Personal relationships: At some point I did think that may be my personal relationship with my wife was

not doing well, because of my psychopathic imaginations of physical relationships. So I started searching
for another source to fulfill my hidden desires. When got caught by wife, for betrayal I was in panic for
few days. But that didn’t last for long. My life partner forgave me for the sin. So later on I tried on to
change my perspective to not play more with my lifes lust feeling. And be happy with what I have.

Emotional nature : I get very emotional, when I see problems in the world. I get sometimes think why I
have to tolerate so much of trauma in my life for the uncompleted business of my father. Somewhere I
do get resentment for my late father, for which I am wrong, I shouldn’t think that way. But somewhere
in corner of my heart I have resentment for my late father. Numerous other people, who tried to pull
me down in life, just because I think the felt unsecure of me. Let it be in academics or in business life.
There was no appreciation in my life, eventually I started a living a life without appreciation. And then
made it a habbit. One of my close friend did say once, that I never follow my commitments, that did hurt
me a lot. Once in life I wasn’t able to move on in life. But today I can certainly ignore such marks and
moments.

Whenever I see children on roads, begging I feel their lifes sorrow, I get upset. I somewhere find reason
to be upset. I have identified this as my character defect that I am a prey of being upset. Might be I
found I loved being not happy. Coz life has shown me numerous ways to not to be happy. These days I
take life the way it is, just work, meetings and Family.

Prey of misery and depression : the most impossible depression to over come in life was when my ex-gf
broke up with me, during my 20s. I was broken, with no hope to rise up. Time heals, I gathered my
energies and time, in those depressing days, and streamed towards work, to learn new things, gain
knowledge. Etc.

Later on after demise of my father, I was in debt of huge amount of money, the money which I was
not responsible for spending. I had to pay that, just because I was enjoying the property of my dad. This
thought gave me unbearable depression. The generation before me did nothing but enjoy the fruits of
my perseverance of my dad. When my time came I had to take care of my dad. Taking care of my dad
was not easy. In his last days I remember, I had to face his financial debts, legal litigations of family
disputes. Fighting in court, in high court. Nonsense.

After dads demise, again nonsense case of widow of some person working in my factory. Legal irrelevant
cases I had to spend money for all these nonsense things.

Couldn’t make a living : in business did lots of research, with limited finance. Built amazing machine
with exceptional technology, which boomed the market overnight. But I was a businessman with
limited resources, I had only one life to loose in business. (i.e. one life to loose = no second chance to
survive as I already had spent all of my earning in R&D of development)

Went broke, as it’s a machine, first prototype requires few modifications, which I did and later on spent
3-4 lacs to just to maintain my reputation in market, and just do the right thing. I did the right thing and
machine is still working in jalore, and giving better production, then the leaders in market.

Then gave up the idea of running unit, in which no one loved me. My workers were always looking for a
chance to exploit me for their remuneration.
So then I took a selfish decision, to give up the pain of running a unit, which I started in 2007 again, using
my dads goodwill, but using the same old work force.

Feeling of uselessness for some time after the tragic decision of my life, I thought I was a failed
businessman. Who is not fit for any kind of work, ie half knowledge is dangerous. Lots of other saying
“jack of all trades, and master of none..” rumored around my brain. I thought I was waste, as I had lost
my creative thinking, lost my spirit, lost my touch. Lost my business.

Eventually due to spiritual hope that my life partner gave me, I once again tried to get upon my feet to
try one more time, to live a life, which if felt hopeless.

Couldn’t be of help to others : I still feel at times, I need to help people who are needy, like sisters and
daughters of family. But I never had that fate or luck. Someday hope will flourish. I still have hope and
fire that no one can blowup again.

I recall an old close friend I met in train in the year 2000. When we were young new addicts to
cigarettes. Later that friend flew to New Zealand, no news from him for next 10-15 years. In the year
2015, a msg from my old neighbor pops up. Saying some shabby looking guy was searching for me, and
eventually reached my office searching for me.

My manager called me, and revealed his doubt of confusion, asking me is he your friend. I met him,
giving him fare for autorickshaw. I was in pink cloud of recalling Krishna sudama Milan. I bought him
jeans and pair of shoes, etc. later on found he was drug addict.

Now I had to find my way out the situation which I had created, I had maturity to understand that drugs
wasn’t my cup of tea. And hence that evening I dranked 5 pegs. So tried helping someone but result
didn’t come out good. And eventually god placed me in a position, where I needed help, but none
appeared.