Unresolved Trauma Doesn’t Give You The Right To

Treat Others Poorly

Subtitle: What happens to us is not in our control - but how we

react in difficult situations is.

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, and along the way, we all experience moments that
leave lasting marks on our souls.

Some of these scars are visible, while others remain hidden, known only to the person who
carries them. These hidden scars often stem from unresolved trauma, which can have a
profound impact on our thoughts, behaviors, and interactions with others.

However, it's essential to recognize that while trauma can explain certain aspects of our actions,
it should never serve as an excuse to treat others poorly.

Throughout this story, I will be taking “Alex” as a reference point - my ex-friend who treated
everyone around him poorly due to unresolved trauma issues.

The Burden Of Unresolved Trauma

Alex had a difficult childhood marked by neglect and emotional abuse. These experiences left
deep wounds, causing trust issues, low self-esteem, and a constant fear of being hurt.

As he grew older, these scars manifested in ways that weren't always positive.

Here’s a list of a few of the many things he did to me throughout the course of our friendship:

● Ghosted me for days, then blamed me for not reaching out.

● Shared posts that he knew would trigger me

● Tagged me in stories and posts to talk sh*t about me publicly to humiliate me

● Convinced me that he is the only one who will tolerate me as a friend

 ● Lied to me on multiple occasions, then blamed me for not trusting him enough

Trust me, the list goes on and on.

While it's undeniable that unresolved trauma played a significant role in shaping Alex's
reactions, it didn’t grant him a free pass to mistreat others. Hurtful words, neglect, and emotional
outbursts might be a way of coping, but they inflict pain on those who bear the brunt of these
actions.

Recognizing this is the first step towards breaking the cycle. Unfortunately, Alex didn’t realize it
till date. He still believes that everyone owes him special treatment because of the emotional
neglect he went through as a child.

However, his thought process often confused me because I have gone through my share of
traumatic events during my childhood too. But since I grew up to be a people-pleaser, I just
figured that maybe different people react and evolve differently from traumatic events.

While it is true, I wish that I hadn’t allowed Alex to step all over me for so long. It was never my
duty or responsibility to make him feel loved and seen all the time, especially if it meant that I
had to accept that I will be made to feel inferior at all times.

The Final Straw

During the last few months of our friendship, I had started to wonder whether Alex is a
narcissist, or if I am the manipulative one. I had been nothing but supportive of him, all at the
cost of my mental health.

The final act that made me realize that he just likes making people feel miserable is when he
blocked me on all platforms right before my very important event.

I was looking forward to attending it for years. He knew what it meant to me.

His explanation? He “felt” that I wasn’t giving him enough time.

For context: I was preparing for the event, which is why I rarely had time to even eat. Let alone
text somebody all day long!
However, this time I felt different. I didn’t feel empathy for him anymore, and the thought of his
unresolved trauma didn’t cross my mind. I just felt so betrayed and alone at the moment and
decided that I should cut this energy off of my life.

And I did.

Fast Forward to the present, I now have friends who genuinely care about me. They have gone
through traumatic events too, but they don’t use it as an excuse to justify horrible behavior.

If anyone tries to convince you that you will never find people who don’t use your vulnerability
against you, don’t believe them. Your delusion is what feeds their narcissistic tendencies.

Summing up

Unresolved trauma is a heavy burden that many carry, but it should never be used as a
justification for treating others poorly. While it's important to acknowledge the pain and struggles
we've endured, it's equally important to show empathy and compassion to those around us.

If you relate with me, please cut your Alex out of your life. If you have already communicated
your issues and needs with them and they still act the same way, you deserve way better.

If you relate with Alex, please do better. I know that it is way more tempting to be bitter than
better when you face prolonged instances of trauma, but your loved ones deserve better.

Thanks for reading!