REAL MEN REVELATIONS

Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

REAL MEN REVELATIONS
Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Copyright © 2021 by Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

Address requests for information to:

Travelin’ Light Training & Consultancy
E-mail: farmorepreciousteam@gmail.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods,
without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case
of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-
commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Cover Design by Elaine Iwa

Back Cover and Book Layout by Catherine Ang
To my nephews, for all the laughter you bring into my life,
may you always see yourselves from God’s eyes. I love you.
“Are you a single woman? Before you make any decision in your
love life, you MUST read this book. You’ll save yourself from a lot
of pain and create more happiness in your future.”
—Bo Sanchez, Bestselling Author

“Separate the men from the boys. This book will change the way
you look at love and the way you look at yourself.”
—Velden Lim, Author, Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin?

“In hindsight, we will see that God was always with us. During our
lowest points, God was still holding our hands and teaching us the
best lessons. More than asking for blessings, let’s also pray that He
will take away plans that will harm us. We don’t know His way,
but we know He is fully in control. He loves you and He only wants
what’s best for you. Congrats, Marianne! I’m sure women and even
men will be blessed by reading this book. Continue being salt and
light in the world.”
—Doug Kramer, Celebrity,
Former Professional Basketball Player,
Head of Team Kramer

“Marianne’s latest book, Real Men Revelations, is full of light. It

clarifies, enlightens, and acts like a mirror for you to see your love
life situation clearly. When you know better, you choose better. As
women, making the right choice for our partner in life is essential
because not only does our future depend on it but also our children’s
well-being. It is better to wait long than to marry wrong because it
would mean either a life of misery or joy for you and your family.
Life is already difficult to begin with, you would want a partner
who will help you live life to the fullest and fulfill your purpose.
Together, you will be a blessing and not a burden to each other.
This book reveals to you nuggets of wisdom to help you make a wise
decision or prevent you from making the wrong one. Definitely, a
must-read!”
—Marjorie Duterte, Author, COVID-Proof Your Soul
“To say that this book is beautiful is an understatement. This is the
kind of book I would gift my sister and I would recommend to my
female (even male) friends. Marianne was able to capture what
distinguishes boys from men. So if you’re confused with what’s
going on in your dating life and whether this guy is really into you
or not, this book is for you. Thank you for writing this, Marianne!”
—Sha Nacino, Author, Love Yourself Today

“For those women who until now are confused whether the guy
you’re dating is a BOY or a REAL MAN, this book can help you
filter and differentiate between the two para iwas HEEHEE turned
into HUHU.

Remember ladies, when in doubt, grab your Real Men Revelations

book!

We in BW love you, Marianne. We love this initiative of yours,

championing good manhood through your collaborations with
real men.”
—Founders of Boiling Waters Community

“To me, the Real Men Revelations book is a MUST-READ for

women of all ages! I even recommended it to my mom! It’s a great
reminder of what a godly and real man truly is—mature, decisive,
has good moral values, has self-control, and is consistent in his
words and actions. I also recommended this to all my friends—
because I wanted in my own way to help them discern the men in
their lives well and choose properly! I really love all of Marianne’s
books!”
—Denise Heredia, Influencer and Artist

“Love has been portrayed to be so cheap these days, that’s why I

just love how we are reminded, through these real men, of how
important and priceless true love is.”
—Vanya Castor, Artist, Youth Missionary, and Worship Leader
 TABLE OF CONTENTS
Prologue i
Letter from the Author v
Chapter 1: Boys Are Unclear and Confusing;
Real Men Are Clear and Intentional 1
Chapter 2: Boys Are After Pleasure;
Real Men Protect Your Purity 9
Chapter 3: Boys Have No Self-Control;
Real Men Have a Strong Moral Compass 21
Chapter 4: Boys Are All Games and Play;
Real Men Have a Clear Mission 27
Chapter 5: Boys Go with the Flow;
Real Men Follow Jesus 32
Chapter 6: Expanded Version of the Boy versus
Real Man Differences 37
Chapter 7: Other Excuses Ladies Give 40
Chapter 8: Enjoying the Single Season Fully:
Tips from Real Men 44
Bonus Chapter 53
Far More Precious Coaching Program 60
Acknowledgments 66
About the Author 68
 PROLOGUE

Sarah is a beautiful woman who grew up with a mom who

was terribly insecure. She also had an absentee father. When
her dad was at home, he would often be found drinking with
his buddies. She would often hear her parents’ shouting
match; sometimes there’d be plates thrown around because
her dad was caught gambling or womanizing. At the age of
seven, her dad finally left them for another girl.

Since then, Sarah’s mom would be in and out of several

relationships, trying to find her security and worth from
different men. Sarah never knew how it was to really enjoy
her childhood because she had to grow up too soon. She

i
had to be the parent in the relationship. Oftentimes, she’d
clean up after her mom who had too much to drink because
another one of her boyfriends left her.

Sarah decided her life would be different from her mom’s—

that she would only be with one man. At seventeen, she fell
in love with Charlie, a charming guy who often made her
laugh and showered her with gifts. She felt like a princess
when she was with him, although there were not-so-nice
moments when they would argue over something, and
Charlie would become like a totally different person. He’d
curse nonstop and shout at her. There were also times when
she caught him red-handed, looking at social media pages
of provocative, almost naked women. She ignored all of it
because he seemed to have it all—he’s tall and handsome,
from a rich family, fun to be with, and most importantly, he
promised to be with her forever.

Charlie impregnated Sarah after two years of being
boyfriend and girlfriend. They named their daughter
Patrice. When she turned one, they got married and Sarah
thought it was happily ever after from there. But she was
wrong. Charlie verbally and physically abused her.

When Sarah couldn’t give him what he sexually wanted,

he’d run to bars to get his “fix.” Sometimes, Patrice would

ii
even see her dad flirting with waitresses. Not only that, he
was often drunk and acted like a toddler who’d order them
around and throw tantrums when he didn’t get what he
wanted. Their life was a living hell with Charlie. They only
felt safest when he wasn’t at home. Sarah decided that it was
best for Patrice to stay with her well-to-do Lala (grandma).

Her Lala, now in her late fifties, is still trying to find her
worth in guys. Only this time, she found it with a younger
guy who always tells her she’s beautiful, especially when she
gives him cash.

Without Lala knowing it, this guy sexually abused her
granddaughter Patrice.

Patrice felt so ashamed of herself. She’d give herself and her
body away to any guy who would give her attention. She
never truly felt loved all her life, so she settled for at least a
few minutes where she felt desired. She allowed guys to use
her and she became increasingly depressed.

One day, Patrice just couldn’t take it anymore and she
decided to end her life.

All of these horrific events could have been prevented if only

the women in this story knew their true worth and value—if

iii
only they grew up having a model of what a real man is and
learned how to choose the best for themselves.

If like them, you only get disappointed with the kind of guys
around you, then this book is written especially for you.

What a gift it is to the world if a woman never allows abuse
and never settles.

Men won’t have any choice but to rise to the high standards
of women.

Children would grow up in healthy homes led by a real man.

And Patrice wouldn’t have lost her life.

iv
A Letter from
the Author
Hey, ladies! How have you been?

How’s your little heart doing?

Is it all smiles lately? Or is it exhausted, weary, and shouting

for rescue?

Do you feel at peace where you are or is there stress all over?

Or perhaps you feel a rollercoaster ride of peace at one

moment, and then stress after?

I get you! We live in a fallen world. We are made for heaven,

so the disconnect is deeply felt.

But there is something we can do. We can prevent more pain

and more stress from happening by choosing wisely for our
hearts.

v
During the pandemic, I ventured into interviewing “real
men” on my Facebook account. The wisdom I learned from
them is priceless, so I just needed to write this book for you.

One of the men I interviewed is Doug Kramer, a former

professional basketball player, most sought-after endorser,
and businessman. He said he wants to set the right standards
for his daughters through how he treats them, so they will
know how it should be done.

“My daughters have a very high benchmark. It’s not going to

be easy,” Doug said.

Isn’t that so beautiful? I believe that’s God’s will for every

earthly father: First, to treat their wives so well, so the son
will have a model on how to treat his future wife, and the
daughter will observe firsthand how she’s supposed to be
treated. Second, to delight in their daughters, to reveal their
worth and identity, so they will live securely and not go for
“boys” to seek attention, because their hearts have been
loved in a whole and healthy way.

But sadly, this is more of an exception rather than the rule. A

lot of girls choose poorly because they never had a model of
what real manhood is. Maybe they’ve had glimpses of it, but
nothing really solid to help them choose well.

vi
I love the book titled The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not
about Who You Marry, But Why? by Gary Thomas*. In the
first few chapters, he says that ten years from today, you can
either be crying tears of regret or tears of joy based on the
decisions you made—the reason you got married and the
kind of person you chose to marry.

I desire that we cry tears of joy because we listened to God,

we persevered no matter how hard, and we are at peace
knowing we made the best choices for our lives.

In this book, I’ll share with you the five major differences
between a boy and a real man—which I hope will open your
eyes. I will also share the usual excuses of girls, what real
men have to say about it, and suggestions on how we can
save ourselves from ourselves.

I hope this book will serve as a gift to help you discern what
a real man is. So much pain will be alleviated in this world if
only women know their worth and what they truly deserve.

Are you ready for this ride? Let’s go.

I’m confident that the Holy Spirit will guide you.

* You may get a copy of The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not about Who You Marry,
But Why? by Gary Thomas on Amazon here: http://bit.ly/TheSacredSearch

vii
I pray that God’s will and desire for our lives will override
everything.

You are so loved!

Joy be with you,

MMM

P.S.
To all the boys I’ve loved before . . . just kidding! But to all
my brothers who are reading this, my book is not meant to
put you down. In fact, I hope this will pave the way for you
to truly reach your highest potential because women have
higher standards!

When you become the best version of you—God’s version of

you—we all win! Cheering for you!

viii
5 MAJOR
DIFFERENCES
OF
BOYS
AND
REAL MEN
 CHAPTER 1

BOYS ARE UNCLEAR

AND CONFUSING;
REAL MEN ARE CLEAR
AND INTENTIONAL

It’s not difficult to identify a boy from a real man. Here are
telltale signs you can watch out for:

The status of your relationship is vague.

You’re not sure if he really likes you.

He treats you like a girlfriend, but never made his intentions

clear.

But you might think, “Maybe he’s just playing games, so I’ll
like him more” or “Perhaps he’s just shy or intimidated.”

1
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Here’s what real men from Boiling Waters, an online

community with almost two million followers, have to say.
According to them, there are three kinds of guys:

1. Decisive and intentional. This is what you should be

looking for because this kind of guy “will do greater
things for you.” This type shows that he is a responsible
man, capable of leading and committing.

2. Persuadable but unpredictable. Okay lang meron, okay

lang wala (it’s okay to be in a relationship, it’s also okay
to be single). When this type hits a brick road and he’s no
longer happy, he will simply go away.

3. Close-minded and badly hurt. This type doesn’t believe

in love anymore. This guy is jaded and will probably be
passive until he is healed.

They say to always go for #1—the decisive and intentional.

“Don’t tolerate guys who are tentative because you are

training and tolerating them to stay that way. There are
millions of women raising men who will never grow up,”
men from Boiling Waters said.

Ouch! Saying yes to a boy is saying yes to him never growing

2
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

up. I don’t think that’s love at all. It’s unfair to him, you, and
your future kids.

Guys who are truly ready are not flimsy. They’re man enough
to accept the possibility of rejection.

As Velden Lim, author of Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin? revealed:

“I wasn’t afraid of rejection when I was courting Moriel (his

wife now). I was rejected thrice. For me, there’s nothing
to lose. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no. My
self-worth is not rooted in the acceptance or rejection of a
woman. Kilala ko sarili ko (I know myself ) and I know what
I can offer in a relationship. I know I’m actually a quality
guy. If you reject me, then IRAN—ikaw rin ang nawalan (it’s
your loss).”

You want a man like that. Someone who’ll be brave enough

to pursue you because God already built up the right kind of
confidence in him.

“When a man truly follows the Lord and He leads him to

pursue you, he will have the lakas ng loob (confidence) that
he needs!” added Velden.

Why do you need a confident man? Because he will lead

3
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

your family. I’m sure you don’t want someone without a

backbone leading you and your children, if he can lead at
all.

Other Truth Bombs

I love Emily Wilson! She is a Catholic author and vlogger.

Watching her YouTube videos is usually my reward after a
long day. The most recent video* I’ve watched is about the
advice married women would give to their single selves.

This line is one of my favorites: “Do not look at every man as

a potential husband. When the time comes, you don’t need
to be looking so intently; there’ll be ease and peace about it.”

If the guy is not pursuing you clearly and intentionally, this

means the guy would rather live his life without you in it
and he is okay with another man snatching you. I know, the
truth hurts.

“But what if he is just intimidated?” you might ask. Then I

believe that’s a great filter. That is God protecting you.

Author and speaker Jackie Francois Angel of Ascension

Presents imparts to strong single women:
* Watch Emily Wilson’s full video here: http://bit.ly/AdvicetoSingleSelf

4
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

If people tell you that guys are intimidated

by you, don’t mind them. ’Cause you are not
going to marry that kind of man, else you will
crush him and emasculate him. The man you
will marry will not be intimidated by you but
love your strength because he also is strong
and secure in himself and in God.

This is something that has been echoed time and again by

the real men I’ve interviewed. They are actually attracted
to women who are living full lives and living their purpose.
They’re not intimidated by it.

This is what bestselling author and international speaker Bo

Sanchez has to say about this kind of woman, “Wow, she’s
already happy, she actually doesn’t need me. She’s living
a beautiful life. Kainggit, gusto ko sumama! (I’m envious,
I want to be with her!) What a privilege to journey with a
woman like her.”

You don’t have to play small with a real man. If you’re

genuinely happy, you attract the right person. And when the
right person meets you and gets to know you, he will say,
“At last!” Like what Adam said when he first laid his eyes on
Eve (Genesis 2:23). He will recognize that you’re the one he
has been waiting for his whole life, and he’ll do everything to
win your heart and not lose you to someone else.

5
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Catholic lay preacher Audee Villaraza shared, “I knew she

was the one because I was already the right one.”

Because God already made him whole, it was easier for

Audee to see if the person in front of him is the right one. He
clearly saw his nonnegotiables in his wife.

Real men are confident in the women they choose because

they have gone through the necessary process of self-
awareness, self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-
attentiveness. They also know that they are now ready for
self-abandonment.*

However, the problem today is many of us start with self-

abandonment without any full self to give yet, so it usually
ends in a disaster.

Maybe the guy you are considering still needs to go through

this process, or maybe you do. Don’t grasp and grab as Eve
did. Follow the posture of Mama Mary and just receive when
the fullness of time comes.

What to Do

1. Be clear with your boundaries. Why are you allowing

* Watch Bo Sanchez’s YouTube video on self-love here:

http://bit.ly/BoMaroweSelfLove

6
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

him to hold your hand, talk to you for hours, and be with
you every day if he is not your boyfriend?

2. Define the relationship. Once you know the real score

between you and the guy, and he tells you he wants to be
with you, you still have to observe closely. Are you the one
leading the relationship, making things happen for both
of you? Do you feel like you’re the guy in the relationship?
Think twice if this is the case, unless you want to tire
yourself out doing something God never intended for
you to do in the first place. Always remember, men are
hunters. Ikaw dapat ang pinaghihirapan (They should
work hard for you). You are the prize, don’t you ever
forget that.

3. Always check if his words match his actions. Velden

Lim says words are cheap, actions are expensive. If he is
“breadcrumbing” you, or leaving you with trails of sweet
words here and there but never backed up by actions, be
careful, as he may be hitting the “send to all” button. This
kind of a guy is a player in the field, wooing all the girls
he could and trying to see who takes the bait. You don’t
want to be one of the options. Excuse me, you deserve to
be the only queen in a man’s heart.

7
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Prayer:

“Lord, You have always been pursuing me. Help me experience

Your love fully. Lead me to wholeness and show me the kind
of love I deserve. In Jesus’ name.”

8
 CHAPTER 2

BOYS ARE AFTER

PLEASURE;
REAL MEN PROTECT
YOUR PURITY

Sex is a beautiful thing created and designed by God for

marriage. It is a melding of not just bodies, but of souls—an
act meant to be cherished between husband and wife for a
lifetime.

There is a reason for this.

Imagine waking up with a hangover, and you suddenly

remember that you spent the night with a guy who is not
your husband. Your mind is racing with anxious thoughts
like what if I get pregnant? Will he take responsibility? Think
of how that will make you feel about yourself.

9
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

God wants all these to be out of the picture. That’s why He

placed boundaries around sex. He wants to protect you.

However, immature boys don’t care about all these, because

to them, sex is only about physical pleasure.

So, here are telltale signs to help you assess if the guy you are
dating is still a boy:

He says that if you really love him, you’ll have sex with him.

He drops words or hints and forwards you sensuous stuff to

seduce you.

He romances you toward “doing it.”

He is into pornography or social media pages of sexy women.

You feel used and empty after spending time with him.

But you might think, “Everybody is doing it, anyway,” “Men

got needs, ya know,” “I’m enjoying it too, so we both win,” or
“I’m crazy thinking there’ll be a guy who’s after purity. Not
unless he’s gay!”

Before you judge too quickly, let’s listen to what real men
have to say about this:

10
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

Boys have this saying, “Why pay for the cow

when you can milk it for free?” (Velden Lim,
author and inspirational speaker)

Predators or “boys” can smell desperation and

they will pounce on that opportunity. They
know who are weak and vulnerable. They will
use and abuse you because they know you
cannot live without him. Gagamitin ka lang
niya. Magiging gamit ka (He’ll just use you.
You’ll be an object)—an object of pleasure.
Tapos lalandi siya sa iba (Then he’ll flirt with
other women) and he will not even worry
about losing you because he knows he’s got
you at the palm of his hands, no matter what
he does. (JPaul Hernandez, motivational
speaker, author of A Young Man’s Manual to
a Successful Life)

Remember, quality guys don’t like desperate

women. Kapag alam kong patay na patay
sa akin ’yung babae, hindi ko na masyado
pinapansin. Pero kapag pinaghihirapan ko,
pinahahalagahan ko (If the girl chases me,
I just ignore her. But if I work hard to win
her, I value her). And if you’re giving the guy
your all, what do you think would entice him
to go to the next level? Sorry, pero wala na.
The moment na pumayag ka sa no strings
attached, talo ka talaga! (Sorry, but none.
The moment you agree to no strings attached,
you definitely lose!) (Velden Lim, author and
inspirational speaker)

11
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Aray ko! Narinig mo ’yun? Talo ka! (Ouch! Did you hear that?
You lose!) Girls are more emotionally attached. You’re in it
to feel desired and wanted. These are good and holy desires,
but when they lead you to disobey the Lord, they end up
cursing your life.

I know so many women who got pregnant, the guy didn’t

even recognize the child is his, and they ended up depressed
and wanting to commit suicide. The ways of the devil indeed
lead to death! John 10:10 reveals, “A thief comes only to steal
and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have
life and have it more abundantly.”

In some instances, the woman did marry the guy who

impregnated her but hated her life with him because she
realized how selfish the guy is.

You deserve a real man who values your purity because he

wants what’s best for you. He doesn’t want you to experience
unnecessary shame, stress, and pain. He doesn’t want your
future children to feel hidden because they were born
outside of marriage. Nope, he would want to put a ring on
your finger and commit his life to you because he knows
that’s what you deserve and he wants to honor God.

This kind of man has greater chances of being a faithful

12
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

husband, because he can say no to himself and die to

himself for what will be for the greater good. He is selfless.
He doesn’t put his libido first.

Guard your peace and see how amazing God’s plans are
when you finally walk away from boys and only give your
heart to a real man and your body to your husband.

I highly encourage you to date guys who have been trained

by Jesus to love.

Men from Boiling Waters said they didn’t feel the love,
forgiveness, and belonging they were looking for in their past
flings. But now, they have experienced these in a personal
way through Jesus Christ, and this overhauled their view
and approach to romantic relationships.

“Before, my song for my girl is ‘Versace on the Floor.’ But

when I got to know Jesus, He transformed me. Now, my
song to my girlfriend is ‘Beautiful in White,’ shared one of
the men from Boiling Waters. Indeed, he is now engaged to
his beautiful girlfriend!

Other real men shared:

The world will lose its power to tempt you

13
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

because God is already giving what you need.

(Audee Villaraza, lay preacher)

Married sex is better than premarital sex.

Because the latter always has shame and
guilt involved—that is why you are hiding it.
My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I decided
to stop kissing for three years until we got
married. Napakahirap. Minsan maglambing
lang siya and we’re alone in the car . . . naku
po! (It’s so difficult. Sometimes when she
gets mushy and we’re alone in the car . . . my
gosh!) I wanted to say to her, “Get behind me,
Satan!” (Just kidding!) Especially if you’ve had
sexual experiences before, it is even harder!
But you know, all those sacrifices brought
spiritual healing to us and our past deeds. On
our honeymoon, my wife told me, “I didn’t
have an issue with you looking at my body
and staying naked.” There was no shame. It
wasn’t about performance anymore. And she
tells me the way I look at her never changed.
(JPaul Hernandez, motivational speaker)

Bo Sanchez and Anthony Pangilinan who both saved sex for

marriage said that as the years go by, their married sex life
just keeps getting better and better. Obeying God in this area
of life may look foolish to the world, but who cares, this is
what works! God’s ways are indeed worth following.

14
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

What to Do

1. Stop giving your body away. You are too precious to

be given away so cheaply. Recommit your body to God.
Isaiah 1:18 says, “Come now, let us set things right, says
the Lord: Though your sins be like scarlet, they may
become white as snow. Though they be red like crimson,
they may become white as wool.”

2. Go to confession. You may book an appointment with

the University of Asia and the Pacific (UA&P) Chaplaincy.*

If you won’t be able to make it, here’s another option:

Making a Spiritual Confession:

What Pope Francis Has Been Teaching Us
about Confession**

According to Pope Francis, people who cannot go to

confession because of the coronavirus lockdown or another
serious reason can go to God directly, be specific about
their sins, request pardon, and experience God’s loving

* Receive the Sacrament of Penance by scheduling an appointment here:

https://uap-chaplaincy.appointlet.com
** Making a Spiritual Confession: What Pope Francis Has Been Teaching Us about
Confession. https://sldm.org. Retrieved on March 2021 from
https://sldm.org/making-a-spiritual-confession

15
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

forgiveness.

“This is the right time, the opportune moment, an act of

contrition done well, and our souls will become white like
the snow,” the Pope said during his livestreamed morning
Mass on March 20, 2020.

The first reading at Mass was from Hosea, and it encourages

people to return to the Lord with all their hearts, recognizing
their sins and letting God forgive them.

“Return to your Father who is waiting for you,” the Pope said
in his homily. “The God of tenderness will heal us. He will
heal us of the many, many wounds of life and the many ugly
things we have done. Each of us has our own.”

God welcomes every repentant sinner with open arms. “It’s

like going home.”

Lent is a special time “to let God wash us, purify us, to let Him
embrace us” and the best place for that is the confessional.

“But many people today would tell me, ‘Father, where can
I find a priest, a confessor, because I can’t leave the house?
And I want to make peace with the Lord, I want Him to
embrace me, I want the Father’s embrace.’”

16
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

The Pope said his response would be:

“Do what the Catechism (of the Catholic Church) says. It is

very clear. If you cannot find a priest to confess to, speak
directly with God—your Father—and tell Him the truth.
Say, ‘Lord I did this, this, this, this. Forgive me’ and ask for
pardon with all your heart. Make an act of contrition and
promise God, ‘I will go to confession afterward, but forgive
me now.’ And immediately, you will return to a state of grace
with God.”

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (1452) says:

“When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all

else, contrition is called ‘perfect’—contrition of charity. Such
contrition remits venial sins. It also obtains forgiveness of
mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse
to sacramental confession as soon as possible.”

“As the catechism teaches, you can draw near to God’s

forgiveness without having a priest. Think about it. This is
the moment,” Pope Francis concluded.

A Simple Act of Private Confession and Contrition

without a Priest
A suggested way by Fr. Aidon-Peter

17
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Find a quiet place, preferably in front of a crucifix or with the

Holy Bible present. Maybe light a candle as a symbol of your
desire to follow the light of Christ out of the darkness of sin.

1. Make the sign of the cross. In silence, place yourself

before the Lord.
2. Be clear, honest, and specific. Confess your sins before
God. He hears you.
3. Make an act of contrition:

O my God, because You are so good,

I am heartily sorry for my sins
and in failing to do good.
I firmly resolve with the help of Your grace
To make real efforts to sin no more,
To amend my life
And to avoid the near occasions of sin.
Amen.

4. For your penance, say the following prayers from the

depths of your heart. Don’t rush them, but let them
speak to you afresh as you offer them up to the Lord.

One Our Father: Meditate on these

familiar words given our new way of living,
especially on how we are to do God’s will
“on earth as it is in heaven.”

Three Hail Mary’s: One for those you have

offended by your confessed sins; one for
the safety of your family and loved ones;

18
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

and one for those suffering from COVID-19

and for our medical frontliners.

One Glory Be: In praise of God’s infinite

mercy.

5. Make the sign of the Cross.

Make a mental note of this personal confession. When you

are able to go to regular confessions again, let the priest
know how you did this spiritual exercise, so he may include
it in formal sacramental absolution.

Keep Safe, Keep Sane, and Keep the Faith!

1. Set yourself up for success. Do not go to places where

you will most likely be tempted. Don’t talk about walking
away from sexual sin while scheduling a Netflix movie
night at his condo. Girl, you’re smarter than that!

2. Don’t entertain his messages after 10 p.m. Besides,

ideal sleeping time is 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. because that is
the body’s time to regenerate, and this contributes to a
stronger immune system.

Divert your sexual energy to God’s holy and beautiful

purposes and dreams for your life. As Blaise Pascal,
philosopher and Catholic theologian, said, “The serene

19
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

silent beauty of a holy life is the most powerful influence

in the world, next to the might of God.”

3. Stop consuming media that leads to impure thoughts.

Don’t put trash into treasures (you!).

4. Choose people who will speak over your life. Look at

the results. Ask yourself, “When I look at the kind of
marriage and family life this person has, is it also what I
want for myself one day?”

5. If you’re still not sure if you should let this relationship

go because you see traces or marks of a real man in him,
then ask for a break. Fast over it. Don’t talk to him for
a week or nine days. You may pick a novena. I prayed
the Padre Pio novena before, it saved me! Spend quality
time with God. Cry if you must. Sometimes it’s not just
the guy, but it’s also us who has some growing up to do.

Prayer:

“Father, help me value myself as You value me. You died on

the cross for me. That’s how precious I am to You. Help me to
take good care of myself. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

20
 CHAPTER 3

BOYS HAVE
NO SELF-CONTROL;
REAL MEN HAVE
A STRONG MORAL
COMPASS

“When you are clear about your values, preferences, and

morals, you solve many problems before they start,” wrote
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend in their book,
Boundaries in Dating.

Imagine being with a person who decides out of how he

feels for the day instead of a strong value system.

Picture this:

He doesn’t feel like working even if he has deadlines. Do you

21
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

think he’ll be a good provider?

He feels like eating junk food all day, and smoking and
drinking all night. So, what does he expect you to be—his
maid to clean up after him and his caregiver in the future?

You guys get into a fight and he wants to feel relieved right
away, so he goes drinking with his buddies who brings a girl
for him. Do you think you’ll live a peaceful life?

Good luck, girl! Why willingly get a stone and whack it over
your head?

So, here are telltale signs you can watch out for:

His life is a mess.

He has addictions like gambling, womanizing, and alcohol.

He cheats on you. He cheats with you.

You are not at peace with him, and you’re extra paranoid
when you’re not together.

There is abuse in the relationship.

22
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

But you might think, “I’m sure he will change” or “When we

get married and have kids, he will naturally mature.”

However, here’s what real men say:

Don’t make a boy your project. Sayang lang

ganda mo (Your beauty will only be wasted).
Don’t go for guys whose ego is so fragile. You
always have to make him feel good about
himself. Siya pa ang alagain (It’s like you
have to mother him) when you could be
fully enjoying your life! (JPaul Hernandez,
motivational speaker)

A real man is someone who leads you in

the right direction, dinadala ka niya sa
tamang landas (he brings you to the right
path). (Velden Lim, author and inspirational
speaker)

Real men uplift you. They don’t shame

you or embarrass you. (JPaul Hernandez,
motivational speaker)

I’ve experienced this firsthand with the real men I have

interviewed. Every single one of them encouraged me with
their words and actions. There was not one interview when I
did not feel valued, respected, and appreciated.

Men from Boiling Waters revealed:

23
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

“When we were still ‘boys,’ we would have

several girls. We would even practice ‘zoning’
(making sure girls are from different locations
to avoid getting caught). When we get excited
with someone new and things are getting sour
with our current girls, we would make them
feel as if they’re losing by still being with us.”

Argh! The tactics, right? There were girls they ghosted in the
past, but when they make pa-cute again to them, the girls
accept them with open arms! So, what do they do? They
ghost the girls all over again!

“What you tolerate now is what you should be okay with

permanently,” they said.

When you allow a guy to mistreat you, you

are not helping him become the man God
wants him to be. (Velden Lim, author and
inspirational speaker)

In this kind of situation, it is pretty evident that there is

still a lot to heal in you, especially when you allow abuse
in the relationship. It reveals deep brokenness in both
parties. When there is abuse, you should stop giving him a
chance and walk away because that’s the loving thing to do.
Remember, sin gives birth to other sins. I don’t think you
want your life to be a living hell.

24
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

According to Audee Villaraza, “We should not go around in

this world hungry. Don’t trade your treasure for momentary
pleasure.”

If you want to be wise with your decisions about your lifetime

partner, you always have to put this thought in your pocket:
“If twenty years from now and his habits do not change, will
I still be happy that I ended up with him?”*

Do people change? Yes, they do. But by their own choice and
with God’s power in them. Darling, I know you’re wonderful,
but you’re not powerful enough to sustain change in a guy. A
woman can never do that for him. Sure, for you, he’ll change
for a few weeks. But eventually, he will revert to his old ways
unless he finds it in himself the resolve to transform.

What to Do

“Have a life before you become a wife,” sabi nga ni Mareng

Beyonce, ’di ba? (said Tita Beyonce, right?) Discover your
passions and talents. Reconnect with friends. Heal your past
wounds. If he begs you to come back, stand your ground.
You are doing what is best for him. The heavens will back
you up. A guy, who cannot take care of himself and cannot
get his life in order, won’t be able to take care of you.

*Jason Evert and Crystalina Evert. How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your
Soul: 21 Secrets for Women. Totus Tuus Press, 2011.

25
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Prayer:

“Father, help me live a full, fruitful, and flourishing life, so the

devil won’t have any space to tempt me to settle for a life less
than what You’ve intended for me. In Jesus’ name.”

26
 CHAPTER 4

BOYS ARE ALL GAMES

AND PLAY;
REAL MEN HAVE A
CLEAR MISSION

Having a vision in life is important, as it serves as our life’s

guidepost and helps us make good choices. This holds true,
especially with the men we let into our lives. We do not want
boys who are sailing in life without direction. They’re like
soldiers without missions and questionable characters let
loose in a battle.

Of course, life is not meant to be all-serious. That’s why there

are games that are meant to entertain. However, when done
excessively, it shows a sign of immaturity, childishness, and
addiction to pleasure. So, here are telltale signs that you’re
dating a dopamine-junkie:

27
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

He’s just playing with his gadget all day long. ML pa more!
(Play Mobile Legends some more!)

He’s only thinking about himself and his needs.

You don’t see a sense of responsibility in his life, and if you

do, medyo pilit (he’s forced to).

But you might think, “I love taking care of him” or “He needs
time off, too, you know.”

However, here’s what real men say:

Do you know why you guys are dating? Ano,

wala lang? Bored siya? Pampalipas oras? Ano
ka, video game? (Is he bored and you’re just
his pastime? What are you, a video game?)
(JPaul Hernandez, motivational speaker)

A real man is responsible and purposeful. He has no time to

waste on pseudo-relationships, because he values himself
and knows his time is important.

Some guys don’t have a dream, so they just make women

their goal.

Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle

to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to

28
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

rescue. . . A man needs a much bigger orbit

than a woman. He needs a mission, a life
purpose, and he needs to know his name.
Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then
does he have something to invite her into.
(John Eldredge, Wild at Heart)

I love this book titled Wild at Heart even if its target readers
are men. While reading, it made me think, “No wonder a
lot of boys are into Mobile Legends. They’re designed for
battle.” It’s just sad that so many settle for so much less than
the battle God is calling them to fight. It’s more unfortunate
that many women lead guys to smaller pursuits because she
lets him have her so easy.

Remember, a real man has a mission, and he pursues a

woman because he knows she is someone he can build his
dreams with.

I remember the story of Rachelle Ann Go, a Filipino singer

and an international musical theater actress, when she first
met her husband. She was gushing deep inside, thinking,
“This is the man I’m gonna marry. I even love the questions
he is asking me!”

When you meet the right person, you should

engage not just in shallow fun talks, but most
importantly, meaningful ones. And the more
you get to know the other person, the more

29
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

you discover, “Wow, there are more things I

like (than don’t like) in this person.” (Audee
Villaraza, lay preacher)

The right person will be hard to see if you’re bored with your
life because then, anyone will be okay. There’s no reason to
be choosy because you’re just filling up space in your life.
That’s why “Master-Mission-Mate” is crucial because when
you are living your best life, you’ll discern more who you
let in your life. It’ll be easier to see if the person you are
entertaining is heaven or hell sent.

As a woman, I know it’s innate in us to want to serve, to be

there for someone, to want to take care of another person,
but we have to make sure it’s not the kind of service that’s
supposed to be done a long time ago by their own parents.
Our role is not to grow them up, but it should be a service
coming from an overflowing heart toward another person
living a full life.

What to Do

1. Talk with God and ask what His mission for you is.
Pray for mentors. Pour your life into God’s mission for
you. Your life project is never to turn a boy into a man. Di
ka Diyos, girl. Mukha ka lang diyosa. Naks! (You’re not
God, girl. You just look like a goddess!)

30
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

2. Always remember you deserve a partner, and not a

husband you have to mother. Imagine a future where
you do all the work—you change diapers, you feed your
children, while your husband plays all day on his phone!
Kung hindi ka ba naman malosyang! (You’ll surely look
dowdy!)

Prayer:

“Father, I pray for all the men in my life. Heal them and love
them. May they discover Your holy battle for them. May I
never be a distraction to what You are doing in their lives.
Help me direct my energy toward what You want for me for
this season of my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

31
 CHAPTER 5

BOYS GO
WITH THE FLOW;
REAL MEN
FOLLOW JESUS

We often hear people say, “Just go with the flow.” This means
to do what other people are doing because it is the easiest
thing. And living an intentional life, as we know it, is not
easy. It requires guts to do what is right. At times, it even
requires us to go against the flow. And we won’t be able to
fight the current if we do not have a strong anchor in Christ.

This holds true with the character of real men. They have the
courage to go against the flow and follow Jesus. Others do
not easily sway them because they are anchored in Jesus—
their Master. They are like soldiers deployed in battle, loyal
to their General, with clear-cut missions.

32
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

So, here are telltale signs to easily spot a boy from a real
man:

When he converses with others, it shows that he has no

moral standards.

He doesn’t stand for what is right. He would rather be

accepted and be liked.

He doesn’t stand up for you when he needs to.

He doesn’t care if you look or feel bad, as long as he is

celebrated by the crowd.

But you might think, “Nobody’s perfect” or “But what if he’s

a really good man and he just doesn’t know the Lord yet?”

However, here’s what real men say:

Real men are those who have pledged

allegiance to the Master and are embracing
and pursuing their mission. (Anthony
Pangilinan, management trainer and celebrity
host)

I have met men like these, and it’s impossible not to respect
and admire them. I realize they can lead well because they
follow after the best Leader of all—Jesus Christ.

33
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Doug Kramer opened up, “I never cheated on Chesca. I

easily could. But I am accountable to God more than I am
accountable to Chesca.”

A man who loves the Lord follows His Word. Imagine him
being convicted by these words:

“Now, therefore, listen to me, my children.

Pay attention to the words of my mouth: Do
not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do
not stray to her paths; for she has cast down
many wounded. And all who were slain by
her were strong men. Her house is the way to
hell, descending to the chambers of death.”
(Proverbs 7:24-27)

It’s true, men who commit adultery end up losing

everything. But when you choose a man of God, your heart
is protected.

“I believe God’s blessings will pour more if you are faithful

to your wife,” Doug said.

Having God in your marriage is your best gift to your

children. When Anthony and Maricel Pangilinan fight, they
run to the Lord and pray for each other. The Lord humbles
them both and lowers their pride. This is an excellent source
of security for their children.

34
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

When faced with trials and there are no deep roots, the
immature boy falls away, is easily tempted, gives up, and
succumbs to all sorts of addiction. He chooses to lower
himself. And that’s always devastating for the family and the
community.

As Velden Lim warned, “Iba ang mabait sa mabuti.

Kailangan mo ‘yung mabuting tao.” (Being nice and being
good is different. You need a good person.)

A guy can be nice, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be able to lead
a family well. Some guys are too nice. They want to please
people so much to the detriment of their own family. A nice
guy can let you have your way all the time, but what if that’s
not what’s best for you? Some guys are nice all for their own
glory.

Good men, on the other hand, do what is right, even if it’ll

please others or not. They are God-pleasers.

What to Do

1. Always remember that a man’s faith is not your

responsibility.

2. Never make a decision out of fear or pressure.

35
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

3. Make sure you really get to know him. Practice chastity

so you’ll clearly see his character. Choose someone you
deeply respect.

Prayer:

“Father I pray for a holy, healthy, and happy marriage for

me, if that is Your will. Help me cooperate with Your grace
as You purify my heart and chisel away parts of me that do
not reflect You. I pray for my future husband to have a deep
relationship with You. May Your love always be more than
enough. In Jesus’ name.”

36
 CHAPTER 6

EXPANDED VERSION OF
THE BOY VERSUS REAL
MAN DIFFERENCES

The five differences I shared in the previous chapters are

the most important ones, but I want to cover as many facets
as I can to make it easy for women to identify whether the
guy she’s dating is an immature boy or a real man who truly
deserves her time, attention, and most especially, her heart.

So, here is our go-to table, ladies. Pray before you read it:
“Holy Spirit, help me see the truth and love myself enough to
make the right decision.”

37
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

IMMATURE BOY REAL MAN

1. He leaves you guessing in He is clear and intentional.
the dark.
2. He is passive and passes He takes charge and he
on the blame. leads.
3. He is all games and play. He has a mission and has a
real battlefield.
4. He steals your peace. He adds peace and joy to
your life.
5. He only cares about He dies to his selfish desires
himself. and serves others.
6. He doesn’t care much He protects your purity
about your sexual purity because He values you as a
because his pleasure is precious gift from the Lord.
always first.
7. He is driven by his fleshly He has strong self-control.
desires.
8. He misuses his strength He offers you his strength.
and abuses you. He comes through for you.
9. He hurts you with his He heals you with his words.
words.
10. He is not trustworthy; he He gives you no reason
cheats on you. to doubt. You’re at peace
whether he’s with you or
not.
11. His worth is ego-based. His worth is rooted in God.
12. He has no accountability. He is accountable to God
and other few good men.
13. He is unreliable and He is responsible and
people know it. You see in dependable. His lifestyle
his lifestyle that his priorities reflects a clear sense of
are not in place. His life is a priorities. His life is in order.
mess. He is well respected.

38
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

14. You wouldn’t want your It’s a delight to think when

future son to be like him
nor your future daughter to
marry someone like him.
15. He depletes you and
makes you feel insecure.
You become less than the
woman God created you to
be. He’s a burden.
you have a son, he’ll be like
this man. Or when you have
a daughter, you’re at peace
she’ll marry someone like
him.
He cherishes you and makes
you bloom because he loves
and accepts you exactly the
way you are. You become
more of the woman God
thought you up to be. He’s
your life’s bonus.

To summarize, a real man leads, provides, and protects,

according to JPaul Hernandez. Boys do the opposite.

In one of my vlogs*, I interviewed a power couple—Sean and

Apple Si—who are crushing it in their tech business. Sean
has great advice for guys before they pursue a woman. It is
to make sure they are ready spiritually, mentally, physically,
emotionally, and financially.

For me, that is real love—when the guy says no to his desires
in order to give the best version of himself to the woman he
loves. This guy knows this is what she deserves. I didn’t say
perfect, but in the depths of his heart and soul, he knows
he’s truly ready to love the woman.

* You can watch the full vlog here: http://bit.ly/SeanandAppleSi

39
 CHAPTER 7

OTHER EXCUSES
LADIES GIVE

Women are so adorable. I receive looong messages from

them all the time. And I love reading them, offering an advice
or two and praying for them. Here are the usual excuses I
hear from women when they are with immature boys:

But We Have a Baby! And He’s the Provider!

I would never advise you to let him stop providing for your
child. However, I think it’s best you stop having sex when
you’re not married. Wow, that’s blunt, but I say it with love.
Sex makes you blind and leads you to many wrong decisions
that you’ll regret later on. Give it a year. If he proposes

40
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

after a year of clarity without “bang bang,” as celebrity

and endorser Alex Gonzaga would put it (haha), then why
not? Marry him if God leads you to, by all means, that’ll be
awesome for your child.

But I Can’t Be Alone, I’ll Die!

That’s a real problem, my dear, because until you can

honestly say, “I am happily single,” you can never be happy
in a relationship in the long run. You might answer, “Edi
puro short term na lang!” (Then let it be all short-term!) But
do you think that’s wise?

See what it does to your heart. Ask yourself, “Am I at peace

with myself?” “Do I want my future children to live the
way I am living now?” I remember meeting a woman who
shared with me that all of them three siblings have different
fathers. She was so broken, she repeated the cycle. She now
has seven children from five different guys.

Whoever you are as a single person multiplies in a

relationship. So, you want to be happy first. You want to be
healed first. You won’t die being alone, I promise. I used to
think my oxygen is the attention of guys, I was wrong. God
met all my needs and I did not just survive without a guy, I
thrived!

41
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

But I Love Him and He Really Loves Me!

Okay, okay, let’s define love once again. Love is to will the
good of the other. If both of you are not becoming your
best selves and the relationship is becoming a source of
distraction, then you are headed towards a path of regret.
You are made for so much more than making another
person your whole world. Your partner is not designed to
be the source of your worth and purpose. It doesn’t matter
how head over heels you are now, that’s not enough to make
a relationship grow and thrive.

There has to be a bigger purpose as to why you are together.

There has to be more than attraction. As Bo Sanchez said,
“Above everything else, look for character because it is what
will last.” Hey, not that looks are not important, it is! But
that’s a whole different topic altogether.

Remember, sometimes loving best is letting go. So both

of you can be made whole first, and you can love one
another—if God’s will—from a healthier place one day.
*Cue “Paubaya” by Moira dela Torre*

But I Don’t Think I’ll Find Anyone Better Than Him!

In every decision you make, you have to be honest with your

42
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

intention. Are you saying this because of low self-worth?

Or are you saying it because you’ve done your very best as
a single woman and you found yourself an equal partner
in this quality guy? If it’s the former, you’re harming your
future. If it’s the latter and you’re totally at peace with it,
and you’ve consulted mentors, then congrats! You may have
found the one!

Prayer:

“Father, help me let go of all my excuses. Deep in my heart, I

know I am holding on to this unhealthy relationship because
I am afraid. Replace my fear with Your love. Help me boldly
walk the unknown with You. In Jesus’ name.”

43
 CHAPTER 8

ENJOYING THE SINGLE

SEASON FULLY:
TIPS FROM REAL MEN

Single season can be a happy season of freedom, growth,

and beauty. It is a season where you can enjoy the freedom
to pursue your passions and grow into the person God wants
you to be. I’m not saying you can’t do those things when you
have a partner in life. You still can, but single season lets
you focus on yourself. It is a beautiful season of learning
and healing, so you can live freely and lightly in Christ.

Here are tips from real men on how you can enjoy your
single season:

Live a full life! Live your one hundred percent

now! Go for your passions, spend time with
friends, family, etc. If the guy comes, he’ll

44
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

be a bonus. Even if he doesn’t come, you’ll

say, “I’m living the life. I’m really happy.” (Bo
Sanchez, bestselling author and international
speaker)

I love the video* of football player Tim Tebow, husband of

Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters, where he talks to
single people and tells them that their purpose in life is not
to wait for the special person to come.

Tim says, “You’re not sitting in the sidelines of life, you’re

playing the game. And it’s not like you’re going from the
sidelines to the field. ‘I will finally go after my dreams when
I get married,’ no, you don’t get to start your purpose when
you get married. Your purpose started when you were born.
When you get married, then you just get to share your
purpose with someone else.”

You got that? We should already live our purpose before we

allow another person in. It is two full lives coming together.
Oh, how exciting that will be!

Discover the strength of the season. If you’re

looking at what’s next, you may miss out on
the miracle of the now. Allow God to love you
in the present time. Once you have God in
your life, whether you’re married or not, you

* Watch Tim Tebow’s full video here: http://bit.ly/TimTebowOnWaiting

45
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

will be happy. You will live a satisfying full life.

(Audee Villaraza, lay preacher)

Single season is also pruning season. God

will chisel away parts of you that won’t serve
your marriage and family in the future.
(Anthony Pangilinan, management trainer
and celebrity host)

Anthony Pangilinan shares some verses that we can tuck

into our hearts:

“Though he slay me yet I will trust Him.” (Job 13:15)

“After He has pruned me, tested me, I shall come forth as

gold.” (Job 23:10)

Waiting is indeed very difficult, but it is where your

character will be shaped the most.

Anthony has also three bits of wisdom to impart to you:

“Relax, you have a relationship with God.

You’re doing your best in your assigned
calling. Kapag hinog sa pilit, masama ang
lasa. (When it’s force-ripe, it tastes bad.)”

“Matuto kang matulog! (Learn to sleep!) Only

after Adam slept that Eve showed up.”

“Remain at rest. Draw from God and be filled

46
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

by Him daily. First word-God’s Word. Before

you open your phone, open your Bible. Your
days will never be the same again. Even when
others withdraw from you, even when your
suitor fails to message you, ‘di ka bumibigay
agad kasi punong-puno ka. (You won’t give in
easily because you’re overflowing.) ‘Yan ang
intriguing sa manliligaw. Kahit anong gawin
niya, chill ka lang. (That’s what makes you
intriguing to the suitor. No matter what he
does, you remain chill.)”

“That’s the most attractive thing to a man—to see a woman

at rest with herself. What a relief,” Anthony adds.

Doug Kramer mentioned a husband who said, “You know

my wife loves me, but I don’t think she needs me because
she’s so secure in the Lord.”

JPaul Hernandez jokingly said, “She doesn’t need me pero

may landi (but she flirts).”

According to real men, they go bananas over a woman like

this!

Maybe because the pursuit, the hunters in them are kept

alive by a woman who is fully alive.

Anthony shares a prayer we women can pray: “Lord, fill me.

47
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Give me peace that surpasses all understanding.”

He says we cannot fake nor manufacture this peace, but we

can ask for it often from the Lord.

“God will answer that prayer, promise,” he quips.

Dating Tips from Real Men

Do you feel like you have graduated from the single season
and you already want to enter the dating game? Are you
eyeing somebody now? Yihee! Such exciting times! Here are
some pointers from our real men, so your heart enjoys the
process and remains protected at the same time.

Velden Lim lets us on a secret:

“Act as if he is not interested in you. Act as if

friendship lang ang habol niya sa ’yo. (Act as
if he’s only after friendship.)”

As others said, don’t assume unless told. I agree with

Velden’s mindset, as it protects the heart of women. It’s a
wise and healthy perspective to have. I know how we women
can easily get our hopes up.

Our real men also have tips on how to possibly meet the

48
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

one. Let’s start with online dating apps.

Velden says:

“There is no sub to real-life dating. Are you

really sure you know your worth? Kung
marupok ka, ’wag ka mag-online dating.
Ayusin mo muna sarili mo. (If you’re weak,
don’t go online dating. Fix yourself first.)”

Men from Boiling Waters suggested, “Don’t rush. Be

committed to baby steps. Join Boiling Waters Cactus
Community on Facebook to continually be guided.”

When we feel we’re ready, Velden’s butterfly principle will

apply:

I was once chasing a butterfly, but the more

I run after it, the more it evaded me. My lola
(grandmother) told me just to stay put, so
I relaxed and sat there in the garden. True
enough, the butterfly came to me. Same with
love, do not chase after it, but make sure you
are surrounded by opportunities to get to
know another person. (paraphrased)

He also tells us not to be snobs:

“Be hard to get, but don’t be hard to

know. Some women are not even opening

49
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

themselves up to friendship. Dating is not

flirting; it’s getting to know.”

Bo Sanchez adds:

“Keep being interested in different things.

Serve and keep being curious with life. I
always recommend friendships, having lots
and lots of friends, hopefully with people who
love the Lord, strengthening and growing
their relationship with Him, while discovering
their mission. When you start to fall, bring
your feelings to the Lord. Remember, you are
not your feelings. Knowing this already brings
a lot of freedom.”

Here’s a practical tip to get our crush to notice us too!

Velden mentioned the importance of taking care of ourselves

through the iPhone analogy. He says people are willing to
pay premium for a well-packaged product. “Kapag iPhone,
pumapayag tayo na mas mahal. (When it’s iPhone, we’re
okay with it being expensive.) Women, like iPhones, have
to package themselves. But a lot of women are hiding their
beauty.”

Speaking of iPhone, JPaul has a good analogy as well: If men

are the iPhone 11, then women are the iPhone 12 based on
the story of creation. We are the upgraded version! Hear, hear!

50
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

Velden also has one important tip on how to handle guys:

“For the man to step up, you have to step

back. Guys hate to be told what to do. Maybe
you are over-leading and over-parenting him.
You may suggest, but support and affirm his
decisions.”

In terms of character, model the kind of person you want

to meet. Be the right one first. If you feel you have already
worked on yourself, then you can check if this guy has these
important character traits as well:

Is this person genuinely kind? Observe how he treats not

just you but the people around him.

Is he selfless? You have to check if kaya ba niyang magparaya

(if he can let go of his preferences and his wants for others’
happiness). The only thing that can sustain a relationship
forever is when both parties are selfless.

Do you guys fight respectfully and reasonably? You also

have to check how he handles conflicts.

Now, how do you know if he’s really serious about you? Look
for these three things during your courtship stage: clarity,
consistency, and commitment. Only time will tell if he’s
really serious about you.

51
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

Again and again, I will say that God wants women to be

happy with Him first, because it is the greatest filter and
protection from wrong guys. You are choosing from a heart
that has already been loved well. Therefore, you will choose
with wisdom.

Taking care of your heart is not selfish. It’s being a great

steward of this one life God gave you.

Prayer:

“Father, help me to see that this season is a beautiful gift from

You—to grow, to thrive, and to bless others. Help me to enjoy
it to the full and look back on it one day with no regrets. Help
me to embrace every process that You will allow and to always
treat others with Your loving-kindness. Help me to always do
what’s best for myself and others, Father. In Jesus’ name.”

52
 BONUS
CHAPTER

It is crucial to take the time to self-reflect and not put all the
blame to the guys. We have to constantly ask ourselves, “Am
I the right woman already?” “What can I do to prepare for
marriage if I feel that is where God is calling me?” “How can
I love my future husband as early as now?”

This takes time, a lot of God’s work, and cooperation on our

part. But imagine the grandeur that awaits two hearts that
are fully prepared to love one another, because the Master
of Love has trained them well and deemed it is already time
to unite them.

So, here’s a checklist for us girls:

53
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women
AN IMMATURE GIRL
1. She pursues a guy.
2. She seduces a guy.
3. She confuses a guy and
leads him on.
4. She uses guys to feed her
ego.
5. She judges people and
gossips about them.
6. Her words dampen
others’ spirits.
7. She envies and puts
down other women.
8. She has toxic
relationships because of
how she views herself and
others.
9. She hides a lot of things
and avoids conversations
with her mentors and
people who care about her.
10. She always complains.
54
A REAL WOMAN
She allows herself to be
known and lets the guy lead
and leaves the pursuit to
him.
She protects men from
being tempted.
She is clear with her
boundaries, clear with her
values, and clear with her
intentions.
She prays to be an
instrument to bring out the
best in the men in her life.
She sees people as images
of God and speaks the truth
in love when needed.
Her words heal, uplift, and
affirm.
She knows she is in her
own race and cheers other
women on.
She has healthy friendships.
She lives a life of integri-
ty. Proverbs 31:25: “She is
clothed with strength and
dignity, and laughs at the
days to come.”
She is filled with gratitude.
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

11. Her way or the highway God’s way and others first;
God will take care of her.
12. She settles with a boy She chooses to be single
and stays in a relationship rather than settle and walks
even if she gets cheated on, away the moment she sees
abused, etc. a red flag.
13. She craves attention. She longs for someone but
is satisfied with the Lord.
14. Her worth is based on Her worth is rooted in
positions and what the being a precious daughter
world says; brands dictate of God.
her worth.
15. She has scarcity She serves and gives,
mentality. knowing there’s more from
where it comes from.
16. Insecure; tires people Secure; people can rest and
out with her presence relax in her presence
17. She hides her beauty She celebrates her beauty
and emotions. and is capable of being
vulnerable.
18. She is a people pleaser. She is comfortable in her
own skin.
19. She only cares about She cares about building
finding the one. God’s Kingdom; immersed
in her purpose and calling.
20. Unfree because she Free because she is fully
constantly worries and trusting God
doubts
21. When someone breaks She cries and moves on.
her heart, her whole world She is a whole person
falls apart. whose happiness doesn’t
depend on a relationship.

55
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

22. She says: I’m imperfect. She says: I’m imperfect

Deal with it! that’s why I need God and I
will do my best every day to
be a better woman to give
Him glory.
23. She does things to be She does things because
loved. she is already loved.

A woman who is truly happy with her life (let’s call her
swingin’ single lady, just how Rissa Singson Kawpeng,
author of Confessions of an Impatient Bride, calls her)
thrives because God is alive in her, and this will be her best
protection from the immature boys. She won’t waste her
time with them. She is not going around “hungry” because
she is filled to the overflow and ready to give and receive
healthy love.

When a man knows you are close to the Lord,

he thinks, “She has a relationship with God,
I cannot mess around.” (Anthony Pangilinan,
management trainer and celebrity host)

God is indeed our strong fortress, ladies!

Another benefit of being a swingin’ single lady is that you

won’t be the needy, clingy type that will suffocate your man.
Instead, you will inspire him with your joy because you are
filled with God’s love.

56
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

A woman who has been loved and made whole by God

during the single season won’t have hung ups of unfulfilled
dreams when she becomes a mother, because she has lived
her best single years with God, working powerfully through
her.

She will truly be a blessing to her children because her

identity and worth is not based on them.

So many women seek validation through their children.

They constantly compare them to other kids to pressure
them to perform whereas the underlying motive is to make
them look good. This is super unhealthy.

Vivien Hernandez, the wife of JPaul Hernandez, shared in

the recent Feast Holy Week Retreat online that God allowed
her to go through a long process of healing from all the
sexual abuse in the past before she met the one. Now, she is
at peace as a mom, as she has overflowing love in her heart
for her child.

According to Bo Sanchez, a happy single woman and a

happy single man is the best relationship formula to a happy
marriage.

Hey, let’s be honest here: A swingin’ single lady still longs for

57
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

love and affection, but since she has been loved enough by
God, she doesn’t see any need to settle for less than His very
best. She knows who she is and what she deserves. *Cue the
song “The Very Best”* by Francesca Batistelli*

We are the start of a movement

We do the things worth doing
We know this is our moment
So we own it
We are the next generation
We got the words worth saying
We have the spark to inspire
To start a fire

We are worth nothing less

Nothing less than the best

We’re standing tall like giants

We’re shining bright like diamonds
We know the power inside us
So we triumph
We’re gonna shake the nations
Breaking all expectations
History in the making
Let me hear you say it

We are worth nothing less

Nothing less than the best

I firmly believe that there will be an anointing of ease when

you meet the right one. According to Audee, you will simply

* Listen and watch the lyric video here: http://bit.ly/TheVeryBestbyFrancesca

58
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

know if God is blessing that relationship. It’ll all be green

lights. Isn’t that exciting?

I hope you enjoyed this book. May the words of the real men
here provide you with protection and wisdom and lead you
to a life of overwhelming peace and overflowing joy.

I want to thank all the real men who generously shared their
time and wisdom out of their genuine care for you. Share
this book to as many women as you can!

Prayer:

“Father, thank You for leading me to this book. I want to

activate Your best plans for me by finally saying yes to You.
Help me let go of anything that is blocking me from receiving
Your full love. Please provide me with healthy relationships,
Father. Mold me to become more like You. Help me to know,
love, and obey You more. Help me to trust You. Help me
see that You are for me. Thank You for shaping me into the
woman You have called me to be. I am excited with all that
You will do, Father, with all that we will do together!

At this point, I also ask for the special intercession of St. Joseph
for my future husband (God willing!) and for all the men in
my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

59
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

FAR MORE PRECIOUS

Coaching Program

You want to go deeper? Do you think you need guidance

in knowing yourself and your worth? You might want to
consider joining my coaching program.

During the lockdown in 2020, I felt the leading of God to

start this. With the help of my friends, Sha, Marj, and Riva,
I launched “Far More Precious Than Diamonds”, a ten-
month coaching program for single women to know their
worth and find confidence in pursuing God’s call.

It has been such a joyful journey, and I’m so happy to hear

from the ladies that they didn’t want the program to end.
Here are some of the breakthroughs we’ve had:

Ava (not her real name) came from a broken past. Her
boyfriend broke up with her because she was overly jealous
and had bouts of wanting to end her life. After attending my
program, Ava became a changed woman, flying high in her
career. Someone very close to her and the guy told me how
much their relationship has matured, the girl clearly knows
her worth now and the guy is so much into her! They’re now
engaged!

Jane (not her real name) just had a fresh breakup and was

60
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

unsure of what she wants to do with her life at the time she
entered the program. Now, she started an advocacy she is
so passionate about and is being interviewed on different
platforms and shows online. Jane is also thriving in her
relationships. She is now living a full life.

Shiela (not her real name) has never felt happy about
Valentine’s Day. After applying the lessons she learned
from the program, she shared to me that she finally felt true
happiness as a single person. This year was her first happy
Valentine’s Day. Her passions died in her heart, now she
feels fully alive again.

Olive (not her real name) celebrated life as she lost ten
pounds in forty-six days! She’s able to gain the right mindset,
which she applies to her other goals. Olive is now more
confident because she accomplished this feat.

Here are some testimonials:

Thank you so much, Sis Maan, for trusting

me that I can still be a better person. Thank
you for making me realize that I can dream
again and pursue my passion. Our coaching
sessions have helped me a lot. I am always in
awe of your wisdom. I can still remember how
I first met you back in Jewels Conference 2019.
Immediately right after your talk, I searched

61
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

and followed you on IG. I thought having you

as my mentor and coach would only be just
a dream. It’s amazing how in God’s perfect
time, He allowed things to happen. I’m excited
to see you inspire and help more ladies in the
succeeding batches.

Anne, 32 years old

When I joined the FMP program, I was unsure

of what the outcomes would be. After the
10-month program, I was able to know my
deeper ‘why’ and, most importantly, to have
a deeper relationship with my Master (God).
I also gained sisters where I can be vulnerable
without feeling judged. The program is life-
changing for me. I know the Master more
during our Bible study and eventually know
my Mission in life as well. Sis Maan is warm,
friendly (superrr kalog), and I can feel her
positive aura every time we have the coaching
session. Indeed, the Lord is using her to bless
more single women in this generation.

Jhenai, 34 years old

I am grateful for this program! I am able to

embrace myself and my worth as a woman. I
lost my self-worth because of my painful past.
I never really knew my worth and I never
set boundaries for myself. I thought I am

62
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

unworthy of things, that I do not deserve to

be loved because I am not good enough. But
with this program that you created, I began to
embrace my self-worth. I deserve to be loved.
Thank you for creating this program for single
women. Thank you for sharing yourself to us
as well! I appreciate you and I am inspired by
your own experiences about love! God bless
your mission and we love you!

Clarissa, 35 years old

I am always thankful for Maan’s passion in

helping women flourish and transform to
becoming a woman of God. I must say that
this program is a safe space for women to be
vulnerable and open. I was able to express
myself and share things that I have been dealing
with, especially with issues about men. This
program, I believe, can raise healthy self-image
and worth based on God’s unconditional love
for women.

I have learned a lot from Maan and I felt that I

am truly equipped and guided. Every time we
finish our session, I get clearer and clearer with
God’s direction for me.

From doom to bloom, from darkness to light,

and confusion to clarity. Maan has influenced
me in a beautiful way and impacted me a lot.
I feel empowered and now I see myself through

63
 Real Men Revelations: Speaking the Truth (in Love) to Women

God’s eyes. This is something I will bring with

me for the rest of my life.
Lusele, 34 years old

It was indeed a fun, fulfilling, and Holy

Spirit-filled 10-month session. A big thanks
to Marianne Mencias for creating a coaching
program for single women to help us live full,
fruitful, and flourishing lives because we know
our worth and unique purpose.

I remember I was hesitant to enroll in her

program for financial reasons, but I told
myself, I need to make a change to have
different results. In my heart, I am clear when I
started, I wanted to embrace the beauty inside
and outside of me, and from that learning, I
will be able to help others embrace their own as
well. Throughout this program, I received a lot
of wins—new friends and new perspective on
how God preciously created me, how loving He
is to me, and how He listens. In this journey, I
also learned to love myself more and seek more
of His LOVE and His VOICE and have a deeper
understanding of my worth. And today, as I
graduated from this program, I am grateful
how God blessed and helped me to give birth
to my own SELF-LOVE Workbook.

Donna, 33 years old

64
 Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias

I am always floored with the results every time God leads me

to do something. What a privilege to be used as His vessel! I
can’t wait for more women to experience this.

I am opening the second batch of the “Far More Precious”

program. If you are interested to join, here is the link to
register: http://bit.ly/FMPBatch2 or e-mail me at marianne.
mencias@gmail.com

If you feel you are not ready to commit to a ten-month

program, I host a monthly get together for single ladies! For
more details, go to https://bit.ly/FMPGTMonthly

65
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To my family, for all their loving support to my mission.

To my friends, especially to Cathy (layout artist, editor, etc.),

Marj and Sha (board of advisers), this book came to life
because of you.

To my editor, Elle, and proofreader, Kring, thanks for your

care and professionalism. Big thanks to Elaine for designing
my book cover.

To my website creators headed by Sean Si, thank you for

all your loving generosity. Thanks, Steph, for always being
there!

To all the women supporting my work, thank you for

inspiring me to choose well for my life and to keep on
continuing especially when the journey gets tough!

To all the real men interviewed in this book:

Doug Kramer: Your kindness is off the charts! Thank you so

much!

Bo Sanchez: Your humility always inspires! Thank you for

your love!

Anthony Pangilinan: Your wisdom is truly Holy Spirit-filled!

Thank God for having you in my life!

Boiling Waters: Thanks for sharing in this mission! You guys

are the coolest!

Audee Villaraza: Thanks for leading the Feast flock! I’m a

66
better person because of your authenticity!

Velden Lim: I am always encouraged by your presence.

Thank you for everything!

JPaul Hernandez: Thank you for being a partner in this

mission! And for being a great friend!

To God, I am nothing without You. Thank You for choosing

to use me for this purpose.

67
About the Author
Marianne Madelaine V. Mencias is a proponent of Master-
Mission-Mate. She used to make romance her own god,
thinking she cannot live without someone making her feel
special. To date, she has been happily single for eight years.

She has written two bestselling books titled What’s Your

Life’s Masterpiece? and Why Is My Forever Taking Forever?
She has given more than 500 motivational talks around the
Philippines and in 20 other countries.

Marianne has seen the detrimental effects of two people

coming together without knowing their worth, identity, and
purpose. She hates this tactic of the enemy—using fake love
to deceive us.

She dreams of a world where women know their real worth

and they make the best choices for their hearts. She knows
God wants heaven on earth for us—and this is where it all
starts.

To get her free e-book, Sweet Single Season, visit her website
www.mariannemencias.com.

If you want to receive her Wednesday love letters, e-mail

her at marianne.mencias@gmail.com. Connect with her
through her social media accounts:

@marianne_mencias Marianne Mencias

@MaanMencias @menciasmarianne

@marianne_mencias

68