oy 818) Satisfied pea Playseaninning adult flmmater Kenneth hasan innate abilty to simply more complex senul and scenic mate isl in = manner hats accesiie ts eveyone Tha why bie wave 20 rv ‘lonary—ary ard eceyene ca eur someting for hin” sacha zane sexcolumnist and coauthor of Mens Heath Bet. Sex Err fyou want to hack your sex fe wth scencebacked technique, Bruce Lee's hisophy, anc Tim Feri tactics, this ithe Book or ou destin geal suthor of #1 betel The Evled Messin: Be the Month Wd ned the One She Caves ‘Aer emptencing more pleasure than they eve thought was possible at my re ‘teats, omen often ask, Who can teach my man hv t peasue me ike ths? ‘The ansveris simple Kermeth Pay paral madsen Founder Back othe Body Reet: author of Shameless “A tranfarmaton fom ttl eek otal chic, Keontie origin sty will nat ‘nly arsze you, but at an acded anu, tis hose il help you te baamve the Lind oflover that makes jour partnr sa, "What the hecchappaned to you?™ peter shenknan suthor of Foster thar Normalan Amazon multcategor #1 betel -enneth Pay theatre of exe” teyony cake (EO, Future of See faureofiecors) "when comes to hacking pleasure in any fashion, there is ore person you can alae cay on foram anewerand that peson is Kenneth Play He's « aneatop hop ofa sex nformationandhus complete revolutoriced the wy many people Understand ther own ody’ capacty for pleasure. Keoneth krows hs tl You dav want ta mie ths new book” Bil enle cand saalogiy sthor ofl the Peking Mian A Guides Se Lave ond ue kenneth teaches you how 1 expand, explore, and embrace wha tars you and your partner onl He as changed my sei forthe beter and can ne doubt do the whine ler retanthip conc; exon af Tne Ser Wild Lae pense Toe ides of men resing hiebook me wet™ lence braabury ‘Kenneth Play i my goto pert fer elict sex eduction. He provides you the stills and ool to master both connected sex and peak sonal experiences” de megan ming sword-enoumed pester and lia specilzing in ae ard rltorships inal peychologst for over fin ears kannst work ie the peice acess) the wore | don zee easch Heit ble to show ou what ie posible in the calms of sess ad plaza ike no lone has done before. He mates gret sex atiinable for anyone” lesa matines| seccoach business mentor Founder of Kaleidoscope “Kenneth Ply takes the reiders into the wor of understanding some of our mostthose that defy words inwords. if are what make Kenrath 20 special ar an eats Hie eyond Satisfied A Sex Hacker's Guide to Endless Orgasms, Mind-Blowing ‘Connection, and Lasting Confidence Kenneth PlayLIONCREST copyright © 2022 kenneth play lights rece. beyond ante A Sec Hocker's Guide te Endles Orgoms, Mind Swing Consection, and Leating Confdece icon STE SAAS Hardee 978544516543 Paperback icon 7b seas %88 hook “This hose intended fr people whe have—or desi postive titade toward se The author dzcures bois and sexual ectvies frank and graphic lm 1 provide half and infomative materi onthe subject of sexuality end sexual prctics. The author and publisher ave not engaged in rendering medic, helt, ‘or any other hind of personel professionel services inthe book The reader should concult hie or her own matical helth, esther compan! prossonal bafore cognging in any neu sexs! nity o adopting any of the suggestions inthis bole The author's references to cther books, ace, and experts are provided fr in formation purposes ony and do nt conaitve am endorsement of anyother publ cations sources oF people The author and publisher specially dzclaim ll eponsbility fo any ity ose or ck personal or othenic, which ie ncured ar x consequence, diel rind recy ofthe use and application ofany ofthe content ofthis book.ose yarns CPs, PhD Pert , From Compensation to Competence Pact Il. The Elements of Sex “4 Qualy Anton fr You and for Het s.Dlessue Mapping ‘Ores Patent 7-Pamcalogsl Arousal an Et Canta Part Il. Sex Hacking Techniques |b thisitour Seal arfxmanse fare 1. Bingaing 1 Oral Sex sa Saati {gltsina Bensztion seca ‘Binge iAlLTesibsr ‘ConclusionForeword panes 6. Pheu, PHD Profersorafpychalogy and seurstcenc, Chale Unies Pra, Coach Republic In a leit the noted voter and peychoarat Princes Mate Bonaparte in 1925 Sigmund Freud ssid, “The grat question that as never been answer, and which rine sue What does a woman want?™ Fron re ci neh wm eg oe ri, pet 1 god portion of her au Ife ona quest for an orgasm, even undergoing cltoral surgery to move herclitois loser to her vagina in 2 aed stem to cure her own Inaba have shen ‘They bol shuld hve hod this bosk! Kenneth Fay has cred an eminent readable, engusing. and mastel ‘cours of sexs exploration for bath men and women in 3 book that is as much bout woman's sel ciscoveny ap it shout man's munnced underancing of eval techngue, sittude, partneshis, ard—oewr and dear to oy bear complementary seul anatomy and neutophysiclogy Kenrath lates hs pero ciperiences a5 s young, cz gandere, heteroseual ale overcoming law seni selfertem and bis physical and spriual outh axa bodybuilder and perianal tener who then cicovered an underground serposivesubcukure Ard Kenneth id what 20 many nt he wily threw any the Spica seal zest that encumber eterosenul men ito thinking that sex begins and ends wih an erect penis, that bigger i te, that all women ar the same but impossible to under He dacovred shat as he stand andthe par ie zamehow tal and “optim mastered his oun zeal ables apd techniques ins manner much ke marta its training, he was more and more blo eve women erotic sensory experiences shear traneormatna,petaps a2 much far him ae thy were forthe worsen ‘He relic that gent ex docen't come from a huge penis alone, but rather stems ‘iom the eb and fow of erotic elingsbetveen patina, reactions 9 reactors and fiom discovering his partners! unique seal landscapes, fete ground for thousand hour with over ane thous panne, Kenneth has become a zai ‘As 2 sex esercher and behavioral neuroscientist, | have obsered young ats cher cil behavior ina saphntcnted dance of rynchrany ith apne | ave suid how female rain te and pace ther sel intracons with male, controling the mals to provide the kind of tora and vaginocervica stimulation nd aur their on 2 ral behaviors ta aut he desires of he pre frnale ‘hey te with In rats and other animal species thi is matural Sutin humans ca: ‘ure hie consuained our natural seul desves and responses ito proscribed rots that almost noone. Wes How mans ties a week we have ex not how many tes a weskve oy Kenneth aeakat2 mae oer ply an att that you can lenin ard practice and ‘earsfrm int ary kindof experence you wish, fom a simple sang 9 «sir hom And he relates the sence of sr genitals and autonomic urtion eres and bain and bck ngin—i svuay tate elagony simple, accurate, and informative This bacewil tach jou about rel uns atoual and dest, an the ‘excuse forms ofsenul pleasure and gas thatyou can sve andtake ard expe rience tothe fle in every ebic minster of your erotic ody ad eou. Thi jour guide presen ukeningIntroduction ‘mone of the internet's most une por str. Throughout my tans | never let any of my would-be sexual partners touch my undervet On top of my low seRconfdence, ata skinny Aslan immigrant kid | was very oted about my equipment have an averagesized cock but | a ne ‘ou as too srl. | heard constant jokes about Asan guys hang oral dics, and mine e's big a the gant cocks | snr an por, Iw seid fection lt the sizeof my eit tha | refasedt let anyone reach for my cock at my virginity a seen but kept my undersea on unt the very last minute Since hen all my tenage eae of being doomed to a ie of zens recon and inadequacy have ben reversed, How could my erty, hestant, twenyyeald self pornbly have imagined that one dey GQ would calle the World's Greatest, See acter That | oulé po Fon eling denittingy insecure abou seta get ‘ing pai to tel people how to do it ate? Through my own epic exe videos ve aught milins of people specif sex hac pleasure thir priners. | also cofounded an intentional ecpaive commu i Broke, Naw Yor, here soe hos alia play patie and sex education events ly lif is Banning wh order lovers, ard ar of hs wring my about to get maried to an awesome woman who loves re enact a am, Throughout pubery ad eel adulthood, | assumed there wa no way in ll ry anal frusigcoulé Become my eventny normal Nous wld thrserone it mao ting that so can best. Fo ling ot 2 | show 700 how | supacsad my own dejected and dstessed headspace, incase you're in a similar headspace when you decide to erick open this book. Even youre just reading thi ova whim, + loking for smal pointers, my points this: 1 can sige {eh feel of cones and smal fie | ewer you cam ee thee ie you want to, Sovwhy dor you have he ee fe you wan? Perkasie any eran, you'te hung up about your pais size ar yur abity {say bd come for eg sgh Aeneting Pane yur pane ight ed ike puting ona blndolé and tying to break open apa with a stick You might Bold asking har how you'e doing because you dont wart o hear the answer You ign 29 caught up in iether you Rewhat women wart tha you haven even asked youself whe you want be sexually ‘And ne wonder: datpita how much we wart it and chare etic £0 taboo in cur cuure that we den’ seul tak shout sn pace, actionable tems. Men cepeily are expecied to just now what to do when it comes tose culturally we look down on people whe sec ot sentl eduction, a eeking knowledge ind cates a ac of erential sills that ar “supposed tobe inherent. Noone wants to be een ending Sef Oummiee—and yt in any ether eisping, ve valve whan peoples ection precedes thei xpanence. You never want your surgeon fo jurt wing if why woul you do the same with ze? ‘The Sex Education You Never Had Sex eduction it improving eramatially, but when | was in high school hea ses, elearnes shout the anatomy and funson of aur gala, earned wise lotarese could get ard we learned t put a condom or #barana. Nothing ae said of pleasure, Hands-on experince was not encourage coe delicious mesl go ahead and get your hands cin in he chen. Imagine f you ware tod to bale s pie and were provided with an ingredient It, but you “werent glen any Instron on how to actually make it Now imagine fo one ver told ou how to tute oven o. If hat was the ind of esucntion you got about coking, you probably pe ates shity mes. Sure you can get by—you dont have to be a grat cook to sb see hunge Sut ou enn to cole wal, you can create foods that ete al ofthe senses and make people sigh with pleasure att af ur have not bea snug eae crate lansurne partnered sex ‘gcd realy ear har a0 cao nd we fae cectllan onan no ne eed sur food Even though many women can have muliple orgasms (more on that ate, station show that in hetrosenal couples, re al eport having signienty more orgasms then women.! Women in heerosenual couples also report hing fener orgasms than Wormer in lesbian couples, of wornen masturbating lone That means that on average, heterosewsl women are experiencing less pleasure ‘than everyone els Lats face tut lve ina zoey here mas repregntasons of sex foremovies, to TY, to pom—tave eed around mae-cetric views. Inthe ‘pica rmetia sor ine the eur gs rely hoy, passionately grabs the woman ys her don, and climbs on tap ofr The wamans agin easily used se2 mest: bation sleeve. So much four day practice with ex, such ap watching por and jens oF = in tht own, This limited and singular view of zx tbs women of| ceptions sewal experiences, because there arerit many models or how to give \What ie did nt ee sec os an tch to serach tinted appreciated tat both thea and science ofshting plesure? If we can fp the scion sex, and prize women's seal pleasure, we can syoulae became he partner tha peopl crave How to Hack Your Sex Life “Ths ert a pickup ates guide on how to marpulte women ins having sf you picked vp this Book solely with the intention of gating lot of women to seep sithyou, {hope conver yu int earng are about hei mtifetion. However ‘the pleasent byproduct of hing extraordinary in be i that ay that 2 lot of people wil want lp wth you, evan thats nat your geal This guide for how to bea partner and lover who ie worthy of admiration, love and respect. That's wy, before ding into the soci eciques that make {for pleasurable sex, well tthe pilaeophy af sex hacking. In Pat One f ths bask, il share my awn journey Fem inseste immigrant led to profesional se hacker, and unpack the method ued 0 tp rt ear ing mindset so tat | could gain cordance and grow my skis. Yo leery he ye shat are lain yu Sacin zee an 9 open your end ta In Pa Tio ll taka deep dive into the lenis of zx Yul lear how communicate with your partner and negotiate the sex you both want Wel also ‘ke 2 deal look at how pleasure ware in your pariners bad, in er enue symm end inher Bs potential. Then wel ook at how te buld confidence by undertanding who you are [Well ale about how to ap int your parner’s orgasm sewsly and hoe to work with what you've got In Bart Thee ofthis bok, wel brea down the most popular and pleasurable techniques you can use to dcover what drives your pane il, fom Brigeing and orl t squiting and anal, Dont wor we also cover Pin-¥ penetration of courte. eno at some of he sic tchriues af kink, which une power pram, impact, anda vate ofsenations to ampli your seal experiences ‘and wel fare here techniques with ways to ceate + minésblowing experince fom foreplay tatercre, Hands-On, Explicit Instruction efor carne 3 sex educator had pia ever ap = persnal tine ove rnerdng out ovr biomechanics ard the best uays to beak down comples ave ments nt simple steps te taken the sane sppronch to sex and ve learned that ust ie Finesse wat to getbetter at sex, we have 9 praice |g got mere ined itn aupoatve communes and became an educator ysl | guy learned howe important sto bre down seul sells ito a= ons hat ae ean to replat, But Fced dilemma eat in my sex education career censure laws prevert educators from showing emplct senual content. | lene people needed t se rl if asntles of what ferent sactciniques ole ie and how aerere parses respon to thembut te ely pice sulci resin ee. ha to make a chic f | contined 0 follow censure laws to devise a tah oral sex eduction business beable 19 mate my content mare widely 2a ble ts people, bu | wulde't get she saree reste By using exp ideo, | would’ be able to advertine in taitonal ways, ot patcgate in social media #2 rowote may sven. But decfe, fac tonal busines. #choowe te ec with an unapologetic explicit syle because I know its an exceptional way 19 helpjou gra tener elie Inthe book oe ging ts get ral wh ou im gang to get vulnrle about sy 20m journey of share he nity details of he techniques Ive Foun to please my partners. pty al tfc: ing nyse shill. and see it as my job to help law straight man lace foal pleasure as best can without having he eguipment. each det fom my fathand exerence, rd being heteronenal my advice i angled towards hetersensl men. There ae many excelent educrtors and exerts ho can speak to the domaine that arecutsée my own lane sch a8 pkasur in the LGBTQ* epace Sean the QR code Tovougnout this back youll ee QR codes le tis one with veasurces that are cuisde the ter, The tro-dimensona blackand-hite format required for books cents limitations in stating sore concepts and movernents, but we've ured (QR codes to expand your learning opportunites. Because of my Seen years of pertnal ining experienc, know aw impor lundetand ad inuitve. and should help you viru ec echigues the wa fou woulda squat or any other physical movement. We have animated versions of| many of the graphics in this book and youl find QR cadesdroughout the set Santon my abet. Yul also fr adits! convallis to say up to eae on reach and tech ne below you wan to get fel for how hi works, Some recommended produce mention thoughout ths book are made by corpanies tho sponsor ty ork ana genersuy afer dincaunts tomy auiene (One afm corevalue is authenticity. 20 only recommend products hat | petzon- ally use and can wholeearedy standby, The QR code below wl take yout ae source page on my ate tat ha all the recommended products and dicount in fend thie book, youl be tempted to ship ahead tothe tc 14m ene proces inthis book to pide you to mastery in sex and while is natrl to skip around, Iracommend you rad allthesectors eventual Topics ike phrsology and anatomy thal may not sem inter ting et fat Blush can elevate your ax life shen you have the krowedge you road. Ifyou hit 2 stumbling bloc implementing these techniques with your par rey the answeris ne mstem ve facured an the 20 percent of ile tha create 20 percent ofthe resus, 20 you know 'm pat wating your time ve clatiled echniguee for wordrenoured sexeducators to tantric maser in order to bring you the very best hacks to lee! up your se life, This int amex: beste Hato vey fechas crcr—ink sw elletiom of tebe tf ‘See tecnigues dat have worked forme wth most pare. owt probably familar with the 80/20 tle poplaraed by fel hacker Ton Fei. Th ia being the rl ito find the oat essentials or hacks ‘hati pve yauthe mom nang fr yourbuee Focusing on those enroll the 20 aercert—can produce fo persnt of hevazute.Soitie withthe sex hacie in this book teach you the essential echigues tht can make your se fe 82 percent beser—or more Part |Sexual Learning. Leta hou aes Men get forced» caltural sit that aye genial sce and string are the ‘ost importa: factors for good sex We obsess and worry over out cocks. How big 2 How nae dees ge? Howlong dos ilar? Even) mone pomaye penn Innging coe ae the pinnacle of passion and itinacy Man ard women fentte ‘pena sein thi jokes, nels and gossip. And those big ike i pn that mag cally stay hard forever and cum on command? They represent ony the top seven "ie benehoecking your height apsnet an NDA player Unfortunately. hs ove ofthe sex myth farong many that il ade Ite) ‘hat caused me cripling insecurity and brought emational devastation for most of ny teens and wets. Because | didnt know tha atic rowing up a8 an Asin Irvigrars kd When | heard the stereotype that Asan men have small dicks and saw how Asan penis size was used asthe butt of 9 many penis jokes, | assumed ‘ny cock mut be realy small compared to other people's. My penis x $6 inches long, stich aesly pute # aqua in the mide af average * Out my ans oer ny #38 caused me sad se chreughout my adsezcance and ant acthond | ides wan girls to rect me because ofthe size of my cack | dated a ite bitin high school bu did't ose ny vig unt waster ty Throughout my tens, made outwith gil and we started fooling aroun, woul ouch er breasts and pet her body but | would let her such my pens lepteamincing yz wae eilinpuber, and heped thas | mated ry coc would pom | oved gir so much though (stil do, that | started taking yoga to be Heguar ad because thee was no meris swimming sea at ny soho | got tbe around the worn’ ln eam Back then, [ae Sve foot nine, 125 pounds, and skinny asa sing bear. Ard was Aen 9 ry ‘ing, | ae the unfavorable nerd with he eral ick | dant he curl image rational tile te help me connect 0 women. ty as might each ime | go near the edge of connecing sally witha worn, I ound aay to cocklock mel, “The prospect of ejection was so tering tome that | rected mse before my parvo even hac the chance [As sree I periencd endless jection but itll ame fom me. But be cause | ner lt «potential partner cnet me, I held onto the hope of being ac cepted someday ‘The Savin my hiking wine tht | serumed there vas something sherry defer in me tha someone (and ml) would have to accep. thought that someone woul love me "depte” ths parived problem. What ein rele at ‘hat age was that there was nothing wong wth me in the Fist place. That someone ‘The journey t fgurng this out was somtimes brutal. canfuring, and hope less. But onthe way. here were so mary lessons ané gts hat I never would have found otheruse—and that | can share with you now. Because | thought | had to slue sore huge proem that |couldn® | explored seni wits» level of def dnb | never wealth smock vey wc oF web: inner and eter, that you can goto lars about ve: he core sex esearch, the mysteries of tart, the forbidden werd of BDSM, and the las cheoeofunderground sec partie This hose the ren of that journey Growth deck During my rophornore yat igh school had an experience hat proourdiy shaped my atte about what | am trl capable of This eperience was initially shout anyone simension af ny fe, tu lteranrnd shat |culd appt sme vindeat to ales everthing ining tan The stay began when | wae the oo traning for swimming. and | was taking toa teche's ide about how | was Planning to start ing weights to getin shape and bulk up, jue tocus an the noo” ae tld re. “haan people ae not mace ts eth lees Yue not gongs grow bigger” ‘That pissed me of Fuk you, | thought. going to wok out lite 9 meter ‘cer By tae pie lens seen myself progress Fam Seng 8 trie vine mero decent swimmer 1 waned hard and gotten fate, and | kre could Improve even nore At the sore of her eormmant ings Sued mindset ae she though was possible, but | knew beter That moment stoked the Fre of my rout mindset towards my Bod. Incase youre not alread fair with roth mindset 2 concept hat wasfed and populanzed by pmchologit Carl Oveck whase studies ot Stanford University showed tha the expectations teacher eld fo her studs inuenced thei student’ automes “re cancepe neha gouty mingee espe: you ble your sity in ay ‘ing fom mate ters to seni perarmance-ie Fue, you'l achieve arer re sul than somone who lees they can irove. Before you can mala change yo have to elee change possible with proutn You invest in youre by anrng ane racing sill url you set beter att Ifyou believe youl alps suck at something. you dont practice, you shutdown in he face of obstacles, an you utrately reinforce your ovn neve lop. But when you Believe you can improve, you start take an interest in stretch Ing outzse your ear zone That when te proces of aening beans inher ry pleasurable Stepping outside of my nm story for moment: ve gti 29 mary mesenger from men who bebeve the/re broken bscause something about them is not changeable. Whether ifs the sce of ther cack or haw lng thy ean sty he she men are ecuing on he wrong thing. We ll have Sed etter about our sehr, but becoming « biter lover has alot more to do with your mindset and your conrecton to your panne than your equipment “The th sto get beter at sex, don't ned better equipment. We nese practic. nan infuesal TED Talk, Eduardo BceRo tals about how the tp al siep we hae to take to got better at anything i o step outside our comfort ones’ Mt of ur hae stepping cuit aur ear zones when f comes ta ‘cur physical proweae And yet the ony inprave Backin high schoo that teachers aide may not have baleved in my abiley to set monger and free (ecaure In Alan) But a Fir, haat challenge the ‘nyt that Asian people cannot become athletes, and fom there | could adopt routhrindeet ta my Seas. as you have t aalenge he sen! the (ee red in Chapter Tao) that beep you locked ina ad mindet, and then you can stat to ctl grow a8 wove ‘After that, | read every ness book | could get my hands on 8 siti yi nud char an ny daye and rend the badyulding engyelapedia by Amol Schaatzeegger BetonenIiing weights cating move and taking suppleness, | stared to gun confidence. 8y senor yar, Las «solid avinmer and a St alate Dy sighen, "graduate high cchooland secam s persons anes | had Fgured ut how to radial change my body by apphing a growth mindset eather han « ned inde to my Fes and appearance. nthe illustration below, you can see spp shin core minseett eusliy “The 80/20 Rule in Fitness and in Sex [As /beppn ts conch many deren pope itn many dere aay spee uly leamed there ie no uiverel “right yt ain Each of my clint had dierent tnvning needs because exch of their bodies renponded to exercises and mutton citerenty any of my cans came 2 me beaut they ure ote in thai nee ru sine, not setng result, an feline her baces had Betrayed ther: they had 2 Saad mindset abot their bodes. (Late when I Became a ase coach, | fund that ‘many clients came to me wth tis same perspective about ther bodies and their suai: they belived they were broker, and there ws litle they could da shout ie) My ja was to help ny lens 2 onthe pracics thas rested she bigger! benefit and he greatest anafrmation(One ay, Tm Ferg called my gy asking to use our location a5 the sting ‘fora photeshoe fer is naw bask, The 4 our Bo Tins wore sian his fat book The tour Work Wet, add obsessively veothing he'd writen onInarring, products, and eFectvenes. In shot, Lat a superfon bay wae triled—Fi followed “When The 4 Hour Bady came out Iwas just excited to ane our gym inthe background une lea aud by the concepts eitrauced in tat tose Arnone (Hem wos the ben othe “ini xtve Gee” or the single mont ftv: we tion shat moves the neeletovarés your goal, Alongside the minimum effecve ose, Friss popularized the 80/20 ale, which states that 20 percent of your ef ‘ors produce So percent af your rants Combine the tia together and the elution to better Sess was simple: Focus onthe mast effective action to crate ‘thegrestest tides in yur Fines Years Inter, when | bacame a sx coach, | velzed the same principles sil spp tose In my quest ind the mast elective techniques o come a beter love. | had to gure out which 25 parent of esl I readed fo acouir opr luce Bo percent ofthe rest, While most ofthe word cant even get ther pre te orgasm libby that 20 percent of sex sis Iterlly takes her beyond satis ‘aoe. In order foryou tobe warld-ee anything, you hate Bein the op 5 pee cent and beeve me this 20 percent af ils otal bring you int that op pe cent af aut There chris are what ater dled ito my ax bacing a= prose How Meta Learning Made Me a Better Lover "ound another elf concept in Tim Femas's Book, The «Hour Chain which etal abou! “mata lnaring” o lating owt lean beter Feri ick ear ing down into four stages, a youll see Below | ltr reais anyone could use there our stages become shear aver 1. Daconstiucion: hen you begin Itrning something ne, you fst have to lnderstand what the basi buléng blocks ae. In se, he bulding blocks Uncideallthecompanens you vets worth the pressure and spend cf a che, the connection you make with your lover, and the gusty of {your stenton, arnong many other lente tit wel cover inthe tehica 2. Selaction Fick the right element o work on tht wil produce the most sulte—th eames sacks the $o/20 In sa tht mean determining ‘he tecniques tht ce ere ly 20 be plensursia fr your pacer base all the recommendations in ths book on scenic evidence aswell 1 my oun experience of what has worded most often with over a thou Sequencing Figwe out the best order and timing for learning the le ress you uamtd lens Japanese, frau youl nee 2 earn the most commen ured words fet, becaure you wart to be able t2 sy poor ew henge sib tren Te seo ors Hye on’ row how to arouse your partner, you cnt jmp int leaning how 2 do anal f you svantt ann to tie our panner up, you naed 2 een singlecolumn te before you ty complex binds and knots. And if ou owt knw how to communicate openly with your partner, you cat 52 straight to tying something that’ nwt both of you, Lucy for you, Ive one tie ware forjou seen and by wang reugh the Roan orden youre geting he Sect sguencing bil nt ala yu go fon orp 20 erpn to afer withthe at ex your git. 4 Stakes: Quine the consequences fr nding to lean, which wil hel ‘motte you to fll though. OF cours ia sex the sakes are abeady inherently high—were generally hardvited to Bond and mate, and we're invested in eling serulycanfdert and competer in bringing pleasure lesring haw to desi my pathos my aun seul astra tat of thers But befoe | became sex couch, | Fst apple these lening sages to piyscl fie ess. 1 used meta learning isolate the specif lenring nees for each chert and louie through he Masi —_—s Pamala ugnt sie ane ofthe most impart letsans about ca sl doare’s cout for shit yur parner n't aoused. | sapped facing an technique ann stead focused onthe woman in font of me: | listened to her body and lerned to cata enough sensi that | could fe what she fe The sub cues women cf oent and terures of and volume of moans beceme ax cet as drecons on 2 (PS, guiding me a dessratin, | abo lenmed to look st sex form my partner's perspective, Because our cu tural sonal nome (based on por and oleschoo sex eduction that dvegards pleasure) ae male-arrc and facsed on male performance, many women ate femurs sed to not having orgur daring sax. Some even havea buitn mi ‘rant in as they don't believe ther reeds wil beet by thi artnet relives | needed to help my partners have cary succensen in espavencing pleasure Some echiguss ie Gapot ar cans! To reverse those seal scrips, mulon, ate pleasurable nly ser s partner is high routed but he probs biiy ofthese techniques cretngplensure early oni not high | sured to map cout the techiques that worked best ely on-—techniqus | describe especial in the Forply ang Fingering chaptere—and | now think of thi kindof sonal 6 cusncig ecard courting in Ves. \When a gambler counts card in poker they make bts based on thei ak Intions of what cards ae leftin the deck, and predictions of hat values eyo come up nex. Sir, | leaméa to alate the potential success of secrigue haved an hw aroures my panner uae and wha pve and feedback che me me, se wall data from scene studies and eureys on sx that showed ‘what most women tended to respond The more pleseuable experiences | could create for my partner ity on, he Some afmy node ofwhastechriquas to ure etre frm experience, and large pte of came fom scence Ax | got deeper into my tle apa see coach, | began to nate out with scintits and scenic rezeach, Or. Zhana Wrangalovs, a reeearcher who teaches human senalty at NYU, became my business paiey, mre me neens toa tense trove of ntlctual resources shut sex taught me howto think about zen a move academic eudencesared way and became one cfm deere fends With har, ard on my eum, lend dat on Feral secu t2 back up the obseratons Iwas ssing with my partners For example: aly 184 percent af women argatm fom penetration alone, o pags [23 in lent chapter < pacEasorsso > sot readhile 81.46 percent of women ether require cltral simulation alongside pene- siston or pefr citar simulition slone 2 argaern! Thi ind of dit informed yal fo card count and bet that could create higher degree of plenure for ‘yparrer by guingher ctor stimulation a allstager of curl But hii oly one enaipe of he wy that sexual scence changed my game Not ony ai | ead articles by people ike Dr. Ji Pave, oe of the most bilart snd satingedge sac cenarcters le ody, Sut ed he unigue pevilnge of get sing bir t answer my paonal questions with Dt Zhana and learned unique end often surprising methods of apphing the ncngs to sex. One tie, when one of ry cents just could gue out hw to Have an orgasm with pariney, | actualy svere on car ide together | gots reordes version af hie anmwace Than | vent back and applied it othe clint and Iwas able to help her reroe ifetime of struggle and pain ‘This hind of urigue information totaly charged my game. Thee isso much ‘sung edge sex aretchtidden sun inaeaderie Ineraure and ones | larnez how ge esearches onthe inside wre hiking of, enned to verage this information fo optimize sens expesences. At this point | became se to cree sexual experiences witha level of precision | had never experienced before, What Bruce Lee Can Teach Us about Sex ‘One afte sre pilsophiag being beings goed oni aries ate the world sith ech eyes. In every moment the arial ari has ta be ill to drop the a sumption that he lead knons what the hells ging on. Only then can he adapt te the actual crcumetances in font fh. Inthe famous Bight eae in Wey fhe Dregoe, Grace Le is geting his az Wilad by Chuck Hors when he reales be reads to charge hi staepy. He ses that the raves he utd nthe begining of the Fight eran working end he adapts hi ightng sje Kes ony by being Fenble and responsive that he's able to win the ht. Yourpariner’srespanes tothe techniques you try gee you a west of dats on ‘that els good to het inthe emant. But our pares bay ent ttc These is ponts or “parkinG-spot wil change fm momant to moment and frm dy 1 ay Your painer's bod changes depending on how aroused or elated she is, ee erencng, and dozens of other actos ‘hetuerea lot athe tine), oreven forthe anne partner in sy ssation Ines ‘there i only what works fr your partner right now. By staying he moment and paying stetion 1 your perne’ Feedback, ou can overeome your own assump: ‘lone about what your partner wil find pessurable. When you're wing tlt goof ‘hore bines in youre you can absewe yaur parnars responses rere lestly snd giveher he simulation sheave. Srace Lee spoke about iil development ax happening in thre stages (here tise 8 Wester psychlogy made known ae the four stages of competence that echoes the same ides). When wee fi lernng 2 sl ike Sting, we act ssinctualy Our punches and kicks are reseonary but nat nays coordinated or ‘Scie. So the seond stage, e begs to break te sl dow. We lear the mechanics ofan efectve punch-—how te stand, howto rotate the body ow tod: rect out frce—but because wele getting So scenic about the movement, ve canna longer enc be expressive wit Inthe shi stage, we became fri enough withthe movement hat we can actualy shed vein we've fared ard be inthe moment epnin. Technique goes awn, ard i ust you and your oppo ‘The same thing hagpan in ee | had to go though my aulovard mechani ran phase to brane din te sechiguee enough that | eaulé besorn fuer with ‘them Inthe mex stage of my if, learned to engage with my pane ina sero ance each of us reepondingt the other Seco me transcended ast of lt PornHub Gete Eduestional ‘Western scenic thought i reat at explaining the wold. Eaten phibeophy ie testo teching us howto experence For ret sex, we nee both re need to ave the browiedge of what Kinds of touch and techniques ae moet ely to be succes and yet, athe same time, your pariner’s puny dosent need explaining rach as you need to understand how your parser fel and experiences her am use, and how the too of ou fel and connec uring sex 1 developed my own methods af hacking pet sey, | tpt teachers like Or ges (10 inlet inichaper < PAGE s7OF330 > sereZana and Pamela Madsen in my head. Or Zhana represent the West, and all ‘the dia could observe an collect about my pare’ body and he resoonses: Pama epresented he Eset an reminded me a tp ints my experience, lin, and intution ap I connected with ry parners. ke Bruce Lee price, | went ior mpgeching secon to Sect Sin vase ical element ihe Tin Feiss, o puting t back together again in ow and inv sponse to what was happening moment by mamert. ‘As Ibeganto tach wha ' lantred to prope in the secpoive community | sealed hon nine ort ar econ estrone dine share knowledge by demonstrating technique directly fom teacher to studert. You ‘can log ont YouTube and find videos of wordless ilnetsnetucting how to ley vii: you can watch Ba Rass psi an TY for hour: you can wats any sures of op che on woking sews. Aud ohn tare bo eh nly sources avaiable were testricl (usualy male ceri) pom videos, in which the ‘One af my best ends, eth Spar, helped me shoo video ofthe squirt ing technique (4 developed, and | quick cealzed is eemely challenging to shoot an inetutonal video on sex and capture authentic reactions to pessue of [serene oat in perrmance made—but te tach wenden al te le me tc wk se he este were cree Semone. es portant 1 met lve in mistakes so viewers could st wht se looks kein he ve won hen we pone the vice of ny snicingtechnigue on Porniuh, # became saves to sone hen ion vices ud counting start fo tow mech peopl wen tla about eed “The Krebs Cycle of Sexual Creativity ‘hen I ened abou the Kee Cele af Cesity (fam an apzade of te Nets series Absvc), all the paces of my seul devlopment—and the pleasure hack ing yer | wanted to teach io othere—clcked inte place The Kebs le of C+ ivy comes in four stages—scence, engneting, design, and art—and each of thee stages rater ta how we develop thea af great 2, ‘The cy mane with scence The gal af sence et gether infrmatin sn ) ——®: conver iteto knowledge, which sky in ou sexual education, aswell. fs impor ‘tanto kno fr exe, that the maonty of wemen require itor simuation to Inthe second stage of he ee engineering ve convert hat knowledge ino lity le etn the tecbiques that cess the stimultion our pares ie Inout previous example, we sed to enn the actual techniques and vate of eltora Simulation in oder to turn tat information ino something useful Butte echngues alone doit crete great sich where the nessa, esign comes in. Design converts uly ite ctrl Behavior and cont Inthe cae of this ie about snl Behavior expressed inthe contet oferta and ural le must tke the achigute an earn 0 use then nasi tha asian sural of the emice person, mind, ertatons, and Body [ee about cresting The net step is art. Art takes cura behavior and questions ow perception of ‘she worl nox we Bepn my eimapining sec bated on what we now knot Be ‘ee based on our enparines. Sexbacortas an a7 form where we hive the opper ‘unig to eres curses honesty and contre o explore, never aking any ms ‘mentor achieveant a he fil one but continuing ona perpetual process of i Now you knaw how t eam and how to think more accurately about so-—s0 lets tae these principles and len ow to have gest sex. The Bist step isto consti the myths about ex that stand in your way. Free Erotic Play | famous spatter Cramand Rice, ance sae “i's not whether you win or lose its how you ply the gue Inthe et ofthe book Iw give ou al he sc ence and technique necessary to become worse lover However rane of this will make a diference you dort use ito enc your semil experience. Hav ing ich ana filing sau! epesince dean ery ins = rac leaing and sl acguison. The bert part of ze arguably har 9 de with sefepeason ee om, and enjoying the procee. The reason why Brae Lee's teachings led 0 far beyond his espan is shat he dis just teach hw to punch and hick, but about ‘the philosophy af how to express yourse trough mavement He ued maria are sn vbicle to min self ction pages (7m leintischaper < pAGESoOFss0 > ssthreadster staing and praicngsexackng for onan year, noticed tse ere proprestion oftges onthe wity 20 pa zauslepeianee, You could cl shane stages many things, but | named them fe, clot, conc, an play. While you an erjog yourself 3 every stage of his experience, | frd that the Further you cussing you an the ance and tectigues of aes, Iya to pain wh thie process wl ook ike a olan, “The fat sage i fei Lenning fs i karning 2 at go of alate sane of the da, ur history, your attachment to how things need to Bein the Sure nd ust completely immersing yourself inthe present mamert. You've seen tit moment in lt of supeers or marl ats moves when inthe mide of chaos ‘the hero jvat takes pase takes « breath and centers ther awareness before engaging futher The way you do this is by Fling your interal and eeral wort ‘hrough yaursenses,Secaming inmeradin your eats epeiene, zal a your parine’, and paying atention to erotic cues ie breth and sound. you were a surfer tha would bea moment when you ate sting on your surbowrd, ting to 8 2 fel forthe water, your own body, the weather, and the cures. This is the moment when you apn your eld of avaranes to experince mare of wha there ietobe te (Once you master feeling and rotkng our cu erotic experiance, you en st te eamto calibrate Because you can use al the feedback you ae geting om your sense, you begin leaning 1 navigne the experience. Colating means Sat you eign ening tothe cute tha you are gesing rom your pares You begin t2 understand what tat perons movement. sounds, ard entonel extesion mean for them You understand how hey respond to spat pes of ouch. You are now decoding the language of ter eaic cues You could view thi ie devel loping compass for your experince You know when 2 ouch safer or harder eperding on what noize or moverent they make Ae sue thi i where ou find yourbalance end timing You're learning how your movements and techniques interact wth te water You're geting the hang of suring In the shit stage, conrction jou begin o fe! zealesly intercon wth your cor and your partners erotic experience. You can fly connect ith het and stay prevent nthe experince without detaching to arabe what i happeing or what tao aout At this stage, i els ke everthing clicks into place. Youre no longer absewving your eapaience fram the ats You 1 completely connected sth yourlover yeu ares danza you eoulé nage that leasing an fling © —aaeneennenn ly feappeay and you tote begin tenth eperence a hole any anving to getrerwithaut thought Ifyou «sures you mhrge with the waver and he entice cesar so that your motions fel ike you se eferealy moving alongwith he car ents oF water as they shiR rom, cst, and dissolve Inthe ac sage, ou ener a state of spartans ploy You rely getto be ee snd ences yourrlé Yet burg autour signature moves inventing tks in ‘he moment and ting your sey guide you wherever fel right. There no ‘ecipe for is stage, because its about ting go of the rules and allowing com ete spontanety to aie We all have dierent odie, temperaments, utooks, “deals and prefrences In thir aga, you can express tone pearance oe 98 ew Savor of erension you neve hav. is em atic pla. My nterton fr this bok snot nf el you how to have sex perfect: You ‘ould eam eventing thee it know abou ex and do al the technical ements psvecly and be rely unl! doing it Jar ike you could have sic snd be mizerabein your cum boc or berich and hate youre What mas al of thir worth it is enjoymant i the process of leaning and ofthe eceiace izle engin ow, pliyng, nc connecting i hat mates itll worth it Keepin min you wil ily go hough all four sages within each sexual en counter an if youre experienced with your lover and something goes awn t ever hurts to go bec to stage one and focus on fling dep you were a mar ‘hl arts and a fight stated to go wrong, you might tke a moment just to center Yours an realy feel before reangaging. Honever, the mere you do thi, the ‘arte you il progrne through the stages and ge tacts the tage flay “Argsbly the fee ou play x realythe best part ofthe ete nal ope rience. Its pace where we can bring ail arts of ourselves out to be seen an eon, utlize ou cree capacities, have deep intimacy wth utses ard ath rand sens ume of the deepeet Sends human beings ar cable of expe ercing. | hope that by learning ll! have tach, oul lent sy ayn your rote fe you ever wander why myname is Kenneth Play, row you know hak ays the best prof if «page min eR inthis chapter < PAGEssOFs30 > redCALIBRATE FEEL pay FLow © reves PAGE SSOF S30 > < 2 pages (<2 min ein‘The Myths thet Hijack Our Sex Lives ‘And What to Do About Them Yo pos by Sonn Barbeau in Austin, Tews on any given dy, youl see ong line of people stretching ot the front door, wrapping around the cone, and end- et tat of this worldfmaus babes Why? Because the od i jt tha good you want lt of sein youre, you have 0 rise your caveabili (OF couse, what we crave is enielyindivival and subjective. ve had incre ihe Michlnstar meal, and ve aoe sated ever» Popeye’ chicken sandvch (hich dives me cessor pleasures we jut hate ve). Just as thre ae dans of ways to make eggs there are dorens of ler your partner ny av, er hate, or hat to love You could make tne fest, ost del ‘lous Franch ale fr your panne utifit att esate youeont hae her sosningin pleasure four garner deen ite she ay you've prepared her esse i: woul be urlest lame the agg. Yourjob it to wark with he egg ard lar to cookie way your parte hes the zenetons, postion, and techniques jo lle. You have tat 2 cook tha side varity oftechniquer 20 you can maketh hes your parte ike ‘were all bor hung but na everyone knows How to cok Infact te e810 ack up cooking an egg. Lt sy you warted to haré.bol an egg, but you had to ke sand guess at how rey minutes 9 boli for You'd eal and up wit an under-or overdone egg. But ifyou know takes sinus t boil an ope sud deny the tasks smple The line between success and flare a smo pace of information, Many ofthe sex techniques inthis boo ae equal simple—ané ce Sing vind-bowing sex ex mater of mastering technique and larsing what your fa parsclar see techniquelartworkng for yourparney te useles to blame the technique. Inte, you can lean o 1684 your pane’ sigs, les he kes te crete dishes for her that are resi. [As you lamed inthe as chapter tock along tie fr met lear hi le son. And one of the reasons i that there ave dosera of mytha me inher about — sein scsr we petfeen po al egrets seen pga — that try te comince that here we tan woes wee appa to flow “when & comes tose We've taught to rake eggs althe same wy, even though not everyone ike the same ings of 5 Like fe or not we Buy ints varity of myte about aur eer ee and sur bodies—mycacks to small ny aging is tao big—that erode ou sesteem and confidence. Often these myths tke holé because they pay of fou deep isecu Myth dh: Bigger Is Better Somany of as worry about the ae of sur gents apf here's one iz ate when it comes to provi rmentlty to shoe shopping: it woud be iiculous to buy the wrong size shoe De cnute“biggeria beter” The best shoei the ane ha te sexsl pleasure. Sut imagine fe brought thet sme What mameris nat ze alone. bt genital camutiity evens tes panes [rerone har «sweet spo, a the ange of size and shapes avalible in rex toys leary indicates Were al looking for just the rightszed shoe, Conta te cutral sn above verge ized cocefor sone sang they dont ants huge cocker a consistent partner? (Aer al big cock takes a lat of warm-up) The quastion of sie gat ter when we consider the a€dtonal psycho- logical component of what we find se: A woman wth x small vagina may expe nee physi pin front welendoved partner for eam but Fake ania pain daring sex big cock might ail woth for he. When our paychologicl tr ons don't watch up wth ow ohsical atibutes, we have to decide what's more imporane tous ‘The curl norms that dcate what sey smal pari ins mote cesrabes pease who had big pares ware corsdered ovesed and stupid Just lke pers ize doen determine ba power (also doesnt determine how much pleasure you're able to give toa pa: ester | gurantee you hae shiny ae if ‘The tush, every pesos body will appeal to and fee! pleasurable to some people, but not te everyone We exch have oor own bilogicl equipment to work 4 pages [28min ein thescapter < pAGEsTOFs30 > 78103‘hose women are azmll minor, and eve for ther, penetration wth «big cock lant he only rable form of please. One of my partners ea eupersize queen shoes her cian the ope pecan Yet ox ane of hr fort aut, be caute |w haw to lean nia my ou strengths t ge her plensure. WI spent he rte tie we ware having tex woring whether my paisa encugh or her the sexwould Be tbls i cacovere rom previous experi (Gin chs se reteset al that cmon, Abt 70 pect of en havea pens that’s betwsen 4.7 and 63 inches in length, and between 43 and 50 ircumferance The digram below ilustraes the exact percentages of penis ies bout where yau fin Oe caste meat oes ae somenhere inH rddleof ha ol ere, ely that we Ine ental cpa wth ot othr pave hur len He ile of the bell cure for vagina se. There are even rors statistics on pen and vagina sine in Chater Thirsen) 0 —__—o 50% AVERAGE isc 25% SS S228 Ore Essentially, most of us who wory about the size of our genitals wary for 2 pages (14min let inti chapter < paceeiorsso > smiraadnothing. Even men who are far above average can Become convinced that thei stan s0 many men who have perfect gacd penises destroy sei ies over ther pain and naecuies, This needers worrying wresks vor on our zien when ‘thee’ actually pst issue atl ‘The tenway: Genital compatiity mates fr mare than the abjetve mes sarevans of your ace ran yu ne perecy coms with your pare, thee ate sil = milion ways to have pleasurable sax with your pare, and your persis ust one tol (Myth #2: Every Penis Should Function ike a jackhammer ‘Thee ie bilan dale insusty bated on incessng penis ie, making erections lastlonger and extending peformance. The size of tht industy ea tatament to how many men wor about geting an erection uct maintaining it under pres sure a being #6 hammer aay for hours ‘This expenton i fad in pare by the thai pecernance of pare mare who seer ta be alto keep ther cocks hard on seeen on smmmand. The realty hat por star often have to atop Fling to step ay from the set and mini her ‘eretion a8 wal a taking cick pls Beforehan to stay hard. Trough the magic of “ding the viewer is none te wiser Many man hold teneaien ta manors that srenatenly unreiati but ene thi, “The den that» mans erection should never fale not vr diferent rm the damaging misconception that men should neve cry Wee tld to ge our shit to es resi what happens in our word affects our sex drive, Penge arert power tools: fa guylone is job he might not be inthe cod forse and his bods response man up, and never let aur ematian came int playin aur performance, In leet that. owe ot wilingt be vulnrale wth our saree we ene intimate seh ur parres. Sx without vulnerable x pefrmance A ese bult around perrmance becomes like a neering fist date the Amazon Prime forge, | spent alt of my on sx if in that mindse—it aks one to krow one. nthe ‘The tekeeway Sexier vars pect. Sometimes t's alo, weird uncom foabe, and messy—in shor, its ral. Instead of focusing on your equipment 2) focus on being mindful inthe moment with your partner. Ak yoursel what's parine’ beautiful lips and the cures of her bad. Soon enough, youl beaut of ‘the anit leopard ono grat see Myth #3: We Should Be Fucking All Night Long. lnnumerable pop zange, movie, and standup ace lad ur to beloe that people ae having momstap penton a ight ome. Bat x soy nal of Seat Madicneloked atthe average length of tine most couples tend to have pene ‘rate sex The numberof minutes peopl ypialyspené fucking? Thre ton In reality, by he time weve spent feen or benty mines pumping in and cout most people get kindof bore. Or tied, While we ray hme 9 mizcancepin ‘that wre supposed t art freer ince and biology) says otbenise. Pere ‘ration nthe pinnacle of se 3 one tol of many Aliight Sena experiences happen by enjoying each othe uly and plying sith» widecariay oftsehniques and posites When yous dann ara mes! 1 Michelivstarcstauran, you're not ther eat to ene your hunger. The goal fant marie flllment wa, you cule sit in your ler. The point isto be immerse inthe experience, to ergy the atmosphere, and tebe saetes by eve the jptment and ink Say Peak seul experiences involve physical ential, and prycholagcl arity, When you recognize tht pentrative seis jst one of the many wa you ean bring your partner plessue, ou open up a wealth of new posbiies fr ging ‘The tena: Great ox comes rom matching he experience to bth pares errs in the mamert. When you each vat 0 stuf your Faces wth a fastfood ‘ea a guickie wil be the best match to your hangar when you're desing an lb fmt rine course mesl you'llwantta filthe experiance with aria ad spice. (Myth 4: Penis-in-Vagina Is the Only “Real” Sex Te be honest ths mth is iy holdover fom a jade-Chritan stigma aru sex While penisin-vagina sexe certainly isincal—its the way we process, 0 pages [18 minleRinthis chapter < pAGEesOF 330 > 19801030sfterall—its not the ony kind of ex humans have, and its cerainly wot the only and of sex we come across in the arial Kingdom. Animals do all ots of wird hic they perform orl sx arl sx, and geil mibbirg in ation to reproductive For hetero couple, the mejor problem sith holding the We chet pein ag ex's the ony rea ore that fs not he mast pleasurable frm of 2x for 2 lot of woren (se act witha pester depres of ita ssmulbtion ra higher “Think of he performance any that men fel fom avetemphasizing PW see f ‘hate the ony hind of ax that matters 1 yu, of courte oul werty about your ‘cock ie and your ably to hold an erection, among al the eter performance pressures that on enue mtn fing iether Badin ave broken This snot to aay that PIV serie pleseuable par of cex—it able i, ander havea hole chaper dedicated to tbat the point i that isthe ony ‘and of sual expresion yout lesring on, you'e leaving out alt of opportu les orient anja ee ith ete peformance nse) ‘When you ok ashe susie curd he cranes sap aly very tus found ‘hatin nba sex beeen tuo women, the orgasm "gap" is hal a gap at al— women have fr more orgasms when there having sex with each othe, which Not anys PIV sect the only ting bt when ie your aly hing it aay rar ead ts pleasure or orgazm. and it bring AF. Mest worn would choose all he other suf over someone whose ony tk ie PI Not ony PIV rot the pl thing, But ie na even the Ket hing ona mes, Ouher ile ae arpuasy much more important. ‘The takeaway: There i a wide varity of semal expression to tap int that can ferro patie mor enn cing than po ned Myth as: Sex le Only Instinctusl I adetian 0 inconanpions about gna ine, another cannon myth hat hls any people back n their senul ives i the bli that exis ony instinctual. Se sl connection shoul jst “clk” with a partner and the zen should be pefect without ether pary having talk or work trough anything. The myth is fueled by erase aducnton programe which tke fr grated tat tiene enn just Rare ot the pleasure par of tex on their com. When rsligion and curl inetatons ———— interfere with ourselves, we fight bach wth he argument hat sexi atural—but ‘then we leave people Itraly stumbling around in the dk ting to navigate thet seul connections wih n sci 5 eto spor. (Our carent paradigm i torn betueen to poles. On one side we have abet= renceoniy see education, in which purty is velued ands grext sx if wll me ow magically work fatlf ov when you sete dovn into a monogamous marriage (nthe ether we have pon site tha elie high socevaue ta dee clear snd anes, and incidentally provide mary pple wth aabewed, ad har nx educa 1m not against monogamy oF porn or prof. Bu i's import to undestané how there curl noes cate devariaing seus! she tha in ve and 3 ive ptopl af comprehensive st educator ts important to Fook ot hectare flcrccs ard Gare ood om a ius! eee do we ach manage our ain 20 Ses nthe Bok Why Case Ser Mates, Or. Nan ge arguts thet rexel pleasure is atthe cote of out ment teal and wallets. ‘ncn omen we en bs bore od rks wl ewe Inthe same vay that we enn diferent workout tchriuet investing ou energy in leaning how to have gest ex, needs ivestment and refinement While these ae parts of that are catainy in stich, joe be etng, we cam see ite expsionce Pais mc bord simpy satshing base desires in an adequate fashion Most people would thnk oF entng ra chick for there fe a a reatiely sad way to il hr instinctual pps for fo08 Yet in za pect nt to have 9 apply the sare learning nt tunes thet we do te cooking thinking that we should “ust no” how todo ‘The takeaway: Like Brice Lee tnught ue ue fe nae to bres dn he ele ants of mvement and technique Beare we cap put tary face togeter sth masten, Open yourself upto letring more about ae, and you'll get even rove sophisticated in our echniues and your tare fr pleasure, e588 {20m stints erapter < PAGEesoFss0 > areas‘Maratetndoubner ol Tee Foe cme i Performance Anxiety For many men, the fear of being a sexual dlesppointment, and therefore being esa etd, sone ofthe most innate and primary feats they have. The fear of noting big ercush, har enough lsting ang anouth, or being good encush ie anyother way aa source of pea annie When jou shirk about al here myth andthe pressure dey crest, fs reall ‘no wonder that so many men ate dealing wth law genital slFesteem and peo vance net I can fel rely eipling to worry about asual tet Tht sory ean cnure prablentsin fnaionng like psychological eee Sefunaion apd premature ejaculation, hich in turn can eke yt more amity and dred “This feedback loop can ctalze overtime, and shad to knowhow to breakout ‘The fend aap lade 2 what paychlopiet which i when animals and humans getthe serge that there's na way out af sit ened helplessness ion, ard they no longer iy to ater her environment o stop « pif tin ‘fom reoccurring, nthe worst cae, ths less once culture and potentially caus sz patos hams becuse ofthe rage that ie toed io hese rou. Alot ofthis urnecersary pin and the needles har itcaues i uo lack of lagt sex eluction and sexpostive culture and communsy. You dart need havea pom tar coc, look ike Charing Tatum, oF civ a Fear to havea good sor ife whichis wns mainateam ature presees You nae contptency ane rsp: Thats oh lust the Bose IF youte an average guy stugling wth wortes and concerns about your sex if, Delve me, gett Lite | mertione earlier inthis Boo, ned wth thi crip ling. immoblizin Fear for most of my sex We. 1 used to be someone who sould even ata i south or ae my coco fer tat they would acl nuph Now can peor on porn sez and fuck ight nes to mainstream porn sas at .ewe mentione above, the pressures we often fel around sxcomne that are aril. ls Hk keeping up with the Janeses in he age of 2) ee lestagiam and Pombub; wee eralaing shings that were fle to begin wath, But sometimes, just bnowing that not enough te reduce arity, expecially thir anvety Fas been with ou fora long time Lat fce it when you're tying to have 3 nod date with s lover andl your penis ent rd youre not going 10 fel reat, shoutit ns matron sasetie | thaw at pou, arhow sommon itmay be Same sie, yu jue want to perfor Before | get into how to tele performance annie. | want 10 convey how shompion, en that confidence ita cho bul up, even \Pbad things happen to you Ar you develop the ails | mention below, you wil sar 0 collet more postive experiences and compecerey 0 de ‘lop lsting concer ‘We can lan lat fom site mhletes when comes ta canfdence and perfor rrance ance; Because ahiic perforce has ben said terse ean {ake proven lessons and methods fom the scence and apply them to sual per formance, When an athlete experiences perormance aie they often experience 1 flr o perform becouse ofthe persived pressure, aes called “choking” This ies ver similar stun 2 what happens in sual pefrmance when we eipe since any Bruce Lee ays that obsessive egoconscousness takes you out ofthe mo andidth an tention, paying sttertion to worying about your haron takes sy om you ust len sports, he he is reduce the peeved pressure and focus back on the gure In bed, the same applies We wart o reduce perceived pressure and iy pay atenton to yourpartners bodacous tas ‘acu back asthe asic Hare's my lay ity guide 9 overcaming colin in the bedroom. “The fret stop might sound courterntutve, When you're expeincing choking and te yourself you shouldnt be choking, only perpetuates the anit loop anc Inornses te nfinpones persue The hack hee i 02 9 edi mine ce with youreef Tel yourefsht your ik dana’ need ta be had igh ny and aie (OK # your dick ant hard and you're amicus What you renat pert, and the ‘more you resist these two things, the worse they gt Instn, fe into te amet and alow the experience to est racy a5 its, without ting to change it By Ned. ase your breath to actly clot Focus on lengthening the breath age [Pin etin this chapter < PAGEss OF 330 > rebreathing and out fr longer periods Brenth woth isthe fundaton ofthe ale regulon sills und in marl ans pore yon pacties ard mare In adton, reiaxyour fice, shoulders, slr pons, abdomen, and pelvic aor Ie may tale te to Se able no acces, el, and corral internets ike ‘your solar pews and pelvic foot The fat sep i to try to el them: dct your stision to where your aero ute op For abe, for tare and focus on any senetions you can feel there, These structures ae tpl mastery Leaming tof and lac these iner structures is one ofthe most pow ‘fl hing you can dot change your expetence of sx fom the nade out. Thi isthe key feeling deeper felngs inside yourselt | eamed the power of relation fom Chelsey Fasano, who taught me that suhes we ri 9ur natural Sodygeius tee she eens She sus me ths the body knows what oo fe geet the space 0 fel and function early: When ‘we stop imposing anand tying to canto aur adie, an let the body gud ui can atualy se regulate an i capabe of more pleasure than we ever imagined the body is eapable of in tvs of pearance and how ean pu ur with 3 vie frm ones wes bai in Harel epee om ping fi ‘ion tou breath and body slowly coming them tet go overtime Tre fal step is 10 foxus on sometirg ther than your dick eating har ‘Thinking sot how you with your dick re har i about ap oective etyng to ‘roe youre t fel sleery when you's experiencing insomnia, Instead, efocus come en wins yu he ctr ‘low yours togetin touch wth wht i occuring hat is ert to you, Ditect yourstantonsaceosha fei god shout the mamart Engage yur Sue zener, 1 scaly notin what nas of sal, sighs touches, surde and taste re ney. Lack Hae are ft of tine of om inn GF he x re [Nts things lie the sons of her shin, what Kind of noises she's making, the shape of her body cure of her hips, beauty of heres, the smell and ae of her this snsery epeiance wil take an 2 ie ofits oom, and you wll be ineerved in your sone of erin Al rght ad Gc of sol or vay An then vols, youl noice that your dik gets hard as easly a8 when you 272 at home lore consumed by your foie por. ‘The zecand most commen ane tht men felis sbou sting ong ensue ita th not my personal ten of expstise bec tas tb ) personal challenge ofr. However nmy avestio atin alle knowledge about ses can | have had he forte ola rom one ofthe bes in the indus, Des tin Gere, who rune course called “Sexual Sef Masten” for men. He techs all ‘the tol youl nad tm experience saclay choice (ba cme when yu decide 1s), experiance fullbody orgasms, nanejscaltor)energsticoxgnsms, and even imal lil orgasms When Idd his progam | witnessed a group of men who strugled with premature ication al oftheir ees break through this problem, smal Sean the flowing QR code = ven len how fo hive male mutiple on checkout Destin conse. Saar @ For worm of pe, your stn pfoenencn invus wey stor erm bloga roots in addin to o rather than pacholgial. There tons of grt bohacking ‘weatmerts and options avalable—eveyshing from optimizing testosterone Ives {2 ED drugs softness and nutrition protaccle—and Ihave had tremendous suc cess ith therm perzonalh: Unfortunate ifs too much to cover here, bu this ia topic wil continue owt about on my Bog, 20 follow meat kennethpay com if ‘haze silt iene tle tne > segue, but pramice males peer When youre fling soeeeed during sx, practice the thre techiques devzribed in hi section. Recept yourself andthe moment as they acer fous on yout besth and relax your boc, and pay stenan to wat feel 200d trough the five senses Learing ies process but ou cn trust hab engnging ith her three prac, change wil soni begin to ec ml renal hor ginger it be beeping you Fem enjoying # ery enjoyable experience ARRecipe for Pleasure pages (min lin this chapter < pAGESsOFss0 > 21%readInthe end orzsemerguice mare han just the pus fs buon. | ha he press Part It of taling swerlahop wih eax edueter Get Marin, sh taught me shat zal shares dated fem a combine of tc pore ing + Tete daa + Mindless All our senso inputfiem touch te sight emell, sound, and tarte— contbutes to our pleasure inthe moment. When we think ofthe sensations we ee during ses we usualy fae on gens! simultion, but tet dts can came ‘fom anjhere, turing your parsers whale body into an eogenaus zone Sell lscars how al this sansony data activates the Brainard ligts up our sense of lessure—in ar more depth in Chapter Five rents pay ater oie Kyu partner it enuhtup inthe sas herr cor the length of her tod lin ts much harder to connect with the pleasurable seneations in the moment. In Chapter Four wel ake 4 deeper dive into mind fuless both for your partner and for youset ‘nd finaly ero cate is where psychological arousl happene—s neces say scp Infra aoa cam tome tiie roc coat ean Bea spl 25s Finaous testo elaborate aa stpt a perorm ard a outed dungeon te payin. But whan done wel erotic contest allows you to tap int your authentic seus! idertnyt tur an your pare sel dicuse in Chapter Seen Focusing on these thes laments all you to erste innumerable creative seus] epresions, and in Par Tol shou hoe 2) nea pages (min) ein ths chapter < PAGE Ss OF sso > asheSe (emi) ein thischa < PAGEssoFsso >‘Consent, Communication, and Negotiation Sel comert it one ofthe hotblton nue of our tire ir lo a huge and incre In complnetopie Mov sae shold ecomeruricateaurcaneet or lack here ‘oP How should we make sure thet out partner ix consenting? Do nonverbal sane ‘of consent count? How much aleho! does someone nee to dik before we con side them unable consent? What ype of power dyramie between you an your parser mses he lee power unle 2 const? There ate not ey quastons ‘answer and some ofther may havemorethan one right answer I grew up in Hong Kong. here he gereal perception is hat the ra il ever hve sexs on your martal bed: anything se would be crosing al sorts ‘of boundaries ut | went though adolescence in Ameria, where watching Amer ican Peas «horny teenager as rot just rousing and far but an experience of {etal care shock. So much more was slowed among youre people hare than I ad ever reamed of ‘Attoeny Hs sills wigin wondeting whether I should lean in fora kiss ona le Afer fs semi mediocre reltonshps, | sarad ging to swinger pation in my late soars where hetarcrexal couples openly shared each other with cer couples. winessing public sexs totaly mind Bioning, and conse for even the wiles ser acts was negotiated with eto no words ‘hen became pat of tae NYC spose commurity fw jens ater, len wold hat want ao counlecentic and ll eal ventations and genders ‘were celebrate. It felt more lke home than al the other one. Consent thre was ‘iscussed alot more, and often ha tobe negotiates verbally ‘Secing sex fom such diferent cukural and subeukurl vantage paints hae de oe sate fate he caine consent ely Every amma ha te ‘own st of assumptions and rules for how sex should happen (or nothappen} nd ‘each o us brings our individual preconceptions and past experiences. Fr xa le, some ink play paras n New Yor havea rule agin slesho substance se Others Ea al sbsrance ues Many of my feral and and saree appre ate the “ek-betoreyeutouch” model af negotiating consent Sat many polyol partes operate on. Others compli how much they hate that model and prefer to negotiate consent romersly mast oft time There is na one-size ft ‘To make sates aven stare complnted, norm within each euture hover ime. Over the course of retly a decade inthe NYC sexpostve community ve ceneeeeeneeneecenne seen the ature around canzent change sot Foristane, nthe ar dye ofthe Hacienda panies, t wasn't wend at ll for finds (oF whatever gendey t greet cach other witha hes onthe cheek and squeeze of he but Today we would? ream of even hugging Someone ata ply party without asking fst. The #MeTo0 ‘shoushes and experiences wth it ‘This par ofthe back was by far the most difcl townie, Ft because com ert complet Tot eto this top: Many poole tds impli things and pony consent a5 prety lack or white, but Im nat envinesd ‘thats the best way t accomplish aur common goal of having great er that lemes eveyone fling good about 1r Zhana argues that both cur nteal“wantedness" of ex inary given site ation, and our externally communicated signals of that warteGress, exist on 2 spectrum By “wantedness” we mean how mach ou perzanaly want he ze On fone and ofthe specrum isthe “green” zane of oa percent wantedness and 3 ceay commuriceted “yer” On the oer ends the red" zane af 100 percent um wantegnese and a clr communicate na” In betwean is a huge “ray zoe of intemal ambiance (being unsure you want the ses, having reagan fr oth loaming and nataeting ane eer! ambit (ending une nls of consrtin ter peste Uefr you to Or Zhar's work fou eto dee into thisdesper but ay ‘thi much the gry ze is el, and its not leas ay to knw hat to do when both slight isolated ror having fet sine at 2 Sa? Orhan you say “ee" the pouse ou lve, een though youhave zero deste or one atthe moment? ve found myseiin that ray zone move than once. ve made mistakes when it comes ta navigating conser, Vue rade deciions Fue regretted, and Ive acted i ‘way that hur my partners That's the ther reason this was the hardest chapter to cre i nt sig pet erp rams es weve Fa re ty Ssk, preaching you from 3 high hore. Fm from iF human, an humans make ‘istaes And think thats most anyone who's hada lt of sensl experiences with 1 lt of eiferent people wil be inthe same boat. But Ihave spent alt af Sime learning for my oun and other pecrle's consent mista, continually growing. spd continual upgrading my consent practices I'ma workin progress same at everyone ‘Wh fons inthe chapter nota rultnak on oh te eacute Fanless 1 pages [29min le in this chapter < pacET0F S80 > misreadregotaon because the rales dir fom patter to parinetand fom ane em counter io another. sea, Iwan o give you th tol undertand what you and our partner want from your sonal encounter, and how to Have open conve ions desde wha youl da tgether Beaune theres no beter ase tha the End where both people ge what they wart Why Consent Is Avwhoward—and Arousing Before we getinto haw exc to establish conse, lt’ al abowt why some peo- le esist having conversations about consent withthe partners The fr eeaan:tnlling dest about nv canbe urd apes fyaire tot ene to ting very much wou maxi poor pare: ny pepe wong they il the mood they speak expicily shout what theyre interested in fort) before having se. The assume planing what they wart t doin advance could such he magicand spantnatyout of ee ti alin, when you tale about denver and st boundaries and limite with your patie, you grenly ampli your seul expaence inte long rn. Negot ation ean opportunity to get more wunerable wth your partner and develop tut rer wan, he more cenit you ean ply with wha fee good {es Stearn gem come is sono Poem pret Now tobe totaly hones, even if ou ae prety good at these conversations, Sometimes thaye just avlovard ard not super eroc. But even if negotiation sometimes ils he mood inthe shar term, tenhances itn the lng wun. See on: And here are deeply rated biological enzo hy this ithe ate ) —————___—» Each time we haves, ur bane and our boces asses how safe i to get ‘euletbl. in order t become arcured, each partner has to bein a relned sate Ina prysolgia sense, we have to sich onthe parasympathetic rervous system she contre aur aio tet and cigst rors an eulatnary sandpsins 2 2 {oly sngsged in zene have fet nak rte wee sla dg so that oe wont hve, sy sabertocted tier coming fier us. Even with saberiooted tigers row ert 9 sl have to honer thse evolutionary needs and create an en hed hi int jure tue fr omen;t20 much aren ine he neurecheniza that ie produced curing Fgh Fight) kil your borer, a¢ Aaron Spite, MD nots in The (One ofthe primary things tht dictates safety (especial for women, who are fen sealer than shar panes i he paar ue chosen, and whether tse putne is ef, Is mportant to cents a safe space fr our pariners to share thee facings to encourage ther io be vulnerable, and to lt them know wel respec ‘hei charging desies—especaly with anew lover Once we fel safe, we can urn of ourmypanigiane ane tune ts cur pleura “The pent af agstinon round sie panty decide what ve plan do and ot do with aur periners. ut move than that, ngataton i an cpportumty to estabich trast wth our partner When we demonstrate tha their wal-being sour ruber one pitty we create 2 safer space fr them to be wunerable and ut inate toler goiets sind lowing expen, Unpacking Consent and Fear of Rejection “he eecand reaon that mary pessle dont want to go through nagtatng res sctvtis ig because thy fear tht checling in with ther partner inereaees the chanses af being jected and losing out onthe chance ors They thine hay lial 2 ay yee to sex because they writ have the ime think through things and checkin with their Fesings. se have seus soe oes ove i very efit fr pene to anthuinninly 2c lnonledge our dete fort and that Being caught up in the moment and losing eck of womies and hestavons i the way to go. But many people do his for ® pages (20min) aint chapter < PAGETSOF S30 > espurely siish enzon:to gets they wart inshe mame, eveniftha name get singtheirparers to bypats same ofthichoundarie Mth the gore ourepois plying. his ir atraighvup fucked up and incurable ‘Andi the long run his strategy actly Backrest lead to less se ad 1 he rely wants might wrk together to hypat her concern the moment, ‘leads to hesitation and embiralence in the long rim, not someone who & tal and completly on boaré with what she's doing. The more we talk to our partners bout our desires and boundaries, an the more we check nto understand and re spect cur paar the mare ee eiytg create a environmen whe both of ar highs enthusiastic and ected about hats happening and what’ bout to happen. lensing those nagging voices and fengs tht aren't on board at he ay to mate therm goa Pus she more ne cnmmunieteupfont ith our partner the stare we can ritgee ink in our seual exprencer, because we decide in advance how ee going engage with out pariner. The les we communicate, the sale ast be comes hen we get orp up inthe prossec af hang ase risht nou, we can lose sie ofthe wel being of aur partner Ane when we tat ue nsreate the Viainood ha hey il epet what they did Youmigh hve mae ean Bat youre alas ia to encounter let of avoidable consent accidents. Inthe worst ase this leads toa ot oftroubleforboth of ou. But even Fi not supe pin, 1 just not opti doesn laste that you ae avin, tustcrty consi rte panner who tends and reapacts her emations! and esis cues And thie shat women ae looking farina lover, ‘tthe end ofthe diy, checking in and aking about things ust away beter cthicalsratey And i makes you a better perso: you choose the wellbeing of your pariner over yur on seinterest, and thi is ertetalto not just bing 2 goed lover buta good human being. You want to aaid buyer's remoae, Don't be « vsedcer sleran,aeing «lemon. Bethe guy that’s chosen fr his integrity ‘Choose to be someone that a worran would choose whe she consiges all the tor and eons, nat the slsny pickup ariettat can ony gen by living 8 game of subtle manipulition What you doin these cteumatances is about who you want o be, what you wil fel about youre when yu lok inthe miter. an the ind of integrty you can fe the woman whe fialy chooste you of her ov vl ‘on Be she guy who went women the way you art she daughter you might have someday te betestes > Ground Rules for Consent Now that weve coveted some ofthe “hy ef get nt he “hoe” In my apron | good stating point to estabich hati consensual eto chacethat your partners conaent it bath informed hey know exactly what they'e signing up fr) and rthusanie theyre atoning Sut acest ang) Here ar some ofthe ground rules uae to nepotinte consent. Remember tht isnot an exaust it, but some ofthe moet essential ting to practi. rors Your Partners Wel. Being | good basic niet goby it lockout for aur partners bet interest shove your ‘oun slfinterest at all iner—or at leat ax much a yu lok ou fer your ox, “his means that a any pont n the interaction, you should be wing to put her reeds ft, above your own desis. Ths mesns not holding her responsible for out exgtam or ssusing her of “hing you blueball” she doesn’: make you ‘cum. means bring wiling to stp whenever shes uneomforiable, ow doen faa pace that fs righ to he tiles selconial end rainguishing the sense ‘hat she somehow ones you a seal experience oF some variey. But iis well stom tte demanztatt your pareryeu inswhow 2 ear for er In therbook ote, Tucker Ma ard Dr Geof iil explain how women ate ‘erclationaly hardwired to look for men who ae “tender defenders” Throughout ‘evolutionary history, men who were mote cooperative, king, an agresbie were ‘rote katy to auvive and ciate ofpring, Because in the evolonay past, com ice and hardship were frequent and ofen dangerous pats of i. Being able to andl tough stations ard remaining ind and caring of emale partner eas ‘al 20 sural. Women leaned to pick mates who wore able to defend them not ‘only fom the surounding environment but fom thei arnt! own more seers sive, sfish impulses. Puting her fiat and bin ‘eat especialy inthe madiam and long term. This bind of behavior symbolizes porleman i deni atvacive that jou me an attractive prospect for shorttern ser and_longertem More importants she ehial way act. | hope that 6a eure we are moving sna forthe pickup art mentality of short-term gain egarders ofthe damage done, ard towards embracing this more gentemanlyapprosch to worn and se 7 pages (23 ine inthis chapter < PAGETS OF S30 > 25 re‘hen | zeta ine na zu cerry ith s garner we Set agra on what we sch want todo. Ar we get started, | erally atk “Can | court an yout tl me f you change your ming?” “This smple question helps te put the responsibilty an my parnertospeskeup i something doing dossnt werk for them. they tell me to stp, | stop sedate and there ate no conseguences for wthdtaal | want to encourage my parser to tlk about what Fes goed and what dots, so | don't defend my 3c sue bnouisplessuabe fort of us ere sop aagesher 2 Need to Be Clear and Unambiguous {We rey nid renga fra ued arte vgn o expanse ie ing sec Verbal communication tds to be the cearest—no means no, and yes means yer—but we alsa ute movements and seunds to errets our plentre and slepearure, Noneril signals comeup eran, and they azo tendo be mare smbigucus. les important for bth prner tobe ate of whether heir comma cation is nding. fat, we need to contin to escalate communication (verbal or onverb unt ie not abinuous For ermal if guy Hazes his partner and touches her toa and he zee nd touches hin back, inthe moment he may canlade serie a go at say he Dyrogresses to puting his hans dow her pants. Her guard may come up as she sasesses whether she fess ready for aes and she might send 9 sed signa: she sy continue las hr, but mave herhipesuy fons ht nand He ny intraet ‘the signe corectly and pull hi hard back or he may interpret the signal incor ‘ec, thinking she's teasing, and continue 10 ty. She can amp up her sigal by ‘aking his hand and moving aay He may sil misinterpret the signal and think hewn 20x Sut jut needs mere oaring up Wines he maven in agin tne her vagina she gives clear signal by ayng. "No, dont want you 0 touch my eel, the exchange woulé't have 9 go that fa The advancing parer can seria more enuton and paute ts chcein athe Rie artiguous signal He car heck hie understanding by aking. “Did you move your hip aay because you're not read? He can centute ber that thers no pressure to go frter or Fatt than she wants. The receving panne can algo giv cater feedback about what CS) aaa shewante ane dean wane by eling her pares dec Uynmenera deren tambien mene ings ne preetsmnce ermine ale i ee Mert eee ai llr dp yy mig yen Ts uaa ie ig eet “The kayon beth sides iow be zlésoareencugh to haves dler understanding cf what we want. and tobe senitve tosis nour parina’ behavior, Sometimes, ven with the best of intentions, communication cin be tic and ther is much compli to mnviging the mutnces of. The next section willexpltn in more de how t thnk shout and nage theze Kinde of smmuiieions ‘The Gray Zone ‘r Zhara has wtenscensily an cangent expecily on the “ry zane” Her ‘website, OrZhana com, conine 2 wealth of resources to explore. At a basi lee she describes our decisions around consent reliant on te factors: “+ Inemalwartednes: wheter the sexi wanted or unwanted [Nether of hae factors sna We canbe 00 percent sure we want a par tealar ation or we canbe 100 perce ure we dont—but much ofthe time, our ‘when ware nat sure Wwe want the sear nator when wee confi about tbe cause we have both reaons io want and reasons nol to want ita the same tine 5 pages [29min ein theschapter < pRGETe OF 330 > 2ateread‘le may wet ry something ny bute nat sre ohare ie ne ‘i We may like = patil action sometimes, when the canitions me just ight butrot aay. We maybe ely atacted othe parson, butthey happen tobe our est ends partner. The lit goes on. There are myiag actors that can make us ser youhag sewer you lao ptcent up frit al thee Sa? Sima: cur eternally communicated signs of consent are not leaps sl yes. ora clear na Trough bath veal and nonverbal signal, we can cetiny pvt | “hele” ora hell no” But we can algo send signals that ae amblavous, com iting, nd hard to rand Theres = huge middle aren bereen yes and no, and uch of sexual communication bbveen humans fll nt this ambiguous “ray To make matters more compe, our yeses and nos don't always lineup super ea wit our levee of wantedness and unvanedness, Sametimes we 23) “yes” shen wermean “maybe” arzay na" when we real eat someting. (On top of our itera ambiguity all ors of power dynamics (money sa age experience, ete) ca also come into pay ard make it more dificut 0 express se aby an, arta ae able to fd aur partner spre Ye ourverts ane nonverbal sgrale areal ovr partners have ogo on. And ur parinersigral are Ie have ogo on. Noone ia mind reac ‘Because of al this comple, navigating these stuatons tough, | asked Or [A big part of consent checking in without cum desces in the moment well 6 fguing out under what circumstances we'd ie to say yes and when we'd ike to say no, For example thers ne hardand ast ul that says that sed to any yx when yu are x maybe But by ding that youte raking a ralerdeciion: consenting 1 anther you's internal « maybe ‘ore lily to go poety than sex tht you enthusinatily wart. Are you OX increased sk? Some of us ae thes ate not. You need to Figure ‘aking his Similaly, you ned to decide how much risk you'e wing to take when reading your paren’ signals your partner is sending ambiguous wera, you could choose to interpret that “maybe” a6 ayes" ard go ahead withthe soul sti The my ttn out grat fr them, bu here's lea a prety ip chanetit il tur ut poaty that shayl wales fam that anccurtr feeling DD har, confued ad viotes Are youre OX sang tat nes? Soma of ur ae grstrinrabars others ae ore nksverse. Thre eno ‘one ight way for everyone, but there fe ight and wrong way fr exch of us inital, Which i why its so important o checkin with yous as well 35 your pare, and Fgure out what each of you is and ant comfortable wth ‘And theless you know your parner and what wos for them, the more 708 should be ering onthe ade of easton Reading nonverbal cues can be even more ticky than communicating in swords The se secon wil hap you lesen some echnguse for nonvers!con rmunieton. both sing ard tein Reading Your Partner's Nonverbal Signals Ifyou were tying to communicate wth someone ata pay bt the musics too loud, yout suse comme up with simple san language 29 one your thoughts known Sima, you can develop vacabulay of ronvetbal communication with {your pane understand ther eparence aed dese inthe moment. The rear ih sign language works or why your end might know what you're talking about inte nue tar ie because the mening hing te signs clea Sign ngusge it “cornered ofa pesisting st of mesnings. Sut ns the sam righ con reso ‘aly dierent things fo diferent people orf eirent moments. This why f ‘theyre rot made clear in avance, some signals can be ambiguous and hard to ab your hand, she could be signaling op ot thot fee good dont stop. The sla tien sips when thesia a cea ashen ther rt she reaches back, youllinon what she means. 3 pags 18 inlet in this chapter < PAGETS OF 330 > 25rdones ana emanate dat Frc hk ss eer ba a ad a a ‘vatse weather fay stertion your pane anaateh has hermaturl signals we when she ssperancing sensu Signls con be countrnntive Soma women get done 15 Corgan ard go compel siler and il fr a fll minute. ute net avare your pare esponds that way, you might hink she not enjoying the sensation —and fone responds Hferenthy and the more you sbsecve about your parars re sponses, and ak herto help you undestard what they men, the fe youll eat to erm her language an rid he waves other pleasure. (One ofthe things that can help you to understand pare x smmetning I ot ‘fom Mion» grt kink and ae educator She tlie about how useless a them in advance, "What de you lool, sound ie and apes ie when you're ally having 2 good time?” This way, you an earate based on their particular Tas other gress hac to conquer tis problem is 0 ase multiple-choice que fom wth ely tro ery, wot pers gto. Wyo nk some what nonverbal sigral means without ging choices they might go ito thei head Ing to Feure ou the right words. Is bfter to simply ase things lke “Good or [2 “Keep song row dou” oe “More pressure or lat pressure?” Then te fperion can pick a choice and say nthe moment eather shan having to search for therighe words. What Kink Can Teach Us about Commu Sime ofthe mont Wctine protec for negoiing uel commencing armel sexcome from the kink community Because kinkaters engage in sexual actives 1 fi, they have a center communication protael to imps lay fen inalesinficing pain as wll a playing with dominance and submission. match higher io ply. For instance, engaging in what knlters 3 i—ume— Kosing which king af pain tthe “good kind” thts partner ante, and whi ie the "bed kind” that they dont want, robes «whole host of wepotiton sills and renegotiated sign and speci wore that help both partes commurizate es theyin these high-stakes scenarios People inthe kink community ar able to negate complex ser scenes be cause they ft develop lar picture oftheir denver ana baundais in thir am heads As a etl they can deserve what they want and dont want in deta and ‘heisigrals are dear and urambiguous. They conrually ask thems: + Wastde lenjayeceing and what ds lenny deingte my gerne? + What de Iwantio in? + What da not enjoy for mal but am wlng to eeive t do For my at ner? + Waser ny a iia No aly do they set out wth some iden about th, bt hey continual de slop ad refine hearse to these gueasons wth each accumulated experience, leting their partners know along the way how their thoughts and feelings Fave valved ‘The Naf Ught stm Kinkaters haves basic “aff igh eater fr desing with ithe moment fed feck Hsomeane anys “prety trees the acy wanted and sing smooth IF hey say “elt means slow dos, caution, sensation ie atarting fo near © lim or needs recliration. If they say “ed” means top sigh then end there, immediately The top (the doer) can sy “check or “afc light” anyother prenagorated wordt lit his specie typeof feedback frm te brtm (he re cv This ges both patter a lal houghtou, ean ay to know tha hele Bley il aloays be safe even wher ting rik things taleo simples cormani= cation so both partis an stayin the moment ‘The Five Second Rule Ie can be hard to apeak up ie some stuations. Wate socal avimals and we ite 29 te cooperative, We may experiance something we dont enjoy and hesate as we 1 pags (2 min et inhi chapter < pace7eorss0 > poreclans whether to sy something. The longer we wat theless and ee ily we sete speak up—and te same gos for our partner. Te mitigate the tendeng to wait Lat up a ezecond rule with my pares: ach of ur agree oat the other now within fe seconds something et working. The ie int pus capo sonen enc pares can spe up instna, encourages etch of ur tobe ae upont ss possible about what’ pleasurable and whats nt ink Protocol for Further Reding There are many more negoiton protocols that kinsters have come up with and rote tips andre i tig, tere aes asi of ink rzoures > explore. Sean the QR code blow fora lat of places to get staid (Check out SC [af sane, ang consensual), a wal as RACK (ikaw com sensual ln). These camps vw hey negotiation and ulemaking around sex snd kink sight diferent. though both have similar bai principe. In dierent secporitve communities, there ae sight diferent protocols renging fm “no nds" to ee unt no" and lots of variation in Between es important to Fgute ure aporench wrk best or you and your garar recommend researching conser protocels 4 that you know the vai of what fe out there, Afr tha, you cancheckin wth new pares about what approach they prefer and ifthe are not sure, eon the side of caution. This i an af where education should precede perience, and you can vezammand that your garnars boost thie eduction a0 Now wellackat ome fhe options for how you can negotiate specie actin ities and combinations of activites, Desire Checl ‘When you begin to negotiate seri a parr the ir step it for each afyou to etcear about what ou want to give, whatyou want to receive, and wht ou" i “The Kink community hs great resources for negotisting play, which you ean alsa find in my Sex Hacker Pro course. On The Perocrae, akin fenst sex biog, you can fng a kink negoition worksheet help you and your garner under to do, and what protectons you want o putin place to minimise rk The sue loonie juste ln ao contains consideration for anyind of a + vant play because + When pay, ware fe! + Dol wantioact outs cern role or scenic? + Dol want tous oy? fo, which ones? + Wevsllavid STI anamiasion andar pregnancy by “Ie there anting eee my ptiner should knoe about me my needs or de- [Another ay fr you and your parner ta communicate your desis ix with 2 yesinojmaybe chedict. You can fnd docers of example of Kink checklists online Fran analsex whipping, yeu ean a0 doun the checlat and note whether you've had an experience with each at and how wiling you ae to eng fora single setionor at some pont inthe fue. ach person's desires set the range of actin that m posible Fram thre you begin othink about communication preference and al Communication Styles and Preferences, Sometimes one ofthe most ds sdedquesors on adste is “What do you war to nor “What do you want to do tonight" Ifyou'eBinky andthe Brin, the answer ges in enh ehapte < PAGE76OF 830 > breadAe tha er qecson i ahmys “These tig we erry nigh, Pn Ty to take over the id” For everyone es, the answer is much mote complicated Below are thee of the main communicton sles to help navigate seus choses wth our garner There's na ane ane tat ie Ser than te other mater what you un your priner are comforabe wit nd si Lets See Whats on the Menu Just ike you would walk into 3 restaurant and survey the option to se if there's something there you want, one option for seas nego ito creat a tof seus! possi, and nave your partner chante Fans te ee Thee area fe weye of going sboutth If yout ina longesarm relationship ard have the te todo «deep dive, you can realy spend time exploring al ofthe thing you lve ate curious about, and ‘want oy wth your partner. You can take he Sime to review al the poiilties— ven eng same reser ot cresting imaginary scene witha laver—ane de 1 recommend Justin Lehr’: Tell Me What You Want for laming about for youself el oor one some ofthe most populr frases in America And ey colleague Lola Jan has created an actual se of menus on her website thet provide an example of how you can do tis. F you come up with examples that you ard your lover ar curious about this fa gre tine wo atend some cases together and be cops on your sewal adventure. This process of imagining new possibilees together and explr ing them ie erat and fn in and of ite. Frm thre, once you've crest your rerun spartely and togeter fs bout choosing what you'd lke to ty shat evening: This ic rater indesth way of ging about his sje of play and ean be a ret way of uring out new things to ty wth lang term partner. Ifyou keto ny sila vernan oft you ean sim afer our pane st of options fom which they can choose an experience, For instance you are fon 8 fist date o just esting someone, you could erste an actual paper menu of| a Few sewal possibilities. When you ae eating desser, you could ask ther if ‘the tbl whe hey rad the arse menu you presen them This shuld be sal rough tat be everuhelming, but incude some ceave opons hat can be vt and mated For instance, you could create three multiple choice options: spanking or ) Dinaflde: lingerie or Inte: rimming of anal penetation. Than they chases one from each cole. Thi just one stale of mena, What you puton the mera shouldbe represeative of what you know they Ie or what you think hey might ke tyeu don nan then al ye “The mere eptisns you hase to prasnt os menu the higher the elhood Chat hen anew partner wala by your tetaurant, roto speak tha hel choose te come inside Knowing more males you more versatile ard adaptable: you can a ‘You have nen things to ty with langsers earner ae samathing nol ith shen towew aida IF youre tll fucking the same way you dd in high acheol, you're basil, ering the same burger and fest everyone, everynight Women complain in Prats sbout he “baie bro pangs the guy makes aut with hem for 2 fy utes, squeezes of sucks om a boob for another feu and done fe minutes of obligato puny eating before sting hi dick in have seen more than a fee ‘women ke vomit fces whe i comes to this type of experience, Moral of he sar dont te bones Onvelap 2 vane of techniques [one spend tote an sts! foro) (Once you develop your menu, either solo or wth «partes thi option is = eat way 0 ke both pares hae some degre of contol, without geting bogged om ina endless ele of indecision or ending up repeating he Same seal Ou tine lhe tine, Pus, furl hes Choice ‘When you order aches apecal ata retaurant, the che whipe up something of ‘their choosing, The chet sll intends to delight his guests, but he desi though his sun sents af ema athe than though the spec pefrenes of is ruta Sonny, your parser orders te ches api you gta ps what happens “Therecever can til opt ino ut just the dine can choouets eto nat eat the ich the chet stn front ofthe This ye of communication ie for people whe strongly pafr that other ake ‘the lend. Theylove tobe taken out to dinner at etaurants they dv't ow yt, ur nd wth it aed eaten ty dt ape The he an exo “here ther partner gues out what hey wart and need Some people inthis pou ‘make decisions all day 2 work and ust want to sith oes when they get home pages (€ mi) ein thchater < PAGE TeOFss0 > 2a res(Orthey ae the in of perzan whe prety much never warts to mea choles they woud prefer eng someone wae take the end, even they ould theoretical do ‘hing beter or even get mor of wat hey wanted hey tok therein. For hi pertanor this couple, Bisse in eting one person run the how: youre ting tir ajar plang with someone ne sl good a check in about hed its, vat lie the chef would check about allergies at» rex ‘am. also strongly commend setting up the tac ight system in advance that and checking thrust wil paying pacl stanton to Ihr es Toucan cock steak nd i row rth she wo | You relly ned tobe greta reading erotic cus and airating to her €you ae ning 10 tke onthe much power inthe dynamic. Others, this could quidey turn imeanotaatun eiprince far both fy This ert abou you slfahy ordering her t do whatever you vant imagine this style more ar a chefwho warts to provide an even more delicious xpeence ‘han the guest could imagine on tet on, and surprise them so that they dot have to ven ita ingerta make a decision Make tthe Way ike tu hes seri, the cir tls you ently wat tay went to hap fe rent to moment. Imagine you are giving someone a massage, and they give you lng. Bascly you jut a hae you're tld The ay ito be agalee end aru sash Seng se This is fun way to sutch oles and power dynamics oncein awhile ifyou are love being told what to do al the time Ths doce’ make you weak. tn fc, 2 maby of ie ctor of Seminars hig rower ven ho fil acto ‘itch of ther bain ater Ding in control al ay. This seal styl is super com handle things when they get home frm runing the worl. So, haf what you sect wart thee igo reason why this erence—you's be in good company with many other men Even thi int eamething you want io da een ay canbe realy ce way tbe your permanent rexel pee fering your lover x chance t ake the reine. There ca cual stereobype that swore wh ie bey are et an fo; a worn fart eins to ) —_—» contoling in bed wil bethe end of hr parner atvacion them. We seats bt har now tet th ert the car, ard cv hari opty o et ney hat she warts exact how she wats at set once in a whi ‘Touch for You, Touch for Her “Throughout sex as we aif between the roles of giver and receives, we alo aif between bring mind of our own plensure and being atetve to our pane. ety Marin, the sex educator we referenced earl inthis chapter, crated the heel of Consents help ut be mare conssous of when were stehing las and hye THE WHEEL OF CONSENT Created by Betty Martin "Yes, Iwill” Ging A Gig pages [mun len tis chapter < PAcE7eoFss0 > breaartis wheel can be broken dou slang to ples whether wee ging oF \ectving ed wha we doing tt ton tr ting an on oe bw. On Martins char these two aves cess four base possbitis you can touch some fone because yu wat your ouch ta bring them pleasure (mating you the giver in cause you want to fel her body (making you the rcever). and your aterion woul Be on how her body fest your hand. Your partner could ie you for our pleasure (a the ger ror heron (the acer ‘This ies genera oven f Sey erin aymtem, and you can red more on her website. Aut the essential idea is that we dont spend enough time checking In th what we want or being clear about it with ou partners. To pracic checking in with ceive and commuricting i, Baty Matin and her collaborator Harry Fac in cantad the “Thre Minute Carne” Sean the OR code Selourt chee out hein Ete ine Three Minute Game ‘The ues ofthe game ae simple. Each partner aks two questions + How wou you lie meta touch ou forthe minutes? + How woulyou iets ouch me forsee minute? ‘The partner answering the questions hasan opportunity to request what hey sant For eanple in anauar the frat question, you mish el yeur parser Pease serach my back” Te the second question, ou might sy “May | gh you Ce pages (2 min leRinthiechaper < pAGE7s0F 330 > 2eread ‘Through ths gure, both patiness get to practice dering what they want and ing epsngs rove taking we sein: Whe way seer cay tft this game canbe confronting becuse it veqies you tobe horest an clear that youre touching your parer for yaurou peseure ‘The diftrane icin beng lear about youricersons. Fr example, yeu give your parner a masage because ow they santo be touched, then your iter ‘ion should be complstly on them, not on how youd Ike o touch them. Oten ‘This game races us to separate the mis and aie oomrahip vee aur davies, ‘This gare che mst pow when we catch curls nt admitting what we acu want Because were aad might be ejected. For instance, when Is your tur t0 say what you want, you may realy want to squeeze your parr’ beng ger fll peiaron to an for etc what we want, jas fr suse, ve fan del sercthing tha feds mre mesa. his some the pay ay tat ours es become less han avesome—ve begin rejecting aurehves eforeanater pang has the canes t, Donen tnd tod tis sor of ing much mare than men, bacaute in ur sity (ae in eur por) we focus primary an the guy touching his patnefor his oun pleasure. ve experianced increible sex (and plenty of) y ipping the eipt and ocusing on touching my partner fr her pescure When we fozur on raking eur puriner feel good, we make sex more pleasurable fr them as well at ‘rourahes So lima fr our pleasure trough bers ‘Welltalk about the mplictions these questions have on consent end not on in Chapter Fite But the more you understand when you are touching your parser for hr pleasure a or youre, tha mar cle youl Se able to fasuryour stsnton onthe dance beeen ging and rctvng, on obsewving your panes pleasure and enjoying your ou, "hope that this section gives you a good general overview of what conser is and can lok He in real i, wll as fi iden oy, and how ta mt it 52097 possible Out thi i dainty the dip af he iceberg wn it comes ts consent ‘clecaoe | evrirege yo te ee aig and cantina to vole in regard to your consent practices< PAGE 76 OF 330 >Quality Attention for You and for Her Iuesioe youre watching» becutfl file bat is i Ferch-chances ar, areas you speseFranc, youl ar ace ofthe let and taping with you pe i stead of prying atlenion to the movie, No single element of the movi i eapor sible for paling you its the combined eect ofthe sourcrack, stunning visu Sescan Sesion allencomparsing When you eis tetacte dvs, sin 1 compelling eotisnarav, ard help your pariner say tuned into the moment you can creat captain, resi seal experiences for your parte “hare ate 2 iin reasons our ateton gets pi tring ann Whi yeu bensen your partner ea, ning te gure out haw ate lies her epg 2010 apes there may bea wild range of thoughts Ping through her min ok fot ih now? I ey ody sexy ilo hi pestion? fe 25)—oh no, whos for? Does ny usp sal ing? What ak foe to cum? hee mateo men an thee eens set jt bau? Dis Vremerber's at laude etre on the ce at? (This eit « hypthetal— was once playing with « partner the loved het expensive white sheets, and 35 we payed, she started her period. She wasnt abe te re, and | could see the tension an her fae. asked up at hr ard asked ‘Whats gsing on—are you worried about your sheet?” She nodded, snd we got 2 towel) ‘With the iljioy we bingo partnered sex ican be eat fall irto an ar lesy pil Ane of cours she ar you encourage yaur pater ta get outa he head the deeper she guts nuced n as she tres to think about not thinking stead, com your patine oho er altnton onthe pleasure inthe moment Paying attention tothe presents the most ective tol we have discovered 0 tac new habit in though the power of sertion. You cou have the sae pact en the pefct erotic conten and the right techniques—but youre not paying sttenson 1 your avn pleasure, youre Fahad (or rth the opposite of fucked) Mingfulness i vasty underlies tol nthe pursuit of gest ex Receiving Is « Trainable Skill ) cee | ured to ran a big ne event ina eexpantie ight in New Yor Cy For vary amandee, tora thie fratsone being na zellychorged aocil experience _Aterdeay ate thereto espatence pleasure, but can be hard to focus i #raar {ul of people miling sound and watching. Wher | ound 2 new attendee who ‘wanted to pay with me, 1 would often sa with ete game. THe abject ofthe ame simple: ask my prterto be 100 percent sli for a minutes aor ny pier sos the ein se ets which cx bea ‘thing fom being spanked to siting ona Sybian machine the works rrost pow fl idabie vitor) To most people, wo minute af that eanaatoncounds ht s resonable, even smal, aman f time, When | antl that the parton i sar Ing el good withthe season, | “Oly, now Foun ‘hry and a5 | count up, | want you 1 feel more and more ofthe sensation and focus onthe sound of my vic. I stacy beaint eau. conching the peron sinter tothe sound af my cca ve snap es enn fit. Soman by te et ots she het bad erp You don't need 4 dungeon ors Sybian machine to gv your partner min owing ergserts. Often yu snl need to help your preer focus an ner un eseure and crest her sturtion ently on hte’ Sven in an average beso, thre are any things tht could be tating your patos fom bet pleasure. She right worn for expe, about el prone noifcation ona phone rear, or suse af pasar re rang ugh file Hap he Gros ae oe hese nner shot bu the epee. ‘When you develop deeper understanding of what arouses your pret, you nd yourjob to hep hercaseh a wave and push hr ouerth age ad int arenent Ciera women here ifirertbmoctine vols of fc this process won't look the sme for everyone. Some could have sex inthe mide of circus and ‘main ally immersed in pleasute, and for others the sighes thing can bea huge Ldercion tt utimatey eveyone’ pearl responsi deelog te cps 1 to focus on the hinge thet ate important t ther. At gore bevel thin sani side job Batyou con support yor pattern geting hee ly werk ith the to crease pleasure, nd direct tention tonards the tings that reduce dtactons, fee goods pages (4 min) ein this chapter < PAGE77 OF 330 > 255 read