Ss CRAPS. Ae a Q search Movies BARBIE (2023) | TRANSCRIPT September 7,202 Barbie suffers a crisis that leads her to question her world and her existence. evyeouotn by Google nd feedback | Why this ad? [> = Stereotypical Barbie (“Barbie”) and fellow dolls reside in Barbicland; a matriarchal sociery with dilferene variations of Barbies, Kens, and a group of discontinued models, who are treated like outcasts due to their unconventional traits. While the Kens spend their days playing atthe beach, considering it as their profession, the Barbies hold prestigious jobs such as doctors, lawyers, and politicians. Beach Ken (*Ken”) is only happy when he is with Barbie and seeks a closer relationship, ‘but Barbie rebuffs him in favor of other activities and female friendships.[narrator] Since the beginning of time, since the frst litle girl ever existed, there have been dolls But the dolls were always and forever baby doll “The gils who played with them could only ever play at being mothers. Which can be fun, at least for a while, anyway. “Ask your mother. This continued uneil ("Thus Spoke Zarathustra” plays) (warning buzz] (sing) All ofthese women are Barbie, and Barbi isall ofthese women, She might have started out as just a lady in a bathing suit, but she became so much more She has her own money, her own house, her own cat; er own career. Because Barbie can be anything, women can be anything. And thishas boen reflected back onto the lite gies of today in the Real World Girls can grow into women, who can achieve everything and anything they sec cher mind to,“Thanks to Barbie, all problems of feminism and equal rights have been solve. “AcTeasecha’s what the Barbies think ‘Afier all, they're living in Barbie Land. ‘Who am Ito burst che bubble? And hereis one of those ies now; living her best day everyday. [Pink playing] J When Lwake up 2 ‘Fn my own pink world 2 ‘FIgecup out of bed and wave to my homegiels Hey, Barbie, hey She's 50 cool t J All dolled up 2 {1 Juse playing chess by the pool 1} And pink goes with everything ‘JF Beautiful rom head to toe ? Fm read’ to go You know, you know FIs pink Good enough to drink } Welike other colors uc Pink st looks so good on us[sighing] 2} Whar you wearing? Dress or suit? 1 Bither way, that power looks so good on you 2 4 Hey, Barbie like your style 2 (P1F chat was really a mi 1 you'd see a perfect smile ‘J Round and ound and round and round and JP 'Thae’'s my Barbie? FGo Barbie, go Barbie F J 'Thae’s my Barbie? F.0oh, ooh, ooh 2 Thae’s my Barbie Go Barbie, go Barbie J Thav’s ny Barbie ‘J’sher and her and meand you 2 4 And pink goes with everything # FP Beautiful rom head wo toe ? {11m read? to go You know, you know J Fes pinks 4 Precey pink S4 Good enough to drink? Ob, yeah? J Welike other colors but? {Pink ustlooks so good on us F AP, preay 2 A intelligent? AN,neversad 2 IK, cool d [narrator] When you're playing with Barbies, Hi, Barbie {narator]..nobody bothers co walk them down che stairs and out the door, et eter, ‘You us pick them up and pur them where you want them to go (Liao) 2 You'd better fy Gil, yeah, yeah 2 narrator] You use your imagination, Hi Babi Hi Skipper. Hi Barbie, ‘And Midge. {oaratr] Midge was Barbie's pregna fend (Lizao] 4 Hey, Midge #evs not show Midge, actually She was discontinue by Martel because a pregnant dal is just roo weird Anyway, Barbie has another big day ahead of her. Pinks Hi, Barbie! F.Goes with everything [Barbies] Hi, Barbie “Morning, Barbie, Hi Good morning. Good morning. Another great day. Good morning, Barbie. Hi Hey, ladies. Hi Good morning! (jackhammer clattering] Reporter Barbie, you can ask me any question you want, ‘Well, how come you’ee so amazing? No comment. [laughs]‘1 Black Barbie, President Black Barbie, President 2 'No, seriously, no comment. {alllaughing] Ah, Hove you guy ‘The Nobel Pie for Journal goes to. Barbie [lapping] 1 work very had so I deserve it ‘Aandthe Nobel Prize fr Literature goes to. Bubie. [allapplacing] You're the voice ofa generat Tnow, Tn our assessment, money is not speech, and comporations have no free specch rights to begin with ‘So any claim on their par to be exercising a right is just their attempe to turn our democracy into a plurocracy. {all applauding] ‘This makes me emotional, and I'm expressing it have no difculty holding both logic and feeling atthe same time, [lleheriog, applauding] 2 Oh, pink? Hi Babi ‘What can’ Bare do? Hi, Barbie ‘Yay, space![bighsfve echoes} Gosh, See you later {narrator Barbie has great day every day but Ken only has great day if Barbi looks a him. [lively chatter] Hi, Barbie! Hii, Ken. Hi, Barbie! Hi, Barbie! Hi, Barbie, {groans} Hi, Ken Hi, Ken Hi, Ken, Mi, Ken. Hi, Ken. Hi, Barbie, Hi, Barbie. Hi, Barbie Hi, BarbieHi, Barbie, Hi, Barbie! Hi, Ken Hi, Barbie Hi, Ken. Hi, Barbie. Hi, Barbie. Hi, Barbies. Bye, Babies Bye, Barbie. Hi, Barbie Ob, hi, Allan narrator] There are no multiples of Allan, He’s just Allan. (sighs) Kea! Ooh! [screaming] Not Ont tes]Whoa! {Ken} Oh, no! {all gasp shriek] Ob, my God! Oh, not [Ken] Thaes grea ure Ken, Ob, hey, Barbie. Hi. How much of that did you see? ‘Wesaw the whole thing. Let's get you up on your feet, Ken, There you go. ‘You guys areso song. Use your legs. There hei, You okay? Yep. Totaly you any way ei Hold my ice eream, Ken, Allright, Ken, you're on. Les beach of Anyone who wants to beach him off has to beach me off fist I will beach both of you off tthe same time.Bur you don’t even know how to beach yourself off How you gonna beach both of us off? {Barbie} Uh, Kens? Te doesn’t make sense. Why are you getting emotional? ‘So you can beach yourself off Come on, Kens, Nobody's gonna beach anyone off Okay? Lees go. {eshales} Okay, okay. Olay. ‘You did so wel. Go! Got Barbie, hold my band! You're okay. Stay with me, Barbiet (shutter flashes)Gres Noreen broken, You' be fine Shedding waves is mach more dangerous than people rein. You're very brave, Ken, ‘Thank you, Barbie Yeah Yous know sus is not eves yj Lino ‘Andis ao lifeguard, which sa common misconception Very common Because actually my job.. ise Beach, igh And what good jb you dost beach Youshould bea up inno time Actual in he time that took for me to sy that sentence you healed Fata Can come to your house tonight? Sure. [doa'thave anything big planned {grants sofiy] Yes Justa lan blowout pry with all the Barbies and planned choreography anda bespoke son, You should stop by.So cool, [chuckles] Yeah Okay. Bye Okay. Bye, Goodbye. ("Dance The Night” playing] ‘Baby, you can ind me unde the lights I ‘Diamonds under my eyes {J Tusn the shythen up Don’t you wanna just 4 Come along for the vide? Fob, my outfiesetghe You can see my heartbeat conight {1 can take the heat Baby, bese believe? J Thae’s the moment Ishine Cause every romance shakes and it bends A Don'e gives damn S A} When the night's here Idon’e do tears J Myheae ould be burnin’ 3 2 Bucyou won'ese ton my ice Watch me dance P 2 Dance he night away 2 J Uh-huh sAY sul keep the party unin’ Nor one hair ourof place P [echoing] # Place, place ¢ J Lately, Pve been movin’ lose to the edge ‘FSullbe Lookin’ my best 2 ‘FLstay on the beat, you can count on me? Flaine in’ no steps? ‘F°Cuuse every romance shakes and it bends FDon’e given damad AF When the nighe's here. P Hi, Barbie, Hi, Ken Toul dance, I could dance I could dance ¢ B Watch med Looking good, Barbie. ‘Thanks, Ken J} Watch me dance? Dance the night away 2 AT sul keep the party runnin’ Not one hair ourof place? Ob, hi, Ken[chuckles] Hit Yes, yes, yes! Hi, Barbie Hi, Barbie Barbies! What's up, Ken? Fdon’eplay safe P FDon’t you know about me? # SUbbuhs ‘FLcould dance, Leould dance I could dance ¢ Hey, Barbie, Check me out, 7's kep the party runnin’ 2 Bot one hair out of place P Bet you can’t doa fip lke that, Ken! [angrily] What? “This is areal rage, Barbi ‘Thanks, Barbie. [fel so beauriful Sool. ‘Thisis the best day ever. Tei the best day ever. And so is yesterday, and so is tomorrow, and so isthe day after tomorrow and even Wednesdays and ‘every day from now until forever.Yeah, Barbie! [all cheering] ‘You guys ever think about dying? {needle scratches record] {musi, hater halt) I don’: knove why I just sid cas. mjuse dying to dance [music resumes] [cheering] Fdon’eplay safe? J Don’t you know about me? I PUh-uh 2 Toul dance, I could dance I could dance ? Dance the night ("silver Platter" playing] |} Give you the world on a silver platter 2 onus ot pete [crickets chirping) ‘Wow. {chuckles} Youcan gonow. T thought I might stay over tonight. Why?Because we're gilfriend/boyftiend, Todo what? Pmactually not sure, Ob, but I don’e wane you here Mimm-hmm, Isit Ken? Ken's just a really ood fiend, And thisis my Dreambouse. It’s Babe's Dreamhouse. e's not Ken's Dreamhouse. Right? [laughs] Righeas always. Okay. And e's gies’ night Come on, Barbie! Slumber party! Hurry up. The President's here Tam, You're welcome, Every nights gk’ night. Mnm-hmm, Every night. Forever. Good night. Good night. (Barbies scream and laugh] [whispers] Tove you, coo. (Barbies) Gis nighe! Git? night!{chuckles} Gils nighet Girls night! Tean’t. gotta go. [Barbies chanting] Girls’ night! Gris night! Girls’ nigh! Gide nigh! Girl ni 11 Gils nigh! Good night, Barbies! 'm definitely not chinking about death anymore [birds chirping] [birds chirping] [birds chirping] [music bles] 2 When Twake up in my own pink world 2 Hi, Barbie. FT gecup out of bed and wave to my homegirls 2 Tey, Barbie t Jey t I Why so stressed? 2 J thoughts of death 2 4 .Come on, we got imporeant things to... Ooh! 2 ‘J's her,and herand me and you? 4 And pink goes with everything Fb, that’s cold tBeautiful from head 0 toe? 3 1'm read? to go You know, you know 2 ‘J's pink Ie’s gonna bea ight 2 4 Good enough co drink }Welike other colors but? 1} Pink ust looks so good on us FP, panic? F1,Peascared # [spitting] FN, nauseous f IK, death 2 I°Thae's my Barbie Go Barbie, go Barbie |I°That’s my Barbie Ooh, ooh, ooh 2 Ahk! (eu) You gor it, Barbi Ler’s go, Barbie! Great cheer, Kens. High ve! Hey, Barbie[Barbie geunts} Come on, Barbie. Let’ run towards the water Okay. tee] Oh. [grunting] [gasping] [gasps] (Ob! My feet! Isghs} [gssps] Oh, no. [panting] Yes! So good! (grunting) Hey, Barbie. Hi scat anus jun se Fa? Tm so embarrassed, Barbie doesn’c get embarrassed. Tknow, Barbie, I don’t ever have context for this, but my fet... my heels are on the ground.Panne longer on tiptoes. ‘That's okay. Let me see. {all gasp] [screams] Flat feet! [reeches) [alscreaming] [retching] [sobbing] Ob, not [retching] Stop it, Ken, orty. 'm sorry, T know I’m Stereorypical Barbie and therefore don’t form conjectures concerning the causality of adjacent unfolding events, but some things have been happening that might be related (sighs) Bad breath this morning, 2 cold shower, burnt waffle, and falling of? my roof, (gssps] You're malfunctioning, What? No, P'm just, Pm, Ami? have never had to vise Weitd Barbie, ‘Thar’s because you've never malfunctioned, T heard that she used to be the most beautiful Barbie of all, but then someone played with her too hard in the Real World. ("Spice Up Your Lif” playing] Colors of the world 2 J Spice up your life F2 ¥very boy and every girl P 4 Spice up your life? J People ofthe world 4 Spice up your life Fabhe 1 Sar me to the eft? 4 iyou're having good dime & 1 Shake eto the sgh 2 “And now she's fited to an eternity of making other Barbies perfect while falling more and mote into disrepa herself “That and well cll ber Wet Barbie both bind her back nd also ter ie She'ss0 weird ‘Why fshealwaysin she pis? [chunder rumbling} {grunts L would never wear hel ify fst wor shaped this way Hil? Woot, (plops) Bark (plops) Woof Bark, HeyWhat’ cookin’, good-lookin’? Hi. Welcome, ‘Welcome to my Weirdhouse. lgrune] Hi, how are ya? Nice to meet you. Sorry about the dog erap, What can Ido ys for? I justhad to come see you about my fet. They're, um. Fat, Yeah, Never seen that before Really? Whoa Okay. Well, can you, you know, fx them? snnseny ae Sei 0 yous es Ue mee UR Hue Up I guess Tr like to see what kind of nude blab he's packing under those jeans. [sighs] Anyway, whac preceded this? Oh, nothing. Aveally fan game of volleyball,Thoughts of death Whatisie [scammers] Maybe some thoughts of death? ‘Thoughts of death! Iethat problem? Ob Whar Tveheard ofthis Of cura, dda’ think twas pose buties el Oh, you've done it. You've opened 3 poral {ida open a por [chuckles] Someone dd. And now, here is ip n the continaum that is he membrane berwoen Barbie Land and the Real World, andi you wannabe Stereotypical Btbie perc gun, then, baby girl you gor go ce Or you're gonna keep going funny. Look at your upper thigh (gssps] Whats thas? Thar colliee ‘And then you're gonna start getting sad and mushy and complicated. No! {hisses} ‘What do Ihave to do? ‘You have to go ta the Real World Olay.‘And you have to ind hep who's playing with you. Playing with me? We'reall being payed with, babe Bur usually ther’ some kindof separation. Thank ‘There's the gi and the dll And nerer the wan hall ross. ‘The ian crosng? Yes And the giel who's playing with you, she must be sad, and her thoughts and feelings and humanness aeinerfering with your dellness. ‘Why would she be sd? ‘We fixed everything so tatll women inthe Real World can be happy and powerfl 1 don’: know; bur if you ask me, you had something ro do with this 00. Me “Takes two cxip a portal lean’ thave ‘Tweonly ever wanted for everything to stay exactly asi ‘Well, be tha as it may, che two of you are becoming inextricably inter ed. So, should... Whoot So, whar'l tbe then? ‘You can go back to your regular life and forget any ofthis ever happened, or you can know the truth about the universe “The choice is now yours, “The frse one, The high heel No. Welldoa redo,You're supposed co wane to know. don’. Mmm, Babe, listen, ‘You have to want to know; okay? Do i agai. Pm not Adventure Barbie, Pim Stereotypical Barbie. Pnlike the Barbie you think of when someone says, “Think ofa Barbie.” “Thats me, bummed. You're a bummer, That's bummer, (Okay, Vim ready to forget now, [No! You're doing this one! T just gave you 2 choice so you could feel some sense of control So there is no option one? No! ‘You have to ix the rip yourself. Don’t blame me, blame Mattel. They make the rules. {whining] Ob, I don’t want to. beens ‘Send me chrough the portal (Okay. There's actualy no portal Oh, Te’sa figure of speech Ie’ actually a sports car toa speedboat, to a rocket ship, toa tandem bike, to a camper van, fan, toa snowmobile, brs, which will ake you most ofthe way to the state of Los Angeles, where you will don neon and Rollerblade, and enter the country of California,‘Weird, know. Best if you don’e think about it too much. And then when I get thete, how do find this gil? Youwill know. (Okay. And how do I get back? “The same way you came, but in reverse Like I should move forward but do the order backward oF go, Don’t overthink it Ob. Okay. For you see, if you do not find her and fx chings, what's ugly will become uglier, and what's weird will become weirder, “And then you'll Took ike me, ‘Ahh! Oh. Sorry understand, [set myself up for that Anyway, [believe in you, “Thank you. Go, Be carefil. [love you, [crowd] Bon voyage to realy, and good luck restoring the membrane that separates our world from theirs s0 you don’t gee cellulite! [cheering] 1 guess she’s going without you. You'reso lost, Ken (laughs) ‘She literally asked me,‘And I was ike, “I prefer to stay here” ‘Why? Are you scared? No. {laughs} I ber you're seared ‘And I bet she doesn’t even want you to go ‘Well, you becboth those things incorrectly, and I bet in the opposite direction Yeah? Yeah. ‘Which way is that? ‘You don't even know. Tjuse don’t want to leave. Pm trying to find reasons not to leave Please stay. Pm gonna miss you guys so much, 1 just wish someone could come with me, but you can’t 1 should do this alone What bid am I thinking of Onn. Man. ‘Welll miss you, Barbie, {Stereorypical Barbie} I'l be back in no time, with perfece fet, and we'll forger that this ever happened. And you'll gt tose all the good work we've done to fx the world.You'll be such a hero to them. All those grateful, powerful women who owe their wonderful lives to Barbie. Til bet every woman will say thank you and give you a realy big hug. [giggles] Yes, you're right. Here go. Bye. Yay! Bye, Barbie. Bye. [whooshes] [*Closer to Fine” playing] Bye, Barbie. Good luckein reality Watch: cellulite! {car horn honks) {singing along] ‘Fl wentto the doctor went to the mountains {FLlooked to the children I drank from the fountains 2 rons scen ny sence nus suuie eave J Closer Tam to fine? J Closer Tam tof. J Closer Tam tof {both screaming] [tires screeching][screaming continues] [emusic stops] {panting] What are you doing here? Tm coming with you. No. Please get out Tean't I made a double bet with Ken, and you can’t make me look uncool infront of Ken, Ken's not cool! Heisto me ‘You're just gonna slow me down, Barbie, what if there's beach? ‘You'll need someone who's a professional in that. Did you bring your Rollerblades? literally go nowhere without chem, Please? Olay. [narrator] And so Barbie and Ken set off on their adventure to the Real Word, {cage screeches) ["Tourney To The Real World” playing] ‘FSomewhere else theres to seed2 The future isa mystery F FI wonder whar we'll see when we [dolphins clicking) {seagull squawks} [Ken] Akt FGerot [Ken grunting] J The Real World [bicycle bell rings] [chuckles] [Ken exhales] Hit {both ehuckle] I Were going 102 JF The Real World Barbie, L asetn pags [Barbie] Wow. Thisis the Real World Barbie, Teold you there'd be Beach Yeah, {onlookers whistle] [laughing]Hom, Ob, yea! laughs) {chuckles} {man wolf whistles} What's going on? Give usa smile, blondie. Why ae these men looking at me? ‘Yeah, they're aso staring at me, (ol, ove that Wow! feel kind of ill areas. Like... don’t know the word fort, ut I'm. man 1] Nice leoeard Conscious, but it's myself that I'm conscious of (Ken] I'm not gesting any of thas. I feel what could only be described as admired. {man 2] Dama, gil! Mine very much has an undertone of violence. Oh, look, a construction site. ‘Weneed that good feminine energy. Yeah, Ladies! Yoo-hoo,Oh. ‘You gor fies with char shake? If said you had hor body, would you hold ie against me? [man 4] Have died and gone to heaven? [rman 5] Is hata miprrin your pocket? Buby, you arean angel can see myselfin your shorts, I don’: know exactly what you meant with all of those lee quips, bur I'm picking up on some sort of ‘entendre, which appears to be double, and I would just like to inform you, Tdo not havea vagina “And he does not have penis, ‘Wedon’chave genitals Thar’s okay. Yeah, Yeah, whatever Yeah Iescoal. Thave all the genitals ceplace fora little woman [seagulls cawing] Ob, look! The Supreme Coure [Ken] They're so smart Yeah. [man 6] Yeah, bruh! Doi bro![sap lands} [*Chose Your Fighter” plying) tee) {camera shuteer clicks] {camera shutter clicks] love me leotard. Love the elbow pads 1 think we should get some different clothes. [waves crashing] [seagulls cawing] ‘Welook grat. Tove fringe Tove denis. Hahahaha! (laughs) Hey, man. sees posta ‘You know what? Keep em, ‘Weird Barbie said I would know how to find this girl, bur Thave no idea. Hmm, ‘What would a smart Barbie do? just need to clear my mind so I can think.‘Whois paying with me? That fewhen people think I gtsobored Faster figre out the faster we gett go home ‘Whaam I supposed todo? Ken! Go fora walk or something By nyse Xs Realy? Where? Anywhere. Can go thac way? Yes. Okay Don't go. Otay! (eshte) man] Excuse me, si. say meas 9 aps ‘We've gorto man up on this one, Great workout, man. {both in unison] Men, men, men, You're the man! No, you're the man!{men in unison] Men, men, men! [exhales] {engine revs] {horse neighs) Based on the ROL, we are exceeding expectations. Good stuff. $0 I'm not worried about, Excuse me, Not now, Margaret, Lee's shake on this. ‘We are gonna make lot of money. ‘We ae officially important {businessmen laugh] {chuckles softy] (gunshot) (shouting) {grants} {men grunt) Linaudible} That fele..achy, but good. {tively charter] [dog barking) [man] 'm actually teying to make this work.[soites] [oman] How? By calling mea lunatic? That’snot how you make things work. don’: know what this is all. [etre lag [breeze blowing] [birds chirping] [leaves rusting] [men conversing indistinedly] [both chuckling] {chuckles} ‘You're so beautifl Tknow it {chuckles} Barbie! Barbie! Ye! sone gu nis No, no, you go. ‘Well go ar the same ime Olay. She's at school Men rule the world!What was that? ‘The kid's ar che school? Bur whar did you say? Nothing. Okay. Wel le’ go tothe schoo Olay! Now, come on, Iphone rings] Hallo. This is Dan of the FBI (Oh. Thisis Aaron at Mattel don’: give a flying squirel who you are, Aaron, ‘What are you like an intern? No, I'm. “Two of your dolls have gotten loose Couple of blondes, answering to Barbie and Ken, Rollerblading in Santa Monica ‘We're gonna need Mattl’s help landing the eagle. Don’t crap the bed, Aaron! Iwon'.Lline disconnects] ‘This is bad. This is really bad, Whae? {scammering] This happened before What? When? heard about ten years ago, a woman named Skipper cued up at some furnily’s home in Key West. “Asked to babys the kids, She then tried to take their toddler suing Gees, Tknow. They were able to straighten it out, keep it under wraps, but this is serious. Pm goingall the way up. No one goesall the way up. Thave to, ‘You may never come back, Tknow. snags Gan Hey. Ob, hi, Aaron. [New drawings? Yeah, just started de[Aaron] These are different. Ie’ lrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie. Full Body Cellulite Barbie Crippling Shame Barbie (Olay. Listen, Ihave to speak to the top brass. No, I must No, Peagoing to, Aaron, they’ in a big corporate idea sesh, No one sto be admiteed. Aaron! Aaron! Aaron, sop! Always be empowering gil. Always! But what do we relly sell? Pl tell you what. ‘We sell dreams, (Sasha's mom whispering] Aaron, sr pereanens bs passes And when you think of sparkle, what do you think of after thae? Female agency. Excuse me, ‘Who are you? Aaron Dinkins, si.‘We're in the middle of a major siedown here, Aaron Dinkins. 1 think you're gonna want ro hearths, i. (Can you jast e-mail i And you can send itso me EOD. [whispering] End of day. [chuckles] That's cool, Yeah. [stammers] May Lpucitin awhispe, Fine, Whisper me. [whispers] [drumsticks tapping] {all whispering] {chuckles} (whispering) No. No! “Ah! Abh! No, (man 1] Get the chair! sone ag He's okay. Okay. He's olay. {cshales) e's 2 repeat of Skipper in Key West.‘And with all due respect, that was Skipper sir, ‘This... Barbie [sighs] IFehis gor out that our dolls were coming to Los Angeles from Barbie Land as life-size versions of themselves... [panting] roaming the earth... this would be very bad, Babi inthe Real Worl? That's impossible We've gota definite station on our ands Catastrophic Tan’ stes that enought Whar ‘What's your nme agsin? ‘Aaron Dinkins, si ‘Aaron Dickinson? Dinkins Yes Aaron Is Barbie Land ike an aemat realy oii ikea place where your imagination, (all Yest [all] Sweden. Right (sehs} How mach da you weigh? Tedoesnt matter [leas thoat) Sounds lke ajob for the box.‘No one rests until this dolls back in a box. {school bell rings] [Barbe] Look, Davy Crockett Junior High Schoo, jut like Isaw in my vision [Ken] A man on a horse Pye started to getall these weirdo felings Like, Uhave fear with no specific object. What is thar? les anxiey. have eto. They're jus afl a this age 1d amasing. [chuck “Tha’sbocause kids don’ take outon the dads [Barbi] She's gorse here somewhere need tofind er son, Pm just gonna pop into the library and se ifT can find any books on trucks. [chuckles] Okay, jst don’t get in trouble won't, + Suse eneuay F One day, my baby just wene away 2 {inaudible conversation) te) I My angel What are you doing?Of, uh, what's hac gis mame? (gir) Thats Sasha, Hy Sasha! Don'ts er. Oh. Sasha can ecto you, but you can never tlt Sasha. Shel rush you Don'e won. Everyone relly ikes me and thinks Pm cool and pres. Hi, Thankyou iy ladies, Sasha, whatsup? (eschims} Who are you? (tugs) Pmonly your favorite woman ofall time ss ony nny 9 a Yeah She's ray Doyou think she espe from ike an insane asym? Soya’ like “Barbie” Barbic? Like professional bimbo? No, Burbie’snota bimbo.Barbie isa doctor and a lawyer and a senator and a Nobel Prize winner. You're a Nobel Prize winner? Oh. No,not me, bur Barbies. Yerh Arca't you guys gonna thank me and give me big hug [Laughs] For being your fvorit toy? We haven't played with Barbie since we were like ive yeas old. Yeah, I hated dolls with hai. 1 mean, I'd play with Barbie, butt was, ike the lst resort owed Barbie. (clears theo] On Anyways, ven then, it was horrible for ws Tewashorsble? Why? Come on, Saha, been Otay, Babi fs do ein You've been making women fel bad bout hemschessnce you wer invented Think you have that che wrong way around You represent everything wrong with ovrculeure Sexualized capitalism, uncealistc physical ideals,'No, no, no. You'e desrbing something stereotypical Baie so muuch mor than tat. Look at youre Well, am echnical Steroorppicl Barbie Yous st the Fminst movement bik 50 year You destroy girls’ innate sense of worth and you are killing the planet with your glorification of rampant consumerism, ‘No, I'm supposed to help you and make you happy and powerful (Oh, Lam powerful And until you showed up here and declared yourself Barbie, [hadn’c thought about you in years, you fascist! Ob. Um. Otay. Ieshappening gato [laughng]Thave so Wil you excuse me? Jewas relly nc tlkng to you. They never listen, evan inate ess be shasta? No, Ido not. laughs} Okay. ‘Why didn’t Barbie tell me about patriarchy, which, to my understanding, is where men and horses ran everything? SureTshalleek ny fortune there Allright. So.. take high-eve high-paying job with influence, plese. Otay, you need aleast an MBA. ‘And loc f or people have PDs Isn't being « man enough? “Actually right nowy, its kind of the opposite [laughing] No! No, We're, uh, ‘We're doing it well, yeah. We just... hide it beter now. Oh. 'No, [won't let you do just one appendectomy. But I'm aman, But nota doctor. Please? No, Can [talk to. doctor? ‘And I needa clicky pen, No. ‘Anda white coat. No. ‘And a sharp thing.No. ‘There hei, Doctor! Somebody get security. Tr like to apply for yout job of each. So, you want to be lifeguard? (Ob. P'm not trained to go over there mn trained to sand confidently right here. “There's nobody in danger here. And even if there were, 'm not trained to save them. [chuckles] Then Tean’c hire you. Tcan'teven beach here! {sobbing} ‘She thinks 'm a fascist? I don's control the railways or the flow of commerce [sobs] I need to find somewhere where I can stat patriarchy fresh Miss Barbie? {soifting Is jase Barbie ‘We're gonna need you to come with us Ob,Who are you? ‘We're Manel Martel? Manel Ob, thank goodness! ve gotta talk to somebody in charge. Everything s backwards here. “Men look at me ike I'm an object. Gishate me. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and I keep getting arrested [Need you to step this way, ma'am. 1 also just learned to ry. First, I gotone tear and then I gota whole bunch. ‘What do I do? Do I follow Barbie inco that scary unmarked black truck car? ‘Atruck car I'd like to have, actualy You're right, she's fine e's Mattel 1 age ume cr ne at a ee AL A YE ea ‘Oh, i’ going tobe beaurful! [chuckles) Olay. Back to Barbie Land. Lets go that way,Hi, Bunny Boo-Boo. Don’t call me that. Sorry I'm off extly because of crisis at work, but I thought we could go ger some soft serve ‘Thank God they arrested thar nurjob. Um, um... that realty-challenged woman, ‘She thinks she’s Barbi, Wait, what did you say? She thinks she's Barbie She's ike, uly convinced less] What ae you doing? What re you doing? Mom. Mom Mom get backin theca! ‘Ae you kidding me? Mom! Marl! OF couse it was you gys that brought me here Because it definitely wasn’ chat Sasha gi. Lessping) Barbie! ‘We're so happy to see you. Hit [man] Would you like some mineral water?Yes, thank you, Ob, thanks. Pm not used to that having anything in it. {men laughing] [Barbie] Thank you So, we've been very anxious to get some quality facetime with you. (Ofcourse, So what can Ido to repair the rift in the spacetime continuum, get my feet back, and that one cellulite gone, and just generally not turn into Weird Barbie? ‘We have been discussing that very topic. If you'te agreeable to it, we would love i if you could just get ino that giant box. Get into the box and you'll go back to Barbie Land “And everything will be asit was, ‘You know what? We should probably get Ken frst. Ken? {congised chatter] Ken, ‘You know, Ken. Barbie and Ken. Ken, Theguy. Yeah, (panting) Back to Barbie Land! (laughs) Tm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick. [retches) Ken isn’t something we're worried about. Ever,(Okay, just, um... TT gerin the box then. Allright! Yes! [applauding] Oh. But since Tcameall this way, could I ust meer the woman in charge, your CEO? Ob, that would be me. (Oh. Your CFO. President of the Barbie division, Present, Pmaman with no power. Does that make mea woman? “Are any women in charge? Listen, [know exactly where you're going with this, and I have to say Ivelly resent, Weare company itrally made of women, ‘Women ate the freaking foundation of this very long phallic building ‘We have gender-neutral bathrooms up the waz0o. Every single one of these men love women, Pm theson of a mother. ma the mother ofa son,Po. 'm the nephew of a woman aunt. Some of my best fiends are Jewish, ‘What I'm tying to ay is. Get in thebox, you Jezebel! [men exclaiming] What? Lean’esay Jezebel now? haven't been in a box in ages See? Is easy. Oh, okay. Huh, (Oh, my gosh. I remember this smell. gasps) Pm having a real Proustian fashack Remember Proust Barbie? That did not sell very well. [chuckles] (oss ies creaking] Ob! Haha! You know what? Um, before I get in the box, could I just run to the restroom and make sure my hair isperfect? [door whitring] Down this way? Te’sjast down the hallway. Thank you. (Mattel CEO] On the right. ("Speed Drive” playing][elevator dings] [Marcel CEO] [guess she really had to goto the bathroom. {alarm blaring) FOb,oht [Mattel CEO] Get that Barbie! {1 She my best fiend in the whole world J ‘Fm the mood board... Don’t you dare push that button, Let me push it {button chimes} [elevator dings] {alarm consisuing) [panting] [elevator dings] (Mateel CEO] [ssid gee that Barbe! on! {men stomping in unison] woes Til eaprare you. 4 Oh, oh, Barbie You're fine {both scream} You're so fine You blow my mind ‘I Jump into the driver's seat and put it into speed deiveBarbie! Te’s quicker to go over the cubicles. Te’s quicker! Sure. 2} We're running through the re lights 1 10h, Barbie, you're so fine Ahk! {ehuds] ‘FJump into the driver seat. [Mattel CEO] Gee that Barbie! [man] Barbie! man] Barbie! [Mattel CEO] Damn i, Barbie! Barbie! (Mattel CEO] I'm gonna get you! Barbie! {cxclaions] wep Ob, goethe top down Ties on fie 2 Ob [gssping] [door thud echoing] {romantic orchestral music playing on speakers] Don’t worry. You're sae here[birds chirping] ‘What is cis place? [chuckles] I always find I chink best ac htchen tables, Te? [Barbie] Uh yes, please Soa woman does work here (Ob, sweetie, we do more than work hee, ‘Thank you. [slurping] What? Te’s because I don’t know how to drink tea? [chuckles] [No. You look diferent. Oh. Ie’s not how I normally look. [usually look perfect. Oh, [don’t knows 1 think you're just right. {chuckles} Who areyou? (Mattel CEO] Which way did she go? Who saw her last? Uh, ifyou go through that closet, you'l find a stairwell down to the lobby. [Mattel CEO] Find her! Olay.‘Thankyou, um. Ruth Ruth, Thank you, Rath You're welcome, Barbie. [Speed Drive” resumes playing] FOb,oht [alae blaring] FOb,oht 4 She my best fiend in the whole world Pm the mood board She's the inspo J And she’s dressed in really cute clothes [elevator door dings] {man 1] Ob, we got her! There she is! (sh (Ob! Ub, key card! Wait. [breathing heavily] (wind blowing) ‘Now! Getin now! {car door opens] {Sasha's mom] Come on.Ont Ahh {Sasha's mom grants} Okay. [system beeps] (Oh, no! Now we're never gonna get Barbie! {system chimes] Ob, we didn’e need ie Bacbie! [engine revving] Ler’s form a plan here. 1 would normally have shorgun. 'l go inthe first one. {Sasha's mom] lang on, [sires screeching) Ahk! God, I hope nobody from schoo! saw us puta life-size Barbie in our ear sam aie you nese see se une a i Agreatidea, So, P've been alee lonely lately. ‘And I found those Barbies we used to play with. T thought we gave those away. ‘Well, I started playing with them‘And making rang ike we used to do, Remember? Because I thought t woud be fy Wasie No,itwasnt 1 got sad and weird, and chen the drawings got sad and weird, and maybe because I couldn't be like you, Tended up making you like me. Did any of these drawings by chance have thoughts of death and celia? Yo! repressible Thoughts of Death Barbie Ob, my Godt ‘And Clit {both gsspng] Tcamefor ou! ‘You came for me! ‘Those were your memoria oof dreany musi playing) [inaudible] [Sasha's voice echoes] Hello? Hello? Hello? “Are you shining with area Barbie? No! mean, maybe. Like alice, yes. [sighs] Idon’teven know where to start with this wishing-a-Barbie-to-lif crap, Oh, Sasha, listen, Pm just a boring mom with boring job and a daughter who hates me.Can you blame me for wanting to havea litle fun? {engines revving] I gotta lose these chuckleheads. [chimes] [engine revving] [Barbie] Ab! [Sasha] Mom! [upbeat rock muse playing] 1 think I owe you ladies an apology I thought chat Barbie had made the Real World better, bus the Real World is forever and irrevocably messed up! ‘Wall the Real World is not perfect, but you inspired me Tove women. IWant to help women, (Ob, come offi, everybody hates women. ‘Women hate women, and men hate women. es the one thing we can all agree on. Is that erue? ‘Wake up, Mom! [brakes screech] Tam wide awake, Sasha! (eases) Mom, wiere did you learn to drive lke this? “There was this guyWasit Dae Yeah, yeah was. Iewas Dad {engines revving) (sites serch} [Sasha's mom whispers] Okay, duck [nwhispering] You look so prety Don't look ame Okay, sory Leasps] (sighs) 1 can’thold them off forever, Where can we go? [gasps] Waie, Ihave an idea. Can you ge ts to Venice Beach? Surecan ‘Ah! love Rollerblades. Where ate we going? Barbie Land. (Sssha] What? Mom! = #-pinary land? st evr gu as SNe A mA 87 A and your dad’s allergic to sun, 1 nave enough vacation days Oh. ‘What about Dad? We can’t ust leave him! He'llbe fine. Boligrafos [voice on app] BoligrafoBoligrafos, {oorrect answer chimes) Yeah, yeah. Hel be fine, Ready for fun? Yes! Great! Here we go! Come on and feel the magic, [Journey To The Real World” instrumental playing] [Sasha's mom gasps] Where are we? How did we ge into these clothes? How did we get into this vehicle? ‘When I was a kid, I lost these boots and my mom wouldn’e let me buy a whole new Barbie just to replace the boots “They look so good on you. ‘Why, thank you, Hey, you! Don’t tell him, but I never gota Ken, ‘Thats because Ken is rorally superfluous, {Sasha's mom laughing] (gosps] I dida’t say that. ‘Women hold all major postions of power, contro ll the money. Basically, everything that men doin your world, women doin ours.{Sasha's mom gasps] mean, that sounds kind of cool Sasha, look, dolphins! {all chucking] [Closer to Fine” playing] FP Closer Lam to fine? Weahd FP Closer Lam to fine? [yells] Whats this song? (Ob, and we havea female president and it's fun and wotk and friendship and fermale 24/7. {Sasha Do giant hands come in and play with you? [Barbie] No, that’s crazy. [Excuse me, Have you seen a group of women on wheels? “Actually, yeah, there was a blonde, a brunette anda tween, “They Rollerbladed in that direction Oh, no. say ve gs We an a Oh, no. ‘And she's brought humans there with her. ‘This could mean extremely weird things for our world Like wha? Nothing any of our collective imaginations could ever dream up,Acpodcast hosted by two wise tres. Ora choir of 2,000 young fathers. [Not even close. We've got to get to Barbie Land. Go! Find some blades now! Just pick a direcrion and runt can practealy feel my hecs ling already. Yes! “This is what was supposed todo, Bring you back here Ie fees right Ie does. Okay, chisis, Ob, Thae’s strange, [cheerleaders cheering] {shouting and cheering] ("Man 1 Am" playing] Cause that's the man Tam 2 JF Baby, treat me right 2 Incoming brewski ber. [mimées airplane] sv pau sts unas na i penn Something's weird today. {water bubbling] Hi, Barbie! Oh, okay. Hi, Ken, Have a brewskd beer. My big guy is thirstyAh, “Anyway, ub, ‘Waicuncil you see my Dreamhouse Everything I've bought and own will roally inspire you ‘And we can change clothes age! ‘That's the Capitol. [Sasha's mom] Ab! les pink Pink! ‘And that’s thes. {horse neighing] {Sam Smith] 2 You think That women rule the world (Barbie] These are the Dreamhouses. Thisis where I ive {Sasha's mom] You can sce through the houses. AcfiseI choughe the Real World was ran by men. ‘And then there was a minute where I thought it was run by horses, But then I realized chat horses are just men extenders {Kens} On! [Pompadour Kea] Hex?Oh, Thad that treehouse, I saved up my allowance to buy it, [Barbie] Pve never seen a car lke that before. What happened ere? Everything, basically everything exists to expand and elevate the presence of men, “That's amazing, “That's beausful Tknow. {other Ken 1] Barbie's here, [other Ken 2] Uh-oh, Kent {laughs nervously] ‘What have you done? “What are you wearing? Don’t question it Just roll with it, tiny baby. {other Ken] Tiny baby. Don’t call me baby. ‘This is my Dreamhouse. Ie is my Dreamhouse! I's mine! 'No, this is no longer Barbie's Dreamhouse. ‘This shall henceforth be known as Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House, ‘You don’t have to ay dojo and house. And casaBut you do because it feels good. Try it. both] Mojo Dojo Cass, [Noy gis. Don’e say it. Mojo Dojo Casa House [laughs] [Mauel CEO] Give ie wo me straight. How weird sie? ‘Whoa, boss, these Mojo Dojo Casa Houses ae literally fying off the shelves. “The kids ae clamoring for them. Ken is on Tshirts, mugs Ie’ the number one tattoo. [Mattel CEO] Oh, no. ‘Warner Bros, have started auditions forthe Ken movie, which is already a Blockbuster hit. [Jaughs) I's happening. That thing we could never imagine. If we don’t get my words lady. Executive Assistant. My Executive Words Lady and someone who's probably her daughter back here and close the portal, cour worlds could be altered forever. ‘Well, what does i matter if i's Barbie or Ken? You think spent my entice life in boardrooms because of bottom line? [No! I got into this business because of litle girls and their dreams. Inthe least creepy way possible ‘Now, blade faster. Time is running out Look, I’m just having some brewski bers at my Mojo Dojo Casa House. (allesp]Ken! You can stay ifyou want, as my bride wife, ‘or my long-term-lowcommiement-distance girlfiend, What do you say? Ugh. Brewski beer me? 1 will no brewski beer you, Hahaha, Thats fine ‘You know, now that you Barbies aren around to run everything, we can do our hair however we lke, Thave hats ‘Where are my hungry boys? Who wants snacks? Barbie, lam so happy t0 see you, Can you believe what is happening? knows Isn't great? Anyone need a brewski beer? vets 0 Be a IE NNR Hon ‘No, Idon’s, I don’t lke that, [both] We love i. Ugh, so gross. Pm so blotto-faced day-drunk right now. [laughs]Ditto seme-same that. [Brunette Barbie 2] Like noc having to make any decisions Ie like a spa day for my brain. Forever. ‘What is wrong with them? We just explained to them the immaculate, impeccable seamless garment of logic that is patriarchy, and they crumbled. (by my God. This ike in the 15005 with the indigenous people and smallpox hey had no defenses gas Yeah Belle up babe [cules] Because Barbie Land snow Ken Land ‘And it’s gona be just like Century City in Los Angeles, because they had ic all figured out in Century City, ‘The minute you get out of your car, you'r ike, “T can’t believe how great tis place i!” 'No,no,no. Tey don'thavee figured outin Century Cty case we filled them. {owdly] No You filed me! (sh {melancholy music playing] Iherath trembles {scoffs} One lady, she even asked me for the time, No way! Wi huss) “And if it weren’t for these technicalities like MBAs, medical degrees, and I don’t know, swim lessons, T could have ruled that worl. But I don’t need any of those things her.[chueldes tightly] {car bonnet squeaking] ere, must dude. And you know what? That's enough TV remote Which onesie Ob, is that one righ there. [Reporer Barbie aug] [TV Ken] Call me Mister Ken President Prime Minister, ma’am. Let’ recap all the amazing changes and innovation thanks oth Kens The Nobel Pie in horses goesto. {audience Ken) Ken! Lapplause} {audience chanting] Ken! Ken! Keo! Kn! Ken! (ed) (Reporter Barbie] Wow. And now you're making it permanent with a special election to change the Constitution > change the Constitution [upbear music playing on keyboard) You can’t do this. This is Barbie Land, “The Barbies worked hard and they dreamed hard to make it everything that itis. You. ‘You can’t just undo it in a day Literally and figuratively, watch me.Now, if you'll excuse me. this is my Majo Dojo Casa Hous, i's not Butbie’s Mojo Dojo Casa House. Right? (gasps) {somber muse playing] How's that feel? Ieis not fun, iit? [Barbies and Kens] Ie’ boys’ night! [all cheering] Every night is boys night, {Kens chanting] Go, Ken! Go, Ken! Go, Ken! [Kens cheering] [crying] Barbie! Take your lady fishions with you, “Take your Celebrate Disco Bell Bottoms, [ding] [Barbie] Ob! ‘These are archival, ‘Your Pajama Jam in Amsterdam sets [Barbie] No! “And your Pretty Paisley Palazzo Pants! Not the Palazzos! And get out![crying] {Sasha’s mom] Maybe this could fe me Honey. ‘Why did you wish me to your messed-up world using your complicated human thoughes and feelings? What? Barbie Land was perfect before 1 was perfect before Penso sorry. I wasn't eying to do anything, [objects clattering) Don’t apologize, Don’t blame my mom, {Sasha’s mom] Aw, Sasha, that’s sweet. Maybe you wished us. Maybe its your foul, Barbie. Barbie] No, I didn’ wish anything ‘Tye never wanted anything to change (Ob, honey, that's fe, I’'sall change don’: wane that, {musi swelling] ‘Not my life. No, thank you. Just, no, Idon’t want this (sighs) Pm just gonna si here and wait and hope chat one ofthe more leadership-oriented Barbs just snaps ‘out oft and does something about this whole mess.I really understand this feling. Ie’ basically, lke, Being a human person all the time. Please just eave me ere. Just leave me. Go back to your messed-up world and just leave me to mine. So, you're just gonna give up? [Barbie] Ye. [body squeaking] Okay. [Sasha] You know, I almost fel bad for you, but you are exactly what I thought you were. Um. ers go, honey. Ler’s just Okay, how do we... How do you expect. Do everything we did in reverse Unbelievable. Come on, Mom. She doesn’t deserve you. {sighs “Thisis the lowest I've ever been, gn aya 49 HW EG AZSPISS a ‘She weats sweatpants all day and nighe. ‘She spent seven hours today on Instagram, looking at her estranged best fiend’s engagement photos, while eating a family-size bag of Starbursts “And now her aw is killing her And she's going to watch the BBC's Pride and Prejudice forthe seventh time until she fll asleep, Situation of our families is such that any alliance between us must be regarded as a highly reprehensible connection,[girl] Anxiery, panic attacks, and OCD sold separately, [Wend Barbie} Barbie, Barbie, wake up. Hey. {female voice] Weied Pailike you now. Uply and unwanted. Thanks, Lets gether in the back. Come on, One, wo, [tandem bike bell rings] Isn't this great? {cxecutives] Yes. ‘Wait uncil you see the boat. {cxecutives] The boat. (laughter) {candem bike bell rings] ugg aungy + cae sane cae ganas aee ug ee {FT spent four years prostrate To the higher mind Gor my paper and Twas fee? both] £1 went tothe doctor, Twent to the mountains * J Tlooked to the children ¢ FP idrank from the fountains{record scratches] {Radio DJ Ken] We interupt this broadcast to bring you our new radio station only playing Ken’s favorite song. [*Push” by Matchbox Twenty playing) FIwaneto push you around 2 J Wel, ill, well, will t ‘Tm this song off, for Christ's sake! [all screaming] [sires screeching] [song distorting] Who are you? Pm Allan, Oh, you are Allan. That's geet. Don’t tll the Kens I'm trying to escape. I cannot sit on one more leather couch, esgonna break my spirit. As soon as they igure out hove to build that wall sideways and nots p, no one is gonna be able to all these problems in the firse place, "Not one person would care f Allan wasin the Real World. Infact, it’s happened before, All of SNSYNC, Allan Ys, even him, 50 come on! (Worker Ken] Hey, you there. Whatdo we do?Jase getin the car and keep isnging, Hey man What? Be ready for anything [Worker Ken] Who are you? Ym Allan Pm, uh, I'm Ken's bud. Yeah all of his clothes ft me [all grunting] gasps] Gecin che cart [Allan] You want apiece? Wir, you don't havea driver’ icense “This car doesn'rhave an engine [groans Fine. [upbeat music playing) “What ate you doing? We gotta go. We have to go back. Barbie Land needs saving. do posit a vegan ‘Yeah, wel, Iwas wrong. Barbie gave up. The Kens won. You have to ery Even if. Even ifyou can’t make it perfect, you can make itbecte, T can’t make anything beceer. m the one who ruined Barbie Land with my stupid di ings in the frst place.‘They're not stupid! They’te amazing! You lke my drawings? ‘They're weird and dark and crazy Everything you pretend not to be. Jam, Lam, I'm weird and I'm dark and I'm crazy. [groaning] Easy, Bay, Okay. You wane some more Allan? [Kens gasp] ‘We have to get out of here right now, Shutup, Allan! We're going back, Lets go gee my doll {snapping fingers] {both sigh] Pil never get out of here (Sssha] Where do we find Barbie? sy yous tng ee Remember winning it? Huh, Te’s useless trying co deprogram her. already did everything I could. (Ob, my God. I don't even know how I got her.1 don’: deserve this, Um, like to thank Ken, [Weird Barbie gags] -[ Weiter Barbie] Thank you, Ken, Tove you, Ken, “The fork in my soup is this, Bab, Why dida’t the brainwashing work on you? [Barbie] My exposure the Real World must have made me immune Either you're brainwashed, or you're weird and ugly. There is no in beeween, Singit, sser ‘Well ge ready, kids Because in 48 hours, Barbie Land becomes Ken Land, [door opens] [Allan] Come on, gang. ‘Well find Barbie at the top of these stairs ‘The Kens. They've found us. No! Gerback. [Writer Barbie] Ken. Oh, Oh! {shushis {Sasha's mom] Hello? Hem?Humans, We're fine [Barbies] Ab, And Allan. [Barbies] Hmm. Come into my Weirdhouse, Hil 'm Weird Barbie. Pain the splits, Lhavea funky haircut, and smell lke basement, (Ob, my God. Lhad a Weird Barbie Yeah, you did. ‘You make them weied by playing too hard ‘That's cool {gesps] Thav’s Sugar Daddy Ken. And Farring Magic Ken. Mattel discontinued them, ‘Suger Daddy? No, no, no. Pm not a sugar daddy. ‘This is Sugar, and I'm her daddy. geopny atone uiocunaniu vats Growing Up Skipper? May P Otay. {Sasha's mom] Watch this. [air hisses} Her boobs grow.‘Why would they do tha [Sasha's mom] And Barbie Video Girl Thavea TV in my back, You know whose dream thatis? Nobody. Nobody's dream. ‘And that’s Barbie Babie, ofcourse. ‘he’s not dead. She's just having an existential cris [Sasha's mom] Okay, come on. He. ‘What's wrong? [crying] I'm not prety anymore ‘Wha? You'e so prety. Y’m not tercoypical Barbie prety [narator] Nore to the lmmakers Margot Robbie isthe wrong person to cast f you want to make this point. But you're beaut Ie’s not just that I'm not. smart enough to be interesting. Pm not the president. ‘Noone on the Supreme Coureis me. Pm not good enough for anything. {crying softy) Ikis literally impossible o bea woman.‘You are so beautifland so smart an ie kills me that you don’ think you're good enough Like weaver always be extraordinary. Bar somchow, we'r always doing it wrong (sighs) You have tbe thin but not too thin end you can never say you want be thi, You have to sy you want tobe hed, but alto you have be thin, You have to have money but you can't ask for noney because that's sighs) You have co be aboss but you can’t be mean, ‘You have olead, but you can’ squash other people's des You're supposed clove being a mother, bu dn’ tall about your kdl he damn time. Youshave te career woman but also always be looking out fr other people ‘You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point chat out, you're accused ‘of complaining, You're supposed to stay pretty for men but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed tobe a part ofthe sisterhood but always stand out, “And always be grateful Biot nrter feoee that the cvetam 46 rine cn find » wine tn acknnweine that but also always be rever fall down, never fal, e's too had, it’s too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you. ‘And ie eurns our, in fact, thar nor only are you doing everything wrong but aso everything is your fault (sighs) Pm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tc herself into knots so that people wil ike ws And ifall of thats also true for ado ast representing 2 woman... chen I don't even knowsWait 1 did write a book Te’ like P've been in a dream, where I was somchow really invested in the Zack Snyder eur of Justice Leagus Butwhar you said broke me our oft. Really? Yeah, ‘You're buck. She’s back By giving voice to the cogaitive dissonance requited to be & woman under the patriarchy, you robbed ieofits power. Yes. ‘Wow, just said all of chat, Hell, yes, White Savior Barbie! [No, it was your mom. Your mom did the saving. ‘We have to stap the Kens “And you need to sy all of those things to the other Babies. That's the key Do you havea map of Barbie Land? ‘What do you think? (whirring Wow. (Weird Barbie] Thanks. I built it Okay, here’s the deaIesnorjustabout how they seus, ie’ abou how they se themselves Ken Land contains the seeds ofits own destrcton Farsewe have to get the Barbies away from thet Kens, We could asa decoy Barbie who pretends tobe brainwashed That should be you. Cook. [rousing pop music playing] [Sasha] Ditrace them by appearing helpless and confused. Kens cannot resist a damsel in distress {Sasha's mom] You have to make them believe that you're complacent. That they have the power ‘And when ther guard is down, you take the power back “The influnce tht Porsche 386 has had on the motoring word asa whol, ccan'tbe overstated Ob! Phoroshop isso hard! Ijast don't understand how to se the Selec too Honey, you can only use the Select tool ifthe layers highlighted “And magnetic lassos and bit maps. Do you think that you and your strong arms can explain. (Oh! What's happening? [Barbie] Allan, go around! [President Barbie] Ahh!(Ob, bur what about Ken? No, no, no! 'No, but [love him! [Barbie] Come on, Allan! {President Barbie] Hey! What's gonna happen to Ken? {Sasha's mom] Just listen You have to be their mommies bue not remind them of their mony. Any power you have must be masked under a giggle [ding] ‘What happened? (One minute Iwas president, and the next Twas cutting a Ken steak for him. ‘Welcome back, Madam President. “Then well recruit the novr tunbrainwashed Barbies to our cause. (Barbie] They can be the new decoys {Sasha's mom] You can tell him chat you've never seen The Gadfacher ‘And that you'd love them to explain ito you. Oh, my God. You've never seen The Godfather? This movie is a rich blend of Coppola's aestheric genius and a triumph for Robert Evans and the architecture of the "70s studio system, (President Barbie] Can you start the movie over and just alk through the whole ching? ‘You have to find a way to reject men’s advances without damaging their egos. Because if you say yes to them, you're tramp, but ifyou say no to them, you're a prude,[sings] 1 don’t wanna couch afoot No, youdon't Another one, be confused about money. Ijashaveall my money in a savings account. “Thats otlly wrong. You need treasury bonds, corporate bonds, CDs. Noone has CDs anymore Oh, sweetheart, you ae so cute when you're confused. But no, noc musi, CD stands for Cerca of Deposit, ‘Stephen Malkmus rally harnessed the acerbic tallcsinging of Lou Reed with post-punk influences such as Wireand The Fall. (sings What am I wearing? I would never choose this Bocanse you're physicist. Do you want some pants? Yeah [dinging] Ge, Lam so awkward and don’ fel prety aa and will anyone eve ike me? (Sssha] Or distract hem with theo standby. Wearing gasses so they can discover chat you're prety. May? Sure. Go ahead. “There. Now we can see your beautifil fice.“And then there’ pretending to be terrible at every sport ever Here, let me show you. Hr; let me show you. Her, let me show you. Her, let me shove you. {Kens} Here, let us show you. Well do this until every single Barbie is deprogranmmed and ready to take buck Barbie Land. Yes! Yes! Yeah! (whistles) Hey! Tomorrow the Kens vote to change the Constitution, so we have to ger there frst. “The final stage of our plan, so tusn the Kens aguins each other Now that they think they have power over you, you make them question whether they have enough power over each other. ‘What itis doesn’t work? ‘What ifhe doesn’t. like me anymore? Because he likes you. ‘And because he knows deep down that you don’t lke him the same way. Testill doesn’t mean T want to hurt him, He took your house, He brainwashed your friends, [He wants to control the government.True. {Sasha’s mom] Girl, Yen. Wow. Yeah. Ie’ like I'm a woman already. [Sasha's mom] Welcome. Is this wharie’s like? [groans] les ime Pm ready. Thank you. Here Igo. [doorbell rings] Mi [objects shufing] {objects clattering) Cg on eg ms eg on Tvebeanshinkng Mo henm, [Barbie] Ken Land, Kendom.Kendom. Kendom Land Land of the... Land ofthe fece and the men. Right. Well, this place i. [Ken] Kendom Land. Really great. ‘And the Kens really are just better at ruling than the Barbies ever were ‘Wall, we just took patriarchy and you know, made patriarchy, ‘Yeoh, well, was chinking, Yet Pm ready to be your long-term-distance low-commitment casual gilfiend, if you'l sill have me. ‘Would you just hold on for one second? [Barbie] Ob, okay. (Ken, loudly] Sublime! I don’: knows. I'm gonna have to think abou that [Barbie] Ob. nay ws goat 4 pos Ob, yay! {breath shudders} {playing “Pash”] [singing in Rob Thomas’style] 1 Said Tdon’t know if ve Ever been good enough ‘FP malitde bierusty4 And think My heads ain ind 4 And I do't know if Te Bver bee ely loved By ahand That’ touched me? J And fel ike Something's gro give? J And ’malilebicangy, Weld I "Thisain' ves, No, nother, no 4 Not whe stil Need you around ? Fou don'towe me? 4 We might change, yeah 2 Yeah, We ust might fel good 2 [Keng] wanna push you round 3 Wel Kw, well wil {wanna push you down 2 2 Wel Lil, well wll [Sasha's mon] This she Sina stage of our plan Give hem heir dream come tue Iwi {cellphone chimes] (Barbie laughs) ‘Who are you texting? [Barbie] Huh?Who are you tering? Noone Lecmejus [hocks (pels} Kent Sorry. One ee ‘That's beat song that you're paying Did you write? ‘Yes. You want to sithere and watch me do it, while I stare uncomfortably into your eyes for four and a half minutes? 1 would love chat. [Kens] 4 Baby 2 Sorry one see ‘J wanna push you around 2 Be right back 2 Wel vl, well, will, wanna psh.. [Barbi] You play on their egos nd ther petyjealousies, and you turn them agaist each other. [Brunette Barbie] One sec Sorry. [Barbie] While hey ighsng, we rakeback Barbie Land Dos the le of long-ermdistance casa low-commikment gilfiend mean nothing? Whatdo we da? We beach every individual one of them of. [Ken] No.‘Wego co war Againse the Barbie? 'No, againse the Kens. Bur we are the Kens. ‘The other Kens We should probably call them something els soit doesn’t get confusing No, because welll know what we mean. But when we're on the battlefield and you say “Ken at four o'lock,” how will know if you mean us Kens or the other Kens? Because, my dudes, we attack at cen o'clock and take advantage of the morning waves. But nor so carly ease we're gonna want to slep in, Right. Bor winat will we ight with? We have no guns. “Tennis rackets and volleyball And slap Sights And beach off. Yes. {horse neighs distantly] {somber ballad music playing] I Doesn’e seem to master what dot JY malways number ewo ? FNo one knows how hard [tried 2 40h, 1, Thave Feelings that Ican’c explainDriving me insane? J All my life been so polite Buc sleep alone tonight 4°Cause Fm juse Ken 2 ‘JF Anywhere else Pd beaten ‘Fis icmy destiny tolve and die F J Alifeof blonde fragility? £ Fm just Kea AF Where [see love she ses friend # A} What willie cake for ee f To see the man behind the tan J And fight med {dramatic music playing] (Kens roar] (whimpering) [distorted shouting) yous [upbeat glam rock music playing] {oipples squeak} {screams} (granting) [dog toy squeaking]{chorus singing] # You can’t, Ken, you can’, Ken You can’t, Ken? {fast-tempo electric guitar solo paying] granting] [sereams] leva] {sereams] [Sasha's mom] And now they destoy themselves. ‘You know wh I chink? 1 think we should put our freaking Constitution back (Writer Barbie] Yes. (gssps] That's great ides {upbeat glam rack music plays] “This is areal hornet’s nes in here {toy squeaks) Watch your flank. gna 1 gor shot. That's impossible. Are there rel weapons here?To be the real thing Fisica crime? t 3 .Am Inoc hor when I'm in my feslings? 4 And is my moment finally here or am T dreaming? 2 J Y'mno dreamer? [both growling] [moaning] [screaming] {gliter chiming] [dramatic retro dance music playing] {gliter chimes} {both snarl] (Ken hisses] (Kens) # Ken? PKen? Fan you feel? P 4 enya you aes meatee [ballad music resumes} Yim jase Kea J Anywhere else Pd beaten £ Js icmy destiny to liveand diet FP Alifeof blonde fragility? £laughs} 31m jase Kent I Where [sce love she ses friend J What wil iecake for ert ‘To see the man behind the tan 2 FP And fight for me? Fm just Kea f F And I'm enough J And I'm great at doing stu So, hey check me oud 3 Yeah, I'm just Ken # J My name's Ken 3 J Andsoam It |} Pur chat manly hand in mine ¢ 80, hey, world, check me Yeah, I'm just Ken a pine mene 31m just Kent music ends} {Ken chuckles} Ken! Ken, Huh? Yeah?‘Weren't we supposed to vote today? Whar To change the Consticaion Oh, iewas today waste Yeah [excited chatter] [President Barbie] Okay, ladies, let's do this. All those ie fivor of leting Barbe Land be Barbie Land, say “Aye.” [Barbies] Aye! [all cheering] {uplifing mac playing] Pm so happy: (Barbies chanting] Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! Go, Barbie! [Kens galloping] Ist just my imagination, or did these Mojo Dojo Casa Houses just get dreamer? erence maton sane 9 ‘We've reinstated the Barbie Land Constitution to whavie should be. ‘And restored all the Barbies! ins and autonomy. [Barbies cheering) Yes! ‘And we seriously disinfected those houses,‘What do we do? {Ken breathing heavily] [in dexp voice] Kens: ‘Who are we attacking sr? No. [Ken chuckles nervously] No. [cries dramatically] Don’tlook ae me! [whispering] Ise ceying? Just give us minute, [Ken sobbing in distance] (breath shudders] Ken, {continues sobbing) ‘Are you okay? sos nn sty mn mat [Ken] ma tiberated man, know crying is noc weak [Barbie] Okay. {crying softy) ‘You wanna sic up fora minute? {granLsighs) This,ub, Te-was hard ranning stuff Ididn’t love it [cries) Igetit, [eshales] And those mini fridges are so smal. [Barbie] Mrm-hoam. ‘You could only ft six packin them. [crying] And the fieezers are basically useless. To be honest, when T found our that patriarchy wasn’t abou horses, Tostinterese anyway, That's okay. {soitles] 1 always thought this would be our house (chuckles) Oh. ow anne issengy 1 think I owe you an apology. Huh? Pm really sorry Tcook you for granted, Oh. Not every night had to be gil night.[sighs] ‘Thank you for saying that {snifes) Thank you. Oh. I didn’t mean to suggest, wh. Tjust don’t know who Tam without you. You're Ken. Butit’s “Barbie and Ken.” There is no just “Ken.” “That's why Lwas created, only exist within the warmth of your gaze. ‘Without, Pm just another blond guy who can’t do flips. {dramatic music plays) {grants} (cron gps] gasping] Maybe it’s time to discover who Ken i. {smacks} (cro gus] (Ken] I feel so stupid (Pompadour Ken] No. [Tall Ken] No.[crying] I look so stupid {Barbies} Yeah. Took o stupid! No! frying] So coal, You look s0 cool Olay. Ken, you have to figure out who you are without me, Ligh] Why? You're not your gelfriend. ‘You're not your house, you're not your mink Beach? [Barbie] Nope, ‘You'renot even beach, Maybe all the things that you thought made you you aren't. really you. Maybe it’s Barbie and.. i's Ken, Kenis..me? Ye. oes pang spy Ken... ismet Ken is me! Ken is me! Ken is me! [Ken laughs]1 don’: even care about being Ken anymore just miss my friend Barbie! That’scoo!! Barbie! (gasps) Pm righthere Ken! [ding] [dramatic musical sting] wane you to have ‘Aw. That's nice, {sensimental music plying) ‘We were only fighting because we didn’ know who we were Ken is me! (laughing) (Mattel CEO laughing] ‘That's my boss Tes... [screams] Oh, Midge, gosh. T thought we discontinued her. [panting]Look, do you know how many times I've wanted to stand up ina board meeting and just say, “Can we just tickle each other?” Really? Ler’ havea company retreat and just tickle each other. [executives laughing] Someone get me. Someone get me. [alldaughis Love being tickled. [Kens laugh] ‘No, no, ne. Don't hug me, Don’ thug me, sighs) Bur chanks tothe Barbies, I, 00, can now relieve myself of his heavy existential burden while holding con to the very real tile of CEO. And we can restore everything in Barbie Land to exactly the way it was Mister Mattel just Please. Call me Mother. No, thank you, Or Allan, Me? Yeah, Oh. Hello. 1 just want to say, 'm sorry we called you Weird Barbie behind your back and also to your face.‘That's okay. Pm owning. ‘Would you ike job in my cabine? May I please have sanitation? Tesyours, Yeah, thank yo [Presidene Barbie] All sight ‘Madara President. On. Please, may the Kens have one Supreme Court Justice? Ob, can't do that. But maybe a lower circuit cout judgeship “We accept, Aslongas we an wear robes. [oarrator] Well the Kens have to start somewhere “And one day, the Kens will have as much power and influence in Barbie Land as women have in the Real World No, Idon't want to, Just got Tean't “Tellme your secret dream cd O's, whae abous Ordinary Barbie? She's not extraordinary She's not president of anything, or maybe she i Maybe she'sa mom. Maybe she's not Because eso to ust want to bea mom, oF to wannabe president or om who president. (Or nota mom who's also not president.She ust has flattering top, and she wants to get through the day feeling kinda good about herself. ‘That’sa emible idea, Yeah, thae’s going to make money: (Oh. Ordinary Barbie. Iloveit. Fantastic. Okay, great. Great. Cool Yes. We good? 1 think we're good, sight? Allright, le’s begin the work to close the portal berween our eo worlds Hey, what about Barbie? ‘What do you mean? [crowd] Yeah, what bout Barbie? “What's her ending? What does she get? Well, that’s easy She's in love with Ken, Pm notin love with Ken, [crowd] Ob. ‘What do you want? don’: knove. I'm... Pm not rally sure where I belong anymore. I don’: think I have an ending,[Ruth] ‘That was always the point. Treated you so you wouldn’e have an ending, Tes you, You're Ruth from Martel Baby, Lam Mattel nail the IRS got to me, but that’s another movi, So, you're Ruth Handle, Inventor of Barbie, [crowd gasps] What? That's so cool Her ghost keeps an office on the 17th floor, (Ruth) Whar? Whar? (Ruth] You guys, you think the lady who invented Barbie looks like Barbie? (laughing] Pm a fivefoor-nothing grandma with a double mastectomy. [laughing] Come, walk with me. {solemn music plying} Thank you. Thank you, Barbie. “Thank you. Pm not really sure what I'm supposed to do now, and tax evasion issuesPvealways been Stereotypical Barbie and I don't think I'm really good at anything else. ‘You saved Barbie Land from patriarchy. ‘That was very much a group effort “And you helped that mother and daughter connect. “They realy helped each other. Maybe you've Sel Effacing Barbie? “Maybe I’m not Barbie anymore, ‘You understand that humans only have one ending, eas liveforever, humans not so much, You know that, right? Ido. Being a human can be preety uncomfortable. Tknow. ‘Humans make chings up like patrarchy and Barbie ust ro deal with how uncomforcable i is. understand that. And then you die. wane to be part ofthe people that make meaning, [Not che thing that’s made. wane to do the imagining. I don’t wanna be the ide. Does that make sense? always knew chat Barbie would surprise me, but I never expected this.Do you give me permission to become human? ‘You don’t need my permission, Bur you're the creator. You... Don’t you control me? [Ruth] Tean’t control you any more than Tean control my own daughter, I named you after her, Barbara. “And I always hoped for you like I hoped for her. ‘We mothers stand sil so our daughters ean look back to see how fir they've come, So, being human's not something I need to..ask for or even want? Lean just e's something tha I just discover Lam? 1 can't in good conscience let you take this leap without you knowing what ie means. Take my hands. [Now close your eyes. (wind blowing) {pensive music playing] Now fel (wind blowing) 4 sym inten imine {hearebeating] J Tused to know ¢ J BucT’m nor sure now S JB Whac Twas made for? [leaves rusting]{wind howtng] Whar was made for? # F*Cause ‘Cansei 2 ‘I don’t know how to feel I Fbuctwantto yt F1 don'tknow how ofl d Bux someday Light 2 J Someday might? POH hat Xs {win Blowing) (sage sqanwing] [narrator] So, Barbe left behind the pastels and plastics of Barbie Land for the pastels and plastics of Los Angeles Okay. Thanks forthe lif. [sighs] You got this. Pe really proud of you. Orgulloso...Oxgullose de “There you go Close enough You guys are the best. Thank you. Thank ou, Okay. Wheve! Let's do this Sisepuede “That's political statement.“Thats appropriation, Dad {Sashas dad] Whoo-hoo! {Sasha's mom] We'll be here when you're done. Welove you! You gor this By Oia Welove yout Uinsguing musi playing] i {receptonise] Name? 0, um, Handler, comma, Babar [receptions] And whatare you here fr today, Barbara? Pon here toss my esol (Barbie Word (With Aqua)” paying] 4 And Pm bad lke the Barbie J 2 Pink Vert ke Pm ready to bend F Bend? Bm atenso pallina Kend 2 ks Janse, Stace, Nicki PGrahJ Allof the Barbies is preny 2 FDamat J Allofthe Barbies isbad Je girls and we ain’ playin’ cag 2 PGraht JF Rad, buthe spank me when I get bad J J Y'min LA, Rodeo Drive? FDrived 4 T'min New York, Madison Ave Fm a Barbie gil Pi Barbie Drearmhouse 3 The way Ken be killin’. 3.Gor me yellin’ out like the Seream house 2 Yellin’ ous, weain’s sellin’ out JB We got money, but we ain't lenin’ ous }We got bars, but we ain’ ailin’ oue 2 ‘Fn that pink Ferrari, we pelin’ out 4 engy we pes yon yey ‘J Ie’s Barbie, bitch, if you still in doube J And I’m bad like the Barbie TBarbied 4 7'ma doll bus stil wanna party 2 PPany?Pink ‘Vette like 'm ready to bend F MBend ? 4 ¥'matensolpullinaKent Like Jazze, Stacie, Nicki PGraht J Allof the Barbies is prety £ FDamal ‘J Allof the Barbies isbad ‘Fe giels and we aint playin’ cag? 4 Barbisa' nothin’ to play "bout 2 4 He wanna pla inthe playhouse J Playhouse? 2 The. they go! sy now? E 4m washin these itches, Pm rubin’ the win out 2 ‘Like I'm ready to bend {FAll he fake Barbies just wanna pretend 2 son mss ge anus Suge J Tkeep draggin’ her, s0 shebalda bie t J And Isee the bread, I wantallofit 4 And I want the green, so Tolive ied J And Tthrow ie back, so he losin’ ied) ‘JF And Lgive the box with no shoes in ieYeah, I know the trick so I gor him bricked ¢ 3 Yeah, they know who lit, me and Barbie, bitch J 3 And I’m bad like the Barbie I Barbied ‘FY'ma doll but Lsil wanna party 2 PPany Pink Vette lke I'm ready to bend PBend S FY'matenso I pullin a Kent 1 Like Jazze, Stacie, Nicki 2 IGrah J Allofthe Barbies is prey 2 3Damat ‘J Allofthe Barbies isbad ‘Pt gies and we ain’ playin’ cag 2 ‘Fm a Barbie gil in the Barbie world 2 lana es yo You can touch, you can play 4} TFyou say 'm always yours (Whar Was T Made For?” playing] J Tused to float FP Now Ljus alldownJ Tused to know S JBucT’m nor sure now d J} Whar Iwas made for? J} What was I made for? (PTakin’ a drive Lwas an idea ‘J Loko alive Turns out I'm not real 2 ‘Just something you paid for F FWhat was Imade for? F FCause Lada t FIdon’eknow how to eal I J BucT wanna ty FT don’eknow howto feel I But someday I might 2 Someday Imighe 2 [vocalizing] ‘J When did itend? All the enjoyment Cause L.."Canse Lot J Tdon’eknow how to feel I J BucT wanna try P J Tdon’eknow how to feel I PBucsomeday might 22 Someday mighe J Think I forgot how robe happy 2 4 Something I'm not but something can be 3 4 Something I watt for 2 4 Something Pm mae for 4 Something Pm male fort instrumental musi playing] More: Barbie (2023}, Greta Gerwig, Movie Transcripts SHARE THIS ARTICLE Oyvyecouotn Leave a Comment Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked"Type here Name" Email” Website Read More THE NUN II (2023) | TRANSCRIPT 1956 France. A priest is murdered, An evil is spreading, The sequel to the worldwide smash hit follows Sister Irene as she once aguin comes face-to-face with Valak, the demoa nun,THE EQUALIZER 3 (2023) | TRANSCRIPT. Robert McCall finds himself at home in Southern Italy but he discovers his friends are under the control of local crime bosses. As events curn deadly, McCall knows what he has to do: become his fiends’ protector by taking on the mafia, SOUND OF FREEDOM (2023) | TRANSCRIPT The incredible true story of a former government agent turned vigilante who embarks on 2 dangerous mission to rescue hundreds of children from traffickersMISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - DEAD RECKONING PART ONE (2023) | TRANSCRIPT. Hunt and his IME team face off against “the Entity”, a powerful rogue Al, and fight to prevent it from filing into the weong hands.