CHAPTER FOUR

W0DS OF AFFIRMATION
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” If we take
Twain literally, six compliments a year would have kept his emotional love tank at
the operational level. Your spouse will probably need more.
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon,
author of the ancient Hebrew wisdom literature, wrote, “The tongue has the power
of life and death.”1 Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of
verbally affirming each other. Solomon further noted, “An anxious heart weighs a
man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” 2
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.
They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such
as:
“You look sharp in that suit.”
“Do you ever look nice in that dress?”
“You must be the best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes.”
“I really appreciate your washing the dishes tonight.”
“Thanks for getting the baby-sitter lined up tonight. I want you to know I don’t take
that for granted.”
“I really appreciate your taking the garbage out.”
What would happen to the emotional climate of a marriage if the husband and
wife heard such words of affirmation regularly?
Several years ago, I was sitting in my office with my door open.
A lady walking down the hall said, “ Have you got a minute?”
“Sure, come in.”
She sat down and said, “Dr. Chapman, I’ve got a problem. I can’t get my
husband to paint our bedroom, I have been after him for nine months. I have tried
everything I know, and U can’t get him to paint it.”
My first thought was, Lady, You are at the wrong place. I am not a paint
contractor. But I said, “Tell me about it. “
She said, “ Well