Family Life As God Intended

by Donald A. Kirkby
Revised and Edited by
 Larry Ballard

Revised and edited edition of “We want to restore family life”,

by Donald A. Kirkby, ©1984.

© 2001 by Larry Ballard, YWAM Family Ministries New

Zealand
P.O. Box 43-010, Mangere, Auckland

E-mail: FamilyNZ@compuserve.com

(Second revision April 2001)

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright
1973, 1978, 1984 By International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing
House. All rights reserved.

Permission is granted to YWAM Family Ministries Staff to reproduce this manual for use in
Family Ministry Schools, Marriage and Family Seminars and Family Camps. A ten percent
(10%) royalty is to be paid to YWAM Family Ministries New Zealand on any profits realized
from the sale of these manuals.

All other reproduction or transmission of this manual by any means-electronic, mechanical,

photocopy, recording or any other, without written permission of the publisher is expressly
forbidden. All rights reserved.

©2001 by Larry Ballard, YWAM Family Ministries New Zealand, P.O. Box 43-010 Mangare,
Auckland, New Zealand

www.uofn-frc.org
 Family Life As God Intended
by Donald A. Kirkby

Revised and Edited by

Larry Ballard

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I am thankful for all who have given encouragement and assistance in

making this family teaching manual possible. The manual is composed
mainly of the lectures I have given in numerous family camps and seminars.
It has also been written at the request of friends in many countries who have
desired a resource manual for teaching in the area of Christian family life.

The lecture material presented here has been gathered from a variety of
sources over many years. I am greatly indebted to the writings of others in
the area of family life and make no claim for great originality. The aim
throughout has been to present basic teaching which can effectively help
others in restoring family life to its God-intended plan.

Above all, my thankfulness goes to our Heavenly Father, the God and
Father of all earthly fathers and families, who by His Spirit is so
encouraging all who work in the area of family restoration in our day.
Donald A. Kirkby,

THE AUTHOR

DONALD A. KIRKBY

During service, as a pilot in the Royal Navy in World War II, Donald
Kirkby was called of God to train to be a minister within the Presbyterian
Church of New Zealand. For many years as a pastor he built up "family
churches."

Upon retirement, God called him to work with Youth With A Mission in
West Germany. For several years Donald Kirkby lectured in, and helped
establish "family seminars" in Norway, Sweden, Holland, Austria,
Switzerland West Germany and the Asian-Pacific region.

Don went to be with the Lord in August of 1985, after being diagnosed with
an inoperable, malignant tumor in his brain. He established the first Family
Ministry School (FMS) for YWAM's University of the Nations at Kona,
Hawaii in 1984.

This Manual became the textbook for that first FMS and for the schools that
were later developed in New Zealand, the USA and Australia. The present
manual has been edited and revised by Larry Ballard, International Director
of Family Ministries for YWAM. Larry assumed responsibility for the
development of the Family Ministry training programs for the U of N
following Don's death in 1985.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

HOW TO USE THIS MANUAL

1. WHAT IS A FAMILY?

1.1 Human Relationships

1.2 Vertical With God

1.3 Horizontal With One Another

1.4 Relationships and Family Unity

1.5 Study Guide

2. GOD'S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

2.1 Making God's Plan Clear

2.1.1 Study Guide

2.2 Christian Marriage

2.2.1 The Marriage Covenant

2.2.2 The Marriage Vows

2.2.3 A Contractual View

2.2.4 Marriage Is Commitment

2.2.5 Study Guide

2.3.1 Family Life in The Bible

2.3.2 The Best Training Ground

2.3.3 Study Guide

3. THE RESTORATION OF FAMILY LIFE

3.1 The God Of Restoration

3.2 Restoring Relationships

3.3 The Fight For The Family

3.4 Forces Against The Family

4. CHRISTIAN FAMILY LIFE-STYLE

4.1 The Family and The Word Of God

4.2 The Family and Prayer

4.3 The Family and Family Worship

4.4 The Family and Celebration

4.5 The Family and Time

4.6 The Family and Other Families

5. INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CHRISTIAN HUSBAND

5.1 Basic Principles

5.2 The Husband And Fatherhood

5.3 Practical Ways For A Husband To Lead

5.4 Key Words In A Husband's Daily Life

5.4.1 Self Analysis For Husbands

5.4.2 Ten Commandments For A Husband

5.5 Study Guide

6. INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CHRISTIAN WIFE

6.1 Women's Special Function

6.2 Femininity

6.3 Jesus' Attitude To Women

6.4 Submission

6.5 The Sacredness Of Motherhood

6.6 Areas Of Growth In Character

6.7 Women's Ministries

6.8 Self Analysis For Wives

6.9 Ten Commandments For A Wife

6.9 Study Guide

7. COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

7.1 What Is Communication?

7.2 How We Communicate

7.3 Levels In Communication

7.4 Hindrances To Communication

7.5 Your Marriage And Family Communication Guide

7.6 Questions In Developing Communication

7.7 Study Guide

8. SEX-THE WAY GOD INTENDED IT

8.1 The Biblical View Of Sex

8.2 Sex In Marriage

8.3 A Study Of l Corinthians 6:12-20, 7:1-40

8.4 Study Guide

9. PARENTS AND CHILDREN

9.1 Children Are Precious

9.2 Our Ultimate Aim As Parents

9.3 Hindrances In The Home

9.4 Hindrances In Society

9.5 The Home As A Shelter

9.6 What Can Parents Do?

9.7 Ten Commandments For Parents

9.7.1 Principles In Training And Instruction

9.7.2 Family Togetherness

9.7.3 Communicating With Your Child

9.7.4 Discipline

9.8 The Rebellious Child

9.9 Testimony

9.10 Study Guide

10. HOW CAN I BE RESTORED IN GOD?

11. THE SECRET OF THE RESTORED LIFE

12. PLANNING FOR A FAMILY SEMINAR

BOOK LIST

INTRODUCTION:

This handbook is written out of a life-long conviction that wholesome

Christian family life is the foundation of a healthy society. No nation can
survive for long if true family life disintegrates.

For many years the principles in this book have been tested in the home, in
the church and in family seminars in New Zealand and throughout the
World. In the western world, prophets of gloom have been telling us that
Christian marriage and Christian family life, as we have known them are
becoming less and less important. Certainly the prevailing marriage
breakdown rates in many nations of the world give evidence for what they
are saying.

Thankfully, however, the picture is not all gloom and despondency.

Contrary to what some write and think, we are discovering there is a deep
desire in married couples to know peace and satisfaction in family life and
to find a way out of marriage difficulties and disharmony.

More Christian books are being written on marriage and the family than
ever before. They are among the best selling religious books on the market
today. This manual is meant to be simple and practical. Our desire is for it
to be a tool in your hands to build up the most precious and enduring
relationships in life; namely our family relationships.

HOW TO USE THIS MANUAL

Read and study it first of all to seek restoration in your own family
relationships. Apply the material to your own marriage and parent/child
relationships. It is a well-tried saying that nothing happens to a larger group,
which has not first happened to a smaller group. The beginning of the
vision is right at the center of your own home and family. Years ago the
prophet Isaiah stood before the needy King Hezekiah and said, "Set your
house in order." (Isaiah 38:1 KJV) God is calling us first to set our own
house in order before we go out in love to help other families in need.

This is one of the few books in which you can the read the last chapter first,
"How Can I Be Restored In God?" Much good and valuable advice can be
given on marriage and family life, but unless both husband and wife have a
restored and growing relationship with God, such counsel is of little avail.
God's strength to live out the way of family life, as set out in the Word of
God, is through the power of the Holy Spirit in everyday living.

For learners and teachers alike, the basic teachings on family life in this
manual are meant to give (in summary form) the foundation of Biblical
instruction to present to others. Feel free to use this manual as a tool to
teach others.
"The things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses
entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others." (II
Timothy 2:2 NIV)

At the end of most chapters there is a Study Guide, designed to stimulate

discussion and to personal application of the truths presented.

Finally, we have included a practical section to help in the planning of

family camps and seminars. These seminars have become primary vehicles
through which to vision to restore Christian family life in the nations of the
world is being fulfilled.
 CHAPTER 1
What Is A Family?

Unfortunately for many, home has become only a "restaurant" by day and a
"hotel" by night. For some, loneliness, fears, hurts, bitterness and
resentment have turned family life into a barren desert. A restored Christian
family in God, however, is:

A nursery of hope

A hospital of care

A school of training

A shelter in the storm

A citadel of witness

A heaven on earth

A mentoring place for relationships

1.1 Human Relationships

Above all else, the Christian family is a place to be trained in human

relationships. It is a continuing school of life where husbands, wives,
parents and children can learn that each is made in the image of God and is
precious in His sight.

Relationships are central to all of life. In fact, Jesus highlighted this truth
when he stated that the two most important issues in life are expressed by
our love for God and our love for one another. (Matthew 22:36-40) These
two relationships can be described as our vertical relationship with God and
our horizontal relationship with one another. For the Christian, relationships
begin at birth, continue through life, terminate their earthly existence at
death and continue on in heaven.

1.2 Vertical With God[1]

Central to all of life is our own personal relationship with God the Father
and His Son Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. The Bible calls us "Children
of God" by a supernatural birth. In this relationship there is no distinction of
race, culture, position or sex. All are equal and all can shout with joy, "How
great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called
children of God!" (1 John 3:1 NIV)

Especially in weeklong family camps, talks on the basic Biblical teaching

of "The Fatherhood of God," the "Cross of Christ," and the "Life in the
Spirit" are the foundation for establishing and continuing this vertical
relationship.

1.3 Horizontal With One Another[2]

Out of this new vertical relationship with God the Father flows the renewed
horizontal relationship among the members of God's family. In his letters to
the churches, the apostle Paul first strengthens the upward relationship to
God the Father through Jesus Christ and then stresses the important new
relationships with one another. A good example is Paul's letter to the
Ephesians.

Chapters 1-3 deal with the God ward relationship and Chapters 4-6 with the
new man ward relationships. The whole of the New Testament speaks one
message; you are "sons" (and daughters) of the living God, born into a new
kingdom, now act and life like it! For the Christian, these two relationships
are closely intertwined and most significantly displayed in our personal
family life and in the family life of the church.

1.4 Study Guide

A. Forgiveness is the key to healing relationships.

1. Read I John 1:1-9. What does this passage of Scripture say about
personal and family forgiveness?

2. Read: Matthew 6:12-15; Matthew 18:18-21; II Corinthians 2:7;

Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13.

From these Scriptures discuss principles of forgiving one another.

a. Forgiveness is a constant attitude or way of life.

b. True forgiveness comes from the heart.

c. Forgiveness is a choice. In can be hindered by a lack of courage, pride, a

jealous spirit, insecurity or self-pity.

3. Steps in forgiving and putting relationships right.

a. Be open, sincere and learn humility of heart.

b. Be prepared to take all responsibility for the wrong. Take the first step
and go to your brother and seek reconciliation. Do it clearly and specifically
without expecting an apology in return.

c. Forgive and forget! Never bring up a hurt or wrong in public. Let God's
healing flow into the relationship as you forgive. Remember! Forgiveness
and healing are a continuing process.

d. Look for the good qualities in your loved one or friend.

B. Relationships

1. Read Genesis 2:23; Matthew 19:4-5; Ephesians 5:30-32. What does this
"one flesh" unity of relationship mean in marriage and family life?

2. Make a list of characteristics you would like your own family to possess.
"The total relationship of husband and wife through the years and the total
relationship of the family as an environment for growing new people-
children and grandchildren-is more important than human words can
express."[3]

3. Discuss the importance of the family in creating and nurturing

relationships.

C. What Is A Family? Make up a list of the characteristics you would like

your family to possess.
 CHAPTER 2
God's Plan for Marriage and Family Life

2.1 Making God's Purpose Clear

In this teaching manual we seek to restore family life to its God-given plan
and purpose as revealed in the Word of God. The Bible is our basic standard
for Christian family life. We believe that the Word of God is entirely
trustworthy and is able to transform any individual, family, church or
society. Christ, himself, embraced the Old Testament Scriptures as true,
authoritative and inspired. To Christ, what Scripture said, God said! We see
His attitude clearly revealed throughout the four Gospels, as shown in the
list of Scriptures below:

Matthew 4:4; 5:17-20; 7:12; 12:29-31; 13:52; 21:42; 22:19; 22:37-40.

Mark 7:6-13; 8:1-13; 14:21.

Luke 4:21; 16:17; 29-31; 18:31-33; 24:25-47.

John 5:39-47; 6:45; 10:35.

It is a matter of choice! Either you choose the passing, uncertain and ever-
changing thoughts and ideas of men, or you choose, by faith, to accept the
teachings of the Bible as the authoritative Word of God. On what
foundation do you build your home and family life? On the shifting sands
of men's opinions and wisdom, or on the sure foundation rock of God's
Word?

Our concern is to give only a summary of the basic scriptural teachings on

God's plan for the various relationships within the family. Obviously much
more can be said in each area and we refer you to the book list for further
material. We aim to help family members be a blessing to their families
through embracing God's plan and purpose for family life. In addition, we
seek to help family ministry workers in their study of these Biblical
principles.

2.2 Christian Marriage[4]

Although many books have been written on marriage and family life, the
Bible still remains as our authoritative textbook on this subject. One of the
greatest needs in our time is for Biblical teaching concerning marriage to be
restored in the church and in society.

In the beginning of the Bible we have one of God's basic purposes for the
human race. It is to found families so that human beings can reproduce
themselves. From Genesis 2:24, ("For this reason a man shall leave his
father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one
flesh") we learn two important facts about marriage according to God's
plan:

A. MARRIAGE IS FOR LIFE.

Our Lord quotes this passage as a command of God. "...the two will become
one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has
joined together, let man not separate."[5] These are God's words which no
man has a right to undo. They are often spoken out in Christian marriage
services. We also need to keep in mind the words of the prophet Malachi, "I
hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel..." "So guard yourself in your
spirit, and do not break faith."[6] What God hates we should hate, yet
always have an attitude of love and compassion toward our divorced
friends. Our desire is to be a positive voice for marriage restoration.

B. GOD CREATED THE SEXES.

Genesis chapter 1 teaches two important facts about human nature. Firstly,
man was created in the image of God, and secondly, he was made in two
sexes. The "male/female" "man/woman" aspect of God's creation was for
the vital purpose of the reproduction of the human race. A further purpose
of God in creating the human race in two sexes was to show forth the
eternal relationship between Christ and His Church, the Bridegroom and the
Bride. By creating the two sexes, God provided for the blessing of the
world, with family life as the central building block in a healthy society.[7]

In recent years there have been vigorous and radical voices trying to
convince us that there are either no, or just limited, biological differences
between men and women. Thus, we need to be especially clear about the
truth that God created two different sexes. In creating both males and
females, God has given us a precious and delicate balance in life. Both the
extremes of "independence" and "over dependence" are to be avoided in
marriage relationships.

Males and females are equal in worth and value, but have been created
"interdependent" by design. Both have equal, but different contributions to
make in the relationship. God has given to the woman a beautiful capacity
to meet a man's deep need of love. He has given to the man a strong
capacity to give protection and security to the woman.

2.2.1 The Marriage Covenant[8]

Another forgotten Biblical teaching today is that of marriage as a binding

covenant. For God, a covenant is the basis of all relationships. He, on His
own sovereign initiative, entered into a covenant with His people Israel. At
the deliverance of Israel from Egypt God made a covenant with the people,
which set them apart as His people. This covenant was sealed by the
sacrifice of the Passover lamb and the sprinkling of its blood on the doors
of their houses. When this covenant, through Israel's sin and unbelief,
became powerless, God was prepared to enter into a new relationship with
people through the death of His only Son on the Cross.

"Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us."[9] Now this new covenant in
Christ is offered freely to all. This new relationship of covenant is described
in the New Testament by three family pictures

The relationship of a son to his father[10]

The relationship of a slave to his master[11]

The relationship of a wife to her husband[12]

The intimate relationship of a wife to her husband emphasizes the reality of

God's covenant and the delight both individuals should experience in their
fellowship with Him and with one another. In the marriage covenant, the
seal and sign of this covenant is the marriage ring, which is given and
received "until death do us part."

2.2.2 The Marriage Vows[13]

Today we tend to take vows or make promises rashly and to hold them
lightly. The Scriptures, however, view vows in a much more solemn way.
Once a vow is made, it is considered binding and must be kept. The
Nazarite vow in the Old Testament is an example of individuals being set
apart for the Lord. It was considered to be an agreement between God and
an individual in which the person was dedicated for the Lord's service.
Considering the importance of vows in the sight of God, we need to heed
the warnings in Scripture not to make them rashly.

The marriage vows, which are made in the presence of Almighty God, and
before human witnesses, are a very solemn and binding act. There is a
tendency today, out of a reaction to traditional forms, for brides and
bridegrooms to make up their own marriage vows. Such vows can be very
meaningful and personal expressions of the couple's commitment to one
another. It is important that such vows include the essential ingredients of
Christian marriage.

At Christian marriage services it is stated that marriage is:

A holy way of life

Instituted by God
Held in honor among all men

Not to be esteemed lightly

For the welfare and happiness of human society

(Which can only be stable when the marriage vows are held in honor).

The bride and bridegroom publicly state their wedding vows before
witnesses, relatives, loved ones and friends. Both parties make a solemn
promise and covenant to be "a loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty
and in want, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." The marriage
vows are for life and are to be kept sacred in all the circumstances of life. A
promise is an awesome reality and God views these vows very seriously.
All sanctity and soundness in human society depends on the power of
people to be faithful to their promises.

When you make a marriage promise you bind yourself to another person by
the ties of love, trust and loyalty for life. You have created a holy place of
trust in God and in one another. Within that place, you have freedom to live,
to love and to enjoy one another. In the restoration of Christian marriage we
need to restore the marriage vows to their true meaning.

Marriages fail, not only because the marriage covenant is not held in honor,
but also because there is a wrong understanding of marriage throughout
much of the world.

2.2.3 A Contractual View of Marriage

There is a "contractual" view of marriage, which has found its way even
among Christian believers. In this view, marriage is nothing more than a
contract to live together with a partial contribution by each partner. A man
and a woman may agree to cohabit for a trial period to check out the
relationship, but even if they go through a marriage ceremony in a church,
they may not regard the marriage as binding. The arrangement can be
considered temporary or long term, depending on the feelings and attitudes
of the partners involved. If there are difficulties that arise, divorce is always
an option to terminate the relationship.

In this view of marriage each partner is expected to contribute his or her fair
share to the marriage. In diagram form it can be represented as follows:

------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------
---------------------

Woman's Fair Share Man's Fair Share

Each partner declares, "I will fulfill my side of the contract by giving a
partial contribution of myself, my possessions, my time, and my money to
you. I expect you to fulfill your side of the contract by likewise giving back
an equal amount to me." Difficulties arise, of course, in this form of
contract when one partner fails to keep his or her side of the arrangement.

A major problem arises when a husband is unfaithful and he no longer is

giving his agreed upon contribution or when a wife has a serious illness and
she cannot fulfill her obligations. Dishonesty, financial crises and character
flaws can contribute to a significant "gap" in the original expectations,
which can steadily widen into divorce and the contract is eventually ended.
Gap/Divorce

Woman's Share Man' Share

Such contractual arrangements are based on feelings, convenience, and

passing sexual liaisons rather than on the vows of a holy covenant.

2.2.4 Marriage Is Commitment

For Christians, such a form of contract marriage is not to be contemplated.

The Word of God speaks of a much better and more enduring way. This
"one flesh" model is one where both partners give not just a partial
commitment, but rather, 100% of themselves in a life-long commitment.
This is a commitment where nothing is held back, where there is a unity in
the bond of God's love. It can be represented as follows:
 Husband and Wife each giving 100%

In this Biblical model of true Christian marriage the principle is one of

giving and receiving by the grace of God. The couple enters into a life-long
unity of body, soul and spirit.

2.2.5 Study Guide

A. What is a covenant? Does it need to have witnesses?

B. What is a vow? What is the meaning of a Christian marriage vow?

C. Write out a proposed set of vows for a wedding ceremony. What should
these vows include?

D. When we have difficulties in keeping our wedding vows, what should

we do? Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-20. Why should a believing wife/husband
stay with the unbelieving partner?

E. Read Malachi 2:10-16. What is the prophet Malachi saying here about
the seriousness of marriage vows and about divorce? How can we show
love to and extend help to those who are divorced? Read Proverbs 17:17.
2.3 Family Life In The Bible

God Himself instituted the family and in both the Old and New Testaments.
He has given clear instructions as to how the family is to function. The
family, as the "household of faith," provides the most natural setting for
learning about God and His ways.

In the first seven chapters of Genesis we see three pictures of the family,
which stand as examples of God's plan to restore family life.

The family, as God created in. Genesis 1:27-28

The family, as sin made it. Genesis 4:1-16

The family, as grace restores it. Genesis 7:1[14]

In Genesis 12:1-3 God called Abraham to be a blessing to all the families of

the earth. This everlasting covenant with Abraham was to be passed on to
his children and to his children's children. We see God's desire to pass on
His blessings from parents to their children. The apostle Peter on the Day of
Pentecost reaffirmed this principle when he stated, "this promise is for you
and for your children."[15]

God's word to Abraham in Genesis 18:19 reveals the Old Testament

principle that parents have the responsibility to train their children in the
ways of the Lord. God's purpose was to create a nation, comprised of
families, who would witness to the rest of the world about God's
righteousness. When Israel failed to do so, God raised up a new people (The
Body of Christ) for this purpose.[16]

Deuteronomy 6:1-9 reveals that the place of learning is within the daily life
of the family. According to the Word of God there is no distinction between
the "sacred" and "secular". All of family life is to be motivated by a single-
hearted devotion to God.

The Old Testament law was given as the foundation for regulating family
life and family relationships. The Ten Commandments sum up this law and
five of them have direct or indirect impact on family life.[17]

A. The second commandment forbids the making of graven images to

prevent anything from coming between family members and God.

B. The fourth commandment to "remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy"

was designed to give one day a week for rest and family togetherness.

C. The fifth commandment to "honor your father and mother" is a direct

commandment to families. Children will learn to honor their own parents as
they observe the honor given to their grandparents by their father and
mother.

D. The eighth commandment against adultery protects the family, and thus
the community, from destruction. In honoring this commandment, marriage
partners build up trust and commitment toward each other and children
experience security within the family.

E. The commandment "you shall not covet" goes beyond overt behavior to
the thoughts and imaginations of the heart. It is still one of the basic
principles of life that children need to learn in the family.

The Ten Commandments were given, and should be applied, within a

family setting. They are still valid today and could even be referred to as,
The Ten "Family" Commandments.

Joshua, in challenging days of wickedness and idolatry, declared God's call

for entire families to serve the Lord.[18] The "Wisdom Literature" of the
Old Testament, (Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes) continually set forth the
wholesome principles of Godly family life. (Psalms 78:1-8; 115:14-15;
144:12-15; Proverbs 1:8-9; 4:1-6; 13:22; 17:6; 23:13-14; 31) The Prophets
constantly called the people of Israel back to their purpose of living out the
righteous ways of a holy God. That call often focused on their family and
tribal life.

In the New Testament, Jesus lived the normal life of a Jewish boy within his
family at Nazareth. By the time a young Jew was twelve years old, he was
not only fully instructed in the Torah (the laws of God), but was also
expected to be able to teach others. When the boy Jesus was teaching the
priests in the temple, they were astounded at His wisdom.[19]
The learning pattern of the disciples was, not so much structured lecture
times, but rather a daily living relationship with Jesus in eating, walking
and talking freely together. From this pattern we observe the Biblical
pattern of learning in the context of living together. Cognitive (intellectual)
knowledge is then not divorced from empirical (practical) experience.

In the Book of Acts, Peter, in the power of the Holy Spirit, stated that the
promised gift of the Holy Spirit is "for you and your children".[20] Whole
households were baptized and brought into the fellowship of the church.
The early church often met in Christian homes and many of the first
converts were family groups. This gave a specific family image to
Christianity.

2.3.1 The Best Training Ground

From this Biblical evidence then, we learn that the best training ground for
people to learn about God and His ways, is within the family. Relationships
built upon love and trust are vital for wholesome family living in the
knowledge of God. A Christian home, where these relationships are in
order, will bless the society around it.

The means of understanding and growing in faith is through the day-to-day

life of the Christian family, assisted by Christian education in the church
and school. In the past we have relied on cognitive teaching methods that
utilize lectures and classroom settings. People often end up learning about
God in their minds, but do not encounter Him in their hearts. In the use of
family seminars/camps, we are seeking to give a new emphasis. We want to
restore open, honest and loving relationships within the family that will
help people encounter the Lord in a more personal way.
The future strength of the Christian Church will depend largely on the way
Christian parents act out their "priestly function" in the home. This
"priestly" role of parents has been taken over by educators, colleges and
professionals. Sometimes the church or community programs can, in fact,
hinder the unity and effectiveness of the very families we are seeking to
serve. The future of Biblical Christianity lies largely in the hands of
Christian parents.

Families, not individuals, are the smallest and most vital unit of society.
There is a great sickness and breakdown in society today because families
are not reproducing themselves. We have been witnessing the breakdown of
the family in many parts of the world for the past several years. Many anti-
family ideas have been actively promoted in some sections of the media,
which has contributed to this decline.

No-fault divorce, unrestricted abortion, premarital sex, rejection of parental

authority, radical feminism, humanism, the "gay rights" movement, parental
neglect, moral permissiveness, chemical abuse, domestic violence, and
sexual abuse have all contributed to the disintegration of the family.

Family seminars/camps are a training ground for emerging leaders of family

house groups. When revival comes, who is best prepared to care for the new
converts? The answer lies with husbands and wives who have sorted out
some of their problems in family seminars/camps. These couples are able to
strengthen other families going through similar problems.
In several countries throughout the world we are conducting Christian
family seminars in secular campsites as an evangelistic witness. The joyful
and peaceful atmosphere of a Christian home is, in itself, a powerful
witness to others. It is through this witness that future generations can be
reached with the gospel.[21]

2.3.2 Study Guide

A. Read Psalm 127 and 128

1. What are the necessary factors for a strong and joyous family life?

2. What specific and practical aims should a Christian couple have for their
marriage? List your four most important goals in order of importance.

B. Read I Corinthians 13.

How can husbands and wives practically demonstrate the reality of this way
of love in their marriage relationship?

C. Read Proverbs 17:17a and Proverbs 18:22, 24.

In a good marriage relationship, a husband and wife are not only lovers, but
also good friends. What does such friendship mean? How can it be
developed?
D. What are your present expectations as a husband/wife for your family
and your marriage?

E. Write out a short definition of marriage.

F. Write out a proposed set of vows for a wedding ceremony.

G. For further study:

1. Jesus and family life. Matthew 8:14-16; Mark 7:24-30; Luke 4:38-39;
8:49-56; 19:5, John 2:1-11; 11:1-46.

2. The early church and family life. Acts 2:46; 11:14; 16:13-15; Romans
16:5; Ephesians 5:21-6:9; I Timothy 3:2-4; II Timothy 1:5; 3:14-15; I Peter
3:1-7.
 CHAPTER 3
The Restoration of Family Life

"After a life-long interest in the family and the family church, I was
personally called to enter the fight to restore the family to its God-given
order while serving with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in West Germany
from 1978-83. At that time Isaiah, Chapter 58, Verse 12 was strongly
impressed upon me."

"You will raise up the age old foundations; you will be called 'Repairer' of
broken walls, 'Restorer' of the streets with dwellings."

"I knew then my calling in God for the latter years of my life; to be a
REPAIRER, like Nehemiah, of the broken down walls of family life in
Europe, and to be a RESTORER, like Daniel, of streets of safety for our
dwellings. Since then it has been my joy to see numbers of families restored
to God's order, throughout Germany, Norway, Holland, Austria,
Switzerland, Eastern Europe, in the U.S. military (Europe); in Asia-Pacific
and also in my home country, New Zealand. You too, wherever you are, can
join with us in "fighting the good fight of faith."'[22] (Don Kirkby 1984)

3.1 The God of Restoration[23]

Our God, throughout all history, is known as the God of restoration. There
are three Biblical words for "Restore."
A. To cause to turn back.

B. To complete or make whole.

C. To make straight or set right.

Together, these words give the meaning of bringing something back to its
original form. This is like the work of a restorer of antique furniture. In the
YWAM castle in Hurlach, Germany there was a young man who delighted
to work on old furniture. He would first strip away all the old paint and dirt
in order to reveal the original beauty of each piece. He was a very good
"restorer". God is likewise seeking to restore family life to its original
purpose and beauty. He is looking for people who will be good "restorers"
of family life.

3.2 Restoring Relationships[24]

What does it really mean to us to restore relationships?

A. First of all, it means establishing healthy relationships in your own

family.

God designed the family to work at its best when all the members are in
right relationship with each other. There is no greater testing place of
Christian faith and life than the family. It is here that we are known for what
we really are.

If you are a Christian believer, then, your first responsibility is to let your
light shine in your own home as a husband, wife, son or daughter. You are
called by the Lord to live out in openness, truth, and love, your unique role
as a family member. To be successful, you will need to commit yourself to
Jesus Christ daily, and then let His love flow out to the other members of
your family. As long as you live on this earth, you are called to maintain a
good vertical relationship with God your Father and a good horizontal
relationship with family members.

Over the years, I have discovered that when God has a purpose for a family,
He begins with one member, (a father, a mother, a son or a daughter), and
then extends His loving kindness through that one member to all the
members. Catherine Booth, mother of the Booth family, whose husband
began the Salvation Army, was once heard to pray, "Oh God, I will not
stand before Thee without my family." God saved the whole Booth family
and led them into a world-wide ministry.

Restored family relationships will always flow out of a restored, healthy

relationship with God. By first of all being restored in your relationship
with the Lord, you can then become an instrument for change in your whole
family. The life of heaven can then begin to be expressed in your home.
Here is a prayer for you to pray from Psalm 80:3, 19: "Restore me (us) O
God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved."

B. Secondly restoration means being available to God to restore other

families.
What matters here is not your leadership qualities, your strengths nor your
weaknesses, but rather, your availability. You do not have to be an expert to
restore family life. You can humbly work in your home, on the street, at
your workplace, in your church or in society at large. The Lord, Himself,
will anoint you and reward your labors. (See Chapter 10 "Planning for a
family seminar or camp.")

The remainder of this manual is a practical guide on how to restore God's

purpose to every aspect of family life.

3.3 The Fight For The Family

We have a fight for the family on our hands. Many of us live in "throw-
away" societies, where spiritual values, as well as, material things are
disposed of easily. Many people have rejected the Biblical principles of life-
long marriage relationships, discipline, perseverance, purity and holiness.
They have substituted self-centered pleasure in place of these values, often
at the expense of other people.

Let us heed Nehemiah's call to "Rise up and build up the 'family' walls"
which are broken down. Let us also remember the words of Jesus, "As long
as it is day, we must do the work of Him Who sent me. Night is coming,
when no man can work."[25]

3.4 Forces Against The Family

The family unit throughout the world is under attack on several fronts.
There are forces at work producing pressure on families and seeking to
destroy them. As a result, family life for many people is a frustrated and
fragmented affair. Parents, though well meaning, are confused, losing hope
and yielding to the pressures of modern society on the family. In order to
realistically address these concerns, we need to ask the question, "How can
the power of these forces be withstood and how can true Christian family
life be restored to our homes?"

Of first importance is our need to recognize the power of the enemy forces
against us. The apostle Paul, in his day recognized the powerful forces
against the Christian family. After clearly stating God's plan for Christian
marriage in Ephesians chapter 5 he goes on to warn us in chapter 6 that,
"...our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against
the authorities, against powers of this dark world and against spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly realms."[26]

What are these "Enemy Forces"?

1. Divorce

2. Independence

3. Non-Commitment

4. No Controls

5. Anti-Family Media

6. Materialism
A. DIVORCE

Divorce is, of course, the final outcome of the total forces against the
family. It is a very serious attack against home and family life.

My own experience in Europe and in the Eastern block countries has

disturbed and saddened me, as I have counseled in broken marriage
situations. Divorce has now become evident in many church fellowships.
Instead of giving the answers, we Christians have become part of the
problem.

In today's society it is freely acknowledged that, if your marriage is dull,

boring, and full of strife, then there is always divorce as a way out. "You are
just incompatible,” someone says, "So your only option is to seek a legal
divorce." This creates a subtle pressure, even among Christians, as we
unconsciously adopt the falling standards of society around us. Few are
being encouraged to face up to their problems and to work hard at restoring
their marriage to God's plan.

As we have already stated, "God hates divorce"[27] and we must fight

against it and act positively in restoring marriages. When God created this
world, He showed His infinite wisdom by establishing balance and order in
everything He made. From the smallest atom to the measureless universe,
we discover order.

Man and Woman were designed to co-operate with God in keeping His
divinely appointed balance. When the material world gets "out of balance"
then chaos and destruction result. But God has also designed social balance
between males and females. In God's plan, both male and female make up
the image of God.[28] Man was incomplete, so to balance the picture, God
made woman, "Male and female he created them."[29]

Equality, however, does not mean that man and woman have the same
function. There is a difference between spiritual equality and functional
roles. The function of the woman is that of a loving "helper", while the
husband is called to be a servant "leader."[30] Thus, a husband and wife are
to enjoy an interdependent relationship based on a God-given "one-flesh"
[31] union.

B. INDEPENDENCE

There are two extreme attitudes that can cause disorder and breakdown in
family relationships. One is INDEPENDENCE and the other is
DOMINATION. These attitudes can reside in either men or women. In
order to have a strong family, there must be an attitude of mutual co-
operation and respect for one another. Temptations to live lives that are
independent of one another must be resisted.

When either men or women value their independence more highly than
their family commitments, there will be disintegration in their life together.
If they try to dominate one another or seek to control one another, there will
be a breakdown in their trust and respect of one another. At the root of these
two destructive attitudes is self-centeredness. Jesus came, not to seek his
own way and to rule over others. Rather he came to serve, to lay down his
life and to live a life of obedience to the will of God. The Bible encourages
men and women to have this same attitude that Jesus had, which will defeat
these two enemies of family life.
C. NON-COMMITMENT

It is freely being said, "You do not have to commit yourself to live with one
marriage partner for life." "Why not just cohabit?" "Whatever you do, do
not get too involved or tied down!" It is a characteristic of our times, but
there is nothing new in this. The prophets of Israel spoke out against it in
the Old Testament days, and the Apostle Paul in the New Testament.

The Biblical answer is that true happiness in marriage comes only from
committed relationships.[32]The real issue is a life-long relationship and
not a passing romantic affair, which is a false understanding of the enduring
and stable value of true Christian love.

In restoring Christian marriage, we seek to say clearly that true commitment

lies in the

Christ-like love of each partner, who themselves are each lovers of their
Lord and Savior

Jesus Christ. When both are committed to one another in love, faithfulness,
and obedience to Christ, the Bible statement "a cord of three strands is not
easily broken"[33] will come true.

D. OTHER INSTITUTIONS

Slowly, but surely, other agencies are taking over from the family the
responsibility of raising, teaching and disciplining our children. The
combined forces of secular kindergartens, schools, colleges and all kinds of
youth clubs are confusing the parents' role and breaking down parent-child
relationships.
Parents, all too easily, leave the training of their children to these other
institutions. They are unprepared to help their children face the world they
must live in, or to train them to think wisely and to act with discretion.

We have to fight for the rights of parents to train, instruct, correct, and give
reproof to their own children. The parents created their children and so they
are responsible to God for their well being, not the state or other agencies.
The Word of God is clear. It is the responsibility of parents to instruct their
children in the ways of God. They should not pass on this responsibility to
other agencies, even though such institutions may help them in the training
process.

Otherwise, we will have the situation the prophet Isaiah writes about, "I will
make their boys officials... mere children will govern them... the young will
rise up against the old!"[34]

E. NO CONTROLS

The absence of godly leadership in the home is one of the most serious
forces against sound family life today. Children and teenagers are growing
in misbehavior, because they are not seriously confronted with any
discipline and restraints.

The result is children who do not understand or acknowledge authority,

except on their own terms. All restraints go. There is no ability to control
the impulses of anger, hate, sex and gluttony. Meanwhile violent crime is on
the rise among young people. Educators, politicians and social workers, do
not know how to stem the tide of evil.

Our answer is simple, yet effective; bring parental authority back into the
home! We need to realize that the culture of the world is now so distorted
and corrupted that Christian families often cannot identify with it. We must
provide our families with an alternate life-style, a new Christian culture.
(See Chapter 4, "Christian Family Life-style")

Our pressing need is for Christian parents of maturity and depth, who, with
compassion and commitment, will assume godly leadership in their homes.
They will need God's grace to show His strong love, which does not give in
to every passing desire of their children.

This needs to be a leadership that does not abuse or oppress the children but
guides them into a well-ordered discipline of life. Happy is that young
person, who knows from birth such loving leadership in his home.[35]
(Study also Chapter 9 "Parents and Children")

F. ANTI-FAMILY MEDIA

The whole family is now being attacked through the "eye gate". Television,
video, the Internet, video games, literature and advertisements: all are
bombarding the family ceaselessly with suggestive and ungodly ideas.
There is abroad a spirit of license and lust. No family can escape it. All
kinds of suggestive appeals are being made to sensual gratification in the
name of pleasure.
As parents, we have a direct responsibility to monitor what enters our home
through the media. Practical living and discipline is needed, if the impact of
the media bombardment is not going to cripple our family life.

Jesus was quite clear on this issue, "If your right eye offends you, pluck it
out."[36] Malcolm Muggeridge, well-known British columnist, stated:
"Television is a sort of fantasy version of what's happening. You cannot,
through pictures, through looking at a television screen, come to grips with
real life, because what you see is not life; it's a fantasy, only a picture. A
great danger is that people believe the picture more than the written or
spoken word. The picture can be distorted more than is realized; and
remember, that children's sense of what the world is all about is derived
almost exclusively from television."

G. MATERIALISM

Many people are trapped amidst an amazing clutter of luxury items they
don't need or want. Materialism has people by the throat. We dare not get
out of step with the current fashion! It has been said, "conformity to a sick
society is to be sick" and many people are sick today!

Covetousness, greed, hoarding; all make us spend our frantic lives

accumulating things. The "Jesus People" in the 1960's-1970's reacted
against the materialism of their parents. Even though many of them reacted
too far and became "spiritual hippies", they did follow Jesus in His
declaration of war against the materialism of His day.

We are not stressing here a barren asceticism, for we know that God has
given us "all things richly to enjoy."[37] Nevertheless, our Heavenly Father
does not want us to be brought under the power of material things, or to be
ruled by them.

I believe God is now calling many of us, as Christian families, to live a

simple life-style. We need to renounce the spirit of materialism, and learn
from the Word of God the Biblical principles of finance. Our young married
couples, through undisciplined credit practices, are being besieged by the
media into spending sprees, which could bring them to financial ruin.

Jesus said, "You cannot serve both God and money."[38]

3.5 Study Guide

Pick one of the six forces arrayed against the family and write a one-page
essay. Discuss the effect of that force on the family, what the Bible says
about that force, and what are some Biblical responses that families can
make.
 CHAPTER 4
Christian Family Life-Style

4.1 The Family and the Word of God

More than any other thing, parents and children need to gather together
regularly in the home to worship and to learn together from the Word of
God. It is in the home, the place where so much of our life is lived, that we
need to experience God's Word.

As I look back over 25 years, the happiest times in our family life were
those family gatherings, where together we knew the presence of God as
His Word was opened and prayerfully read. Will your children, in later
years, remember your home for the simplicity and joy of the whole family
gathering together around an open Bible? Does the Word of God have its'
rightful place in your home or is it pushed aside by the TV, the VCR,
magazines, newspapers and other activities?

Why should we regularly read the Word of God to our children in our
homes?

A. BECAUSE GOD COMMANDS IT.

In Deuteronomy Chapter 6, God places upon the parents the responsibility
of teaching His commandments and His ways. In verses 4 and 5 we
discover the great commandment, "The Lord our God is one Lord; and you
shall love the Lord your God with all your heart." This commandment then
continues on to stress that the Word of God must be taught to the children
and talked about at home.

"And you must think constantly about these commandments I am giving

you today. You must teach them to your children and talk about them when
you are at home or out for a walk; at bed time and the first thing in the
morning." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 TLB)

This passage means that your whole life-style teaches the Word of God.
When people enter your home they are to see it. "Tie them on your finger,
wear them on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your
house." (Deuteronomy. 6:8-9 TLB)

In Ephesians 6:4, Paul counsels parents to raise their children in the

instruction of the Lord, "Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (RSV).
Reading the Bible to them is a basic part of training them in the ways of the
Lord. You will have your children for only a few short years. Give them this
heritage that will remain with them long after they leave your home.

B. BECAUSE IT BRINGS THE PRESENCE OF JESUS INTO OUR

HOMES.

Jesus Christ is the Living Word, and he speaks by His Spirit in the written
Word. In His earthly life the Lord Jesus loved to stay in homes. In the home
of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, he brought the peace of God as He revealed
the Word of God to them.[39]

Families who open the Word of God together find God "a very present help
in trouble." (Psalm 46:1 KJV) Jesus said, "Where two or three are gathered
together, there am I in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20 KJV) This truth
creates the "spiritual atmosphere" in your home. The home environment is
the basis for the development of the habits, attitudes, and character your
children will form for life. Your children, especially from birth to 7 years,
will soak up the atmosphere of your home. They are sensitive, in these
years, to loud noises, anger, arguments, and hurts. They are also sensitive to
joy, peace, love and quietness. Even a very young child should hear the
Word of God read to him. God's Word says, "Faith comes by hearing and
hearing by the Word of God." (Romans 10:17)

C. BECAUSE YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO KNOW THE

SCRIPTURES.

Who else is going to teach him? So many adults are ignorant of the Bible.
They are well read in many subjects, but know little about the eternal Word
of God, which will never pass away. Childhood and youth are the golden
years, when a sound understanding of God's Word can be taught.[40]
Someone has said, "The best Bible College in the world is a father reading
the open Bible to his children."

Regular reading of the Scriptures will develop loyalty, steadfastness,

reliability, obedience, and respect for truth into a child's life. It will also
help develop a sound knowledge of the character of God. The lives and
deeds of the heroes of the faith in both the Old and New Testaments can be
given to your children.[41] The life of Jesus and His disciples can also be
presented for your children to model. Later in life, your children will thank
you for your patient instruction in these valuable lessons.

D. BECAUSE YOUR GREATEST DESIRE IS TO SEE YOUR CHILD

COME TO CHRIST.

In II Timothy 3:15, the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, "You know how,
when you were a small child, you were taught the Holy Scriptures; and it is
these that make you wise to accept God's salvation by trusting in Christ
Jesus." (TLB). The disciples, like some today, tried to stop little children
from receiving a word from Jesus, but Jesus said, "Let the little children
come to me and do not hinder them. For such belongs to the Kingdom of
Heaven."[42]

Remember, in the first seven years your child has a strong sense of the
reality of the invisible. He is eager to know and experience that reality.
Teach him the Word of God, so that he does not have to relate to the
invisible with fairy tales and the world of TV fantasy. If our children cry for
bread, why feed them stones? (Luke 11:11)

4.1.1 What should you teach?

As a young father and pastor seeking to establish the "Family Church", I

discovered a most helpful book by Andrew Murray. Bethany Fellowship
has reprinted it under the title, "How To Raise Your Children For Christ."
Writing under the theme "Children and Scripture," Andrew Murray sets
forth the areas of parental teaching in the Word of God.
Children Need To Learn:

1. To Believe the Word of God.

2. To Know the Word of God.

3. To Love the Word of God.

4. To Obey the Word of God and we would add:

5. To Memorize the Word of God.

What matters first is your parental example. As you regularly read and
reverence the Word of God, so will your child.[43] The greatest present you
can give a child is a personal, well-bound copy of the Holy Bible inscribed
with his name. As I left New Zealand to serve in the Royal Navy as a pilot
in World War II, my parents presented me with a small Bible. For over 40
years it remained my most treasured possession.

A. WHAT TO TEACH IN THE YEARS 1-7.

In these formative years, children love stories. You should select a good
Bible storybook, or better still, simply tell stories from the Old and New
Testaments. A biblical story needs to be told simply, as through the eyes of
a child and in children's language. Be natural and brief. Be creative.
Dramatize the story and get the children to act with you. Children love to
sing and act. Utilize praise and dance as a part of your story telling.

Use wisdom in your story telling and do not overemphasize the moral of the
lesson. Told with sincerity and in truth, the Word of God will do its own
work in a child's life. In these first impressionable years, you want your
children to know the truth of God's Word and the reality of Jesus, as their
loving Savior and Friend.

During these years, the child's reasoning power is growing to be able to

understand the Word of God. He should be encouraged to ask questions. As
parents, you should seek to draw him out with the question and answer
method. Never laugh at his questions, or answer him lightly! Instruct and
guide him through the Holy Scriptures.

B. IN THESE YEARS YOUR CHILD CAN LEARN:

1. To Respect the Word of God.

2. To Understand something of the Character of God; His Love, His Mercy,

His Justice, His Power, His Wisdom, and His Holiness.

3. To Know Thankfulness to God for all His blessings.

4. To Love God for Who He is.

5. To understand how to make right moral choices and to know a God-given

discipline of life.

In these growing years, it is very important that the child receives as much
teaching as possible on the life and history of the Old Testament patriarchs,
prophets and kings. In the New Testament, the life of Jesus and His
disciples should be taught. What your child will become depends largely on
what you teach him in the home. If you do not do it daily, no one else will.
Indeed, other agencies may even teach him how to live without God.

Parents, your responsibility is to teach the Word of God to your children as

the prophet Isaiah says about God, "He tells everything over and over again,
a line at a time and in such simple words."[44]

4.2 The Family and Prayer

Many good books have been written on "prayer". Many addresses have
been given, and many good resolutions have been made to pray more. But
somehow, in practice, we fall short of what we know God is calling us to do
as families. Do not be discouraged, however, since Satan is the great
discourager when it comes to prayer. He seeks to condemn us when we fail
to pray, because he fears the weapon of prayer in the life of a family.

We want to encourage every one of you, individually, and as families to

pray. Remember, our God is the God of new beginnings. "My flesh and my
heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever."
(Psalm 73:26 KJV)

Prayer is a vital ingredient of family life. Strange to say, I find few chapters
on "Family Prayer" in the many books I have read on family life. Your
greatest influence on your children, however, will be in your secret,
persistent and believing prayer for them. It was certainly so in my life, as I
am well aware of the power of prayer through my own mother and father.
The three sons in our family all became ministers.

First, you have a responsibility to teach your children to pray. Make the
disciples' prayer your own prayer, "Lord, teach us to pray." (Luke 11:1
KJV) Pray regularly together as a family. This is your God-given right and
privilege. A prayerless family is a godless family. "The family that prays
together, stays together."

Fathers, here is where you have a special responsibility.[45] Regularly

gather your family together for worship, prayer and praise. Encourage your
children to pray. They have much to teach us about the simplicity of prayer.
Recently, in a letter from New Zealand, I heard about a little child's prayer.
"Dear Lord Jesus," she prayed, "please take good care and look after
yourself, because if anything happens to you, we're all in trouble." In later
years your children will rise up and bless you because of your example and
practice in the ministry of prayer. (See also Section 4.3 "The Family and
Family Worship")

A. WHAT IS PRAYER?

1. Prayer is Relationship!
Families are centered on relationships. Marriage is a close relationship that
depends on a husband and wife relating openly with one another. Prayer is a
heavenly relationship that strengthens our earthly relationships. It is
establishing and continuing a beautiful relationship with God the Father.

Every father loves his son to speak with him, to show his love in words.
Many sons love to just be in the presence of their fathers, even if no words
are spoken between the two of them. Our Father, God, longs for you to
show your love to Him in the fellowship of prayer. He is "of purer eyes than
to behold iniquity" but he has made a way of access, "a new and living
way" into His presence.[46]

God is always the "waiting Father", and His patience and long-suffering are
among His greatest characteristics. The first thing you have to teach your
children, is that the Heavenly Father desires fellowship with you, as a
family. He is always drawing you to Himself. "Draw near to God and He
will draw near to you." (James 4:8)

2. Prayer is an Act of Faith!

It is a deliberate turning away from other voices to seek fellowship with

God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter. To
pray means you stop for a time in order to be with God the Father. You
purpose to listen to Him and to speak out your love, your desires, and your
needs to Him.

Prayer is as necessary as breathing and eating. The health of your soul

depends on it. Just as you have certain times for eating, you likewise need
deliberate, definite periods of time for prayer. Do not wait until you are in
the mood, or the time is just right. Plan your individual and family prayer
times, into your daily schedule. It is important not to let your prayer life
depend on the impulse of the moment. If you do, you will seldom pray!
Make prayer your daily, regular practice. Prayer always requires this
deliberate act of faith and obedience. When you are tired, discouraged,
worried, or filled with care, that is the best time to wait on God and place
everything into His hands.

3. Prayer is A Ministry: A Service: A Work!

This is one ministry all can engage in, since everybody can pray. You don't
need special gifts or college degrees to be effective in prayer. Do you
realize that through prayer, you can, not only strengthen your family life,
but you can also help spread God's love all over the earth? You can
transform a nation! Prayer is warfare, in Jesus' name, against spiritual
powers of darkness by which we are called to "fight the good fight of faith".
[47]

What is your first subject in prayer for others? The Apostle Paul clearly
answers this question in I Timothy 2:1-4 where he says, "First of all, then, I
urge that prayers, intercessions and thanksgivings be made for all people.
For Kings and all who hold high positions." Prayer is especially to be made
for all in authority over us. We pray for ourselves, the sick, the church, our
families, but do we seriously pray daily for our government? "...that we
may live a quiet and peaceable life." Good government keeps law and order,
protects freedom of speech and ensures the freedom to preach the Gospel.

4. Prayer is To Seek The Stillness Of God's Presence.

Our Heavenly Father speaks to us, "Be still and know that I am God."
(Psalm 46:10 KJV). We are born into and live in a noisy world. Many
distractions and activities can draw us away from the place of quietness and
solitude. Jesus instructed us, "Go by yourself, all alone and shut the door
behind you and pray to your Father who is in secret." (Matthew 6:6). His
own example demonstrated to us the importance of getting alone with His
Heavenly Father.

B. PRACTICAL ENCOURAGEMENTS.

1. Be simple and practical in your approach to God. Be yourself!

2. Be persistent in prayer. Do not just pray "blessing" prayers. Have a

prayer list and note the answers to your prayers. Be thankful!

3. Be persistent in prayer. Read again the parables Jesus told about the
persistent widow and the woman of Canaan.[48]

4. Rely on the work of the Holy Spirit in your prayers. Jesus promised,
"When He is come, He will teach you all things."[49] The Holy Spirit will
teach you worship as you praise and give thanks to God. Remember that the
Holy Spirit helps you in your weakness, "for we don't even know what we
should pray for, nor how to pray as we should; but the Holy Spirit prays for
us with such feeling that it cannot be expressed in words."[50]

5. Talk over all your family problems and needs with God your Father.
Remember, He is very much interested in the smallest details of your family
life. God the Father wants you to share your family life with Him.
6. Pray in Faith. If your faith is weak, read the Bible. " Faith comes by the
Word of God."[51] Especially read the Psalms and the four Gospels. Great
faith is responding to God, even when it is hard to do. Do not look inside
yourself and ask, "How much faith do I have?" Look to Jesus, and ask for
faith. Jesus said that you only need as much faith as a grain of mustard seed.
Jesus always looked for and praised faith. "O woman, great is your faith";
"Your faith has healed you".[52]

7. Learn and count on the promises of God. Someone has reckoned that
there are 7,487 promises in the Bible. Every time you see a promise that is
for you, claim it by faith and act upon it.

As you continue in prayer in your family life, all will not always be easy.
Our God did not promise it would be. There are trials, sufferings,
disappointments, and troubles. As a family, read and study carefully these
Scripture passages on God's discipline: I Peter 1:7; Hebrews 12:5-11.

4.3 The Family and Family Worship

Christian families through the ages have found strength and guidance
through taking time to pray, praise and read together from God's Word.

The earliest record of family worship in the Bible is in Genesis 4:26 "at that
time men began to call on the name of the Lord." After the entrance of sin
into the first family, with the birth of Seth, there came a new beginning for
families. From this time onward, godly families began to raise up an altar of
worship to the living God.
After the flood, Noah and his family made an "alter unto the Lord"[53] and
offered a sacrifice to the Lord for their deliverance. Abraham, the founder
of the Jewish faith, built alters for family and tribal worship wherever he
went. His son Isaac followed his example, as did Jacob. With Moses, the
great leader of Israel, the tabernacle was the very center of family life and
worship. Joshua, who took on the leadership of Israel after Moses, declared,
"as for me and my house we will serve the Lord."[54]

In Jewish family life, the Passover, the Feast of Harvest, the Feast of Light
and the Feast of Tabernacles were joyous opportunities for family worship.
The Book of Proverbs, from the Wisdom Literature of Israel, gives clear
instruction concerning parents teaching their children in family worship.
[55]

The first churches were held in family homes. A normal gathering place for
Christian families to worship together was "the church which meets in your
house."[56] Paul writes to his son in the faith, Timothy, concerning the
importance of parents and grandparents in the home. It is clear that young
Timothy, during times of family worship at home, had been established in
the Christian faith.[57]

When you gather to worship God as a family, you have behind you a long
heritage of Christian family worship going back through many centuries.
Reverence and respect for the Word of God comes out of the example of
parents, as they open up the Bible every day, and read a portion of God's
Word with their children.
Faithful family worship and Bible study will enrich your marriage and
strengthen your family life. If you have not done this before, or you seek to
make a new beginning, the way you begin is important. Consider these
steps:

A. PRAY ABOUT IT AS PARENTS TOGETHER.

Ask for God's guidance and help. Stand against discouragement.[58]

B. MAKE A FIRM COMMITMENT.

Then ask God to strengthen you to overcome all obstacles to faithful praise
and worship times as a family together in your home.[59]

C. MAKE KNOWN YOUR PLANS TO YOUR FAMILY.

Take the whole family into your confidence. Let the children make
suggestions, so that the worship time becomes meaningful to them. Pray
together as a family about keeping such a time. If some older members of
the family are slow to follow your lead, pray about going ahead and making
a beginning. They may join with you later!

D. FIND THE RIGHT TIME.

Here is your difficulty. We live in days when the family is fragmented and
it's difficult to find a time when all the family can be together. We do,
however, make time for what we consider really important and of first
importance. So parents and children must plan the most suitable time for
their family. Some families will find before or after the family meal is best.
For others, just before bedtime, or first thing in the morning is preferable.
No matter what time you pick, let it be a relaxed time.

A daily worship and praise time is clearly preferable, but some families
may find a Family Time, once or twice together in the week is best. It is
important to set a time and keep to it, with the aim of reducing distractions
to the minimum.

E. ACTIVITIES IN THE FAMILY TIME.

1. Worship and Praise.

There is great emphasis in the Bible on Praise. The entire universe is

created to praise the Creator. Praise is the highest occupation of the angels
and the main joy of heaven. Singing the praises of God will bring God's
peace and joy into your home. It drives away criticism, depression and self-
centeredness. Stress is alleviated and strains disappear through our praise of
the living God.[60]

Praise should become a way of life in your family. Through it your children
will learn so much about the character of God. Singing about the love of
God, His justice, His mercy, and His faithfulness will help your children get
to know Him. God, himself, delights in our thanksgivings and praise as any
earthly father does.

Children love to sing and praise. They also enjoy clapping, dancing and
being creative in worship. Even the youngest child can add his contribution
to the worship time. Encourage and teach your children to play musical
instruments to lead you in praise. Let your home be known as a house of
praise. Especially teach the children to sing "Scripture Songs". Playing
"Scripture Song" cassettes will fill your house with heavenly music.

Let the Bible speak! It is an exciting book, full of stories of God's men and
women of faith. Through your family time let it become real to your
children. Do not read above the understanding of your children, but rather
use age appropriate language. Let your children take turns reading, as a way
of involving them as active participants.

2. Memorizing Scripture.

Remember that childhood, when minds are quick and eager to learn, is the
best time to memorize Scripture. Post "our family verse" each week on a
bulletin board and seek to learn it together.

Fathers have a spiritual responsibility to provide leadership and instruction

in their homes. A father must see to it that basic spiritual truths from the
Word of God are shared with his family. In homes here the father is absent
or unwilling to take the lead, Christian mothers and older children can take
that responsibility. Encourage the children to ask questions and invite the
whole family to share. Do not be over concerned if the discussion gets away
from the subject. There may be vital issues, which the children are facing
and they need to be brought out into the open. Allow the Lord to bring His
answers to every need and circumstance.

3. Prayer.

Include the many aspects of prayer in your family time together.

a. Adoration: It comes through praise and worship.

b. Confession: As we recognize our unworthiness and sinfulness, in

confession, we are drawn closer to one another in the knowledge of God's
forgiveness.

c. Thanksgiving: Let your children speak out their own thanksgiving.

d. Intercession: Praying for others is vital family ministry. Discuss with

your children who you should pray for on a regular basis (e.g. friends, loved
ones, missionaries). Remember, also, to pray for governments, leaders,
nations, unreached people groups and the poor and needy.[61]

e. Personal requests: As a loving Father, our God desires to know our

deepest concerns as a family. When a family honestly opens up their
personal and family needs to God, they are drawn closer together. These
family times in prayer will, in later days, give wonderful memories of those
times around the family table, where we made "our requests known to
God."[62]

f. Avoid purely routine procedures: Let the children feel and know that
"family time" is an exciting time. Pray for creativity and new ways of
presenting your teaching. Adapt yourselves to changing situations in the
home as the children grow. Remember, that short attention spans in younger
children require that family time be brief at this stage.

g. Above all, Begin! The Bible says, "Now is the day of salvation."[63]
Begin simply, in faith, and let the Holy Spirit teach you, so that your family
may "grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."[64]

Outside of regular family times, there are those relaxed moments with our
children when we draw very close and we can speak into their lives.
Vacations and times of relaxation can provide some of the most significant
opportunities to disciple our children in the ways of the Lord. Crises times
will naturally lead a family to gather together in prayer if regular family
times have been a part of their life together.

Other occasions when the family will turn to the Word of God and prayer
will be when a family member leaves home, a neighbor is having problems,
or there is the need for urgent guidance. Together, the family will learn the
truths of Romans chapter 8 that nothing can separate us from the love of
God.

4.4 The Family and Celebration

At its heart, Christianity is a faith of joy. It is continuous celebration of our

Heavenly Father's provision and protection for us, as His family. We write
about celebration, because we sense it is a missing factor in much of
modern-day Christianity. The message of the Word of God is that God calls
us to celebrate. "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."[65] "Let us
celebrate the feast..."[66]

A. CELEBRATION IN THE BIBLE.

For the Jews, in both family and community life, celebration feasts were
regularly held throughout the year. Life for the people of Israel was no dull,
boring affair. Their feasts were exciting occasions; joyous and carefree, in
which, everyone rejoiced, including the children.

1. Family Feasts.[67]
Weddings (which might last seven days).

The weaning of a child.

The arrival of guests.

Sheep shearing (The first sheared wool went to the sanctuary).

2. Weekly and monthly feasts.

The Sabbath: A weekly celebration of joy.

The Feast of the "New Moon." Heralded the beginning of the month with
trumpets.

3. "Feasts of the Lord."

Annual celebrations: that were times of community festivity, joy, and

dedication.

The Passover: Both a home and community occasion.

The Feast of the First Fruits, or The Feast of Weeks: A time of great
rejoicing. No usual work was done. Special focus was to be given to
widows, orphans and strangers during this time.[68]

The Feast of Pentecost: The outpouring of the Holy Spirit came during this
feast.[69]

The Feast of Tabernacles or Booths: It was held for seven days at the end of
the harvest season and was a time of great rejoicing. It was during this time
that Solomon dedicated the temple. The people in Nehemiah's day restored
this celebration. Several significant events in the ministry of Jesus took
place during this feast.[70]
4. Additional feasts.

After the deliverance of the Jews from exile in Babylon, still further
celebration feasts were held.

The Feast of Purim: A day of rejoicing and celebration, where presents

were exchanged to celebrate the deliverance of he Jews during the time of
Esther.[71]

The Feast of Dedication, or The Feast of Lights. The "Hanukkah" is a day

to remember the dedication of the Temple.

The Lord Jesus spoke about and attended the social feasts of His day. Jesus
was accused of being a glutton, a drunkard and a friend of sinners.[72] Jude
writes about "Love Feasts"[73] and Paul about "pagan feasts."[74] Finally,
there is the marriage feast of the Lamb, a universal feast for all the
redeemed, which we eagerly await with joy.[75] From the beginning to the
end, the whole of Christian life is meant to be a festival of joy.

Clearly, since the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ (and His Cross and
Resurrection), all these "temporary forms" and "symbols" are only
"shadows"[76] of the full celebration of the joy He gives. Behind all these
Biblical feasts, however, are eternal principles applicable for all time.

God is in the midst of His people. He loves us, cares for us and delights in
us. He is holy and is to be worshipped with thanksgiving. He rejoices over
us and we are to rejoice in Him.
Where is this celebration to be found? Not in circumstances, bodily health
or activities, but in right relationships.[77] The joy that Jesus experienced
on earth was in His day-to-day relationship with His Father. He also told
His disciples, "if you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just
as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told
you this so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete."
(John 15:11)

As Christian families, our aim and desire should be to be rightly related to

God our Father and thus to one another. The result will be that our family
will then be a center for Jesus Christ to pour His living water through, in
joyful celebration.

Celebration is the gathering of ourselves together as a people, or as a

family, at a special time to rejoice over:[78]

God's continued goodness to us. (Psalm 107)

His forgiving mercy. (Psalm 103)

His deliverance from sadness, fear, care and sin. (Luke 4:18-19)

To dedicate ourselves as a family to God and His service. (Nehemiah 12:27-

47)

Singing together is a most important ingredient in celebration. Celebration

says, "Let us all:"
 SING

DANCE

PLAY

REJOICE

LAUGH

RELATE TOGETHER

and RELAX IN HIS PRESENCE

B. WHAT DOES A TIME OF CELEBRATION DO FOR US?

1. IT GIVES RELEASE INTO JOY.

Without such times, our home and family life can become dull and boring.
We need these exciting times of carefree joy and laughter. In celebration
feasts, the Spirit of God brings joyful newness of life to the ordinary events
of living; eating, talking, playing and relating together.

2. IT BINDS US TOGETHER AS A PEOPLE.

Celebration is a good unifying force. Father and mother, sons and

daughters, grandparents, widows, widowers, single-parents, and extended
families can all come together in love and unity "to make merry." A special
concern would be to bring in the lonely, the needy and the unloved into
such celebration times. "Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the
town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame." (Luke
14:21)
3. IT DELIVERS US FROM INTROSPECTION, ROUTINE AND
BOREDOM.

We need to celebrate, to laugh and to cry together. It helps us to relax and to

enjoy ourselves, as well as, to enjoy all the good things the Lord has given
us. Celebration delivers us from taking ourselves too seriously and from
giving the impression we are burdened with care.

4. IT GIVES FREEDOM FROM CARE.

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Christian families in the busy seaport of
Corinth. "I would like you to be free from concern"[79] and also to the
church family in Philippi, "Do not be anxious about anything."[80] A
celebration time is an occasion when we can look to God with great
confidence that He will supply all our needs.[81]

5. IT GIVES CONFIDENCE, STRENGTH AND POWER.

The whole of heaven celebrates "the salvation and the power and the
Kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ."[82] We can bring
heaven down to earth in our celebration, and through praise, exalt the name
of our God. In Nehemiah we read, "The joy of the Lord is our strength."[83]
Thus true joy in God produces divine energy. The prophet Isaiah cried,
"Awake, awake, O Zion clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments
of splendor"[84] and he further stated that, "those who hope in the Lord will
renew their strength."[85]

6. IT GIVES VISION FOR OUR SERVICE FOR GOD.

As we give thanks for the past, and rejoice in the present, the future does
not look so fearful. We can, with joy, expectantly plan as a family for the
future.

7. IT RESULTS IN OBEDIENCE TO THE WILL OF GOD.

A celebration can be an opportunity to hear the voice of God giving clear

directions to the family. The family then has the responsibility to obey the
Word of the Lord. "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they
follow me," Jesus said in John 10:27. In Luke 11:28 we read, "Blessed are
those who hear the Word of God and obey it." The prophet Isaiah spoke out
strongly against the meaningless appointed feasts of Israel and called the
families to be "willing and obedient... then you will eat the best of the land."
[86] Samuel's message to Israel was, "to obey is better than sacrifice."[87]

C. PRACTICAL FAMILY OCCASIONS FOR CELEBRATION.

Every family will have its own special celebration occasions, but there are
obvious times, when the family is called to celebrate:

The birth of a baby

Birthdays

Weddings

Wedding anniversaries

Mother's Day

Father's Day

Christmas
Easter

Pentecost

National Thanksgiving days

Graduations

New Year

Family Love Feasts

Special evidences of God's love and mercy (e.g. provision of needed

finance, restoration from sickness).

Encourage your children to suggest celebration themes and times. Above

all, parents need to be creative in introducing "surprise celebration times."
A practical suggestion would be to write your celebration times in your
family diary.

A realistic preparation of heart and life is also necessary, so that each family
member may come to the feast with joy! Jesus prepared diligently for the
Passover Feast by telling His disciples to, "Go, and make preparations for
us to eat the Passover."[88] Even now, He is preparing a place of joyous
celebration for us, "I go to prepare a place for you."[89]

4.5 The Family and Time

A. TIME IS A GOD-GIVEN STEWARDSHIP.

A familiar cry within the family is, "Sorry, I just don't have time." Parents
say, "Of course we would like to have regular family worship, but where do
we fit that into our busy daily schedule?" A father says, "My work makes
such demands on me that I am too busy to spend time with my family!"
And mother replies, "I have so much to do, I don't know where the times
goes." But in our Christian family life-style we have to realize that time is a
God-given stewardship.

The wisdom of Ecclesiastes reminds us, "There is a time for everything"

[90]... and that "the mind of a wise man will know the time and the way."
[91]

B. LIFE IS BRIEF.

All the descriptions of life and time in Holy Scriptures are of its brevity.

"Remember how brief my time is."[92]

"...like the flower of the field."[93]

"My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle."[94]

"Man is of few days."[95]

"Your life is a mist which appears for a little while and then vanishes."[96]

"The time is short." (and soon comes the glory of heaven when time will be
no more)[97]

"The time is near." (when these things will take place)[98]

No wonder the Apostle Paul exhorts the Ephesians believers, "Make the
best possible use of your time because these are evil days."[99] (Modern
Language Version)

In today's society, a well-ordered family life will certainly have to be

structured in the discipline of time. Indeed, a wife and mother, who is
ordered in her daily and weekly time frame, will bless her family with
security, peace and rest. Jesus wants us to know His peace, in the midst of
busy days, so that we know how to come to Him and rest.[100]

C. PLAN YOUR TIME.

Have you ever thought of making an experiment with time? Try making a
"time check". To satisfy yourself that you are making the best use of your
hours, check out how you spend your time over a day or over a week.
Remember, we all have 24 hours each day. Suppose we allow:

for sleep and rest........................................8 hours

for meal times and family fellowship..........3 hours

for work .....................................................8 hours

Total 19

There still remains five precious hours for recreation, prayer, the Word of
God, family time and serving others. Someone has said that the difference
between one person and another lies mainly in how they use those five
hours.
D. STUDY THE RIGHT USE OF TIME.

During my lifetime, I have learned much from the writings of a fellow New
Zealander, J. O. Sanders. Years ago, I read his "Prescription for the Right
Use of Time." It has helped me ever since. You might find this list helpful if
you are seeking to implement some principles of time management into
your life.

1. Beware of WASTED time. The smaller areas of time in your day are
important. John Wesley divided his day into spaces of five minutes, and was
sad if one of them was wasted. He concentrated on one thing at a time. We
may never be as disciplined as John Wesley, but we may begin with 30-
minute spaces of time and then try 15 minutes. It will be amazing what we
can do through utilizing those 5-to-15 minute times for reading, writing, or
relaxing. Never be a "time waster."

2. THINK through your priorities. We tend to waste time on unnecessary

matters. For any given day we can list, in order of importance, the work that
is before us. Ask yourself what is most important and urgent that cannot be
postponed. Don't forget to plan time out each day, for recreation and
relaxation in order to renew yourself physically and emotionally.

3. PLAN your day. Here are some helpful suggestions to make planning
more effective:

a. Pray and ask for wisdom.

b. Take your Diary, or a sheet of paper, and write down the list of your daily
activities. The key is to actually write down what you have to do.
c. Review your list to see if there are items that can be more effectively
done by someone else.

d. List your activities in order of priority.

4. What determines PRIORITY?

a. What is important?

b. What is urgent? (In this order)

5. Know what your OBJECTIVES are. An activity is important if it helps

you to reach your objectives. Sometimes it is a good idea to do the things
you don't like doing, or the things that are the most difficult, first. Give as
much time as possible to each priority. Observe which hours of the day you
tend to become tired and then plan accordingly. Pace yourself and
remember that one to three hours is the maximum length you should spend
on any one activity. Don't be in a hurry and don't attempt too much in a day
and you will avoid becoming over-burdened. Be creative and think of ways
you can save time.

6. Practice being PUNCTUAL at meetings and appointments. You do

not only waste your time, but also other peoples' time, when you habitually
arrive late.

7. What do you do with INTERRUPTIONS in your time schedule? The

answer is to give room to them, as you judge them right and good. A busy
man never looks too busy. He is always willing to give of his time and
himself to a genuinely needy person who interrupts his schedule.
8. Your MOTIVATION is the key. Jesus is our example here. From the
Gospels we can study the motivation of Jesus and learn from his example in
the use of time. He seemed constantly, to be thronged with crowds and
individuals seeking His help. Yet he moved in peacefulness and with an
unhurried spirit. He could sleep in a storm, spend all night in prayer, cook
breakfast early in the morning, give Himself to needy men and women, and
yet have time to be available for human needs.[101]

What was His secret? He knew all His days and hours were under the
control of His heavenly Father. His motivation was to finish the work His
Father had given Him to do. Now, as we have the Spirit of Jesus within us,
we should confidently count on His guidance for each day, in the use of our
time. Then we will not be selfish with our time or waste it. The basic arena
to focus on, in the discipline of our time, is the will. Pray for a real heart
desire to make the best use of your time. The Holy Spirit will not take away
our will; rather He seeks to activate it into obedience.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good
purpose." (Philippians 2:13)

If you want to use time well, then you must seek the Spirit of Christ, to
share in His Holy discipline of time. Keep in mind that it is important to
"Live One Day At A Time!" Many of the men and women who have
succeeded in life and have affected generations of people, are those who
have learned to live one day at a time. They have refused to be crippled by
their mistakes in the past, or to dwell on the uncertain future. They have
simply lived in the present, God-given, 24 hours and used them for His
glory. For this is how our Lord Jesus counseled us, "So don't be anxious
about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too! Live one day at
a time." (Matthew 6:34)
4.6 The Family and other Families

A. CHRISTIAN FAMILIES ARE CALLED TO BRING BLESSING

TO OTHERS.

Christian families are different from other families. One of the goals for the
Christian family is to bless other families and to reach out to others in a
lifestyle of service and witness. The Christian home has a vital part to play
in proclaiming the Kingdom of Light in the midst of the prevalent world
darkness. Each Christian home is to be a pinpoint of light shining out as a
star to show God's Glory.

The Scriptures clearly reveal the family as an effective unit in God's plan to
redeem the world.

God called Noah and his family into the ark. "Go into the ark, you and your
whole family".[102] Through the faith of Noah's family, God witnessed to
His righteousness and mercy in an evil world.

The promises given to Abraham, at his call to serve God, included a

promise for an extensive blessing to all the families of the earth. "In you
shall all families of the earth be blessed..."[103]

When Joshua set before the tribes of Israel the choice to serve the living
God or pagan idols and works of darkness, it was a choice addressed to
families. "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for
me and my household, we will serve the Lord."[104]
The Old Testament prophets witnessed to the fact of Israel as a nation of
"clans" and "of families," called of God to show forth His mercy and justice
to all nations of the earth. "I will be the God of all the clans and they will be
my people."[105]

The prophet Amos declared, "you only have I chosen of all the families of
the earth"[106] and then he rebukes his people for failing in their God-given
task of being a witness.

Isaiah's call to the restoration of the people of Israel was based on family
restoration, "then your light will arise in the darkness, your people will
rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will
be called, restorer of streets with dwellings."[107] "Arise, shine for your
light has come."[108]

In the New Testament, the call of Jesus to His followers was to be the light
of the world and to let that light shine in a world of darkness. We believe
his call was addressed not only to individuals but also to whole families.
"You are the light of the world, let your light shine before men, that they
may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."[109]

I Thessalonians is a living commentary on these words of Jesus, and should

be studied by Christian fathers and their families. In Chapter 5, Paul writes
of the coming of the day of the Lord, "like a thief in the night" with sudden
destruction. This whole book is relevant to the days in which we live.
Christian families are "sons of the light and sons of the day. We do not
belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who
are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled." There are only two kinds
of people in the world, "children of the light", and "children of the
darkness".[110]

During this period of time, the distinction between the two can be blurred,
but when Jesus comes again, His true light will reveal all the families of the
light and of the day. So, if we are a restored family of God, living in His
light, let us live like it. Do not sleep. Rise up and stay awake. Put on "the
armor of light." Work for God as a family, for "the night comes when no
man can work."[111]

Seventeen times in this letter of I Thessalonians, and five times in Chapter

5, Paul speaks of Christians as brothers and sisters in the family of God.
What binds us together as a Christian family, in the total family of God, is
that we belong to the day and not to the darkness. Because of this, we have
a responsibility as families, to respect and appreciate our leaders (5:12-15),
and to be joyful, prayerful and consistent in our witness. (5:12-23)

As the Early Church began its witness to Jesus as the light of the world, we
see that Christian homes were used for:

Spiritual instruction[112]

Hospitality[113]

Church meetings and evangelistic meetings[114]

Prayer meetings[115]

Counseling people[116]

Home Bible studies[117]

The New Testament reveals instances where families were involved in

evangelistic outreach. Paul's interesting conclusion to his letter to the
Romans give us a picture of the witness of Christian families, in their
homes, in the first century AD. Since that time, across the centuries,
families have been effective in sharing their faith, by making their homes
centers of ministry to others. Family life-style evangelism calls upon
Christian families to witness to Christ, both within and outside their homes.

B. HOW CAN FAMILIES SHARE THE GOSPEL?

1. LOVE IN ACTION

The first essential is that the whole family needs to be filled with the love of
God and to be sensitive to the needs of others. The Christian family needs
to read carefully through the "Sermon on the Mount" found in Matthew,
Chapters 5-7 in order to learn of Christ's call to be merciful, and to "love
our neighbors as ourselves."

What matters is the focus of our attention. Is our focus only on our own
selfish family concerns, or is it also on other families, individuals and their
needs? Our example is the Lord Jesus Himself, who sacrificially went out
of his way to show concern for needy people. The only statement about the
life of Jesus in the Book of Acts stresses this aspect of His ministry.
"You know how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and
with power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were
under the power of the devil, because God was with him." (Acts 10:38)

This outlook meant a life of sacrifice for our Lord Jesus, and it will
certainly mean giving up some of our privacy in order to bring others into
our homes to bless them. It may also mean the deliberate giving of
ourselves, as a family, to strengthen others physically and spiritually. Real
love and concern for others will always cause us to go beyond the supply of
our own family needs, into going "the second mile" of commitment to meet
others' needs.

2. CULTIVATE AN AWARENESS OF THE NEEDS OF OTHERS.

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the
interests of others." (Philippians 2:4)

Needy people and families are all around us. Some have material and
physical needs.

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor."[118]

Jesus said, "The poor you will always have with you."[119]
The Wisdom books of the Old Testament contain many references to the
poor:

"O God you provided for the poor." (Psalm 68:10)

"Blessed is he who is kind to the needy." (Proverbs 14:21)

The leaders of the Early Church constantly reminded believers of their

responsibility to

"remember the poor" and never to despise them.[120] Parents have a

solemn responsibility to teach, by word and example, a loving care to the
poor who are in need.

In the Western, materialistic, world, people might ask, "Who are the poor?"
If we care enough to look into our towns and cities, we will discover them
in large numbers.

Refugees: Displaced and homeless people and the unemployed are crying
out for love and help. We should let the children discuss with us how best
we can meet their needs, in practical ways.

Widows, Single Parents: There are direct commands in Scripture to visit

the widows in their distress and loneliness. For James, the essence of
Christianity was "to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to
keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27) After many
years of pastoral and counseling ministry, I have to confess, with shame,
that Christian churches and families are slow "to plead the case of the
widow."[121] Families need to take the initiative and invite widows, who so
often know only a life of loneliness, into their homes to share in the
fellowship of their family life.[122]

Orphans, Displaced Children: Widows and orphans are linked together in

their needs in the Word of God.[123] In many parts of the world, the
traditional use of the term "orphan" no longer applies. In such places, the
need today is to reach out to those fatherless and motherless young people,
who have become the victims of broken homes through divorce. In my
travels throughout Europe, and in the Eastern bloc, in the early 1980's, I
discovered the heart cry of the fatherless. It is one of the great, but hidden,
needs in many societies.

What can we do?

As a Christian family, we cannot meet all the needs, but we can prayerfully
determine to meet the needs of one needy orphan. Some years ago our
family adopted a young woman whose parents had both died. For us, she
truly became part of our family as a daughter and a sister. We rejoice in
what she has given to us in return, as we ministered in love, to her. Fathers,
in your families be awake to the needs of the fatherless. They cry out to you
for love, fatherhood and security.

Then there are crisis needs, in which, through a sudden calamity, or a

terminal illness, people and families need comfort and hope. We are called
upon "to comfort" those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have
received of God.[124] One of the greatest satisfactions for a Christian
family is to give understanding, comfort and peace to those who have
nowhere to turn in their hour of need.
3. WITNESS TO THE GOSPEL

The sharing of your family's faith in Christ should be a priority in your life
style. For so many around us, caught up in materialism and false securities,
there is a hidden longing for peace and inner security. These people often
look carefully at our family life style. We have a responsibility, first of all,
to live out our faith before them. Secondly, we are to cultivate a friendship
with other families God sends to us. If we are friendly, helpful, and
considerate, the time will come when we can share our family's faith in
Jesus Christ.

Hospitality

Hospitality plays an important part, as we open our homes to serve others

and extend love to friends and other families. Learning to develop a family
life-style of evangelism is really a matter of learning to care for others and
to give them a "cup of cold water in Jesus name."

As a family, for over 35 years, we practiced Christian hospitality in our

home, and real blessing came upon us in the joy of seeing so many find
God's peace and joy.

The Family exists to witness to the love of God and to strengthen society.
For this, we need the help of other Christian families. Can a man fulfill his
role as a Christian husband, and a woman her role as a Christian wife,
without the encouragement and help of other Christian families? If the
renewal of the Christian family is to succeed, it must go along with the
renewal of Christian communities. No family can live in isolation.
Consequently, there should be the formation of more and more "home
groups," where family joys, cares and sorrows can be shared with other
believers. In your neighborhood, you can look for other families who want
to open their lives to God and who want to grow together in understanding
His plans for the family. By this pattern the early church grew strong and
vigorous in its witness, and by this "family of families fellowship" we will
bless our modern world. Only strong Christian family life and witness,
supported by other Christian families, can survive today's pressures and
protect us in a world of increasing turmoil and darkness.

4.8 Study Guide

A. Pick one of the spiritual weapons for the family and write a one-page
essay on how you have implemented this weapon in your family, or how
you intend to implement this weapon.

B. Discuss the importance of each of these spiritual weapons in keeping a

family strong and spiritually healthy.
 CHAPTER 5
Instructions for the Christian Husband

5.1 Basic Principles

In Ephesians, Chapters 4, 5 and 6 we find basic instructions directed to

husbands, wives and children. The central command in these family-life
instructions is, I believe, in Chapter 5, verses 19 and 20.

"...be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and
spiritual songs. Sing, and make music in your heart to the Lord, always
giving thanks to God the Father, for everything, in the name of Our Lord
Jesus Christ."

I would like to focus the message of these verses on the Christian husband
and father. He is to be known in his home as a man of thankfulness and joy.
My earliest and latest memories of my own father are of his daily, joyous
and thankful spirit. As he worked hard to provided for his wife and three
sons, that spirit was always evident. I would like my own children to have
such a picture of my fatherhood to them. God desires for us to rejoice and
be glad in our families, and He wants fathers to take the initiative in setting
the example.

A. GOD'S WORD TO HUSBANDS.

In Ephesians 5:23-25, Paul lays down the foundation of a Christian
husband's relationship to his wife. It is an essential Scripture for study for
every husband and father, as it reveals the basic principles of a husband's
love for his wife.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave
himself for it."

(Ephesians 5:25 KJV)

Husbands, that means you are to be like Jesus Christ in your relationship to
your wife. You are called upon to show the love of Jesus Christ by the
quality of your leadership in the home. That is an awesome responsibility. I
want to ask you, "How did Christ love the Church, His Bride?"

1. WITH A SELF-GIVING LOVE.

"For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give
His life as a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28)

"I lay down my life for the sheep... I lay it down of my own accord." (John
10:15-17)

"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the
sheep." (John 10:11)
No man, no husband can fully and literally love his wife "as Christ loved
the Church", but here is a holy example and way. Jesus Christ took the
initiative and "first loved us." We husbands are to take the initiative and
first love our wives.[125]

I have learned over many years in marriage counseling, that if there is no

love in the home, it is generally the husband's fault. The only way to begin
is for a husband to first yield himself to Jesus Christ in love. Only then he
can truly love and cherish his wife.

2. WITH HUMILITY AND MEEKNESS.

This is, of course, the direct opposite of the fiercely independent, selfish,
ambitious spirit of modern man. But the teaching of Jesus in the New
Testament is radical and revolutionary. The home is a school of Christian
discipleship. His disciples are not to act independently of each other, but as
those who are bound up together in a common life and loving community.
Their desire is not to preserve and care for their own life, but to open up to
one another and to bless and strengthen one another.

The love of Jesus was displayed in countless acts of grace and humility. The
disciples learned as much from His example as from His words. They saw
His leadership as love in action. When our wives and children see in us, as
husbands and fathers, an attitude of loving humility in our service, they will
willingly follow our lead.[126]

Further, Jesus did not go about establishing his own authority. He never
forced anyone to obey. His authority was not in lording it over His
disciples, but in humbly serving them. So a husband must never exert a
"fleshly" authority. For God delegates all authority, all leadership and He
alone can establish it.

Do you feel that this Christ-like love of Ephesians 5:25-33 is too hard for
you to put into practice? If so, you are right! The one condition for godly
leadership is a sense of need and unworthiness. God never has, and never
will, effectively use a proud man.

3. WITH A SOLEMN SENSE OF PURPOSE.

God's message to husbands is that they have some responsibility for their
wives' spiritual life. This is often neglected, even in Christian homes. How
many husbands know what their wives' deep spiritual needs are? I have
been amazed at the ignorance of husbands concerning their wives' spiritual
needs.

In Ephesians 5:26, the Scripture says that husbands are to care for their
wives" ...by the washing of water through the Word." What does that mean?
That is how Jesus Christ cleansed and prepared His Bride, the Church.
Jesus prayed in John 17:17 that the Father would "Make them pure and holy
through teaching them your Word of Truth," (TLB). Husbands, as you love
your wives as Christ loved the Church, this is also your responsibility.

4. TO PRESENT HER TO THE FATHER.

Do you know what the ultimate aim in your marriage relationship is? You
should be able to take your wife by the hand and present her to Jesus Christ,
and say, "This is my wife, without blemish, holy and blameless. This is the
woman you gave me and this is what she has become as a result of your
ministry through me!"[127]

It is a very awesome responsibility. Is your wife radiant, glowing, and

glorious in her redemption from sin and evil? It is a solemn thing to
consider, that on the Day of Judgment, we husbands will be held
accountable for how we have related to our wives.

5. WITH AS MUCH CARE AND ATTENTION AS WE DAILY GIVE

TO OUR OWN BODIES.

Three times, husbands are exhorted, in this passage, to love their wives
even as they love themselves.[128] Everyday, we husbands literally love
our bodies. We wash, exercise, pamper, clothe, feed, protect and care for
our bodies. Few men really know how to "feed" (nourish) and care for
(cherish) their wives as they do their own bodies. That is, to be tender with
her, to enter into her situation, and to understand her needs.[129]

Think how Jesus cared for and loved His Bride, the Church. He prayed just
before Gethsemane, "For their sakes, I sanctify myself."[130] This means
that, for the sake of His Bride, Jesus was willing to go without comfort,
food, sleep and companionship, so that His Bride could be blessed and
nourished. He was often tired and hungry, and knew trials and suffering of
mind and body. The love of Jesus for His Bride was not just a "feeling", it
was seen in action, by a deliberate giving of Himself unto His ultimate
sacrifice on the Cross. So we are to love our wives like that,...just as we
love ourselves,...just as Jesus loved His Bride.

5.2 The Husband and Fatherhood

A. THE IMPORTANCE OF FATHERHOOD.

Someone has said that God is a Father and that He expresses His authority
through fatherhood. That is why the authority and the leadership of fathers
is under such an attack in our day. For if you can destroy the family, and
especially the father's role, the foundation of God's government in the world
is destroyed.

When God called Abraham, as the father of the Jewish race, He revealed a
key aspect of godly leadership. Abraham was known as the "father of many
nations". He is the father of us all. This "fatherhood" goes right back into
the heart of God Himself.[131]

The Prophet Malachi, stirred by the evil declination of national and family
life of his own people Israel, declared, "Have we not all one Father? Did not
one God create us?"[132] Then Malachi gives this reassuring and
encouraging promise, the answer to which we are even now seeing.

"He will turn the hearts of the Fathers to their children; and the hearts of the
children to their Fathers."(Malachi 4:6)

B. WHAT IS A FATHER'S CONTRIBUTION IN THE HOME?

1. IT IS TO BUILD GOOD RELATIONSHIPS.

As a father builds good relationships with his children, he imparts to his

children an understanding of their relationship with their heavenly Father.
Just as Jesus taught us to pray "Our Father", so children can learn to say,
"My Father" as they grow up. The father plays a key role in imparting to his
children their sense of heritage and identity.

For example, if a daughter has never enjoyed a good, loving relationship

with her father, it is difficult for her to appreciate God as her Heavenly
Father. We have discovered a hunger and longing in young people all over
the world to know the love of God, because so many have never
experienced a father's love in their childhood and youth.

Through the father's continued care, a child comes to know who he is.
These relationships take TIME. Too many fathers give the impression they
are not interested in their children and that they are too busy for them. Like
the fathers of Jeremiah's day, fathers still "flee without a backward glance at
their helpless children." (Jeremiah 47:3) Fathers, I encourage you to build
secure, life-long relationships with your children, by taking time each day
to get to know them.

2. THE FATHER SHOULD SEE HIS HOME AS A "FAMILY

SCHOOL.

(An Educational Unit For Life) "Family Time" with his children is his
Number One priority. We need to set fathers free from all kinds of
meetings, men's clubs and business concerns in order to be available to
spend time with their family. A father must get his priorities straight and not
let outside commitments push aside his wife and children. They must know
that they have their proper place in his life.

3. THE AIM OF TRUE FATHERHOOD IS TO EQUIP HIS

CHILDREN TO FACE LIFE.
The most effective means of achieving this goal, of course is through
PRAYER. Having brought his children into the world, fathers have a
responsibility to pray for each one, so that they can fulfill their destiny in
God. We are all conscious of our weakness in this area and recognize our
need for support and encouragement from our wives, our pastors and other
men.

The true test of your "fatherhood training" will come about when your son
or daughter leaves home and establishes his own family.

Have They Learned:

to make sound decisions?

to the respect authority; of fathers? of elders? of the state? of teachers?

to respect the property of others?

to respect other's opinions?

to love God as Father, and to know and trust in His character?

to serve their father's God in the society around them and in the wider
world?

to be disciples and witnesses of Christ?

to establish a continuing spiritual heritage of blessing with their own

children?

There is no greater satisfaction in life than that of a husband and father

whose children know God and go out from their parents' home to serve
Him.

"The father of a godly man has cause for joy; what pleasure a wise son is."
(Proverbs 23:24)

"A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children." (Proverbs
13:22)

"An old man's grandchildren are his crowning glory. A child's glory is his
father." (Proverbs 17:6)

5.3 Practical Ways for a Husband to Lead

A. BY PROVIDING.

It is a great testimony for a father to be known as a good provider for his

wife and family all throughout his life. Provision is not just monetary. It
also involves providing times for recreation and celebration for the family.
[133]

B. BY SERVING.[134]

C. BY CARING FOR, AND GUIDING HIS FAMILY.

D. BY LEADING IN HIS FAMILY AS:

a PROPHET, he proclaims the Word of God.

a PRIEST, he prays for his family.

a KING, he provides leadership and discipline for his family.

E. BY BEING AN ENCOURAGER.

He enters fully into the day-to-day life of the home, by helping his wife and
children. The home is the testing ground of a man's character and
leadership. Ministry flows out of a man's home life.

5.4 Key Words in a Husband's Daily Life

A. LOYALTY: Be a faithful and true man in the marriage and the family
covenant.

B. LOVE AND TENDERNESS: Our Family Seminars reveal that wives

are starving for affection and love. Each day show your love and affection
in practical ways.

C. RESPECT: Respect your wife for who she is, not just for what she does.
D. MANLY SUBMISSION: Christ was a man. That manhood was seen in
tenderness and submission. So a manly husband is to "humble himself
under the mighty hand of God".[135] This submission to God's sovereignty
and authority brings strength and health into the home. Without this spirit of
Christ-like humility there is no manliness in a husband and no security for
his wife.

E. COURTESY: Offer this gift to your wife every day through many little
deeds of loving kindness.

F. LEADERSHIP: The scriptural model that Christ presents is that of a

servant-leader. Men must reject the worldly example of domination and
control that brings with it abuse of power and position.

G. COMMITMENT: A wise husband commits his life daily to God, to

serve and to lead his wife and family. He is known as a man committed to
follow and to serve Jesus Christ, for he knows the truth of Jesus' words to
his disciples, "without me you can do nothing."[136]

5.4.1 Self Analysis for Husbands

A. Have you accepted responsibility for your family?

B. Do you believe that you have loved your wife up to this moment and
have you told her so, frequently?
C. Has your love for her been tested by sacrifice?

D. Have you been faithful in your prayers for her?

E. When you have differences of opinion, do you wait for her to humble
herself or do you take the first step of humility?

F. Do you shout in your home and use your authority as a threat?

G. Are you sensitive to her needs and understand that your prayers can be
hindered if you treat her with disrespect?

H. In all your actions and your personal relationship with her, have you
done everything in your power to keep your love for each other new and
fresh?

I. Are you only interested in your own sexual satisfaction, or do you also
think of her?

J. If you have children, do you ensure that they do not insult her?
K. Do you regularly bring her gifts and expressions of your love?

L. Do you express gratitude and praise for what she does, and appreciation
for her talents?

M. Do you criticize her in front of others?

N. Is it important for you to maintain open channels of communication?

5.4.2 Ten Practical Commandments For A Husband.

1. Be neat and clean.

2. Be courteous in and out of the home. Courtship is never over.

3. Small gifts count. Every woman likes to be remembered.

4. Be appreciative! Compliment your wife.

5. Take your wife out regularly.

6. Be understanding.

7. Listen to your wife's advice. Accept her suggestions.

8. Initiate a regular devotional time together with your wife.

9. Remember to be romantic.

10. Communicate your thoughts and desires to your wife. Maintain

openness in all circumstances.

5.5 Study Guide

A. Read Colossians 3:19-24.

In what ways can husbands fulfill these early Christian principles for
Christian households?

B. Read Joshua 24:15.

"Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve ... But as for me and
my household, we will serve the Lord."
List five qualities that a husband should have to be a good leader in his
home.

How does he grow in spiritual leadership?

C. Read I Peter 3:7-9.

List five ways that a husband can show honor and respect for his wife.

D. Read Luke 22:26-27.

"I am among you as he who serves."

How can a husband show a servant's heart of love to his wife and family?

Be specific. List practical areas where he can serve and help.

E. Discuss the "TEN PRACTICAL COMMANDMENTS FOR

HUSBANDS".

F. Blessing and Cursing. God has given the care of children into the hands
of fathers. It is in the power of fathers either to bless or to curse their
children.

1. The Curse

In the Old Testament, God speaks of the curse of evil and trouble passing
from generation to generation. Study the following scriptures:
Exodus 20:5-6

Deuteronomy 5:9

Leviticus 26:39

Jeremiah 32:18

Lamentations 5:7

2. The Blessing

Throughout the Scriptures there are many references to fathers blessing

their children with a good inheritance. Study the following scriptures:

Genesis 12:1-3 (Abram)

Genesis 15:1-7 (God's Covenant with Abram)

Genesis 17:1-8 and Genesis 22:15-18

Genesis 27:1-40 (Jacob gets Isaac's blessing)

Genesis 49:1-28 (Jacob blesses his sons)

Deuteronomy 28 (Blessings for Obedience and Curses for Disobedience)

Deuteronomy 33 (Moses blessing the tribes)

Psalm 103:17

Proverbs 13:22

Romans 8:16-17

Galatians 4:4-7
Ezekiel 37:24-28

G. In the light of these Scripture passages consider:

1. Is it possible for a "family curse" to continue on through generations in a

family?

2. How can a "family curse" be broken, and the door closed on it?

3. How can we use the power of the Cross of Jesus against such a curse?

4. What is the power of a father's blessing?

5. How far reaching is it?

6. Can you give examples?

7. How can fathers bless their children in succeeding generations?

8. Do you, as a father, give your children specific words of blessing from

time to time?
 CHAPTER 6
Instructions for the Christian Wife

By creation, both men and women together, are essential to the full image
of God in humanity. An essential equality is seen between males and
females in God's plan.

Both are created by God.[137]

Both share in God's created work.[138]

Both are redeemed by Jesus Christ.[139]

Both are children of God.

Both are to serve God and one another in love.

Both are destined for heaven where there is "no marriage or giving in
marriage".

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male or female, for you are
all one in Christ

Jesus."[140]

6.1 Woman's Special Function.

Within the equality of man and woman, the woman does have a special and
unique function. She was made for man, to be his "helper". Woman was
actually taken "out of man", from his side. It has been stated that Eve was
not taken out of Adam's foot so as not to be trampled under, nor was she
taken out of his head so as not to rule over him, but she was taken out of his
side, so that she could walk beside him, be his companion and always be
close to his heart.

Her "helper" role was never meant to be a subservient role. In fact, the word
used for helper is very similar to the word used to describe the Holy Spirit's
"helper" ministry in the life of the believer. There was a completion that
came to Adam as Eve was joined to him.

6.2 Femininity.

A woman also has her God-given and created femininity. In counseling in

family seminars,

I have discovered many women; wives, mothers and singles, who have not
accepted themselves as women. This has led to confusion and hurt in their
lives.

Elisabeth Elliot, in an interview in the "New Covenant" magazine, has

stated, "A woman needs to accept the gifts that God has given her. My
femininity is a gift from God and one of the most unalterable terms of my
existence. I can look at life in two ways. I can complain about what is not
given, or give thanks for what is given. A truly feminine woman is glad to
be a woman. She is willing to thank God for her womanhood." I have come
to see that this thankfulness for "womanhood" is vital to happiness and
security within family life.
6.3 Jesus' Attitude Toward Women.

This truth has been clearly demonstrated by Jesus' attitude toward women in
the Gospels. He broke through the traditional Jewish and Greek conventions
of His day concerning the place of women in society. Jesus saw women as
persons, and accepted them as such. He encouraged women to receive His
teaching and was not happy when Martha was too busy about her household
tasks to listen to Him.[141]

In lifting up womanhood to its rightful place in God's plan, Jesus did

amazing things.

He actually talked with a Samaritan woman (with whom the Jews had no
dealings), in the hot mid-day sun. He healed an "unclean" woman on the
Sabbath day.[142] He accepted an anointing of costly perfume from a
woman who was a notorious sinner. He praised the giving of a poor,
obscure widow. It was to women that Jesus gave some of His most precious
teaching.

"God is spirit and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."[143]

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even
though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."[144]

It was women who provided Jesus with many of His daily necessities, as He
traveled with the disciples.[145]
6.4 Submission.

The submission of Christ: In the New Testament, "submission" means

literally "to get in order under someone", or to "subject one's self to
someone in authority." It is seen at its highest and best in the voluntary
submission of Jesus to His Heavenly Father. For the Christian man or
woman, it is a voluntary yielding in love to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.
For the Christian, submission is always "out of reverence for Christ."

Submission is an attitude or frame of mind for all Christians; for men, as

well as women, fathers as well as children, masters as well as slaves. It is an
essential quality of Christian relationships. By contrast to the world's ideas
of authority, power and greatness, the teaching of Jesus on submission is
radical and revolutionary. It comes out of His final submission to the death
on the Cross.

Submission is mutual self-giving. It is never a harsh authority by one

marriage partner over the other. It is a voluntary and mutual yielding, and
flowing together of one man and one woman in Christ-like love. "Submit to
one another out of reverence for Christ."[146]

The Husband is "The head of the wife." A husband's leadership in the

family is related to his wife's voluntary submission. She is to respect her
husband, but her submission is, always to be "as to the Lord."[147]. Her
submission does not mean she ceases to make her views known or that she
refrains from being a part of the decision-making process.
In fact, it is essential that she give her point of view, in matters where
decisions have to be made. Further, it is important that a Christian wife
communicates clearly with her husband regarding major decisions in order
to allow for sufficient time to process the decisions together.

Submissive attitudes toward non-Christian husbands: Some Christian

women married to non-Christian husbands feel they have no responsibility
to acknowledge his leadership because he is an unbeliever. I Peter 3:1-2,
however, reveals how even non-believing husbands can be impacted by
respectful, submissive attitudes from believing wives. A "gentle and quiet"
spirit is not only something precious in God's sight; it is also a powerful
"witness" to a non-Christian partner.

Submission does not require a wife to deny the Law of Love[148], as taught
by Jesus. It does not mean violating God's moral law. It does not mean
violating a person's conscience, or putting up with abuse, violence and
physical danger. God never intended a wife to be forced, coerced, or
intimidated into any actions that were contrary to her obedience to the Lord
and to the laws of the land. Attempts to construe the biblical admonitions
regarding a wife's submission to her husband to mean any of these things
are inappropriate and contrary to God's heart.

6.5 The Sacredness Of Motherhood.

In these days of a diminished view of both childbearing and the sacredness

of life, Christians need to elevate the sacredness of motherhood. As Andrew
Murray said, "The mother's womb is the work place of the Holy Spirit."
When God wants a holy child, he seeks holy parents. In Luke 1:6, because
the parents were "upright in the sight of God" and living blamelessly, their
child (conceived miraculously) was both a joy to his parents and a blessing
to the world. In Luke 1:38, we realize that the most marked feature of
Mary's motherhood was the wonder of her surrender to God's purposes, in
the simplicity of faith. "Behold, the handmaid of the Lord. Be it unto me
according to your word." (Luke 1:38)

6.6 Areas Of Growth In Character.

The example of Christ-like character of a Christian wife and mother in the

home is most fruitful and enduring.[149] With such women of God it is still
time to say that their "children rise and call them blessed."[150]

A woman's Christ-like character is built up in these areas:[151]

1. Love: Not as a feeling, but as a self-sacrificing choice.[152]

2. Faith: Make a study of the women of faith in the Bible. Women have a
great capacity for faith.[153]

3. Peace: A woman of peace in the home does not give way to moodiness,
depression, pressure and frustration, but blesses her whole family and
neighborhood with peace.[154]
4. Holiness: A woman (wife or mother) who fears God and is growing in
holiness of life, prayer and witness is a blessing to her husband and family.
[155]

6.7 Women's Ministries.

The Gospel records make it clear. Jesus treated women not as "the inferior
sex," but as co-workers and individuals who had great potential for loving
service. It is interesting to discover, that while the reformers, at the time of
the Reformation, were not so sure of the place of women in family, church
and society, the later evangelists of the Evangelical Awakening in the 19th
century were. Men like Moody, Finney, William Booth, C.T. Studd and
Hudson Taylor all accepted women fully, as co-workers in the Gospel. In
this, they were closer to the Gospel and New Testament record.

This means that in our homes and Family Life Seminars we are to enable,
encourage and bless women in the wonder and glory of their womanhood
and in their spheres of ministry for Jesus Christ.

A Key Passage related to women's ministries is found in Acts 2:1-21. On

the day of Pentecost, both men and women together waited in prayer,
together received the Holy Spirit, and together proclaimed the Gospel. This
was a direct confirmation of the prophecy of Joel, "The Holy Spirit shall
come upon all my servants, men and women alike." (TLB)[156]

The record of the Early Church in the Book of Acts, and also Paul's letters
confirm this truth. Paul is thankful for the men and women who helped him
in his day-to-day ministry. He speaks of "Priscilla and Aquila"[157] (a
husband and wife team), "my fellow-laborers in the work of Jesus Christ,"
and of "Phoebe a servant of the church, she has been a great help to many
people, including me." Also greeted are Mark, Tryphaena, Tryphosa, and
"those women who work hard in the Lord."[158]

In addition to the varied and vast ministries that a woman may have, she has
a unique capacity for "motherhood". This is never an "inferior ministry",
but is rather like the servant ministry of Jesus. He said, "I am among you as
one who serves". Woman often have a great capacity to support and nurture
life. God gifted them with a beautiful "life support system" called a
"womb". Women not only support life in pregnancy, but from infancy to old
age. Both physically and spiritually they can be the "supporters" of their
children and family.

This "Supporting Ministry" is most practical:

1. To her HUSBAND.

She can support him by:

caring for him.

giving time to him.

giving him appreciation and encouragement.

by refusing critical attitudes.

2. To her HOME and FAMILY.

Homemaking is a demanding, but it can be beautiful ministry. A wife can
have a powerful impact on the ATMOSPHERE OF THE HOME. She can
strongly influence the unconscious, life-giving, peaceful, joyous
environment in which a family functions. In creating this spiritual
atmosphere, physical things are important, colors, flowers, tidiness,
creativity, and music. So also are hospitality, health-giving laughter,
enjoyable recreation and celebration.

Older women, especially can have a particularly fruitful training and

mentoring ministry to younger women.[159]

From all this Biblical teaching we learn:

1. The Holy Spirit gives knowledge, understanding, and callings to women,

as well as men, and He would have women, (wives and mothers) give forth
what they have received. A husband should recognize his wife's giftings
and encourage her to step forward in expressing them.

2. It is in the home that a married woman often finds her greatest ministry.
It is important to realize that the vital center for Christian witness is the
family-lifestyle within the home. If this is weak, then the whole Body of
Christ is weak. A strong Christian family-lifestyle can be an invaluable
heritage that a godly woman passes on to her children.

3. Women, (wives, mothers, widows, singles, grandmothers), all have a

special service in the wider sphere outside the home also. In the work of
evangelism and teaching they often have an entrance into unbelieving
homes that a man does not have. The Bible records numerous instances of
this kind of leadership in society and in political life. (See "Study Guide").

6.8 SELF ANALYSIS FOR WIVES

A. What is your understanding of the term "headship" in your home?

B. How do you respond when you and your husband do not agree with each
other?

C. Do you praise him regularly for things he does?

D. Do you interrupt him when he's talking?

E. Do you often criticize him and your children?

F. Do you put him under financial pressure?

G. Do you have a good sexual relationship with him?

H. Are you honest and open with him?

I. Do you pray for your husband?

J. Has your love for him been demonstrated by sacrificial choices?

K. When you have differences of opinion, do you wait for him to humble
himself?

L. Do you criticize him in front of others? In front of your children?

M. Do you endeavor to keep the lines of communication open?

6.9 Ten Practical Commandments For A Wife.

1. Do not seek to manipulate your husband.

2. Be neat and attractive in appearance and dress.

3. Express your feelings and concerns in a respectful way.

4. Prayerfully support and encourage your husband.

5. Let your speech be gracious and "as is fitting to the occasion".

6. Work at creating a peaceful atmosphere in your home.

7. Look always for the best things in your husband.

8. Be wise in how you handle money. (Proverbs 31:1 1-24)

9. Be relaxed and responsive.

10. Serve your husband and your family in the love of Jesus.

6.9 STUDY GUIDE

A. READ PROVERBS, CHAPTER 31, VERSES 10 TO 31.

This is a Hebrew Poem about a wife of beauty and strength of character

who knows how to take care of her household.
1. Do you think this is an exaggerated description for a modern day wife
and mother?

2. "She will not hinder him but help him all her life." (verse 12) Discuss
how a wife can hinder her husband and family in the home and in society.
How can a wife help her husband and family in the home and in society?

3. "She is clothed with strength and dignity." (verse 25) What do you
consider are the strengths of a good wife and mother? How can the dignity
and beauty of womanhood be shown in daily life?

4. "She has no fear for her household." (verse 21) "She laughs at the days to
come." (verse 25) How important is a mother's attitude concerning the
future?

B. WORKING MOTHERS:

Read Proverbs 31.16-18; Acts 16:14: Discuss these five basic questions
which a wife/mother should consider before she takes up work outside the
home.

1. Why do you want to work?

Are you bored with your role at home?

Are you seeking extra things for your home?

Are you seeking to pay off a debt?

2. Will you still be able to fulfill your responsibilities toward your
family?

3. What will be the actual financial advantage?

4. How will it affect the children?

5. How will it affect your reaching out to help others in need?

C. FOR PERSONAL AND GROUP BIBLE STUDY: DISCUSS

THESE SCRIPTURES

1. Leadership of Women in Religious and Social Life.

Ruth: Ruth 2:2

Deborah.: Judges 4:5

Jael: Judges 4:2,17-24

Esther: Esther 5:1-7

Priscilla: Acts 18:26

Phoebe: Romans 16:1

Lydia: Acts 16:15

Nymphas: Colossians 4:15

Chloe: I Corinthians 1:11

2. The Servant Spirit.

Genesis 2:8-25

Matthew 20:26

Luke 22:27

Philippians 2:1-30

Isaiah 42:1

John 13:14-16

I Timothy 5:9-10

3. Practical Responsibilities of a Wife and Mother.

Childbearing: Psalm 147:13

I Timothy 2:15

Devoted to Husband and Children: Titus 2:5

Serving: Genesis 24:11-20

Matthew 27:55-56

Sewing: Proverbs 31:22

Baking: Genesis 18:6

Hospitality: II Kings 4:8-10

Romans 12:13

Luke 10:38-42

Acts 16:15,40

I Timothy 3:2

Acts 28:1-10

I Peter 4:9

Home Atmosphere: Proverbs 14:1

Proverbs 31:16

Proverbs 31:27

Doing Good Works: I Timothy 2:10

Proverbs 31:10-24

Cooking: Proverbs 31:15

Caring: Matthew 28:1-9

Raising Godly Children: Ephesians 6:1-4

Colossians 3:20

Teaching and Discipling Younger Women: Titus 2:4

 Chapter 7
Communication In Marriage

Experience in leading and teaching in Family Seminars and Camps has

taught me that communication is a major problem in marriage. No matter
what the nationality, the church background, or the individual need, we
have discovered that the art of speaking with openness, honesty and in love,
is a missing factor in many marriages and families today.

In one family seminar in West Germany, we counseled a man who had not
spoken clearly with his wife and family for many years. He lived a solitary
life and thought of himself as a "loner". But the Holy Spirit revealed to this
father that his selfish, proud attitude was sin. He repented!

First, he gathered his wife, and then his whole family around him, and
asked for their forgiveness and for their prayers, that he might now
communicate with them. That afternoon, he spoke, in turn, with each family
member, so that he might be really honest and have clear understanding
with them. We can testify to the new-found joy and security in the life of
this family, and of their new devotion to the Lord.

Marriage is relationship. The family is relationship-centered. Husband and

wife, parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren; all these are
life's best and most precious relationships. Apart from loving and sincere
communication, these marriage and family relationships will die. It is a
known fact that if a baby is not spoken to, it dies. Relationships are life-
giving and are built up by words of life spoken in faith and love.

7.1 What Is Communication?

It is more than speaking words together, or merely talking. It is sharing

together, in openness and honesty. It is disclosing your opinions, your
feelings and your needs; your whole heart. It means giving yourself to the
other person, to understand what he or she is thinking, feeling and wanting.
You must listen carefully to the other person and give him or her your full
attention.

There is a spiritual basis for this art of communicating. In the beginning of

creation, God communicated with Adam and Eve. They had daily,
unhindered fellowship together. "In the cool of the day they heard the sound
of the Lord God walking in the garden." (Genesis 3:8) But sin came in and
broke up the sweetness and beauty of their initial communication. "The man
and his wife hid themselves among the trees of the garden from the
presence of the Lord God."[160]

"Hiding" from God, and one another, because of sin and fear, is a basic
reason for the inability to communicate in marriage. We do not say what we
really mean. We often hide behind our moody silences, our pride and our
lack of honesty. But our God and Father comes to communicate with Adam,
(as with us) and says, "Adam, where are you?" We reply, "I heard you
coming and did not want you to see me naked, (in my pride and sin) so I
hid." (Genesis 3:10) All humans are, in some sense, "naked Adams" hiding
from God. As a foundational step in communication, we need, first of all, to
come into the clear light of God's presence, and to the Cross of Christ.
"This is the message God has given us to pass on to you, that God is Light
and in Him is no darkness at all. So if we say we are his friends, but go on
living in spiritual darkness and sin, we are lying. But if we are living in the
light of God's presence, just as Christ does, then we have wonderful
fellowship and joy with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son,
cleanses us from every sin." I John 1:5-7 (TLB)

7.2 How We Communicate.

A. WE COMMUNICATE WITH BODILY ACTIONS.

Besides spoken language, every one of us communicates with the language

of the body. Our eyes, hands, mannerisms, touch; all communicate our
thoughts and feelings to one another. In the account of the life of Jesus in
the Gospels, it is interesting to note how much He spoke through His bodily
actions:

Through His eyes: "The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter..."

Through His hands: "Look at my hands... "

Through His touch: "Touch me and see..."

An honest man looks you straight in your eyes. The expressive use of the
hands can tell something of a person's character. An open, smiling face
communicates truth and love. Married couples, who have lived together in
love for many years, know what it is to communicate fully by a look, a
touch or a simple action.

B. WE COMMUNICATE WITH WORDS.

Have you ever considered that speech is such a wonderful gift from God?
Throughout Scripture, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, all
speak and with one voice... "Thus says the Lord"...

"Behold, I say unto you"... "He that hears my words…".

Speech reflects our likeness to God. Therefore, be careful how you speak. A
person's speech reflects his or her heart. "For from the overflow of the heart
the mouth speaks"[161] When someone remains silent it is hard to
understand his spirit and to really know him. Our supreme example in
communicating with words is our Lord Jesus. His words were positive, life
giving and wholesome. "And all spoke well of him and wondered at the
gracious words that flowed from his lips."(Luke 4:22)

Read carefully through the Gospels, listen and take note of the words of
Jesus and you will discover ways of communicating well.

7.3 Levels In Communication. (See House Of Communication)

(Adapted from "Why I am afraid to tell you who I am" by John Powell)

A. Communicating together is like dwelling in a house with steps to various

levels, downwards and upwards.
B. Downward Steps To The Cellar of Criticism.

Nobody wants to live in a cellar. But many husbands and wives descend,
even daily, into the coldness, the darkness and mustiness of the cellar of
criticism.

Jesus said, "Don't criticize, and then you won't be criticized." (Matthew 7:1)

"Don't criticize and speak evil about each other dear brothers." (James 4:11)

C. The harsh, critical spirit is always destructive. Never live in the cellar of
criticism. Climb up with God to the upper levels of communication.

D. Upward Steps.

Level 1: The "greeting level."

This is the very beginning of communication, at the ground floor level. It is

communicating, but at a very simple, non-risk level. "Good morning"...
"How are you?"... "Did you sleep well?" Some marriage partners hardly get
above this level.

Level 2: The "sharing information" level.

This is speaking out, every day, things that we want to inform our partner
about; our jobs, events of the day, and scheduling items. We are merely
passing on information. We make no judgments.
Level 3: The "sharing opinions" level.

We are climbing the steps to a higher level of communication. Here, we

share what we really think on a given subject. There is an element of risk
here, because our partner may not share our opinion, or may even be totally
opposed to it.

Level 4: The "sharing of feelings and emotions" level.

So many marriage partners wear masks. They hide their real feelings. Many
wives have said to me, "I never know what my husband is feeling." With
some men this absence of emotion is seen almost as a virtue. But, in reality,
it is a large stumbling block to communication and needs to be faced up to
(if necessary, with another's counsel) so that the "mask" is removed.

Both husbands and wives need to develop communication skills so that they
can more effectively share on this level. Learning how to use "I" statements
instead of "You" statements is essential in developing effective and intimate
communication. Statements like "I felt discouraged when you..." "I felt
encouraged by your response..." will help marriage partners understand
each other in deeper ways.

Laughing and Crying: In the area of our emotions, we need to know that
"laughing and "crying" together is communication. If, as man and wife, you
have not laughed together recently something is probably wrong in your
communication. You are too serious perhaps! Or too intense! Laughter
releases emotions. Even God laughs. (Psalm 2:4) Never be ashamed to
show your emotions and speak of your feelings. This is not weakness. It is
strength in your marriage. God has given you emotions, use them! Rejoice
together! Be joyful, both inwardly, and outwardly.

Praise, love, and thank Him each day. Christ cares for you. Your marriage is
precious in His sight. He will never forsake you. Especially reveal your
"Fears" to your mate. Numerous wives and children are afraid to share their
fears. They do not communicate to their husbands or parents on this level.
Husbands, we exhort you to listen to your wives. They are looking for a
place to be open and vulnerable. Encourage them to share their hearts with
you and be willing to disclose your fears, as well. Pray with one another
and commit all your negative, fearful, and anxious feelings to the Lord.

"Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you." (I Peter 5:7)

Level 5: The "being open and honest with one another" level.

This means taking time to reveal openly to your partner who you really are
and what your needs are. It is the highest level of communication, and
happy is that marriage where the partners are on this level. Such a fullness
of loving, open, caring communication makes a home a heaven on earth.
Without honesty, real communication breaks down. Speech depends on
truth. Lying is an abomination before God. (Proverbs 12:22) It is one of the
seven things God hates. (Proverbs 6:16-17)

The parents' responsibility is to teach their children basic lessons in speech.

To do this, they must begin with themselves, and resist lying and
dishonesty. Our Lord Jesus Christ makes it clear that Satan is influencing
those who consistently lie. Careful discipline is needed here, especially
when we all have a tendency to speak glibly and inaccurately. Some
Christians think lying, exaggeration, or keeping back truth is a small matter,
but God sees it as a serious sin.

"We stand in the presence of God as we speak and so we tell the truth..." II
Corinthians 4:2 (TLB)

7.4 Hindrances To Communication.

A. POOR LISTENING.

The Bible exhorts us to listen carefully. Jesus frequently exclaimed, "He

that has ears to hear let him listen." (Matthew 11:15) A major failure in
good communication is the refusal to give our full attention to the person
speaking. This is a crucial issue with children. They want to be taken
seriously and we can convey the impression that what they are saying is of
little importance.

We should stop what we are doing, look into their eyes, and give them our
full, undivided attention. This is, of course, true of all relationships. A
husband may be pre-occupied, not giving his wife his full attention. She
realizes this and after a period of time she gives up and begins to hide her
real attitudes and emotions. A wife may also withdraw and refuse to listen.
This response can be used as a weapon that will eventually destroy a
marriage.

Silence and withdrawal can convey to your partner, "I do not accept your
words", "you mean nothing to me", or "you are not worth listening to". We
need to pray, "O, Lord, make me a good, attentive listener to my partner, to
my children and to my friends."
B. LACK OF TIME.

This is a major cause of breakdown in marriage communication. Any

development of true friendship takes time. A good marriage and healthy
family life springs from the cultivation of lasting friendships. Many wives
desire to share in the details of their husbands' daily lives. They want to
enter into their partner's experiences and to understand his needs and
desires. If such sharing is lacking in a marriage, frustration and isolation
creeps into the relationship.

Therefore, make time for communication as a husband and wife, and give
priority to this issue in your family life. Taking time to talk to each other is
vital for the health and well being of your marriage. It is more important
than your work, your eating, or your recreational activities. It is
foundational for your life together.

You might ask, "How much time is needed?" Experience reveals that 20
minutes a day helps keep communication channels open. Seek to build such
regular times into your schedule. Agree upon the best time to be together
and then guard that time from interruptions. Don't let visitors, the telephone,
work or the children infringe upon this important time. It is your time
together as a husband and wife.

When is the best time to meet? Avoid times when you are tired or under
emotional strain. Look for a time in your schedule that is less pressured.
Each couple will have to discover God's time for them. It might be after the
evening meal, before retiring, the first thing in the morning, or perhaps
Sunday afternoon for a more extended time.
What should you talk about? Share about your daily life and your work
responsibilities. Talk about your relationship, your children, your spiritual,
life, your fears, and your desires. Read Scripture together, pray together,
and affirm your love to one another. You and your partner have a need to
know that you are loved and appreciated.

7.4.1 Learn To Take Part In Spiritual Activities Together.

A. Worship together... sing together.

B. Pray together, regularly.

C. Bless one another.

D. Engage in spiritual warfare against your common enemy! Fight against

the devil and not against each other.

E. Read to one another regularly.

F. Serve one another.

G. Attend a small group together.

H. Serve others together... be given to hospitality.

I. Encourage one another daily.

7.4.2 Above All, Be Willing To Change

A. A husband reading these pages may need to change. He might be quiet

by nature, reticent or shy. He might be selfish, proud, or too busy. He
should pray: "Lord, change me! Let your Holy Spirit of love and oneness
flow through me."

B. A wife may need to change as well. She might be too overbearing and
demanding in her requests. Thus, she might be intimidating her husband.
Her prayer should also be: "Lord change me by the power of your Holy
Spirit."

C. Both partners may have developed bad habits such as talking loudly,
harshly, or in unloving ways to one another. They might express impatience
to one another. Whatever the issue is, couples should take it to the Lord in
prayer. Ask Him to forgive you. Ask one another's forgiveness. Accept the
Lord's gracious correction and begin a new life of communication together.
Be open with one another, and enter into the joy of the Lord. Remember our
God is the God of new beginnings.
Colossians 4:6: "Let your speech be always gracious as well as sensible, for
then you will have the right answer for everyone." Colossians 4:6 (TLB)

7.5 Your Marriage And Family Communication Guide.

A. Build on the one true foundation; Jesus Christ. (I Corinthians 3:11)

Learn to walk and talk with the Lord every day. (Luke 24.32).

B. Accept yourself and your partner in the way that God created you.
Ephesians 1:6 (KJV).

C. Bring all your hurts, bitterness, frustrations and criticism to the Cross of
Jesus. Colossians 3:13-14

D. Seek to understand your partner and not just to be understood. Devote

yourselves to understanding one another. II Timothy 2:7.

E. Speak the truth in love. Avoid nagging. Colossians 3:9 and Proverbs
10:19
F. Be slow to speak. Think first! Proverbs 18:13; James 1:19

G. Listen more. Talk less. Proverbs 15:28

H. Avoid criticizing one another. When in the wrong, be the first to

acknowledge it to God and to your partner. I John 1:9-10

I. Avoid responding in anger. Pray for self-control. Proverbs 14:29

J. Build up one another with healthy, life-giving words. Use words of

thankfulness, of appreciation and of encouragement. Proverbs 16:24

7.6 Questions In Developing Communication.

A. FAMILY COMMUNICATION.

1. What conflicts or communication blocks are hindering good

communication in your family? What improvements can be made for better
communication opportunities in your family?

2. How can we teach our children and teenagers to be open and good
communicators?
B. FOR PERSONAL DISCUSSION AS HUSBAND AND WIFE.

1. How well do you communicate together? Do you have problems in this

area? How can you receive help in solving them?

2. Discuss together what is the best time each day for your "communication
time". Plan this into your schedule.

3. Is it difficult for you and your partner to pray together? What are some of
the reasons?

4. How often do you, as a husband and wife, go away together a time of

relaxation, and communication?

7.7 Study Guide.

A. At what level in the "house of communication" are you as:

a husband?

a wife?

a family?

B. Read and meditate on the following scriptures:

Proverbs 10:18, Proverbs 16:32, Proverbs 20:3, Proverbs 22:24, Proverbs
29:22, Deuteronomy 1:26-27,1 Corinthians 10:10, Ecclesiastes 7:9,
Colossians 3:8, Ephesians 4:31, Romans 14:13, and James 3.

These scriptures speak strongly against slander, criticism, faultfinding,

quarreling, grumbling and anger. These patterns are false and hurtful ways
of communicating. How does the Scripture teach us to rise from this
"Cellar" to the higher levels of communication?

C. Discuss together the following quote: "Communication is not always

easy. It involves work, pain, sensitivity, patience and great care."

D. Why is the weapon of "silence" so hurtful to good communication?

E. Read and meditate on the following scriptures: Proverbs 18:3, Proverbs

15:28. Are you as a husband/wife a good listener? How can you improve in
this area?

F. While openness and honesty are goals in communication, so are

kindness, tact and compassion. Do the Scriptures give us any guidelines
about being truthful without hurting people? (Refer to I Corinthians 13).

G. Communication exercises for a husband and wife. Respond to the

following statements:
1. What I really appreciate about you as a husband/wife is ........................

2. List three expectations you have for your marriage?

3. The things that really upset me in our marriage are ............................

4. Share what you think is your greatest weaknesses as a marriage partner.

5. Talk together about your "non-verbal" communication and your tone of

voice in speaking.

Describe on a sheet of paper ways that you communicate non-verbally.

6. Discuss each child in your family as to their:

Strengths/weaknesses

Abilities/challenges

Character traits

Spiritual condition

School studies

Health
Sports

Initiative

Discipline issues
 CHAPTER 8
Sex-The Way God Intended It

The aim of this handbook is to restore every part of family life to God's
original plan and purpose. In this chapter the focus is on restoring sexual
relationships to their rightful place within marriage. After reading much of
the modern literature on this subject, I am convinced that the Word of God
is the best source of information for foundation principles regarding the
sexual relationship within marriage. I am, therefore, concerned to set forth
the Biblical teaching on "Sex-The Way God Intended It To Be".

8.1 The Biblical View Of Sex

The idea of sex came out of the heart of God. At the beginning of creation,
God decided on the beauty of "sexuality", and everything God creates is
good, beautiful and fulfilling.[162] "For everything God created is good and
nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is
consecrated by the Word of God and prayer."[163] In Genesis 2 and verse
24 we have the basic foundation of true marriage, "For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will
become one flesh."

In I Corinthians 6:16, Paul teaches that the way in which the two become
one is by sexual intercourse. There is an essential, natural desire that draws
a man away from his parents to join his life with that of his wife. The
natural act of sex, which God has created, is the means of effecting this
"one flesh" unity. It is the sexual act that uniquely consummates the
marriage covenant. Marriage is the normal place for sexual expression. Sex
is only unholy when it takes place outside the marriage covenant, but within
the framework of the marriage bond it should be freely enjoyed.

8.2 Sex In Marriage.

A. A BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM GOD.

Therefore, a husband and wife are not meant to be ashamed in each other's
presence.[164] God considers sex in marriage holy, good, and natural.[165]
In the sexual union each partner offers a precious gift to the other, which is
exclusively preserved for that one person. It is not sinful to enjoy one
another's body, since God created the body and He encourages married
couples to serve one another sexually with their bodies. Sexual activity
outside of the marriage bond is sinful, as it destroys the perfect "oneness of
flesh" that God designed for marriage. From such sexual sin come shame,
guilt, bitterness, insecurity and judgment.[166]

The Bible words that describe sex are most interesting. There are three main
Hebrew verbs used to describe the sexual act.

1. The verb "to go into."[167] It is a word meaning "to sleep with", with
the general purpose of creating a child through the impregnation of a
woman's ovum by the seed of a man.
2. The verb "to lie with."[168] This expression is used for the biological
or physical act of sex between two persons. It generally refers to sex only as
a passing physical experience.

3. The verb "to know."[169] There is a third verb that gives a much
deeper meaning to the sexual relationship. It is the Hebrew verb "to know".
This implies not just the performance of a physical act, ("to lie with"), but a
deep, committed, emotional knowing of one another. Such a deep knowing
of the inner person can never be experienced in the casual sexual liaisons so
prevalent in our modern world. It is a long-term, growing process of the
deep inner life of a husband and wife. Such "knowing" depends on more
than the "flesh", it also depends on the spiritual bond of a common love for
Jesus Christ. In reality, such sexual "knowing" of one another is an intimate
act of worship. Indeed, many Christian husbands and wives have informed
me that their best times of sexually "knowing" one another have come out
of active prayer and worship to the Lord.

The Bible makes it clear that God has created our natural desires. There is
the desire for food, for water, for security, for satisfaction, for sex. All these
desires come from the good hand of God. But we know that these natural
desires can be wrongly channeled. It is wrong to steal food, to be a glutton
and to be ruled by our desire for food. So it is with the God-given desire for
sex. We can act, even in marriage, in a sensual and lustful way.

The Scriptures call this "walking in the flesh" or "according to our lower
nature". The flesh is the place where sin makes its wicked entrance into our
lives. Many of the acts of the sinful nature listed in Galatians 5:19 have to
do with the wrong use of sex, "Sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery,
orgies..."
Jesus said: "From within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual
immorality, adultery, deceit, lewdness, and folly."[170] Someone has said
that sex is like a fire, warm, and lovely when it is controlled and in its right
place, but when it is uncontrolled it can be terribly hurtful and destructive.
In the New Testament lists of sins, sexual sins are at the beginning of each
of the lists.[171] The Scriptures forbid and condemn all forms of
prostitution, promiscuity, fornication, adultery, bestiality, and all other
practices that distort God's true purpose in giving the gift of sexuality to us.
[172] Indulgence in such vices keeps a person from inheriting the Kingdom
of God.[173]

"Live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."
[174]

Within the marriage covenant, a Christian husband and wife are "to live by
the Spirit" of Jesus Christ. What makes marital sex holy and beautiful for
Christians is their genuine commitment to God the Father, and to the Lord
Jesus. The Scriptures make it clear that the procreation of children is not the
only purpose of sexual intercourse. The sexual relationship is a God-given
gift to express physically the beauty of the surrender of two persons to one
another and to God. Far from having a negative attitude toward sex, the
Bible declares that God created us with a natural and healthy desire to enjoy
physical pleasure through the act of sexual intercourse.

Even here, patience, understanding, and grace are needed. We are

commanded to know and respect one another as husband and wife, and to
walk in mutual submission. A woman especially needs to know affection,
love, and respect before she can trust her husband completely. She needs to
feel loved throughout the day, and long before the actual sexual act before
she can fully respond to sexual advances by her husband.
B. A NEED FOR OPENNESS AND HONESTY

It is good when a husband and wife can honestly discuss their sexual
relationship together and bring any fears, problems or needs out into the
open. Most problems in the sexual relationship can be solved with patient
understanding and open communication. However, if there is an inability to
find sexual fulfillment, or whenever there are serious sexual difficulties for
either the husband or the wife, experienced counseling should be pursued.
Since this manual is intended to be short, and practical, additional
information on the sex act can be obtained by reading one of the excellent
books available on this subject.

8.3 A Study Of Corinthians 6:12-20; 7:1-40.

Carefully read through these Scripture passages, in more than one

translation, if possible. These two chapters are extremely valuable since
they are so relevant to the sexually permissive societies that many of us find
ourselves in.

A. IT NEEDS TO BE RECOGNIZED THAT:

1. Paul wrote these words to instruct the Christians in the wicked and
immoral seaport of Corinth where serious and scandalous sexual sin had
come openly into the church there.[175] Paul wrote to lift up the new
Christian standard of sexual behavior. He declared that the Christian's body
is for the Lord and is to be used in no other way then to glorify God. He
warned them that no Christian could compromise with the prevailing
Corinthian standards of worldly permissiveness in sexual pleasure. Bodily
self-indulgence in all its forms, whether in relation to food or sex, is
prohibited, because Christ is to be honored in their bodies. Thus,
immorality of any kind is to be shunned.
2. These two chapters are written out of Paul's sense of urgency that the
time is short for the proclamation of the Gospel. Paul exhorts the Christians
in Corinth not to be caught up in the lustful spirit of the world around them,
but rather to give their undivided devotion to the Lord Jesus and to His
Gospel.[176]

B. WHAT WE LEARN ABOUT THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

FROM I CORINTHIANS, CHAPTER 7:

1. Marriage is and normal and sexual intercourse in marriage is good and

advantageous. Sexual relations are not just permitted in marriage, they are
commanded.[177] A person who has the gift of celibacy is free for total
devotion to the Lord. Unmarried people and widows can follow Paul's
example if they have been "gifted" for singleness, otherwise they should
marry.[178]

2. In the sexual relationship, each partner is to offer his body to the other
partner. Neither partner is free to use their partner's body in a selfish way.
[179] There is a clear equality of the sexes here, through a mutual self-
giving of one another's bodies in freedom and joy. This means that both
partners are to be committed, in love, to meet one another's needs. There is
to be no manipulation or forcing of a partner against his or her will. No
partner may lord it over the other, so there can be no such thing as
seduction, rape, or unnatural and perverted acts. Rather, the most enjoyable
part of sexual intercourse is to be found in the pleasure of satisfying your
partner.

3. Mutual and voluntary sexual separation, for a specific purpose, and for a
brief time, is permitted. When both husband and wife are agreed, there can
be a time when sexual intercourse is given up for the higher discipline of
prayerfully seeking the Lord. This decision needs to be made with
sensitivity to one another's desires and needs.[180]

4. Paul advises that an engagement is to be consummated when a person

has trouble controlling his passions. Pre-marital sex and cohabitation are
ruled out here; instead, the engaged couple is encouraged to consummate
their union in marriage.[181]

From this whole passage we learn the beauty of God's plan for the sexual
relationship in marriage. The sexual act is not to be magnified out of its
rightful place into sexual indulgence. In the loving, sexual intimacy
between a husband and wife, there is to be no dominance by the male.
Rather, there is to be the recognition of a God-given partnership, a mutual
submission, and a genuine respect for one another. This can only be fully
achieved in the strength of a united commitment to Christ. Finally, we need
to remember that when all is said and done, marital satisfaction depends on
much more than sexual fulfillment. It relates to the day-to-day loving
relationship that a husband and wife develop in every aspect of their life.
There may be struggles and inadequacies in the sexual relationship, but the
beauty of a couple's life in the Lord can triumph over all this and bring them
to a beautiful unity.

After all, sex is a physical act that is passing away. The Scripture reminds
us "at the resurrection people will not be given in marriage."[182] The
relationship, which will endure through eternity, is built on the everlasting
love of God.

8.4 Study Guide.

A. In the light of our study of I Corinthians 6:9-20 and I Corinthians 7:1-9:

1. Discuss Paul's statement in 6:12 on Christian morality. Can we apply this

principle to the sexual area of our lives?

2. Discuss the Christian view of the body as found in 6:9-20. Contrast this
with the world's view of the body. Read the following passages:

Psalm 139:13-16

Hebrews 10:5

John 4:6

I Timothy 4:8

Romans 12:1

I Corinthians 9:27

3. No one; man or woman, is exempt from sexual temptation. How should

we handle it? (I Corinthians 6:18-20, 7:1-2)

4. Is it a sin for a young couple to live together for a trial period, before
committing themselves to marriage? If your son or daughter did this how
would you handle it?
5. Is it good for a married couple to abstain from sex for a period of time? If
so, for what purpose, and for how long? (I Corinthians 7:5-6)

B. Read and meditate on Proverbs 5 and Proverbs 7. What do these

passages teach us about sex outside of marriage?

C. Most people agree that parents have a responsibility for the size of their
family. Discuss modern methods of birth control and family planning. How
would you advise a young couple wanting to limit their family size through
birth control methods?

D. "There is a tendency to think of an unplanned pregnancy as an accident,

but in God's eyes no human life is accidental." Discuss the significance of
this statement. (Read: Psalm 139:13-16)

For Private Study: Do you have enough time and privacy in your married
life to make love?

Do you have any fears or guilt about sex? How can your sexual life together
be improved?
 CHAPTER 9
Parents and Children

9.1 Children Are Precious.

How precious and valuable is a little child! How wonderful and awe-
inspiring is the birth of your first child! What joy and thanksgiving a mother
experiences when she first receives her baby into her arms! What love and
responsibility a father feels when he first sees his son or daughter! What
hope and remembrance of God's faithfulness do grandparents hold their first
grandchild to themselves![183]

Jesus Christ demonstrated the importance of children, by His life and His
actions. We read from Scripture:

"Jesus called the children to Him and said: "Let the little children come to
me and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as
these."[184]

"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise."[185]

The disciples asked: "Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?"

Jesus called a little child and had him stand in their midst. He said, "I tell
you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will
never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself
like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And whoever
welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."[186]

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you
that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."
[187]

9.2 Our Ultimate Aim As Parents.

Luke 18:15 says, "Mothers brought their babies to Jesus to touch and bless."
Let me make it clear that our ultimate aim as parents is to bring our children
to Jesus. Little children need to hear the same loving words of Jesus we
parents hear, "Come to me all you who are weary... and I will give you
rest."[188]

A child has the capacity to understand with "child-faith" that faith and
salvation center in a loving person; Jesus, who can be loved, trusted and
obeyed.

How does a child learn this?

By growing up in a home where some of the first words he hears from his
parents' lips are, "Jesus loves you". If he hears praise songs about Jesus and
learns Bible stories from an early age, Jesus will become a living reality and
not just a fantasy person. To him, it is perfectly natural and right to believe
that this wonderful Savior is to be loved, followed, and served with joy
throughout life. But this child faith can be hindered, as Jesus reminds us
when He said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them."
[189]

9.3 Hindrances In The Home.

A. THE IMPORTANCE OF A PARENTS LIFESTYLE

How do we hinder little children from hearing the call of Jesus and from
coming to Him?

By our daily example and lifestyle as parents!

Parents have a very responsible, and yet enjoyable calling to train their
children. They are to protect and nurture this little seed of "child-faith" into
fruitfulness. All beginning points of life and growth are usually weak and
vulnerable. A little fruit tree begins life needing much attention. It must be
staked against the wind. It must be fed, watered, carefully pruned and
shaped if it is to bear fruit

Why do some little children who once had faith seemingly fall away in later
years? It may be because of "hindrances" in our lives as parents. This does
not mean parents have failed, but it does mean that each parent must search
his own heart to discover any "hindrances" he may have put in the way.

B. WAYS THAT PARENTS CAN HINDER THEIR CHILDREN

1. Neglecting to regularly instruct their children from God's Word.[190]

2. Living a busy and materialistic life so that the "good seed" of faith is
choked by the "deceitfulness of wealth" making the "good seed" unfruitful.
[191]

3. Neglecting to go with their children to the House of the Lord in order to

worship together with "the family of families."[192]

4. Sowing the seeds of distrust and rebellion in the lives of maturing

"teenagers" through coldness, distant and lack of open communication.

5. Losing their "first love" for Jesus.

Your influence in forming your children in the ways of God will lie mainly
in the example of your day-to-day walk with Jesus. It is to mothers and
fathers, that Jesus calls each day, "Come unto me and rest", so that through
them, His voice can continue to call the children, "Come to me." If you, as a
parent, are reading this chapter and you do not know the love and presence
of Jesus in your life, then I invite you to turn to the last chapter of this
handbook and learn how you can be restored in God.

When my mother came to know Jesus Christ, in mid-life, our whole family
life changed for the good. Peace, love, joy and purpose for living all came
into our home, (not without sufferings and trials) because our mother came
to know Jesus. She faithfully prayed and one by one, her three sons and her
husband came to Christ. Not only that, but also those three sons all
eventually became ministers of the Gospel. The heartbeat of the training
process for a child is that parents know Jesus Christ, His love and His risen
power in their own lives.

9.4 Hindrances In Society.

But there are other very serious hindrances in the world around us, seeking
to draw our children away from Christ. Jesus lived in a world where both
women and children were not cared for and often were terribly abused.
Unwanted children were strangled, drowned or just left exposed to die.
Seneca, an ancient philosopher who lived at the same time as Jesus wrote,
"We strangle mad dogs, plunge the knife into sickly cattle lest they taint the
herd; children also, if they are born weakly or deformed, we drown."

The first Christians were considered strange, because they opposed

infanticide. But Jesus, by word and deed, taught a new way. Child-care and
love for little children had a new beginning with Him. Over the centuries,
the care of children, both in homes and in society, has been a major concern
of Christian compassion within the Church.

9.5 The Home As A Shelter.

Today's parents need to realize that their home may be virtually the only
true shelter their children ever know experience in an increasingly violent
world. There is in society, and sad to say in some homes, an abuse of the
child's body, mind and soul. There is a self-centered permissiveness in
society, which has arisen out of a materialistic, pleasure-loving way of life
that shuts God out, as irrelevant. Some, in the community around you, are
ready to do violence to the mind and soul of your child.

The Media: Videos, the Internet, and television can replace good and
wholesome communication in your home with a fantasy world of violence
and evil.

Anti-God and Godless Philosophies: False anti-god and godless

philosophies are openly being taught and will increase in the world around
you.

Drugs and Pornography: These exist all over the world as a multi-million
dollar industry.

Cults: There are religious fanatics in the world who seek to totally control
young people's thinking.

9.6 What Can Parents Do?

A. THE NEED FOR AN ALTERNATE CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE

I believe our first need is to realize that the world in which we now live, has
become so dangerous and corrupt, that we need to provide our children with
an alternative Christian lifestyle.
B. COMMANDMENTS TO PARENTS

1. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the

training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

2. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not
depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Our Lord Jesus Christ was trained in His home in Nazareth by His parents.
The verses in Luke 2:40-52 contain all that the Bible reveals about our
Lord's life from early infancy until the age of about 30.

Verse 40: Speaks of His growth from infancy to childhood.

Verse 52: Tells of His growth from youth to manhood.

Although the evidence is scarce, there is enough to reveal that by the age of
12, Jesus was trained in the ways of God His Father. In fact, at age 12, Jesus
taught even "the teachers in the Temple" with authority and power. "They
found Him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to
them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard Him was amazed at
His understanding and His answers." (Luke 2:46-47)

9.7 Ten Commandments For Parents.

A. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR PARENTS

I. LOVE AND TRUST YOUR CHILDREN.

II. SET YOUR CHILDREN A CONSISTENT EXAMPLE.

III. TRAIN AND INSTRUCT YOUR CHILDREN.

IV. BUILD STRONG RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR FAMILY.

V. STAY WITH, PLAY WITH, AND PRAY WITH YOUR CHILDREN.

VI. BE GOOD LISTENERS AND COMMUNICATE DAILY WITH

EACH CHILD.

VII. SHARE JOY AND LAUGHTER IN YOUR FAMILY.

VIII. STUDY EACH CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT AND TREAT YOUR

CHILDREN EQUALLY.
IX. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN.

X. DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN.

COMMANDMENT I. LOVE AND TRUST YOUR CHILD

A. LOVE AND TRUST.

Such a command seems altogether right and obvious. Yet it is surprising

how much it is broken in the family life of so many homes. Unloved,
unwanted, hurt and abused children abound in many societies. Many
children openly say, "I was never loved or wanted by my parents", "I cried
out for love but my parents were too busy and too occupied with their own
needs", "I never knew love as a child." The earliest years of a child's life are
the important years to shower both God's love and your love into his life.
Make sure that love continues to be expressed all through his life. This first
commandment comes from the basic Christian commandment "Love one
another AS I HAVE LOVED YOU."[193]

This is:

a self-sacrificing and giving love (not self-centered).

a consistent love in all circumstances.

a freely-given love.

a committed love, not just "romantic" and feelings-orientated.

a binding covenant love to God and to one another.

a love daily expressed in words and actions.

a love carefully maintained through repentance and forgiveness.

When a little child sees this kind of love in his parents, he will be bound to
them with ties of deep spiritual love and affection for life. Christ-like love
to one another is the only basis for all parent-child relationships. As you
seek to cultivate this lifestyle of love, not just "natural love", but Christ-like
love, your children will catch its spirit and will become your helpers in
reflecting that love out to other families. Parents! Pray for an outpouring of
God's love upon yourselves and upon your children. "God has poured out
His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us."[194]

B. A PRAYER FOR PARENTS TO PRAY:

"Gracious God and Father we beseech you to open our eyes that we may
know our holy calling. Give us a deep conviction that nothing but your own
Spirit living in us day by day can fit us for training our children in a life of
holiness. May we realize that nothing but a complete surrender you can
prepare us for the vocation of being parents. O God, we pray especially for
a baptism of love, even your very own love. May the power of that love
enable us to inspire our children to walk in your ways. O God, we long to
train our children in your ways so that they can be a pleasure to you. We
trust in your power and your help. Amen.

(Adapted from: How To Raise Your Children For Christ; Andrew Murray.)

COMMANDMENT II. SET YOUR CHILDREN A CONSISTENT

EXAMPLE
(Refer to the chapter on Christian Lifestyle).

COMMANDMENT III. TRAIN AND INSTRUCT YOUR CHILDREN

Parents have the main responsibility for training their children to know
God, to walk in His ways, and thereby to be a blessing to the world.

9.7.1 Principles In Training And Instruction.

A. Enclosed is a short summary of the principles upon which all training of

our children rests. It comes from the book "How To Raise Your Children
For Christ," by Andrew Murray.

1. Training Is More Than Teaching. Teaching helps a child know and

understand what he is to do, training involves influencing as well as
implementing. Teaching deals with his mind, training with his will.

2. Prevention Is Better Than Cure. To watch and prevent mistakes is

better than over-correction. To lead the child to know that he can obey and
do right, that he can do it easily and successfully, and that he can delight in
doing it is the highest aim of true training.

3. Habits Must Precede Principles. Habits influence a person by giving a

certain bend and direction, by making the performance of certain acts easy
and natural, and thus preparing the way for obedience from principles.
4. The Cultivation Of Feelings Precedes That Of Judgment. The early
years of childhood are marked by the intensity of feelings and the
susceptibility of impressions. Parents should seek to develop feelings
favorable to the good, to make it attractive and desirable. Without this,
habits will have little value, with it they have a connecting link by which
they enter and grow into the will.

5. Example Is Better Than Precept. Not in what we say and teach but in
what we are and do, lies in the power of training. It is by living the Christ-
life that we prove that we love it, that we have it. Our example will then
influence the young mind to love it and to have it too. Discipline in the
home begins with self-disciplined parents.

6. Love That Draws Is More Than Love That Demands. Training

children requires a life of self-sacrifice, a love that seeks not its own, a life
that gives itself for its object. Love inspires and it is inspiration that is the
secret of training. In all your training, seek to cultivate a peaceful spirit in
your child. This is important even during the first two years of a child's life.
Do not allow the child to be overly stimulated by others. An inward spirit of
peace is produced by outward calmness. We tend to allow children to live
with too much hectic activity and to be forever entertaining them. Their
nerves, thus stimulated, will make them restless for life. The more peace,
rest, and quietness a child has enjoyed in the years of infancy, the more he
calm he will be in later life.

B. A Basic Summary of Practical Training and Instruction.

Train your child to:

1. To know the holiness and love of God the Father, Jesus Christ His Son
our Lord, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter. To worship God.

2. To know the Scriptures and to honor Christian beliefs and standards.

3. To be obedient.

4. To show respect:

to God, as heavenly Father

to parents

to older people

to other people

to other people's property

5. To serve others.

6. To be responsible and exercise self-discipline in the following areas:

Bodily cleanliness, tidiness, dress, time management, handling money
(receiving, spending, saving, giving), care of property and sexual desires.
7. To develop godly relationships through:

Self-control, courtesy, patience, humility, unselfish choices, and

faithfulness.

8. To grow in healthy appreciation of:

His own immediate world

The wider world

Nature

Hospitality

Music

Drama

Creativity

Good recreation

Good humor

Good memories

Holiday times

Family togetherness

Family harmony-peace, joy, and love

Heaven and eternal values

9. To express his/her feelings in appropriate ways.

It is an awe-inspiring list that should challenge us as parents, with the

responsibility we have to train our children in the ways of the Lord. No one
else will probably take the time to share these areas and attitudes with our
children.

COMMANDMENT IV. BUILD STRONG RELATIONSHIPS IN

YOUR FAMILY (See Chapter 1)

COMMANDMENT V. STAY WITH, PLAY WITH AND PRAY WITH

YOUR CHILDREN

9.7.2 Family Togetherness.

Family times are such a blessing when we experience our oneness together.
We realize that we are a family, and that we love and value each individual
member. Here are three main ways to cultivate this spirit of family
togetherness.

A. PLAY TOGETHER.

Enjoying recreational and leisure time together is God's gift to us as

families. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." God never intended
us to be so busy working and serving that we could not relax and play
together. Little children love to play and healthy families never grow out of
their need to enjoy one another. In recreation there is no "Generational-
gap". Everyone can take part in these fun-filled, healthy activities. Playing
together is also a valuable means of teaching valuable relationship skills to
our children.

Parents should encourage and initiate family recreation times. Set aside
special, quality times during the week when the whole family can engage in
some fun activities. Winter activities will differ from summer ones, but each
family will know what is right for each occasion. Every family is different
and each will develop its own favorite games and leisure pastimes. With
play comes laughter and sometimes tears. But all this is essential to sound
mental health and good communication. Without humor and laughter a
family dies and has no life to give to other families.

B. STAY TOGETHER.

This means doing as many things together as possible. Naturally, as the

children grow, they will develop their own close friends and will want to be
with them more than when they were young. Even then, however, do not
neglect, your life together, as a family.

Children need to be involved in WORK activities in the family. A daily

work schedule for a family is very valuable. Regular family workdays can
help build close relationships and give the family a sense of togetherness.

Holiday planning is extremely important and many precious memories can

be produced around holiday celebrations. Although it takes lots of effort
and persistence, the rewards are well worth the time invested in taking trips
together and celebrating special events as a family.

C. PRAY TOGETHER.
(See Chapter 4-Christian Family Lifestyle.) Something wonderful happens
when a family gathers together around the Word of God at the family table
and prays together. Such worship times need to provide an environment,
where everyone can freely pray and share together. Through such times we
created a precious spiritual atmosphere in our home. Visitors, entering into
the sanctuary of our home, should be able to sense the peace of God and
His living presence. As children grow up and have families of their own,
the memories of such times should be an encouragement to continue family
worship in the next generation.

COMMANDMENT VI. BE GOOD LISTENERS AND

COMMUNICATE DAILY WITH YOUR CHILD

9.7.3 Communicating With Your Children

A. BEGIN AT AN EARLY AGE

You can establish a life-long relationship with each of your children through
loving words and actions. Begin at an early age. Talk with each child
regularly each day. At school he is often under pressure. He needs to ask his
questions, reveal his doubts, and express his fears to his parents.

B. GUIDELINES IN SPEAKING TO YOUR CHILDREN:

1. Be careful with your words Remain at each child's level of

understanding.
2. Let your children see and know your sincerity: Mean what you say and
way what you believe.

3. Give your children YOUR TOTAL ATTENTION!

Look into their eyes and let them see your love for them.

Touch them, hug them daily. Children need to be touched and hugged. They
need to FEEL your loving care.

Use words and concepts that are clear and meaningful to your child.

Speak clearly, audibly, slowly, with love and with gentleness.

Create an atmosphere of openness and honest.

C. COUNSEL TO REMEMBER.

1. Children need, above all, to feel wanted, accepted and loved. When they
know this, they will respond in wonderful ways.

2. They need to feel and know this love always and in every circumstance,
not just when they please you as parents. They can only grow into mature
adulthood when they know you love them, even when they made mistakes
and fail.

3. Seek God's help to not raise your voice in anger with your children.

4. Give TIME TO EACH CHILD individually. Have no favorites (the

favoritism of Jacob for Joseph caused all kinds of problems for Joseph.)
Each child needs to feel he is important and special.

5. Never speak critically of others in front of your children.

6. Have as your ultimate aim, to teach your children that they are
responsible for their own behavior before God and before society.

7. Let your children be children and not "little adults". Sometimes I think
that the world pushes children too much to make them act like adults before
their time. Childhood is a precious and receptive time for learning and so let
your child be a child and enjoy his childhood.

COMMANDMENT VII. SHARE JOY AND LAUGHTER IN YOUR

FAMILY

COMMANDMENT VIII. STUDY EACH CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT

AND TREAT YOUR CHILDREN EQUALLY

COMMANDMENT IX. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN

(See Chapter 4, "Christian Family Lifestyle")

COMMANDMENT X. YOU SHALL DISCIPLINE YOUR

CHILDREN
9.74 Discipline

A. DISCIPLINE AS A POSITIVE RESPONSE.

Discipline is not negative in character. Instead, it is providing a good strong

structure in your home that provides the basis for the character training of
your children. It includes positive things, such as: protection, guidance,
constructive behavior, respect for parents, respect for authority, and training
in self-discipline. Discipline is closely related to love and acceptance. When
a child knows he is unconditionally loved and accepted by his parents, he
will respond positively to discipline.

Over recent years, educators and psychologists have advised against

physical discipline for a variety of reasons. While it is true that there have
been instances of excessive and abusive expressions of physical discipline,
it is important to realize that a law is only a law when there are
consequences that back it up. A law without consequences is only empty
advice.

In the past several years, particularly the Western world has reaped a
terrible harvest of unrestrained and irresponsible behavior due, in part to the
lack of discipline and respect for authority in the home. This breakdown of
discipline in the home has contributed to the increase in violence and the
alarming crime rates among young people.

B. IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF DISCIPLINE:

1. Discipline is a necessary expression of parents' love. It says, "We really
care about you and about your character growth." Our God who loves us
with an everlasting love uses discipline to correct his people.[195]

2. Discipline Brings Control. The question is, "Who is in charge of your

home, you, as the parents, or your children?" Children should know the
security of being loved by parents who exercise authority and control over
them. Be careful, however, not to "over control" your child. They need to
know where their borders are and to have freedom to express themselves
within those borders. As children grow older you can release them into
more and more freedom. You must also give your children room to make
mistakes and to fail, for this is how they learn.

3. Be clear on your commands and rules. Have a few clear and specific
FAMILY RULES that you firmly expect the children to keep. Talk about
them to your family and make sure everyone understands them. For
example, family rules can address issues such as:

Damaging Property

Wandering on to the street

Permission to go outside the home

Courtesy and respect

Make it clear that if these rules are broken, specific consequences will
follow.
Children have an amazing capacity to see the validity of discipline when it
is rightly administered. Children have an inner desire to face the fact that
they have done wrong, to accept the consequences, to be forgiven, to be
reconciled, and to make things right.

4. Be Consistent. Always act together as parents in these matters and agree

upon your policies. Children must see your unity, as a mother and father in
dealing with the situation.

5. Practical instructions about discipline.

Always discipline in love. Show your grief and hurt.

Do not be hasty. Guard against over-correction in anger.

Let your child describe what happened so he is clear about why he is being
disciplined.

Discipline in privacy.

Be firm and clear.

Affirm both your forgiveness and God's forgiveness to your child.

Comfort your child and express your love to him.

Teach restitution to your child.

Physical discipline should be used rarely and then only for serious offences
(e.g. open rebellion and deliberate disobedience). Two or three firm spanks,
well placed on the buttocks (and nowhere else), get the message across.
As children grow older, they should be included in defining the family rules
and guidelines. They should also help define the consequences for violating
any of these agreed-upon rules. They will be much more accepting of the
discipline if they have been a part of defining the consequences ahead of
time.

SUMMARY: Effective Discipline Comes From:

1. TEACHING: Your child needs a clear understanding of what he is doing

wrong and what the consequences are when he does something wrong.

2. REMINDING: It is necessary to patiently remind your children of the

family rules and consequences, so that they are aware of why they are being
disciplined.

3. CONSISTENCY! Children cannot go undisciplined or else in later life

they will have no sense of responsibility or accountability.

4. REPENTING: Build into your children an attitude of quick repentance,

followed by restitution whenever possible.

5. FORGIVENESS and COMFORT: After discipline, your child needs

the reassurance of your forgiveness and your loving acceptance.
9.8 The Strong-Willed Child.

A. SELF-RESPONSIBILITY

This issue in family living tends to manifest itself in the so-called "teenage"
years, when a child is moving towards independence after being dependent
on his parents for many years. It is right and appropriate that your child
should mature into self-sufficiency and make sound decisions for himself.
That is the whole aim of your parental training. But while this process of
change is going on, he needs to know he is still accountable to your parental
authority.

There is no age limit defined for the statement, "Children obey your parents
in the Lord, for this is right."[196] In the midst of these years of questioning
and exerting his/her personality, you as parents will need much patience and
grace.

Your main concern should be in keeping the relationships with your

developing teenagers in good order. Whatever their behavior, and however
it may offend you, let them see that your love and acceptance of them is
constant and true. Let them know by word and by deed that nothing can
separate them from your love!

B. THE SPIRIT OF REBELLION

In some really difficult situations, a parent may need to recognize that a

"Spirit of Rebellion" may be influencing their child. There is a spirit of
rebellion in the world today among young people and it manifests itself in
promiscuity, in lawlessness, the use of drugs and in casting off all restraints.
In the Scriptures, "rebellion" is revealed as sin and as issuing from Satan
who is the author of it.

"For rebellion is like the sin of divination and arrogance like the evil of
idolatry."[197]

"An evil man is bent only on rebellion."[198]

In the New Testament, disobedience to parents is spoken of as one of the

characteristic sins of "the terrible times of the last days".[199] There are
serious consequences to the sin of rebellion, for out of it flows bitterness,
rejection, hate, hardness of heart and broken relationships.

In working with young people worldwide, I have discovered that

"rebellion" is a major cause of so much of their insecurity and unhappiness.
Furthermore, this rebellious spirit manifests itself as stubbornness and lack
of respect for authority.

C. HEALING A REBELLIOUS HEART

Begin with yourselves as parents. By your own example you could have
failed and hurt your children. It may have been through something you said
or did, or by an attitude of coldness of heart, or it may even have been an
unconscious attitude. By your own busyness of life, you could have broken
the lines of communication with your teenagers. Your son or daughter may
be harboring hurt and allowing it to fester into bitterness and rebellion.

1. First of all, freely confess where you have hurt or failed your son or
daughter. Name it or get them to name it. Ask for their forgiveness. Read I
John, chapter 1 and come together before God to restore your relationship.

2. Show your sincerity by displaying a new attitude, and thus prove that
you, as parents, have changed for the better. Convince your child that you
can be trusted.

3. Face the truth about your teenager's needs. Take him into your
confidence and draw up a "Plan of Action". Enter into the life of your son
and daughter and demonstrate your interest in them. At heart they very
much still want and need your companionship and friendship. Be consistent
in your attitude of love and concern and, above all, don't give up! As
parents you can be the key to changing any rebellious attitude that may be
developing in your child. By your prayerful confidence in God, they can be
changed.

4. Pray together, as a couple and pray together with other Christian friends.
Trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to deal with any rebellious spirit and
never give up in prayer.

9.9 A Personal Testimony.

If I Had to Train and Instruct My Children All Over Again!

My children are now grown up and they are serving the Lord. If someone
would ask me: "What would you do if you had to live your family life all
over again?" MY REPLY WOULD BE:
I would make myself more available to my family. I would give each child
more of my time and company, to do little things together.

I would continue to have regular "family times" that would include worship,
praise, "Family Table Talk" and time for more questions and answers.

I would openly show my love and affection each day to my wife and
children.

I would stop pretending, and become more open and honest with my whole
family, and have them pray for me. I would make known my weaknesses
and my needs.

I would stand against a critical spirit, especially in criticizing others in front

of my children.

I would talk less, preach less, administer other's affairs less, and pray more,
both with my wife and my children. I would be most concerned for our
witness as a family.

I would seek to be even more of an encourager in the family and I would

give more praise.
I would learn, and then teach my son, more practical skills, e.g.:
carpentering, motor mechanics, home decorating, plumbing, etc.

I would give my wife and my children more personal responsibility in

financial matters.

I would live a "simple lifestyle" and not be so cluttered up with "things" and
"meetings" and "theologies".

Finally: If I had to train and instruct my children all over again, I

would, rely on the promised fullness of the Holy Spirit to:

A. Practice the presence of Jesus Christ in my daily life, until His unseen
but real presence would permeate our entire home and family life.

B. Seek revelation daily from God's Word for my family, in order to inspire
and bless them each day.

C. Encourage our whole family to practice hospitality, to give to the poor

and the needy, and to love the lost.

9.10 Study Guide.

A. TRAINING:

1. From the Book of Proverbs study the responsibility given to parents for
the training of their children. Proverbs 1:8; 4:1; 13:22a; 14:26; 17:6; 23:12-
14; and 23:22-26. Write out your philosophy of discipline for raising
children. (How should it be done? When should it be done? For what issues
should it be done?)

2. "Train" is a word of great importance for every parent to understand.

Training is not telling, not teaching, not commanding, but something higher
than all these. It is showing him how to do something and then seeing that
he does it" (Andrew Murray in "How to Raise Your Children for Christ")
Discuss the previous statement with your spouse.

3. Children's Behavior Problems. How should we, as parents, handle the

following? Disobedience, jealousy, lying, swearing, dishonesty, stealing,
untidiness, temper-tantrums, teasing, hyper-activity, laziness.

4. Discipline:

Read Proverbs 19:18 "Discipline your child in his early years while there is
hope. If you don't you will ruin his life." (TLB)

At what age do you think physical discipline should begin? Do teenagers

still need physical discipline as they go through adolescence? How well do
you "follow through" in disciplining your children?

5. Praise:
Read Psalm 8.2 (compare Matthew 21:12-16), and Proverbs 31:31. Discuss
the importance of giving praise to children and of teaching them to give
praise to others.

6. Rewards:

What is the place of "Rewards" in reinforcing parental discipline? How

should we, in practice, use rewards in encouraging and training our
children?

7. Depriving of Privileges:

Is the depriving of a child of something he likes a good and effective way of

discipline?

B. TEENAGERS:

1. The main task of the parents of teenagers is to support them with prayer,
love and trust as they seek to become independent and to make their own
decisions. Discuss this statement together.

2. Read: Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21, I Corinthians 13:4-5, Titus 2:4,

Hebrews 10:36, I Timothy 6:4. Discuss the importance of our parental
attitudes of love, patience, gentleness, and yet, firmness when we discipline
our teenagers.

3. Reproof: In the light of the Apostle Paul's counsel to Timothy and Titus; I
Timothy 5:1, II Timothy 4:1-5, Titus 1:7-13, Titus 2:15: Discuss how
parents should give reproof to their children and how the children should
receive it. Study also: Luke 17:3, Matthew 7:1-5, 18:15-22, Galatians 6:1,
Ephesians 4:25-27.

C. PARENTAL EXAMPLE:

Read I Timothy 4:12, "Set the believers an example in speech and conduct,
in love and faith and purity." Is there anything in your parental example that
could hinder the spiritual growth of your children? What are those factors in
your own personal example, as father/mother, which will impress your
children: especially in later life?
 CHAPTER 10
How Can I Be Restored To God?
(For all those who do not know Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord)

A. FOR MOST PEOPLE SEEKING TO KNOW GOD THERE ARE

THREE STAGES IN LIFE.

1. There is, first of all, a "seeking stage", where we earnestly want to know
God personally and to understand His ways. Unfortunately, many remain at
this stage all their lives; ever questioning, doubting, and procrastinating, so
as to never "come to a knowledge of the truth".

2. For every earnest seeker, however, there comes a "finding stage", when
he really finds God for himself and enters into forgiveness, joy and peace as
he gives his whole life over to Christ.

3. Finally there is the "following stage" of living out a life of discipleship

with Jesus Christ, in His Church and before the world.

This chapter is written to help all sincere "seekers" to become "finders" and
to know God through our Lord Jesus Christ. The Bible says, "You will seek
me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."[200] Jesus said in
Matthew 7:7, "Seek, and you will find." Our God and Father does have a
genuine concern for all sincere seekers after Him.
B. A SENSE OF NEED

No one comes to know Jesus Christ except out of a sense of need. It was
true when Jesus lived here on earth. The needy, the lonely, the sick, and the
despairing, all crowded around Jesus. He met their needs out of His great
love and compassion for people. The Bible says that Jesus Christ is just the
same today. That is the wonder of the Christian faith, Jesus is risen from the
dead; alive for evermore! "He is the same, yesterday, today and forever."
[201]

He can meet your need, no matter how great or deep it is. What is your
need?

It is loneliness or sorrow?

Is it a troubled heart that has experienced rejection by others?

Is it some pressing sin for which you have not found forgiveness?

Or, is it bitterness of heart, and an unforgiving spirit?

Or, perhaps you have been reading this handbook and you long to be a good
father or mother, but you recognize that your basic need is first to be
restored yourself, and to give your own life over to God.

What is your basic concern?

It is more than your needs. Each one of us has to face the root cause of all
our needs, our frustrations, loneliness, resentments and despair. There is a
barrier between God and us that prevents us from having a right
relationship with God. The Bible calls this barrier SIN. "Your sins have
separated between you and your God..."[202]
"Sin" is not a popular word, but it is certainly real. We speak of "faults",
"mistakes", "weaknesses", but God calls all evil, sin. The fact is, no man or
woman comes to Jesus Christ without admitting his deep need as a sinner.
A seeking, needy tax collector came to the temple to pray and cried out,
"God, be merciful to me a sinner".[203] Jesus praised his honesty of heart
and said, "I tell you this sinner returned home forgiven."[204]

C. WHAT IS SIN?

1. Sin is "the breaking of the law."[205]

God's law is summed up in the Ten Commandments. Jesus in the Sermon

on the Mount further expands it, even into the thought life.[206]

2. Sin is "wrongdoing."

We have sinned by thought, word and action. By our personal selfishness,

pride, anger, envy, greed, lying, cheating and lust, we have grieved the
Spirit of God.[207]

3. Sin is the result of my personal choice.

It is not something I can blame on somebody else, as did Adam.[208] Nor

can I blame it on my parents or on circumstances. The fact is, I chose to sin,
to be rebellious, to break the law, to hold onto bitterness, to cling to hate
and to live in resentment. No man is condemned for sin other than his own.
Every person deliberately chooses to sin and so is "without excuse".[209]

4. Sin is unbelief.
When we have an attitude of unbelief, pride or stubbornness, we grieve the
Spirit of God. The Bible makes it clear that God loves the sinner but hates
an "evil heart of unbelief".[210] It is recorded of Jesus that, in His own
home town, "He could do no mighty works because of their unbelief."[211]

5. Sin has consequences:

Separation from God[212]

Hardening of the heart[213]

Slavery to self[214]

Injury to others

Judgment

Not only the Bible, but also common sense, tells us there will be a day of
reckoning. Jesus spoke very clearly about it. He declared that at the Day of
Judgment the sheep would be separated from the goats, the wheat from the
tares and the kingdom of light from the kingdom of darkness.[215]

How will you stand on that day? Condemned or pardoned? Excuses will not
matter and every proud tongue will be stopped. We shall be judged on the
record of our words, our actions and our life.

"For we must all stand before the judgment seat of Christ..." (II Corinthians
5:10)

D. THE ANSWER: THE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST.

Christianity declares that there is only one answer to the fact and to the
consequences of sin:

THE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST!

The Gospels record that Jesus lived a sinless life and that He blessed both
the rich and the poor. He healed the sick, encouraged the downtrodden, and
was known as "the friend of sinners". He hates sin, but He loves all sinners.
"But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while
we were still sinners." (Romans 5:8)

This verse speaks of the real reason for the coming of Jesus to this needy
world. He came to die a sacrificial death on the Cross for each one of us.
All through His life we see the shadow of the Cross. In fact, He himself
predicted it. "And He began to teach them that the Son of man must suffer
many things and be rejected by the elders, and the chief priests, and the
scribes, and be killed and after three days rise again." (Mark 8:31)

"The Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life
a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45)

"I am the good Shepherd . . . I lay down my life for the sheep." (John 10:14-
15)

The whole of the New Testament points to the only answer for the problem
of sin, Jesus Christ dying for our sins on the Cross of Calvary.

At the beginning of Jesus' ministry, John the Baptist pointed to Jesus and
declared, "Behold, the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world."
(John 1:29)
The Apostle Paul, who continually gloried in the Cross of Jesus, stated,
"This saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance; that Christ Jesus came
into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief." (I Timothy 1:15)

E. THE MEANING OF THE CROSS

The real meaning of the Cross is not found in the physical and mental
agony that Jesus, endured, but in what His sacrificial death did for you and
me. He died to bring us back to God.

"He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to
sins and live for righteousness." (I Peter 2:24)

It has been said that the whole of Christianity can be summed up in five
words:

"CHRIST DIED FOR OUR SINS." (I Corinthians 15:3)

There on the Cross, as the one true sacrifice for our sins, He bore our entire
penalty, our guilt, our separation from God and our darkness of soul. On the
Cross, Jesus cried, "It is finished."[216]

With that cry of victory, He completed the work of our salvation. There is
nothing more we can do, but trust in His finished work. Many people all
over the world make the mistake of trying to earn their salvation. No one
can find peace with God and eternal life by doing good works or by trying
hard to please God.[217]
It is, therefore, important to realize that the Cross of Jesus is not something
we know about, but something we must experience in our own heart and
life. The Apostle Paul expressed this when he thought about the Cross and
wrote, "The Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me."
(Galatians 2:20)

You too, like the Apostle Paul, need to personally thank the Lord Jesus
Christ that He died of a broken heart, and that He shed His blood to bring
you back to God. The Cross is the only place where you can find complete
forgiveness, for there Jesus cried, "Father, forgive them, for they do not
know what they do." (Luke 23:34)

F. WHAT MUST I DO?

When I realize I have sinned before God in thought, word and deed, and
when I learn that Jesus Christ has died for my sin and is risen again, what
must I do?

The Bible's answer is clear!

1. First I must REPENT of my sins.

Jesus began His ministry by declaring, "The Kingdom of God is at hand,

repent and believe the Gospel." (Mark 1:15) The word, "to repent", means
to turn around, to have a change of attitude, to express my sorrow for sin.
Jesus speaks clearly in Matthew 18:1-10 that unless we repent and become
like little children, we have no hope of heaven. "Unless you turn to God
from your sins and become as little children, you will never get into the
Kingdom of heaven."

(Matthew 18:1-10)
Repentance is not just being sorry for the past. It is a determined turning
away from the sin in my past life. It is the willingness to let Christ deal with
that sin and its power over me. This repentance must be specific and I must
name my sin for what it is without excuse. I must get to the root of the
problem and speak it out to God.

With repentance comes RESTITUTION.

Restitution is putting things right and restoring what has been wrong. It
means I go to that person or persons against whom I have sinned,
acknowledge my sin and, as far as I can, seek to put it right. I restore what I
have stolen. I speak out where I have cheated and been deceitful. I desire to
have "a clear conscience before God and man." (Acts 24:16)

We need to ask the Spirit of God to show us specific areas in our lives
where we need to repent and make restitution. Jesus said, "Bring forth fruits
worthy of repentance."[218]

2. Next comes the step of FAITH.

I must believe for myself, that Jesus Christ died on the Cross to be my
Savior from sin. Faith is not just knowledge, or reciting the Apostle's Creed.
It is personal trust in the person of Jesus Christ. When you really trust a
person, you give yourself to him. You believe his word and you have a
loving confidence in him. So it is with Jesus. When you personally trust in
His death on the Cross for your sins, when you give your whole life over to
Him as your Lord, this is FAITH. Faith is a choice. An act of your will. A
step of obedience into a life of DISCIPLESHIP.

3. It is important that you COUNT THE COST.

Following Jesus, as His disciple, will COST you something.[219] The call
of Jesus is a call to a LIFETIME OF DISCIPLESHIP. You will encounter
trials, suffering, shame, and even persecution. You will need to embrace a
discipline of your possessions, your time and your money. Jesus Christ
requires a radical change in the way you live. You cannot be a secret
disciple; rather you must confess Christ before men. The supreme aim of
your life is to seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness. Before
you go any further, you should count the cost of being a life-long disciple of
Jesus Christ. (Read and Study Luke 14:28-33)

4. Finally, you need to actually COME TO JESUS and give your life over
to Him.

Are you ready now to accept His loving invitation? "Come unto me, I will
give you REST."[220]

Rest of heart

Rest of mind

Forgiveness

Peace and Joy

New Life

Heaven

Jesus has been patiently waiting to receive you. He has freely given you the
power of choice, of either receiving Him or rejecting Him.[221] Even as
you come He gives you faith to trust in Him.[222] You can take this step of
faith now. You can pray, and personally thank Jesus for dying for your sins,
once and for all, on the Cross. You can deliberately give your whole life
over to Him, and ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. Seek for a place
where you can be quiet without any interruptions. It is good if you can pray
in your own words, but if you find this difficult, here is a prayer of faith you
can pray, in coming to Jesus.

G. MY PRAYER OF FAITH.

"Lord Jesus Christ, I come to you and humbly confess that I am a sinner. I
have sinned in thought, word and action. Especially, I name those sins
which are upon my conscience........................................"

"Lord Jesus, I truly believe you died upon the Cross for my sins, and I
thank you, as I believe in you as my Savior and my Lord. I sincerely repent
of all my past sins, and in your strength I seek to make restitution. Having
counted the cost of being your disciple, I come to you with all my heart.
Come into my life. Live within me by your Holy Spirit, as my ever present
Lord and friend. I give my whole life over to you. I am yours and you are
mine forever. AMEN."

After praying such a prayer of faith, you need to wait before God in silence
for some moments. This is a precious time when the Spirit of God seeks to
confirm the love of God the Father, the forgiveness of Jesus the Son and the
comfort of the Holy Spirit.

What has the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Christ, done for you and in you?

He has given you REST, "peace with God".[223]

He has taken away all condemnation.[224]

He has given you new life.[225]

He has received you into the family of God.[226]

You are now a pilgrim to the heavenly city, within the Kingdom of God.
[227]

H. YOUR WITNESS AND SERVICE.

1. You are now called:

To be a witness to Jesus Christ in your home and your work.[228] Tell your
family what you have done.

To serve Jesus Christ within your family, in the Church and in the world.

To grow in your faith through the reading of the Bible, prayer, and Christian
fellowship.[229] Join a fellowship group as soon as possible.

2. Seek to be "filled with the Holy Spirit."[230] (See chapter 11)

Do not rely on your feelings, for they will fluctuate. Rather believe and
claim the promises of God for yourself.

"All that the Father gives me shall come to me and him that comes to me I
will never cast out." (John 6:37)

"I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on
helping you grow in His grace until His task within you is finally finished
on that day when Jesus Christ returns." (Philippians 1:6)

Study Guide Assignment:

1. Write a one-page testimony of how you were personally restored to God.

2. Write a one-page essay on what it means to have Christ as the head of the
home.
 CHAPTER 11
The Secret of the Restored Life

A. THE IMPORTANCE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

Now you have begun to live the Christian life, you need to know that you
are not left to fight the fight of faith in your own strength. If you are a
discouraged father or mother and feel you have failed God, your children
and one another, then you need to be encouraged to know that God wants to
restore you to a new and fruitful relationship through His Holy Spirit. In
His last days on earth, our Lord Jesus encouraged His disciples with the
promised gift of "another counselor" called the "Holy Spirit". "And I will
ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you
forever, the Spirit of Truth." (John 14:16)

Jesus said further, "Unless I go away the Counselor will not come to you;
but if I go, I will send him to you." (John 16:7) It was necessary for Jesus to
leave the world and return to His Father so that His Spirit, the Spirit of
Jesus, would no longer be confined to Palestine, but would be present
everywhere, all time, wherever His disciples dwelt.

In the Gospels, the Lord Jesus taught that the Holy Spirit was to take the
place of His physical presence on earth. The New Testament makes it clear
that the Holy Spirit dwells in all, who truly believe in Jesus as their Savior
and commit their lives to Him.[231] "Having believed, you were marked in
Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit..." (Ephesians 1:13)
As someone has said, "The Holy Spirit is God's birthday gift to us." When
you were saved, at that moment the Holy Spirit took up residence in your
body.[232] "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,
who is in you, whom you have received from God?"

(I Corinthians 6:19)

The Holy Spirit is linked equally with the Father and the Son in the work of
our salvation.[233] The persons of the Holy Trinity work together as a
unity. It is a mystery, but all three persons work together in every act of
God. The Trinity cannot be divided. The Holy Spirit is God, equal with the
Father and the Son, and is to be worshipped equally with them.

B. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS A PERSON.

1. He guides, he hears and he speaks.[234]

2. He teaches.[235]

3. He reproves and convicts.[236]

4. He helps us to pray.[237]

5. He directs our service.[238]

6. He inspires us and reminds us of Jesus' words.[239]

7. He can be grieved and even quenched.[240]

The Holy Spirit, as a divine and real, yet invisible person, lives in every
Christian believer. In John 20:19-23 we read how Jesus met with His
disciples after the resurrection and said, "Peace be with you." (verse 21)
Then he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit." (verse 22)
This act, like the creation of man with the breath of life, (Genesis 2:7) was
the receiving of new life into the disciple's hearts. The Holy Spirit,
however, does not necessarily fill every believer with all His power, His
gifts and His fruit. In fact, we are commanded to be filled with the Spirit.

In Acts 2:1-4 we read that after waiting for the promise of the Father, they
were suddenly all filled with the Holy Spirit, and immediately they began to
show the Holy Spirit's power in signs and wonders. The Apostle Paul did
not enter into all the fullness and gifts of the Holy Spirit at his conversion.
The Lord specifically sent Ananias, a few days later, so that Paul might be
filled with the Holy Spirit. "Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus has sent me... so
that you might be filled with the Holy Spirit." (Acts 9:17)

In Acts 8:14-15, the Samaritan Christians believed in Jesus, were even

baptized, but had not yet received the fullness and power of the Holy Spirit.
So Peter and John went to them, and laid hands on them, that they might
receive the Holy Spirit.
Acts 19:1-7 records that there were faithful disciples at Ephesus to whom
Paul asked the question, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you
believed?" After teaching these disciples about the Holy Spirit, Paul laid
hands on them, the Spirit came upon them and they spoke with tongues and
prophesied.

The New Testament records that the filling of the Holy Spirit brought about
something new in the lives of the believing Christians. The same can be
said for the record of the Christian church throughout its history. As the
Spirit of Jesus has come upon men and women in all His fullness, they have
testified to:

an overwhelming joy.

a new power to witness.

an overflowing love toward God and others.

a boldness under persecution.

a baptism of fire.

a working of signs and wonders.

a new spirit of wisdom.

a new desire:

to be holy and to show forth the fruit of the Spirit.

to pray.
to worship.

to read and study the Word of God.

C. THE PURPOSE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

But beyond all we seen so far, the infilling of the Holy Spirit is to make us
Christ-like. Jesus said this would be the significant work of the Holy Spirit
in our heart and lives. "He will not speak on his own... He will bring glory
to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you." (John
16:13-14)

The infilling of the Holy Spirit is for living the Christ-filled life in the home
and in society. The command to be filled with the Holy Spirit in Ephesians
5:18 is followed by an exhortation to live in holy and open relationships
with one another in the following ways:[241]

Sharing with one another.

Husbands loving their wives.

Wives respecting and honoring their husbands.

Parents teaching and training their children in love and forbearance.

The truth is, we need the Holy Spirit to be the husband or wife we are called
to be. We need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to teach and train our children
in the ways of the Lord and we need the Holy Spirit to live a Christ-like life
in the world around us.
When we say we want to be filled with the Holy Spirit, we are in reality
saying we want to be controlled by the Spirit of Jesus.[242] If we are
controlled by the gentle, pure, loving Spirit of Jesus we will not want to
promote ourselves. We will be content with being faithful in the little
things. We will rejoice each day in the unseen, yet real companionship of
the risen and living Christ, who said, "Surely I will be with you always, to
the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)

D. HOW TO BE FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT.

To be filled with the Holy Spirit is not optional for Christians. It is a

command to be obeyed. In Ephesians, chapter five and verse 18, there are
two commands, one negative and one positive:

1) Do not get drunk with wine.

2) Be filled with the Spirit.

Why do the vast majority of believers obey the first, negative command, not
to get drunk, and yet disobey the second, positive command, to be filled
with the Spirit? Why is it considered abnormal by some to obey this
command to be filled with the Holy Spirit?

In Acts 2:1-4 we read, that at Pentecost they were all, filled with the Holy
Spirit. In the New Testament it is taken for granted that believers were filled
with the Holy Spirit and that they demonstrated the fruit of the Spirit in
their lives. It was normal Christian living, and not something exceptional,
reserved for the few who had special ministries.
The command to be filled with the Holy Spirit is addressed to all Christian
believers, without exception, and can either be obeyed or disobeyed. In
addition, we are commanded to be continually filled with the Spirit. The
Greek verb "filled" is in the imperative, present continuous tense. The
question we have to ask ourselves is, "Am I, at this moment of time,
obeying this command and being filled with the Holy Spirit?" To that
question we can only give one of three answers:

Yes

No

I don't understand.

For those who answer in the second or in the third category, we suggest
these steps in being filled with the Spirit:

1. DESIRE.

Are you thirsty for a close relationship with your Father God and for more
of His power, love and joy? Isaiah writes, "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters." (Isaiah 55:1) Paul in I Corinthians 14:1 encourages us
by saying, "Eagerly desire spiritual gifts." If you are unsatisfied, and
sensing a lack of power, pray for God to create a thirst in you for a new love
for Christ, a new power in service, and desire to be "filled with His Spirit".

Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come to me and drink. Whoever
believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow
from within him. By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in
Him were later to receive." (John 7:37-39)

2. CLEANSING.

Even if we have known the fullness of the Holy Spirit in former days we are
all leaky vessels. Through sin we allow the fullness of the Holy Spirit to go
from us and the fruit and gifts of the Spirit to diminish. All kinds of weeds
can grow up in our lives to choke the flow of the living water. Pride,
selfishness, evil thoughts, uncleanness, jealousy, resentment, coldness of
heart; all can grieve the tender Holy Spirit within us.

Before Paul gives the command to be filled with the Holy Spirit in
Ephesians 5:18, he gives a searching list of sins for the Ephesian Christians
to consider before God.[243] We need to first come again to the cross of
Jesus Christ to receive cleansing, forgiveness, and restoration of our
relationship to Jesus and to one another.[244]

We must also renounce any involvement with spirit powers such as

occultism, telepathy, witchcraft, fortune telling, and the use of ouija boards.
By continuing in these practices when seeking the power of the Holy Spirit,
spiritual confusion can arise. If you have been involved in occultism or
false cults, you need to seek God's forgiveness and, one by one, renounce
each area of darkness you have been involved in. Seek out wise Christian
counsel if you have given yourself over to any occult practices.

3. COUNT THE COST.

The "filling of the Holy Spirit" is for a life of service; anywhere the Lord
Jesus may call us. It is more than just feelings of joy, peace and power. It is
a supernatural experience that leads you to do the will of God joyfully from
the heart in all circumstances. You will be involved in spiritual warfare in
Jesus' name, as you deliberately turn from all that is hindering you and is
displeasing to God. Are you ready for this life of commitment?
4. ASK IN FAITH.

God will not force Himself upon you nor will He automatically give you the
fullness of the Holy Spirit. You have to ask for it. "You do not have,
because you do not ask God!" (James 4:2b) In Luke 11:5-13 Jesus gives us
two interesting parables. The first is about the man who urgently needed
bread for his guests. He visited his friend late at night to ask for three
loaves. His friend was, at first, not willing to get up and respond to him. But
as the man kept on knocking, he had to get up and give him what he needed
because of his persistent asking. Then Jesus said, "Ask and it shall be given
you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For
everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks,
the door will be opened." (verse 9)

The second is about asking for the Holy Spirit's fullness in faith. If a son
asks for fish, will a father give him a snake? If he asks for an egg, will he be
given a scorpion? Of course not! "How much more then" says Jesus, "will
your Father in Heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"

So now, draw near to God your Father and tell him your heart's desire. Get
alone with a Christian friend or counselor, and ask God the Father to fill
you now with the Holy Spirit. Ask your friends to pray for you, with the
laying on of hands, as in the book of Acts. Do not wait for some
overwhelming feeling of joy but rather accept the gift, and thank God by
faith. Believe that you receive the fullness of the Holy Spirit the moment
you ask. "Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and
it will be yours."[245]
Receive the fullness of the Holy Spirit by faith. Then immediately confess
your belief with your mouth. Trust God to give you new words of praise, a
new language for worship and prayer. Speak out to God in this new
language, and worship and adore God fully as you step out in faith.

E. LIVE BY THE SPIRIT

What Happens Next?

You have to learn to live by the Spirit each day, following the command to
be "filled with the Spirit" in Ephesians 5:18. The remainder of the letter to
the Ephesians speaks about the results of this infilling.

1. You receive a new heavenly song in your heart.[246]

2. You are blessed with a spirit of thanksgiving under all circumstances.

[247]

3. You learn to be humbly accountable to others.[248]

4. Your relationships as husband and wife, parents and children, become

altogether different. A Christ-like love permeates your home and family
life.[249]

5. You find a new obedience and humility in your daily work relationships.
[250]
6. You discover that you enter into warfare against the power of Satan. But
with it, you receive a new energizing power, "the whole armor of God".
You learn the power of the sword of the Spirit-the Word of God.[251]

7. You enter into new realms of prayer, especially the prayer of intercession
for others. Prayer, instead of becoming a burden, becomes a delight and you
become a fearless witness for Christ.[252]

F. A TRANSFORMED FAMILY LIFE

By the infilling of the Holy Spirit, your whole personal life and family life
is transformed. There is, of course, much more to learn. You need to
discover all the gifts of the Holy Spirit in II Corinthians 12, as well as the
beautiful fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22,23. Now your total personal
life becomes available to God. He wants to make you a blessing to others,
as His Holy Spirit flows in and through your life, as a river of living water.
"You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never
fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old
foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of
Streets with Dwellings." (Isaiah 58:12 NIV)

Study Guide Assignment

1. Write a short essay describing the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.
2. Write a short essay describing the work of the Holy Spirit in your family
life.
 CHAPTER 12
Planning for a Family Seminar or Camp

A. THE VISION FOR FAMILY SEMINARS/CAMPS.

1. What is a Family Camp?

It is an opportunity to gather families together on holiday, to give basic

teaching on Christian relationships and family lifestyle. There is a need for
families to relate together and to encourage one another, as they learn God's
way for family living.

2. Goals.

a) To restore families to God's original plan and purpose for the family, as it
is revealed in the Word of God.

b) To strengthen family life.

c) To train families in a Christian family lifestyle, so that they can be an

effective witness for the Lord in their communities.
d) To evangelize family members and restore them to a relationship with the
Lord.

3. Basic Assumptions

a) The best environment for men, women, and children to learn about God
as their Father, Jesus as their Savior and the Holy Spirit as their
strengthener, is within their own "Household of Faith" at home.

b) Relationships built up on love and trust in God and one another are vital
for wholesome family living. A Christian home in which these relationships
are in order will bring blessing to the society around it.

c) The means of understanding and growing in faith is the day-to-day life of

the Christian family, assisted by Christian education in the Church. Too
often we have relied on cognitive lectures for our teaching methods. Family
Seminars/Camps seek to give a new emphasis through restoring open,
honest and loving relationships in the family. We are seeking to bring
people into a meaningful encounter with the Lord.

d) The future strength of the Christian Church will depend largely on the
way Christian parents act out their "priestly function" in the home.
Educators, colleges, and counselors have taken over this "priestly" role of
parents in many places. Even religious facts can be taught with little or no
transformation of people's lives. Sometimes the very church or community
programs we set up actually hinder the unity and effectiveness of the
households of faith we are seeking to preserve. The future of Biblical
Christianity lies largely in the hands of Christian parents.
e) Families, not individuals, are the smallest and most vital entity of society.
There is a great sickness and breakdown in society today, because of the
lack of healthy family models. We are seeing of the disintegration of the
family throughout many parts of the world. Anti-family ideas are being
actively promoted in the much of the news media, TV, literature and
educational institutions. Selfish and self-seeking lifestyles are all attacking
the family as the basic social institution. Some have declared that the
family, as we have known it, will not survive, but rather will be replaced by
other family models.

f) Families have a destiny and a role to play in world evangelism. They can
be an active part in bringing the Gospel to the nations. Family camps and
seminars can be one of the avenues of fulfilling that destiny. In some
countries Christian family seminars/camps have been held at secular
campgrounds as an evangelistic witness. The joyful and peaceful
atmosphere of a Christian home is in itself a telling witness that continues
from generation to generation.

"That the generation to come might know them.[253]" (God's word and
ways)

B. DEVELOPING AND PREPARING A FAMILY SEMINAR/CAMP

Family seminars can be conducted in a variety of ways. For example:

1. One day seminars. Generally held on a Saturday, in which a significant

amount of teaching and interaction can be accomplished throughout the
course of the day.
2. Weekend (Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday) seminars. Generally
conducted in a "live-in" situation where Christian parents and their children
can receive specific teaching on family relationships. There is opportunity
here for personal counseling and for several small group meetings.

3. Holiday Family Camps. These camps usually run for three to seven
days and provide opportunity for extended ministry to families, including
times of worship, lectures, small groups, counseling sessions, ministry
times and family fun times. The families involved will live together and eat
meals together in a relaxed holiday atmosphere. There are also structured
teaching and ministry programs set up for the children attending the family
camp.

C. TEACHING SUBJECTS IN FAMILY SEMlNARS/CAMPS.

1. Basic Biblical teaching on foundations for godly family life.

I have discovered the vital importance of specific teaching in three main

areas:

a) The Fatherhood of God and forgiveness.

b) The Cross of Jesus Christ.

c) The Fullness of the Holy Spirit and life in the Spirit.

2. Specific subjects on the Family

a) See summary of this manual.

b) "Christian Family Lifestyle."

The Family and the Word of God.

The Family and Praise and Prayer.

The Family and Creativity.

The Family and Celebration.

The Family and Time.

The Family and Money.

The Family and Hospitality.

The Family and Sickness and Death.

The Family and the Sabbath.

The Family and Witness in Society.

3. Expositions from selected books of the Bible on Family Life.

The book of Genesis-the patriarchal family and God's covenant with a

family.

The book of Joshua-family leadership.

The book of Ruth-a study in relationships.

The book of Proverbs-insights family living.

The book of Nehemiah-restoration and vision.

The letter to the Ephesians-Christian principles of family living.

The letter to the Colossians-Christian principles of family living.

D. PRACTICAL ADMINISTRATIVE STEPS IN PLANNING

FAMILY SEMINARS/CAMPS.

1. Prepare an attractive brochure.

Emphasize holiday time and teaching time for parents and children. Give all
necessary information, including speakers, themes and subjects.

2. Use clear registration forms to obtain the FAMILY details you need.

(Family photograph are helpful)

3. Schedule speakers far enough in advance.

For a larger holiday family camp you might want to consider inviting two
speakers. In every nation we would like to see speakers trained to share on
Family Life principles.

4. Pray over and select appropriate staff personnel.

a) Camp Director
b) Hostesses to care for accommodations, meal arrangements, speaker
needs, flower arrangements etc.

c) Treasurer/Secretary

d) Registrar

5. Small Group Leaders:

The quality and effectiveness of these leaders is vital for the success of the
camp. Each small group should contain no more than five families/parents.
Openness in between the small group members is a key to their success.
Following the morning lecture, the cell groups meet for fellowship, prayer
and discussion together. One goal for the small groups is for families to
develop personal relationships with other families during the camp.
Training of the small group leaders is essential so be sure to set aside
special training weekends each year for these leaders. Restored families
from your family groups can make good leaders for future camps.

6. Children's Workers:

An effective family camp depends upon quality care of the children.

Children and teenagers also need to be taught Christian principles about
relationships with one another and with their parents. Prepare a trained
child and youth workers team under an experienced leader, so that the
children both enjoy and learn a lot during the family camp. Baby sitters are
also needed for the evening meetings, so both husband and wife can hear
the teaching together.

7. Worship and Praise:

This should be in the hands of gifted leaders. Anointed daily praise and
worship can set the whole spiritual tone for the camp. Many families do not
understand worship, and family camps provide a great opportunity of
teaching them by example.

8. Books and Tapes:

When possible, tape the main messages and have a book table of well-
selected family literature available for the participants.

9. Accommodation, Meals and Costs:

These need to be the best available. Good accommodations enhance a

learning atmosphere for families and individuals. During vacation times be
mindful of the fact that parents need some time to relax and have a break
from their normal duties. Schedules should keep these needs in mind. Costs:
Endeavor to keep costs to a minimum so that families on low incomes can
attend.

10. Counseling:

Counseling is best left in the hands of the small group leaders, with only the
most needy situations being brought to the speakers.
11. Follow-up:

Prepare follow-up "Family Letters" for all families that participated in the
camp and, whenever possible, send it out quarterly. Encourage all families
to regularly attend a local home group for fellowship, prayer and further
training.

12. Family Camp Staff Dinner:

Immediately following the camp, we hold a staff dinner to bless our

speakers and workers, to give thanks and to prepare for future seminars and
camps.

13. Notes on the Program:

a) Do not make the program too intensive. Remember it is holiday time!

Keep the afternoon free as a recreation time for the families.

b) Teaching Subjects: Obviously you will not have time to teach in all the
family areas. Basic subjects are: the Fatherhood of God, the Cross of Jesus
and the Holy Spirit. In the practical areas, each Family Seminar/Camp
should seek to include some of these key topics:

God's Plan for Husbands.

God's Plan for Wives.

The Marriage Relationship.

Sex-the way God Intended It.

Parents and Children.

Child Discipline.

Communication in Marriage.

c) Small Group Meetings: Here it is important to have not just another

teaching time. Rather, the focus should be on having participants share
about their needs and their responses to what has been presented during the
teaching times.

d) Children's Groups: These are best divided according to ages.

e) Worship and Praise: The aim here is to enter into the Lord's presence and
to lay a foundation for future family worship in the home. Let this be a time
for people to express their praise and devotion to the Lord. It can also be a
time of prayer and ministry for those who are in need.

14. Important aspects:

a) Men's and women's meetings: Through experience we have found that

a separate meeting for the women, as well as one for the men, is very
helpful. It is in these meetings that deep personal needs can be met. We
normally hold these meetings for women on Wednesday afternoon at 4
p.m., and for men on Thursday afternoon at 4 p.m. (Refer Program for a
Week long Camp)

b) Celebration Day: On Friday we hold a special day. There is a Love

Feast (a dinner of love and thanksgiving) held at 6 p.m., followed by a
FAMILY TIME OF REJOICING, when families, small groups and children
are all encouraged to present some creative song, dance or game.
c) Thank Offering: In response to the blessings received at the camp, we
encourage each family to bring a thank offering, a gift of money, to the
Family Celebration time on

Friday evening. Brief teaching is given on the Biblical principles of giving a

thank offering (I Chronicles 29:1-14, Nehemiah 12:43-45, Psalm 96:7-8, 2
Corinthians 8 and 9, Ephesians 5:20). In our Family Camps in Europe, this
has resulted in the giving of substantial gifts to the work of the Lord, but the
emphasis is on the joy of giving thanks with our possessions. Families are
given an envelope and then encouraged to pray about their offering.

E. SUMMARY-KEY FACTORS

Three key factors have become apparent in our family seminars/camps. We

have such a brief time (one week or two days), compared with a Bible
School or Discipleship Course, in which to see families restored to God's
plan. Only a supernatural work of the living God can do it. We have learned
to depend not upon ourselves, nor to merely offer good advice about
marriage and parental problems, but rather to rely on:

1. The Word of God revealing the glory of the Cross of Christ in

forgiveness and new life.

2. The Power of Prayer, both in preparation for and throughout each

family seminar.

3. The Power of the Holy Spirit. (I Thessalonians 1:5)

Only Jesus Christ by His Holy Spirit can open eyes and move the will in
repentance and faith. This is "power through weakness." (I Corinthians 2:3-
5, II Corinthians 4:7)
Our aim is God's glory, not our own, and our dependence is upon the Holy
Spirit's power not ours. Where this is evidenced, there will be an anointing
of the Holy Spirit on each family seminar/camp.

"Declare His glory among the nations...

Ascribe to the Lord, O families of all the peoples,

Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength." (Psalm 96:3,7)

Sample Family camp Program

Time: 1 week

Beginning Sunday, 16:00 and ending Saturday, 13:00.

Sunday

16:00 Registration and Housing

18:00 Evening Meal

19:30 First meeting of all families (Introductions, Program-"Restoring the

Family")

Monday to Saturday
7:30 Staff meeting for prayer

8:00 Breakfast

9:00 Worship and Praise (with older children)

9:30 Morning Family Teaching

10:30 Tea and Coffee

11:00 Small Groups

12:30 Mid-day meal

13:30 Staff workers meet

Afternoons free for family time together

17:30 Evening Meal

19:30 Evening Family Teaching

(Children's Program and childcare)

Family counseling time following evening meeting

Study Guide Assignment:

1. Write out a schedule and program for a weekend seminar. Include the
theme for the weekend, lecture topics, number of sessions, and times for
each event.
2. Write out a schedule and program for a weeklong family camp. Include
the theme, lecture topics, number of sessions and times for each event.

For Additional Information about YWAM Family Ministries, University of

the Nations training courses and Family Resource Centre locations contact:
www.uofn-frc.org

BOOK LIST

The Family

The Family by Jack and Judy Balswick

What is a Family? by Edith Shaeffer

First Hand Faith by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson

Ancient Paths by Craig Hill

Family Foundation Basic Seminar by Craig Hill (formerly From Curse to

Blessing)

Birthmarks by Guernsey

Secrets of your Family Tree by Carder

Strengthening Marriage

PREPARE/ENRICH Inventory and counseling tool by Olson

Portrait of a Marriage by Dr. Bruce Wilkenson

C-PREP by Dr. Scott Stanley (Markman)

A Lasting Promise by Dr. Scott Stanley

Heart of Commitment by Dr. Scott Stanley

Fighting For Your Marriage by Dr. Markman

FOCCUS/REFOCCUS Inventory and counseling tool Dr. Barbara Markey

Questions Couples Ask by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Marriage Preparation

PREPARE/ENRICH Inventory and counseling tool by Olson

Saving your Marriage Before it Starts video & Book by Drs. Les & Leslie
Parrott

Mentoring Engaged & Newlywed Couples video by Drs. Les & Leslie
Parrott

Solomon on Sex by Joseph Dillow

FOCCUS/REFOCCUS Inventory and counseling tool

Too Close Too Soon Mentoring for Seriously dating by Jim Talley
Becoming One by Albert and Jeanette Jupe

Self-Esteem

Hide or Seek by James Dobson

Training

The Key to Your Child's Heart by Gary Smalley

Dare to Discipline by James Dobson

21 Rules of This House by Gregg and Josh Harris

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell

How to Really Love Your Teenager by Ross Campbell

The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman

The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent

Gifts and Personality

Discovering Your Child's Gifts by Don and Katie Fortune

The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias

The Treasure Tree by John Trent

Two Sides of Love by John Trent and Gary Smalley

Your Personality and the Spiritual Life by Reginald Johnson

Loving our Differences by George Selig & Alan Arroyo

Adolescence

Walking with the Wise by Benny and Sheree Phillips

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris

His Perfect Faithfulness by Eric & Leslie Ludy

Romance God's Way by Eric & Leslie Ludy

Why Wait video by Josh McDowell

Bar Barakah (Son of the Blessing) by Craig Hill

Miscellaneous

Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud

Making Love Last Forever by Gary Smalley

Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud

Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend

The Myth of the Greener Grass by J Allen Petersen

[1]John 1:12, Galatians 3:25-26, Romans 8:16, I John 3:1

[2]I John 1:1-9, Ephesians 4-6

[3]What is a Family, Edith Shaeffer

[4] Genesis 1-2

[5] Matthew 19:5-6

[6] Malachi 2:16

[7] Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:25-33

[8] Exodus 19:5, Jeremiah 31:31-34, Hebrews 8:8-12; 13:20-21

[9] I Corinthians 5:7

[10] John 1:12

[11] I Corinthians 6:19-20

[12] Ephesians 5:25-30

[13] Genesis 28:20-22, Numbers 6:1-8, Proverbs 20:25, Ecclesiastes 5:4-7

[14] How To Raise Your Children For Christ, Andrew Murray

[15] Acts 2:39

[16] Proverbs 1:8, Psalms 78:1-8, Ephesians 2:19-22

[17] Exodus 20:1-17

[18] Joshua 24:14-15

[19] Luke 2:41-52

[20] Acts 2:38-39

[21] Psalm 78:6

[22] Nehemiah 2:11-20, Daniel 9:25, I Timothy 6:12

[23] Isaiah 49:8b, Hosea 6:1, Hosea 14, Micah 7:18-19, Acts 2:39

[24] Psalms 51:12, Psalm 80:3, 19

[25] John 9:4

[26] Ephesians 6:12

[27]Malachi 2:16,

[28]Genesis 2:18

[29]Genesis 1:27

[30]Ephesians 5:22-24

[31]Genesis 2:24

[32] I John 1

[33] Ecclesiastes 4:12

[34]Isaiah 3:1-5

[35]Ephesians 6:4

[36]Matthew 5:29-30

[37]I Timothy 6:17

[38]Matthew 6:24

[39]Psalm 16:11, John 11, John 12:2-3, Luke 10:38-42

[40]Matthew 24:35

[41]Hebrews 11

[42]Matthew 19:13

[43]Ezra 7:10

[44]Isaiah 28:9-10

[45]Ephesians 6:4

[46]Habakkuk 1:13, Hebrews 10:19-22

[47]Ephesians 6:10-18

[48]Luke 18:1-7, Matthew 15:21-28

[49]John 14:26

[50]John 16:13

[51]Romans 10:17

[52]Mark 9:14-29, Hebrews 11, Matthew 15:28, Matthew 9:22

[53]Genesis 8:20

[54]Genesis 35:2-3, Joshua 24:15

[55]Proverbs 1:8, Proverbs 22:6

[56]Romans 16:5

[57]II Timothy 1:5, II Timothy 3:14-15

[58]Matthew 18:20

[59]Joshua 24:15
[60]Psalm 148-150, Psalm 145:10, Revelation 4:8, 19:6

[61]I Timothy 2:1-4

[62]Philippians 4:6

[63]II Corinthians 6:2

[64]II Peter 3:18

[65]Psalm 150

[66]I Corinthians 5:8

[67]Genesis 29:22, Judges 14:10-17, Genesis 21:8, Genesis 19:3,

Deuteronomy 18:4, Isaiah 58:13, Numbers 28:11, Ezra 3:5, Exodus 12,
Nehemiah 8:9-18

[68]Exodus 23:16, Numbers 28:26

[69]Acts 2:1-4

[70]Leviticus 23:33-43, John 7:2-39

[71]Esther 9:16-19, John 10:22

[72]Matthew 11:19

[73]Jude 12

[74]I Corinthians 10:27

[75]Revelation 19:9

[76]Hebrews 10:1

[77]Psalm 5:11, Psalm 68:3, Isaiah 61:10, Habukkuk 3:18, Luke 15:6, John
16:22, John 15:10-11, Philippians 4:4, I Thessalonians 5:16, I Peter 1:8,
Revelation 12:12

[78]Ecclesiastes 10:9

[79]I Corinthians 7:32

[80]Philippians 4:6

[81]I Peter 5:7

[82]Revelation 12:10

[83]Nehemiah 8:10

[84]Isaiah 52:1

[85]Isaiah 40:31

[86]Isaiah 1:10-20

[87]I Samuel 15:22

[88]Luke 22:7-12

[89]John 14:1-4

[90]Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

[91]Ecclesiastes 8:5

[92]Psalm 89:47

[93]Psalm 103:15
"My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle"**Job 7:6

[95]Job 14:1

[96]James 4:14
[97]I Corinthians 7:29

[98]Revelation 1:3

[99]Ephesians 5:16

[100]Matthew 11:28-29

[101]John 11:9, 7:6, 12:23-27, 13:1, 17:1, 9:4

[102]Genesis 7:1

[103]Genesis 12:3

[104]Joshua 24:15

[105]Jeremiah 31:1

[106]Amos 3:2

[107]Isaiah 58:10-12

[108]Isaiah 60:1

[109]Matthew 5:13-16

[110]I Thessalonians 5:5-6

[111]John 9:4

[112]Acts 12:12

[113]Acts 16:5

[114]Acts 18:7

[115]Acts 18:26

[116]Acts 21:8
[117]Romans 16:5

[118]Matthew 19:21

[119]Matthew 26:11

[120]Galatians 2:10, James 2:2-6

[121]Acts 6:1

[122]Deuteronomy 10:18

[123]Exodus 22:22

[124]II Corinthians 1:4, 2:4

[125]I John 4:19

[126]I Peter 3:7

[127]Ephesians 5:27

[128]Ephesians 5:28-33

[129]Colossians 3:18-19

[130]John 17:19

[131]Genesis 17:4, Romans 4:17

[132]Malachi 2:10

[133]I Timothy 5:8

[134]Luke 22:26-27

[135]I Peter 5:5-6

[136]John 15:5
[137]Genesis 1:26-27

[138]Genesis 2:18-25

[139]Genesis 3:20

[140]Galatians 3:28

[141]John 20:11-17, Luke 2:36-38, Matthew 15:28

[142]Luke 13:10-17

[143]John 4:24

[144]John 11:25

[145]Luke 8:1-3

[146]Ephesians 5:21

[147]Ephesians 5:22-23

[148]Matthew 22:37-39

[149]I Peter 3:3-6

[150]Proverbs 31:28

[151]II Peter 1:5-8

[152]I Corinthians 13

[153]I Peter 3:5, Luke 1:45, Hebrews 11:11

[154]I Thessalonians 4:11

[155]I Timothy 5:5, Titus 2:3

[156] Joel 2:29

[157] Acts 16:14-15

[158]Romans 16:1-16

[159]Titus 2:3-5

[160]Genesis 3:8

[161]Matthew 12:34

[162]Genesis 1:27-28, Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 17:27

[163]I Timothy 4:4

[164]Genesis 2:25

[165]Hebrews 4:13

[166]Romans 1:18-32, II Corinthians 5:10

[167]Genesis 16:2

[168]Genesis 34:7, 39:7; II Samuel 11:4; Deuteronomy 22:22-33; II Samuel

13:11

[169]Genesis 4:17, Genesis 4:25

[170]Matthew 15:19

[171]Romans 1:26-28, Ephesians 5:3-5, Galatians 5:19, Colossians 3:5-6, I

Thessalonians 4:3-8

[172]Jude 3-10, I Corinthians 6:9

[173]Galatians 5:16-25

[174]Galatians 5:16

[175]I Corinthians 5, Leviticus 18:7-8

[176]I Corinthians 7:25-35

[177]I Corinthians 7:1-5

[178]I Corinthians 7:33-35

[179]I Corinthians 7:5-6

[180]I Corinthians 7:5

[181]I Corinthians 7:36-38

[182]Matthew 22:29-30, Mark 12:25, Luke 20:34-36, I Corinthians 7:31

[183]Proverbs 17:6

[184]Luke 18:15-17

[185]Psalm 8:2

[186]Matthew 18:1-6

[187]Matthew 18:10

[188]Matthew 11:28

[189]Luke 18:16

[190]Proverbs 22:6

[191]Matthew 13:22, Luke 8:14

[192]Hebrews 10:25

[193]John 15:12

[194]Romans 5:5

[195]Proverbs 13:24, Hebrews 12:1-8, Proverbs 3:11-12

[196]Ephesians 6:1

[197]I Samuel 15:23

[198]Proverbs 17:11

[199]Romans 1:18-32, II Timothy 3:1-2

[200]Jeremiah 29:13

[201]Hebrews 13:8

[202]Isaiah 59:1-2

[203]Luke 18:9-14

[204]Luke 18:9-14

[205]Exodus 20:1-17

[206]Matthew 5:21-28

[207]Ephesians 4:17-32

[208]Genesis 3:12

[209]Romans 1:18-19, Psalm 51:4

[210]Hebrews 3:13

[211]Mark 6:1-6, Matthew 13:54-58

[212]Psalm 51:4

[213]Psalm 19:12

[214]John 8:34, Gal 5:19-21

[215]Matthew 12:36-37, Romans 2:16

[216]John 19:30

[217]Galatians 2:16

[218]Matthew 3:8

[219]Luke 18:22

[220]Matthew 11:28

[221]John 1:12-13

[222]Ephesians 2:8-9

[223]Romans 5:1

[224]Romans 8:1

[225]II Corinthians 5:17

[226]John 1:12

[227]Hebrews 11;14-16

[228]Acts 1:8

[229]II Peter 3:18

[230]Ephesians 5:18

[231]Romans 8:9

[232]Ephesians 4:30

[233]I Peter 1:2

[234]John 16:13-16

[235]John 14:16
[236]John 16:8

[237]Romans 8:26

[238]Acts 16:6-7

[239]John 14:25-26

[240]Ephesians 4:30

[241]Ephesians 5:21-6:4

[242]Romans 8:8-9

[243]Ephesians 4:26-31

[244]I John 1:9

[245]Matthew 21:22

[246]Ephesians 5:19

[247]Ephesians 5:20

[248]Ephesians 5:21

[249]Ephesians 5:21-6:4

[250]Ephesians 6:5-9

[251]Ephesians 6:10-18

[252]Romans 8:26

[253]Psalm 78:6