I am Stephanie Anne Dela Cruz, a fourth year Student in Miriam College. Im a working student and I work as a waitress in a restaurant.

Unlike any other teenager, I am not a sassy girl, Im not interested in LOVE, I do not believe in Love at First Sight and most of all I do not like boys. Boys? What the hell!! I hate them. They are stupid! One day when I was on my way to school, I met this crazy good boy named John. He really annoys me. And you know what happened after that? Hes like a dog; he always follows me wherever I go. My friends always tease me with him but Im not interested with him. A couple of months had passed by and still John was always following me. One night, he waited for my shift to be finished. It was an expected surprise. Im feeling it for a long time and guess what? Im correct!! He brought me to the rooftop of the very high building in Metro Manila and he asked permission if he can be my suitor. As a hater of love, I dont hesitate to refuse his proposal. From that day on, I didnt approach him anymore. But he is really a patient ill-mannered boy. He tries to talk to me but I always find a way to avoid him. He cornered me to a somewhat place, John began talking about his feelings for me. You are really stupid, I said to him. I may be stupid but thanks to cupid, I met you, He answered. I was attracted with his answer and so I said, let me think about this first. John said that he can wait, even a year, a decade, or even it takes a millennium. When my friends heard all about this, they scolded me. Im the one whos stupid they said because I let an opportunity to pass without even trying it. What will be your lose if you will try it? Steph, dont be oldfashioned!!My God friend!! Face the reality that there will be a time that we will fall in love. Dont tell me you want to be a maiden? they said to me. However, I continue to refuse. After work, I go straightly, I was thinking of the things they told me. I was wondering if I will try it, are there any consequences? Somewhat may, my heart said that I should try it. I have I decided! I quickly get my phone and started calling him, but wait I want it to be personal and if he is really sincere he will ask me one more time. The next day, he picked me at school, and as expected, he asked me once again, Can I court you? Can I be your suitor? then I answered, Yes You can but.. But What?, John sadly answered. I want this to be clear, it doesnt mean that You will receive my YES because I let you to court me, I just want to know you further. Okay? . He courted me every day. He was very sweet; Everyday he is giving me 3 roses plus a letter. After my work, he invites me to dinner. He is always talking about himself and others. I realize that he was a funny person and Im wrong. Steph? What had happened this past 2 months of courting? Is there any possibility? Oh my gosh!my friends asked me. I dont know, its just complicated. But I love to be with him, to be beside him all the time. Its like heaven by his side, I told them. Shocks, Steph!! You like him!,my friends frankly answered me. I suddenly stop laughing coz I realize that every seconds that Im with him, I finally ended up falling in love with him. And its like magic; a love hater actually turns to be a good lover. It was October when he heard my sweet yes to him. Both of us were happy. We spend most of our quality time together, but like any other relationships, we cannot avoid quarrels; we became bittersweet. In addition to our quarrels, we are sometimes avoiding each other. But one night when a friend invited me to a disco bar, there he is! With another girl!. I went on their table and said, Youre a good sinner John!,then I walked out. The next day, I found out that the girl he was that night was his first girlfriend three months ago. I was so stupid that I let myself be the bait. I was a fool. I cried really hard because the first time I fell in love with a boy is also my first time to be hurt so much. I was only a hole-cover for him so that he will be able to move on with his former girlfriend. I was broken hearted. Then, I said to myself that I should move on, Ill be back to normal, a love hater again. A month passed by, I started to move on. When I was going home, I found him standing in front of our gate. He is waiting for me all day long. I didnt mind him; I go straightly on my room. The next day, I was shocked because he was there in front of our gate. He stayed there all night long; he didnt mind the rain, the cold wind just to talk to me. I went outside and tried to push him away but instead, he said all the things he wanted to say. A deafening silence covered the two of us. I really love you, he said. But I replied, Oh really?? Youre such a beautiful liar!!

and I walked away. I thought because of the words I utter he will give up, but no. Rather, he strive more in saying sorry and proving how much he loves me. One rainy day, he went into the house. I dont want to see you anymore!, I answered. Please, Steph, give me one more chance. Steph, I really love you! Just give me another chance and I shall prove to you that my love for you is endless. I really love you. Pls. believe me, he responded. I didnt answer back. I just stare at his eyes and then I walked away. I felt his sincerity that time but I said to myself, Steph, dont be fooled again with those sweet words! Love? Boys?Dha!! Theyre useless. They will just hurt you again and again. If every mistake is fixed by a sorry, does it mean everyone will be cool enough to make mistakes again and again?! I didnt notice that as I am telling those things in myself, tears started rolling down on my face. I cant sleep, I cried all night long. The next day when I was in school, my friends noticed me. Steph, are you alright?, Johnalia asked. I am okay, I answered. Oh come on Steph, we are not that fool to believe you!! Youre not okay. Is it about him again?, Ericka frankly asked. Dont mention that name! , I told them. My friends comforted me. But I just told them, I dont need him! I can live without him!. My friend, Jaime suddenly spanks me and said, Steph! Wake up! What's terrible is to pretend that the second-rate is first-rate, that you don't need love when you do!! My heart was filled with emotions but still I refused! I told them the truth, my feelings, the love, sadness and hatred that I am feeling right now. The truth is I really love John! He is my first and last love. I am serious! I am not kidding. Cupid has already shot me with his arrows. I cant get over it. Is this really love or just an infatuation? I think I had the stupidest mistake I have ever made in my life and that is thinking the one who hurt you the most, wont hurt you again. My heart is always telling me that thing. Lisa confronted me and said, You can't ever let go of all the feelings, but you need to let go of him. Move On if thats what your heart wanted to. In addition to that, my friends tell me one important piece of advice-You've never felt pain until you've felt love. I think they were right. But I need to think further. My mind just contradicts with my heart. What should I obey? My mind which is telling me the best thing to do or my heart that is telling me hes the one I needed for the rest of my life even though theres a risk? On the other hand, John was also seeking advice from his friends. John is really different from other boys. He has his own ways on showing his love for me. However, I dont know if that love is true or not. James, one of his closest friends told him, A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses. John said to him, Wow bro! Is that really you? I thought youre a playboy? And playboys arent serious with girls, right? James responded, Oh bro. Yes Im a playboy but.. I know how it feels like and I know what a girl likes and dislikes. Im the expert men! Josef entered the conversation. Thorns are the problems which help both of you to be strong. You need to hold on. Hold her hands tightly and you will surely overcome it. If you do not feel love you will not have Stephanie in your life, Im sure you will regret not having Stephanie around. John answered, Yeah, I will regret it. I really love her. I have decided! I will talk to her tomorrow. James agreed. Thats the spirit men! Go! The following day, John follows me wherever I go as like he was again at the beginning. I said that he was really annoying. But he doesnt mind it and continue following. One rainy day, I was really irritated to him and I frankly answered him, Just stay away from me! You know? You just keep on annoying me! Go away! Because I am really angry I said things that I should not say, You bastard! You fool!!! I really hate you!! Go away, I dont love you anymore! Stay away from my life! Youre just making my life miserable! Boys are really . But before I finish speaking, he grabbed my hands and put them on his left chest saying. Look in my eyes and you will find me, but look in my heart and you will find you. I gradually pulled off my hands from him and said, Really? Im not a fool; I know you still love your former girlfriend! How can you say that? This is my heart! I know whos my heart is shouting and it is you! He is shouting your name, STEPHANIE ANNE DELA CRUZ!! I realize I was only pretending and pretending is much hurtful than telling what you really feel. I can't talk to you anymore, it's not that I am mad at you, I said then he answered, Why? Dont you love me anymore? It's just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can't have you and that makes me love you even more. Please, Im begging you John, Its for our good. Stay away from me, and if possible forget that weve even met. I told him. But, he replied. Pls. John, I ended the conversation. I looked John as he turned away from me. I was walking in the rain wishing that he was with me but it will not happen anymore coz I pushed him away from me. Did I make a mistake? Or I just did the right thing to do? Then I heard a voice shouting, and I cant believe it! Its him shouting my name. Stephanie Anne Dela Cruz!! Youre the only girl I need! My ex is just part of my past! Stephanie Anne Dela Cruz, you are my present and youll be my future! You are my life, my everything! As I heard those words, I started running under the heavy rain as If I am lost. I just found myself in a corner trying to ease and to wash the pain in my heart. The truth is I need him; I love him, I am just afraid to be hurt once again. Thats the truth behind all my reasons why I cant love him.

A week had passed by, John didnt bother me anymore. I thought that I can move on now coz hes not around bothering me but.. It didnt turn out to be like that. Every single day, I cant help to remember the happy memories weve been together especially that feeling I felt when Im always with him. That was only the time I realized that he make my life complete. I didnt know that behind me, he was always there watching and guiding me. One day as I cross the road, I didnt notice that there is a fast speeding car ahead of me. I was scared, I cant move my body! I was overcome by fear! I am going to be hit by that car! Someone please help me!! As the car is heading towards me, there he is! He pushed me away the center of the road and suddenly. He was bumped by the car. He fell on the ground, hes body was covered with blood! I. I was shocked! I went to him crying, Why? Why did you save me? I love you thats why, I..I, he answered. Dont speak anymore! I will bring you to the hospital. Please John hang on. Please. Hang On for me!! I sadly answered. But I cant stop him. He continues to utter his words, If i has to choose between loving you, and breathing. I would use my last breath to say I LOVE YOU. After saying those words, he lost his consciousness. I brought him to the hospital. The doctor said that his condition was critical. I went to the chapel and prayed. I asked the Lord to give John one more chance and I will tell him that I really love him, Hes all I need more than anything else. When I stepped out of the chapel, doctors were rushing towards Johns room. I quickly ran to his room and all Ive seen are the doctors trying to revive his life. I was crying hardly as I watch the doctors. After a minute, a doctor went near me and said, Im sorry. Weve done all the possible things to revive him but his heart already collapse. Im sorry. When I heard what the doctor had said my world was broken into pieces; I cant hardly speak. I was shocked, I went near Johns bed and I started crying telling to him, John!! Why did you leave me!!! The truth is I really love you!! I dont want to lose you! You make my life complete! Please come back! You said you love me!! But how can you express your love for me if you are there in the other world! JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was really weeping when I felt that someone had wiped my tears saying, Really? You love me? I love you too, Steph! When I look up, I saw John. I thought he was a ghost but when I hold him, he was truly alive! I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, because.. I'm in love with you., I said to him as I cried. He hold my hands tightly and replied, I was born the day I met you, lived a while when you loved me, died a little when we broke apart and now I was given another life to love you forever more. I hugged him tightly and whisper, I didn't know love could be this way. Or maybe I never knew love until I loved you. Whichever it is, it's a feeling
I've never before felt and I don't think I could ever feel it with any other human being. I want to breathe it in, I can't get close enough to it, it draws me, lifts me up, possesses me and I don't want to remember what it's like to be without you. We both said I LOVE YOU! There are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone.