Vale Ditella (Order #36599347)

Unbelievable Macho Bullshit is a stupid party game where players take control of
a group of villains trying and failing to kill an invincible Hero. The goal is not to win,
because you can’t; your only objective is to be the last to die. You’ll need a bunch of
d6s of different colours, some tokens, and some paper and pencils. How do you learn
to play this thing? You read the instructions.

Everyone take a piece of paper. At the top, write down your name (mononyms
encouraged). Divide 15 points between your 3 stats; Mind, Mooks and Muscle. Define
the source of each stat; is your Mind your military training, your evil cunning, or your
sniveling advisor? Are your Mooks an army of third-world militia or some big Green
Berets? Is your Muscle befitting of your moustache and mesh shirt? You need to
have at least 1 point in every stat.

Whoever is the most gigantic motherfucker at the table (the one with the most Muscle)
gets the first turn. At the start of your turn, you get 2 points you can divide between
your 3 Stats, then you must describe where you are and what evil deed you have
just committed which has drawn the Hero’s ire. On your turn, the Hero comes for you,
played by everyone else at the table;.

The other players then describe the Hero coming for you and what they are armed
with. They then determine how badly the Hero wants to kill you by wagering Mind,
Muscle and Mooks to set the Hero’s Relentlessness. For each point they wager, they
roll a dice. On a 5 or 6 on any of these dice, +1 is added to the Relentlessness of the
Hero. On a 1, the contributing player loses their dice instead.

Your only hope is to delay the Hero long enough that they get sidetracked into killing
somebody else. To do this, you need to wager your Stats to get as least as many
Successes as the Hero’s Relentlessness. Wager any number of points from any one
of these and roll a corresponding number of dice. Mind dice succeed on a 4+, Mook
dice on a 5+, and Muscle dice on a 6+. Any dice that aren’t Successes are discarded,
and you lose the corresponding stat points.

If you get enough Success, play continues to the next player. If you get too few, the
Hero forces a Showdown. Roll all your remaining dice for your climatic hand-to-hand
battle with the Hero; you need a 4+ for Muscle, a 5+ for Mooks and a 6+ for Mind.
As usual, you lose any dice that aren’t successes .

At any time, if any of your stats hits 0, you are at the brink of death. To finish you off,
one of the other players must provide an appropriate one-liner which matches either
the weapons of the hero, the circumstances of your death, or your recent crimes. If
nobody can think of a good one-liner within 10 seconds, you miraculously survive and
restore all 0 stats to 1.

After your turn is completed, you get to choose who goes next. This can be any Villain
that did not take their turn immediately before you did. Dead Villains still take turns
and contribute to the Hero. On a dead Villain’s turn, they get a number of dice equal to
the number of active Villains and immediately choose the next turn.

Last Villain to die wins.

Vale Ditella (Order #36599347)