The sample essay below aims at illustrating what is expected from a good academic essay.

It will
provide you with an idea of how to develop your essay topic into a well-structured, full-length essay
for assignment 4. To view the comments on the individual features of the essay click on the icons
on the right.

The Fragility of the Arguments for Marine Parks in Australia

The issue of whether we should allow marine parks to stay open has been widely debated in
our community recently. It is an important issue because it concerns fundamental moral, ethical and
economic questions about the way we use our native wildlife. Animal activists have continually
protested against the use of marine creatures, especially dolphins, sea lions and whales, as a source
of human entertainment. This essay will consider arguments for having marine parks and point to
some of the problems with these views. It will then put forward reasons for the introduction of laws
which prohibit these unnecessary and cruel institutions.
Commented [U1]: The author begins with a general statement
on the debate around the existence of marine parks and its present
place in the everyday. This draws the reader in by connecting with
them on a basic level.
Commented [U2]: Notice how the author is using specific
details. After the mention of ‘marine parks’, the author discloses
who are the victims, the subject of the debate, and specifies them as
‘dolphins’, ‘sea lions’ and ‘whales’.
Commented [U3]: The introduction concludes with a concise
and focused Thesis Statement. Notice the adjectives, which are used
to reveal the author’s own position on the topic and personal views.

It has been argued that dolphin parks provide the only educational opportunity for much of the
public to see marine mammals (Smith, 1992). Most Australians, so this argument goes, live in cities
and never get to see these animals. It is claimed that marine parks allow the average Australian to
appreciate our marine wildlife. However, as Smith states, dolphins, whales and seals can be viewed
in the wild at a number of places on the Australian coast. In fact, there are more locations around the
coast of Australia where they can be seen in the wild rather than in captivity. Moreover, most
Australians would have to travel less to get to these locations than they would to get to the marine
parks on the Gold Coast. In addition, places where there are wild marine mammals do not charge an
exorbitant entry fee - they are free. Therefore, the argument for the importance of marine parks as the
Commented [U4]: The Topic Sentence is short and immediately
jumps into its argument. It also introduces the key word of the
paragraph, that is ‘educational’. The reader expects that the author
will define this key word later on in the explanation.
Commented [U5]: The key word is being defined through the
use of credible sources.
Commented [U6]: Notice, once again, the details the author is
including in the explanation. They are moving away from merely
mentioning ‘places’ to now discussing specific locations.

sole educational space on the life of marine creatures for the public does not have a strong foundation. Commented [U7]: Here we have the concluding statement using
the linking word ‘therefore’ to both pull together the argument of
Main Body Pargaraph 1 and to link it to the next paragraph.

Public education is not the only argument being put forward for marine parks. Dr Alison Lane,
the director of the Cairns Marine Science Institute, contends that we need marine parks for scientific
research (The Age, 19.2.93). She argues that much of our knowledge of marine mammals comes from Commented [U8]: Observe how the author is using both the old
idea from the previous paragraph and the new idea that they will
studies which were undertaken at marine parks. The knowledge which is obtained at marine parks, so continue to argue in their Main Body Paragraph 2. This adds a
coherent and logical order to the essay through a smooth transition.
this argument goes, can be useful for planning for the conservation of marine mammal species.
However, as Jones (1991) explains, park research is only useful for understanding captive animals Commented [U9]: The author is using evidence to support their
argument.
and is not useful for learning about animals in the wild. Dolphin and whale biology changes in marine
park conditions. Their diets are different, they have significantly lower life spans and they are more
prone to disease. In addition, marine mammals in dolphin parks are trained and this means that their
patterns of social behaviour are changed. It can be concluded that research undertaken at marine parks

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is generally unreliable.

It is the contention of the Marine Park Owners Association that marine parks attract a lot of
foreign tourists (The Sun-Herald 12.4.93). This position goes on to assert that these tourists spend a
lot of money, increasing our foreign exchange earnings and assisting our national balance of
payments. However, foreign tourists would still come to Australia if the parks were closed down.
Indeed, surveys of overseas tourists show that they come here for a variety of other reasons and not
to visit places like Seaworld (The Age, Good Weekend 16.8.93). Tourists come here to see our native
wildlife in its natural environment and not to see it in cages and cement pools. They can see animals
in those condition in their own countries. Furthermore, we should be promoting our beautiful natural
environment to tourists and not the ugly concrete marine park venues.

In sum, the economic and social factors that play a key role in the argument for marine parks
in the current debates are insipid and lacking in credibility. Our society is no longer prepared to tolerate
unnecessary cruelty to animals for science and entertainment. If we continue with our past crimes
against these creatures we will be remembered as cruel and inhuman by the generations of the future.
Commented [U10]: The author circles round to the introduction
and reiterates the ideas mentioned in the beginning. This provides a
satisfying finish for the reader through a sense of completeness. The
unity between beginning and end are also complimented with the
Main Body arguments that are also summarized here.
Commented [U11]: Notice, how the author incorporates their
personal opinion into the conclusion here.

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 Reference List

The Age, 19.2.93

The Age Good Weekend, 16.8.93
Jones, G. (1991). The Myths about Animal Research in Marine Parks. In Scientific Australian. Vol
12, No 3.
Smith, H. (1992). Marine Parks: Good for Business, Good for Australia. In Leisure Business
Review. Vol 24, No. 4.
The Sun-Herald, 12.4.93

Essay adapted from:

Bill, D. (1997) Writing Argumentative Essays. Retrieved from:
http://www.eslplanet.com/teachertools/argueweb/frntpage.htm

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