THE ABANDONMENT QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure the strength of your Abandonment life- trap. Answer the items using the scale below. Rate each item based on the way you have felt or behaved in general during your adult life. If there has been a lot of variation during different periods of your adult years, focus more on the most recent year or two in rating an item. Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5’s or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE | DESCRIPTION 1. I worry a lot that the people I love will die or leave me. 2. I cling to people because I am afraid they will leave me. 3. I do not have a stable base of support. 4. [keep falling in love with people who cannot be there for me in a committed way. 5. People have always come and gone in my life. 6. I get desperate when someone I love pulls away. 7. I get so obsessed with the idea that my lovers will leave me that I drive them away. 8. The people closest to me are unpredictable. One min- ute they are there for me and the next minute they are gone. 9. I need other people too much. 10. In the end, I will be alone. YOUR TOTAL SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE MISTRUST AND ABUSE QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure the strength of your Mistrust and Abuse lifetrap. Answer the items using the following scale: ScorRING KEY 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5's or 6's on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. I expect people to hurt or use me. 2. Throughout my life people close to me have abused me. 3. It is only a matter of time before the people I love will betray me. 4. [have to protect myself and stay on my guard. 5. If I am not careful, people will take advantage of me. 6. I set up tests for people to see if they are really on my side. 7. I try to hurt people before they hurt me. 8. I am afraid to let people get close to me because I expect them to hurt me. 9. Iam angry about what people have done to me. 10. I have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused by people I should have been able to trust. YOUR TOTAL MISTRUST AND ABUSE SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION QUESTIONNAIRE The questionnaire below will help you decide how strongly you have this lifetrap. Rate each item using the following scale: Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5’s or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1, I need more love than I get. 2. No one really understands me. 3. I am often attracted to cold partners who can’t meet my needs, 4, I feel disconnected, even from the people who are Closest to me. 5. I have not had one special person I love who wants to share him/herself with me and cares deeply about what happens to me. 6. No one is there to give me warmth, holding, and affection. 7. Ido not have someone who really listens and is tuned into my true needs and feelings. — 8. It is hard for me to let people guide or protect me, even though it is what I want inside. 9. It is hard for me to let people love me. 10. Iam lonely a lot of the time. YOUR TOTAL EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE SOCIAL EXCLUSION QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure your Social Exclusion lifetrap. Answer the questions using the following scale: Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5's or 6's on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. I feel very self-conscious in social situations. 2. I feel dull and boring at parties and other gatherings. I never know what to say. 3. The people I want as friends are above me in some way (eg., looks, popularity, wealth, status, educa- tion, career). 4. I would rather avoid than attend most social func- tions. . I feel unattractive—too fat, thin, tall, short, ugly, etc. on . I feel fundamentally different from other people. . I do not belong anywhere. I am a loner. . | always feel on the outside of groups. . My family was different from the families around us. wo lo |r|o 10. I feel disconnected from the community at large. YOUR TOTAL SOCIAL EXCLUSION SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)Take this test, rating each item using the scale on the following page. THE DEPENDENCE QUESTIONNAIRE Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly Tf you have any 5’s or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1, I feel more like a child than an adult when it comes to handling the responsibilities of daily life. | 2. Iam not capable of getting by on my own. 3. I cannot cope well by myself. 4. Other people can take care of me better than I can take care of myself. 5. Ihave trouble tackling new tasks unless I have some- one to guide me. . I can’t do anything right. . Lam inept. 6. 7. 8. I lack common sense. 9. I cannot trust my own judgment. 10. I find everyday life overwhelming. YOUR TOTAL DEPENDENCE SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE VULNERABILITY QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure the strength of your Vulnerability lifetrap. Answer the items using the following scale: Scorine Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5’s or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. I cannot escape the feeling that something bad is about to happen. 2. I feel that catastrophe can strike at any moment. 3. I worry about becoming a street person or vagrant. 4. I worry a lot about being attacked by a criminal, mugger, thief, etc. 5. I worry about getting a serious illness, even though nothing has been diagnosed by a physician. 6. Iam too anxious to travel alone on planes, trains, etc. 7. [have anxiety attacks. 8. I am very aware of physical sensations in my body, and I worry about what they mean. 9. I worry I will lose control of myself in public or go crazy. 10. I worry a lot about losing all my money or going broke. YOUR TOTAL VULNERABILITY SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE DEFECTIVENESS QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure the strength of your Defectiveness lifetrap. Use this scale to answer each of the items: Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5’s or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. No man or woman could love me if he/she really ‘knew me. 2. Iam inherently flawed and defective. am unworthy of love. 3. I have secrets that I do not want to share, even with the people closest to me. 4. It was my fault that my parents could not love me. 5. I hide the real me. The real me is unacceptable. The L self I show is a false self. 6. I am often drawn to people—parents, friends, and lovers—who are critical and reject me. 7. Tam often critical and rejecting myself, especially of people who seem to'love me. 8. I devalue my positive qualities. 9. L live with a great deal of shame about myself. 10. One of my greatest fears is that my faults will be exposed. YOUR TOTAL DEFECTIVENESS SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE FAILURE QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure the strength of your Failure lifetrap. Use the following scale to answer the items. Rate what you feel more than what you think intellectually. Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5's or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. I feel I am less competent than other people in areas of achievement. 2. I feel that I am a failure when it comes to achieve- ment. 3. Most people my age are more successful in their work than I am. I was a failure as a student. I feel I am not as intelligent as most of the people I associate with. 6. I feel humiliated by my failures in the work sphere. > n maa I feel embarrassed around other people because I do not measure up in terms of my accomplishments. l often feel that people believe I am more competent than I really am. I feel that I do not have any special talents that really count in life. 10. 1 am working below my potential. YOUR TOTAL FAILURE SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10) ~ ~oTHE SUBJUGATION QUESTIONNAIRE This questionnaire will measure how strongly you have the Subjugation lifetrap. Use the scale on the following page. Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5's or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. I let other people control me. 2. I am afraid that if I do not give in to other people's wishes they will retaliate, get angry, or reject me. 3. I feel the major decisions in my life were not really my own. 4. I have a lot of trouble demanding that other people respect my rights. 5. I worry a lot about pleasing people and getting their approval. 6. I go to great lengths to avoid confrontations. 7. I give more to other people than I get back in return. 8. I feel the pain of other people deeply, so I usually end up taking care of the people I’m close to. 9. I feel guilty when I put myself first. 10. I am a good person because I think of others more than of myself. YOUR TOTAL SUBJUGATION SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE UNRELENTING STANDARDS QUESTIONNAIRE Fill out this questionnaire to measure the strength of your Unrelenting Standards lifetrap. Use the scale on the following page. Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5’s or 6's on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. I cannot accept second best. I have to be the best at most of what I do. 2. Nothing I do is quite good enough. 3. I strive to keep everything in perfect order. 4. 5. I must look my best at all times. Thave so much to accomplish that I have no time to relax. 6. My personal relationships suffer because I push my- self so hard. 7. My health suffers because I put myself under so much pressure. 8. I deserve strong criticism when I make a mistake. 9. Lam very competitive. 10. Wealth and status are very important to me. YOUR TOTAL UNRELENTING STANDARDS SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)THE ENTITLEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE Use this questionnaire to measure the strength of your Entitlement lifetrap. Answer the items based on the following scale: Scorinc Key 1 Completely untrue of me 2 Mostly untrue of me 3 Slightly more true than untrue of me 4 Moderately true of me 5 Mostly true of me 6 Describes me perfectly If you have any 5’s or 6’s on this questionnaire, this lifetrap may still apply to you, even if your score is in the low range. SCORE DESCRIPTION 1. L have trouble accepting “no” for an answer. 2. I get angry when I cannot get what I want. 3. I am special and should not have to accept normal constraints. 4. I put my needs first. 5. Ihave a lot of difficulty getting myself to stop drink- ing, smoking, overeating, or other problem behav- iors. 6. I cannot discipline myself to complete boring or rou- tine tasks. 7. I act on impulses and emotions that get me into trouble later. 8. If I cannot reach a goal, I become easily frustrated and give up. 9. T insist that people do things my way. 10. I have trouble giving up immediate gratification to reach a long-range goal. YOUR TOTAL ENTITLEMENT SCORE (Add your scores together for questions 1-10)6 ‘PLease Don't Leave Me!"': THE ABANDONMENT LireTRAP 58 7 “| Can't Trust You"': THe MistRusT AND Asuse LirerRaP 83 8 ‘'I'ut Never Get THE Love | Neeb’’: THe Emotionat DEPRIVATION Liretrap 109 9 “I Don't Fit IN": THE Sociat Exc.usion Lirerrap 129 10 ‘1 Can’T Make It on My Own": THe DePeNDeNce Lirerrap 155, 11. “CaTasTROPHE Is ABouT To STRIKE"’: THE VULNERABILITY LireTRAP 184 12 ‘I'm WorTHLESS"': THE DEFEcTIVENESS LireTRaP 207 13 “Il Feev Like Such « FaiLurRe"’: THE Faure LirerRaP 239 14 ‘I Aways Do It Your Way!"': THE SuByuGaTION LireTRAP 258 15 “It’s Never Quite Goop ENouGH"’: THE UNRELENTING STANDARDS Lirerrap 294 16 “l CAN HAVE WuaTeverR | WANT’: THE ENTITLEMENT LiFeTRAP 314 INTERPRETING YOUR ABANDONMENT SCORE 10-19 Very low. This lifetrap probably does ot apply to you. 20-29 Fairly low. This lifetrap may only apply occasionally. 30-39 Moderate. This lifetrap is an issve in your life. 40-49 High. This is definitely an important lifetrap for you. 50-60 Very high. This is definitely one of your core lifetraps.