MEN'S LEADER: Keep moving, Draces, even if your shoulder Aches with the weight of that green olive-wood! MEN: Incredible! Impossible ‘Our women, if you please! We've kept and fed within our homes A pestilent disease! ‘They've seized our own Acropolis, With bars they've shut the gate! ‘They hold the image of the Maid, Protectress of our state! ‘Come on and let us hurry there, Set down these logs around, Burn out the whole conspiracy From Pallas’ holy ground! With one accord we vote that all Have forfeited their life, And first in the indictment-roll Stands Lycon’s wicked wife! MEN'S LEADER: What, shall they mock us from the sacred height Whence we dislodged the great Cleomenes? 35MEN: He seized our citadel, But didn’t go scot-free; He left with just a cloak, for he'd Giv'n up his arms to me. He'd gone in breathing fire, But when he left the place He hacin’t washed for six whole years ‘And had hair all over his face. We slept before the gates, A doughty war machine; We all of us laid siege to him In ranks of seventeen. Now the enemies of the gods And of Euripides Have seized the Acropolis and think ‘They can beat us to our knees. They never will succeed, For we will take them on, ‘And beat them, or our trophy should Not stand at Marathon. IAs they struggle to cover the last few yards to their final position in front of the gates} 7MEN: | doubt if | have any hope Of humping these logs up the slope. I?m feeting all wonky, I haven’t a donkey, But somehow I've still got to cope. And I'd better make sure that I've got Some fire still alive in my pot - It would really be sad If thought that | had ‘And then found in the end that I’d not. [They blow on the coals, which flare up, sending smoke into their faces] Phew, This smoke is so stinging and hot! | think a mad dog in disguise Has jumped up and bitten my eyes! It’s a villainous flame Which I'm tempted to name “The pig that’s been biting the styes’. But come, let’s go up to give aid To our Goddess, the glorious Maid; For now is the hour To do all in our power - Help’s useless if help is delayed. [They blow on the coals, as before, with the same result] Phew, This smoke fairly has me dismayed! 3”MEN'S LEADER: Ah, that's woken the old flame up all right, the gods be praised! Now, suppose ‘we put the logs down here, put the vine-torch into the pot, set it alight, and then go for the door like a battering-ram? We'll call on them to let the bars down, and if they refuse, then we'll set fire to the doors and smoke them out. [All indicate agreement.] Right, let's put this stuff down first. [They bend to set down the logs, only to get the smoke from the pots in their faces again. ] Ugh, this smoke! Can any of the generals in Samos come and help? [Eventually he and the others manage to lay down the logs and stand upright.] Well, at least these things aren’t crushing my backbone any longer. It's up to you now, pot; get your coal aflame, so that | can at least have a lighted torch to use. [Facing left, in what would be the direction of the temple of Athena Nike, {goddess of Victory] Our Lady of Victory, be with us now, and may we set up @ trophy to thee when we have defeated the audacious action that these women have taken in thy holy Acropolis. [The MEN crouch over their pots, trying, without much immediate success, to get their torches lit. Meanwhile the CHORUS OF OLD WOMEN, led by STRATYLLIS, are heard approaching from the opposite direction. STRATYLLIS [off]: | think I see a smoky shimmer rising. They've lit a fire, my friends; we've got to hurry! WOMEN [off, approaching]: Come swiftly, fly, before Our comrades burn to ash In wind-fanned flames stirred up By old men foul and rash! But have we come too late? It’s early in the day, But at the fountain-house We suffered great delay. ‘The crowd, the jostling crush, As slaves with bold tattoos Knock pitchers right and left To reach the front of queues - aWOMEN: But we filled ours, and come to the defence Of our beleaguered fellow-citizens! [The WOMEN now come into view, carrying pitchers of water on their heads.) We hear some old half-wits ‘Are coming (blast their eyes!) With logs upon their backs Of quite enormous size, ‘And mouth the direst threats - To turn our friends to coal. [Raising arms in prayer towards the Acropolis] 0 Maid, let this not be - ‘They must achieve their goal, Save Athens and all Greece From lunacy and war, For that, O Maid, is what ‘They've seized your temple for. Child of the Lake, if fire should gird them round, Join our brigade until the flames are drowned! [STRATYLLIS, leading the women, almost collides with the MEN'S LEADER, who has at last got his torch lit and is preparing to lead his colleagues in an attack cn the doors] STRATYLLIS: [to the women]: Hold it! What have we got here? A gang of male scum, that’s what! No man who had any decency, or any respect for the gods, would behave like this! MEN’S LEADER: Well, did you ever - ! A swarm of women reinforcements outside the walls, as well!STRATYLLIS: What are you so frightened for? Are there that many of us? Mind you, there's thousands more where we've come from! MEN'S LEADER [to a comrade next to him]: Phaedrias, are we going to let them go on jabbering like this? Shouldn’t we be breaking our logs on their backs now? STRATYLLIS [to her followers}: Let's put down our pitchers too. We don’t want to be encumbered if it should come to a fight. (MEN'S LEADER [raising his fist]: ‘Someone ought to give them a Bupalus or two on the jaw -that might shut them up for a bit! STRATYLLIS [presenting her cheek to be struck]: Allright; there you are; hit me; I won’t shy away. Only, if you do, no other bitch will ever grab your bollocks again! MEN'S LEADER: If you don’t keep quiet, you old crone, I'll flay you out of your skin! STRATYLLIS: If you so much as touch Stratyllis with the tip of your finger - ‘MEN'S LEADER: If | bash you up with both fists, what's your terrifying threat? STRATYLLIS: PU tear out your lungs and guts with my teeth! MEN'S LEADER [backing off; to his comrades]: Euripides was right! ‘There is no beast so shameless as a woman!" 4sSTRATYLLIS: Rhodippe! Everybody! Take up - jars! [All pick up their pitchers again.) MEN'S LEADER: What have you brought water here for, you goddamned scum? STRATYLLIS: Well, how about you, you old corpse? Whats that torch for? Your funeral pyre? ‘MEN'S LEADER: No - for your friends in there, for their funeral pyre - STRATYLLIS: ‘And we've got the water here to put your pyre out! ‘MEN'S LEADER: Put our pyre out? STRATYLLIS: Just you wait and see! MEN'S LEADER: 'm just wondering whether to give you a light roasting right away. STRATYLLIS: If you've got some soap, I’ll be happy to give you a bath! MEN'S LEADER: A bath, you rotting relic? STRATYLLIS: ‘A wedding bath, if you like. MEN’S LEADER: Of all the barefaced - 4STRATYLLIS: V'm nota slave, you know. ‘MEN'S LEADER: PUL shut your big mouth! STRATYLLIS: Now then, now then, you're not sitting on a jury now. MEN'S LEADER (to Phaedrias, as both brandish their torches]: Go on, set her hair on fire! STRATYLLIS: Water, do your duty! [All the WOMEN fling water over the men.] MEN: Help, I'm soaking! WOMEN [with mock concern}: Was it hot? [They throw more water.] MEN: No, it certainty was not! Stop tt, will you? Let me go! WOMEN: ‘We're watering you to make you grow. MEN: Make us grow? With all this shivering We're already dry and withering! WOMEN [pointing to the men's pots]: Well, you've got a handy fire - Warm up to your heart's desire! 49LYSISTRATA: So why do you wait? You'll make Charon late! Last call for the next boat to Hell! MAGISTRATE [fuming]: This is outrageous! | shall go at once and show my colleagues just what these women have done to me. (Exit, with his SLAVES.) LYSISTRATA [calling after him]: What’s your complaint? You haven't been properly laid out? Don’t worry; we'll be with you early the day after tomorrow to make the post-funeral offerings! [She and the two OLD WOMEN go back into the Acropolis. By now the logs, fire-pots, pitchers, etc., have been removed from the performing area, and the two CHORUSES face each other across it.] ‘MEN'S LEADER: No time to laze; our freedom’s now at risk; Take off your cloaks, and let the dance be brisk! [The MEN remove their outer garments.) MEN: There's more in this than meets the eye, Or so it seems to me. I smell the odour very strong Of Hippias’ tyranny! These Spartan rogues are at their tricks (Their agent's Cleisthenes) - It's them that’s stirring up these dames To steal our jury fees! 5MEN’S LEADER: Disgracefull - women venturing to prate Of war and arms and high affairs of state! ‘A pact with Spartans they would have us make ~ ‘And he who trusts a Spartan, trusts a snake! This is an anti-democratic plot - ‘And shall we yield to tyrants? No, we'll not! V'U be alert for anything they try; PU do my shopping in full panoply. ‘As once our Liberators did, so now “PU bear my sword within a myrtle bough’, And stand beside them, thus - [striking an attitude, right leg thrust forward, right arm raised as if swinging back a sword] - and, what {s more, Give this old bag a sock upon the jaw! [He brandishes his fist at Stratyllis.] STRATYLLIS: If you do such a thing, we tell you plain, Your mum won’t recognize your face again! Let’s start by taking off our mantles too, [The WOMEN do so} And, citizens, address ourselves to you.WOMEN [addressing the audience): | shall give good advice to the Ci For my nurture, | owe her no less. became, at the age of just seven, ‘An Acropolis child priestess; Then, after I'd served as a Grinder, To Brauron, aged ten, | went down As a Bear in the rites of the Foundress, And discarded my saffron-dyed gown; And finally | was selected The ritual basket to bear, With a string of dried figs for a necklace And a face most surpassingly fair. STRATYLLIS: See why I think | owe you good advice? ‘And please don’t look on me with prejudice: Hy gender has no bearing on the question Whether I'm offering you a good suggestion. ma full member of your civic club: I give you men, that’s how | pay my sub. ‘And what do you lot pay? Where’s all the gold Your fathers took from Persian foes of old? You've squandered it, and live instead on tax - In paying which you're something worse than lax. In fact, all thanks to you, our situation Is that we're on the brink of liquidation! What can you answer? Vex me any more, And this raw-leather boot will sock your jaw! [She raises her leg as if to kick the men’s leader.] ”MEN: This sheer outrageous impudence Grows yet more aggravated! Why don’t we act in self-defence? Or are we all castrated? MEN'S LEADER: Let's not be wrapped in fig-leaves - let's be men Who smell like men! Come on now, strip again! [The MEN remove their tunics.] MEN: Come on, you Whitefeet, who of yore ‘Against the tyrants went to war, In days when we were men! It’s time to shake off age, arouse ‘The dormant strength our limbs still house, ‘And be like youths again. MEN'S LEADER: If once we let these women get the semblance of a start, Before we know, they'll be adept at every manly art. ‘They'll turn their hands to building ships, and then they'll make a bid To fight our fleet and ram us, just like Artemisia did. ‘And if to form a cavalry contingent they decide, They'd soon be teaching our equestrian gentry how to ride! For riding (of a certain kind) suits women to aT: ‘At the gallop they stay mounted and don’t slip off easily. If you look at Micon’s painting, you will see the sort of scene - The Amazons on horseback, fighting Athens’ men, | mean. | think that we should take them by the scruff o° the neck, | do, ‘And clap them in the stocks - and I will start by seizing you! {He makes as if to seize Stratyllis, but she easily evades him] aWOMEN: If you ignite my wrath, | vow, By both the Holy Twain, Pil turn into a savage sow, Tear out your hair, and then hear how You scream and scream with pain! STRATYLLIS: Let's smell like women, armed to teeth with rage! Let's take our strip-act to the second stage! [The WOMEN remove their remaining garments.) WOMEN: The man who lays a hand on me Will never more eat celery Or beans - he won’t be able. ‘One word from you, and | will strike; MIU smash your eggs in rage, just like The beetle in the fable. STRATYLLIS: While my Theban friend lsmenia lives, and Spartan Lampito, I'm not bothered in the slightest whether you complain or no. You cannot stop us, though you pass your motions six times o'er: You're loathed by all and sundry, and by the folk next door. | had the girls round yesterday to share a sacred meal For Hecate; our neighbour, who's a fine Boeotian eel - I'm very fond of her - had been asked round, but we were told That, thanks to your decrees, we couldn't have her, hot or cold! Will you ever give this passing of decrees up? Will you heck - Unless we grab your leg and haul you off to break your neck! [She makes as if to seize the Men’s Leader by the leg; with some difficulty, he evades her grasp. At this the MEN, accepting defeat for the time being, retire down stage away from the Acropolis entrance, while the WOMEN move closer to the gates. Presently LYSISTRATA comes out of the gates, in some agitation, and paces anxiously about, until STRATYLLIS addresses her in tragic tones.] 3