Scripts.

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Good Burger
By Dan Schneider

Page 1/71
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURES

: Welcome to Good Burger,

home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order?
Huh.
Just a Good Burger, please,
and I'd like that to go.
One Good Burger!
Ah!
Ed...
I see you.
I <i>see</i> you.
Don't sell me, Ed, please.
I wanna stay here with you!
We love you, Ed.
Ah...
Come with us, Ed.
Fly, Ed, fly!
Ah... ah...
I'm flying with fast food!
Wow! Wow.
Whoo! Whee!
Whoa, flying with hamburgers!
Ah! Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take...?
Oh! A clock!
Oh!

Ah! Ah... ah!

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Hey, hey, Alfalfa!
Would you please take
my order?
Ooh, sorry,
no can do.
I'm the drive-thru guy.
You need the counter guy.
Hey, where's Ed?
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
wait-wait-wait-wait.

Yeah!

Morning, girls. Huh.

I-I'm sorry!
Hang on.
I-I'm going to
get you loose.
Um, um, s-sorry!
My bad, uh... uh... uh...
Miss? Miss?
Could I please order
some food?
Oh, no problem!
Okay, uh, let me get some...
Ed!
Ed!
Oh, watch out, lady!
No! Watch out!
Watch out!
Ah... ah... ah!
Hey.
Hey, baby.
My baby!
Oh! Watch out!
Baby coming through!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Put it up, man,
put it up!
Huh?!
That's it!
That's it!

Page 3/71
Five more seconds,
I'm calling the manager!
You think I'm kidding?!
Five...
<i>four...</i>
three...
...two...
Oh!
: Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order?
Well, it's about time.
Can I get two Good Burgers?
Oh, sorry, dude,
I have to go get 'em.
Customers aren't
allowed in back.
Just give me
two Good Burgers!
Dude, I just can't <i>give</i> you
two Good Burgers.
You have to pay for 'em.
Forget it!
Forget it!
I've had it up to here
with Good Burger!
I can't wait for Mondo Burger
to open.
Mondo Burger?
What's Mondo Burger?
Ed, you see that
giant building there
across the street?
The one that they've been
building for ten months?
Oh, I see it. Huh.
<i>That's</i> Mondo Burger, Ed.
Yeah, they open
in, like, three days.
Cool! Huh.
It's not cool, Ed.
They're competition.
Big competition.
Yep.

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They could put us
out of business.
That's right.
What are we going
to do then?
All right, now, come on!
Good Burger has been here
Yeah...
People love us.
Most of us.
Huh.
And nobody is putting
Good Burger out of business!
Yeah! Yeah!
Nobody.
Nobody!
Yeah!
Yeah! Huh. Huh.
All right, people.
Two more minutes
before the end of the test.
I know what you're thinking,
my brother--
\"Why? Why would this man
\"give us a test on
the last day of school
before summer starts?\"
Well I'm going to tell you why.
Because...
the mind never sleeps.
Can I get
a witness?
Hallelujah.
Out of here.

What's your hurry, my brother?

Huh, my hurry
is that it's now
officially summer vacation
and yet,
I'm still looking at you.
You're an amazing student.

Page 5/71
I mean, you sit there,
you get your
test done first
and you were
concentrating so hard,
I thought you were asleep.
Next time make it
more challenging.
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
Challenges, potential,
using your mind,
'cause I'm worried about you.
I'm worried about you, too.
Have you seen yourself lately?
The 'fro, the boots,
and this jacket...
You have
a nice summer, Shaft.
Yo, Dex, wait up.
So, uh, how you think
you did on your exam?
Sorry, summer vacation
That means that school,
work or anything of that nature
is now officially off limits
for the next three months.
Whoo!
Nice car.
This yours?
No, it's my mom's,
but she's away on
business in New York.
And she lets you drive this
while she's out of town?
No.
Ed!
Ed... Spatch,
will you move?
Ed... Ed!
Ed, we have a delivery.
But I don't do deliveries.
You do for the time being.
I fired O'Malley.

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How come?
Because the boy showed up
to work without his pants.
Oh.
Now, please, make this delivery.
The address is on the back.
Oh.
It shall be delivered.
So what's your plan
for the summer?
Ha! Let me tell you, boy,
I plan to wake up every
day at around noon,
then I'm going to
lay out by the pool,
order some Chinese food,
maybe invite some fine
females over to share
an egg roll
or two.
Then I'm going to
wake up the next day,
do it all over again.
Ha, ha!
Know what I'm saying?
Say, man, you're lucky.
My folks is making me
get a summer job.
See, that's it right there.
You got to explain things
to parents.
Like summer vacation.
The key word there
is \"va-ca-tion.\"
See what I'm saying?

Look out!
Whoa!

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Just get off the...
My afro.
My afro!
Why?!
Oh, brother Reed,
you have messed up my afro.
All right, don't worry, bro.
Just be cool
and let me handle this.
All right, Jake?
Jake?
Jake!
Oh, no.
Oh, baby.
Oh!
Oh, no.
Oh! Oh, my grill.
Oh, Black Beauty, oh.
Oh!
Oh!
See, when I left
school today
I didn't think I was going
to run into you this summer.
Or I didn't think you
was going to run into me.
I mean, just <i>run</i>
into me like this.
You're in trouble
with me, young man.
You're in trouble
with me!
No, listen, Mr. Wheat,
listen.
It wasn't my fault.
See, this nut
on some roller blades,
he skated into my vision sight,
and I couldn't
see nothing,
so I swerved...
Roller blades?
Roller blades?!
And we was spinning

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around like that...
I don't want
to hear it!
...and then
I couldn't control it...
I don't want to hear it.
Know how much
that car cost me?
No.
Do you know?
No.
And that's just
the base price!
Check out
the chrome, see?
I waited four weeks
for the chrome!
You can't get chrome
wheels at base price!
See that leather?
That's Detroit leather.
That's Detroit leather.
You got to order Detroit
leather from Detroit!
Huh? What's that tell you?
They always get you
with them extras.
Give me your
driver's license.
Um...
Give me your
driver's license.
Um, regarding my
driver's license,
I'd give it to you, but
you're going to have to wait.
For what?
Oh, about a year.
Oh, no.
That-that's when
I get one.
No, no...
When they
put it in my hand.

Page 9/71
You don't have
a driver's license?
No.
I know you don't have
no insurance, do you?
I guess...
I hate to do this,
young man.
I hate to put a
black man in jail,
but I'm going to have
to call the police.
Black man in jail?
You ain't got the...
I'm just a kid.
No, no, no,
not the police.
Don't call the police.
No, please, don't call them.
Don't call them.
Please, don't call
the police!
They can't find out
I was driving
without a license, sir,
please.
No, please,
let me fix it.
Just let me,
let me fix it, please.
You shouldn't
have been driving.
No, let me fix it.
Let me fix it!
All right.
All right?
Yeah, all right.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll let you
fix the car.
So, uh, how much you think
it's going to cost to fix?
That's all right.
Maybe your parents

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will help you out.
I'll just give them a call...
Ooh, oh, um, wait.
I'll get the money.
You can't get the money.
I know you got a summer,
you just want to be free.
We'll just call...
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I will... I'll...
I'll...
I'll... I'll...
I'll...
I'll get a summer job.
Bun, patty, topping, sauce, assemble.
Bun, patty, topping, sauce,
assemble.
Bun, patty, topping,
sauce, assemble.
Come here, little bun.
Oh, beef patty.
Okay, yeah.
Ooh, that's nasty.
All right.
Yo, my man,
can I borrow some lettuce?
Can I borrow some...
You.
Who?
You! Look at this mess.
I, I can explain.
See, I was trying to put
the big old beef patty...
oh, on the bottom half
of the bun, you know,
before the tomato
gets all slippery
with the... ooh,
that's slippery.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And then, you know,
the pickle bits was
making me do the wrong...
because they're,

Page 11/71
they're flexible,
they're not crunchy.
And...
Yo, man, back me up on this.
Oh, again with
the whistle.
Shut up. Just be quiet.
It'd be a lot more quiet
if you stopped
blowing the whistle.
Watch your mouth,
you pestiferous
little maggot.
Now, I'm familiar
with the term \"maggot\"
but... pestiferous?
Burn this into the front row
of your brain, chuckles.
If there's one thing
Kurt cannot stand
it is an incompetent,
bumbling, sloppy,
fast food employee.
Yum.
Yeah.
Ed!
What are you doing inside
the milk shake machine?
Oh, trying to fix it.
Did you turn on the switch?
No.
Ah.
Whoo!
Whoa...
Yeah...
Strawberry Jacuzzi.
Oh! Oy-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi...
Oh-ho, oy-yoi!
People, I'm fully stoked
about being in charge
of every single one of you.
Within two years,
Mondo Burger's going to be
the <i>biggest</i> burger chain

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on this planet.
Oh, yeah.
First we got to beat out
our big competition across
the street, Good Burger.
From now on,
your <i>life</i> is
Mondo Burger.
You can forget
about your friends,
you can forget
about your family,
because Kurt... is now both
your mother and your father.
Kurt must look
awfully strange naked.
Who said that?
Who talked while Kurt
was talking?
It was him.
He uttered something.
Why, I should've known.
Uh, I'm sorry I uttered.
You think you're funny,
don't you, bro?
You know what?
At Mondo Burger,
there are no comedians.
You mess with Kurt and
you go into the grinder.
Okay, now this grinder
of yours,
is it a real grinder
or is it some kind of
a metaphor?
That's it, you're gone!
<i>Adios,</i> TKO, historical.
Wait, wait, wait.
I-I won't be funny
no more. See?
Security!
You ain't got to bring
the man down here.
Wait, one second.

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Kurt, come on, please,
I need this job.
Take out the trash.
\"Trash\"?
Oh, now, look'ee here, p...
Get this loser
out of my face!
\"Loser\"?
Oh, now, you about to push me
a little too far.
You want a piece
of me?
Yeah, extra crispy, please.
Oh, see, you
lucky you brought
your friends down here.
Hey, man, is this really
necessary?
Kurt, please!
I need this job!
Please, I need this job. Please.
Excuse me.
Look, I ordered one Good Burger
with <i>nothing</i> on it.
That's what I gave you.
No, you gave me
a bun.
Just a bun.
Look, there's no meat in here.
But you said you
wanted nothing on it.
Yes, well, I expected
a meat patty!
Dude, a meat patty is something.
You said nothing.
Fizz, is a meat patty
something,
or nothing?
Uh... something?
I win!
All right, that rips it.
I am reporting your name
to the manager!
The manager already

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knows my name.
Oh, I'll see you in hell!
Okay. See you there.
Such a nice guy;
I don't know why
he had to throw the
bread everywhere.
I mean, jeez.
One more Good Shake.
Good, good,
keep them coming.
Um, dude, don't you think
you've had enough?
Hey...
Hey, you look familiar.
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Ever been to Australia?
No.
Me neither.
I could've sworn I seen
you someplace before.
Hey, I know.
Maybe I'm someone famous.
You know,
like a baseball player,
or a pretty nurse. Huh.
What? Man, what in the world
are you talking about?
Okay, okay, I give up.
Who am I?
I don't know who you are,
or where I know you from,
or why you think
you're an attractive nurse.
But I am sure I don't
want to know you
any longer.
Now please, go away.
I've had a very bad day.
What's wrong?
Were you bitten by a sheep?
What?!
Did you lose
your trousers?

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No!
Look, you're an unusually
bad guesser,
so I'm going to go ahead
and tell you why I'm upset.
to fix some jerk's car,
to fix my mother's car
and I just got fired.
Man.
I can't believe Kurt fired me
from Mondo Burger.
I mean, he yelled at me,
then he insulted me.
He made fun of me.
Boy, you must really suck.
See, right about now,
I'd slap you
in your head,
but I'm not quite sure
that your brain would understand
the concept of pain.
Hey!
Want to see my belly button?
Well, it was
very unusual
to meet you... Ed.
I'm going to go now
and try to beg someone
for a summer
job, man. Bye.
Wait. You could work
here at Good Burger.
Here?
Yeah. Hey, Mr. Baily,
this guy needs a job.
Could he have one?
No!
See ya.
Wait, wait, wait.
Come on, Mr. Baily.
He really needs one.
He can do fries.
Otis does fries.
Yeah,

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but look at him.
How much longer
could he possibly live?
Yeah.
Well...
Have you ever worked in
fast food before, uh...
Uh, Dexter. Dexter Reed.
And yes, I have worked
in fast food.
Yeah? How long?
Nearly two days.
Oh, well...
Do you know how to drive
a motor vehicle?
Yes.
I'm an excellent driver.
Any accidents on your record?
Not to your knowledge.
All right, Dexter.
I'm going to
give you a shot.
You're on deliveries.
And you may have
to pitch in
and do some
counter work.
Okay.
Cool! I'll teach him
everything I know!
Oh... God help me.
I won't let you down.
Hey, Fizz.
This is Dexter.
Fizz works drive-thru.
Well, hi-de-ho, Dex.
Uh, hi-de-ho, Fi.
\"Fi\"?
Wow, nobody's ever abbreviated
my name before.
I love that.
Huh!
Hey, and that's Otis. Huh.
and still works

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in fast food. Huh.
I should've died years ago.
Tough break.
And there's Deedee.
She's a
veterinarian.
Vegetarian.
Oh.
That means she
doesn't eat fur.
I won't wear fur.
I don't eat meat.
Hey, uh, Ed,
wh-what is that?
Oh, that's
just Spatch.
Let me show you.
Come here. Huh.
Hey, Spatch.
Uh, Spatch isn't much of
a \"people person.\" Huh.
Aah!
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
You want to rinse that off?
Uh...
Well, hello.
My name is Dexter.
I'm your new coworker.
Monique.
Well, that's a nice outfit
you got on there.
And those stripes
really bring out
the color of your eyes.
Yes.
You can imagine how
embarrassed I was
when I came to work
and saw everyone
wearing the same thing.
Oh, okay.
Oh, I-I guess

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I'll see you later then.
Guess you will.
Yo, man, who was that?
She is all that.
All what?
N-Never mind.
So, tell me,
what am I going
to be making my
deliveries in?
A van, a truck?

There she is--

the Burger Mobile. Huh.
Think you can handle her?
I don't know.
I never driven
a sandwich before.
Ha. Huh.
Come on, I'll take
you for a spin.
A'ight.
Huh.
Now, uh,
you can drive, right?
I mean, you can read
all the signs and stuff?
Yeah! Now this is what
I call fast food! Huh!
Whoa, whoa!
Hey, look out for..!
That was a stop sign!
Uh... no.
Oh, man.
Watch out for the...!
Whoa!
Hey! Hey!
Get back here!
Closing time at last.
All right, let me see.
five days a week.
I should be able to pay off
the car in, uh...
Oh, another lifetime!

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Man! This place
is the most nauseating,
pathetic hole I
have ever seen.
I mean, what kind
of diseased maggot
would even consider eating here?
Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order? Huh.
Check it, boys.
Right back there.
It's the reject.
Hey, check it, Ed.
It's the Mondo idiot!
Oh, well, nice to meet you,
Mondo Idiot.
I'm Ed. Huh.
Well, Ed, you better watch
your butt, man.
Okay.
Look, you got a purpose
for being here?
Yeah, I do.
I just thought you
Good Burger losers
should be aware
that tonight is the grand
opening of Mondo Burger.
The second we open
our doors, Good Burger
goes in the grinder.
Again with this grinder.
Look, man,
you either order something,
or you can get out of here.
Yeah. Sure.
You can take
my order.
I'll have the very last
Good Burger to go.
Oh, I give up.
There is no way a guy can
watch his own butt. Oh!

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Yeah!
Is everybody liking my party?!
And now...
I'm psyched to present
to you people,
Mondo Burger!
And now, people,
welcome to Mondo Burger.
Um, Mr. Baily.
Since we don't have any
customers, or electricity...
Yeah, yeah.
I suppose we should all just,
uh, go on home.
Looks like Good Burger closed early tonight.
Yep. And it think pretty soon,
they'll be closed for good.

Everybody, I got one.

Got one, what?
What? What?
A Mondo Burger.
All right,
all right, everybody.

Page 21/71
Now, don't get
all excitable.
Holy Mackerel.
It's huge.
Look at that.
And I don't know how they do it,
but they charge the same amount
as we do
for a Good Burger.
Whoa.
How do they do it?
They just
use more meat.
Oh, poor cows.
Hey, Spatch.
Hand me a Good Burger.
Huh.
They sound similar.
Come on,
what was our take today?
That's it?!
Oh...
I suppose I can always feed
my mother cat food.
Now probably wouldn't
be the best time
to ask for a raise?
No!
I'm going home.
Good night, people.
Good night,
Mr. Baily.
So, Monique, what are you
going to do tonight
after you lock up?
I thought I'd go home.
Home? Why?
Well, that's where my stuff is.
Stuff. Ha, ha, ha.
Hey, Dex.
Want to hang out tonight?
I don't know, but--
Hey Ed, you better be careful.
You!

Page 22/71
Me?
Now I know
where I saw you before.
You're the roller-blading nut
that caused my accident.
Uh... no?
You're the reason
You're the reason
my mom found out
I was driving without a license.
Man, you cost me a fortune.
You wrecked my
summer, man.
You ruined my life.
So, you don't want
to hang out tonight?
No. I don't want to
hang out with you...
ever.
Do you think
you can get me to a hospital?
I think I broke my ass.
Come on, Otis.
Get out of the way.
Oh, man.
Ah, Mr. Reed.
Hard at work as usual.
I'm having my lunch.
Well, I just got my car back
from the body shop,
and I got to admit,
good as new.
Here's the receipt.
No!
The estimate was only
Well, that my young brother,
is why they call it an estimate.
Close to, kind of, could be.
And I estimate
it'll take you
about two and half months
to get me my money.
Now, you have a good day
at work.

Page 23/71
I'm going to have lunch
at Mondo Burger.
Home of the Big Booty Burger.
Home of the Big
Booty Burger.
Oh, man.
Mind if I sit here?
Yes, I do mind.
Uh, thanks.
What-what-what
are you doing?
Eating my lunch.
I told you not
to sit here.
I don't like you.
Can't you get that
through your head?
I can try.
Hmm.
Nope.
All right,
I see, I'm going
to have to spell
this out for you.
I don't want to sit by you.
I don't want to see you.
I don't want to smell you.
I don't want
to hang out with you.
I don't even want to use words
with the letter \"U.\"
Look, I'm Grape Nose Boy.

Stop that.

Would you stop?

Uh, that ain't funny.

All right.

Page 24/71
Ha! Made you laugh.
Ha.
So... Oh, I give up.
Grape?
Uh, no, I'll pass.
Now, I should
have figured
that lunch with you
would be... different.
Ah. Huh.
Hey, what's that goo?
Oh, that's my sauce.
I make it myself.
Huh.
You carry your
own sauce?
Doesn't everybody?
Hey, hey, would
you watch it?
Sorry.
Hey, that is
kind of good.
You sure you made
this by yourself?
Yeah. It's my very own recipe.
Nobody knows about this, right?
Nope.
Hey, Fizz,
come here.
Hi, you guys.
What can I...?
Hey, what did you do?
Mmm.
This is really good.
What did you guys put on this?
Deedee, Otis,
Monique, come here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey!
Mom, I got to call you back.
This is
so good.
Hey, hey, hey.
What in the name of

Page 25/71
ground beef is going on?
Mr. Baily,
try this.
Dexter, I don't have time...
It's good.
Terrific.
Mm-hmm.
This is marvelous.
What is it?
A French fry.
I know that, Ed.
I'm talking about the sauce.
What's in the sauce?
Ed's ingredients.
He made it himself.
Ed?
Excellent.
It's awesome.
It makes me glad
I'm not dead.
Ed!
If we put that sauce
on all the Good Burgers,
then everyone will
want to eat here.
We'll knock Mondo Burger
right off the map.
Whee! That's great.
Yeah!
It's true.
Ed, get in that kitchen
and start making sauce.
Yippee skippy!
It shall be done.
Don't let us down.
Get me another
French fry.
Good Burger's back in business.
Yeah!

Page 26/71
Ed...
I've never seen
so many customers.
Good Burger's back
in business.
Oh, back in business.
Move over,
Mondo Burger.
Move over.
And Ed?
What?
For every Good
Burger we sell,
I'm going to give you ten cents for every one!
Oh, man.
A little help here.
Oh, okay,
be right there.
No, no, no, no.
I'll help Deedee.
You get in that kitchen

Page 27/71
and keep making sauce.
Well, Ed, how's
that sauce-making
coming along?
Oh, pretty good.
Mr. Baily says
it's going to save Good Burger.
That's great.
Now, you do remember
that it was my idea
to put the sauce on Good Burgers
in the first place, right?
Yeah, you should get some
of the money I receive.
I'm glad to hear you say that.
In fact, since
we're going to be
in business together,
I thought that maybe
we should sign
a little contract.
Just to make our
partnership official.
Yeah, okay.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm... hmm.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
I know some of these words.
Ah.
So, what does it all mean,
Dexter?
Well, it's-it's quite simple,
really.
Of all the money
that Good Burger makes
off your sauce,
Cool? Okay.
And then I'll
keep the other
for both of us.
Okay.

Page 28/71
There you go.
Cool. All right.
Ed?
customers out there.
It's unbelievable.
What do you put
in that sauce?
Well, you start off
with a little lemon juice
and some ketchup.
Um, look, Dexter,
I like you as a friend and all,
but it might...
No. Listen to
me carefully.
Okay.
Do not tell anyone the
recipe to your sauce.
Oh. Well, first you start off
with a little lemon juice...
Stop it!
Stop talking.
Oh.
Never tell anyone
the ingredients
of your sauce.
Why?
You want to save Good
Burger, don't you?
Oh, yeah.
Good Burger's my life.
Well, then, you got to keep
your sauce recipe a secret.
All right?
Okay.
All right.
Um, Dexter?
Hmm?
You're squishing my pancreas.
Sorry.
Thanks.
Unbelievable.
Two days ago,
we had Good Burger crushed.

Page 29/71
Now look at 'em.
I think
it's the sauce, boss.
Oh.
Duh. I know that.
You think Kurt's stupid?
Mmm... Uh-uh, uh-uh.
I want Good Burger
out of business.
Go find out
what's in that sauce.
I'll go get some
and have it checked out.
Ed, here's your
take for the day.
Yay!
Yay!
Thanks for the
sauce, kid.
Mmm!
Love ya!
Well, here you go, Ed.
Yeah, well, see you tomorrow.
Uh, hey-hey, Dex,
uh, what you doing?
You want to hang
out or something?
Gee, I don't know.
I got to go clean my room.
I-I got to...
Please?
Sure. Let-Let's hang out.
Cool!
Want to see
my secret place?
That's not what I had in mind.
Come on!
All-All right...
I get you.
This is my place.
This is where I
come and think.
Well, I think.
That's funny,

Page 30/71
'cause I never took you
for much of a thinker.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I think about all

kind of things:
Good Burger...
squirrels...
cardboard boxes...
things that
are sticky...
I'll bet
you don't have one real problem.
Um, I got six toes
on my left foot.
What kind of problems
do you have?
Other than the ones<i>
you</i> cause? Lots.
Most of them started
when I was a little kid.
That's when my dad left me
and my mom.
since then.
I remember the last time
I saw my Dad.
I was seven years old,
and for no reason at all,
he bought me this yo-yo.
It was so cool.
I mean, it wasn't
just an ordinary yo-yo.
It had lights that lit up
when you yo-yoed it.
Red lights on one side,
and blue lights on the other.
And it made this funky,
whistling noise, too.
Wow.
That sounds
like quite a yo-yo.
You-you still got it?
No.
After awhile,

Page 31/71
it stopped lighting up.
Then it quit making that funky
whistling noise.
Then I guess
my mom just threw it away.
You know...
I don't even remember
what my dad looks like.
I don't remember
what my dad looks like, either.
But at least
I get to see him every day.
I give up.
I'm going home.
Oh, h-hey, Dex.
Uh, thanks for hanging out
with me.
It's no problem.
See you tomorrow, buddy.
You-You mean it?
Mean what?
Well, I'm your buddy.
You-You called me your buddy.
Yeah, sure.
I guess so.
See you tomorrow.
Dexter, you got
a delivery.
You are going
to freak.
Ooh!
Hey, Monique,
um, check it.
I got a delivery
to make.
You want to ride
with me?
Oh, I want to go,
I want to go.
Oh, yeah.
You can go, Ed.
Yay!
Oh, man.
Ed.

Page 32/71
Ed, man, you got to park
the burger. Slow down.
Watch it, Steve!
Hey, hey!
Oh, hey, man.
Whoa!
Come on, man,
the locker room's this way.
So, after scoring that amazing, last-minute,
game-winning shot,
and bringing your team
all the way
to the NBA Championship,
how do you feel?
I feel hungry.
Delivery.
Shaq...!
Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, huh.
Here's your
Good Burger. Huh.
Little man,
I ordered tomatoes
on this Good Burger.
I don't see no tomatoes.
Well, hang on. Uh.
Huh!
Consider yourself tomatoed.
You're not like other people,
are you?
No.
Um, go-go on
ahead, Shaq.
Take a bite
of the Good Burger,
and tell us how
you like the good sauce.
Tastes good, tastes good.
You heard it
here, folks.
Shaquille O'Neal,
a man who enjoys good food.
Huh! Huh!
Look, Dex, we're on live TV!

Page 33/71
Oh, welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order?
Huh. Whoa.
I've never been on TV before.
Whoa. Hey.

I'm sick of these pukes.

Shut up!
You're not so fast
with the trash talk now,
are you, huh?
You got him that time, bro.
Yeah, but if you
hadn't noticed,
Good Burger is<i>
still</i> in business.
Well, what are we supposed
to do about it?
Our burgers are already twice
the size of theirs.
Kitchen.
Y-yes, sir.
Make our burgers bigger.
Bigger? But they're already...
Bigger! Bigger!
Now, let's see Good Burger
go against burgers three times
the size of their own.
Great.
But what about
the Ed Sauce?

Welcome to Good Burger.

Home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order?
You all right, bro?
Hey, hey, hey.

Page 34/71
I know you.
You're the dude
from Mondo Burger.
Correct-a-mundo.
Kurt Bozwell.
No, no, no.
I'm Ed.
Can I give you a lift, Ed?
Oh, I don't know, dude.
Just get in the car, huh?
Oh, car?
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Uh...!
Ed, I'm going to cut
right to the chase.
You have been working
at Good Burger now
for like, what,
three years?
And your manager
still only pays you
five bucks an hour, man.
Really? Cool!
Huh.
Well, five bucks
an hour's cool...
How does... ten bucks sound?
Ten bucks.
I don't know.
It sounds sort of like...
I want you to bail
on Good Burger, and I want you
to come and work for me
at Mondo Burger.
You make your sauce for Kurt.
Who's Kurt?
I'm Kurt.
I'm Ed.
I'm aware!
You said you were Kurt.
Well, uh, thanks
for the ride.
Whenever you're ready

Page 35/71
to come and work for me,
you say the word.
Okay.
Mm.
What were you doing
in Kurt's car?
Oh, you know, just pushing
buttons and hanging out. Huh.
What'd he say
to you?
Something about working
at Mondo Burger.
I think he likes me.
Ed! That diphthong
doesn't like you!
He just wants
to use you.
Oh, well, that's not...
\"natural.\"
No.
He wants your sauce.
Look, don't tell him
the sauce recipe, all right?
Because if you do, Good Burger's
going to be in big trouble.
Okay.
All right.
Cool.
Now, let's
get to work.
All right.
Um, Dex...
Um, I got you something.
Here.
What, what is this?
It's a yo-yo.
I bought it
It lights up and
flickers and everything.
Just like the one
your dad gave you.
Why'd you get this for me?
'Cause we're buds. Huh.
Huh. Yeah.

Page 36/71
Huh. Huh.
What's with this dude?
He doesn't want to work
at Mondo Burger.
If you ask me,
the guy's a few tacos short
of a combination plate.
I don't care.
Now, Kurt's going to get
his sauce.
I didn't come this far to let
some tired crap shack like
Good Burger get in my way.
Bring in Roxanne.
If anyone can get the sauce
out of Ed... <i>she</i> can.

Excuse me.

Hello?
Um, welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order? Huh.
No, thanks.
I just came here
to see you, Ed.
I'm Roxanne.
Oh!
Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order? Huh.

Page 37/71
You are so hot.
Oh, well, I often sweat
at work. Huh.
So, you hungry?
Yes, I am hungry...
but not for food.
I'm hungry for you.
Oh, well...
well, I'm not edible.
Huh... Huh.
How would you like
to go on date tomorrow night?
With who?
Me, silly.
Huh. Me silly, too.
No.
I meant that you
and I should go out together
tomorrow night.
Want to?
Oh, okay. Cool. Huh.
Awesome.
Here's my address.
I don't believe
what I just saw.
Who? Elvis?
No, a beautiful girl
just strode in here
and asked you on a date.
Oh, I know.
Hey, want to come?
Oh, no. Three's
a crowd, man.
Oh, well,
just bring a date.
Hey, why don't
you ask Monique.
I... I don't think so.
Now, you know you
like her-- huh.
How can I not like her?
I mean, she's smart,
funny, beautiful...
and cuddly.

Page 38/71
Oh, then just ask her out.
No.
Aw, what, you chicken?
I'm not a chicken.
Are too.
Dexter's a chicken!
Chicken! Moo!
Moo!
I'm not a chicken.
It's just that I don't think
she wants to waste her time
going out with me, that's all.
Moo!
Chickens...!
Chickens don't moo, man.
They cluck.
Hey, Monique,
we're all going out
tomorrow night.
You want to be Dexter's date?
Look, man,
I told you...
I'd love to.
I, I knew she'd say yes.
Moo!

Yeah, corn dogs!

Your chair, Madame.
Why, thank you, Dexter.
Your chair. Huh!
Um, is your butt okay?
It's fine. Thank you.
It's okay, people!
Her butt is fine!
Huh.
Mmm! That's a great corn dog.
Mm-hmm.
I wonder how they

Page 39/71
get the weenie
into the corny
exterior? Yeah.
A question that's plagued
mankind for centuries.
You know what'd go great
on these corn dogs?
Um... a turtleneck?
No, silly.
Some of your sauce.
I just love your sauce.
How do you make it?
I'm dying to know.
Well, first you
start off with some
ketchup and some
lemon juice...
Ow!
Oops.
Oh, what's the matter?
Is it your butt?
No.
Uh, oh.
Um...
Wha-What do you say
we start putting?
Ooh. I get to go first.
All right. Word.
Come on, Roxanne.
Ed... can't we just go
somewhere and be alone?
What for?
Well, maybe we could talk.
Or maybe get to know
each other a little better.
Now doesn't that
sound like more fun
than miniature golf?
No!
Come on.

Oh...

Page 40/71
So close yet so far.
My turn. Excuse me.
Thank you very much.
All righty.
Oh...
Huh.
Okay, yeah.
All right.
You're all right.
Oh, oh...
Mm-mm.
So, uh, is this
your first time?
Uh-huh, keep talking.
Mm-hmm.
Huh. Okay, my turn.
Huh, huh.
Huh...
Fore!
Your turn.
Then when I was six,
I said my first words.
My mom thinks it was
\"trousers,\"
but I think it
was \"tweezers.\"
And then I went to camp
and fell down a sand dune...
Ed... Ed!
She's still
unconscious, bro.
Oh...

What happened?
Your head hit my golf ball.
Then you went sleepy-bye.
Um... Monique,
you want to take a walk?
Sure.

Page 41/71
Wait, wait, wait.
What am I supposed to do?
Hello!
Hello.
What am I
supposed to do?
Ed... I think Roxanne can, uh,
help you figure something out.
So, Ed...
what do you want to do?
Well, I always wanted
to shave a Martian.
Got a Martian. Huh!
Here you go.
Thank you.
So, uh, you like me?
Of course.
So, uh... you like me?
Are you kidding?
I liked you from the
first time I saw you--
right off the bat.
But I guess it was the
same for you, too, huh?
No, actually, I thought you were
self-centered and obnoxious.
Well, so much for
my self-esteem.
I changed my mind,
didn't I?
Yes, you did. How come?
Ed.
Excuse me.
Ed thinks you're
a really great guy.
He's always talking about
what a good friend
you are to him...
and what a nice and caring
person you are.
Really?
Ed said all that?
Mm-hmm.
Ed is the sweetest,

Page 42/71
most genuine person
I've ever met.
And, uh, anybody
he likes that much...
can't be all bad.

Look at me, Ed.

I'm looking.
What do you see?
That big red lump
on your forehead
where the golf ball hit you.
Huh!
Look into my eyes, Ed.

Ed?
Tell me how you make
your sauce...
and I'll give you
anything you want.
Uh, whatcha got?
For starters...
how about this.

Oh, no!
Ooh!
Sorry.
You surprised me.
Can-can you breathe?
I quit!
I'm guessing she didn't get
the sauce recipe.
I'm aware.
Hello. My name is
Connie Mondune.
I'm hosting a family reunion,
and my oven has run amok!
Huh.
I think it's
the heat actuator.
Anywho, I'd like to order, uh
three Good Meals,

Page 43/71
four Junior Good Meals,
of your Good Chunks.
Um, okay, on two
of the Junior Good Meals,
I need to substitute
the Good Cookies for Good Pies.
Now don't fret
if that's extra.
I'll pony up the overage.
And, uh, oh,
on the Regular Good Meals,
I need two of the Good Burgers
to have ketchup, mayo, mustard,
lettuce, tomato, but no onion.
I've got an interview
this afternoon.
Let's see, that takes care
of everyone but Uncle Leslie,
who doesn't eat meat, but, of course,
he does eat dairy, so I don't get it.
Let's get Leslie a Good Chick with some
Good Fries and a Good Root Beer.
All to go. But I would like to
have my beverage while I wait.
Now, total me up!
Guess who.
Hi, Dexter.
Hey. What you doing?
Getting ready for work.
Oh, cool, cool.
Um, listen, since we had
such a nice time last night,
uh, I thought that maybe
we could do it again tonight.
I don't think so.
Okay. Tomorrow night, then?
No.
Well, maybe this weekend?
Maybe not.
Okay.
Who are you and what have done
with the real Monique?
Oh, she's right here.
It's just that now,

Page 44/71
she knows the real Dexter.
Come again?
You forgot your jacket
last night.
Oh. Thank you.
And this fell
out of the pocket.
Oh, um... this?
This is just,
all it is...
All-All it is...
Right, it's just the
contract you had Ed sign.
You know, the one where, uh,
you take most of his money.
The money he's supposed
to get for his sauce.
No... yeah.
But, look,
I was just trying...
You know,
I can't believe
that you would do
something like that
to someone who trusts you.
How can you take advantage
of a sweet person like Ed?!
And after
he got you a job?!
It ain't even like that.
I only wanted...
Oh, I know what you wanted.
You're not Ed's friend.
You're just using him
to scam a little
cash on the side.
It must feel really good.
Babe...
Oh, but don't worry.
I'm not going to tell Ed
that you're cheating him.
Why not?
Because it would hurt him
too much.

Page 45/71
Punk.
Mmm!
There you are, Ed.
Um, can I sit here?
On my lap?
No, man.
I'll just sit down
right next to you.
All right, look, Ed,
I don't know
how to say this.

Oh, you just go:

\"This.\"
No, um, I-I'm talking
about this contract.
What is it, boy?
Oh, wha...? What?
Four clowns?!
Their car's broken down?
They're in trouble?
Man, that dog is
not talking to you.
W-w-wait, hang on.
He's trying to tell us
that there's four clowns
stuck somewhere
and their car broke down.
Where, boy, where?
Ed, there
are no clowns.
Man, that dog
is just hungry.
Oh, well, maybe
we should feed him.
Here, have
a Mondo Burger.
Huh.
He's not
eating it.
Well, what's wrong?
I don't know.
He definitely looks hungry,
though.

Page 46/71
Yeah.
Well, here.
Try a Good Burger.
Would you
look at that?
See, I told you
there was something wrong
with Mondo Burger.
He knows it,
don't you, boy?
He definitely
senses something
that he doesn't like.
What do you think
it could be?
I don't know.
Let's find out.
Where is that dang dog?
Excuse me, ladies,
may I help you?
Could you kindly point us
in the direction
of the little girls' room?
Yes, ma'am.
The ladies room
is just on the other side
of the restaurant.
I'll show you.
Oh, get your hands
Ma'am!
Off of me!
I'm mighty mad...
Ma'am, I'm just trying to help.
I don't need your... oh!
Oh! Oh!
Water! Water!
I need water!
Whoo! Water! Oh!
Water! Ooh!
Water! Oh! Water! Oh!
Okay, I'll be right back.
Water!
Water, water, water!
Whoo! Oh, oh.

Page 47/71
All right, let's go.
Hey, what about
your water?
Would you just come on?!
H-hey, what's that stuff
they're dropping
in the burgers?
I don't know,
but I bet
that's what's making
those burgers grow so big.
We should get some of
that stuff for Good Burger.
No, man, stuff like
that's got to be illegal.
It is illegal.
Whoo! Oh...!
Triambythal
is <i>way</i> illegal.
But I tell you what.
It sure makes burgers
nice and \"enormo.\"
Oh, yeah, that's all
well and good, but
what happens
to all those
nice, innocent people
when they eat your
\"enormo\" burgers?
Uh-oh.
Don't care, ladies.
Ooh! Uh...
Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.
Uh-huh.
But when those people find out
that you're putting
illegal stuff in their meat
you're going to find
yourself in jail.
That is why
nobody outside this kitchen
is going to find out.
What do you expect us to do,
keep our mouths shut?

Page 48/71
No. I'll keep your mouths shut.
Ed, run!
Okay, hot pants,
now, I'm tired
of playing games.
I want to know
what's in your sauce.
Well, you can forget it.
You're not going
to get Ed's sauce.
I want to know
what's in your sauce.
Dude, you need a Tic Tac.
Ha-ha!
That coils it.
You guys are grass.
What are we going
to do with them?
Get our pal Wade on the phone.
Demented Hills?
Hmm.
Hey, all right,
yeah, hey, easy, man, easy.
Yeah, all right,
uh-huh, see, you'd like to...
You'll never be
half the man your mama was.
Hey, man,
you better let me go!
Hey, man, open the door!
I'm not going to tell you again!
All right, maybe I'll tell you
one more time.
Open this door, please?! Oh...!
Look, Dex, the
walls are padded!
Look what I can do!
I don't get it.
I-I just don't get it.
Where could they be?
I'm really worried,
you guys.

Page 49/71
Hi.
Uh, huh... hi.
I'm a psychopath.
I'm Ed.
Have small space aliens
ever landed in your brain
and told you
to break into the zoo
and free
the kangaroos?
Not that I recall.
Do you think I'm cute?
Sure. Huh.
What's cute about me?
Um... your head.
You have a cute head, too.
Well, I try to keep it nice.
So, what you in for?
I got in trouble
for breaking into the zoo
and freeing all the kangaroos.
Oh.
My name is Heather.
Really? My mom's
name is Heather.
Really?
No.
I like you, Ed.
Oh.
Uh... go fish.
Would you stop
eating the cards?
And quit poking me.
Are you crazy?
Man...!
I got to play cards
with these folk?!
Would you quit it?!
You're nasty!
Ah, hey, dude.
Hey, they gave me a jacket

Page 50/71
just like that.
Need some help?
Huh! Okay.
He's loose!
Look out!
Oh! Goodness gracious,
he's killing Sidney!
Open it.
There's the fridge.
Go get the
sauce, dudes.
Got it.
What's going on
in here?
Stop waving
that dang light in my face.
Who are you?
Your mama.
Who are you?
Relax.
It's the old guy
that works here.
Well, what are you doing here
this late?
Sleeping,
till you woke my butt up.
What's that junk
you're pouring into our sauce?
Shut up, old man.
Don't be rude
to the elderly.
The old man asked
us a question.
Now, it's called
shark poison,
and it's going
to make all
your little Good Burger
customers very, very sick.
So sick that
I doubt anybody
will ever want to
eat here again.
I'm calling the cops.

Page 51/71
You're not
calling anyone.
In you go.
Join your buddies.
Otis?
Otis, you came to visit, huh?
Oh, I'm fine, and you?
Help me get him
out of this!
Do I look like
I came to visit?!
Where am I?
What's going on?
They kidnapped us.
Why'd they bring
you here?
'Cause I caught those
little Mondo brats
dumping shark
poison in our sauce.
Shark poison?!
Wow, why do they want to harm
those innocent sharks?
Will you forget
about the sharks?
That stuff's going
to harm innocent people.
Can you get
to a phone?
There's no chance.
We got to get out
of this place.
What time is it?
I'll tell you.
That means we only got
four hours to warn them.
But how are we going
to get out of here?
You just let me handle
that part.
Good morning, patients.
It's medication time.
I'll be back in ten minutes
with your various prescriptions.

Page 52/71
Ooh, that music sucks.
Yeah, it does.
Well, hang on. Huh.
Hey, dude,
I'll be right back.
Where you going?
Ed? Ed?
Um, Ed?
Hey, I don't think
you should be touching
the knob on the...
...on the radio dial.
Heh, heh.
Um...
Huh, huh, huh, huh-huh...
Come on,
dance with me.
Come on, huh.
Feel it?
Come on,
everybody.
Yeah, let's have some fun! Yeah!
Get on up! Yeah!
Yeah, cool!
Hey, check
out the kooks.
Aren't they something?

Page 53/71
How y'all doing?

I bet y'all got some moves, huh?

No, I-I really
couldn't do that.
Yeah, I'm not
very good at that.
Oh, come on, now.
You know you...
It's against
regulations.

See? Bobbin' your head.

Hey, ho, hey, ho...

Come on, y'all, let's party.

Page 54/71
Go, go, go, out!
Oh...
Easy.
In here.
Phew!
I think I picked
a bad room.
Just don't make
any sudden moves.
What's up, dude?
Huh! Give me five!
On the black-hand side--
Huh, yeah! Hey, cool!
Leave it to you
to make friends
with a vicious
psychopath.
Attention! Seal all exit doors.
There is an escape attempt
in progress.
Seal all exit doors.
Can we open
any of these windows?
Uh-uh, you can't--
they're hermetically sealed,
made of triple-thick,
bulletproof glass.
Mister huge scary man,
can you help me open
one of these windows?
Cool. Go ahead,
man, do your thing.

Page 55/71
Hey, man, what you think
you doing?
Oh, mercy, now...
Try to open the window!
Oh, man!
Thank you!
Hey! Try this one!
They're coming.
You two better hurry.
You don't got to tell me twice.
Whoa.
Ed... hurry!
All right,
but before I go,
I just want to tell you,
you're the nicest, prettiest
psychopath I've ever met.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Get off of me!
Would you...
get up?
All right.
That way.
Come on.
I'll check my phone!
This way! This way!
Harry, you go that way!
Okay! Follow me, Steve.
All right, come on this way.
Oh, oh...
Here's one for you,
and a vanilla pop for you,
and an ice cream sandwich,
and a chocolate pop...
Hey, what are you doing?!
Stealing your truck.
Yeah, we'll
bring it back.
Come on!
Huh.
Oh, ice cream tune!

Will you turn that off?

Ice cream man!

Page 56/71
Oh, sorry. No ice cream
for you today.
Got to go. Got to get back
to Good Burger.
Oh, oh...
Good Burger's about to open,
man.
We got to get there
and make sure nobody eats
that poison sauce.
Man, they're gaining on us!
Whoa,
ice cream cones! Look!
I got funky pops,
monster-cicles,
and lemon juice pops! Huh!
Ed, this is no time
for frozen treats, all right?
Yeah, but...
Wait. Wait. Give me one.
Oh, here you go.
Thanks.
What was that?
I think it's a fudgesicle.
Give me some more.
Get out of here!
Yeah!
Have some vanilla!
Take that! Huh!
And a little bit of that! Huh!
Have some raspberry sorbet!
How do you like me now?
I'm a dude throwing ice cream!
French vanilla! Yeah!
Take some chocolate!
Yeah! Fudge!
Oh! Yeah, there you go, baby!
Oh...
Yeah, they're going to have you
on <i>This Old Homey.</i>
Nice box, Wheat.
Yeah?
I can't see.
I can't see!

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No! No!
Watch it, fellas! Stop!
Whew!
Look out!
Look out!
Oh, no! Come on!
Whoo! Lost 'em.
Hi. Welcome
to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order?
I'll have a Good Burger...
with extra sauce.
Oh! That sounds delightful.
I'll have the same thing.
Better step on it.
Whoa!
Two
Good Burgers, extra sauce.
Thank you.
Oh, poo. I wanted mustard.
Ed, hurry!
Don't let anyone eat
a Good Burger.
Come on, Otis.
No!
Get him off me.
What's going on?
What the...?
Ed! Ed! Ed!
What are you doing?
Ed, get off!
Ed, off the elderly.
Ed!
Ed, Ed, are you okay?
What happened?
I just tackled
some old lady.
Cool.
All right, Ed!
Way to go.
Excuse me, would one of you two
mind telling me
why this is a good thing?

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This is why-- Mondo Burger
poisoned our sauce.
How could Mondo Burger
poison our sauce?
We'll explain it to you later.
Right now, just keep everyone
from eating that sauce,
and call the cops.
Come on, Ed.
Where are we going?
To get a can
of triambythal.
What for?
Proof.
Okay.
I need a hot Jacuzzi.
Shall I ring?
No!
Man, you can't just walk
up there and ring the bell
and say \"Howdy do, neighbor.\"
We got to find a way to sneak
into the kitchen somehow.
I got an idea. Huh.
Follow me.
Where are you doing?
Oh, dear, careful.
Maybe you should...
I don't know if...
Whoo! Shouldn't you have
a harness or some rope?
Come on, it's easy!
Yeah, easy for you!
Dang!
Climb on a truck?!
I don't even know the person
that owns this truck.
And I got
to do my thing...
Yeah.
Now... all right,
now jump on
that pipe thingy.
I... I'm... I'm...

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Whoo!
See?
Oh!
All right.
You got it.
Got what?
I'm swinging from a dang pipe.
Mama?
Whew!
Ed...
Ed.
Ed!
Over here!
Over here. Come on!
What are you doing
in the straw?
It's right over the kitchen.
I can see it!
Come on!
How do expect me
to get up there?
Oh, it's easy.
You just jump on the burger,
jump on the fry,
and then you hop on the cup,
and then shimmy up the straw.
What is this,<i>
American Gladiators?</i>
Come on!
All right.
Can't believe this man
got me...
climbing on a straw!
Ooh! Wow, Good Burger looks
so small from up here.
Ed? Ed, Ed, are you in there?
Here, take my hand.
Ed? Ed?!
Whee!
Again! Again!
That was cool!
Shh! Listen, listen.
I'm gonna go into that kitchen.
Then I want you to count to ten,

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and come in there and get a can
of that chemical
and hightail it back
to Good Burger, all right?
All right, okay.
All right.
One...
two... three...
Hey, everybody!
What's happening?
How'd you get here?
Ooh! Look at this fancy kitchen.
You know, Mama never had
one of these
with the electronic numbers.
We always
had to turn the knobs...
Let's get him!
...wait for the little ding...
If I were you...
I wouldn't come <i>any</i> closer.
Get him.
Get him!
Come on, guys.
Let's go! Let's go!

Ooh!

Mm-mm.
Go! Around
the other way!
All right, punk...
the game is over.
Yeah. Your game is over,
because right now,
my man Ed
is on his way down
to the police station
with a can
of your illegal triambythal.
Ha!
Hey, Dex, got it! Huh.
Get it!
Give me that.

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Oh!
Nice try, dudes,
but you mess with Kurt,
and you go in the grinder.
Here you go, boss.
Thanks, Holmes.
This can's empty.
What an idiot.
Stole an empty can.
Ed, you stole a empty can?!
It wasn't empty when
I found it. Huh.
Oh...
Hey!
What's going on?
I don't know.
The kitchen! Go!
Come on!
Come on.
Come on, Ed, let's go!
Grill! We got to
stop the grill!
Oh...
Let's get out of here!
Must be a shift change.
Huh?
Why?
Why?
What have I done?
What,
are you going to put cuffs on me, huh?
Wha...?
Relax, sir, it's
going to be okay.
You tell me if these
are too tight, all right?
You don't understand!
But none of this
is my fault, okay?
I mean...
I don't know.
Hey, let's go
help him out. Huh.
Let's.

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Listen,
I can explain everything.
This is all just a
big misunderstanding.
I don't understand.
I don't know what happened.
Oh, sure you do.
Why don't you go on ahead
and tell
your little police friend
that you made
your big Beefy Burgers
all big and beefy
by using illegal
food additives.
Is that true?
No! He's lying!
You're lying!
You're full
of crap!
Yeah? Well, why don't
we just check these out,
and we'll see who's lying.
I think you better
come with us.
Man, you're out
of your minds.
You're crazy, man!
You know who I am? Huh?
Yeah, I know,
I know.
Bye-bye.
Hey, hey,

remember:
when you mess
with Good Burger...
you go in the grinder!
Oh, dog,
you enjoy prison now.

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Excuse me for a second.
Huh.
Mr. Wheat,
I can't, I can't...
I can fix it.
I can fix it.
...have a couple
words for...
I can fix it.
I can fix it. Uh!
Uh, Mr. Wheat?
I don't have
a lot of time,
but I do got a
couple words for you.
Look here.
Here's about half
of the money
that I owe you
for your car,
and I guess I'll
have the other half
by the end of the summer.
You enjoy your car!
Bye-bye, now.
I'll give you some money.
Help me out!
Man, just help me
get the burger off.
Ooh-hoo, come on, Ed.
Huh.
So, <i>you</i> poured that stuff
in that meat, didn't you?
Huh, I had to.
You <i>had</i> to?
Sure. See, I knew
if I took the can,

Page 64/71
there was a good chance
I'd get caught. Huh.
Then I thought,
even if I did take
the triambythal to
the proper authorities,
huh, Kurt would hire some
high-powered attorneys
who would dispute
any charges
brought against him
or Mondo Burger,
by manipulating
the legal system.
And the way that
America's court system
is congested these days,
it would have taken months
to convict him of anything.
So then I thought,
I'll take matters
into my own hands
and just pour
the triambythal
into the meat supply
and let Mondo Burger
be a victim of
its own foul play.
Ha! Huh!
Oh, wait-wait-
wait-wait.
You thought of all that?
Yeah, sure.
I'm not stupid. Huh.
Huh.
Well, look, Ed,
about this contract, man,
what do you say we just...
forget it?
Wait, y-you don't
want to be partners?
Well, no.
See...
Is it because I'm black?

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No, it's not because
you're...
'cause <i>I'm...</i>
All right, look, forget it.
All right,
we can be partners,
but the money is yours,
all right?
All of it.
So, we're still buddies?
Oh, you know it.
Cool. Huh.
Um, Dexter?
Huh?
I-I just want to
say that, well,
I'm really going
to miss you...
a lot.
And, um... I will
always remember you,
Dexter Reed,
in my thoughts
and in my heart.
Good-bye, my friend!
Uh, Ed?
Um, Ed?
I'm not going anywhere, man.
Oh.

That's right, baby, yeah!

Here come the heroes!
Let's hear it for the man
who saved Good
Burger, huh? Yeah!
Go, Ed!
Oh!
Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed...
What? What? What? What? What?
Come on, what? Come on.
Come on.
Aw... aw!
Speech, speech...
Yeah, speech!

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Yeah, come on, Ed,
say something.
Well, I guess there's
only way thing left <i>to</i> say:
Huh.
: Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.
Can I take your order?
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURES
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

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Whoa, huh, whoa.
Wh-What are we doing now?
Oh, huh,
we're breaking it down.
Huh. Yeah!
Huh, yeah, huh. Go on!
Rock on, dude, ha-ha.
Whoa! Whoa!

Kel and Less Than Jake, huh.

Uh, uh, uh, no?

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