My Voice Matters

Finding Our Voices Through Peer Support

 In these pages you will hear from women involved in the Haringey Women’s
Voices project. This project involved the provision of peer support groups for
women with experiences of domestic and/or sexual violence and housing
insecurity and/or homelessness.
At the end of this project the women running and attending these groups were
invited to respond to a statement they felt captured their experience of being
involved in peer support. The statement they chose was ‘my voice matters’.
This booklet brings together women’s responses, showcasing their resilience
and the power of coming together. Their voices matter and must be heard.
 To Lucy, for setting up this project and sharing her knowledge with us.
To our three supervisors for your advice and support.
To any woman who has had her safety ripped away from her. Your voice matters.
Table of Contents
1 Introduction – My Voice Matters: The Haringey Women’s Voices Project
2 Affirmations
3 Section 1 – My Voice Matters: Our experience as Facilitators
5 Yaz “Untitled”
6
Lily “Untitled”
7
Gülüm “I Found My Voice with AVA”
9
Tülin “Ben ve Menopoz (Me and Menopause)”
11
Natasha “Untitled”

13 Section 2 – My Voice Matters: Peer Group Member’s Responses

Nimet
15 “Duy Sesimi (Hear Me)”
17 “Aynaya bakıyorum (I’m Looking Into the Mirror)”
D
20 “Yetişkin (Adult)”
K
20 “Untitled”
Gülseren
21 “Untitled”
Elena
23 “Untitled”
Hatun
25 “Annem ne kendini ne bizi ezdirdi (My mum didn’t let either herself or
us be oppressed)”

26 Section 3 – Kadınların Sesi Önemli (Women’s Voices are Important)

29 Discussion Piece From the IMECE Peer Support Group

33 Afterword
My Voice Matters: The Haringey Women’s Voices Project

‘My Voice Matters’ is the culmination of work from the Haringey Women’s Voices Project,
a partnership project between AVA, Solace Women’s Aid, IMECE, and Haringey Council,
funded by Homeless Link as part of their Ending Women’s Homelessness Fund. The project
ran between January 2020-June 2021, and focused on improving gender and trauma
informed responses to women with experiences of domestic abuse and/or sexual violence
and housing insecurity and/or homelessness.
As part of this project, 9 women were trained to run peer support groups with women who had
experienced domestic and/or sexual violence and housing insecurity and/or homelessness.
These groups were then set up in January 2021 - with one group taking referrals from
housing and VAWG services, and one with referrals directly from IMECE (an organisation
supporting Turkish, Kurdish and Cypriot Turkish women). These groups were run via zoom,
and involved discussion sessions, creative activities and skill building.
Through these groups, women in Haringey had the opportunity to meet others, share their
stories and be themselves in a space run by other women with lived experience. These spaces
were run flexibly, providing a space of solidarity and understanding without firm thresholds,
time frames or expectations. During feedback sessions, group members reported feeling
empowered, comfortable and safe. Facilitators also reflected on the growth they witnessed
in womens’ comfort levels and openness over time.
At AVA we believe women’s voices are at the heart of gender and trauma informed practice,
and giving women agency and choice over the way they are supported is the key to
appropriate responses to those with experiences of domestic abuse and homelessness.
This project highlights the importance of peer support spaces as a key site of growth and
recovery for women with these experiences. This project also highlights the importance and
power of bringing women with lived experience into the centre of any efforts to support them.
As part of the end phase of this project, the peer facilitator group was invited to take part in
a creative project of their choosing. The facilitator group discussed what they felt was most
important about peer support and a statement that captured this feeling. The statement ‘My
Voice Matters’ was chosen as a result, and women were invited to respond to this statement
as they saw fit - whether through prose, poetry, art or photography. This booklet brings
together these responses.
This booklet showcases the importance of giving women with lived experience space and a
platform to share their experiences and have a voice in the support available to them. ‘My
Voice Matters’ highlights the power of women coming together and stresses the importance
of listening to women, valuing their power and recognising their resilience. The submissions
are presented in Turkish, English and Russian as each contributor was invited to write in
their own language.

1
 Affirmations

I am worthy
I am grateful for everything that I have
Life is what I make of it
I am stronger than I know
I am resilient
I am loved
I am empowered and can express myself
I am trying my best
I am deeply myself
My voice matters
(Peer Facilitators Group, 2021)

2
Section 1:
My Voice Matters: our experience as facilitators.
 In the following pages, the peer group facilitators share their response to the
statement ‘my voice matters’. Each piece is written in the facilitator’s preferred
language; and is presented alongside an illustration of each facilitator as they
wished to be represented.
 Yaz
Untitled
A very good friend of mine received an email regarding the peer support role and forwarded
it to me to see if I would be interested, she felt it would be a role I was suited to. I decided it
would be great for my personal and professional development and that I have a passion for
supporting others.
My story is of survival and recovery from DV, Addiction, homelessness and Mental Health
issues. Sharing experiences has proven to be beneficial to myself and the other ladies. We
have been able to share our stories, give support and empower each other...We laughed,
cried, felt sad and happy. Also, we have a connection even though we were not able to meet
in person due to COVID.
The support for other ladies is crucial in recovery from the abuse, especially on the recovery
side on how to move forward in life. This role has given me other opportunities to support
other survivors.
I feel honoured and privileged to have been working with strong and empathic ladies and I
will continue to do what I can in the future.

5
 Lily
Untitled
I made it my mission
“I shall build the stage I dance upon”
I set my goal and mission to be self-reliant. If I was not building a
stage, I was dancing on it. Then came to light - I will build the stage,
and I will dance on it.
Now in this current climate that feeling has been stripped from my
core. I’m trying to roll with the punches and make the best of a bad
situation. Humans who have gone through anything like I have will
know what I mean and will understand me.

6
 Gülüm
I Found My Voice With Ava Project
I have been living in London since 2018. I decided to move to the UK with my family due to
political situation in Turkey. I had been teaching at the university before I moved, I had a good
career and upper middle class life. I left everything behind to start a new life at the age of 42.
It was more difficult to start from zero and get settled in a new country than I had imagined.
The first months were honeymoon. There were a lot of new things to discover: museums,
parks, city center, shops, people, British culture, food, etc. London as a cosmopolitan city is
an attractive place for people all around the world. I like big cities despite all the challenges
of city life. Big cities nourishes our minds, inspire us. I love to walk in the streets and get lost
in crowds. I was born and spent my entire life in Istanbul, and I really love this chaotic city. As
I get used to metropolitan life, London doesn’t surprise me. However my life standards have
relatively worsened when compared to past. For example, I didn’t get used to do housework
before I moved to London as Afi, our cleaning lady who was coming once a week. Also
Suzan, our nanny, was always with us since my son was only 4 months, and she was taking
care of him. After I moved to London, I
have become a mum who should take
more responsibility regarding the house
and pick up his son from school at 3.15
pm five days a week. I have realized that
domestic labor is one of the hard and
unpaid works done by women. Moreover,
I have become financially dependent to
my husband. I worked for more than
15 years in Istanbul. I like working and
being active. I have never imagined
myself as a housewife. My mum who
left high school in her last year always
recommended us to hold a university
degree and to become independent.
I chose to become an academic when
I was in the 3rd year of university, and
since then I always worked. Of course,
I looked for job opportunities in London,
but I couldn’t find any position at
universities. Although I am unemployed,
I motivated my self by producing more
academic work. If being unemployed is
a challenge for migrant women, another

7
 Gülüm

one is trying to socialize. I attended several conversation classes to improve my speaking

skills and to make new friends; I socialized with my son’s friends’ parents, etc. But at the
end of the day, I couldn’t overcome this strange feeling that I don’t belong to this country
and I wake up every morning by asking myself where I am. Unemployed and reluctantly
housewife, I was feeling isolated by society having few social contacts. Some days, I hadn’t
enough conversation; I mean good quality conversation with a friend, that I was feeling
silenced and staying alone at home. Another challenge for a migrant woman is dealing
with homesick which makes you daydream about your home country. This manifests as
flashbacks from Istanbul’s various districts and moments passing through my mind. And
then, the pandemic has begun. I panicked, shocked, felt helpless, stayed home for two
months without going outside, and finally burned out. While our social contact was almost
zero, I have started volunteering for IMECE, a women’s organization that struggles against
domestic violence and supports BAMER women. Through IMECE, I have been involved in
the AVA Peer Support Project.
Besides academia, spending my time for activist work, especially for feminist movement,
really makes me satisfied. Years ago, I volunteered for a feminist organization in Istanbul,
and this experience has completely changed my mindset regarding gender issues. Joining
IMECE and being part in the AVA Peer Support Project makes me feel like I am at home
now. Being surrounded by wonderful and supporting women at every stage, our coordinators
Emel from IMECE and Cordy from AVA Project, other peer facilitators, group participants, our
supervisor Dilek, empowers me in everyday life. In the beginning of the project, we got initial
trainings that prepared us for the peer facilitator role. Then, we have started group works
with women. Every week, we talk around topics related to women’s lives and the problems
they face. During each session, I realize that women are keen to express themselves, they
share sincerely what they went through, and they also share with other women their tactics
of struggle. This experience sharing meetings between women makes us more confident;
help us to reflect on our own lives. I think we all feel empowered at the end of the session.
We are learning from each other without judging, and we realize that even though we are
coming from different backgrounds and experiences, we share similar challenges of being a
woman in society. I am really happy and still excited to be one of those who create this space
for women for self-expression, and facilitate the on-going conversation between women.
One day, one woman said that she feels relaxed and calm after our sessions, and she does
not shout at her kids anymore. I think every woman deserves to tell her story in her own way,
to be heard by others, to feel like a precious person. In this sense, AVA Peer Support Project
allows women to raise their voices, to realize their own potential and power. Thanks to AVA
Peer Support Project, I personally found my voice and I am not feeling anymore isolated
from society.

8
 Tülin

Ben ve Menopoz (Me and Menopause)

Gece...Bedenimi saran ates basmasıyla uyanıyorum. Uyur uyanık gibiyim. Yanı başımdaki
deftere yazıyorum. Saat sabaha karşı 3.53. sayıyorum 1,2,3,4,5… 30.cu saniyede bedenim
serinliyor. Yeniden uyumaya çalışıyorum. Huzursuzum, uyuyamıyorum. Sabah oluyor.
Gündelik hayata devam ediyorum. Bedenimde ve duygularım da bir şeyler beni rahatsız
ediyor. Sanki bedenimi, duygularımı kontrol edemiyorum. Kendimi tanıyamıyorum. Neler
oluyor bilmiyorum? Bir taraftan korkuyor bir taraftan da öğrenmek istiyordum. Doktora
gitmeye karar verdim. Doktorun söylediklerini boğazım kuruyarak dinlediğimi hatırlıyorum.
Ta ki o akşam kendimle aynada karşılaştığım ana kadar reddettim yaşadığım değişimin
asıl nedenini. Gündelik hayatın koşuşturması icinde kendimi uzun zamandır aynada
görmüyordum. Yorgundum. Gözlerimin üstünde bir perde var gibiydi. Bir süre aynada
kendime, vücuduma baktım. Bedenimden kaçmaya çalıştığım, geceleri uykularımı bölen
o şiddetli ısıya ayna karşısında yakalanmıştım bu sefer. Bedenime ansızın giren ve bir
kaç saniye sonra biten ateş basmasının yaklaşmakta olan fırtınanın habercisi olduğunu ve
hayatımı değiştireceğini biliyordum. Sanki okyanusun ortasında sallanan bir sandal gibiyim.
Yaklaşan bu fırtına beni yerle bir edecek gibi hissediyordum. Onca yıl yaşadığım hayatı bir
anda elimden alıp gidecekti sanki. Ne yapacağımı bilmiyordum. Çok korkuyordum. Ağlamaya
başladım. Hıçkırarak ağladım. Kaçmak, kurtulmak istedim ama artık bu fırtınadan kaçışın
olmadığını biliyordum.
Yüksek sesle başıma gelen şeyin menopoz olduğunu söyledim aynada gözlerime bakarak.
Menopoz sürecinde olduğumu artık kabullenmeliydim. Değişiyordum. Bunca yıl beni taşıyan,
iyi günde, kötü günde, zor anlarda beni her zaman ayakta tutan bedenime minnettarım. Bu
değişiminde bedenimi yalnız bırakmayacaktım. Kendime söz verdim. İç sesimi dinleyecek
bedenimin neye ihtiyacı olduğunu anlamaya çalışacaktım. Eğer bedenimde neler olduğunu
anlarsam fırtınanın beni daha az sarsacağına inanıyorum. Tıpkı dalgalara kendini bırakmak
gibi....O zaman dalgalarla birlikte sallanacak ve batmayacaktım. Uzun zamandır kendimi
böyle rahatlamış hissetmemiştim. Sanki gözlerimin üzerinden o perde kalmıştı ve kendimi
aynada daha net görebiliyordum.
O günden sonra menopoz sürecinin bedenimde ve duygularımda yarattığı değişimin olumlu
taraflarını keşfediyorum. Artık kendime bir şeyler öğretmiyorum. Kendimden bir şeyler
öğreniyorum. Bir anda gelen ağlama isteğini bastırmıyor, ağlıyorum. Ruhumun bedenimden
kaçmaya çalıştığını hissettiğim o ateş basma anlarında derin derin nefes alıp veriyorum.
Ateş basmalarının ne zaman nerede beni yakalacağını kontrol edemesem de etkisini kontrol
edebiliyorum. O zaman bedenimin ve duygularımın bir ritim içinde olduğunu hissediyorum.
Menopozun bedenimde ruhumda yaratığı bu fıtınalı geçişin bir gün biteceğini ve bittiğinde
hayatımın yeni dönemine hazır olacağımı biliyorum. En önemlisi okyanusta tek başıma
olmadığımı biliyorum.

9
 Tülin

The night.. I wake up with a hot flush all around my

body. I’m like half awake. I’m writing in the notebook
next to me. It’s 3.53 o’clock in the morning. Counting
1,2,3,4,5….30 seconds...My body becomes cooler. I’m
trying to go to sleep again. I felt unrestful, and couldn’t
sleep. It’s morning now. I’m going about my daily life.
Something bothers me in my body and my feelings.
It’s like I can’t control my body, my emotions. I can’t
recognize myself. I don’t know what is happening. On the
one hand I was afraid and on the other hand I wanted to
learn. I decided to go to the doctor. I remember listening
to the doctor with a dry throat.
I denied the main reason for the change I was going
through until I saw myself in the mirror. I wasn’t seeing
myself in the mirror for a long time during the hustle and bustle of daily life. I was tired. It’s like
there was a curtain over my eyes. I looked at myself and my body for a while in the mirror. I
tried to escape from my body. This time I was caught in the intense heat that interrupts my
sleep at night in front of the mirror. I knew that the hot flush that entered my body suddenly
and ended after a few seconds was a sign of the approaching storm and would change my
life. I am like a boat swinging in the middle of the ocean. I felt like this coming storm was
going to crush me. As if the life I had lived for so many years was going to be taken away
from me. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid. I started to cry. I cried, sobbed. I wanted to
run away and get out of it but I knew that there was no escape from this storm.
I said out loud while I was looking my eyes in the mirror that this is menopause I’m going
through. I need to confess that I’m in the menopause process. I was changing. I’m thankful
to my body which carries me during all these years and stands on good, bad and difficult
days. I promised myself, I would not leave my body alone in this change. I would listen to
my inner voice and try to understand what my body needs. I believe the storm will shake me
less if I understand what is happening in my body. Just like letting yourself into the waves.
At that time I would sway with the waves and not sink. I haven’t felt so relieved for a long
time. As if the curtain over my eyes opened and I can see myself in the mirror more clearly.
After that day, I’m discovering the positive sides of menopause over my body and feelings.
I’m not teaching something to myself. I’m learning from myself. I’m not suppressing sudden
feelings to cry, I cry. I’m taking deep breaths during the hot flushes which feels like my soul
is trying to run away from my body. Although I can’t control when and where the hot flushes
would catch me, I can control the impact of it. Then I feel that my body and my emotions are
in a rhythm.
I know that one day the effects of menopause over my body and my soul will end and I will
be ready for the rest of my life.
The most important thing is that I know that I’m not alone in the ocean.

10
 Natasha
Peer Facilitator, Author, Musician, Teacher, Life coach, Business mentor & Transformational
speaker. Bringing the intangible to life through Motivation Education and Transformation.

Untitled
Having over 11 years of experience in the self-development field I am the founder of Sweet
Mind, a professional coaching company that helps people to develop a mindset of success,
growth & change.
Why does my voice matter?
My voice matters because
I am rich, I am proud, I am happy, I am present.
My role as a mother, sister friend and positive woman empowering people to be their best
selves. Turning strength into something that can help others. I am positive and recognise
that in times of crisis we can look at it as a time to grow.
I am really delighted to be a part of the AVA Haringey Women’s Project and very appreciative
to have been a facilitator of a women’s peer group.
The women chose a name. The Sunflower Sista’s. Did you know that sunflowers follow the
sun? However, when it is cloudy and grey, they face each other and share their ENERGY.
Our peer group definitely did this, we went from strength to strength each session, sharing
our experiences and building a trusting and safe environment where we were able to share
our stories.
I have been privileged to see the women transform and own their power regardless of the
obstacles that they have all faced. In our sessions we have reflected creativity and healing
through writing, movement, music, mindfulness and self-reflection culminating in developing
a growth mindset. The ladies have remained enthusiastic even though we have had to
facilitate the sessions online. We have smiled, we have shed a tear and we have grown
coming out of this experience. Feeling positively empowered to continue on this journey
which is life, with confidence, self-awareness and optimism.
I am Worthwhile
I am Original
I am Motivated
I am Authentic
I am Natural
I Am A Woman.

11
Natasha

12
Section 2:
My Voice Matters: Peer group member’s responses.
 In the following pages, the peer group members share their response to the
statement ‘my voice matters’. Each piece is written in the group member’s
preferred language; and is presented alongside an English translation.
 Nimet
Duy sesimi
Zifiri karanlıklarda büyüdüm ben. Kız çocuğu olarak doğduğumdur ötelenmeme
sebep. Yüzümdeki çocuksu gülümsemeler dondu kaldı ayazınızda. Sokaklarda rahatca
oynayamadım yaşıtlarımla. Okullara gidip eğitim alamadım özgürce. Ergen olmadan
evlendirildi yüzde yetmişim. Anne oluverdim henüz kendim çocukken belkide. Hoyrat eller
dolaştı çocuk bedenimde. Küçücük ellerimle yardım ettim ev işlerinde. Açlığım sevgiye,
açlığım huzura, açlığım bilime ve özgürlüğeydi.
Örselendi benliğim adaletsiz eylemlerinizle. Saçlarımı yoldunuz
her baş kaldırımda. Anam, babam, ablam, ağabeyim, kocam oldunuz, polisim, askerim
oldunuz dövdünüz, örselediniz ruhumu.
Yumruklarınızla, tokatlarınızla, tekmelerinizle, tacizlerinizle kanunlarınızla, işkencelerinizle
en çok da kibirli sözlerinizle dövdünüz. Kemiklerimi, duygularımı, benliğimi, öz güvenimi
kırıp un ufak ettiniz beni. Yetmedi tenhalarda hatta yol ortalarında boğazladınız, bıçakladınız
çocuklarımın gözleri önünde.
Bense ağladım önceleri her canım yandığında. Göz yaşlarım tükendi zamanla. Saklanarak,
susarak korumaya çalıştım kendimi bilinçsizce. Sustum korkudan ya da susturuldu çığlıklarım.
Bastırdım ya da bastırıldı duygularım. Yaşım, deneyimlerim ilerledikçe anladım ki susmak
çare değil. Bağırdım, bağırıyorum, bağıracağım içimdeki isyanı. Kendimi savunacağım.
Kızlarıma, kız torunlarıma da öğreteceğim insanları sevmeyi, bu zulme karşı isyan etmeyi ve
direnmeyi. Gücüm, nefesim yettiğince haykıracağım. Bu benim sesim. Sus ve dinle. Rüzgara
karışıp kaybolmasın söylediklerim. Yeter, bitsin artık bunca savaş, kıyım, zulüm ve ölüm.
Kız kardeşlerim tutun ellerimi. Katın sesime sesinizi. Coşkun bir ırmak gibi çağlasın zulmün
her çeşidine karşı sesimiz. Biz kadınlar/kızlar da varız bu yer yüzünde. Duysun sesimizi
dağlar, taşlar, zindanlar. Yıkılsın, yerle yeksan olsun artık ruhumuza, bedenimize engel
olsun diye asırlardır önümüze örülen küflü duvarlar. Bu ses bizim sesimiz. Duyun bizi, duyun
sözlerimizi. Üstümüze yağan bu zulüm yağmuru, ölümler, cinayetler, işkenceler, tacizler,
ötelemeler dursun artık. Bizim üstümüze de doğsun güneşin sıcak ışınları. Yobazlığınızın
gölgesi düşmesin üstümüze artık YETER.

15
 Nimet

Hear me
I grew up within blackness. The reason why I was excluded is for being a girl. You took
away my childish smile. I couldn’t play with my friends on the streets. I couldn’t access
education freely. 70% of my age group were married off before they became teenagers. I
became a mother when I was still a kid.
Rough hands touched my child’s body. I did the housework with my tiny hands. I was hungry
for love, peace, silence and independence. You destroyed my identity with your unjust acts.
You pulled my hair every time I rebelled. You became my mother, my father, sister, brother,
husband and also the police, a soldier. You beat me, burned my soul up.
You beat me with your fists, slaps, kicks, harassment, your laws, your tortures, and most of
all with your arrogant words. You broke my bones, my emotions, my self, my self-esteem
and crushed me. It was not enough, you hurt me in the middle of the road, you stabbed me
in front of my children’s eyes.
I cried every time I was hurt in the beginning. My tears dried day by day. I tried to protect
myself by hiding and keeping quiet. I become voiceless with fear or my screams were
silenced. I was suppressed, or my feelings were suppressed. As my age and experience
progressed, I realized that silence is not the solution. I screamed, screaming for the rebellion
inside me. I will defend myself.
I will teach my daughters and my granddaughters that loving people rebel against this
oppression. I will scream as long as I have my breath and my power. This is my voice. Listen
to me. The things I say will not be lost in the wind. Enough, let it end now, so much war,
slaughter, cruelty and death.
Dear sisters, hold my hands. Add your voice to mine. Our voices against all kinds of slaughters
flow like a sharp flood. We women and girls exist in the world. Let us project our voice to the
mountains, rocks and dungeons. Fusty walls which are built to block our soul and body for
years will be destroyed. This is our voice. Hear us, hear our words. Let it stop. The deaths,
murders, tortures and abuses which are falling like rain over us. Let the sun rise over us with
warm light. Let the shadow of your bigotry not fall on us, it’s ENOUGH.

16
 Nimet

Aynaya bakıyorum
Aynaya yansıyan görüntümde gözlerimin içine bakıyorum. Evrende bir iğne ucu kadar
bile yokum belki. Yüzüme, yüzümdeki çizgilerime, ak düşmüş saçlarıma bakıyorum. Şu
iki kaşımın arasından anlıma uzanan iki dikey, parelel kısa çizgilerime bakıyorum hani
şu erkeklerin ‘Erkek kaçıran’ dedikleri var ya ona işte. Yaşamım boyunca yaşadığım tüm
haksızlıklara karşı sinirlenince sessizce kaşımı çatıp asileşmekten olan çizgilerim. Kim bilir
kimlerin emeği var o çizgilerin oluşmasında. Sol kaşımın yanındaki daha keskin.
Bunu düşünürken alnıma, kaşlarımın üzerinde paralel oluşmuş yatay çizgilere takılıyor
gözlerim. Yaşadığım şaşkınlıklaranında kaşlarımı kaldırmaktan oluşmuş bunlar diyorum.
Hayatım boyunca ne kadar çok şaşırtmış beni çevremdeki insanlar. Başımı yaran ummadığım
taşlar. Ahh o taşlar! Güvenilmez, kaypak arkadaşlar, kardeşler, yoldaşlar ve sırılsıklam
tutulduğum hesapsız, kitapsız büyük ama karşılıksız düştüğüm aşklar.
Bakışlarım göz kapaklarıma doğru kayıyor istemsiz. Uykusuz, düşünceli, endişeli, yorgun
geçen her gecenin sabahında daha da belirginleşen kaz ayaklarım, morarıp şişmiş göz altı
torbalarım. Sizi oluşturmak için çabalayıp duranların da emekleri hiç boşa gitmemiş. Ne
kadar öğünseniz azdır kendinizle. Gözlerimin içine bakıyorum çekinerek. Kim oturtmuş o
arsız hüznü oraya, kim? Hüzünüm bana, ben hüzünüme bakşıp duruyoruz bir ara.
Sonra burnuma bakıyorum. Doğurup büyüttüğüm yavrularımın mis kokularını doyumsuzca
koklayıp ciğerime dolduran burnum. Ağlamaklı olduğumda çektiğim burnum. Çiçekleri,
yemekleri, esansları zevkle koklayan, sevdiğini, yurdunu özleyince istemsizce sızlayan
burun direğim işte bu burnumda değil mi? Altmışına dayanmış bu kadının burun direği hayatı
boyunca kaç kere sızlamıştır sizce? Kimler sebep olup sızlattı burun direğimi benim?
Gözlerim dudaklarıma doğru bakıyor şimdi. Dudak kenarlarımda hafiften oluşmaya
başlayan çizgiler var artık. Onlar neden oldu sizce? Olumsuzluklar, haksızlıklar, acılar
karşısında sabretmeye çalışıp sıkı sıkı kapatıp sustuğumda oldu belkide. Aklımın sesi
kızıyor dudaklarıma. ‘Susma konuş artık be kadın. Sen sustukça güneş doğmaz, çiçek
açmaz. Sen susarsan dünya dönmez, sabah olmaz. Sen susarsan çocuklar aydın olmaz,
Susarsan bitmez yeryüzündeki bu zulüm. Susma konuş hatta gül. Kahkahalar at ağız
dolusu’ diyor aklım. Gözlerim seyrediyor dudaklarımı dudaklarım hafiften tebessüm etmeye
başlıyor. Aynada kendime bakıyorum. Gözlerimde bir sevinç, gözlerimde umut, dudaklarım
konuşmaya başlıyor yavaştan. Kulaklarım duyuyor ağzımdan çıkanları.‘Sesini kesme kadın.
Eğit kendini eğit çocuklarını. Sesin sesin durdurur zulümleri. Kendini, dünyayı sev, emeği
yücelt kadın.
Haksızlıklara boyun eğme, konuş ve hayatı değiştir kadın’ diyor dudaklarım. Kırmızı bir
gül takıyorum düzgün taranmış saçlarıma. Sığındığım, saklandığım evden çıkıyorum bu
şehrin sokaklarına. Bağırıyorum ‘Kadınlar konuşun artık. Kadınlaaaar konuşuuuuun’ Biz
konuştukça çocuklar daha güzel büyür. Biz konuştukça çiçekler daha güzel kokar. Güneş bir
başka doğar, dünya bir başka döner. Kuşlar bir başka öter, kelebekler daha bir ahenkli uçar.

17
 Nimet

I’m looking into the mirror

I’m looking at my wise reflection in the mirror. Maybe I don’t have any space in this world,
I’m on a knife edge. I’m looking at my face, my facial lines and whitened hair. I’m looking
at the line between two eyebrows through to my forehead. Men call this line the “men
runner”. The line brought about through my frowns and silent rebellions against all the
unfairness I have lived through my life. Who knows who has created these lines. The one
next to my left eyebrow is sharper.
While thinking about this, my eyes catch the horizontal lines formed parallel to my eyebrows
on my forehead. I say these are the result of raised eyebrows during moments of confusion.
How much have the people around me surprised me throughout my life. The unexpected
stones falling to my head. (exp: Turkish saying meaning “a little stone may upset a large cart”).
Ohh the stones! Unreliable, fickle friends, brothers, loves to which I fall madly, thoughtless,
big but unreturned.
My looks shift involuntarily towards my eyelids. My crows-feet and bags become clearer
after mornings of each sleepless, thoughtful and anxious and tired nights. The efforts of
these stress creators have been successful. You can be proud of yourselves. I look into my
eyes hesitantly. Who put the sadness there, who? My sadness and I looked at each other
for a while.
Then I look at my nose. My nose which smells the beautiful smell of my kids who I raised
unsatisfactorily. My nose which I pull when I’m emotional. The one that smells flowers, foods,
essences at the same time my nasal septum aches (exp: Turkish saying when you feel very
sorry about something “my nasal septum aches’’ it’s like to “feel a pang of grief”.) Isn’t there
aches when we miss our beloved ones and homeland? How many times do you think it
aches during the life of this woman in her sixties. Who caused these aches?
My eyes are looking at my lips now. There are new lines at the edges of my lips. Why do
you think they happened? Maybe it happened when I shut up against the unfairness and
negativities. My mind voice angry with my lips. Talk woman, don’t be silent. If you don’t
talk the sun will not rise, flowers will not blossom. If you keep silent, the world will not turn,
mornings won’t come. If you keep silent, kids will not be enlightened, the cruelty will not end.
Let’s talk, even laugh. My mind tells me “Let’s smile from ear to ear”. My eyes are watching,
my lips slightly smiling. I’m looking at myself in the mirror. A happiness on my eyes, a hope,
my lips are starting to talk. My ears are hearing the word spilling from my mouth. “Do not
keep silent woman. Educate yourself and your children. Your voice will end the cruelty. Love
yourself, the world, glorify the labor”.
My lips are saying “Don’t succumb to injustices, talk and change your life, woman.” I’m
putting a red rose in my combed hair. I leave the house, the house where I have been
hiding and sheltering in the streets of this city. I’m screaming “Women, talk now. Womeeeen,
taaaalk”. As we speak, children grow up better, flowers smell better, the sun rises differently,
the earth turns differently, birds sing differently, the butterflies fly more harmoniously.

18
 D
Yetişkin (Adult)

Bir gün çocuklarımla bir arkadaş ziyaretine gitmek için “Önce babanıza sorayım, belki
gitmemizi istemeyebilir” dedim ve 13 yaşındaki otizmi olan oğlum “Anne, sen yetişkin bir
insansın. Nereye ve ne zaman gideceğine karar verebilirsin, kimseye sorman gerekmiyor
dedi.”
Bu kadar net ve basit aslında. Oğlumun da dediği gibi her şeyden önce bir Yetişkinim ben,
sonra anneyim, kadınım.
Güzel dünyasında ne güzel tanımlamış benim oğlum kadını☺

One day, I wanted to visit one of my friends so I said to my son, “First I need to ask your
father, maybe he might not want us to go”. My 13 year old son with autism replied, “Mum, you
are an adult. You can decide where and when to go somewhere, no need to ask anybody.”
It is that clear and simple. As my son said, first of all I’m an adult, then I’m a mother and
woman.
How beautiful that my son has defined a woman in her beautiful world.

19
 K
Untitled

My voice matters because it can bring change. It brings change to my current situation
and I hope I can use it to bring change for others who may be suffering through something
similar. If people do not speak up about their situation, there cannot be any change. An
abuser counts on their abuse remaining hidden and it is sometimes difficult to share what
you are experiencing, due to fear of disbelief or that there will be backlash by your abuser.
Please, use your voice for change.

20
 Gülseren
Untitled
İstanbul Nişantaşı’nda geçti çocukluğum ve gençliğim. Benim yaşadığım büyüdüğüm semt,
nezih ve nadide semtlerden diye nitelendirilirdi o vakitler. Güvenli ve modern diyebileceğimiz
yer. Ben hiç evlenmem, “evlilik doğaya aykırı” derken, 23 yaşında evlendim, 24 yaşında
anne oldum, 25 olmadan evliliğim bitti. Yalnız ve çocuklu kadın olarak yaşamımın ikinci
perdesi başlamış oldu. Etiler’de büyük bir şirkette çalışmaya başladım. Çalışan kadın, anne
kadın, eğitimli kadın Gülseren olarak değil, beni cinsel kimlik olarak gören müdürün her
onu reddettiğimde daha çok beni mesaiye yazması ve böylece süren kısır döngü...Yoğun
çalışma saatlerine mesai eklenince bütün bunlara bir de çok yorgun Gülseren eklendi.
Anladım ki, kadın ekmeğini kazanarak özgürleşme mücadelesi verse de geleneksel kadın
kodlamalarına tabi kalmaktan kurtulamıyor. Patriarkal kapitalist düzen bütün bu zihniyetlerin
ekmeğine yağ sürüyor. İşten ayrılamazdım ama Müdürün beni sürekli takip ediyor hissiyatı
ve uzun saat çalışmalar sonucu çok yıpranmıştım. “Artık beni mesaiye yazmayın bilmem
ne bey demek yerine bir anda ağzımdan “Çok teşekkür ederim, lütfen mümkünse daha
çok mesaiye yazın beni” cümlesi doğalında dökülüverdi. Adamın yüzü bembeyaz oldu, sesi
titredi. Karşısında şikayet eden, güçsüz kadın değil, yorgun ama para kazanmaktan memnun
bir kadın görmek altüst etti adamcağızı! Bu pis zihniyetli adam, belki de içinden “Aman bir
bardak süt için inek mi besleyeceğim.” demiştir. Kadın eğer tek başına mücadele ediyorsa
akıllı taktikler geliştirmek durumunda kalıyor etrafındaki kadını meta gören erkeklere karşı.
En güzeli kadınların birlikte hareket etmesi.
Atıf Yılmaz’ın “Ah Belinda” filminin birçok sahnesini yaşadım hayatimin belli dönemlerinde.
Çoğu kadının ikili yaşam sürdüğü ve düzenin nasıl kurbanı olduğunu çok iyi anlatır “Ah
Belinda” filmi.
Hayatımızın birçok yerinde artık pes ediyorum, havlu attım demeyen kim bilir kaç kadın
vardır içimizde ya da kurban olmaktan tek kurtuluşun cellat olması gerektiğini düşünmeyen
kaç kadın...
Gelinen nokta hala daha “iğneyle kuyu kazar” gidişatında görünse de ben bütün kadınların
iğnelerini alıp kuyuyu bitirecekleri günün özlemi ve ideali içindeyim.
Teşekkür ederim.

21
 Gülseren

I spent my childhood and youth in Istanbul, Nişantaşı. At that time, the district where I grew
up was described as one of the decent and rare districts. A place you might describe as
safe and modern. While I used to say that I would never get married, “marriage is against to
nature”, I got married when I was 23. I became a mother on my 24th birthday. My marriage
was over before I reached 25th.
The second part of my life has began as a woman alone and with a child. I started working
for a big company at Etiler. My boss was seeing me as a gender identity, not as a working,
educated women or a mother - Gülseren, even though I rejected him many times. He
was forcing me to work extra hours in response, and it became a vicious circle. As a result
I had another identity as “exhausted Gülseren”. I understood that even if a woman fights
for her independence as a working woman, she can not avoid being subject to traditional
gender norms. Patriarchal capitalism plays into all these mentalities. I couldn’t quit but I was
exhausted because of the feeling that the boss was following me and making me work extra
hours. But instead of saying “Please do not write extra shifts for me Mr someone” , I instantly
said “ Thank you very much, please write me more extra shifts if possible.” His face became
white, his voice shook. He found a woman who would not complain, wanted to make more
money, and who was not weak - although she was tired. He was disappointed. If a woman
is fighting all her own, she is forced to develop clever tactics against men who see women
as subjects. The best thing is for women to act together.
I have gone through most of the scenes of the Atıf Yılmaz movie “Ah Belinda” during my life.
The movie “Ah Belinda” shows accurately that most women live a double life and become
victims of the order.
Who knows how many women in our lives who doesn’t tell us - “I quit, threw in the towel”, or
think that the only way out is death…
Even if it seems that there are a few bricks at the point we reached till now, I believe that
women will help to build the wall together.
Thank you.

22
 Elena
Untitled
Меня зовут Елена. Мне 39 лет и я 4 месяца живу в рефьюжде. И это еще один старт
в моей жизни.
В нашей группе женщины с разной кожей, но мы похожи внутри. Мы плачем когда
грустно и внутри много подавленных эмоций. И это нормально. Никто не осуждает
за мои слезы. Сначала я боялась что сессии будут грустными и мы будем делиться
своим опытом и плакать. Но к счастью, я ошиблась.
У нас было задание с картинками, выбрать картинку, которая отображает мое
настроение сейчас. Оно заставляет задуматься, что я чувствую сейчас. До этого я не
задумывалась о своих эмоциях в таком ключе.
Еще была интересная сессия, каждая из участниц группы вспомнила песню, которая
поднимает настроение. И мы потом танцевали под эти песни. Мой сын находился
в это время в комнате с мной, он улыбался, когда увидел, что я танцую. Это был
мощный заряд энергии. Я поняла, что мне срочно нужно сделать мой плэйлист с такой
музыкой.
Еще была веселая игра treasures hunt . Кто быстрее соберет предметы и сделает
простое задание. Это была супер веселая сессия. Я вспомнила, что была веселая. И
что будучи взрослой я могу дурачится и играть.
Мне нравиться вязать и фотографировать. Я совмещаю это. Я кайфую от этого. Мой
4х летный сын повторяет за мной и фотографирует все вокруг.
Я женщина, и мой голос важен, потому что Я есть.

23
 Elena

My name is Elena. I am 39 years old and have been living in a refuge for 4 months. This
is yet another fresh start in my life.
In our group there are women with different coloured skin, but we are all the same on the
inside. We cry when we’re sad and when we have a lot of suppressed emotions and that’s
okay, no-one judges my tears. At the beginning I was scared that the sessions would be sad
and that we would share our experiences and cry - fortunately I was mistaken.
We had an exercise with pictures where we had to choose a picture that best represented
our current mood. It made me start to think about what I was feeling in the moment, up until
this I hadn’t thought about my emotions in such a way.
Another interesting session we had was where each person in the group had to come up
with a mood-lifting song and then we danced to the songs that had been chosen. At the
time my son was in the room with me and he smiled when he saw me dancing. It was such
a powerful boost of energy and I realised that I needed to make a playlist with this kind of
music immediately.
Another fun game we played was ‘treasure hunt’ where we had to see who could collect the
items the fastest and complete simple tasks. It was such fun and I actually remembered
what it was to have fun and that despite being an adult I can still joke around and play.
I like knitting and taking photos. I combine the two things because I enjoy it. My 4 year-old
son takes after me and photographs everything within sight.
I am a woman, my voice is important because I am important.

24
 Hatun
Annem ne kendini ne bizi ezdirdi
(My mum didn’t let either herself or us be oppressed)

İskenderun’a yeni taşınmıştık. Ben 6 yaşındaydım. Eve misafir geldi, babam anneme
emretti: “Gelen misafirlerin ayaklarını yıkayacaksın”. Annem, aydın ve demokrat bir kadın.
“Sen, onu köyde yaptırtırsın. Büyükşehirde ne kimseye hizmet etmek zorundayım, ne de
ayak yıkamak zorundayım. Ben artık bir bireyim” dedi. Ne kendini ne bizi ezdirdi. Kadınları
da örgütledi: “Siz büyükşehirde erkeklere boyun eğmek zorunda değilsiniz.” dedi. Beni de
tek başıma İngiltere’ye gönderen annem oldu.

We were newly moved to Iskenderun. I was 6. A guest came to the house, my father
ordered my mother: “You will wash the guest’s feet”. My mother is an enlightened and
democratic woman, she said: “You can make me do this in the village. In the big city I don’t
have to serve anyone and I also don’t have to wash their feet. Now I’m a person. She didn’t
let either herself or us be oppressed. She also organised other women. She said: “You
don’t have to submit to men in the city.” It was mom who sent me to England all alone.

25
Kadınların Sesi Önemli
Women’s voices are important
 Discussion piece from the IMECE peer support group

Kadınlar sesini duyurabiliyorlar mı?

“Sesimiz kısık. Kadınlar eğitimli olursa bir çok şey değişir. Sistem kadınları susturmak için
kurulmuş.”
“Modern dünyada kadın-erkek hakları eşit gibi. Ama değiliz. Bu da en büyük haksızlık
adaletsizlik.”
“Ataerkil bir sistemde yaşıyoruz. Kadın var olan güzelliğinin farkına varamıyor. Kadın her
zaman arkada kalıyor. Kadın olmak çok zor.”
“Toplumda kadından çok şey bekleniyor. Aile içinde sürekli destek olmamız gerekiyor. Kültür
geleneğe sıkışmışız.”
“Anne-babamızdan gördüğümüz şeyleri değiştirmek istiyoruz. Ama sesimizi yükselttiğimizde
hor görülüyoruz. Ev işleriyle ilgilenmek zorunda değiliz. Bizim de özgürlük ihtiyacımız var.”

Kadınların hakları için ne yapmak gerek?

“Baskılardan kurtulmak için sessiz kalmamayı haklarımı savunmayı deniyorum, gücümün

yettiği kadar. Bir olumsuzlukla karşılaşırsam anında müdahale ediyorum. Kendimizi
bilinçlendirip eğitmeliyiz. Çevremizdekileri de etkileriz.”
“Kadın işbirliği, kadın desteği önemli.”
“Kendimizi eğitmeliyiz. Ben kızıma asla sen kızsın yapamazsın demiyorum. Her şey evde
başlıyor.”
“Evdeki bakış açımızı değiştirmemiz gerekiyor.”
“Sesimizi duyurmak için platformlar olmalı. Daha fazla sesimizi duyururuz.”
“Ekonomik bağımsızlık,
Kadını koruyan yasalar olmalı,
Birlik olmak, dayanışma içinde olmak”

29
 Discussion piece from the IMECE peer support group

Can women make their voices heard?

“Our voice is muted. If women were educated, it would change a lot of things. The system
was established to silence women.
“In the modern word its like the rights of men-women are equal - but they are not. And this
is the biggest inequity and injustice.”
“We are living in a patriarchal system. Women cannot realize their own beauty. Women are
always behind. Being a woman is very difficult.”
“In this society, there are too many expectations on women. We need to support continuously
within family. We are stuck in the culture and traditions.”
“We want to change things we saw from our mother and father. But when we raised our
voices we are despised. We don’t have to make houseworks. We need independence too.”

What should be done for women’s rights?

“I’m trying to defend myself and raise my voice to rescue from pressures, as much as I can.
If I face any negativity, I immediately intervene. We have to educate ourselves and become
conscious. We may effect the people around us as well.”
“Women’s cooperation and women’s support are important.”
“We have to educate ourselves. I never say to my girl that you cannot do it because you are
a girl. Everything starts in the home.”
“We need to change our perspective at home.”
“There must be platforms to make our voices heard. We can make ourselves heard more.”
“Economic independence”
There should be laws which protects women,
To be in unity, to be in solidarity

30
 Discussion piece from the IMECE peer support group

How does it feel to be part of the group?

“It feels good.”

“These group meetings are the most beautiful thing in my recent days.”
“I’m looking forward to join each week. I’m glad that you exist, glad we exist.”
“Its like a therapy. It’s like I’m entering a different atmosphere.
“I’m happiest because we are talking Turkish.”
“It feels good, we are not alone.”
“It cheers me up.”
“We take lessons. We didn’t know each other before and it helps to explain ourselves better.
If we were acquaintance maybe we wouldn’t be able to talk that easy.
“It is an opportunity to make us heard.”
“We struggle all alone. We can not spare time for ourselves in daily life. But as I’m involved
this group, I feel more alive. I feel that someone is hearing me. My voice is heard.

Group Experience With One Word

“Improving”,
“Friendly”,
“Informative”,
“Thought - provoking”,
“Wonderful”,
“Enlightening”,
“Empowering”

32
 Discussion piece from the IMECE peer support group

Grubun parçası olmak nasıl hissettiriyor?

“İyi hissettiriyor.”
“Son zamanlardaki en güzel şey bu grup toplantıları.”
“Dört gözle bekliyorum katılmak için. İyi ki varsınız iyi ki varız.”
“Terapi gibi oluyor. Sanki değişik bir ortama giriyorum.”
“Türkçe konuşulduğu için daha mutlu oluyorum.”
“Güzel hissettiriyor, yalnız değiliz.”
“Moral veriyor.”
“Örnek alıyoruz. Birbirimizi tanımıyoruz bu da daha rahat ifade etmemizi sağlıyor. Tanıdık
birisi olsa belki rahat konuşamayız.”
“Bu da bizim sesimizi duyurmak için bir olanak.”
“Tek başımıza çok zorlanıyoruz. Gündelik hayatta kendimize zaman ayıramıyoruz. Ama böyle
bir gruba dahil olunca kendimi daha dingin hissediyorum. Beni duyduklarını hissediyorum.
Sesim duyuluyor.”

Tek kelime ile grup deneyimi...

“Geliştirici”,
“Dostça”,
“Bilgilendirici”,
“Düşündürücü”,
“Harika”,
“Aydınlatıcı”,
“Güçlendirici”

31
 Thank you for reading ‘My Voice Matters’. This booklet was created as a product of
the Haringey Women’s Voices project, a partnership project between AVA, Solace
Women’s Aid, IMECE, and Haringey Council, funded by Homeless Link as part of
their Ending Women’s Homelessness Fund. The project ran between Jan 2020 -
June 2021 and focused on improving gender and trauma informed responses to
women with experiences of domestic abuse and/or sexual violence and housing
insecurity and/or homelessness.
If you have any questions about the project or the work that went into it, please
contact the AVA team at info@avaproject.org.uk.
If you need support, want to hear more from other survivors, or want to learn
some new methods of self-care, check out our app Breathing Space. Breathing
Space is an app created by and for survivors of domestic abuse. Access it here:

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