How To Discover Your Top 3 Personal Values

How to Discover Your Top 3 Personal Values https://therightquestions.
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How to Discover Your Top 3 Personal Values

BY SIMON SEPTEMBER 20, 2019 W H Y ( VA L U E S A N D P R I O R I T I E S)
Why you need to know your core values

and how you can find them
Values are the principles and beliefs by which we live our lives and make our decisions. If you
want to e�ectively lead yourself and lead others then you need to be aware of what those
values are.
Our values are also linked to how we feel. Think for a moment: are you feeling unhappy,
distressed or dissatis�ed about something?
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How to Discover Your Top 3 Personal Values https://therightquestions.co/what-are-your-personal-values/
If you are, then there is a good chance that your reality is not living up to your expectations.
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Economists and researchers Rakesh Sarin and Manel Baucells worked out the fundamental
equation of happiness was: Happiness = Reality – Expectations.
“Happiness equals reality minus expectations”
RAKESH SARIN AND MANEL BAUCELLS
For example, it might be that you are unhappy about your:
• Career
• Relationships
• Habits
• Finances
• Work-life balance
• Health and �tness
• Life purpose and direction
The actual reason why you are unhappy

The usual reaction at this stage is to set a goal and achieve something that we think will make
us feel happy. But, this often does not solve the underlying issue as unhappiness, and our
expectations about being content, are actually rooted in our values. Our dissatisfaction is often
caused by a misalignment between your core values and what is happening in your life and
work at the moment.
Therefore, even if you did set and achieve a goal without understanding this, you may well �nd
you end up unhappy again. If you do not make a decision in the context of your key principles
then it is likely you will make the wrong decision or not really solve the deeper cause of your
unhappiness.
By understanding your values you are in a good place to make a change for the better. That is
the reason for starting with asking the question ‘why?’ Why do we want something? Why do we
feel that&way?
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Understanding your own values or principles is therefore vital in order to be e�ective and
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happy. And that is not just me saying that. Ray Dalio shares his precepts in his book ‘Principles‘
and urges others to discover theirs. Brene Brown evidences the importance of values in ‘Dare to
Lead‘ and Steven R Covey argues for a model on leadership based on being Principle-Centred.
“Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true

principles and values and in no other way.”
STEPHEN R COVEY
What are values or principles in life?

Value denotes a degree of importance. In monetary terms, we set a value on something by how
much we are willing to pay for a product or service.
In moral terms, a value is an ideal that we give a high degree of importance. Values are the
moral code that guides us, and the priorities that motivate us. They are the principles we
uphold, the ethics and tenants that we believe in and ascribe to. These ideas are our standards
that set our rules of conduct and standard of behaviour.
If you do not know what your values are then it is very likely that you are living your life –
whether you know it or not – according to other people’s principles or priorities.
“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy
to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect
alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings,
emotions, goals, and values are in balance.”
BRIAN TRACY
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How do we express our principles?
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There are values we hold personally and those we share corporately, be that with a team,
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community or organisation. They are often similar but expressed in subtly di�erent ways. For
example, common personal values might be expressed as kindness but a team might talk about
respect for others. A person may value honesty whereas an organisation might express that as
transparency.
David Brooks has formulated another way of looking at values, and that is resume values versus
eulogy values. The di�erences are explored in his book “The Road to Character” and outlined in
his TED Talk, “Should you live for your resume or your eulogy?”
How do you assess your personal core values?

You can do an assessment of your values by examining di�erent aspects of your life and looking
for trends. You may have a feel for the values you most relate to, but thinking about values
through these di�erent lenses will help you see which principles you really do embody or aspire
towards.
In my experience, it is good to start with examining our:
• Personal Stories
• Priorities
• Passions and
• Principles
“I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and

values – and follow my own moral compass – then the only
expectations I need to live up to are my own.”
MICHELLE OBAMA
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Personal Stories
The amount of our character that is �xed at birth or developed by external in�uence has been a
hotly contested subject for many years. We will not go into the ‘nature versus nurture’
arguments here, but it is relatively safe to say that our character is formed from a mixture of
both innate qualities and our experiences.
There are various personality tests that you can do but one of the most instructive ways you
can examine your character is by looking at the stories of your life.
Try to think about:

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• When have you been most happy?
5 of 20 19/06/2023, 09:50
• Which achievement or experience are you most proud of?

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• What has been your biggest success?
• What has been your biggest failure?
• When have you been most afraid and what do you fear most?
• Which thing in your past are you most ashamed of?
When re�ecting on a personal story you can analyse it in this way:
• What was the situation?

• Which role did you have to play and what did you do?
• What was the result and what did you learn?
Certain themes and principles should emerge as you do this analysis.
Priorities
One simple and e�ective way to examine our priorities is to see where we use our resources.
We invest our time and money in what we value.
Money
Where does your cash go? Money provides a very tangible expression of what we prioritise.
Have a look at your bank account and credit card bills. Even how much you spend on essentials
and where you shop can be telling. Food, clothing, and shelter are essential but buying luxury
options are not. What do you choose to spend more or less on?
Do some analysis and ask:
• How do you budget or divide up what you spend?

• How much do you spend on di�erent things? (E.g. debts, savings, utilities, rent/mortgage,
holidays/travel, clothes, leisure activities etc.)
Time
Time is a truly �nite resource. How you spend your time will give you a good indication of what
you really value. Take a look at your diary or think back and answer the following:
• What amount of time goes to various activities each day and each week? (Working,
sleeping,
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• Within your work time, how does it break down? (Emails, speaking to people/phone calls,
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Themeetings,
Rightwriting, planning, business development, people development, etc.)
Questions
• Which roles do you play in life and how do you prioritise them? (Employee, leader, spouse,
parent, friend, child, creator, team member, other?)
• What habits or routines do you have?
Passions
Our passions are the things that drive us emotionally. Our passions either draw us towards or
away from something or someone. Often we don’t analyse these thoughts and they can go
unnoticed but if you re�ect on your thoughts and dreams, beliefs and in�uences then you will
gain a deeper understanding of your passions.
Thoughts and Dreams

What we spend our time thinking, dreaming or worrying about can also tell us a lot. Think
about:
• What are you hoping to achieve in life?

• When you daydream what is it about?
• If time and money were not limited what would you do?
• Imagine that you have one wish that would immediately be ful�lled, what would it be?
• What are you anxious or stressed about right now?
Beliefs
What are your theological, metaphysical, philosophical and political beliefs? Ask yourself:
• What are the values of the politicians or political parties you vote for?
• Where do you put your trust for the future?
• When something goes wrong, what or who do you turn to for answers and support?
• What makes you joyful?
• What makes you angry?
Influences
There are many external in�uences on our lives and predominantly these are people we know
or respect. Think about the following:
• Who do you follow?

• Who do you want to be like? Close and accept
• Which are your favourite biographies?
7 of 20 19/06/2023, 09:50
• What are the books and stories you like most?

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• Which �lms do you like most and why?
• What are the principles of your family and friends?
Principles
Having thought through your personal stories, how you spend your time and money, your
dreams, your beliefs and your in�uences, you should be a much better place to assess what
your values really are.
What trends do you see appearing and which words help to sum those up?
“Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the

foundations for behavior that gets you what you want out of
life. They can be applied again and again in similar situations
to help you achieve your goals.”
Ray Dalio
What are examples of values?

The list of words that we could use to express our values is almost endless but sometimes we
can struggle to come up with the right one.
Here is a list of more than 150 more common values that will help to prompt you:
Accountability Discipline Humour Respect
Accuracy Discretion Humility Restraint
Achievement Diversity Independence Results-oriented
Adventure Dynamism Ingenuity Rigour

Altruism
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Appearance Inquisitiveness Security
Ambition E�ciency Insightfulness Self-actualization
Autonomy Elegance Integrity Self-control
Assertiveness Empathy Intelligence Self-expression
Balance Enjoyment Intimacy Sel�essness
Beauty Enthusiasm Intuition Self-reliance
Being the best Environment Joy Sensitivity
Belonging Equality Justice Serenity
Boldness Excellence Leadership Service
Calmness Excitement Legacy Shrewdness
Carefulness Expertise Love Simplicity
Challenge Exploration Loyalty Soundness
Cheerfulness Expressiveness Making a di�erence Speed
Clarity Fairness Mastery Spirituality
Commitment Faith Merit Spontaneity
Community Family Nature Stability
Communication Flexibility Obedience Status
Compassion Fidelity Openness Strategic
Competitiveness Fitness Order Strength
Connectivity Fluency Originality Structure
Consistency Focus Partnership Success
Contentment Freedom Patriotism Support
Continuous Improvement Friendship Perfection Teamwork
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Contribution Ful�lment Personal growth Thankfulness
Control Fun Piety Thoroughness
Cooperation Generosity Positivity Thoughtfulness
Correctness Goodness Power Timeliness
Courtesy Grace Practicality Tolerance
Creativity Growth Privacy Tradition
Curiosity Happiness Preparedness Trustworthiness
Decisiveness Hard Work Professionalism Truth
Democraticness Health Prudence Understanding
Dependability Helping Society Quality-orientation Uniqueness
Determination Holiness Recognition Unity
Devoutness Honesty Reliability Usefulness
Diligence Honour Resourcefulness Vitality
What are your top 3 personal values?

Pick the 3 most important principles, those with the highest score and correlation after looking
at the various aspects above.
Why 3? Because:
“If you have more than three priorities, you have no

priorities”
B R E N É B R O W N , DARE TO LEAD
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Three is a powerful number for various reasons (to �nd our more read The Rule of 3).
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One of the best ways to identify your values is to follow this easy process:
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�. print o� a list (such as the one above) and then cut them up so you have one single value
per piece of paper or card.
�. Now sort those values into three equal piles (most important, less important, least
important)
�. Take the ‘most important’ pile and discard the rest.
�. Go through steps 2 and 3 until you are left with just 3 values.
How do you define or refine those principles?

For each of the 3 words that you have chosen, write your own de�nition. Think:
• What does the word mean to you?

• Which actions or behaviours display your de�ned value?
• What other word or words would you add to the initial one to make it embody the value
most clearly?
The idea here is to de�ne how you actually live out your value. Simon Sinek puts it in this way:
“For values or guiding principles to be truly e�ective they

have to be verbs. It’s not “integrity,” it’s “always do the right
thing.” It’s not “innovation,” it’s “look at the problem from a
di�erent angle.” Articulating our values as verbs gives us a
clear idea – we have a clear idea of how to act in any
situation.”
SIMON SINEK
Next, put your principles in priority order. This is important as there will be decisions where you
have to know the most important factor. To help you try asking these questions:
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• When a situation causes a con�ict between two of your values (for example career and
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family) what would you do?
Congratulations!
“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your
values are.”
Roy Disney
― R
Once you know your values you can use them to guide you in making decisions, setting goals
and living a more ful�lling life. You are likely to continue to re�ne your list over time so it is
worth reviewing whenever you review your plans.
Maybe take some time out to re�ect on this wisdom from Gandhi:
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
GANDHI
This process can work both ways. We have to make an active choice. If we go with the �ow then
we can be swayed by wrong beliefs and unhelpful thoughts that can create bad habits, wrong
values and an unhappy destiny. Or, if we actively work to de�ne our values, we can build useful
habits,
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out more, words
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all have a personal responsibility for our destiny.

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Taking things further

You have made a big step towards understanding your values and this will really help you. It
does not end there though. In my experience, understanding values is an iterative process; you
will re�ne your principles every time to take time to really examine them.
Your values create a �rm platform for your decisions and plans. Question is, now you have the
foundations, what will you build?
You may want to start making a plan for what you want to do next and if so you will �nd my
post on making an action plan useful.
You may want also want some help, delving deeper into your values and identifying your goals. I
have the pleasure of seeing amazing, positive, transformations in the individuals and
organisations I work with. If you would like some assistance too, in person or online, then please
do drop me a line. You can email me via the contact page.
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Daphne says:
FEBRUARY 13, 2021 AT 8:48 PM
Looking forward to self realisation … it’s been a long time coming Thankyou …
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Simon says:
MARCH 3, 2021 AT 9:12 AM
Hi Daphne, I’m so glad you found the post helpful, I hope you enjoy your journey
towards further self realisation!
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How to Discover Your Top 3 Personal Values https://therightquestions.

The Right Questions

How to Discover Your Top 3 Personal Values

Why you need to know your core values

“Happiness equals reality minus expectations”

RAKESH SARIN AND MANEL BAUCELLS

For example, it might be that you are unhappy about your:

The actual reason why you are unhappy

“Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true

What are values or principles in life?

How do you assess your personal core values?

In my experience, it is good to start with examining our:

“I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and

The Right Questions

Try to think about:

• Which achievement or experience are you most proud of?

When re�ecting on a personal story you can analyse it in this way:

• What was the situation?

Certain themes and principles should emerge as you do this analysis.

Do some analysis and ask:

• How do you budget or divide up what you spend?

Thoughts and Dreams

• What are you hoping to achieve in life?

• Who do you follow?

• What are the books and stories you like most?

“Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the

What are examples of values?

Accountability Discipline Humour Respect

Accuracy Discretion Humility Restraint

Achievement Diversity Independence Results-oriented

Adventure Dynamism Ingenuity Rigour

The Right QuestionsE�ectiveness

Ambition E�ciency Insightfulness Self-actualization

Autonomy Elegance Integrity Self-control

Assertiveness Empathy Intelligence Self-expression

Balance Enjoyment Intimacy Sel�essness

Beauty Enthusiasm Intuition Self-reliance

Being the best Environment Joy Sensitivity

Belonging Equality Justice Serenity

Boldness Excellence Leadership Service

Calmness Excitement Legacy Shrewdness

Carefulness Expertise Love Simplicity

Challenge Exploration Loyalty Soundness

Cheerfulness Expressiveness Making a di�erence Speed

Clarity Fairness Mastery Spirituality

Commitment Faith Merit Spontaneity

Community Family Nature Stability

Communication Flexibility Obedience Status

Compassion Fidelity Openness Strategic

Competitiveness Fitness Order Strength

Connectivity Fluency Originality Structure

Consistency Focus Partnership Success

Contentment Freedom Patriotism Support

The Right Questions

Control Fun Piety Thoroughness

Cooperation Generosity Positivity Thoughtfulness

Correctness Goodness Power Timeliness

Courtesy Grace Practicality Tolerance

Creativity Growth Privacy Tradition

Curiosity Happiness Preparedness Trustworthiness

Decisiveness Hard Work Professionalism Truth

Democraticness Health Prudence Understanding