Walking towards the building was like seeing through a fuzzy partition.

She wasn't quite in control Commented [MC1]: Is it a house, or a building? The

of her own body as her legs carried her closer to the building. Yellow wildflowers had sprouted all later descriptions seem more like it’s a house, and that
around the yard and mixed with weeds of all kinds. The lawn was a direct contrast to the neatly is how I envisioned it with the descriptions below.
kept gardens of its neighbors. The overgrowth that was up to her mid-thigh tickled her bare legs as
she walked closer.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

The dried autumn leaves turned to dust under her boots, but she kept walking. The year had finally Commented [MC2]: Come back to this word.
turned to fall, her favorite time of year. The scents of fire, earth, and chill permeated the air around
her. Her breaths became shallow, echoing in the silence of the moment. Her heart pumped in her
ears as her feet moved her closer and closer. Her brain fogged when trying to think. Why was she
doing this? What was she doing before she started walking towards this strange decaying building?

As she trudged closer, she flashed back to memories of passing this building. She was always
drawn in with whispers in her ear, seducing her closer. Every moment in the past she was able to
fight off this strange attraction. There was always an outside force to break her from this Commented [MC3]: Would ignore be a better term to
compulsion: a car would pass, someone would yell good morning, or a dog would come to say hi. use here?
Today it was just silence all around her; No birds chirping, no dogs barking, or neighbors saying
“hello.” Nothing to drown out the whispers, no distractions.

The building was a strange mix of nature and man-made. The brick facade was nearly encased in
vines and moss. An overgrown landscape of weeds and tree roots has broken through the damp
earth. The trees have grown through the windows of the third story. Broken glass littered the land as
she drifted closer. She had to swat away the vines that had grown down from the tree limbs which
blocked her path. Ever closer. Commented [MC4]: Personally, I’d italicize this phrase
to show the emphasis. Otherwise, it will be treated as
She remembered her fascination with earth-conquered ruins when she was a child. Looking at an incomplete sentence or thought.
images from around the world, she would dream of one day traveling and submerging herself into
these places. Plants grown up around her as she stands like a tree. Never moving. Watching the way
earth reclaims it’s land. She never outgrew this love, which is what drew her to pass this building
every morning. Commented [MC5]: Come back to this paragraph.

This morning as she took the steps to pass the building, it felt as if the world had stopped. Nothing
moved or made sound. Nothing but the whispers in her head that drew her to the gate.

Smack.

Her toe hit a root. She fell on her hands and knees. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember what
she was doing again. Does she really want to be walking towards this building? Was she walking
somewhere important? Just fog. Nothing concrete would stay long before it was swallowed, again,
into the abyss of her mind.

As she got up, fear sparked inside her body. She realized the door was only a few feet away.
She was so close now. The whispers turned into screams commanding her to move forward.
Her feet listened.

Just four more steps. Then three. Then two. Then one.

Her foot landed on the wooden stairs that lead to the front door. As she took the stairs up, the
building settled a little around her. Her breath grew into condensation as the temperature dropped.
While she wore an oversized sweater, she was still in a short skirt that only made it to her mid-
thigh. Goose bumps had erupted all down her bare legs. Commented [MC6]: This sentence is a little wordy.

Her hand reached out to connect with the doorknob but before it did, the door swung open.

Creek.
The sound reverberated in the empty room. She took the final step inside and the moment she
did, a chunk of wood dropped. It slammed into the floor two feet away from her. She jumped.

Her eyes widened. For the first time, she realized exactly what she was doing. Walking into an
abandoned building even the city had given up on her hands started to shake but her feet wouldn’t
listen to her nervous system. Further they went. The screams in her head holted. She was trapped. Commented [MC7]: You don’t have to use this exact
phrase, but that helps explain what her feet wouldn’t
She passed by the staircase and the hole that was created from the fallen plank and turned into the listen to. The audience knows its not her head,
kitchen. Pots and pans hung from the pot rack. The island, large and imposing, took up the middle of because it’s in a fog. Her feet are essentially revolting
against her will. she doesn’t know what is controlling
the room. Some of the cabinet doors had been left open. Trash littered the floor. Wrappers, nuts,
these movements, but her body is physically reacting to
nails, and old newspaper clippings were strewn across the tiles. Pots overflowing with plants covered her surroundings.
the countertops and fell down the middle island. Vines had grown through the windows and into the
sink drain. Ferns littered the floor everywhere she stepped. The wallpaper peeled from their walls
with the moisture created by the abundance of natural life. The smell of the room was overwhelmed
by musk and earth. She made a special effort to not step or touch a single plant. Not knowing why as
she stepped around the island, she passed into the next room.

She lingered there for only a second before moving on. The next room was empty except for a
single desk. She was dragged closer. It was dark and foreboding. A deep brown, that in the wrong
light could have been mistaken for black. As she rounded the desk there were several drawers. As if
they had been opened regularly since the overgrowth took control, the drawers were the only part of
the desk that was not covered in vines and moss. She pulled one to find it locked. As she kept trying
each drawer, she found each one locked. Looking around she went to search for a key.

Hher legs were no longer being controlled by an outside force, but she was in too deep. She
needed to get into the locked desk. The whispers must have been leading her there: into the
building, straight to this room, where she regained control over herself, tothe drawers which were
the only surface to not be covered by vines.

She moved to the next room. It was a den. A large white fireplace was on the far wall. A ratty and
deteriorated rug was laid in the middle of the room. On the edge of the rug appeared to be a pile of
blankets.

As she made it to the threshold, she heard a grunt. As she looked around, the pile of blankets
shifted. She was wrong. It was a blanket of moss. And she realized the rug was not a rug at all, it
was vines that had covered the floor creating a new layer. As she looked closer the moss fell away
from the form.

She had once again lost control of her body. She was frozen. Her mind fought to escape. All
she could do was watch as the moss finally fall to the floor.

Her second mistake, that was not a person. The creature’s skin was hanging on by a thread, hair Commented [MC8]: Again, only a suggestion, but this
was thin and unkept, wild. Vines covered it’s body armoring it against the elements. The vines helps bring your reader in. we know it is not a person,
stretched down the body from the chest to lay against the floor. The creature crept towards the so what type of creature? And it makes this sentence a
fireplace, dragging the vines with it as it crept closer. Dirt fell from its chest as if it was growing the complete sentence, rather than an incomplete thought.
vines from its own form.
 Thwack. Skid. Thwack.

Vines shot out. They grabbed a loose brick from the fireplace. Before she could see what the
creature had grabbed, she got overwhelmed with the smell. A mixture of moisture, earth, and rot.
Her mind and body still frozen, she waited. The creature slowly removed a package from the hole
behind the brick.

She finally overpowered her body and was able to turn around. As she did her shoes squealed
loudly, turning the creature’s attention onto her. She ran. But even at a slowed pace, the creature
stayed right behind her, step for step. She took one last glance at the desk, promising to come back
to find out it’s mysteries before sprinting into the kitchen. She had just rounded the island when it
entered. The creature shot it’s vines out and sent the pots and pans flying. Barely missing her, they
clattered and clanked against the floor and each other. The sounds echoed throughout the
abandoned building.

Finally reaching the main room, she had a straight shot to the door. But it was closed. No, that's not
right. She was sure she left it open. No time to think about it, she scanned the rest of the room for
an escape. Her breaths were coming heavier now, creating more sounds to drown out the silence
of the space.

The windows! All the windows were broken with plants spilling into the room. As she raced Commented [MC9]: This appears to be an internal
towards the closest one, a vine wrapped around her waist. Trying to pull free, she looked down thought, meaning it should be italicized. If not, remove
and realized the creature was trying to hold her. She screamed. Prying at the vines to let her go, the change.
she kicked her legs out to get leverage on the window seal but missed. A flowerpot dropped and
the plant inside fell out. The vines snapped, dropping her loose.

The creature screamed as if in pain. As it fell back, all she could do was fall back with it. She rolled
off its body and crawled to the window. The plants were smushing beneath her feet. With each step, Commented [MC10]: Keep it gender neutral here.
the creature howled again with pain. She took her chance to crawl out the window and run. You have not yet disclosed the

Her feet smacked against the ground as she sprinted towards the gate. She tripped on a root and
fell. Her knees bruised from the struggle, pain shot pain through her thighs. She closed her eyes
and pushed herself up. This was no time to give the creature an advantage and capture her again.

If she could just get to the street, she would be safe. Her arms were pumping, the only thing moving
her forward was the fear in her veins. She had lost feeling in her calves. She closed her eyes to
focus on running and breathing. Faster she went. And as her foot made purchase to the concrete
she slowed down.

She paused to catch her breath and looked back; nothing had changed. No one was coming for
her. Had she imagined it? No, no way. But the thoughts still lingered with her as she tore herself
away. What was in that desk? What the hell was that creature?