I was told that all the confessional verses are a one way ticket to the ninth kingdom, and

I've been
holding mine for some time now. I kept wondering if it's worth it? Should I take the trip? Do I stay
home? And I looked back and it was all guilt and hurt yet there was love, so much love, that I'm
numb to it all. Was I ever happy? Do I take the train, or do I just cross the water? And I'm left
wondering so I get off the platform taking a step back. I write about it in my journal and I hide it from
everyone and I go on with my life. It doesn't exist. I scream it to the world. I deny its truth yet
helplessly, It leaks from my words. and I say lIl revisit it later but I never make it. I never was one to
keep a promise even to myself. I never learned to. I run myself to the ground, I bury my head in the
sand, and I cut off my nose to spite my face. Better be the one sinking that knife into my heart.
Better leave before I get left. Shaky hands and slammed doors, and a heart shaped key that found
its home at the bottom of the sea. I almost forget about it vet from time to time I put my ticket under
my pillow, and I think about the ninth kingdom. Blinded by comfort, unburdened by shame, I'm
floating on cloud nine, but the ninth kingdom is too good to be true. How unfulfilling they are, my
fantasies, how evanescent they can be, those moments of weakness, they never quench my thirst,
they never last so I convince myself to never falter. I should never falter. I chant my lesson and I
embrace my curse and I end up swirling in my white dress in my bloody chamber; inner selves
turned into scarecrows; a painful reminder to never ask for too much; a vicious warning about what
comes from those who sought more than they deserve. I'm the iron maiden and I dance in
celebration of my soul murder. I'm the iron maiden, and l'm my soul muderer. Better squeeze my
heart to death. Better be the one doing it to myself. And I can't leave, and I can't stay, and I'm told
that all the confessional verses are a one way ticket to the ninth kingdom, and I've been holding
mine for some time now.