Mindfulness for vaginismus

Mindfulness is a term used to describe the act of just noticing in a relaxed way what is going on around
you and within you without judgment or any attempt to guide your thoughts in a certain direction.

Mindfulness can bring a great sense of mental and spiritual calm to those who regularly practice.
Neuroscience and medical research have also shown that entering a space of calm awareness plays a
significant role in healing emotional and physical traumas as well as enhancing health.

This is an exercise which is all about awareness without judgment. Tuning into your current experience
and choosing what you focus on – where your attention is, is a vital skill for developing a positive
sexual experience and sex life. I can't emphasize that enough. So many people with issues and negative
emotions associated with sex find themselves anywhere but in the moment while having sex – even if
it is with a trusted long-term partner. They find their minds wandering into the past, recalling negative
experiences and replaying them or looking into the immediate future and creating scenes in which
they are anxious and feeling pain. In some instances, people mentally leave their body completely.
This is a typical response during a traumatic experience such as sexual abuse – by tuning out, the
subconscious protects you from having to consciously experience the abuse. Unfortunately, this
tuning out (in psychology speak called dissociation), often continues in subsequent safe, consensual
sexual situations – much to the frustration of the person reacting in this way.

So here are the steps:

1. Lie down and get comfortable. Tell yourself that you are going to take some time to 'just be'.

2. Take some time noticing your current experience through each of your senses.

3. What sounds can you hear?

4. What sensations do you feel – inside your body, against your body, textures, and temperatures?

7. What can you see just by moving your eyes while keeping your head still and relaxed?

8. What can you smell? Even if you haven't added any smells through the burning of incense or
essential oils, you can still notice what smells might be present. From lingering smells from a meal to
the smell of a partner in the bed sheets, to a flower's scent wafting through an open window.

9. And tastes? What can you taste in your mouth? Anything noticeable?

10. And back to other senses again, feeling your breath – however which way you are breathing.

11. Notice that thoughts also drift through your mind as you lie here. You might be feeling silly or
uncomfortable or calm and restful. You might be thinking about work or your shopping list or noticing
the ceiling needs repainting.

11. Allow these thoughts to drift in and out of your mind as you observe them coming and going. All
of this is fine and doesn't matter.

12. None of it matters right now. Just bring your attention back to the here and now and the many
things you are experiencing through your senses.

13. Take a little time to adjust yourself back to the room properly and get up when you wish.

Source: Stop Painful Sex: Healing from Vaginismus. A Step-by-Step Guide by Maree Stachel-
Williamson, 2013.