I wish to start this essay by quoting one of my favorite dialogue from the movie named

“Thappad”, which features Taapsi Pannu as a lead protagonist. Thappad is a story of Amrita
whose seemingly perfect life is shattered when her husband slaps her once at a party. The
dialogue goes like, “uss ek thappad se mujhe woh saari unfair cheezein saaf saaf dikhne lagg
gayi jisko main undekha karke move on karte ja ri thi”. Now this line depicts something
interesting about the situation where Amrita aka Tapsi goes on to file a divorce against his
Husband, because of a slap. “a slap”? Yes, just a slap. This action may sound a little too
much for the woman like Amrita whose entire life revolves around taking care of the family
and her husband. Even her family couldn’t imagine their life without Amrita. But then what
circumstances led Amrita to take this drastic step? And do all women ( functioning as carers)
got this option available to them?
Its indeed a question to ask.

The reason I chose to quote the dialogue and movie is inherent in the core of its story. The
movie "Thappad" is a powerful exploration of the deeply ingrained patriarchal attitudes and
gender-based violence in Indian society. It highlights the impact of societal norms and
expectations on gender roles and relationships, and how they can perpetuate harmful
behavior. Amrita’s journey towards recognizing her own worth and standing up for herself
demonstrates the importance of self-respect and self-advocacy which most of the
homemakers in our society lacks of. Above all, the movie highlights how domestic violence
can be a complex issue with many factors contributing to it, including societal norms, cultural
attitudes, and individual beliefs. The work performed by carers is certainly other directed i.e.
meeting the need of a person who requires it. But why then the carers end up being harassed
or exploited as in case of Amrita? Is there any peculiarity on the nature of care they perform?
And what makes it different from other modes of production? Lets try to find out.

There is a pressing need to distinguish care from the other labour of production that our
society entails upon. In the notion of Karl Marx, Care is nothing less than the necessary
labour. Taking care of two months old infant, seventy year old ailing bedridden mother or be
it the daily wage worker spouse, carer has to be at the constant beck and call of others. Other
women’s work such as housework which includes cleaning and tidying of the household unit,
preparation of meals, washing and cleaning up, all of this qualifies work which is certainly
the part of necessary labour. But then what differentiates it from the production Marx’s talks
about?

Tthe difference lies in the fact that care unlike all other production is not automatized. You
just can’t abandon people to machine for the sake of care. In such case, it ceases to be care.
Care involves face-to-face interaction or say, social contact between people. This connection
is a way too important because its a sort of bond or a close intimacy that’s built between the
carer and the one who is cared for. The intrinsic relation between the time spent and the
“good” that is produced, is what differentiates care from all other kinds of necessary labour.
This brings us to the next distinction that since care is not automatized, the abundance
solution posed by Marx for overcoming constraints of necessary does not apply to the notion
of care. It would be a dystopic nightmare to think of care being automated for the sake of
abundance. Society will be left to die and people in need would be abandoned. Its just
because of this simple fact that machines and robots can’t ever replace people’s effort in
“Care”( here the distinction between care and service should be kept in mind). Then what is
actually the nature of care as an activity?

Care as an activity is multifaceted. Firstly, it is the emotional-cum-moral state of engrossment

in an other person’s reality which is basic to care. It is the other directed activity involving
tasks of tending such as looking after a frail elderly person, dressing of a child or the relaxing
massage giving by practitioner. Secondly, care involves a face to face interaction between the
carer and cared for. This aspect of physical element in care makes it distinct from the other
general acts of service. Thirdly, care meets a need that cannot possibly be met by the person
in need himself or herself. This means that care is response to a particular subset of basic
human needs, that make us dependent on others. This also bring us to another distinction that
care holds. So forthly, care as an activity is asymmetrical. It is not mutually beneficial but is
an asymmetrical transaction of material benefits. While the carer gives her time and energy,
attention snd skill, the cared for’s need are met. This assymetry holds for all cases of care that
are neither paid, reciprocated nor remunerated. This incurs material net burden on the part of
carer. Considering all these aspects, especially the ones which are not much in favourable on
carer’s side, why it is that the carer continues in meeting the ends and needs of the other?

The notion of Circle of Care can provide some answers. It represents women’s part in the
sexual division of labour in our societies. It is this social institution of sexual division of
labour that constructs women as carers and thus systematically “extracts surplus labour” in
the form of unpaid care from them. Usually the care is a response to a perceived need, that is
motivated both from within the carer and by the situation she is in, and it is precisely for this
reason that women who are open to the demands of need cannot easily stop caring. The non-
carers who are extracting this surplus labour from the carers are the ones who are getting
benefit from their exploitation as well.

There is a certain type of power relations which works here. The material net burden which is
incurred in the carer since its “unpaid” frees the men ( linking through sexual division of
labor stated above) to pursue materially more beneficial type of activities, notably income
generating ones. Because of the certain inherent virtues that carer has acquired with time,
there is some sort of “readiness” in her to respond to the demands of need. Because of care
based gender differentiation, women’s self conception, fulfillment and happiness are often
dependent on being important or even irreplaceable for others. The power relations between a
a carer, generally a woman and the one who is cared for, a man are often shaped by gender
norms and cultural expectations that place men in positions of power and authority within the
household. This power dynamic can lead to a situation where the man holds more power and
control over the household and the carer’s life. This can manifest in several ways, the one
being physical and emotional abuse of carer by the one cared for. Remember Amrita?

In the movie Thappad, the power relations between Amrita and her husband were structured
in a patriarchal manner, with her husband, Vikram, holding a dominant position in their
marriage.Throughout the movie, we see Amrita initially accepting and internalizing her role
as a dutiful wife, placing her husband's needs and desires above her own. However, the
power dynamics begin to shift after an incident where Vikram slaps Amrita at a party,
causing her to reassess her relationship with him. The story remains the same in most of our
Indian societies today. There is a very little breathing space left for the women like Amrita in
the situations they are clutched in.

Not every Amrita can file a divorce, right ?

Therefore, its important to recognize and challenge the power dynamics which govern the
society today. Ensuring that women are equally respected with men in households requires a
multifaceted approach. Challenging gender stereotypes, promoting open communication,
sharing household responsibilities and addressing gender-based discrimination are some of
the initials needed to be worked upon immediately.

That’s how caring will end up being empowering and rewarding for the carer in real sense.