BARBIE AND KEN

TEN MINUTE PLAY

By Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey
All Rights Reserved
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 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

BARBIE AND KEN

By Sandra Dempsey

SYNOPSIS: Pass the cigars! The world's cutest anatomically incorrect

couple are proud parents! But wait - something is amiss in parental paradise!

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Barbie's just back from the delivery room, and Ken's in for the shock of his
plastic life!

OP
CAST OF CHARACTERS

BARBIE (f)
KEN (m)

SETTING
TC
Barbie’s room on the Hospital Maternity Ward.
NO
DO

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NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

AT RISE:
BARBIE is lying in bed, having just returned from giving birth. KEN
comes to visit her for the first time since the big event. HE’s carrying a
shopping bag. All props can be mimed by actors, if necessary. Both
characters move and speak in a ‘plastic’ manner-with expression, but

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with an unreal quality.

KEN: (Bursts into the room.) Barbie!

OP
BARBIE: Ken!
KEN: It’s so good to see you, honey.
BARBIE: I’ve missed you so much, Ken.
KEN: (HE stands beside her as she sits up.) I would have been here
sooner, but it took a long time to find a safe spot to park my Ken-
Kar-with-retractable-roof-and-hone-a-horn-that-really-works!
TC
BARBIE: I know you really love your Ken-Kar, Ken.
KEN: Boy, I’ll say! Best thing we ever did was trade in that old
Barbie-Beach-Buggy.
BARBIE: So you keep telling me.
KEN: Besides, I fit better behind the wheel. I look really cool when I
drive. Barbie, you’ll look great in the passenger’s seat.
BARBIE: I liked my beach buggy. It had lots of Barbie-Girl-On-the-
NO

Road accessories.
KEN: Forget that stuff. My car has Ken accessories and more. Even
a toy stereo with a dial that really turns. We can act like we’re
listening to music when we drive. But remember, I’m always the
driver and you’re always the passenger. It doesn’t look very cool
the other way.
BARBIE: I understand, Ken. When we sit in our new car together,
DO

I’m sure it’ll almost feel like we’re moving. I like it when you
pretend to drive. It’s so manly.
KEN: I think so, too. I’m even wearing my new Ken-He-Man outfit.
BARBIE: Oh, Baby! I think you may be overcoming the wimp factor.
KEN: It’s an unfair label I was stuck with, mostly because I’m stylish.
G.I. Joe and captain Action are just jealous of my perfect white
teeth.
BARBIE: They don’t have any Preppy-Ken-Wear outfits. Army
fatigues went out of style years ago.
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 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

KEN: They think they’re tough, but I can whoop their plastic butts in
the wardrobe department any day.
BARBIE: Of course you can, honey.
KEN: You bet, baby doll. They questioned my manhood…thought I
was just a pretty face that changed Ken outfits and went on dates.

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And now who’s the one with the coolest plastic family around? I’ve
never heard of a Mrs. G.I. Joe or G.I. Joe Junior. That plastic
renegade is incapable of family bliss. He’d probably blow up his

OP
own baby with a plastic grenade.
BARBIE: Ken, you’re so wonderful. I’m glad Mattel stuck us together.
We’re a match made in heaven.
KEN: A match made in China, you mean.
BARBIE: Huh?
KEN: Don’t you remember? Peking? The assembly line?
TC
BARBIE: Oh yes, I forgot. I even have it marked on my back…”Made
in China.”
KEN: Me, too. It’s the only place to be from! Those Chinese workers
created perfection.
BARBIE: What talent!
KEN: And all for fifteen cents an hour.
BARBIE: You and I created some perfection ourselves, darling.
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KEN: The nurse said I could only stay a few minutes. Gosh, but I’ve
missed you. Our neighbors have missed you too. There are piles
of dishes and washing and ironing waiting for you to come home
to!
BARBIE: Ken, I might not be up to all that work immediately.
KEN: Don’t worry. It can wait until you’re ready.
BARBIE: Couldn’t you wash a few dishes or vacuum the rug…I
DO

mean, since I just had a baby.

KEN: Get real! How am I going to keep my perfect tan if I’m inside
doing woman’s work?
BARBIE: (Rolls eyes.) Sorry, I forgot. How rude of me.
KEN: I forgive you, darling. And don’t worry about working
immediately. If I have to, I’ll start stacking the dirty dishes on our
tiny couch. If they start to pile up or stink, I can hang out at the
beach until you get around to washing them.
BARBIE: (Sarcastically.) Thanks, Ken, you’re a doll.
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 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

KEN: Don’t I know it! And I’ve been telling everybody all about our
little Midge. Ya’ know, you’re pretty amazing. You just had a doll,
and you don’t have a hair out of place.
BARBIE: Never! I look good whether I’m a “Barbie Executive” or “On
The Go Barbie.” Look at you. I can tell you’re a proud papa

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already.
KEN: I’m proud of my Barbie, that’s for sure. (HE mimes reaching
into a shopping bag and pulling items out.) Here, I brought you

OP
some new hair! And, some Malibu pills! I can shop with the best of
them.
BARBIE: You have true talent, babe.
KEN: Guess, what I bought today!?
BARBIE: I don’t know.
KEN: Come on. Take a guess.
TC
BARBIE: (Angry.) Ken, I’ve just delivered a doll. I’m tired and
besides…
KEN: (Cutting her off.) Okay, okay. Are you ready for this!? I bought
a Barbie & Ken Kamper!! We’ll be able to get away and
experience nature - just the three of us - you, ma, and…Say,
where is my little Midge, anyway?
BARBIE: She’s resting in her box…
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KEN: Golly, won’t it be fun when she sees Pretty Pony Palomino!
BARBIE: And more fun when she gets to clean Pretty Pony
Palomino’s smelly stable. Those road apples are piling up. I know
you’ll never clean the stalls.
KEN: Heck no. I could ruin an outfit. Besides, I don’t think Mattel
carries any Ken-the-Stable-Boy attire. (Looks around.) Jeepers. I
hope I get to see little Midge soon. I’ve been handing our
DO

chocolate cigars to everyone I meet. I’m just about out of stock!

Would you like a cigar, Barbie?
BARBIE: No, I think it might ruin my ‘ultimate babe’ image.
KEN: You’re right. I wouldn’t want to do that. It’s cool to be out with
the hottest chick ever. I hope your hips don’t start getting big now
that the baby is here. I’d hate to end our relationship just when we
have a real family.
BARBIE: Oh, Ken. I wish you weren’t so superficial. (Standing up,
pointing to her head.) I have something up here too, you know.
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NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

KEN: I know. Golden blonde hair that turns every doll-eye- at the
Barbie-Beach.
BARBIE: You sexist pig! I’m much more than gorgeous blonde locks
of hair.
KEN: Of course, you have your tiny waist and enormous…

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BARBIE: You’re infuriating!
KEN: Don’t be angry, my little plastic perfection. I’ll even let you wear
your brunette hairpiece to the beach…someday. See, I’m really

OP
not that superficial.
BARBIE: (Rolls eyes.) Sure. Whatever, Ken.
KEN: Now where’s little Midge? I want to see if our newborn baby
inherited my good looks.
BARBIE: Ken, I think there’s something I should discuss with you
before we go any further…
TC
KEN: What is it, my Bendable Barbie? You look worried.
BARBIE: It’s about Midge.
KEN: What about our little Midget?
BARBIE: Now, Ken, I don’t want you to get upset. You know if you
get so much as a slight temperature, you start to melt.
KEN: I know, I know. Now what about Midge?
BARBIE: Promise you won’t get mad?
NO

KEN: Promise. Now tell me.

BARBIE: (Very hesitantly.) Well, she’s different, that’s all.
KEN: Different? What do you mean, she’s different? What’s wrong
with her!? Don’t tell me her teeth aren’t perfect and white. Oh, I
would be so embarrassed. We’d have to give her up to one of
those nasty charity organizations. Maybe Toys for Tots would take
her. Oh, my little girl! Ruined before I ever got a chance to know
DO

her.
BARBIE: Relax. Nothing’s wrong with her. It’s just…well…
KEN: Barbie, we’ve never had any secrets between us.
BARBIE: Well…
KEN: I’m going to start dripping in a minute!
BARBIE: Now, don’t get mad.
KEN: I’m melting, Barbie! Out with it!
BARBIE: Okay…Okay. (Finally blurts it out.) She’s…she’s…made in
Japan!
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NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

KEN: Oh, Mattel!! How could this happen!?

BARBIE: Steady, Ken. There’s nothing wrong with her. She was just
imported, that’s all.
KEN: Imported? That’s worse than having straight brown hair!
(Pause.) Wait a minute! It was him, wasn’t it!? It was that G.I. Joe,

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wasn’t it!??
BARBIE: No, Ken, it wasn’t. You’re just making that up.
KEN: ‘Fighting man from head to toe’ - my foot!! (HE repacks or

OP
mimed packing the shopping bag.) Well, that’s it. I’m returning the
Kamper and a special Barbie Fashion Boutique I bought you for
your homecoming surprise. Not anymore, baby-doll!! It’s refund-
city for your gift, Barb!
BARBIE: Oh, Ken. Don’t be angry. Remember your passive-
aggressive stress-management exercises.
TC
KEN: Ha! No wonder you wanted me to sign up for all those classes!
I’ll bet that’s when you were busy entertaining troops! Apparently,
that’s what I get for shopping every afternoon…for trying to be the
handsome, flawless hunk you wanted. The fleet came in, and you
chose some Navy creep.
BARBIE: Army.
KEN: Huh? How do you know?
NO

BARBIE: It’s common knowledge.

KEN: Well, I hope our child enjoys having a father that can’t color
coordinate, has no tan, and might shoot her if she sneaks up
behind him.
BARBIE: You’re getting ridiculous. That’s not true! Midge belongs to
us…not anyone else!
KEN: To you! Not to us! I’m not having anything to do with her!
DO

BARBIE: Ken! How can you say that?

KEN: No doll of mine comes from Japan!! Yuck! That’s worse than
Taiwan. If I’m going to have a doll, she’s going to be just like me!!
Not one of those…those…gross, I feel sick just thinking about it!
BARBIE: Ken, control yourself. Why don’t you go have a pretend cup
of coffee and try to cool down a bit?
KEN: There’s nothing to cool down about! She’s made in Japan and
that’s that!! Oh, Hasbro! I need a pretend whiskey!

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NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
 Barbie and Ken by Sandra Dempsey
Copyright © MCMXCVI by Sandra Dempsey

BARBIE: Oh, just go have a time-out and change into your Ken
beach-wear. You’ll feel differently in the morning. I know you will.
KEN: No I won’t!! G.I. Joe - oh this is sick! To think, I was going to
get my plastic hair re-painted Barbie Blond just for you! (HE starts
to leave.) I’m getting out of here. That’s it, Barbie! That’s the last

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straw! We’re finished! I’m moving out! And that little mutant Midget
won’t get a plastic penny out of my sear-sucker polyester Ken
Pants either!

OP
BARBIE: But where will you go?
KEN: (HE has to think for a moment.) Tonka Toys will take me. I’ll go
there. When they see me coming, their sales will go through the
roof. Oh, this is horrible. You’re a sick woman, Barbie!! (Shakes
his head in disgust.) Japan? Who was ever made in Japan?
Besides Godzilla, maybe? I hope you bloat out like a Tele-tubbie.
TC
(HE storms out.)
BARBIE: Ken…Ken! Don’t leave me. You’re nothing without me.
Who wants a Ken without a Barbie? (Pause.) Oh well, maybe I’ll
try to connect with one of those “Bay Watch” Kens that are coming
in January. These Malibu models are way too shallow.

THE END
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THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR LIBRARY READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.