In My Language

Video by Mel Baggs

silentmiaow
Jan. 14, 2007
Length of Video: 8:36

Transcribed by Comet Alley

July 5th, 2023

YouTube Video Description:

The first part is in my “native language,” and then the second part
provides a translation, or at least an explanation.

This is not a look-at-the-autie gawking freakshow as much as it is

a statement about what gets considered thought, intelligence,
personhood, language, and communication, and what does not.

TIMESTAMP: 0:00
[On a black background, white text reads "In My Language."
Below the title, animated text with the word “Language” is
displayed.]

SOUND: [Wordless singing]

VISUAL: [Mel stands in a living room, in front of a long,

three-pane window that overlooks a street.
Hir back is turned to the camera.
Mel rocks back and forth while interacting with the air, moving hir
hands and fingers.
Outside the window, bare-branched trees line the street.]
TIMESTAMP: 0:22
SOUND: [Wordless singing]

SOUND: [Rhythmic scraping sound]

VISUAL: [Mel brushes a metal cat shedding blade back and forth
across the surface of a wood-grain interior door.]

TIMESTAMP: 0:34
SOUND: [wordless singing]

SOUND: [cascading clicking sound]

VISUAL: [Mel brushes one hand across the keys of a computer

keyboard repeatedly.
The keyboard sits on a white vinyl tiled floor, not connected to a
computer.]

TIMESTAMP: 0:42
SOUND: [Wordless singing]

SOUND: [Soft jingling sound]

VISUAL: [Mel dangles a steel ball-chain necklace in front of the

camera, batting at it with hir other hand.
The chain gleams as it catches the light from a nearby window.]

TIMESTAMP: 0:56
SOUND: [Wordless singing]
SOUND: [a rhythmic, cascading "boing" or "sproing" sound]

VISUAL: [Mel interacts with an orange and yellow slinky.

The camera points down through the center of the slinky as it
stretches and contracts.
Mel gently bounces the slinky, making it tap the floor near hir
feet.]

TIMESTAMP: 1:08
SOUND: [Wordless singing]

SOUND: [Tapping sound]

VISUAL: [Mel taps the sole of hir slipper against the top of a
black, rectangular object on the floor. It might be a binder.]

TIMESTAMP: 1:11
SOUND: [Wordless singing]

SOUND: [metallic jangling sound]

VISUAL: [Mel holds a twisted metal wire loop, which is looped

around the metal handle of a wood-grain interior door.
Mel rapidly twists the metal loop around the door handle and taps
it against the surface of the door.]

TIMESTAMP: 1:20
SOUND: [Wordless singing]
SOUND: [rhythmic, percussive sound]

VISUAL: [A folded steel-frame footstool leans against a wall in a

storage/utility room.
Each step has a non-slip, corrugated texture resembling a
washboard.
Mel glides hir hand and fingers across the ridges of the top step
repeatedly.]

TIMESTAMP: 1:48
SOUND: [wordless singing]

SOUND: [crisp fluttering sound]

VISUAL: [Mel swiftly flicks a paper receipt back and forth in front
of the camera, which is positioned by a large window, with a view
of the street.
Bare-branched trees are outside the window.
A flag on a flagpole next to a building can be seen flapping in the
breeze.]

TIMESTAMP: 2:05
SOUND: [wordless singing]

SOUND: [gentle creaking]

VISUAL: [Mel twirls and winds hir hand and fingers around the
knob on a partially-open dresser drawer.]

TIMESTAMP: 2:22
SOUND: [wordless singing]

SOUND: [soft brushing sound]

VISUAL: [Mel is seated and rocks gently while rubbing the pages
of a book against hir face.
Sie explores the textures, smells, and sounds of the pages,
focusing on the sensory experience rather than reading the
words.
The book has a black-and-white photo of a person and a flower
on the cover.]

SOUND: [The pages of the book make a crisp flapping sound as

they are rapidly flipped.]

TIMESTAMP: 2:50
SOUND: [wordless singing]

VISUAL: [Mel vigorously waves and flaps hir hand in front of the
camera.
The camera is pointed at a window with a view of the street.
Outside, the trees sway and a flag flaps in the wind.]

SOUND: [wordless singing fades out]

TIMESTAMP: 3:13
VISUAL: [White text on a black background says, “A Translation”]

SOUND: [sound of running water]

VISUAL: [Mel engages with a stream of water flowing from a
bathroom sink faucet, altering its pattern and flow with hir hand.]

SOUND: [Mel utilizes a communication device to generate

synthesized speech with a distinct, consistent, and robotic tone.]

MEL: The previous part of this video

was in my native language.

Many people have assumed that

when I talk about this being my language

that means that each part of the video

must have a particular symbolic message within it

designed for the human mind to interpret.

But my language is not about designing words or even visual

symbols

for people to interpret.

It is about being in a constant conversation

with every aspect of my environment

reacting physically to all parts of my surroundings.

In this part of the video

the water doesn’t symbolize anything.

I am just interacting with the water

as the water interacts with me

TIMESTAMP: 3:59
VISUAL: [Mel continues to engage with the water flowing from the
faucet, causing the stream's pattern to alter according to the
movement of hir hand.]

MEL: Far from being purposeless, the way that I move

is an ongoing response to what is around me.

Ironically, the way that I move

when responding to everything around me

is described as “being in a world of my own”

whereas if I interact with a much more limited set of responses

TIMESTAMP: 4:13
VISUAL: [Mel rocks back and forth by the window, moving hir
arms, hands and fingers in response to the environment.
Billie Jean, Mel's dog, rests on a couch in the background. She is
a mixed breed of beagle, bluetick, and pointer with white fur, black
ticking spots, and tan markings over her right eye and on top of
her head.
There is a tall cat tree in one corner of the room.]

MEL: and only react to a much more limited part of my

surroundings

people claim that I am

“opening up to true interaction with the world”

They judge my existence, awareness, and personhood

on which of a tiny and limited part of the world

I appear to be reacting to.

The way I naturally think and respond to things

looks and feels so different from standard concepts

or even visualization

that some people do not consider it thought at all

but it is a way of thinking in its own right.

However the thinking of people like me

is only taken seriously

if we learn your language,

no matter how we previously thought or interacted.

TIMESTAMP: 5:00
VISUAL: [Mel sits in a computer chair, typing on a keyboard
connected to a desktop computer.
The computer monitor screen displays an open text-to-speech
application featuring a clickable keyboard with large-sized text.
As Mel types and rocks back and forth, the application converts
the input into synthesized speech.]

SOUND: [rapid tapping of keyboard keys]

MEL: As you heard,

I can sing along to what is around me.

SOUND: [sound of typing]

MEL: It is only when I type something in your language

that you refer to me as having communication.

TIMESTAMP: 5:00
VISUAL: [Mel rubs the back of one hand against hir nose,
smelling]

MEL: I smell things.

TIMESTAMP: 5:20
VISUAL: [Mel holds a spinning toy close to hir ear, attentively
listening to its sound. The toy emits audible vibrations as it
rotates.]

MEL: I listen to things.

TIMESTAMP: 5:28
VISUAL: [Mel rubs a soft white blanket (or towel) against hir face,
while rocking.]

MEL: I feel things.

TIMESTAMP: 5:38
VISUAL: [Mel bites and chews on an object, which might be a
pen.]

MEL: I taste things.

TIMESTAMP: 5:46
VISUAL: [The camera captures a close-up of Mel's face as sie
slowly shifts hir gaze to look in the camera’s direction.]

MEL: I look at things.

TIMESTAMP: 5:51
VISUAL: [Mel, now wearing glasses, studies a book illustration,
while rocking gently back and forth.]
MEL: It is not enough to look and listen.

MEL: and taste

and smell
and feel,

MEL: I have to do those to the right things

such as look at books

and fail to do them to the wrong things

or else people doubt that I am a thinking being

and since their definition of thought defines their definition of

personhood

so ridiculously much

they doubt that I am a real person as well.

TIMESTAMP: 6:14
VISUAL: [Mel arranges red tangram pieces on a white, vinyl tiled
floor.]

MEL: I would like to honestly know how many people

if you met me on the street

would believe I wrote this

I find it very interesting by the way

that failure to learn your language is seen as a deficit

TIMESTAMP: 6:24
VISUAL: [Mel stands facing the living-room window, with hir back
to the camera.
Mel rocks back and forth and moves hir arms and hands through
the air.]

MEL: but failure to learn my language

is seen as so natural

that people like me are officially described

as mysterious and puzzling

rather than anyone admitting

that it is themselves who are confused

not autistic people or other cognitively disabled people

who are inherently confusing.

We are even viewed as non-communicative

If we don’t speak the standard language

but other people are not considered non-communicative

if they are so oblivious to our own languages

as to believe they don’t exist.

In the end I want you to know

that this has not been intended

as a voyeuristic freak show

where you get to look at the bizarre workings

of the autistic mind

It is meant as a strong statement

on the existence and value of many different kinds

of thinking and interaction

in a world where how close you can appear

to a specific one of them

determines whether you are seen as a real person

or an adult
or an intelligent person

And in a world in which those determine

whether you have any rights

There are people being tortured, people dying

because they are considered non-persons

because their kind of thought

is so unusual as to not be considered

thought at all

only when the many shapes of personhood

are recognized

will justice and human rights be possible.

TIMESTAMP: 7:50
VISUAL: [Mel turns towards the camera and exits the room.]

VISUAL: [Video fades to black]

TIMESTAMP: 7:51
VISUAL: [Credits are in white text on a black background.]
CREDITS: In My Language

Dedicated to Ashley X

Dedicated to all other people who are considered non-persons or

non-thinking.

Dedicated to Bryna Siegel

Dedicated to all other people who wrongly view our actions as

purposeless.

Written and produced by A M Baggs

Acted and sung by A M Baggs & assorted objects

Thanks, people whose ideas helped inspire this:

Charles of “The Misbehavior of Behaviorists”

Lucas of “The Misbehavior of Behaviorists”

Donna Williams

Dave Hingsburger

Cal Montgomery

Laura Tisoncik