Quiet in the chaos

Millie
Millie watched Lee shift from foot to foot at the front of the church, then turn to Gus
Grantham, his best man and best friend since they were toddlers. Lee was talking quickly,
and his left eye was twitching—a sure sign of stress in her oldest child, something that was as
obvious today at twenty-nine as it had been when he was nine. Gus took him by both
shoulders and leaned into him to speak. Millie couldn’t hear what he was saying, but Lee was
nodding slightly, and his eye twitch settled.
Libby and Jamie’s son had always had that effect on Lee. It was the same on their first
day at secondary school getting on the bus together–Gus being a year older had given Lee a
calm pep talk which Pav relayed to Millie later (Millie herself was in such a state that she was
banned from the entire process). He’d informed Lee that he’d “beat the living shit” out of
anyone who messed with him on the bus and that “anyone would be lucky to be Lee’s mate
so he should just get in there with his big brain and show those kids how school is done”.
Lee’s naturally anxious disposition and tendency to overthink everything was balanced by
Gus’ zero-fucks-given attitude and absolute confidence. They were unlikely friends but had
been inseparable their whole lives.
Millie breathed a sigh of relief that Gus seemed to have settled Lee down and glanced
at her watch. Lily was ten minutes late–not that unusual for a bride, and certainly not out of
character for Lily, but still, anything not on schedule upset Lee and he loved Lily so very
much that Millie knew that at the back of his overactive mind would be the worry that this
was too good to be true.
Lee had always loved Lily. The five year age gap meant that as children Lee had
helped keep her out of trouble. Lily was a handful, just like her mother Kira. But, despite her
boundless energy and enthusiasm, Lee never lost his patience with her. Whilst Tallie and
Costas had been Lily’s partners in crime, Lee had been her stoic protector. She’d always been
one of the few people outside the family to make him laugh. But it was one summer when
Lee came home from university that Millie noticed the change. Lily was a late developer,
almost as though all her energy went into the force of her personality and her whirlwind
energy, rather than her height and puberty. Up until the age of fifteen she remained a skinny
little thing–red hair shoved into haphazard ponytails, her make-up free, freckled face donning
its standard cheeky expression. But by the time of her sixteenth birthday party, she’d shot up
(still a foot shorter than Lee who was six-foot-two, but she’d at least made it over five foot),
started wearing her beautiful hair down, developed small but noticeable curves and even
succumbed to the odd bit of mascara after years of declaring make up part of the “suppressive
patriarchy”.
Lee had arrived at her birthday party after not seeing her for sixth months and froze in
the doorway of Kira and Barclay’s house for a full minute. It had taken Gus snapping his
fingers in front of Lee’s face and asking him if he’d had a stroke to get Lee to close his mouth
and stop staring at Lily as she chatted away to Costa and Tallie, who’d already run into the
house leaving their brother in their wake. The force of Lee’s attraction to Lily left him totally
overwhelmed. Just like his mother before him, he didn’t cope with it well. He barely spoke to
Lily that day, and for the next four years, avoided her wherever possible. Before that, he’d
brought the odd girlfriend home from Uni with him, but not anymore. His heart was Lily’s.
But, as was his way, he over-thought his way out of claiming her for himself. When Pav had
gently brought up that they may have noticed how he watched Lily and asked if everything
was okay, he’d told his dad straight up he was in love with her.
“What’s the problem, then?” Pav had asked in total confusion. To Pav, who had
always had natural self-confidence and the gift of the gab, Lee’s reluctance to make any sort
of move on Lily was baffling. “You’re a handsome chap. Of course you are with my genes.
Ask her out.”
Lee had sighed and rolled his eyes. “It’s not as simple as that, Dad,” he explained
patiently. “Lily is so… so everything. Compared to her, I’m just grey. She’s full-on
technicolour.”
“You are not grey!”
“Dad, I am. I’m a worrier, I’m serious. I’m nothing like her at all.”
“Okay, so you take life seriously–what’s wrong with that? You’re also kind, funny-”
Lee snorted. “Yes, you are, Lee. Your humour is subtle, dry and less in your face than Lily’s,
but you always make her laugh. Or at least you used to before you started avoiding her like
the plague.” He went on in a quieter voice. “Listen mate, she’s a bit upset to be honest. She
asked your mum why you don’t like her anymore the other day. She watches you too, you
know.”
Lee hadn’t been ready then to believe his dad. But a year later, when Lily, then a
student, was involved in a car accident, there were no pep talks required to motivate Lee to
make his move. He left a in the middle of a board meeting at his company when the text came
through, strode into that hospital, directly to Lily’s cubicle, pushed past Barclay and Kira to
stand right in front of her. Lily’s face was bruised, one eye swollen from the impact of the
dashboard (she’d been in a friend’s car and the airbag had failed). Lee started barking out
questions, asking when Lily’s head CT was going to be. Had she had a full neurological
examination? He’d turned on Barclay, asking him why the fuck he’d allowed his daughter to
get into an unsafe car. Barclay wasn’t used to anyone barking anything at him, seeing as he’d
been Prime Minister of the country for two terms by that point, but he tolerated Lee’s
inquisition. It was only Lily that was able to silence him. She got out of the bed she was on
and went to stand in front of Lee, laying her hands on his chest to get his attention.
“Hey, Lean Bean,” she said softly. “I’m okay, you know. My mum is actually a
doctor if you remember. I’ve been checked out properly.”
“Lily,” Lee gritted out, concern etched in his features. “Get back on the bed. You
could pass out or–”
“I’m not going to pass out. I promise.”
“I -,” Lee swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. “You were hurt,” he
whispered.
Lily’s hand came up to the side of his face and he blinked his eyes open. “I’m okay.”
That was it for Lee. More than he could take. His arms closed around his precious Lily, and
he enveloped her in a tight hug.
“You should be more bloody careful,” he ground out.
She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his back. “Well, maybe you can drive me
around from now on.”
“Too bloody right I will.”
Kira cleared her throat. “Lee, sweetheart. Lily hurt her ribs on the seatbelt, you might
want to ease off a mo.”
Lee’s arms dropped instantly, and Lily scowled at her mother before looking back up
at him. “Well, you can pick me up later then, can’t you,” she told him as she turned to climb
back into bed before holding out her hand to a shell-shocked Lee. He moved to her bedside
and took it, staring down at her with a dazed expression.
“Er… okay.”
“We’ll have dinner at your place, and then you can keep an eye on me overnight. It’ll
save Mum and Dad the hassle.”
 And that was that. Lee was claimed, Lily was ecstatic, and Barclay was relieved that
his wayward daughter finally had a steadying influence. Kira was happy because she knew
there was nobody who would love her daughter more.
Millie tensed as Lee started pacing at the front of the church. She went to get up, but
Pav held her hand and pulled her back down onto the church pew.
“He’ll be fine, love,” he whispered in her ear, giving her hand a squeeze. “She’ll be
here, and he’ll be fine. Gus is sorting him out.”
“What if he has one of his panic attacks,” Millie whispered, remembering both Lee’s
panic attacks from years ago and her own before she married Pav.
“He hasn’t had one of those since he was a teenager,” Pav said. “He knows how to
centre himself just like you do. You’ve got to trust him, baby.”
Pav still knew the way to soften Millie up was a steady stream of endearments and
physical affection. It was normally an effective combo, but right now, Millie was feeling
more anxious than she had in years. Just as she was about to pull away from her husband to
go to her first-born, there was a crash from the back of the church. The entire congregation
turned around to see Lily burst through the solid wooden doors at a jog, tugging Barclay
along with her.
“Come on, Dad,” semi-shouted an impatient Lily. “I told you he’ll get stressed out if
he has to wait too long.” I glanced back at Lee to see him stare at Lily in her beautiful lace
wedding dress with an awed expression. The eye tic now fully resolved; panic attack averted.
“Lily, bloody he- er… well, I mean bloody badgers,” said Kira as she skirted her
daughter and headed for the front of the church. “Let me sit down first, you maniac.”
“And wait for us,” shouted Tallie from the church doors where she stood with Rosie,
both in gorgeous cream bridesmaid’s dresses and both grinning from ear to ear as they started
down the aisle at a more sedate pace. Lily ignored them all and ploughed ahead to get to Lee.
The organist struggled to get more than a couple of notes out before she made it to him,
dropped her dad’s arm, and flung her arms around Lee’s stiff shoulders. He went back on one
foot at the force of her attack and Gus got smacked in the face by her bouquet, but when
Lee’s surprise cleared, he swept her up in his arms, lifting her off her feet as she kissed him.
Barclay cleared his throat. “Er… kids? Lee, I haven’t even given her away to you
yet.”
Gus cleared his throat and elbowed Lee’s side. “Mate,” he said in poor stage whisper,
“You’re supposed to do this bit after you’ve married her, you wombat.”
 Lee reluctantly lowered Lily to her feet and took a small step back but kept hold of
both her hands. His face was red from acute embarrassment, but he was smiling down at Lily
like he couldn’t quite believe she was real.
The vicar chuckled. “Well, after that entrance, I expect we’d better jog on with
things.”
*****
“Hey, badgers,” Kira said as she pulled Millie and Libby in for a group hug, her
overenthusiasm leading to some champagne spillage, but Millie was so relieved after the
stress of the day that she didn’t care. “Nice to see the kids happy, isn’t it?”
“Lily makes Lee so happy. I-I don’t know what he’d do without her.” Millie turned to
Libby. “And Gus too. Lee and I, we can be… sensitive and I know we’re not always the
easiest to–”
“Don’t you bloody dare,” Kira said through a smile. “We’re all lucky to have you and
Lee. Yes, Lee is an intense human, but he loves my daughter and he’s exactly right for her.”
“Gus couldn’t wish for a better best friend and nor could I,” said Libby softly, and
Millie felt her eyes sting. After years of suppressing emotions, she was much more prone to
crying now, especially when she was happy.
“What’s this secret huddle about then, ladies?” Pav’s annoyed tone cut through the
moment and Kira rolled her eyes.
“Ugh, Martakis, way to ruin the moment, you big attention-seeking lump,” she said as
they all turned to see Pav, Jamie and Barclay all standing next to them. Pav looked annoyed
to be left out, whereas Jamie and Barclay were quietly amused.
“Were you talking about us?” Jamie asked, and it was Libby’s turn to roll her eyes.
“Wow, the ego on you lot,” she muttered as her husband moved to pull her into his
side. “We do actually have other shit to discuss, you know.”
“Well, I’ve just come to feed my wife,” said Barclay, producing a tray of canapes
which Kira immediately dived on, abandoning our group hug in favour of mini-Yorkshire
puddings.
“What about our moment?” Libby said to her as she crossed her arms over her chest.
“Sorry, Libs,” Kira tried to say around a mouthful of batter and beef. “You know how
I love these little badgers.”
Millie smiled as Pav kissed the side of her head and held her hand. The others
continued bickering as she watched. Across the lawn her son was smiling, a laughing Lily
tucked under his arm as she chatted with Tallie, Costas, Rosie and Gus. Millie caught his eye,
and they exchanged a look of understanding.
Happy to be quiet in the chaos.
Happy to be swept along for the ride.
Happy to be loved.