soft blues

a collection of poems by ivor samuel m

soft blues

1
 soft blues

I need. To.
Remember. How.
To. Have fun.
Again.
The rest. Is secondary.

2
 soft blues

I. Am certain. That.
There is. Many a person.
Who. Would look. At me.
And say.
“He is the devil.”
As there. Are. A few people.
Who. Would look. At me.
And say.
“He is an angel.”
And I. Am certain. That.
I am both.
I do. Apologize though.
To those. That. Know.
The former self.

3
 soft blues

I want. To feel.
The hypnotic madness.
Of love.
After all.
Is. That. Not.
What dancing is.
At its. Core?

4
 soft blues

The earth.
Inside me.
Folds. His broken wings.
In tire.
The birds. Rest.
They cannot.
Sing today.
They cannot.
Fly. Today.

5
 soft blues

You see.
The scars. That strain. My knees.
You don’t. Say a word.
Instead. You touch. My joints.
At the back. Of my legs.
Where they fold.
You say.
You don’t want. My scars.
You want to. Touch. The hidden.
Where I fold.

You say this.

And.
In all. My joints.
I. Fold.

6
 soft blues

I ask. Why you’ve never.

Been kissed.
You say. It is too scary.
Too precious.
To exist. In a moment. Alone with.
Someone else.
And I wonder. I wonder.
Just how long.
You have been. Alone.
In. Your moment.
Waiting. For someone.
To share that moment with.

7
 soft blues

She was made of.

Sharp. Pointed ends.
All over her. Body.
She wore. Blood dripping robes.
That swayed. And danced.
In. The wind.
She. Was called.
All sorts of names.
Wild. Ugly. And dangerous.
But.
Roses. Are considered. Beautiful.
And yet. They both looked.
Just the same.
- Beautiful. Sharp. Pointed edges. And blood dripping
robes.

8
 soft blues

A love. So strong. That.

It makes. One forget. To.
Breathe.
But. You smile. At me.
And. I remember.
To take a breath. Instead.
I don’t. Forget.
No.
I remember.
To breathe.
I remember.
That. I am. Alive.

I think. This. Is even greater.

9
 soft blues

You say. You love me.

And I don’t. Hear words.
Instead.
I feel. The breeze.
I touch. The air.
I taste. My smile. Again.

You say.
You. Love. Me.
And.
I breathe.
Again.

10
 soft blues

I don’t. Know much.

About love. But. What.
I do. Know. Is this;
You settled.
Between. My teeth.
Made a nest.
Under. My tongue.
Kept warm by. The exhale
From the back. Of. My throat.
I utter your name.
In. My breath.
You. Made.
My mouth. Into. A home.

11
 soft blues

Someone doesn’t.
Have to. Be.
Speaking.
To you.
For you. To.
Listen. To them.

12
 soft blues

I ain’t no. Tough guy.

I wasn’t. Built.
From diamonds. And silver armor.
I remember. The day.
I was summoned.
From. The air.
God reached out. And.
Picked. A breath.
Mixed it. With soil.
And roots. From the flowers.
Poured. The stars.
And just a little. Chaos.
From. A bottle. Of.
Chemical X.
Or otherwise. Known as love.
So no.
I ain’t no. Tough guy.
I was made. From.
Soft ingredients.
And potent liquids.

13
 soft blues

The sun. Rises.

And sets. Each time.
You.
Open your eyes.
And. Close them.
Oh. Dear lover. All my days.
Were created. In.
Your eyes.

14
 soft blues

The tray. Is.

Filled with cigarette. Filters.
And ash. To the brim.
I’m blowing on. The.
Cherry on top.
Devouring it. Into.
What’s left of. My lungs.
I. Guess.
I’ve chosen. To.
Die. A little. More again.
AGAIN!

15
 soft blues

I always. Wanted.
To travel.
So. I decided.
To feel.
Everything.
On this train.
And boy.
What a journey.
This life thing.
Really is.
- An endless. Vacation.

16
 soft blues

There is. A whole.

Universe. Living.
Inside of. You.
How could you. Possibly. Think.
You’re not. At.
The very least.
A god?
- You can even. Create angels. Wow. What brilliant. And
yet soft. Beautiful magic!

17
 soft blues

I see. The. Horrors.

They have done. In. Africa.
And I. Eat.
My own eyes.

18
 soft blues

In my opinion. Poetry.
Is. Quite a violent. Art form.
It’s. Not. About.
How you can drain.
Your. Feelings. On a piece.
Of paper.
Rather. Just how deep.
You. Dig the tip. Of.
Your pen. Into. Your soul.
And the last time. I checked.
Stabbing anything. With.
A sharp. Pointed edge.
Was act. Of true violence.

19
 soft blues

Hurray. Hurrah!
What courage!
What strength!
You. Possess.
To.
Always choose. To.
Feel things.
What bravery!
Hurray. Hurrah!

20
 soft blues

I used. To.
Want. To.
Be very. Provocative.
With my words.
Though. That. Is.
Not what. I strive for.
Anymore.
I.
Want.
To simply be.
More human.

21
 soft blues

“If they. Care. They.

Will. Show it.”
True.
But only. As much. As.
Their means. Allow.
Them to. Do so.
You cannot. Expect. He who.
Has lost. A limb. To.
Lend you. A helping hand.
Or win. For you. The sprint.
All the. Time.

22
 soft blues

I can still. Taste. The.

Bitterness. Of hearts. I.
Left on the trail. Behind.
And it’s funny. How.
When I finally. Reached.
The light. No one. Had Told me.
How. It would shine. On every.
Path. I’d walked.
Even the. Ugly ones.
Filled. With blood stains.
I left. Hidden in.
The past.
- I bow. My head low. Seeing all my wrongs. ‘Ashamed’ is
to. State it. Lightly.

23
 soft blues

There are. Things. I.

Want to. Share.
With. People.
But right. Before.
My tongue. Slips open.
My mind. Always. Whispers.
“Wait …”
And I am. Always.
Stuck.
Held. Once again. At a pause.

24
 soft blues

I disliked. You.
So much.
Until.
I.
Became you.
Now. I like you.
And dislike me.
- The trade. Understanding brought.

25
 soft blues

There’s a. Thick scent.

Of regret. In my. Bedroom.
It’s thicker. Than the. Smoke.
In lungs.
Except.
If I open. The window.
The smoke leaves.
So I. Puff another.
Hoping. It. Will.
Consume me. First. Instead.

26
 soft blues

There is. Still. Anger.

In your. Softness.
I applaud you.
For. Being strong.
Enough.
To keep. It. At bay.

There is. Still. Softness.

In your. Anger.
I applaud you.
For. Being gentle.
Enough.
To never. Give it. Way.

27
 soft blues

If you. Wish to see.

The god. Above you.
Then. Simply place.
A mirror. In. Your palm.
Stretch your. Arm. To the sky.
Above your. Head.
And. Look right up. Into it.

If. You wish. To see.

The devil. Below.
Then place. The mirror.
On. The ground. Instead.

28
 soft blues

I gave up.
And now. You.
Are finally. Trying.
And I. Am. Finally tired.
- Absent.

29
 soft blues

Lately I.
Look forward. To.
My. Failures.
More than. My. Success.
I’m yet to decipher.
If that’s. A good.
Or bad. Thing.
But. At least the failures. Are. More common.
I can. Count on them. More.

30
 soft blues

I heard that.
Somewhere. Out there.
In the. Same location.
There’s. An airport.
Right next. To a. Jail.
The irony. How someone. Flies.
To the sky.
As another. Next to them.
Falls to. Rock bottom.
- I am. Next to you. In jail. You. Are next to me. On a
plane.

31
 soft blues

You. Sell yourself. As.

Such a sweet. Innocent.
Person. That never. Hurt nobody.
And always. Got stabbed. Instead.
Always. Received. The short. End.
Of the stick.

But. I have. This secret.

Pocket. Of anger. For you.
That. I can’t open. Neither reach.
For all the things. You. Have uttered.
In your anger.

I pray. I never.
Find out. How.
To open it.
- A can of worms. For. A starving bird. To feed on.

32
 soft blues

My mother. Told me. To.

Always. Look someone. Straight.
In the eyes. When. I speak.
She. Taught me. That.
It asserts confidence.

Unfortunately. She also.

Taught me. How.
To tell a straight lie.
- I’ve seen her. Lie. With both smiles and frowns. Multiple
times. I can always tell. She taught me well.

33
 soft blues

It is. Both. A.
Beautiful. And tragic. Thing.
To care.

34
 soft blues

My best. Work.
Has been. Done.
Under the influence.
Out. Of. My mind.
This. Is one.
Of my. Bigger. Regrets.

35
 soft blues

The truth. Is.

I’m scared.
And it’s. Not.
A fear of. Loving again.
It’s. A fear. Of.
Not being. Able. To.
Anymore.
- I truly believe. I might be. Out. Of chances.

36
 soft blues

I try. To speak.
About you.
Our awful. Experiences.
Of each other.
Over. And over again.
But my. Tongue.
Ties up. Twists around.
Holds me. At a pause.
And I. Always. Always.
Vomit silence.
But. I’ll try. Again right. Now.
Here it goes …
…
…
…
<sigh>
Uhmm …
…
…
…
<sigh>
…
…
…

37
 soft blues

It is. A. Chaotic.
Act of rebellion.
To seek.
Peace.

38
 soft blues

I have learnt. That.

The universe. Writes.
It’s own. Stories.
Not ours.

39
 soft blues

The waters. In lake. Victoria.

They are calm. Today.
Reflecting. All the different.
Shades of. Blue.
Around it.
Including. The soft. Sad blues. In.
My brown eyes. That stare.
At it. With longing.

40
 soft blues

The breeze. Is. The language.

Of the winds.
I listen.
I listen.
I listen.
And when. I am done.
I. Weep. With its. Revelations.

It carries. Sad news. About.

People. Being cruel.
To each other. Again.

The air. Is thick. With war songs.

41
 soft blues

Apart from. Myself.

I have.
Nothing.
To offer.
This world.
- Sacrifice.

42
 soft blues

My biggest fear. Is.

Making. A friend.

43
 soft blues

Remember. That. To you.

Something. Can mean.
The whole. Wide world.
And to another. It.
Can mean. Nothing.
Your priorities. Are not.
The priorities. Of another.
- Root of frustration.

44
 soft blues

Your heart!
That Is.
The softest place.
I have. Ever.
Laid my head.
It is. Also.
The most threatening.

45
 soft blues

Today. I breathed in.

The. Fresh air.
I painted it. I.
Captured it.
Gave it. Color.
Gave it. A body.

This. Is what.
Art is.
Fresh. Air.

46
 soft blues

We were. So competitive.
That we. Competed.
Against the. Sun.
Seeing. Who could.
Burn brighter.
And. Set faster.
Sadly.
We won.
- But we forgot. How to rise again. So. I guess. It beat us.
Instead.

47
 soft blues

Dear lord! Dear lord!

I saw. Trumpets blow.
In. The back of throats.
I saw. Devils scream. Below.
In the. Symphony.
I saw. Clouds. Bow down.
In the. Hands of. Love.
Or what I thought. It was.

It’s nothing. I can.

Compare to. But. A.
Raging. River.
I saw. It. I saw love.
And. It’s.
A raging river. A. Raging.
Deranged. River.

48
 soft blues

I turn. Off. The switch.

When. I think. Of you.
I don’t want.
The light.
To know. That.
I still grieve.
- hiding

49
 soft blues

I hope. I find you.

At the edge. Right before.
I. Jump.
Because. I know. You.
Are the only one. Who.
Can stop me.
Yes, you!
Not you. Who.
Is reading this. But.
You. Who is.
Writing this.
I. Hope. I find you.
At the edge.

50
 soft blues

Shit!
- That’s it. That’s the poem.

51
 soft blues

Praise. To the. Above.

If you. Find.
Solace. And understanding.
In my. Laments.

Praise. To the. Above.

If you. Find.
Peace. And calm.
In my. Rants.

Be happy. That.
You found. Something.
In here. That.
Even I couldn’t.

- How could I. Ever search. For peace. In an art. As

violent as this?

52
 soft blues

When the day. Was done.

And. The sun. Was setting.
It passed. Its light. Onto the moon.
And said.
“Finish mending him.
By dawn. And make sure. He knows.
That even. In the dark. He. Was.
Mended. And strang together.
By the light.”

53
 soft blues

So many colors.
In front. Of me.
This. Itself.
Is. A blessing.
The fact.
That.
I can see them.
The fact.
That.
I can feel. Them.

54
 soft blues

I used to think.
That. Passion.
Is something. That.
Burns aggressively.
No matter. What.
But I. Have learnt.
That sometimes.
Once a while.
The fire. Burns out.
You need. To.
Click those stones.
Again.
- Manual.

55
 soft blues

Maybe I. Shouldn’t.
Take. The roads.
That go.
South. East. North. Or West.
Nor left or right. Up or down.
Perhaps. I.
Should only take.
The road.
That goes.
Inwards.

56
 soft blues

There. Are beings.

Within you. That are.
Still.
Asleep.
Waiting. To be.
Awakened.
From their hibernation.
By. One single.
Act of bravery.

57
 soft blues

A smile. That is all.

I have to give. The world.
Just. A. Smile.
I have.
Nothing else.
Nothing left.
Only. And only.
A smile.

58
 soft blues

end.

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