Photo by Alan Kole Set design by Davi P Gordon ‘A scene from the Arden Theatre/City Theatre Company production of Incorrupuible. J AOLANAS AVIA SLSLLYWVYC “ONI UADNITION TAVHOIN As saBy >7eq yp ogy Apouroy ye y aATaLLdNMIOONIINCORRUPTIBLE CAUTION: Profesional and arate are Bercy warned that prormance of INCORRUPTIBLE i abject to pyrene o's ropa Ts ly protected der he rDpyrigt vs f the United Sats of Americ, and of all counts covered by the Tpennal Copyright Union (nclaing ce Dominion of Canada and the es of sh Commorweai), and of al Con copyright relations. All rights, including withou Stage rights, mosion picture, ection, leer "Author agent in writing “The English language stock and amateur stage performance rights in che United ‘States, it territories, posessions and Canada for INCORRUPTIBLE are controled taclasively by DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., 440 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016, No profesional or nonprofessonal pexormance ofthe Ply ‘may be piven without obraining jo advance the writen permission of DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC., and paying dhe requis fee Ingres concerning al oes ight shoud be ade ro Harden-Curts Agency, B85) Seventh Avenue, Suite 405, New York, NY 10019. At: Mary Harden sm soraatemmarng ee Ne cat kc cmucertwindsh fini Bad ingot others exloiting he Pay alors preductn shereo. The ae Suacesatena immediatly beneath the tle and in size of type ce langest for he tle of the say seceive credit a ne prominent than that accorded the Auth following cknowledgment must appear on the tile page in all programs dstibuted in connection with peeformances 0 the Ply: aly produced by Arden Thee Company, ty Texte Company, Psburgh, Pennsylvania Coher Thegee Companys USWer These, Theater as par of a Pew Playwrights Exchange. _for Meg, my favorite CatholicACKNOWLEDGMENTS My debe who contributed to the development of INCORRUPTIBLE through readings, workshops and its world premiere co-production by Arden Theatre Company and City Theatre Company. Special thanks to Carol Rocamora; Kent Stephens, Michael Robins and reat to the sixty-one actors directors and dramaturgs for working miracles once again. INCORRUPTIBLE was oi Company (Aaron Posner, produced by Arden Theatre Pittsburgh on April 12, the set design was by Davi ‘Tim Saternow; the costume design was Jusglaniss and the production stage managers were Veronica Griego (Arden) and‘CHARACTERS CHARLES, abbot of Priseaux BROTHER MARTIN, his second in command BROTHER OLE, novice BROTHER FELIX, a novice PEASANT WOMAN, from the village JACK, a one-eyed minstrel MARIE, his wife of sorts AGATHA, abbess of Bernay PLACE All action takes place in the chapter house of the monastery of Priseaux, France. TIME About 1250.0. AUTHOR'S NOTE ‘This sort of thing really happened. Jhon one charac begin peaking beled che ha interruption is marked with a */.” INCORRUPTIBLE ACT ONE Scene 1PEASANT WOMAN. I promise. MARTIN. No. You'll say she's better because you turned around in a circle three times and threw a piece of dung over your left shoulder. PEASANT WOMAN. If the dung had worked, I wouldn't be here. MARTIN. Precisely. Penny up front. (He gestures 0 a dish on the table; she considers it for a moment.) PEASANT WOMAN. How do I know the prayer's going to work? only come when you want some favor. Pethay church more often — (Olf a big, cm ok ‘monk, enters out of breath, a large heavy sack over one shoulder, OLE. Wheres the abbor. is the abbot — MARTIN. Brother Ol What have you been taught about speak- 's barley it goes in the ale- 1 Woman.) (He turns her around,) : PEASANT WOMAN. Haven't you better things to do than 8 harass old women? MARTIN. Believe me, I've plenty co do: (Leafing through the ‘Pages.) There's the poor to be fed, the sicko be healed, the naked to be clothed — Tim poor. PEASANT WOMAN. | am, I'm poor. CHARLES. (Entering with another parchment page) Oh, Martin, would you — cher OIf. (To Peasant Woman.) I dontt care if you're if youte sick; thank God you're not naked, If you don't pay the penny, you ate out of luck! CHARLES. (Beat. Is there a problem? OLE. I need to know where — MARTIN. 1 believe the question was addresed to me. (To Charles) This woman wants an intercession .. CHARLES. (To Peasant Woman.) PEASANT WOMAN. My cows got the mange. CHARLES. Oh... MARTIN. BUT she refuses to pay. PEASANT WOMAN. I haven't got a penny! MARTIN. So she says PEASANT WOMAN. I don't. CHARLES. I to ask, you know. Youd pay much more if you went on a PEASANT WOMAN. [cant afford a pilgrimage. I can afford this, but I've got to do something. Her mill’s dried up, her hairs falling out... CHARLES. Yes — PEASANT WOMAN. Her gums are all bloody ... CHARLES. I understand your need; but you see, we have needs, too. If you want to pray to Saint Foy, you've got to give us some- thing. (She looks fem one to the other, then reaches down deliberately pulls a button off her tunic and drops it in the plate. Embarrasred, ‘Charles relents.) Go ahead. (She eroses in front of the relics and ‘begins praying: Martin looks at Charles in exasperation.) Dont say it MARTIN. Why do I bother? 9CHARLES. Her cow is sick, MARTIN. We get button in the plate, but you can bet they have 1 penny for a pint. ‘OLE. Excuse me, Father — MARTIN. Brother Olft (CHARLES. Times are hard, Martin. But we needn't take it our on the village. MARTIN. Who else can we take grim in four months, and our teen years! PEASANT WOMAN. (Looking up.) Huh? (Charles moves Martin ‘away afew feet. Peasant Woman continues praying. Olf sets downs his CHARLES. Rebuil is walls with these hands, fed the congrega tion with my own bread .. All the more pity if we close our doors forthe lack of a penny a praye CEIARLES. "We won't. Not while im alive. And we will no co- \pproval. .d what if he never shows up? After all the prepara- tions, after all the money we spent on the chair ... CHARLES. He gave me his word. MARTIN. His word. CHARLES. You'd doube che word of the Pope? MARTIN. Of course not. Did you get it in writing? CHARLES. Me PERE eee Serre ee ea ee eee eee eee eee eee MARTIN. You have to! He's not going to ride a thousand miles to see a dead body; they have them in Rome. CHARLES. He'll be here MARTIN. When? CHARLES. Humanity has waited twelve centuries for the Second Coming; why are you so impatient? MARTIN. Becauie we'e starving! (He collects himself) when you last checked the pantry, bur there's chickens are gone, the sheep are gone ... There's scarcely a pauper’s portion for each of us, and nothing MARTIN. Yes, to help the helpless, not become them. Ifthe Pope doesn't show up today or tomorrow, we'll have to eat the donkeys (Of Charles parchment.) Whats that? CHARLES. Um... MARTIN. Another request CHARLES. The shoemaker’ shop by the river flooded. MARTIN. (Taking it.) suppose they're asking for bed and board. CHARLES. That was the general idea. MARTIN. Very well. (He crosses to his pile of parchment pages and rifle shrough them.) We'll put them in line behind the blacksmith’s family, the weavers widow, and the leper with the lisp. He inserts then faith alone's no good, (Beat, Les certain:) They have to. J intrude, (Thinking its about bim, OIf sminedly past him to Peasant Woman, grabs her shoulder and curns her ‘around again.) You said one prayer. PEASANT WOMAN. (To Charles.) My husband's sick too. uMARTIN. Be grateful youre covered for the cow. Come on. (He lifts her up and walks her briskly out.) PEASANT WOMAN. But you stopped me in the MARTIN. Then come back tomorrow, we may (They have disappeared through the doorway. Off) And bring your penny with you! (A door slams. Pause.) OLE. May I speak now? CHARLES. Hmm? Certainly. (Martin enters: Olf ees him) here to pu this. CHARLES. (For the hundred and fist rime.) If its batley, i goes in the alehouse, ifi’s millet — OLE. Isa Jew. MARTIN. (Beat) A Jew? ‘OLE. Moneychanger. | found him in the mud by the road outside the village CHARLES. Found him ... you mean dead? OLE. Held been hic on the head witha rock and robbed of all but CHARLES. Good ond « pose we should take the body to Paris — let the synagogue bury him. OLE. Paris? CHARLES. There isn't one closer. OLE. But he’ already dead three days, at least. And i into consecrated peal jought of that. be misconstrued. (Charles considers the bury him after sundown. (Off nods and MARTIN. Why not baptize him as well? The night is young, (Martin returns to bis paperwork.) CHARLES. The Pope must have been delayed for some reason. He's a very busy pontiff. MARTIN. Unless Brother Felix never made it to the Vatican ... CHARLES. ‘The map was impeccable. succumb 0 a case of libido ... CHARLES. No; Felix may have made mistakes asa youth, but no one’s as worthy of trust as he is, (Olf has returned.) OLE. Excuse me, Father. (Martin glares at him.) That wast rupting. CHARLES. Yes? OLE. Thad another question, MARTIN. Of course you did. OLE. Where did you want me dig the hole? ide of the churchyard wall? , OIF, Bury him — (Suddenly rene young novice, bursts in, rambling, our of bold himtelf up.) CHARLES. Brother Felix .. FELIX. Tell me, say it no MARTIN. What’ the matter? FELIX. Where is she? CHARLES. Who? FELIX. Where is she, where ... (He looks beyond them, sees the saint, and lets out a pitiful ery of relief He pushes past them and rushes to it,) God be praised. (Felix falls to his knees, crasses himself and begins praying fervently) . (He s gasping for breath.)CHARLES. Brother Felix, what's going on? Felix begins t0 sob.) ‘Ghat’ happened? (Felice to composes himself carch bis breath, FELIX. Teame as quickly as I could — I've been running for three MARTIN. Wheres the Pope? FELIX. (Bea) Bernay. CHARLES. Bernay? OLE. That's not on the way from Rome. MARTIN. Well, when's he coming here? FELIX. ia et , ee pale CHARLES. What mean ing”? MARTIN. I told you we should have promised a miracle. ‘CHARLES. Martin, FELIX. He’ gone to Bernay instead. ee MARTIN. What's in Bernay? A second-rate convent run bunch of backwoods nuns. : CHARLES, They dontt have a single relic, why — FELIX. They got one. MARTIN. No. oe CHARLES. Did to the Pope? i: FELIX. By the time | made it co Rome, hed already let CHARLES. But you were S : FELD I showed them che eter! “His plans have changed.” a cat- inal cold me. “Het left for Bernay to see Saint Foy’ HARLES. Shes been our patron for 300 years! SELDC Thats what id! But sine the Pope had already gone, 1 rode off like the wind to catch him. (To Martin, apologticaly) ine of the donkeys died along the way. MARTIN, Ch ing up his hands.) Wonderful. Pert (Charles and Martin look at each other.) One by one the peasants kknelt before the Pope — lepers, blind men, hopeless cripples — ‘one by one they approached tt ee Were healed. (The others are astonished.) i of them! A man drowned fishing the day before wwas raised like Lazarus to his feet, sputtering about a line that broke and the loss of a speckled trou MARTIN. Youte kidding ... FELIX. A child whose arm was horribly burned, the skin nearly gone, had the limb restored at once. CHARLES. My God... FELIX. A hunchbacked woman with an oozing lump — MARTIN. That will do, thank you, Felix. ‘When the sisters learned where I'd come from, they called our the abbess, CHARLES. Oh, FELIX. A large, n with a sour disposition. CHARLES. I knx treated like a fellow in Christ.” the doors, she threw me down the steps! FELIX. And then she told me why: (With deliberation.) She said Saint Foy had been brought co them by a one-eyed monk — a brother from our house. CHARLES. Our house? MARTIN. Nonsense. OLE. A one-eyed monk? FELIX. And for this they rewarded him with thirty gold pieces. MARTIN. WH: CHARLES. No. FELIX. I tried to protest, but she claimed I had only come to steal , and chased me from the convent with a chalice. weary and confused, I hastened home as quickly as I could, (Beat.) That's when the other donkey died. MARTIN. So much for eating the donkeys. (Pause. They are stunned.)FELIX. I'm sorry, Father. CHARLES. And I'm ... in shock. OLE. A one-eyed monk FELIX. What shall we our habits, that’s what well do. the books — no one else knows how assurance of things hoped for, the a8e CHARLES. “By faith we understand thatthe world was created by the word of God, /s0 that what is seen was made out of things —” Simultaneous after ‘7”) “so that what is seen was made out of ich do not appear” — its too late for Scriprure! CHARLES. Where is your faith? (To all of them.) ask you, where MARTIN. Iescurned up ina second-rate convent run by a bunch of backwoods nuns. CHARLES. (Firmly) I don't know who this other saint is, b not Saint Foy. Well simply tell the Pope whats happened and he’ MARTIN. As fat as he knows, we dontt have a saint. Their relics grant miracles, rise from the dead; what have we got? OLE. But who's this — CHARLES. Let him speak. (To Olf.) Go ahead. this one-eyed monk? OLE. He isn't one of us — I've never seen him. FELIX. Maybe Bemay made the story up. Maybe they stole a miraculous saint and chose to cal her Saine Foy. MARTIN. That like stealing a gold piece and calling it a penny. CHARLES. Mai MARTIN. Well, its not as though she’ in demand; she's been all but worthless for the last dozen years. FELIX. The relics of Saint Anne were stolen last Easter. 16 CHARLES. They were returned. FELIX. Saint Helen's sell missing. t whose relics they are, the Pope's fill- ing Bernay’s coffers, not ours. : CHARLES. (Resolute.) Then we've got to bring him here, tha FELIX, Te would take a miracle, CHARLES. Very well. (To Saint Fax) Could you arrange that for MARTIN. Charles ... CHARLES. Nothing ostentatious. Mz tig 2 MARTIN. Tes been done cet ‘CHARLES. Whatever. Perhaps he would come. MARTIN. If he were going to come he would be here by now; but he gor sucked in by 2 one-eyed monk with the holy remains of Saint Something-or-Other. CHARLES, And when he finds out the truth — MARTIN. Why would he? FELIX. Because it is! MARTIN. (Calmis) If the truth were always apparent, we'd be ‘out of business. (There is a loud, solemn pounding at she door) CHARLES. (Beat.) Good Lord ... You dont suppose ... MARTIN. se what. OLE CHARLES. ! MARTIN. You mean the Pope? bee It can't be. IN. Never in a thousand. OLF. It could be. mae FELIX. They told me he wouldnt come, they said — MARTIN. He won't. CHARLES. Unless he saw through the 5 honor the rightfl saint. ees FELIX. Burt I've just arrived myself, they couldn't have — ae You ea on foo. iven so, they couldn't have — (The pounding resume somewhat more insistent.) co ‘ es CHARLES. Did you hear that? MARTIN. Be reasonable ... 7CHARLES. Thats the knock of a Pope if ever I heard one. Olf, get the Jew out of here, quick. OLE. (Rushing 0 the sack.) Where? FELIX. (To Martin.) Jew? CHARLES. I dont care where, just — put him in the pantry. OLE. Pantry? MARTIN. Plenty of room in the pantry ... CHARLES. And bring in the chair. 2 Pope's chair, what do you think? iknow he had one. (Olfprepares to drag the sack out bout the Peasant Woman bur give ic back. (They all freeze in PEASANT WOMAN. All ti their racks.) CHARLES. (Beat,) Excuse me? MARTIN. You again. PEASANT WOMAN. That’ right — and I won't be muscled about this time. CHARLES. Was someone else knocking just now? PEASANT WOMAN. You the abbor? CHARLES. (Peeking out the doorway to be sure.) Well, yes, but — MARTIN. What do you want? /OMAN. I want my button back uc of me. fou know very well you paid it for the privilege of praying to the saint, PEASANT WOMAN. That’ and Martin exchange gla MARTIN. Who told yo PEASANT WOMAN, bundled off to Bernay ’s clear you all over town: The real saint's been CHARLES. (Half 0 himself) Ob God ... MARTIN. That’ aie. PEASANT WOMAN. And shei working miracles. MARTIN. Oh really? Well we've had miracles too ... CHARLES. (Weary) Martin ... MARTIN. Jos las week hnochbacked woman with an oting lump — CHARLES. Give back the button, MARTIN. No. gossips. PEASANT WOMAN. Not so second-hand. FELIX. Have you honored d PEASANT WOMAN. No . MARTIN. Wall, then. PEASANT WOMAN. (Smgh) But my son-in-law sw it with MARTIN. Ob, ‘my son-indaw saw MARTIN, Just answer, PEASANT WOMAN. He's got two, one on either side of his CHARLES. Ah. (They move away from her, crestfallen.) PEASANT WOMAN. One's been scrambled like an egg, though, she meas a pth, (Tey bighen and eur be) CHARLES. I see; I see, um, what .., business, if % CHARLES Ts at. business, if may atk, PEASANT WOMAN. He's a minstrel. MARTIN. A minstrel? PEASANT WOMAN. You know, tells jokes, throws things in the 19air? Filthy line of work, if you ask me. CHARLES. Uh-huh. Would you . please? : PEASANT WOMAN. [e's your church. (The monks quickly hud- dle to confer. While they are preoccupied, Peasant Woman sneaks a ‘excuse us for a moment, MARTIN. Of course it FELIX. We can’ accuse the man without proof ... OLE. Hes got one eye .. MARTIN. ut bring him here! Well get to the truth, ‘CHARLES. Good woman ... MARTIN. (To Felix and Of) In the meantime, dig a hole. (Martin indicates the sack; Olf nods and exits) Tm telling you, minstrels, chey'se pigs. MARTIN. Do you think were we to ask him, he might perform his services? PEASANT WOMAN. You'd have to pay. They don't work. for free. FELIX. (Enthralled,) Really? A dance PEASANT WOMAN, And she's been known to ease the burden of the celibate on occasion. MARTIN. That wont they only perform as a CHARLES. (Beat,) Ve PEASANT WOMAN. I'll go drag them from the table. (Olf has returned with a shovel and grabbed the end ofthe sack ro drag it out.) What’ in the sade (Olf begins to speak, but:) MARTIN. Barley. ‘CHARLES. Millet. (Correcting himself) Milles. (Correcting bimself) Barley CHARLES and MARTIN. Oats! (Peasant Woman sniff she air with suspicion.) PEASANT WOMAN. If you say so. (To Felix) You'll like my 20 daughter. Not big bosomed but a sweet piece of flesh. (She starts ‘out, then stops abruptly.) Oh. (She walks directly up to Martin.) V'l need that button. (She holds out her hand. Martin looks to Charles in exasperation, but Charles nods to him. Martin removes the button from the plate and hands it to ber.) Good thing | saved the penny nay. (She pockets it.) You can't mess around with a sick cow. (She exits as they look after her. Blackout.) Scene 2 The chapter house, a few hours later. Olf enters the room carrying a shovel, followed by Jack, a smallish man wear- ing an eye patch and a colorful Jack also carries two bags, which contain various rel’ props, costume pieces, and musical instruments, JACK. Pretty hor day for digging a grave. Whose is ie? allowed co say. outside the churchyard wall, is got to be a thief or R Ies.a secret. JACK. (Mock shock.) You mean he doesn't know he's dead? OLE, Huh? JACK. You'd better tell him before you plant him ... ‘OLE, Hes — a JACK. Nothing seks a man off more than waking up under sx secret. y ... But when youve got an irate corpse on your hands, dont say I didn't warn you. Where do we play? * OLE. Here. JACK. (Beat,) Here? OLE. We cant use the chapel since the roof caved in, and th library's covered in mud. z JACK. (Looking around.) Hard to generate a festive mood with a 21‘cadaver in the room. OLE. That's Saint Foy. (Pause. Jack is a litle shrown, or perhaps shaken.) JACK. Well, chen, we'l keep all the merriment over here ... He sts down his bags and stars removing object: juggling clubs and balls, a tute or small guitar, ete.) Where's my light? (He finds a window with light shining in and places bis props accordingly muttering to himself Olf watches in fascination for a few moments, then:) tel once. JACK. , riend. Didn't we all. ‘OLE. But I wasn't good enough. JACK. What could you do — sing, dance? (Of shakes his head.) Tella joke? (Olf gives a “oso” gesture with his hand.) Juggle. OLE, Only one thing ar JACK. Yep, that’s 2 co shy of an act. (He goes back to sesting up.) OLE. I decided to become a monk instead. JACK. Good career move. OLE. To witness a miracle. JACK. Yeah? How many have you seen? ‘OLE. Not a one. But I hope I do someday; I really hope so. JACK. (Confidentially) Dos 1e wrong way, but youve ‘gota bereer chance of makin i «a colori costume with hata Woman.) MARIE. (To Jack.) This, Was a bad idea. PEASANT WOMAN. (To Olf) Where's the abbot? MARIE. Mother ... OLE. They're in the vestry. (Olf opens she door to lead her out.) JACK. No youre n PEASANT WOMAN. Marie confidentially) Pray. MARIE. What? PEASANT WOMAN. The cow's sick. Might as well get one in before they hit you up for a penny (To Off) Come on, lets talk business. (She exits, followed by Olf) 2 JACK. You had to bring your mother along ... MARIE. We shouldn't have come here oc Ripe, Too, just promise me you!l play nice, okay? No snide remarks abo church? I don't care if you think they're crooks; they're clie wwe get out of here. JACK. Hey, I'm a professional MARIE. You. Are a pagan with an attitude problem. (Marie croses * S altar, kneels, and begins praying. Jack paces through their row- JACK. So these guys become celibate at the age of six. What do they know about love? ee : MARIE (Singing.) “Sad sings the lonesome mourning dove ... JACK. Tl do the “hey ho nonny nonny” song. MARIE. Come on, Jack, sing the response: JACK. Something they can tap thei MARIE. “Glad sings the lark thar JACK. Hey. Ho. Nonny. Nonr MARIE. (Beat.) Fine. (She wal 23 aeJACK. Ob, come on. (He goes to her.) Let's just get through this, take the cash, and we're on our way. Okay? No more motley, no more mothers, no more monks, Justus. 'shave chem marry us. ‘commonplace here. Well ger married in Pais. ‘you said we'd do it in Bernay; in Bernay you said here, / and — JACK. And you said your mother loved mii (Peasant Woman enter.) Speak of the de his props.) PEASANT WOMAN. Good thing I came along. They wanted to pay you in books. (To Marie) What a scupid line of work. You els, so we're even. le finishes setting up should've married what’ ‘name when you had the chance. .) Pierre. “Pierre,” “Pierre,” “Pierre” ... ie di JACK. (Beat.) Oh. (Beat.) Well, then, he wasnt such a great catch, was he? (Charles enters, followed by Martin and OIf, who carries a repare to be tickled, dazzled, and jack, Marie, now let’s have a juggle Hey! (Jack grabs juggling balls or clubs and igorous but sinextriordinary fashion, accompa: ning his tosses with little outbursts of awe. Pointedly t0 Marie:) Ali tle tambourine, please? (She accompanies his more daring passes. Finally be bring: it toa flashy finish and bows deeply, awaiting thun- derous applause. There is none. He stands upright.) Thank you, thank you. A joke! 24 MARIE. (Warning) Jack .. JACK. (Launching in:) A widower goes to his confes “Forgive me, Fath taken to screwing 6 fay she man, a pening she tells me she's mar- about expectant ‘are totally unresponsive. Dryly:) | thought there was only one corpse in the house. PEASANT WOMAN. Quit jabbering and let her dance! JACK. (He clears his throat.) My .... mothe gentlemen care for a song and dance? ‘one with the talent. (Jack picks up the lute or small gui ‘accompanies Marie while she dances. The dance should be simple and rather innocent, but may have a gentle allure.) JACK. (Singing.) Hey ho, alas lackaday, ‘Alzs, lackaday, lackaday hey hos Hey nonny nonny, derry down derry down, Hey ho nonny nonny derry down. Lackaday (lackaday), Hey ho (lackaday), ‘Alas (lackaday), hey ho — oh: Hey nonny nonny, derry down derry down, Hey ho nonny nonny derry down! Ch bn agin with flwrih, Mari caric. Te monks ase MARTIN. What was that? MARIE. Thank you, Your Grace. MARTIN. Is that all you do? MARIE. I know a song about a lark and a dove. PEASANT WOMAN. She’ very versatile, don't you worry. (They 25all turn to look at her) But ... everything has its price. (Marie glares for newlyweds. anaged to save a few coins co establish a stabler CHARLES. Namely? JACK. Bread-baking, ‘CHARLES. (Beat,) Bread-baking? : MARIE. We've plans to open a shop in Pars. CHARLES. (Dead serious.) Bread-baking's not a casual enterprise. Not a trade to be dabbled in. can afford to apprentice these days? MARTIN. Ihope you're a better baker than minstrel, JACK. Rae the onts all wince) . donit do that one any- . Maybe you should having luck in Bernay. (Charles JACK. (His bitterness showing through.) | prayed years for two ood eyes. CHARLES. Whac was the resule JACK. Two bad knees, MARIE. Jack ... MARTIN. Maybe your faich wasnt strong enough. JACK. As long as my penny landed in the plate, they didn't seem to mind, PEASANT WOMAN. Boy, that’s the truth. MARIE. Let do another song: CHARLES. Thank you — : MARIE. “Sad sings the lonesome mourning dove ..." (She gestures 7 Jack to sing) s CARLES Ce Mare) Youre ie vo go back to the village. 26 PEASANT WOMAN. Wait a minute — re to the act... sponse speak with your husband alone. u can speak to her alone, if you like. CHARLES. That won't be — PEASANT WOMAN. I'm her mother, and I see nothing wrong with i MARTIN. Thats quite apparent. PEASANT WOMAN. She's worked with the clergy before. MARIE. They said no. CHARLES. Jack will suffice. (Peasant Woman looks from Jack to Charles and back.) PEASANT WOMAN. To each his own. (She exits; Marie follows, taking one last ook back and catching Jacks eye. After a moment:) CHARLES, Your wife has unusual grace fora local gi. Where did you meet her? JACK. Playing the fair in Dijon. MARTIN. Is she really your wife? JACK. In all eyes but those of the church and the law. (Adding quickly) But we'te to be married shortly — as soon as we'te set with the bakery. CHARLES. Ah yes, the bakery. (Charles rise.) I once knew a baker in this town — a simple man who loved his children and revered his profession like a priest his vows. Until one year, because of a drought, the price of grain went through the roof. So the baker had his young son and daughter throw in handfuls of saw- dust to stretch the flour. JACK. Sawdust? (Charles nods.) Interesting choice. CHARLES. However, when the drought was o Instead, the sawdust started to increase, ‘ating more wood than wheat. An go on forever ... until one mornit and milk and wound up with a sp JACK. Ouch. CHARLES. Ouch. They locked the baker in the pillory with a loaf of his own bread strung around his neck. Then flogged him till he bled like an animal. His children ran away to renounce the 7‘merchant world for good. JACK. P'll make a note of that: “No sawdust.” CHARLES. That baker was my father. JACK. Beat.) I can see how that might make a boy want to ‘change careers. MARTIN. My father was a butcher — you dont want ro know. JACK. And the moral of this story is...? CHARLES. “Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his led with gravel.” . J always mess up the appreciate ses and the baking ire me to save my soul MARTIN. Maybe later. : : JACK. [ean even do “The Prise ad the Pig” as an epic poem. (He pops ase of pig ears on bis. CHARLES. How about riddles JACK. Riddles? Cereainly, riddles area specialty: puzzlers chuck- lers, teasers, pleasers CHARLES. The: have thirty gold pieces? JACK. jon? ee One ear must be deaf as well. (He stands and approaches Jack.) He said what would a simple player be doing with thirty gold pieces? : JACK. (Anticipating « punch line.) I don't know, what would a simple player — Ghues ‘That string around your neck — it's not a cross. JACK. You know, there are much funnier riddles ... ‘CHARLES. Could it be a purse? JACK. Here's one: What did the prostitute say tothe bishop? MARTIN. ’s see it. Bets JACK. No, but you're close. She said, “Is that a miter in your cas- sock, or —" swer me this riddle: Why might a minstrel 28 CHARLES. Why don't you show us whats in your purse? ire through with my services, gentlemen, I think 1 ‘should — (He starts packing his bags.) . ‘pennies are his own to count. ‘want your pennies. We're looking for gold. JACK. T've already to CHARLES. Then swear it on the saint. Swear on Saint Foy that you weren't paid thirty gold pieces for delivering her imposter. JACK. I don't know what you're — CHARLES. Just swear to that. (Charles steps aside to give Jack clear access to the altar. Martin and Off follow suit.) Go ahead. 3. Gack hesitates briefly. then croses to the is right hand on the bones, his left in the air.) OLE Right hand. CHARLES. Thank you, Brother Olf. (To Jack.) Right hand, please. (Jack switches hands, hesizaes, tars to speak, stops, and moves an you? together) If | had thirty gold pieces, gen- tlemen, do you think I'd waste my day in church? I've squandered 100 many others on priests and promises that never paid off. Now Tm sorry I don't have what you were hoping for, but maybe that ‘makes us even. (He crouches down, packing his bags.) CHARLES. (Beat,) “Behold the wicked man conceives evil, and is pregnant with mischief, and brings forth lis.” (He signals to Marcin.) JACK. You can quote all the provetbs you want ... CHARLES. “He makes a pit, digging it out ... ” (Martin creses behind Jack.) JACK. But you can't get blood from a stone. CHARLES. “And falls into the hole which he has made.” JACK. Besides — (Martin grabs the drawstring around Jacks neck ‘and pulls it taut, lifting Jack off bis haunches. Jack grabs at the string that’s choking him until Martin releases the tension and Jack relin- 29