- Erm… do you mind if I sit here?

- No, not at all.

- It's busy in here, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- Is it always busy?
- Yeah, it's very popular.
- Anyone who's paid for vegetarian lasagne, it's all gone, but you can have aubergine bake or
butternut squash risotto for the same price.
- I don't believe it.
- Was that you? Oh, how annoying.
- Oh, well, never mind.
- You know what you could do?
- What?
- You could just grab the dirty little soap-dodger by the scruff of his hemp shirt and say,
"Listen, Moon Unit, why don't you think as much about how many veggie lasagne's are left,
as you do about saving the whale, or whatever it is you do when you're not rolling around in
shit, you stinking, unicycle-riding, tofu-eating hippy?". Then get a big bloody steak, and he'll
be like, "No, no! I don't eat meat!" and poke it right down this throat so he can't breathe, and
then, just give him a backhander, just one swift backhander right across his scabby
vegetarian face!
- I think I might just get something else.
- The aubergine bake is lovely.

- How much will that be?

- About 12 quid.
No, no! It's washed!
- Just a quick wash.
- No! It's clean. Please.
- They don't take no for an answer, do they?
- No. It's unbelievable. Every day they do that. Every day I have to say no.
- You know what you could do?
- What's that?
- Well, you could just get out of your car and just say, "No! No! No! I said no!" Then sling his
water over his greasy, flea-ridden head, and he'll be like, "Ow! That's hot!" And then just give
him one backhander, one swift backhander right across his steamy red face.
- Well…
- Hitler-worshipping pikey scum! Actually, just round the corner's fine. Was it £12?
- No, just call it ten.