Many people now use written language in a less formal and more relaxed way than in

the past. Why is this the case? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the
disadvantages?

In modern times, the written language has evolved to become less formal and rigid. In my
point of view, there are some reasons to explain this phenomenon and I vehemently believe
that the drawbacks of this trend outweigh the benefits. there are at least 2 reasons for this
change including convenience and emotional expression. First, the flourishing of the
Information Age has had a major influence. With the growing emphasis on instant
communication and formal written language has become obsolete. For example, texting can
be done while working or studying so it is incompatible with traditional writing. Second,
without face-to-face communication, people can not express their actual reactions so they
vary language in different ways to suit their emotions. For instance, young people in Vietnam
often use “Okay” or “Okie” despite “Ok” to evade misconceive that they are upset Although
there are some roots for this circumstance, and I ardently argue that the disadvantages of
such changes in written language outweigh the advantages. On the one hand, with the
digital revolution, many people accept these new customs, then communication is both
faster, simpler and saves time when texting. On the other hand, there are some dangers of
this trend. Firstly, this phenomenon widens the generation gap. While informal language is
popular among the youth, many elderly can not recognize it. Furthermore, this change also
generates the writing habit so people have difficulty in writing some formal documents such
as CVs or an e-mail. In conclusion, various factors account for the loss of formal expression
in writing. While in some situations it is clearly for the better, overall I consider that the
drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

Task Response
Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "In my point of view, there are some reasons to explain this phenomenon and I
vehemently believe that the drawbacks of this trend outweigh the benefits."

Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your introduction adequately states your
viewpoint, but it would benefit from a clearer preview of the main reasons supporting your
position. Provide a concise roadmap for the reader, outlining the key points you will discuss
in the essay. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay and make it easier for
the reader to follow your argument.

Improved example: "In my perspective, the informality of written language today can be
attributed to various factors. In this essay, I will delve into two primary reasons – the
influence of the Information Age and the need for emotional expression. Additionally, I will
argue that the adverse consequences of this linguistic shift outweigh the advantages."

Quoted text: "Without face-to-face communication, people can not express their actual
reactions so they vary language in different ways to suit their emotions. For instance, young
people in Vietnam often use “Okay” or “Okie” despite “Ok” to evade misconceive that they
are upset."

Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the adaptation of
language to convey emotions is valid, but the example could be more specific and detailed.
Provide a concrete and relatable scenario to illustrate this phenomenon, perhaps drawing
from personal experience or observations. This will make your argument more persuasive
and engaging.
Improved example: "In the absence of face-to-face interactions, individuals often resort to
adapting their language to convey nuanced emotions effectively. For instance, in my own
experiences in Vietnam, I've noticed that young people frequently use variations like 'Okay'
or 'Okie' instead of the standard 'Ok' to avoid being misunderstood and to accurately express
their emotions."

Quoted text: "While informal language is popular among the youth, many elderly can not
recognize it. Furthermore, this change also generates the writing habit so people have
difficulty in writing some formal documents such as CVs or an e-mail."

Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the generation gap and
the impact on formal writing is well-made. However, to strengthen your argument, provide a
more detailed explanation of how this difficulty in formal writing might affect individuals
professionally. Include specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the potential
consequences.

Improved example: "This shift towards informal language, particularly popular among the
youth, has widened the generation gap. The consequence of this extends beyond social
communication; it affects individuals professionally. For instance, the habit of informal
language can pose challenges when crafting formal documents like CVs or emails,
potentially limiting career opportunities for many."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task, there is room for improvement in providing
clearer previews of your main points and enhancing the specificity of your examples for a
more compelling argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas with a clear overall
progression. It introduces the reasons for the less formal use of written language and
presents both advantages and disadvantages. The essay employs cohesive devices
effectively, although there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences.
Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as the transitions between paragraphs could
be smoother.

How to improve:

Cohesion within and between sentences: Ensure a more seamless connection between
sentences. Some transitions are abrupt and could benefit from smoother linkers.

Logical Paragraphing: While paragraphing is present, consider refining the organization to

enhance the logical flow between ideas. Each paragraph should distinctly focus on a central
topic.

Referencing and Substitution: Work on avoiding repetition by using referencing and

substitution more effectively. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Lexical Resource
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some
flexibility and precision. It effectively uses less common lexical items with awareness of style
and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling. The
essay presents ideas clearly, and the vocabulary contributes to the overall coherence of the
essay. The writer uses vocabulary related to the topic and effectively conveys the intended
message.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score,
the writer should strive for more consistency in word choice and accuracy in spelling. While
the essay exhibits a good range of vocabulary, careful proofreading is essential to eliminate
occasional errors and enhance the overall lexical precision. Additionally, incorporating more
varied and sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate could further strengthen the lexical
richness of the essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, utilizing a
range of structures to present ideas. There is an attempt at varied sentence structures,
although some errors in grammar and punctuation are present, which occasionally affect the
clarity and precision of the message. The essay demonstrates an understanding of formal
and informal language usage and attempts to present reasons supporting the shift towards
informal written language.

How to Improve:

Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on refining accuracy in grammar and punctuation to

enhance clarity. Revise sentences to ensure they convey the intended meaning without
errors.

Complex Structures: Attempt more complex structures while ensuring accuracy to further
elevate the essay's sophistication.

Consistency in Formality: Clarify the transition between formal and informal language
usage to maintain coherence throughout the essay.

By concentrating on refining grammar accuracy, incorporating more complex sentence

structures, and maintaining consistency in language formality, the essay could significantly
improve its score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài chữa tham khảo

In the present era, the way we use written language has transformed, becoming less formal
and more flexible. In my perspective, there are several reasons behind this shift, and I
strongly believe that the disadvantages of this trend surpass its advantages.

There are at least two reasons for this evolution, namely convenience and emotional
expression. Initially, the rise of the Information Age has played a pivotal role. The emphasis
on instant communication has made traditional formal writing somewhat outdated. For
instance, texting allows multitasking while working or studying, making it incompatible with
conventional writing norms. Additionally, without face-to-face interaction, individuals find
alternative language expressions to convey their emotions. For instance, in Vietnam, young
people often use "Okay" or "Okie" instead of "Ok" to avoid misunderstanding and express
their emotions accurately.

Despite the roots of this change, I firmly argue that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages
of such alterations in written language. On one hand, due to the digital revolution, many
embrace these new language customs, enabling faster, simpler communication, and saving
time while texting. Conversely, this trend poses certain risks. Primarily, it widens the
generation gap, with informal language being popular among the youth but less familiar to
the elderly. Moreover, this shift fosters a writing habit that can hinder individuals when they
need to write formal documents like CVs or professional emails.

In conclusion, several factors contribute to the decline of formal expression in writing. While
in specific situations, this change proves advantageous, overall, I am of the opinion that the
drawbacks overshadow the benefits.