already destroying
it. This would be another thing I added to the mix of worries to deal with after
making sure Nash didn't get himself killed tonight. I had to follow him.

Chapter 62

"I-I have to think about it." She sputtered out after several failed attempts at words.
It made sense. As much as Armillia could tell herself that this was okay, that she and I, the
reporter and the criminal, the cop's daughter and the mobster, that the moon and the sun could
ever fall in love clearly she knew somewhere in her that it was still so very wrong. That we
were wrong. Maybe it was self deserved, she had after all spent so much time
chasing me for me to push her away, turn her down. I had lathered up her naked breasts and
still refused to kiss her before, maybe I deserve a little bit of rejection as well?
Except...this wasn't a little bit of rejection, it was a hell of a lot. "It's been over
twenty minutes." I reminded Simone and Siv when the time had crept too far up on me
making my thoughts all too much opportunity to do the same. "Working on it
boss." Simone muttered from behind one of several computer screens and with large
headphones covering his ears. It was a wonder he could even hear me from behind them.
"Work. Faster." I said sharply. Siv remained wordless though he was doing the
same, there were four computers between the both of them, the sound of my metronome kept
the tempo as they typed quickly. "Bit out of our skill level." Simone added after a
moment. "Well." I turned my wrist to examine my watch. "You have ten minutes
to make it your skill level, or we will have a problem." "Yes sir." I
tapped the bottom of my pen thoughtfully as they worked. Trying vigorously to break into the
NYPD database. This was a bit out of their pay grade, I wouldn't pretend it wasn't.
Simone and Silvano could hack, but much more minor things. They could work their way
into your accounts, emails, phone records, in a world so driven by technology the two proved
to be quite valuable when needing to dig up some dirt on someone or find a conversation or
such. However, when it came to larger matters I had more experienced men to do this.
Men who would hack government accounts, who could weasel their way into your bank
account to wire money without your consent, men who found access to street cameras in the
city of New York to watch your every move. I didn't want those men today. The
matter in which I wanted to see today was much more sensitive. I was working on a whim, an
insecurity perhaps even. Something the other men need not know about. I watched
the metronome tick from side to side. Perhaps I was unmarriageable. I mean, had I
found someone willing to marry me before Armillia? So perhaps there was a reason for that,
a reason I was still not married.I could laugh. But I wouldn't. Hm. No
one wanted to marry me. I hadn't given it much thought before today. Hadn't seemed like
such a catastrophe before. I tapped the butt of my pen on the desk at each tick of the
metronome. I hadn't considered this. I had considered asking Armillia, her saying
yes, and then coming to her senses the next time she nearly died and making a run for it. I had
considered the possibility of an outright no event. But I'll think about it. What was
there to think about? She either wanted to marry me or she didn't. I'd taken her
home essentially in silence. There was some lame small talk about my shirt, I started feeding
her some bull shit story about work but could tell she was a million miles away. When I'd
kissed her goodbye she'd gripped my shoulders and muttered I love you Alessio Geneovese.
I believed her. But I couldn't help being confused. So I did what I did best, ignored the
situation and instead focused on work. Hopefully I would find someone to beat my
frustrations out on tonight. I tapped the bottom of my pen to my desk every time
the metronome ticked keeping the tempo perfectly along with it. "How long?"
"Just over a half hour." Siv replied, glancing up to meet my eye. "I gave you only a
half hour." I replied back and stopped tapping my pen to glance at Simone with a raised
brow. "Did I not?" "It's a little more high tech than usual." Siv began to explain to
me calmly as if I was a child throwing a tantrum. I rolled my eyes. "You've never had us
hacking into a system so advanced before." "Did I ask you how advanced the
system was?" "Well no but-" "Got it!" Simone finally proclaimed, he
sounded proud, as if I should praise him for taking 34 minutes to hack into a system I had
given him only a half hour to do. Simone and Silvano were useful, not that I would
disclose this to them. A cocky Mafioso is a dead Mafioso. "Oh thank you SImmy, you've
done what I asked you to do in record breakingly slow speed. Would you like a fȕcking
cookie?" So help me God if he said yes... "What's the name of this guy again?"
Simone asked, pulling his head phone out of his ears and turning his attention back to me.
He should know, he was there. "Nash." The room was once again filled with only
the sound of his keystrokes, my metronome ticking back and forth, and my pen connecting
with the desk impatiently. To be honest, I had no clue what Simone and SIlvano
were doing. Both clicking away without halt on their computers simultaneously. "There is a
Nash on the force." Simone said after a fairly reasonable time period. "Hm." I
leaned back in my chair and stuck the end of my pen in the way of the metronome to stop it.
"Everything good boss?" "Hm." I repeated. I had had this nagging
feeling in the pit of my gut telling me something wasn't right when Armillia had said that
name. She'd brushed it off easily, something about a cop on scene but it had shaken her that
night obviously... "Maybe I'm just being paranoid." I muttered. Both knew better
than to agree. Maybe my paranoia is what made me so unmarriageable. Armillia used to tell
me I was paranoid, to which I would tell her I was merely careful, something she certainly
was not. I tapped the pen on the desk thoughtfully. I should let it go, I had my proof that this
Nash was an officer, what else did I need. But why had she been so concerned with
him? Muttering about him in a delirious state, angry, apologetic, something was wrong. What
if he had done something to her before Simone had got to her? Something to shake her up so
much but she couldn't remember it now. "Find out everything there is to know
about him. I'm talking pictures, addresses, sister's best friend, when the last time he took a
shit was. I want it all." I raised to my feet and turned my back to them as I stood before the
window, hands behind my back. "You're in luck." Simone said with a hint of
amusement in his voice. "Cooper is a pretty common name, but Nash isn't. There are less than
a dozen Nash Coopers in the whole country." I let out a noisy rush of air through
my nose. "Then I expect you will make this quick." "Yes sir." They said in unison.
After some time I moved my hands from behind my back and pressed them onto the
windowsill. As they worked they reported to me of their findings instantly. "Got an
address." One would say and moments later the other would add in. "I've got a number. He's
not listed in the books, good thing we've never been the type to follow by them." The other
would get his interest peaked and tossed in a "Have you tried breaking in? Pulling up his
phone records?" All at once the room grew silent, I turned quickly to face them.
They weren't done yet, they gave each other a look. "What?" I demanded. "Have you
finished?" "Not yet sir..." Simone started slowly. "Well then what the
hell are you waiting for? On with it! Sbrigati!" (hurry up) They were at
it again, occasionally muttering curses. Siv finally leaned back away from his
computer and slapped his hands over his face. "Che macello." He muttered. (What
a mess) "Che macello?" I repeated. "Allora? Sputare il rospo!" (What a
mess? Well? Spit it out!) "You should come look at this Don." Simone finally said
and pulled out his other headphones. I breezed across the room quickly to take the
place behind him. My eyes narrowed. "Check it again imbeciles." Siv cleared his
throat. "We have police reports. Reports from years ago. Had a girlfriend go a little crazy a
few times, doped up. He's in photographs on the news clippings. We've tracked down his
graduating school, his academy class. Pictures all over the place sir. He's smart enough not to
have a facebook but an old MySpace page is still up." "And his phone records."
Simone said. My eyes fell to a particular number. Her number. "How
the fuck did we miss this?" I asked more of myself than anyone else and my hand raised to
my head. "Fȕck. Fȕck. Fȕck." Before I lost control of myself I turned back to the window.
"Does she know?" "I...well, we have no way of knowing that sir." With
as much restraint as I could possibly muster I put my hands on the back of my chair. She
didn't know. How could she? He was obviously never at the station, even with her father and
uncle there, she wouldn't' know him if he was undercover. That's the whole point of being
undercover. She knew him as Matteo, the Mafioso who had saved her life on several
accords. Even when he'd been shot it was his Bonanno brothers who gathered her at his
request. He was Matteo to her. Then how did she know his name. "I
want his location. Now." "Si." "I said now!" I roared and losing my cool
I lifted the chair and threw it through the window. God help someone if it landed on my car
several stories below. Of course she didn't know. That's why she was such a
disaster that night. If she had seen him in uniform, or somehow learned of his real identity, of
course she'd be freaking out. She hardly remembered the night, hit her head. Our entire
hospital visit was a blur to her, she insisted she didn't even remember waking on our way
home and then again before I had gotten her into bed and getting sick, another friendly side
effect of her concussion. She didn't know. The bastard was still playing her. Probably using
her as some pawn in his investigation. Putting her in danger. Fȕck me for bolting
my desk to the ground to prevent me from giving it a toss as I had the chair.
"We...were out of our element here sir." Simone finally muttered. "Finding out where a guy
lives and who he is is one thing, but hacking into traffic cameras, trying to lock in on his
phone. We could do it, but not in the time you're looking for." I could yell at them.
But it would only be wasting more time. "Where is Mia?" I finally asked as I took my cell
phone out, I would have to call in special teams. "Her phone is at home." Simone
said and began typing away. "But one of the trackers in one of the cars has been on the
move." "Are they together?" "It's a possibility." "Call
someone who can tell me more than a possibility." I ground out as I started out the door with
the phone to my ear. "Ciao." Pietro answered on the first ring. "Car.
Now. The bástard has Mia." I hung up knowing by the time I stepped outside Pietro would
already have the car pulled up front and by the time we were at the end of the block my guys
could give me a location on this guy. OnNash.

Chapter 63

"What the fȕck are you-" Nash gaped when I showed up right behind him. "What
the hell were you thinking?" I demanded storming over to him, still sporting the handcuff
around my wrist though the chain connected to the steering wheel was broken. "You're going
to die if you do this!" "I'll be fine! You're going to die! You know if Giovanni sees
you, fȕck if anyone sees you-" "You aren't doing this alone Nash. Understand me?
My Dad, my Uncle, you, there are too many people I care about involved in this."
"Go home Mia. Go home and be with Alessio, let him keep you safe. Please." When I just
stared at him in disbelief he grew angry and motioned towards a huge set of deep red doors.
"Do you even realize what you are doing here? That there dozens if not hundreds of angry,
brutal, horny mafia men standing right behind this door? Especially the one in charge who
has been calling for your head for months? Do you remember Giovanni? Golf club, knife,
cigar? Don't you fȕcking know what will happen if these doors open and you're caught out
here?" "How can you be so selfish!" "Selfish?" He repeated in disbelief.
"Yes! You're going to leave Ellie, and your sisters, and me-" "This is about more
than just myself, you know that. If we pull these off we could be saving hundreds, no,
thousands. These mobs have been running the show and killing innocents longer than we've
both even been alive. I have to-" "You can go and activate the GPS, you don't have
to go and get killed!" "And I'm the selfish one?" He spat back. "You want me to
call in all the cops, my fellow brothers who have sworn their life to the law and honor, and
then just abandon them? Because what, you'd be sad if something happened to me? You're
going to call me the selfish one? You're not against me activating this thing to stop
everything you just don't want me there to see it through." "Who is going to take
care of Ellie? Huh? You said it yourself, her mother is already gone, so you're just going to
die too and leave her an orphan?" "Damn it Mia you think I haven't had these loose
ends tied up for months? I knew exactly how risky this position was when I joined the force,
Ellie won't be an orphan, she has three wonderful aunts, and grandparents, and I have a trust
fund set up for everything will be fine for Ellie, trust me. There is not a single person or thing
more important to me than that little girl, I wouldn't leave her with nothing. But I also took an
oath, I swore that I would do everything in my power to uphold the law and keep this city
safe, to keep Ellie safe, and damn it I'm going to do it!" I didn't know what to say, so I said
nothing. We had a long stare down and after a moment Nash ran his hand up his face. "You
aren't leaving, are you?" "No." I said firmly. "Come this way, over there you can
be out of sight, hide somewhere or something." Nash said it was relatively calm for someone
who was walking into certain death. I wasn't sure how I was feeling about this. This would
be over soon. So soon. Everything would be wrapped up, the threat of the Bonanno killing us
would be gone, I would have to come clean with Alessio once and for all and maybe, just
maybe, we would still have a life together. You know, if he didn't shoot me in the head or I
didn't get caught here and Giovanni beat him to it. Why was I really here? Did I really need
to see this through? I was certainly worried about everyone I knew involved in this, but what
could I really do for them should they get injured? "Those doors right there, The Bonanno
and some of the Colombo are in there, I just have to check in and head down to meet
Gambino for an exchange." Nash explained and I nodded my understanding, though still
confused on my own part. We were no more than ten yards away from the doors that would
bring all of this to a close. "You hide, now. I'm going in." Nash said slowly, firmly. I threw
my arms around him again knowing that this could be it, hoping he would listen to me and
leave while he still had his life, even if only to move from the side of the mafia and to that of
the police. "Please be safe." I begged and pulled away. He smiled, kept his hand on my
shoulder for a moment and then turned back to the doors. "Hide." He instructed one last time
and took a few steps forward. Alessio stepped in front of the door, gun pointed.
Instantly Nash pushed me behind him. "Alessio?" I gasped shocked to see him but a moment
later my shock turned to concern. "You can't be here-" Not him too, not everyone I loved in
one place lined up to be taken out one at a time. "Shut the fȕck up." He snapped
and I shrunk further behind Nash. He glared at us for a few very long moments before
scoffing. It was a terrifying sound. "Alessio, put the gun down." I tried gently.
"He puts his down." He said glaring at Nash whose gun was still attached to his hip.
"Can't do that friend." Nash said, both hands up submissively and the gun still firmly planted
against his hip. I glanced at Nash who was completely calm. He was in cop mode, that much
I was sure of. But Alessio didn't do cop mode, Nash's tactics in talking him down would
certainly not work. Alessio didn't need a cop right now. He needed his girlfriend.
"He's not who you think he is, Armillia." Alessio said watching Nash intently. I
stepped around Nash slowly with my own hands up. "Alessio. Put the gun down. Let us
through here, and we can discuss this after, alright? I promise." "Tell her what your
real name is you fȕcking rat." Alessio spit. Nash clenched his jaw but didn't say
anything. "Tell her!" He roared and took a step forward. "Tell her how you've been
playing her, tell her how you've been using her, tell her your real name." I closed
my eyes. He knew. Probably everything. I opened my eyes slowly. "His name is Nash." I said
barely above a whisper. My heart broke the moment I saw it hit him. I took a few small
nonthreatening steps towards Alessio. His arm was shaking as he held the gun still
pointed at Nash. "And he's a cop." My voice cracked as I spoke. "Mia!"
Nash gasped. "It's okay." I assured him and took another step forward.
Alessio looked shell shocked. His expression twisted between confusion, anger, and pain.
When I took that step forward he snapped back into perfect composure and slowly, but very
decidedly he moved his arm to point the gun at me rather than Nash. Nash took
two large steps forward and grabbed my elbow and the gun was immediately aimed at him
again. "It's fine." I said to Nash and pulled my arm away. "He won't hurt me." I
turned my attention back to Alessio and prayed that I was right. Prayed above all else that he
loved me the way I was pretty damn sure he loved me. "Y-you-" He stammered.
"Me." I whispered. "But it's not what you think." "I think you're a bloody lying wh
He yelled and I noticed his hold on the gun tightened. "I told you Mia." Mia.
"I told you not to betray me. Not you." "I haven't betrayed you." I said taking a few
more steps towards him and the gun was pointed to me again. "It's just me baby." I
whispered. "It's just me, put the gun down." "You're a liar." "I know."
This didn't seem to please him anymore. He threw his free hand up to his temple. He made a
face like he wanted to groan but no noise came out. "God damn it." "Nash is a cop.
Yes. But he isn't after you. I, I mean he was. We were." I admitted softly. "This wasn't
exactly how I had planned on telling you." "You weren't going to." He accused me
and I shook my head. "I was." I assured him, making sure to keep it as a statement
and not an argument. The last thing I needed was to frustrate him more and make him decide
to pull that trigger. "It was a mistake, and I will tell you all about it. I promise. Every last
detail. Later." He shook his head, hand still attached. "Un-fȕcking-believable."
"I told you. No one will get to you, not from me." I said and felt tears prickling at my eyes.
But how close I had come. "Not me Alessio. I couldn't." "How do you think this
fȕcking looks!" Alessio snarled. "What the hell am I supposed to think? If I was half the man
my father was you would both be dead by now." "But you aren't your father.
You're Alessio, you're the man I love." I said and took another two steps. I was exactly where
I had started months ago. Right in the middle. Too far for Nash to be able to run to save me,
and not close enough to Alessio to be able to reach him. "I know how this looks." I
said with a shaky voice. "He needs to get through those doors Alessio. Nash is a cop. He's
been working undercover in the Bonanno, the Bonanno put him under cover in the Gambino
because they're planning an attack. They're joining forces with Colombo to stage this attack.
He needs to get through those doors right now to take them to the Gambino where the cops
will bust all of them." "I know." I continued before he could speak. "It sounds
crazy, and unbelievable, and I will tell you everything there is to know. But we have like, five
minutes to tell them to get them there on time. If we can't pull this off then the cops can't bust
them." Alessio glared at me. His eyes never leave my own. Never did they soften,
nor relax. He continued to glare at me as surely as his gun pointed to me. "They're
not after you Alessio. You and the Lucchese, you're fine. I mean, think of how much more
business you'll be getting!" I tried it. Alessio's eyes finally flickered to Nash. "But
Lucchese and I, we will be next?" I didn't turn around to face Nash. Didn't want to know what
his face said, as it turns out, I didn't have to. "Not by me, I'll be dead. But will the
NYPD continue their fight on organized crime? Yes. You know that as well as I do. There
will always be bad guys and there will always be good guys who try to stop them. It never
ends, even if you do kill me now. It won't end with me, just as it didn't start with me." Nash
answered. I whirled around to glare at him and then turned back to Alessio. "Put
the gun down Alessio. You and I, let's just walk away from all of this." I was beginning to
panic. I was getting awfully close to Alessio and he hadn't yet turned the gun from me.
I hoped I wasn't wrong. "Let Pietro take the reins here. We can leave this life
behind. Just be together. You told me you never wanted any of this, you just accepted it, I
didn't either. Why? Why do we have to accept this as our life? Why can't we get away from
it?" His shaking arm didn't lower at all, but nor did his finger pull the trigger.
"We could go to Italy! Or France, or, I don't know, anywhere! Leave this world behind. Go
spend a few months with your parents. See if your dad loves me as much as you think your
mom does. We can start over completely. Disappear, get new lives. Just you and I. I'll give
mine up if you give yours up." "Mia." Nash said sharply. Alessio, who
had been softening considerably snapped back to his stone cold face and pointed the gun to
Nash with more anger than before. I could shoot Nash myself for undoing
everything I had worked on just now. I forced my anger under and did not even turn to face
him. "Alessio." I whispered. His gaze shifted back to me but the gun
remained on Nash. "Please." "You." He said softly. "Of all the things
I've been through, all the people I've met, you are the only one who terrifies me." I
felt myself coming undone and took brave steps to be at him. "I love you. You."
He frowned deeply. For a moment I thought he was going to really shoot me. He looked
furious. More furious than I had ever seen him. Through gritted teeth he growled, "I love
you." I could jump for joy. "But I can't let this go." My heart sank but I nodded. I
couldn't blame him, I couldn't pretend to be surprised, but the fear of a life without Alessio
was even more frightening than that of a life ended by him. "I know." I was so close to him
now. I could reach out and touch his own extended hand if I wanted to risk it. "And after all
of this, we can discuss it. But right now-" I hesitated for a moment to gather all of my
strength and reached out. He didn't react, didn't jump backwards nor attack me, he allowed
me to put my hand on the gun and gently direct it to be pointed on the ground. "-you have to
let us go." I breathed. Alessio kept his eyes on mine and then turned his attention
to Nash. He gave him a slight nod and I breathed a sigh of relief. Nash wasted no
time and started to jog towards the door, he glanced at his watch briefly and seemed relieved
at the time. Alessio brought his gun free hand to my cheek and gently wiped away
tears I hadn't even realized were there and shook his head. "You bloody bitch." He muttered
but it sounded like the most loving insult I had ever heard. Not laced with anger or disdain, it
was said with the kind of sincerity one might tell someone they looked nice with their new
haircut. Like a carefree statement. He glanced at Nash. "If she gets hurt because you dragged
her through all of this-" He said sharply. Nash paused to address Alessio just a few
steps to our right. "I care about her too much to let that happen." Nash said. They
had a stare down. I couldn't tell if it was rage, some sort of a silent duel between them, or a
very rare moment of understanding and respect for one another. "Get out of my
sight." Alessio said, waving Nash through with his armed hand. "I'm sorry." I said.
"I'm so sorry-" "I can't." Alessio shook his head letting his hand lower from my
cheek. "I can't with you right now Mia." "I know, I know I screwed everything
up." I shook my head crying. "Alessio I will tell you everything, I swear it. I promise you."
"Not here." Nash called over his shoulder and he was right. If we stayed here we were all at
risk. We had to hide. The red doors suddenly opened behind us. Alessio was
halfway turned when a trio of gunshots were fired. He put his hand to his chest and suddenly
he was falling to the ground.

Chapter 64

I only had time to gasp before I lunged forward and grabbed Alessio. Not that I was much
help as he was falling backwards and I had zero upper body strength. But I softened the blow
of his falls as much as I possibly could and threw myself over him to shield his body.
"Alessio, baby, talk to me." I looked down to assess the damage as best I could without
leaning back to expose him to anymore attacks. I was nowhere near a doctor. I saw
blood. Lots of blood. Too much blood. I turned my attention to his face. Alessio
seemed too shocked to say or do anything for a few moments. He was staring at the sky
looking absolutely baffled and blinking rapidly for too long before he finally let out a breath.
It was a relief to hear him breathe but otherwise I had no clue what to do. I dropped my head
onto his shoulder for a brief second before raising it. "It's going to be okay. I've got you baby.
Just talk to me." He groaned loudly and lifted his head and shoulders trying to get
up but fell back immediately. "Fu-" Was all he managed between short breathes. I
put my hand to his sweaty forehead. "Shh baby. I know it hurts." I said fighting back tears.
"Please Alessio, just stay down. It's going to be okay." He lifted his head half-
heartedly and then dropped it again. The sound of slow calm footsteps caught my attention.
With each and every step my heart quickened. I kept repeating lies to Alessio, that I had him,
that everything was okay, that he was okay. Everything you're supposed to say to someone
whose life had been flipped upside down, everything you were to say to ease someone's
worries just before they were to die. The footsteps stopped and a shadow was cast
over us. I was looking at a shiny pair of black dress shoes. "Move." The gunman instructed.
Every inch of me was shaking as I clung to my bloody lover. I was strong enough to stay over
him, shielding him until my last breath, but not strong enough to look up to confront my gun
man. I shook my head, not quite strong enough to speak. The muzzle of the gun
pressed against my temple. I let out a shaky breath and held Alessio to the best of my
capabilities in this tragic position. I bit my lip to keep it from shaking and to keep
myself from crying out. The only sound for a very long time was Alessio's ragged and
unsteady breathing. The gunman moved the gun down from my temple and I squeezed my
eyes shut, he used the gun to push a bit of hair away from my face. "Y-you fu-
fȕcking-" Alessio growled and raised his bloody hand almost all the way to my cheek but fell
short with a grunt. "Va-vaffanculo a...chi t'e...mo-morto." (Vaffanculo a chi e morto = Go
fȕck your dead family) "Look at me." The gunman instructed. Alessio coughed
suddenly hard enough to shake his whole body and he lifted his head again to spit blood to
the side before dropping it again panting heavily. "I said-" The gunman said and very slowly
brought the muzzle of the gun gently along my cheek and down my jaw until he reached my
chin. "Look at me." He forced my chin upwards with the gun. I found it difficult to
argue with a man with a gun pointed to my throat and raise my head but my body did not
budge. I still guarded Alessio as I turned my head upwards to glare at the man who had shot
him. Giovanni Bonanno. If I had reserved any doubts before, now I
really knew we were dead. He didn't look smug or triumphant as he stared down at me,
makeup smeared eyes on top of Alessio who was bleeding out beneath me. He looked
completely calm, almost indifferent. It must have been some sort of Mafia leader requirement
to have this face mastered as I'd seen Alessio with a nearly identical expression in times of
trouble too. "The Gambino will be completing their deal with Colombo at any minute now, if
we want to attack-" Nash interrupted, I knew it was an attempt to get Giovanni to leave us,
preferably alive, but he didn't move. "Go." Giovanni said never breaking eye
contact from me. All at once men flooded out the doorway by the hundreds. They parted like
the red sea around us and though I didn't pull my own gaze from Giovanni I held Alessio
even tighter. None of the men so much as glanced at us as they ran, their Don had instructed
them to do something and obviously they would oblige now. Alessio and I were nothing more
than leaves on the walkway to them. Absolutely nothing. Giovanni and I never
broke eye contact but through my peripherals I could see that Nash had not moved along with
the rest of the men. Alessio made some sort of gasping noise and then started
coughing again. "Alessio, my dear friend." Giovanni said, sounding almost pleasant though
his facial features hadn't flinched. He finally glanced at Alessio and I did the same. His eyes
rolled into the back of his head and then shot open quickly but hardly seemed to be able to
focus before doing the same. "It's always a pleasure of course. Tell me, how is that lung of
yours. Collapsed yet? And what of the rest of you? Do be detailed in your description."
"Leave him alone." I said hardly above a whisper. Giovanni looked to me again
with moderate interest. He took the gun from under my chin and used it to brush the hair out
of my face. I whimpered. "I stand by my previous comments. You are quite beautiful."
"Fȕck-'' Alessio groaned and tried moving again. "Tell her everything is going to
be okay." Giovanni said and planted the gun firmly on the center of my forehead. I kept eye
contact with him and though I was shaking all over I didn't pull back. "Look at the woman
you love, the woman your heart beats for, and lie to her. Tell her. Everything is going to be
okay." "E-every..." Alessio started barely above a whisper and grasped for air he
couldn't seem to find. "Everything is going to be alright." I said for Alessio and
gave him a gentle squeeze. "I'm here. And everything is going to be alright."
"Giovanni, sir-" Nash started. Giovanni moved the gun suddenly and crouched
beside me and I pulled backwards. He took my face in his hand roughly with a thumb on one
cheek and his other fingers on the other and forced me to turn my head. "Open your eyes
woman." A mix between a hiccup and a sob slipped out. Somehow his touching
me was even more frightening than his aiming a gun at me. I opened my eyes, he had me
looking at a rather pale looking Nash. He'd pulled his gun out but had it aimed to the ground
knowing better than to point it to Giovanni but nevertheless I knew he was ready to kill.
Did he know about Nash too? "Do you see this man?" When I didn't answer he
shook my head roughly to get my attention back. "Do you see him?" I nodded
lightly. "I understand you are the only reason Matteo is still with us." Nash's face
relaxed and his shoulders lowered just a hair but he didn't put away his weapon either.
"Remember this face, because this is the only reason you are still alive right now." He let go
of my face. I fell forward and another noise strangely resembling a sob came out
before I looked back up to Giovanni. "A life for a life." He explained calmly. I
didn't move. For a few moments the only sound between us to remind me that I was still alive
was Alessio's quick painful breaths. "Loyalty is not something I take lightly Miss Santoro.
The lives of my family members are just as important to me as your own family might be to
you. You've saved Matteo and for that I am indebted to you." He took a few steps backwards.
"My debt is repaid." He turned and began walking away. When he got to him Nash fell in
step with him and they began walking together. "Oh, and Mia." He stopped
suddenly and looked over his shoulder. "Should I happen to find you meddling in my
business again...don't let me find you meddling in my business again." He waited until I
nodded vigorously and then he and Nash began walking again. This time I didn't
stop the sobs the moment they came out. He'd left. I was alive and he'd left. I turned all of my
attention to Alessio quickly. "Alessio." I said quickly and put both of my head to
his pale cheeks. "Baby please." His eyes were closed but he was still breathing. "He's gone
now baby. Everything is going to be okay." I moved my hands away from his cheeks and left
a bloody handprint on both sides. I put both hands to my own head and knotted
them into my hair. I had no clue what to do but watching him die wasn't an option. I dug
through his pocket to pull his phone out and called Pietro. "Baby, baby please stay with me."
I begged as it rang. "Ciao." "Pietro!" I practically yelled and then burst
into complete hysterics. "He's shot. Oh my God he's shot." As if saying it made it so much
more real. "T-the blood, everywhere, Pietro, oh please-" "Okay, okay, calm down.
I'm close." He always was. "I need you to put pressure on the wound. Siv is on with Doc. Is
he awake?" "N-no. I don't think-" I stammered and put the palm of my hand down
hard on the area. He didn't react to this either and it made me sob only that much harder.
"And is he breathing." I nodded through tears. "Mia!" "Yes!"
I yelled. "Where is he shot at?" "Uh, the chest. Somewhere in his chest.
I don't know if everything is covered in blood. I can't even see where it's coming from."
"I'm less than two minutes from you, okay? Keep it together. He needs you to keep it
together." "Please hurry." I sobbed and threw the phone down and leaned over
him. I kept my hand over the injury and put the other gingerly to his forehead. "Alessio
please stay with me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for that stupid video that started all of this. I'm sorry
for fighting with you all the time and for being so stubborn and everything. I'm sorry for
Nash, and hiding everything from you. If you live I promise I won't anymore. I won't hide
anything from you and I'll stop writing about the mafia, fȕck I'll stop writing about
everything. I'll marry you, we can leave New York, leave the country, I don't care. I'll do
anything Alessio if you just live. Live, please God, just live. Stay with me, baby please just
stay with me..."