Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two

Level 2: Intermediate

1
  Warmer

a. Discuss these questions.

1. How important is friendship to you?

2. How many close friends do you have?

3. What is the most important in a friendship?

4. How can we improve our friendships?

2
  Key words

a. Fill the gaps in the sentences using these key words from the text. Then complete each
example sentence with the same word – you may have to change the form of the word.

awkward betray disorganised ideal inadequate

proximity sensation slump spontaneous thoughtless

1. A is a feeling, especially a strange one, caused by a particular

experience.
The medicine caused a burning at the back of my throat.

2. If something is , it is the best or most suitable.

The hotel provides an opportunity for children to be active on the
beach and parents to relax.

3. If something is , it is difficult to deal with and embarrassing; when

this word is used to describe a person, it means they are not comfortable, relaxed, or confident.
I met a childhood friend for coffee, but we didn’t know what to say to each other, and it was just
.

4. Someone who is does not feel confident that they can deal with
the situation they are in.
He can keep a whole room of adults entertained, but when in charge of babysitting his niece, he
feels completely .

5. If you someone, you do harm to them after they have trusted you.
They felt that Suki them by joining another lunch table.
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 2: Intermediate
6. Someone who is does not deal with things in a clear or
sensible way.
I am a very student; I can never find all the notes I need before
an exam.

7. When you are , you don’t think about what other people want
or need.
Parking on the pavement is not only – you can be fined up
to £100.

8. When something happens naturally without being planned or thought about, it is

.
The party wasn’t planned – it was just a gathering.

9. When someone , they suddenly fall or sit because of they are very
tired or unconscious.
She onto the couch after a long day on her feet.

10. is how near something is to another thing, especially in distance

or time.
Since we live in different countries, our is measured in the number
of minutes we talk every day.

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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 2: Intermediate
Emma Beddington
09 April, 2023
1 I felt really uneasy recently. I was listening to
Elizabeth Day talking on the radio about her
new book Friendaholic and the problems that
having too many friends has caused her. It’s
the same sensation I get reading psychologist
Robin Dunbar’s famous research on how many
relationships we can maintain. Five intimate
friendships is the ideal number – I scrape
two – and Dunbar said that we can maintain
a network of 150 people close enough that it
wouldn’t be awkward to have a drink with them.
2 That’s Dunbar’s number: 150! I’d have to
include everyone who walks their dog on my
route, my whole pilates class and half the street
to reach that number, and not knowing most of
their names would surely make it awkward. I
mean, I can be awkward with my two intimate
friends on bad days.
3 It’s easy to feel inadequate about friendships,
and I haven’t always been a good friend. I don’t
mean I steal boyfriends or betray trust, but
I’m disorganised and bad at prioritising. I lived
for a long time in Brussels, where friendships
seemed to be easily formed and quickly
forgotten. It gave me bad habits, I think. It has
made me thoughtless and careless.
4 I’m trying to be better because I like the few
friends I have managed not to lose and am
keen to be a bigger part of their lives. But how?
My best friend currently lives more than four
hours and a minimum of two trains away. I have
a good friend in the US and several in the UK
and Europe.
5 It’s not ideal. We became friends because
we liked each other’s company and ended
up not seeing each other much. Meeting up
requires planning and expense. There are no
spontaneous visits, and that puts pressure on
meet-ups: you can’t just sit on a sofa with a bag
of crisps in silence. Well, you can, of course:
my best friend and I do – but there’s a tendency
to feel it’s not enough.
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6 That’s silly because friendships grow on regular
side-by-side slumping and simple proximity.
Dunbar’s research has also explored how
friendship is supported by the endorphin
system, activated when you spend time
together. Endorphin-firing activities include
eating, drinking, laughing, and telling stories.
I don’t think anyone has researched parallel
sofa-based scrolling yet, but I’m hopeful that
gets endorphins flowing too.
7 It matches what I’m realising about friendship
as I try to improve my own – that, like
parenting, much of the important stuff happens
in small, ordinary moments. That more time
is more important than “quality” time. That
showing up is an act of love.
8 It’s hard to show up for each other when we’re
miles away. If being near our friends makes
us happier, why don’t we all try to do it? I don’t
know how we make it happen – jobs, homes,
kids and parents can make it hard. But it’s an
interesting thought experiment. Could we try
to turn our good friends into our neighbours?
I’d probably manage to ruin it somehow, but it
would be wonderful to have the chance to try.
© Guardian News and Media 2023
First published in The Guardian, 09/04/2023
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 2: Intermediate

3
  Comprehension check

a. Are these statements True (T) or False (F) according to the article? Correct any that are false.

1. In her book, Elizabeth Day describes the problem of not having enough friends.

2. Dunbar said that we can maintain a network of 150 people we know who are not our closest
friends.

3. The writer feels that she hasn’t been a good friend.

4. Living in Brussels badly influenced the writer’s friendship habits.

5. The writer has friends in many different countries.

6. The writer doesn’t want to meet friends spontaneously.

7. Dunbar studied how being with friends is an endorphin-firing activity.

8. Simply spending time together is not what makes a friendship.

9. The writer would love to have friends as neighbours, even if it might not work out.

4
  Key language

a. Scan the text and find the prepositions that complete the phrasal verbs. Definitions are
provided for reference.

1. end : be in a particular place or state after doing something or because of doing it

2. meet : come together with someone, either unexpectedly or as planned

3. grow : be nourished by

4. show : be there for someone

b. Now complete the sentences using the verbs in the correct form.

1. I can’t believe she uninvited!

2. The best relationships trust and respect.

3. He is such an involved dad – he always to all his daughter’s matches.

4. She is going to London next month and is planning to with two friends
from college.
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 2: Intermediate

5
  Discussion

a. Discuss these statements.

• “Not everyone has time for friends, and that is OK.”

• “Quality is more important than quantity when it comes to friendship.”

• “Five intimate friendships is the ideal number.”

• “Maintaining friendship is important for your mental health.”

6
  In your own words

a. Create an infographic, short video, or blog post with tips for making and maintaining
friendships. Focus your infographic on a specific target audience.

E.g., How to Make New Friends in Your Twenties in Tokyo

b. Present your idea to the class.

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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 2: Intermediate – Teacher’s notes
3. Comprehension check
Article summary: The writer examines
the state of her friendships and reflects on a. Ask students to complete the activity individually
research that suggests we should have five before comparing their answers with a classmate.
close friends and the endorphin-firing activities
that create closeness between friends. Key:
1. False. She describes the problem of having too
Time: 90 minutes many friends.
2. True
Skills: Reading, Speaking, Writing 3. True
4. True
Language focus: Phrasal verbs
5. True
6. False. She wants to, but it is impossible
Materials needed: One copy of the
because they all live far away and seeing each
worksheet per student
other is difficult and expensive.
7. True
8. False. It is what makes friendship.
1. Warmer 9. True

a. The purpose of this activity is to introduce the 4. Key language

topic of friendship and help prepare students for
reading. Make notes on the board and ask students a. Students could be asked to do this exercise in pairs.
to skim the article to see if they can find any of the Encourage them to scan the text to find the answers.
answers mentioned. Check answers with the class and go over the
meanings.
2. Key words
Key:
a. Ask students to do the exercise individually and 1. up
compare their answers in pairs or small groups. 2. up
3. on
Key: 4. up
1. sensation 6. disorganised
2. ideal 7. thoughtless Key:
3. awkward 8. spontaneous 1. showed up
4. inadequate 9. slump 2. grow on
5. betray, betrayed 10. proximity 3. shows up
4. meet up
As an extension, you could ask students to scan the
article and check what other words form word pairs 5. Discussion
(collocations) with these vocabulary items.
a. Allow students time to note their ideas about each
E.g., get a sensation, ideal number, be awkward, feel statement individually and then discuss them in small
inadequate, betray someone’s trust, thoughtless and groups. Invite someone from each group to share
careless, spontaneous visits, side-by-side slumping, their main idea(s).
simple proximity, etc.
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 Five intimate friendships is the optimal number – I scrape two
Level 2: Intermediate – Teacher’s notes

6. In your own words

a. This task can be done individually or in pairs. It

could also be done as a homework task if needed.
You could show students examples of infographics,
TikTok or YouTube videos, or blog posts (e.g., do an
online search for “how to communicate better”) and
get students to analyse the clearest ones.

Encourage students to do some research and

include new information in their materials. They
can use an online tool or app to create the final
product. If the task is done for homework, save a few
minutes at the start of the following class for students
to present.

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