Preggers, or Parenthood for Virgins

__________________________

A full-length play

By Rebecca Dzida
CAST
MARY, she/her/hers, young but not a child, direct and without artifice, level-headed and only
freaks out when the situation calls for it. She is, by no means, the meek, quiet figure depicted in
the Bible. Mary is a modern woman for the times.

JOSEPH, he/him/his, older but not old, awkward but endearingly so, a half-step behind most of
the time but when push comes to shove he's the guy you want in your corner. He does not have a
stutter; he's just really hesitant with his words. The actor does not need to follow the dashes and
ellipses exactly, in this respect, but can take liberties with the cadence of Joseph's speech.

GABRIEL, their angel, ageless and genderless, a messenger of God who's super stoked about the
job and sometimes forgets how to relate to mere humans. Gabriel can be played by an actor of
any gender, but they/their pronouns are used in the script.

SETTING
Nazareth, Bethlehem, Egypt, Jerusalem, Cana, and roads leading to and from all these places.

TIME
Biblical, with some contemporary objects thrown in there. It's not historically accurate, but more
historically impressionistic.

PLAYWRIGHT NOTES
Jesus is an invisible character. He is not represented by a puppet or an object on stage. He's very
real to Mary, Joseph, and Gabriel even if we can't see him.

All other characters mentioned—like shepherds or temple elders—are invisible and should not
appear on stage.

Scenes should flow smoothly and quickly into one another. Also, try incorporating the scene
titles (not interlude titles) to provide some context.

You don't have to use fruit/vegetable analogy in interludes. It's just the most common thing
doctors typically use to describe the size of fetus during pregnancy, so that's what I've used in the
script. Budget and refrigeration will need to be considered if so.

SYNOPSIS
Arranged marriage is hard enough, but when newlyweds Mary and Joseph discover they've been
chosen to raise the Son of God, it gets harder. Along with a little help from the angel Gabriel,
they must learn to navigate the challenges and absurdities of love, marriage, parenthood, and
destiny.
 ACT I

SCENE 1- BOY MEETS GIRL

Lights up on MARY and JOSEPH. They enter

from opposite sides of the stage as if they’re
pushed by people. JOSEPH wears a boutonniere
with a lily. They hesitantly approach one
another. Throughout their exchange are
awkward pauses.

JOSEPH
Hi—uh...shalom.

MARY
Shalom.

JOSEPH
I’m, umm...Joseph.

MARY
I know who you are.

JOSEPH
Right...so it looks like your parents agreed on the contract for you to...

MARY
Yup. Looks like it.

They turn back to the people who pushed them

on stage. What do I do now?

JOSEPH
Do you...have any questions?

MARY
I just kind of found out about this last night, so yeah. I have a lot of questions.

JOSEPH
Like what?
 Page 2.

MARY
For one, how does this whole thing work, exactly? My parents were too excited to tell me
anything.

JOSEPH
So...everything’s pretty much done. The law says we can’t live together until I can raise
enough money for a wedding, but, officially, I guess, we’re...um...

MARY
Married.

JOSEPH
Yeah. Okay. Well...I guess...I’ll see you in about a month?

MARY
Wait. That’s it?

JOSEPH
That’s what?

MARY
See you in about a month? Is that all you have to say to your new wife?

JOSEPH
I...dunno?

MARY
Look, Joseph, I’m sure you didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, what with social
pressure and everything.

JOSEPH
So-social pressure?

MARY
I’m sure people were like, “Joseph, when are you planning to marry? When are you going
to get a wife? You can’t be a bachelor forever.” Am I right?

JOSEPH
A little...

MARY
I’m sure it was more than a little. Believe me, I get it more than you know. It’s a wonder
you’ve lasted this long. Why aren’t you married by now?
 Page 3.

JOSEPH
Umm—

MARY
You seem like a decent guy. Even if you are a little awkward. Oh, that was blunt. That
happens sometimes. You should know that about me. I do think before I speak. It’s just
that, I always choose honesty.

JOSEPH
No, it’s fine. It’s just...you...hit the nail on the head. I’ve...never been good at...the
whole...talking thing.

MARY
Well, that doesn’t matter too much. My mother is very willing to gain a son, despite both
our wishes.

JOSEPH
Yeah. I, uh, noticed.

MARY
They’re shameless. Both of them.
(Pause.)
Wish I could’ve met your parents. I don’t really remember them.

JOSEPH
They probably would’ve liked you...you go to synagogue often.

MARY
You’ve seen me at synagogue?

JOSEPH
Yeah. Well...everyone has. I mean...Nazareth is a small town.

Pause.

MARY
I’ve seen you work. I’ve seen your carpentry work. It’s quite good.

JOSEPH
My father taught me...so—

MARY
Joseph, there’s something you should know.

JOSEPH
Oh?
 Page 4.

MARY
I’ve pledged a vow of chastity to God.

JOSEPH
(Surprised.)
Oh.

MARY
I told my parents, but they obviously didn’t really take it seriously since they’ve married
me off. But I just thought I should tell you, seeing as you’re my...husband now.

JOSEPH
(Trying to process.)
Okay...?

MARY
I realize sex is something that happens between a husband and wife in marriage, and you
probably have some expectations, but you should know it’s just not going to happen.
Between us. For a while. Or ever.

Pause.

JOSEPH
(Not knowing what else to do besides
say...)
Oh...’kay...

MARY
Really?

JOSEPH
Yeah. I mean no—I mean...I dunno...I made the, uh, agreement with your father already.
And it’s weird...I guess...maybe one day? But I won’t...force you...with me. I’d
never...I’m not like...I’m not good with words.

MARY
That’s alright. I appreciate your understanding.

Pause.

JOSEPH
It’s just...why?

MARY
My entire life has been about finding a husband.
 Page 5.

JOSEPH
Social pressure.

MARY
I know God says to “be fruitful and multiply,” but I guess I haven’t decided whether or
not I’m called to do that. Know what I mean?

JOSEPH
Not really.

MARY
I just don’t feel like a typical marriage is where God wants me to be. That’s why I made
the vow. Because if God has a plan for me, then I should still be my own person in order
to live out that plan, right?

JOSEPH
So then...why’d you agree to marry me?

MARY
Nazareth is still very traditional. I knew it’d only be a matter of time before I’d have to
marry someone. And you seem...kind. You always help my grandma chase out the
imaginary mice in her place. And when my dad couldn’t pay you right away for building
the wall, you were patient with him.

JOSEPH
I didn’t know you knew about that.

MARY
Well, if we’re going to be husband and wife, we should get to know each other. It’d be
great if we actually liked each other.

JOSEPH
I like you already. I mean...you seem nice.

MARY
Thanks...
(Pause.)
I like cheese.

JOSEPH
Cheese?

MARY
Everyone’s always giving me lilies. I don’t get it.
 Page 6.

JOSEPH tries to get rid of or cover his

boutonniere without her noticing.
I don’t like lilies. But I’d be happy if I could eat nothing but cheese for the rest of my life.
What about you? Do you like anything that much?

JOSEPH
I like...doing things? I like the feel of...doing things...with my hands.

JOSEPH finally realizes the double entendre.

MARY
(Amused.)
I think it’s good you like doing things with your hands. Are they still watching?

JOSEPH
I think they’re...distracted—

MARY
Joseph, are you going to be a good husband to me?

JOSEPH
I want—I mean...I’m going to try.

MARY
Good. Because even though I’ve taken this vow, I’ll try to be a good wife to you. Might
as well make the best of it, right?

JOSEPH
I’d like that. So...one month until the wedding.

MARY
One month.

They both turn away to exit.

MARY JOSEPH
(Aside.) (Aside.)
I like cheese? I like doing things?

JOSEPH exits. MARY grabs a bucket and heads

to the well to get water.
 Page 7.

SCENE 2- AN ANNOUNCEMENT

MARY carries a bucket. She’s getting water

from the well. Out of nowhere comes music and
GABRIEL’s awesome voice.

GABRIEL
(Offstage.)
“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Emmanuel.”
You have been chosen—

MARY
Please don’t hurt me!

The music stops.

GABRIEL
(Offstage, but a little less awesome.)
What? I’m not gonna hurt you. Why would you think that?

MARY
I have nothing to give you. I just came here to get water.

GABRIEL
(Offstage, loud but normal-sounding.)
Is the voice too much? I should’ve dialed it down. Mary, it’s okay. Really, I’m harmless.
Can’t you see?

MARY
Umm...no.

GABRIEL
(Still offstage.)
Oh. Right. Hold on.

GABRIEL suddenly pops up, toned down to

their “normal” self.
CONGRATULATIONS!

MARY screams bloody murder. She grabs the

bucket to use as a weapon to defend herself and
takes a swing. GABRIEL dodges it.
 Page 8.

MARY
Who are you? Mom!

GABRIEL
She won’t hear us.

MARY
DAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!

GABRIEL
I didn’t mean that in a creepy way!

MARY
Nah-ah-ah! Don’t come any closer.

GABRIEL
Okay.

MARY
What do you want?

GABRIEL
My name is Gabriel. I’m an angel. I’m here to deliver a message from God. And it’s
really good!

MARY
Hey! What did I say? Stay where you are!

GABRIEL
I’m sorry. I’m just so excited I could shout. I’ll try to contain myself...oh I can’t. I’m
gonna do it. Hail, Mary!

MARY
Hail Mary? You’re out of your mind. Who’s idea was this?

GABRIEL
God’s.

MARY
Who put you up to this? I know they talk about me behind my back, but this is a new low.
The effect with the voice was really cute, but you need to leave now.

GABRIEL
Mary, just hear me out. I’m not here to hurt you.
 Page 9.

MARY
Leave me alone!

MARY tries to push GABRIEL away, but she

can’t. She’s physically incapable. It’s like
GABRIEL isn’t made of flesh.
What? How are you doing this?

GABRIEL
I can’t help it. It’s just the way I am.

MARY
You can’t...this can’t be real.

GABRIEL
I’m real. I’m just not human. That’s why I feel funny. Ha! That tickles!

MARY
What are you?

GABRIEL
I told you. I’m an angel. My name is Gabriel, and I have a message for you. From God.
Can I give it to you? Oh, please! I’ve been looking forward to it.

MARY nods.
Sweet! Okay.
(Clearing their throat.)
Hail, Mary! Full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb—

MARY
My what?

GABRIEL
Mary...you’re going to have a baby!

MARY
I don’t think so.

GABRIEL
Why not?

MARY
I’m a virgin.
 Page 10.

GABRIEL
I know.

MARY
I get you might not know how things work here on Earth, being an angel and all, but
usually a man and a woman do something to make a baby.

GABRIEL
Not this time.

MARY
How?

GABRIEL
Well, God is gonna send the Holy Spirit down to bless you, and then you’ll be pregnant
with God’s son. Simple.

MARY
So not only will I be a virgin who’s pregnant, but I’ll be a virgin who’s pregnant with the
Son of God.

GABRIEL
Exactly!

MARY
I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming.

GABRIEL
You are definitely not dreaming. I did like the dancing cheese balls you dreamed about
last week, though. I can see if I can find some.

MARY
Is this some kind of joke? I pledged a vow of chastity. To God. I can’t just break that.

GABRIEL
Your vow is kind of why He picked you, among other things. Oh, Mary. If you could only
see yourself through God’s eyes, you’d see you’re exactly who the mother of God’s son
should be.

MARY
But I’m just a girl. I’m nobody.

GABRIEL
God doesn’t call the qualified, Mary. He qualifies the called.
 Page 11.

MARY
Okay, let’s just pretend I believe everything you’re saying for a minute. I know what the
scriptures say. If I’m the virgin giving birth to the Son of God, that means I’m giving
birth to—

GABRIEL
The Messiah! The one who’s gonna rise from the dead and bring salvation to all the
world!

MARY
Wow.

GABRIEL
I know!

MARY
I don’t know what to think about this.

GABRIEL
Can I ask, what did you pray for this morning?

MARY
I prayed that the meeting between Joseph and me went well. That he respected my
opinion.

GABRIEL
Which he did. Go on.

MARY
I prayed for peace in this world, and...

GABRIEL
And...

MARY
To serve God.

GABRIEL
There you go. God has answered your prayers.

MARY
I didn’t mean like this!
 Page 12.

GABRIEL
How did you want to serve God?

MARY
I don’t know. But asking me to get pregnant right after I made a vow of chastity kind of
seems like a slap in the face.

GABRIEL
Technically, you’re still keeping your vow because you didn’t have sexual intercourse.

MARY
This isn’t what I had in mind.

GABRIEL
God works in mysterious ways.

MARY
It’d be nice if He weren’t so mysterious.

GABRIEL
The mystery is what you love most about God. Isn’t that why you made your vow in the
first place? Mary, I know you’ve always felt different, and that’s true. You are different,
and it’s why God chooses you to be the mother of His son.

MARY
I just never thought it’d be so big.

GABRIEL
No one does. And I know he’d be the Son of God, but if it helps, he’d also be your son,
too. So...what do you think?

MARY
What?

GABRIEL
What should I tell Him?

MARY
I need some time to think!

GABRIEL
Sorry. I’m just really excited.

MARY
This isn’t something I want to rush, you know.
 Page 13.

GABRIEL
It’s just we’ve already kind of set the plan in motion, but we can’t move forward until we
know your decision.

MARY
So basically everything depends on me.

GABRIEL
Yup. You excited?

MARY
Not really. The fate of the world is a lot of pressure for one person!

GABRIEL
Tell me about it. About the fate of the world, though, your son will be the one to bear that
burden. That’s why God wants him to have a mom and dad on earth to support him.

MARY
It’s still a lot to think about in a short time.

GABRIEL
Well, let me help you out. That’s what angels are for when we aren’t relaying messages.
Ask me some questions.

MARY thinks for a bit.

MARY
Will this be the only child I’ll ever have?

GABRIEL
I know the plan, but I can’t see the future.

MARY
How would I explain this to people? To my family?

GABRIEL
Don’t worry about that. God will be with you every step of the way.

MARY
I could name him Joshua.

GABRIEL
Nope!

MARY
Why not?
 Page 14.

GABRIEL
We kind of already picked one.

MARY
I don’t even get to choose his name! Do I have any say?

GABRIEL
Tons of say! Mary, you get to raise him as your own son because that’s exactly who he’d
be. It’s just that God, as his Father, is really set on the name Jesus.

MARY
Jesus?

GABRIEL
It means “God saves.”

MARY
Jesus...Jesus...Jesus...okay Jesus...
(Pause.)
What if I say no?

GABRIEL
If you say no, then you say no. God realizes He’s asking a lot of you. If you don’t want to
do this, we’ll figure something else out. But we’re really hoping you’ll say yes.

MARY
I never thought I’d ever live to see the Messiah.

GABRIEL
And by saying yes, you won’t just see the Messiah. You’ll give birth to him and raise him
as your own son.

MARY
What about Joseph?

GABRIEL
God was thrilled when you decided to marry him. Joseph’ll like a son.

MARY
Figures.

GABRIEL
What?
 Page 15.

MARY
Why does it have to be a son? Couldn’t it be a daughter?

GABRIEL
Sure. But you said yourself that Nazareth is kinda traditional. Jesus is gonna be stirring
up a lot more trouble than you ever will. At this point in time, a son is who people are
gonna to listen to. And he will listen to you.

MARY thinks for a long time. Then finally...

MARY
Okay...

GABRIEL
Okay what? Oh! You mean...okay?

MARY
Sure. I mean, how do you say no to a mission from God, right?

GABRIEL
Good enough for me! Okay, first thing’s first. You gotta tell Joseph.

MARY
I don’t know. I think you should do it.

GABRIEL
It’ll be better coming from you. I’m not sure he can handle full-on angel, yet.

MARY
I know Jewish law says we’re officially married, but we’ve only spoken once. My parents
arranged the whole thing. I don’t really know him.

GABRIEL
Joseph is a man of faith. He’ll believe you. He’s gonna be ecstatic when you tell him.

GABRIEL exits. MARY hangs a banner at her

house and blows up some balloons. JOSEPH
enters.

SCENE 3- SURPRISE!
 Page 16.

Some balloons float around and the banner says,

“It’s a boy!” JOSEPH and MARY look at each
other.

JOSEPH
You’re what?!

MARY
I’m pregnant!

JOSEPH
But we haven’t...we haven’t had any...

MARY
I know.

JOSEPH
I’m...confused.

MARY
I know. I was as surprised as you are. It’s a really big surprise. So I thought...surprise!

JOSEPH
You can’t be pregnant. Didn’t you make a-a vow?

MARY
Technically, I haven’t broken the vow.

JOSEPH
How....how does this...happen?

MARY
I don’t know. But look! It’s going to be a boy. Aren’t you happy?

JOSEPH
This has to be a-a...mistake. You sure you’re pregnant?

MARY
Yes.

JOSEPH
H-how do you know it’s gonna be a boy?

MARY
Some things you just know.
 Page 17.

JOSEPH
This doesn’t make any sense.

MARY
I know this is hard to understand, but I’m pregnant. Let’s just stop trying to find reasons
why.

JOSEPH
Right. Right. Uh, see I-I can’t stop thinking of reasons why you’d be pregnant.

MARY
It’s a miracle. That’s the only explanation I have.

JOSEPH
But you need a man...and a woman...to make a baby.

MARY
I get how it works, Joseph. I know I’m young, but I’m not stupid.

JOSEPH
Neither am I. Mary...I...I know I was...not your first choice...but I want you to be honest
with me.

MARY
I am being honest.

JOSEPH
I just want to say that...I won’t get mad...if you tell me. I’d understand if...you...strayed.

MARY
Stray, strayed from what?
(Pause.)
Wait, you think I had this baby with someone else? I am not an adulteress.

JOSEPH
I’m sorry, it’s just...

MARY
I can’t believe you would accuse me of that. It’s not true!

JOSEPH
How would I know that? We don’t...know each other, and we’ve never...been together, so
it’s the only explanation, right?

MARY
That’s not the only explanation.
 Page 18.

JOSEPH
Then what is it?

MARY
I don’t know. God wanted us to have a baby, so he blessed us with one now.

JOSEPH
Why didn’t he wait to bless us after we...we...you know...

MARY
After we had sex? If I had any plans to be with someone, I’d only ever be with my
husband, and that’s you. It’s a miracle, Joseph. Can’t you just accept it for what it is?

JOSEPH
Not if the baby isn’t mine. Can you guarantee that? Just...tell me what happened.

MARY
You’re going to think I’m crazy.

JOSEPH
Try me.

MARY
Yesterday...I had a visitor.

JOSEPH
Who?

MARY
An angel.

Pause.

JOSEPH
Huh?

MARY
An angel from heaven appeared to give me a message from God.

JOSEPH
You’re serious.
 Page 19.

MARY
The angel told me I’d have a son. And that he would be the Son of God. So there it is.
I’m pregnant with the Son of God. Joseph, are you feeling alright?

JOSEPH
I need a minute.

MARY
Okay. Can I get you anything?

JOSEPH
Nope. Just need a...a...

MARY
Take your time.

JOSEPH breathes for a bit. Then he comes back.

JOSEPH
So God...im-impregnated you?

MARY
Yes. Well, not in the way you’re thinking. It was through the Holy Spirit.

JOSEPH
Oh, the Holy Spirit.

MARY
I know how it sounds, but it’s true. You have to believe me.

JOSEPH
Believe you? Mary, this is...oh, this is insane! Nobody told me you were like this.

MARY
Like what?

JOSEPH
That you...make up stories.

MARY
I’m not making up stories!

JOSEPH
Then you fooled me!
 Page 20.

MARY
This is going all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

JOSEPH
Yeah. I know.

MARY
The balloons were supposed to help.

JOSEPH
Mary, just tell me who it was. I...I just need to know.

MARY
No one.

JOSEPH
Was it Jeremiah? The stone mason?

MARY
What, no! Why would you think that?

JOSEPH
He’s got those...large arms from the boulders.

MARY
Why do you care so much? You didn’t seem all that eager to have kids when I told you
we probably weren’t going to have any.

JOSEPH
That was different.

MARY
How?

JOSEPH
What else was I supposed to say? I...agreed with your father to marry you, and I-I thought
you’d be...forget it.

MARY
Just say it, Joseph.

JOSEPH
I thought you’d be faithful.
 Page 21.

MARY
Joseph, I know how it seems, but remember when I told you I choose honesty? I still do.
This is real. And I need you. You’re supposed to be my husband. You’re the only one who
can help me.

JOSEPH thinks for a bit.

JOSEPH
You’re right. I’ll talk to your parents.

MARY
Thank you.

JOSEPH
They won’t be happy. I don’t think....it’s ever happened in Nazareth.

MARY
I don’t think getting pregnant while you’re a virgin has happened anywhere, but what do
I know?

JOSEPH
No, Mary. I’m—I’m talking about...divorce. I don’t think we should have the wedding.

MARY
We have to.

JOSEPH
Think we got a pretty good reason not to.

MARY
No. No! You’re my husband, and I’m your wife, and we’re going to have a baby.

JOSEPH
It’s not my baby.

MARY
But it’s mine! Isn’t that enough?

JOSEPH
I don’t know...what else to do.

MARY
You can help me raise him.

JOSEPH
It’d be a lie.
 Page 22.

MARY
You know what’ll happen to me if you leave. You know what happens to women accused
of adultery.

JOSEPH
I won’t say anything against you.

MARY
Except that I make up stories about angels. You might as well throw the first stone right
now.

JOSEPH
I don’t want to hurt you, but...I can’t go through with this. Congratulations...on your
pregnancy.

JOSEPH turns to go.

MARY
Joseph! What am I supposed to do?

He exits.
Fine. Go! I never want to see you again.

MARY stands there in shock for a bit. Then she

breaks down.
Oh, God. What am I going to do now?

GABRIEL appears suddenly.

GABRIEL
Soooooo...that could’ve gone better.

MARY
I didn’t know you were here.

GABRIEL
I’m always here in times of need. You just don’t usually see me.

MARY
Why didn’t you show up five minutes ago?

GABRIEL
I gave Joseph the benefit of the doubt. I thought he’d pull through.

MARY
You were wrong.
 Page 23.

GABRIEL
I admit I expected that to go a little smoother.

MARY
Oh, ya think?

GABRIEL
Someone’s sassy.

MARY
What do you want, Gabriel?

GABRIEL
I’m here to reassure you that everything is going to plan.

MARY
You have got to be joking.

GABRIEL
I’m sensing some doubt.

MARY
Joseph left me!

GABRIEL
Don’t worry. We’re working on it.

MARY
You and who else?

GABRIEL
God, of course.

MARY
Well, tell Him I change my mind.

GABRIEL
Say what now?

MARY
What was I thinking? I can’t do this.

GABRIEL
Yes, you can.
 Page 24.

MARY
No, I can’t.

GABRIEL
Mary, this really isn’t a plan we can backup once it gets started.

MARY
Why not? He’s God. He went poof! There’s a baby! He can go poof! And give it to some
other girl.

GABRIEL
Now that’s just inaccurate.

MARY
Gabriel, you’re not helping!

GABRIEL
Oh, right. Everything is going to be fine.

MARY
I just thought it’d all work out. You made it seem like Joseph would be with me on this.

GABRIEL
He is. Just not now.

MARY
Then when? Tomorrow? Nine months from now? It’ll be too late.

GABRIEL
I told you we’re working on it.

MARY
What does that mean? Oh, no. Are you planning to visit Joseph, too?

GABRIEL
Maybe. It helped you.

MARY
I’m starting to change my mind about that. Okay, I need to figure something out. I need
to take my mind off the whole thing.

GABRIEL
I have a suggestion.

MARY
You’re full of suggestions.
 Page 25.

GABRIEL
You’ll like this one. You know your cousin Elizabeth?

MARY
Yeah.

GABRIEL
She’s about to have a baby, too.

MARY
I know. We all thought she and Zechariah were barren. Wait...was that you, too?

GABRIEL
Well, it’s never me. I’m just the messenger.

MARY
She’s like me?

GABRIEL
No. She’s not a virgin. That ship sailed a long time ago. God knew Elizabeth and
Zechariah have been trying to conceive for a while. It just finally worked this time.

MARY
Wow.

GABRIEL
I told you everything is going to plan.

MARY
Oh, right. The “master plan.” But how can I believe you after what happened?

GABRIEL
You’re right. I’m sorry. It’ll make a lot more sense when you go visit Elizabeth.

MARY
I’m going to visit her?

GABRIEL
Why not? It’ll give you something to do, and it’ll also give you and Joseph some space.

MARY
I would really like to see her. What about Joseph?

GABRIEL
Leave him to me.
 Page 26.

MARY
That doesn’t make me feel better.

GABRIEL
Joseph will beg for you to take him back. You just wait.

MARY
He was devastated. I don’t know if anyone can fix it.

GABRIEL
Tell you what, if I fail, I’ll refer you to another angel.

MARY
I don’t know if that’s better or worse. I should get a message to Elizabeth.

GABRIEL
She already knows you’re coming. Remember, who you’re talking to here.

MARY
Guess I better pack. Might have to make a run for it.

GABRIEL
Don’t worry. God will provide.

MARY
I hope so. If He can’t provide for His own Son, then the world is doomed.

GABRIEL
Believe me, He’s thinking the same thing.

MARY and GABRIEL exit.

SCENE 4- INCEPTED

JOSEPH enters and attempts to get ready for

bed, but his mind is preoccupied. Eventually,
JOSEPH falls into bed. He tosses and turns. He
sits up.

JOSEPH
Alright, angel. If you’re real, then...come on down.
(Pause.)
Anytime now.
 Page 27.

(Pause.)
What’d I expect.

JOSEPH settles himself back into bed and

finally goes to sleep. A moment. The lights
change. A dream. JOSEPH wakes. He looks
around him at the unfamiliar dreamscape.
GABRIEL enters, unnoticed by JOSEPH.

GABRIEL
Hey.

JOSEPH
Gah!

GABRIEL
Sorry.

JOSEPH
Who are you?

GABRIEL
Gabriel.

JOSEPH
Am I...supposed to know you?

GABRIEL
Maybe. You probably know my kind, if anything.

JOSEPH
Your kind?

GABRIEL
Angels.

JOSEPH laughs.
What’s so funny?

JOSEPH
Nothing...it’s just...Mary spoke about an angel earlier, and then I called for an angel
before I fell asleep, and now you’re...here in my dream.

GABRIEL
Like wish fulfillment.
 Page 28.

JOSEPH
Yeah.

GABRIEL
Joseph, as a carpenter, is it right for me to assume you’re a visual person?

JOSEPH
I guess...

GABRIEL
So do me a favor and take in the visual. I feel like we’re having a pretty coherent
conversation here. We haven’t jumped time and space within this dream, so I think it’s
safe to say that this is different.

JOSEPH
Just...give it time. I can change this up.

GABRIEL
Change it up?

JOSEPH
If I know I’m dreaming, I can change the dream.

GABRIEL
Okay. Go ahead.
(Pause.)
Done yet?

JOSEPH
Just...gimme a minute.

GABRIEL waves their hand and a message

floats down from above. JOSEPH picks it up
and opens it.
(Reading.)
“This is for real.”
(To GABRIEL.)
What’s that supposed to mean?

GABRIEL
Most details of dreams disappear as soon as you wake up. I guarantee that you’re going
to remember every part of this conversation for the rest of your life. God sent me to talk
to you.
 Page 29.

JOSEPH
Right, just like God sent you to speak to Mary.

GABRIEL
Yup.

There’s a moment for this to sink in for

JOSEPH.

JOSEPH
(Incredulous.)
You’re the...you’re the angel—

GABRIEL
Of course I am. I appeared to Mary while she was awake, though, and that kind of proved
to be overwhelming. So I thought coming in a dream would cushion the shock a bit.

JOSEPH
You told Mary she was pregnant.

GABRIEL
Ah-huh.

JOSEPH
That she’d give birth to the Son of God.

GABRIEL
Sure did.

JOSEPH
W-what was your name again?

GABRIEL
Gabriel.

JOSEPH
And you’re an angel.

GABRIEL
Correctamundo!

JOSEPH
What did I eat tonight?
 Page 30.

GABRIEL
Lots of lentils. They’ve made you a little gassy, but they haven’t induced any
hallucinations. This isn’t indigestion.

JOSEPH
Then...I feel guilty from before.

GABRIEL
You do have lots of guilt for ditching your wife, but like I said, that’s not why I’m here.

JOSEPH
Then I-I-I must be out of my mind.

GABRIEL
Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you’re crazy.

JOSEPH
I could be imagining this entire thing. H-how do I know you’re really real?

GABRIEL
That is the question, Joseph, but faith is believing in something that doesn’t seem
possible. Like your virgin wife getting pregnant. Nothing I do will convince you of the
truth. You decide where you place your faith.

JOSEPH
Why’re you here?

GABRIEL
Glad you asked. Joseph, I’m here to persuade you to take the job.

JOSEPH
What job?

GABRIEL
Raising the Son of God.

GABRIEL takes out a tape measure from a

pocket, crouches down, and starts measuring a
space on the floor.

JOSEPH
Is it possible to...to get a p-panic attack in a dream?

GABRIEL
Don’t be afraid, Joseph. I bring you good news.
 Page 31.

JOSEPH
This is...it’s just...a lot to take in.

GABRIEL
Joseph, you’re the right man for the job. I see it. God sees it. We just need to help you see
it.

JOSEPH
Maybe there’s a reason I can’t see it.

GABRIEL
(Regarding his measuring tape.)
Hey, can you help me with this?

JOSEPH
Oh, sure.

JOSEPH and GABRIEL crouch down together.

GABRIEL
Hold this.

GABRIEL gives JOSEPH one end of the tape

measure and walks with the other end a little
back.
I think that’ll be enough, don’t you?

JOSEPH
For what?

GABRIEL
For the crib. I think he’ll fit perfectly, and there will be some room to grow. You have
built one before?

JOSEPH
‘Course I’ve built one. Some people like woven baskets for easy transportation, though.

GABRIEL
Oh, you gotta go with a wooden crib. A basket only works for Moses.

JOSEPH
That’s what I say! You want it to be sturdy, and I can sand it real smooth so he doesn’t get
any splinters.
 Page 32.

GABRIEL
Naturally.

JOSEPH
I could make it so it’s able to rock back and forth. It’s not hard at all.

GABRIEL
That’s great.

JOSEPH
It’d be easier for Mary to put the baby down for the night.
(Pause.)
I heard what she said...when I left. She doesn’t want to see me again.

GABRIEL
You’ll make it up to her.

JOSEPH
I really messed things up with her, didn’t I?

GABRIEL
Admittedly, she could have done a little more than balloons to soften the blow.

JOSEPH
How? She must hate me.

GABRIEL
Mary doesn’t hate. She’s angry with you, don’t get me wrong, but she doesn’t hate you.
Right now she’s more afraid than anything else. She needs some space, so she’s going to
visit her cousin for a few months. This is your chance to prove yourself to her.

JOSEPH
I don’t know how.

GABRIEL
Joseph, ask me the question you’ve been wanting to ask me since the beginning.

JOSEPH
Why me?

GABRIEL
You’re a carpenter, Joseph. When you see a tree, what do you think to yourself?

JOSEPH
I think about...how to use its wood—what I can build from it.
 Page 33.

GABRIEL touches JOSEPH’S chest.

GABRIEL
Here’s your tree. Build something.
(Pause.)
The big G and I have decided to give you another chance. The Son of God needs a dad on
earth. We hope you reconsider calling off the wedding. God has faith in you. The
question is whether you have faith in yourself.

GABRIEL moves to exit.

JOSEPH
(Finding the measuring tape.)
Hey, you forgot your—

GABRIEL
Keep it. You’re the carpenter, not me.

GABRIEL exits. Lights dim as JOSEPH goes

back to bed. Lights brighten as he awakens for
real this time.

JOSEPH
Whoa.

JOSEPH feels around and finds the measuring

tape. He thinks.
Cedar should do it.

SCENE 5- BAPTISM

One month later at Elizabeth’s house.

MARY draws a bath.

MARY
(Calling offstage to Elizabeth.)
You sure you want another bath, Liz?
(Listening to Elizabeth’s response.)
It’s just, this is your second one today.
(Listening to Elizabeth yell at her.)
Okay. You’re the boss.
 Page 34.

She begins to fill the bath. GABRIEL appears

behind her unseen, trying not to startle her.

GABRIEL
Hey, Mary.

MARY gasps and spills some of the water.

MARY
You can’t help popping up out of nowhere, can’t you.

GABRIEL
Just checking in. It’s been a few weeks.

MARY
I almost spilled water all over the floor.

GABRIEL
Doing a water birth?

MARY
No. Liz just felt like taking a bath. She’s taken a lot of baths, lately. And she’s been
drinking so much water. Like she can’t get enough. She says the baby is making her do it.

GABRIEL
That’s awesome! And actually kind of prophetic. But let’s talk about you. How’re you
doing?

MARY
Oh. You can tell God that His son is doing fine. I have been feeling sick, though—like
I’ve been rocking on a boat for a while.

GABRIEL
Your body’s going through so many changes right now that it can’t even recognize it’s
carrying the Son of God.

MARY
About that.

GABRIEL
Yeah?

MARY
I’ve been thinking about something.
 Page 35.

GABRIEL
Aha...

MARY
Seeing as my situation is a little bit different, I can’t exactly talk to anyone else about
this, so I’m hoping you’ll be able to give me some answers.

GABRIEL
Shoot.

MARY
It’s just that...well...What’s actually growing inside of me?

GABRIEL
What do you mean?

MARY
The Son of God isn’t like an ordinary baby. So what exactly is he?

GABRIEL
Ooooh, I see what you mean. It’s actually pretty simple. Your son is both human and
divine. That’s all.

MARY
So...what does that mean? Will he be the most perfect child? Like I won’t have to scold
him for not doing the dishes or something? Does that mean he’s kind of like you? Like
how you don’t really have a body like we do.

GABRIEL
Those are really good questions. Yes, he’s the Son of God, but he’s also a human baby. I
mean, you wouldn’t be able to feel anything if he weren’t a real baby growing inside your
womb. That nausea will eventually turn into flutters and then little kicks.

MARY
How can something inside me be both human and divine at the same time?

GABRIEL
Only God knows.

MARY
You probably say that type of thing when you don’t know what to say.

GABRIEL
Yeaaaaah. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
 Page 36.

MARY
Okay, Gabriel. Why don’t you tell me something concrete.

GABRIEL
Sure can. Elizabeth is going to have her baby today.

MARY
What?

GABRIEL
It’ll happen real soon. Looks like she is going to have a water birth, after all.

MARY
Oh my...okay, um...I don’t know what to do.

GABRIEL
You’ve already got the bath ready for her, and you won’t be alone. All you really need to
do is cheer her on and then be ready to catch.

MARY
Catch what?

GABRIEL
Catch the baby.

MARY
I don’t want to catch the baby! I might drop it.

GABRIEL
Think of it as practice. Now make sure your hands are cupped and ready like this because
when John pops out, all the slimy stuff will make him slippery.

MARY
Okay...?

GABRIEL
And there might be other types of bodily fluids, but don’t freak out, that’s natural.

MARY
What do you mean “other types of bodily fluids”?

GABRIEL
Unless she tears. Then we should worry about that.
 Page 37.

MARY
What tears?

GABRIEL
The perineum tears sometimes.

MARY
I don’t even know what that is.

GABRIEL
It’s really painful. She’ll probably scream a lot. And bleed a lot.

MARY
I really don’t do blood.

GABRIEL
I can see I’m stressing you out, so let’s take a deep breath in...and out...in...out...

MARY
Just when I think I’m okay with it, something new comes up.

GABRIEL
Lucky you have God on your side, am I right?

MARY
I have God inside, you mean.

GABRIEL
You’re making jokes. See! You’ll be fine. Yes, child birth is painful, but it won’t be as
painful for you.

MARY
Really?

GABRIEL
One of the perks of carrying the Son of God.

MARY
Will I tear?

GABRIEL
No.
 Page 38.

MARY
You sure?

GABRIEL
It’s part of the plan.

MARY
Okay. I like that part of the plan.

GABRIEL
Oh, and one more thing. Take a look at Zechariah and Elizabeth together. They’re a good
team.

MARY
Gabriel, I see where you’re going with this. I don’t have a husband anymore, remember.

GABRIEL
I know someone who’d beg to differ.

MARY
What, did Joseph change his mind or something?

GABRIEL
Something like that. He’s better than ever.

MARY
Yeah, well, I’ll believe it when I see it.

GABRIEL
Interesting you say that. Isn’t faith believing in things you can’t necessarily see?

MARY
God hasn’t failed me, yet. Joseph has. If you think I’m just going to let him walk all over
me when I get back, you’re—

GABRIEL
It’s starting.

MARY
What’s starting...oh you mean...Elizabeth? I’m going!
(Calling to Elizabeth.)
Liz! I’m coming!

MARY runs off stage.

 Page 39.

INTERLUDE A

GABRIEL retrieves a lime. They make it clear

to the audience that the lime represents the baby
in Mary’s womb. Maybe they toss it up into the
air a few times, then exit.

SCENE 6- SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THERE’S A CHANCE

JOSEPH enters wheeling something covered up

with a blanket. He places it carefully and makes
sure that everything is where it’s supposed to be.
GABRIEL appears.

GABRIEL
Showtime!

JOSEPH
Ah!

JOSEPH almost falls over the mysterious

object.

GABRIEL
Careful!

JOSEPH
Am I asleep?

GABRIEL
No.

JOSEPH
I forgot you could appear in real life.

GABRIEL
Old news. Mary’s used to it. She’ll be here soon after she visits her parents. You ready?

JOSEPH
Think so.

GABRIEL
Great.
 Page 40.

They wait. It’s awkward.

JOSEPH
Do you really think this’ll work?

MARY enters unseen by JOSEPH. She watches

him talk to GABRIEL.
‘Cuz if it doesn’t, I dunno what I’m gonna do next. Do I have anything in my, uh, my
teeth? Sometimes that happens and nobody tells me.

GABRIEL
Joseph.

JOSEPH
Huh.

GABRIEL
Turn around.

He does.

JOSEPH
Hey—uh...hi.

MARY
You wanted to see me.

JOSEPH
Yeah...I’m really glad you came. I didn’t think you would—I mean, I hoped you would.

MARY
Who were you talking to?

JOSEPH
I’m talking to...don’t you see....wait, you don’t see?

MARY
See who?

JOSEPH
(To GABRIEL.)
She doesn’t see you?

GABRIEL
Not if I don’t want her to.
 Page 41.

JOSEPH
Why would you not want her to see you?

GABRIEL
‘Cuz we were bonding, and I thought you might need my help.

MARY
Do you want to talk to me or not?

JOSEPH
(Still to GABRIEL.)
I feel weird about this.

MARY
Fine. I’ll go.

JOSEPH
(To MARY.)
No, not about you. It’s...I was...Gabriel’s here.

MARY
Where?

JOSEPH points.
Gabriel, show yourself.

GABRIEL
Oh hey, Mary! How was your trip?

MARY
Why are you hiding from me?

GABRIEL
I just thought Joseph could use some extra moral support.

MARY
If Joseph has something to say, he can say it to me himself.

They wait for JOSEPH to speak.

JOSEPH
Well...I wanted to...what I planned to say was...
(To GABRIEL.)
Can you give us a moment? Alone.
 Page 42.

GABRIEL
Why?

JOSEPH
You’re making me nervous.

GABRIEL
That’s ridiculous.

JOSEPH
I need some space.

MARY
Two months of space wasn’t enough?

GABRIEL
See. I really think you need my help.

JOSEPH
No, I can do it! I just...need a moment.

GABRIEL
But—

MARY
Gabriel, it’s fine. You can go.

GABRIEL
Alright. But holla if you need anything.

GABRIEL exits.

MARY
Well?

JOSEPH
How...how are you?

MARY
Great.

JOSEPH
I mean...how’re you feeling? I heard from the...that you could feel sick.
 Page 43.

MARY
I’m pretty nauseous. I think riding in the cart made it worse. Is that all you wanted to
know?

Pause. JOSEPH doesn’t know what to say.

Can’t trust anything Gabriel says. Look, it’s clear you still don’t know where you stand.
I’m tired, and I don’t feel well. So if you have nothing else to say to me, then I’m going.

JOSEPH
Mary, wait—

MARY
Have a nice life, Joseph.

JOSEPH
I was a jerk! I was a real jerk to you, Mary, and...I’m sorry.

MARY
You think saying sorry just makes everything better? That you can just change your mind.

JOSEPH
No. I know I need to...make it up to you...and...prove myself to you every day.

MARY
Why should I believe you?

JOSEPH
You shouldn’t. I mean y-you should. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is...I’ve...been
working on stuff. Trying. Do you see? I wanted to show you...arg! I’m so bad at this. I
wish I could just...well...here.

JOSEPH uncovers what’s under the blanket and

reveals a crib. MARY comes over to touch the
crib, moved by its unexpected beauty.
I’ve never...been good with words, but I am good with my hands. Do...do you like it?

There’s a moment for MARY to admire the crib.

She turns to JOSEPH, about to say something,
but then she vomits all over.
Was...that a yes?

SCENE 7- THE WEDDING NIGHT

 Page 44.

JOSEPH and MARY clean up, putting on their

wedding attire. Maybe GABRIEL decorates the
room?

Sounds of corks popping off bottles, cheers, and

some mazeltovs. JOSEPH and MARY sit
together on a bed. It’s the night of their
wedding. They sit next to each other but don’t
look at each other. There’s an awkward pause.

JOSEPH
Food was...good.

MARY
Yup.

JOSEPH
Glad we...had enough wine.

MARY
Let’s just get this over with.

MARY takes out a knife hidden somewhere.

JOSEPH
Whoa! What is that for?

MARY
The whole town is out there waiting for proof we consummated our marriage. Since
we’re not doing that, we need to give them something so they’ll leave us alone.

JOSEPH
Like what?

MARY
My blood, Joseph.

JOSEPH
W-what’s your blood gotta do with consummating—oooooh...

MARY
How did you expect us to get out of it?
 Page 45.

JOSEPH
I dunno. I...didn’t really think about it.

MARY
It’s an archaic tradition, I know, but they’re expecting it. I don’t know how else to get out
of it. We just need to...prick my finger, rub it on a cloth, and that’s it.

MARY readies the knife to prick her finger.

You can do this, Mary. It’s just a little blood.

She braces herself.

Ew.

MARY shakes herself off, and then tries again.

I can’t do it.

JOSEPH
What’s wrong?

MARY
I really don’t like blood. I can’t do it to myself.
(Reluctantly.)
I need your help. Can you do it?

JOSEPH
I...I don’t really feel—

Knocks from the door and raucous laughter

from outside the room.

MARY
Joseph, I don’t want them to come in here. Will you please just do it?

JOSEPH reluctantly takes the knife. MARY

looks away as he holds her hand.

JOSEPH
You ready?

MARY
Yes.

The knife is poised over her hand.

Ow!
 Page 46.

JOSEPH
I haven’t done anything, yet.

MARY
Are you serious?

JOSEPH
Yeah.

MARY
Oh. Okay, okay. Just...do it quick, alright?

They prepare. JOSEPH looks at MARY. He

drops her hand then cuts his own finger.
Did you do it?

JOSEPH
Yeah.

MARY
I didn’t feel anything.

JOSEPH
I did it to mine. Where’s the cloth?

MARY
Here.

MARY retrieves a rag.

JOSEPH
Stay over there so you don’t have to see it.

MARY
Did it hurt?

JOSEPH
Not really. Just a little cut. It’ll stop bleeding soon.

MARY
Let me see.

JOSEPH
Thought you don’t do blood.
 Page 47.

MARY
Well, if I’m going to give birth, then I guess I should get used to it.

JOSEPH holds out his hand. MARY hesitantly

comes over to look.
What are these other scars on your hand?

JOSEPH
Oh. Just the...regular bangs and cuts from working.

MARY
Didn’t know carpentry was such a dangerous profession.

JOSEPH
Yeah, well...it’s...what I’m meant to do, I guess.

A moment. Then more knocks.

MARY
You better show them.

JOSEPH gets up, taking the rag in his hand.

Joseph? Just so we’re clear. I still don’t know how I feel about this. About us.

JOSEPH
Understood.

JOSEPH exits.

INTERLUDE B

GABRIEL enters with an acorn squash. They

take out a marker and draw a face on it before
exiting.

SCENE 8- TOUCH-A, TOUCH-A, TOUCH ME

2nd trimester.
 Page 48.

MARY and JOSEPH enter. They have “The

Rabbi’s Guide to Giving Birth” open in front of
them.

MARY
(Reading.)
“Breathing correctly during birth will help both you and your baby. The important thing
is to stay calm, cool, and collected. Relaxation is the key, and the way to relax is to
breathe.”
(To JOSEPH.)
Sounds easy enough.

JOSEPH
Don’t panic. Got it.

MARY
(Reading.)
“Let’s practice. Sit with your back up against your partner’s chest.” Oh.

JOSEPH
We don’t have to...if you don’t want to. I mean...whatever you’re comfortable with.

MARY
It’s fine. I just need to get over myself, right? Plus we need to practice. So let’s do this.
Spread your legs. I mean...you know what I mean.

JOSEPH sits down, positioning himself for

MARY to sit up against him. She hesitantly sits
between his legs but doesn’t lean back.
Okay. Step one complete. Are you okay?

JOSEPH
Uh-huh.

MARY
Next step.
(Reading.)
“Have your partner place their hands on your womb.”

JOSEPH
Uh...I-I can’t really reach.

MARY
Oh, sorry.
 Page 49.

She scoots back.

Can you reach now?

JOSEPH
Ah-huh.

MARY
Your hands aren’t actually on the baby. They need...to go a little lower.

JOSEPH
‘Mkay. There?

MARY
Yup.

They wait.

JOSEPH
Now what?

MARY
I think we’re supposed to breathe together.

JOSEPH
Breathe...
(Pause.)
Wait...are we following my breathing or your breathing?

MARY
I can’t do this!

JOSEPH
Sorry.

MARY
No, it’s not you. But your hands are on my stomach, and I’ve never had a man’s hands on
my stomach.

JOSEPH
Wait, I thought you told me to move them...down so they—

MARY
That’s just it.

JOSEPH
I don’t...understand.
 Page 50.

MARY
I should be able to handle this! It’s been six months, and it’s just getting so real, but I
can’t even handle my husband’s platonic touch. Ow! God!

JOSEPH
What happened?

MARY
Oh, he just kicked me, that’s all.

JOSEPH
Sit down. You need to rest. Do you want me to get a-a pillow for you? Here.

JOSEPH makes MARY comfortable. In the

process he strokes her womb. When she’s
settled, they both realize what he’s doing. He
takes his hands away.
Sorry.

MARY
He’s still moving. Do you want to feel?

JOSEPH
I...I’d love to. Can I?

MARY nods. JOSEPH places his hand on her

womb again.
Wow.

MARY
Cool, huh?

JOSEPH
Yeah.

MARY
He’s supposed to be as big as a squash right now.

JOSEPH
(To JESUS.)
Hey squashy guy.

There is a moment for them to feel the baby

move.
 Page 51.

MARY
Let’s try the breathing again.

JOSEPH
You sure?

MARY
No, but we should try.

JOSEPH sits down behind her. This time she

leans back into him. JOSEPH places his hands
over MARY’s. They breathe together.
GABRIEL enters and hugs them both from
behind. MARY and JOSEPH freeze in shock.
Gabriel?

GABRIEL
Hm?

MARY
What are you doing?

GABRIEL
I just love you two so much.

JOSEPH
But—

GABRIEL
Ssshhhhh....

MARY
Gabriel, you’re being creepy.

GABRIEL
Please let me have this moment.

INTERLUDE C

MARY and JOSEPH exit. GABRIEL walks out

with a pineapple. They do a bit examining the
spiky fruit and exit.
 Page 52.

SCENE 9- A PROCLAMATION

Third trimester.

MARY and JOSEPH sleep. GABRIEL watches

them. MARY attempts to turn onto her other
side, but it’s difficult with her protruding
stomach. Eventually she does, but then decides
to go back to the other side. She realizes that
GABRIEL is watching her and sits up suddenly.

GABRIEL
(Whispering.)
Hi. Did I wake you?

MARY
Do you do this every night?

GABRIEL
Only when I have nothing else to do.

MARY
Tired of invading our dreams?

GABRIEL
I have news.

MARY
Of course you do. Let me wake him up.

GABRIEL
I can do it.

MARY
No. You’re horrible at that. I’ll do it. Joseph...Joseph.

JOSEPH
Hmm?

MARY
You need to wake up.
 Page 53.

JOSEPH
It’s time! He’s coming.

MARY
No, no, it’s not time. We have a visitor.

GABRIEL
Heyo!

JOSEPH
What is it, Gabriel?

GABRIEL
I have news for you.

JOSEPH
(To MARY.)
You’re pregnant again? Or not...

MARY
No! How do you think this works?

JOSEPH
I dunno. An-an angel came down from heaven with news you were pregnant last time, so
I thought never mind...

MARY
I’m not having another baby, you putz. Gabriel, what’s your news?

GABRIEL
Not a big deal or anything, but just want to let y’all know that you’re gonna have to
move. Tomorrow.

JOSEPH
What?

MARY
Why?

GABRIEL
You know King Herod? He’s gonna to start this census thing that registers everyone, and
the only way to do that is to make every family go to their hometown.
 Page 54.

JOSEPH
Wh-what does that mean?

MARY
It means we have to go to your hometown of Bethlehem so they can count us. Why does
Herod want to do that?

GABRIEL
Oh I dunno...governmental bureacracy...what can you do...

MARY
Gabriel, what aren’t you telling us?

GABRIEL
Okay, I didn’t want to scare you, but word might have gotten out about the Messiah
coming, and not everyone is happy about it. Again, not a big deal. We saw this coming.

JOSEPH
We didn’t!

MARY
Are we in danger?

JOSEPH
Maybe we shouldn’t go to Bethlehem.

GABRIEL
You’ll be safe in Bethlehem. Babies are born all the time. Herod won’t know who it is.

MARY
Oh, thank God. I was so...so...

She cries. JOSEPH comforts her.

I’m okay. It’s just the hormones.

JOSEPH
How-how did this...get out?

GABRIEL
We may or may not have told some people to prepare. You know, sent some signs.

JOSEPH
So it’s your fault.
 Page 55.

GABRIEL
Again. It’s never me. I’m just the messenger.

MARY
You can’t keep using that excuse.

GABRIEL
I told you God wanted people to know about His son.

JOSEPH
But if it puts us in danger—

GABRIEL
We’ve got your back. I’m telling you this, so you’re prepared. See! It’s a good thing I
visit you.

JOSEPH
So...we have to move.

GABRIEL
Road trip! Oh, come on. I’m trying here.

MARY
I don’t wanna go!

JOSEPH
Mary—

MARY
I’ve been nesting. I wove a blanket for the baby. I just picked out the color for his room.
We can still take the crib, though, right?

GABRIEL
Uh....

MARY
Oh, no!

JOSEPH
Jack won’t really be able to carry our bags, you, and the crib.

MARY
So now I’m too fat?
 Page 56.

GABRIEL
I’ll just let you two talk this over...

GABRIEL disappears.

MARY
(To GABRIEL.)
Gabriel! Don’t you disappear on me. This isn’t over!

INTERLUDE D

MARY and JOSEPH each put things in a pack

and begin their journey. They traverse the
landscape. Eventually, they set up camp.

SCENE 10- THE ROCKY ROAD TO BETHLEHEM

JOSEPH and MARY rifle through their

belongings.

JOSEPH
I swear I packed it.

MARY
Well, I don’t see it. So you must’ve forgotten.

JOSEPH
Y-you told me to put it in the bag. You were very...clear about putting it in the bag. So I
put it in the bag.

MARY
Well, which bag?

JOSEPH
I...don’t remember...

MARY
Unbelievable. I ask you to do one thing.

JOSEPH
I did what you asked me to do. It couldn’t’ve fallen out. I wrapped it in there...
 Page 57.

MARY
So it’s your fault it fell out.

JOSEPH
That is...not what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth.

MARY
Oh! What are we supposed to do now?

JOSEPH
I dunno. Pray?

MARY
Dear God, please help us find it. And please forgive Joseph for his carelessness.

JOSEPH
Hey! Don’t pray to God in front of me. For me!

MARY
You need the prayers.

JOSEPH
I need—I’ll show...Dear God, I know she’s the mother of Your Son, but please...grant me
peace from this woman.

MARY
You wouldn’t dare.

JOSEPH
‘Cuz there’s enough trouble in the world, and-and I do not need it from her.

MARY
Dear God, please bless me with humility in the face of Joseph’s stupidity. He knows not
what he does.

JOSEPH
Dear God, give me...umm...the strength to handle this woman. And I’m talking physical
strength. Every two miles she needs to switch sides on our donkey, so I gotta lift her up
and down. Up and down. I know she eats for two now, but surely...there must be another
way.

MARY gasps, insulted.

 Page 58.

MARY
Dear God, forgive me. I’ve never been so tempted by evil before, but killing my husband
is looking really good right now.

They face off with each other. Then JOSEPH

rifles around with his hand into a bag as a last
ditch effort to find it. He pulls out cheese and
gives it to MARY.
Thank you.

MARY and JOSEPH exit.

INTERLUDE E

GABRIEL enters with a watermelon. Enough

said. They make it clear today’s the day. Maybe
they circle the date on a calendar. Gabriel exits.

SCENE 11- NO ROOM AT THE INN

MARY and JOSEPH stand on the side of a

street in Bethlehem.

MARY
Don’t tell me.

JOSEPH
There’s no room.

MARY
Check again.

JOSEPH
Mary, I’ve been to all the inns in Bethlehem. They’re all full.

MARY
Do you know anyone who could take us in?

JOSEPH
Not anymore.
 Page 59.

MARY
(Wincing.)
Son of God.

JOSEPH
What’s that?

MARY
Just talking to myself. Whenever I get stressed, I tell myself it’s all for the Son of God to
help calm me down.

JOSEPH
Is it working?

MARY
Not really, but it will. It has to...

JOSEPH
Well...Jack could really use some water...and you’ve been standing around for a while...I
say we go back to that stable we passed on the way in to town, eat some food...and then
I’ll search again.

MARY
Okay.
(Gasping.)
Son of a...God.

JOSEPH
You feeling okay?

MARY
Totally fine. I’ve just been having some contractions, that’s all.

JOSEPH
Contra-contractions? Oh my God. Oh my God. It’s happening. Okay, we need
to...umm...get you somewhere safe...Mary, we’re going to the stable. It’s the only place.

MARY
You know what, I think I’ll wait right here. You take Jack to the stable, then come back
and get me.

JOSEPH
Okay. Let’s just grab—what? No! You gotta come with me.
 Page 60.

MARY
I can wait. They’re coming every three to five minutes or so. We have plenty of time.

JOSEPH
Three to five minutes! Why didn’t you tell me? We gotta go now!

MARY
No! The Son of God will not be born in a stable. It’s stinky and smelly, and I won’t have
it.

JOSEPH
Mary, it’s dry and warm and the only place for us to go.

MARY
This can’t be happening. Not now. Ah! Son of God that hurts...

JOSEPH
Mary, listen to me. You can either have this baby here on the street or in a stable. Which
is it gonna be? Oh, God!

Water comes gushing out from between her

legs.
What just happened?!

MARY
Son of God. My water broke. Fine. Take me to this stinking stable. Where is it? Right.
Follow me. Out of the way, people! I got a baby coming!

JOSEPH follows behind as she exits. They

make it to the stable just in time for Mary to go
into the last phase of labor.

SCENE 12- PREPARE YE THE WAY

MARY’s in full active labor now. She pushes,

spooking the animals. JOSEPH stands away
from her, not knowing what to do.

MARY
Aaaarg!!! Son of God!

JOSEPH
Nice work. You...go...push that baby out.
 Page 61.

MARY
Joseph, the cows are staring at me. Tell them to stop.

JOSEPH
They’re...cows.

MARY
Make them stop, please. It’s freaking me out.

JOSEPH
That’s freaking you out?

MARY
Go!

JOSEPH
Okay. Alright, cows. Nothing to see here...

MARY releases a hideous scream. JOSEPH

cringes.

MARY
Is the head out, yet?

JOSEPH
I dunno.

MARY
Oh God I don’t know how much more I can take? Joseph, can you look.

JOSEPH
What?!

MARY
You need to see how far I am.

JOSEPH
Can’t you...tell by yourself?

MARY
No, I can’t tell by myself. Come on, Joseph.

JOSEPH
But...I’ve...you’ve never even let me—
 Page 62.

MARY
I don’t even care about that anymore.

JOSEPH
But—

MARY
JUST DO IT!

JOSEPH
‘Mkay.

JOSEPH hesitantly peeks in between her legs

MARY
How does it look?

JOSEPH
Really bad.

MARY
I need to push.

JOSEPH
What?

MARY pushes again.

Oh God that’s the head. The head is d-definitely there.

GABRIEL appears, startling JOSEPH.

GABRIEL
Hey! How we doing in here? Just came to see how everything’s going.

MARY
Oh, no. Not you.

GABRIEL
You okay, honey? Your face is looking a bit—

MARY
You told me this wouldn’t hurt!

GABRIEL
It probably doesn’t hurt as much as it could.
 Page 63.

MARY
Son of God. Son of God...

GABRIEL
Oh, that reminds me. I need to notify some shepherds that the Son of God is about to be
born. When do y’all think you’ll be ready for visitors?

MARY
Leave me alone.

GABRIEL
So like an hour?

MARY
GET OUT!

GABRIEL
All right! I’ll be outside if you need me. You’re doing great, kids. Oh, God love ya.

GABRIEL exits. MARY makes a big push.

MARY
Oh, here it comes Son of God!

JOSEPH
Whoa! I wasn’t ready!

MARY
How was that?

JOSEPH
Okay, the head’s out. Wow, I can see his face...Mary, I can see his face!

MARY
How much longer?

JOSEPH
You’re almost there.

MARY
I can’t do it.

JOSEPH
What?
 Page 64.

MARY
(Crying.)
It’s too hard. I’m so tired...

JOSEPH
Mary, you can do it.

MARY
(Hysterical.)
No, I can’t!

JOSEPH
Mary, look at me. Look at me!

She does.
We can do this. I’m not going anywhere. The Son of God is ready to be born, and he
needs you to push. Now...are you ready?

MARY
Yes.

JOSEPH
One more push. One big one. Okay, here we go. Push!

MARY does. The lights begin to go down as

MARY makes one last effort.

MARY
Son of God! Son of GOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!

JOSEPH
(From the darkness, in awe.)
Oh my God...

A baby cries.

END OF ACT I.
 Page 65.

ACT II

SCENE 1- O COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL

Lights up. MARY and JOSEPH hold the

swaddled baby JESUS. Their hair is all tussled,
and their clothes are awry. GABRIEL is waving
goodbye to someone outside.

GABRIEL
Thank you. Thank you so much. Don’t call us. We’ll call you.
(To JOSEPH and MARY.)
Thank God!

MARY
I thought they would never leave.

JOSEPH
A few visitors, Gabriel?

GABRIEL
Alright, alright. Who knew there were so many shepherds in Bethlehem?

MARY
It didn’t matter. He didn’t seem to mind all the people at all.

GABRIEL
Yeah, and to be honest. You should get used to that. He wasn’t born just for you.

MARY
Well, I’m the only one who can say I pushed the Son of God out through my vagina,
that’s for sure.

JOSEPH
And I cut the Son of God’s umbilical cord.

GABRIEL
Yeah, what a way to come into this world, huh?

MARY starts to cry.

JOSEPH
What is it?
 Page 66.

MARY
Nothing. It’s just...this is my son. I gave birth to him. He’s a part of me. Isn’t that
amazing?

JOSEPH
Yeah...must be nice...

GABRIEL and JOSEPH share a look. JESUS

starts to get fussy.

GABRIEL
Uh-oh.

JOSEPH
What happened?

MARY
I just need to feed him. Help me.

JOSEPH helps MARY place JESUS in the

prime breast-feeding position.

JOSEPH
Is he doing it?

MARY
He’s thinking about it.

JOSEPH
That’s not working.

MARY
Yes, I realize that. Gabriel, he’s not latching on. What should I do?

GABRIEL
You know, babies aren’t really my thing.

MARY
How can babies not be your thing?

GABRIEL
I can relay messages about the Son of God, but I’m not the Son of God’s wet nurse. So
you two deal with this. I’m gonna go check on some wise men traveling from the east.
 Page 67.

JOSEPH
You’re not gonna help?

GABRIEL
You’re his parents. I’ll stop by to check on you once in a while, but it’s up to you now.

JOSEPH
Wait!

GABRIEL
See ya around!

GABRIEL disappears. JESUS gets a little more

fussy. He’s on the verge of full-scale crying.

JOSEPH
Oh, perfect! The-the angel left us!

MARY
Joseph, calm down. We can figure this out on our own.

JOSEPH
What if we can’t?

MARY
We will.

JOSEPH
But what if we don’t?

MARY
The Son of God hasn’t even been on Earth for a day. We can keep him alive at least for
that long.

JESUS cries.

JOSEPH
Wh-what do we do?

MARY
We need to figure out how to feed him, and right now I’m the only one doing something.
Maybe he’s cold. Can you get us another blanket?
 Page 68.

JOSEPH
Yeah—yes! Coming right up.

He goes offstage.

MARY
Come on, Son of God. Work with me here. You know you want some—ow!

JESUS’ fussing stops. He latches on to her

nipple and starts sucking the milk.
Ow, ow, ow! Careful! Okay...okay...

JOSEPH enters with a blanket.

JOSEPH
Mary...

MARY
We’re good now.

JOSEPH wraps the blanket around the mother

and son, then he exits.

SCENE 2- A SWORD TO THE SOUL

Lights change. MARY’s in a dream of her own.

It’s a different dreamscape from JOSEPH’s.

MARY
Gabriel? Gabriel! I need to talk to you. Come on, you invade Joseph’s dreams. You too
scared to face me in mine?

GABRIEL appears.

GABRIEL
I’m not scared.

MARY
We presented Jesus in the temple today. And we met a man named Simeon and a woman
named Anna.
 Page 69.

GABRIEL
I know. We welcomed Simeon soon after. He waited a long time to meet your son.

MARY
That’s just it. He said my son is destined to cause the falling and rising of many and be a
sign that will be spoken against so the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed.

GABRIEL
That’s really quite beautiful.

MARY
And a sword will pierce my own soul, too.

GABRIEL
That took a turn.

MARY
I’ve been thinking about it all day. I can’t get it out of my head. When Simeon and Anna
approached us outside the temple, I just thought they were crazy old people who wanted
to say hello to my baby. I didn’t know they’d tell me the price he’d have to pay for being
born.

GABRIEL
Anna said he’d grow strong.

MARY
And Simeon said people would speak against him. A sword will pierce my soul...what
does that mean?

GABRIEL
I think you know.

MARY
Gabriel...do you know exactly how he’s going to die?

GABRIEL
I know the plan, but I can’t—

MARY
Can’t see the future, I know. It’s just that I want to know something.

GABRIEL
Maybe it’s good you don’t know it.
 Page 70.

MARY
Not if it’s about the future of my child. Tell me the plan, Gabriel. And don’t try to make it
seem less scary than it is. I know how you are.

GABRIEL
Sometimes it’s as hard for me to tell you things as it is for you to hear sometimes.

MARY
Gabriel. Just tell me.

GABRIEL
Are you sure?

MARY
He’s my son.

GABRIEL takes a deep breath.

GABRIEL
Crucifixion.

There’s a moment for MARY to take this in. She

attempts to hide her emotion from GABRIEL,
but it doesn’t work.
Go ahead.

MARY shoves GABRIEL

You can do it again.

She shoves GABRIEL again.

MARY
How dare you! How dare you do this to me!

MARY doesn’t stop hitting GABRIEL, who lets

her do it, but doesn’t show any pain.

GABRIEL
I tried to tell you. I wanted you to understand.

MARY
Was that before you pressured me into making a decision? How ‘bout after Joseph left,
and I was scared for my life. What about when we had to move to Bethlehem? Huh? You
could’ve said it any number of times!
 Page 71.

GABRIEL finally stops MARY from hitting

them.

GABRIEL
Mary, you read the scriptures. You knew what would happen.

MARY
But I didn’t think about what it would mean! He’s my son, Gabriel. My son! How could
you make me love him and then...and then kill him!

GABRIEL
We didn’t make you love him.

MARY
You manipulated me into this entire situation. Admit it.

GABRIEL
We put all our hopes in you because God knew you would fight for your son. And we
know you’ll fight for him until the day he dies no matter how hard it is.

MARY
Carrying him for nine months was hard enough. After everything we’ve been through,
now you expect me to watch him die?

GABRIEL
We expect you to be his mother.

A baby cries from outside the dream.

He’s hungry. Time to wake up. All you can do is focus on the joys of parenthood.

MARY
I know you’re our angel, and there’s no way for me to know whether you really leave me
alone, but...I need...just do whatever you do to make that happen. I can’t look at you right
now. Please.

GABRIEL almost doesn’t do it, but then they

melt away as the lights change. MARY closes
her eyes then opens them. She’s awake now, and
JESUS is wailing for her to nurse. JOSEPH
comes over to her, carrying the crying baby.

JOSEPH
Mary?
 Page 72.

She gestures for him to place the baby in her

arms, which he does. She nurses JESUS and
soothes him, humming a lullaby. MARY begins
to cry silently.
What’s wrong? Why are you crying?

MARY
Oh, I...I’d just give my life for him if I could. That’s all.

They watch JESUS for a bit. MARY exits with

the baby.

SCENE 3- INCEPTED. AGAIN.

JOSEPH enters. Another dream. He stares about

him.

JOSEPH
I’ve been here before.

JOSEPH notices three boxes. He goes over to

them and opens each one.
Gold...frankincense...and myrrh...

GABRIEL appears.
Gabriel.

GABRIEL
You’re getting better at this.

JOSEPH
You brought me back here.

GABRIEL
Yeah. It’s kinda like our special place. I have more news for you.

JOSEPH
Do we need to move again?

GABRIEL
Aw! How’d you know?
 Page 73.

JOSEPH
We have to move again? Why?

GABRIEL
Remember when I told you King Herod got word of the Messiah’s coming, and he didn’t
like it very much? Well, he doesn’t like it very much.

JOSEPH
Right...

GABRIEL
And remember when I said it wasn’t a big deal, and that I’d warn you in time? Well, it’s
become a big deal, and I’m warning you now.

JOSEPH
What’s he planning?

GABRIEL
It’s not good.

JOSEPH
Tell me.

GABRIEL
Let’s just say he’ll spare no boy under the age of two.

JOSEPH
How much time do we have?

GABRIEL
Enough. But you need to leave before morning. Don’t forget those fancy gifts from the
magi.

JOSEPH
The gold will definitely be useful, and so will the frankincense. Mary likes its scent, but I
don’t see how we’ll use the myrrh.

GABRIEL
Yeah, that’s more of a long-term gift. Most people use the oil for burial.

JOSEPH
Okay, I can take a hint. I know I’m older than Mary and...will probably die first.

GABRIEL
That’s the spirit.
 Page 74.

JOSEPH
I’m...worried for Mary and the baby.

GABRIEL
The Son of God is resilient. Even for an infant. And as for Mary, she’s the strongest of us
all.

JOSEPH
She really is.

GABRIEL
I came to you with this information because we know you’ll be able to take care of them.
Plus, Mary and I are...She has her own way of knowing.

JOSEPH
How? Did you tell her?

GABRIEL
She just does. You can ask her about it.

JOSEPH
Where should we go?

GABRIEL
Egypt.

JOSEPH
Huh. Moses led us out of Egypt, and then...I’m leading us back into Egypt.

GABRIEL
God has an ironic sense of humor.

JOSEPH
When do you think we’ll be able to come back?

GABRIEL
Not until after Herod dies. I’ll tell you when it’s safe to return.

GABRIEL looks up for a second.

Time for you to wake up, Joseph.

GABRIEL snaps their fingers and the lights go

out. After a moment they come on again.
JOSEPH is there, awake. MARY holds the baby
as she looks at him.
 Page 75.

MARY
Gabriel visited you, didn’t he.

JOSEPH
We have to go to Egypt.

MARY
I packed our bags. Let’s go.

JOSEPH
Wait. How’d you know?

MARY
I always have our bags packed just in case. Plus, you talk in your sleep when Gabriel
visits your dreams.

The parents gather their things and exit.

INTERLUDE F

GABRIEL walks out wearing a party hat. They

hold a cake with one candle on it. GABRIEL
blows it out and exits.

SCENE 4- GO THE F*** TO SLEEP

1 year old. Egypt.

JOSEPH finishes pitching the tent they’ve been

using to live in while MARY attempts to rock a
crying JESUS to sleep.

JOSEPH
There. That should do it. Mary, you want to come inside?

MARY
It’s not working.

JOSEPH
What?
 Page 76.

MARY
It’s not working. He won’t go to sleep. He sounds as bad as he did when he started
teething.

JOSEPH
We fed him?

MARY
Yes.

JOSEPH
We burped him?

MARY
Yes.

JOSEPH
We changed him?

MARY
No.

She sniffs him.

He’s clean.

JOSEPH
Then I dunno.

MARY
What could it be? I can’t think of anything.

JOSEPH
He needs to quiet down. It’s dangerous out here.

MARY
You’d think the crying would turn people away. It’s so piercing.

JOSEPH
He needs to go to sleep.

MARY
That’s what I’m trying to do, but he won’t sleep no matter what I try.

JOSEPH
Give him to me.
 Page 77.

MARY hands over the baby to JOSEPH. The

crying gets worse.
Never mind. You take him.

MARY
Here. Come on, baby. Aren’t you supposed to bring peace to the world? This wailing isn’t
very peaceful. In fact, it’s making mommy go insane. Oh, I am so tired!

JOSEPH
I know you are.

MARY
Everything is different here. I thought there were Jews in Egypt, but they don’t speak
Hebrew. I said, “Shalom,” and they just looked at me. I want to go home.

JOSEPH
I know, but...we need to wait until it’s safe to go back.

MARY
Then can’t we find a place here to settle, at least? I don’t know how much longer I can
last.

JOSEPH
I dunno if we should do that. It’s not safe. We need to keep moving.

MARY
It’s been almost three months since we left Bethlehem. Poor Jack is about to collapse
from walking so much.

JOSEPH
Well, w-what do you expect me to do, Mary? I’m doing the best I can to...protect you and
your baby!

Pause. JESUS still cries.

MARY
I’m sorry. I basically haven’t slept since I gave birth. We wouldn’t have gotten this far
without you, Joseph. I just...he needs to have a happy childhood. It’s important to me.

JOSEPH
I wish...I could do more for him. But...I don’t know...
 Page 78.

MARY
We just need to...to...ugh! I can’t even think when he’s like this.
(To JESUS.)
What more do you want from us, Son of God? What do you want?

The donkey brays loudly, as if to tell JESUS to

shut up. The baby stops crying.
You hear that?

JOSEPH
No.

MARY
Exactly.

They celebrate silently so as not to disturb the

baby.

JOSEPH
Good job, Jack!

JESUS starts crying again.

No!

MARY
Make Jack do it again.

JOSEPH
He’s too much of a stubborn ass.

MARY
Well, do something.

JOSEPH
EEEEEHAAAAWWW!!!!!!!!

JESUS stops crying.

MARY
Do it again.

JOSEPH
Eeehaw?

MARY
Keep going. I think he’s falling asleep.
 Page 79.

JOSEPH continues to bray.

I can’t believe this is working. I mean, really? The Son of God will fall asleep to that?

MARY joins in with JOSEPH.

Lights change. MARY and JOSEPH pack up

their stuff and exit.

INTERLUDE G

GABRIEL walks out carrying a cake with two

candles on it. GABRIEL blows them out and
exits.

SCENE 5- WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN

2 years old.

JOSEPH and MARY run on stage carrying

JESUS. They are out of breath. A few things are
thrown at them from offstage (maybe rocks?).
There is some yelling that fades away as the
crowd retreats. The parents look back to make
sure they’re safe.

JOSEPH
That was close.

MARY
Yeah.

JOSEPH
I...nudged that statue, right? It was an accident. It-it couldn’t’ve fallen down on its own.

MARY
I guess so.

JOSEPH
But then that statue of Anubis fell down.
 Page 80.

MARY
Anubis?

JOSEPH
I’ve learned some things in Egypt.

MARY bends down and makes sure the toddler

is okay.

MARY
(To JESUS.)
Are you hurt, JC? Did they getcha?

JOSEPH
The point is...idols are toppling over wherever we go.

MARY
I think it’s JC.

JOSEPH
What do you mean?

MARY
He’s the Son of God. Strange things are bound to happen.
(Responding to JESUS.)
Yes, they bow to you. You are just sooooo special, aren’t you, JC.

JOSEPH
He okay?

MARY
Yes. Where to now?

JOSEPH
I dunno...we’ve been on all sides of the Nile...

MARY
Have you heard from Gabriel at all?

GABRIEL appears unseen.

JOSEPH
No. Have you?

MARY
No. It’s been a while. I miss them.
 Page 81.

JESUS asks a question, and MARY responds.

Oh, Gabriel? Gabriel is our very good friend, an angel, who told me I was pregnant with
you.

JOSEPH
How’d you get that?

MARY

What do you mean?

JOSEPH
I still...can’t really understand what he’s saying.

MARY
Mother’s gift, I guess. Toddler is a whole other language. You’ll pick it up eventually.

JOSEPH
(To JESUS.)
Hey, JC. Whatja doin’ over there?
(Listening.)
Say again.
(Listening.)
Sorry I didn’t get that.

MARY
He’s saying he’s drawing a picture in the sand for his dad.

JOSEPH
Oh.

MARY
(To JESUS.)
Show mommy. Oh, nice. What’s that?
(Listening.)
Joseph, come take a look.

JOSEPH does.

JOSEPH
What is it?

MARY
Fish.
 Page 82.

JOSEPH
Art is...not one of his divine skills.

MARY
Joseph!

JOSEPH
Kid’s got a lot goin’ for him, but art...isn’t one of them.

MARY
He hasn’t developed his fine motor skills, yet.

JOSEPH
I can see that.

MARY
He’s doing just fine, and keep those thoughts to yourself. I don’t want to be responsible
for giving the Son of God an inferiority complex.

JOSEPH
Don’t think that’s gonna be a problem.

GABRIEL
‘Course not.

JOSEPH
Gabriel!

GABRIEL
Ya miss me?

MARY
Where have you been?

GABRIEL
Aww, you missed me. Hey, Jesus!

JOSEPH
We almost got killed back there!

GABRIEL
You were fine.
 Page 83.

MARY
It’s been too long, Gabriel.

GABRIEL
I’ve been with you. You just haven’t seen me.

MARY
Well, you should show yourself more often.

GABRIEL
I’ll do that.

JOSEPH
Any news?

GABRIEL
As a matter of fact, yes. Guess who croaked.

JOSEPH
Really?

GABRIEL
Yup. King Herod is no more. Well, except his son who is also named Herod. But that
means—

MARY
We can go home?

GABRIEL
Yes, you can go home.

The parents celebrate and hug.

MARY
(To JESUS.)
Did you hear that, son? You get to meet your grandparents now!

JOSEPH
You sure it’s safe?

GABRIEL
I wouldn’t let you go if it wasn’t.

JOSEPH
Okay, but...if JC can smash statues by...walking by them, then...I dunno what he’s capable
of. We gotta make sure he doesn’t do things like that at home.
 Page 84.

MARY
Joseph, we can’t prevent him from being who he is.

GABRIEL
It’s true. The Son of God is extraordinary, but that’s why his Father wanted him to be
born human, so he could have ordinary parents and have an ordinary childhood.

JOSEPH
I don’t want soldiers storming Nazareth, Mary.

MARY
I don’t want to flee again, either, but at least we’d be able to keep a better eye on him at
home. He’s still just a child. I mean he’s not even potty-trained.

GABRIEL
If there’s anyone to make sure he’s un-extraordinary, Joseph, it’s you.

JOSEPH
Thanks...

GABRIEL exits. The family journeys back to

Nazareth and sets up the household.

INTERLUDE H

GABRIEL enters carrying a cake with three

candles on it, fidgeting and dancing around like
they need to go to the bathroom. Impatiently,
they blow the candle out then run off stage.

SCENE 6- AN UN-EXTRAORDINARY LIFE

3 years old.

MARY and JOSEPH crouch down and speak to

JESUS.

JOSEPH
Alright, JC. Now or never.
 Page 85.

MARY
You can do this.

JOSEPH
Flip up your shirt...spread the legs...grab hold...and aim for the hole, but don’t shoot, yet.

MARY
You ready? And...

JOSEPH AND MARY

(Chanting.)
Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Pee! Peeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

MARY
You did it!

JOSEPH
Nice job!

They high five, then exit.

INTERLUDE I

GABRIEL walks out with a cake that has seven

candles on it. They blow them out and exit.

SCENE 7- I AM YOUR FATHER.

7 years old.

MARY studies the Talmud. JOSEPH enters.

JOSEPH
Unbelievable.

MARY
What is it, Joseph?

JOSEPH
Do you know what JC is doing out there?
 Page 86.

MARY
He was checking on Jack, I thought.

JOSEPH
I found him behind the stable and...and...

MARY
What is it?

JOSEPH
He’s making birds out of mud.

MARY
Wait, is he transforming mud into birds, or is he just playing with mud?

JOSEPH
The second one.

MARY
Oh.

JOSEPH
That all you can say?

MARY
Well...with him being the Son of God I just expected more, really.

JOSEPH
Mary, he’s playing. On the Sabbath.

MARY
He’s seven-years-old, Joseph. Of course he’s going to want to play.

JOSEPH
Not on the Sabbath.

MARY
Okay, so he’s not supposed to play on the Sabbath. Then why haven’t you brought him
inside?

JOSEPH
I...tried. I-I said, “JC, you know Sabbath is the day of rest. You’re not supposed to play or
do work on the Sabbath. You’re supposed to be thinking of God.”

MARY
And what did he say?
 Page 87.

JOSEPH
He said, “I am thinking about God.” He told me his Father likes that he’s making mud
birds.

MARY
You’ve got to hand it to him. He’s clever. Blaming it on his Father.

JOSEPH
Of course...

MARY
What does that mean?

JOSEPH
Nothing. Just...forget it.

MARY
Joseph, I know you’re upset. Come here and talk to me. What’s going on?

JOSEPH
It’s just...you...you always take his side.

MARY
What? No, I don’t.

JOSEPH
Yes, you do.

MARY
Why do you think that?

JOSEPH
I dunno.

MARY
Oh, no. You’re not avoiding this discussion. We can’t work this out unless you tell me
what’s really going on with you. Now are you really upset with me?

JOSEPH
(Pause.)
No.

MARY
Are you upset about the mud birds?
 Page 88.

JOSEPH
(With difficulty.)
No. I’m not.

MARY
Then what is it? Tell me what you’re feeling.

JOSEPH
I feel...useless. I don’t...know...who I am to this kid.

MARY
You’re his father.

JOSEPH
No, I’m not. He’s already got one...and he knows it.

MARY
He doesn’t mean it.

JOSEPH
Yeah, he does. He means everything he says. He’s very—what’s the word?

MARY
Precocious?

JOSEPH
No...he’s so...sure...for a seven-year-old. How does he even know? About his Father. Did
you tell him?

MARY
No. He just knew.

JOSEPH
“My Father doesn’t mind.” What do I even say to that?

MARY
You say, “JC, I may not be your Father, but I am your dad. And that means you do what I
say.”

JOSEPH
That’s not gonna work. You can say that, but I can’t.

MARY
Why not?
 Page 89.

JOSEPH
Because...you’re his real mom. You’re the mother of God, and I’m...I’m nobody.

MARY
You know, I said the same thing when Gabriel told me I was pregnant. Joseph, you
helped the Son of God come into this world. I’m pretty sure that makes you somebody. If
you want to have more of a relationship with JC, then do something about it before it’s
too late.

JOSEPH
Before it’s too late?

MARY
I mean before he grows up.

JOSEPH
What should I do?

MARY
I don’t know. Maybe teach him something. Something you know. But you’re the one who
needs to figure it out.

JOSEPH
What if it doesn’t work?

MARY
It did with me. And you’re somebody to me.

JOSEPH
What can someone like me...possibly teach the Son of God?

MARY
You’re a carpenter, Joseph. Start with that.

MARY exits. JOSEPH goes to his workshop

and gathers his tools.

SCENE 8- CARPENTRY

JOSEPH stands in his workshop, awkwardly,

talking to JESUS.
 Page 90.

JOSEPH
Okay, umm...so...

He picks up a tool to show JESUS.

This is a bowdrill. It helps me drill holes into the wood. And, uh...this is a chisel. It helps
me shape the wood. That’s a mallet. You know...to...hammer. And...this is a line. I use it
to draw marks so I know where to cut with my saw. That’s...pretty much it. Yeah...so...do
you have any questions?
(Listening.)
Sorry, what?
(Listening.)
The line helps me...see I-I could just eyeball it, but...even if it looks...right, that doesn’t
mean that...it is right. You, you have to be...detailed.
(Listening.)
Detailed means...you...look at the little things and...not just the big picture.
(Listening.)
What’s a detail? Um...your mom. That’s the big picture, but...what are little things about
her you’ve noticed?
(Listening.)
She does like to smile. She crinkles her nose a little, too, when she laughs.

JOSEPH thinks.
Hey, JC...what do you know...about your Father? What are some...details about Him?
(Listening.)
Uh-huh...uh-huh...hmm...You know quite a bit.
(Listening.)
Where is your Father? Umm...I dunno if I...He is...here. Yeah, he’s here.
(Listening.)
No, not there. Right here. In you and me.
(Listening.)
Yeah, in mom, too.
(Listening.)
And in cousin John. And Aunt Liz and Uncle Zeke.
(Listening.)
And in grandma and grandpa.
(Listening.)
Why? Because...we all...love you...yeah. We love you, and wherever people love,
that’s...that’s where your Father is.
(Listening.)
Yeah, I wouldn’t talk about your Father like that at school. Your teacher...won’t
understand. You can talk about me, though. Or mom.
(Listening.)
Sure you can help me. Wanna use the mallet or the line?
 Page 91.

(Listening.)
I’m not gonna let you use the saw. Mallet or line?
(Listening.)
Mallet it is. I’m gonna help you.
(Listening.)
‘Cuz...I’m your dad, and that means you do as I say. And I don’t want you to hit your
fingers. Okay, ready? Let’s just do little taps. You got it.

They hammer and exit as the scene changes.

SCENE 9- AN ANGEL WALKS INTO A BAR

GABRIEL’s in the middle of telling a joke to

God.

GABRIEL
So then I says to the guy...I says to him, “If you need an Ark, I Noah—”
(Listening.)
Come on, G. I know You’re omnipotent ‘n all, but You gotta let me say the punch line
when I’m telling the joke. I’m supposed to be the one saying, “I Noah guy.” Noah. Guy.
With an Ark. Whatever the cherabim really got a kick out of it.
(Listening.)
Right. Report. Your son celebrated his twelfth birthday. He’s almost strong enough to pin
Joseph down when they wrestle. Mary doesn’t like it when they do that. They broke stuff,
and Joseph strained his back last time. Mary’s face was so red. It was hilarious.
(Listening.)
Yeah, Jary made it to Jerusalem.
(Listening.)
Jary—it’s Joseph and Mary combined. Ya need me to do something? Just say the word
and I’m—
(Listening.)
Nothing? But ya gotta put me back in, coach. Wait—are you phasing me out? Tell me
straight, G. I can take it.
(Listening.)
I know they don’t really need me as much anymore, but I miss them. And I’m getting
bored.
(Listening.)
Oh, so you are sending me out soon. Yes! I am pumped. I am ready to kick some angelic
a—

God chides them.

 Page 92.

My bad. Got carried away. I am listening. I am focused on You.

(Listening.)
He will? No way. Then what’ll happen?
(Listening.)
Oh, that’s not so bad. Mary’s gonna flip, though.
(Listening.)
But that’s not supposed to happen for a while, I thought.

GABRIEL listens for a while and becomes

serious.
Oh, right. I’m not looking forward to that part.
(Listening.)
I know. But sometimes it’s hard to deliver a message when you know it’ll make people so
sad.
(Listening.)
I know, I know. They don’t call me “Strength of God” for nothing.
(Listening.)
Okay, I know the number three is one of your faves, but why does it have to be three
days? Why can’t it be one? Or even two? Three days just seems gratuitous.
(Listening.)
All right. I’ll wait three days, and if they don’t figure it out, I’ll help ‘em.

GABRIEL exits.

SCENE 10- LOST

The streets of Jerusalem.

MARY and JOSEPH enter in a panic.

MARY
Jesus!

JOSEPH
JC!

MARY
Jesus! Jesus!!! You checked the inn?

JOSEPH
Yeah.
 Page 93.

MARY
And he’s not in the market. Where did you go? Where could he be, Joseph?

JOSEPH
I dunno.

MARY
How could we leave him behind?

JOSEPH
I thought he was with your group. I didn’t realize the mistake until we were halfway back
to Nazareth. I’m sorry.

MARY
You’re sorry? Our twelve-year-old son has been missing for three days in a big city all by
himself! We are officially the worst parents. We will forever be known as the stupid
people who lost the Son of God!

JOSEPH
Mary, we’re gonna find him. God wouldn’t put us through all this just to lose him now.
It’s...it’s not part of the plan.

MARY
(To herself.)
It’s always been part of the plan.

JOSEPH
What’d you say?

MARY
What if somebody found him? What if they snatched him?

JOSEPH
Mary, young boys get lost all the time.

MARY
But not all young boys are the Son of God.

JOSEPH
There...wouldn’t be any reason—

MARY
That we know of! A lot can happen in three days.
 Page 94.

JOSEPH
But-but he hasn’t even done anything, yet.

MARY
I’ve read the scriptures, Joseph. Believe me, I know everything the prophets say about the
Messiah, but one thing they don’t say is when he’s going to die. What if it’s now? What if
we don’t find him in time? Then he’ll die alone!

JOSEPH
N-no, Mary. They wouldn’t...kill a twelve-year-old boy. It just—

MARY
Herod massacred babies in Bethlehem. Why wouldn’t they sentence him to death now?

JOSEPH
We would’ve heard about it. Or, or Gabriel—

MARY
Gabriel...what’s the use of having your own personal angel when they never appear!

JOSEPH
Maybe we don’t have anything to worry about.

MARY
How can you say that? Jesus is gone, Joseph, and we don’t know where he is! And I have
to be with him! I have to be there when they kill him!

Pause.

JOSEPH
I didn’t...know you were thinking about that.

MARY
I didn’t know you were.

JOSEPH
I didn’t want to upset you.

MARY
God called us to raise this child and protect him until he’s ready. How can he be ready at
twelve-years-old? I know he’ll officially become a man soon, but he’s still just a kid. He
hasn’t even had a growth spurt.
 Page 95.

JOSEPH
We...we gotta have faith.

MARY
He saw a blind beggar in the square the other day and asked where his house was. There’s
still so much he needs to learn about the world.

JOSEPH
He will. ‘Cuz you’ll have a chance to teach him.

MARY
Joseph, what am I going to do? I know he’s God’s child, but he’s also my child. How can
I just give him up to die?

JOSEPH
He’ll rise from the dead, right?

GABRIEL appears unseen.

MARY
After he’s tried and condemned. After he’s pierced and beaten. How can any self-
respecting parent let their child suffer like that? Would you let our twelve-year-old son go
through that?

JOSEPH
No.

MARY
Oh, God...I know this is all part of the plan, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Joseph, do you think JC knows?

GABRIEL
Sorry to interrupt.

JOSEPH
Gabriel!

MARY
Do you know where our son is?

GABRIEL
He’s fine. He’s at home.

MARY
If he were at home, he’d be with us in Nazareth.
 Page 96.

GABRIEL
He’s in his Father’s house.

JOSEPH
His Father’s house?

GABRIEL
Think about it. Where is God’s house in Jerusalem?

JOSEPH AND MARY

(After a moment.)
The temple.

They run offstage.

GABRIEL
Go easy on the kid!

GABRIEL exits.

SCENE 11- GROUNDED

MARY and JOSEPH find JESUS in the temple,

surrounded by a group of temple elders.

MARY
Jesus H. Christ, we’ve been looking everywhere for you!
(Listening.)
I don’t care if you’ve been in your Father’s house. You’ve been missing for three days!
Your dad and I have been worried sick! Why did you do this to us?
(Listening.)
Oh, you were preaching to the elders? Well, you are grounded, mister! You are so
grounded. Get your butt out to that caravan, and you think about what you’ve done.

MARY leaves with JESUS. (Maybe she grabs

his ear?) Once they exit, Joseph stands around,
not knowing what to say to everyone else.

JOSEPH
Yeah...

JOSEPH exits.
 Page 97.

SCENE 12- NO GREATER LOVE

Back at home in Nazareth. JESUS is hanging

out. MARY enters.

MARY
JC? I want to talk to you for a bit.

She gestures him over to her.

I’m sorry for yelling at you like that in the temple. I was just so afraid we lost you, and
when people are afraid, they do silly things. Forgive me?
(Listening.)
Thank you. You know, when you said that thing about preaching, that really scared me.
(Listening.)
Because it’s just such a grown-up thing to do. I’m not ready for you to grow up, yet.
(Pause.)
JC, do you and your Father ever talk about...what’ll happen when you grow up?
(Listening.)
So you—no, you first.
(Listening.)
Why didn’t you say anything?
(Listening.)
I never asked because I thought it’d be better to talk about it when you’re older.
(Listening.)
I know you’re very mature for your age, but you’re still my little boy. I’m your mom. I’m
supposed to be the one protecting you, not the other way around.
(Listening.)
I know I can’t protect you forever, but I can try. You remember Abraham and Isaac on the
mountain, right?
(Listening.)
I know it’s not the same thing, but sometimes I wish it were.
(Pause.)
Are you scared about it?
(Listening.)
It’s okay to be scared. It just means you care about what happens. Never be ashamed of
feeling scared.
(Pause.)
So since you’re so mature, that means you’re mature enough to pick up after yourself.
(Listening.)
I’m sorry. I didn’t understand your mumbling. If you’re going to lead people, you need to
stand up straight. Now look me in the eye. Speak clearly.
(Listening.)
Thank you. I appreciate your commitment to tidying up.
 Page 98.

If you’re going to lead by example, you should be a clean example.

(Pause.)
You know I love you, right? And JC—hey. Look at me. I’ll be with you through the end.

She hugs her son tightly.

Isn’t your dad expecting you in his workshop?
(Listening.)
Okay, I won’t tell him you said that. But it’d give him the biggest smile on his face to
know you admire his work. Go on.

JESUS exits. MARY looks after him. After a

moment, JOSEPH enters. He puts his hands on
MARY’s shoulders.
Oh, hi. He just went to find you.

JOSEPH
That’s okay. You talk to him?

MARY
Yes. His voice cracked about three times.

JOSEPH
Oh, yeah. What does he sound like? It’s kinda like...
(Imitating JESUS’ pubescent voice.)
Da-ad!

MARY
(Imitating, too.)
Mo-om!

JOSEPH
Poor kid. I remember going through that. It’s tough.

MARY
All part of growing up, I guess.

JOSEPH
I know it won’t be easy...when he’s grown.

MARY
At least you’ll be there to help. Like you always have.
 Page 99.

JOSEPH
I hope so. My back aches, though.

MARY
Told you not to wrestle him anymore.

JOSEPH
Yeah well...you’ve always been smarter than me.

MARY
Dear God...

JOSEPH
Aw, don’t start that again.

MARY
I know you called me to be the mother of Your child, but I did not say yes to mothering
this man-child next to me.

JOSEPH
You wanted me to spend time with our son, didn’t you.

They try to keep straight faces, but it doesn’t

work.

MARY
Do you think you’ll outlive me? Or I’ll outlive you?

JOSEPH
Only God knows.

MARY
You sound like Gabriel.

They laugh. A moment.

JOSEPH
Thank you.

MARY
For what?

JOSEPH
For my family.

MARY kisses him. They exit.

 Page 100.

INTERLUDE J

GABRIEL walks out carrying one candle. It’s

not a birthday candle. This is a solemn affair.
Lights go down until it’s just GABRIEL and the
candle. GABRIEL blows it out.

SCENE 13- INCEPTION: A PARABLE

About 17 years have passed.

JOSEPH’s working with JESUS watching as a

little boy. It’s a memory in this dreamscape.

JOSEPH
I’m making a plow. Know what a plow is?
(Listening.)
Yeah, it churns over the soil so the seeds we plant can grow into food we eat.
(Listening.)
Well, you know how hard the ground is here. It’s so rocky sometimes that the seeds aren’t
planted deep enough. Sometimes the birds eat them, or they’re too close to the sun, so
they get burned. You can’t just put a seed on the ground and expect it to grow. You have
to care for it first. You should try that sometime. Put a seed on the hard ground and then
plant a seed on the soft soil and see which one grows.

JOSEPH chuckles at JESUS’ response.

I guess. But I think you’ll find thorns aren’t the best place for seeds to grow, either. You
want your plants to come back every year, right? So you need to find good soil for them.
(Pause.)
Hey, that’s pretty good. There’s a deeper meaning in there somewhere.

The lights change. JESUS is no longer there.

JOSEPH continues to work as if nothing has
happened. GABRIEL appears.
Thought you’d be here.

GABRIEL
It is our place.

JOSEPH
I keep going over it in my head. You think he got it?
 Page 101.

GABRIEL
I think he got it eventually. Now that he’s older, he understood what you were trying to
say.

JOSEPH
I didn’t really understand at the time. I could’ve done more to prepare him.

GABRIEL
You’ve done plenty.
(Pause.)
It’s time.

JOSEPH
Do I have to? I feel better here.

GABRIEL
I know, but it’s always different here.

JOSEPH
Will you watch over them while I’m gone?

GABRIEL
Always. You’ll see them again. It might be a while, but you will see them.

JOSEPH puts down his tools.

Come on. He’s waiting for you.

GABRIEL holds out their hand. JOSEPH grasps

it. GABRIEL leads him offstage.

SCENE 14- MAY HIS MEMORY BE A BLESSING

MARY enters JOSEPH’s workshop. She picks

up some of the tools, tenderly. She hugs some of
them and wraps them up. GABRIEL enters.

GABRIEL
I’m so sorry, Mary.

MARY
He didn’t finish his last project. JC is gonna make sure it gets done.

GABRIEL
I wish you had more time together.
 Page 102.

MARY
I know He’s God and all, but sometimes He can be a real prick.

GABRIEL
Oh, Mary—

MARY
I mean killing the dad—that’s a really low blow. Like we haven’t dealt with enough in
our lives. Like that’s not even the worst thing we’re going to deal with.

GABRIEL
I know.

MARY
I mean JC was just starting to...Joseph should be here to see him. Joseph should be here
to help me through it and-and...Why? Tell me why God chose my husband to die when
He knows I’m going to have to watch my son die?

GABRIEL
Joseph will be there for JC in heaven. He’ll be the first person JC sees again. If it’s any
consolation.

MARY
But I’ll be alone.

GABRIEL
He’ll be the first one you see in heaven, too. And you know you won’t be alone.

MARY
Just let me be selfish for once.

GABRIEL
I’m not saying I liked this part of the plan, but this grief you’re feeling, it’ll make you
stronger. It’ll prepare you for what’s to come.

MARY
That is such a stupid reason.

GABRIEL
Yeah, I think so, too.

MARY
I don’t know how I can bear it.
 Page 103.

GABRIEL
You will. For your son. And maybe that’s the miracle in this. That your heart hurts so
much, and yet it keeps beating.
(Pause.)
Do you regret any of it?

MARY
Any of what?

GABRIEL
Saying yes to us.

MARY
You mean, do I regret loving him so much?
(In spite of herself.)
I regret not loving him sooner.

Lights change. MARY exits.

INTERLUDE K

There is a moment, and then GABRIEL walks

out with a cake. It has the number 30 on it.
GABRIEL blows out the candles, then takes out
a shot glass. GABRIEL toasts and then whips it
back.

SCENE 15- BEST WEDDING EVER!

30 years old.

Lights up on MARY, older. She’s mingling with

guests at a wedding and holding a cup in her
hand. There are six jugs of water on stage. She
speaks to someone.

MARY
I’m having a fantastic time. Thank you so much for inviting me to the wedding.

She goes up to someone else.

Could I have more wine please?
 Page 104.

(Listening.)
What do you mean you ran out? Oh no, this will not do. Let me just get my son. Oh, he’s
the tall one with the beard. That probably doesn’t help.

She goes to find him.

Oh, there he is. JC? JC can you come here please?

JESUS comes over to her. MARY takes him

aside.
You’ll never guess. They ran out of wine. There must be something you can do.
(Listening.)
Okay, first, I’m your mother. Not “woman.” Second, not ready? You are so ready. You’ve
taken care of me long enough. Now it’s time to go out and start your work. This is what
you’ve been preparing for your whole life. And what better way to start than at a party!

MARY waits, expectantly. Then finally JESUS

responds...
Thank you! What do you need?
(Listening.)
Simple. Uh...there’s some water over there.

They walk over to the jugs of water.

Quiet, everybody! My son is going to fix this.

She watches him. He turns the water into wine.

Everyone cheers.
See! I knew you could do it. Your Father would be proud.
(Listening.)
So would your dad.
(Listening.)
I wish he were here, too.

JESUS exits. JOSEPH and GABRIEL appear

unseen. JOSEPH wears the same clothing as
GABRIEL.

GABRIEL
Just for a little while. She won’t be able to see you. I had to pull some strings to get you
down here. This is strictly off the books.

JOSEPH
You sure? I don’t wanna ruin anything.
 Page 105.

GABRIEL
Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy the party. You wanted to see them, and now here’s your
chance. What d’ya say?

JOSEPH
Okay. Just...in and out real quick. They look like they’re having fun.

GABRIEL
Awesome!

GABRIEL goes up to MARY.

Hey, Mary.

MARY
Gabriel? Gabriel! I haven’t seen you in so long.

She hugs GABRIEL and shivers a bit.

Oh, I will never get used to the way you feel.

GABRIEL
Part of my angelic charm.

MARY
Did you see what JC did?

GABRIEL
Yeah! That was so cool!

MARY
Right? And that was just a warm up.

JOSEPH
(To GABRIEL.)
Tell her I saw it, too. But, uh, don’t tell her it came from me. It’ll be easier.

GABRIEL
(To JOSEPH.)
I don’t think that’s gonna work.

MARY
Gabriel, who are you talking to?

GABRIEL
Oh, uh...
 Page 106.

GABRIEL looks at JOSEPH who can’t decide

whether he wants to tell her or not.
...no one?

MARY
You haven’t changed at all.

GABRIEL
I’m gonna take that as a compliment.

MARY
So...how’s Joseph? He would’ve loved to have been here to see this.

GABRIEL glances at JOSEPH then back at

MARY.

GABRIEL
Tell him yourself.

MARY
What do you mean?

JOSEPH
Gabriel...

GABRIEL
Actually, you don’t have to tell him because he saw it himself.

MARY
He’s here? Can...can I see him?

GABRIEL
Unfortunately, no. I’m kind of breaking the rules by bringing him down here. It’s too
soon to come back, normally. I’m sorry.

MARY
Where is he?

GABRIEL points.
Joseph?

JOSEPH
(To GABRIEL.)
Why’d you do that? Now you made her sad.
 Page 107.

GABRIEL
Joseph, she’s been wanting to talk to you.

MARY
I should get JC. He should know you’re here.

JOSEPH GABRIEL
No don’t! Don’t.

MARY
Why not?

GABRIEL
We don’t want to pull the guy who just turned water into wine into a conversation with an
invisible person. It’s better if it’s just you, Mary.

MARY
Oh. Can he...may I...

GABRIEL
Go ahead.

MARY
Joseph...how are you?

GABRIEL looks to JOSEPH, who waves his

hand at him.

GABRIEL
(To MARY.)
He’s good.

MARY

I think about you every day.

JOSEPH
I...I think about you all the time.

GABRIEL
He does, too.

MARY
JC’s been keeping the carpentry business going in Nazareth. You taught him well.
 Page 108.

JOSEPH
I’m glad. But he doesn’t have to do it anymore. He’s got more...important things to do
now.

GABRIEL
He says he can let the business go. He’s got other stuff to do.

MARY
Right. I think he did it because...he missed you.
(Pause.)
I miss you.

JOSEPH
I miss you, too.

GABRIEL
He—

MARY
I know what he said.

GABRIEL
Well, looks like you two kids got this. I’m gonna go look around. Matzah balls!

GABRIEL runs off.

MARY
Classic Gabriel.

JOSEPH
Oh, Gabriel.

JOSEPH MARY
Did you hear me? Can I hear you?

JOSEPH
You know...I don’t think I ever thanked Gabriel.

MARY
I really should thank Gabriel.

JOSEPH MARY
For this whole thing. For helping us through everything.

JOSEPH
Nervous parents.
 Page 109.

MARY
We had no idea what we were doing.

JOSEPH
For bringing us together.

They share a knowing look.

JOSEPH MARY
I like cheese. I like doing things.

They laugh. GABRIEL comes back and watches

them.

MARY
Think we did alright?

JOSEPH
Yeah. We did alright.

GABRIEL
Sorry to interrupt, but they’re waiting for you. We better let you get back to the party.

MARY
Okay.
(Referring to the wine in her cup.)
Our son did this.

JOSEPH
Been waiting thirty years to brag about him. Drink one for me.

GABRIEL
And for me, too.

GABRIEL and JOSEPH disappear. MARY

sighs then returns to the party.

MARY
See that guy over there? He’s my son.

Lights down.

END OF PLAY.