June 12th

I think Rose was an illusion, she was like an apple that I couldn’t eat or taste. But
there is something curious about our brief and useless romance. There are some places that
I wanted to go and spend some time there; there are some things that I wanted to do with
other girls, but I couldn’t do it because my time with those girls was over and with Rose
was different. We shared time together; we went to different places, and we had some
experiences together. However, there wasn’t any joy or happiness. I didn’t feel any real and
strong connection between us. I lost my time and money.

I have to add that a couple weeks ago I made the decision to break up our “silly
relationship” I don’t feel any kind of regret. I just feel alone.

June 13th

I don’t have a good friendship or relationship with my father. In other words, I think
we have never had a good relationship. We are quite different, we don’t have similar points
of view and he almost often likes to say wrong, and stupid things about my mother, her
husband, and my little brother too. That made my blood boil.

But currently he is in the hospital. He has a problem in one of his feet and even
though I have a responsibility with him, I don’t want to help him. My real father was my
grandfather who took care of my mother and I and taught me how to work and how to be a
man. (Mr. Idiaquez you may that is contradictory, but I don’t want to be involve or to
oversee him. He is an adult; he is no longer a child)

June 14th

Karla and I had a brief romance last year. She is an amazing woman; she has good
musical tastes and a good outfit too. She is currently working at KU as me, we are in the
same programs. On Saturdays we go to teach to Chontales and on Sundays we teach in San
Marcos. I would like to talk to her but that’s aimless. A couple months ago I had the idea to
write a short story in which Karla and I had a conversation at a Café in Jinotepe. I told her
about my loneliness and my deepest desire to live, to have adventures and she was only
listening carefully to me.
Perhaps I don’t miss her, I just feel alone.