Grandma's Subtle Secrets To Make Him Chase You Forever (FULL) Conhecimentos de Relacionamento (PT-BR)

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Grandma's Subtle Secrets

To Make Him Chase You Forever
“Grandma's Subtle Secrets To Make Him Chase You Forever” is an incredible collection of
techniques and tools designed to make a man notice you even in a crowded room. you . . talk to
even if he's shy. . . and chase you and chase you for as long as you want while (and this
is the important part) thinking it's 100% his idea and that he will stop at nothing to make you his
(and only his) forever.
Contents
1. Another Quiet Night at Home... 5
2. Enter Gramma and the phrase that changed my life 3. 6
But what does Grandma really know about dating? 11
4. Throw out what you think about men 16
What men want in the first few days – a promise of adventure Do 17
men just want young girlfriends? 18
Men want to chase a worthy prize 19
My First Baby Steps Back into Online Dating. . . 21
5. The truth about men and dating 25
Men face (and fear) a lot of Rejection 25
Female Confidence is a Magnet to Men 26
Men love Subtle Signals that tell them how to Act 27
Practice Makes Perfect 28
Setting HIM in Motion 29
Playing the Online Dating Game 32
6. How to stand out to men...even in a room full of beautiful women 34
Turn-Offs to Avoid 35
A case study of my own mistakes 36
What REALLY Attracts Men 39
Power in numbers? 40
Casting Your Bait 41
1
Playfulness: Little Actions, BIG results 42

7. Making the first move (Using feminine Coyness) 46
Show & Tell. . . how to make the first move 48
Feminine Coyness 50
My New, Exciting Dating Life 54
The New Woman in Town who Changed Gramma's Life Forever 55
8. The Magnet Technique 61
Sexy Confidence is Attractive! 61
Everything Gramma taught me worked! 63
Gramma Schooling me on Texting 64
4 Reasons Why These Short Magnet Texts Work 68
Reaching out to my Ex 72
9. The Masculine Mind 78
Two Puzzle Pieces 79
Men thrive on feminine energy. 80
Men Bond through Activities 81
Men as Protectors? 82
What about Male Ego? 83
So, Stroke his Ego? 84
Remember, his Ego may be Fragile! 84
Meeting my EX in PERSON 86
The RIGHT Timing 87
What to Wear for a “first” date with an ex. . . 88
10. Intrigue him so HE chases YOU 90
Be His Daydream (It's not what you think) 91
The Tantalizing Head Tilt 93
The Famous Mona Lisa Smile 94
The UNCATCHABLE Smile 95
Why every woman has a “Mona Lisa Smile”. . . 96
Intrigue him by LISTENING 98
two
Oh, when talking to a man. . . 99

Be Independent and Impressive 101
Be Unpredictable 102
11. Playing Hard to Get: The Ultimate “Chase” Trigger 103
PLAYING Hard to get, NOT Rejection 106
Why “Playing Hard to Get” Works 107
Did you fall for someone else's “Hard to Get?” 112
Being “Likeable” doesn't get you the guy 113
When and HOW to “Play Hard to Get” 114
When enough is enough 117
12. How to HOOK him so he's begging for more 118
The “Prince Charming Phrase” 118
If you want to win, be willing to lose 120
Fear of Loss helps us see Value 123
Flirty, Sexy moves that hook him . . . and keep you on his mind 125
EXACTLY how to melt into his arms 127
13. Hook him...and keep him 129
Be the Queen you are! 129
Let him be your King 130
Remember LAUGHTER is the spice of life 131
Surprise him & Stand Out with the phone trick 132
Avoid the Bait and Switch 133
Think about HIS NEEDS 135
Keeping the Love ALIVE 136
Pushing or Pulling? 137
14. The 5 rules of Sex to Keep the Passion Alive 138
1. Love who you are 139
2. Don't jump in! (And never let the teasing go . . .) 140
3. Keep SEXUAL TENSION (Banter!) 141
4. Keep the Adventurous Spirit he fell for. . . in the bedroom too! 143
3
5. Use ALL the Senses. .. 145

15. How to show him what you want in bed 146
The “Hot Mirror” Technique 147
Make some noise! 148
Praise, Praise, Praise 150
16. But what if he's not interested in sex anymore? 151
Biological Issues 151
Emotional (Relational) Issues 152
Turning Desire back on 153
17. Will this work on your Ex? 155
Reaching out to YOUR Ex 156
The HELP ME text 159
Wow, look at me now. .. 162
18. How to Bring the Spark Back 163
Play 'What if?' 164
Start Over . . . in a sense 164
19. KEEP him chasing you! 166
Keep flirting! 167
Affirm him as YOUR man 167
Initiate touching, affection, adventure, and sex 168
Say Yes 168
Make him feel good. . .and you'll both feel good 169
4
1. Another Quiet Night at Home...
Or, more accurately, another lonely night at home...
Here I am, 39 years old and single, lying in bed to watch TV by myself.
My phone lay next to me, and I thought about signing up for Tinder...
But it's been a while, and I'm probably not ready to jump back in to dating.
Especially after my last heartbreak...
I really thought Jeremy was THE ONE. He loved me, I loved him, and he
was happy with me.
He even said he was happy with me when he wanted to move on – how did
that make any sense?
Men just don't make sense!
So on top of my battered ego and tattered heart holding me back, I'm not
confident about online dating...or even texting with a man, let alone talking
to one and getting that first date.
I remember how I struggled with online dating, not knowing if men were
what they seemed.
It was nearly impossible to tell if their interest was REAL or not.
Mike would message me throughout the day for two weeks, but he would
never agree to meet in person.
So was he playing me? Just having fun? Or keeping me as a backup? And

how on earth was I supposed to tell?
Any of this sound familiar to you?
5
That was my life a while ago. Since then, everything changed, thanks to my
Gramma Violet.
Her advice on men changed my life so profoundly...that I HAD to share it

with other women.
I'm tired of dating apps, writing my profile, deciphering men's profiles...
Do you feel that way? You try this.... and that.... and just end up in the
same place.
Well, you've come to the right place this time.
Now you'll learn what's going on inside that head of his, so you can
understand him and connect in a way that hooks him for good.
But I don't want to get ahead of myself.
You see, Gramma Violet didn't throw everything at me all at once. I want to
share my story so you can learn from my journey.
2. Enter Gramma and the phrase that changed my life
That night was a low point for me, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching
out to my grandmother.
Gramma Violet lives in a retirement home, one she picked out herself.
She's always been independent and age hadn't changed that.
The home she chose scheduled regular events for the residents, which
included live shows and dances.
Gram seemed to have a man in her life whenever I talked to her.
6
She actually seemed to be living it up in her old age!
She picked up quickly, and as soon as I said hello, she knew something was
wrong.
“What is it, Jenny? You sound close to tears!”
“It's...it's just my dating life. I hate being single, and I miss Jeremy. I can't take
it.”
“Oh, honey,” she said softly. “Maybe it's time I give you some advice about men.”
I almost laughed, but I was hurting too much for that. My ELDERLY
Gramma giving ME dating advice?
“Thanks, Gramma, but I don't think you'd understand dating life now.”
“Oh, really? Have men changed?”
I heard a smile in her tone, which ignited a hidden anger. I hopped up from the
bed to pace while talking.
“Yes, they have! And they have Tinder, Facebook dating, texting, and can talk
to twenty women a day!”
“Are you done?”
Her tone caught me off guard. My Gramma was nothing but sweet to me.
Usually.
“Listen, Gramma, I don't want dating advice from 1920. This is 2020. Times have
changed. Women don't have to “fall in line” and do whatever men want.”
She laughed. She thought this was funny?
“Gram, we can be strong, independent women. Like you,” I added to soften the
rest of my words.
“Just because you're a 'feminist' doesn't mean you have to act like a man,” my
Gramma Violet said in a voice that made me feel like I was 13 again and she
was lecturing me on boys before my first dance . . .
7
I didn't listen then and I wasn't going to listen now. . .
I insisted, “Gram, it's different now. . . It's not like it was when you were
young . . .”
Maybe it had been a mistake to call my Gramma. She obviously couldn't

understand dating in the twenty first century.
And she had no idea what it was like to be 39 and dating again. . . at least,
hoping to date again soon.
“Jenny, when I was your age I had already been married to your
grandfather for . . .” she started and I had to stop myself from throwing my
phone across the room.
The woman was 83 years old and had only been with ONE MAN her entire
LIFE . . .
She met staples when she was 16 and they were together for over 6
DECADES before he passed just under 6 years ago. ..
She never had to deal with texting and tinder and men who are deceiving to
even talk to you because they don't know the difference between flirting
and sexual harassment. . .
She never lived in a world where men refused to commit because they
knew their next date was just a few taps on a phone away. ..
Or had to compete for Grandpa's attention with porn. . .
She had no idea what it was like to be 39 and single again and deceiving of
being old and alone and . . .
I blurted all this out to her in a big gush.
“Jenny?” she asked, her voice the familiar, soft, sweet voice of my
Gramma.
“You have to make him chase you, Jenny,” she said. ..
But those were not words I was ready to hear right then.
I mean, all of us would love to have a man chase us! But it doesn't happen
that way, not in today's world.
8
Right?
And I even though I knew she was trying to be kind, I felt this bubble of
frustrated rage bursting up in my chest and what came out of my mouth
was. . .
“HOW????” I practically yelled. “Everyone always says that but HOW,

Gram, HOW???”
“Your grandfather,” she started and I couldn't help it, I cried. . .
That's what she wanted to tell me? To give me advice based on her
decades long relationship with my grandfather?
Grandpa practically worshiped the ground Gram walked on.
He was always doing little things for her, leaving her notes, talking about
how beautiful she was to anyone who would listen. . .
And he always seemed so happy whenever she was around.
They were soul mates, to the very end. I was there at the hospital when he
passed. . .
When he looked her in the eyes and whispered “I love you” with the last of his
breath and died. ..
Gramps treated Gramma like a queen. I would LOVE to have what they
did, but those were different times.
Whenever anyone asked what she did to make him act that way she would just
smile with her eyes and say “I guess I just got lucky.”
Lucky.
I wasn't so lucky, not in today's world.
That phrase just didn't compute: Make HIM chase ME? How do you make a
man do anything?
“What are you doing tonight?” Gramma asked, kind now because she
heard my tears. . .
9
At least she was off the “advice” roll. I really didn't want to hear her advice
now anyway.
“I don't know,” I said with a sigh. “Probably just Netflix. What about you?
Are you playing cards or . . .”
“Oh, no I have a date with this man who just moved into the complex. I
think he's too young for me. He's only 72 but he's funny and he's got a nice
body and he keeps asking me out so I figure why not.”
“What about Jim?” I asked about the man I thought was her “boyfriend”
when she introduced me to him a week ago.
And wasn't there a Ralf the week before that?
“Oh, huh? We still spend time together but I told him I wasn't interested in
being tied down right now. Life is short! OK, honey, I really do have to go.”
“I love you,” I said in something close to shock.
“I love you too,” she said, and I could feel the warmth of her through the
phone.
“Thanks for listening, Gramma. Sorry if I upset you.”
“No, dear, don't worry about it. But...”

“Yeah?”
“This isn't over. I want you to come over soon so we can talk, okay?
Promise?”
“Promise.”
Despite talking to Gramma, I curled up in a ball on my bed and thought

about Jeremy and the three months we spent together and cried.
His words rang in my head, stinging even now.
“Jenny, I love you. . . I do, but I'm not 'in love' with you. I don't know what it is.
I don't know what changed but I just don't feel it the way I used to. I'm so
sorry,” he said. . .
And then he was gone...
10
And I was 39 and broken hearted and single and alone again while my 83-year-
old Grandmother spent time with her “younger man.”
I thought about going back to Tinder and online dating and guys who played
“games” and I wondered what I was doing so wrong. . .
Make him chase you.
Was there any chance my Gramma had an idea that would help? Did she
actually have some secret way to make men chase her?
Did she somehow make Gramps chase her all those decades of marriage?
The thought almost made me laugh, but now. . . looking back. glad . . I'm SO
I listened to her!
3. But what does Grandma really know about dating?
I was hesitant to take Gramma up on her offer. I think I was afraid because
she had my hopes up.
But what if it was all a bunch of rambling, out-dated advice? I mean, what
could she know?
But I went to see her 3 days later. We were playing Rummy 500 and she
was beating me the way she always did. ..
I had expected her to jump into it, but so far she hadn't said a word about our
conversation the other night. So I brought it up.
I asked her what she could actually know about dating after a long life of
happy marriage.
11
“You tell me I never had to deal with dating. You think that because I'd only
ever been with your Grandpa Frank and he treated me like a queen,” she
said.
“Well, how could you know about dating? Especially now?”
“Did you ever think for a second that the reason he did that is because I
knew what I was doing?” she asked.
I stared, dumbfounded.
“You know,” she added, “I have my pick of the men here.”

That was true – ever since she moved into the center, she was on a date
with different men whenever she wanted. It looked cute. . . but now I was
starting to think I should have paid more attention to her techniques.
“Do you maybe wonder why it is that I have men chasing me in my 80's
when most women my age know full well they're going to die alone with
their cats?”
“Okay, I'm getting intrigued.”
“I love you, Jenny, and I'm not going to be around forever. I hate seeing
you so sad when I know you don't have to be if you just get out of your way
and let yourself act like a woman.”
That again?
“What does that mean, Grandma? How do I act like a woman?”
“Well, I'd like to show you. I can teach you how to act like a woman and
draw men in like bees to honey.”
I laid my cards on the table, forgetting about the game. “So how?”
“It's not one conversation, honey. But I'll show you how to be confident in a
way that men love. I'll show you how to EMBRACE your feminine side so
you can flirt, and even make the first move!”
“But men hate that!” I blurted out.
12
“No, they don't. You see, they won't know what you're doing. You'll know
how your mind works and how to trigger the reaction you want. You can get
him to make the first move, thinking it's all his idea.”
I scoffed.
That made her laugh. “Don't you see? Some women know these secrets,
and that's why they get any man they want. The rest of the women are
frustrated and single, waiting on a guy to text when he's out on a date with
another woman.”
That was some hard truth. She was right. I was ready to listen to her at this
point.
Seeing my expression, she added, “Most women have all the wrong ideas
about men. Women tend to think men want a docile woman who will be
whatever he wants.”
“But Gramma, that's true. . . Men like cheerleaders who are always happy,
even when he stays out all night with his friends.”
“No, it isn’t!” She rubbed her hands together in excitement. “You have so
much to learn! This is going to be fun!”
Her lighthearted reaction helped me relax. I exhaled and asked her, “So tell
me, how do I get started?”
She started teaching me then, showing me how to change my thinking

about men, and laid out the first steps.
Gramma claimed that women pictured men the wrong way, thinking that
men were playing games. . . when really men are ruled by their
INSTICTS.
She said she could show me how to use their instincts and male mind to
intrigue them, hook them, and have them chase me.
Gramma said she would help me with my feminine confidence so I could do

all that easily.
“That's a lot of change... I don't know if I can do it. How long will it take?”
13
“You can do it if you listen to me and do what I say. And it won't take long.
In fact, if you give me a month, I can change your mind, your habits, and
your life. I can help you so you have men lining up to date you.”
“I don't know, Gramma. . . I want to try. . .”
“So here's the bet, honey: You do what I say when it comes to dating and
men for ONE MONTH. . . you still have all that credit card debt, right?” she
asked.
Whoa, she was making a real bet out of this.
“Yes,” I said, feeling the weight of it on my chest suddenly. $12,471 to be

exact. I didn't think I could ever pay off.
“You listen to me for ONE MONTH and if at the end of that time you don't
have this Jeremy guy or any other man you want ignoring other women
and CHASING you... then I'll pay off your entire debt for you.”
“Can you afford that?” I gasp.
“Your grandfather left me very well taken care of,” she said with a fondness
smile.
“You're going to get a lot of it in a few years anyway, but if I can't help you.
. . if I can't show you the truth about men and how they're the same now
as they ever were. . . Then I'll give you enough for your credit cards now
instead.”
“Gramma, I don't know what to say.” She was CONFIDENT that her ways
would help me. Could I trust her?
“Deal?” she asked thrusting her wrinkled, delicate hand toward me over the
kitchen table.
I thought about my credit card debt.
I thought about Jeremy. ..
I thought about the hell of online dating. . .
I had nothing to lose. ..
14
“Deal,” I said.
15
4. Throw out what you think about men
Once I made my deal with Grandma Violet, we started that very afternoon.
..
“You have a lot to learn,” Grandma Violet told me, getting down to
business. “But first you need to throw out all those wrong ideas you have
about men.”
Here my 80 year old grandmother was telling me I didn't know anything

about men...and she did?
But I had witnessed her happy marriage myself. Now I saw the men at her
retirement center chasing her.
“Are you ready to give up what you think you know about men. . .”
Gramma asked, a finger in the air, “and learn the actual truth?”
“I think so.”
“Let me put it another way: Are you ready to feel loved and even
worshiped by a man in a way you never thought possible until now?”
“Yes!”
“Good, now tell me how you think men work.”
Oh boy. There are so many jokes about how men can't understand
women, but sometimes men are like giant brick walls: hard to read and
understand.
“To be honest, I'm confused about men. They act interested on a dating site
but won't meet me in person...so it seems like they play games.”
“Or maybe they WERE interested, but you didn't send the right signals and ran
them off.” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“You think I accidentally ran men off?” I was a little skeptical. I'm almost 40
now, not a teenage girl without any dating experience.
16
What men want in the first few days – a promise of adventure
“Let me guess, Jenny. When a man reached out to you. . . Did you share
your life story?”
“Well. . . maybe?”
“You wanted to know all about him too, right?”
“That's how it works! Dating is about getting to know people to see if you
might be a match.”
She laughed. “When you start talking to a man online or through text, it's NOT
about sitting down and getting to know each other. It's about playing and
having fun.”
“But...” Had I been looking at dating the wrong way all of this time?
“Once you hook him with fun and intrigue, he'll HAVE to know everything
about you. But even then, you shouldn't spill everything.”
A light started to come on in my head. . . “So once he figures out the

puzzle, he loses interest?”
Men want an experience.
I thought of the times I met new people at a party or work function. We

would always start with: name, what we do, how we know the host, and who
we know. It would fizzle out from there.
That wasn't the exciting experience men craved when they went online to
meet women, or when they went out and spotted a woman they wanted to talk to.
I couldn't believe I was just now realizing this.
Gramma further explained that two people click through chemistry.
A man and woman spot each other and something about the other person
grabs a hold of them.
17
Gramma assured me it wasn't actually about physical looks. It was, but it

wasn't. It went deeper, she explained.
It might be your eyes, the way you laugh, or even the way you interact with
others.
She promised to teach me all about that soon.
Online, that chemistry must be created through fun, flirting, laughing, and a
sense of bonding.
Whether it's online or in person, men want to see if they will feel good
around you.
Do men just want young girlfriends?
Gramma asked me, “Now what else do you think about men?
“They all want a hot, young girlfriend, one that will do all the things they see
in porn videos.”
“It might seem that way, but you're wrong again. Think about how a hot,
young girlfriend would make a man FEEL.”
That took more thought, but I finally said, “A man would feel. . . cool? Like
he’s THE MAN.”
“He would feel very masculine, sexy, and on top of his game. He would
think others sent him. His ego puffs up. He feels wanted and
powerful.”
She smiled to herself and began to shuffle cards, giving me time to think.
That explained why men wanted young girlfriends – it made them feel
better about themselves.
I thought about the other points Gramma had made. Men wanted fun and
adventure. Challenge. And they probably thought a younger woman would
give them that fun.
18
“Do you see now? It's about how YOU make HIM feel. That's what those
young women have. And it's what you can have too.”
“So I can compete with a 20 year old with a beach body?”
“Well, if you want the kind of man who chases that. You'll have your pick
once you learn how to use my tricks.” Her hands are still dead. “But, I'm
guessing you want to date a man around your age, correct?”
“I think so. I mean, I don't think of myself as a cougar just yet.”
We both laughed before she went on. “You think men are chasing skirt for
their own pleasure. What you don't realize is that men base their ego in
part on being able to please a woman. It’s about their prowess.”
“Yeah, I get that. Men want to be good in the bedroom.”
“They NEED to be good. Men are all about performance as a breadwinner,

husband, father, business man, you get the picture.”
That made a lot of sense. Men, on the inside, could be very insecure about
how they perform.
Men want to chase a worthy prize
“Imagine if a man sees you in all your feminine sexiness and confidence,
and he wants to win you over.”
She let me picture that before saying, “You play the game correctly, using
my techniques, and let him chase you. And then when you're finally
together, imagine how he'll feel knowing he can please you.”
“Gramma, you're starting to make me sound like a trophy. I want a real

relationship.”
“And that's how you get one!”
“By playing this game? Getting him to chase me? And then we'll have a
great relationship?”
19
“He needs that chase to bond with you. Think about it: do you value
something that came easily? Or do you value the things in life that take a
lot of work to get?
“Okay, I agree with that.” I thought of all the times I talked to a man, trying
to get to a date or relationship as quickly as possible.
I thought men wanted that too—because that's the point of dating, right?
But maybe I was wrong. I was desperately trying to pin a man down and
get that commitment, and he wanted to enjoy the dating process.
He wanted to find a woman a little out of his reach and chase her.
He wanted a prize that he could be proud to have.
Thinking back, I realized I did share way too much, too early, and that killed
his interest.
I could even see it from my own perspective. A few times, a man would
want to talk for hours online or on the phone, and bore me with his entire
life.
If there wasn't any chemistry or fun at the beginning, all that sharing fell
flat.
Those men did seem desperate, like they would grab onto the first woman
who took interest.
Oh. My. God. That's what I seemed like when I over-shared! When I
wanted to jump right into a relationship!
“And you're starting to see that men and women are different? And we
should celebrate that? And use it?”
I mulled it over before saying, “So you really think I can get a man to do
what I want if I understand his instincts?”
“Yes!” She leaned closer. “Men get very interested when they feel a
challenge or game.”
“They want to try to figure you out.”
20
“They want to HAVE FUN while figuring you out. . . while chasing you. . . while
feeling like they're after someone really special.”
Nodding, I asked, “So you'll show me how to be that special woman?”
“Yes, you'll discover you already are!”
She dealt with the cards absentmindedly, keeping her hands busy.
I had to ask, “What happens once he wants a relationship?”
“Then men want to be part of a fun team where you tease him and make
him think. But we're getting ahead of ourselves there.”
“You're right. . . I need to learn how to interest a man, how to text and talk
online and get him intrigued in me. But I've been doing that all wrong by
sharing too much.”
I didn't share with Gramma, but sometimes I'd gotten into sexting with a
man. . . but that didn't go anywhere, either.
So all out sexting didn't work in my experience, and all out sharing didn't either.
It sounded like Gramma was talking about flirting.
“What's the eye roll about?” she asked.
“Grams, you can read my mind. I was thinking, it sounds like you want me to
flirt. And I am not good at flirting.”
“Oh, you will be,” she said with a sly smile. I could see why men chased her.
Even at 80 years old, Grams could be fun and adventurous.
“Now let's talk about your homework. . .”
My First Baby Steps Back into Online Dating. . .
Gramma Violet sent me home with a simple task. I would sign up for a
dating site with these special instructions:
21
One: I had to write my profile as a fun description of myself, more of a

tease than anything real. I couldn't list the usual description of WHAT I am,
like my job or if I had kids or not. She wanted me to show WHO I am with
something fun.
Two: If any men messaged me, I had to FLIRT.
“How do I flirt, Gramma?” I asked, feeling like I was out of the race already.
“Just have fun! Answer his question with a question or a funny answer.
Pretend it's a game, like Clue or Who Dun it. You're trying to answer
without giving anything away this early in the game.”
When I confessed that I felt lost, she said to watch blockbuster movies with
a little romance and banter in them.
Men LOVE banter, she said.
These first steps were supposed to be quick and easy according to

Gramma. “Do them quickly,” she advised. “Don't over think it!”
She wanted me to get started, keep it simple and fun, and report back in
two or three days.
So, here's what I wrote that evening for my quick Tinder profile.
“Yes, I do like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain.”
It seemed kinda lame to me, but it was the one “fun” thing I could think of.
For my profile pic, I went against everything I knew. I wouldn't post a close
up of my face—you know, the usual selfie with the filters and right angle.
Instead I found a photo of me on a sailboat, wearing a hat and sunglasses,

and my hair going everywhere. I had a martini glass in one hand.
22
I had always liked that photo because it captured my big smile, and I
looked like I was loving life.
But, I had never used it for a dating profile pic because I thought it didn't
show enough of my face.
Gramma had advised me to use photos of me doing things, not just a selfie
or sitting and smiling at the camera.
“Find a few photos that show you feeling good about who you are.”
I found a few other similar photos to upload and went live.
I set my phone down, took a deep breath, and decided that I could take a
bath while my profile sat out there. . . alone, not getting any answers.
I mean, I hardly said anything. Why would a man be interested?
So, I went and took a long bath. Afterwards, I almost didn't check my
phone, but I couldn't help myself.
What if there was a message?
However, I paused with my phone in my hand, and reminded myself not to

get desperate.
This is a game. I should be having fun.

And . . .
THERE WERE 25 MESSAGES!
What on earth? That had never happened before. I flopped on my stomach

on my bed, laughing, as I started to read them.
A few were typical responses, such as:
Hi, my name is Bob and I love your smile. What do you do for a living? Do
you have any kids?
23
A few were more clever like these two:
I make a mean Pina Colada.
We might have to fly somewhere to find rain right now. :)
As I read message after message, something clicked.
I felt drawn to the fun messages that didn't really tell me about the man
who wrote them, except that he liked to flirt and have fun.
The normal messages—the ones that had more information—felt boring in

comparison.
In the past, I would have answered the longer messages that gave
information and asked me about myself. They seemed more like
“serious inquiries.”
But this time around, I didn't want to. I followed my Gramma's advice and
answered the fun, flirty messages with quick answers.
Before, I saw this as a way to get to know someone.
Now, I saw these early messages as a way to see how the man acted. Did
he like to joke and flirt?
Was he quick witted? Did he come back with something clever?
A few times I caught myself starting to share more. Luckily I saw it in time,
and changed my answers.
I found myself laughing and thinking of clever, fun replies.

I lost track of time. I had fun! I couldn't believe it.
I WAS FLIRTING!
24
5. The truth about men and dating
So many women believe men call the shots when it comes to dating.
They think men hold all the cards. . . leaving women to wait around on
them.
Hoping he'll text or call . . .
Hoping he'll want to get together. . .
Hoping he'll consider it a date and not a bootie call. . .
I've been left disappointed so many times, and I bet you have too.
It's easy to grow bitter and think men are real jerks, just playing us and
using us, right?
But I've learned so much from my Gramma Violet, and not only does it all
ring true. . .
It changed my dating life!
Here's a little sneak peek into a few things I've learned.
Men face (and fear) a lot of Rejection
First off, men face WAY more rejection than you do. So when you're
nervous and afraid of embarrassing yourself, remember that men face that
even more.
We get to give a coy smile and then he'll make the first move—men usually
can't get away with something so easy!
My grandmother taught me how to make a man make the first move, and
you'll learn that too.
25
Your signals and actions can give him a boost of confidence so he feels
manly and attracted to YOU.
That means we don't have to risk rejection. We can send out some signals,
and the man you desire will act on them without knowing you urged him to
do it.
Gramma Violet taught me how feminine coyness draws men in, so they'll
cross the room or street to take a shot.
Female Confidence is a Magnet to Men
Secondly, YOU have all the control through your OWN CONFIDENCE.
Don't believe me? Imagine that you put on your sexiest outfit and head out
for the evening. You take a seat at the bar and swivel to gaze around the
room.
Pretend you let your gaze linger on a few men. If one appeals to you, then
you give him a slow smile before looking away.
You turn and make conversation with the bartender. . . and pretty soon,
one of those men will approach you and start a conversation or offer to buy
you a drink.
Why is that?
You looked hot and confident. That certainty is easier to develop than you
think, and it WORKS LIKE MAGIC!
You can probably think of women you know, and certainly women on TV
and in movies that use this.
You don't have to look like a supermodel, either. It's all about loving
yourself and feeling good about yourself.
Whenever anyone has a healthy self confidence, it boosts their

appearance to others.
26
You can use that confidence in so many situations—in fact, you should give
it a try today!
When you're out and about, give a subtle but lingering look to a handsome
man. (Just two seconds is enough to make someone notice.)
I'll bet money he smiles or does a double take!
Maybe. . . just maybe. . .men want us to think THEY are in control

because they know we really call the shots.
We get to reject them. We get to make them work for our attention. We get
to
Here's the kicker. We know how to use our confidence in the previous
situation in the bar, but did you know that you can use that all through the
dating process and in your relationship?
Maybe that's what you've been missing!
Men love Subtle Signals that tell them how to Act
Thirdly, men have been given mixed signals about how to date and how to
treat women for so long that they need CLEAR SIGNALS now.
You can direct them how to act through subtle signals, and they'll not only
appreciate that, but they'll follow your lead.
You can slyly signal them to be a gentleman or to come on strong. It's all
about what you want.
You project so much more than you know.
In the past, you might have projected mixed signals, lack of confidence,
or even a dislike of yourself.
That's the opposite of what pulls men in.
27
Practice Makes Perfect
Now I know men practice their flirting and “dating skills” which isn't
something I thought about before.
To me, dating had been and means to an end: to find my soul mate.
Now I could see it was much more, and I should probably start practicing
too!
I've always loved “people watching” but I took it to a new level.
Gramma hinted that she learned her secrets from watching other women—
one woman in particular had started all of this. (She promised to share the
story sometime.)
She told me to watch movies, read romance novels, and watch people.
Celebrities and anyone who does public speaking or performing knows

about “turning it on,” i.e. letting their light shine.
We've all had good days where we smile at everyone, and in turn we notice
people interacting with us much more.
There are other days when we just want to be left alone. We can walk
through a grocery store or our workplace, and our signals tell people to stay
away.
Understanding these signals and learning how to control them gives you
the power to influence all of your interactions.
Our signals include how we dress that day, how we take care of ourselves
and our appearance, how we stand and hold ourselves, and how we interact
with others.
It's similar to dating and attracting men.
We can let our feminine light shine and give subtle “tells” that make men
notice us, and then they're thinking about us all of the time.
A few subtle movements can actually signal a man that you're into him,
and he should come talk to you or make a move.
28
Setting HIM in Motion
After my fun creating and using my dating profile, I had to rush over and tell
her about it the very next day.
“It worked!” I excitedly called out as I approached Gramma, who sat with a
group of friends by the pool.
“Gramma Violet, it worked!”
I knew I was bursting in on their conversation, but I couldn't help myself.

Gramma Violet's friends laughed.
“She's helping you with your dating life, I hear. And it’s going well?” I asked
a woman with striking silver and pepper hair that I knew as Anna.
“After one lesson, too!” chimed in another.
Gramma Violet moved to a chair at the next table, and I pulled it over to
join them. She invited me to tell them about my “adventure” in online
dating.
I shared everything, from the fun and quick profile to the flirty messages.
“I've spent the entire day at work flirting with men on Tinder!” The words
spilled out, then I looked around to check for other listeners. I probably
shouldn't be broadcasting the fact that I was playing around at work.
“Well, good!” Anna raised her teacup. “It seems you're off to a great start.
Our Violet here knows her stuff about men and dating. She's helped all of
us too.”
Wow, my “grammy” was a dating expert! I wondered just how many women
she had helped?
“I had it all wrong,” I told my grandmother and her friends. “I've been
jumping into things too quickly, trying to make it into a relationship from the
start.”
29
I went on to explain that I realized all these men were flirting with multiple
women, looking for the ones who intrigued them and made them feel
good about themselves.
“It's true,” Anna said with a knowing nod. “But you had fun too. You're
beaming.”
Funny, before I judged men for playing games and flirting, but maybe I had
missed the point.
“Are you ready to learn more?” Gramma Violet asked. Her friends focused
suddenly, and I knew we were getting down to important business.
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Do you understand why I had to start you with the dating profile?”
“So I could see how easy it is?” I asked.
“Well, partly. You got to see firsthand how easy it was to be in control.”
She waited until understanding came over my face. I had created a profile
that attracted men, and then I directed the conversations.
The messages were still binging in from men wanting to know more about
me.
In the past, those men would have gotten bored after a day. But now, these
men didn't know much more about me.
I had teased them and intrigued them, and they loved it!
“You're starting to understand how men work and how to use that.”
Which made me excited to really get started!
“Now, there's one incredibly important thing you need to understand about
men if you ever want to find someone who treats you the way your
Grandpa Jon did me.”
A few possible answers jumped to mind.
30
Something about how men need to “hunt”. . .
Or how “respect” is more important to men than “love” is. ..
Or how the key is to act “confident” and “be yourself”. . .
But that wasn't what she said at all.
“If you want a man to chase you and commit to you and treat you like his
Queen the way your Grandpa treated me. . .”
“He has to believe with every fiber of his being that chasing you,
choosing you, committing to you, your entire relationship is his idea.”
I ran her words through my mind several times, then asked, “But ISN'T it his
idea? Doesn’t the man choose the woman?”
“But YOU are in control.” Gramma Violet looked around the table at her
friends, who all nodded at her words. “Isn't that what you just said on
Tinder?”
I slowly nodded.
She added:
“He has to believe with every fiber of his being that he is the one who
made the first move. . . that he is the one who convinces you to be his
girlfriend. . . that he is the one who begs you to be his wife. . .”
“Hold on. While he thinks he's calling the shots, it's me that led him to that
choice?” The words first came as a question, but I started to understand.
THIS is what my grandmother wanted to teach me.
I had started to use Gramma's technique on Tinder; she could show me

how to keep doing it.
Hearing this felt like dominos slotting into place.
It finally explained why every relationship I ever had sputtered and

stumbled and finally stopped no matter how hard I tried to keep it going. . .
It even explained why I watched men chase an ungrateful, mean woman for
years.
31
“If you can do that. . . if you can convince him deep in his soul that you are
a prize he worked for and EARNED. . . then he will love you and
romance you and brag about you to his friends for as long as you want
him to.”
I sat there stunned for a moment.
I thought about the times I'd tried to guilt a guy I was dating into being my
boyfriend. . .
The times I'd “put myself out there” and only ended up with guys who were just
looking for sex. ..
The times I'd gotten jealous and quizzed him on what he had been doing—I had
been insecure instead of intriguing him.
If only I had gotten those men to chase me. If I could just learn how to do
that now!
I thought about Jeremy. I thought about my empty bed. I thought about

being an old woman alone with her cats.
And then I looked my grandmother in the eyes and asked her the most
important question I could:
“How, Gram?” I whispered. “How?”
Playing the Online Dating Game
Gramma Violet wasn't ready to spill all of her secrets yet. First she wanted me
to try another exercise.
So, she sent me off with another homework assignment. This time I
wouldn't be doing anything online. ..
Yep, she wanted me to stay off Tinder that evening.
“You don't want to look like you're always available to chat,” she warned.
“You want to have a life. So go have fun. Do whatever you want. Spoil and
pamper yourself this evening. And STAY off your phone!”
32
The point of tonight was to be UN-available. She wanted me to go dark so

it looked like I might be on a date.
No checking in on the dating app to explain I'd be busy.
And no explaining later.
I had to go silent and let them wonder what I was doing.

Of course, I was worried this would backfire, and all the men that were
talking to me would find someone else.
Or, they would figure out I was playing games.
But, I decided to trust Gramma Violet. She'd been right so far.
And . . . I had her to thank for all the interest I was getting on Tinder.
She said to remember how men think. They don't want an easy prize.
They also don't want a woman that other men aren't chasing.
Later on, she explained, I could use this little trick but instead of going dark
I would post a few photos online of myself having fun.
“Grams,” I had to ask, “How do you know anything about online dating?”
“Just because I'm old doesn't mean I'm not up to date!” she said with a
wink. Apparently she had helped a few younger women with their dating
problems.
I took her advice to pamper myself with a full mani and pedicure.
“When you do meet a few of these men in person, you'll look and FEEL
great about yourself!”
So, I called a few girlfriends for a night out. I knew it'd blow their minds to
hear how my new dating life was going!
33
6. How to stand out to men...even in a room full of

beautiful women
Much later that night, I opened Tinder to check messages. (I wanted them to
think I was out on a date, but not out all night.)
I had messages from all the men I had talked to before. . . as well as some new
men!
Gramma was right once again. But I shouldn't have been surprised.
As I messaged with several men that night, it hit me. . .
I could have my pick from these men!
They were all chasing me, either wanting to know more about me or to get hot
and heavy.
So far, then things got too personal, I had begged off, saying I had to get
going.
BUT, if I wanted, I could get a date with any of them at this point.
Per Gramma's advice, I didn't explain to any of them where I had been that
evening.
' '
Leave some mystery! You don't owe them an explanation, and they don't own
your time!
I also kept to teasing instead of sexting with the men that tried to take it in
that direction.
As far as I was concerned, they needed to earn that privilege.

I wanted to be wined and dined. . . but to be chased. I wanted to feel desired
and sexy.
All this attention did get me thinking. . .
How would I move forward with some of these men if I wanted to?
34
How could I ensure they liked me in person?
And how would I keep their interest if we started dating?
Over the phone, Gramma assured me that she could cover all of that.
It was a few days later when I had my next “lesson” with her.
When I reported all this to Gramma, she said, “You saw how to control the
situation on Tinder. So now we can talk about what attracts a man, whether
you're online or in person.”
Turn-Offs to Avoid
“First. . . Let's talk about what turns men off.”
“And runs them off,” I said under my breath, worried she would list
everything I'd done through my dating years.
We had talked about a few turn-offs already, and I was starting to really
understand something.
In a room full of people, it's easier than you think to spot the insecure
people. . .
. . . the confident people. ..
and the people who embrace their feminine or masculine energy and
confidence.
The woman who stands out is the one who looks around the room with a
small but confident smile. . .
While she sends out SUTBLE yet powerful signals that she's up for a fun
challenge and banter with an intelligent man.
On the other hand, it's a BIG TURN OFF when a woman pulls into herself,
hides, slouches, and sends out signals that she doesn't feel good about
herself.
Some women might feel that way and project it in another way, by being
pushy, bossy, or overly critical to everyone around her.
35
A few others to watch out for are:
Over-sharing early
Insecurity and “bashing” yourself
Basing others
Suspicion
Gramma explained that men spot little signs that might lead to bigger
problems.
A negative tone in your online profile or your messages will worry him.
Another form of that is starting out with your “deal breakers” and telling him
all the things you don't like in men.
If a man has a real deal breaker for you, move on!
A case study of my own mistakes
“Let's talk about Jeremy,” Gramma said suddenly, piercing my heart with
my ex's name.
“What? At the!" I stuttered, shaking my head. “How will that help

me understand how to stand out to men?”
She explained that I probably did things that women might do in the dating
stage.
She added, “Do you want to know why it ended? The real truth?”
“Gramma, you can't read his mind. We'll never know why he decided I
wasn't good enough. . .”
“Is that what he said?”
I looked down, shame heating my face.
36
“He said. . . That he didn't know what changed, but he wasn't in love with
me anymore. He didn't know what love was even. He had to move on.”
I felt hot tears sliding down my face and let them run together and drip off
my chin.
“I pressed for an answer,” I told her. “Surely he had to know what had
changed. Or he was just saying that instead of the real reason.”
“He didn't feel the rush of excitement he did in the beginning.” Gramma
spoke in a soft voice, laying her hand on mine. “He had been infatuated
and having fun. . . and then that wore off.”
“So we have to keep men entertained or they'll LEAVE US?”
"At the! Not at all. But tell me, what did you do when he started to pull away?
When could you sense that he wasn't as emotionally engaged as he had
been?”
“Well, I asked him about it. I didn't want it to party and get worse.”
“He probably said it was nothing, and you pressed harder. Am I right?”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, finally wiping the tears. “I loved him more than I've
ever loved anyone. He loved me too. It was perfect!”
She nodded, letting me get it out.
“I don't understand why having a perfect relationship means men will get
bored.”
“That's not it exactly, but when men start to feel the excitement fade,
women get clingy, suspicious, or they become a doormat.”
“What does that mean?”
“They try even harder to please him. 'Whatever you want' they say. Or,
'We'll go where you want to' or 'Do you like this dress? I can change if you
don't.' Do any of those sound familiar?”
Gramma watched me with a knowing eye as I looked back.
She was right. I had tried to please him more.
37
Then I grew suspicious that there was someone else.
I even accused him of playing games with me for his own entertainment.
“Men want a relationship where you're both having fun and adding to each
other's lives. So they clam up when you accuse them of things, or give in to
their every whim, or get suspicious.”
How could I fight that?
“It gets worse from there. Women tend to grow bitter. They stay angry at
their man. The man, of course, doesn't know how to make the woman
happy. . . and that's the worst thing you can do to a man. He gives it up.”
“I didn't do that!” I tried to keep my voice from rising. “We weren't together
long enough for that.”
“But you did start pushing him for answers.”
Yes, I had to admit, I did. I had felt I had a right to know.
“What I just said does apply early on,” Gramma added. “The man wants
flirting and a challenge still. Remember that?”
“Yes, I do. So when the flirting dies off, and he knows all about me, he
needs to move on,” I said in a dejected voice.
“That's when you use my tricks to keep things interesting for both of you.”
I would need a lot of help with that—I had found it much easier to get INTO a
relationship in the past than to KEEP a relationship going.
“It's nice to have a relationship that can feel like comfortable sweatpants
sometimes. The cuddling, the easygoing understanding, the steadiness. . but .
that should be a part of the relationship, not all of it.”
“Okay, okay. Now I see all the things I did wrong, and I'm starting to
understand the male mind and what pushes men away. I want to know how to
ATTRACT MEN so I can stop making all those other mistakes.”
38
What REALLY Attracts Men
She patted my hand. “I'm sorry if I made you sad. I didn't mean to kill your
excitement! I just wanted to show you what men are feeling so you'll
understand this next part.”
I perked up at the thought of moving forward.
“All of those negative qualities can run a man off. . . even from a beautiful
woman.”
That opposite is true. A woman can attract men without being the most
beautiful woman around.
I thought of my friend Allison. She caught the eye of every man in the room.
I saw men trip because they were staring at her!
In her case, it made sense. Allison was slim, had a pretty face, and wavy
red hair.
But I also thought of my friend Kiki. She was only five feet tall. Her hair was
shoulder length and what I'd call “mousy.”
She was pretty but not gorgeous, and I never understood why men
flocked to her. They treated her like she was a supermodel.
It drove me crazy! How did an average looking woman have men lining up
to flirt with her?
Those weren't the only two women I thought about. I had another friend,
Melinda, who was very attractive in my opinion, but struggled to find dates.
It didn't make sense on a surface level. It wasn't LOOKS that determined
how successful these women were with men.
I have wondered about all this before, but I have to admit I didn't study it
the way I should have.
Gramma had been wise and noticed things like this all of her life, and that's
where her expertise came from.
“I can see what you're saying now. It's not just about looks. There's
something else that drives men crazy.”
39
“So true!” she said, seeming much younger than 80. “I've always found it
peculiar when I see a good looking man with a . . . unique looking woman.
But you've hit on exactly the truth of the matter.”
Did those women have a magical potion to charm men? It seemed like it.
“So what draws men in like that? You're finally going to explain feminine
coyness?”
She laughed. “We're almost there. But today, let's talk about what gets a
man to come up to you.”
“Yes! I've been wondering that. So far, we've covered how to get their
attention online. But I want male attention out here in the real world.”
Power in numbers?
“First, when you go out, how many other women do you take?”
The question threw me. “Well, usually two or three. Sometimes all of us can go
out together, and there's six to nine of us.”
“Did you happen to notice how the size of your group affected whether men
approached any of you?”
I thought back, and then slowly nodded. “With a larger group, we have a fun
time. It's more like a party. And we usually don't have men come over.”
“And with a smaller group?”
I smiled now as I nodded. “A few men would approach one of my friends.”
“That's lesson number one. Don't make it hard for men to approach you.
It's fine to go out with a large group to have fun, but that makes it harder on
men to come over.”
“So if we do go out in a large group, and one of my friends sees a man she
wants to talk to, we could break up into smaller groups.”
40
Many dating experts say that going out in a large group gives you this
“Cheerleader” effect, where you look more popular and attractive.
But, a larger group can be intimidating. So can a small group of 3 or

4 girlfriends.
5 or 7 women together can get the “cheerleader” effect, but the group is
small enough that it won't intimidate.
And oddly, the odd number subtly indicates that a man can approach one of
them because there's an odd one out.
Casting Your Bait
Gramma reminded me that it's my job to ensure the man thinks he's
making the first move, even if in fact I am.
You might not have to do much at all when you happen to see a man who
intrigues you.
That is, if you've done your work ahead of time. Your appearance and how you
act in a room full of people is a HOOK. It does the work for you.
“Once you notice a man watching you, if you're interested, you can trigger his
attraction more by smiling and laughing.”
Gramma explained that smiling and laughing put men at ease. It would
make me appear more approachable, and more like a fun person.
And, ultimately, we're all looking for someone we can laugh with and have fun
with.
“Remember eye contact drives men wild. It shows you have the confidence to
look him in the eye. . . and even show that you're interested.”
I scribbled this little tidbit in my notebook, making Gramma laugh.
“While you're writing some important notes. . . Wear red. It's the color of
love, but more than that, in the dating world it means you're looking.”
41
“And it works?”
“Of course. Men see red, and without realizing it, they're already thinking
about you and wanting to approach you.”
She sipped her drink and added, “Bright, solid colors are better for catching a
man's eye and for dating than an intricate pattern.”
"Okay . . .” I tried to picture my wardrobe. Did I have any red clothes?

Maybe it was time to shop for a new look.
“And it's not just the color red,” Gramma said as if she could read my
thoughts. “What you wear also signals whether you're available and looking. .
. and your personality.”
“So how do I show I'm looking?”
“Think of flirty clothes like a skirt or a ruffly edge on your shirt. Lacy blouses and
dresses work well too. But not too overdone with a lot of layers. That might
signal that you're high maintenance.”
After I wrote that, she said, “And use your hips.”
I looked up from my paper. “How?”
“You know, sway when you walk. Wear clothes that accentuate your hips.
Stick your hip out when you're standing.”
I shook my head. “Where do you get this stuff?”
Gramma reminded me of my friend Allison that I had told her about—a

woman who wasn't that beautiful but had men eating out of her hand.
“I know a woman like that too. . . My life would have been very different if I
hadn't taken notice and starting learning from her.”
I was dying to hear that story. ..
Playfulness: Little Actions, BIG results
42
Before I could ask Gramma to tell me the story, she nodded her head to
something behind me. I turned to find a 20-something woman sitting her
grandmother a few tables away.
The young woman wore a white, sleeveless blouse with a ruffle on its
sweetheart neckline. She'd paired it with a red, flowy skirt.
The outfit had a classy yet playful feel.
I also noticed her long, dark hair was slightly curled at the ends. She had
sunglasses on and red lipstick.
“Sunglasses can add a touch of mystery,” Gramma whispered. “And

now watch the waiter.”
The waiter was a young man, and even though he was helping a group of
elderly friends at a different table, he kept glancing at the young woman.
I glanced down at my brown, patterned leggings and long, peach shirt. This
morning I thought my outfit looked low-maintenance and carefree.
The truth was, it was very comfortable.
But the blouse and red skirt actually looked comfortable too.
And that woman looked like she felt amazing in it. Her laugh rolled across the
room, and I took note of that as well. She had a very nice laugh.
At first, I thought she hadn't noticed the male waiter who kept watching her
...
But then she ever-so-slowly turned his way.
I watched her profile as she lowered her sunglasses to look at the waiter.
He stutter stepped and did a double take. I watched the color rise in his
cheeks as he tried to cover it, and then as he glanced at the young woman five
times in a row.
The young woman turned back our way, an overtly sexy and confident
smile on her face.
“Wow,” I breathed.
43
“She used several tricks that I've been teaching you:
Her clothes aren't revealing but show that she's interested in dating.
Her outfit shows off her waist and hips.
She takes good care of herself.

She's confidant.
And she's willing to be playful.”
That playful trait was very important, I was coming to realize.
Then I noticed Gramma surveying my outfit.

“I know. . .”
She just smiled. “Jenny, you're beautiful. You don't seem to know it, but
other people see it. But you're not shining your light. If you were dressed
like that woman we just watched, and played a little, men would be doing
double takes of you all day long.”
I blushed at her words.
Her advice had worked online, but I still had doubts about what men would
think of me in person.
Could I catch their attention to begin with? And could I hold a man's
attention long enough to start a relationship?
Thoughts of Jeremy entered my head, but I had to push them aside. I had to
leave my insecurities in the past.
“If you'd like a few more notes for today. . .” Gramma broke into my
thoughts. “Did you notice that she's not on her phone much? If a man is
watching you, and you're engrossed in your phone instead of life, it's a turn
off.”
“It is?”
I thought about how much time I spent on my phone, and how many times I
checked it while in public. I wonder if I missed a handsome man checking
me out.
44
“It shows that you might be more interested in your phone than your partner
later on.”
“That makes sense,” I agreed, making a mental note to notice my

surroundings more often instead of my messages text.
“Not only that, people look more attractive with their head up instead of
looking down at things.”
She waited a minute for me to scribble the last note before adding, “Start
watching “magnet” women who demand your eye. Think of sirens like
Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn.”
“Movie stars?”
“If you look at modern films, the lead woman is strong, smart,
independent. She's also fun, flirty, adventurous.”
“Is that my homework?” I laughed, but she nodded with a serious

expression.
“Watch movies, look through movie covers, and look at women in life too.
Look at the sexy doctor or librarian types. The successful types. Women
who command a presence.”
That was a lot of homework. But worth it.
“What about the classical damsel in distress? Don't men love to be a knight
in shining armor, swooping in to save the day?”
“Yes, men love to “save” or help a woman because she appreciates it, but
they don't want a 'fixer upper.' Would you?”
She reminded me of the turn-offs we had just talked about.
“If you're a capable woman but you need his help with a task out of your
experience, or you'd like his advice where he can really help you, that
makes a man feel good.”
As Gramma spoke, the young woman we had walked past us to leave.

My eyes naturally followed her.
Then I noticed the look Gramma was giving me.
45
“And don't ever be jealous of another woman. Remember that a field of

wild flowers has many different kinds of beauties. It's very attractive to a
man when a woman knows she looks good, so she can appreciate other
beauty as well.”
“That might take some practice for me. . .” I admit. After all, the young
woman was about 20 years younger than me!
“You'll gain more and more confidence as you see these techniques
working. For right now, it's important for you to know what really attracts
men.”
I had taken notes today but I waited for her to answer.
“Men love sexy, feminine confidence . . . laughter, a coy smile, a woman

with plans and hobbies of her own. They like what they see when a woman
loves herself.”
I nodded. It sounded SO good to feel good about myself, especially

knowing that it would attract the kind of man I wanted.
I smiled and said, “Be a prize that they want!”
7. Making the first move (Using feminine Coyness)
Does the idea of making the first move terrify you?
I bet your mother warned you to never chase a man because it'll run him
off.
Well, guess what? He won't KNOW you're chasing him!
These techniques will make him think this is all his idea. He won't know
why he can't stop thinking about you.
He will, however, have no choice but to act on it!
46
So do you think you could make the first move?
I was skeptical too, and needed more help from Gramma.
Before she would talk about the topic, she asked me, “What do men think
when a woman makes the first move?”
“That she's desperate?”
Gramma laughed. “Let me tell you what really goes “through a man's
mind when a woman makes the first move . ..
She went on to say men LOVE it.
They get tired of playing games, and when a woman has used the right
techniques, she can make the first move and succeed.
The trick is . . .
He needs to be into you or attracted to you when you make the first move.
“One caveat,” she added. “Men like it when women let them know there's
mutual attraction, but they don't want you to come on too strong.”
Geesh, this was getting confusing.

“So how do I tell the difference?”
“Don't worry, Jenny. I can see your expression, but it's really not that hard.”
I gave her a disbelieving look.
“You can flirt, use my techniques, and let you know you like him. Just don't be
aggressive and throw yourself at him. Don't grab him or jump into
something explicit right out of the gate.”
“So,” I said, “Men like it when we show them our interest so they can move
forward?”
“Yes!” She rubbed her hands together, and that signaled me to pull out my
notepad.
47
She always seemed to think that was funny, but I had to make sure I
remembered everything.
Show & Tell. . . how to make the first move
“Let's say you want to make the first move. Sometimes, you can outright
tell a man you like him—when the situation and mood is right.”
“If we're around each other and I have an opportunity to coyly tell him that,
right?”
Gramma agreed with that, but as she pointed out, you can go the easy
route and ask if he'd like to join you for an event. Or even to just hang out.
If you invite a man to the bar, the movies, or someone's party, you're
sending the signal that you like him.
And you can usually tell if the feeling is mutual by his actions, and of course
by whether he accepts or not.
If he's into you, most men will let you know.
They might use subtle signals too, like lingering looks, quick glances when
they think you're not looking, standing close to talking, and physical touch.
You can also SHOW him you're into him.
Gramma explained: Let's say you like a friend. Start leaning closer and
touching his arm when you talk to him. . .
If he pulls away, you know he's not interested. But he'll probably start
looking at you differently.
When you're around other people, in a room full of people, look at him.
Remember to wear a little red around him, like lipstick or a shirt. Even
earrings.
Then, let's say you see a man wants him to make a move. Look at him
across a room and give him a small smile.
48
“You make all this sound so easy, Gramma.” I sighed. Would I be bold enough
to try her tricks?
“It's easy. It's just a look. A smile. A display of feminine confidence.”
I shrugged.
“Why not practice then? Who cares if you strike out with a stranger? Try these
little tricks and see what kind of results you get.”
"Okay." I could do that. If I was totally embarrassed by myself, who would ever
know?
Gramma smiled. “I'll show you how to use the subtle power of feminine
coyness to awaken his hunter's instinct. . .”
“Can we jump to that part?
“He will feel an incredible compulsion to slay dragons, crawl across broken
glass and do ANYTHING to have you in his arms. it's 100% his . . while thinking
idea. . .”
“It sounds too good to be true, Gramma. The other day I wondered if women
who can do that have a magic potion. Do you really think anyone can learn it?”
“It's that coyness I keep hinting at. . .”
“And I can learn to be coy?”
“Coyness is all about being a little mysterious and alluring, or even shy, but all in a
fun way. Like you're teasing and promising something just out of grasp.”
She let me think about that for a minute before adding, “Have you ever been
in conversation with someone who would start to say something. . and then .
decide not to?”
49
“Yes! I dated a man for a few weeks who did that constantly! He would stop what
he was about to say, and instead say, 'Oh, never mind.' It drove me nuts!”
“Because you wanted to know, right?”
“Yes, it made this itch I couldn't scratch. It got to be very ANNOYING, so why
would I want to use that on a man I like?”
“Well, that's an example of someone being reluctant to give details. It did get
you thinking about it, didn't it?”
She added, “Coyness can also mean you're reluctant to commit.”
“So I should string him along?”
“Not in a mean way,” Gramma said with a laugh.
“No one likes to be strung along. . . unless it's fun, like when someone makes
you guess what the present is. You know that you'll get the present, so it's fun to
try and guess it.”
Feminine Coyness
“Okay, I'm starting to understand. Make things fun. Drag them out in a good way,
teasing him along while ensuring he enjoys it. Can you explain how that relates
to FEMININE COYNESS?”
"Okay . . .”
Her small smile and lifted eyebrow made me wonder what she was up to.
She leaned closer and said in a quiet voice, “There's a man sitting at the table
behind us. He's been watching you, waiting for a glimpse of your face or profile.”
I started to turn but she stopped me.
“In a minute, I want you to get up and head into the building through the door
over there.”
50
She nodded towards the man and the door on the other side of him. “Walk
slowly and remember to use your hips. Pretend you're on a runway. And
just as you pass him, look over at him for a full second.”
I processed this, picturing this walk across the open area. “Won't he be
able to tell that I'm putting on a show?”
“Yes, and that's the point.” She stopped herself, holding up a finger.
“Actually, he won't realize that. Maybe on some level. But on another level,
his instincts are going to kick into overdrive. He'll realize that you noticed
him, and that you're making a point of being flirty towards him, and that you
might be interested.”
I leaned back skeptical.
“Have you ever watched a nature show about animals and how they
kill?”
“Really, Gramma?”
“When the females go into heat, the males lose their minds chasing them
and fighting each other. We may be evolved, but we're the same when it
comes to sex.”
Despite my apprehension, I grinned at my Gramma saying that word.
“So is that it? Just saunter across the patio and throw him a simmering
look?”
Now she grinned. “Give him a slow look and then return your gauze to the
door. There's a bathroom inside there that you can wait in for a couple of
minutes, and then come back.”
“Do I look at him again?”
“No, when you come back, just put a small smile on your face and come sit
down.”
I smiled, trusting my Gramma because so far everything she had said

checked out. I rose to my feet and began a slow walk toward the other door.
51
I'll admit, it was hard not to look at the man as I walked. But, as instructed, I
swayed my hips a little. . . and as I came parallel to the man, I looked
over.
He was watching me, mouth open just a little.
As I gazed steadily at him, he snapped his mouth shut.
I let my gaze linger, trying to keep the smile off my face. I felt the hint of
that smile tug the corners of my mouth up.
Then I looked toward the door and went inside.
In the bathroom, I laughed, buzzing with . . . confidence! With feminine

coyness!
That had been fun. Sure, I'd been nervous that I'd look silly or, even worse, that
I'd trip and fall.
But I had pulled it off.
I patted cool water on my face and then headed back to my grandmother. I

didn't look over but I did see in my side vision that the man was still there.
His head followed my track past him.
I sat down and leaned over the table a bit. “Is he still watching me?”
“Yes.” She sat back. “You made the first move, but he won't realize that.”
“First move implies there will be more?”
She looked up. I heard someone clear their throat and looked as well.
The man stood awkwardly behind me. “Hi there. . . I'm Brent. I'm here
visiting my great aunt, and I, a . . .”
That one look and feel this man RUNNING over here!
I tried to think of my Gramma's lessons; What would she do?
I tilted my head and smiled like it was normal for me to have 10 men a day
approach me.
52
“I'm Jenny, and this is my Gramma Violet. We were plotting our next
adventure.”
I made sure to glance at him through my lashes and then look down.
He shifted his weight from one foot to another, then suddenly pushed his
shoulders back like he realized he needed to look good. “I was on my way
out. . .”
I glanced at my Gramma, seeing she agreed that I should act on that.
“I was too, in just a minute.”
“Maybe I can walk you out then?”
He left to get his things from his table, and I went around to hug my
grandmother goodbye.
“Keep it simple and quick!” she said in my ear. “Get him to ask for your
number and get out of there.”
I nodded, kissed her cheek, and met Brent by the door. He was nervous
and talked about himself nonstop to the parking lot. I let him talk, taking the
pressure off of myself.
As I neared my car, I gestured and thanked him for walking with me.
“Could I get your number?” he asked, breathless.

“Sure.”
I drove off smiling.
Gramma's lessons were working!
I couldn't believe I was talking to multiple men online and now getting
numbers in person.
It made me want to stop at random places to see if I could catch the eye of
more men.
I felt smart, confident, and SEXY.
53
My New, Exciting Dating Life
“This is so freeing!” I bragged to my friends over drinks that evening.
Without the pressure to FIND THE ONE, I was slowing down and enjoying
dating.
I shared how I flirted online and in person, even with STRANGERS at the
store or on the street.
I was starting to see it was all about ATTITUDE and my confidence in

myself.
And that little thing my Gramma called FEMININE COYNESS.
“Come on, dish!” My friend Carmen begged. “I want to know more!”
It felt like there was way too much to tell them in one night.
Of course I wanted to help my friends, and the idea stared percolating that I
would.
But back to my dating life. . .
Brent and I texted over several days before he asked me out.
I had found that drawing things out made men want me more.
Before, I would have tried to get that first date as soon as possible. . .
Now I wanted to make the man chase me at every step of the game.
And, it turned out, men enjoyed that.
Another thing Gramma had taught me was not to SLOW DOWN.
Getting to a date, to three dates, or even a relationship didn't mean that I

could take it all for granted.
“Think about your car,” she had said. What? My car? “Did you drive it off the
lot and never think about maintenance?”
I shook my head.
54
“Of course not. You had the tires rotated, the oil changed, the engine
checked at certain milestones. You took care of it.”
“And the nicer the car, the more you pamper it.”
“Exactly. Imagine you find your soul mate. Like I did with Grampa.”
“Oh!” All the lights went on in my head. “You didn't let things coast. You
took control and made your marriage great. . . But how?”
The New Woman in Town who Changed Gramma's Life Forever
“How did you make your marriage great?” I asked. “And how do you know
all these relationship secrets, Gramma?”
“Good question. . . and it's a good story, I suppose. I didn't always

understand men. It took a hard lesson.” She gave a sad smile as her mind
drifted off to the past.
She loved attention from men now, I knew, but she also deeply missed her
husband. They had spent their lives together, after all.
I couldn't imagine her marriage as anything but perfect. . .
She came back to me and started to share her story.
My marriage started off with the usual passion and excitement, but it leveled out like
most relationships do.
Thingsbecame routine. Weboth developed expectations and those can lead to
bitterness, apathy, and divorce.
55
I wanted him to woo me like he had in the beginning. Ialsocame toexpect him to
take careof certain things, like a man and husband should.
He had his own expectations. I was totake careof the houseand meet him with a
cold drink.
Weboth thought the other one was responsible for creatingthat perfect marriage
picture.
He worked a lot and then wanted to spend time with friends. You know, to unwind.
To have fun. To do somethingexciting. I felt lonely and unwanted.
Mygirlfriends would hint that they felt the same way when we got together.
I mean, weall tried to pretend we had the perfect marriage,but I could see through
the cracks.
It got worse for all of us when a new woman moved into our neighborhood—by
herself!--and all the men started talkingabout her.
Caitlyn Harberton was her name, and I heard it whispered all over town.
She was young and sexy, an independent woman who flirted with married men!
My friend Josephine complained to me that her husband Carl was driving by the
woman's house, tryingtogetalook.
56
I heard rumors she wentand played pool with the men.She even took the occasional
man home with her.
That wasn't something you did out in the open back in those days.
The other women understandably hated her. Weall worried about our marriages.
I felt the same. I was filled with anger and jealousy.
But, then, one day something strange happened.
I was walkingby her house. I suppose I wanted alooktoo.
I glanced at her window as I walked by, and I caught a peek of Caitlyn close to the
window.
Her hair was up in atoweland she wore abathrobe. I got to see her fresh faced, and
it shocked me.
She wasn't some sexy, beautiful siren. This woman was actually very plain!
I couldn't believe it. How did she have all the men in town chasing her?
At first I was fuming. I told all of my friends that she was actually ugly.
They didn't believe me.
57
I stewed out week,and then I realized I was pushing my husband away with my
anger.
A realization dawned.
I wanted to know her secret!
I changed my thinking. Caitlyn had figured something out. . .
Sheknew the secret to attracting men.
She could make them think about her day and night.
But what if . . .
What if I could figure it out too?
SoI studied her. I had tochange the way I saw her. Caitlyn wasn't competition
anymore,but mygreatest teacher.
I realized that the way she acted, the way she cameacross to the men in town, wasn't
the way she was born.
I decided to try her technique on my husband to see if I could gain his interest
again.
I wanted the passion back. I wanted to save our marriage.
58
So how did this plain woman become sunny to men?
I secretly watched her for several weeks.
Caitlyn had an airabout her. She acted confidant, but not in a put-off-ish way. it was
alluringand sexy.
She was cute, shy, mysterious. . .and yetbold and full ofadventure.
I came tocall this mixFeminine Coyness.
She used her hairstyle, clothing, and makeup to enhance that appearance.
She could throw alookand smileata man and reel him in.
I watched her peekat a man through her lashes then tilt her head as if embarrassed.
She had acute little giggle laugh, that I later learned she probably practiced and
developed.
Everythingabout her promised challenge and good time.
But most of the time, she didn't let men actually catch her. A lotof it wasatease.
Thatangered meat first. Then I realized that's the KEY.
Ifa woman flirts, smiles, and teases, and then lets every man catch her, she's no
longer worth the chase.
59
She put herself up on a pedestal with heractand behavior.
I was excited to understand so much. . .and yet I wasn't sure how to apply it to my
marriage.
I didn't need to touch his eye. . .to hook him like I had a few years before . . .
Or did I?
I didn't know what else to try, so that's exactly what I did.
Ibegan using the techniques I witnessed from Caitlyn, flirting with my own
husband.
I surprised him in fun and unexpected ways, teased him, gave him coy looks, and
brought some mystery back to the relationship.
And, before you ask, he didn't notice the big change.
He didn't think I was tricking him or playing games. He just noticed a positive
change in my and our relationship.
I tried to be subtle with my new techniquesand not make a huge show, and it
worked.
Hebegan come straight home from work to spend time with me. We started going
on trips. We had fun together.
60
I discovered that I enjoyed a more adventurous relationship. We were both very
happy,and Ialways made sureafter that to not let things get stale again.
8. The Magnet Technique
Over the next few weeks Gramma didn't just tell me all the secrets she
learned from Caitlyn and her marriage after that. . .
She showed me how to use feminine coyness and attract any man I
wanted. . .
I bought new clothes with more red and ruffles.
I thought about how I wanted to look and express myself, not just what
was in fashion or “appropriate.”
Gramma had explained that men love a woman who is unique, who loves
herself, and who likes to express what makes her beautiful.
I pampered myself so I would feel sexy and beautiful.
Sexy Confidence is Attractive!
“Lucile Ball was right,” Gramma said, speaking of one of her beloved TV
icons. “If you love yourself first, everything else will fall into place.”
She showed me just how much that was true with dating.
61
Men can smell insecurity a mile away.
When they see a woman who is clearly not comfortable in her own skin,
they worry about how a relationship would be with her.
We like to think men aren't intuitive, but maybe they pick up more when it
comes to choosing their mate, or at least who they want to date.
A man will see you giving jealous looks to other women or acting like you
don't like how you look.
When a woman puts herself down, the man knows he'll have to constantly
argue with her on the matter and shower her with compliments.
“Or even worse,” Gramma told me, “You might attract a man who preys on
weaker women.”
She told me: think about The Law of Attraction.
This law says you get in life what you put out in your thoughts.
Of course, I was familiar with the concept, but I hadn't thought to apply it to
dating.
“Think of it this way, Jenny. If you're a magnet and you're pulling a man to
you with your energy, what kind of energy do you want to put out?”
I smiled slowly before saying, “I want to put out a sexy, confident, fun vibe. I
want to attract an intelligent, strong, and sexy man.”
“Good! Now start thinking and feeling the way you want to be. Picture
yourself with the man you want.”
It was actually fun to play this little fantasy in my head, and I started playing
around with it whenever I thought about myself and my dating life.
“So this is the Magnet Technique you hinted about?” I asked.
“Well, it's one way to apply the Magnet technique. I also have some tips for
pulling men in like a magnet, and we'll talk about how to apply them to
texting soon.”
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Everything Gramma taught me worked!

I talked to men online and started to meet some of them for a date—
keeping in mind that we were playing a game.
That was my personal reminder to KEEP IT FUN.
Yes, I wanted to enjoy dating!
I didn't want to think I had to get into a relationship as soon as possible.
Watching the men I dated, I realized that men like to practice flirting and get
good at it too.
Why haven't we thought of that as women? Men work on THEIR GAME

while we worry about “if he likes us or not.”
A man wants to flirt with women and make both himself and the woman feel
good.
That was a new idea for me.
Only . . . I practiced flirting with strangers.
I would try to get my male friends and co-workers to smile.
I pictured myself as alluring . . .a woman that men liked to look at, and a
woman that other women would want as a friend.
A strange thing happened. . .
I started to get to know myself better. I could be funny when I wanted to,
and I got better at reaching out and connecting with other people.
I had always thought charisma was out of my reach, that maybe it was a
male only trait.
But thanks to all of Gramma's tips, I began to develop a female charisma

that attracted both men and women to me.
63
Gramma Schooling me on Texting
One day, Gramma smiled and proudly told me I was becoming a different
woman.
“Scratch that,” she said, shaking her ear. “You're uncovering the best
you that was under there all along.”
“Thanks, Gramma. I can't believe how much I've learned. And I'm enjoying
this process! I don't worry about if I'll find a man or if I'm getting too old.”
“That's terrific! And that's also very attractive to men.” She got a sly smile.
“So, Jenny, want to learn my 'Magnet' Technique for texting?”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Gramma, I really do believe in your methods, but how could you know how
to text a man and hook him?”
“Well, dear, texting is like talking. . .only very different.”
“That's true. You can't see his expression or hear his tone. It's really like
another language.”
“Exactly, one that you can learn and use to your advantage. You've seen
that with the messages I've told you to send.”
I had thought of that as a disadvantage that led to miscommunication.

Gramma didn't agree.
I nodded, getting on board with this. She'd been right so far.
“So now I want to tell you about my Magnet Technique. It's something I
used on phone messages long ago with my husband, and then with the
men I date here.”
“And you've had other women test it too?”
“Of course. Women I've helped have used them in texting to hook their
man.”
She told me it's about 5 little words.
64
“Just 5 little words?” I asked, confused.
“Okay, 5 to 10 words. Just remember that keeping it short works very well
with men.”
I held my tongue instead of making a joke about men and short attention
spans. Instead I said, “So 5 little words can work like a magnet and pull him
in?”
She was confident, and after she explained it to me, I was too.
The first “Magnet” text is:
I had so much fun with you!
It works because you're NOT saying the man makes you happy. Don't put
that responsibility on him.
But he'll feel so good knowing he helped you have a good time.
It's a great way to start a conversation, but you can also use it during the
day to get him to think about you.
It's a subtle way of saying:
I like you.
I enjoyed spending time with you. . . and would like to spend more time
with you!
Go ahead and ask to see me again.
So in a way, you're making the first move for a second date (or whatever
date you're on) without coming out and asking him for one.
Those 7 words do a lot! That implied compliment will reel him in because it
made him feel good.
Another very useful Magnet text is:
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Can I get your help?
It's short and attention grabbing, pulling at his manly ego to help you and
be the knight in shining armor.
It might also imply an emergency so it'll get his attention quickly.
Make sure you do have something legitimate that you need his help for,
and make it something that he's uniquely qualified to do.
For example, he's handy around the house, good at working on cars, or he
has training in a special field.
You can use a longer version such as:
I know you're good at a _____. I was wondering if you could lend me

hand?
It's like asking a man to help you open a jar or reach something high, but in
a more sophisticated way.
The more specific it is to him, the more he'll feel needed and wanted.
Here's one that I think is fun:
So glad you weren't here to see that.
I love this one! If anyone sent me a text like that, I'd want to know what they
just did.
Keep this one in mind for when you do or say something a little
embarrassing that's also comical.
You'll want to have a good “thing” to follow it up with. We all have those
embarrassing moments that could be on America's Funniest Home Videos,
so now you can use them!
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Gramma showed me a few more powerful texts that would grab any man's
attention.
“Can you keep a secret?”

Again, this would pique my interest from anyone. The secret? How juicy is
that!
It taps into his curiosity . . . even more so if you've been flirty with him and
he wants to know more about you.
Remember, men think of fun and flirting in the early stages, while women
tend to think of “getting to know each other.”
So men are curious about you. . . but more curious if you can have fun
with them, and make them feel good.
(Pssst: The secret about hooking a man is making him feel good!)
As I've said, men love mystery and a challenge. So you might tease him a
little more before telling him.
Your “secret” could be something exciting happening soon, like you heard
you're up for a promotion.
That way, he gets to feel special that you're telling him early.
It might be some gossip – but keep it POSITIVE. Men don't like negative
women who want to put everyone else down.
The secret doesn't have to really be a secret. It can be something fun that he
doesn't know about you yet.
But the more “secret” it is, the more he'll feel like he's getting to your inner
circle.
A similar Magnet Text is:
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“I have a confession to make.”

Make sure you follow up with something INTERESTING!
Maybe even a little taboo.
But don't confess you that you like him or have a crush on him. He might
expect that kind of confession.
On top of not being original, it gives him all the power and then you're
waiting on him.
Magnet texts should do the opposite: intrigue him, make him want to talk to
you, and get him thinking about you.
So let's talk about WHY these kinds of texts grab a man's attention.
4 Reasons Why These Short Magnet Texts Work
We know short, intriguing texts work well to grab a man's attention.
It's really important to keep it short if you're sending it during the day when he
has other things, like work, going on.
Something short that catches him off caught adds excitement and intrigue to
his otherwise normal, run of the mill day.
If YOU add fun to your day, you jump to the top of your mind.
There's a few other factors that play into whether the text grabs his
attention AND gets him to respond.
#1. They pique his curiosity
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We get bombarded with distractions all day. And the man you're texting
might be getting texts from other women as well, if you're in the early
stages and not a relationship.
So you don't want to send a typical, “My day is going slow. What about
you?”
There's no real trigger to get him to respond.
If instead you send:
Today's surreal. Can you keep a secret?

Or:
I have to tell someone, and I can't say anything to my co-workers!

Or:
I've been thinking about this weird thing all day. ..
Those texts make him wonder what you're talking about.
#two. They trigger his Hero Complex
When you ask for advice, a second opinion, or help with something, you're
making him feel like a hero. Like a MAN.
Men really do want to help us, but they also want us to be strong and our
own person.
So we shouldn't ask for help with anything and everything – instead make
it something that's a hurdle or important to us.
#3. They show you value your time and want to have fun
Interesting texts tell him that you put a little thought into it.
They also show that you don't send meaningless junk all day, taking up his
time because he feels like he has to reply.
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And here's a big secret.
Men want to have fun. HOWEVER, that's how they connect so it's not just
meaningless fun.
It's the kind of fun connection that makes a man addicted to you.
If you can send a short text that makes him think or laugh, you've got him
hooked.
#4. They make you stand out
You want to be top of your mind. Memorable. The woman that's different.
Does it take practice? Sure. All good things take time and/or practice.
That's why I was thankful that I'd practiced flirting and talking to strangers.
If you're starting out . . . or frustrated with your results with texting and .
online dating. . then take the pressure off.
Have fun with it.
Work on coming back with witty and unexpected replies.
Think about ways to avoid his question in a fun way, giving half an answer.
Try to tease!
And don't worry so much about how he'll take your words or if he'll
respond.
Which leads me to another important tip:
Don't spend hours trying to decipher HIS texts. There's no way to actually
read his mind or “read between the lines” of a text.
Men often mean what they say.
On top of that, you'll kill your own fun if you start to worry about what he's
thinking and what he REALLY means.
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Also, remember to stay away from:

One word texts
Asking him yes or no questions if you want to engage him
Writing a novel or your life story
Oversharing
Texting again if you don't get a response
The last one can be a problem. We text. We wait. We text again. Then we text
to explain why we texted. ..
These short, attention grabbed texts are meant to avoid the silent
treatment.
If you try to have fun and text intriguing things to him. . . and he doesn't
reply, then you can forget about him and move on.
Texting is a great way to reach out to a man with little risk. He can ignore it, tell
you he's taken, or make a lane excuse.
Move on!
Or, he might come back with excitement and want to engage.
Men play the numbers game. They send out “exploratory” texts to women all
the time. You might call it poking the box.
They might send out a weak “hi” or “how's it going?” or they might get more
creative.
YOU should be more creative and send a fun text when reaching out.
I was there, too, staring at my phone and wondering if I should reach out to my
ex Jeremy.
I'd learned so much that it seemed like I might have a chance now. . .
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Reaching out to my Ex
I wondered if the Magnet Technique would work on Jeremy.

It seemed weird at first.
Just 5 words, maybe 10, I could send over text or messenger or even leave
as a voicemail on his phone. . .
Honestly, I didn't think it was going to work. . .
But, once again, I decided to believe in Gramma's techniques.
Here's the thing, however. None of the short texts she had given me would
work in this situation.
I'd have to consider the reasons why those texts worked and came up with
one appropriate for reaching out to my old boyfriend.
How could I pique his interest and tap into his HERO COMPLEX at the
same time?
I typed out:
Hey Jeremy! Did you leave this here?
I added a pic of a paperback novel. It was a book that I think he'd really
like, but I knew he hadn't left it here.
Taking a deep breath, I hit send.
I didn't want to text and ask if he'd be interested in the book – because why
would I text that out of the blue?
But it seemed reasonable that I could ask him if he had lost something at
my apartment.
Now he would be curious if ANOTHER MAN had left it!
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Or he might be curious about the book itself.
And in a small way, it might make him feel helpful to tell me he hadn't.
I didn't get a reply right away, and I didn't want to sit and watch my phone.
So I decided to clean the kitchen. Maybe I'd go out after that. Anything but
sit around, holding my breath.
I did allow myself to check my phone once the kitchen counters were
gleaming.
He answered!
Hi Jenny! How are you? I'm not sure if I left that there or not to be honest. I
might have picked it up at the used bookstore down the street and forgot
about it.
Wow, that was a long text for an initial reply. My heartbeat skipped happily
along.
Of course, he could be nice without being interested, but my instinct told

me that a polite reply would be much shorter.
It'd been almost 20 minutes since he texted, so I felt enough time had gone
by to answer.
But another text came before I did . . .
And that novel looks really interesting. I'd like to read it!
Whoa. That sounded like he was reaching out to me.
I planned to still play it cool. There was no way I would let this turn into me
chasing him, and letting him decide how things went.
I texted back:
Maybe that's why it made me think of you. . .
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I giggled, and luckily he couldn't hear me! Now he knew he had been on
my mind, but I was proud of the flirty way I said it.
I made a point of not jumping to say, “Let's get together!”
He asked again how I was, and we texted for a bit. I kept it light and didn't
give any real life details. I wanted him to wonder about me still.
Then I texted:
Gotta run but it was great to chat!
I took a shaky breath, surprised with my own control. I wanted to talk for
hours and spill all my feelings.
I did a good job of getting in, making an impression, and getting out.
Now he'd be thinking about ME all night.
I smugly called Gramma to fill her in. Talking to her kept my excitement up
while also keeping me busy.
“Now remember, don't focus all of your thoughts and energy on him. I know
that feels good, but the last thing you want to do is hang all your hopes on
him.”
“You don't think I have a good chance?” I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice.
“I do, actually! A very good chance. But don't blow it by doing all of the
same mistakes you made before.”
“Ahhh, got it, Gramma, Thanks.”
When we ended the call, I had a long list of messages on the dating app
plus some texts from other men.
A man my age named Rob asked me to go out dancing. That actually

sounded like a very fun distraction so I said yes.
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His photos showed him as healthy, good looking, and with a full head of
sexy light-blond hair.
I put on a red dress and pulled my hair halfway up, then took some time on my
makeup.
I have to admit, when I left the house, I looked smoking hot. And by the
look Rob gave me, he fully agreed.
He turned out to be a talented dancer who knew how tango, literally! He

showed me some moves and spent two hours teaching me different
dances.
I had a really good time, and it made me question my feelings for Jeremy. .
.
Still, I still kept things light with Rob; I flirted and tried out more than a few of
Gramma's tricks.
He was eating out of my hand!
But since I had conflicting feelings, I didn't give any signals that I was ready for
a kiss. So when we said goodbye, he kissed my cheek, and I went home.
Even though it was late, I had to watch a movie to unwind from my

excitement.
I found my thoughts drifting to Jeremy. . . Would he text again? Would it

work?
Our short texting exchange must have triggered something in his mind. ..
Because the very next day he wrote me asking if I wanted to get coffee. ..
I was SO tempted when I got his message, but just like Gram taught me I
told him I couldn't.
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Ahh, wish I could!
I replied.
Everything in me screamed to explain or ask if we could the following week, but

Gramma had been very clear.
She said refuse his first offer to get together and don't explain, don't make
excuses, and don't say “Sorry” for turning him down.
Had I blown it with him already?
I thought maybe that was going to be it. . .
But the next day he texted me AGAIN
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
I texted back to that: People say I'm fairly addictive lol. Must be my sense of
humor?
You could always make me laugh, he texted back.
He asked me about my day. . .
And told me he missed me . . .
At that point, I started to freak out. This could be it! I called Gramma.
“That's great!” Gramma exclaimed. “Do you know how big it is for a man to
admit to missing you?”
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“How do I handle this?” I didn't want to turn into a worrywart and ruin it. In
fact, I wanted to enjoy this the way I discovered how to enjoy dating.
She told me to tease this out for a while.
“Make him chase you and think about you until he can't handle it!”
Gramma came up with the perfect plan for that. She knew I'd have a hard
time not seeing Jeremy soon, so she told me to tell him I was taking her to see
her sister in the next state.
"Okay . . .” I was nervous, but I also loved this feeling. Here I was deciding
when I would LET Jeremy see me.
That evening, Jeremy texted me to ask if he could call me.
“It's so good to hear your voice again,” he said right away, and I could hear the
smile in his voice.
“Likewise,” I said, wondering if I should have taken some notes from

Gramma. I searched for something to ask him but he jumped in and started
telling me about his life: work, his friends, and a few new projects.
Suddenly it was like it was the beginning again. . .

Like it was when we first met. ..
When I first fell for him so hard. . .
We talked for several hours, and then he asked when he could see me. It
took my breath away.
I wanted to say, 'Right now!' but I knew better.
“Well, I promised my Gramma Violet months ago that I would take her on a trip
to see her sister.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“A week,” I said, and my voice reflected the sinking feeling that gave me. I
didn't have to fake that!
As they say, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. . .
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“That's too bad. But how is your Gramma? She was the sweetest lady.”
I kept my burst of laughter to myself thankfully. If only he knew!
I got a surprise the next day when Gramma asked when we would leave.
She really did want that trip! So I made arrangements at work and packed
my bags.
For the next week, Jeremy and I texted often and talked on the phone at
least once a day.
“Thinking about you, beautiful,” he'd say.
“I'm so glad you're in my life.”
Wow! I had him saying that when we were only texting!
I had worried that putting him off for another week would weaken his
feelings, that he might lose interest and move on before we even went on a
date.
But as Gramma predicted, he was ADDICTED to me.
And as my trip with my Gramma drew to a close, I started thinking more

and more about seeing Jeremy in person.
9. The Masculine Mind
I couldn't believe the Magnet technique worked so well!
I wanted to just enjoy it, but I also wanted to understand men better and
why all this worked so well.
I know I would need that knowledge to move forward and keep this
momentum going.
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Gramma and I were on this trip together, and that gave us a lot of time to
talk. So I asked Grandma about men and the male mind.
“You're starting to see!” she said happily. “And I'm glad you want to know
more, because I want to explain how the male mind works. That's the key
to all of this.”
Over the week, she explained that and so much more, starting with how
men view relationships.
Two Puzzle Pieces
Men and women are different, but we go together.
Like ying and yang. Or whipped topping on strawberry shortcake.
We won't get a man to chase us by being just like him.
He's looking for a woman who complements him and his life.
And no, I don't mean compliment as in dump platitudes all over him. I mean
complement as in go together and complete each other, like how two
puzzle pieces fit together.
So it's helpful to think about male and female energy, and how they work
together.
We see this in relationship roles, like a more dominant and more

submission role in the bedroom—which may be switched in other areas of
the relationship.
Male and female energy affects the sex life, but also the entire relationship.
Sometimes a man wants a woman who “smoothes” out his rough edges or
helps him gain insight into other people because women tend to be more
intuitive.
You might find the “opposites attract” when it comes to energy, but make
sure you have some common ground together as well.
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This is why some men say “she completes me” or “she really gets me”
when they fall in love.
When Gramma explained this to me, it made perfect sense.
Her marriage was a great example.
She and her husband fit together perfectly, or at least it seemed that way
when I knew them after decades of marriage.
They made up for each other's weaknesses. They helped each other grow.
I remember that Grandpa could take things too seriously and get upset, but
Gramma would always laugh and show him how to see the lighter side.
He helped her remember names and details.
She helped him understand people.
They had a special dynamic in their relationship where they both had
special roles.
“That's why it's hard for men when you have to or want to compete with
them. They love to compete, but they want to be on the same team with
their romantic partner.”
“Really?” I asked. “That makes so much sense, but what about banter?
What about playful competition?”
“You have a point! Men do love playful competition.”
She added that men like to compete with women and even their own
partners, but it's usually something besides their work or part of their
identity.
That brought us back to discussing male and female energy, and Gramma
had something surprising to say about that.
Men thrive on feminine energy.
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For a long time, women had to fight for equal rights and to be treated fairly.
So we've had a thin walk to walk, trying to be strong, independent, and free
. . . and still feminine.
As more of us became leaders, we had to figure out how to lead as a

woman.
Sometimes, it didn't go smoothly. Sometimes women have acted like men

because we thought we had to.
That's happened in relationships too.
My point. . . or Gramma's point really. . . is that we can be strong and our own
person and still exude feminine energy, vitality, and even
vulnerability.
Men want that. They crave it!
It's perfectly okay to know you're beautiful, that you have your own needs,
and that you can enjoy being a woman.
Men Bond through Activities
As Gramma mentioned, men love to work on projects and be on a team

with their partner.
It's a HUGE aspect of successful, long-term relationships.
It can be a small craft project or something big like building a house or a

business.
The opposite is true. It's damaging to relationships when the man and
woman don't have any common projects.
You might like to exercise together, garden, work on cars, take a dance
class, or even just cook together.
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But as a relationship grows older, you really need those connections.
At first, I thought I should put that in the back of my mind for later on, but
Gramma explained it can help me now.
“Going out to dinner is nice, but you can bond over cooking dinner
together.”
Find out if you share any hobbies, or one of you might want to try a hobby of
the other.
Also, asking for his help creates a bond over activity if you do it together.
Men as Protectors?
When men want to protect you, it's not because you're weak.
It's because that's how a man claims his tribe and his woman. He wants to
protect the people he loves and make them happy.
Some believe men are wired to provide and protect because they've filled
that role for thousands of years.
When you let him protect you, it boosts his ego and creates a special bond.
You might feel frustrated because you don't need the help, but you do need that
bond.
It's another way to encourage the balance between male and female
energy.
That doesn't mean you have to be helpless or that he should do everything

...
But letting him help you and project you in meaningful ways subtly creates a
tie and keeps him feeling close to you.
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What about Male Ego?
Men can be insecure just like the rest of us.
However, they hide it at all costs.
If he feels like he's letting you down. . . he'll pull back.
He'll seek distance so you don't see his shortcomings.
Men desire to be strong, to be your hero.
It's not that much different from the animal kingdom, where the males are
colorful and put on a show to impress females.
There's a male fish that creates an elaborate maze design on the seafloor to
attract its mate, and certain male birds built nests.
Other animals fight for mating rights.
Human men want to prove themselves to you as well.
When a man is all about sex, it could be that he's trying to prove himself.
He wants to appear strong, viral, and sexual.
He equates being good at sex with being manly and powerful.
The same goes for flirting. Men are proud of their skills.
They want to impress you, make you laugh, and make you admire and
respect them.
You can really up your game when you understand the evil mind.
Suddenly, you can subtle little techniques that make him feel like a million
bucks. . .
And then he equates that awesome feeling WITH YOU.
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So, Stroke his Ego?
We've all seen movies where the sidekick agrees with the hero on
everything, and tells the hero how smart, strong, and powerful they are.
You don't have to “stroke your man's ego” like that!

But . . . when the circumstances call for it. . . you certainly can point out
that he did a good job, that he fixed something, and that you made you feel
good.
Men crave that kind of attention, but it's harder for them to get it.
(Think about how women post a selfie online and get 100 likes. Men don't
usually do that kind of thing!)
Remember, Gramma's advice is to use SUTBLE techniques so it feels

natural.
Remember, his Ego may be Fragile!
The opposite is true. You can build up a man's ego and you can also easily
damage it.
Careless words can cause long-term damage, even if the man shrugs them
off in the moment.
A joke that you find funny might embarrass or even humiliate him.
In the early stages of flirting and dating, hurting his ego will probably kill any
chance of a relationship.
Later on, when you're in a relationship, bruising a man's ego leads to

resentment and eventually contempt.
He'll pull back, trying to get away from your disappointment and that leads
to more hurt feelings and more disappointment.
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It happens over time. You have expectations and he doesn't meet them.
You want more out of him.
So you make little comments.
“Why don't you do it this way?”
“Why on earth did you do it that way?”
“You always do that.”
“You always mess it up.”
Sometimes, we tease and then accidentally take it too far.
It's easy to think men are strong, and they don't need reinforcement,
praise, or encouraging words.
That image has been created, and most men grow up learning to act that
way.
Remember, they WANT to be a HERO and save the day.
But, they also sometimes want their woman to hold their hand, be their
partner, and build them up.
Indulge me for a minute, and picture a man as a little boy.
He wants to please and have people notice how good he is.
If you have a small son, you teach him and praise him for his
accomplishments.
That little boy doesn't go away!
Men have a strong drive to accomplish things and have others notice.
Understanding this instinct gives you a HUGE advantage in gaining a

man's trust and managing your relationship.
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Meeting my EX in PERSON
My Gramma advised me not to rush to meet Jeremy in person, despite how

well it was going.
She had a lot to teach me before I jumped into the deep end, so to speak.
And it turns out she was preparing me all along.
She had coached me on clothes shopping, how to sit, how to laugh, and
how to show off my feminine coyness.
She had even helped me with advice on perfume, and had me buy three
new scents.
“When you finally meet him,” she told me, “Don't wear anything he's seen
before or wear your old perfume.”
I was surprised by that. I had actually planned on wearing a dress he really

liked and the perfume he got me.
“It'll remind him of our time together,” I said to defend the idea.
Gramma just gave me a look. “Do you want to remind him of the past and
the relationship that didn't work out?”
She explained that I needed to be NEW and MYSTERIOUS.
“You'll still be you, but he'll also clearly see that you've grown and changed.
He'll know you didn't wait around for him, stuck in the same place.”
I'm going to show you how to be mysterious, tantalizing, and intriguing in

the coming chapters!
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The RIGHT Timing
Eventually I said “Yes,” when Jeremy asked me out.
Gramma Violet had told me exactly when I should. . .so I waited until he
was biting at the bit, BEGGING to see me.
I didn't want to be the one who looked anxious to meet and see each other
again.
So it was only after I felt that he had an emotional commitment to me

again that I agreed to meet.
He was intrigued and invested – meaning he had an itch that he had to

satisfy.
That's because I had been coy and mysterious, not revealing everything
about myself and my life since he had left it.
I turned the dating process into more of a fun game than a “catch up”
session.
I wanted this to feel NEW and exciting to him.
But note, once he got to the point of “no return” I agreed to meet him.
You don't want to get him to that point and then drag it out because then
it's teasing without a point. You'll lose him.
I could tell Jeremy was at the perfect place when he NEEDED to see me; it
wasn't just a whim or satisfying his curiously.
Once day, he called and said, “I can't handle it anymore. I have to see
you.”
I told him I was free that evening. (Don't let him think you canceled plans
or made an opening for him!)
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What to Wear for a “first” date with an ex. . .
I put on a new perfume that made me feel mysterious and sexy.
I pulled out a new red dress and heels.
For my makeup, I went with soft yet sexy. You don't want to go super
dramatic or look like you're trying too hard.
The exception for the makeup would be if you're normal style is bolder with
your markup.
I did red lips with subtle brown eye liner and soft shades for my eye
shadow.
If you meet during the day, consider a pretty pink lipstick that will draw
attention to your mouth and look super flirty.
Quick note: I wanted to go with new and exciting to meet him and trigger
his curiosity, but my Gramma advised me that later on I can pull out the
reminders of “us”. Just not at first!
I let him pick me up for the evening since he's a man I know. (I wouldn't do
that with a stranger that I'd met online!)
That evening, I opened my door slowly and gave him a slow, small smile—
NOT a huge, “you have me back!” kind of smile.
(I'll tell you all about the Mona Lisa Smile soon!)
I stepped back to welcome him inside—notice I didn't rush into his arms for
an embrace.
He looked flustered for a second, his mouth opening a bit. I think he even
blushed!
Then he smiled back. “Jenny, I can't tell you how good it is to see you
again!”
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He held flowers but I thought he forgot all about them.
I can't even tell you the joy I felt when I saw the sparkle in his eye as he
looked me up and down. . .
As I saw the hunger in him that had been missing for so long. ..
When he stepped closer, we did embrace. I wanted to hang onto him, but I
kept it short to keep him wanting more.
I heard him inhale my scent as I pulled back with a slightly teasing

expression on my face.
“These are for you,” he said, unable to look away from me.
I held them close and smelled the pretty floral scents, then took him to the
kitchen so I could put them in water.
I saw him glancing around, trying to see how I had changed, looking for
hints about my life.
So I got us out of there and off on our date. It was perfect! I kept to my
Gramma's techniques and flirted, teased, and had fun.
“This is fun,” he said as he tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “It's like
I'm meeting a new woman. . . but you're also the woman I—”
When he broke off like that, I had the distinct feeling he was about to say
“the woman he loved!”
He recovered by saying, “Tell me more about what's been doing with you.
How’s your Gramma Violet, by the way?”
I hid a smile and said, “Maybe I'll tell you more on our next date.”
That night we talked and cuddled. . .
He held me in a way that felt like LOVE instead of lust. ..
I could tell he wanted me but he also acted like HE was afraid of messing
this up!
And the whole time we were together I thought of what Gramma Violet had told
me to do. . .
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I used everything she'd taught me about the masculine mind. . .
And when we said goodbye I let him kiss me. . .
It was heaven. He lingered, cherishing the moment. I knew we would both

memorize this moment.
I wanted to dive back in headfirst with Jeremy, but Gramma wouldn't let me
...
She said it would be good for my ego to have multiple men chasing me at
once . . .
And I have to admit, she was right. . .
I went on a few dates and I marveled when these men opened the door for
me, acted like actual gentlemen. . .
Jeremy started chasing me even more because I wasn't always easily

available when he wanted to see me.
I'm so glad I learned these life-changing techniques. . . and so glad that I

get to share them with you!
10. Intrigue him so HE chases YOU
Learning how to get men to chase me was a “before and after” moment in
my life.
Before, I was frustrated and unsure that I'd ever experience a happy, long-
term relationship.
After, I slowly learned how to get men to notice me, desire me, court me,
and want to be with me.
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It's exciting to learn how to get men to chase you. . . and then see it in
action.
I more I learned, and more I wanted to now! But my grandmother was

smart – she didn't reveal everything to me at once.
Instead, she taught me a few tricks and let me see that they worked over a
couple of months.
She knew that in my heart, I wanted Jeremy back. She also knew that I
couldn't jump in and try to get him back right away.
Gramma wanted me to try dating different men so I could learn to

understand the male mind.
That gave me confidence to believe in myself and these techniques.
With every date, I reported back to her with excitement.
I was giddy to tell her how her tricks worked. I was ready for more!
Be His Daydream (It's not what you think)
It's a crazy thing to see a man fall head-over-heels in love. We've seen it
on TV and some of us have seen it in real life.
I got to see that with my grandparents even though they had been married
for decades by the time I came around.
I desperately wanted that in my life. . . which was a part of the problem. I

was DESPERATE.
Men aren't out looking for a woman who's desperate for a relationship.
They want to fall in love with someone they can't have.
Men want to fall in love with a woman so out of their league that they don't
have a chance. . . but maybe, just maybe, they do.
Of course, they probably don't realize that.
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But if you witness a man falling in love so much that he loses control and .
doing dumb things. . well, then it's always a woman who is out of his
reach, isn't it?
It's such a male fantasy that it's in most movies. The guy doesn't get just any
girl; he gets his fantasy girl.
A male friend once shared his experience with me. He said that when he met
Tammy, it was like she was EVERYTHING.
She was funny, smart, personable, talented, and very successful.
Tammy made people feel special, but she also lit up any room she walked into.
She had something about her that made men think, “Whoa, she’s the
ONE.”
This might remind you of a movie called Something About Mary.
Well, if you want to intrigue a man so he chases you. . . and falls head
over-heels in love with you. . .
You need to become his fantasy.
But wait a minute – I actually don't mean that you should be whatever HE
wants.
Because that's not what men fantasize about!
I've been explaining and showing you that men love independent, smart,
capable women.
They see a woman who would never need them. . . and they have to
chase her!
That's what men saw in Caitlyn, the woman my grandmother told me about
who changed her life.
And that's what I hope to teach you in this book.
You have everything you need to intrigue men; you just have to uncover it and
start using it.
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The Tantalizing Head Tilt
I even used a little trick of hers that requires nothing more than tilting your
head. . . just so. . .
And suddenly could get any guy I wanted in a bar to come up to talk to me, all
without them having any ideas I was doing anything at all. ..
First, take a second to think about the typical bar scene. If you notice a
man, do you usually turn away?
You might even accidentally ignore him, giving him the completely wrong
signal, because you're shy.
You also don't want to appear “aggressive” with a long look. . . or

desperate with the wrong look.
We've talked about a lingering look of just an extra second or two. Add a
small smile and most men's radar starts to beep.
Now let's talk about a cute, coy, and flirty head tilt.
If you turn towards the man you're interested in, and tilt your head back and
sideways just a bit while looking at him, it's an invitation.
You can think of tilting your head this way as almost pointing with your
cheekbone – you're literally showing off your feminine face.
It's a common head position for selfies because it's very flattering. (So you
probably have some practice at getting the right angle!)
You can find this head tilt on old fashioned “pin up” girl posters and even the
boxes of hair dye in the supermarket!
It doesn't hurt to practice in a mirror, standing back a ways to see how your
look appears to others.
There's actually some science behind this because you're highlighting the
feminine shape of your cheekbone and jaw line.
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You can also try dropping your chin to look at him through your eyelashes.
Sounds easy, right?
Well, the hard part is actually doing this. Many women are self conscious
and afraid of trying something that feels so bold.
But men are LOOKING for confident women who want to flirt.
A hint of playfulness triggers a base instinct in men.
Practice at home, with friends, and then try a subtle head tilt toward a man
you find interesting.
The Famous Mona Lisa Smile
“Mona Lisa” is one of the most famous, if not THE most famous painting in the
world.
There is just SOMETHING about her face. . . the way she's gazing
somewhere off to the side of the viewer.
That knowing smile. ..
What is her secret?
It's believed the woman in the painting is the wife of a

Florentine merchant named Lisa del Giocondo.
Her subtle smile has sparked gossip for centuries –

why did Leonardo da Vinci paint her as he did?
(That's not his own wife...)
Did he mean to portray her that way?
Does her small smile mean something?
Her expression appears to say she knows something, and it's something we
would like to know as well.
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Scientists have even studied the painting and have noticed that she's smiling
from some angles, but from other angles the smile seems to go away.
It's there. . . and then it isn't.
One team of scientists from Sheffield Hallam University studied it and

decided the “now you see it, now you don't” effect of the Mona Lisa similar
was intentional on the painter's part.
They found this same technique in several of his paintings.
They even called the Mona Lisa smile “the uncatchable smile.”
Now you can see why I'm so interested in it!
What if this painting captured a secret that can drive men wild?
The UNCATCHABLE Smile
My Gramma taught me that men love a good chase.
They want mystery, adventure, and fun all rolled up in this game of
romance.
When I finally understood that men want to CHASE a highly valuable

PRIZE, I saw dating in a totally new light.
We've all heard of the rating systems men give women. They'll say, “She's
a 7,” and “She's an 8.”
Men try to figure out their own “number” based on their fitness level, looks,
style, wealth, notoriety, prestige, and sexual prowess.
They chase women they see as having a higher number than they do.
Here is today's big surprise: YOU get to decide your number.
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You get to decide how mysterious you are, and how hard it is to “catch” you.
Mona Lisa looks like she's not worried about anything. In fact, it's like she's
figured out the secret to life and she may or may not share it.
Imagine her giving this look to a man across a banquet table.
“I may like you. . . I may not.”
“I may let you chase me. . . I just haven't decided yet.”
She's teasing and yet uncatchable in a way.
I say “in a way” because that's the EXACT ATTITUDE that hooks a man
and makes him laser focused on catching you!
You can harness the power of YOUR “uncatchable” smile by using it subtly.
Your small smile, used at the right time, is like a dare.
Remember when you played chase as a kid? Did you ever yell out, “Catch me
if you can!”
The Mona Lisa Smile is a dare to men, calling out, “Catch me if you can!”
It's letting him know you're interested but you're not going to chase him; it's his
job to chase you!
It's that confidence that makes him drop what he's doing because he can't
stop thinking about you.
Why every woman has a “Mona Lisa Smile”. . .
What if I told you that you've already perfected your Mona Lisa Smile?
We use it by INSTINCT. . .
That means each of us has our own version.
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So we only have to LISTEN to our instincts and actually USE our coy smile.
Have you ever asked a man for help on something simple? Maybe it was a silly
request but you wanted help to make it easier.
Did you do the cute little head tilt when you asked?
You probably tilted your face at an angle to him, highlighting your cheek.
Or maybe you've teased someone instead of answering their question.
You might have tilted your head down and looked at them “through you
lashes.”
Picture the stance you would take when saying, “Pretty please?” I'm a
boyfriend.
We instinctively know that men WANT to help us, especially when we're cute
and coy about it.
It triggers their basic male DNA to help and protect their woman.
When we use this technique, either on purpose or through luck, we're being
playful, flirty, and everything that men love about women.
It even works when we come through in some sexy confidence and challenge
him with, “You know you want to!”
Using your Mona Lisa Smile at the right time will have men bending over
backwards to open doors for you. ..
Help you with groceries. . .
And show you how chivalrous they can be. . .
All while actually drawing jealous stars from every other woman who
doesn't know this subtle secret or thinks there's something “wrong” with
asking a man for help.
But now you know that asking for help with ANYTHING while giving your little
one, coy smile will get a man to do what you want!
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Intrigue him by LISTENING
You've probably wondered how to STAY mysterious and intriguing when a

man is interested in you and asking questions.
I wondered the same thing, and I applied some of Gramma's thinking to the
problem to figure out a solution.
She learned by watching another woman who knew the secret to men.
When I understood that, I started looking for lessons in my own life.
A certain friend came to mind because she always made me feel special
and important to her.
Whenever we had lunch or dinner, I would later realize that we had talked
about ME most of the time.
I'd feel bad and think back over our conversation, wondering if I had been a
“conversation hog.”
But the truth was, she would ask me questions to keep me talking. It was like
she wanted to know all about me and my life.
This friend would also remember details and ask about things later on.
It dawned on me that I could use this technique with my other friends. . . and
men!
It worked like a charm. I researched all kinds of interesting questions to ask

men on dates to keep them talking.
Men love talking about themselves – don't we all?
So this trick makes them feel special, and they get to talk about themselves
which they love. . . and you get to learn all about them!
You get all this while staying mysterious to them.
Of course, you don't want to get stuck on a date with a man only interested in
talking about himself. . .
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Luckily you can tell if he's that kind of man or if you're getting him to talk.
He'll TRY to ask about you. . . and you should share a little. . . and then
turn it around with a question.
This technique intrigues men, and it has the added bonus of making him
feel connected to you.
In a way, you're stroking his ego and making him feel really good about
himself, and he'll equate that feeling with you!
Oh, when talking to a man. . .
Men and women have very different communication styles.
Women sit and face each other and make lots of eye contact while we talk.
We also delve into very personal topics.
We can really dig in and discuss our personal lives at length.

Men, not so much.
They stand side by side to talk, often looking at something like a vehicle or
the grill.
They might quickly skip over personal stuff, but they don't explore it the
way women do.
Men tend to talk more about activities, hobbies, work, and what they're
working on.
However, we shouldn't assume we have to communicate like men when
we're talking with them.
Remember male and female energy?

There's a third method of communication that exists between men and
women who are together or romantically interested in each other.
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Men tend to let their guard down more with a woman than they would with
other men.
They want some of that touchy-feely conversation, at least once they

TRUST you.
How do you gain their trust? By listening and not judging.
And surprisingly, it intrigues a man when a woman wants to talk about a

wide range of subjects along with some personal sharing.
Being different makes you stand out, and that gets his attention.
Intrigue him by being unavailable
We talked about making plans and dating multiple men so you're not sitting at
home waiting for THE ONE to call or text.
When a woman is unavailable, she seems more desirable and mysterious.
Unfortunately, a woman can take it too far. ..
“Unavailable” in this case means “not ALWAYS available.”
It doesn't mean you “ghost” your love interest or become so hard to achieve
that he loses interest.
So, you need a reason to be unavailable. You shouldn't make excuses or

explain things to him, but it helps if you're actually doing something and are
actually unavailable.
He might just check out your social media and see you're out on the town or
with friends, or doing something fun and unusual, like a painting party.
Showing off your unique interests and hobbies is another way to show
you're an interesting, full person. . .
And not a woman who will want to hang around her boyfriend 24/7.
In the next chapter, I'll talk about playing hard to get, which is similar.
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And I'll explain the science behind why all of this hooks a man.
In short, being unavailable at times and waiting to text/call him back makes
him realize that he could lose you.
It means you're not a guaranteed thing and he better stick to his A game to
win you!
Be Independent and Impressive
Men like a woman who can stand on her own two feet, and they're really
turned on by a woman who's “got it together” and shining bright.
Sure, it's true that men like to play prince charming once in a while, but
they want to come in and help in a special way. . .
They don't want to pay your bills, be your “all in all” and fix all of your
emotional problems.
(As harsh as that sounds, some men have met a few women want that!)
A man will fall for you, and he'll want to ride in and save the day from time
to time. . . but not all of the time.
It's helpful to understand the difference between “independent and aloof”

versus “independent and impressive.”
You don't want to be so independent that you never need anyone and don't
want to connect.
It's about being your own person and having your own success and life.
Being independent and impressive means you work on yourself, have

dreams and goals, and take good care of yourself.
It's not only okay to be confident, it's sexy!
It attracts men when you project confidence that says, “I don't need you,
but I might want you.”
And a self-assured woman knows how to project to men and others that
she has her own life, friends, interests, passions, and hobbies.
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When a man sees all that you have going on, he's impressed. ..
And he wonders what else you can do. . . and what you can do together!
Men get excited when they think about partnering with someone who has
their own vibrant life.
They brag to their friends about it!
He'll see you as a worthy prize and want to chase you.
Be Unpredictable
Surprise him once in a while!
That was a big breakthrough for my Gramma Violet.
Settling into a “comfortable” relationship means that things get predictable.
At first, that's cute. You both love it.
But predictability gives birth to boredom.
Men, and even women, will start fantasizing about being single, or a new
relationship, or some kind of new adventure.
If you surprise him here and there, he'll be intrigued.
He'll feel like he never has you quite figured out, and that's the challenge
that keeps him intrigued and chasing you.
You can do this in little ways with a new perfume, new outfit, or new look.
You might find a new, exciting hobby. Imagine if you find something that you
both might want to try.
When you're willing to change things up, it creates a positive forward

movement that people crave.
We thrive on progress, so remember to find new ways to improve and push

yourself.
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We've talked about lots of ways to let your light shine and simultaneously
attract the man you want.
Now I want to move on to a fun way to trigger him to chase you – the time
tested playing hard to get!
11. Playing Hard to Get: The Ultimate “Chase” Trigger
Playing hard to get is a hot topic in dating, or should I say it's a

controversial topic.
Some say it's wrong to play games, but as my Gramma pointed out, others
think dating IS a game.
You don't have to be mean to men. In fact, playing hard to get . . . if done
correctly . . . is fun for them.
And if you want him to chase you, make it a real challenge.
Deny him when he asks for your number or a first date. . . in a way that
doesn't shut him down, of course.
It feels counter-productive. . .everything in you will scream to say yes!

You'll want to text and talk and see him. . .
But men don't appreciate what they get easily.
When you say no, you're triggering your hunting instinct and the chase
is on.
He'll work that much harder to impress you and win you over.
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We know that men are competitive, and when they work hard for something
they value it much more.
Make him EARN your affections!
If you act like a prize, and like you have other options, he'll work harder to
woo you.
On top of that, he'll be more attentive in a relationship because he won't

take you for granted. (Plus you'll remind him once in a while that he has to
work to keep you!)
If you're busy and socializing with other people, it implies you're popular
and possess prime partner qualities.
It also lets him know you have your own things going on, which shows you
have a certain level of independence.
That's refreshing to men.
Playing hard to get makes you more intriguing and desirable to men as a
partner.
You SHOULDN'T use it if you're only interested in a one night stand or

short-term fling.
In fact, a study found that both men and women looking for casual sex
looked for someone with high availability—an easy catch.
The study was called “Playing Hard-to-Get: Manipulating One's Perceived

Availability as a Mate,” published in the European Journal of Personality.
But for dating or serious relationships, both men and women preferred
someone less available, basically someone “harder to get.”
When someone we're interested in playing hard to get, it triggers our chase
mechanism.
Understanding that gives you an edge in triggering a man's chase instinct. .

. and in avoiding falling for yourself – unless you want to, of course.
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My grandmother taught me a thing or two about playing hard to get, and not
only did I discover on my own that it worked. ..
I also found lots of science to back it up, like the study I just mentioned.
Playing hard to get works. . . and it works really, really well.
Sadly, we tend to do the opposite and ourselves throw into a relationship

before it's actually a relationship.
He thinks the two of you are flirting or just talking, and you dropped all the
other guys to focus on just him.
After learning about playing Hard to Get and understanding why it works, I
noticed a man playing with two dogs at a dog park.
The man was trying to teach them how to play fetch. He'd throw the ball
and then offer them a reward when they brought it back.
The dogs were playing a different game. The slighter bigger dog would
grab the ball in her mouth and tease the smaller dog with it.
The smaller dog would reach to take the ball from the other's mouth. That's
when she'd run.
The bigger dog basically taught the smaller one to chase her. They were
having a blast. . . I'm not so sure about the man.
I was most fascinated by the smallest dog who never gave up.
The larger dog would slow down and appear to offer the ball, but as soon as
the smaller dog came over she took off again.
I have to admit I spent a good ten minutes watching them, laughing to

myself because these two dogs embodied the dating game.
The larger dog was playing “catch me if you can!” and hard to get, and she got
the smallest dog to play along and love it.
If the larger dog had tried to push the game on the other dog, by chasing
him, then it wouldn't have worked.
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Instead she showed him the ball. Look what I have! Do you like it? Come get
it!
That shows confidence and playfulness, two traits men love.
PLAYING Hard to get, NOT Rejection
Part of the problem in understanding this concept is that we DON'T

understand it—we're confusing it with other things.
Outright rejection is not “Playing Hard to Get.”
Nor is being mean, playing with someone's heart, or stringing them along.
I'm not at all suggesting that you Play Hard to Get with someone just for the fun
of it, without any desire to get together.
You see, it's called “PLAYING” hard to get.
You do this subtly, while also giving him reasons to keep trying.
Sometimes, you might even make it a little obvious that you're playing hard to
get, thus letting him know he has to work to win you over.
Men love the hint of a game. “There's mystery afoot!”
Some women will actually tell a man, “You think you can win me over that
easy? Nice try!”
It's a common subplot in movies – often in action or male oriented

movies!
So just to recap, if you're not interested in a man, let him know.
Don't actually play games or string someone along!
But if you want to intrigue and hook a man so he chases you. . . and falls in
love with you... then it's the perfect time to employ this game!
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Before we talk about the “How,” it's helpful to understand the “Why” so you
can use this technique even better.
Why “Playing Hard to Get” Works
I've hinted at the two principles behind why playing hard to get works so
well.
They're called the Theory of Reactance and the Uncertainty Principle.
The first one sounds rather obtuse but it's a simple idea.
Reactance means that we fight for what we think we have.
People have certain behavioral freedoms or rights. . .

And when we feel that one of those freedoms comes under attack, then
we'll react in a way to get that freedom back.
It might be like the saying: we get what we allow.
If a man comes to believe that he can treat us a certain way, it's a

“behavioral freedom” in his mind.
Let's say he always calls you at midnight for a booty call. If you ACCEPT
that behavior, he comes to expect it.
He won't want more than that down the road.
If you talk to him about going on dates or having a relationship, he feels like
his midnight booty call freedom is being threatened.
He might give you an ultimatum of having the late nights together. . . or

nothing at all.
(And unless you ONLY want the late night booty calls, send him packing!)
Reactance applies to “playing hard to get” in that if you're always available,

then the man comes to expect that.
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He'll think you will be there no matter what, and he takes you for granted.
You are no longer a valuable prize, but more like a consolation prize he
gets if he has to fall back on you as Choice #2.
And who wants to be the fall back option?!
On the other hand, when you “play hard to get” his “behavioral freedom” is
interrupted.
Suddenly he has to fight to get that freedom back and restore the old status quo.
In other words: he has to START CHASING you again!
It's like that childhood game, “He likes me, he likes me not.”
Young girls would pluck petals off a daisy one at a time. . .

He likes me. . .
He likes me not. . .
But you're making HIM play the game and wonder if he has you or if he's still
trying to win you over.
This can happen in a number of ways. You might have plans so you can't see
him, or you might hint that there's another guy in the picture.
It can come about when HE starts to wonder if you like someone else or
have someone else, even if you didn't imply that.
When you give the impression that you and him are not a 100% sure thing,
suddenly he's thinking about you constantly.
UNCERTAINTY is extremely POWERFUL.
The Uncertainty Principle is a psychological theory that says people tend to

obsess about “uncertain variables” as opposed to “certain variables.”
As you just saw, that's what happens when you make a guy realize he can't
take you for granted.
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Robert Cialdini, an expert on influence, found that people value and desire
something more when it's rare or difficult to obtain.
He called this the Scarcity Principle for obvious reasons.
We see this used in advertizing all the time:

“Limited time offer!”
“Only 10 left in stock!”
“Sale price only good through TODAY!”
You could say that's what happens when it's close to closing time at the bar!
Robert Cialdini showed that the Scarcity Principle works on the idea of
Reactance.
No one likes to be told no, or to be limited in any way.
If we think we're going to miss out on something or get denied what we

want, we react.
The more we're denied. ..
Or the more we think our chances are slimming down. .
The harder we try.
If you're thinking this sounds like reverse psychology, you're right.
We're told we can't have something or can't do something, and then we

HAVE to have it or do that thing.
There's been some interesting studies on the subject.
In 2011, Whitchurch, Wilson, and Gilbert authored a study where women

would view the Facebook profiles of four male students.
The women were told that the men had previously viewed their Facebook
profiles too, and the men's reactions were reported.
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So the women got to learn which men liked them a lot, which liked them
some, and which were uncertain.
At first, the women said they liked the men who "liked them a lot."
Oddly, however, it turned out that the women liked the "uncertain" men the
most of all.
They also rated the uncertain men as the most attractive, and they reported
thinking about those men the most.
This proves the point that we think and even obsess about the things that
aren't certain.
Just imagine. . . if you like a man, you can get him obsessing about you
SIMPLY because he can't tell if you like him or not!
You flirt a little and then back off. ..
You give him lingering glances but don't make a move. . .
It drives us NUTS when we're unsure about something.
Here's two powerful examples of that.
My friend Mike said something at work one day. Just a little joke. . he . or so
thought.
Someone in the office overheard it and took offense. They reported it and
things didn't go well from there.
Mike's boss him into his office and let him have it.
That wasn't all. It was Thursday, and his boss sent him home for the
weekend with the parting words, “Come in Monday and we'll talk about if you
still have a job.”
Can you imagine the anxiety Mike experienced for his prolonged weekend?
If I left you hanging and didn't end the story, you might occasionally think of
Mike and wonder what happened.
That's uncertainty. It's intriguing.
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Well, Mike kept his job and didn't tell any jokes at work after that.
In another example, my friend Heather was in beginner salsa class. She

had wanted to learn for years, and once she started she got serious about
it.
Through the grapevine, she heard that she was on the list of people who
might get promoted to the next level class.
Then she would get to perform at events in the community and attend
competitions.
The thing was, she had to wait for the instructor to come talk to her.
Heather had no idea when that would be.
It was four months before she got official confirmation!
You've probably had times in your life when you were uncertain about
something.
Didn't that make you think about it even more?
When it comes to romance and dating, we seem to like that feeling.
We get addicted to that feeling.
It's the rush of falling in love.
We call it Love at first sight, puppy love, and infatuation.
Men especially enjoy meeting a woman who intrigues them AND offers
them a challenge.
In fact, if a man is interested in several different women, guess who he'll

chase?
NOT the easy target. NOT the nice girl who won't turn him down for a date.
He'll think nonstop about the woman who gave him a coy, confident smile
and then teased him.
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He'll want the woman who can walk away from him without a second
thought.
That's probably been driving you crazy for years! You knew this truth
instinctively, but you were on the losing side of it.
Now you can use it to your full advantage.
Using this on a man keeps you at the top of his mind!
This uncertainty is the GRAND ADVENTURE men seek and love!
Did you fall for someone else's “Hard to Get?”
I can't leave the subject of scarcity without talking about the flip side of the
coin.
Uncertainty and scarcity can have a big influence on YOUR perception of the
attractiveness and worth of someone else.
Maybe you're obsessing over someone. . . simply because he's strung you
along or acted partially interested.
If you're stuck with someone and it hasn't gone anywhere, maybe it's time to
stop and analyze the situation.
Ask yourself, there is something there. . . or did you get tricked into
thinking there was?
Maybe HE got YOU to chase him, and now he's all you think about.
It happens to the best of us!
But now you can understand WHY and catch it earlier rather than later.
You can also spot it when men often get bored and move on quickly.
You might be letting them catch you too soon and too easily!
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It's all about perception.
YOU can use the right techniques and appear very valuable and prize
worthy, someone who takes a lot of work to win over.
And then you're someone to brag about and be proud of down the road.
Being “Likeable” doesn't get you the guy
That might not be a surprise based on your own experience, but you've
probably been baffled about WHY being nice and sweet to a man doesn't
hook him.
There was a study on playing hard to get that uncovered some surprising
answers.
In 2014, Dai, Dong, and Jia investigated the question, “When does playing
hard to get increase romantic attraction?”
They thought that playing hard to get might increase feelings of “wanting” in
others but at the same time decrease the emotion of "liking" the person
they're chasing.
Another way to look at that is, maybe playing hard to get works in certain
circumstances by not in others.
Playing hard to get only works if the other party is already a little interested.
If the other party doesn't like you. . . then playing hard to get backfires.
The team conducted an experiment to test their theory.
They had a group of male students from a Hong Kong University read a
hypothetical date story. A second group went on a real life speed-dating
situation.
Some men were allowed to choose their date while others were randomly
paired.
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In both the story and real situation, women behaved in a positive,

interested manner or were passive and aloof.
Basically, they acted either “easy” to get or “hard” to get.
The researchers learned that easy-to-get and hard-to-get strategies had

opposite effects on emotions.
Women who acted engaged and interested were seen as more positive
and likable.
However, and this is a big HOWEVER. . . Women who acted hard to get
sparked more interest and desire.
It seems odd! But the “easy to get” women were likeable. . . but not
datable.
The men didn't want them even though they were nice.
The men wanted to pursue relationships with the women who played hard to
get. They wanted that challenge.
Also, the men who chose their date (verses the men who were randomly
paired) found the hard-to-get women very desirable.
They randomly paired men were much less likely to want to chase a hard-to-
get woman.
Playing hard to get MAGNIFIED the men's interest when it was already
present.
So, that tells us that we need to pull men in a little with our charm and
coyness before pushing them away.
It's that back and forth action that makes them uncertain and then focused
onus.
When and HOW to “Play Hard to Get”
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As we've learned, playing hard to get works when your potential partner is
already interested in you.
So the first step is to get his attention – be a tiny bit flirty, or tease him, or
have fun together.
Once you've made a small connection, don't think he's going to chase you.
That's actually where many women drop the ball. They go into relationship
mode.
Meanwhile, the man thinks, “Wow, that was easy. But now it's not fun.”
They move on.
So instead, it's time to switch things up.
Make yourself a little bit of a challenge.
When a man is denied what he wants, even if it's just a little, he will usually
want it even more.
We've talked about some fun techniques that intrigue men, and those same
techniques will work when playing hard to get.
My grandmother put it to me this way:
Make sure I'm having fun. Make it interesting, uncertain, and adventurous.
When you spend time with him, give him your full attention.
Pour on the charm!
Ask him lots of questions and listen.
Make him feel special.
Then, make sure you're busy the next few days so you can't meet him
again.
Wait an hour to respond to his texts.
Tell him you “have to fun” or “have to get going” and you'll talk to him later.
DON'T let him turn you into a booty call or late night, back up date.
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Make sure you're treated like a priority.
Basically, make him feel like the center of your world so he'll crave more of
you. . .
But the make sure he knows he's NOT the center of your world.
Just remember, don't completely ignore him. You want him to KNOW it's a
challenge and that you like him.
Have a little flirt session or reach out during the day to ask his opinion
about something.
The big thing is to act interested but not SOLD on dating him.
So turn down a few chances to see him.
When he wants to get serious, as in dating each other exclusively, don't

accept the first time he offers.
As I tried playing hard to get with different men, I learned that employing
the coy, confidant, and sexy attitude my grandmother taught me went a
long way to winning at this aspect of the game.
You might have noticed that I played hard to get BIG TIME with Jeremy
because I REALLY wanted him back.
Right away, I showed him that I valued my life and that I could have fun
without him.
Even though we clicked when we talked, I made him wait a few weeks to
see him.
I even went on an out of state trip with my Gramma so I could draw it out
even more.
I flirted with him, teased him, made him feel special. . .
And I intrigued him by letting him see that I was different, stronger,
independent, and successful.
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I never explicitly told him, but I let him think I was talking to other me in
those early weeks.
I made it clear he didn't own me!
When we finally went on date, he was putty in my hands.
I could tell he enjoyed that process and felt BONDED to me over it. He was
engaged and committed before he even came to my door.
So how do you take it from playing hard to get to really HOOKING him?
When enough is enough
Playing hard to get is powerful. . . if you don't take it too far and actually
ignore or reject him.
Once it changes from “hard to get” to “impossible to get” men will lose
interest and disappear.
Sounds like it can be a fine line, but remembering the key is to remember it's
a game.
You want him to enjoy it, not get frustrated.
You should enjoy it too!
So when it feels like he's getting actually frustrated and confused, reel him in
a bit.
Spend more time with him.
Let him see how you really feel about him. . .
As long as you remember that YOU are special and beautiful, and you
deserve a great relationship.
Don't think that once you've “got” him that you will hand over the reins and let
him dictate how the relationship progresses.
So now that he's intrigued and chasing you, let's move on to how to HOOK
him in a deep, meaningful way.
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12. How to HOOK him so he's begging for more
Once I started dating Jeremy again, I knew I had to keep on my toes.
I couldn't let myself think I'd “made it” and this was it.
I knew from everything my grandmother taught me that settling back into old
routines would slowly kill my NEW relationship with the man I loved.
She assured me that I could continue using the techniques she taught me –
they were a way of seeing myself and my relationship that would help me for
decades. ..
Just as they had helped her keep her own marriage exciting and vibrant for a
lifetime.
She taught me some more tricks that I have to share with you, and this first one
helps early on.
The “Prince Charming Phrase”
We've seen how to intrigue a man on a dating site or text, so what happens
when you want to move things to a real life meeting?
An issue that comes up is sometimes a man flaking out. . .
He's excited to talk to you but then he cancels last minute every time to
agree to meet.
That might happen because he's actually busy, but that's probably the last
reason.
It's usually because:
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• Another woman agreed to meet him, and she seems easy. •

Another woman agreed to meet him and she's a challenge while
you're not.
(I know, those are opposite but they happen all the time!)
Or, he's talking to a lot of women but not actually wanting to meet any yet. .
. because he's in a relationship and thinks about cheating.
You wouldn't want to actually meet that guy, either.
So, is there anything you can do to ensure men don't flake on you for a
date?
The first step is to control the situation – intrigue him and make him chase you
so HE asks YOU out.
After that, you can use the PRICE CHARMING PHRASE on him so he
won't flake.
This phrase makes it psychologically impossible for him to flake on you

...
And it's just four little words!
They won't seem much like to me or you, but the moment he hears them
he'll know you are a “once-in-a-lifetime woman” who he needs to take
seriously and treat like a queen.
“Thanks for saving me!”
That's it. Once you agree on a date, text him and say, “Thanks for saving
me!”
He'll stop what he's doing and puzzle over that, half smiling as he wonders
what he's saving you from.
(Being single? Being bored? What?)
Wait a minute to see if he asks you, “From what?” or something along

those lines. He might even try to be flirty about asking.
Then add something like this:
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“My friend Brian wants someone to go so he ______ with him. I'm so glad I
doesn't have to now!”
Or, “This guy Jake has been asking me to go ___________. It sounds

halfway interesting but he really wants me to go. Seems a little weird.”
The idea is to hint that another man has asked for the same evening as your
date.
Now, if your date flakes on you, he knows that you won't be sitting there waiting
for him or sitting by the phone.
You're suddenly a hot commodity. He feels pressure to WIN your time.
Not only that, but he's wondering about this other guy or “male friend.”
Ohhhh, he thinks. Wait a minute. Is Brian really just a friend? How many men
are interested in her?
So in one short phrase, you've thanked him which triggers his male
protective side. He got to be Prince Charming riding in on his white horse.
But it's complicated because now he knows other men are interested in you.
That little trick uses many of the techniques I talk about:
• It's a little tiny bit like playing hard to get. • It

shows him there's some urgency to date you. • It shows
him there's other men interested in you. • It shows him
you have friends and a life, so you don't have to be dependent on him.
As you read on, you'll see how the Prince Charming Phrase uses science to
trigger the male response you want.
If you want to win, be willing to lose
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The Prince Charming Phrase is an example of showing you have options;

in other words you're not out of luck if your date doesn't show.
Relationships have a lot in common with games, business, and how we win
or lose in life.
It's about options.
Let's say you're working on a business deal. You have some options about
how to carry things out.
What if the other person has more options? What if they can walk away
from the deal with you because other people want to work with them?
This happens in our relationships with family and friends. Imagine that you
have a disagreement with someone in your life.
When you're considering how to handle the issue – whether to confront the
person, let it slide, or find a work around – you will probably consider if
more people will side with you or them.
In other words, do they have more options?
This concept is key to understanding dating. . . and how you can be that
“fantasy” woman.
If a man thinks you have lots of options, ie other men interested in you,
that makes you more desirable.
He might realize that if he walks away from you, YOU have more men
waiting to date you than he has women waiting to date him.
If YOU have more options, YOU hold the power.
So, if you're willing to lose him, then he knows you have more options.
Think back about your relationships, from the dating stage to commitment.
Now, what attitude did you have?
Were you afraid of losing him and the relationship?
Or did you hope it worked out, but knew you'd survive (and thrive!) if it
didn't?
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Sounds harsh, I know! But this attitude will make you so attractive to men.
I'm not saying that you have to LITERARLLY tell your man this, but your
attitude will be loud and clear.
Instead of being confident in ourselves and our ability to have other, future
relationships, we:
• Clear our calendars for our man •
Let him know we schedule our life around him • Put
him and the relationship on a pedestal • Get
clingy • Beg
for him to spend time with us • Grill
him about his time and his friends • Get
suspicious • Start
snooping
That's a harsh list too, but you get the idea.
The dating game is about intriguing him so he chases you, and then
hooking him—NOT the other way around.
When a man “hooks” a woman, it can be a bad thing because it actually

makes her seem less desirable to him.
Men get a rush from hooking a woman, but then he wants to hook another
woman.
Women, on the other hand, like to hook a man so he will constantly

chase her.
And if a man feels like he's in a dynamic relationship. . .
When you surprise him and keep him on his toes, then he's happy and will
keep chasing you.
So let's say that the “surprise” doesn't come from you, but something alerts
your man that things might not be as concrete as he thinks. . .
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Fear of Loss helps us see Value
Let's be honest: people tend to take things for granted.
It's only when we think we might lose something that we have begun to
value it.
Men are famous for this!
How many men have taken a woman for granted and treated her like a
maid and cook. . . until another man swooped in and swept her off her feet.
It's not always that black and white. Sometimes a man takes a woman for
granted, thinking she'll always like him. So he doesn't really chase her to
actually date her.
He might think a woman is going to stick around, on standby, waiting for him
to finally commit.
In a relationship, a man might stop doing special things or really listening.
As we learned, we need to snap the man out of that.
He can't be allowed to fall into complacency and think everything is set in

stone.
So imagine if something pops up on your radar . . .
And suddenly he's wondering if you have other options. . .
If you think about other men. . .
Or if other men are thinking about you and actively CHASING you.
This “fear of losing you” is more than the “playing hard to get” feeling.
This happens after you've played hard to get, and he started to think he had
the relationship in the bag.
Having other men chase you or like you – or at least somehow getting your man
to think other men are -- is essential if you want your potential man or boyfriend
to chase you.
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An important tip here: it doesn't take much jealousy to get a man worried
and stirred up.
DON'T get another man actually involved.

DON'T threaten to cheat.
DON'T have another man intending to be interested.
These actions cause more problems than they're worth, and they don't
really get your man hooked the way you want.
You've seen unhealthy relationships where one person is always

suspicious and jealous, right?
You don't want to create that, even if it ends up being the problem of your
future relationships.
But there's a healthy way to do this.
You just need him to realize that you're a desirable woman and other men
could want you.
If you're not committed to each other, then you can talk to other men and
date other men, and that's a great way to achieve this.
If he's not chasing you with all of his heart, he needs to see that he could
lose you.
If you want to win, be willing to lose!
You can do this with the tips I've talked about.
Be busy sometimes.
Turn him down when he wants to go out.
Tell him you have plans but don't explain them.
You might mention a male friend or man in your life in casual conversation.
..
Just be careful when you do. You just want to make him worry a little, not go
overboard.
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When it seems like your potential partner is:

• Not as interested •
Taking you for granted •
Pulling back •
Acting like he's not intrigued and having fun . ..
Then it's time to make him worry just a little. Pull back, focus on yourself, go
have some fun without him. . . and watch him start to squirm!
Flirty, Sexy moves that hook him. . . and keep you on his mind
Now let's talk about some ways to HOOK him so he's beginning to see you.
..
These flirty, sexy moves will have him thinking about long after he sees you.
First, let me show you a way to use your eyes to let him know it's time to
kiss you. . .
We've all been there.
The evening was awesome and now the date is drawing to a close.
You're feeling it. He's giving off vibes like he's feeling it, like he's into you.
But he's on his best behavior, or shy, or holding back.
You want to make sure that first kiss happens, but how?
One classic trick almost always works. ..
And it's so simple!
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Just drop your gauze to your mouth for a second.
Then look back to his eyes.
The message is loud and clear!
You can be coy about it too, by using the head tilt when you glance at his lips.
This should be quick and subtle. . . because it's so bold and obvious in
nature!
Another trick is the “come hither” smile.
This is when you lean in and smile. . . but not just any smile.
It's a slight smile – a little cute but very womanly.
The “come hither” smile is coy, seductive, and alluring.
When you use your smile and eyes together, you're inviting him in.
You can lower your lashes, but don't accidentally start batting them like
window wipers!
Imagine a look and smile that subtly says, “I want to feel your soft lips on
mine.”
The “come hither” smile might end in a lip bite, which drives men
crazy.
Anything, really, that draws his eyes to your mouth is a bonus, like touching
your lips while thinking about something, or biting on a pen.
But I'd recommend looking in the mirror and practicing the sexy lip bite. If you
do it correctly while glancing at his lips. . .
He'll get an instant—well, you know.
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Using these sexy moves lets a man know you want him and you want him
NOW.
It puts you in a powerful position too, because you're in control.
Even if he gets so excited he has to have you in his arms right then and
there, it's because you're inviting him.
If you really want to have some fun, invite him in, drive him wild, and then
playfully tell him he'll have to behave now. . . or wait till later. . .
Remember, one key to hooking a man is not giving him everything he

wants, when he wants it.
He still wants the challenge of chasing you.
Even when you're in a fully committed relationship, you can tease,

tantalize, and make him wait.
Just do it in a fun, playful way.
EXACTLY how to melt into your arms
After learning so much from my grandmother, and seeing it work, I got

curious about what men thought.
So I started asking them.
One thing that often popped up and intrigued me was how men clearly and
fondly remember a little thing about a woman or past relationship.
There was always some little thing she did . ..
Jason told me about Monica, who would melt into their kiss and bend her
knee so it touched him.
Luke told me about Rebecca who would kiss him, and then pull back to
hold his face, looking at his eyes and mouth. She'd study him with a little coy
smile before kissing him again.
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My friend Will had a girlfriend that laughed, kinda low and deep, against his
mouth. He said whenever he heard and felt her soft laugh against his
mouth, his brain went blank.
He couldn't think or do anything besides be there with her.
The relationship ended years ago, but he confessed that he STILL

fantasizes about that soft laugh and how it turned him on.
He even said he'll think about it and wish his current partner would do it.
That's the power of having a signature move—one that triggers basic male
instinct.
There were other, cute little habits that didn't involve a kiss, like lining the
shoes up by the door or leaving love notes on the counter.
But one of the common and most powerful little things is the way a woman
melts into the man's arms.
It's very primal. ..
When a woman melts into a kiss just the right way, it imprints on his brain.
You tilt your head back when he pulls you close. . . and linger there,
looking up at him.
Let him see the desire in your eyes.
There's more than just desire at work too. It's a mix of adoration,
excitement, and vulnerability.
This triggers his PRIMAL desire to protect you. . . to have you . . . to make
you HIS . . .
And only his! For as long as you'll let him. . .
Some women describe this as “going limp in their arms” but don't think of it
as passive.
It's when you melt because your knees are liquid and you're losing control.
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The image of you looking up at him like that, in a moment when he feels
longing and desire, will forever be burned into his brain.
It's the teasing and desire – like how we enjoy the moment BEFORE
getting a gift sometimes more than actually discovering what's under the
wrapping.
Giving that feeling to a man gets him addicted in a hurry.
13. Hook him...and keep him
Hooking a man is one thing. . . while keeping him is another.
Mean women can hook men but it usually doesn't last.
“Easy” women can hook a man for a short while too.
But what about hooking him so strongly that he can't stop thinking about
you, and wants a future with you?
Here's some lessons from Gramma Violet and my own experience that will
help from the early stages to later on in a relationship.
Be the Queen you are!

You meet a man and start to fall. . . and we all know it's easy to fall into
settling for less than you want at that point.
What exactly do I mean by that?
When he suggests a movie at home, you agree. You just want to spend
time with him.
Well, in the first few weeks, you should stick to real dates and outings.
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Avoid the “Netflix and Chill” or whatever else he comes up with that isn't a date
—he should court you!
So answer any attempts for a non-date at home with, “Maybe when you've
earned some home alone time!”
Or, “I'd love to spend time with you out doing something. We're still getting to
know each other after all!”
Show him that he needs to court and chase you, not take you for granted.
Let him be your King
So what I have to say here might surprise you. ..
It sounds like I'm saying let him be your Prince Charming and ride in and
save the day.
Yes, sometimes, do just that.
But early on, to HOOK him, show him that you can be a PARTNER.
Let him treat you like a queen. . . and treat him like a king. . . and show him
through gestures.
For example, he takes you out to dinner. When it's time to pay, offer to pay the
tip or throw in a $20 or $40.
Or maybe you pick up the drinks at the bar.
It's less about the money and more about showing him that you want to
have a partnership and teamwork.
It's a little gesture that means a lot to a man. It says you'll want to spoil him and
take care of him sometimes too.
And when I say “gesture” I'm implying that he might stop you from paying. If he
wants to fully pay, let him. He'll still appreciate that you tried.
(Don't push it if he wants to pay. That's a clue that he really does want to
play Prince Charming right then.)
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And be ready to actually pay and be happy to do so, because he might take you
up on the offer.
Because you're paying for part of the date, it is a gesture, so that's why it's
meaningful.
Other meaningful gestures include bringing him a small gift that means
something special, like a certain candy he mentioned liking.
You might send a sweet text during your workday just to say you're thinking
about him and it made you smile.
One little thing that's BIG to men is remembering the little details.
(Actually that's huge with both men and women.)
You'll show him you care by remembering little things.
Remember LAUGHTER is the spice of life
When I think of the happy, in-love couples I know, they have something in
common: they laugh together.
They have fun together.
Sometimes one of them is witty and tells funny jokes, or maybe they both
find humor in the same weird things.
Sometimes, it's having a light attitude so when something funny happens,

you can laugh about it.
Early on, when a man is falling for you or considering if he wants a

relationship with you, one thing he thinks about . ..
Even if it's on a subconscious level. . .
It's if life will be fun with you.
You can show this by getting excited about life and all the little things you
share.
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When he sees that, he'll start thinking about how you'll react to the little
things he wants to share with you.
This is probably why men fall for women who laugh a lot. It's sexy AND
inviting to them.
It shows that you're a little more relaxed and that you enjoy laughing about
things.
Sadly, that's something that often goes away as a relationship ages.
On the opposite end, relationships that stay alive, vibrant, and growing are
ones where the couples laugh together.
Go on an adventure. Do something silly and maybe even embarrassing

together. Tell jokes.
Explore the unique sense of humor that will develop between you . ..
that's pure magic when it comes to hooking a man!
Surprise him & Stand Out with the phone trick
So, confession: this isn't really a trick per say.
But it seems like one because people have forgotten how to do it.
You can surprise a man and make a real impression by actually CALLING him
on the PHONE.
Not a text, not a FB message, not a dating app message . . . an actual

phone call.
Shocking, isn't it?
And I know you're thinking, men never call. They want to text.
And, sadly, that's the way things have gotten but it doesn't have to be that way.
After a few dates, if you have some time to talk or want to invite him to
something, actually call him.
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This does several things for you.
One, it shows that you value him. You're reaching out with more than a
text so he means more than the average guy you text with.
Two, calling on the phone is more like a real relationship verses just
texting.
Three, it lets him know HE can call YOU.
And lastly, it subtly shows that you expect a little real interaction. You're
upping the ante in a way, showing that he should call you sometimes.
We've gotten away from talking on the phone, and making that first phone
call, because it's so much easier to text.
There's less emotional risk with texting – if they ignore you or text a very
short reply, we can shrug it off.
We don't have to end the conversation and get off the phone.
So you're showing someone that you'll put in the extra effort and risk to talk
to them and hear their voice.
Avoid the Bait and Switch
We've been talking about the early stages of getting to know your man and
hooking him.
Those are critical steps, and once you've hooked him, don't take the
budding relationship for granted.
It still needs nurturing!
A big mistake people make in dating and relationships is hooking someone

and then “letting the dogs out.”
By that I mean, we let our guard down and show our bad habits and
insecurities.
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People will work to get a relationship going and then expect it to make them
happy and fix their problems.
You want to surprise your man from time to time and keep your relationship
fresh. . .
But you don't want to completely change.
One way women lose their man is by “letting themselves go” or getting
clingy, suspicious, constantly angry, or controlling.
I've seen too many men tip-toeing around on eggshells so they don't upset
their woman.
It shouldn't be that way; relationships should be mutually beneficial and

pleasing to both people.
I've wondered how men. . . and women too. . . end up in those

relationships, and it's often due to a bait and switch tactic.
“Ann” was an expert at it. She would pour on the charm and be the fun
girlfriend that every man dreams about.
But, once a man committed, she went dark. The rest of us wouldn't hear
much from her.
Then, a year or two down the road, suddenly she was reaching out to
everyone to complain about her “abusive” relationship.
She would intend to be someone so she could “catch” a man who was
supposed to take care of her.
When he didn't live up to her expectations, it turned out that she got very
mean and controlling.
Men do that too, of course.
So an easy way to keep your man hooked is to put your best foot forward
early on, but make sure it's actually your foot!
By that I mean, stay true to yourself.
Love yourself and show him why you're awesome.
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And then later on, work on enjoying him and the relationship. Don't try to
change him, help him, mature him, train him, etc. You get the point!
Think about how much fun it is to fall in love and flirt, and then try to keep
some of that in your relationship.
Every now and then, picture the relationship from HIS point of view. . .
Did you change a lot since first enticing him?
People and relationships change and evolve, but there's nothing wrong
with ensuring that it's a positive change!
That brings me to my next tip: to think about the relationship in terms of

BOTH your needs and his . . .
Think about HIS NEEDS
This is a bad example, but a crack head really needs his dealer, right?
There's certain people that we need in life, like the one hair stylist that gets
your color and cut just right.
Or the friend that can always pull you out of a slump and help you get your
groove back.
This applies to relationships too.
It sounds drastic, but you want to be someone he NEEDS.
He doesn't need a girlfriend who is insecure, clingy, suspicious, or who

wants to spend every minute together doing things he doesn't enjoy.
He doesn't need someone who's with him out of need, either. He shouldn't
have to take care of all your needs and be your “all in all” or one stop
shopping.
Men are relationship needs just like we do, and we can hook a man for life if
we both pay attention to the needs in the relationship.
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He wants someone in his life who complements him, making up for his
weaknesses and fitting in with his strengths.
He wants someone who can have fun with him, laugh with him, keep his
secrets, build him up, and make him feel worthwhile.
Each man has his own unique needs as well.
When you figure out your needs, and how you can fill them, he'll need YOU.
Keeping the Love ALIVE
Falling in love is such a live changing experience, and it's heartbreaking

when things go wrong or slowly die. ..
Later we'll talk about bringing the SPARK BACK but a big part of that is
keeping it going.
Every relationship needs a boost or relaunch once in a while, and I mean

EVERY relationship.
No one rides off into sunset to find only perfect days.
So I challenge you to look at relationships with a new perspective, just like I

learned from my Gramma Violet.
She let her marriage grow stale, and then she got a wakeup call when a
new woman moved to town and distracted all the men.
A wakeup call can be a good thing. ..
We take our cars in for regular oil changes and we ourselves visit the
doctor for checkups.
We practice maintenance on lots of things, and relationships should be

included!
I'm NOT advocating that you tell your man you need to sit down and talk
about your relationship.
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That can scare a man!
He'll assume you're not happy and that you want to “fix” things.
Not at all! But you can certainly evaluate your relationship and make sure
it's going well.
It's important to notice:
• When you fall into a lull with regular routines and the same old thing. •
When you or him (or both) are building expectations and getting
annoyed.
• When it's all work and no play – you need to have fun together! •
When the relationship is focused more on negative things. •
When he's pulling back or you find yourself wanting your own space
and life again.
Maybe it's time for you to have fun with friends or start a new hobby. Make
sure you have things you enjoy in your life.
That makes a big difference in your relationship!
You might start a new habit together, like a Play Date night where you go
do something fun and new.
Try paintball, an adult arcade, a dinner theater, or some kind of amusement

park.
Ask him what he wants to do or try.
The KEY here is to do nice things for each other and have fun together –
and as your relationship grows, take on meaningful projects together.
Pushing or Pulling?
One quick and clear way to evaluate your relationship is to ask yourself
this question:
Is he unusually PUSHING YOU AWAY or PULLING YOU IN?
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We could describe “pushing you away” in many ways, but I probably don't
need to explain it.
We all know how it feels when our man pushes us away.
We also know how it feels when a man is PULLING us in – he's asking to see
you, chasing you, courting you, and trying to touch and hold you.
So you can tell how he feels about the relationship based on this question.
..
And it also tells you what you need to do.
If he's pushing, step back. Give him some space to miss you. Go have fun
and then come back and do something nice for him.
Use what you've learned about the male mind and Fear of Loss.
If he starts to get a little jealous or wonder if he could lose you, he'll start
chasing you again.
The earlier you realize he's pushing you away, the better chance you have of
correcting course.
14. The 5 rules of Sex to Keep the Passion Alive
Do you dream of a passionate relationship?
One where your man desires you and can't keep his hands off of you?
Of course! We all do!
You want to feel sexy, desired, wanted. You want to see the passion in his
eyes when he looks at you.
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That can fade in a relationship, but don't think that you can't bring it back.
The following 5 Rules of Sex will awaken your hidden caveman lust. . .
1. Love who you are
So maybe this is a weird tip to start with, but it's SO important for attracting
men, intriguing them, and hooking them.
Men want to meet a woman who's “hot” or “super cool” or “their type”. . . and
comfortable with herself.
If you're self conscious or even putting yourself down in front of him, how is he
supposed to lust after you?
He liked you, right? He fell for you. He PICKED you.
So get over your insecurities! He would rather focus on you and PLEASING you
so don't get in the way of that.
Whatever your body type, personality, or unique mix o awesomeness . ..
Embrace it!
Explore who you are and develop what you like.
Develop your own style with your hair, clothes, and makeup.
He wants you to be uniquely YOU.
That makes him proud to be by your side, and it makes him WANT and
desire you.
Healthy confidence is SO SEXY to men!
Think about it, if you feel like you're the “BOMB” you'll express that in your
smile, conversation, and attitude.
That's the KEY to attracting men!
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2. Don't jump in! (And never let the teasing go . . .)
Remember men love the game and the teasing, if it ends in them winning.
You can use this tip early in the relationship to keep things on track to hook
him. . .
If you jump into sex too early, he loses the challenge and fun.
If he has to wait for it, and you tease him about it, he'll chase after you like a
puppy for a bone.
So repeat after me: Slow sexual progression.
Down the road, he'll remember this phase with fondness. . .
He'll remember how BADLY he wanted you. .
And how hard he had to work to win you over and finally please you!
And later on, in a relationship, remember to CONTINUE to tease him at

times.
Tantalize him.
Tell him in the morning what you want to do to him that night. . .
Or when you get back from your three day trip.
It's about being playful and showing him he can't have it whenever he
wants it.
Also, it's important to be SENSUAL without being too sexual.
There's a small yet critical difference.
In a relationship, we tend to drop the innuendos and flirting and go straight to

the bedroom.
We think we did the work already, so sex is automatic. We jump right into it.
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But both the man and woman will miss the sensual flirting, touching,
teasing, and sexy texts.
Once in a while, intend that you're in the early stages of dating.
Don't tell your man. Just treat him as you would if you were in a brand new
relationship.
Be sensual instead of outright sexual with him.
The teasing and flirting part of being sensual will bring the passion back
when your sex life has reached stale.
And it's a playful way of asserting yourself and your power over your man.
..
Which men love!
They want you to take control and intend they have to win you over, or
charm you. . .
Or seduce you with hours of foreplay
Or maybe you'll tease him until he throws you over his shoulder and carries you
to the bedroom like a caveman.
3. Keep SEXUAL TENSION (Banter!)
Sexual tension is heavily used in romance novels. ..
There might be pages and pages of teasing, banter, back and forth, and
lead up before the two characters ever get down to it.
Many women read romance FOR this lead up, maybe even more than the
actual love scenes.
The blockbuster book 50 Shades of Gray had pages and pages and pages of
lead up before a sex scene.
So it's a little strange that we recognize the need for lead up in fiction. . .
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But not in real life.
Sure, we as women love foreplay, but we skip it in a relationship sense.
We might accidentally jump right into the sexual relationship because we

desire that closeness.
That kills the sexual tension. It might be an hour of fun but then the
“present is opened” and men aren't intrigued, curious, and lusting after you.
Another way to kill sexual tension is letting the relationship fade into more of
a friendship with a little sex.
There usually isn't much foreplay or passion in that kind of relationship.
Sexual tension comes from flirting. ..
Teasing. . .
Suggestion. . .
Delaying gratification. ..
Promises of later enjoyment. . .
You might send him a pic of you in a sexy outfit for a date that night.
You can ramp up sexual tension with a question such as, “What do you
think of . . .” (This sex toy, new position, or something you want to try.)
Introducing new things into your sex life keeps things interesting and keeps up
the sexual tension.
He'll often wonder what you want to explore next.
Banter, or playful arguing is HUGE for sexual tension.
It's like flirting with an attitude, and men love the challenge of being quick
witted and always coming up with a comeback.
Outside of sex, you could almost say men love to banter with women more
than anything else!
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Watch movies and read books with banter – that's the part of an action
movie we all love!
My own Gramma Violet challenged me to become a lifelong student of

banter.
I listened to other couples along with finding examples in writing and

shows.
I practiced a little banter with bartenders, cashiers, my friends, and

unsuspecting evils out in public.
Try it out! It's fun, exciting, and you make other people smile.
You know you're doing it right when he gets a little smile on his face and a
glint of determination in his eye.
It's easy to see men love to banter!
When you banter with someone unexpectedly, it throws this fun little
surprise into their day.
You'll walk away leaving them with a smile and a new energy.
Study and practice it, and try it out on your man.
Watch how it can transform a day. . . your relationship . . . and turn him
into a caveman lusting after you. . . !
4. Keep the Adventurous Spirit he fell for. . . in the bedroom too!
You hooked him with your fun, adventurous spirit. . .
But if you get a commitment and then grow disinterested in him and in
having fun together. . .
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He'll get bored.
That applies to things in life and in the bedroom. . . or the backseat of the
car!
If you liked fun activities but now want to stay home all the time, it
diminishes its attraction and interest.
And when you've been together for a while, it's easy to stick to what's
familiar.
That gets boring, and men crave surprises and new things.
(We do too, right?)
A big rule of sex is to nurture your sexual relationship and let it evolve.
Spice things up! Have fun together.
Of course, you don't have to blindly try whatever he wants, but don't shut
him down either.
Keep an open mind. You might find you want to explore too.
Take him by surprise now and then – he'll love it!
Send him naughty messages and remember my tip to be sensual more

often than outright sexual. . .
But if you're sensual most of the time, an outright sexy or naughty text or
picture will give him a jolt of pleasure too!
Try different things as well like lingerie, role playing, toys, sensual
massage, a bath together, and acting out fantasies.
It's a winning combination:
If you use sexual tension to keep him intrigued and hooked. ..
And you keep an element of fun and exploration in your relationship (both
in and out of the bedroom). . .
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Then your man will have you on his mind all the time.
5. Use ALL the Senses. . .
So lastly, let's talk a little about what goes on inside the bedroom.
We've covered flirting, teasing, banter, and lots of aspects of the

relationship.
But don't forget to use all of the senses to seduce your man and drive him
crazy!
That's one way to spice things up.
Try playing hot and cold. . .
Use an ice cube on your skin, followed by your mouth and warm breath.
A BIG part of eroticism is the anticipation, so remember to tease with your

breath!
And of course SMELL is super powerful sense that can trigger its
pheromones.
A new perfume can instantly trigger a man's lust.
It's like a new woman walking into the room. . . and coming to him!
Also remember to have your “scent” that he'll come to know and love, but
also switch things up here and there.
Date night is a great time to try a new scent or one that you know he likes,
such as a special occasion scent.
A man once told me about how his wife had a “seductive” scent.
As soon as he smelled that certain perfume, he knew she was in an

adventurous, erotic mood. . . and that he'd better clear his evening.
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Once, during a hectic time in their lives, she showed up to his work place
wearing the perfume.
Let's just say that turned into a rather unusual day for him.
So remember, when you want to grab your man's attention, use all of his
senses:
Dress to please his eyes. . .
Dab on a perfume that will drive him wild. ..
Use seductive touches during the day to keep your body aching for you. ..
Touch him in different ways and use warm, hot, and cold. ..
And try some sound to get him going. ..
We'll talk about how your little noises can make a man lose it in the next
chapter!
15. How to show him what you want in bed
Men are DESPERATE to please in bed.
It gives them a huge thrill and satisfaction to please you, and it even pumps
their ego.
That's why they can get frustrated if you don't communicate in some
fashion to let them know what you like and if they're doing it right.
So many women worry that speaking up will sound like criticism to him . . .
We know how badly it can hurt a relationship to bruise the male ego.
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But just phrase it correctly, or show him, and you can teach a man
anything in the bedroom!
You can avoid hurting your feelings while still getting what you want in the
bedroom if you keep this in mind. . .
If he's exclusive to you, then YOU are the one woman who can validate
him as a man.
That's something we don't normally think about.
YOU are the source of his good feelings about his masculinity.
So you can make him feel great about himself and how he's pleasing you. .
. which as an added bonus, bonds him to you.
Praise him for the things you like.
Once he knows he's pleasing you and making you happy. ..
He'll remember those moves for sure!
So, are there ways to show or tell him what you want sexually?
Actually, there are plenty!
The “Hot Mirror” Technique
Are you dying to teach your man how to touch you in all the ways you
secretly crave?
And I know you don't always want to spell it out. . .
In that case, use the “Hot Mirror” technique to subtly teach him what you
want.
In some cases, you can DO what you want to him. . . so he'll try it on you.
Let's say (for an easy example) you love it when a man runs his fingers up
and down your back.
Try doing this very thing to his back.
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That alone might be enough for him to pick it up and touch you the same way.
If not, you can try doing it while murmuring, “I just love this. . . do not you?"
Another trick is a bit of a psychological trick where you do something to him while
saying, “I just love it when you do this. . .”
It might be something he's never done, but now it's on his radar.
If you want to be direct, show him what you want, and ask him to try it on you.
You might even get some actual mirrors involved . . .
I mentioned that this works in some cases – but in other cases, you can't always
do to a man what you want him to do to you.
If you want to turn your man on BIG TIME, show him what you want on yourself.
Maybe you want to use him how to use his tongue, so you take his hand and
use your tongue on him.
When you can show your man what you want, he'll thank you. . . and you'll thank
yourself!
Make some noise!
Men aren't mind readers. . .
So it makes sense that we need to TELL them what we like. . .
Except that many women aren't comfortable voicing that in words.
What about sounds?
Men love our little noises, purring, and moans.
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My friend Jana shared her experience with me, which really turned me onto
this trick.
She said she had had orgasms during oral sex but couldn't during actual
Fri.
She accepted that as her fate until her boyfriend asked her to voice her
pleasure so he could better please her.
The more vocal she got, the more into HE got.
She could easily direct him just by letting him know how she felt about what
he was doing.
Her boyfriend started introducing new techniques and positions, and

followed her lead by her vocalization.
He tried a new position one night with her hips tilted, and it turned her on so
she let him know.
He tried tilting her hips more. . . and, well, problem solved.
She soon discovered more and more ways to achieve orgasm, all thanks to
her new communication.
And of course you can use ACTUAL WORDS, which men love too.
They like to hear what you like, how you like it, and if they're doing it right.
Some men like raunchy sex talk (if you're both comfortable with it) but all
men love to hear:
Yes! That!
I love that!
Oh my gosh!
More!
Here, right here!
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Direct speech works miracles, and you can bring flirting and even banter into
sex.
Speaking of what to say during sex. ..
Praise, Praise, Praise
If there's just 3 rules to teaching a man what you want sexually, they are:
1. Praise him
2. Praise him
3. Praise him
When he does something new and you love it, let him know!
When you show him something and he does it, let him see you enjoy it!
When he does something that you asked for, show your appreciation!
Well, what if he gets it wrong?

You can still redirect him WITH PRAISE.
Instead of saying, “No, not like that.”
Say, “Yes, and more like this. . .”
When showing (or telling or teaching) a man what you want in bed, the
ONLY wrong way to do it is by criticizing him.
Other than that, it turns men on when you share what you're thinking and
feeling.
They love it when you tell them what you like or ask them to do something.
One of the BIGGEST turn-ons to men is when you share a secret desire or
something you want to try.
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They enjoy it when you trust them like that, and it brings you closer
together.
So don't hold back, tell him and show him his wildest dreams, and he can
make them happen.
16. But what if he's not interested in sex anymore?
If you feel like he's not interested in YOU anymore, remember. . .
Men lose interest in having sex with women they love. . . for a variety of
reasons not related to the relationship or you.
The first step to having more sex in your relationship is figuring out what's the
cause.
Can you rule out a health problem or weight issue?
Then what about pressure from work or his extended family?
Is there anything going on in his life that might be affecting him so he's not
able to “perform?”
If you find any of these reasons, it might be something you can discuss and
even get some help for.
Let's explore a few other concerns.
Biological Issues
It's an old joke that women will say they have “a headache” to get out of
sex, but the truth is. . .
If you're feeling bad or hurting, your body has a hard time getting excited.
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He might genuinely want to have sex with you, but his body just can't get
aroused.
Your man might have back pain – even low-grade but regular pain can
interfere with sexual interest and getting erections.
Some men won't tell you about their pain, either, further complicating this
issue.
There's other physical and biological reasons, too.
There might be a variety of biological reasons that your man is not feeling
sexually interested or aroused.
Testosterone levels can decrease due to age, health issues, or some

hormone problem he's not aware of.
And truth be told, some men are just have lower libidos and don't need sex as
often. (In which case, you might discuss ways to please you and take care
of you that don't involve intercourse.)
All this means, if he's “not interested” that doesn't mean you should take it
personally. . .
And it might be fixable.
Emotional (Relational) Issues
Men and women both need emotional intimacy to enjoy a healthy sex life.
Is that a surprise? Most of us think men are only visually stimulated and
they don't need an emotional connection.
That's true if you're talking about a booty call or dating. . .
But it's NOT true in a relationship.
No one talks about it, but you can tell it's true just by thinking about your
own relationship.
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If your man is hurt, bitter, feeling inadequate for you, or has another
emotional issue with you. . .
Then he's not feeling it.
If your sex life is hurting, you might have a damaged emotional connection
with your partner.
Do you get time together for fun, relaxation, and connecting?
It may surprise you that men DO need emotional connection for a healthy
sex life.
Sometimes, attraction wanes in a relationship due to friction between the

two people. . . or just life getting in the way. . .
And the man has started taking care of himself so often that he gives up on
a sexual relationship.
If sex has gotten to be a rare occasion, and there isn't a physical/emotional

issue on his part. . .
Then working on your relationship can be the sexual spark back.
Did you know that working out together will make you both feel good about
your body, and it creates more energy?
It translates into sexual energy too.
Turning Desire back on
Men are project-based thinkers.
They pursue something, win it or achieve it, and move on to the next
challenge.
So, unfortunately for us, they can check “sex partner” or “marriage” off their
list and move onto building their man cave or rebuilding a bike in the
garage.
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Once they know that they have a woman who loves them and is available
for sex, they take it for granted.
Their sexual needs might fade because they're not worried about filling
them.
And they might not be getting the stimuli they need to be excited about sex.
That's where my Gramma Violet was at in her marriage when she got her
wakeup call.
You already saw how she changed and saved her marriage.
That works to respark your sex life as well.
Use the Light Switch Technique to make him see you in a whole new
light.
Be daring. Interrupt your normal routine. Wake him up!
Imagine a set of actors on stage in the dark.
Then someone flips the switch.
“Light, Camera, Action!”

The show starts.
That's what you're doing!
Remind him why he lusted after you. . . why he had to have you. . .and
why he chased you in the first place.
Tease him but also tell him how special he is to you.
Work on yourself and become the hot, sexy siren you want to be, and then
show him that he could have you. . . if he works for it.
You might see what I'm saying: bring the fun back!
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He's going to wonder what's going on. He might even get a little jealous,
thinking you're making all these improvements because you met someone
else.
It's okay to let him worry and wonder. ..
Because you're also going to reassure him that HE'S the Man for you.
17. Will this work on your Ex?
It did for me. . .
I worked on myself and started to enjoy dating.
I saw it for the game that it was, and I didn't try to get into a relationship as
quickly as I could.
I reached out to Jeremy when it was the right time.
It was fun being so wanted and romanced and pursued. . .
But no matter who I went out with I just kept thoughts of Jeremy. . .
Of the connection we had that I just couldn't feel with anyone else. ..
So I used Gramma Violet's subtle tricks on him. ..
And one day we were walking and holding hands. . .
And he pulled me to him and looked at me in the eyes. . .
And asked me to be his (and only his). ..
After acting like I was thinking about it, I melted and said yes. . .
And suddenly he and I were a “we” again. . .
He's been chasing me ever since.
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This entire book is filled with subtle techniques that will entice men to chase you.
And here we'll focus on ways to really HOOK your ex FOR GOOD.
Reaching out to YOUR Ex
I'm going to advise you to TEXT instead of calling your ex when you first
make contact.
There might be a few exceptions to this, if you think there is a VERY good
reason for calling.
However, texting is more casual, and you want this to look casual.
And even though texting is less risky. . .
Texting your ex is still a HUGE STEP.
You don't want to mess it up, so I'm going to talk about some text
messages that almost no ex can resist.
First, let's talk about timing.
You're probably wondering:
WHEN should I text my ex?
And, Should I reach out to him FIRST or wait for him to reach out to me?
The “When” is critical.
Before reaching out, make sure it's been AT LEAST THREE WEEKS since
your breakup, or maybe even longer.
Two months might be a good wait.
I know, that sounds hard.
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It actually gets harder, because during that time, you should avoid ALL
CONTACT.
So let's say you take one to two months of NO contact before you reach
out.
I will tell you from experience and from helping other women. . .
Breaking this rule BAD your chances of getting back together.
Before this time ends, your ex will be dealing with his emotions about the
end of the relationship.
He hasn't had time to MISS YOU.
He'll most likely ignore your texts.
If you reach out too early and he actually responds, it's usually more about
closure than picking back up.
Or he wants a booty call for old time's sake.
Or he wants to make sure that you're hurting more than him.
As you can see, none of those outcomes are what you want.
If you do take a few months to let things cool off, you can then RESET.
How on earth do you make it that long?
During that time, you should focus on your own life. Use the tips and
techniques in this book. Go out and flirt with strangers. Have fun.
In essence, be a better person with more perspective, MORE OPTIONS,

and more confidence before you try to reach out to your ex.
Another reason to wait before reaching out, is that it gives you time to grow.
When your ex finally sees you again, you want it to be believable that
you're now his fantasy woman who isn't clingy or bitter about the past.
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Only . . . once it's been 6 or 7 weeks, and you want to reach out, should you
text him first?
Here's the thing. If you wait for him to reach out. . . he might not ever reach
oct.
And, the truth is, it doesn't really matter who reaches out first. (I'll show you
soon that it's because it'll feel casual and authentic.)
BUT, if your ex reaches out first, how do you handle it?
Before anything else, make sure you've reached the end of the cooling off
period.
Then, try to decide WHY he's reaching out.
Does he sound like he genuinely misses you? Is he asking nice questions?
Or, does it feel more like he's checking that you're hurting more than him?
Men (and women) will sometimes check on their ex out of curiosity and a
want for drama.
They want to make sure they're doing better than you.
If that's the case, he'll flaunt how well he's doing and even tell you about a
new woman in his life.
Consider telling him to take a hike. . . or even better, say you “gotta go” and
stop texting him back.
A final reason he might be texting you is to get closure on the relationship. .

. which is understandable. You might want closure too.
That said, if your ex is seeking closure, it's in your best interest to

recognize that so you don't get sucked in and hurt.
Let's say that he reached out and it feels like he is being genuine.
Or maybe you did, following the tips I'll share soon.
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The reason that doesn't matter is . . . it matters the most WHO ENDS the
conversation.
That's the person with the most options and power.
YOU want to be that person.
Also, when you're the one to end conversations, your ex will want to reach
out to you first eventually.
When you first reach out, and then start new conversations with your ex,
there's a few things to keep in mind that will make this WORK.
First grab his attention and get him to respond.
Then, have an ORGANIC conversation. Don't plan this out.
And lastly, end the conversation first.
Sounds easy because it can be – if you follow directions!
My Gramma shared a super useful technique with me that worked for many
other women.
She called it the “Help Me” text.
The HELP ME text
Remember how men like to be the knight in shining armor? Well, this
triggers their basic male instinct to help and have all the answers.
This is similar to the Magnet Text technique I showed you earlier, so you
have a jump start on understanding how to text your ex.
This is way better than a “Hey, how's it going?”
Or, “Hey, how have you been?”
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Have you gotten those from an ex and sighed? What are you supposed to
really say to a text like that?
We need to ENGAGE your ex so he WANTS to respond.
To do that, jolt him a bit.
Send a text that will make him pause and think.
So hook him. . . and bring up one of his interests.
Then get out of the conversation first.
Spark your interest, get in, get out.
When you text a friend that you talk to all the time, it's casual. Hey, wanna go
to the movies?
We don't want that now.
A good example of this technique might happen at the grocery store during
check out.
Normally, your cashier says something like, “Hi, how are you?”
They might say, “Did you find everything alright?”
We often don't register what they say.
But, what if they throw out a completely unexpected question?
It interrupts your thoughts and brings you into the moment.
When you text your ex for the first time after a breakup. . .
You want to say something so intriguing that he HAS to respond.
Make him do a double take of your text.
The “HELP ME” text expresses some sort of problem that needs HIS
expertise.
You might start with . . . “I really need your advice on something. . .”
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Other HELP ME texts include:
Hi there, this is random but I ran into a problem that you could really help
me with.
Hey. . . any way I could pick your brain? It'd really help me out.
Can I get your advice on something?
Try to present some kind of issue without explaining it – that will follow.
Because of course he'll say he'll help. You've triggered his hero complex,
not to mention his curiosity.
Onto STEP TWO.
Now you want to engage him. After he offers to help or asks what's going
on, explain the “problem”.
It's even better if this is tied to one of his interests or areas of expertise.
That way, you're talking about his life.
People love to talk about themselves.
And honestly, if you reach out and the problem is all about you, and doesn't
need his input, he'll probably see through it.
He'll get tired of talking about you right away.
So try to stay on topics he's excited about. The point is to engage him!
Once he's fully hooked into the conversation, you need to GET OUT.
Try to do this at the high point where you're both enjoying the conversation;
he's texting back quickly and showing enthusiasm.
Now, he's thinking about you. He might wonder how the “problem” turned
out, and that will give him a reason to text you later.
You can also text him again to tell him what happened and thank him.
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Wow, look at me now. . .
Once you've reached out, hopefully you can star to show him that you're a
fun, exciting, mysterious woman.
That sounds like a lot, but he'll pick up on your positive vibes.
Remember:
Don't go into the past – you're looking forward now.
When he asks about you, tell him something fun and/or exciting and then
turn it back around on him.
Hold back. Don't tell him much. Make him stalk you on Facebook!
Make sure he'll find interesting things if he snoops online or talks to your
common friends.
DO NOT bring up any talk of getting back together or missing him.
(That should make him think about it!)
Make sure any hints of that COME FROM HIM.
You want this to appear as casual and friendly, NOT an attempt to get him
back.
Now that you've made contact and he's engaged, use the tricks in this
book.
Make sure he's chasing you.
So if you reach out a couple of times, and he never hooks in – meaning he

doesn't start to text you first – don't get stuck on him.
Go flirt with other men. He might come around, but if not, you're going to
have fun anyway.
But, reaching out to an ex in this casual “HELP ME” way usually gets him
interested.
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So make sure you DO want him back before doing this!
18. How to Bring the Spark Back
What about a dying relationship? Can these techniques save it?

First of all, no one feels “in love” all the time.
As a relationship matures, it becomes more about intimacy and

connection.”
We like the butterflies and adrenaline of the early days, but losing them
doesn't mean you've lost your spark.
It might mean you're lost your desire for each other.
Early on, we desire to be close.
Once we're committed and have been together for years, we start to desire
our own space.
To get back to having that “spark” you need to reintroduce desire.
Here's the tricky part of this: to get desire back, you usually have to put
some space between you.
If you step back even further so you have space to do some new things, it'll
wake your partner up.
He'll wonder what you're up to.
It's all about that mysterious aspect I keep talking about.
My Gramma Violet showed me that men need a little surprise here and
there to trigger their curiosity. . . and sexual interest.
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She seemed to have a trick for everything, and in this case, she told me to
consider an easy question: What if?
Play 'What if?'
“What if?” is a powerful question because it gets you thinking.
It's a playful way to approach a problem, too.
For instance, ask yourself, “What if we could bring the spark back? What
would that look like?”
Ask HIM 'what if' questions as well.
“What if we could have a vibrant, healthy relationship?”
“If you could do one crazy, wild thing, what would it be?”
“What if we could have a great relationship and have a lot of fun again?
How would we do that?”
This exercise can get your imagination going, and that's a good thing.
Open the world of possibilities, and look for new and intriguing ways to
explore your relationship.
Start Over . . . in a sense
We've spent a lot of time talking about how to intrigue and hook a man. . .
And these techniques work for bringing the spark back as well.
So if things are in a rut, why not start over?
Make a big change. From new things.
Treat your relationship like it's starting over, and you want to get to know your
husband.
164
My Gramma told me a story about my grandfather that. . . well, I'm not

sure I should have heard!
When things got a little stale, and she wasn't sure he was hooked and
excited about her, she'd change things up.
Once, she waited for him to come home from work with a completely new
look.
She cut her long, blonde locks into a shoulder length bob with bangs. . . and
she dyed it black!
Well, she actually bought a wig, but she didn't tell him that.
He came through the front door, saw her, and dropped his briefcase in
surprise.
He even stuttered!
“VV-Violet? Is that you?”
She sauntered over in her silky purple dress and sunglasses, rested a hand
on his shoulder and looked up at him to reply, “Not right now....”
He couldn't keep his hands off her or wait to get her to the bedroom.
If you've been employing some of the techniques in this book in your

current relationship, you can probably how an attitude shift triggers your
curiosity.
Bringing the spark back is about appearing new to him in some way.
While my grandmother had a wealth of relationship advice for me, I only

remember one thing that my Grandpa ever said.
I overheard him talking to a young man who asked about Grandpa's long
marriage.
165
The young man was going to be married soon. He worried that he would
get bored with one woman. He even confessed that he thought he might
cheat down the road.
My grandpa assured him that over time, it's not like being with one woman
for decades and decades.
“I've been with many women. . . in one. My Violet would show me a new
side. She'd take up a weird new hobby or start down a completely different
path in life.”
With a fond laugh, Grandpa added, “I had to run to keep up with her. I
didn't have time to think about other women. And I didn't want to.”
That was my Gramma's secret. She led a vibrant, interesting life.
She didn't depend on her husband to fulfill her – although, they did have a
very fulfilling marriage.
19. KEEP him chasing you!
When Jeremy and I had been back together for almost six months, I had to
talk to my Gramma.
What would happen if he lost interest again?
How would I keep him HOOKED for LIFE?
I knew my Gramma had done just that with my Grandpa.

She told me, “Remember. . . A little chase will keep him hooked.”
166
Keep in mind what we've learned from Gramma Violet. . .
And make sure you're the kind of woman that your man. . . and other men
. . . will want to chase.
Yes, it takes a little attitude and sexy confidence, and that does take some
effort at times.
But you don't have to be “all that” to be proud of what you have.
Love who you are and flaunt it!
She said if I remembered her tips, I could keep Jeremy chasing me for life.
Keep flirting!
Put in the extra 10% to make your day. Dress up for him and buy the sexy
lingerie.
Use banter and playfulness.
Have fun with him on the weekends, in the bedroom, and while hanging
around the house.
In other words, intentionally keep those fun elements in the relationship that you
enjoyed early on.
You and your man have your own unique ways of connecting and having fun
– keep those alive!
Affirm him as YOUR man
A man wants to be around a woman who makes him feel like he's winning; that
he is in fact a winner.
He wants to be your hero.
167
One of the things he found most attractive about you in the beginning was
how you were attracted to him.
Remember that he gets his approval and ego strokes from you. . . and if he
does, then he won't need it from others.
On that note. . .
Initiate touching, affection, adventure, and sex
Hug him first. Stroke his arm. Come on to him.
Make sure that touching is a part of your relationship so HE knows that

YOU want HIM.
Let your inner wild woman out and jump her bones!
Tell him you want to go on a new adventure like white water rafting, riding in
a hot air balloon, going on a train ride. . .
Or maybe he'd enjoy horseback riding, going to the fights, or learning a new
language together.
Challenge him and push him to grow as well.
Initiate things – whatever it is – because men like a woman who has her
own ideas and wants.
Say Yes
Everyone needs to hear yes, but we often run into “no” more often.
So tell him yes, he can go out with friends.
Or, yes, he can have friends over.
Or yes, you should take that vacation together.
Yes, you can start a business together!
Say yes to simple requests and big ones.
168
Be a team and be willing to support your dreams. Saying yes is a powerful

way to show love, to bond, and to build your relationship.
Make him feel good. . . and you'll both feel good
A healthy relationship is about both people.
The funny thing about that is, when you spoil him and make him feel
special. . .
That's when he starts thinking about spoiling you.
But “make him feel good” doesn't mean become a door mat – that is
exactly what kills a lot of relationships!
Remember, he wants a partner who will have fun with him, and
CHALLENGE him.
He wants to flirt and banter, and even compete in some ways.
Follow these tips – have some fun with your relationship – and watch your
man chase you for life!
169

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Grandma's Subtle Secrets

Playfulness: Little Actions, BIG results 42

Oh, when talking to a man. . . 99

5. Use ALL the Senses. .. 145

1. Another Quiet Night at Home...

Or, more accurately, another lonely night at home...

Men just don't make sense!

It was nearly impossible to tell if their interest was REAL or not.

So was he playing me? Just having fun? Or keeping me as a backup? And

Any of this sound familiar to you?

Her advice on men changed my life so profoundly...that I HAD to share it

I'm tired of dating apps, writing my profile, deciphering men's profiles...

Well, you've come to the right place this time.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself.

2. Enter Gramma and the phrase that changed my life

Gram seemed to have a man in her life whenever I talked to her.

She actually seemed to be living it up in her old age!

“What is it, Jenny? You sound close to tears!”

“Oh, really? Have men changed?”

“Are you done?”

She laughed. She thought this was funny?

I didn't listen then and I wasn't going to listen now. . .

Maybe it had been a mistake to call my Gramma. She obviously couldn't

Or had to compete for Grandpa's attention with porn. . .

I blurted all this out to her in a big gush.

“You have to make him chase you, Jenny,” she said. ..

“HOW????” I practically yelled. “Everyone always says that but HOW,

“Your grandfather,” she started and I couldn't help it, I cried. . .

Grandpa practically worshiped the ground Gram walked on.

And he always seemed so happy whenever she was around.

I wasn't so lucky, not in today's world.

“I love you,” I said in something close to shock.

“Thanks for listening, Gramma. Sorry if I upset you.”

“No, dear, don't worry about it. But...”

Despite talking to Gramma, I curled up in a ball on my bed and thought

His words rang in my head, stinging even now.

And then he was gone...

Make him chase you.

3. But what does Grandma really know about dating?

“Well, how could you know about dating? Especially now?”

“You know,” she added, “I have my pick of the men here.”

“Okay, I'm getting intrigued.”

She started teaching me then, showing me how to change my thinking

Gramma said she would help me with my feminine confidence so I could do

“I don't know, Gramma. . . I want to try. . .”

Whoa, she was making a real bet out of this.

“Yes,” I said, feeling the weight of it on my chest suddenly. $12,471 to be

“Can you afford that?” I gasp.

I thought about my credit card debt.

I thought about Jeremy. ..

I thought about the hell of online dating. . .

I had nothing to lose. ..

4. Throw out what you think about men

Here my 80 year old grandmother was telling me I didn't know anything

“Good, now tell me how you think men work.”

What men want in the first few days – a promise of adventure

“You wanted to know all about him too, right?”

A light started to come on in my head. . . “So once he figures out the

Men want an experience.

I thought of the times I met new people at a party or work function. We

I couldn't believe I was just now realizing this.

Gramma further explained that two people click through chemistry.