Chris Burbank

Final Journal Assignment

It’s been a few hours since the last of the kids have been put to sleep. My wife

asked if I wanted to join her in going to bed, but I said that I wanted to stay up and

watch the storms come through. As I sit here in our living room, the only light being my

laptop and the occasional flash of lighting, I allow myself to start reflecting on the past

nine weeks of student teaching. And to be honest, It leaves me with a strange feeling.

On one hand, I feel a sense of accomplishment that I was finally able to complete one of

the final hurdles that stood in my way of obtaining my degree. On the other hand, I also

feel a sense of forewarning that everything that comes after this part will be uniquely my

own doing. I will no longer have the safety net of a college professor or cooperating

teacher to back me up. After this, I will need to answer to myself when it comes to the

decisions I make. Obviously there will be others that I will need to answer to (coworkers,

administrators, parents/guardians), but the choices I make as a teacher will be my sole

responsibility. It’s at both times a terrifying and exciting prospect.

But here is why I feel like this experience has done wonders for my own teaching

perspective. For one, it’s taught me the importance of letting go when things aren’t

perfect. Teaching (especially in the elementary setting) requires a degree of fluidity that

isn’t common in most career fields. So even though you start the morning with a clear

and concise plan of attack for the day, all it takes is one guest speaker running late and

the day itself is completely gone. But it can be even larger than that. Not only as a

classroom teacher do you need to try and ensure you’re hitting all of your important
benchmarks, but you also have to contend with other teachers that will need to pull

students so they can receive further support services. Older teachers have said that it’s

always a struggle, but time management is a skill that comes with time.

Another important thing this experience has taught me would be the importance

of not forgetting that students are their own unique person. One of the things that

bothered me the most when I was in elementary school was when teachers would

always talk down to me. I see now that this wasn’t in a deliberate way, but rather it

comes with being the only adult in a room of kids. However, through my interactions

with my students during these past ten weeks, it was evident that much more can be

accomplished if the student feels like you are talking to them less as a figure of

authority, but rather as someone who cares about them in a more genuine way.

And, on a tougher note, it has allowed me to work on being kinder to myself. You

see, I was raised in a house with two parents that had little appetite for failure. And

since all of my four older brothers were lauded for their academic and athletic prowess,

it was hard for me as an undersized kid with a learning disability and asthma to appease

my parents. So even at a young age, I would routinely set goals for myself that were

never realistic. And if I didn’t reach those goals, I would fall into a self-defeating cycle of

anxiety and depression. So throughout my formative years, I routinely would deal with

the consequences of my less than stellar grades with constant berating by my parents. I

know they were doing what they thought was best in an attempt to motivate me to do

better, but it only served to further my troubles with anxiety.

 But through all that, I have slowly started to wrestle with those exact demons that

have troubled me for so long. Life, much like teaching, has many highs and lows that we

can experience. For me, my sole focus in life has always been preparing for those

inevitable lows that I knew were sure to come. But by doing that, I have never allowed

for myself to loosen up and enjoy the joys either. So even though I may think that a

lesson or experiment stunk, one of the kids in class may come up after the fact and

thank you for explaining a concept in a way that finally made sense to them.

Which, in turn, leads me to the first memory that stands out for me as a student

teacher. This week, our class started to go over the concept of exponential notation. As

someone who has struggled with math all of their life, I knew this concept was going to

be tricky for a few students in class. As such, I stayed up late the night before and tried

my best to come up with a few different ways to teach the following morning. Upon

completing the lesson, and mentally beating myself up for thinking I stunk, I had a

student that raised their hand for extra help with his math boxes. This young man

struggles with math like I do, so he has been one of the students I have always had in

mind whenever I attempt to find some differentiation strategies for class. For today, he

actually didn’t need extra help. Rather, he called me over to thank me for explaining

math in a way that, “made sense in my messed up brain”. I laughed, but I corrected him

and said each person has their own unique way of thinking. And just because he may

not get math in a traditional way, that doesn’t make him a bad student. As I walked

away, I could not help but be overcome with a sense of purpose and happiness with

what he said. My sole purpose in pursuing teaching was to help students just like.
 The next story isn’t dealing with a specific student, but rather the classroom as a

whole. Prior to this, I mainly worked with younger students. And I thought that I had a

good grasp on student relationships and overall management, but 5th graders are quick

to call you out and make you remember that they are sitting on the cusp of being

teenagers and their own unique person. On one of the first times teaching solo, I

attempted to get the class's attention by doing a call and response that I would do for

younger grades. It got the desired response of getting their attention, but that quickly

turned into laughter at my expense. To a person, they still haven’t let me live down the

fact of me using “One, two, three….. Eyes on me” on a group of rowdy and

rambunctious 10/11 year-olds.

Finally, I can say that my paramount goal is to continue to improve as an

educator and person. This experience has shown me that teaching is not something you

learn once and are good, but rather a skill that will need to be redeveloped and

redefined over the course of a career. My normal lackadaisical approach to life isn’t

going to cut it when it comes to teaching. I want to be a lifelong learner, and through

that I want to constantly strive to become better at teaching. I know it’s going to require

hard work and dedication, but I know this is the career for me. And I know the

commitment I will need.

I am excited to see what is yet to come in my career as an educator. Even when

challenges will present themselves, I am more confident than even I can overcome

them. This is my passion, this is what I love, and I am looking forward to being able to

make a difference in the lives of my students.