CAPSULE FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE

Copyright 2022 by

Innocent Tochukwu

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be used without the written permission of the
publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts in magazine, articles, reviews,
etc.

For further information or permission contact or

What's App Innocent Tochukwu

@ 09015521291

Or Email : uzoghelutochukwu79@gmail.com
 DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my beautiful wife, Patricia Ebele Uzoghelu for the
support I got from her in the course of writing this book and to my wonderful
children for their love.
 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I want to thank in a special way pastor Mrs. Chi for her contribution and sacrifice
amidst her busy schedule to find out time to go through this book, make her
contribution, and corrections in the cause of editing. I am grateful.
 CONTENTS
DEDICATION

ACKNOWLEDGENT

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1 INHERENT MAKEUP OF A WOMAN

CHAPTER 2 REASONS WHY EVERY WOMAN SHOULD GET MARRIED

CHAPTER 3 UNDERSTANDING LOVE

CHAPTER 4 HOW TO KNOW IF A MAN LOVES YOU OR NOT

CHAPTER 5 THREE THINGS A WOMAN SHOULD CONSIDER

BEFORE ACCEPTING A MAN HAND’ S IN
MARRIAGE
CHAPTER 6 THINGS THAT MAKE FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

CHAPTER 7 TWO WAYS TO PREVENT MARITAL CRISIS

CHAPTER 8 FIVE THINGS A MAN SHOULD CONSIDER

BEFORE CHOOSING A WIFE

CHAPTER 9 HOW YOUR JOB CAN DESTROY Your RELATIONSHIP

CHAPTER 10 THREE THINGS TO BE MINDFUL OF IN MARRIAGE

CHAPTER 11 HOW TO PREVENT YOUR MAN FROM CHEATING ON YOU

CHAPTER 12 DON’ T GO INTO MARRIAGE FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS

CHAPTER 13 TWO NEEDS OF A MAN AND TWO NEEDS OF A WOMAN

CHAPTER 14 ULTIMATE MODERN WIFE

CONCLUSION

ABOUT AUTHOR
 INTRODUCTION

God designed marriages to be successful and enjoyable but it's sad to note that
most marriages are experiencing crises and most of these crises often lead to the
breakup of some marriages.

I got married to my beautiful wife in 2012 and at the time of writing this book, it's
12 years of my marriage. To the glory of God, it has been 12 years of love, peace,
and joy in my marriage.

This wouldn't have been possible if not for the information and knowledge that I
acquired while growing up and practically applying them in my marriage.

The reason why we have so many crises in many marriages is because of the lack
of this information and its application among couples in marriages.

Marriage is the foundation on which the lives and relationships of family

members are initiated or built. This is how important it is and so it is not a child's
play. I believe that anyone that is not married or has success in marriage is not
qualified to talk or give lectures on the success of marriage unless he or she has a
special quality like Jesus Christ.

Like I said earlier, my having a successful marriage is a result of the practical

applications of the information and knowledge that I acquired while growing up
and then backing it up with prayer after I got married.
The reason for this book is to give out this information to as many that have been
yearning for a peaceful and enjoyable marriage and to equip the ones that are yet
to go into it with the right tools to avoid making marriage mistakes. It, therefore,
makes this book valuable for both singles and married.

This information or tools are what I call capsules for a successful marriage.
There is a joy that comes along with a successful marriage.
A successful marriage does not just happen; it is made to happen and you are the
one to make it happen. You are opportune to have this book. The content will
empower you to succeed in your relationship and marriage. Read and be blessed!

Chapter 1
 INHERENT MAKEUP OF A WOMAN

When God created man, He gave the man a job to do; that job was his
responsibility (Genesis 2:15). Afterwards, God gave him a wife (Genesis 2:18, 21-
25). In other words, the man had a job before the woman came in. Then God said
that the woman should help the man in ensuring that he accomplished the
responsibility that has been assigned to him by God.

For one to be of help to another means that there is something in the person that
will enable him or her to be of assistance to the other. So it is, with women. There
are things that have been deposited by God inside them that made them helpers
to men. I call these things the inherent makeup of a woman.

I discovered that many men have not been able to discover the unique nature of
women and that is why their inability to do this has led to many women not being
able to fulfill their full potential in their relationships. If one does not know how
something functions, he will either misuse it or abuse it. That is how it is in a
marriage relationship. If a man does not know the unique attributes by which his
wife is made and begins to benefit from it, he abuses it.

It is a tragedy that many men feel jealous of their wife's success in this twenty-
first century as they see their wives manifesting great impact in diverse fields of
life with the great potential which God has given them. Instead of these men
providing support to their wives, they cage them thinking that their wives might
become greater than them. What a myopic way of thinking!

Let’ s look at some of these inherent qualities.

Awesome mind

Women have awesome minds.

Have you ever wondered how they achieve results that are greater than the cash
you usually give them?

When there is not enough money in the house, with the little money given to a
woman by her husband, she can go to the market and get some things for the
house that will make her man wonder how she manages to do that. This attribute
makes women good managers of the home. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

This explains why many men turn the running of their homes to their wives. A
woman can also turn around her husband’ s business which is about to collapse.
She can help to bring her husband out of a hole.

Tenacity

Women face lots of challenges in balancing their career and their home,
especially the working class ones; and for them to be able to achieve this, they
need strong willpower. This willpower can be better seen when they put their
minds to something. I have seen lots of women who manage companies, handle
high leadership positions, or even in a busy career; yet they come back to their
homes and take care of their husbands. Many men will break down if they engage
in numerous tasks at the same time. Unlike most men, women can put up with
much adversity and still survive. I realized that women stay longer in
uncomfortable situations than men.

Enhancer

As an enhancer, the woman enables her man to accomplish the vision and
purpose for which they were both created. Remember the wife’ s purpose relates
to her husband’ s purpose. That is why it’ s very important that the man discovers
his purpose and begin to fulfill it before the woman comes into his life. This can
be seen in the life of most great men like Bishop Oyedepo of Living Faith Church
and his wife. It can also be seen in the lives of people like Mark Zugaberge of
Facebook and his wife, former Nigeria president Goodluck Ebele Jonathan and his
wife and so many others. She shares in his vision encourages him along the way
and helps him to accomplish his vision. I can also say that the woman as an
enhancer improves the quality of her man.
Helper

A woman should understand that it is her unique nature to be a helper and that
she has been designed with many qualities and abilities that equip her to help.
The woman’ s purpose is to assist her man in fulfilling God’ s plan for his life and
that is why it is dangerous for a woman to find herself in the life of a man who has
no plan for his life. She will suffer stress and frustration which can even lead to
depression. This will also lead to the woman pursuing only her vision which might
bring crisis in her marriage because the man might begin to see his wife as being
domineering.

Remember helpers don’ t take over rather they assist.

This does not mean that the woman should not have her interest and develop her
abilities but she should know that as a couple they need to share the same vision
for their lives.

Influencer

Women are designed in such a way that they possess and exhibit the ability to
influence. This is also called influence power. It is a powerful tool in the nature of
the woman. I have seen women use this tool to bring down great and powerful
men; they have also used this tool to cause things to happen in their favor. This is
the power with which women exercise control over things without making noise.
Men that have an understanding of this attribute in women tend to use it to
influence situations to their favor. There are Biblical accounts of women who
influenced their husbands positively and achieved incredible results. A good
example is Queen Esther who used it to influence king Ahasuerus to make a
judgment that favors the Jew.

Women are wonderful beings created by God to enable the man to fulfill purpose
but when the man does not understand the inherent makeup of a woman, the
man might not be able to benefit from this purpose, instead, he begins to see the
woman as being domineering. This could lead to crisis in marriage.
Understanding the attribute a woman is made up of will enable the man to see his
woman as a helpmate assigned by God to enable both of them to accomplish
purpose; rather than seeing her as a competitor.

The woman should also understand the reason why she is endued with this
attribute by God. She should not use it to exhibit a domineering attitude.

Chapter 2

REASONS WHY EVERY WOMAN SHOULD GET MARRIED

When God created the man, God said "It is not good that the man should be
alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (Gen 1:18) and so God created
the woman for the man and said that the two of them should become one. For
the woman to be created and declared a helper, it means that there are
attributes configured inside her by God to enable her to help the man perfectly in
carrying out his divine responsibility.

When a manufacturer makes a product, there is a purpose for which he intends

the product to fulfill. When the product is not fulfilling this purpose it means that
the product has malfunctioned, that is, it has failed to function normally and can
be said to have failed its purpose. It doesn't matter if this product is fulfilling
other purposes but for the fact that its original intent is not being fulfilled, the
product is declared to have failed.

Marriage in itself is not compulsory. It is a choice though a necessity too. When a

woman decides to stay single for a reason other than ill-health or to dedicate her
life to God's work, to a large extent, it means that the woman is not fulfilling her
primary purpose.

It is advisable that a man should first have a plan and a vision for his life and
create an enabling environment so that when the woman comes in; she
immediately keys in and helps in fulfilling that plan and vision. If in any case the
right environment is not created for the woman, it induces a negative effect on
the woman which can bring stress, bitterness, and even depression upon her.

A husband without a clear purpose and vision for his life makes for a disheartened
wife. This is because a woman that comes to help and discovers that there is
nothing to help with can become frustrated. This can lead the woman to pursue a
different vision other than her husband’ s vision which can eventually lead to a
crisis in their marriage especially if the woman begins to be more successful. The
man might begin to feel that the wife is domineering and intimidating in their
marriage which if not properly handled can lead to a broken home.

Furthermore, when a woman discovers her purpose and begins to fulfill it

alongside the man's purpose, it brings fulfillment to her even in marriage. There is
nothing that makes a woman as happy as love fulfilled in a successful marriage.
So the question now is: What could make a woman decide to stay single? Why
does a woman not want to get married? Is it that she is contented being single
and doesn't want to ever have children; that she doesn't want to be submissive to
a man; that she thinks that she can take good care of herself or that she doesn't
want to be under a man’ s control. After all, marriage in itself imposes certain
control both on the man and on the woman. Whatever the reason is, other than
what I mentioned earlier at the beginning of this book; ill-health or service to
God, the woman is not fulfilling her primary purpose as a woman. This is to say
that she is malfunctioning. She can be fulfilling other purposes but as long as she
is not fulfilling her primary purpose which is that of being a helpmeet, she is not
fulfilling her original purpose.

Marriage is, by design, for God’ s glory and our good. Your reason for getting
married should be because you want to fulfill destiny. A woman should get
married because she wants to be a helpmate. Of all the decisions a woman will
make in her entire life, there is none like being happily married to a man

and the both of them living harmoniously together.

Chapter 3

UNDERSTANDING LOVE

Love is the most widely used word in every relationship; many use this word
without a proper understanding of what it truly is.

Many people have tried to define love but most of this definition given does not
depict what love truly is. Looking at some of the various definitions given, for
example; " attraction based on sexual desire", "affection based on admiration",
"An intense feeling of affection", and so on, you will realize that every definition
given about love has to do with emotions or feelings. We know that emotion is a
chemical reaction that takes place inside the body which therefore means that
this chemical reaction comes up sometimes and at other times, subsides.

True love has nothing to do with emotion or feeling.

So what is true love?

We need to understand the various kinds of love and attribute meaning to each
one of them before looking at what true love is.

There are four major kinds of love:-

Eros - This is the kind of love that expresses sexual desire. We can also call it
erotic love. This kind of love often has a disastrous result, if the loved one
becomes cruel or uninterested anymore. This desire is known to drive the lover
into a state of depression causing lamentation and illness.

Philia - This is brotherly love. It expresses itself by wanting to do good for

someone out of concern. This kind of love brings happiness. When you carry out
charitable activities to someone, you see yourself being happy.

Storge - This love is natural. It is the kind of love that is seen among family
members, for example, parents to children.

Agape - This is the love that places value on something or someone. The value
you place on something determines how much you are willing to give for that
thing. This means that if you place a high value on something, you will be willing
to pay a high price for it and that is the sacrifice you have to make for that thing. I
will say true love comes with big sacrifice and that is the price you are willing to
pay.

Having seen all the meanings of the various kinds of love, it is clear that Agape
love is the true kind of love. It has nothing to do with emotion but rather
sacrifices as a result of the value placed on something or someone.

Definition of true love

 Like I said earlier, true love is not an emotion or feeling. True love is a response to
understanding the value of something or someone. True love has to do with
understanding and sacrifice. For a marriage or relationship to be successful, this is
the love that is required. It is the foundation.

It is when you place value in your marriage, in your relationship, with great value
for your partner that you find yourself having the obligation of making that
relationship work. At that point, the obligation to make your marriage work no
matter the challenges that might come up becomes a priority. This is the
foundation for a successful marriage and relationship.

Chapter 4

HOW TO KNOW IF A MAN LOVES YOU OR NOT

I have read beautiful books and articles where the writer points out the ways to
know if a man loves a woman or not. Most of these writers have done a great job
in stating down the many ways by which you can know if a man loves you or not.
However, from my research and observations on relationships and love matters
coupled with the experience I have in marriage, I discovered that there is only one
way by which a woman can know if a man truly loves her or not. A man can
declare his love for a woman without even knowing that he doesn't love the
woman. If he does not understand what love is, he can tag the emotional feelings
he has for the woman as love.

So how can a woman know if a man loves her?

It is very simple: What you have to do is to ask him a simple question -“WHY DO
YOU LOVE ME?". If a man tells you that he loves you, ask him why he loves you. If
he begins to give many reasons why he loves you like: he loves you because you
are beautiful, hardworking, you have a good job, or even because you have good
body structure then you should know that he doesn't have a true love for you.
This is so because anytime his reasons for loving you are no longer there, the love
vanishes away. Assuming he loves you because you have a good-paying job, once
something happens and you lose the job, his love for you will also cease.

This is the reason why we have so many crises in most marriages. You see couples
professing love for each other before their wedding only to separate after a while
then you begin to wonder what happened to the love they have been declaring
for each other. The answer is, that there has not been any love among them in
the first place.

This is the reason why it is so important that the woman has a proper
understanding of what love truly is likewise the man.

There has been lots of misconception about love. Many have failed to understand
what true love is and they have been acting on this ignorance. The question is:
"What is true love?" The reason why it is so important to have this understanding
is that marriage is a serious affair, and love itself does not keep a marriage. Good
understanding keeps a marriage healthy. Understanding true love is a major key
here.

I define love as a response to the value you place on something or someone.

When you place value on something or someone, you will make a lot of sacrifices
to get that thing and after you have acquired it, you will so cherish it not only
that, you will also want always to improve its quality. This explains why a man
that truly loves a woman, does everything to always improve her quality, even in
her education, see her grow in her career, make her always look beautiful, always
forgive her, and so on. This is because of the high value he placed on her.

So next time a man tells you he loves you, ask him why he loves you. Don't be
flattered by his many sweet words so that when you finally enter into a
relationship with him, both of you will not have an endured relationship, but an
enjoyable and successful relationship where you will be highly esteemed.

Chapter 5

THREE THINGS A WOMAN SHOULD CONSIDER BEFORE

ACCEPTING A MAN HAND’ S IN MARRIAGE

Marriage is sweet. Marriage is enjoyable but when you enter into marriage with
the wrong man, it can be frustrating. I discovered that successful marriage is a
result of the application of knowledge and knowledge is based on information.

This is why a woman needs to acquire a certain kind of information before saying
‘ yes’ to a man that comes seeking her hand in marriage. The fact that a man says
that he loves you and his willingness to spend the rest of his life with you is not
the reason why you should accept him as a husband. Understandably, many
don’ t have a proper understanding of what love truly is, so don’ t be flattered
when a man tells you he loves you.

Women are structured by God in such a way that they are the receivers of love
and that’ s why men are told to love their wives but when a man doesn’ t
understand how to love his wife it results in abuse. It, therefore, becomes very
important that a woman should consider the following three things before
accepting a man’ s hand in marriage.

1. God-fearing man

Life sometimes can be very challenging and it can push a man that is not God-
fearing into getting involved in some evil things that the wife would not want to
partake in. Men have an unlimited capacity for violence and inhumane acts. A
man without restraint can be dangerous and can do anything, thus, a true man
needs the fear of God to put him in line. When a man does not have the fear of
God, beating his wife becomes a usual lifestyle. This is not something that any
woman would want to experience. Women are structured by God in such a way
that their nature is always meant to receive love and affection but when this is
not there, it leads to depression. This explains why the first thing that a woman
should look out for when a man is seeking her hand in marriage is to know if he
has the fear of God. I did not say a Christian because it’ s difficult to tell who a
Christian is these days, since some men proclaim to be Christians yet they are not
God-fearing. This is mostly the case these days because being a Christian is
becoming a social lifestyle.

It is a very good thing to have a God-fearing man as a husband. He is always very

forgiving and compassionate. When you let go of grudges, he will always
understand you and together both of you will raise Godly children. Women who
have God-fearing men understand and appreciate the usefulness of this virtue.

2. He must have a Job.

When God created man, the first thing that He gave to him was not a woman. The
first thing that God gave to man was a job. Therefore when a man comes to you
and is seeking your hand in marriage, ensure that he has something to do. I
believe you won’ t want a marriage where the whole financial burden will be on
you just because you are the one working.

Getting married is one thing but marrying a man who can carry out his
responsibilities as a father and a husband in the home is another thing. A lot of
women have had to go through pains at the hands of some men who are not
working, they have been beaten up, accused of having extra-marital affairs, and
finally, such marriages often end in divorce. Don’ t forget that finance is also one
of the major factors for any home to succeed.

There is also another aspect: When a man that is hard-working though not
working presently because he lost his job or that his business went down as a
result of challenges, comes proposing to you with genuine love, and you are
financially stable, then you can accept his hand in marriage. This is not to say that
it is right for a man to go seeking a wife when he has gotten something doing.
There are these other ones who are not only jobless but also lazy, especially when
they know that their wives can put food on their table, they become so lazy that
they can hardly think positively. They go out to gossip, drink, and come back to
molest their wives for food and sex because they are not thinking of how to make
money. For these please never accept them as husbands.

The choice of a life partner is not a very cheap one. It’ s a decision that can
destroy your joy for a whole lifetime, so be wise. It is important that both the man
and the woman who are planning to get married should have something doing
because nobody will come from elsewhere to pay their bills.

3. Must have value for you

Value has to do with the price you are willing to pay for something. If I place value
on a gold wristwatch and I need it, then I should be ready to pay a high price to
acquire it. Considering the high price paid in acquiring it, I will cherish it so much
that I will always want to clean it to keep it shining. The high price I am willing to
pay to acquire it is a sacrifice that I need to make. This shows how much I love a
gold watch. I can now say my love for a gold watch is a response to the value I
placed on the gold watch.

So it is when a man has value for you:

He will cherish you

He will never lift his hand on you

He will always want to improve your quality.

This shows how much he loves you and this is what true love is. He will make
sacrifices to keep you happy. So when a man is seeking your hand in marriage,
you should check if he has value for you.

Marriage is the most important decision one has to make in life. It is a lifelong
commitment, a bond like no other. Therefore choosing a life partner must not be
taken without careful and powerful considerations. It is a choice you have to
make and you know that making a choice sometimes is very difficult. That is why
in making the right choice you need information, certain kinds of information like
this one you are reading so that you will be able to rightly choose a man that is
suitable for you.
 Chapter 6

THINGS THAT MAKE FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

It is important to know what a healthy relationship is all about before we discuss

what makes for a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is a relationship where both the man and the woman in a
relationship always get along well.

Getting along well does not necessarily mean that once in a while there's not
going to be a little misunderstanding between the man and the woman. The case
here is that when such issues arise, they always resolve their quarrel amicably
without involving a third party.

A relationship can also be said to be healthy when couples continue their usual
love and care activities despite the quarrel amidst them.
COMMUNICATION

Communication is very important in every relationship. It helps to build

relationships by energizing the couple and getting them connected. When couples
interact with each other, there is always openness and mutual respect among
them. Understanding your partner well and vice versa is pivotal to deeper
communication between the two of you. A relationship that lacks communication
is bound to have conflict as there will be no reliance and intimacy.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY

Physical intimacy is all about the amount of physical connection and bonding that
exists between the couple. This has to do with their romantic lives such as sex,
hugging, cuddling, sleeping together, etc.

For example, Sex builds a healthy relationship between couples. Regular quality
sex strengthens connections and creates more intimacy between couples. A lot of
time-differences between couples are usually settled during such activity.

Sleeping together also brings about closeness between couples. When couples
sleep together, they gist, talk and romance each other. All these things rekindled
love and build a healthy relationship between a husband and his wife.

BEING FOND OF EACH OTHER

In this modern world you find out that the man is always busy with work and the
woman also busy with her activity; but where there is a healthy relationship you
discover that they always make time for each other. During the day the husband
always calls the wife on the telephone and the wife calls her husband, too. When
they are at home, you see them helping each other even in house chores. On
most occasions, you see them taking a walk. Couples that have a healthy
relationship are always fond of each other.

SHARING COMMON GOAL

Sharing a common goal takes place where couples have one mind concerning a
particular endeavor. It enables each one of them to know the thought, feeling,
fear and hope of the other partner and so create trust between them. This
doesn't mean that they must agree on everything or that they can't have their
individual dreams and aspirations but that they agree on certain areas that will
enable them to work hard to build a strong reliable future together. Sharing a
common goal also makes both of them to help and support each other towards
the accomplishment of their dreams.

MAKING SACRIFICES

True Love has to do with great and constant sacrifices. In a healthy relationship,
you see the couples making individual sacrifices consciously and most times,
unconsciously. This individual sacrifice makes their relationship healthy. There are
things that one of them would want to do but for the fact it's going to affect the
other, you see him or her desisting from doing it. At other times one of them has
to make a serious sacrifice to see that the spouse is happy. There could be times
when one of the partners might want to achieve certain dreams; the other has to
make some sacrifices to enable the other to achieve that dream.

SLEEPING TOGETHER

Sleeping together is beneficial in a marriage relationship as it helps to bring about

a healthy relationship. From my observation, I discovered that couples that sleep
in separate room don’ t normally have a good relationship because they are more
emotionally detached. Research has shown that couples that sleep together tend
to have more affectionate, less distant, and happier relationship. It creates a
more intimate atmosphere and increase connection. Intimacy is a crucial part of a
relationship; so when two people do not sleep together, they may feel lonely and
emotionally distant apart.

When you see a healthy relationship, it did not just happen. There are efforts and
hard work that are put into the relationship which makes it healthy.
 Chapter 7

TWO WAYS TO PREVENT MARITAL CRISIS

Many have done a wonderful job in writing down the causes of a broken home. I
have also listened to people that gave reasons why marriages fail, but from my
careful observation and experience acquired from my many years in marriage, I
have come to realize that there are only two reasons why marriages fail.

Every other reason gave no matter how numerous they are, bows to these two
major reasons. Ensuring that these major reasons are in place in any relationship
or marriage will make the marriage highly successful.

It takes two to make a relationship work. If partners truly want to have a

successful marriage, I mean wonderful marriage, then they are bound to observe
these two things that are about to be mentioned here. It is not as if people have
not heard about these two things or that they are strange; it's just that many
people have not been able to understand their application of it.

What are these two reasons:-

1. Love - I will want to state here that love is a choice, you either choose to love or
not. However, for you to have a successful marriage you need to make the right
choice by choosing to love.

Now defining what love is: I define love as a response to understanding the value
of something or someone. When you love a car or a gold watch you will be ready
to pay the high price placed on the car or gold watch. This high price is a result of
the value you place on the car or gold watch which is the sacrifice you are willing
to make for the car or gold watch. So it is also in the life of your marriage partner.
When you place a high value on your relationship or marriage, you will make
whatever sacrifice that is required to make it work. You will cherish your partner
so much, as you have placed a high value on your partner.

Many people think that love is an emotional feeling but that is wrong. True love
has nothing to do with emotion or feeling. True love has to do with sacrifice as a
result of value placed on something or someone.

2. Submission - To submit means the voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating,

or yielding. It means a wife yields herself in deference to her husband. Respect is
the attitude that enables such submission. Man by nature has an ego and this
nature in a man causes a man to always demand respect from his wife. Without
respect, marital submission is really hard. Respect is the attitudinal response from
submission. Submission is the action that flows out of the attitude and that
attitude is respect.

In marriage, submission and respect go together. This doesn’ t mean that you
necessarily agree with or approve of all his actions. It means that you have to
approach him with respect out of reverence for the fact that he is your husband.

What every man needs in a marriage is not love but respect. Man feeds on
respect. It is the woman that needs love and that is why men are meant to love
their wives. Men interpret respect as love. When you as a woman respect a man,
he sees it as love. He takes it that you love him. That is why a man becomes so
angry when another man gets respect from his wife more than he.

The position of the man is to love, the position of the woman is to submit.

Marriage is enjoyable, let there be these two things in your marriage, and you will
have a successful marriage.
 Chapter 8

FIVE THINGS A MAN SHOULD CONSIDER

BEFORE CHOOSING A WIFE

Marriage is a serious business; it is not something you just go into and decide to
walk out of it, after some time. The fact that many are divorcing doesn't mean
that they are finding it funny. Divorce has lots of implications and creates stigma
in the lives of the children; that is why a man should understand what he is going
into before embarking on it.

This chapter is not about marriage anyway but to help the man that is looking for
a wife to consider certain things before choosing a woman.

Let's look at five considerations

1. Vision.

A man should have a vision of where he is going before choosing a wife. Now
vision is a picture of where you want to be in the nearest future or the kind of a
person you aspire to be in the nearest future. I prefer this definition "the ability to
think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom". Look at what it says
"wisdom" it means to use your head.

If a man wants to get married and does not have a vision for his life, he might
end up marrying anyhow, and if in the future he discovers his purpose the woman
he is marrying might not fit in and then he begins to regret why he married her. In
many occasions this causes the man to marry a second wife or even divorce the
first wife and marry another.

Also if a man doesn't have a vision for his life and marries a woman, the woman
might end up being frustrated in that marriage and when a woman becomes
frustrated in a marriage she begins to exhibit some characters that will be
affecting the man psychologically. Most times the woman will end up pursuing
her career which if she eventually becomes successful might cause the man to be
feeling intimidated by the woman.

If you have a vision or know where you are going, you should look for a wife that
will fit into your vision. She might not be completely 100% but you can begin to
improve her worth. With such a woman, both of you will begin to achieve your
purpose together.

2. Look for a woman that will complement your weakness.

Weakness here does not refer to the sinful type of weakness which you need to
pray about and possibly work on yourself. This weakness may not allow you to
socialize with people, more especially if you are an introvert. In such a case, you
would need to marry a woman that socializes otherwise both of you will end up
not having friends. Another good reason why you need a wife that would
complement your weakness is that there are times that you may need to take
your children out, such a woman would be a great asset at such times. Again most
men are not the talking types, so look for a woman that talks reasonably
otherwise your house will be boring. You will not understand these things until
both of you are in the house and nobody is talking to each other, then you will
understand what I mean.

Some men don't give out things easily maybe they are stingy or frugal. In this
case, a wife that has the spirit of giving fits in well. Similarly, if you are a man that
easily gives out, you should look for a woman that is a little bit conserved.

3. Check your present financial status.

Don't just marry a woman because you think you are in love. In fact, you need to
have an understanding of what love truly is before going into marriage to avoid
joining a lineup of those men who enter into marriage before it dawns on them
that what they thought was love, was actually a mirage. Marriage is sweet and
enjoyable though some challenges might come along the line. What one does not
need to experience in marriage is financial depression.
If you know you are not financially stable to some extent, it is better to go for a
working-class lady. Marriage comes with lots of financial burdens, so you need a
working-class woman so that she can help you to augment the family income. A
wife can build and help you reach heights that you never imagined to be possible;
she can also cause a man unbearable pain and torment, thereby bring permanent
damage to a man. Such women can be found among both the class of those that
work and those that are not working. For a man that is not financially stable,
there is wisdom in ensuring that you choose a wife among those that work.

4. Seek for a woman with a conscience.

Let me define conscience according to Merriam dictionary " the sense of the
moral goodness of one's conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling
of obligation to do right or be good". A woman's strength is not measured by her
structure and yet they can cause a great extent of damage if pushed to the wall.
Women act by emotions, unlike men that act using their rightful minds. Therefore
it is wise to look for a woman that has a conscience so that when that adrenaline
rises in her, her conscience will not allow her to hurt anyone. Such a woman will
always carefully observe his mood and ensure that all is well. She ensures that the
joy of her marriage partner is not tampered with. Such women are usually good
Christians. There is no pain in marriage like psychological trauma which a woman
who lacks good conscience can cause a man to pass through.

5. Your purpose and responsibility.

Every man on earth has a purpose given to him by God. The purpose of a man
determines his nature, and his nature determines his needs. When God created
the first man on earth, He gave him work to do before giving him a wife to help
him in fulfilling that purpose. So it is important that you look for a wife that will
enable you to fulfill your God-given purpose. A woman's purpose is inter-related
to that of her husband. However, any husband that does not know his purpose
gets a woman stressed and

depressed unless she begins to solely pursue her purpose. This can be
intimidating to her husband especially when she begins to be more successful.
When a man and a woman understand and value each other's purpose, they can
have a rewarding relationship and they can blend their unique designs
harmoniously for God's glory.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. What this entails is, if you want a
successful marriage you have to go out there and find your woman. Remember
that gold is not easy to find but when you find it, you cherish it because of its
great value. So it is with a wife of your choice. When you find her, you will cherish
her because of the value you placed on her and that is true love. Note that it is
not that she will be a hundred percent what you want but because you have great
value for her you will improve her quality. If she has a job that pays, finance will
not be so much of a constraint. Finally back it up with prayer for as you search,
God will bring her your way.

Chapter 9
 HOW YOUR JOB CAN DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP

With the current economic situation, it has become of great importance that both
the husband and the wife have a job they do as this will aid in easing the financial
liabilities that come with marriage. If career decisions of one spouse conflict or
compete with the marriage, affect family responsibilities, and/or the career of the
other spouse, then there is a problem. When career begins to come first in the
marriage, it can be very dangerous most especially on the part of the woman. This
can ruin one’ s marriage and can lead to breakup if it’ s not properly handled.

This does not affect the man so much because he already knows that it is his
responsibility to provide for his family. On many occasions, it has been
discovered many women put their job or career ahead of their family and are
even willing to sacrifice their family for it. This is not right. Your means of
livelihood should not be an issue of regret. The job or career that is meant to be a
blessing to you and your family should not be permitted to ruin your marriage. A
career or job can be so damaging when it begins to come first in your life or family
and you start becoming so committed to it that you no longer have time for your
husband and children. When you begin to make your husband feel that your job
or career is more important to you than him either you do this consciously or
unconsciously, it can be disastrous and not worth the effort.

Imagine how disappointed you will be when you discover that the same job that
you are giving all your effort and sacrifice does not really deserve that exalted
position; that you might get to your office and be told that your services are no
longer required for one reason or the other. Whatever you prioritize above your
marriage has the capacity of destroying your marriage and could make you to lose
your children. At that point, it could dawn on you that you have been getting it
wrong all that while but by then it would have been too late. I pray that you will
not have that experience in Jesus name.

I have seen a situation where a woman decided to quit her marriage and abandon
her children instead of quitting her job or looking for a way to balance her job and
her marriage initially, when her husband began to complain that her job was
affecting their marriage and children.

This invariably means that the more committed you are to your job, the less time
and attention you give to your children and your husband before you know it your
husband begins to get attention elsewhere which can eventually lead to him
cheating on you. And on the part of the children, the less attention you give to
them can cause them to begin to get involved in things that can cause great
damage to their lives. You need to find a way to balance your job and your family,
you need to make your husband and children understand that even though your
job and career are important to you, they are more important and that whatever
you are doing is for the good of the whole family.

The truth of the matter is that most women fail to understand that success or
money can never make a woman as happy as love that is fulfilled in marriage. So
the way to prioritize is marriage first, children second and then your job or your
career follows.

Chapter 10

THREE THINGS TO BE MINDFUL OF IN MARRIAGE

Marriage is when two separate, unique, and whole persons make a covenant to
exchange vows, committing themselves to remain together until death. It is one
of God’ s perfect plans for mankind. He established it while man was still in a
sinless condition and said that it was not good for a man to do without it. No man
can call himself a perfect man until he marries a wife and goes through some
pressures and problems that are peculiar in marriage. Adam didn’ t know what he
was missing. It was God who initiated the whole marriage thing because that was
His perfect plan. This also tells you that the woman is not complete without the
man. This all emphasizes the high priority that marriage should have in our lives.
However, it has not usually held that position in the lives of many spouses. The
question is why is it so? The fact is that some things are meant to be a blessing in
marriage but the enemy is rather using it as a channel through which he causes
crises that can ruin the marriage. It therefore becomes very imperative that
couples guide and protect their marriages. This cannot be properly achieved
without having some information and knowledge on how best to handle certain
things that can ruin a marriage and beware of them beforehand.

Let us take a look at three of such things

1. Career

With the current economic situation, it has become important that both the
husband and the wife should be working; even if it is a job or a career, it will aid in
easing the financial liabilities that come with marriage. This will bring a sort of
financial relief to the man. Also because the woman is a working woman, she will
know the importance of money and will be wiser in spending.

Two incomes in a home are always good as both of you will have more savings
than when it is only the man working.

The world is full of career ladies who are happily married and respect their men,
so you should endeavor to be among these.

To be successful in the modern world, great men need to marry career ladies
while trusting God for blessings. However, they must be ready to stand for one
another at all times and even help each other in doing household chores. Based
on a recent study, it was discovered that sharing household chores is currently
one of the highest-ranking factors that determine a happy marriage, especially
when both couples are working.
Sharing household chores come third after good sex and faithfulness. Couples
that are involved in making ends meet in their homes, share the same challenges
such as fatigue, job-related stress, and time constraint. However, career women
should know that men value their egos more than any other thing. Therefore,
there is a need to encourage a man to help in house hold chores. So always learn
to appreciate him. Any woman who knows how to treat her man’ s ego can make
him do anything.

2. Family relatives

The place of in-laws in a marriage cannot be underplayed or overemphasized. In-

laws are deemed as being an integral part of married couples. Family relatives
occupy an important place in our lives - the wife’ s family and the husband's
family are both are part of our lives. Normally this union with family relatives that
is brought about by marriage makes the union of some couples very colorful and
exciting, given their cooperation, understanding, assistance, and willingness to let
the couple make their choices and do things their way, perhaps with subtle and
controlled guidance. However, in a situation whereby in-laws become
overbearing, possessive, authoritative, and with excessive interference; usually
with the motive of protecting the interest and well-being of their relative in the
marriage, the matrimonial home could become matrimonial hell for the partner
on the receiving side of the overbearing attitude of the in-law. Situations like this
open the door to problems.

This type of toxic family situation can be so disruptive to a relationship that it

happens to be one of the highest ranking reasons why couples choose to divorce.

It takes a clear understanding and agreement between you and your spouse to
know when to set or enforce reasonable boundaries with your respective family
relatives.

While talking with your relatives more especially in matters that have to do with
your marriage, beware of using abusive words against your spouse, meddling into
your marriage affairs and receiving unchecked advice. Don’ t allow your
behaviors or habits to start what you don’ t want to live with for the rest of your
years in marriage. Don’ t allow your in-laws to meddle with your marriage. While
you might not be able to stop your relatives from trying to do what they want,
you can calmly refrain from them to avoid crises in your home. Your marriage is
for you and your spouse, not your relatives; so it’ s better for you deal with their
external interference head-on and not allow it to gain a chance because you are
the one with feet in both camps; it is your job to manage the relationship with
your parents. If you truly want to protect your marriage from meddling in-laws,
this is a must.

You don’ t have to choose between them to have a happy marriage. Your spouse
may never want to have anything to do with your family but you can still be in
contact with them. You will just have to adjust your expectations about when and
how you see them while protecting your marriage at the same time.

Your partner and your marriage are your top priorities. Protect your marriage, set
boundaries, you and your spouse must clearly define the boundaries of your
marriage.

Listen to your partner’ s viewpoint and feelings about your family with an open
mind and heart. Don’ t automatically defend your family.

Don’ t betray your spouse to your parents, but be clear about what is good
enough to share about your marriage with your relatives. Do not betray your
spouse’ s confidences or vulnerabilities. Make sure that you tell them about the
positive aspects of your spouse and marriage.

These are few easy things you can do to enable you to protect your marriage from
meddling in-laws. While it is true that it is not all in-laws that are bad, you should
still consider this information so you don’ t make a bad situation in your marriage.

In-laws, especially mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law should respect the

independence and privacy of their children so as not to frustrate the happiness of
the couple.

3. Lack of contentment
Husbands and wives are meant to live contently with one another and to find
satisfaction in each other, but you will discover that in some marriages it is not so
because of lack of contentment. In as much as this can be seen in some men, it is
more prominent in women.

How do we define what it means to be discontented in our marriage relationship?

To be discontented is when one is showing a feeling of dissatisfaction with one’ s
spouse. It is the possessions the man of the house can afford and was able to
provide at that particular time, and the status of the man. When a man is not
contented with his wife, he goes out cheating on her. When a woman is not
contented with her husband she begins to compare him with other men who she
thinks are doing better than her husband and she begins to talk down on her
husband. One of the dangerous things to tell your husband is querying him on
why he is not like certain persons. There is nothing that kills a man’ s spirit like
when you begin to talk down on him most especially a man that is doing his best
to take care of you and the children. Even if a man cannot provide you with all
that you desire, you should take whatever he provides for you and appreciate
him. Encourage and support him.

Discontentment in a marriage relationship is very dangerous.

It is a deeply, deadly, powerful, ruthless enemy that can destroy your physical life,
your emotional life, and your family life if not tackled.

This is not to say that you should deny yourself about wanting and desiring
something good but instead exhibit freedom from being controlled by the feeling
of those things. I am not saying that you should pretend that things are not the
way you wanted them to be, instead you should display the peace that comes
from knowing that with support and encouragement towards your husband, and
everything will fall in place.

Develop a lifestyle based on conviction, not circumstances.

There are some couples that are discontented not because they aren’ t doing well
but because they see others doing better or think others are doing better than
themselves. Too often these categories of people look at what they don’ t have
and become dissatisfied and discontented, rather than thanking God for what
they do have and being contented with what their husbands have been able to
provide.

Always be appreciative to your husband for contentment is an attitude of the

heart. Once the attitude has been modified, contentment will be evident.

Finally, beware of these three things getting into your marriage to destroy your
relationship. As I mentioned earlier, there are forces that are fighting the
marriage institution therefore guide and protect your marriage jealously.

CHAPTER 11

HOW TO PREVENT YOUR MAN FROM CHEATING ON YOU

I have heard many people say that all men cheat and I probably know that you
have heard the same thing too. But is it true that all men cheat? My answer is
emphatically, “No.”

I have also heard that the fact that a man cheats on you doesn’ t mean that he
doesn’ t love you. This too is completely wrong because if a man truly loves his
woman, he will never cheat on her. The truth of the matter is that even though
most men do cheat on their wives, it doesn’ t mean that every other man cheats.

I know many men that have never cheated on their wives, and looking at the
relationship with their wife I discovered that some things are common among all
of them. I believe that these things that are common among all of them if
inculcated in a cheating relationship will solve the problem of cheating in that
relationship most especially on the part of men.

Let’ s take a look at some of these things:-

1. Don’ t allow your man to be bored.

This is where constant communication comes in. Good communication is healthy

for your marriage. There is power in communication as it energizes the couple
and also binds them together as one. Communication is very important in every
relationship whether the couples are living together or not as a result of distance
job. Always discuss with your partner, and in a situation where both of you are
living distantly because of your job then chat with him always when you think he
might be alone. Always tell him how you miss him, how you love him, how you
would so much love to be in his arms, and always make sure you always take
leave to visit him or him visiting you.

If both of you are living together always make sure he has all those stuff that can
take him out of the home like watching football, drinking, etc. Provide those
things at home for him. Ensure that you do all that you can so as not to allow your
man to be bored.

2. Satisfy him sexually.

Men love sex by nature, only a few have been able to discipline themselves in this
regard and have gained tremendous control over this drive. To the man
lovemaking literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and when
a woman is strongly being desired by her partner, it can be the single most
reassuring part of their relationship.

When your husband is sexually satisfied with you the chances of him getting
deviated from your relationship or feeling the need to satisfy his sexual pleasure
outside the marriage is the least. If you want him to be your man forever, keeping
him sexually happy is the biggest way to keep him yours forever.

As a woman ensure you do not deprive your husband of sex for any reason other
than ill-health. Sex is a very important factor in a man’ s life after his job. So when
you deprive him of it, he will seek for it outside. Each time that he is about to
embarks on a journey, make sure you satisfy him well, and while he is on that
journey always communicate with him.

3. Provide good food for him

There is this saying “The best way to a man’ s heart may be through his belly”.
This is true. If you are a woman that doesn’ t know how to cook good food, you
should go and learn or at least find a way to make sure that your husband always
has good food. Lack of good food for your husband at home is another thing that
can take a man out of the home. Once another woman can provide this for him
that is where he will always be.

Another important thing to note here is that knowing what he likes to eat without
having to ask him demonstrates how well you know him.

4. Dress to please him.

Have you ever wondered why some men stare at another woman? Most times,
you will discover that it might either be that the woman dressed attractively or
she is very beautiful but in most cases, it is as a result of attractive dressing. So if
this is the case why won’ t you as a woman understand the way your husband
wants you to dress and begin to dress that way to always charm him.

No matter how long you’ ve been together, dressing up for him sends a message
that you still want to look good for him. Some men love their wives wearing bump
shorts at home. If that is your case, then why not do that for him?

5. Respect.

A man does not need love, what a man need is respect. I can also call it
submission. When a woman tells a man that she loves him, the man interprets it
as respect. That is what he needs.

God never told the woman to love her husband what God told the woman is to
respect her husband, to submit to him. Men feed on respect, they don’ t want it
but they need it. Now the question is, what is respect? It can be defined as “an
expression of high or special regard “an act of giving particular attention”, it also
means “to speak highly of”. Respect is the attitudinal response from submission.
Submission is the action that flows out of the attitude and that attitude is respect.
In marriage submission and respect go together. So when you don’ t respect your
husband; when you disdain him and another out there gives him this respect then
you are bound to lose him to cheating with strange women.

Having a cheating husband is such a traumatic, stressful and disturbing ordeal

that no woman deserves. However, many women live daily with this reality,
enduring the experience instead of having the peace and enjoyment that they
thought their marriage would come with.

For every woman who finds herself dealing with a man who is a cheat, fighting
the outsider who is interfering in your marriage is not the answer neither is
leaving your marriage to your spouse’ s affair partner the best solution.
Inculcating the four things we discussed above in your marriage are ways to deal
with the situation and keep your man to yourself.
 Chapter 12

DON’ T GO INTO MARRIAGE FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS

The most important choice you will need to make in your life as a man or as a
woman is who to marry. This is so important that if you make the wrong choice,
you will suffer for a long time but if you get it right then you will rejoice for the
rest of your life.

1. SEX

I discovered that many young men and women don’ t understand what love is,
their ignorance of this always cause them to be led by emotional feeling, and
most of the time, this feeling triggers the sex drive that always leads to sex if not
controlled.

Sex drive releases certain hormones in one’ s brain that changes the way one
thinks at times if one is not well-disciplined. When a man and a woman are into a
relationship that is not void of sex, this drive can push them into marriage without
them even realizing it, and once in the marriage after a while, they begin to
discover that there is more to marriage than sex. At this point, you discover that
the urge for sex will no longer be there.
This is why sex is not love and so one should not go into a marriage relationship as
a result of sex.

2. PRESSURE FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Sometimes pressures from family and friends can be useful when one is very anti-
dating or very lazy about getting married. In that case, the pressure could help to
motivate the person. Invariably, pressure from family and friends can make you
take a wrong decision which can propel you to make a wrong choice in marriage.
And once you are in the marriage they will not be there when you start passing
through the crisis that might come up.

3. YOU MISTAKENLY GOT PREGNANT

When one mistakenly gets pregnant in a relationship, rushing into marriage is not
always the solution. Rushing into marriage is like a quick solution but we all know
that a quick solution to a problem is not always the right solution.

When one rushes into marriage in this situation, it usually leads one into setting
aside some of his or her most cherished hopes and dreams for the time being and
giving up much of the personal freedom that comes with adolescence and young
adulthood.

To a certain extent, these losses are irrecoverable. Some of the things you’ ve
forfeited can never be regained no matter what you do. This is why you need to
be very careful about taking a wrong decision in a time like this. Marriages that
take place under this circumstance are usually not as a result of love and when
marriage is not built on true love it always leads to one person or the both of
them enduring the marriage which might end in crisis.

4. YOU ARE OF AGE OR GETTING OLD

It is better to take your time and marry the right person than to marry the wrong
person because you are under pressure of age concerns. Many don’ t understand
what is inside marriage until they are into it and if you are telling them to take it
easy at first, they would think that you don’ t want them to get married.
There is this long-standing belief that people who marry late in life tend to have
more stable marriages.

One of the advantages of taking your time to get married at this point is that you
develop emotional skills and the self-awareness needed to make a successful
marriage.

Marrying at the right age is alright but when the right man or woman has not
come, don’ t just rush or be under a pressure to marry. This is to enable you avoid
making the wrong choice and bitterness of life.

5. YOU DON’ T WANT TO LOSE THAT PERSON

It has been observed that during dating, majority of men and women involved in
that relationship don’ t usually bring out their true personality. Sometimes they
practice this consciously and at other times, unconsciously. So it is usually difficult
to know the real person your partner is until you get into marriage with him. I also
discovered that many profess how much they love each other without
understanding what true love is all about. They put emotional feelings in the place
of true love and that is the reason why when they eventually get married it won’ t
take time you see them seeking a divorce.

The fact that you are dating a person should not be a criterion for you to marry
him. It is better to date the right person in case it eventually leads to marriage.

So when you are in a dating relationship with someone, both of you should note
that it is not a guarantee or compulsory that it would end up in marriage unless
you are compatible with each other. So the best way should be to take advantage
of the relationship period to study each other intently in case it leads to marriage
but in a situation whereby it is not, please let him or her go.

Don’ t force yourself or rush yourself into getting married to him or her because
you might get into the marriage and you begin to see a different thing.

Marriage is a serious business it is not something you just go into and after some
time you decide to walk away. That many are divorcing doesn’ t mean they are
finding it funny. Divorce has lots of implications and creates stigma in the lives of
the children that is why you don’ t need to rush into it without careful
consideration and prayer.

Chapter 13

TWO NEEDS OF A MAN AND TWO NEEDS OF A WOMAN

Men and women are created differently by God. There is a way a man is designed
and there is a way that a woman is also designed. Everyone in a relationship must
have an understanding of this. The absence of some of this knowledge in a
relationship causes certain misunderstandings among couples.

Some things are natural in men and some things are also natural in women. This is
so because it is the way they were created by God. The only way to handle such is
through self-control and this requires discipline. Some of these attributes are
needs in both the man and the woman that should be taken care of. For couples
to have a peaceful marriage they need to understand these needs and endeavor
to meet them.

Let’ s look at these needs in parts, beginning with the man.

1. Sex.

I realize that one of the major reasons why most men cheat on their wives is that
they are not being satisfied sexually by their wives at home. This makes the man
to seek for alternative means to satisfy his urge outside with another woman. This
is a very big mistake. It is a wrong thing which most wives do without knowing the
danger they are causing to their marriage.

Most women do this either because their husbands are not treating them well or
not meeting their needs. As a way to punish their men, they deprive them of sex.
The working class ones among them deprive their husbands of sex because by the
time they are back from work, they get tired and won’ t have the strength to fulfill
this marital responsibility to their husbands. No matter the reason, it is very
wrong and you are causing your husband great psychological pain and also
putting your marriage in danger. As a working class wife, always reserve some
energy for your man.

Man is created to carry the seed for procreation and for him to fulfill this purpose,
there must be an urge in him that will always trigger him to always need sex. This
is natural. That is why a man will have sex with his spouse today and the following
day he will be demanding another one. And the wife will be like, "I just gave you
yesterday what’ s the problem with you?" There is no problem with him. It is
natural with men. The only thing is that a few men have been able to learn how to
control this urge through the development of self-discipline.

Men should not abuse this nature so as to avoid shame and destruction.

2. Respect.

A man does not need love, what a man needs is respect. I can also call it
submission. When a woman tells a man that she loves him, the man interprets it
as respect. That is what he needs.

When God created the man, He created him with that nature of authority nature.
So this nature is inside the man. It is natural. Note that the way to put this
authority into control is through love and that is why the man was told to love his
wife.

God never told the woman to love her husband. What God told the woman to do
was to respect her husband and submit to him. Men feed on respect. They don’ t
want it but they need it. Now the question is what is respect? It can be defined as
"An expression of high or special regard” It means "An act of giving particular
attention”, it also means, "To speak highly of." Respect is “The attitudinal
response from submission.” Submission is the action that flows out of the
attitude and that attitude is respect. In marriage submission and respect goes
together.
Having looked at the first part which is the two needs of a man, let’ s take a look
at the two needs of a woman.

1. Love.

By nature, God designed women to be receivers of love that is why women

always want you to give them. And God told the men to love their wives because
it is their nature to be loved. The problem is that most men don’ t know how to
love and they don’ t understand what love is. I discovered that one of the most
misunderstood concepts in a relationship is love. Many understood love to be an
emotional feeling but the truth of the matter is that love is not an emotion nor is
it a feeling.

Don’ t get confused about love and sex in a marriage relationship.

Sex is satisfying a need but love is an act of the will, it is a decision to commit to
meet the needs of the woman. As a matter of fact, women don’ t need sex what
they need is love. They enjoy sex but they don’ t need it. So always be committed
to showing your woman love.

2. Affection.

I was once having a conversation with a man and he told me that his wife has
denied him sex for more than a year. Do you know what that means, it is a
psychological torment, and when I tried to find out why the wife had to do that I
discovered that the man does not attend to this need of the wife “affection”. This
is to show you how important this need is to the woman in as much as there
should be no reason except ill-health that a woman should deprive her husband
of sex.

Let’ s look at what affection is. Affection is showing that you care about her. It is
an action that is communicated through gestures, words, or touches. Taking your
wife out, telling her how beautiful she looks, fondling, etc. It is a feeling of liking
and fondling.

Love and affection need to go together. The difference between the two is that
love is not a feeling, but affection is a feeling you show your spouse, letting her
know how you feel about her. You have to understand that women are emotional
beings. When you wake up in the morning, look at her and say to her, “Baby you
look beautiful this morning!” The next thing that you see on her face is smiles
meaning that she was pleased with what you told her.

Now, you have seen that a man’ s need is different from a woman’ s need.

Having understood this, couples should endeavor to meet each other’ s needs,
avoid being selfish, stop living only for their individual needs and wants but for
the needs of each other.

Marriage should be enjoyed but without the proper knowledge of these things, it
becomes a place of pain.
 Chapter 14

Ultimate Modern Wife

In the olden days, the position and primary purpose of a wife is that of keeping
the home while the man is meant to provide for the family. This is the way we
understood family to be run back then and still so in some parts of the world. I
believe God's desire for the woman in marriage is much more than that, hence
the virtuous woman in the book of proverbs. Having this understanding makes us
believe that the responsibility of a wife is enormous.

In this modern world, women are not just meant to be house wives keeping the
home but are engaged in different great careers supporting their husbands in
providing for the home. A virtuous wife in this modern world is a good character
wife that is engaged in a series of activities supporting the husband in providing
for the family. A good character housewife that just sits at home doing nothing in
this modern world does not represent a virtuous woman because she is not with
most of the characteristics that depict a virtuous wife as recorded in the book of
proverbs.

Gone are the days when the wife sits at home doing nothing; women that are still
in this category have been left behind, they are not moving with the trend. It is a
known fact that the husband plays a dominant role, the first and last person
responsible for the well-being of his household, from financial matters to physical
protection. This notwithstanding, the wife is meant to be the supportive partner,
the person responsible for supporting her husband in achieving his goals for their
household which in turn is interrelated with her own goal.

This role cannot be well achieved unless she is a modern wife. If not, how can she
combine her primary role in keeping the home which includes but is not limited to
taking care of the children, the meals, her husband, her career, and providing
support to the husband for the family. This is why I wrote at the beginning of this
book that the responsibilities of the modern wife are enormous but in time past
women did not discover this hidden truth though the truth has been there as
designed by God from the beginning. This can be seen in the way He created the
woman with the inherent qualities she possesses. But this truth began to be
effective during the Industrial Revolution when women began to take up some of
the responsibilities that are seen to be meant for men.

As the world advances, most of the women begin to have an understanding of the
time we are in and begin to move with the time becoming more sophisticated.
Interestingly, one special feature about the woman is that in as much as she is
ambitious, hard-working, and more sophisticated, she knows her position in the
family knowing quite well that her husband is to be held in high esteem. This,
including the fear of God, makes her an ultimate modern wife.

Life is difficult, and a husband who has a healthy support system at home is often
able to achieve more, and in turn, provide better for the family. That is why the
man must understand the inherent make-up of a woman and utilize it to his
benefit and that of the entire family. In this regard, he appreciates the many
sacrifices being made by his wife and responds by providing adequate support
both domestically and to her career. This will make her happier.

For this purpose, it has become imperative that the modern woman has to make
good and careful consideration before accepting a man's hand in marriage
knowing that her responsibilities are ample. For her to be able to meet up with
these tasks she needs a supportive man who has an understanding of what love
truly is and is willing to make a sacrifice for her to ensure that she discharges her
duties both as a wife and a career woman as well. She in turn, honors him,
respects him and appreciates him for his love which she sees through his
numerous sacrifices for her.

It is a thing of great joy for a man and a woman in a marriage relationship to

understand each other well, support each other, and work together to ensure
that their marriage is a success.
CONCLUSION
Marriage brings great joy to many but it also brings challenges, often intense
ones. How a couple manages them often determines whether their relationship
collapses or holds firm. Having a successful and healthy marriage doesn’ t just
happen, both spouse have to do their part, discover each other’ s weakness and
shortcomings and try to complement each other.

Having gone through this book, it is evident that you want to have a successful
marriage but having a knowledge of all that is written in it is not enough. You
need to go a step further in applying all that you have read into your relationship
or marriage, only then will you begin to enjoy your relationship or marriage fully.

I pray that you find joy and happiness in your relationship or marriage.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Innocent Tochukwu is an Engineer by profession and a relationship coach for
many years. He is happily married with kids and committed to making would be
couples and couples have a successful relationship and marriage