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    12 views219 pages

    59496

    Uploaded by

    Марьям Мур

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
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    0 AssSepm ase Apmyp Hexic HE AABHTE MHE HA IICHXHKY! Menyectma newranonmesto He apne Mie Ha HWenxHky! Hexyccmeo neuxonozwueckoit camozauumer Aav6epm Inauc, Apmyp JTandxe Cantt-[Merep6ypr Mockpa Xapokos Muck 1997 How to Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons Dr. Albert Ellis and Dr. Arthur Lange A Citadel Press Book Published by Carol Publishing Group BBK 88.5 YIIK 159.9 247 Cepus «Cam ceGe ncuxon0e» Tepeseaa ¢ aaraniicKoro JL Hodwunnosa Trapittii penaxtop B. Yenanos Jherepatypusiii pexaxrop M. Konmaxosun Xyroxxkeeraennbte pexaKTopst TI. Kyopswuos, C. STe6edes Xyaoxunx C. Hloso6oti Koppextop J. Kostaposa Opuraias-Maker noarotopia C. Apewboes Saane A., Janex A. He xapire sire Ha nemxmey! — CTI6.: Hurrep Mpece, 1997. — 224 c. — (Cepia «Cam ce6e menxoa0r»). ISBN 5-88782-226-0 ISBN 0-8065-1670-4 (aura.) «Uro npeanpunars, 4rOGLt ue BEIXOAUTL 43 CeGx% — wacTO saMAIOT BoNPOC MICHXO:0- ram. He oGpamars nrmnaria? YMeTs Bonpems pacera6utsex? Tpowsnectit bopmystt camo- anymenna? Tomyrurs? Kone, nce To sacayskunaer cepse3ioro BHHMAIIHs, CuHTAIOT aBTO- pot kauri, Ho riasdoc — ato HsyHTe CHTYAIHM, Kora HANI HepBsl HATACHBAIOTCR, Kak CTpyna, cyMeTD pacnosiaTs MpHsHAKH MpHOIKeHA 59 Harneranue crpaxa 59 O6pnHeHHe oKpyxarounx 59 Camo6u4esanne60 Tlosegenme pu narneranum crpaxa 1 oOsHnennn60 TIpeymenpmenne BaxknocrH nporcxoxamero 60 Tloregenne npn npeyMcHBIIcHHH BaxkHOCTH Mpoucxomatero60 PazymHoe paccyayenne 61 Tlopenenve mip pasyMHom paccy>kaennu 61 «He ceiiuac, noporoii!» — 61 Yupaxnenust 69 Yupaxnenne3A 69 Tapa 4, Jlecatb Herenbix BepoBaHnHii, KOTOpbIe MOSBOTATOT JOAM H oGcrosTenbcrBaM urpatb Ha Hallux HepBax 74 Yupaxnenus 91 Ynpaxnenc4A 92 Tnapa 5. Kak 13MCHUTb Hepa3yMHOe MBILIJICHHe: 4eTbIpe CTYMCHBKH K yenexy 95 Vsmenenue nepasymioro Mbuuienx 103 Paspoj{: ueTEIpe MOTeHYMANbHBIe BOIMOxHOCTH 105 Kak Thr Bezel ced B MocHeAHee Bpema? 109 Cronknoncnne Ha pa6ore 112 Kpurax 115 Yupaxnenma 119 Yupaxuenue 5A 119 Trapa 6, Kak He nosB0sTb OKpy2xalOMHM Hl OGcTosTeMBCTRAM sciiCTRO- BaTb BaM Ha Heppbl Ha padote —=-:121 Tlycremmxa 123 Haka3anne 3a xopomyio pabory 126 Tomko pa3 B xKH3HH! 130 Heitnku = 133 Yupaxnenus 136 Ynpaxnenue 6A 136 Tipumepxaa taGumua K yupaxHeHuio 6A 136 Tapa 7. Myx 4 KeHa: Kak HalaMTb OTHOWICHHA BCeMbe ~—138 SAspurenbuoc 3aMcuanne Ha nyOmHKe 145 OGpamatica co Muoii nomarge 148 TIpumeppre cutyaumio na ceéa 150 Moxer 6biTb, 1 CaMa BO BCeM BHHOBatTa? = —«-153. 3encHornasoc uymonnue 155 Kakoii Gompan! 161 Yupaxnenma 164 Yupaxucuuce 7A 164 Tnapa 8. 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HTATeAb 3HaI IHYHOS OTHOMICHHE KaxKTO- To K TOMY HIM HHOMy ciy4ato. Tp Aavbepm Iaauc, I-p Apmyp Jane 6 Bregenne Mp1 2K7Bem B GecrroKoiiHoM MHpe. ITO OTHOCHTEA He TOKO K T10- JIITHKe, 9KOHOMMKe HT, JL, HOH K Hameli noncexueRHol xuaHH, Wu3nb — Hellerkad WTyKa: KOHKypeHUMs, HeOOXOAUMOCT SbICTpo LPHHHMaTS PpeulicHHs, TeKYUIHe MepeMcHbI, PUCK, MaicHbKas 3apnaata, He McHbue TpyAHOcTeii 1 B CeMeiHOH %KM3HH: BO MHOTHX ceMbaAX 06a pomHTessA pa- Goraror, cram wacTsI pasBosEI, MOBTOPHEIe OpakH, HeXBaTKa BpeMeHH ky4a yeu. TpoGuembi cyurecrByior 4 y OMHOKHX — OHH CBx3aHBI C pa- Soroii, Apy3bIMH 1 IHUHBIMH B3aHMOOTHOMICHHAMH. HeyaHBnTenbHO, YTO HAXOAATCA TakHe MOAN H OGcTOsTeNBCTB: KOTOpble OTpaB/HOT HaM 2KH3HB, ITO H BcesHArOMUMii KOILIEra, H_KpHTH- YeCKM HacTpOeHHBIi HavabHHK, 4 JOTOUIBI peBusop, paBHOYIWHBTt cylpyr, KalpH3Hbiii peGeHoK, BeYHO 2KaTyIOWIiicA Ha CBOIO 2KH3Hb Apyr, MocpesAcTBcHHBIi CepBHc, TIOXHe OTHOLICHHA ¢ KEM-TO M3 poscT- BeHHMKOB. Mbt YacTo cABIMMM: «A i060 cBOIO paSoTy, HO Molt med) pagupaxxaer Mena!» win «Jeri, Bb mpocro HeBBINOcHMe!!», «ST reprerb He MOrY, KOra OH...» Tlopoii «on» pasipaxaior ac creymamsio, Ho AaxKe Kora 9TO MpOUcXxOMMT He HapOUHO, MbI BCC paBHO paccTpanBaemes, MepexKHBAacM WH 3HMca. Mnorga 970 MpOweXOHT H3-3a KaKOrO-TO COOBITHA, MIpOcb- 651, MeOGXOAMMOCTH TIPHAATS penrenHe, NOmKHMAIOMIAX cpoKoR, He- OKMAAHHBIX UepeCMeH, KPH3HCa, HCMPHATHOCTeit WIM HeoMpesxecHHO- crn. TIpnMepos MHoxecTRo: cMcHa paSoTsi, BcTyneHHe B Opak WH pa3BoX, NOKyMka OMA, BbICTYIWICHHe Tepe ayAHTopueli, mpoGsemBI ¢ TpaHcriopToM, CKY4Had BeYepHHKa, TOMOMKa aBTOMOGHITA (cTHpaTbHOt MALIMIbI, KOMUBIOTepa) HUM IPOCTO He C KeM OCTaBUTL peGeuKa, KOrA BBI COOpasuc B TeaTp HM Ha KoHTepT Coxe Tbr MHOTHX TOMysIpHEIX CepHasOR OCHORAHEI Ha pasiH4HBIX MHTpHraXx H BIMAHHM OAHUX MepcoHaxcii Ha Apyruc. MpI yacto cpaBHu- BaeM ceOa ¢ STHMM TeposaMH H Wake MOCTYTIaeM, PYKOBONCTBYACE WX MOjeuIbIO MoBexenHa. He crout. Bei BbI Ke TOHMMaerTe, 4TO pealbuat OKH3Hb H Ta, YTO Ha 9KpaHe, — COBCeM He OHO H TO xe. BOuLLIMHCTBO M3 Hac He XOTeNH Obl, UTOGbI KTO-TO BMCLIMBasIcs B MX XKH3Hb. Kunra Haydn Bac H36eraTb MozoGHoro BAMAHHA. Bp He HaiiqeTe 3HCb SAYMHBIX TepMHHOB H HOHATHI HM Masto3dpeKTHEHOFO ayrorpe- HuHra. Bam lpeiaratores OcoGbIe UPHeMbI, ¢ ILOMOLIbIO KOTOPLIX BbL cMoxerTe mye cnpaBmatscs c Toi uM HHO cuTyauMeii. Mer mposenH Somee AecaTH ThICAY ONpoSoBaHHii Halliero MeToOjla Mo BceMy MHpy. Me- TOM MelicTByeT B CAMBIX paNIHYHBIX CHTyauAX H OOcTOsTeBeTBaX. Mc- MOUS3YA TO, BbI HalaqHTe OTHOMeHHA H WOMa, Hi Ha paOore. Hama yen — Hay4HTb Bac 2KHTb MOHOUCHHO XkH3HbIO H He CTpaarb pH 9TOM OT CoOcTBCHHEIX OLMGOK HM MpocueroR. Bel Momy4HTe onpeseCHHbIe Ha- BBIKH, KOTOPBIC MOMOTYT BAM H3GCxKATh HepROTPEMIKH co CTOpoHI Ha- YalIbHHka, KONUer, My2a WIM WKeHbI, Lereli, posureneli, coceseit H Bcex OcTADUBIX, C KEM BbI HocTosHHO oGuaerecb. 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Anorga Bel He TIBITHIBAeTe CHAObIE TYBCTBA: BHI CHeTKa paslpwKEeHBI, TyTOUKY YAMBIE- HbI, OTYACTH PaCCTPOCHEI, HOUTH CYAaCTUMBEI HIM 4yBCTByeTe ceOa He- MHOTO BHHOBATBIMH. A Mopoii IMOUHM OYCHE CHIBHBI, HalpHMep: BBI B APOCTH, BAC YTO-TO BBIBCTO H3 CeO, B3BOTHOBANO, TOBCpPrI0 B YHBIHHE WIM Ke, HaOGOpoOT, CHIbHO ObpaloBaso, a MOAT, BLI OOBHHAeTE cebs B 4eM-TO. IMOUHi H YYBCTB OUCH MHOTO, H BbI HCUBITHIBAeTe KakHe-1H60 43 HUX MO4TH Beer ya. Vi wakoxeu, BbI nocroaHHo deiicmeyeme. K jciicrauam oTHOCATCA H Bal CaMble He3Ha4HTeNbHBle %KECTHI, H IBHKEHUA BO BpeMA 4TeHHA oToit KHuTH. Mopriysn 1m BBI, B31OXHYIM, a MOxKET, COCTPOHLIH TPUM: cy WIM HOABHHYIMcb — Bce 9TO AelicrBus. [loka BbI KMBeTe — BbI JICii- eTByeTe. He Takoe yx OTKpBITHe 3aMBHTS, YTO YeNOReK Ayam, wyecmayem u Oeticmeyem. Ho 04H BaxKHO OCO3HABATH ITO, Tak Kak eCIM BBI XOTH- Te HOMEWaTb OKpy2KaloluM eiiCTBOBaTh BaM Ha HepBbI, TO Npexk Je BCerO AOMKHBI HAaYYHTECA ypaBiATh CBOHMH 4YBCTBAMH, IMOLMAMH H TIOBCCHHEM B COOTBETCTBYIOUINX CHTYAlNaX. Jia storo Hy:KHO MocTosHHO MpusaraTs ycwsHa, cHcTemaTH4ecKH 3a- HMMaTbCa MW YcepAHO OBMajeBaTb HaBbIKaMH M MeTOaMH, Mpesularae- MBIMH B 9TOli KHHTe. Kunra He noMoxer BaM MrHOBCHHO H36aBHITbCA OT BCeX NpodreM. Meroapl, OnHcaHHbie B Heil, TpocTbl H O4eHb aqppeKTHBHEI, HO JIA TOTO wTOOBI H3BIENb JU CeGH MaKCHMaIBAY1O TlOuB3y, BAM CuIeAeT TIpuMe- HTL HX perysbIpHo. Pokopas ¥erBepka OGEIHHO BHEIAIOT YeTEIPe OCHOBHBIX «POKOBbIX TyBcTBa. Ecmm BbI XOTb Pa3 HCHBITAIHM PH OUPeHeCHHLIX OGCTOATEMbCTBAX OAHO 13 HX, TO HC CMOXKeTe Tak 9¢pPCKTHBHO CNpaBAATECA C TpYAHOCTAMH, Kak xoTemock Gs, — cKopee BCErO, BbI PACCTPOHTeck H TOSBOAHTe KOMY-TO WIM YeMy-To BEIGHTS Bac H3 KoueH, K TakKHM 9MOUHAM OTHOCATCH Ypes Mepubie GecnoKoiicrBo, rHeB HIM OOH_a, yruereunoe cocrosaHe, BCTINCCK DMOUHi WIN YYBCTBO BANE (4TO 3HayHT 4pesMepHoe, dHTaiiTe Hixe). Bo-repBbIX, CCIM BbI CHIH OGecrOKOCHEI YeM-TO (HepBHHAc- Te, HalIpWKeHbI, pacCTPOeHEI, B3BOMHOBAHHEI, HaryraHbl, B y2xKace, Ma- Hukyete), TO He CMOxeTe MpaBHABHO BeCTH ceba B COOTReTCTRYIOMeIt curyauumm. K npumepy, Bbt Hepsnmyacre, Kora ycrpauBacrech Ha pado- Ty HH pa3ropapHBacTe CO CTPOrHM HayabHHKOM; CHJIbHO paccTpaH- BaeTecb, H€ YCIICBad BbITIONHUTh padoTy B CpOK, WIM BaM NpesCToHT TIPHHATS %KH3HEHHO BaKHOE PelleHHe, WIM BEI MepexkHBaeTe H3-3a TOTO, 4TO YeTH Hepectaun crymaTEes. Ecum tak — 3na4uT, KTO-TO HIM 4TO-TO OKa3bIBaCT BIMAHHe Ha Bally %KH3HB. Bo BropbiX, ec BbI CIHUIKOM InTech (OOWKEHBI, pasyp~wKeHBI, PACCTPOEHEI, BOSMYLIEHbI, OCKOpOeHBI, B3GeLIeHBI), TO, CKOpee BCeTO, B30pBetech. Bo3moxkHo, Bac MO-HacTosiemy OOW%KaeT, Kora My2K WI 2KCHa KPHTHKyeT TO, TO BbI leTacTe, KaK BbI TOTOBMTe, Kak BOCTINTHI- BacTe JeTeii uM 3aHHMacTecb mOGOBbIO. A MOXCT, BAC BbIBOST U3 CC- 6s Ball peOeHOK-NOspOCTOK, OTKPbITO HTHOPHpyIOulHii Balle MHCHHe H oTHocamuiica 10 lo k BaM 6c3 YRUKCHHA, WIM HEKOMNeTeHTHEIe H He 2KeNaTOULMe cOTpyNHH- waTb C BaMH KOsUICrH. Bor mpumep Toro, Kak 4esOBeK MO3BOAeT HTpaTb y ceOa Ha Hep- Bax, DYO MpowsoUNIO BO BpeMa Moneta 43 Cau-@pammicko B Jloc- Awpxenec. Hsmenwuuch upaswia o kypenuu B nouere. Korya # (4. JZ) nokynan Guster Ha 3TOT peiic, MCHA, Kak H BCCX OCTANbHBIX MaccaxKnpos, MipezynpexWaM, 4TO KypeHHe Ha Gopry camomera KaTeropHyeckH BoCc- npemaercs. Moi coceg no Kpecsry He OGparun Ha 9TO BHUMAHHS 1, KO- rua Ha Gopry camouera crioapyecca HOBTOpHa 9TO pexyuperkyeHne, yKacHO pa3o3mHIca. Cuauasa OH MbITaica AOGUTECA Moeii MOAWepKKH (H He Nosy4HN ee), 3aTeM COOGMIMT MHe, 4TO 3anpeularTs KypHTS Ha Gopry camosera MpOTHBO3aKOHHO H aBMaKOMMaHMd He HMeeT Ha 9TO HUKakoro mpaBa. On GecipecraHHo ep3all, KalWLUI H B31bIxall. HW HakoHell, 3a9BHB, YTO Upa- Bua COsfaHbI ANA Toro, 4YTOOBI HX HapyllaTb, MpHkypHs curapety. K HeMY HeMcJJICHHO TOZOMUTa cTFOapAecca MW BOKTHBO HanOMHHa, YTO B caMonere sarpemteno kypuTs. Ha ¥ro ont cmpocum: «Kem?» Vauresrennas crioapuecca He nouaia. Moi cocex orserwt: «I cupalmuBalo, KTO 3a- nperun?» Crioapaecca cka3zana, uro KoMangup. Torda on BBIasH: «CkaxkHTe KOMaHAMpy, 4TO OH HAHOT. OurcnomicHHaa cTroaprecca yrounna: «UTo emy cKa3aTb?!» Coced, B pasipaxkeHHHu Praca curapery, oTBerHa: «CkwKHTe eMy, ITO OH OTMYTHeT Bcex TaccaxkUpoB H TO OIL HacTosuMit HAHOT, pas HOcTyHacr Tak». 3aTeM ON MpHrpo3sHuI, TO HOli- AeT KYpHTb B TyaseT, Ha YTO CTHOAapsecca 3aMeTHNa, YTO OH CHOBa Ha- pYWNT ycTaHoBNeHHEIe NpaBusia. Tora oH HeMpucroiiHo BbIpyrasics, u cTroapaecca Obnia BEINYAZeHa H3BHHUTBCA Hi YiITH. Vurepecuio, ¥ro, Korua weKoropoe Bpema cuycta apyroit mac 2p B CaMoreTe cHpocH TY xe cTHOApseccy, MOveMy 3arIpeneHo Ky PHTb, OObACHHB, Kak 9TO HeyAOOHO eMy H YTO OH He BIOMHE coriaceH ¢ TaKHM pelleHHem, HX pasroBop He BBILeN 3a pamkn mpHuMaHii. Kpome TOTO, NaCcaKHpy 3a IpHIuHeHHoe HeyAOcTBO GectMaTHO Mpunecm enuptuoe. Kak mo-pastomy pearnpytor smog! OsHH Ben ce6a Heoryc- THMO BBISbIBAIOWC H Haro, Apyroii xe 3asBuN O CBONX MpeTcH3HaX BekmnBo. KypuTb He pa3peliniH HHKOMy, HO Mepsbiii yHusHm cebs, a Bropoli Jake NonyaH Hoonpenue. Bueyaraser 4 ll MOBEeHHe CTIOAPACCCHI, KOTOPAA HHKOMY He TO3BONHIa BLIBECTH ce 13 ce6a, Tak YT cenH XOTHTe HayUNTECA YeMHpATh MoGHTeNeii MrpEI Ha HepBax — BbIOupaiite npodeccnro cTroapzeccst! Boxpyr wac MWUIIOHEI Tex, KTO WBITaeTcs JelicTROBATS OcTamb- HBIM Ha HepBbl. Halla Wellb - HayYYHTLCA He WO LaBaTbca 4y2KOMY BILHA- Hu. Torya HHKTO He CMOXKCT BbIBeCTH Hac H3 ceOs, MOKA MbI CaMH He 3axoTHM 3Toro. He cronT H3GeraTb sOJel, TIpATaTbCA OT HX HIM BHY- mars ceGe, ¥ro BaM Bce Gespazmnuno. Haut Metox — rowopute ¢ HUM UpaAMO, CooGpasHO OGcTOATEMLCTBAM, H HE TepAA PH 9TOM X1aLHOKPO- Bus. Ecn bi CIMIIKOM TogaBneHE! HIM pazzpaxcHEL, TO He cMoxeTe MIpaBHIbHO pearHpopaTh B COOTBETCTBYIOUeH CHTYaHH H AaxKe puckye- Te OKa3aTbCd B YHH3HTEIBHOM MoOKeHHH. Korga BbI Youroe BpeMa He MOXeTe BEIITH H3 JeMpeccuu W3-3a Toro, YTO WoTepssM IOGHMOTO 4e- woBeKa, paSory WIM HoTepneH HeyAayy B CBOHX jelax, — BbI TEM Ca~ MBIM JOMYcKaeTe, YTOObI KTO-TO HJIH UTO-TO TpeMlasi BAM HEpBEI. V1 wakoren, cin Bb 4yBcTBycTe CeO BHHOBATHIM (packaHBacTece, yiipekaere ceGa, 4yBcrByere OTBercTBeHHOCTS 3a BCE Ha cBeTe), TO OK- PYKAIOMINe MOYT erKO AlelCTBOBATE BAM Ha HeEpBLI, a BLI He cMOxKeTe OGBEKTHBHO OLCHHTh CUTYaHIO H MpHMeTe pelcHHe, pyKoBOACTBYsICb HeBCPHBIMH AOBOTAMH (Tak KaK UyBeTBYcTe CCGA BHHOBATHIM HIM T. 11). Hanpuep, BbI No3BolAeTe LeTaM H3GexKaTb HakasaHMA, Tak Kak KOrHa- TO pa3BeNMch H YyBCTByeTe CBOIO BUHY Mepet nuMu, inn x%Ke TpaTHTe BOC BPeMA Ha YenOBeKa, KOTOpBIi BAM COBcpUICHHO He HpaBurcs, TOKO NOTOMY, UTO Bb — «cro CAHHCTBCHHBIit Apyr» H 6yzeTe UyBeT- BOBaTb CeOa HerojaeM, ecJIM MIpeKpaTute OOMaTbCA C HUN OcHosxas mpo6sema TyT B ypesmepnocmu. Ho 470 xe 3TO Takoe? Kak oupexenmre, upesmepui um sawn 4yscrsa? Jovi KaaxKoro YenoneKa oto cyry6o HAHBAHyaNbHO. XotA HaRepHAKa He Gyyler OMIHOKOiT cKA- 3aTb, TO B 85 MpoUeHTOB cAy'YaeB BbI CMOXKETe C YBepeHHOCTbIO j1aTb ouenky. Mnorga Bet He mpH3naérecs ceGe, 3Haa, ¥TO 9TO TaK. Ec Opt KTO-TO HOX/ONAw BAC HO 1HIeYY BO BpeMs O4EPE/MO! BCLIBIMIKH THERA H MSATKO CHpocHm: «A He CHHINKOM IM CHIbHO TEI pearupyciB?», BEI Ob SIMU OrpbI3Hycb B OTBCT: «A Te6e-TO Kakoe Ae?» 12) B caMom jele, 9TO TpyAHO MIpH3HaTb, HO He Tak YK cio7KHO ompe- AeaHTb, Aaxe B 6ype 9Mounil. Tlostomy ZaBaiite ycOBHMCA Ha3bIBaTb YpesMepiblMil Te TYBCTBA H MOLE, KOTOpBIe BbI caMH cuHTaeTe TakoBbimn’. Hanta saqaya HaY4HTLCA CIIpaBNATRCA C HHMH: He JOMYCTHTS HX pasBHTHA, H3GaBHTb- ca OT HHX Ha CTAqMM ROSHUKHOBCHMA H He jlaTh HM ORNACTR HaMH B Oy- aymjem. Wnorga merge cramuTb BHHY Ha OOcTOsTeNBCTBa, 4eM MpH- 3HaTBCA, YTO CTMUIKOM cepbe3Ho pearupyeTe Ha 4TO-To. Mpr ToMoxeM BaM [lepecTaTb OOBHHLITD B CBOHX Geax BCE H BCH. A36yka UrpuI Ha weprax Hasuem 6yxst A. (Sto npwunust.) Tpexie vem naysnrsea npe- HOTBPALATL BUMAHHE WWOLeH H OOCTOATEILCTB, CHAYAA HYIKHO YCTaHO= BHTb, YTO %Ke Ha CaMOM Jelle ABIIeTCA NIPHYHHOi Ballet peakuuu. Uro- Opt AYN TOHATH, KAK OKPY>KAIONINM yslacTCA HTparb Ha BanINX Hep- Bax, BOCHIONb3yiirecb cxeMoii, KoTopylo 4 (A 3.) paspaGora B 1955 ro- ay, Kora Hava MPHMeHATL Ha MpakTuKe Pauwonalbuylo TepatHio SMOUHOHaNBHOrO ToBeseHHA — TepBy!o cOBpeMeHHy1oO TeparmMio MoA- cCosHaTeMBHOrO ToBeycHHs. Ona Hasbipactea ABC. 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